Easter is TMW

[Chanel #99]

The Toy Box...

The crowd is abuzz as we fade in on bodies of Future Studs, the OAOAST TMW version of a Young Lion, littered in the aisle while more from our pre-show dark match are sprawled across the ring! Carnage courtesy of OAOAST Galaxy Champion ReX, who delivers THE SYRINGER to Marty Fox of the Time Killers!

RENEE
TMW is now and the OAOAST Galaxy Champion is pissed! 

ReX grabs the mic and huffs and puffs as he paces, the butterfly bandage on his mug a gift from Blaine Cayley who made his surprise return at OAOAST TWM Risen. 

“WE WANT BLAINE!”

“WE WANT BLAINE!”

“WE WANT BLAINE!”

REX
I want Blaine. You want Blaine. Let’s see Blaine. Roll the footage I told you guys I wanted.

The lights dim as camera phone video from the non-televised HeldDOWN~! Until TMW event post-AngleMania 3000 plays on the sleek new AngleTron. The match featured is a STEEL CAGE MATCH for the OAOAST Championship between TONY BRANNIGAN and then-titleholder BLAINE CAYLEY.

As we pickup the action, TB’s in a world of hurt bleeding profusely. Outside in opposite corners are Blaine’s sister Samantha and then-TMW HARD Champion ReX, who earlier that night interrupted a nice moment where Blaine received congratulations from TB and then offered to defend his title against the OAOAST Hall of Famer. After all, TB did win the 2018 Lethal Rumble but due to a series of events that can be relived in the 2018 archives did not get to headline AngleMania. ReX couldn’t give a fuck about any of that though. His message was plain and simple: I’m the best in the business and no matter who leaves the champion, I’m the real future of the OAOAST.

Now TB found himself back in the main event of a World Title match for the first time since dropping the championship to Axel back at the 2005 Great Angle Bash. But just like his bout at AngleMania 3000, we didn’t get the TB of old... just an old TB who fell at the feet of Blaine on the verge of tears knowing a final brush with greatness was slipping away. It was at that point ReX cornered Samantha against the cage and told her what a bad girl she is eye fucking him. 

* WHAP *

Sammi slaps the shit outta ReX! He responded grabbing her forcibly by the hair! So coming to the aid of the woman he loves was Blaine’s top priority as he went up the turnbuckles to climb over the cage even though pinfall or submission is the only way to win. But TB swipes Blaine’s legs out from under and crotches him on the top rope! A rope assisted hangman’s neckbreaker follows for the 1-2-3 and the crowning of a new OAOAST Champion in Tony Brannigan!

 

Big pop for the unexpected title change. Meanwhile, ReX snatches the OAOAST World Title from Michael Buffer and enters the cage, tossing the ref out. TB stands ready to defend himself despite being a bloody mess... except ReX hands him the OAOAST Title and the two high five! 

 

ReX turns his attention back to Blaine, ramming him face-first into the steel fence, then presses a bloody Blaine overheard and HURLS HIM THRU THE CAGE TO THE ARENA FLOOR!!

“HO-LY SHIT!”

“HO-LY SHIT!”

“HO-LY SHIT!”

Sammi rushed to her brother’s side while TB did his best old man screaming at the clouds routine, going off on the OAOAST and its fans for the lack of respect over the years.

BRANNIGAN 
Anytime one of you ungrateful fucks sees me in public, all you wanna do is talk about former OAOAST Superstars. “What’s Zack like? Whatever happened to Anglesault? How’s Alf? Any cool CWM stories? Can you get me Krista’s autograph?” How ‘bout asking me about me?! You know, the guy actually still involved with the company 24/7. 

TB went on to say the OAOAST Title reminded him of all the past names who undeservingly received more recognition than him, so as an F-U to them, the fans and the OAOAST he had ReX RIP THE BELT WITH HIS BARE HANDS!!!

As a stunned audience watched, TB put over ReX as the one to carry the OAOAST into TMW. As proof TB entered into evidence ReX had put down Blaine Cayley, the man deemed by many as the future of the OAOAST, not once but twice. Acknowledgement ReX was the mystery man who attacked Blaine so many months ago! 

BRANNIGAN 
Who needs chump change when you’re loaded?

A clear shot at Tyler’s bounty. 

Our final image from that night was of TB and ReX posing with their respective titles at the time. 

The fans popped huge back live in the Toy Box as the lights returned with BLAINE CAYLEY behind ReX, what’s left of the broken cricket bat used at Risen in hand! ReX totally unaware of what lurks in the background.

REX
Yeah. That’s right. I’ve dropped you not once but twice, Blaine. And it’ll be thrice if you ever set foot in the same ring as me again. You people shut up so he can hear me! 

RENEE
Oh, I think Blaine can hear you all right ReX. 

Blaine gives the cricket bat with ReX’s dried blood a good long look, then startles the big man tapping what’s left of the wooden object on his shoulder. ReX fires off a spinning clothesline that’s ducked and gets drilled once again right between the eyes with the bat to bust him open again! ReX staggers to his feet and gets spiked with a lifting DDT dubbed Cruel Intentions 2!

RENEE
And now Blaine has dropped ReX twice!

Blaine picks up the OAOAST Galaxy and listens to the crowd lose its shit. 

“YYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!”

Blaine exits after placing the title neatly across ReX’s stomach. As we now go the opening video along with our official theme! Yes I found one!

 

 

[Chanel #99]

***Money In The Bank Qualifier: Sumeragi Vs Coco Chanel****

Echidna's Theme from The Bouncer hit and Sumeragi burst through the parted entrance doors. Though he may have spoken in Japanese, the fans didn't like his harsh tone and yelled back at him on his way to the ring.

LILLIAN
The following is an AngleMania Money In The Bank Qualifying Match, now making his way to the ring from Kobe, Japan, he is THE DARK ACE...SUMMMERRRAAGGGGI!

REJECT
This Young Lion from BUSTLE made an impression in The Challenge. But he hasn't been the man we expected him to be after that. But it all it takes is a one tonight, and a few lucky breakst in Houston and he's the man.

Cigarettes and tiny liquor bottles
Just what you'd expect inside her new Balenciaga
Vile romance, turned dreams into an empire
Self-made success now she rolls with Rockefellers
Survival of the richest, the city's ours until the fall
They're Monaco and Hamptons-bound but we don't feel like outsiders at all
We are the new Americana
High on legal marijuana
Raised on Biggie and Nirvana
We are the new Americana

A standing mirror was brought onto the stage as Halsey's  "New Ameriacna" played. Its ornate with runic script, and makes for a truly a majestic sight. That is until the glass shatters! Through the gaping hole of the destroyed mirror stood a majestic sight in his own right; a blazer clad Conan “Coco” Channel! He shushd the roaring crowd, which of course doesn't work, then journeyed to his ring.

LILLIAN
And his opponent, from right here in Los Angeles, California..

“YYYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAA!”

LILLIAN
He is CONAN “COCO” CHHHAANNEELLL!

“YYYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAA!”

RENEE
Coco fell in defeat to Money Marc at Risen. And Money Marc is sitting right next to Reject, because The Doll doesn't trust me.

MONEY MARC
But you can always trust Money Marc to make money moves. And I showed who the real hustler is between and me and Coco Chanel.

Sumeragi attacked before the bell with kicks to Conan's midsection, and even hit him with a piledriver!

RENEE
That's not cool.

MONEY MARC
If Conan was willing to sit at my learning tree he would have learned Sumeragi's the type of guy to do that.

Sumeragi beat on Coco with punches and elbows, but couldn't keep him down. So off he came from the ropes, but got back body dropped! Now Sumeragi wanted no part of Coco and bailed, but Conan exited the ring he had to run away from. A chase ensued, back back in the ring Sumeragi hit him with a thumb to the eye. Coco still had one good eye and that was enough to hit Sumeragi with a jumping snapmare named Hypnotic Poison!

MONEY MARC
How did that not bother him?! He's juicing, he's gotta be juicing.

RENEE
Will you sit down?

Sumeragi feigned a leg injury and used that to shove the referee into Conan. Problem is the referee got shoved back and then the two were just shoving the ref back and forth. The Doll now sprung into action and tried to distract Conan with her lovely body. But Conan just brushed her off!

THE DOLL

REJECT
That's Money Marc's girl he did that to!

MONEY MARC
Exactly!

Sumergai went for broke and spit his green mist at Conan. Problem is Coco ducked and The Doll got a load in the face! And not the good kind, obviously!

“YYYYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAA!”

MONEY MARC
Are they cheering that? Are they really cheering that?!

RENEE
Sounds like it, Money Marc!

Sumeragi was in shock and was swiftly tapped out with a Very Irresistible high angle Boston Crab to deny him a spot in Money In The Bank.

Winner: Conan Chanel, via pinfall

Post-match The Doll was in hysterics and Money Marc's pleas for Conan to help clean her up were met with scorn.

[Chanel #99]

Abandoned Smelting Plant
Outside of Austin, Texas
Day time

THE WINDOWS ARE PAPERED TO KEEP OUT SUNLIGHT. BIG PAPA THRUST, angrily prepares a tray of food as Mister Dick enters with a grumble. From somewhere, the sound of A MAN SHOUTING.

BIG PAPA THRUST
That sum of a bitch is having a bad day!

MISTER DICK
They're all bad days.

BIG PAPA THRUST
Where the fuck is his meds? He needs his meds, so where the fuck are his meds because he needs his meds!

MISTER DICK
They're in my pocket.

BIG PAPA THRUST
He needed the bastards six hours ago. Now he's gonna be worm food like how that fakkit Sly Sommers is feeding the worms!

Big Papa Thrust passes the tray of food to Jock.

BIG PAPA THRUST
Ya know what that sum of a bitch said? He said he's talkin wit somebody, with his mind. Like that faggy Star Trek guy from X-Men.

MISTER DICK
He ain't communicating with no one. He's dying.

BIG PAPA THRUST
Yer wrong. That sum of a bitch is talking-

MISTER DICK
Please stop. I'm gonna take him his food.

Mister Dick leaves the building and crosses beneath a catwalk toward A HUGE ROUND PLATED TANK pitched over on its side. The man’s voice getting louder. He spins open the hatch and steps inside--

Jock enters the space and find himself facing, BARON WINDELS making circles around his mattress. Bearded, tufts of white on his pate. A small radio plays music with alligator clips to a car battery.

BARON
Ned, I have news for you! There's no way in Texas you can beat me and The Human Hard On At Anglemania 3000! Heavenly Rockers, me and The Orange County Cobra are coming for you!  ThunderKid, Reject, your asses belong to the Citizen Soldiers!

Baron spins and spins around till he bumps into Mister Dick.

BARON
Christian Wright? What do you want?

MISTER DICK
I ain't Christian Wright.

BARON
Who are you?

MISTER DICK
You know damn good and well who I am.

BARON
What are those yellow things on that plate?

MISTER DICK
They keep you alive. For now. Yer dying, Baron. You remember that?

Baron uses all his strength, maybe even last of the strength to knock the pills and the whole tray to the ground.

BARON
Yer the one trying to kill me! Kill me so I can't hear.

MISTER DICK
I don't give a shit what you hear just take the damn pills, will ya?

BARON
She's out there. One of us. The next Gunslinger.

MISTER DICK
The Gunslingers are dead. You're gonna be dead. Big Papa Thrust has lost one hundred pounds of muscle, I'm barely getting by at the worst strip club in town. We're dead.

BARON
She needs your help.

MISTER DICK
Why doesn't someone help me?

BARON
What a disappointment you are.

Mister Dick realizes the truth behind that statement. He can't bother to face Baron anymore and so leaves him in his spinning wheel chair. As he exits he runs into Big Papa Thrust.

BIG PAPA THRUST
What about cold hard cash? You gonna be selling your ass down in Mexico like that pink retard Mariachi started to do.

Mister Dick has to think for a moment. Cash is winding down. But then he looks at his cell which has received a text

"5500 Marquez. Please Help. Ariel"

MISTER DICK
I got a plan.

[Chanel #99]

All my friends are heathens, take it slow 

“BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOO!”
“yyyyyyeeeaaaaaaaaaa!

REJECT
Renee, you know what Heathens means. It means it's time for the organization that is changing the world, The Shell Gang! I thought the Deadly Alliance was something, I thought the Church of Abdullah had clout, but these guys are on another planet.

Instead of entering through the parted entrance doors, The Shell Gang comes out, black clad, through The Toy Box. Together they stand in the front row, with the eyes of the sports entertainment galaxy on them.

FABIAN
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one....WELCOME TO SHELL GANG TMW!

“BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOO!”
“yyyyyyeeeaaaaaaaaaa!”

Fabian blows a kiss to the crowd.

FABIAN
Forget, Patrica Tony, Toni Patrica, whatever she wants to be called, we are the real owners of TMW!

“BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOO!”
“yyyyyyeeeaaaaaaaaaa!”

FABIAN
Now for those of you who are new to TMW, we are The Shell Gang, your new masters, your new rulers, your new EVERYTHING! Feel free to bow down, unless you want to get put down.

RENEE
Reject, can you believe this guy?

REJECT
He's a charismatic showman.

IGNATIUS
Toy Box...Spanish Sexy in the house!

“BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOO!”
“yyyyyyeeeaaaaaaaaaa!”

IGNATIUS
You can bow down like Painbow and Tristan should have done, or you can put down like Painbow and Tristian did at Risen. Replay available on the OAOAST....heh, excuse me....The Shell Gang network. You can watch it and see how trim and hot I look, and if you can pick your jaws up off the floor from looking at me, why don't you see take a look at a couple of has beens, a couple of yesterday's stars get the beating of their life. I haven't seen two virgins get embarrassed this bad since The Hairy Nutt Saks tried to hit on Princess Danger.

RENEE
Hey, there's no reason to take a cheap shot at the tag champs!

IGNATIUS
Nutt Saks, you've got something we want. Rule number one, when The Shell Gang wants something we take it. Rule number two, when we want something you're going to give it up faster than Renee gives it up to Spanish Sexy.

RENEE
Hey! 

IGNATIUS
It's strangely odd and disturbing that the best tag team in the world, The Union Jets, lost the tag belts to a pair of gas station attendants. Allow me to marinate with the Toy Box for a bit. It could be that real best tag team in the world is...Wesley and myself.

WESLEY
Big Hairy Nutt Saks, if Iggy don't trust you I'm gonna shoot you.

“BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOO!”
“yyyyyyeeeaaaaaaaaaa!”

WESLEY
You don't know what its like to be told how lucky it is to compete in the same company as the greatest tag team in the world, when we're already the greatest tag team in the world. Union Jets, you lost to two fat ass half wits. How great can you be? Some might say it's cruel to kick The Union Jets, or to use this microphone time to belittle The Hairy Nutt Saks. I say it's better to be cruel than weak. Balrog, Julius, you'll soon find and soon lament the level of cruelty The Shell Gang is capable of.

REJECT
I think we're in the presence of the next TMW tag team champions.

WESLEY
I think the real story of the evening is Jose Cantu-Si. We had a promise, no matter how many Blood Plauges or Slime Shits Tristan and Painbow hit us with we would massacre those cunts at Risen. But, could they have guessed they'd fall by the knife to the back? They could if they weren't complete and utter idiots! And if you're not a complete and utter idiot, you'll rise to your feet and hail the newest member of The Shell Gang...Jose Cantu-Si!

“BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOO!”
“yyyyyyeeeaaaaaaaaaa!”

JOSE
First of all, I couldn't get Renee, Coachman, Reject, the OAOAST Galaxy or anyone in the sports entertainment industry to acknowledge my talent because they were all too busy paying attention to my idiot partners. And I'm not talking about Tristan and Painbow, I'm talking about Mariachi and The Golden Grr or as I call him The Golden Turd.

“BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOO!”

RENEE
Now they're going to insult people who aren't here to defend themselves?

JOSE
Now you want to say I did the wrong thing. And why do you want to conveniently chastise me? Because I got myself a set of real partners. After TMW painted me into a corner where I had no other choice but to join The Shell Gang.

RENEE
Is he making a joke? Is he blaming us?

JOSE 
You see you got guys in TMW who call themselves a lot of things, you got guys who are said to real livewires or supposedly have bad attitudes. But in reality I am the livewire, I'm the badass, I'm the one who lashes out and makes things-

Death don't have no mercy in this land
Death don't have no mercy in this land
He'll come to your house and he won't stay long
You'll look in the bed and somebody will be gone
Death don't have no mercy in this land

Well Death will go in any family in this land
Well Death will go in every family in this land
Well he'll come to your house and he won't stay long
Well you'll look in the bed and one of your family will be gone
Death will go in any family in this land

“YYYYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAA!”

Interrupting Jose's speech is former TMW HARD champion and beloved babyface, Tristian Nystrom arrives clad in black pants and black trench coat. Unfortunately he can't speak as his elder brother gets the first word.

FABIAN
Baby brother! What an unexpected surprise. I could have assumed you'd pull your usual act and disappear just like you did when I chased you out of TMW the first time. But, can I guess you've regained your set of balls? The same set of balls you used to kill people all across the globe? That's right, TMW, this supposed good guy probably slaughtered a good portion of your ancestors. It would be a boon to the world, a benefit to humanity if say, someone, someone like me was to put a stake through his heart?

TRISTAN
Many paths lead to the same end, and I'm certain my path will lead to you ending me. However, I've come for Jose.

JOSE
What man doesn't come for me?

TRISTAN
First lesson of fighting a vampire, Jose, stick them in the heart with a sharp object. Your superkick was pleasant, but it failed to do the job.

JOSE
Fortunately I can get a little help from my friends.

Ignatius throws up the Gang Gang sign.

FABIAN
I don't think my brother is going to chance that. I can't blame him, that advice he just gave was so sound I may have to apply it to him.

TRISTAN
I'm not afraid of death, Fabian. If anyone deserves it its me. But I won't be paraded around and murdered by you. I'll die fighting, with sword in hand or fists raised, but first I'm going to teach Jose another lesson.

“YYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAA!”

“No Smoke” plays catching everyone's attention and garnering a huge pop. With the fans love on his side, Painbow emerges wearing the Knicks jersey from his NBA draft.

RENEE
He was too violent for the NBA, too violent for hip hop but he's just right for the Toy Box!

PAINBOW
Fabian, I done told you better go make up a new hand sign, that's what you better do. Fucking around with me? When's the last time you won a TMW title? Never! I won two in the last year and half, I stay getting money round here, bitch. Ain't no playing round here. I said on TMW.com I see you when I see, and I see you now, bitch. Let's get it!

“YYYYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

FABIAN
Hold on a second! Your party host, your CEO of TMW is coming to a realization! Tristian wants Jose, Painbow wants me. But as the master of ceremonies I can't just give away big matches to the Toy Box for free. As the smartest and handsomest man to ever enter your televsion screen, or your computer, let history's most infamous viking lay this down for you.

RENEE
How many superlatives can this guy give himself?

FABIAN
Tristan if you want Jose, Painbow if you want me, you need to prove your passion! Prove it the way vikings do it...in combat. In combat against each other. One on one tonight! 

REJECT
Get Lisa Ann out of here and put this man in office.

FABIAN
If Painbow wins, I'll fight him tonight. If Tristan wins, Jose will fight him. But, if you two would rather grab each other's asses than grab holds I understand.

TRISTAN
We will not be manipul-

PAINBOW
Tristian, you alright for a white dude, but I'ma fuck you up. That's on Piru, Blood gang shit.

Tristan isn't even given a chance to protest. Instead, Painbow walks backstage, leaving his one time partner behind.

FABIAN
I'm not sure what the hell Piru is, but, Painbow, be sure to leave something of my brother behind for me to kill! Tristan, I'd wish you luck, but honestly, I don't give a fuck.

“Heathens” returns to the ring as the non Fabian Shell Gang members throw up the Gang Gang sign while their leader strums the air gutair.

RENEE
Just days after tagging together we're going to see Painbow and Tristan Nystrom compete?

REJECT
I don't blame Painbow. When you have heat with someone, real honest to god heat, you'll go through anyone to get to that person. Even your friend.

TONIGHT....NO FRIENDS IN THE JUNGLE...TRISTAN NYSTROM VS PAINBOW...TONIGHT!

[Chanel #99]

Backstage in the Toy Box, lead talent scout and oft abused interviewer Terry Taylor stands with the incomparable Lisa Ann. The boss is dressed to kill in a business suit with open buttons and no bra!

TAYLOR
Lisa Ann the TMW relaunch has been a smash hit so far, and from what I hear in the dirt sheets its about to get even-

FEMALE VOICE
Uhhh, yesssss, uhhhh, yesssss

LISA ANN
Those moans....

FEMALE VOICE
Ummm, yessss, yessss, its soooo good!

LISA ANN
I know those moans!

Lisa Ann forgets all about the interviewer and hurries on. Terry Taylor, being pretty good at his job follows her to a far corner of the Toy Bo to a room that houses plenty of sex toys, but also has a life sized stand of a nude and erect Fabian Nystrom, which just happens to be the object of masturbation by one...

LISA ANN
December Belle! I knew it!

DECEMBER
Lisa Ann? Oh no. Now I've done it. I need to get out of here.

LISA ANN
Wait I need to talk to you!

December jumps and doesn't bother to gather her clothes because she didn't even bother to come with clothes! Ignoring Lisa Ann's calls December hurries as fast as a slowpoke like her can and leaves through one of the back exits.

LISA ANN
I really need to talk to her.

TAYLOR
She'll come back. They always come back. That's what they say on NCIS anyway.

Lisa Ann rolls her eyes at Terry's annoying nature.

TAYLOR
How about that big announcement?

LISA ANN
Right. I should make that. When the main roster dissolved, and AnglePalooza was replaced by Risen there was a lot of outrage on social media about the lack of the Lethal Bang. We heard you loud and clear, TMW Galaxy. The Lethal Bang is coming back at AngleMania X-7. Our Hotties aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer but they know the art of fucking backwards and forwards, and in Houston, Texas at Reliant Stadium they're gonna get fucked like the filthy animals they are. And the last slut to cum gets half a million dollars. Filthy, dirty, nasty that's the way our bimbos like it and that's how they're gonna get it!

AngleMania TMW

SPRING 2018

[Chanel #99]

Backstage, OAOAST correspondent ANNIE IDOL roams around in search of a story. She also has on quite the scarf around her neck.

RENEE
Um, Annie, would you like it if we came back to you a little later?

REJECT
You know, when you actually have something worthwhile to share? 

ANNIE
No! There’s a good story somewhere! I’m sure of it!

Suddenly Annie bumps into Horse and Wakefield, THE SAME OL’ SHITS, hitting on female staff backstage and opening up OAOAST TMW to future lawsuits. But hey, at least the guys actually look presentable for once. 

ANNIE
Wow! You guys look amaze! 

HORSE
(to Wakefield)
Pfft! They’re all coming out of the woodwork now. But that’s okay because sometimes it takes a while for people to appreciate a good thing when they see it. Although I admit we’re now living life in the fab lane. Check out these nice suits we got at the Goodwill. Loafers that cost serious bread. No socks because we’re living loose now, baby. Best part is...

HORSE & WAKEFIELD
We didn’t pay!

ANNIE
(gasp)
Don’t tell me you guys stole! Not from the Goodwill! 

WAKEFIELD
Don’t let your pretty mind wander, Sara Jean. *checks Annie out* Damn girl, did you get thick in all the right places. Anyways, we just walked in the front door, flash open our coats...

ANNIE
Ew! Ew! Ewww! TMI!

WAKEFIELD (CONT’D)
... and said...

HORSE & WAKEFIELD 
How do you like our shiny new belts?

The guys unbuttoned their jackets to reveal C02’s stolen OAOAST tag titles around their waists!

ANNIE
 

HORSE
They just started giving us free shit after that.

WAKEFIELD
Bent over like a cheap whore. 

Horse puts on cheap sunglasses purchased at the local gas station and runs both hands thru his slicked back hair.

HORSE
Ah! This is the fine life!

The SOS high five and exit.

RENEE
So that’s who the SRP (Scumbag Reformation Project, fyi) sold the belts too! Horse and Wakefield are the marks!

Just when the segment appears wrapped, Blanchefleur, the executive assistant to the ho that runs the show, enters the picture.

BLANCHEFLEUR 
Nice story there, Annie. I got an even bigger one for you in a minute. First I wanna tell you the boss is real happy with your performance thus far. Your Q-rating? Tremendous. At this rate you’re a lock for the next season of American Idol. 

ANNIE
*squeals* I’ve dreamed about that since I was a young girl. 

BLANCHEFLEUR 
To make that happen we gotta keep your profile high. And it doesn’t get any higher than the plucky underdog standing up to their tormentor. So after a scratch here and write-in there, it’s gonna be Annie Idol vs. Princess Danger for the Hard on Hoes Championship!

ANNIE
But she already hurt me once! *pulls off scarf to reveal neck brace* And I don’t wanna diiiie!

BLANCHEFLEUR 
By the way, your match is... next! 

ANNIE
I’m dead. *gulps*

PRINCESS DANGER GETS THAT GINGER SNATCH....NEXT!!!

[Chanel #99]

*** Hard on Hoes Title: Annie Idol vs. Princess Danger © ***

Despite dying her hair blonde and trying her hand in the broadcast field, Annie couldn’t escape Princess Danger’s gingersnaps, the Lady of Cum-Fu’s personal war on redheads that concluded at Risen after her takedown of Adelphe St. Nerdregard to become the new HOH Champion. But it was on the previous edition of OAOAST TMW that PD choked out Annie, who was more than happy to let it slide cuz she doesn’t want to die!

In the Backroom, there wasn’t a seat to be had as OAOAST staff and talent took perverse pleasure in the beatdown of Annie that was sure to come. Many of whom placed wagers over how long Annie would last. Among those present was Brea Brea. She cheered on Annie, who rather than fight decided to SING~!

ANNIE
(singing, pointing to neck brace)
Why can’t we be friends? Why can’t we be friends? Why can’t we be friendsss?

Eyes closed, Annie braces for the worst. But her behavior has left the champion bewildered. Annie reopens her eyes after Jesus fails to appear and is shocked to still be alive! She’s even more stunned when Princess Danger puts together the friendship request and offers her hand!

RENEE
Like any good relationship, communication is key! Now we’re about to witness the beginning of a beautiful friendship! 

Overjoyed, Annie accepts PD’s hand... only to be spun around and placed in the dreaded dragon sleeper camel clutch, aka...

THE REJECT
The Pit of Misery!

Winner: Princess Danger, via submission.

The champ refused to let go of the hold and was confronted by BREA BREA! 

“YYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!”

Brea pointed to the HOH Title and PD got right in her face, only to take a WHIFF. Whatever scent PD picked up made her very happy as she licked her lips!

REJECT
I think Brea Brea got the answer to her challenge!

As the two ladies burned holes thru each other, Annie lied motionless, out cold after being choked out.

RENEE
Somebody please check that Annie’s okay!

[Chanel #99]

Out front of Lisa Ann's office in the Toy Box we have...

THE SOCCER MOM who spies an approaching...

BLANCHEFLEUR, Lisa Ann's executive assistant and experts on all matter supernatural,  on her Surface. Typing and walking! What talent!

THE SOCCER MOM
Blanche.

Blanchefleur continues typing away at her surface.

THE SOCCER MOM
Blancefleur?

No answer, still typing at the Surface,

THE SOCCER MOM
Oh god. I didn't know she was deaf. That's pretty awful of me. 

The Soccer Mom starts waving her hands in front Blanchefleur's face to get her attention, which Blanchefleur considers the most awful thing of all!

BLANCHEFLEUR
I was busy. Now I'm not. Let's see here. The Soccer Mom, Susan Leslie. Do you need something?

THE SOCCER MOM
I do actually. Um, I need direction.

BLANCHEFLEUR
Direction? Did I hear that correctly?

THE SOCCER MOM
Yes, please. I won The Be a Star contest and here I am just a regular ol mom of two on TMW, and go figure I don't have a clue what to do.

BLANCHEFLEUR
Poor you. Normally I only help the mainevent talent, but you seem exceptionally distraught. Zelda Bazil, is also having trouble. No one wants to watch her card tricks. I'd like for you to take in the show.

THE SOCCER MOM
Are you sure? That wouldn't be loafing on the job?

BLANCHEFLEUR
And tell me what you think of The Extraordinary Zelda. Evaluate her talent for me. And be honest about it! People can talk, but I want first hand information on here. As a witch, myself, and Lisa Ann's expert on the supernatural, I want to know what type of tricks she's peddling. Go along.

THE SOCCER MOM
Yes....yes ma'am! 

Satisfied with whatever she's cooked up Blanchefleur sends The Soccer Mom to the Show of Shows!!!

[Chanel #99]

No Smoke by NBA Youngboy plays and out comes Painbow, ready to beat Tristan's ass like Youngboy beat his girlfriend's ass. The former Knicks draft pick starts shooting an air machine gun around the arena, with many fans mimicking the gesture.

LILLIAN
The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of twenty minutes! Now making his way to the ring, from Thompson, Georgia he is the LAST REAL N WORD ALIVE....PAAAAINNNBBBBOOOOOOW!

I heard these niggas want smoke (want smoke), they better pull up with a hunnid (a hunnid)
Yeah, we want all the smoke (yeah), I walk around with it on me
Draco protect me, you ain't taking nothing
Boy, you can try me, you know I'ma burn ya
Quick to come to it we ain't never running
These niggas hating, they mad bout something (mmmmmm)
You know I'ma blow, I ain't never stuntin' (you know I'ma blow)
You know how I'm coming, you know what to do if you ever want it (if you ever want it)
Nigga, stop all that talking, you know where I'm at
Come and pull up on me (skrt skrt)
I hope you don't slack, you know that I'm dumping

Painbow puffs out his chest and flexes his mighty muscles on the way to the ring as the fans salute his name and his legend.

REJECT
I don't think its hard to guess what side of the gun control debate Painbow is on. But, he was on Tristan's side at Risen and now he's willing to throw down with him to get to Fabian Nystrom. I don't blame him, but a sentimental sap like Tristan probably does.

RENEE
Is everyone with a friend a sap to you?

REJECT
Absolutely. 

Painbow gives a dap to a Blood in the front row, before sliding into the ring and running the ropes.

Death don't have no mercy in this land
Death don't have no mercy in this land
He'll come to your house and he won't stay long
You'll look in the bed and somebody will be gone
Death don't have no mercy in this land

Well Death will go in any family in this land
Well Death will go in every family in this land
Well he'll come to your house and he won't stay long
Well you'll look in the bed and one of your family will be gone
Death will go in any family in this land

The deeply haunting vocals and electronic rock sounds of "Death Don't Have No Mercy" next play with the Toy Box awash in sparking white lights. Onto the stage comes the perpetually brooding, Tristian Nystrom. The 1000 year old vampire, who's been in perhaps over 1000 fights, takes a heavy sigh as he rolls his wrist. Enemies to friends and back to enemies. Is this what he and Painbow have become?

LILLIAN
And his opponent...from The Hauge, Netherlands...he is....TRISTIANNNN...NNNYYYSSSTRRROOMMMM!

"YYYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAA!"

RENEE
Don't forget, gang, if Tristan wins this match he'll get to fight Jose Cantu-Si later on tonight!

Now inside the ring, Tristian looks at Painbow and shakes his head in sadness. However, Painbow just tells him to come with it.

RENEE
Painbow actually unseated Tristan to win the HARD championship. And guess who helped him? Fabain!

REJECT
Goes to show you how unappreciative people in this industry are.

RENEE
You're one to talk!

REJECT
I know I am. That's why I said it.

DING DING DI-

Deep in the witching hour
Nothing can calm my mind
Love and possession, moonlight obsession
Seek and you know I'll find
Something to feed this hunger
It keeps me up at night
Lover I'll get you, just like I'm meant to
I need to make you mine

Bouncing and thumping into the arena is Digital Daggers' "Devil's Choir", drowning out the opening bell. Emerging through the entrance  is Fabain Nystrom, recipient of many jeers but also scattered cheers. The bombastic viking strolls  down the entry way, while strumming an air guitar.

RENEE
I don't like his arrival one bit.

Into the ring Fabian slides, with a wry smile and a microphone in hand.

FABIAN
Your TMW CEO is back! Painbow versus Tristan one on one? We've been there! We've done that! I had an epiphany and it's telling me to liven the otherwise mundane proceedings up. So with that said, Painbow versus Tristan is now a last man standing match!

RENEE
He can't do that!

Tristan turns to Painbow, looking for support against his brother's tyranny. To his surprise, he gets it as Painbow levels Fabian with a punch!

"YYYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAA!"

Together Painbow, and Tristian batter Painbow with heavy stomps!

REJECT
If he wasn't a vampire we'd be doing a ten bell salute!

Luckily for Fabian, Jose is on the scene to drag him out of the ring. Of course, Fabian takes his microphone with him 'cause even after a beatdown he still has plenty to say.

FABIAN
Painbow, if you want to dance with me, then you'll get the last dance of the night! In tonight's mainevent, but first you've got to dance with every single member of The Shell Gang in a gauntlet!

PAINBOW
Let's get it, nigga!

"YYYYYYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAA!"

Jose and Fabian throw up the Gang Gang sign while Painbow throws up a Blood set sign as "No Smoke" plays over them.

REJECT
No smoke? There's plenty of smoke between Fabian and Painbow! 

IF YOU RUN THIS RING, THEN RUN THIS GAUNTLET...PAINBOW RUNS THE SHELL GANG GAUNTLET...TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT!!!!

[Chanel #99]

The Show of Shows is about to begin, and lucky for our magician of magician The Toy Box had a set from the Harry Pop'ed Her series, meaning there's a set for a magical classroom which suits our host...

.

ZELDA BAZIL just fine.

Creeping into the magic show is The Soccer Mom, which makes her audience member number...one.

ZELDA
My magical skills attracted you to me.

THE SOCCER MOM
Actually, Blanchefleur told me to come.

ZELDA
My magical skills attracted you to me.

THE SOCCER MOM
....Whichever you prefer. Sure.

ZELDA
Welcome to the Show of Shows! The Extraordinary Zelda Bazil's magic show! Tonight I show you secrets that have been passed down from generations! My brother Remy to me!

THE SOCCER MOM
Brother to sister isn't gen...nevermind, are we waiting for more people? Is anyone else coming?

ZELDA
Welcome to the...I said that part already. I forgot.

THE SOCCER MOM
Ummm....

ZELDA
My first trick is called the fish in the eye. I'll need an audience member to volunteer an eye they aren't using.

THE SOCCER MOM
I'm using all my eyes!

ZELDA
Ok, you'll do. Just stay in place and close the eye you aren't using.

THE SOCCER MOM
But....

Zelda seems to ignore TSM's misgivings, and unveils a carpie in a fish bowl.

ZELDA
Allakazing, allakazam!

Somehow magic happens and the fish leaps out of the water....

ZELDA AND THE FISH

ZELDA
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

JIM CORNETTE (OS)
What the hell kind of magic show is this?

As Zelda fumbles with her bra and the fish, The Soccer Mom turns around to see The Midnight Foxes, who are...

The witch RUBY

and...

MISS PERFECT CAELDORI FOX

and Jim Cornette.

CORNETTE
Someone told me this was the show of shows! I booked the show of shows, I've called the show of shows! Whatever this right here is is the shit of shit!

CAELDORI
Hehehehehehe. He's so funny!

THE SOCCER MOM
It may be off to a rough start, but this is Zelda's magic show so if you're not going to be supportive then you should leave.

RUBY
Or what will happen? Mommy will send us to our room with no dessert? I think I could send you out The Toy Box with a pair of chicken legs. I can do that, because I'm a real witch, not...a street magician with a con man for a brother!  Mwhhhahahaaha!

THE SOCCER MOM
If you don't have anything nice to-

ZELDA
Nevermind. It's okay. I was just leaving.

With head slumped and eyes sad, Zelda gets off the stage for the show of shows and departs the room.

CORNETTE
I wish a lot of people in this company would exit that way, but I ain't the one signing the paychecks, even though I should be!

THE SOCCER MOM
You guys have a long way to go.

[Chanel #99]

***Lawson Belle Vs Ray Crist***

Knew he was a killer first time that I saw him
Wonder how many girls he had loved and left haunted
But if he's a ghost, then I can be a phantom
Holdin' him for ransom
Some, some boys are tryin' too hard
He don't try at all, though
Younger than my exes but he act like such a man, so

I see nothing better, I keep him forever
Like a vendetta-ta

I-I-I see how this is gon' go
Touch me and you'll never be alone
I-Island breeze and lights down low
No one has to know

A circle of blue lights stood over the entry way as Taylor Swift's End Game played in the Toy Box. The lights rose to reveal Lawson Belle in blue tights and blue knee pads. He smiles sheepishly and ran his hands through his curly hair before making his way to the ring.

LILLIAN
The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of ten minutes! Now making his way to the ring, from Knoxville, Tennesse, he is LAWSON BELLLLLLEEEE!

"YYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAA!"

RENEE
Lawson took it to Gran Arma last time on TMW, and you've got to give him credit, Reject.

REJECT
Yeah, he won, but there's still something wrong with him. He's a Belle!

Ray Crist was already in the ring. He was a plain looking gent, in basic black trunks, white boots and no knee pads. 

RENEE
Reject, what do you know about Ray Crist?

REJECT
Well, this guy from Jefferson City, Missouri he's-

"RAPIST! RAPIST! RAPIST!"

REJECT
hahahahhahha! That's it career done, he's toast.

Ray Crist looked like he was about to cry, and even Lawson had sympathy for him. Not enough to not run through him with a lariat. Ray ducked another, and the two had a technical exchange of mat wrestling and arm locks. Ray then managed to avoid the ankle lock, but then had to more rapist chants.

REJECT
I actually think those chants should be directed at Lawson. He's a Belle, who knows what that family gets up to off camera. 

RENEE
You're terrible!

Back to the mat the two went, but Ray had no answer for Lawson. Ray went to the top for a cross body but got hit with a jumping spin kick!

RENEE
Belle du jour!

Ray fought back to his feet but heard more Rapist chants that took him off his game. Lawson was able to nail him with a side belly to belly and finally submit him with an ankle lock.

Winner Lawson Belle, via submission

RENEE
Lawson Belle has another win in TMW! How you like dem apples, Reject!

REJECT
I prefer oranges.

As Lawson was having his hand raised by referee Clem Buzzlefoxxer V he was jumped from behind by PIKE PANTERA!

"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The Wayward Son spun Lawson around and nailed him with a gore!

REJECT
Smoking Gun, baby! I love it!

RENEE
What is Pike Pantera doing in the Toy Box?!

We found out as Pike grabbed a microphone.

PIKE
I was a man chained by knightly vows to a weak king. Now I am a monster in service to a higher power. The Illuminati. I am a wrecking ball unchained. A machine out of control. An Illuminati axeman sent to claim heads for the higher order! Lawson you're first!!!

Pike threw down the microphone, and posed to heel heat.

RENEE
Oh my god, what have we just witnessed?!

[Chanel #99]

Out in the Toy Box employee parking lot, the battered and bruised Scumbag Reformation Project, Euphoria (reading a parenting book) and Annie Idol share a BOTTLE OF LIQUOR! Annie tipsy as she performs a song from the hood of someone’s car! (Who can blame her for wanting to forget this night?)

ANNIE
(singing)
Cause everybodyyy huuurts! Take comfort in your friends! *takes swig of liquor*

Euphoria lowers his granny style reading glasses. 

EUPHORIA 
Are you guys actually enjoying this? *points to Annie who continues her cover of R.E.M.’s classic hit*

THE RIZZO
We’re just here to do an interview until we get fine. And believe me when I say the punk ass bitches responsible for our woes are gonna end up like our ear drums. Busted.

ANSON
Although now I understand why people commit suicide. 

THE RIZZO
Damn, that’s deep, bro. 

ANSON
I’m a deep guy. Just ask the ladies.

The guys bro it up over that one-liner.

CAMERAMAN
Psst! Annie, we’re live! 

Suddenly C02’s MAYA DUNCAN-BLANCHARD approaches the group. 

THE RIZZO
Hey, we don’t want no more problems. You got your piece of us at Risen. 

ANSON
Just like our babies mamas, the IRS... The Man. Shiiiiiiiiit!

MAYA
I’ll give you two this: you always have your ear to the ground. Which makes sense given you’re a couple lowlifes. 

EUPHORIA 
Ha! It’s true!

MAYA
So I just came out here to ask if you had seen a chick shaped like a bucket of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter that answers to Jade, sooey or cum dumpster? Now that I know who has our OAOAST tag titles, them Same Ol’ Shits have got me one mad bitch. But I swore to Jade not to avenge our mother’s death alone. I know what you’re thinking, “Maya, you mom isn’t dead!” Of course not. You think she’d put death over? Just look at how many jobs she did during her OAOAST career! Although this whole situation would at the very least cause a wrinkle from the WTF expression on her face learning we’ve got unfinished business with the Same Ol’ fucking Shits. Not a sexually tensed rivalry with Glass and Effie or threat via acts of sodomy by the Big Hairy Nutt Saks. No, the SOS! I already put in my butt plug to make sure this ass is all nice and loose for the pounding it’s gonna receive for causing said wrinkle. And I’m so ready. Gotta find Jade so she is too.

* gagging, spit sound *

MAYA
Found her!

And just where is Jade tracked down? By the DUMPSTER, where last week Bedrock and Euphoria did the horizontal tango, and now this week Jade gives an oral presentation to a BBC! No, you read that correctly. We don’t mean the TV network BBC, but a Big Black Cock!

Jade shines that knob real shiny with her spit and then gets bent over.

As Jade twerks on this lucky BBC, he plays the bongos on her ass! Jade sits the guy back on a nearby crate and rides him reverse cowgirl. 

Jade squeals with excitement and then a touch of pain as Maya overhand chops a titty!

MAYA
Tag. You’re it, you dirty whore. I’ve been looking all over for you. Thanks to Annie’s scoop I know who took our— Whoa! Tyrique The Freak! Star of The Black Wanker! And Toni Patricia’s #1 adult male superstar! What is up, my man?

TYRIQUE 
My dick all up your sister’s pussy! Hahaha! *thump*thump*thump* FFFuuuck!

THE RIZZO (off-screen)
Oh, shit! Look at ‘im smash that pussy!

JADE
*huff*huff*huff* Actually, Tyrique was doing Toni Patrica a solid playing the Easter Bunny. 

TYRIQUE 
Best... decision... ever! 

JADE (CONT’D)
But what is it you wanted to tell me?

MAYA
I know who stole our belts. The Same Ol’ Shits. 

JADE
The S— Oh boy, you know how mom’s gonna feel about that. And our asses too!

TYRIQUE 
Lemme get that ass stretched for mommy, then.

By now both have worked up a good sweat. They share a big wet kiss before Tyrique proceeds to assfuck Jade!

ANSON (O.S.)
Yo, nigga, make that white bitch pay for our ancestors!

Tyrique gestures towards Anson and gets deeper in that ass! Jade rubs her pussy while Maya snaps pics on her phone! Tyrique’s cock swells inside Jade’s tight hole as he grips her hips and thrusts faster and harder missionary position! Then his chocolate rod throbs uncontrollably as spurts of hot jizz fill Jade’s ass! He pulls out and a steady stream of cum follows! 

MAYA
Careful not to blow out your ass, Jade. Again.

JADE
I’ve never and you know it!

MAYA
You’re right. I’m no doctor. Although I’m pretty sure an asshole isn’t supposed to look like a silicone drain stopper. But can we at least agree to kick the SOS’s ass?

JADE
That we can agree on.

C02 high five. Then Jade and Tyrique The Freak.

TYRIQUE 
Whew! That was a blast! Now where’d I leave that fucking costume?

REJECT
Give the director a bonus for keeping the camera rolling!

[Chanel #99]

*** TMW Tag Team Title: The Union Jets vs. The Big Hairy Nutt Saks © ***

Last time these two teams met the Big Hairy Nutt Saks ended the tag title reign of TUJ in a slugfest that resulted in all four men going out for drinks to celebrate the fighting spirit displayed. Now TUJ looked to return the favor as they and TBHNS gave the fans another high impact match that unfortunately was interrupted by Shell Gang members WESLEY SINGLETON and IGNATIUS MADDIX, who purposely timed their attack late after both teams had punished each other, battering them with STEEL CHAIRS. A member of each team driven face-first into the chair following a leaping mushroom stomp, aka the World Wide Wes.

“How do you like me now-ow-ow-ow...”

Official decision: No contest. 

Wes and IM stood over the fallen pleased as fuck.

*****

Motel 6, outside Austin, Texas, evening.

Jock arrives to Ariel's hotel to find the room has been trashed. Blood everywhere. The bed is
empty. Ariel is tied to a chair, eyes unblinking, face blue, body riddled with bullets and cuts.

MISTER DICK
Fuck me.

Mister Dick makes a sweep of the room. Then recalls -- The NIGHT STAND. The Human Hard on pries the side panel free. There, wedged in the gap-- A PHONE IN A PINK CASE. He takes it. Sees her last text was to him. He looks around with a sweep of the eyes, and pockets the phone.

[Chanel #99]

***Money In The Bank Qualifier: Sumeragi Vs Conan Chanel****

The “Debate Scrum” track joined with flashing blue, green, and purple lights along with bouncing dancers to make it seem like we're in a nightclub. The coolest dude in the club of them all, The Intruder, slid out with a drink in hand. He raised it to the fans, who just yell their disgust in response. But, The Intruder keeps his cool, and touted his greatness on the way to the ring.

LILLIAN
The following is a Money In The Bank qualifier, now making his way to the ring, from SCOTSDALE, ARIZONA...he is “TTTHHHHEEEE IIIINNNTRRRUUUDDERRRR!”

“BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

THE INTRUDER 
Intruder alert, Intruder alert, Intruder alert!

“BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOO!”

THE INTRUDER
You'd have to be a complete and utter moron to think I don't deserve to be HARD champion!

RENEE
Or we just watched Risen. You got pinned!

THE INTRUDER
But I see a lot of morons in The Toy Box and beyond! But The Intruder is sailing in the great beyond, he's landing on Planet Zoltron and he's speaking to Zord, King of the Zoltrons and King Zoltron is saying “Intruder, they made you fight Burlington Pemborkshire to climb back to the Galaxy Title? Burlington Pembrokshire is hot buttered ASS!”

Intuder throws down his microphone and raises his hands. Then a carnival theme plays and Burlington Pembrokshire emerges to make The Intruder eat those words!

LILLIAN
And his opponent, from Bexhill Upon Sea, England he is BURLIGHTON PEMBROKSSSSHHIIIIREEEEEE!

Right as the match started, Pembrokshire pressed Intruder over head...and held him here...and held him there....and held him there....and finally tossed him outside!

“YYYYYYYEEAAAAAAAAA!”

RENEE
Intruder alert...intruder falling from overhead!

REJECT
Terrible joke.

Intruder slid into the ring but stabbed in the gut with a few boots. Pembrokshire took him to the mat but could pin him for three. Back upright both men traded blows, with Intruder kicking his foe sort of slow.

RENEE
I'd like a replay on that kick.

Intruder took over the match and hammered his foe with a knee lift Transitioned to discus clothesline!

RENEE
Criminal Assault!!!

Intruder then nailed his finisher, Intruder Alert, an over the shoulder belly to back piledriver and secured the victory.

Winner: The Intruder, via pinfall

[Chanel #99]

Backstage we find....

JESSE FERGUSON complete in lab coat strolling down the hall where he finds

the lonesome werewolf...

AMBER O'SHEA just sitting contemplating

JESSE
Amber O'Shea. Mazel Tov.

AMBER
Jesse.

JESSE
Oi! Oi! She remembered my name. That's great.

AMBER
I'm guessing you want something.

JESSE
I didn't believe it when they told me that Amber O'Shea, that sweet mother of Colin Maguire's son Jack became a werewolf. I just couldn't believe it. Because to be a werewolf, you have to kill someone. And, here I am asking myself, who could Amber have killed? It wasn't Colin of course. It wasn't Angel. Who was it?

AMBER
Its none of your business, Jesse Ferguson.

JESSE
Oi! Aggression! Fire! I need it!

AMBER
You wanna fuck me? Get in line.

JESSE
Wow, you misunderstand me! I'm actually hurt. My intentions here are to present you with an exciting business opportunity. 

AMBER
I'm not interested in anything you're selling.

JESSE
It pays well. Far above your TMW paygrade,  and a mother who is also a murderer...well, she could use all the cash she can get her hands on. Can Colin's child support check be that much.

Amber's fist tigthened, but she does not strike Jesse. He knows he has her.

JESSE
I'm about to launch something that will change everything. And like any good invention, it will have its detractors. I think even it's violent detractors. I need protection.

AMBER
Why don't you call VICE?

JESSE
And why would I do that when I have a werewolf in need useful occupation. 

AMBER
What is this invention?

JESSE
Uh-uh-uh. Will you protect me or not?

Amber is of the mind to slug him in the jaw, but in the end...

AMBER
I'll do it. I'll cover your ass.

JESSE
Then walk with me. Well away from prying eyes and I'll show you the invention that will change the world.

[Chanel #99]

You wanna know what Zeus said to Narcissus
You'd betta watch yourself
You wanna know what Zeus said to Narcissus
You'd better watch yourself
You'd better watch yourself

“BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOO!”

RENEE
You hear the Toy Box loud and clear, don't you, gang? No one is happy to see the Hotties tag titles still around the waist of The Nasty Boyds.

Dressed as sexy prison guards like always, the champs make their way to the ring, belts in hand and with threats of sodomy for the poor camera man.

REJECT
There's gotta be a union clause against ass rape.

RENEE
I'll go on strike to get that clause in my contract!

Through the purple and black ropes the champions step, and are handed a pair of purple microphones.

REJECT
Purple is the colour scheme we got, but it was black and blue that the champs left The Woke Queens at Risen.

RENEE
Tell the truth, Reject! LeBrenda conked Tori with a basketball of all things and that got the champs the win.

REJECT
Why do you say of all things? As if a woman doing a basketball gimmick wouldn't use a basketball as her weapon.

BRIT
You should be honored, inmates. You should be pleased.

RENEE
Why should anyone be pleased after what they witnessed in Madison Square Garden?

BRIT
We did specifically what we said we were going to do...defeat the Woke Queens and retain our Hotties Tag Titles. Does that not please you?

“BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOO!”

NIKKI
Hmph fine! If you can't appreciate skill and talent, maybe you can appreciate a trip to Pound Town! 

RENEE
I think I need to hide!

NIKKI
We could take a unscheduled stop into the crowd, and get you male bottoms to take our nightsticks inch by fucking inch!

CROWD

NIKKI
I bet every guy in the Toy Box is super submissive no matter what he tries to act like. You're not tough, you're not tops, you're bitches. Our bitches! We'll have you weak at the knees, and open wider than Lisa Ann in her hottest flicks! 

CROWD

NIKKI
Hhahaaha! Pussies! Keep those mouthes wide open for us because we'll be making you suck your ass right off our nightsticks!

BRIT
In order to promote fan-champion relations, we'd like to offer up our talents to the Toy Box...two night sticks up the ass for one lucky male fan. Do we have any takers?

Moment of silence for the champions...

RENEE
Those can't be the takers.

What they are are The Hypebeasts, LeBrenda James, the world's biggest LeBron fan turned sports entertainment biggest cowardly heel, and her partner Ladybird Jones, a former Harvard basketball star, who believes she owes her talents to the coaching of LeBrenda. As Ron Artest's “Champions” plays over the jeers, The HB's step into the ring to meet up with an annoyed Boyd family.

LEBRENDA
Check this shit out, bitches.

NIKKI
Did you just call us bitches?

LEBRENDA
Uhh...You don't know this about me.  I got a condition. I got tourettes. Remember Tony Tourettes. I have that too! LeBrenda Tourettes, I'm like his daughter...So, from time to time, I'm talking...
Damn...Oh, dang...shit...shit!

LADYBIRD JONES
…..Oh no. Not again.

REJECT
Convincing acting job by The Hypebeasts.

BRIT
What do you have to say, inmates?

LEBRENDA
Its what you have to say.

NIKKI
Are you talking to us?

LEBRENDA
Sirs! Sirs, I mean ma'ams. You know...uh...it'd be cool if..you know...uh...you said thanks for us getting you your tag title win. You know...if you want.

NIKKI
Did I hear that right? You want a thank you for sticking your nose where it doesn't belong?

LEBRENDA
Or..you know...a tag title shot...that'd be cool. 

BRIT
That's some nerve you have there, inmates.

LEBRENDA
That was my tourettes talking! But if you wanna give us the title-

LADYBIRD
Give us a title match! You owe us! We did you a favor. LeBrenda did you a favor, now you need to repay. Or else.

LEBRENDA
Don't get offended or nothing, because she got tourettes too! 

NIKKI
Am I hearing this right? You do a good deed and you think it needs to be paid back? That just ruins the whole good deed! And you ruined our moment to bareback one of the twinks in the audience! That pisses me off! Do you know what happens when The Nasty Boyds get pissed off? Do you?!!

LEBRENDA
Tourettes! Tourettes!

The claim by LeBrenda doesn't stop The Nasty Boyds from smashing their titles directly into her face!

REJECT
No good deed goes unpunished! 

LadyBird throws a double lariat that takes out of both Boyds! But the champs are on their feet and pitch her out of the ring in short order.

RENEE
LeBrenda is all alone!

REJECT
At least she's LeBrenda and not LeBron. He'd be out the season and playoffs with a ruptured anus.

RENEE
Eww!

But making the save for LeBrenda are the beloved Woke Queens, sliding into the ring in heroic fashion! The pair, though wronged at Risen, use LeBrenda's own basketballs to chase the tag champs from the ring!

“YYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAA!”

REJECT
Get hit in the head on Sunday and come back and rescue the person who did it? This new generation is weak.

Alas LeBrenda went from fire to flames as the Woke Queens bounce the basketballs off her head and send her tumbling out the ring!

“YYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAA!”

RENEE
I think you owe a pair of someones an apology.

REJECT
Nah, I don't think I'll be giving it any time soon.

RENEE
You're hopeless!

The Woke Queens stand tall as all four of their rivals are forced to beat a hasty retreat! How2Girl poses on the turnbuckle, while Tori tries to do some AI crossovers...and falls on her face.

RENEE
A for Effort, though. A for Effort.

PAINBOW DANCES WITH THE DOGS...SHELL GANG GAUNTLET...NEXT!!!!!

[Chanel #99]

**Painbow Vs The Shell Gang Gauntlet***
No need for intros since you already seen all these people enter! 

First up for Painbow was Wesley who chop blocked the former Knicks draft pick the moment he entered the ring,

REJECT
Damn smart. Take out the big man's legs.

Wes worked over the legs as Jose put the bad mouth to Painbow on the outside. The Myrtle Beach native thought he could get a submission off a simple leg lock but Painbow managed to push him off. The rainbow haired grappler then rose to his feet and showed no worse for wear as she snapped off a drop kick that sent Wesley through the ropes!

RENEE
Wow! Talk about agility! That's why he was drafted by the Knicks, that's why he was a TMW HARD champion!

Wes was tossed back into the ring the hard way then ate a few good punches. Backed into the ropes, he got a reprieve from Referee Grandmaster Sexay calling for a clean break. But, Wes didn't give a clean break as Wes kicked the Living Daylights out of Painbow!

WESLEY
Alls fair in Shell Gang business.

But then Painbow came back and nailed him with a yakuza kick!

PAINBOW
Alls fair in beating your pasty white ass, faggot!

The rest of the Shell Gang had seen enough and ran into the ring en masse to mob Painbow! 

"BBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOO"

Winner: Painbow, via DQ

Iggy and Jose held Painbow in prep for Fabian to slug him when Painbow burst free and tackled Fabian! 

"YYYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAA!"

REJECT
What the hell?! How'd he do that!

Jose pulled Painbow off his leader, but got rocked with a yakuza kick for his efforts!

"YYYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

RENEE
That Bitch Kick!

Wesley and Ignatius both got double clotheslined over the ropes, much to their immense surprise. Fabain rolled around, but was seized in a deadlift and then cradle powerbomb out of the ring entierly!

"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"

RENEE
Slime Shit!

REJECT
Slime Shit out of the fucking ring!

Even Fabian's vampire healing can't recover for him to duel with Painbow. Instead he lies on the ground, pained and suffering. In the ring Painbow blasts him with an imaginary machine gun as his "slimes" hail him as one of the greats.

[Chanel #99]

I had a dream, or was it real?
We crossed the line and it was on
We crossed the line, it was on this time
I've been denying how I feel, you've been denying what you want
You want from me, talk to me baby
I want some satisfaction, take me to the stars, just say "oh"

Ah, I wanna cut through the clouds, break the ceiling
I wanna dance on the roof, you and me alone
I wanna cut to the feeling, oh yeah
I wanna cut to the feeling, oh yeah
I wanna play where you play with the angels
I wanna wake up with you all in tangles, oh
I wanna cut to the feeling, oh yeah
I wanna cut to the feeling, oh yeah

Cut To The Feeling by Carly Rae Jepsen is popping and the fans are bouncing. They're also giving off enormous cheers for Bobbi Cheesecake! The Seattle native is dressed as the world's cutest easter girl and carrying an oversized Easter basket full of plastic eggs. Hopping out from behind her, is the always welcome Easter Bunny! 

RENEE
When Reject heard was what to come he said he was a devout member of the Church of Abdullah and had to excuse himself.

Bobbi and her pal hit the ring with Bobbi getting a mic,.

"BOBBI! BOBBI! BOBBI!"

BOBBI
Hippity Hop! I've got the look down and I'm here to be your super bun-bun pal! Normally I tout the benefits of Horny Spirit, but today I'm in the Easter Spirit and I'm in it with my buddy the Easter Bunny! And guess what! We have some amazing Easter eggs for the super fans who show the biggest easter spirit in the Toy Box! So, one, two, three, let's get into it, Bunny!

Bobbi looks around the Toy Box, where plenty of fans want what's inside her basket. However, the Easter Bunny has something else in mind. Something far different than joyus celebration. His bizarre machinations come to light when he shoves Bobbi to the ground! Not expecting this, Bobbi hits the mat hard. Her basket is sent tumbling, eggs scattering. Her vision swims, her stomach churns, and yet she doesn't register what happened.

RENEE
Hey! What's going on!

EASTER BUNNY
Easter Bunny feels the Horny Spirit!

The dawn of realization sets in Bobbi when she hears those words. Yet she doesn't want it to, and so fights it off. Thinking maybe it came from someone else. When she turns around, though, she can't deny the truth. There in front of her is the Easter Bunny's eight inch meat. WHITE MEAT! 

RENEE
Wait a minute!

It waves in front of her face, her formerly blurred vision now laser focused on the powerful tool.

BOBBI
Easter Bunny, what are you doing?

EASTER BUNNY
I'm hoppity hoppy raping you!

BOBBI
But, we're friends!

EASTER BUNNY
Friends do nice things for friends. And blow jobs are nice things.

The Easter Bunny looms over her, eight inches of steel lurching in front of her face. Still weakened from an improbably hard shove Bobbi can't muster the the strength to fight him off, Still though she tries with her spunky might.

EASTER BUNNY
Friends don't fight friends.

BOBBI
Friends don't rape friends!

Rather than argue with Bobbi continuously, The Easter Bunny decides to end Bobbi's words by planting his pecker inside her nouth. The heart shaped lips lock around his wood against her will and Bobbi hollers out in agony and fear.

RENEE
Poor Bobbi! Can't anyone help her!

Help? There is no help for poor Bobbi. The little bunny is grabbed by the back of the head and pulled back and forth on the pink carrot. Forward and backward she goes, slicking the shaft full of her salvia against her will.

BOBBI
Glug, glug, glug!

RENEE
I can't watch!

Many people can't watch, but do despite their guilt. Towels are provided to jerking off fans by the Fluffers. The Easter Bunny's smooth, wet shaft glides in and out of her mouth now, and she takes it with horror and disgust. She tries to fight if off, but this small Easter Bunny has power she couldn't have expected him to have! To add to her abuse in torment, he jerks the his thick heavy shaft up and down in her mouth, expanding her hole beyond what she ever thought possible. Insult is added when he beings slapping on her cheeks, which just shows the Easter Slut how much he owns her!

As her head bobs back and forth, there's a strong heat in The Easter Bunny's Crotch.  He forces the bitch to get her mouth around and tighten on his thick strong balls. Her head is shook by him, the rapist doing all he can to make sure his bitch does all she can do to please him no matter what the her fear and shame might be.

Bobbi pulls back from his dick, strands of saliva hanging from her mouth, connecting it to his dick. The strong member looks slick with oil. Though it's been plenty sucked, The Easter Bunny isn't ready for Bobbi to stop and shoves her mouth back in on it! Bobbi screams her horror, but the hums of vibration just please The Easter Bunny greatly!

THE EASTER BUNNY
This is Easter Spirit!

RENEE
No it isn't!

The Easter Bunny forces a helpless Bobbi to roll her head to the side. She's made to kiss and lick his member against his will with tears streaming down her cheeks. Bobbi looks up at her rapist, hoping for mercy. Yet there is none to come as the beast of a bunny pushes his penis through her mouth down her throat! The bitch fights and fights, but what can she do? This Easter Bunny is far more powerful than she could ever have expected!

RENEE
The Easter Bunny once epitomized cheer and good will! Now look. He's sick!

THE EASTER BUNNY
I'm sure my penis was hippity hop scrumptious but I bet your ass will love it even more!

BOBBI
No, Easter Bunny, you can't! We're friends!

THE EASTER BUNNY
That's why you're giving me you're tight little asshole, bitch.

BOBBI
But, we're friends!
 

His hunger for her ass is palpable. He wants more than eggs. He wants that tight white booty! He takes her big white booty that gives her the nickname Asscake and hoists her into the air.

BOBBI
You have to put me down!

THE EASTER BUNNY
But I'm the Easter Bunny.

RENEE
You're a sick freak!

The Easter Bunny exposes her asshole to his ready dick. Despite knowing what he's about to do she gasps in surprise as he levels his man meat into her less than willing shit pipe!

BOBBI
Ow! No! No!

The bitch feels the tight pressure as he violated her, and the fans feel the hot heat of the erotism of the rape. Fluffers have to clean up cum, and the fans are already back to full erection  after cumming once.

RENEE
Where's security? Bobbi doesn't deserve this. She's such a sweet girl!


Renne can call for security all she wants, and Bobbi can shed enough tears to flood the pacific ocean. But the sad truth is Bobbi's rape is hot TV. Now we get her anal rape, as The Easter Bunny presses forward, in and out pumping her slutty white ass full of his carrot stick! 

BOBBI
Ahhhhhh! I just wanted to celebrate Easter like a good bunny! Why is this happening to me?

Millions across the globe think why is this happening to Bobbi, and why are they so lucky to see this anal slut get raped in the middle of the ring. To add to their enjoyment Bobbi tries to fight back as any woman would when being raped. But the Easter Bunny is one strong mythical figure and uses her struggles to merely bounce her shit hole on his big fat dick!

RENEE
Oh no, he's using her own momentum against her! It's like she's in a wrestling hold.

Bobbi wonders how such a thing could happen. How her good deed could result in the worst experience of her life. How good cheer could lead to her being anally raped like a prison slut. 

BOBBI
Let me go! Let me go!

Without the lube Bobbi experiences a sharp pain. That's of no concern to the Easter Bunny, his mind is solely on her Bobbi's round ass and tight sphincter can please his meat. Oh yes, The Easter Bunny buries every inch of his rock hard cock into her delicious shitter. The hole is spread nice and wide for the bunny rabbit's carrot, Bobbi having no choice whatsoever but to take a big fat dick up her big fat ass! 

 

The Easter Bunny hops Bobbi's big butt on his schlong, shoving it deep within her once forbidden passage. Yes it's forbidden no more as this terrible creature has made a mockery of Easter Spirit by breaking Bobbi apart and using her as unwitting fuck toy. Luckily for me he's fucking the helpless whore in my favorite position, the stand and carry, and anal at that. Five stars!

RENEE
I'm sure some people are enjoying this...

Renee knows what's up.

The former OAOAST Hotties Champion is turned into a bum whore. She has no choice in the matter, her tears and whimpering have zero effect. Why would they? This white ass is too large and too round to resist fucking. This may be Bobbi's first ass rape, but let's hope it's not her last! But if The Easter Bunny has anything to say about it this butt belongs to him! Her soft smooth crack is being repeatedly ransacked by the dick of horrible, horrible, creature. He's too deep inside her, far too deep for an asshole that never got the benefit of lube!

THE EASTER BUNNY
Hippity hop, the little bunny needs to taste her ass.

BOBBI
I don't think she does!

Bobbi starts slapping and punching at The Easter Bunny, which does make the rape all the more exciting. After all its not rape if she doesn't resist. But as the Borg say resistance is futile 

THE EASTER BUNNY
The Easter Bunny doesn't like being punched, but he does like to throat fuck dirty bunnies,

BOBBI
I won't ever let you!

Bam! Bobbi rocks The Easter Bunny with a punch. Yet she doesn't rock him enough, and the beast shoves the worthless cunt into the turnbuckles. Bobbi sags to the mat, head aching and in position like she could take a bronco buster. She does get a face full of meat, in the worst possible way as her mouth is invaded by cock. A cock that was just balls deep in her slutty  shitter!

RENEE
Bobbi, no! Oh my god!

BOBBI
Glurg, glrug, glrug!

Bobbi can't even see the ceiling, she has her vision engulfed by the lean body of The Easter Bunny. But her vision is the least of the worries. Her mouth is expanded to obscene levels by her thick rod, and worse yet she feels the salty taste of her own ass. Its not the first time Bobbi has tasted her own ass off a cock, but it is the first time the bitch has been forced to suck down her own ass. Its utterly humiliating and each time the butt laden cock touches the back of her throat, more tears come from Bobbi's eyes.

bobbi9easter throat fuck4.gif

Suck, suck, suck, does the bitch. A girl who just wanted to spread cheer to the fans of the Toy Box now reduced to a butt slut and mouth whore. She looks so good at it, her body drenched in sweat, her mouth bulged wide by the huge schlong. Fans in the stands continue to beat their meat to her rape, Bobbi is engulfed in a sea of dick, and there's a steady cadence of penis being shoved into her unwilling mouth.

BOBBI
Glurg, glurg, glurg!

RENEE
Oh god, that sound! I should run! Someone should help her!

Creepy and huge The Easter Bunny's big eyes look down on Bobbi's tear soaked one and her bulged out mouth. What a beautiful sight he thinks. This formerly cheerful babe, reduced to dick guzzling cunt. And boy does she take it getting a full mouthful of wang, given no choice but to absorb helpings of precum and ass coated dick. But apparently the rape victim isn't doing a good enough job of being raped for The Easter Bunny's taste as he pulls out her mouth.

THE EASTER BUNNY
My widdle bunny wabbit sucks cock really bawd. She needs to be punished!

BOBBI
Urrrrrgh, why are you doing this? We're...friends

The twisted bunny takes his fat schlong, which seems too fat for his body and smacks Bobbi across the face with it!

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!"

RENEE
He's a sicko!

Bobbi's been hit by Malaysia, by Holly, by the worst of the worst. Yet nothing compares to being hit across the cheek by the dick of a bunny she thought was her friend. And worse over he does it again, thick veiny flesh smashing against her cheek.

BOBBI
You're making my head pound! Just...just...no more!

THE EASTER BUNNY
If your head is pounding, then your ass should get a pounding too! Hahhahaaha!

BOBBI
Nooooooooooooooo!

The Easter Bunny shifts Bobbi from a seated position to a bent over one, leaving her asshole well exposed for another one of fucking. Now loosened from the prior bum rushing, the shit pipe takes his meat pipe with ease. Though for Bobbi it's excruciating and she screams and ear splitting cry.

RENEE
I'm dying watching Bobbi get raped!

The bunny seems to expand her from the inside, pushing her bowels to their extreme. Still she feels a tightness, perhaps all due to how unwelcome the invading member is. Her body, as voluptuous as it may be struggles to accommodate him still. It borders on the edge of unbearable pain.

Bobbi's face is as red as Ruby's hair. Red with anger, and her ass is getting fucked red raw. The Easter Bunny loves Bobbi's suffering as he pumps cock in and out of a well fucked, tortured ass hole. But to him Bobbi's sobs aren't a good enough soundtrack. He wants real agony and suffering to come out her mouth. So she wraps his thin hands around her neck!

RENEE
That's too much! He doesn't have to choke her! She's a human being!

For the fans it's a good thing he's doing and they whip out their dicks for plenty of masturbating. The Fluffers have lots of loads to clean up. Its' too hard to keep your splooge in your dick with Bobbi getting ass fucked and choked!

BOBBI
Urrrghh, urrrggh,,agggggh, aggggh!

Those are beautiful noises to The Easter Bunny and the masturbating fans. What hot noises the bitch makes with her ass getting pumped with hard dick. Even though the Easter Bunny has such slight hands, his grip is abnormally strong and Bobbi fades in out of conscious as her jaw goes slack and her eyes start rolling in the back of her head

BOBBI
Urrrrrrrrrrr......

In fact Bobbi can take no more. When The Easter Bunny unleashes his cadbury cream into her sweet white ass she's can take no more of the agony and passes full out. 

RENEE
Bobbi....

With his nut off The Easter Bunnny just discards Bobbi to the mat. There the formerly cheerful Hottie lies with a blank expression, tear stained face, and cum leaking out her expanded asshole.

THE EASTER BUNNY
I'm The Easter Bunny, and I'm a RAPIST!

FADE OUT