Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 PRESENTED IN HD The club thumping hit Party Like A Rockstar blares into living rooms worldwide, accompanied by the hyper flashy intro video. Character specific locales and close ups burn onto the screen, highlighting the major players in our melodrama. After the video concludes and the song comes to an end the logo is shown...FEMALE VOICE OVER And now, courtesy of Budweiser Select, The Gund Arena and The OAOAST it is time for HeldDOWN! Ignoring the plethora of screaming audience members, the view goes directly towards the "legendary" announce team of Mikey Cole and Da Coach! COACH TV Land, welcome to Cleveland, home of the NBA eastern conference champs, and for one night only HeldDOWN! Da Coach, living large with Mister C, Michael Cole. Cole? COLE Coach, we're only days away from our midsummer spectacular, The Great Angle Bash. And what a show it should be , tickets have been sold out since January, but all our fans are invited to join us on Pay Per View. Never mind that, because tonight's show is on fire! Brains and Brawn will match up against Jacob Cross and Colombian Heat, D*LUX will battle The Enterprise, Zack Malibu is in action in our mainevent, and we'll also hear from Leon Rodez, as well as The Lonestar Gunslingers... COACH And Melody Nerdly's enormous breasts. COLE Coach, please. Folks, last week here on HeldDOWN~!, it was a chaotic end to the broadcast. The main-event saw Chicks Over Dicks defending and retaining their OAOAST Tag Team Titles against the special challengers Los Infernales in a great match. But all hell broke loose at the end, with all sorts of schenanigans with referees and portable cameras. Things didn't get much better after the match either as The Enterprise ambushed en mass COD. Luckily, D*LUX and Leon Rodez were there to make the save. But that wasn't the real story as we went off the air...Suddenly a mighty shout of jubilation springs through the stands. The abrupt sense of joy is brought on by D*LUX, and a chair wielding Leon Rodez rushing down the ramp. At the sight of his hated enemies, Moneymaker orders his crew to fortify their ranks. As he watches Simon leap out of the ring and cowardly head for the hills, he's quickly realizes his boys aren't up for a fair fight, and changes his commands to that of retreat. Wright doesn't think twice about answering the command, diving from the ring, and joining Simon in departure through the crowd. COLE Money can buy a lot of things but it can't buy guts! Mackenzie retreats behind the announce table, unable to shield her concern for Alix and Krista. Ned grabs the hand of a disinterested Jade Rodez and takes flight through the stands. Unfortunately for Ned his escape route is soon trailed by Leon Rodez, to the delight of the audience. With the weapon toting Leon distracted by Ned and Jade, Moneymaker demands that the remaining member of The Enterprise, CPA, stand and fight. It's a request that's granted in spirit, but not in reality, as the boybanders chop the big man down with springboard lariats! “YEAAAAAA!” COLE Alright D*LUX! Moneymaker is quick to realize that CPA may not be able to overcome this numbers disadvantage, and hurriedly drags him out of the ring. With Mackenzie in tow, CPA and Moneymaker retreat up the ramp. Moneymaker stays silent, except for a growl of frustration, but CPA mouth launches a plethora of threats at the boybanders. However, D*LUX pays them no mind, instead focusing on the health of the tag team champions. Somehow, through their expert medical knowledge, they both determine that Krista needs immediate CPR, which prompts Krista to shoot off the canvas and yell “Nope, I'm fine!” The situation grows even more annoying for her when Rescue 911 enters the ring to administer assistance and decides the same thing, only they believe they should be the ones to administer CPR. Elsewhere Leon continues his frantic hunt of Ned and Jade. Dragged like a sack, Jade is cut through the swamp of audience by Ned's frantic movements. The same audience members are mowed down just seconds later by the running Leon. Fraught with panic, Ned steps up the pace in his retreat, weaving Jade to and fro. Any audience member with an object in his hand, cups, cotton candy, finds it quickly removed and enlisted as a missile in the war against Leon. The Grand Rapids Golden Child effortlessly swats these bombs away, and increases the ferocity of his pursuit. Unfortunately things get rather messy when Ned tries to lose himself within a wave of arena security. The guards, fearing an outbreak of violence from the fans, ask Leon to show some restraint. He shows them the back of his chair. THWACK! THWACK! Guards are mowed down with deadly precision by Leon. COACH What the hell is he doing!? THWACK! A redwood of a man is felled by Leon's rampage. THWACK! Then another! At this point, Ned realizes the guards are nothing more but pylons to be crushed by the razor sharp rage of Mister Rodez. Thusly he pulls Jade along as though they were running from a ticking time bomb. The time bomb explodes. Leon hurls his chair right at Blanchard. Jade finds out why her brother's tryout for the Detroit Tigers failed miserably, as his projectile falls short of it's mark. Jade throws up her hands to try and ward the descending warhead off. Too slow. The bomb detonates on her face, blasting her backwards onto the harsh concrete. COACH That idiot! How on god's green earth can you sit here and defend that no good piece of shit time and time again like he was sent from the heavens above? Jade hits the floor, the nerve endings in her face burning as though they were on fire. Despite the boos of the audience, It takes Ned a moment to realize what fate has befallen Jade. Then her horrified, sustained scream clues him into what terrible events have transpired. Leon wishes to rush to her aid, but without his chair, all he can do is watch helplessly as security drags him away. COLE It was an abrupt end to the show and we promised you updates on Jade's condition on OAOAST.com. And those of you who logged on will have seen that thankfully, Jade did not suffer any significant physical damage. COACH But plenty of mental damage! Let's not downplay this now. COLE Well, it's plain to see there's plenty of issues within the Rodez family, more and more by the week thanks to The Enterprise's continued involvement in their lives. The point I'm building up to here though is that amongst the updates on OAOAST.com, we were sent exclusive footage after the show went off the air last week. Now, it was sent to the front office under the guise of a 'Fancam' video that someone in the arena had taken. However, it's pretty obvious just who's 'Cam' was infact responsible for shooting this footage we're about to show you.Back in time we go, to the bygone days of June 14th, 2007. A shaky handheld camera follows after Ned Blanchard, who has the weeping Jade Rodez bundled up in his arms, carrying her through a part of the backstage area. What part isn't clear, but it's not one with many people in it's midst. Tons of production equipment, spare lighting, anvil cases as far as the eye can see. Ned looks lost and comes to a stop, laying Jade down on two of those very anvil cases. The youngest Rodez sibling holds her hands over her face and continues to cry in pain as Ned stops to clutch his lower back for a minute at having to carry Jade around. BLANCHARD (whispering)You sure it's on? SIMON SINGLETON(???????) We are rolling Neddy. Ned gives a quick thumbs up before Jade looks out from her hands. BLANCHARD It's okay Jade, don't worry. We're gonna get you some help, paramedics, EMTs, doctors, they're all on their way, the finest money can buy. Everything's fine now, I promise. You're safe. JADE My... my eye... BLANCHARD Don't worry, we'll get some plastic surgeons over as well. Everything's taken care of. You just let Neddy take care of you until they all get here. Can you see okay? JADE (sobbing) Yes... yes, I can see. BLANCHARD And you're not bleeding... what about, uhm... what about your brain? Is your brain okay? SINGLETON (off-camera) Is your brain okay!? Whipping his head around, Blanchard hisses at Simon to be quiet. Showing his deep concern for the fallen damsel, Ned sits on the anvil case, placing a comforting arm on Jade's stomach, co-incidentally just as she was about to start standing up. JADE What... what happened? BLANCHARD Look, I don't know how to tell you this. I mean, it was... it was crazy. I always thought your brother was so calm and sensible, but he was like... like a madman. He was swinging this chair, left and right, knocking people down. I didn't really see much, I was trying to make sure you were safe. There was definately a small child he hit in the face, that much I do know. And he may have hit a pregnant woman in the stomach, although she may just have been on the tubby side. And then... I mean, it was terrifying. He just grabbed this chair out from under an old woman and the next thing I knew, he must have saw red and he, he just flung it at you. I tried to dive into it's path but my foot got caught behind one of the seats. Luckily I managed to get free and fight him off before he did any more damage to you. But, I just had to stand there and watch you... oh, I'm just so glad you're okay. Ned cradles Jade's head as she begins sobbing again. He still manages to find a spot to turn back to the camera and flash an 'a-okay' sign, ever the professional. SINGLETON (off-camera) Oh, that is smooth my friend. After a few more seconds of cradling and comforting, finally things begin to get awkward and as Jade realises she can't pry herself out of Ned's hug, Ned quickly lets her go. BLANCHARD WHERE THE HELL ARE THE EMTs!? This could be a serious injury, what the hell is keeping them!? I just hope Leon hasn't gone and KOed all of them with a chair too. JADE I... BLANCHARD It's okay, don't talk. You're safe so long as I'm here, I took night courses in First Aid the day I realised I was going to become a father. You just never know when someone you hold so dear is going to need you. SINGLETON (off-camera) Yes Ned, go for the kill. BLANCHARD Don't you worry about a thing. I'm going to make sure your brother pays for what he did to you, mark my words! I will make him pay for ever daring to harm a hair on your sweet little head. SINGLETON (off-camera) Note to self: in final edit, insert porn music cue here. BLANCHARD To think, he could have harmed your beautiful fac... Suddenly, footsteps can be heard rushing this way. The camera jerks up to reveal two EMTs jogging over, causing Ned to stand up, looking accusingly at the two medical technicians as they take over care of Jade. BLANCHARD Oh. Oh, thank... thank goodness you're here. What a relief. Simon, a word... With gritted teeth, Ned turns to the camera and drags the cameraman away a few steps. BLANCHARD What the hell are THEY doing here!? SINGLETON (off-camera) Don't look at me, I didn't call them. I didn't think anyone'd find us down here, I mean, nobody's ever found me down here when I've been... uhm... when I, with the... BLANCHARD Look, nevermind that. I think that's a wrap, don't you? SINGLETON (off-camera) Oh yeah, sure, let me jus...*STATIC* Back to Sofa Central we go, Michael Cole shaking his head as Coach sits next to him with a goofy grin on his face. COLE What a deplorable human-being, Ned Blanchard is. Not to mention Simon Singleton with that 'Siclopse', voyeurism at it's worst. COACH Hey, sometimes guys just like looking, that's all. COLE I... I don't even know how to respond to that. Needless to say, I don't think that video is going to do anything to fan the flames on this issue with The Enterprise and Jade's former confidantes. And somehow, I get the feeling that was the exact intention. That and the fact 'guys just like looking' I guess. Good Lord. More HeldDOWN~! coming up, I think I need a shower. Hopefully there aren't any cameras hoping to get a look at that. COACH On behalf of the entire world's population, I guarantee it.COMING UP NEXT Brains And Brawn Vs Colombian Heat and Jacob CrossNEXT COLE Up next we have a tag team match between four men who have some serious problems as of late. COACH And two men who haven't teamed together in quite awhile. COLE Yes this match is the first time in awhile that Brains and Brawn have teamed up. COACH And that does not bode well for the team of Cross and Colombian Heat as they have never teamed together. COLE Of course as we found out last week Jacob Cross will be taking on Vitamin X in a NO DQ match at the Great Angle Bash. COACH If they don't tear each other apart tonight. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull begins to play over the loud speakers. As the piano intro begins the fans begin to buzz. “COME ON!” Pyro explodes and Colombian Heat walks onto the stage to a chorus of cheers from the crowd. COLE The fans are solidly behind Colombian Heat tonight as I'm sure they will be behind Jacob Cross. COACH I can't figure out why? There's nothing endearing about Cross. Gasolina fades out and is replaced by “Wherever I May Roam” by Metallica and the fans cheer again. Jacob Cross walks out through the sliding doors and looks around the arena with a very stern look on his face. He shakes hands with Colombian Heat without breaking his gaze around the crowd. He seems preoccupied by his thoughts more than he is paying attention to Heat. The two men then make their way to the ring, Heat slapping hands with the fans, and Cross focused on the ring. As they enter the ring Heat throws up the West Side sign to the delight of the fans as Jacob simply removes his hat and necklace and focuses on the entrance way. BUFFER Introducing first, at a combined weight of 405 pounds, the team of COLOMBIAN HEAT...AND....JACOB CROSS!!!!!! YEAHHHHHHH!!!!! KA-CHING!! “COME AND TAKE YOUR VITAMIN X!!” BOOOOOOOOO!!!! The music dies down and is replaced by "Rhymin' & Stealin'" by Beastie Boys. COLE It's been awhile since we heard this music. COACH Yeah but the fans recognize it. The Lightning Crew Mobile enters the arena driven by Cuban Wall with Princess Stacey dancing on the hood. Both men bob their heads to the beat of the music. Some of the men in the crowd cheer for Stacey, but the boos for Brains and Brawn drown it out. COACH Whoo hoo I know who I'm going for in this match! COLE Focus Coach. The car is parked by the stage and Stacey leads both men to the ring. Wall shadow boxes while Vitamin X jaws with the fans a bit. When they reach the ring both men enter and Wall continues to box while Vitamin X poses on the turnbuckles with his arms in a X formation. BOOOOOOO!!!!! BUFFER Introducing next at a combined weight of 533 pounds, accompanied to the ring by Princess Stacey, VITAMIN X....CUBAN WALL....THE TEAM OF BRAINS AND BRAWN!!!!!! BOOOOOOOO!!!! Cross and Heat stand across the ring from their opponents. Heat waves the two men to come on while Cross stares a hole through Vitamin X. Wall decides to start the match while on the other side Jacob starts off. *DING DING DING* The two men circle each other and lock up. Cross wastes no time in going for an arm wringer, which he pulls right into a Short Arm Clothesline, but Wall stumbles back a few steps and remains on his feet. The two men lock up again and this time Wall shoves Cross to the ground. Cross is up quickly and catches Wall with a hard chop, followed by another and another until Wall is backed against the ropes. He then whips Wall across and nails him with a Flying Shoulder Block that knocks him over. Cross then goes for a cover. 1 No!!! Cross grabs Wall's arm as he stands and pulls him towards his corner before tagging in Colombian Heat. Heat slingshots himself in and drops an elbow across the arm that Cross holds onto. As Cross leaves Heat locks in an arm wringer and then nails an Arm Drag on Wall. As Wall gets up Heat goes for a Hurricanrana, but Wall quickly turns it into a Powerbomb! COLE Wow! Wall just planted Colombian Heat. This could be over! COACH Good now we can go party with Stacey! 1 2 No!!! Cross breaks up the count! COACH Dammit!! Wall pulls Heat to his feet and goes to whip him into the corner, but Heat reverses and sends Wall hard into the corner. Without missing a beat he runs in and nails a High Dropkick to the face of Cuban Wall, which stuns him. Heat then uses the opening to tag back out to Jacob. COLE That was the opening Heat needed to get a breather. COACH Who needs a breather this early? Get back in there! Cross comes in and immediately peppers Wall with punches to the gut and head, but Wall blocks a few and nails Jacob with his own punches. He punches Cross into a corner and goes for a quick Avalanche, but Cross moves. COLE Wall misses with a huge Avalanche and I think it knocked the wind out of him! COACH What was he thinking? Wall stumbles back as Cross bounces off the ropes and nails Wall with a clothesline. Wall is knocked to the mat as Cross goes for a cover. 1 2 No!!! COLE Wall powers his way out of that pin! COACH I knew he wasn't finished yet! Cross waits for Wall to stand and readies himself to attack. As Wall reaches his feet Cross rushes in for a STO, but Wall plants a knee to Jacob's gut, causing him to double over in pain. Then, after nailing Cross in the back of the head with forearms, Wall nails a Chokeslam and goes for a cover. COLE Wall planted Cross with that move! 1 2 No!! COACH Man I thought that was it! I'm ready to party so let's get this over with! COLE Coach you have a job to do now focus! Wall walks over to his corner and tags in Vitamin X, who comes in full of energy. He bounces around the prone Jacob Cross and nails him with rights and lefts as he tries to stand. After each punch he does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle, much to the chagrin of the crowd. BOOOOOOOOO Finally Vitamin X knocks him back down with one last punch and goes for a cover. 1 2 No!! COLE He needs to do more than that to win! COACH He's just getting warmed up! He then waits for Jacob to stand and goes for a Float Over DDT, but Jacob grabs him in mid stream and throws him off. Vitamin lands on his feet, but Jacob meets him with a hard Lariat that nearly decapitates Vitamin X! COLE Oh wow what a lariat!! COACH Uh oh....tag back out!! Vitamin is back up in a few seconds so Cross gets under him and lifts him up onto his shoulder before dropping him throat first across the top rope for a Hot Shot. He then makes a cover. COLE A hot shot and a cover!! 1 2 No!!! COACH See...Cross will have to do more than that to win as well. COLE You're so observant. Jacob tags back out to Colombian Heat who climbs to the top rope and waits for Vitamin to stand. The crowd buzzes as Heat prepares to pounce on his rival. COLE Could this be “Straight from da Street”? Heat comes off the top with Straight from da Street (Sky Twister Press), but Vitamin catches him and both men fall to the mat. Vitamin rolls through the move and comes out on top for a pinning predicament. 1 2 No!! COLE What a great reversal by Vitamin X! COACH Well what do you expect!? Both men are up at the same time and decide to lock up. They fight for control all around the ring and into the corner with Heat gaining the advantage. He then whips Vitamin hard across the ring and the second he hits Heat comes in with a Running Clothesline. Vitamin is stunned for a second before falling into the sitting position in the corner. Heat looks around the crowd with a wild look and the fans know what he wants to do. Heat runs into the corner for a Broncobuster, but Vitamin gets a boot up...right into Heat's crotch! COLE Oh come on!!! COACH It was an accident he was aiming for the gut!! The ref yells at Vitamin for the low blow, but Vitamin makes the same argument as Coach did. Heat rolls around in pain as Vitamin tags back out to Cuban Wall. Wall comes in and pulls Heat up by the arm and right into a double choke! COLE This could be the end! Wall looks to slam him, but Heat begins punching away at his head until he lets go. Heat then dives for a tag, but Wall grabs him by the leg, causing Heat to land face first on the mat! COACH Ooooh that will be an improvement to his face! Wall pulls him by the leg right into his own corner and begins stomping a mudhole in him. Wall then tags back out to Vitamin who climbs to the top rope. Vitamin makes the X sign with his arms and goes for the Leap of Faith....but Heat moves at the last second!! COLE Vitamin X hit nothing but mat!! COACH Damn he could have busted his elbow all up doing that! Heat frantically crawls for his corner, but Wall is in quickly to drag him back. The ref admonishes Wall for entering illegally so he heads back out to the apron. Vitamin is back up and meets a standing Heat with fast kicks to the ribs. Heat tries to cover up, but the kicks are too much and Vitamin gains control. He whips him across the ring and goes for a clothesline, but Heat ducks, puts on the brakes, and then nails Vitamin with a Pele Kick out of nowhere!!! COLE Pele Kick to the skull!!! COACH Come on Wall do something! Heat crawls for his corner and lunges just as Wall comes in to grab him. Heat makes the tag and Jacob comes in fists blazing. Jacob nails Wall with a flurry and then the wind up before nailing One for the Road. Wall stumbles back into the ropes and Cross grabs him by the arm for a whip. Cross whips him to the other side and as he bounces back Cross hooks him under the arms for a Sidewalk Slam (Bossman Style). COLE Shades of the Big Boss Man, rest his soul! 1 2 3!! No!!! Vitamin X kicks out!! COLE That was so close!! Sensing danger Princess Stacey climbs to the apron and calls out to Jacob. Cross stands and walks over to her where she begins to sweet talk him. COACH What!? COLE Don't be so naive Coach, you know what she's doing! The ref walks over to warn Stacey about interfering, and while he does Wall drops the floor and grabs the ring bell. He then slides it into the ring where Vitamin grabs it and hides it behind his back. Heat drops down from the apron and runs around to the side of the ring where Stacey is, but Wall meets him there with a vicious Shoulder Block as he comes around the corner. COLE No no what are they doing!? COACH Okay now who is naive!? Vitamin calls out to Cross, who turns quickly. As he turns Stacey grabs the ref and plants a big kiss on him. This gives Vitamin time enough to nail Cross in the head with the ring bell and toss it. COLE Oh dammit!!! Vitamin pulls a groggy Cross back to his feet and sets him up for the X-Clamation Point and nails it!! BOOOOOOOOO He then climbs to the top rope and looks around the crowd. COLE We know what comes next. COACH Yes we do!! Vitamin comes off with the Leap of Faith and nails it before making a cover. 1 2 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE Well I hope they're happy!! COACH I don't know if they are, but that ref is!! What a kiss!! Vitamin slides out of the ring and joins Wall and Stacey to celebrate. Heat lies on the ground looking pissed as Vitamin and Cuban Wall gloat over the fallen men in and out of the ring. COLE This is a bad sign heading into the Great Angle Bash. COACH I'd say it was a great sign. Now where is Stacey heading to? COLE Stay put Coach. (Cut to commercial) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 COLE Right now let’s go backstage to “Mean” Gene Okerlund with the Lone Star Gunslingers. Where backstage? The locker room area of course. OKERLUND Gentlemen, 3 nights from now at the Great Angle Bash you’ll be facing not one but two teams for the HI-YAH tag titles. Will the third time be the charm? BARON As far as Jock and I are concerned Gene, we are the uncrowned HI-YAH tag team champions. Every time the Lone Star Gunslingers have been in the ring with the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew we’ve had them beat, but due to circumstances beyond our control we stand here tonight title less. Sunday night at the Great Angle Bash you best believe those circumstances will be under control. Because on that night Jock and I will be able to keep a close eye on the men who have cost us the HI-YAH tag team championship on two separate occasions, the Heavenly Rockers. JOCK If they try to pull another fast one on us, it’ll be their last. MELODY (sighs) Come on, you guys. Can’t we all just get along? Logan’s said it’s not about the HI-YAH tag team titles to the Heavenly Rockers, right? They just want the heads of Rico de Janeiro and “Sweet” Lucius Soul. It’s the belts we want. So why not have the best of both worlds? The Heavenly Rockers get the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew and we get the HI-YAH tag team championship. It’s a win-win situation for everybody! JOCK Hm, I think you may be on to something. MELODY Totally. Then once the Heavenly Rockers are done ANNIHILATING the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew and you guys are officially crowned new HI-YAH tag team champions of the world, we all can be friends again! BARON COLE From one Nerdly sister to the next, here's Margaret! MAGGIE What up ya'll. Resident pep girl Maggie Nerdly here, trying her best to show some sense of remorse so I don't look like a total jerk in front of the guy I'm interviewing. Because he's had a really tough week and I'm sure he's feeling real poopers. Uhm, Leon Rodez... In walks Leon, hands on hips, not waiting for any questions from our fine wrestling journalist friend. LEON Honestly, this has been the longest week of my life. All week, I've done nothing but sit and stew. Calls. Text messages. E-mails. Nothing I've tried... I mean, I just haven't been able to get hold of her at all! She must know that I just want to apologise. But then, who knows what she's thinking now. It's like she's not even her anymore, like she's been taken entirely off the planet or something, I... I don't even know. I wasn't even going to show up here tonight. And then... Stopping his pacing, Leon looks up. LEON Just when I think I couldn't possibly feel any worse, I see... THAT. And I remember why I threw that goddamn chair in the first place! I'm sorry for the language, it's just... *sighs* MAGGIE I take it you mean the video? LEON Yes, the video. Leon wipes a hand across his face. LEON You know, I don't excuse what happened last week. I'm not proud of it. It wasn't 'me'. I just saw red. The moment Blanchard took off with Jade in tow, I knew I had to do something. See, Ned Blanchard is nothing if not sleaze. Ironic coming from me, maybe. But this isn't just one man's opinion. Ask anyone, absolutely anyone in these halls. He is scum. What you saw earlier on was scum. What you've seen week in and week out on this program, New New Midnight Express, Beverly Hills Blonds, whatever... sleaze and scum. And when that sleaze and scum starts to set it's sights on my little sister, like I say, I'm not proud of the way I acted and it was no example to set to my fans, but I stand by my reasons. MAGGIE Well, plenty of interesting stuff's been going down in OAOAST HQ regarding The Great Angle Bash. Originally Krista Isadora Duncan and D*LUX had the 6-Man Tag Team Titles in their sights. But, The Enterprise have wheeled and they've dealed and the line-up has changed. So now KID and D*LUX are gonna be taking on the mish-mash mirade of CPA, Simon Singleton and CPA. And now, you are gonna be paired up with your ex-squeeze Alix Maria Spezia, tagging up against Theodore Moneymaker and one Mr. Blanchard. So... wait, I thought Alix was a... you know... a lezzer? ALIX (off-screen) Why, I am sweetie! Skipping into shot is Alix Maria Spezia, inexplicably eating a big sandwich. ALIX Mmm, good stuff. Oh, for future reference, some other, fresher, neater 'slang' for ya to drop? Queers. Dykes. Bulldykes. Dick Van Dykes. Cat flaps. Melon farmers. Trout fishers. And, my personal favourite, 'men'. Never fails to get a chuckle. Tee-hee. SEE! See what I did there, I reinforced my own point because I realised it was dying a terrible, lonely death. Hey, speaking of terrible lonely deaths, let's talk about The Enterprise, huh? LEON I think we already were. Looking up from her big sandwich, which is becoming less and less 'big' by the second as various bits of filling fall out of the lazily held sandwich, Alix seems to just now notice the presence of her once male beau. I meant, her once beau. He was always male. So... okay, nevermind. ALIX Oh... hey. LEON Yeah, hi. MAGGIE Wooooooooooooooo... third wheel alert! Quick Maggie, think of a question. Something that can not possibly cause you to feel any more awkward right about now. Gotta be tasteful. Okay, uhm... oh, yeah! Don't you guys think it's gonna be a teensy bit awkward, having to team together, what with you once dating but then breaking up and spending the past six months trying to avoid each other after you spent so long fighting over the 24/7 Championship? ..... MAGGIE ...can I rephrase that? LEON Look, it doesn't matter who my partner is. No offence. Alix dusts off the piece of lettuce in her hand and jams it back in her sandwich, before proceeding to take a huge bite out of it. ALIX Hey, lemon floor cleaner! Happy childhood memories are made of this! LEON ...all that matters is the opponents. I've got the two men I hold directly responsible for the fact my sister isn't 'my sister' anymore, the man with the means and the man with the brains behind it. Theodore Moneymaker, who tempted her away with his ill-gotten gains. And Ned Blanchard, because let's face it, somebody had to plant the idea in Moneymaker's mind. And I think it's pretty clear what ideas Blanchard has. Sunday night, he might have to find some other ideas. As far as I'm concerned, that's the only way to deal with people of Ned's ilk. Castration, that is. ALIX Now, hang on a second there ex-lover. When you speak of castration, are you referring to the medically tried and tested route of injecting known sexual deviants with harmful substances to neuter any sex-drive they may have, which may bring on certain side-effects such as nausea and weight gain? Or, do you speak of the much more satisfying method of a swift kick in the balls? Cause, if it's the first one, then technically Ned would be more Nedwina than Nedward. And then, with re-alligned gender issues aplenty, I might be plunged into deep competition for the hand, heart and places beyond of sweet Krista! They have a kiddy together, after all. I call unfair advantage on that one! I have never in my life been able to provide that service. Not since the government shut down my orphanarium and general hardware emporium! D.I.Y Don't I Have A Mommy never even made it into th telephone directory. No wonder I lost $24,000 of Krista's money. Oh, by the way, if she asks, I bought $24,000 of shares in Apple Computers 5 years ago when they were on the verge of being forever claimed by obscurity and now I'm a bonefide billionairess. MAGGIE Okay, sure. ALIX Neat-o! Alix keeps her bed! By the way, what sort of a goofy name is 'Apple' for a computer. What does a humble fruit have to do with one of techno... LEON (interrupting) This is just another reason why Sunday night can't come soon enough. Moneymaker, Blanchard, all the money in the world won't help you to prevent the conglomoration of my boots and your small intenstines. ALIX Translation: "He done gon' kick yo' ass, boiiiiiz!" Alix throws up some gang-signs for the demographic she feels needed to be translated to. After a few seconds of watching and waiting for some sort of sanity to return, Maggie and Leon shrug. Alix continues eating her big sandwich. LEON And I'm sure Alix will have plenty to say for herself while the merger is taking place. Shaking his head for a multitude of reasons, Leon walks off. Looking up from her big sandwich, Alix quickly takes the hint and walks off as well as we go back to the arena where the crowd is abuzz over Leon's words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 LOL NO SPONSORS 2NIGHT. WE BROKE MA NIGS. Fear and Loathing by The Black Velvets hits, and as I've never heard the song, and can't find it for download anywhere, I have nothing to say about it's musical properties. Where your narrator is speechless, the crowd is on full volume, polluting the air with hatred for the incoming Enterprise. CPA is first out, his massive body cloaked in a blue and white pinstriped suit, with a cigar hanging out his mouth. Standing beside him, Siclopse and tripod in tow, is the video voyuer, Simon Singleton, outiftted in his usual white trunks. Today he's not joined by Ned Blanchard like always. No, today, he is joined by the smirking, contemptuous, briefcase toting, Brooks Brothers attired, Christian Wright. Standing behind them is frostbitten young lady, Jade Rodez, her black track suit matching her ill mood perfectly. COACH How honorable, how courageous of Jade Rodez to show her face in an OAOAST arena after what her brother did to her. How Leon can look his parents, his grandmother, and his cousins in the eye after what he did to his own sister is beyond me? COLE You know damn well that was an accident. COACH Accident? No. Leon Rodez is a monster, and he always excuses his bad moments with a Manny Ramierz-esque “It's just Leon being Leon”. He's sick, he's perverted, and he's violent. I look forward to watching Moneymaker and Ned Blanchard destroy him this Sunday. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of thirty minutes. Now making their way to the ring being accompanied by CPA and Jade Rodez, introducing first, from Beverly Hills, California by way of Charleston, South Carolina, he is one third of the OAOAST six man tag team champions, he is the video voyeur, SIMON SINGLETON! And his partner, weighing in at 8 1/3 bars of gold, from Washington DC, he is The Natural, CHRISTIAN WRIGHT! COLE Wright a former HI-YAH world champion which leads me to inform you that at the Great Angle Bash, Anglesault will have a very important announcement regarding the future of the HI-YAH and OAOAST relationship. The internet has been abuzz with rumors, and hopefully they'll be cleared up by Sunday. CPA and Jade take up their position outside the ring. For his part, Simon delicately sets up his tripod, keeping it near his corner should he need to employ it as a weapon. Wright disrobes himself of his high priced camel fur blazer, and frowns churlishly towards the booing the audience.I still don’t have the reason And you don’t have the time And it really makes me wonder If I ever gave a fuck about you Give me something to believe in Cause I don’t believe in you anymore Anymore I wonder if it even makes a difference to try (Yeah) So this is goodbye The unexpected appearance of the Top 40 hit Makes Me Wonder, stuns the crowd and they murmur in pure confusion. However their shock quickly gives way to outright joy, when the boys from D*LUX emerge onto the scene! Bursting with energy, the cuties from Michigan whip their fanbase into a frenzy by leaping into the sky and tossing their fists through the air. COLE It's been awhile since we've seen D*LUX in a straight two on two match. But here they are, hoping to finally get some revenge against a stable that's hurt them so badly over these past months. BUFFER Now making their way to the ring, the opponents, from Detroit and Auburn Hills Michigan, they are Showtime Shayne Brave, Tremendous Tyler Bryant.....D*LUUUUUXXXXXX! As the purple and pink lights swirl about the arena the pair, in matching purple cargo pants, dart down the ring ramp, and slide into the squared circle. The second they pop up they shoot menacing glares towards their foes for the night. COLE D*LUX will team up with Krista at Great Angle Bash to battle The Enterprise unit of CPA, Simon Singleton and Christian Wright. Originally that match was intended to be for the six man titles, but Moneymaker quickly had that changed, substituting Wright in Ned's place. Either way, we're looking forward to another excellent match in this broiling feud.DING DING DING The affair opens with a lockup between Wright and Shayne. Though the move is normally pedestrian, CPA ensures it will be anything but. He leaps upon the ring apron and begins barking out a wealth of slurs at the boybander. Annoyed by the actions of his tormentor, Brave breaks the lock up and moves to confront Allen. However, Wright uses his teammate's distraction to chop block his foe. As Brave hollers out in a mixture of anguish and frustration, Wright further torments his limb with a series of elbow strikes. After the sixth blow lands with crushing accuracy, The Natural moves the handsome idol into a leg lock. Instantly Wright demands submission, lashing punches into his foe's chest to increase the motivation to give up. But Brave remains valiant through the onslaught, and grabs onto the ropes with relative ease. “SHAYNE! SHAYNE!” COLE Jade may have been abandoned D*LUX but it's safe to say these fans will never do the same! The OAOAST audiences love these boys! At the request of referee Billy Silverman, Wright relinquishes his grip on Brave. Once the teen hunk rises upright, the assault resumes once more. CW lacerates his back with hate filled clubbing forearms, before finally trapping him into an inverted facelock. Brave isn't even afforded an opportunity to fight free of the hold before the DC native foists him into the sky. Wright begins to bridge him backwards in hopes of nailing a vertical suplex. However, Brave shifts his slippery body free of the hold and lands with his back pressed against Wright's. He traps the snooty superstar into an inverted ¾ facelock then promptly pulls down, snapping CW's neck off his shoulder. CW cries out in agony, but his screams are quickly muffled by the cheer of the crowd, and the sound of Silverman scoring Brave's pinfall... ONE To the crowd's immense displeasure, Singleton enters the ring to break up the pinfall with a swipe of his boot. This draws Shayne's ire and he darts after the retreating six man champ. Unfortunately his chase is halted by CW capturing him into a school boy. Silverman counts the ensuing pinfall... ONE This time it's Tyler Bryant who saves the day, striking Wright's head with a well placed elbow. Though the crowd is enraptured by Bryant's actions, Wright is irate and gives chase after our pop hero! In a classic example of turnabout being fair play, Brave silences Wright's ferocity with a school boy. Silverman makes the count... ONE Wright kicks out with unerring ease. Both competitors spring to their feet at the same moment, but it's CW who strikes the hardest, lashing at the tiger beat hottie with a diving lariat. Pushing aside the pain, Brave immediately rises upright, only to be caught by a snap powerslam from the detested heel. As he's pleased with the damage his move has wrought, CW retreats to his corner and applies the tag with Singleton. Simon enters the ring to find himself greeted by a round of boos and a suddenly resurgent Showtime! ShayBray peppers him left and right jabs that back him into a neutral corner. Once he ceases his slugfest he grabs hold of Singleton's arm and hurls him into the opposite turnbuckles. Brave darts after him, seeking to crush him beneath the weight of his body and the posts. However, Simon evades such a lethal attack, by latching onto the ropes and using them to propel himself over his incoming foe. Brave avoids a similar collision with the posts, simply by stopping his running boots. He turns around to blast The Video Voyeur with discus punch only to find Singleton's superkicking shoe screaming towards his face! Shayne counters the move by slamming a basement dropkick into the knee of his rival! “Do this shit right, man!” Allen hollers from the outside. While CPA tries to rally his associate, Brave ascends to second turnbuckle. “Ladies, hands up, lemme see ya shake ya stuff!” Shayne screams to his adoring fans, who respond by shaking their “stuff”. Pleased with his flesh show, the hottie hurls himself off his perch and strikes Singleton with a leg drop! The pain from the blow is immense, and Singleton convulses on the canvas. Elsewhere, Brave makes the tag to Tyler Bryant, earning a huge pop from the audience as a result. The boybanders ignore the cheers of the crowd for the moment and concoct a rather brutal double team to execute on Singleton. They each take hold of his leg then suddenly, and cruelly, jerk the limb sideways, putting an unholy amount of pressure on his groin! Simon shoots his back off the canvas and propels a blood curdling scream into the night sky. The situation grows even worse for the despised heel when the teen screams dart off the ropes and drive double dropkicks into his bare back!“WE LOVE D*LUX! WE LOVE D*LUX!” the females in the audience sing. As Brave scurries from the squared circle, the injured ex champion lazily struggles upright. As soon he stands fully, he's pounced upon by Bryant's front facelock. “This is for you, jerk!” Bryant hollers, finger pointed towards an indignant Wright. TyBry then lifts his rival into the sky and promptly jerks backwards to punish him with a vertical suplex! “You gotta go harder then that, Si! South Carolina, Simon! South Carolina! ” CPA bellows to his wounded comrade. The Tremendous one retreats to the ropes in order to punish his foe with running 450 splash. But the second he hits the cables, his former manager, Jade Rodez takes hold of his designer tennis shoes, locking him into place. Besieged with disgust over his ex-friend's actions, Bryant woefully pleads with her to let him go free. It's a request she grants only when she witnesses Singleton pulverize him with an inverted DDT! COLE The actions of Jade Rodez just get more disgusting by the week. I can't even bring myself to be surprised by them anymore. Having had his share of the teeny boppin' duo, Double S decides to allow CW into the affair once more. He latches onto Bryant's arm and roughly drags him to the corner, where his hand meets Wright's for the tag. While Wright positions himself atop the second turnbuckle, Singleton further incapacitates their rival with a basic body slam. Once The Natural is assured that TyBry is sufficiently injured he leaps from his perch with a graceful frog splash! The thunderous impact of the crash rips the wind from Bryant's slender body, and brings worried cries to the mouthes of teenage girls across the nation. Wright, however, is all smiles as he attempts a pinfall off his signature hold. ONE TWO But Bryant kicks out, greatly pleasing the sold out crowd. He speedily moves to his feet, but finds himself instantly trapped within the clutches of The Natural. Wright brings his enemy to his shoulders in a standing fireman's carry, the setup for the deathly Bank Roll. But much to the fans' glee, TyBry evades the horrible move by swinging backwards, attaching his hands onto Wright's Brooks Brother's slacks and trapping him in a pinning situation! Silverman rushes to score the fall.. ONE TWO Seconds before Silverman's hand can slap the sweat soaked canvas, Wright shoots his shoulder off it. An audible groan speeds through the arena, but it certainly doesn't come from CPA, who pumps his fists in excitement over Wright's kickout. The 2005 rookie of the year rolls to his feet, where he meets Bryant with a thundering lariat! But the Auburn Hills native ducks bellow the move, and carries his black shoes to the orange ring ropes. Upon his return CW retries his lariat effort, but is viscously countered by the TRL cutie's signature yakuza kick! However, CW desperately dives bellow the strike! This leaves Bryant's errant boot to collide savagely with the adorable face of his apron based partner. As the fans shriek in dismay, Brave is deposited in a cold, battered heap on the steel guardrails. COACH Hahahaah! Lil mama just told! With Silverman distracted by the duty of checking on Brave's health, the Enterprise feels free to engage in their typical underhanded tactics. Singleton enters the ring, a rampaging lunatic, eager to scorch through Bryant with a diving shoulder block. However, TyBry brushes aside such actions by meeting his incoming rival with a flipping dropkick! Unfortunately, as soon as he lands, he's snatched into a wheel barrow suplex position by Senor Wright. CW lifts him upwards, but gets no farther then that as Bryant overpowers him with a bull dog!“TYLER'S A HOTTIE! TYLER'S A HOTTIE!” the girls sing. As CW lies on the mat, squirming in grotesque agony, Bryant bounds off the ropes and lands a knee strike onto his already busted face. Fortunately for Wright, his misery ends at that exact moment as Singleton returns to fray, wielding a flurry of punches. But Bryant abruptly cuts short his onslaught by blasting him with leaping dropkick! Ever the cowardly one, Simon rolls out of the ring to beat a hasty retreat from his energetic foe. However, Tyler refuses to show Si any mercy, and quickly follows him outside. Singleton's speed is no match for that of Bryant, who easily catches him, and begins hammering him with clubbing forearms. COLE Someone needs to restore order on the outside! Silverman intends to do just that, trying to interject himself between the brawling Bryant and Singleton. While his efforts are being wasted on the warring grapplers on the outside, inside the ring Wright staggers upright. His intention to assist Singleton in his brawl with Tyler, however, a recovered and returning, Shayne makes this all but impossible. CW whirls around to horsewhip his approaching foe with an elbow smash. The teen idol slips beneath his arm, and puts himself in a fabulous position to inflict some serious harm to his archrival! Wright turns around and gets his head smacked from side to side like a ping pong ball by Brave's raid fire punches! Acting entirely out of a sense of self-preservation, Wright turns the tide by boorishly poking Brave in his baby blue eyes. “BOOOOOOO!” While CW catches his depleted breath, Brave woozily staggers about the ring, combating temporary blindness and the water forming in his eye sockets. As the moralistic fans decry his shameful display, Wright is already executing his next move, a standard brainbuster. However Shayne prevents his brains from being busted by latching onto the ring ropes as if his young life depends on it. Despite his unrivaled strength, Wright can't manage to overpower the rope aided resistance of his foe. Now looking like a man possessed by the darklord himself, CW breaks his hold and promptly attempts to separate Shayne's head and neck from the rest of his body with a lariat! Wright dodges the beheading, rolling bellow the approaching arm and making The Natural even madder then before. However his anger gets him nowhere as, Brave traps him into a standing head scissors. His hands coil around his rival's in the makings of a powerbomb. However that move never materalizes, as Wright's raw power allows him to upend the boybander with a fearsome backbody drop that tumbles him over the ropes. COLE Oh no! Brave manages to alleviate the audience's and Cole's fears by landing with his boots squarely placed on the apron. Unfortunately he doesn't maintain that position for very long, before CPA hauls him off the apron. Showtime lands with boots planted firmly on the mat, and remembering his drubbing in the boxing match, eagerly seeks vengeance of his larger rival. As the crowd chants his name, he wallops Allen with hate filled haymakers that connect beautifully on the man's jaw. COLE CPA may have gone barking up the wrong tree! Wright realizes this painful fact, and immediately moves to aid his comrade. His two hundered twenty five pounds showcase stunning agility as they dive through the ropes like a kamikaze airplane. It's pilot explodes upon his victim, capsizing him to the canvas in order to win Allen his freedom. It's a freedom that is frustratingly short lived, however. Bryant, free from his war with Singleton, darts around the ring to the nearest steel steps. He uses the metal lodging as a launching pad to hurl himself at the still dazed CPA. Ty rips through his enemy, torpedoing him into the ninth level of hell, where punches rain freely upon his skull!“D*LUX! D*LUX! D*LUX!” the audience screams. COLE Tyler Bryant is a man on fire right now! All the frustration over Jade's departure is being taken out on CPA! However, the previously docile Jade refuses to allow CPA to be the striking board of Tyler's rage. She takes a firm clamp on his stringy black hair and roughly yanks him away from her associate. As she cranks on his neck, his eyes meet her's, and his soul burns in the flame of her frost bitten indifference. He wants to plead with her, beseech her to return things to the way they used to be. However, the only thing that comes out of his mouth are anguished screams brought on by Simon Singleton driving his tripod into his midsection! “BOOOOOOO!” Understanding that Simon has just destroyed all pretext of athletic competition, Silverman calls for the bell. However the fans are much too concerned with Tyler's safety to lament the no-contest of the bout. COACH Simon just got that boy good! Bryant is left doubled over in incredible agony, and finds himself wide open to repeated lashings from his sadistic foe. As the callous steel cuts away chunks of his flesh he latches onto the guardrail for support. Hands trembling, eyes watering, he tries his damnedest to remain upright and gather the strength needed to combat this tormenting menace. Unfortunately, one powerful swipe of the tripod fells the teen idol, and renders all hope obsolete. That is until a monstrous pop erupts from every inch of the arena. While Singleton uses his tripod to choke the life out of the helpless Bryant, the camera pans towards the ramp to reveal Krista Isadora Duncan, field hockey stick in left hand, beer bottle in right hand, charging down the ramp to aid her only two male friends! COLE Alright, Krista! COACH Don't encourage her public drunkenness! The woman needs to be shamed into changing her wicked ways!“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” Allen asserts himself as the first and most intimidating line of defense against the rampaging California girl. But the blonde bombshell cuts right through the massive fortress with a diving swipe of her beer bottle. Golden brown liquid, crimson goo, and pained hollers spill into the atmosphere, as a lifeless Allen crumples to a useless wad of flesh and sweat, and the crowd responds with great joy. COACH This is absurd! CPA is only trying to defend his friends and she turns this into a messed up combination of Animal House and The Babysitter's Club. Krista is all over Singleton. The graphite stick whirls and strikes, and every overhand chop crashes against Simon's tripod with the unstoppable power of a meteor strike. Overwhelmed by her insane tenacity, Singleton makes little effort to fight back, merely parrying her blows to preserve his perilous safety. He retreats backwards, moving towards Jade, who fearfully inches away from the lunatic onslaught. However, Krista keeps coming, tirelessly and ferocious. The hockey stick is everywhere, flashing, and whirling faster and faster, until Simon sees a pair of Guess pumps speeding through the face. The resonating whipcrack of her heel sends Simon flying hard against the steel barricade. Before the pain can even register in his body, Krista is once again in motion, landing a spinning side kick that folds Simon in half. She uses one more burst of agility to spin into a blindingly fast wheel kick that brings her heel against the point of his chin with the report of a mighty slug thrower. Simon is knocked down, and his tripod tumbles harmlessly out his hands. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” Snarling in primal rage, Krissy springs forward with weapon raised to level the fatal blow. Unfortunately, while the blow may prove devastating, it's harsh affects won't be felt by Simon. Rather it's Jade Rodez, apparently hit by Krista's back swing, who emits chilling roars of torture as she falls into the canvas. Bright blond hair spills in front of her bonelessly limp body, shielding the terrible damage Krista's inadvertent attack must've caused from the camera. The fans, previously enraptured by Krista's femme fatale antics, are deadly silent at the sight of Jade's wounded condition. COLE Oh god. I..I..think...Jade getting struck right in the head with that field hockey stick.... COACH That's the second week in a row these morons., who think they're operating in Jade's best interest, have let their temper get the best of them, and she gets hurt because of it. Way to go! Krista is overcome by an immeasurable amount of sorrow and guilt. Distraught tears well in the corner of her blue eyes, as she observes the horrific damage she's brought onto her former protege. She drops to her knees, frantically using her decent medical knowledge to try and will Jade back to health. Her usually sarcastic mouth now pours out river of apologies and regrets towards her lost friend. In her moment of greatest weakness, the serpent bites the hardest. The impact of Wright's chair shot against her back is a blast of white fire. A few seconds later there is another impact against her back, that is the guard rail, and the room turns upside down, and she falls towards the ceiling, but not really, of course: it simply feels that way because Wright has thrown her over the guard rail and she's falling head first to the floor, and neither her arms nor legs seem to want to make the landing easy on her. Thus she splats on the floor, the considerable pain in her body, preventing her from noticing that through the bars, Jade is rising to her feet, looking as though the catastrophic accident never occurred. COLE Wait a second... While Cole may like to pontificate over Jade's quick recovery, he's forced to pay attention towards an outraged Shayne Brave sinking his hooks into Krista's assailant with a piggyback sleeper. Yet his act of retribution doesn't last long, before the suddenly proactive Jade pulls him off her stable mate. Brave is left in a state of disbelief over her defense of Wright, and demands that she comes to her senses and leave these “animals to their cages”. Whatever her answer to his order is, he's not conscious to hear it as CPA and Singleton decimate him with a double lariat. Their limbs cross at his throat, sniping him like scissors, and letting him casually sink to the mat like a discarded piece of paper.“BOOOOOO!” Security floods the scene of the crime, wishing to avoid a repeat of last week. Thankfully, The Enterprise retreats without hassle, walking up the ramp with hands raised, and mouthes smiling. Even Jade looks pleased with her role in the proceedings, and shows little signs of injury or affliction. COLE Something isn't right here! Jade Rodez just got creamed by a field hockey stick, from a California state champion field hockey player no less, and now she's right as rain? That doesn't compute to me. I'd hate to accuse her of anything but... COACH Then don't, Cole. Don't. Just because she's walking now don't mean she's not injured. For a whiteboy, you don't know nothing bout no hockey, and for a gay man you don't know nothing bout no field hockey. 2003 Stanley cup finals, Paul Karyia is leveled by a Scott Stevens bodycheck, has to be helped off the ice by his teammates. The very next shift, Karyia back on the ice, and scores a game tying goal! Are you gonna tell me that Paul Karyia was faking it? COLE No... COACH Then don't tell me Jade is faking it either! COLE I never even said that. But I'm not going to sit here and argue with you. Fans, there is more HeldDOWN, including our mainevent featuring Zack Malibu, to come.COMMERCIALThe following announcement was paid for by World Domination Wrestling.Yankee Doodle Dandy plays, as an outdoor setting is shown. (voiceover) Summer is upon us... Cut to a wideshot of a teen-aged boy doing a cannonball off the diving board at a public pool.Which means the month of our Independence isn't far behind. Cut to a family sitting at a picnic table in their backyard, laughing, then to Alf delivering the Five-Star Alf Splash to Chris Stevens.And that means, the cookouts... Cut to a man turning a hot dog on the grill, then to Felix Strutter drilling Thunderkid with the Thunder Bay Throttle.The apple pie... Cut to a woman setting a pie on the table, then to Jumbo flattening a jobber with the XL splash.And don't forget... Cut to a child eating a large piece of watermelon. (yeah i no what ur thinking u racist)The American Pasttime. Cut to a group of kids playing wiffleball, then the screen quickly goes dark....yeah, right. Cut to Jamie O'Hara cracking Vinny Valentine with a bat, followed by several clips of violent acts by WDW superstars.On July 14, your real American Pasttime comes to Pay-Per-View. The montage ends with a smiling Alf standing on the second rope, holding his belt, then the screen fading to black.World Domination Wrestling presents Declaration of Invalescence! LIVE, July 14, only on pay-per-view! Cut to Axel in a stylish suit, in a black background. AXEL WE can NOT tell a lie.Commercial break Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 The ActionZone is our next destination and who should be in but the only person who is ever in it, HeldDOWN's teen queen, Maggie Nerdly! Maggie is decked in her trademark black A&F polo, and ruffled gothic mini skirt, as she sits across the granite coated announce desk. MAGGIE What's up, everybody? Your's truly, Maggie Nerdly, it girl on the scene, keeping it hip-hop here in the OAOAST ActionZone. Big, big, big, week here in the OAOAST. If ya planning on going out, hitting the clubs, buying some dranks, riding the whip, my advice is don't do that. Sit in front of your T-Vision and keep it locked on OAOAST TV, because this Sunday from DC, we've got another edition of the Great Angle Bash! The logo appears on screen. MAGGIE No joke, this could be the biggest show of the summer. This is the show that sports entertainment fans all over this big blue rock have been waiting for. If you miss this one, you lost. That's all I can really say. You're taking a major L if you don't see this show. From top to bottom, this card is mad loaded with star power. We've got Zack, Leon, Alix, Krista, Landon, Moneymaker, ThunderKid and best of all my big sister, Melody, coming at you live from the chocolate city, Washington DC. If you still don't believe it, if you're still not setting aside that fifty dollars, then how about we let a little Colombian Heat get at you? The camera cuts to Colombian Heat standing in front of a blue screen. Inserted onto the blue screen is the words COLOMBIAN HEAT written in grafitti style font on a chainlink fence. A boombox is at the bottom right hand corner of the screen. Heat is in his wrestling attire. COLOMBIAN HEAT Hey yo, dis Sunday I'ma get anotha shot at gettin' some goal here in tha OAOAST. I'ma get things poppin' when I step into tha ring wit tha big mang, Cuban Wall. But yo, I ain't afraid of dis goof. Yeah, I got mah ass whopped last week. I ain't gonna front. I didn't do good. But in life, it's not how many times youse fall, it's how many times youse get up. And dawgs, I'ma up, and I'ma ready to kick some Cuban ass! I ain't gonna cower, and I ain't gonna bow down to him cuz my momma always told me dat tha only person youse is supposed to bow down to is tha almighty Father. And Lord willin', dis Sunday night at The Great Angle Bash, your boi Colombian Heat is gonna steamroll into Washington D.C., kick some ass, dance a little like you know I do, and then beat dat scrub 1-2-3 to become tha NEW One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion! And afterwards, tha OAOAST will bear witness to tha most poppin', most illingnest, most dope, most fresh, most unbeliveably CHILL 24/7 Title reign EVER! Oh yeah, we is gonna get CRUNK in D.C. dis Sunday, betta belee dat boi! A'ight peace I'm outtie 5,000. I'll see you later. One. Colombian Heat throws up the "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal as the promo ends. MAGGIE What more do ya'll even need to hear? Get your finger on the remote, press that Ok button and order this pay per view, because it is going to be awesome! If it's not I'll give you a million dollars. Not really, I don't have a million dollars. Or any dollars, really, I'm an unpaid college intern. Did ya'll know that jerkface advisor of mine only gave me three credits for this, but four for biology class? Driving a rental car for three hours with two convicted felons in the South Central Militia, and a rape fetishist in The Sadist is much harder then dissecting Kermit the frog for fifty minutes. Yo, peep this, ya'll. My sister Molly got fifteen credit hours for filming a homeless man massaging himself with a skunk. I'm an international television personality and I ain't even getting four hours! That is stupid wack! While Maggie laments the higher education system we cut to....COMMERCIALCOMING UP NEXTOAOAST POSTER BOY VS FBI MOST WANTED POSTER BOYZack Malibu Vs Vinny SantanaNEXT COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN~! fans! Michael Cole alongside the Coach, and a...special guest joins us at this time, none other than the challenger to Zack Malibu and the World Heavyweight Title this Sunday, Mr. Landon Maddix. MADDIX That's right, Landon Maddix is here, and what you two need to do is sit back and relax and watch the story unfold before your very eyes...the story of how the biggest fraud and phony in OAOAST history can't live up to his word, can't live up to being a fighting champion, because he got a little boo-boo. COLE I assume the "little boo-boo" you're referring to is the injured ribs, suffered at the hands of your paid hitmen, the South Central Millitia last week. MADDIX Paid hitmen!? Listen Cole, as much as you want to think that Zack Malibu is the end all and be all of the wrestling world, that he's some sort of superhero come to life, the fact is the man has more enemies than he thinks. The SCM are just two names on a long list, and that's why they did what they did, and that's why Vincent Santana is gonna school him tonight and then leave him to me on Sunday. COLE And you're hoping that he's served to you on a silver platter, and that you can take the OAOAST World Championship in a cakewalk, don't you? MADDIX Does it really matter, Cole? A win is a win, a title is a title. Zack Malibu can show up 100%, 50%, or not at all, and I could still guarantee that I've gotten enough God-given talent to "school him"...see what I did there?...and walk away the OAOAST World Champion. "Cross That Line" begins playing after Landon's proclamation, and the fans turn their attention to the entraceway, where the OAOAST's resident South Central gangbangers head down the aisle. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following non-title contest is set for one fall! Coming to the ring at this time, accompanied by Marcellus Wells, weighing in tonight at two hundred, ten pounds, this is VINCENT SAAAAAANNNNNTANAAAAAA! The Millitia strut around ringside, taunting and attempting to scare ringside fans, kids included. The boys from LA stop by Sofa Central as well and make nice with Landon Maddix, doing no favors to show that they aren't in cahoots at all. MADDIX What's up fellas! Vincent, take him out tonight, baby! It's your night tonight! Santana gives daps to Maddix and hops up on the apron, entering the ring and taunting the crowd while his partner does the same from ringside. Fans aren't happy with the SCM, but when Papa Roach's "Getting Away With Murder" hits, that changes things. COACH Da champ is HERE! MADDIX Coach, phone call for you, it's 2004 telling you to shut up already. Getting a hero's welcome, Malibu appears at the top of the stage, with an addition to his wrestling gear: taped ribs, obviously the result of the assault last week. MADDIX What is this, Halloween in July? I didn't think preps went for the mummy look! BUFFER His opponent, is the current reigning and defeneding OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion...from Providence, RI, weighing in tonight at two hundred, ten pounds, he is ZAAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAAAAAAAALLIBUUUUUUUUU! Malibu, always one to act on impuse, charges the ring out of rage and fury, but it proves to be a mistake, as Santana pounces, jumping on the champ as soon as he slides into the ring! COLE Santana is wasting no time in going after Zack, more specifically those damaged ribs of his! The World Title falls to the mat as Zack is caught off guard by his rival, who delivers some shots across the back before pushing Zack into the corner and following up with repeated shoulderblocks! The tape around his ribs only offer so much protection, and Malibu agonizes loudly as Santana drives his shoulder into the ribcage of the champ! Santana pulls Zack out of the corner and sends him across the ring, but Malibu counters and sends Santana to the corner! Vincent goes with the move, but stops before he crashes into the turnbuckles, leaping onto the top rope and then over a charging Malibu, culminating in Zack being shoved ribs first into the corner! MADDIX That's how you win matches! Find a weakness and exploit it to its fullest. That's what I'm gonna do to your pride and joy this Sunday, Cole! COACH Yeah, we'll see about that, playa! MADDIX You say something, date rapist? COACH ... Back in the ring, Santana rams his knee into the small of Zack's back as he's trapped in the corner, then drops him with a back suplex. Santana steps out onto the apron and turns and points to Maddix, who cheers him on from the broadcast booth as he slingshots in with a senton, dropping his body weight onto Zack Malibu! MADDIX (clapping) Thatta boy, Vincent! Keep it up and you'll get the first World Title shot under my reign! COLE You haven't won ANYTHING yet, Maddix! Sit down! MADDIX Tell me, Michael Cole, how is it living in denial? How's the weather there? Malibu curls up into a ball, his knees tucked in to his chest as to protect his ribs, but Vincent drags him to center ring by a leg, then plants a boot in his stomach before circling Malibu and taunting him to get up. The taunts ire the crowd, and they respond by booing the Millitia member loudly. Marcellus storms around ringside, telling the people to shut their "suburban cornbread pieholes" up! MADDIX You tell 'em, One Eye! COACH Tell 'em what? Even I don't know what that meant! Santana reaches down and yanks Zack up, but when he does, Malibu knocks his arm away, and unleashes a flurry of punches and chops to rebound from his beating! The crowd eats it up with a spoon and asks for seconds as Zack sends Santana in, then elevates him high up above with a back bodydrop before gravity sends him back to Earth, crashing to the canvas! Zack leans on the ropes, favoring the ribs still, but when Santana gets up, Zack bursts forward and nails a running lariat that spins Santana around in the air before he falls back to the mat! COLE Malibu is fired up! MADDIX Ooooh, real scary, an angry white boy. Eminem does it better AND has street cred! COLE You've been hanging with the Millita WAAAAY too much, Landon. Zack picks Vincent up, nailing two chops to the chest after the fact, then traps Santana in a front facelock. Zack lifts for a suplex, but Santana kicks his legs and is able to shift so that he fall behind Zack, and nails forearms to the small of Zack's back, then pushes him forward to the ropes and nails a roundhouse kick to the small of the back when Zack bounces backwards! Zack falls to one knee, and Santanta quickly applies a rear chinlock, telling the crowd "he ain't nothin'", and following up with a hard slap across the top of Malibu's head! Santana brings Zack up and then drives a knee up into the ribs, then gutwrenches him up into a powerbomb...NO! Zack counters with a rana that takes Santana over! With his foe stunned, Zack hits the ropes...but when he does, Wells grabs his ankle, tripping him up before pulling him to the outside! COLE Come on now, they jump the guy last week, and now it's a two on one! MADDIX What do you mean? Marcellus was just checking the bottom rope to make sure it was tight...Malibu's just clumsy, he fell on his own! COLE And he pulled himself to the floor? MADDIX Oh stop trying to make something out of nothing, Michael Cole. Marcellus is just making sure Zack was OK! Referee Jack Doan moves towards the ropes to admonish Marcellus, but Santana feigns injury, doing his part in distracting the referee so that his partner can work over the champion! Marcellus puts the boots to Zack, while Landon cackles gleefully on commentary, and then rolls him back in for his partner to go for the cover, reaping the benefits of having his teammate at ringside. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COACH Atta boy, Zacky! Never surrender! MADDIX You cliche' swinging bucket of suck...do you add ANYTHING to this announce team? I should be out here every week, since it's obvious you need someone of my stature to carry you. Santana picks Zack up, then grabs him for The Throwdown...but Zack fires an elbow into the side of his head to break, then swings around him and grabs a rear waistlock, pulling Santana up and over with a release German suplex! COLE Notice how he didn't hold on as he normally would! Zack is hitting hard and hitting fast, making sure he doesn't exert himself any more than he has to with those injured ribs! Santana crawls towards the corner, pulling himself to his feet, but when he turns around he's met with a running corner clothesline from Malibu, who then backs away, favoring the ribs. Zack sucks it up, then charges in again, nailing a diving corner splash that crushes the SCM member against the buckles, then snapmares him out of the corner! Zack then hits the ropes and nails a running soccer kick that connects, and hits the ropes immediately after, coming off with a kneedrop that finds its mark on the temple of Vincent Santana! MADDIX C'mon Vincent, get up! Get up! Zack motions for Vincent to do the same, but it's because Malibu has him in his sights, and is planning on letting him know that SCHOOL'S OUT~! Marcellus notices this and hops up on the apron, now looking to be the distraction...but Malibu simply turns and nails HIM with the superkick, sending him falling off the apron to the floor! COLE School's Out on Marcellus Wells! Zack Malibu's taking it to the South Central Millitia tonight! MADDIX God damn...GET UP, both of you, GET UP! Marcellus is out cold, so he can't hear the encouragement of the number one contender, and is not going to be the deciding factor in the contest tonight! Malibu turns around and nearly eats another boot to his weakened ribs, but catches Santana's foot! Thinking fast, Vincent tries to follow up with an enzugiri, but Malibu drops his head, forcing Vincent to eat canvas! As he staggers up holding his jaw, Malibu moves in for the kill, scooping him up before dropping him on his head and neck with the ANGLE SLAM~! COLE ANGLE SLAM! That's gotta do it! Malibu cradles a leg and stares out at Landon Maddix, who sits fuming as Doan does his job and makes the count. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, ZAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAALIBUUUUUUUUU! The fans are happy, but Landon Maddix is not, as he tears the headset off and throws it down. Jack Doan hands Zack his prized championship as he comes to his feet, leaving Zack to pose for his supporters. COLE A hard fought victory, and justice was served after what went down last week with...hey, wha...what are you doing?! Maddix, already angered, dumps Michael Cole out of his seat and folds the chair up, sliding into the ring! Unbeknowst to Zack, Landon readies the chair in his hands, and when the World Champion turns around... COACH Look out, Zacky! WHAM~! The steel chair is brought down over his head, laying him out cold! COLE That dirty son of a... The fans shower Landon with boos as he takes the chair and holds it vertically, and being relentlessly driving the edge of it into Zack's ribs, one shot after another! COACH He's gonna turn his ribs to dust if he keeps that up! We gotta get some help out here! Zack, who is now coughing up blood, can't muster a comeback, especially when Landon takes the chair and drives the edge of it into his throat, causing Zack to begin to choke on his own blood! COLE Someone get this sick son of a bitch out of here! He's gone too far tonight! The crowd roars as the locker room empties out, and Landon, even with a steel chair, knows enough not to bother. Throwing the chair down, Landon bails out of the ring smiling, with the damage done and the message sent. COLE They'll meet this Sunday at the Great Angle Bash for the World Heavyweight Title, but Landon Maddix, looking to soften up the World Champion, has struck again! Fans, we will see you from Washington DC! Wrestlers and officials tend to the World Champion, who coughs up more blood as he's helped to his feet. Holding his ribs, Malibu is aided to the locker room by his peers, while his arch rival gets away scott free... ...for another few days, at least.GOODNIGHT, MY BUTTERFLIES Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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