Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 Hero. Champion. Role Model. Exemplar. Paladin. Tonight HeldDOWN honors Elijah Dukes. "Nigga all I know is, nigga, when I see your motherffucking ass riding, dawg, it's on. As a matter of fact, I'm coming to your motherfucking house."THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Hiphop heads, why the fuck did the south do hiphop wrong like that? How we as a people gonna allow songs like Party Like a Rockstar to proliferate in our communities? I don't know, baby, I just don't know. Cancer>>>ATL hip hop. But still Party Like a Rockstar is our themesong. Poorly exceucted with bullshit ass concepts. The introductory video is shown, now prominently highlighting Landon Maddix, and featuring him posing in a studio with his newly won world title. Once it comes to an end the logo is shown.FEMALE VOICE OVER And now, courtesy of Budweiser Select, and The OAOAST it is time for HeldDOWN! As usual we skip straight to the announce team. COLE Folks, welcome to another thrilling edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN! We're in the Tampa Bay area tonight, and we have a great show planned for you. The 24/7 title will be put on the line, Leon Rodez is in action, and we'll have words from The Heavenly Rockers. Last week on this very program, history was made and the wrestling world was stunned by the crowning of a brand new OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix is your new World Champion, having cashed in his Money In The Bank contract against a vritually defenceless Zazk Malibu. Zack, having suffered a rib injury and then further complications surrounding the injury in recent weeks, was beaten down first by Vitamin X and Mr. Boricua of The Lightning Crew, then by The South Central Militia who it seemed were coming to his aid. And then, we witnessed the shocking turn of events. COACH I said it last week and it bears repeating Mikey, Landon played Zack like a fiddle. He played him all the way up until The Great Angle Bash... but he reserved the final encore for last week. COLE For those of you who missed it last week, this is the moment when history was made. The closing moments of the impromptu World Heavyweight Championship match, take a look...Slowly walking over to Zack, Landon takes his sweet time. Again he drags Zack up by the hair, delivering another hard kick to the ribs. And in a final insult he then slides to Zack's side, struggling as he takes him up with the ANGLE SLAM~! Not the finest execution, but who cares? "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE Damnit! COACH I think that's what they call 'poetic'. Megan raises her arms in the air, counting along in glee with Landon as he covers... ONE! TWO! THRE... NO, ZACK KICKS OUT! ZACK KICKS OUT~! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE YES! COME ON ZACK, FIGHT, FIGHT WITH ALL YOU'VE GOT! "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" Utterly shocked, Landon begins to get that sinking feeling. Zack is still in the fight, however barely. But before Zack can get back up, he takes a punch to the ribs. Again. Again. And again and again and again and again, with no end in sight, Maddix trying to turn Zack's internal organs into mincemeat! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Eventually Zack seems to go limp, and Landon is the one keeping him from falling, as he holds him by the collar of his shirt. Leading Zack away from the ropes, Landon hoists Zack up onto his shoulders, looking to deal the death blow. However, before Zack can Go 2 Sleep, he decides he wants to stay up a little while longer, and kicks himself off Landon's shoulders! Thinking quickly, Zack goes for the ANGLE SLAM~!, but can't lift Landon, dropping him to his feet! Favoring the ribs, Malibu keels over and winds up scooped up again, onto Landon's shoulders, before La Cucaracha decides to put him to bed. GO 2 SLEEP ON ZACK MALIBU~! COLE No, COME ON! This is robbery! This was a premeditated assault! Malibu, with blood dripping down his chin, is lifeless, as Landon Maddix makes a rather arrogant cover. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! COLE NO! I don't believe it...this can't be happening! COACH It is, Mikey Cole, it most certainly is! We have a NEW World Heavyweight Champion, and it happened right here on live television! As "Personal Jesus" is cued up, Landon Maddix is given the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship, and he clutches it to his chest. Megan Skye rolls into the ring and rubs her mans shoulders as he stares into the gold center plate, then rises to his feet and unleashes a primal scream as he raises the belt in the air. COLE I...I'm in shock. I don't believe what we've just seen. The Millitia enter the ring as well, as Landon shakes both their hands and thanks them, before they take Landon and lift him onto their shoulders like a conquering hero! COLE And now, we enter a new era here in the OAOAST. Zack Malibu has been ordered to take the week off to recuperate, both by his doctors and by the figurehead of the OAOAST AngleSault. But here tonight in Tampa, we will be graced with the presence of the new World Champion. Live in this ring, a celebration from the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, Landon Maddix, later on in this broadcast. It certainly promises to be unmissable. Folks, we'll be back with more HeldDOWN.COMING UP NEXTSWING BATTER BATTER SWINGLeon Rodez Vs UNONEXT Hole's "Gold Dust Woman" hits and the lights dim into an forboding gold hue in the arena. A menacing steel cage rises from beneath the entrance stage. Behind it's rusted and dilapadated bars stand the brooding Conquistadors. A nearby stage hand releases the lock, letting the grapplers onto the floor. Uno typically replay this kindness by shoving the poor lackey to the ground, and Dos follows up this despicable act by hawking a gob of spit onto the poor man. The two warriors then pound their fists together and head out to the warzone. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by Conquistador Dos! He hails from Santa Fe, New Mexico by way of Tijuana, Mexico... weighing in at one hundred and sixty five pounds. "THE WILD CHICANO"... CONQUISTADOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRR UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH How come Uno gets a nickname and not Dos? COLE Maybe Theodore Moneymaker didn't have enough money in his makeover budget. By the way, that entrance? Creepy. Into the ring slides Uno, raising a gloved fist in the air as a sign of defiance. Dos applauds from the outside. COLE Well, singles action here with Conquistador Uno to take on Leon Rodez. And it would seem that Uno has been fed to the lions here by Theodore Moneymaker, after what we saw at The Great Angle Bash with Los Conquistadors getting involved in his tag team match. Los Conquistadors cost Leon and Alix Maria Spezia the match with the help of a pair of baseball bats and I've no doubt that their association with The Enterprise is like a red rag to a bull to The Silky Smooth One right about now. .:CUE: Trust Company, "Rock The Casbah":. The crowd suddenly come unglued as the music powers through the PA system and LEON RODEZ powers through the entrance way with similiar power (must. buy. thesaurus.)! Shuffling around in the ring, Uno bravely waves on Leon, despite the determined stride in his step. BUFFER And the opponent, from Grand Rapids, Michigan... two hundred, eighteen pounds... "SILKY SMOOTH" LLLEEEEEEOOOOONN RRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZ!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Buffer bails out of the ring just as Leon slides in, making a beeline straight for the golden Conquistador. The confident Uno doesn't back down. And he pays for it as Leon goes straight to work with some bodyshots, backing Uno up into a corner! COLE This may not last long. *DINGDINGDING!* Continuing to fire away with rights and lefts up under the ribs Leon has Uno holding up his hands, begging for the referee to force a break. Eventually he does, Chioda moving Leon out of the corner. Which allows Uno to come out of the corner with a cheapshot, catching Rodez cold with a big right hand! COACH Ah, don't count Uno out so fast Mikey. These Conquistadors are dangerous, fiery Latinos. Mr. Moneymaker doesn't associated himself with just anybody you know. As Leon goes staggering backwards, in moves Uno, picking out the legs a double leg takedown and mounting Leon with some more wild right hands. He only gets in a couple though before Rodez switches, mounting Uno and pounding him with some hard shots in return. COLE Coach, I think 'Mister' Moneymaker would have settled for anyone who could swing a baseball bat to help him at The Great Angle Bash. And it just so happened, Los Conquistadors were cheap and weren't exactly busy at the time. COACH That's cold man. COLE Come on Coach, usually when one of The Enterprise is in action, Theodore is out here with us pushing some sort of agenda. I doubt he's even watching this match on a monitor in the back. Eventually, having put out the Latino fire of Conquistador Uno, Rodez drags him up by his gold bodysuit. By that clothing he drags him into another right hand, keeping him on his feet as he executes an irish whip. Uno bounces out of the corner, into a second whip, into the opposite corner. Again Uno rebounds out of the turnbuckles and a third whip sends him back into the first corner he occupied, Leon following in this time with Double Knees up into the chest! Uno collapses to the canvas, as Leon glares in the direction of Dos to make him think twice about making any moves to help. COLE Got to watch these Conquistadors. There's no telling when they'll try and make a switch. Rodez drags Uno roughly to his feet and irish whips him across the ring, springing up to meet him on the rebound with a picturesque Standing Dropkick! With Uno laid out, Leon then turns his attentions back to Dos, who has jumped to the apron... ...knocking him to the floor with enough force to send Dos crashing into the steel barricade!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Again Uno is dragged back up... but the distraction seemed to have worked to some extent for Los Conquistadors as Uno goes to the eyes! A shoulder barge takes Leon all the way into the corner and The Wild Chicano continues to claw away at the face of Rodez, despite the protests of referee Mike Chioda. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" Having broken just before a disqualification was called, Uno now whips Leon out of the corner. Getting his foot up to prevent a face-first meeting with the turnbuckles, Rodez quickly throws back his elbow, timed perfectly to catch Uno running in! Uno then stumbles right back into a jab! A jab! A jab! A jab! Rodez turns, blowing the kiss, before turning back on his heels... *SMACK!* ...and nailing the Conquistador upside the head with the enziguri, turning him inside out! "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! COACH Oh no! I hope there's a Tres somewhere, because that may be the end of Uno! Uno is out cold as Leon climbs back to his feet. Apparantly not done yet, off the ropes comes Rodez, dropping the forearm across the painted face of the Conquistador. A second time the forearm comes down. And a third, all measured to the forehead. Still that's not enough though and by the top of Uno's PVC bodysuit Leon pulls his opponent up. COACH Now, this is uncalled for! COLE Seeing as Leon Rodez took two baseball bats upside the head at The Bash, he's perfectly within his rights to make the most of this chance for revenge. Hauling Uno around so he's pinned into a corner, Leon reels back... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and cracks him across the chest with a knifedge chop! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and a second, trying to force PVC and skin together into one! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" A third chop connects and Uno, already limp, falls up against the bottom turnbuckle showing little signs of fight. So Leon, who is still showing plenty of signs of fight, asks the Tampa crowd if they want him to continue. "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" A no brainer. COLE The Conquistadors should have asked for more money while they had the chance. Danger money, perhaps. By the ears, Uno is dragged to his feet. An irish whip sends him into the opposite corner and once he settles, he finds himself in the firing line as Rodez comes soaring in, driving all of his 218 pounds into the gut of the Conquistador with the Superman Spear!! Uno collapses over Leon's shoulder, getting shrugged off and swept down by the arm. And quick as a flash, Leon locks up the arm, looking to apply a Cross Armbreaker. With what awareness he has left, Uno locks his hands together to block. Which doesn't last longer than two wrenches, Leon seperating the arms and getting the Cross Armbreaker... ...which gets a super-quick tapout!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Your winner of the match... LEON RRRRROOOOOOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZ!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE And that quickly it's over. One of the most deceptively dangerous holds in wrestling, that Cross Armbreaker. As soon as the hands seperated, the elbow began to hyperextend. And Uno decided to tapout before any serious damage could be done! Having released the hold, Leon has to make a quick 180 as Conquistador Dos returns, wielding a steel chair... ...which is ducked! Leon catches Dos on the way past, causing him to drop the chair. Quickly Leon retrieves it and sure enough... *CRACK!* "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" ...it's the hapless Conquistador who gets CREAMED with a vicious chairshot!! COLE OH MY! COACH Somebody call Quatro. Both Conquistadors are down, Uno clutching his arm and Dos seeing stars and cartoon birds floating in front of his eyes. Holding the majorly dented chair still, Leon looks around at the damage he's caused and surprisingly doesn't seem all that proud. Instead he drops the chair, shaking his head sadly as he bails out of the ring and marches back up the ramp much in the same manner as he came. COLE Loath as he was to do it, Leon Rodez just sent a message to The Enterprise here tonight. Los Conquistadors paid the price... uhm, okay... apparantly, Maggie Nerdly is stalking by... uh, standing by sorry. Maggie. Cut to behind the curtains where Melody is waiting. MAGGIE Hey ya'll, somebody told me this'd be a dope place to set up stall for interviews. Why they did it in mid-conversation I dunno but here I am and apparantly somebody's going to come through these curtains in a second. Why we need curtains and sliding doors I dunno, but whatever... Leon finally makes it back at this point. MAGGIE Hey, Leon, can I get a few words... LEON You know what, Theodore Moneymaker, what you just saw was a placeholder my friend. Those two guys out there, the Conquistadors, I've got nothing against them. Sure, they cost me the match at The Bash. But they're two guys desperate for a break. They're yet another couple of innocent people being manipulated by you, your money and your stinking Enterprise! I'm not proud of that. And I'm not even proud of the fact that it was your arm I saw breaking in my hands. I'm not proud either that when that chair came down, it wasn't hitting any Conquistador's heads, it was crashing straight down on those blond locks of you Ned Blanchard! I'm not proud of any of that. I'm just sick and tired of this whole situation. Ever since AngleMania, there's this anger built up inside of me. And that's just not the way I am. This has to end and it has to end soon. Wiping a hand over his head, Leon tries to compose himself. LEON Moneymaker, you like to dictate who and what happens around here with your dirty money and it's getting old. I don't want Los Conquistadors. I don't want mis-matches little teams. What I want... what D*LUX want... what I'm sure Chicks Over Dicks want... is all five of you in one place, at one time, so we can dictate who we want to deal with. So consider this a challenge. 5 on 5. Your Enterprise versus the five people who won't rest until we've convinced Jade the error of her ways. I don't know as this'll do that, but it'll damn sure give us a chance to take out some frustrations on the right people in the meantime. Leon storms off, leaving Maggie a little flustered.COMMERCIAL BREAK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 We're thrust...THRUST I SAY, deep into the den of malpractice that is the office of Doctor Max Anderson medical professional at law. That last part made no sense. And it really isn't office, more of a janitor's closet in the arena with a couple of artificial plants, and a few back issues of Asian Tail magazine belonging to the absent janitor. Doc Max sits behind his desk, wearing a white lab coat, unbuttoned to show off SUPA SEXY chest hair. Some women prefer a jungle of love. I like my men freshly shaven. Across from him are his unusual “patients” (hey, he went to med school!), Alix Maria Spezia, and Krista Isadora Duncan. Alix is outfitted in a white A&F cotton polo with a frilly floral pattern on the side, and a cute, destroyed ultra tinyjean shorts. Krista wears a grey Salvage pistol tank dress which packs a heavy rock inspried punch, with black graphics that flow chaotically around savage lettering. And let's just pretend the girls didn't hear Leon talk about a 5 on 5 match, ooookay. There at the doctor's for pete's sake! Have a heart! ANDERSON I don't have all the medical equipment I need to give you an accurate or technically sound diagnosis, unless there's a state of the art x-ray machine beneath these stacks of Asian pornography, but I think you're over reacting just a tad, Krista. The leg injury Alix got from The Enterprise in her Great Angle Bash match is very minor. KRISTA Hey, Doctor Quinn Medicine woman, I'm not paying you for your opinion, I'm paying you to agree with whatever I say. ANDERSON You're not paying me at all, really. You just yanked me out of the buffet line and dragged me into this closet. By the time I get back all the Miss Spezia's Sweeties Kimmy Gibbler coffee cakes will be gone! Alix, is she always like this? ALIX Oh yeah, but one look at that cute butt and she is soooooo worth it. ANDERSON Butts are nice, but give me a nice pair of legs any day of the week. ALIX Oooh yeah, you wanna see some really, really, really, sexy legs? Krista, honey, put your legs on the desk. KRISTA We're not here for girl talk. ALIX (in an overly deep voice) Sorry, Krista! How are the testicles, Maxwell? Have you oppressed any minorities lately? ANDERON Why, yes, I called the cook at the noodle shop down the street “Chinaman”! (Max returns to a more doctorly, not a word, style of speech) But the point I was trying to get to, is that Alix may have missed last week's show with the injury, but this week she's perfectly fine. You two could wrestle tonight if you wanted. ALIX (coyly) Oh don't worry, doctor, the bottle of whip cream I just bought means we'll be doing a whole bunch of that! KRISTA Oh dear god. ALIX Oooh, I haven't heard one of those in awhile. Speaking of which,doctor, with this little leg thing I got going on, can we still boom-chika-boom? KRISTA Alix, do you think you could approach this with a bit more maturity and dignity? ALIX Okie dokie, jokie. Can we still do it in the coat closet at her mother's country club? I don't know about her, but I'm red hot and ready to moan! Krissy, that is, not her mother. Although, she's more then welcome to lend a finger or two. KRISTA And just when I told my counselor my urge to kill myself had lessened. ANDERSON Well, it's like I said, you can wrestle right now if you wanted, it's only a minor ankle sprain. But you'd prefer to keep, um, risks of reinjury to a minimum. It's just a matter of weight distribution, maybe range of motion, and not getting tangled in all those mink fur coats. Not to get bogged down with details..... ALIX No, bog away, dude, no one likes to kill the mood with useless crap more then Krissy! KRISSY She's right. Bog away! ANDERSON Aside from medical concerns, couples, often times, have certain...umm...preferences. Despite being a stripper and a doctor, Max has some issues broaching the topic of sexual positions. Krista, of course has no such qualms, and throws The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us on the desk. Anderson's eyes widen as though he's been entrusted to view some magical holy grail, and he says a silent thank you to the lord above. Krista ignores his delighted expression and instead flips through the pages until settling on a rather um...uh...let's just say complicated position. Yes. Complicated. KRISTA Can we still do this? ANDERSON Sweet Virgin Mary! You mean you can do that normally? KRISTA Well I am a fitness queen. ANDERSON But she's just a chef! KRISTA (pointing to another position) How about this? Alix, remember how scared the cats got? ALIX Yeah, well, all the mud kind of made us look like the creature from the black lagoon. While Alix and Krista laugh at their cats' reaction to the Venus to Venus, Max looks through the book with great interest. Great interest. ANDERSON A lot these of are fine, you just want to avoid things like this....and this, and oh man, how do you fit that in there? Krista leans forward to flip through a few pages before settling on another position. KRISTA How about this, doc? ANDERSON (amazed, and overjoyed) Three..three....three people?! At this point, Doctor Jekyll becomes Mister Hide. Or is it the other way around? Fuck if I know. I AIN'T READING BOOKS, I'M IN THE STREETS. ANDERSON Ladies, ladies, ladies, if you wanted to take “intensive care” of Doc Anderson's unit, then there's no need for the pretext of this minor leg injury. All you had to do was ask Doc Anderson for one of his extra special breast exams. You know what I'm saying? KRISTA You seem to be asking Doctor Krista for one of her extra special rectal exams. You know what I'm saying, Doogie Houser? ALIX Yeah, dude, we're talking about Mackenzie, anyway. ANDERSON Mackenzie? Good night nurse! Really? ALIX (taking like a 70's pimp) Let me run something down to you, trick, most of what's out there is two dollar bitches, with three dollar haircuts, but Mackie's the quality of qualitaaay, the tippity toppity of the biddy stock. Say Amen. ANDERSON Amen! ALIX We even have stuff in common! Her father was a world famous topiary artist, and my dad used to work as one to but then they fired him because all his sculptures were of a nude Hitler. KRISTA Yeah, she's hot. There's no punchline to that, doctor. That girl is just flat out gorgeous. Even her Myspace page is wonderful. Most people's Myspaces and blogs suck. You should read my sister, Layla's one. Interests: “I like to have fun, enjoy myself, and laugh, and smile.” Who the fuck doesn't,Layla? Anyway, while I don't agree with the neo-McCarthyist brainwashing Moneymaker's done to Mackenize, the entry she wrote on Governor Schwarzenegger using nonprofit charities to subsidize his private jet? I haven't been that turned on by political talk since Hilary's 1996 Democratic National committee speech. ALIX It takes a village to raise a child, but it only takes a single keystroke to lower my skirt! KRISTA But it's just a shame that Mackie's mind has been chained to the patriarchal republican galley ship, and mercilessly whipped by her misogynistic imperial slave masters. ALIX But in a non political framework, she's way HAWT! KRISTA Totally, I'd hook up with her even if she was wearing a Bush mask. ALIX Or a Regan mask. KRISTA Woah, woah, woah, woah, that's Krista's last stop on the dyke train. Karl Rove? Scooter Libby? Okay. Ronald Regan? Not even if she was dipped in cookie dough ice cream....well, okay maybe then. Anyway, back to the book, do you think we could squeeze a third person into this one? Krista points to another very complex position. ALIX (scoffing) Woah! Only if that third person is Emmanuel Lewis. KRISTA Alrighty then, that terribly, terribly, unfortunate, mental image just guaranteed you won't be getting any until my next therapy session. Until then enjoy my Bellydancing to a better butt fitness video. Thanks for everything, doc. Krista removes the book from Max's still stunned eyes, and departs stage left. Or door left in this case. ALIX Hey, honey can you walk a little slower, so I can enjoy the view? To that, Krista offers Alix a one fingered salute. Anderson and Alix are left to shake their heads in annoyance and confusion. ALIX and ANDERSON Women! somewhere Stephen Pigley criesCOMMERCIALAnd now, the OAOAST SPINEBUSTER OF THE WEEK!Courtesy: The Great Angle BashLucius scoops Synth up for a suplex, but the Synthmeister floats over and delivers a wild DDT! “YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE Percussion! He got it out of nowhere! ONE… TWO… * JUDO CHOP * Baron’s strike to the back of the neck leaves Synth in a world of hurt. He tosses him outside and seats Lucius on the top rope for a superplex. But Logan Mann wants a word with the Gunslinger first, yanking him off the second turnbuckle after whipping Rico into the guardrail. LOGAN :firedevil: BARON COLE I don’t think Logan appreciated the matter in which Baron disposed of Synth. It was the first real physical contact either team has had with each other all night. You had a couple of minor situations earlier in the night but that’s it. Logan and Baron have a heated but rather calm argument until Logan wags his finger in Baron’s face. Windels swats it away and bumps his chest into Mann’s. Logan throws his hands in the air to signal he’s had enough of this conversation, only to turn right around and... * GASP * …KICK, WHAM, DDT! COLE What the hell?! No, damnit! Melody begins to sob like Paris Hilton in a police cruiser, shaking uncontrollably as Logan SPITS on Baron. Like the thousands in attendance and the millions watching at home, Holly too is left shaking her head. She’s grabbed by the wrist and whisked backstage by Logan, a groggy Synth tailing behind. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH I can’t believe what I’m hearing. The fans are actually booing the Heavenly Rockers. COLE And I don’t blame them one bit. Logan’s behavior here tonight was deplorable. Rico de Janeiro slides in and positions Baron for a piledriver, but not just any piledriver…a SPIKE PILEDRIVER as Lucius completes the deed from the top! COLE Now that’ll do it. ONE… TWO… THREE! * DINGDINGDING * The HD logo flashes across the screen and leads us inside the private RECORDING STUDIO of THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Holly stands between Synth and Logan, both of whom are seated comfortably on leather recliners. LOGAN First and foremost, Tampa, sorry we couldn’t be there live and in living color, but as the greatest rock 'n' wrestling band of all-time there are certain obligations that need to be met in order for us to grace you with our heavenly presence. Now that we’ve cleared the air on that subject, let’s talk about the Bash. It seems like that’s all people have on their minds. They wanna know why we did what we did; elements in society hoping and praying we plead temporarily insanity. SYNTH Out of our minds and outta this world! LOGAN Well, mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, you don’t need to be no rocket scientist to figure it out. It’s just like the Heavenly Rockers said months ago, don’t mess with our money and fame. To sample our boy P. Diddy’s campaign in ‘04, “do it and die!” SYNTH Insensitive to the highest degree. :headbang: Rock ‘n’ roll, mutha[bleep]! LOGAN You see, when the house was a-rockin’ we didn’t come a-knockin’, we banged the damn door down! All we tried to do is pass along our knowledge of the dog-eat-dog world that is professional wrestling to the Lone Star Gunslingers, but they could only think about the moment in time in which they’d stab us in the back. Do unto others before they do unto you sayeth Logan Usher Mann! HOLLY-WOOD SYNTH LOGAN Holly, problem?! HOLLY :hm: LOGAN You got a problem with what your man, the “Macho MACHO” Mann that satisfies your every need, is sayin’? HOLLY Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do. I think this whole “feud” is childish. Melody assured me the Lone Star Gunslingers were no threat to us. All they wanted was the HI-YAH tag team championship. SYNTH At our expense. And whatcha doin’ still yammering with dat Melody? HOLLY Yammering? What did you do, Synth, finally put the bong down and picked up a thesaurus? SYNTH Hey, ah got feelings, you know. HOLLY Look, what I’m trying to say is, they wanted the belts and we wanted the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. We had this worked out going into the Great Angle Bash, but it obviously didn’t stop you guys from getting involved in a pissing contest. LOGAN Didn’t your mother ever teach you to never -- and I mean, never-never-never -- bite the hand that feeds you, girl?! If not for the Heavenly Rockers you’d still be some lonely publicist at Arista. Don’t you forget THAT and the one thing you’re only good at…head banging below the waist! HOLLY SYNTH Holly appears to wipe a tear as she storms out of the studio, lip quivering. LOGAN Ah, shit. Holly! Realizing what he’s done Logan chases after his wife. Left alone in the studio Synth wanders around before staring into the camera… SYNTH Who be bad now?! Who be bad now?! Who be bad now?! We be bad now! We be bad now! We be bad now! ...and then relives Ashley Simpson’s infamous blunder on SNL, dancing like a fool as the video ends.COMING UP NEXTFaqu and James Blonde Vs Los Diablos De FuegoNEXT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by...Nair-Like Never BeforeiPhone-Tony said this shits too mu'fuckin expensive. Buy it anyway.Good Girl Gone Bad-the new CD by RhiannaDo it Do it Do it What you waitin' for? Do it Do it Do it What you waitin' for? Do it Do it Do it The hip-hop anthem of Big Things Poppin' (DAAAA REEEMIX!!!) booms to life, as the venue dims to a menacing red glow. White spot lights pierce through the crimson illumination, shining harshly upon the capacity crowd. The entrance doors tear apart to showcase a truly intimidating sight, the monstrously demonic Samoan, Faqu. Bellow his scowling face, his taped knuckles crack in preparation to obliterate the foes the OAOAST brass has laid in front of him. Streaming from Faqu's statuesque side is James Blonde, a red doo rag that matches his all red attire, covering his out pouring of lush blond hair. Blonde shadow boxes across the steel stage, triumphing over a wave of imaginary enemies. Once he destroys his last foe, he tosses his entire body into the air in glorious celebration. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of twenty minutes! First from Vancouver, British Columbia, weighing in at two hundred pounds, The Mover From Vancouver, JAMES BLONDE! And his partner, from the Isle of Samoa, weighing three hundred and one pounds, FAQUUUUU!Big shit poppin' And lil' shit stoppin' Big shit poppin' And lil' shit stoppin' Big shit poppin' And lil' shit stoppin' ***Ball on these niggas shawty losing's not an option*** Blonde begins unleashing a wealth of trash talk into the camera, doing nothing to endear him to the home viewing audience. Faqu is much too concerned with the task at the and to partake in such gestures. He simply slides into the ring and awaits the arrival of his night's opponent. COLE Folks, as you know the OAOAST recently acquired the HI-YAH promotion. Unfortunately, market research shows that most our fans hate the Japanese, so the vast majority of HI-YAH talent had to be released. James Blonde was able to retain a full time position with the OAOAST, and was very eager to return to working full time back in North America. However, he's never really made an impact on either continent so he's on thin ice, perhaps. Faqu, on the other hand, was the HI-YAH world champion for over a year. While he was saddened at the closing of HI-YAH, he truly believes he can hold the OAOAST world title just as long. If not longer. COACH Bro is tough as nails, but the competition is a lot harder here then in Japan. Last match he had here, he got ran stupid by Alix and Krista. They're just little girls! They aren't even real wrestlers! It's like being beat up by Jessica Biel! What happens against the real wrestlers? Zack or ThuderKid or PRL or Maddix? He needs to ease himself back into the OAOAST, get a feel for what's going on, then make his run.Humidity’s rising Barometer's getting low According to all sources The street's the place to go Cause tonight for the first time Just about half-past ten For the first time in history It's gonna start raining men. From the ceiling comes a torrential downpour of Miss Spezia's Sweeties Gingerbread cookies, and all I gotta say is LET THE MOTHERFUCKING PARTY BEGIN! The very lifeblood of any self respecting gay club in the United States, It's raining men elevates the crowd to a mood of ecstatic euphoria. The sizable homosexual fanbase (come on people we have TWO gay tag teams and they're both faces), grooves in the stands to the thumping dance track! Their joy is increased tenfold when the glamorous queens from south of the broder, Los Diablos De Fuego erupt onto the scene! Clad in their glamorous, glitter soaked, pink bodysuits, and gorgeous rhinestone belts, the pairing vigorously bump and grind with each other, bringing aroused hoots and hollers from many male members of the audience. COACH Why? Why they gotta do that? COLE Los Diablos back in action on HeldDOWN! This is great! We haven't seen them for a while because Mariachi came down with a very nasty staph infection. COACH Staph infection? Is that what you people call it now? BUFFER Their opponents...from sunny Cabo San Lucas, the sexiest tag team in all of Mehico, MARIACHI and MORACCA... LOS DIABLOS DE FFFUUUUUEEEEEGGOOOOOO! As if the announcement of their names didn't get enough of a cheer, Los Diablos further ignite the sold out audience by scandalously grinding their crotches into the guardrails. The men in the front rows are stricken with joy over the Mexicans' sensual showing, and eagerly converge upon the barricades to try to at least touch the south of the border pretty boys. However, Los Diablos are all tease and not a single spectator is blessed with a magical touch. COACH WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO THE OAOAST! Are these fans idiots? They're wearing full bodysuits! And masks! How is that at all sexy? I could understand if they were out there lookin' like 50 Cent or Game, no homo. Got them shirts off, that brown skin, lookin' fine as hell, no homo. Then you know, you wanna be up all in that mix, no homo. Run your hands up and down they sexy abs, no homo. Feelin up they chest, no homo. Get you some of that fine black man, no homo. That shit everybody needs once in awhile, no homo. Them big, muscular ass brothers, type that got they sex game on point, no homo. COLE Coach, just because you say no homo doesn't make it any less homosexual! COACH Yes it does. Mariachi slides into the ring, where he energetically pumps his crotch into the canvas while he stares with deep enchantment into the camera, turning out every male viewer with a simple wink and a steamy smile. Moracca struts along the apron, giving the lusting the fans an entrancing view of the supple backside that's squeezed tightly behind the PVC fabric. Blonde, who's beyond repulsed by Los Diablos, demands Faqu start the match. Thankfully, the Samoan agrees. DING DING DING Faqu tries to play a good sportsman by offering his hand to Mariachi. However, the Mexican has other ideas; he takes Faqu's hand into his and places a delicate kiss onto his knuckles. Needless to say this does not endear much joy in Faqu's heart, and he angrily swats at his rival with his fist. Mariachi uses his forearm to deflect the incoming blow, then SMACKS Faqu in his pudgy cheek! As Faqu stumbles backwards, Mariachi proceeds to bust out a round of salacious hip swiveling. “HOMIES! HOMIES! HOMIES!” Mariachi points towards his adoring fans, then bounces off the ropes. Upon returning to the Samoan he leaps into a cross body block. But Faqu catches the luchadore in his arms, and throws his pink clad body backwards with a fall away slam! Mariachi lands with a resounding thud, music to the ears of the former HI-YAH superstar. However, Mariachi isn't as disabled as Faqu believed him to be, and when the Islander goes to scoop him off the canvas, he struck in the stomach with a pink glove! Faqu retorts to this attack by shoving Mariachi away and making the tag to James Blonde. COLE Blonde has never quite achieved the same level of greatness as Faqu has in the world of wrestling and that's always been a bone of contention between the two parties. Blonde enters the fray by picking up his rival and smashing an elbow into his forehead. The fierce strike sinks Mariachi to his knee pads, and he slowly crawls to the ropes. There's no salvation in the cables, however, as the Canadian uses them to choke his enemy. Elderly referee Clem Buzzlefoxer gives a stern five count against the hold. Yet Blonde refuses to heed his orders. This does not sit well with old man Clem, and without any hesitation, he pushes Blonde away! “YEAAAA!” COLE Thata boy, Clem! Blonde does not partake in Cole's enthusiasm, and instead unloads a torrent of rage upon the referee. However thanks to Clem's short term memory loss, he has no idea what he's done wrong, and merely cowers in great fear! Thankfully Mariachi comes to his rescue with a side Russian leg sweep! A pin follows, and Clem is eager to count it! ONE TWO But Blonde kicks out long before the three count! JB quickly scurries to his feet, but finds himself immediately whipped towards Los Diablos' corner. When he reaches Moracca, Blonde shoots his red elbow pad into his face. The blow drops the luchadore to the apron, and draws a decent amount of heel heat from the Floridians. Grinning in disgusting joy, Blonde charges towards Mariachi with a shoulder block. However, the Mexican dodges the strike by lacing his frilly boots around Blonde's legs to trip with a drop toe hold. The former HI-YAH star hits the canvas with a harsh impact, but his fragile ego seems to be hurt more then anything. And his pride certainly isn't helped when his blurry vision witnesses Mariachi performing crotch chops in front of his face! COLE You gotta love Los Diablos! COACH No you don't! No one has to love them! If they do there's something wrong with them! Mariachi applies the tag to boytoy Moracca. Eager for retribution over JB's cheap shot, Moracca springboards into the affair with a lariat! But Blonde swoops bellow the attack, and the only thing of Moracca's that hits him are the multicolored arm tassels. However, when he turns around to paste his opponent with a punch, he's flung to the mat with beautiful dropkick! As the crowd cheers the move, the flamboyant superstar attempts a pinfall! ONE Blonde powers out of the pinfall, and speedily heads to his feet. As Moracca stands to join him, he's greeted by a pair of thudding elbow strikes that leave him badly dazed. With the lucha sensation out on his feet, Blonde takes off towards the ropes. When he rebounds to his rival, he extends his muscular arm out and lacerates Moracca with a lariat! Despite the large amount of pain he's under, Moracca valiantly attempts to struggle upright. However, Blonde keeps him grounded with an elbow drop. He then pins Moracca... ONE Moracca kicks out in a defiant manner, angrily thrusting his shoulder off the canvas. This show of defiance is not greeted well by JB, who pumps a round of stomps into the chest of the Mexican. Once his stomping concludes, Blonde scrapes Moracca off the canvas, and leads him into his corner. He applies the tag with Faqu, then gives strict orders to “Finish this chump off!” The Samoan Wrecking Ball attempts to make good on this order with a basic bodyslam. As Moracca convulses in pain, Faqu takes towards the ropes. When he returns to his rival, he leaps into a bodysplash and crushes him beneath his massive bodyweight. Buzzlefoxer counts the ensuing pinfall! ONE TWO But our favorite fruit booty kicks out of the pin! COLE That's a huge, huge, man coming down on you with the bodysplash, and I don't envy Moracca one bit. Growling in disugst over the failed pinfall, Faqu rips his adversary off the canvas. He shoves him into his team's corner, where proceeds to decimate him with knife edge chops. The sound of Faqu's hand tearing through the flimsily pink top ecohes throughout the arena. Eventually, Moracca is able to turn the tides on his foe by slashing him with an elbow strike. He proceeds to batter the the man with swift strikes to the leg. Yet he finds his offensive flurry quickly cut short by a devastating lariat from the islander. While Moracca lies on the mat in a sizable amount of pain, Faqu returns James Blonde to the bout. COLE James Blonde really needs to get in here and make a good impression. With the closing of HI-YAH nothing is guaranteed for him here in the OAOAST As Blonde attempts to enter the ring the impression that he makes is a roundly bad one; Moracca strikes him with a majestic dropkick that pushes him through the ropes and onto the apron. Greatly annoyed with Moracca's offensive surge, Blonde quickly rises to score a measure of revenge. Unfortunately for him his plan goes horribly, horribly, horribly, astray, when the queer luchadore reaches through the ropes and attacks him with the dreaded testicular claw! COACH What is wrong with these cats? That ain't hip-hop! That ain't hip-hop! COLE That's because this is pro wrestling. COACH That ain't pro wrestling either. It should be an instant DQ! And James Blonde might call for one, were he not howling at the top of his lungs. His tortured screams are quickly joined and overwhelmed by the roar of the audience, and the giggling delight of his foe. “HOMIES! HOMIES! HOMIES!” Though the crowd may delight in Blonde's misfortunes, referee Buzzlefoxer does his job and requests a break from Moracca. The Mexican grants this request, but does so only to move Blonde into a front facelock. He attempts to bring him into the ring with a basic vertical suplex, but at the height of the hold, Blonde shifts his bodyweight backwards to land behind the gay sensation. He speedily coils his arms around Moracca's waist in hopes of hitting a German suplex. Yet, Moracca's fruity antics prevent such actions, as he joyfully grinds his tush into Blonde's crotch! COACH This hell is wrong with this fool? Disgusted by the twadry harassment, Blonde is quick to let his opponent go free. He begins to furiously brushi his brawny body off, as though that could somehow free him of the perversity he's suffered. Sadly, all it does is permit his enemy to punish him with a torpedo clothesline! Moracca then attempts a pinfall... ONE TWO But Blonde peels his shoulder off the mat, greatly upsetting the pro Diablos crowd. The flamboyant superstar begins clapping his hands in an effort to pump up the audience as he waits for The Mover From Vancouver to stand. Once Blonde finally rises, his wrist is caught by Moracca's gloved hand and he's slung into the ropes. However, he's quick to reverse the hold, and it's Moracca that's sent hurtling towards the cables. Once his partner hits the orange bands, Mariachi makes a blind tag. Blonde's surprise is enormous when the newest entrant to the contest bowls him over with a springboard dropkick! COACH Man, to go from dropping small Asain kids on their head in Japan, to getting ran ragged by Menudo is not what's up. Clutching his badly bruised face, Blonde staggers off the canvas, and uses his free hand to lob punches towards his vexing foe. Yet he can fire off no more then three jabs before the Anderson Cup finalist catches onto his incoming arm, and uses it to fire him into a neutral corner. Blonde's back crashes into the poorly padded posts, and he emits a roar of anguish as a result of this pain. Matters turn even more deadly for him when he eyes a giggling Mariachi zooming towards him with a “high angle” bronco buster! Acting out of sheer desperation, Blonde dives away from the oncoming face full of penis, and Mari is left to suffer through a terrible collision with the highest post! “OOOOOH!” go the male members of the audience in sympathy. Obviously, Blonde does not share in their sympathies, and eagerly seeks to inflict further damage upon Mariachi. With the queen still impaled upon the top turnbuckle, Blonde traps him into an inverted ¾ facelock. Without a moment of waiting he jerks his bodyward, yanking Mari off the posts and punishing him with a lethal neckbreaker! COLE Did you see the way Mariachi's neck just twisted and cranked? COACH I saw it and I loved it. The Mover From Vancouver goes for a pin and his fingers count along with each slap of the canvas, ONE TWO While JB's personal count may have reached three, Buzzlefoxer's fails to do so, thanks to Mariachi's kickout. Blonde adamantly protests this perceived slow count. He becomes so involved with his compliant that he fails to notice Mariachi getting to his feet and darting towards the ropes. However, once Mariachi returns to him with the makings of a bulldog, Blonde becomes aware of his position and flattens him with a diving lariat! The pain ripping through Mari's chest is horrific, and it prevents him from stopping Blonde from raising him by his glittering mask and dragging him towards his (Blonde's) corner. “USA! USA! USA!” sing the fans, exposing themselves as the stupidest wrestling audience of all time. A tag is made with Faqu, and before Mariachi knows what is what, he's being sucked within the gears of a grotesque double team. Both men trap him into a front facelock, then swiftly drop him to the canvas with DDT that savages his battered neck. Faqu follows the hold with a pin, while Blonde departs the ring with a smug smirk on his face. ONE TWO But Mariachi kicks out and there's great delight to be had by the audience. Mariachi then tries to draw on their support in order to will himself to his feet. But as he stands, Faqu pounces on him, clasping his mighty claws around the luchadore's skinny neck. As Mariachi exerts a grandoise effort just to breathe, his snarling rival hoists him into the sky. Mariachi frantically scrapes and slashes at the arms that hold aloft, but there's nothing he can do to prevent Faqu from decimating him with the dreadful choke bomb! Buzzlefoxer counts the ensuing pinfall! ONE TWO Somehow, Mariachi summons the strength needed to kickout of the fall. Yet the strength needed to take the fight to Faqu continues to elude him; Faqu pulls him up by his rhinestone belt and snares him into a double underhook. He then lifts Mariachi vertically, seconds before he spikes his head into the canvas with an underhook pile driver. Faqu leaves Mariachi to quiver on the mat, and departs towards the ropes. Once he nears the luchadore he takes to the skies and drives the point of his knee onto his foe's forehead. As the agony of the strike tremors through his head, Faqu seeks another pinfall. ONE TWO Again Mariachi kicksout! “YEAAAAA!” The normally stoic Faqu is beside himself with disgust over the failure of his pin. He grumbles in aggravation as he lifts Mariachi into a standing head scissors. He pulls the luchadore onto his shoulders in preparation for a deadly powerbomb. However, Mariachi utilizes his incredible agility to overtake Faqu with a hurricanrana! The crowd goes nuclear with joy over Mari's counter, and their delight is increased ten fold when he uses a great burst of energy to dive forward and apply the tag with Mariachi! “HOMIES! HOMIES! HOMIES!” Sensing the obvious turning of the tide, Blonde doesn't even bother to wait for the tag from his partner. He darts into the ring, leaping over Faqu's dizzied body, and aims a lariat towards the approaching gay sensation. But Mariachi counters the attack by shooting his boot forward and catching Blonde with a superkick! The Vancouver native crashes into the canvas, and instantly has Mariachi descending upon his busted face with a double stomp. Fortunately, Blonde avoids the catastrophic disaster by shifting his head to the left. The avoidance pushes Mariachi off balance, and this permits the suddenly recovered Faqu to strike the Mexican with a concussing forearm to the face! COLE Faqu wasn't down for long, that's for sure! Unfortunately for the Samoan, while Mariachi may have been dealt with, Moracca is far from vanquished. He leaps onto Faqu's shoulders, then overtakes the surprised grappler by rolling forward and dropping him into a pin. Buzzlefoxer and the audience score the fall..... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO But Blonde breaks the fall up with a strike of his boot! “BOOOOO!” The crowd's mood improves somewhat when Mariachi dives upon the Canadian with furious clubbing forearms. Blonde rises through the wave of strikes, but before he can mount a counterattack Mariachi grabs him beneath each armpit, and quickly lifts him into the air. He then falls forward into a seated position, dropping his enemy onto his back! The audience sings with glee over the high impact attack, and counts along with Buzzlefoxer's scoring of the ensuing pinfall... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO Faqu obliterates the pinfall,and Mariachi's back with a running bodysplash! Needless to say, the fans are less then tickled at this latest development, and boo fiercely. COLE Once again Faqu making himself felt, and believe me, that's not the kind of man you want to be made to feel. An EMT Tim or a Johnny Jackson, maybe. But not Faqu. Faqu brings Mariachi off the canvas, and instantly wrenches his arm in preparation for a corckscrew neckbreaker. However Mariachi slips free of the hold, and uses a great surge of strength to shove the islander into the ropes. Mariachi bounces off the cables himself, and as the two near a gargantuan collision, he leaps behind Faqu for a “flashback”. The flashy (no pun) hold earns an amazing pop from the crowd, and a groan of despair from Faqu. Buzzlefoxer counts the resulting fall.. CROWD ONE CROWD TWO A kickout by Faqu! Mari sits with “her” hands pressed to “her” head. His purple lipsticked mouth is held agape as he wonders how Faqu kicked out of the agile attack. COACH What resiliency by Faqu! And what desire to avoid the embarrassment that comes hand and hand with losing to Los Diablos. Mariachi patiently awaits for Faqu to rise upright. But once the Samoan gets to his feet he stuns the luchadore with a fireman’s carry! Mariachi is quick to rise from the basic hold. Unfortunately for him, Faqu is quick to ground him with the falcon arrow. As Mariachi's spirited attack is throughly deflated by the hold, a pin is quick to follow. ONE! TWO!THREE! A disappointed crowd reacts with an annoyed groan to the result. Blonde, on the other hand, is ecstatic with the outcome and dives upon his perpetually stoic partner in celebration. BUFFER The winners of the match, James Blonde and Faqu! COLE A well fought match between both teams, but Los Diablos De Fuego a little rusty coming off.... COACH Don't make excuses, dawg! Homies got beat, that's it. And James Blonde, and Faqu were lookin' real good in their first match back as OAOAST full time competitors. I'm proud to have them on the roster. COLE Well, I argue that Los Diablos were definitely rusty, but I can't argue Blonde and Faqu put in a good showing! Folks, we'll be back with more.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 COLE Right now, ladies and gentlemen, we’d like to turn our attention to the tag team title situation. As announced at the Great Angle Bash, the OAOAST purchased HI-YAH promotions and has scheduled a tag title unification bout sometime in the near future between the reigning champions Chicks Over Dicks and the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. Well, this past weekend on OAOAST Pro Wresting our broadcast colleague Jesse “The Body” Ventura was conducting an interview with the HI-YAH tag team champions when Theodore Moneymaker stopped by. Here is what he had to say. * SWOOSH *Courtesy: OAOAST Syndicated Moneymaker and Mackie are booed as they step onto the world famous INTERVIEW STAGE. Initially shocked by their appearance, Jesse welcomes the “Billion Dollar Heir” and his stunning Chief Financial Officer, the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew a bit more reserved. During the course of the segment cameras cut away to various signs in the crowd, including such gems as “MACKENZIE DECENZO: LESBIAN AT HEART” and “BILLION DOLLAR A$$HOLE”. MONEYMAKER Pardon the interruption, but I think everyone in this arena and those watching at home will find what I have to say very fascinating, particularly the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. As you very well know, Jesse, the Enterprise has been bogged in a costly venture with COD. For months I have done everything in my power to end the title reign of those morally bankrupt chicks. Never in my life have one of my investments failed to turn a profit. Unlike all you nickel-and-dimers, I pride myself on taking calculated risks. That’s what separates the rich from the poor -- the ability to go all in without fear of losing. It’s everything or nothing, baby! Calculated risks are what made me the man, the rich man that I am today. This brings me to you, Rico de Janeiro and Lucius Soul. Today is your lucky day, because I’m about to offer you the deal of a lifetime. I am willing to offer you a substantial CASH reward -- no checks, just cold hard cash, baby -- for unifying the World tag team championships. I guess you can say it’s as easy as 1...2...3. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! RICO Moneybags, chico, the King of the Mardi Gras, he don’t forgot the past, mang. My first match in the OAOAST, it was against you. Other than looking up at the lights when it was all said and done, the one thing I remember was being offered a “deal of a lifetime.” It kinda gets hazy after that. You wouldn’t happen to know why, do ya? MONEYMAKER (nervously) Rico, that was another lifetime ago. You’ve proven to be a man of high character. If I knew then what I know now you better believe I’d handle that whole situation differently. LUCIUS Brothas, brothas, brothas, brothas! They call “the past” the past for a reason. Now, when I wasn’t lookin’ at the foxy lady next to Theodore… MACKENZIE LUCIUS …I vividly remember hearing something about the all mighty dollar. Am I right, my brotha? Substantial cash at that, yes? Like, 6 figure range? Teddy simply nods. LUCIUS Well, brotha, then it would be an honor to fulfill your prophecy. MONEYMAKER So we have a deal? RICO Mang, consider it done. MONEYMAKER SCHIAVONE Theodore Moneymaker has just paid off the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew to defeat COD and unify the World tag team titles. Incredible! * SWOOSH * Back at Sofa Central with Cole and The Coach. COLE How about that, Coach? COACH The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew, they’re everything COD isn’t -- young and hungry. Add to that the opportunity to go down as the first ever One & Only World tag team champions. It’s the best decision Teddy has ever made. I’m proud to be an Enterprise stockholder. COLE Will see if that rings true in a few weeks. Coming up next is our new world champion, Landon Maddix.COMMERCIAL BREAK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 As we return to HeldDOWN~! from our final commercial break, yellow banners are draped from the ring ropes the ring has been decked out with a lavish red carpet. A lavish red carpet with a long stripe of yellow carpet placed down the middle, signifying the flag of Spain. Which must mean it's time for the new World Champion's big celebration party. That or Spanish Fly is coming out, I guess. Although, isn't he from Mexico? Oh, wait, shhh. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the NEEEEEWWW One And Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Wrestling Champion Of The WOOOOOOOORRRRRLLLLLLDD... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMMAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" On cue, a small mariachi band come piling out of the entrance way playing some celebratory music. The camera pans to the rafters, as a veritable shower of confetti begins to fall from the air, before a sudden explosion of pyro releases another shower, this time of red and yellow balloons. As the carpetted ring begins to fill with the confetti, as well as the drinks of all the crowd, the band suddenly break into a special mariachi version of "Personal Jesus". COLE That's certainly... different. In the midst of all the trumpeting and... uh, what ever else is in a mariachi band... beaming from ear to ear comes LANDON MADDIX, arm in arm with Megan Skye and proudly wearing his newly won Championship over his right shoulder. Landon greets his adoring public with a royal wave before lifting the title off of his shoulder and raising it in the air! COACH There he is Michael, the new World Champion! COLE Landon Maddix pulling out all the stops here tonight, the confetti, the balloons, the band. I'm sure this must be making Zack Malibu, who is no doubt watching us live back in Providence right now, sick to his stomach. COACH Oh, who cares? Zack Malibu is yesterday's news! Here's the man of today! Landon and Megan continue to walk arm in arm to the ring, as the mariachi band plays on. Behind them follow the other 'guests' invited this celebration. Vincent Santana and Marcellus "One Eye" Wallace of The South Central Miltia, plus Todd Cortez, all of whom position themselves at ringside as Landon and Megan take centre stage in the ring. The hundreds of popping balloons eventually begin to drown out the band and threaten to drown out Landon, even before he's taken the microphone from Michael Buffer. Thanking the crowd for their applause, which has been picked up by Landon's selective hearing over the jeers and bangs, Maddix takes the mic. MADDIX Ladies and gentlemen... welcome to the new era, the Landon Maddix era of the OAOAST! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX Yes, thank you. Thank you. You know, from the moment I stepped through those sliding doors for the first time that this day would come. From day one, not one person in that OAOAST locker room looked like he was capable of matching up to me. Not the bumping and grinding doctors, not the flaming homosexual luchadors, not the countless guys who looked like they were involved in some sort of boyband reunion. Nobody. Call it what you will. Call it arrogance. Call it a premonition. Call it 'destiny'. (Randy Orton pose) The fact is, it happened. Landon Maddix came, he saw, he conquered... I proved to be the Saviour Of The OAOAST that I proclaimed myself right from the get-go! "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" Looking over his shoulder, Landon glares at the hundreds of fans on their feet, trying to ruin his celebration. MADDIX As a great man once sung, #Who told you you're allowed to rain on my par - aaaaade#? In the background, The Militia and Cortez pool together their knowledge of rat-pack singers and still can't prevent that reference from going over their heads. MADDIX Nothing can spoil this mood baby! So save your collective breath. See, I'm right back where I belong, on top of the world! Higher than anyone has ever been before. You see, the whole divide between the SWF and the OAOAST isn't so bitter nowadays, so I'm sure you'll all have no problem recognising me as the four-time... four-time... four-time... four-time World Champion that I am. And above all else, you'll recognise me as the ONLY man in HISTORY to have won both the SWF and the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championships! COLE Well, that is true. MADDIX And right now, there's so many people to thank. This didn't happen by accident. Myself and Megan here, we planned every detail of our plan. We always have a plan. And I've gotta say in all honesty, this was one of our best. Megan playful tells Landon to stop before he embarrasses her. MADDIX Now, I could yak on all day about just how great I am and I could stand here all day saying 'I told ya so, I told ya so'. But let us not forget, this title being around my waist right now is in no small part down to our former World Champion. Let's face it, he played the role of 'nice but dim people's champion' to perfection! And I'm sure he's wondering just what went wrong. So let's talk about what happened last week. Let's talk about Zack Malibu... "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The crowd pop for the ex-champion, drawing a little smirk from La Cucaracha. MADDIX Ah yes, everyone's favourite poster-boy, Zack Malibu. The scourge of the evil-doers of the OAOAST. Blah, blah, blah. Well let me clue you all in. Your precious 'poster-boy' isn't here tonight. While yours truly is out here revelling in the glow of this World Title, Zack Malibu is probably busy changing diapers and preparing bottle-feeds right about now. If he can move yet, that is. "WE WANT ZACK!" "WE WANT ZACK!" "WE WANT ZACK!" "WE WANT ZACK!" MADDIX Did all that balloon-popping damage your hearing or are you just morons!? HE'S. NOT. HERE. TONIGHT. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX Zack, did you not think I'd remember everything you've done to me since I've been in this company? Or did you just underestimate me? Either way, you made the biggest mistake of your life! Don't think I've forgotten War Games. Don't think that you trying to castrate me with a metal spike in front of thousands of people doesn't still eat at me. And don't for a second think that I don't forget you dumping me out of the Lethal Rumble this year! Zack, I would have taken this belt whoever was holding it, trust me. But the fact it was you I humiliated and sent packing made this victory all the sweeter! Landon adjusts the belt over his shoulder. MADDIX Your whole crusade to be a 'fighting champion' was all the opening I needed Zack. You just made it that bit easier by falling into the trap so willingly. You accepted my challenge before I could even coax you into it! And how ironic, that you thought you'd got rid of me at The Great Angle Bash. Zack, I could have cashed that Money In The Bank contract in any time in the lead-up to The Bash. There were so many perfect opportunities. But you just kept digging that hole deeper and deeper for yourself with your relentless bravado. I knew sooner or later, your body would self-destruct. And I, ingeniously, kept that contract in reserve, just incase. Just how much damage you've suffered, I don't know. Must be quite a bit, considering you were so delusional last week, you actually thought these guys were coming to save you! The SCM laugh away in the background. MADDIX The moment these two cleared the deadwood, you should have high-tailed it, while you still could. But yet again, the brave, proud Zack Malibu just couldn't run away! And yet again, you paid the price. It's not a mistake I'll be making Zack. See, unlike you, I'm not ruled by the cheers of these people! I'm ruled by my head, not my heart. So let's hope playing house husband suits. Because as long as you let that bleeding heart of yours carry you along through life, you're always going fall short to the new Power Couple of the OAOAST! COACH Ouch! COLE Another slap in the face to the former World Champion and of course, former Women's Champion Candie, his wife and the mother of his child. As Megan and Landon cosy up in the middle of the ring, none of the three in the background look all that impressed. Cortez in particular, of course. The love-in is interrupted by the fact they're in front of a worldwide audience and a capacity crowd in the arena though. Thankfully. MADDIX Now, with that out of the way, let's start celebrating already shall we? Without any further ado, I'd like to lead you all in a rendition of one of my favourite songs. It's a song near and dear to my heart. Feel free to join in if you know the words... Todd, Militia, that includes you too... *AHEM! -HEM!*. COLE What the hell is this? COACH He's clearing his throat. COLE Yeah, I get that bit, but... MADDIX#I've paid my dues# "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE ...Oh dear lord. MADDIX#Time after time!# C'mon Todd, don't be shy. #I've done my sentence... but commited no cri...# The lights go down in the arena. The crowd instantly start buzzing, probably just pleased that the unexpected blackout has stopped the World Champion's singing. But after a few seconds the fans aren't quite so cheery, as Puerto Rican flag appears on the AngleTron. In big white blocky letters, the following words appear on the screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them:*THE CHAMP IS HERE!* With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and booing. COLE What the hell is THIS now!? COACH Uh, I get the feeling that this isn't part of the celebrations somehow. The entrance doors slide open, and out comes "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican and his manager and "Career Consultant" Stephen Joseph Popick! The crowd boos louder. PRL is standing in his wrestling attire holding his black briefcase spray-painted with L.C. in yellow which contains his Golden Contract inside. Popick is holding a microphone in his right hand. Both Popick and Tha Puerto Rican stare intensely at Landon Maddix, while The South Central Militia and Todd Cortez get into their fighting stances. COACH Tha Puerto Rican is out here! What does he want? COLE Well last week, Todd Cortez attacked PRL backstage. Think that has something to do with it? COACH You don't think Tha Puerto Rican's still bitter about that, do you? COLE Coach, it's Tha Puerto Rican. OF COURSE he's still bitter about something! Landon is as confused as the crowd as to why PRL is out here. But their confusion is about to end as Stephen Joseph Popick brings the microphone to his lips as "Know Your Role '99" dies down. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Landon, Landon, Landon. You know, I gotta hand it to you, Landon. What you did last week was quite clever of you. Having other guys beat up Zack Malibu, and then going in for the kill. I gotta say, that was quite impressive. People, please give a nice warm round of applause for Landon Maddix, YOUR NEW OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! The crowd, naturally, responds with a nice round of boos for the Champ. Maddix is a little leary of what Popick is saying, knowing full well the history of The Most Hated Man In The OAOAST. COLE Where is this going? COACH Shut up, Cole. We're about to find out! POPICK Now, Landon, if I were you, I'd just...take a break. Yeah, relax. Take a vacation. That's what I would do. You've worked really hard to become World Champion, and you deserve a little R&R. So, why don't you take your little girlfriend and go to Bahamas or back to Spain or whatever. Take most of the whole summer off! You'll need all the relaxation you can get. Because by the time Labor Day comes, you will no longer be the World Heavyweight Champion! This piques Landon's interest. LANDON What? What do you mean? POPICK That's because, Landon Maddix, on August 26th, from Madison Square Garden in New York City, at AngleSlam 2007, MY Client, MY CORPORATE Champion, Tha Puerto Rican, is cashing in his Golden Contract and is coming after you and the World Heavyweight Title! COLE Whoa! We finally have a date! Tha Puerto Rican is going to cash in his Golden Contract at AngleSlam! COACH What a main event that's going to be! Tha Puerto Rican vs. Landon Maddix one-on-one for the World Heavyweight Title! POPICK The countdown is on my friends. We are now on the Road To Glory with the final stop at Madison Square Garden, the Mecca of Sports-Entertainment! In 8 weeks time, the Era of Lightning will begin in the One And Only AngleSault Thread! Popick hands the mic over to Tha Puerto Rican. The crowd boos. Landon is stunned at the fact that he already has an opponent for the next OAOAST pay-per-view. "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix. Last week, you stuck your roody poo candy ass where it didn't belong! I was going to cash in my Golden Contract last week against Zack Malibu, but you stuck nose in and took WHAT SHOULD BE MINE! Landon cracks a smile, while the crowd boos. THA PUERTO RICAN I sent Mr. Boricua and Vitamin X out there as a 'warm up match' for Zack-- COLE I knew it! THA PUERTO RICAN But then that jabroni you call a friend, Todd Cortez, Pearl Harbor'd me and held me there while you went ahead and stole the Title from Zack! COLE Held him there? More like beat him up to a bloody pulp! COACH Hey, we didn't see everything that happened! Maybe he did just hold him back! COLE Oh come on! PRL Now normally, I would applaud such tactics...BUT NOT WHEN I'M THE VICTIM! But no, oh no, I'm not going to cry over spilled milk. What's done is done. And I'm not an idiot, so tell your men I'm not going to rush into the ring to kick your monkey ass. Not tonight! No, I'm going to save it for AngleSlam, not for these pieces of trailer park trash here in Tampa, Florida! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" PRL Shut up! You know you guys can't compare to Miami! COACH He's right you know. TPR At AngleSlam, on Sunday August 26th, at Madison Square Garden in New York City, in front of thousands upon thousands of Puerto Ricans, MY people, and in front of the millions-- CROWD --AND MILLIONS! Tha Puerto Rican gives the crowd a dirty look. THA PUERTO RICAN ...Don't do that. As I was saying, the millions AND MILLIONS of Tha Puerto Rican's fans watching around the world, they will see "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican whup that candy ass from pillar to post and in the end, finally, FINALLY win the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship! The crowd boos. Landon stands in the ring unimpressed. THA PUERTO RICAN So, I think the OAOAST made a huge mistake in letting this celebration take place tonight. Because then they won't have any money to plan the celebration of MY title victory on HeldDOWN~! on August 30th! But it's okay. Vitamin X and Popick will pull through, I'm sure. So Landon, get ready, because that Title is coming home where it belongs, to Tha Puerto Rican! I'll see you in 8 weeks, Landon! THE CHAMP HAS-- CROWD SPO-KUN~! PRL once again gives the crowd a dirty look. Popick shakes his head. THA PUERTO RICAN Tampa, Florida, this is not sing-along with The Champ. Tha Puerto Rican does it himself! PRL tilts his head back and takes a deep breath. THA PUERTO RICAN THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~! Tha Puerto Rican throws the microphone down. "Know Your Role '99" starts playing again. PRL and Popick have smirks on their faces as they stare at Landon. Landon is now annoyed. LANDON MADDIX Oh yeah? Well, Just Bring It (does hand gesture), you second-rate Rock impersonator! I don't need anybody's help to beat your ass at AngleSlam! I've got you in my scope, P.R.! Your ass is mine! You ain't taking this away from me! I own your ass at AngleSlam! You hear that? OWN. YOUR. ASS! Landon raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head and points to it. PRL raises the black spray-painted briefcase over his head. Popick points to the briefcase and then to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title belt, and then to PRL's waist. He then puts up eight fingers to symbolize there's 8 weeks left until AngleSlam. Landon discusses this current situation with Megan while The South Central Militia and Todd Cortez just stare angrily at Tha Puerto Rican and Popick. COLE Well, it's only July 5th, but we already have our AngleSlam main event! COACH And what a main event! It's going to be the greatest AngleSlam of all-time! PRL/Landon. First Time Ever! Live from Madison Square Garden! COLE The countdown is on. We are on The Road To Glory. In 8 weeks, 52 days, Tha Puerto Rican and Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix will collide for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at AngleSlam! I wonder what Zack thinks of all of this? COACH Bah! Zack is old news! PRL vs. Landon is the wave of the future! The OAOAST marketing machine better go full blast for this one! This is going to be the biggest AngleSlam EVER! I SO cannot wait for this one! Tha Puerto Rican mouths off to Landon, who mouths off back. Megan Skye has to hold Landon back, since he's about to blow a gasket. COLE What a way to end tonight's HeldDOWN~!. While HeldDOWN~! may be over, on the horizon is quite possibly the biggest AngleSlam main event in the history of the OAOAST! We have it confirmed now. Tha Puerto Rican will cash in his Golden Contract which he has held since August of LAST year at AngleSlam on August 26th! And what a match that's going to be! COACH I'm calling it now. Match of the Year Candidate. COLE This will certainly be a much anticipated match. The first ever meeting, the first ever interaction PERIOD between these two! But we've still got quite a way to go before then, so for Jonathon Coachman, I'm Michael Cole saying good night, and we'll see you next week for more exciting OAOAST action on HeldDOWN~! "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican points menacingly at Landon Maddix and does the "I-Want-The-Belt" hand gesture. He laughs manically and then he and Stephen Joseph Popick exit through the entrance doors. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix stands in the ring fuming, with Megan Skye trying to calm him down. The South Central Militia and "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez discuss what just went down outside of the ring. Landon slings the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his right shoulder and stares at the entrance even though PRL and Popick have left. All the while "Know Your Role '99" continues playing over the P.A. system. This is the last image we see before we fade to black.FADE TO BLACK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts