OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 2/27/2017

[Chanel #99]

OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-
BROADCAST IN OAOAST HD 

HeldDOWN~! opens with the back of a dark haired individual's head and a familiar manly voice. 

MAN
Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in! 

The man turns to face the camera and it's... TONY BRANNIGAN!

BRANNIGAN
Hello world! Miss me? 

Crowd pops.

"HE'S SIMPLY RAVISHING... OWWW!"

Coming off a hot major event like Anglepalooza the crowd is already electric, but TB overloads their circuits making his way ringside oozing swag. 

RENEE
On the heels of what many have called the greatest Anglepalooza of all time, where history was made not once but twice... the OAOAST welcomes you to HeldDOWN~! And what better way to start the show than with 2017 Lethal Rumble winner... Tony Brannigan! Yes, you heard right. I said Tony Brannigan! 

COACH
Who's shirtless, by the way. Stay you 2017, you odd sonuvabitch.

RENEE
In addition to Tony Brannigan making history winning his first ever Rumble, drawing lucky #30...

COACH
You mean gifted #30.

RENEE (CONT'D)
... but earlier that night Tyler Bryant became the longest reigning World Champion in OAOAST history after successfully defending the title against Spencer Reiger. Although who knows how differently the outcome may have been had Spencer used the OAOAST Championship as a weapon like Gloss wanted.

COACH
Yet another reminder nice guys finish last.

Now in the ring, his chiseled physique glistening under the hot bright lights, mic in hand, TB speaks.

BRANNIGAN
Don't adjust your settings. The picture on your screen is real. Tony Brannigan is back! 

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

Within moments the cheers morph into a chant of...

"WELCOME BACK!"

"WELCOME BACK!"

"WELCOME BACK!"

BRANNIGAN 
I wasn't sure I'd be back, to tell you the truth. Not in this position. Not after last year's Rumble. Not after my holiday from hell. And I wouldn't be here if not for 2 very important people. One is a 5'9 French fatale with pair of big beautiful... grayish-blue eyes. 

RENEE
Who else but Sophie Grey!

BRANNIGAN (CONT'D)
The other is a mental midget by the name of Tyler Bryant. Make no mistake about it, Tyler Bryant is a great athlete, a guy in the mold of a Tom Brady who is willing to do whatever it takes to come out on top -- rules be damned -- which is why he's held onto the World title longer than anyone in OAOAST history. But knock Tom Terrific around and even he becomes a mental midget. So imagine my surprise when I arrive to the arena and receive word Tyler Bryant called in sick.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COACH
Darn flu.

RENEE
Is that what they're calling butt-hurtitis these days?

BRANNIGAN 
Pretty ironic considering the shoe was on the other foot just a year ago. Except I was actually physically ill after being eliminated by Tyler during last year last year's Rumble and not shook like he is!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

COACH
Aah!

BRANNIGAN 
Tyler made sure I didn't forget either, never missing an opportunity to throw shade my way knowing no matter how hard he provoked me there wasn't a damn thing I could do because of my role as an interviewer. To see him go on to win the World title ate me alive! But you poked the bear one too many times, Tyler... and you got scratched up real good.

COACH
Said with such pride.

BRANNIGAN (CONT'D)
So you wanted the bear put down. I was warned. Nevertheless, I persisted. I wasn't about to do tricks for you. Now all that stood before me and a life of appearing at conventions and independent shows was a few dotting of the I's and crossing of the T's. Then you put the hit on Blaine Cayley. You knew Blaine had your number so you took him out! Your ego got in the way of box office Tyler. And I thank you for that because that allowed me to sell Sophie a story with even bigger box office potential than Tyler vs. Blaine. The old sheriff who returns home to clean out the trash running roughshod. 

COACH
I told you Brannigan was gifted #30!

BRANNIGAN 
From unemployment to the main event of AngleMania!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

BRANNIGAN 
Tyler Bryant, you're a pimple on the face of the OAOAST and I'm the Proactive solution. Come AngleMania the OAOAST's skin will be blemish free and your title around my waist. *smooch*

RENEE
The past meets the present! Tony Brannigan vs. Tyler Bryant for the OAOAST Championship at AngleMania!

ANDERSON CUP ACTION
CHRIST AIR EXPRESS VS THE UNION JETS
CHICKS OVER DICKS VS SLAUGHTERHOUSE
TONIGHT

[Chanel #99]

*** 2017 Anderson Cup Semifinal: The Christ Air Express vs. The Union Jets (TMW Tag Team Champions) ***

Enjoying a joint on the way to the ring, the CAE took a great deal of pride blowing smoke in the face of their opponents, grinning from ear to ear. 

RENEE
UGH!

The Union Jets responded forcefully, knocking the joints out of the CAE's mouth (retrieved by the ref) and the guys all across the ring like human pinballs!

COACH
C'mon! All the CAE wanted to do was share their stash and that's how the Union Jets react?! Bunch of stiffs! 

A high octane affair ensued, one which saw the CAE in a world of trouble following a CONCUSSION GRENADE (swan dive headbutt) by C-4 onto MARV. But since the match had  degenerated into a brawl Tom Smith remained inside after clotheslining MEL over the top to the floor. 

COACH
Get him outta the ring, ref!

And that's exactly what happened, allowing MEL to sneak back in gouge C-4's eyes using the CAE's trademark RAWK~! hand sign, roll his twin bro outside...

COACH
A little twin magic!

...and spike C-4 with MELANOMA (Michinoku Driver) for the 1-2-3.

RENEE
The CAE are moving onto the Jannetty Conference Finals!

Winners: The CAE, via pinfall.

Post-match the CAE spotted their joints on an ashtray at the timekeepers table and got them back, offering our broadcast team a puff. 

RENEE
No thanks.

COACH
Hell yeah! *puff* DAYUM~!

MARV & MEL
 

[Chanel #99]

OAOAST correspondent Sara Jean Underwood is all set to speak with OAOAST Trios Champions THE 3 AMIGOS at the world famous backstage interview lounge when...

SCREEEEECH!

* THUNK *

... a black HUMMER pulls up. Behind the wheel in a MINK COAT is EUPHORIA with DEM BUMS as her passengers (Tony Tourettes riding shotgun, Vinny Valentine in the back white as a ghost). 

Vinny staggers out kissing the cross on his necklace. Meanwhile, Euphoria surveys her path of destruction (broken light stands, scattered storage trunks, etc). 

EUPHORIA 
(nasally)
Did I do thaaaat? 

TONY T
Urkel reference in fucking 2017?! Baby, you're the greatest! 

EUPHORIA 
Swoon!

TONY T
Now lemme finger that pussy!

EUPHORIA 
(wagging finger)
Uhh-uhn uh! Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger! 

TONY T
C'mon! Lemme score once.

EUPHORIA 
I don't give up a score that easy! We play ball first. Who do you think I am, Sara Jean?

TONY T
Oh right. You're one of dem classy bitches.

SARA JEAN
Hey!

EUPHORIA 
Oh hey!

MARIACHI
¡Hola!

Dem Bums and the 3 Amigos bro it up. 

TONY T
You guys cost me $500. 

VINNY
But won me a thousand! Anyways, congrats on your W at Anglepalooza. What's next for you guys?

SARA JEAN
I thought I was supposed to be doing the interview? 

Everybody has a laugh except for Euphoria (her back turned to the camera) and Mariachi, who's mesmerized by her coat. Mariachi reaches forward and Euphoria shrieks in horror.

CHICK
 

VINNY
Wha's all the fuss about?

EUPHORIA 
H-He grabbed me by the-- DJ was right! Guys like you are criminal pervs!

MARIACHI
 

TONY T
Did you touch my jewel's precious diamond?!
(to Euphoria)
Did he touch your precious diamond?!

Euphoria nods, scared puppy dog look on her face. 

MARIACHI
No. No! Dick. Dick!

TONY T
Goddamn! Bloody cum fart! Shit! 

VINNY
Easy, Tone. The anger... It's causing you to go back to your old ways!

TONY T 
(inhales, exhales)
The balls on this fucker, Vinny, calling me a dick because I want to know if he touched my girl's hoo-ha!

CHICK
Calm, people! Remain calm! There's obviously been a great big misunderstanding. Mariachi wouldn't--

MARIACHI
Dick!

TONY T
Lucha cunt queer! FUCK! 
(inhales, exhales)
You better be thinkin' about zee plane, cuz I'm fixin' to boot your ass! 

EUPHORIA 
(to Mariachi)
No wonder God hates you.

MARIACHI, JUICY & CHICK
 

VINNY

CHICK
You bitch!

EUPHORIA 
(hides behind Tony T)
Eek! Angry black man! Save me Superman!

TONY T
Don't worry babe. To get to you he's gotta go thru--

Chick decks Tony T.

EUPHORIA 
Awww! And I was gonna bunt you over to second too. When it comes to love I prefer small ball! But fighting... I swing for the fences!

Suddenly Euphoria pulls a BASEBALL BAT out from her coat, stopping everyone in their tracks. 

EUPHORIA 
Batter up!

Before things can escalate OAOAST officials quickly rush in to restore order. 

MAN (O.S.)
(strained)
A little... help... over here. 

The camera pans over to find TERRY TAYLOR buried under a plastic trash can! Turns out he was one of the objects hit during Euphoria's grand entrance. Fortunately the trash can took the brunt of the damage, so probably just bruises for the OAOAST Hall of Famer. Although the OAOAST crew is more concerned replacing the broken light stands and rounding up the storage trunks than poor Terry's well being. 

 

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

*** Ned Blanchard vs. Job Burr ***

Given everything that's happened in recent weeks from BW's betrayal to being split open during the Lethal Rumble at Anglepalooza, Ned (head bandaged) came in a man possessed, picking up the W not with California Venom... but a BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL DDT!

Winner: Ned Blanchard, via pinfall.

RENEE
Ned Blanchard with a direct message to former partner Baron Windels! 

COACH
Careful what you wish for Ned. 

Post-match Ned challenged Baron Windels and Mr. Dick to a fight, calling them "yellow-belly bastards."

NED
It don't matter which of you is first cuz I plan on whipping both your asses!

"YYEEEAAAAHHHHH!!"

BW and Mr. Dick appeared onstage to talk smack.

BARON
(to Ned)
Looks like I gotta carry you on my back one more time... to your grave!

MISTER DICK
Wait a minute. Since you say you plan on whipping both our asses, why not take us both on next week?! Or are chicken?

NED
The only chickens I see are you two sumbitches. But if you're so scared about getting in the ring with me one on one, then I've got no problem making your threesome fantasy a reality. Next week this cobra climbs Brokeback Mountain!

MISTER DICK
 

BARON
 

[Chanel #99]

Standing in front of what should be Sophie's office, is...

CASSIDY MAGUIRE, and yet she appears to be talking to nothing!

CASSIDY
Sophie! Sophie I'm sorry I called you a hairy arm pitted socialist. I didn't mean it. The socialist part.  Now hurry up and get here!

Arriving with her title slung over her shoulder is one...

MELISSA NERDLY

MELISSA
Wellity, wellity, what do we have here?

CASSIDY
Your hands look rougher, and your shoes are terrible. Are you Amish now?

MELISSA

My shoes are the best I could get from Payl...I mean Nordstrom! What do you know about fashion?!

CASSIDY
Karl Kani has adopted me as his niece and shows me his latest collections months before they debut on runways, if I don't like them I'm allowed to slap him.

MELISSA

That don't mean nothing, yer using your privilege to do bad, but I make sure I use my privilege to do god's work, because my privilege is the privilege to enter the kingdom of heaven well before any damn Methodists and Mormons. Now you need to tell me what you're doing loitering about.

CASSIDY
I'm waiting for Sophie to give me and Number Two the privilege to kick your butts at SluttyMania and take your tag titles.

MELISSA
Heckie now! That's why Sophie ain't been seen since Anglepalooza, because she knew you'd bring up that sort of tomfoolery!

CASSIDY
She hasn't been seen?! Uh, isn't that like a huge problem?! Who makes the matches, who signs the checks, who runs this place?!

MELISSA
The spirit of Jesus is-

CASSIDY
Oh shut up. I'll tell you what, me and Number Two will face any pair you come up with for the right to challenge you at SluttyMania.

MELISSA
Ohhh hooo hooo, you just sung a song I can dance to!

CASSIDY
Shut up and name your two people.

MELISSA
Sugar and Morgan.

CASSIDY
Kk. Bring it, bitch.

Cassidy gives a sassy snap of her neck and walks off. No Sophie needed it seems!
 

[Chanel #99]

***Morgan Nerdly W/Jivin JR vs Dasha***

Morgan had something to say to Dasha before the affair.

MORGAN
I don't think you should be fighting me. When's the last time you win a match? Before the American political system tanked? Before my sister outfitted her twink in Victoria Secret? I have a secret, you are not going to win and it's annoying that you think you are. And there's nothing more annoying than a annoyed Morgan Nerdly. Just ask, Gretchen Wright.

JIVIN JR
It could get bowling shoe ugly for you, kid!

DASHA
Only thing ugly is Morgan coming to Sunrise wanting the free riding of penis with Lancel told she too short to get on ride. I not the Shaq Attack, but I not the Bilbo Baggins like you. I lording of the ring now I make my roar!

Dasha decked Morgan and the crowd popped with the match under way. Morgan recovered and choked Dasha in the corner but Dasha was able to fight off. Morgan threw her trademark 180 back elbow, but Dasha ducked and hit a running blockbuster!

DASHA
Big Fun Time!

"DASHA ROCKS! DASHA ROCKS! DASHA ROCKS!"

COACH
Dasha a damn fool.

RENEE
I think she's super brave to stand up to the bully of the Hotties division.

The Ukrainian babe sailed over the ropes for a plancha, but Morgan pulled Jivin JR in the way and poor Ol JR took a one hundred twenty pound girl to the face!

RENEE
Hey! What's that about, giving up a senior citizen?

Morgan clearly didn't care about JR and instead gave Dasha a back suplex onto the apron!

"OOOOOHHHHHHHH!"

Inside the ring, Dasha was suffocated by a reverse chinlock. Yet thanks to the fans rallying cry the cute girl was able to fight out. She then lit up Morgan with chips and proceeded to pin her with a victory roll! Morgan would reverse the pin, but Dasha came back and reversed it into a two count!

RENEE
Dasha is really hanging in there with the four time world champion, and even took out JR, thankfully.

COACH
Good riddance to that fool.

Morgan walayed Dasha with forearms, doing enough damage to force up top. But when Morgan went up with her, she met with a series of body blows and a shove that sent on a crash landing in her hot ass!

DASHA
Please be doing the getting up!

Morgan got up ready to attack the Sunray but Dasha yelled "Dasha Smasher!" And hit her finisher a top rope fame asser!

"YYYYEEEAAAAA!"

COACH 
Bitch got all of that.

RENEE
And then some!

Dasha made the cover but fat ol JR made his return to the affair by yanking the official out the ring!

"FUCK JR! FUCK JR! FUCK JR!"

JIVIN JR
Ma kids are watching this!

DASHA
They be being orphans soon.

JIVIN JR

RENEE
You know you suck if even Dasha wants you dead.

Dasha understandably took her eye off the prize, but when she tried to put her eye back on it the prize snatched her up and hit a Shock and Awe. Of course JR let the official back into the ring and he counted Morgan's pin to give her the win.

Winner: Morgan Nerdly, via pinfall

RENEE
Unfair! Morgan had Dasha beat!
Morgan smiles to herself and looks down on Dasha. Dasha who becomes her next victim as she starts hammering her platform heels into her head!

"BBBBBOOOOOOO!"

Help arrives for Dasha as GRETCHEN WRIGHT slides into the ring and lights Morgan up like she was Ali! Morgan is panicking and so rakes Gretchen's blue eyes! This gives Morgan her out and she hauls ass!

RENEE
You better keep running, Morgan.

Dasha tries to check on Gretchen but Gretchen is blinded so thinks she's Morgan and winds up giving the helpful girl a One Percenter!

"OOOOHHHHHH!"

RENEE
Oh no! That was an awful mistake!

Dasha rolls out the ring in pain, as Gretchen still remains blinded and weak and the fans are left in a gloomy mood

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

THE DAY IS MY ENEMY! THE NIGHT MY FRIEND!

The fans rise to their feet and sing the praises of one Colin Maguire Jr, who arrives in his wrestling gear and his trademark green hoodie. As he descends upon the ring, it's clear he wants a fight.

RENEE
Can anyone blame Colin for being ticked off? The Menagerie cost him his moment in the Rumble, he couldn't even enter due to them.

Inside the ring, Colin has the microphone.

COLIN
I hope my mother forgives what I am about to do. There is no power in love. Mercy makes you weak. Family makes you weak. If I am going to win this war, I have to do it with hatred. Menagerie, all of you have engendered my long lasting enmity, your actions at Anglepalooza have only served to further my ambitions to tear your throats from bit to bit. Show yourselves!

Sun's always falling
Weightless and free
Now when you close your eyes
Just breathe, breathe with me

It's "Breathe" by Eric Pyrdz that plays next and out comes the three piece suited, Teddy Buckworth all by his lonesome which gives Colin enough worry that he lets him enter unharmed.

BUCKWORTH 
I expect such foolish behavior as displayed here from Colin. But Oscar what you showed me in the Lethal Bang by eliminating me was disappointing to say the least. Do you see that in his own way Colin has signed his death certificate must you do the same?

COLIN
If you think-

Oh, what a cold, dark world it is to walk through
Alone with a fear-filled head
Thinking of losing you is a haunted song
And a dread much worse than the fear of death

Colin is interrupted by the sounds of "Set Me on Fire" and the unwelcome by him appearance of Oscar Friberg. The Freebird pulls off his tank top to the delight of the ladies and is ready to roll in his painted up jeans as he steps into the ring.

OSCAR
Buckworth, I only plan on saying this once; don't make threats against me when you know the follow through is going to leave with your vampire healing having to fix the mistake you made.

COLIN
Now listen to me, boy, this of no concern of yours.

OSCAR
Boy? With all due to respect I've beaten you every time we fought save once. If anyone is the boy, then you're mine. With all due respect.

BIOTIC CRISIS ON OSCAR!

"OOOOOHHHHHHHH!"

BUCK THE TREND ON COLIN!

"BBBOOOOOOOOO!"

RENEE
Oh my god! It's just crazy in the ring!

As both babyfaces are left pained and suffering, Teddy Buckworth stands bright and mighty above them all. The victor of this segment, he adjusts his tie then calmly exits towards the book, trailed by the crowd's jeers.

[Chanel #99]

***Anderson Cup, Chirs Cage Semifinal: Chicks Over Dicks Vs Slaughterhouse W/Carl MacDonald***

Krista started things out by keeping up hyper sexual fitness routine with some jump roping...

ALIX and COACH
OH BOY!

Heavy D wasn't impressed and started doing jumping jacks to show off his own fitness routine.

KRISTA
Honey, what's that, what's going on?

HEAVY D
(mockingly)
I'm grinding on my fitness, honey!

KRISTA
You wouldn't know fitness if it sat nuts to butt with you on Malaysia Barbie Bike. A bike you'd break the moment you sat down!

Krista showed her disgust by whipping Heady D with her jump rope!

CARL
Someone tell me why that there is not a DQ?

RENEE
I think the fans would riot if COD just got DQ'ed in the first thirty seconds. 

COACH
Superstar treatment. Worse than STD Wade gets.

Heavy D didn't like that and got on Krista with a lariat...that was ducked and then he got hit with a pele kick that dumped him in the corner. After that he got hit with the boobie bombs!

“YYYYYYEEAAAAAAAAA!”

Heavy D's a tough customer and shook off the WMD's and hammered Krista with that lariat. He then pinned her but she kicked out BEFORE ONE!

KRISTA
I'll be damnded if I'm gonna sell for a fat neckbeard in basketball shorts.

Heavy D would make Krista sell when he hit a pendulum backbreaker, but of course she shook that off and rolled out the way of his senton!

RENEE
All that weight into the mat!

COACH
Don't you fat shame.

RENEE
I'm not! I'm a very PC kind of announcer.

Alix got the tag and announced...

ALIX
Time to grind!

“YYYYEAAAAAAAAAA!”

KRISTA
I ain't complaining but its grind on your fitness.

ALIX
Oh okay.

Alix started doing situps which left her open to Heavy D's second rope moonsault!

HEAVY D
Awww is the baby hurt? You can do some shope therapy and buy my new t-shirt.

KRISTA
That shirt is a safe space for his gut.

Warthog got the tag next and that's when things really got out of hand as, Maya strode out looking like this...

“YYYYEAAAAAAA!”

KRISTA, ALIX, COACH, RENEE, WARTHOG
OHHHHH BOY!

MAYA
There's my chocolate king. Annagret told me when there's a BBC you want, you've gotta grab it by the foreskin.

WARTHOG

CARL
Focus, son, focus.

In fact Warthog couldn't focused and wound up being the heel and peril as Maya continued to flaunt her hot teenage body around the ring.

RENEE
Even I'm a little...wet.

COACH
Awwww yeah, Canadian bitch freaky! 

RENEE
Don't call me a bitch. Its rude.

Warthog did prevent Alix from doing a powerbomb, which was very dumb of Alix to attempt, and then got the cold tag to the very annoyed Heavy D.

CARL
Go on and get these Yankees!

RENEE
Yankees? What Yankees are there in California?

Heavy D came in cocky as fuck and saunted up to Alix.

HEAVY D
Go on powerbomb me. Come on. Do it.

So Heavy D bent over with a smile...and got hit with a sunset flip pile driver!

“YYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

RENEE
He wasn't expecting that!

Heavy D staggered upright, with a glazed over look in his eye and got hit with a double vertical knee strike!

RENEE
Lightning on My Feet!

And that ended Slaughterhouse's AC run, much to the dismay of Carl.

Winner: Chicks Over Dicks, via pinfall

RENEE
Now Chicks Over Dicks moves on to face the Cinderella team of Tanner Neptune and Money Marc!

Maya left with her mom and step mom but not before blowing a kiss to Warthog!

WARTHOG

 

[Chanel #99]

Cinnamon is having a dance workout sure to lighten the loads of many male viewers...

But her workout is interrupted by Terry Taylor.

TAYLOR
WHEW!

CINNAMON 
Oh, hi, Terry, I just got done doing the workout of champions!

TAYLOR
Humuna humuna!! Uh, excuse me. You have been intensely training since Anglepalooza, more than anyone on the roster. But what's behind this?

CINNAMON 
I'm getting tons of strength and stamina ready to handle any magical tricks Reagan throws at me, and wallop that toughie with extra oomph!

TAYLOR
I didn't know you were facing her at all.

CINNAMON 
I demand a match at SluttyMania Three: Open Wider! I'm a Valkyrie, a warrior heroine who protects the spirits of our warriors. I never met a warrior with as much spirit as Teddy and Reagan most of all has corrupted it. Time to pay! Time to pay in the name of Justice.

TAYLOR
Could-

CINNAMON 
Sorry, Terry, I've got a cock taming session with ChubChub to build up my endurance. Gotta run!

Cinnamon hustles off to her hung like a horse because he is a horse, ChubChub

TAYLOR
I hope there's a peep hole for me to peer through.

[Chanel #99]

Stand on the bar, stomp your feet, start clapping
Got a real good feeling something bad about to happen

"Something Bad" fires into the arena and a fired up Flair robe wearing, Hotties Champion enters to a wealth of heel heat and maybe like one 6 year old cheering for her. That six year old is in the front row and Sugar snatches his lollipop, takes a lick, realizes its grape and she hates grape and stomps it into pieces.

RENEE
What a bully!

This candy thief enters the ring and produces a microphone from her gaudy robe.

SUGAR
Alright, you creepy little bastards, I done had it up to here, there and everywhere with the crap that's going on in the OAOAST! All of you people might say, "hey I'm 45 living in the basement of my grandmother and my life achievement is winning burger flipper of the week for Hardee's, so it's ok if life screws me over because god screwed the world over by allowing me to be born." But I am a winner and this cooties mess and then this Lethal Bang mess is a load of crap and I ain't gonna stand for it. I'm the Hotties champ! I demand to know who my SluttyMania opponent is, I ain't Renee, I don't eat out the dumpster, I eat at the winners' table and as a winner I demand answers!

RENEE
Excuse me?!

Hey, hey

I let you walk all over me, me

You know that I’m a little tease, tease

But I wanna play there please, please

The fans pop huge as "Bad Girl" plays but Sugar is mighty unhappy to see Annagret, who appears in a striped top and a high waisted skirt and struts to the ring.

ANNAGRET
I hate to say it but...You and I stick out.

SUGAR
You mean like showing leg?

ANNAGRET 
No, you idiot. I mean socially! You and I don't fit in with the others.

SUGAR
No way! You done told everyone I got an STD but it didn't dent my popularity none. Ain't nobody as popular as me, I'm the uncrowned homecoming queen!

ANNAGRET 
Everyone in this company is so damn accepting and polite of bullshit. Ugh, gag me with a spoon. You and I are the only ones calling out the colossal fuckup that was me not getting named the Lethal Bang winner.

SUGAR
Well it sure as heck ain't December winning! Lemme tell ya the natural born retards in the stands got a better chance of winning MENSA person of the year then December got a chance of winning anything meaningful.

"BOOOOOOOOO!"

SUGAR
If the officials wanna take pity on December and hand her a participation trophy then go ahead, but don't go handing her a win she ain't deserve and you wouldn't give her if she weren't a solid ten on the autism spectrum!

Sugar has even mo

I spent these waking hours waiting for the sandman

I spent these waking hours looking for his master plan

I’ll wait ‘til morning ‘til he comes to my house

And he’ll give no warning when he’s knocking me out

 

So sing me to sleep tonight

And don’t bring me back to life

 

I spend these waking hours waiting for the sandman

I spend these waking hours looking for his master plan

He will be sorry when he comes to my house

I’ll show no mercy ‘til the lights go out

re reason to be mad and the fans have even more reasons to cheer as "Sandman" hits and December emerges into the arena. The brunette babe is honestly wearing Zelda themed pajamas and one of those night caps.

SUGAR
You can't even get dressed to cut a promo?

DECEMBER
I gain an extra forty five seconds of bedtime by coming in pre-pajama'ed.

SUGAR
Good grief!

ANNAGRET
December, its great you came. Now you can tell the world the truth, about how I'm the sole winner of the Lethal Bang.

DECEMBER
Good for you. But, wait, I think I might have won.

ANNAGRET
December, December, I think you're really cute and your whole airhead act is super adorbs. But let's all be honest with each other, there's no way you could have tied with me and frankly if we're talking SluttyMania mainevents is your name really that valuable.

DECEMBER
I'm valuable. Thanks for the compliment.

ANNAGRET
That wasn't a...nevermind. Ugh. Are you even listening to me?

SUGAR
Of course she ain't! I met donkeys with as much sense of her. No more! I don't abuse animals but since yer dumber than a jackass, December, I ain't got no problem laying into you.

Sugar tried to give December an OAOAST classic beltshot but Annagret catches her arm.

SUGAR
But we're on the same team!

ANNAGRET 
Ugh. As if! You have five seconds to get the hell out of here. One, two , five.

SUGAR
AHHHH!

Sugar hurries out the ring with her Hotties title but without much pride left. Annagret points at the belt as December thanks her for her help.

COACH
That didn't solve shit! Who's gonna face Suge at SluttyMania Three?!

FADE OUT