Chanel #99 Posted January 14, 2017 Report Share Posted January 14, 2017 OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-BROADCAST IN OAOAST HD RENEE Ladies and gentlemen welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN off a very controversial New Years Spectacular. We had title changes and a devastating injury to Mister Money In The Bank. COACH Sammi gonna update us on twin bro's condition. But the show must go on, and its Anderson Cup season with Tanner Neptune and Marc Bennett advancing, and C02 twerking over Dem Bums. ANDERSON CUP The Army of One Nation Vs Big IQ The Playmakers Vs The Union JetsTONIGHT! I won't just survive Oh, you will see me thrive Can't write my story I'm beyond the archetype I won't just conform No matter how you shake my core 'Cause my roots, they run deep, ooooooohhhhhhh Oh, ye of so little faith Don't doubt it, don't doubt it Victory is in my veins I know it, I know it And I will not negotiate I'll fight it, I'll fight it I will transform When, when the fire's at my feet again And the vultures all start circling They're whispering, "You're out of time," But still I rise This is no mistake, no accident When you think the final nail is in Think again Don't be surprised I will still rise “Rise” by Katy Perry plays next and the fans aren't happy one bit to see the arriving Pretty Young Money, especially with the three girls all holding titles! COACH The champions are in town, Renee. Hotties tag champs, Hotties champ! RENEE We may never hear the end of this. And we're certainly gonna hear it now as Melissa has the micorphone. MELISSA Now, I'm gonna do ya'll a big, huge favor! A huge one! RENEE Yeah, sure! MELISSA I'm gonna tell ya'll how to live yer dreams. How to be the best dang person you can be! COACH Diamond Dallas Melssia! Let's hear it. MELISSA First ya gotta have loyal friends. Loyal buds, like Phecda and Al Houd, who see past yer tantrums that they didn't have peanut butter and celery at catering like they usually do and like you told a certain French GM she better have. Yep, those kinds of loyal friends, who support ya in every way shape and form. Who lie down on the ground so you can use them as a bridge to avoid puddles. RENEE They do that?! MELISSA Then ya gotta be tenacious! Tough! Take no prisoners! Like a certain Hotties Champion, Sugar Belleflair! SUGAR MELISSA If Sugar was like ya'll, she'd say 'oh I had my shot at the Hotties Title in November, I didn't win, I better go on the comments section of Yahoo.com and call Melissa a blowhard no singing hack. That's what I should do, because I'm Kimberly from Moline and I suck.” But Sugar ain't Kimberly from Moline, are ya, Suge? SUGAR Heckie no! I'm the Nature Girl! The best thing going in the business today! I got the genes of winners and that's what I do. Win! And win titles at that! I'm fourteen down from number sixteen but I ain't ever gonna get there, because to be the woman you gotta beat the woman and ain't nobody beating me, so I'm never gonna lose this belt! MELISSA You got that right! But it makes more than toughness, it also takes strength. And you gotta be at least ten percent as strong as Anastasia Violetta, 'cause she's the strongest woman I done ever met! ANASTASIA Why, thank you! MELISSA So for all ya'll talking bad about Russia and Putin take a look at my girl right here, she proves they ain't all hacking, child porn trading, illegal download selling goofs. They're good people. Strong people! So three cheers for Anastasia! “BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO!” ANASTASIA Grrrrrrrrrrrr! MELISSA And lastly you just plain gotta have talent. Top of the line, The Voice winning, So You Think You Can Dance finalst talent. Not Lip Sync Battle talent, I mean honest to god talent. Like I have. Like ya'll don't have, which is why ya'll will never be nothing in life so my whole speech was a waste of time! “BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOO!” MELISSA Them hussies in Delta Delta Delta, they ain't got talent, that's why Cassidy took the easy way out and ambushed me with my own neckbrace then attacked my sister Morgan, who sometimes has talent and sometimes is ok. And she was ok at New Years Spectacular. Much more ok than Delta Delta Delta! RENEE Gee, what an unbiased opinion. MELISSA I see why they banded together to form a sorority. Because they're jealous and wanna pick on poor little ol me. But I got friends! More than what ya see here, you understand me, Delta House? SUGAR And do you understand Annagret?! We have old friends coming from back in time! In fact for me its family. That dummy December finally wised up and realized its Show Business over Ho Business! And more importantly family comes first. Especially when they're you're dear sweet cousin...me! ANASTASIA Please, welcome back to Pretty Young Money...December Belle! I spent these waking hours waiting for the sandman I spent these waking hours looking for his master plan I’ll wait ‘til morning ‘til he comes to my house And he’ll give no warning when he’s knocking me out So sing me to sleep tonight And don’t bring me back to life I spend these waking hours waiting for the sandman I spend these waking hours looking for his master plan He will be sorry when he comes to my house I’ll show no mercy ‘til the lights go out As “Sandman” by HURTs hits out walks December Belle looking cute in a red and purple flowered sun dress, but also looking a bit confused as to why she's here. DECEMBER Morning, guys. ANASTASIA Morning is when the sun is rising in the east or near about. Where was the sun when you came in to the arena? DECEMBER Uh....gone? ANASTASIA That means it is night. DECEMBER Aww man I greeted you wrong. MELISSA Never mind that. Let's all say.... PYM Welcome back! DECEMBER Awww thanks. Welcome back to what? MELISSA To Pretty Young Money, goofball! You saved Sugar's hide from Annagret, because ya want back in to the band. Well, welcome back! DECEMBER Oh that's ok. PHECDA That's ok? You are denying this gift to yourself? AL HOUD It is confusing that you would do this. DECEMBER I just saved Sugar because she's family and Annagret could have killed her. But Annagret and Sunrise are my real friends. Sorry. But we can still be friends. SUGAR Oh no we can't! You heard what's gonna happen, December. You're coming back to Pretty Young Money and you're gonna be my Arn Anderson! That's what's happening! Or else! AL HOUD Yes, or else. Hey, hey I let you walk all over me, me You know that I’m a little tease, tease But I wanna play there please, please You know you know you know I’m crazy I just wanna be your baby You can fuck me and then play me You love and you can hate me Miss me, miss me, now you wanna kiss me Try me because I said so Struck me within my ego I’ve been a bad girl, don’t you know? (Don’t tell me what’s your deal) Come get it now or never I’ll let you do whatever I’ll be your bad girl, bad girl (1-2-3-4) “Bad Girl” by Avril Lavigne plays next and the fans jump up with cheers as out walks Annagret Wickedborn in a blue tube top and high waisted white mini skirt. ANNAGRET Newsflash, Ugly Old Doucehbags, December is a Sunray and a Sunray alone. So whatever induction ceremony you're planning to make December your slave, you can forget it. SUGAE I forgot more things than you ever learned, pal! ANNAGRET What? When I first came here they told me there was a shrimp arrogant beyond measure. And now she's a two time Hotties champion, both at my expense, both in ways that would disease a pure hearted maiden. But I'm no maiden and not pure of heart. SUGAR No kidding! But it is kidding that you think you're gonna tell us what is what. ANNAGRET Don't act all high and mighty when I'm about to kick your ass. "YYYYYYYEEEEAAAAAA" ANNAGRET December you can leave, I got this. DECEMBER Oh, ok, but I'd like to win the Hotties title also. ANASTASIA You?! You have the drive to win a title? DECEMBER Yep. I'm the most motivated gal in the company. SUGAR That's a barefaced lie! If you two chicken heads wanna sqauk at the head hen that's yer business. But it takes more than talk to bear the woman! To hear the woman...well y'all know the rest. The girls of PYM raise their titles and with Phecda and Al Houd providing protection they leave COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted January 14, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2017 Anderson Cup, Chirs Cage Bracket Quarterfinals: Big IQ Vs The Army of One Nation*** Before the match got underway, the tag champs, Monsters Ink road out on their hogs to oversee the contest behind heavy sunglasses BLACKAHWK Sophie has fouled up once again! No national anthem for Anderson cup matches? Exactly what I expect from a cowardly descendent of surrender monkeys. But the army of One nation stands up for its country and we follow the lead of our brilliant president elect. And every chance we get to make America great again we take. So if you aren't a Mexican a Canadian a Bosnian or any other piece of Euro trash then stand up and shed a tear for our national anthem. Actually what plays is California love by Tupac! JUDGE DUDD What the hell is this?! ICE QUIZ Only anthem we know is the West Coast anthem bitch! Tupac! The Army was pissed and began brawling with Big IQ, which pleased Monsters Ink quite a bit. RENEE It was last year that the Army of One Nation came oh so close to winning the tag titles off of Big IQ. Blackhawk was cleared out the ring and then Eagle Eye was thrown into the ropes and hit with a pair of back body drops from the good guys! ICE QUIZ Wooof! Woof! Don't get it twisted this Anderson Cup shit is ours! “YYYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Eagle Eye rolled out to tag in Blackhawk, who failed equally poorly against the unified effort of the beloved duo. That left Blackhawk to interfere on Eagle Eye's behalf against Ice Quiz! The ref held Christian back, and Blackhawk was able to hit a Bang Bang DDT on their foes to take control of the match! RENEE If you can't win fairly, are you supposed to win cheating? COACH Now you're making sense! You can't keep a good wigga down for long, and Ice Quiz fought free of The Army to tag in adored Christian Wright. After pausing to admire himself in the Angletron, Wright sprung into the ring with a double lariat to pop the crowd. The hated heels had to scramble to keeps thing together, but in the end a big boot from Ice Quiz followed by a frog splash from Wright caused them bow out early in this Anderson Cup. Winners: Big IQ, via pinfall Post-match Monsters Ink revved their engines! RENEE I dunno what's that's supposed to mean, kinda snarky if you ask me. But I do know that Big IQ will face Marc Bennett and Tanner Neptune for their next match! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted January 14, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2017 In front of an OAOAST backdrop sit Sammy Cayley dressed more somber than usual SAMMI I want to say thanks for all the well wishes about my brother after New Years Spectacular.. There are so many on social media and Queen Esther sent a carrier pigeon. It won't leave and I think our cats want to eat it, but that's OK. My brother on the other hand is not OK he's in a lot of pain and...well...sorry I have to try and be strong for him. Blaine is suffering from a concussion that came thanks to..to...that attack! No one here lives under a rock we all know what kind of damage concussions can do to the human brain. It's not just my brother's title shot at Anglepalooza that's in danger... its his entire career, his entire mental health, it's his entire life! I have a pretty good idea who did this to him. And...well... You may have ruined the Blaine I knew, that I loved. And I swear to God you will pay for that, your whole family will pay for that. You have my word as a Cayley. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted January 14, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2017 The world famous backstage interview lounge was the setting for OAOAST correspondent Sara Jean Underwood's chat with COBRA STRIKE about the incident that occurred at the New Year's Spectacular between Ned Blanchard and Mr. Dick which led to new OAOAST Tag Team Champions (Monsters Ink). An issue that remained a touchy subject for BW despite him and Ned "clearing the air that night." NED I told BW in private what I'm about to tell everyone publicly: Mr. Dick is a piece of trash! That sumbitch has been going 'round and 'round startin' fires that never should've been started in the first place by running his damn mouth. Normally I wouldn't think twice about a guy talking smack but Dick's words kept putting MY partner in constant danger, that's why I grabbed that "lighter" at the NYS and * intimates ::beltshot:: * burned the leech off BW's chest! When the mystery of Ned's partner for the Anderson Cup was brought up, the Orange County Cobra admitted Mr. Dick was right about one thing and that's BW deserved to be a champion. NED That's why I want to reunite Cobra Strike for the Anderson Cup. (to BW) I just need you to tell me yes. SARA JEAN You mean BW hasn't accepted?! BARON You gotta understand, Ned asked me about this not long after the NYS was over. The emotions going thru my mind at the time, it was impossible to give an answer on the spot. But now I've had days to think about the offer and... yes, I accept, partner! Cobra Strike high five. SARA JEAN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted January 14, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2017 *** 2017 Anderson Cup, 1st Round: The Playmakers vs. The Union Jets (TMW Tag Team Champions) *** No Rick Heyross. He stayed in the back to view the bout with the X.F.L., Mathis Golden and Brock Ausstin, the men who'll challenge the 3 Amigos for the OAOAST Trios Championship at Anglepalooza. RENEE It was one year ago The Union Jets made their North American debut as one of the international teams invited to participate in the 2016 Anderson Cup. COACH After all that hype, what happened? The Playmakers sent them out in the opening round! RENEE The Union Jets returned to Japan and a short time later joined TMW, where they went on to capture the TMW Tag Team Championship. It's also worth noting the X.F.L. gave his and Mathis' spot in the AC to The Playmakers in hopes of sparking offensive output from them. The All X.F.L. Team as a whole hasn't exactly been lighting up the scoreboard lately. COACH Because someone in production thinks you're photogenic you consider yourself a wrestling expert all of a sudden? Please! As for the match, both teams tore the house down once again, with everything coming down to the wire just as it did one year ago. Only this time the result was different, as powerhouse Tom Smith countered The Playmakers Super Rocker Dropper into a FALLING POWERBOMB that legal man C-4 followed with his trademark CONCUSSION GRENADE diving head butt for the 1-2-3 to avenge last year's defeat! Backstage, a pissed X.F.L. knocked over the monitor in his dressing room and punched a HOLE IN THE WALL! RENEE I guess there won't be any boat party in Miami following this one! Winners: The Union Jets, via pinfall. Post-match The Playmakers and The Union Jets shook hands! * VROOM * * VROOM * OAOAST tag champions Monsters Ink rev their choppers and clap mockingly at the display of sportsmanship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted January 14, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2017 I was reminiscing just the other day, While having coffee all alone and Lord, it took me away. Back to a first-glance feeling on New York time. Back when you fit in my poems like a perfect rhyme. Took off faster than a green light, go, Hey, skip the conversation when you already know. I left a note on the door with a joke we’d made, And that was the first day. And darling, it was good never looking down. And right there where we stood was holy ground. As “Holy Ground” beats out, Cinnamon Spoons, minus ChubChub, but dressed like a true Valkyrie arrives into the arena to great cheers. As she enters the ring, she hears even more love from the fans.. “CINNAMON! CINNAMON! CINNAMON!” CINNAMON Thank you for the cheers, that's very amazing of you! “YYYYEEAAAAAAAAAA!” CINNAMON But I have a huge problem. I think we all have a huge problem. I knew poor Teddy, one of my bestest friends was hurting a lot, but I had no idea how bad. I knew getting attacked by Caeldori and Silver was a huge trauma on him and that explains a lot of things. And I was pretty dang dumb to think beating Caeldori would make everything right. But you know what, I'm here now, and I'm gonna help my friend get out the dumps! But as ”Eyes on Fire” by Zedarius plays jeers are quite in abundance as Reagan emerges onto the entrance ramp in a flowing red robe. CINNAMON Awww man, why do I always get different people coming then I want? REAGAN My this is adorable? Poor little Cinnamon trying to regain her long lost love. CINNAMON We're just friends! REAGAN Your refusal to admit the truth just may have contributed to the change in Theodore's personality. CINNAMON You take that back! REAGAN I will not. I speak the truth, little girl. You'll fawn over and submit to the penis of a horse, but won't offer your heart to Theodore. But its too late, horse girl. Theodore is firmly enshrined in The Menagerie and is firmly planted within my labial folds. CINNAMON And take that one back! REAGAN Fair warning, mind your manners and your business. The Menagerie doesn't have time for the like of you. “Eyes on Fire” plays once more as Reagan stares down Cinnamon with a satisfied expression. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted January 14, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2017 The interview lounge is the usual rocking party and fun, and at the front and center is Gretchen Wright with Sara Jean! SARA JEAN Hey everyone, Sara Jean here with last years Lethal Bang winner Gretchen Wright! Gretchen, you could be a two time Lethal Bang winner in just a few weeks. GRETCHEN Sara Jean, my vagina has the discipline of a thousand Tibetan monks. Though my love for sex is unrivaled and insatiable, my need for orgasm shall be halted and I will stand semen soaked and victor.... Gretchen trails off as her rival Morgan Nerdly arrives with Jivin JR backing her up. MORGAN You win the Lethal Bang two years in a row? Ha..hahahahahaha! JIVIN JR Bah gawd, she thinks she's gonna do the impossible! Gawd save our OAOAST souls! GRETCHEN Why should my ability to delay orgasm be so in doubt? MORGAN You'll win over my dead body. GRETCHEN That can be arranged. Pow! Gretchen punches Morgan in the face! Morgan can't get a proper shot in as nearby security comes between them. MORGAN I've had too much fun harassing you, Gretchen. I hope you don't think it'll stop at the Lethal Bang! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted January 14, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2017 *** The Masked Mutants w/ Studderboxx vs. OAOAST World Champion Tyler Bryant & THE FLEX w/ Lorelei DeCenzo *** Whatever the Masked Mutants received in exchange for aiding and abetting Blaine Cayley/Spencer Reiger's sucker job previously on HeldDOWN~! couldn't have been worth the ass-kicking they received at the hands of the champ and his muscle. A beatdown so brutal it caused Studderboxx to PUKE! COACH DAYUM~! If that wasn't bad and embarrassing enough, Studderboxx was forced face-first into his own vomit by Tyler who got a sick thrill from it, as did Flex and Lorelei. RENEE Come on! Thankfully the Mutants got put out of their misery not long after following Tyler's 0-100 finisher. Winners: Tyler Bryant & THE FLEX, via pinfall. Post-match Tyler addressed Blaine's New Year's Spectacular incident in a very insincere matter, wishing him a speedy recovery while denying any role in the attack. It's also noted no one has claimed responsibility for the act or the bounty. TYLER This is like a guy who tips the ball into his own basket, the points go to the player from the opposing team closest by. LORELEI Which means... ! TYLER We collect the $30,000 since we were the closest by. So $10 thousand for me, 10 for you, and 10 for the big man. THE FLEX RENEE How did Tyler know the bounty was $30,000? There were no "wanted" posters distributed. Just word on the street of a price on Blaine's head. Oh, that's right. Tyler knew the amount because he's the one who put out the bounty! COACH You sure like asking a lot of questions, don't you? In about a week's time that could get you in a lot of problems! Tyler steps out onto the apron, OAOAST title around waist, to hand Coach a C-note. COACH Then the champ goes flying, crashing hard on the SOFA of Sofa Central (luckily Renee was quick to flee) courtesy of SPENCER REIGER! "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Flex took a swing at Spencer who ducked and drilled him with the REIGER COUNTER! "REI-GER!" "REI-GER!" "REI-GER!" Spencer stands tall while Lorelei watches in shock outside as we... FADE TO BLACK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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