Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 Our show opens with a view of a suit clad Anglesault sitting within his backstage office. ANGLESAULT I didn't think I'd be doing another one of these announcements anytime soon, but here goes. As many of you may well know, I have a terribly hectic work schedule. Conference call with investors at 8, meeting with television execs at ten, flight down to OAOVW at twelve to do some scouting and progress reports, and still have to make it back to New York in time to see Bobby Abreu be a miserable waste of a roster spot. Somehow I'm still able to get some semblance of sleep between all this. Unfortunately this Monday, my peaceful rest was disturbed by a disconcerting phone call. The voice on the other end was panicked, distraught, and crippled by alarm. His rambling was unstoppable, I couldn't settle him down long enough to be coherent. When you get that kind of call at the crack of dawn you think the worst. A-Rod's gone down with an injury, Cashman just reacquired Jeff Weaver, or the OAOAST brass went behind my back and hired Stuart Scott as an announcer! But I quickly found out that this news, was very good news. You see, fans, the trembling voice on the other end belonged to Axel, head of WDW. Or should I say former head of WDW. Why former head? Because it's hard to be president of a promotion that no longer exists. And why doesn't WDW exist anymore? Because Axel, as he told me on the phone, couldn't handle the pressure of being the boss. The contracts, the match making, the egos, the political bickering and back stabbing was too much for Axel to stomach. He was desperate to get rid of WDW and offered to sell it to me for the low price of one hundred thousand dollars. I bought it for ninety thousand. His loss is your immediate gain, fans, because not only do you get to see the return of superstar's like Alfdogg and Team Heyross, but the tag title unification match of the HI-YAH and OAOAST belts has been amended to include the WDW tag titles. And not only that the actual title unification bout has been changed to the first ever Scramble Cage tag team match to crown new One and Only Wolrd Tag Team Champions! This exciting bout will include the greatest tag teams the OAOAST has to offer, all duking it out for the most coveted possession in all of tag team wrestling. I personally can not wait. As Anglesault sits with a self satisfied grin we fade out. Patty sez: I'm trynna get my punk ass out the grind and on my millions. So tonight you're all gonna help Patty study for his physical science test which is in about twelve hours. So instead of the usual intro where I lament the fact that the whiteman and his finger snapping, ringtone rappers from the south murdered hip-hop let's talk about volume and density. If you ad oxygen to a scuba tank, the volume of the tank will remain the same, however the mass will rise. This leads to the density rising because density is a measure of mass per volume. I think that's good for at least an F+, so let's see the logo. Into the arena we go, where America's favorite announce team awaits to call tonight's proceedings. COLE Ladies and gentlemen welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN! I'm Michael Cole, joined as always by the Coach! COACH We in Hotlanta tonight, and our show is red hot! The Enterprise, Landon Maddix, The Gunslingers, and many more all here tonight in big Georgia! COLE For right now let's turn things over to Michael Buffer. (Or is it Bruce Buffer? Patty doesn't know!) BUFFER The following tag-team contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first... Rick Ross ft Akon and "Cross That Line" hits right on cue, bringing out The South Central Militia. The OAOAST's very own hired guns march out through the smoke clouded stage, Vincent Santana letting out a primal roar while at his side Marcellus Wallace flashes some gang signs. The duo make their way to the ring, the camera hovering towards the AngleTron, which now prominently features The Militia's recent attacks on one Zack Malibu. BUFFER On the way to the ring, hailing from South Central Los Angeles. Weighing in at a combined four hundred and sixty pounds... they are former OAOAST World Tag Team Champions... MARCELLUS "ONE EYE" WALLACE... VINCENT "WHITEY" FORD... THE SOUTH CENTRAL MILLLIIITTIIIIIAAAAAA!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Two equal opportunity ass-kicker right there. It doesn't matter who, it doesn't matter where, all that matters is how much they're getting to do it. Vinny and Moe enter the ring, the more mobile Santana sliding in and taking issue with Michael Buffer about something as One Eye makes a more leisurely entrance up the ring steps. The shortest reigning OAOAST Tag Team Champions in history forgoe the usual warm-ups and instead fire one another up. A shoving match between the two escalates into a nose to nose, before a fist-pump settles it down. "You say its urgent Make it fast, make it urgent Do it quick, do it urgent Gotta rush, make it urgent" In the meantime, Foreigner's "Urgent" plays, to a much warmer response from the Georgia faithful. Through the sliding entrance doors comes a wave of babyface cheer, thanks to Rescue 911! BUFFER And, their opponents. At a total combined weight of four hundred, eighty five pounds. Hailing from The OAOAST First Responders Unit... they are EMT TIM CASH and OFFICER TANGO BOSLEY... RESCUE 9... 1... 1!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Earlier in the week, Rescue 911 had these comments ahead of this match-up...OAOAST A small square box SWOOPS~ in and settles on the upper right hand side of the picture. There, Officer Bosley and EMT Tim stand in front of a grey OAOAST backdrop. OFFICER BOSLEY Hey, this is Officer Tango Bosley here and this is my tag-team partner, EMT Tim Cash. Since coming to the OAOAST we've encountered many teams who fly in the face of the same three basic principles that we aim to live by. To serve the public's trust, protect the innocent, and uphold the law. The South Central Militia are one such team. In recent weeks, they have been carrying out attacks on an innocent superstar, Mr. Zack Malibu, for money. As an officer of the law, I don't look kindly upon those sort of actions. Be forewarned, all the ill-gotten money in the world cannot derail the wheels of justice. If you travel the highway of crime, sooner or later you must pay the toll. EMT TIM And remember, all you kids out there: crime doesn't pay. There's nothing more satisfying than making an honest living!HELDDOWN~! COACH 'Mr. Zack Malibu'? Jeez, somebody's pushing for a raise. COLE Come on now! *DINGDINGDING!* Back in the arena and Rescue 911 have long since finished their hand-slapping and baby-kissing tour of ringside and are ready to go. It'll be EMT Tim to start with Vincent Santana, the two more agile team-members. EMT Tim gets the crowd going early with some rhythmic clapping, which Vinny doesn't appreciate one bit. He tells the crowd to "", which surprisingly doesn't work. COLE This crowd sure to be on Rescue 911's side as always here on HeldDOWN~! A couple of fine upstanding young men, a real contrast to the 'hitmen for hire' they're facing tonight. COACH A few weeks ago, this guy was fighting over a signed picture of Leonardo DiCaprio. Who the hell is he to be casting aspersions on anyone!? COLE That's besides the point. Rescue 911 stand for all that's good in the world. COACH Please, they're a couple of do-gooders. Stinking do-gooders. What business is it of these two how Vinny and 'Cell earn a living? Finally we lock-up in the centre of the ring, Santana quickly taking the low road with a knee to the abdomen of the EMT. A clubbing shot to the back follows before Vinny turns to the crowd and lets out a cry of "SOUTH CENTRAL!" A rousing cry of "BOO!" fires right back at him, so he turns his attentions back to EMT Tim, looking for an irish whip. Reversal from Tim though and a BAAAAAACK bodydrop sends Vinny airborne! Popping right back to his feet it's clear Santana is feeling it as he clutches his back, leaving himself open for a dropkick. Again Vinny is quickly back up, but back down he quickly goes from a second dropkick, before EMT Tim makes a quick tag out. COLE Officer Bosley in, this guy is a real athlete. It seems the quick switch has confused Vincent Santana as he stumbles around the ring, looking for his opponent but finding instead a different type of opposition. The 265 pound Bosley scoops Santana up with ease and holds him, pausing for dramatic effect before SLAMMING Santana down! BOSLEY C'MOOONN! COLE Big scoop slam and the Officer is feeling good right about now! Bosley fires up the crowd before making a u-turn and running the ropes. Unfortunately for him though, he runs the same side Marcellus Wallace is patrolling and gets a knee to the small of the back for his troubles! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH You were saying? As Bosley stumbles out of the ropes, a quick lunging clothesline from Vinny puts him down. Vinny then crawls over to make the tag, bringing Wallace in while referee Mike Chioda is busy fending off the complaints from EMT Tim from the outside. Grinning from ear to ear, Wallace tells the EMT to "watch this" as he pulls Bosley to his feet, scooping and slamming the Officer with a similiar show of strength to the one he had shown moments earlier. Bosley nurses the kidneys as Wallace drops the big elbow and covers... 1... 2... No! Adjusting the black patch over his right eye, Wallace backs into a corner and just waits. Bosley is slower to his feet and already stretching out a hand, searching for a tag. Another knee low in the back cuts him off though. And the momentum of a 250 pounder charging him from behind sends Officer Bosley sprawling forwards, crashing hard into a neutral corner! COLE We've seen the damage these two men can do to the human ribcage in the past few weeks. Although, they don't have an 2x4s or lead-pipes in the ring with them... COACH They don't need them Michael. Sure, it's more fun with than without, but I'm sure they'll make do. Marcellus follows into the corner, turning the injured Bosley around and firing off with some Vader-esque bodyshots from the left and right sides. The referee tries in vain to get Marcellus to give a clean break, Bosley clawing forward in an attempt to get the break more forcefully. Eventually Moe does break. But as he gets admonished by referee Chioda for his slow forthcoming, it allows Vincent Santana to make an undetected break down the apron and clothesline Bosley just as he was coming out of the corner, to the destain of the Atlanta crowd! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Seeing Santana three quarters of the way down the apron, Chioda obviously has some questions to be asked. Vinny fends them off though, in his own unique style. COLE Well, I'm sure the FCC will have something to say about that language. And we apologise for that fans. Tag is made on the Militia side and the potty-mouthed Vincent Santana is back in. Vinny jumps on Bosley's back with a double stomp on his way over to EMT Tim, daring him to step into the ring. The law-abiding Tim manages to keep his composure for now, so Vinny goes back on the attack. Some more stomps to the back find the mark on Bosley, before he's dragged over to the ropes. Ducking out through the ropes, Vinny sets, slingshotting back in with the hílo, bringing his 210 pound frame down across the lower back of Officer Bosley. He has the sense to then follow up with a cover... 1... 2... But Bosley kicks out. Vinny's response? A blatant choke of course. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIV..." Risking disqualification, Vinny breaks at the last possible moment before tagging his partner back in. Sensing his partner is in trouble, EMT Tim tries to rally the crowd, even as Marcellus plants his boot in the back of Bosley's head. "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" JOEY STYLESSOMEBODY CALL 911~! COLE Hey, get out of here! Marcellus grabs a chunk of the Officer's hair and drags him to his feet, earning yet another warning. Which yet again falls on deaf ears. A hard bodyshot puts Bosley on the ropes, Marcellus delighting in the pain of the Officer and daring the "pig" to "bring it!" Bosley tries to do just that, but after two right hands he gets abruptly cut off with a knee, before an uppercut lifts him off his feet and all the way over the top to the floor!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE WOW! COACH Well, according my notes Bosley was 6'5" coming in. We might need to double-check that now though! Making himself useful, Vinny Santana leaves the apron to collect Bosley from ringside. That doesn't go down to well with the referee either, but Vinny doesn't do any more than dump Bosley back inside, which isn't really grounds for a DQ. Using the ropes for help, Bosley reaches his feet... ...and walks right into a Bearhug!! COLE Wallace sinking in a Bearhug here. Slow, methodical, The South Central Militia are beginning to enjoy this now. COACH You bet they are. Bosley instantly sinks forward and it looks bleak for the enforcer of the law as 'Cell sinks the hold in deep. With his partner encouraging him to squeeze the life out of his opponent, Wallace tightens his grip around the waist, causing a shout of pain from Bosley. "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" Again the crowd are drummed into voice by EMT Tim though. And it seems to be working as Bosley's eyes widen, looking out into the crowd... AND THE FIST STARTS PUMPING!! COACH Uh-oh. COLE Oh yeah! Officer Bosley drawing on some reserve energy here! The fist keeps a-pumping as Bosley draws on the support of the thousands in attendance, finally summoning enough to drive that fist into Marcellus' head! Moe rocks back but keeps the bearhug applied. Another right hand rocks him, but again, no give in the hold. And infact Wallace tightens his grip, which seems to suck the life out of Bosley's comeback. For a moment that is, before Bosley suddenly raises up his arms and tries to slip them in between his body and Moe's! COLE Bosley trying to break this bearhug. And a guy who's put together like he is stands as good a chance as anyone of accomplishing it! With Wallace looking on with confusion, Bosley slips the arm in... and suddenly, the South Central native feels his hands begin to slip apart! Bosley then slips the second arm in between and suddenly Marcellus is struggling to keep any hold applied, as the Officer gets his arms underneath Wallace's and starts to lift his way up and out! Wallace is powerless to do anything about it and before he knows it the hold is broken, allowing Bosley to hit a desperation Inverted Atomic Drop before he energy level bottoms out!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Both men are down and the crowd are renewed in support of Bosley after his miraculous escape! COLE What a show of strength and determination from Officer Bosley! And now, can he make the tag he needs to EMT Tim? Crawling past each other, Bosley and Wallace both look for the tag to a fresh partner. 'One Eye' is moving with some discomfort after the inverted atomic drop but still manages to make it to the corner first, bringing Vincent Santana in. And Vinny zips into the ring, diving to cut off... ...THE TAG, Santana a second too late as here comes EMT Tim! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE Yes! Tag is made, here comes the EMT! Back-tracking, Santana tries to get a run-up on a big clothesline. Tim ducks the line though and as Santana puts on the brakes, he gets caught in the back of the head with the heel of Tim Cash! COLE Backbrain heelkick, great agility there! In moves Marcellus Wallace, taking a dropkick that puts him through the ropes to the floor. EMT Tim is all fired up now and he pins Santana in the Rescue 911 corner, scaling to the middle floor... "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" "SIX!" "SEVEN!" "EIGHT!" "NINE!" "TEN!" ...raining down the punches as the crowd count along in that finest of wrestling traditions. Leaping off the ropes Tim now whips Santana corner to corner, getting a full head of steam up and following in... NOBODY HOME! Vinny manages to scoot out of the corner and the EMT crashes hard into the turnbuckles. And to compound his misery, he finds himself right in the heart of South Central, as Marcellus climbs back up to the apron and hangs him over the top rope throat first! COLE From the outside, a hotshot from Wallace! Snapping back off the ropes, EMT Tim staggers around, right into a DIAMOND CUTTER from Santana! The cover... 1... 2... ...NO! Save by Officer Bosley! Despite still feeling his back, Bosley goes on the attack as Marcellus tries to get in the ring to even the odds. Bosley meets him with some shots over the back, raining down on Moe until Santana comes in from behind with a well-placed knee to the kidneys. Bosley is stopped in his tracks. Allowing Marcellus to extend the thumb and fire the SILVER BULLET right into the corroted artery! COACH Officer down! Officer down, HAHA! The South Central Militia turn their attentions back to EMT Tim as he struggles to his feet. A double whip sends him into the far ropes. And as he rebounds back, he gets cut down with a Spear from Wallace, just as Vinny comes off the ropes behind with the flying enhanced forearm!! COLE Jailbreak! This one is over. COACH And how! 1... 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* "Cross That Line" hits again as Wallace and Santana pump fists again, over the fallen body of EMT Tim. BUFFER Your winners of the contest, THE SOUTH CENTRAL MMIIIIIILLLLIIIIIIIITTIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAA!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE The SCM, isolating and destroying here tonight, first taking out Bosley and then hitting the Jailbreak. From there it was academic. COACH It was academic from the moment the bell rung Mikey. These two took out Zack Malibu, they were hardly gonna be troubled by the boys in uniform were they? This was just an "hors d'oeuvre" for the Militia. They've got their eyes set on plenty of bigger meal-tickets than this, trust me! With their work done for the night the Militia leave, leaving a behind them the fallen Officer and EMT. Vinny takes a glance back over his shoulder at the carnage and smiles to himself as we fade off.COMMERCIAL BREAK (Knowledge kicked: If you add heat to an iron bar the volume will increase, however the density will decrease due to a state change. This is one of the few times density can change, given that it is a characteristic property. ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 Backstage, fresh from their victory a short while ago, The South Central Militia are in deep discussion over their plans for a celebration tonight. You know the deal, insert your favourite hip-hop lingo as and when. Anyway, The SCM come to an abrupt stop halfway down the hallway though. The sound of clapping is heard off screen as OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion Landon Maddix strolls in, backed up by Todd Cortez. MADDIX Hey guys, what's popping! Great win out there. In an effort to show he's serious, Landon mimics Vincent Santana's forearm strike motion. MADDIX Wouldn't wanna be on the end of that. Oh, this is my street-wise friend, Todd Cortez, I'm sure you've met. He'll be here to translate. Cortez gives the Militia a perfect "what the hell am I doing here look", a look Landon is surely used to by now. SANTANA Yo, what you needin' some cracka translatin' for? What we be sayin' is real as real gets. We shoot from the hip man. This here don't need no alterations. Quick as a flash, Landon turns to Cortez for the translation. Cortez groans. CORTEZ They said they don't need to be translated. MADDIX Oh. Well, we'll let me be the judge of that, shall we? Okay, so peep this. I've got the big contract-signing for AngleSlam later on tonight, for real. So, lemme throw crunk down real for ya, (finger quotes) 'dawgs', see word on the street is, PRL is going to have his Lightning Crew (finger quotes) 'suckas' out there with him. So, I got'sta get mah crew up in his biz-nitch, ya heard? After a confused look between them, The Militia turn to Cortez for the translation. CORTEZ He said..... I've no idea what he said. MADDIX I need you guys out there for the contract signing. You know, incase anyone tries a cheapshot on the Champ. SANTANA Ah. Why didn't'cha say so? MADDIX So, that's a yes? The SCM look at each other for a second. WALLACE Nah. MADDIX 'Nah'? WALLACE We got places to be, bitches to see. MADDIX Mad bitches? Moe nods. MADDIX Look, I'm sure you've got plenty of important business to tend to. But... well, we had an agreement, remember? SANTANA Yeah, had. Ai'ight, listen, you wanna drop some dough, we'll be there, long as ya'll can guarantee there'll be some asses needing kickin'. But, contract signings don't sound like the kinda scene me an' 'Cell can 'express ourselves' at, ya know. Formal gatherin's ain't what The South Central Militia are about. WALLACE Lemme be real clear so we don't need no translation up in here. We ain't got no loyalties to you or nobody, understand? You greased these pockets an' we did what you wanted, we took that punk bitch Malibu out. We took him out real good. But, we didn't waste that mu-fucker 'cause you and us are best buddies, naw. It's all about the cash dawg. We worship that almighty dollar, nothin' else. So long as the money's on the table, we'll kick whatever ass is in front of us. Listen, if Malibu turned around an' he gave us enough reasons to beat yo' punk ass into the ground, we'd be MORE than glad to oblige! Making a gun gesture with his hand and with a quick flick of the wrist in Landon's direction, Wallace seems to have freaked out the World Champion. Eyes wide, Landon begins to back away slowly, taking Cortez with him by the arm. MADDIX You know what... on second thoughts, I... I think I'll... be fine on my own. Anyway, great talking with you. We'll... we'll see you around. Stay fresh. Landon disappears, with Cortez in tow, the footsteps speeding up in the distance as The Militia watch on. WALLACE And they call you Whitey? COLE That South Central Militia! Aren't they something else? Anyway fans, coming up next is the 24/7 Title Match between Colombian Heat and Cuban Wall. Now, this match was originally supposed to take place at The Great Angle Bash back in June, but circumstances beyond our control prevented that match from happening. But we said you were going to get a 24/7 Title Match, and no matter how long it took, you were going to get it! So, now, here is the 24/7 Title Match. Colombian Heat taking on the Champion, Cuban Wall. Let's go to the ring! *DING DING DING* A piano plays a melody causing the crowd to cheer. The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody. *"COME ON!"* *BOOM~!* Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' John and Pitbull starts playing. The entrance doors slide open, and Colombian Heat comes out, wearing a hell of alot of bling around his neck and carrying his pimp cane. The crowd explodes with cheers. Colombian Heat raises his hands, acknowledging the fans. Heat points to both sides of the arena, and then begins his walk down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a thirty-minute TV time limit, and is for the One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Championship! Introducing first, the challenger, coming to the ring at this time. Originally from Bogotá, Colombia but now residing in Miami, Florida. Weighing in at 180 lbs. He...is...COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! Colombian Heat continues slapping hands with the fans as he gets to ringside. COLE Colombian Heat looking to snatch the first singles title of his OAOAST career tonight! COACH 'Snatch' is the right word. The only way he'll win is if he steals the victory! COLE Well, I'm sure Colombian Heat will use all the heart and determination he has in this match. COACH And he'll still fail, just like last time. Colombian Heat climbs the ring steps, and then hops into the ring. Heat gets on a second ring rope and does the "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal, receiving cheers. COLE Colombian Heat going for the 24/7 Title for the third time in his career. Remember, at Anglepalooza in January of 2006, when he took on "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican one-on-one, and actually WON the Title, only to get screwed by Vitamin X and Stephen Joseph Popick! COACH Oh yeah. I remember that. The look on his face! Priceless. COLE And then there was the meeting between Heat and Cuban Wall almost a month ago on HeldDOWN~!, which Wall won rather fairly. COACH 'Rather fairly'? Cole, Cuban Wall CRUSHED Colombian Heat! Just say it. That match was over in less than 10 minutes! In fact, from my watch, it lasted exactly 5 minutes and 9 seconds! THAT'S IT! Cuban Wall won fair and square, and Colombian Heat's gonna need a miracle to pull out a victory tonight! COLE I'm sure Colombian Heat is all focused for this one. He's not going to let what happened the last time happened again! COACH It will. Oh it will! Maybe this match will be over in 3 minutes this time! HA! HA! HA! Heat gets on a second turnbuckle and throws up the "W" hand signal again, receiving more cheers. Colombian Heat gets off the second turnbuckle and calls for a microphone. COLE Alot of history between these two men. Former Lightning Crew running buddies duke it out once more! COACH Although using 'buddies' in that context wouldn't be right. Cuban Wall has ALWAYS hated Colombian Heat. Even back then. COLE That's true. COLOMBIAN HEAT Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! YO! YO! YO! YO! YO! YO! YO! YO! YO! YO! YO! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull dies down. Colombian Heat looks at the adoring crowd. He smiles a wide smile. COACH Buncha losers. "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" HEAT A'ight, y'all. A'ight, y'all. You know, I's made some mistakes, but I's learned from dem. Tonight's no rerun, no, tonight's brand new, mah dudes! SOOOOOOOOO, if all of y'all are ready to see me make Cuban Wall MAH BITCH~! ("YEEEEAAHHHHHHH!") Make him feel the Heat, and become the new OAOAST 24/7 Champion...then A-T-L, make some noise UP IN THIS-- "BI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!" COLE The dirty dirty loves Colombian Heat! COACH Cole, stop. COLE Just caught up in the moment. Colombian Heat smiles as he puts the microphone away. He stares at the entrance, awaiting his opponent. He does some calanstenics as he waits. COLE Can Colombian Heat strike gold this time in the rematch? "LIGHTNING CREW!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The opening to "No Chance In Hell" starts up as the crowd stands up and boos loudly. The AngleTron shows a picture of Cuban Wall posing in front of a Cuban flag with CUBAN WALL written to the right side of the screen in big white blocky letters. Strobe lights appear around the entrance set, while smoke fills the entrance stage. The crescendo hits, and a lightning bolt hits the stage. "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds begins playing. *No chance (No chance) That's what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah.) We're up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are...PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* The entrance doors slide open, and Cuban Wall walks out onto the entrance stage, the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder. The crowd boos even louder than before. Wall has a serious look on his face, the same as his challenger. Cuban Wall looks at the crowd and pumps his right fist into the air, then proceeds to walk to the ring, his eyes focused solely on it, with a serious expression on his face. *But will find their place in line But tie a string around your finger now boy cuz Cuz it's just a matter of time Cuz you've got...NO CHANCE! (You've got no chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You've got...NO CHANCE! (Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You've got...NO CHANCE! (Got no chance.) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You've got...NO CHANCE! (Chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!* BUFFER And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time. From Havana, Cuba. Weighing in at 285 lbs. He is the Muscle for The Lightning Crew AND he is the reigning and defending undisputed One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion of the worrrrrrlllllldddddddddddddddddddddddddd! He...is...CUBANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN WAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! Cuban Wall shadow boxes on the way to the ring. COLE Cuban Wall has held onto the 24/7 Title with an iron fist since winning it at AngleMania VI: Etched In Stone. He has defended the title successfully against the likes of "The Birmingham Bad Boy" Jamie O'Hara, Jacob Cross, Spanish Fly, and his opponent tonight, Colombian Heat. COACH Yes. Cuban Wall has been a great 24/7 Champion. I am SO proud that he is holding that Title. And after Tha Puerto Rican wins the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title at AngleSlam, The Lightning Crew will once again have not one, not two, but THREE titleholders in their camp! COLE PR IS fighting Landon Maddix for the Title, you know. COACH Oh...right...uh...um...forget what I just said! I think. COLE Cuban Wall jaws with a fan at ringside, and then climbs the ring steps. He climbs over the top rope to enter the ring as "No Chance In Hell" continues playing. Wall stands in the middle of the ring. He sneers at the crowd, and then does The Lightning Crew Salute to loud boos. Wall then raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his head and smiles an evil smile. Wall jaws with the fans, and then heads to a second turnbuckle, where he raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his head again. Wall gets off the second turnbuckle and heads to another second turnbuckle where he raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his head once again. Colombian Heat watches all of this with a serious expression on his face. COACH He is everything a Champion should be. Brave, strong, tough, fearless, and merciless! I am proud he is our 24/7 Champion. What a disgrace it would be if Colombian Heat were to win the 24/7 Title tonight! What a disgrace! COLE I would actually look quite forward to it. COACH You would Michael. I know you're trying to be down with Colombian Heat. I saw you buy T.I.'s new album yesterday. Think you're gonna learn to be 'hip' by listening to just one rap CD? Cracka please! It takes years of practice to be hip like me! COLE If being hip means being you, I'll take being lame and uncool thank you very much. COACH Bitch-ass cracka! Cuban Wall gets off the turnbuckle and shadow boxes before handing the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over to referee Nick Patrick, who raises the Title belt over his head to let everyone know that this is a title match. He then hands the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt to a ringside attendant. Nick Patrick tells Colombian Heat and Cuban Wall the rules for the match and then tells Colombian Heat that he needs to take off his bling and put away the pimp cane. Heat removes his very expensive jewelry and throws it halfway across the ring. COACH That must have cost thousands of dollars, and yet he's throwing it away like that? What the hell? Is he really that stupid? COLE I don't know, Coach. I have no idea what he's doing. COACH You could say that for alot of the things he does. Nick Patrick is confused too, but he walks on over to pick up the jewelry and hand it over to a ringside attendant. Cuban Wall turns around to watch this. This gives Colombian Heat the perfect opportunity to take his pimp cane...and crack it over Cuban Wall's head when he turns around, breaking it in half! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH WHAT!? COLE He broke it! He broke it in half! COACH WHY DID HE DO THAT FOR!? Cuban Wall is dazed! He's stumbling, but he hasn't fallen yet! Colombian Heat throws the piece of the pimp cane he's got away, and then kicks the top half out of the ring. The crowd is going nuts. Colombian Heat grabs Cuban Wall and hooks him up. He then turns around, lifting Cuban Wall high up into the air! The crowd is going nuts! COLE That's 6 feet 7 inches he's got up in the air! That's two hundred and eighty five pounds he's holding up! COACH No! No! No! This isn't happening! This is NOT happening! Colombian Heat looks at the crowd with a smile on his face. He nods, looks up at Wall's feet, looks at the crowd, nods once again...and then drops Cuban Wall with the COLOMBIAN NECKTIE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 COLE Colombian Necktie! Colombian Necktie! COACH No way! He cheated! He cheated! This shouldn't count! This should not count! Colombian Heat covers Cuban Wall, hooking his left leg. Nick Patrick, who did not see Colombian Heat hit Cuban Wall with the pimp cane since he was giving Heat's bling to the ringside attendant, watches all of this confused. COACH Ref! Ref! He cheated! He cheated! COLE It happened before the bell! I don't know if it'll matter! COACH It should! Colombian Heat is telling Nick Patrick to make the count! The ref has no other choice but to call for the bell. *DING DING DING*OAOAST 24/7 CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH CUBAN WALL (Champion) vs. COLOMBIAN HEAT (Challenger) Nick Patrick rushes over and makes the count. Colombian Heat counts along. Cuban Wall is out cold. 1... 2... 2 1/2 2.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* (0:03) "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH Wha--what--WHAT? WHAT? WHAT!? COLE The match is over! We've got a new 24/7 Champion! I don't believe this! Colombian Heat lets out a primal scream! He raises his hands in victory as "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull starts playing again. The crowd is going buck wild! BUFFER Here is your winner, and NEW One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion...COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! Nick Patrick grabs the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt from Michael Buffer and hands it over to Colombian Heat. Heat is absolutely ecstatic! Nick Patrick raises his hands in victory while Cuban Wall continues lying on the mat, knocked out. COLE That was probably the shortest title match in OAOAST history! That might just be the shortest match in OAOAST history period! 3 seconds? Is that all this match lasted!? COACH H--how could this be? How could we allow this? Colombian Heat used a foreign object! He cheated! He cheated like the low-life thug that he is! He cheated to win! He does not deserve the 24/7 Title! DAMNIT! THIS IS A TRAGEDY! COLE Tell that to these fans! They are absolutely jumping in joy! Colombian Heat has ended the 3 month reign of Cuban Wall, and he did it in only THREE SECONDS! That's incredible! COACH This is bullcrap! Colombian Heat stands up and stares at his newly won 24/7 Title belt. He has a wide smile on his face and is absolutely giddy at winning his first singles title in the OAOAST. Heat heads on over to the second ring rope and raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his head to LOUD cheers. Nick Patrick is checking on Cuban Wall, who is still on the mat. COACH I--I--How--The hell? I can't-- COLE You're speechless, Coach! Colombian Heat has unseated Cuban Wall as 24/7 Champion, and he did in much less time than Cuban Wall took to beat him last month! Can you believe it? COACH This isn't right. This isn't right at all. This is a travesty. I can't believe the OAOAST is going to let Colombian Heat get away with this! Someone show AngleSault the tape of this match! Have him reverse the decision! Have him strip Colombian Heat of the Title! Have him ban Colombian Heat from the OAOAST for life! Have him DO SOMETHING! THIS MUST NOT STAND! COLE Well, it might. In fact, it will, let's not pretend otherwise. COACH UGH! Heat jumps up and down and raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt in the air. Just then, Spanish Fly runs into the ring. Heat points to the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt, Fly nods, Heat nods, Fly smiles, and then runs over and embraces Colombian Heat to the crowd's delight! COLE And there's Spanish Fly, Colombian Heat's best friend, celebrating this moment with him! What a moment in Colombian Heat's career! This is a night that he will never ever ever forget! COACH I bet that title will cause some jealousy to come out of Spanish Fly. He won't be able to handle the fact that his midget ass ain't the one who defeated Cuban Wall! COLE Oh will you stop? Let them have this moment together. COACH Ghey. COLE Stop it. Just stop it! Colombian Heat holds Spanish Fly up with his right hand, and raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt with his left hand. Spanish Fly pumps his fists in celebration. Fly and Heat look at the 24/7 Title belt, and then high five each other. Nick Patrick helps Cuban Wall out of the ring. COACH Three seconds. I don't believe it. Three seconds. COLE BEEELIEVE IT, Coach! A brand new 24/7 Champion has been crowned! And his name is Colombian Heat! COACH BLARGH! COLE Let's take a look at the replay. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to...well, the match. COACH Aw geeze. Okay, so Colombian Heat and Cuban Wall are staring at each other. Heat throws his 'bling-bling' away, cause Nick Patrick said so. Then, when Nick Patrick wasn't looking, that little sneak, that little weasel, that little...dweeb, he took that 'pimp cane' of his and smashed it over Cuban Wall's head giving him a concussion! A damn concussion! Then Heat got rid of the evidence of his crime, and then lifted Cuban Wall up and...oh I can't say it. COLE He gave Cuban Wall the Colombian Necktie and then covered him. COACH Yeah yeah yeah! He covered him! Nick Patrick rang the bell, and then made the count. So the match lasted officially for three seconds. Your winner and NEW OAOAST 24/7 Champion...ugh...Colombian Heat! Oh man! COLE Yes, it is true! Colombian Heat has defeated Cuban Wall to win the 24/7 Title! We've got a new Champion, and one that the fans absolutely love! COACH Oh this is awful. This is so awful. This is the darkest day in the history of the 24/7 Title! The darkest day EVER! UGH! COLE It's happened, Coach. You can't change the past. Colombian Heat is celebrating with his best friend Spanish Fly, the NEW 24/7 Champion! His first singles title in the OAOAST! COACH Stop rubbing it in, please. COLE I am NOT rubbing it in! It's the truth! COACH I don't wanna hear it anymore! COLE Too bad. Colombian Heat is still celebrating in the ring! COACH UGH! UGH! UGH! UGH! COLE Colombian Heat: NEW One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion! Colombian Heat heads to a second turnbuckle and raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his head. He smiles a wide smile. He yells out, "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH BOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Spanish Fly cheers him on as "Gasolina (Remix)" continues playing. COLE Colombian Heat is the new OAOAST 24/7 Champion! A career highlight to be sure! Cuban Wall certainly felt the Heat! We'll be right back with more HeldDOWN~! right after this! Colombian Heat gets off the second turnbuckle and puts the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt around his neck like a chain. Heat then slings the belt over his right shoulder and puts his left arm around Spanish Fly's shoulders. Both men smile wide smiles. Colombian Heat says, "I did it mang! I did it!" Colombian Heat raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt once more as "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull continues playing. The crowd cheers loudly. This is the last image we see before we fade to black.FADE OUTCOMMERCIAL BREAK (More knowledge: If we have a bucket of salt and a handful of salt, the masses of the two containers will obviously be different, however the density will remain uniform given that there is still the same mass per volume.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 We fade in on a shot of the New York City skyline as the sun sets. Mellow music plays. We then see rapid fire shots of various New York City landmarks: the Brooklyn Bridge, Times Square, the Empire State Building, Grand Central Station, the Statue Of Liberty, Central Park.The World's Most Famous Arena. Cut to a shot of Madison Square Garden.The World's Greatest City. Cut to a shot of the New York City skyline at night.The biggest event of the summer. Cut to the OAOAST AngleSlam 2007 logo. Triumphant music plays. OAOAST ANGLESLAM LIVE FROM MADISON SQUARE GARDEN NEW YORK, NEW YORK SEVEN WEEKS AWAY! Fireworks explode. We fade out. We return to HeldDOWN~! with Colombian Heat celebrating in the lockerroom. He is joined by Spanish Fly, John "Rock Hard" Brickston, Dance Dance Dragon (wearing the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt around his waist), The Sk8er Boiz, and Bill Neilson. Everyone's celebrating, chanting Heat's name. Colombian Heat has the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder and a grin on his face. COLE Back on HeldDOWN~!, and the celebration continues. Many OAOAST Superstars happy to see Colombian Heat win the 24/7 Title! COACH They're all degenerates just like him. COLE Oh come on! It couldn't happen to a nicer guy! COACH Gag me with a spoon! Bill Neilson pours champagne over Colombian Heat's head. Everyone else chants, "HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT!" The 7 men cheer. COLOMBIAN HEAT Thanks mang. Thanks, dawgs. Dis really means alot to me. Thanks! I's appreciates it! "CONGRADULATIONS HEAT!" Heat, Fly, Brickston, Dragon, The Marv, Hell Mel, and Neilson all turn their attention to the entrance, where of all people, JAMES RIGGS shows up. The crowd boos. Riggs is in his wrestling attire and is clapping his hands with a smirk on his face. COLE James Riggs? What the hell? JAMES RIGGS Good job out there. Beating Cuban Wall. Congrats on becoming Champion. COLOMBIAN HEAT Uh...thanks. RIGGS Of course, you needed your 'pimp cane' and your 'bling-bling' to seal the deal, but anyway, congrats! HEAT Uh... RIGGS I mean, I could have beaten Cuban Wall with one hand tied behind my back, but who cares right? The important thing is that you're the Champ! So congrats, Champ! Riggs gives Heat a playful right jab to Heat's left shoulder. HEAT Yo, my man, what'chu doing herre? I don't think we ever hung out before. JR Good question, Heat. You see, I'm here to stake my claim as the first challenger to your title. I feel like with you as Champion, that belt is a good as mine! HEAT Now hold up, hold up. I ain't appreciating dis! Youse wanna challenge me? Okay. But don't you ever EVER disrespect me! JR Whoa, whoa, easy there 'homie'. We cool. We cool. I just want to know when I'll have my chance at becoming Champion, cause I only need one shot. Only one. COLOMBIAN HEAT Hmm...how bout when pigs fly? Riggs isn't exactly pleased with this answer. But he keeps his cool. Riggs takes a deep breath and exhales. JAMES RIGGS Okay. Okay. You're playing hardball. I understand. I could be here all night, but I'm just gonna go. I'm gonna let you celebrate. Let you have your moment in the sun...cause it's not going to last, trust me. I'll get that belt, soon enough. So uh, ta-ta, my ni-- HEAT Watch it, bro! RIGGS Okay. Okay. I'll go. Peace out, 'G'. Riggs turns and walks away. The babyfaces in the lockerroom watch him go. Colombian Heat turns his attention to Spanish Fly. James Riggs SPEARS Colombian Heat onto the floor! COLE Hey! Wait a minute! Riggs starts pounding Colombian Heat! Rights and lefts hit the new 24/7 Champion as the crowd boos! John "Rock Hard" Brickston, Hell Mel, The Marv, and Bill Neilson struggle to pull Riggs off of Heat. Finally, they are able to pull Riggs off of Heat! The faces yell at Riggs to leave. Colombian Heat is lying on the floor, his eyes glazed over! JR dusts himself off and adjusts his long leather jacket and then leaves, but not before pointing a menacing finger at Colombian Heat. Everyone in the lockerroom checks on Heat. The OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt lies next to him. Heat is now groggy following the sneak attack. The crowd boos. (Cut to Sofa Central with Michael Cole and Jonathan "Da Coach" Coachman. Coach is laughing manically.) COACH HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! THAT WAS GREAT! THAT WAS BRILLIANT! THAT WAS MARVELOUS! THAT WAS WONDERFUL! THAT WAS STUPENDOUS! THAT WAS-- COLE Disgusting. COACH No! That was great! I loved it! THAT'S EXACTLY what Colombian Heat deserves! That was karma hitting Colombian Heat! He stole the 24/7 Title from Cuban Wall, and now he's paid the price! Way to go James Riggs! I salute you! COLE James Riggs, not seen since AngleMania VI, shows up out of nowhere, tries to become the #1 Contender to the 24/7 Title, and when he's denied, he pulls off a sneak attack on the new Champion! The Champion who just won the belt! COACH The Champion who won the belt in three seconds! Colombian Heat was still fresh, Michael! He could have taken James Riggs on if he had the strength! But he doesn't! He's not the Champion Cuban Wall was! Cuban Wall would have taken him out like *that*! But not Heat! Heat is the weaker of the two and he just showed it right now! COLE It was a sneak attack, Coach! Heat never saw it coming! There's no way he could have defended himself! COACH When you're the Champion, you have to be on guard 24/7, hence the name of the Title! Colombian Heat failed in his first test as Champion, and after what we just saw, I don't think he'll be 24/7 Champion for long! That belt is James Riggs for the taking! Oh yeah! COLE James Riggs has surprised us all tonight, just moments after Colombian Heat surprised us all by beating Cuban Wall in three seconds! Colombian Heat's 24/7 Title reign is only just beginning, but it looks like he already has a challenger for the Title! And now, at this time let's go to "Mean" Gene Okerlund with a very special interview. Gene? We cut to Gene in the locker room area, alongside him MELODY NERDLY and the LONE STAR GUNSLINGERS in their civilian gear. But the Gunslingers are clearly gearing up for war, taping their fists as they stare menacingly into the camera. OKERLUND Thank you very much, Michael. It was at the Great Angle Bash that my guests were the victims in an incident that stunned the wrestling world; speaking of the Percussion DDT Logan Mann delivered on Baron Windels to cost them championship gold yet again and the opportunity to unify the OAOAST and HI-YAH tag titles, a distinction that will go to either COD or the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. BARON And that just makes me sick to my stomach, knowing it should be us in the match. There's no doubt in any one of our minds we'd unify the titles and forever cement our place in history. But we're not here to discuss the upcoming unification match. Let's talk about the Heavenly Rockers. I'm reminded of what Logan did every time I feel the bump on the top of my head, a memento his DDT left behind. As any good cowboy understands, when you fall off the saddle you get right back up and dust yourself off. Then you seek the SON OF A BITCH who did you wrong and DESTROY HIM! And you best believe Jock and I are going to correct that wrong. Because right now, in front of the good Lord and a worldwide television audience, we're issuing a warrant for the Heavenly Rockers. You boys got until next week to turn yourselves in meet us one on one. "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" OKERLUND You gotta be kidding me! Next week? JOCK We're gonna settle this the way real men do, Gene. LAST MAN STANDING! Fight until you can fight no more. But we aren't just doing this for ourselves; it's also for the fans. Never in our wildest dreams did we imagine the Heavenly Rockers would turn their backs on the millions of fans who supported them through thick and thin. The other day I read a quote from them calling the fans who didn't agree with their actions at the Bash "bandwagoners". BARON Obviously a quote from that jackass Synth. JOCK Well, let me tell you bandwagoners something, you can hitch a ride on our wagon anytime because you are the lifeblood of professional wrestling. When things aren't looking good for us we feed off your energy. You're our fuel and oxygen combined. The Heavenly Rockers didn't just slap us in the face, Gene, they slapped the fans in the face as well, and I promise each and every one of you watching the Lone Star Gunslingers won't let that stand. MELODY Another thing we won't let stand is the horrid treatment of my friend Holly. How could Logan just verbally abuse her like that given all she's done for him and Synth? And for what, just because she spoke her mind? Logan's turned into a big ol' meanie. Gosh! To think I owned all of their records. Sure I illegally downloaded them online, but still. Now I have to erase them from my files like WWE is erasing-- OKERLUND That is all the time we have. Melody, Jock and Baron, I thank you for your time. We'll just have to wait and see if the Heavenly Rockers accept the Lone Star Gunslingers challenge for a Last Man Standing match next week? Hopefully we'll have an answer by show's end. If not, log onto OAOAST.com immediately after the program for possible breaking news. Let's go back to Sofa Central. COLE A huge challenge issued by The Lonestar Gunslingers.... COACH I liked those monkeys a lot better when they never spoke and rarely showed up on TV. COLE I'm sure The Rocker's share a similar opinion! But, folks, we'll be back with more HeldDOWN, including our main event contract signing after this.COMMERCIAL BREAK (Positive charges can not move, however they are able to attract negative charges. But the negative charges of one object can be repelled by the negative charges of another object. But the attraction of the positive charge of the object should be strong enough to pull the negative charges of it's counterpart. D+!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 We're taken backstage to The Enterprise dressing room, where Theodore Moneymaker sits at the head of a rather long conference table. As I have that physics test to study for I won't bother you with a bunch of details, but just know that Simon has preoccupied himself with one those pins where you click the top and the woman inside loses her clothes. SINGLETON (to Mackenzie) Hehehehe, look at this. Click! Clothes. Click! No clothes! Hooohoohooo, will the wonders of modern technology ever cease, brudda man? MACKENZIE I'm a woman, Simon. A woman! WRIGHT Silence! Silence! Silence! Miser Moneymaker desires an audience. MONEYMAKER Thank you, Mister Wright. Eight months ago the OAOAST went from a small potatoes pro wrestling outfit, breathing it's last breath, to a multi-national mega conglomeration, readily devouring it's underfunded competition. How did this happen? Certainly not through the shrewd moves of a man named after a psychotic pill popping roid freak. No it happened because Theodore Moneymaker, Yale alumni, industry superstar, saw an opening. An opening for a stable of men who measured profits in both body count and dollar count. I didn't dilly dally on this opening! The US army didn't dilly dally when it crushed the hell out of the commie Spaniards in the battle of San Juan, and neither did I! I amassed my army of men, equal in bravery, character and strength, to any man who's ever served in the US arm forces. And like our boys did to the dog eating nip-nongs in the Korean war, my army, my Enterprise has ran roughshood over the “best” the OAOAST has had to offer! Every obstacle the OAOAST has ordered before us has been left utterly decimated in our wake! WRIGHT Such triumphal elucidation has earned it's stake in our applause! They all clap, except for Ned who seems to be nodding off. MONEYMAKER You'd think our many accomplishments would leave me with some satisfaction. But I feel nothing but a stark emptiness and a sharp disgust. I feel as though all the power, strength, and struggle the Enterprise had given to me has now been stolen, and there is nothing I can do to get it back. CPA What do ya mean by that? MONEYMAKER What I mean is that a man is judged by the company that he keeps. And the company I keep has been tried, measured.......and found morally deplorable, ethically reprehensible, and religiously intolerable. The saddest part of all is it's only of one of you, one tiny cog, that's screwing up our well oiled machine. And I let it slide for a little bit, because I hoped this person could turn the corner, find a way to save the little respect I still held for them. But the longer I waited, the farther into degeneracy they sunk. I'll not abide by their appalling sins any longer. Nor will any of you. Mackenzie? MACKENZIE Yes, Theodore? MONEYMAKER You're fired. Get out. MACKENZIE Wha...wha..what? Why? WRIGHT You wear the fool's motley well, Mackenzie. As though you-- MACKENZIE Be quiet, Christian! Theodore, you can't do this. Is...is..is..this...a joke? MONEYMAKER Do you hear anybody laughing? MACKENZIE You just can't....fire me. WRIGHT Silence! Your disgraced lot is not a home to dominance over Mister Moneymaker's decisions! Mackenzie tries to ignore Wright's cutting barbs in order to obtain some sort of explanation from her now ex-boss. The rest of The Enterprise tries to claim an expression of neutrality not wishing to anger Moneymaker with a protest, but not exactly thrilled by the sudden removal of one of their key members. Ned, however, is fast asleep, because repeated usage of words with more then two syllables ain't cool with the Ned Man. MACKENZIE I don't understand this. What have I done? WRIGHT As if facile wordings were sufficient enough ammunition to illuminate your grave misdeeds. MONEYMAKER For the entire spring and summer, The Enterprise has launched a full scale assault on the pervert fag beast known as lesbianism. I've generously poured forth millions of dollars simply to strike a glancing blow at the heart of America's dyke demon, Chicks Over Dicks. Yet you, a chief general in the struggle for America's soul, have constantly undercutted and befuddled my many war efforts. Your horrid displays of affection for Alix and Krista have reduced something that should be akin to the Invasion of Normandy to cheap romantic comedy on the level of Will and Grace. Every time I condemn the lesbian monster to it's rightful grave, the actions of your captured heart thrust those words back into my face! No more! MACKENZIE My actions? MONEYMAKER Yes, your actions. Your actions of sinful lust! At first I thought the two blaspheming perverts were merely tempting you with their homosexual withcraft. You seemed to be an innocent victim, under constant barrage from the temptations of their generously exposed flesh. Too weak of mind, too innocent of soul to properly combat their hyper sexual onslaught. But now, I see the traitorous serpent coiled before me! You are in love with Alix and Krista. Your selfish descent into the cradle of dykedom has irreversibly crippled the cause I've fought so hard to champion. This is to your shame, and your discredit. Your attraction will see not only Chicks Over Dicks destroyed, but you as well. MACKENZIE But..but..please..no Moneymaker rises from his chair with an air of superior masterdom. He strolls about the room, casting distrusting glances towards the subordinates that cower beneath his heartless glare. MONEYMAKER Lesbianism is a soul-damning abomination of ancient Sodom, and god will curse and punish all who engage in it's depravity. Consider this, Matthew Shepard has been rotting in hell four years now, with eternities left to go. You and your co-conspirators against God will soon join him. All else is irrelevant. You have chosen to lie with your hedonistic lusts instead of with your Enterprise. The only thing that awaits you now are the fires of hell. Mackenzie refuses to depart, and instead throws herself upon the mercy of Moneymaker's court. She leans across the table and stares at his frigid face with impassioned eyes. MACKENZIE Please, don't fire me. I beg you, don't fire me. MONEYMAKER What's this? The hound begging for scraps at her master's table? BWAAHHHAAHHA! MACKENZIE I'll do anything you want, but please give me another chance. Let me do something to prove my loyalty to you! MONEYMAKER Very well, hound, you may fulfill your duty as servant before the eyes of millions. Chicks Over Dicks have been tried and found guilty. At OAOAST Syndicated you will enact the punishment on one of them. Pick your poison, the sultry beauty queen, Krista, or the feisty beach bunny, Alix. Doesn't matter which. You will face them in the ultimate test of your self control and loyalty. A bra and panties match. If you can resist the temptations of an oversexed lipstick lesbo thrashing and grinding against your near naked body, then you will have earned your place at my side. But if you can not, then you will have earned your place in the fag infested flames of Satan's paradise. TITTIES! This great idea wakes the Ned man up from his slumber, and he instantly cooks up a scheme to magnify the Syndicated T&A quitionent. BLANCHARD If we're punishing Mackenzie for being a disloyal skank... MACKENZIE Ned! BLANCHARD Sorry. If we're punishing Mackenzie for being a disloyal...I don't know any word besides skank... SINGLETON Slut? Hoebag? Whore queen? Freak hoe? Gutter dwelling sperm dumpster? But if she were a sperm dumpster we might not be having this discussion in the first place. BLANCHARD My point is, if we're punishing disloyalty, why don't we start rewarding loyalty? MONEYMAKER Ned, your tag title shot will come in.... BLANCHARD Just because I used to be called Narcissistic Ned doesn't mean I think of myself all the time! Just ninety seven percent of time. The other three percent of time I'm thinking of this magical little angel of beauty, Jade Rodez. No one in the Enterprise has sacrificed more physically, and mentally then her. You wanna talk about your gutsy soldiers? Jade Rodez has more guts then a...a...thing with lots of...uh guts. Metaphors aren't my bag. But no one else has suffered as much emotional damage at the hands of those twisted sorority chicks then Jade. There was never a single day where those two didn't attempt to shoot Jade's self esteem straight to hell with comments about her weight, her style of dress, her appearance, her everything. It's a wonder she's blossomed into the wonderful, upstanding, lady she is today! Jade frowns, given that she has no actual recollections of Krista or Alix ever saying a bad word about her. CPA What are you getting at? BLANCHARD If anyone deserves a chance to throw Krista and Alix on the ground and scrape, and claw, and mount their glistening half naked, sweat soaked bodies it's Jade. And not only that but she deserves a chance to do it for the OAOAST tag team titles! Just imagine, Krista laying helpless on the ground, humiliated as her breasts spill out of her flimsily bra, Jade grabbing, and groping, and furiously yanking away her tights, her little lace thong being revealed inch by inch, until finally, there's nothing left but her fine tuned ass, and brand new tag team champions. Imagine! Wright can imagine it. And he imagines it waaaaay to well, as an unfortunate, unfortunate, unfortunate, “leakage” causes Moneymaker's right hand man to bow out to an early bathroom break. Jade can imagine it as well. Unlike Wright, her image isn't so pleasurable, as she wonders how gentle Krista will be in the clothes removal department. Assured that there's no way she can possibly win the match, especially given her belief that her partner is 99.999999999% sure to turn on her, Jade lodges a protest. JADE Um....I don't really know about all this. SINGLETON (talking over Jade) And of course Mackenzie and Jade can feel more then free to offer the first title shot to The Wrecking Crew, or Los Conquistadors, or even the Beverly Hills Blonds, I hear those cats are pretty gosh darn good! MONEYMAKER What's not to know, Jade? Quite dissimilar to your brother, who merely rode the coattails of the infinitely more talented Zack Malibu to a tag title reign, you get to be the driving force behind tag team champions. You will mark the beginning of the end of the lesbianism that perverts the OAOAST, and you will have won a monumental victory for The Enterprise, for your country, and for yourself. How lucky for you, Mackenzie. Your weakness for the dyke porn propaganda has led you into a championship opportunity. Fate is rather funny that way. On that final note, the somewhat somber group shuffles from the conference table and out the dressing room. Jade looks highly disturbed by the recent development, a feeling Ned eagerly seeks to comfort by putting an encouraging arm around her shoulder. Everyone attempts to keep their distance from Mackenzie, acting as if the shell shocked woman was laced in salmonella wrap. Concerned with what he just witnessed, CPA choses to stay behind and chat with his boss. CPA Mister Moneymaker, why you and Wright gotta go at Mackenzie like that? MONEYMAKER Results, Mister Allen. Results at no matter what the cost. BWAHHAHAHAHA We're left with the haunting image of Moneymaker's delirious laughter, as Cole chimes in to remind us... COLE PRL, Landon Maddix contract signing is next!COMMERCIAL BREAK (uh, I can live with a D+. C's and D's get degrees!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 COLE Right now, let's take you up to the ring and our master of ceremonies for the evening, the incomporable Mene Gene Okerlund! We cut to the ring which has been lined with a lavish red carpet during our last time-out. After all, this is a formal event and what would a format event (in professional wrestling) be without a red carpet. An official looking figure stands at the head of the table set up in the ring, while at the foot stands the forementioned "Mene" Gene with microphone in hand. OKERLUND Ladies and gentlemen, we are just about ready for the official contract signing for your main-event at AngleSlam 2007, eminating from Madison Square Garden! A respectful round of applause just about drowns out some scattered boos. OKERLUND Mark the date down on your calenders, August 26th in New York City, the sixth annual edition of AngleSlam. And headlining, a battle between two 'controversial' OAOAST superstars. One of it's newest taking on a true veteran of this ring. It promises to be an intriguing match-up for sure. And we're going to sign on the dotted line right here, right now here in Atlanta! Up goes a cheap pop, Gene redeeming his earlier New York references. OKERLUND So without further ado, let's get our champion and our challenger out here. It is my pleasure to introduce you first to the challenger come August 26th. A man who's name is synonimous with the OAOAST and has been for the past four plus years. But, he is a man who has never captured the golden ring, the World Heavyweight Championship. And he would love nothing more than to do so in a setting such as Madison Square Garden. He is the man cashing in his Golden Contract with that hope in mind, please welcome "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION"... he is PUERTO RICAN LLLIIIGHTNING!!! The lights go down in the arena. The crowd instantly start buzzing, probably just pleased that the unexpected blackout has stopped the World Champion's singing. But after a few seconds the fans aren't quite so cheery, as Puerto Rican flag appears on the AngleTron. In big white blocky letters, the following words appear on the screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them:*THE CHAMP IS HERE!* With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and booing. The entrance doors slide open and out come "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican, his girlfriend and Women's Champion Ms. Lindsay Gonzale and his manager and "Career Consultant" Stephen Joseph Popick! The crowd boos away as PRL holds his black briefcase spray-painted with L.C. in yellow high, which of course contains his Golden Contract inside. COLE Well, there is the challenger. We saw last week, PRL crashed the party of our new World Champion... turn about fair play perhaps, as if not for the interventions of Todd Cortez and The South Central Militia, PRL might have beaten Maddix to the punch in cashing in his contract on Zack Malibu. COACH Might have? Boricua and Vitamin X hit the ring first, they had Zack right where PR wanted him. If Landon hadn't had the same idea and the same type of opportunity with his contract, that man on the way to the ring would finally have won the OAOAST World Title that's eluded him for so long. COLE And look at this, no Lightning Crew. Popick obviously ever-present and Lindsay... COACHMiss Lindsay. COLE Yeah yeah. But no Boricua, no Wall, no Vitamin X. That's a good sign. PRL, Lindsay and Popick enter the ring and PRL again raises his briefcase in the air. The trio then breeze past Okerlund to take their places, eager to get the formalities over with. A microphone sit among the papers and Tha Puerto Rican typically notes it, ignoring the contract itself. OKERLUND And now ladies and gentlemen, let's bring out the other half of our main-event. He is the new OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, a man with a laundry list of accolades in this business that few others can compare with. But come AngleSlam, he will be making his first PPV defence of the OAOAST World Title... quite possibly his first defence, period. Right now, let's hear it for the One And Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the World... "LA CUCARACHA"... LANDON MMMMMMMADDIX!!!!"REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH!" "Personal Jesus" by Marilyn Manson hits, as from behind the entrance doors comes Todd Cortez. Of course, he's just leading the way (rather far out ahead mind you) for Megan Skye, who heralds the arrival of Landon Maddix. Landon stops at the top of the ramp and adjusts the title sitting over his left shoulder, grinning away like a chesire cat as he shrugs, as if to say "yep, I know I'm great". COLE Landon, also looking a little light in the entourage stakes. We saw earlier what happened with The South Central Militia, he's lucky PRL didn't bring his entire back-up with him. COACH Nevermind that Cole. Come on, this is the WORLD CHAMPION! Is that the best intro you can give? COLE Well he is the World Champion. And he's just under seven weeks away from his first date with destiny, AngleSlam 2007. Landon leaps to the apron, looking out at the crowd as Megan climbs the steps. Megan holds open the ropes and Landon bounds into the ring, spinning himself into the centre of the ring HBK style and posing with Megan. PRL, Popick, Lindsay and even Todd watch on pretty unanimously unimpressed as Landon finally stops with the posing and goes to take his seat. OKERLUND Now gentlemen, before... Going to put his belt down, Landon notices the eager look on Tha Puerto Rican's face and thinks twice. He positions Cortez at his side before sitting down, setting the belt on his shoulder, right in PRL's eyeline. OKERLUND ...before we go any further, do any of you have any questions. Talk about waving a red rag at a bull. Quick as a flash, both men go for the mic. After a brief tussle over it, Landon manages to snatch it away, to muttered curses from PR. MADDIX I don't have any questions, but I've got something I'd like to say. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX First and foremost, it's Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix. It's like Oreo filling, if it's not in the middle, it's just not right. And secondly, I just want to make one thing clear. Gene, you said something about this being my first Pay Per View OAOAST World Title defence at AngleSlam and you may be right. But this won't be my first rodeo, so to speak. I've done it all a dozen times in the past. I've main-evented countless SWF PPVs, often as the defending World Champion. Of course, I needn't remind people I am the only man to have won both the SWF and the OAOAST's World Championships. The point is, nobody... especially YOU, 'PRL', should be worried about yours truly getting stage-fright in the Garden. Landon points the finger right down the barrel of PRL's eyeline. MADDIX You and I have one thing in common, neither of us have defended this belt before. The difference is, I've been a World Champion. I've been there, I've done that and I'm doing it yet again. If anything, everybody should be worried about you CHOKING yet again with the big gold on the line! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE And the gloves are off early! Looking up at Popick, PRL is fuming. Quickly, Popick demands that Gene Okerlund hand him his microphone, which immediately finds it's way into PRL's hand. PRL First of all, you should know your role... and SHUT your MOUTH! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Not impressed, Landon makes a 'yawning' motion with his hand, lounging back in his seat. PRL Who in the hell do you think you are, to come into the OAOAST, the promotion that Tha Puerto Rican built and to run your mouth at me!? Who!? Let me tell you something buddy, I couldn't give a flying CRAP about what you've done in the SWF, the XWF, the WWF, wherever the hell you've been! You are in Tha Puerto Rican's yard now! I have left more blood, sweat and tears... tears of joy... in an OAOAST ring than you could ever hope to. This is my destiny! AngleSlam, this isn't about you. This is about Tha Puerto Rican realising his dream of finally capturing the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship, the title I have been screwed out of time and time again in the past! And when it's all said and done... all the smoke has cleared, the dust has settled... Landon Maddix, you can go back to the SWF with your head held high and you can tell Joe Nobody and Bob What'shisface and the rest of the SWF jabronis that you got your ass kicked by the OAOAST's finest! MADDIX Oh, this is 'your yard', huh? Listen buddy, you may be a big name in OAOAST folklore. But rest assured, you are a nobody in my world. And this belt says the OAOAST IS my world! PRL Yeah, well, this middle finger says 'up yours'! *flips Landon off!* Landon's eyes bug open. MADDIX Oh yeah!? Well... Landon begins to pantomime some rather homosexual 'mouth movements', which gets PRL on his feet ready to snap. OKERLUND Gentlemen, PLEASE! A little decorum, PLEASE, this is an official contract signing! Trying to look apologetic, Landon slowly stops his pantomiming. PRL slowly sits back down, unballing his fist. MADDIX So, what happened to the rest of your cronies? Where's... where's Vitamin Barn? PRL Vitamin X!? MADDIX Yeah, that guy. Isn't that your M.O, safety in numbers? PRL Well, it's clearly not yours now, is it? I mean seriously, I feel a little bad. If I'd have known you were going to bring ALL your friends and family out here, I might have done the same. Landon glares a little at the suggestion and prepares to show PR his list of contacts on his cellphone. PRL But no, I jest. Listen, you're new to all this, here in the OAOAST. Maybe you don't realise who you're dealing with, The Lightning Crew. Take a look at my beautiful fiancee, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. She's holding the gold. That's just a little preview of what's going to happen at AngleSlam. MADDIX I hope not. Seriously, I happen to value my personal appearance. If I ever wake up looking like THAT, you won't see me around here for dust! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Uh-oh. COLE This is getting personal now. PRL (raising his voice) I'll have you know, my fiancee is the most dominant and most beautiful woman in the OAOAST! MADDIX Yeah, on Opposite Day! LINDSAY COLE What the hell does that mean!? PRL Listen, just because you ended up with a horsefaced woman for company, don't go ta... MADDIX Horsefaced!? Well, at least she doesn't look like an underage curb-crawler! PRL She is not underage! And at least mine doesn't like a VERY experienced curb-crawler, like yours! MADDIX Your momma! PRL Oh, you didn't just bring Momma Puerto Rican into this! MADDIX Uh-huh! PRL Nuh-uh! MADDIX Yuh-hu... OKERLUND DAMNIT ENOUGH! Both PRL and Landon turn around in shock at the interruption. Poor Lindsay and Megan both look close to tears at the poor attempts at defending their honour put forward by their men. PRL Don't you EVER interrupt the Champ again you worthless jabroni! MADDIX Yeah, don't interrupt the Champ. I'm the Champ. Don't interrupt me. PRL Not for long. MADDIX Yes for long. OKERLUND STOP IT, STOP! YOU'RE ACTING LIKE CHILDREN HERE! ........ PRL He started it. Pouting, Landon picks up PRL's copy of the contract and throws it a few inches down the table, to the future challenger's SHOCK~! COACH This is getting out of hand! COLE (fighting back laughter) This is getting ridiculous. Even the mighty Mene Gene seems to be struggling to keep the petulant AngleSlam main-eventers under control. Suddenly, "Medal" hits, and the crowd erupts at the very sound of it, as it can only mean the arrival of one man...the owner of the OAOAST himself, ANGLESAULT! COACH I bet he's here to can yo' ass for laughing on the job! COLE I think he's got bigger fish to fry than that, Coach! Dressed well in a three-piece suit, Anglesault comes down the aisle and gets into the ring, much to the chagrin of both champion and challenger. Anglesault shakes Gene Okerlund's hand before taking the mic from him, and now the man who signs the checks has an open forum. ANGLESAULT Listen girls... The crowd pops, laughing at Anglesault's unoriginal, yet humorous statement. Landon pounds the table and waves a finger in his face, while PRL shouts at Anglesault, both accusing him of stealing their spotlight. ANGLESAULT Before we delve further into HeldDOWN~! becoming an episode of Laugh-In, I've got a serious matter I'd like to address, that being the main event of this August's pay per view spectacular, AngleSlam. Landon and PRL perk up, wondering exactly what's so serious about their title match. ANGLESAULT See guys, I have no problem with the two of you main eventing AngleSlam. Landon Maddix, you were able to cash in on your guaranteed title shot and walk away as the OAOAST World Champion just a few weeks ago, right here on HeldDOWN~! Now, I know that you, PRL, take issue with what went down that night, and have claimed YOUR title shot, asking that it be at AngleSlam to be held in New York City. Both men agree with what Anglesault has to say so far... ANGLESAULT BUT... ...there's the word they feared. ANGLESAULT It was brought to my attention that there is someone else on the OAOAST roster deserving of a title shot. Now, I very well couldn't pull Tha Puerto Rican out of the match that he earned, but I know what's fair, and I know a big business opportunity when I see it. After consulting with my advisors, namely Bill Watts and the other two that I've dubbed the "Three Wise Men", we came to a conclusion. That on August 26th, at AngleSlam, Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix WILL defend his OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship against Tha Puerto Rican... MADDIX We KNOOOOOOOW! Could we skip the dramatics and cut to the chase...what's the deal here? Winner takes on whoever you have lined up? Or are you gonna throw one of us to the lions while we're preparing for the match? ANGLESAULT Neither, Mr. Maddix. Instead, as of RIGHT NOW, I am ruling that the main event at AngleSlam become a THREE WAY DANCE FOR THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! The crowd roars, and Tha Puerto Rican can't believe he's not getting his one on one shot, protesting the call. Meanwhile, Maddix is having a shitfit, stomping and pouting because now he's got to worry about not one, but two opponents... ...and that's when "Getting Away With Murder" hits, and nearly blows the roof off the place! ANGLESAULT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, introducing the #1 Contender for the OAOAST World Title, getting his right as former champion to challenge at AngleSlam...ZAAAAAAAACK MALIBU! Malibu, in street clothes, comes out and powerwalks to the ring, while Maddix is flipping out. Putting his title belt on the table, he accosts Anglesault, pushing the company namesake into a corner and grabbing him by the collar...until Malibu slides into the ring, takes Landon by the scruff of the neck, and hurls him over the ropes to the floor! COLE Landon Maddix making a rough exit from the ring! Malibu turns around, and now he's face to face with Tha Puerto Rican, who is not too happy with Malibu sticking his nose into his business, ruining his one on one matchup with the man who screwed him out of using his Golden Contact on Zack Malibu. It's a tense moment for the two men, until Zack walks by him, takes the contract, flips to the last page, and signs. Malibu then takes the contract and jams it into PRL's chest, letting him know that the past crimes of The Lightning Crew against him have not been forgotten. Tha Puerto Rican, giving Malibu the evil eye, puts the contract on the table and signs it as well, officially making both men challengers for Landon Maddix at Angleslam, much to the chagrin of the brash superstar. COLE Can you believe this turn of events!? Zack Malibu, who lost the title due to Landon Maddix taking advantage of his weakened state, is using his rematch clause to disrupt the encounter between Tha Puerto Rican and Landon Maddix! COACH This is BIG, Cole. This is bigger than your sister big! COLE I don't HAVE a sister, Coach. COACH Damn it...I knew I shoulda went with a "your momma" joke there. Maddix hops up on the apron, dangling the World Title at both PRL and Zack. Malibu steps towards him, and Landon hops off the railing. Throwing the belt over his shoulder, he points at both Tha Puerto Rican and Malibu, promising them that they're just going to be notches in his belt, as he backs away. Malibu and PRL's eyes follow Maddix as he stands in the aisle and raises the World Title belt up to boos, while Anglesault claims the signed contract in the background. COLE Landon Maddix is our World Champion, but he may be living on borrowed time, because he has to deal with not one, but TWO challengers with personal vendettas against him! Nevermind the summer heat...at Angleslam I think we're guaranteed a MELTDOWN in our main event! FADE OUT. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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