OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 6/14/07

[Chanel #99]

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY


PRESENTED IN HD

The club thumping hit Party Like A Rockstar blares into living rooms worldwide, accompanied by the hyper flashy intro video. Character specific locales and close ups burn onto the screen, highlighting the major players in our melodrama. After the video concludes and the song comes to an end  the logo is shown...



FEMALE VOICE OVER
And now, courtesy of Budweiser Select, The FedEx Forum and The OAOAST it is time for HeldDOWN!

Ignoring the wealth of screaming fans, the camera cuts straight to the announce team. Both members have attired themselves in the traditional bright, bright, bright orange polo shirts. We probably shouldn't have hired that colorblind homeless dude to direct the wardrobe department. But I digress.

COLE
Folks, Memphis, Tennessee is on fire tonight! Welcome to another edition of HeldDOWN~!, I'm Michael Cole, partnered up with The Coach. It's a night of title matches here on Thursday, as we have a WDW versus OAOAST bout for the Heartland title, Thunderkid pairing off against Felix Strutter! I'm pulling for Thunder all the way! Cuban Wall makes another defense his 24/7 title. And in the main event, Chicks Over Dicks defends their world tag team titles against former champions, Los Infernales! El Dandy and Spider Poet are making their first appearance in an OAOAST ring in three years, thanks to Theodore Moneymaker. Get this, he's paid them three million dollars a piece just to show up, and will give them two million dollars as a winning bonus. The man is out of his mind, and may be out of money pretty soon. But enough about that, let's start the show!

As is becoming almost customary (like Meatloaf sang, two outta three ain't bad), HeldDOWN~! kicks off in a big way as "Getting Away With Murder" by Papa Roach powers through the arena. The Memphis crowd rise to their feet as the doors part, making way for the World's Heavyweight Champion!

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome... your OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... ZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAACCKK MMMMMAAAAALLLLLIIIIIIIBBUUUUUUUU!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Zack tags a few hands on his march to the ring. He certainly doesn't look in that great of a mood. But, he knows what's up when it comes to keeping the masses happy. A slapped hand here, a bought t-shirt there. Ching ching ching all the way to the bank baby.

COLE
And welcome to the home of Kings, Memphis Tennessee, where the King of the OAOAST is wasting no time in gracing us with his presence.

COACH
What's the over-under on an Elvis reference tonight? I've got 2 minutes, fifty one seconds in the sweepstakes.

Rolling into the ring, Zack accepts the microphone from Buffer and waits for some decorum from the crowd.

ZACK
(holds up a hand to quieten the crowd)
Now, I don't want to waste too much of everyone's time tonight talking. There's plenty of other people in the back who can do that job much more efficiently. I want to make this real short and sweet. Last week, as I'm sure you all saw, I defended this OAOAST World Heavyweight Title for the first time in virtually three years. Just like I promised to, I started on the road to bringing some prestige back to the World Title. Boricua was a stiff test. He's a big guy, an uncompromising opponent. Trust me, I've still got the bruises from Boricua even a week on. But I took him on and I came out victorious.

A few of the crowd applaud, needlessly.

ZACK
Thank you. Now, one other thing I promised was that I was to be a fighter. Not someone who shies away from battle. If someone wants a shot at Zack Malibu, they're not going to have to wonder if and when he's going to be in the same area-code, let alone the same arena. They can be sure that he won't be hard to find. Which brings me to Landon 'La Cucaracha' Maddix...

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

ZACK
It's real simple. Seeing as you're finding it so hard to wait until The Great Angle Bash, let's not wait. You clearly want Zack Malibu... and trust me, I'd like nothing more than to ki...

The World Champion begins to trail off at the end of his last sentence, his eye caught by the changing picture on the AngleTron. The sounds of the hustle and bustle of the Memphis air hover around as we see the very person, LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MADDIX, standing in what is clearly the parking lot. Landon smirks as back in the arena, Zack puts his hands on his hips.

MADDIX
Let me cut you off, because we all know where this is going Zack. You play the bigman, I come out full off bravado and say I'll take you on...... just not tonight~!, right? Well, usually that might be true. Clichéd as it may be, I'm a sucker for the classics. But, honestly... (glances at watch)... it's not really worth my time. See, there's the point right there Zack. At The Great Angle Bash, you will be worth my time. Your World Heavyweight Championship will be worth my time. Now? No. Just... just no.

ZACK
So, you found a cameraman and dragged him into the parking lot just to tell me 'no'?

MADDIX
Pretty much, yes.

Zack rolls his eyes.

MADDIX
Although, I do feel I owe you an explanation. See, last week, I guess you could say I 'played my Wildcard' when I came out and attacked you. A moment of weakness, I assure you. See, I'd just lost the SWF Title, I...

ZACK
Yeah, I heard about that!

Unhappy at being cut off, especially for the reason he was, Landon grits his teeth.

MADDIX
Jest all you like, Malibu. All that's going to do is make me more determined to take YOUR title! Infact, the only reason I'm even here tonight was to sign off on some paperwork. Now that's done? Well, I guess I'll be on my way. See you June 24th Zack.

And with that, Landon begins to walk off.

ZACK
Hey, Landon! Don't try and leave in a limo whatever you do, never know what might happen!

COLE
*rimshot*

COACH
*shifty eyes*

MADDIX
(jogging back into shot)
I'll have you know, I leave everywhere I go in a limo. That's the life you lead when you're a bonafide success story like myself. Comes with the territory.

ZACK
Okay, if you insist. But, just to be on the safe side, let me get the door for you.

And with that (I really have to come up with some new segueways), Zack drops the microphone and begins to march back up the aisle. The crowd cheer Zack on as we see Landon on the AngleTron, questioning to someone if Zack is actually coming after him. The parking lot and the ring are understandably a little ways away though, so in the meantime, we cut to Sofa Central.


COLE
Well, anyone hanging out in the parking lot was probably tempting fate to begin with, considering recent events...

COACH
*more shifty eyes*

COLE
...but now, I suggest they make themselves scarse and quick. Because Zack Malibu is on the warpath!

COACH
Yawn. Same old, same old. You know, Zack's got a real mentality problem. He always has to take everything in this business to heart and have everything effect him so personally, it's no wonder he's got so many enemies. If you continually go looking for trouble, sooner or later you're gonna find it, that's my opinion.

COLE
I hardly think Zack is 'looking for trouble'. It was Landon that interrupted him two weeks ago... and Landon who tried to ambush him just last week!

COACH
Look, he already explained that...

COLE
...okay, we're hearing through the headsets, that Zack is... well, let's go back there...


We cut back to the parking lot, just as Zack has made his way into the parking lot. As he skims past a couple of cars, Zack finds himself in the wide-open, looking around a little cautiously as he unstraps the OAOAST World Title and sets it on a car hood. With no sign of Landon around, Malibu stands with hands on hips, scanning the lot. Let's face it, wrestlers in parking lots, it doesn't always end well. Which gives Zack the right to look a little suspicious.

COLE
Did Landon leave?

COACH
Well, that was his intention before Zack went storming out there, so maybe.

Keeping half an eye on his belt, Zack continues to walk around, trying to figure out if he's even in the right spot which Landon was being filmed from. And after a few seconds warning, suddenly off jogs Zack, in the direction of where Maddix can be seen, standing on the roof of a white rental car.

COLE
Here we go!

Curiously, Landon doesn't seem worried that he's been found, or that he's being charged at by the world's foremost pissed off prep. A simple smirk hangs on his face. Zack continues running at him, ready to scale the front of the car in mid-run...




...when suddenly, he comes to a stop.


*OOOOF!*

A painful stop.

COLE
HEY... what the hell!?

The same smirk stays etched on Landon's face, as Zack collapses, wheezing from the knee driven into his gut from MARCELLUS WALLACE of the South Central Miltia! Before Zack can recover his breath Marcellus grabs him in a front facelock and holds him in place, as VINCENT SANTANA runs over...




*KE-RAAAACK!*


...AND BREAKS A WOODEN 2x4 CLEAN IN HALF OVER ZACK'S LOWER BACK!!!

COLE
OH! That two-by-four, right across the ribs... damnit, it was all a trap!

COACH
Gee, ya think Columbo?

Zack drops to the cold concrete, groaning in pain and clutching his ribs as The SCM look at one another, shrug and figure why not put the boots to the World Champion for good measure. With the two on one beatdown in progress, Landon climbs down from the car in the background, swaggering over, so pleased with himself. With a couple of pats on the back Landon calls off the hounds and kneels down next to Zack, who is still curled up, agonisingly groaning and wheezing for breath.

MADDIX
See, I tried to warn you this would happen, I really did. It's just like I said Zachary... ALL the more determined now. All the more determined.

Letting out a tortured cough, Zack can do little more than just glare up at Landon through his wincing eyes.

MADDIX
Looks like you're not quite the 'fighting champion' you proclaim to be anymore, huh Zack? Hope you know a good chiropractor buddy, not long now. 10 more days and you are mine Zack, whatever's left of you at least. Oh and hey, seeing as it's Memphis, what the hell. (throws arms skywards) The King is dead... long live the King! HAHA, man I am a RIOT! C'mon guys.

With one last soccer kick delivered to the ribs, Santana along with Wallace and Landon walk off, leaving Zack laying like roadkill in the middle of the parking lot. Zack continues to groan in pain as finally the camerman has the good sense to forget about filming and try and tend to the World Champion.

COLE
Well, Landon brings up a good point, we probably should have seen this coming. After all, he's done some pretty low things in the past. And that ranks right up there! He lured Zack back, right into the waiting South Central Militia, who by the way I have NO idea what their problem with Zack is. What is their relationship with La Cucaracha!? I don't get it. The former SWF World Champion...

COACH
Why must you keep bringing that up?

COLE
...he looks like a desperate man to me. And that desperation has led to what we just saw. Zack Malibu, the World Champion, laid out and hopefully if someone is listening, we can get some medical attention back there for Zack.

COACH
Somebody better be listening, otherwise our job is pretty pointless. But that aside, let's not get it twisted. 'Desperate' is one opinion on it. Me? I prefer genius.

COLE
Genius!?

COACH
Genius. It was an ingenious plan. Landon fed Zack the bait and sure enough, SuperZack swallowed it hook, line and sinker. Hell, I'm sure deep down Zack realised it might be a trap, but he just couldn't resist the chance to play the big action-hero of the OAOAST, our very own Sylvester Stallone. And now he's lying in the dirt trying to hold his ribs in place. Hardly Eye Of The Tiger stuff, is it? Because Zack's not dealing with some action-movie villian who leaves James Bond tied-up in a room all alone, he's dealing with Landon Maddix.

COLE
...you're unbelievable. Let's take a well deserved break, shall we?

No. I'm the director here. I say we go to Gene Okerlund

OKERLUND
Right now, I want to bring in two gentlemen with a lot on their minds right now, Lucius Soul and Rico de Janeiro, the HI-YAH Tag Team Champions...

From either side of shot, in walk the two members of The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. Both sporting annoyed looks, Lucius furiously combing his 'fro.

OKERLUND
...and judging from the looks on your faces, you're well aware of the big announcement regarding The Great Angle Bash.

LUCIUS
You damn right we aware! And lemme tell ya Gene-O, there's only one word to describe it... 'wack'. Real wack!

OKERLUND
I don't think I'm familiar with that word.

LUCIUS
It ain't right Gene-O, it just ain't right brotha'. Putting us against not one, but two teams? What did we ever do to deserve that!? Just because the cowboys and the rockstars have got beef? Listen, that ain't got nothin' to do with me an' Rico man. If them fools got beef, then let 'em settle it between them. Don't go gettin' me and Rico, a couple'a innocent bystanders, involved in all'a this!

OKERLUND
Innocent bystanders? So, you're saying that you don't hold any responsibility for the wedge driven in the friendship between The Lonestar Gunslingers and The Heavenly Rockers?

LUCIUS
Eeee-xactly!

RICO
This isn't our doing. The cosmic Gods of love thrust myself and Hollywood into each other's paths and our pants. It was fate. A fateful attraction. An issue between one man and one woman, just as nature intended. *strokes 'stache* Until, The Heavenly Rockers got involved. Did we ask for that? Not at all. We took them on... and The Gunslingers got involved. So, we graciously give the cowboys not one but two shots at our belts... sure enough, Synth and Logan gotta stick their noses in again. And now, there's trouble in paradise? Hey. Nothing to do with us.

LUCIUS
Gene-O, lemme break it down for ya. We don't know why dem fools are 'friends' and frankly, we don't care neither. All me an' Rico are is victims of circumstancerations.

OKERLUND


LUCIUS
And the fact we've gotta defend our straps against four instead'a two, just because suckas can't keep their egos in check? That just ain't right in mah book!

OKERLUND
Well right or wrong, it will happen at The Great Angle Bash. You two men versus The Heavenly Rockers versus The Lonestar Gunslingers, your biggest test to date.

Suddenly, Lucius grins.

LUCIUS
You know what Gene-O... I wanna thank you man.

OKERLUND
Really?

LUCIUS
Yeah. You know, up until just now, me an' Rico were a little pertubed at the cards that had been dealt us, if you know what I mean. But, you've given us the chance to get some stuff off our chests. And now, thinkin' 'bout it for a minute, we are just innocent bystanders. So, maybe come The Bash, we'll just stand innocently by, while the 'friends' do what they gotta do.

RICO
You know what, da's right chico. This might not be so bad after all. See, you wanna have The 'Slingers and The Rockers out there at the same time? Not a problem. 'Cause, we're more than happy for Holly and Melody to be in the same place at the same time too. Mardi Gras's a happenin' man, there's plenty to go around. And come Great Angle Bash, the way I sees it, it's gonna come down to just one thing. Who wants it. Who wants it more. Who wants...

Rico grind his hips and thrusts his pelvis off into the distance.

RICO
...A MOUSTACHE RIDE!! *strokes 'stache*

LUCIUS


OKERLUND
Gentlemen, I think I've heard enough! You two are repulsive! Lets go back to ringside... (Rico and Lucius walk away)... I cannot believe you two!

COACH
Crazy old rambling man Gene Okerlund there!

Now we may go to commercial

COMMERCIAL

COMING UP NEXT
****Heartland Title****
Felix Strutter Vs ThunderKid

[Chanel #99]

God of Thunder hits and Thunderkid gets a big pop as he makes his way to the ring.

COLE
And here comes Thunderkid, with another chance to bring the Heartland title back to the OAOAST!  Let's go to Michael Buffer!

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the OAOAST Heartland championship! Introducing first, the challenger...hailing from Green Bay, Wisconsin, weighing in at 250 pounds...THUNDERKID!!!!!

COLE
TK of course had this chance previously at the WDW PPV, Triumph, 12 days ago!  But now, he gets that chance on his home turf!

TK slides into the ring and poses on the buckles, then awaits his opponent.

Je t'adore, je t'adore...

Girls, Girls, Girls hits, and Felix Strutter makes his way out.

COLE
But this man looking to spoil the party!

BUFFER
His opponent...from Thunder Bay, Ontario, weighing in at 218 pounds...he is the REIGNING and DEFENDING OAOAST Heartland champion..."AFTER HOURS" FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFELIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX SSSSSSSSSSTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUTTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

RRR!!!!!

Strutter jaws with fans on his way down to the aisle, then slides into the ring and holds the belt up in the air.  He hands it to the official, then takes off his gear, before blindsiding TK as he does stretches in the corner!

*DING DING DING*

COACH
TK had his eye off the ball!

COLE
And we're underway!

Strutter hammers on TK, who quickly recovers, and the two begin to trade blows.

COACH
And this isn't smart on the part of Felix Strutter, to be trading punches with TK!

The brawl eventually spills to the outside, where Strutter goes to the eyes of TK.  Strutter then drills TK with rights, who attempts to respond with some blind swings.  Strutter drags TK around the side of the ring, where TK swings with a big right, which Strutter ducks and grabs TK in a side headlock.  TK escapes by shoving Strutter off into the ringpost!

COLE
And Strutter tastes the steel ringpost on the outside!

Strutter slowly gets to his feet, then turns around and is met with a TK clothesline which sends him over the guardrail and into the audience!

COACH
We're spilling out into the fans here, Cole!

Strutter tries to crawl away, with TK following.  TK catches Strutter, and delivers right hands, ending with a big one which knocks him right to the floor!  TK then grabs a vendor's tub, and slams it across the back of Strutter!

COACH
I don't think that's the way Felix wanted his beer!

Felix crawls over to the stairs in the crowd, then delivers a headbutt to the abdomen!  He then gets to his feet and sets up TK...

COLE
And Felix looking for a piledriver right on the concrete steps in the stands!

However, TK blocks, and Strutter is backdropped onto the concrete!

COACH
OW!

COLE
But it's Felix once again, back meeting concrete!

TK stomps away at Strutter, who rolls down the steps slowly.  TK picks him up and drags him back to the ring, tossing him back over the guardrail, then backing up several steps, waiting for Strutter to get to his feet.

COACH
What's this?

When Strutter gets to his feet, TK charges, then leaps over the rail, hitting Strutter with a clothesline!

COLE
What a clothesline from TK, leaping from the crowd to the ringside area, right over that guardrail!

TK yells out to the crowd, which responds with cheers.  He then sets up an Irish whip into the steel steps, but Strutter reverses and sends TK in instead!  Upon impact, the steps move completely away from the ringpost.

COLE
And now it's TK being introduced to the steel!

Strutter leans on the apron to catch his breath, then slides into the ring, and climbs to the top rope, with his back facing TK.

COLE
And Felix Strutter going all the way up!

Strutter gains his balance, and hits TK with a CORKSCREW BODY PRESS~!!!

COLE
Big-time high risk move from Felix Strutter, and it pays off!

Both men lay out on the floor for a few seconds, then Strutter gets to his feet and tosses TK back inside.  Strutter stomps away at TK, then when TK starts to work his way back up, Strutter stomps on his fingers!

COACH
WOW, Felix may have broken some fingers right there!

COLE
A lot of bad blood in this one, two guys whose roots began in tag team wrestling! Of course, Felix Strutter part of a great up-and-coming team before the unfortunate injury to his partner, Ken Pantera, and Thunderkid, of course, formed a tag team with Reject in the Deadly Alliance! And while they never claimed the tag team gold, they've got to be considered an all-time great team!  And this here is quickly becoming one of the hottest feuds going in wrestling!

COACH
You're right about that, Cole, it's certainly produced two memorable matches, and it looks like we've got a third right here tonight!

Strutter whips TK into the corner, then charges with a knee, but TK moves out of the way!

COLE
And this could be big-time trouble for Felix, he's hurt!

TK trips Felix from behind, then picks up a leg, and applies a FIGURE-FOUR!

COLE
Submission hold applied, the figure-four!  How hurt is the leg of the champion, is the question here?

Felix writhes in pain on the mat, as the referee asks him if he wants to give up.  TK clamps down on the hold, and Strutter lays back.

1...




2...




Strutter sits up, and scoots a little bit towards the ropes, then lays back once again.

1...




2...




Strutter sits up, and manages to scoot the rest of the way towards the ropes!  The referee forces TK to break the hold, and Strutter immediately rolls to the outside.  TK follows, picking up Strutter and tossing him right back in.  TK then makes his way over to the timekeepers' table, and grabs a steel chair.

COLE
And now come the weapons!

TK holds the chair up in the air, as the fans egg him on.  TK then slides into the ring, and prepares to hit Strutter, but Strutter pops up with a low blow!

COLE
Felix able to buy himself some time with that low blow, legal in a Heartland title match!

Felix gets to his feet, then grabs the chair from the hand of TK, and whacks him across the back with it!  Strutter then leans on the ropes, and pulls himself into the corner in order to rest his leg.

COLE
Strutter catching a big break right here, TK after applying the figure-four failed to continue on the leg!

Strutter comes out of the corner, and delivers another chair shot to the back of TK!

COACH
And Felix somehow has taken control of this match!

Strutter picks up TK, and executes a Russian legsweep!  Cover...

1...





2...





Kickout!

Strutter picks up TK, and delivers a snap suplex!  Strutter then hops to the second rope, and comes off with a flying elbow!  Cover...

1...





2...





Kickout!

COLE
Strutter going for quick covers here!

Strutter pitches TK out through the ropes, and poses for the crowd, drawing boos.  He then goes out after him, and sets up an Irish whip, but TK reverses, sending Strutter back-first into the steel guardrail!

COLE
And Strutter once again tasting steel on the outside!

TK slowly goes after Strutter, delivering right hands to the skull.  He then rams Strutter's face into the steel steps, before tossing him back in.  He then reaches under the ring, coming up with a kendo stick!

COLE
TK with a kendo stick, obviously planning to cane Felix Strutter!

TK slides in and waits for Strutter to get to his feet, then delivers a big shot to the gut!  He follows with one to the back, then tosses the stick to the mat.  He picks up Strutter, and delivers a fallaway slam!  Cover...

1...






2...






Kickout!

Strutter starts to get to his feet, but TK trips him up, and attempts another figure-four, but Felix reverses into a small package!

1...







2...







Kickout!

COLE
And Felix almost stealing it right there!

TK quickly dives at Strutter with a double axhandle, then backs him into a corner.  TK hammers away, then whips Strutter across.  TK charges, but runs right into Felix's foot!  Felix catches his breath, then walks over and grabs the kendo stick.

COACH
Now Felix has the stick!

Strutter raises the stick up, and brings it down repeatedly across TK's back and side!  He then stops and raises the stick in the air, as the crowd boos, before slamming it to the mat.  Strutter then sets TK up on the top rope, and follows him up.

COLE
Big move coming up from Felix Strutter...

Strutter gets his balance on the top rope, then hops onto TK's shoulders and flips back, taking him to the mat with a HURRICANRANA~!

COLE
And a tremendous hurricanrana from the top rope!  The champion will retain!

1...












2...












NO!  TK gets a shoulder up!

COACH
Not yet!

COLE
TK still with plenty of fight left!

Strutter gets to his feet and questions the count of the official, then exits the ring and goes to the timekeepers' table, grabbing the ring bell!

COACH
Felix wants to ring TK's bell here tonight!

Felix rolls back inside and sets the bell in the middle of the ring.  He then stomps away at TK, before picking him up and placing his head in between his legs.

COLE
Oh, no.

COACH
It looks like he's going to deliver the Thunder Bay Throttle right down onto the ring bell!

Strutter hooks the arms of TK, but TK blocks, then trips up Strutter, and delivers a slingshot into the corner!  As Strutter bounces back, TK blasts him right in the face with the bell!

COLE
And Felix just had his bell rung by TK!  We're going to have a new champion, it looks like, if TK can cover!

However, the camera cuts to the crowd, to show Deuce Deuce Bigelow approaching the guardrail, followed by a walking Jumbo!

COLE
And here comes Jumbo and Deuce, two WDW guys!

Deuce decks a security guard, then climbs over the rail, and pulls TK out underneath the ropes!

COLE
And they're helping Felix Strutter!

COACH
Well, whether those guys like each other or not, that's their WDW comrade, and they don't want us to have our title back!

Deuce picks up TK, and whips him HARD into the steel steps!  He then turns around and waves on Jumbo, who slowly climbs over the rail.

COLE
Jumbo looks kind of hesitant to be taking part in this attack on TK, doesn't he?

COACH
Well Cole, I don't know if you've been following that show, but there was a meeting there at the end on Monday, in which Axel asked for a favor of them, maybe this was it!  To keep the belt in enemy territory!

Jumbo picks up TK and tosses him into the ring, then rolls inside after him.  He picks him up, but is still hesitant to attack, and this allows TK to fight back on Jumbo!

COLE
But TK still fighting, he's not holding back!

Deuce attacks TK from behind, and he and Jumbo whip him into the ropes.  TK ducks a double clothesline, then comes back with a flying shoulderblock which sends both big men to the mat!  TK delivers a stiff kick to Jumbo, which turns him over from his stomach to his back, then questions him on the attack.

COACH
And look at TK, he wants to know what the deal is!

However, before he can get an answer, he is knocked to the mat from behind by Deuce with the kendo stick!

COLE
And Deuce Deuce Bigelow from behind!

Deuce yells at Jumbo to get up, then makes the belt motion with his hands around his waist.  Jumbo gets up and whips TK into a corner, then crushes him with an AVALANCHE~!  Deuce goes to the top, and drills TK with the FUNKY COLD MEDINA~!!!

COLE
And Deuce Deuce Bigelow with the big flying headbutt, following the avalanche by Jumbo!

Strutter is to his feet, as Deuce and Jumbo exit the ring.  He picks up TK, and delivers the THUNDER BAY THROTTLE~!!!!!11111

COLE
And the WDW is going to keep the belt again!

1...














2...














3!!!

COLE
DAMN IT!

*DING DING DING*

BUFFER
The winner of the match...and STILL OAOAST Heartland champion..."AFTER HOURS" FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFELIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX SSSSSSSSSSTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUTTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

RRR!!!!!

COLE
Felix Strutter keeps the OAOAST Heartland title with WDW, thanks to help from unlikely suspects!

Jumbo looks distraught as he walks back out through the crowd, as Deuce tries to encourage him.  Felix leans on the ropes, raising his belt in the air, then rolls out and walks back to the locker room.

COLE
Well, I've got a feeling that this war is still not over!  A great effort by TK, but comes up on the short end once again, due to circumstances beyond his control!  Right now, let's go to...

[Chanel #99]

The view is transported backstage where Terry Taylor stands with Krista Isadora Duncan. While Terry looks like someone asking to be robbed and shot four times, Krista shows off the summer's dopest fashion, with butter colored True Religion jeans, and Harajuku Lovers t-shirt featuring the 70's chic imprint of an afroed Asian woman.

TAYLOR
Girls...wait...what...girl. Krista, where's Alix?

ALIX (from the janitor's closet)
In here, dude!

TAYLOR
Alix why are you in a janitor's closet?

ALIX
Krista, said if I wanted to make myself useful I could spend the night in the janitor's closet!

TAYLOR
Well, that's a bit better then when she told me I'd “best serve humanity by French kissing the exhaust of her running Porsche”, after I walked on that awful blind date she set me up with.

KRISTA
When I asked you if you knew what transgendered meant, you said yes!

TAYLOR
Well, my mistake! Now girls, a lot of our fans are very sympathetic to the discrimination you face not only within the oaoast, but in the world in general. However, most of our fans don't encounter many lesbians in their everyday life. And going off some of the Internet fanfics I've read, I'm hoping they don't encounter many people period! But, the OAOAST is hoping that you could shed some light on the lesbian experience for them.

KRISTA
Lesbian experience, huh? I see your mother found your “secret stash” again.

TAYLOR
The disturbing part is that damn corpse sniffing police dog she got uncovered it! But regardless, I'd like to ask you when was the first time you realized you were a lesbian?

KRISTA
When I wore this to prom....



KRISTA
I'm the one in the white. Sweet fantasies, Terry.

TAYLOR
Yes...well...yes. Um, Alix, how about you? When did you first realize you were into..ahem..girls?

ALIX (from the janitor's closet)
When I masturbated to Doctor Crusher from Star Trek! Hey-ya, doctah, how's about a double dose of those double d's?

With that comment Terry contemplates putting down the microphone and seeking out the nearest bottle of baby oil.

TAYLOR
I..I..um..uh..yes..well...uh..uh...uh...

SLAP

TAYLOR
Thank you, Krista. Uh, Alix, can you come out of the closet?

ALIX
I just did!

TAYLOR
No, Alix, can you come out of the actual janitor's closet?

Alix steps out the closet, wearing the actual janitor's uniform.

TAYLOR
Now that you're both here, it's my understanding you have a very special treat lined up for us tonight. Something very unusual, even for the both of you. Care to share, girls?

KRISTA
Terry Taylor, in honor of Theo Moneymaker, the polestar of human evil, and the man who makes Pol Pot look like Tom Hanks on the nice guy scale, and in honor of Bud Light, the best anti-depressant I've dropped out of rehab six times for, we've written a little song, and become the hottest singing lesbian duo since...well, we're the only lesbian singing group. Ever. That's okay, listen to our song, anyway. Maestro, if you will.

As there isn't actually a Maestro to speak of, everyone just kind stands around for a couple seconds.

ALIX (in deep announcer voice)
Bud Light presents, real men of genius.

KRISTA (singing)
Real men of genius!

ALIX
Today we salute you Mister Really Homophobic and Racist guy.

KRISTA (singing)
Mister Really Homophobic and Racist guy.

ALIX
Never mind the fact we're fighting a war that has cost the lives of thousands of men and women, never mind the rapidly increasing poverty rate, or the AIDs epidemic that is decimating our inner cities, you know for sure that two women holding hands is what's causing America to take an eighty story plummet into the bowels of hell.

KRISTA (singing)
Straight into the hands of Satan!

ALIX
Because of you the once beautiful sight of two women kissing is rendered disgusting, sick, and all who support it are committing crimes against the lord.

KRISTA (singing)
Yeaaah, Terry Taylor can't masturbate without shame.

ALIX
America has never had a woman, a homosexual, a minority or a non Christian as president but you don't let that keep you from your irrational fears and illogical hatred of a country ruled by Queen Latifah.

KRISTA (singing)
The fags and Negroes are taking over!

ALIX
Yes you have a gay uncle, and you and he spent many nights adrift in the lake under the romantic moonlit Florida night, but in your opinion that doesn't really count.

KRISTA (singing)
We never even made it past first base!

ALIX
You'll admit that Hitler may have been wrong, but if he's going to kill a million people, maybe he could have thrown in thirty or forty dykes. What's the harm?

KRISTA (singing)
But you don't believe the holocaust really happened.

ALIX
So here's to you Mister Moneymaker, because while there's no money in being a lesbian, thanks to you there sure is a fuck you.

Ally and Krista bow towards their imagined audience, completing their tune.

TAYLOR
Destiny's Child eat your heart out! Girls, thank you very much for the song, but I'm afraid we have to switch gears for a bit. I'd like to ask you about tonight's main event, where you will defend your tag titles against a team that some would regard as the greatest in history, Los Infernales, Spider Poet, and El Dandy. Though I'd like to say that they came back thanks to a love for the company, it's actually Moneymaker's bank account that brings them here to challenge and defeat you. What do you have to say to that?

ALIX
Ya know what, I don't think Theo's really thinking out this whole crusade against lesbian thing that well. Because instead of doing what any right minded bigot would do, get a prime time show on Fox News, Theo goes out grabs a dude taking his cues from a comic book character who's primary villains were a guy named after a sexual hand position and another one with a dildo on his head, to do his dirty work! Woah, can you imagine what life would be like with Gia Darling's futurotic dong stuck between your eyes. Talk about your great power, and great responsibility! Terry, you'd never spend a Friday night alone again!

KRISTA
It'd be the first time you've seen a vagina without the word buffering coming before it.

TAYLOR
Well Krista, we know you love me very much, but what are your thoughts on Los Infernales?

KRISTA
Whatever redneck town Mary Jane and Peter Parker were wrestling in front of on Wednesday, will be the same redneck town showering them with “WELCOME BACK!” chants on Friday, because there isn't a chance their latest run in the OAOAST last past 9:58 PM on Thursday. You can heap your praises, your accolades, your compliments, hell, you can probably heap your skidmarked underwear on them, Terry. If a man willingly goes through life being known as “El Dandy” lord only knows what kind of sick shit he digs. Pun intended. The bottom line is it doesn't matter how nice they were four years ago, when that bell rings and those lights go up, the itsy bitsy spiders better climb up that water sprout, because down will come Krista's boot and stomp those assholes out.

TAYLOR
Girls, as always thank you for your honesty. And Alix thank you very much for your honesty. Best of luck to you against Los Infernales. They're a tough team, but I have faith in you! Fans, when we come back we hope to have a 24/7 title match for you.

COMMERCIAL

COMING UP NEXT
HeldDown HEATs up
****OAOAST 24/7 Title****
Cuban Wall Vs Colombian Heat
NEXT

A piano plays a melody, causing the crowd to cheer. The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody.

"COME ON!"

*BOOM~!*

Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull starts playing.

COLE
Can you feel the Heat?

The entrance doors slide open, and Colombian Heat comes out. Heat runs out onto the entrance stage and raises his hands, acknowledging the fans. Colombian Heat points to both sides of the arena, and then walks to the ring, slapping hands with the fans along the way.

*DING DING DING*

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Championship! Introducing first. The challenger. Coming to the ring at this time. Originally from Bogotá, Colombia but now residing in Miami, Florida. Weighing in at 180 lbs. He is a former HI-YAH World Tag Team Champion. He...is...COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

Colombian Heat slaps some fans hands and then climbs the ring steps. Heat hops into the ring.

COLE
Colombian Heat going for his first singles title tonight! And he's doing it against a former running buddy!

COACH
The history between Colombian Heat and Cuban Wall has been talked about again and again. So let's just sit back and watch the slaughter!

COLE
Coach, can't you give Heat a *little* credit?

COACH
Nah. He's boned.

COLE
Coach. Oy.  

Colombian Heat gets on the second ring rope and does the "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal, receiving cheers. Heat then gets on a second turnbuckle and throws up the "W" hand signal again, receiving more cheers. Colombian Heat gets off the second turnbuckle, and grabs a microphone.

COLE
Colombian Heat came to the rescue of Spanish Fly after his match against Cuban Wall last week. Tonight, Heat looks to do what Spanish Fly couldn't do last week. Colombian Heat hasn't wrestled on HeldDOWN~! in quite some time, but he has been in action around the globe, wrestling in HI-YAH several times over these past few months.

COACH
They can take him and keep him for all I care! If I never ever see Colombian Heat ever again, it will be too soon!

Colombian Heat has a smile on his face as "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull dies down.

"HEAT!"
"HEAT!"
"HEAT!"
"HEAT!"

COLOMBIAN HEAT
COT DAMN, IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK ON HELDDOWN~!

"YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

HEAT
And wot betta place to return home than right here in MEMPHIS, TENN-E-SEE!

(CHEAP POP!)

HEAT
So, Memphis, we's in tha dirrty dirrty, and I knows that in tha dirrty dirrty youse likes to get CRUNK! And we's about to get CRUNK cuz I's am leaving herre tha NEW 24/7 CHAMPION!

"YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

HEAT
So, if all of y'all are ready to see me make Cuban Wall feel the Heat and become the new 24/7 Champion...then Memphis, Tennessee, make some noise UP IN THIS--

"BI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH~!"

The crowd goes wild. Colombian Heat smiles a wide smile as he puts the microphone away. Heat jumps up and down and stares at the entrance with his game face on.

COLE
Colombian Heat is ready for this match! He wants to become 24/7 Champion tonight on HeldDOWN~!

"LIGHTNING CREW!"

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The opening to "No Chance In Hell" starts up as the crowd stands up and boos. The AngleTron shows a picture of Cuban Wall posing in front of a Cuban flag with CUBAN WALL written to the right side of the screen in big white blocky letters. Strobe lights appear on the entrance set, while smoke fills the entryway. The crescendo hits, and "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds begins playing.

*No chance (No chance)
That's what ya got! (Ha. Ha. Yeah!)

We're up against
no machine too strong (Too strong)

Pussy polticians buying souls for us
are...PUPPETS! (Puppets!)*

A few seconds later, the entrance doors slide open, and Cuban Wall comes out to loud boos. Cuban Wall has the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder. He looks at the crowd and pumps his right fist into the air, then proceeds to walk to the ring, his eyes focused soley on it, with a serious expression on his face.

COACH
Here comes the biggest 24/7 Champion EVER! Colombian Heat's in trouble now!  

BUFFER
And his opponent. From Havana, Cuba. Weighing in at 285 lbs. He is the reigning and defending One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion of the worrrrlllllllllldddddddddddddddddddd. He is The Muscle for The Lightning Crew. CUBANNNNNNNNNNNNN WALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Cuban Wall shadow boxes a little bit as he walks to the ring.

COLE
Cuban Wall has no love lost for Colombian Heat. Here is what he had to say earlier about his opponent tonight.

A small box appears on the upper left hand corner of the screen. Cuban Wall stands in front of a blue background while holding the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder. He is in his wrestling gear because he lives, breathes, and eats wrestling DAMNIT!

CUBAN WALL
My name is Cuban Wall. I enjoy drinking beer, smoking fine Cuban cigars, listening to heavy metal, and having sex with some fine fine ladies. But the one thing I love more than any of that is kicking some serious ass! Now my opponent tonight is no stranger to me. Suffice to say, I've hated his guts ever since I first met him! He's always been an annoying, idiotic, obnoxious, untalented, ASS to me! And tonight, I hope this will be the last time I will ever EVER have to get in the squared circle with him! I will make sure of that! This is NOT about big vs. small. This is NOT about rock vs. rap. This is about a talented superstar kicking the crap out of the least talented superstar in all of the One And Only AngleSault Thread! Colombian Heat, say your prayers, because you're going to need all the help you can get when you step into the ring with me! It's almost game time, are you ready? Because YOUR ASS IS MINE!

COLE
Cuban Wall with some big words for Colombian Heat tonight!

COACH
He'll back up his words too. This is not going to be pretty. Not at all!

COLE
We're about to find out in only a heartbeat away!

COACH
Oh boy! I've been waiting for this all week!  

Cuban Wall uses the ropes to pull himself up onto the ring apron. He enters the ring--Colombian Heat attacks him! Heat keeps on attacking him, preventing Cuban Wall from entering the ring!

COACH
What the hell?

COLE
Colombian Heat wanted to get a heads up I assume!

COACH
What is he doing? STOP HIM! STOP HIM!

Referee Mike Chioda calls for the bell. "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds dies down.

*DING DING DING*

OAOAST 24/7 CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
CUBAN WALL (Champion) vs. COLOMBIAN HEAT (Challenger)
Colombian Heat beats on Cuban Wall to the crowd's delight!

COLE
Colombian Heat going for first blood right now!

Colombian Heat punches Cuban Wall repeatedly as he finally enters the ring! But then, Cuban Wall grabs Heat and gives him a headbutt, knocking him down!

COACH
Ha! Ha!

Colombian Heat gets right back up, and attacks Cuban Wall again! But Cuban Wall shrugs off the attack and headbutts Heat again! Mike Chioda grabs the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt that Wall dropped, and hands it over to a ringside attendant.

COLE
Cuban Wall is just too big for Colombian Heat!

Colombian Heat gets right back up, and attacks again! Cuban Wall headbutts Heat AGAIN! He then starts punching Colombian Heat in the face! Heat stumbles around ringside. Wall grabs Colombian Heat and gives him the CLUBBERIN'~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN'~! forearms! Cuban Wall grabs Colombian Heat and whips him into the ropes. He follows with a big boot that causes Colombian Heat to tumble through the first and second ropes and onto the floor!

COLE
Cuban Wall is in control of Colombian Heat as this match gets started!

Cuban Wall raises his hands in the air. The crowd boos loudly. Wall taunts the fans. Mike Chioda begins his 10 count.

COACH
If Heat knows what's good for him, he'll just stay down.

COLE
Colombian Heat has the heart of a champion, Coach! He won't back down until he gets what he wants! And right now, he wants the 24/7 Title!

COACH
'Heart of a champion'? Come on, Cole! Stop looking into the big book of cliches, and make up something of your own next time!

Colombian Heat gets on his knees. He takes a deep breath, already groggy, and slides back into the ring at the count of 6. Cuban Wall quickly starts stomping him into mush.

"HEAT!"
"HEAT!"
"HEAT!"
"HEAT!"

COLE
This crowd trying to rally Colombian Heat back into this match!

Cuban Wall picks Colombian Heat up, removing his Colombian flag bandana in the process. Cuban Wall punches Colombian Heat in the face! He does it again! And again! And again! Cuban Wall gives Colombian Heat an Irish Whip into the ropes. Heat bounces off the ropes. Wall follows with a Bossman Slam! He goes for the cover.

1...







2...







SHOULDER UP!

Cuban Wall eyes the referee, but carries on. Colombian Heat's eyes are glazed over. CW picks CH up and punches him in the face again. And again! And again! And again! Wall scoops Heat up. Wall charges forward towards a turnbuckle, hitting Heat's back against the turnbuckle! Wall charges forward towards another turnbuckle, hitting Heat's back against that one too! Wall heads towards a third turnbuckle, slamming Heat's back against that one. He finishes it off with the fourth turnbuckle, and completes his signature move with a powerslam! Cuban Wall goes for the cover!

ONE!











TWO!









THR--KICK OUT!!!

COLE
Colombian Heat will not give up! He will not quit!

COACH
And he will not win the 24/7 Title the way this match is going!

"LET'S GO HEAT!"
"LET'S GO HEAT!"
"LET'S GO HEAT!"
"LET'S GO HEAT!"

Cuban Wall taunts Colombian Heat while he picks him up. Wall gives Heat a double-armed DDT! Wall goes for the cover.

1....2....KICK OUT!

Wall sneers at the referee. He then picks Colombian Heat up again. Wall scoops Heat up. Bodyslam! Cuban Wall bounces off the ropes, jumps up, and down with a legdrop, NO! Colombian Heat moves out of the way!

COLE
Colombian Heat escaped just in the nick of time!

COACH
What? Come on Wall! Don't let the stupid idiot beat you!

Colombian Heat gets up. He picks Cuban Wall up. He goes for the COLOMBIAN NECKTIE~! Not even close, as Cuban Wall shoves him into the ropes, and then hits him with a MASSIVE clothesline!

COLE
Oh! And Colombian Heat's comeback has been cut short!

COACH
Good. We're back on track now!

Cuban Wall chokes Colombian Heat with his bare hands! Mike Chioda orders Wall to stop at the count of 5. 1! 2! 3! 4! Cuban Wall lets go of Heat's throat. Wall grabs Colombian Heat, and lifts him up onto his feet by his throat! Cuban Wall throws Colombian Heat over the top rope and onto the floor!

COLE
Uh-oh! This isn't good! Cuban Wall is on the outside with Colombian Heat! That's no man's land right there!

COACH
It's not like this is anything new! Things haven't been going Colombian Heat's way all match!

The crowd boos loudly as Cuban Wall exits the ring over the top rope. Colombian Heat is crawling on the outside. Cuban Wall slowly follows him then picks him up by his shirt and yellow basketball jersey. Heat is dazed and confused. Cuban Wall whips Colombian Heat into some ring steps. Heat hits the ring steps right shoulder first with the top ring steps falling off due to the impact!

COLE
Whoa!

COACH
That's right, Wall! Do your thing! You're the man, Wall! You the man!

Colombian Heat is lying on the floor, breathing heavily. Cuban Wall taunts the fans at ringside. Wall has a cocky smirk on his face as he walks over to where Colombian Heat is lying and picks him up. Cuban Wall measures Heat up, and punches him square in the nose! Heat stumbles, but Wall holds him up by his jersey. Wall grabs Heat by his head and throws him back into the ring. Wall follows over the top rope.

COLE
Colombian Heat has gotten barely ANY offense in this match!

COACH
And that's the way it should be. Are you surprised?

COLE
No...I Just thought he might put up a little bit more of a fight!

COACH
He wouldn't, Because Cuban Wall is better than Colombian Heat in every way including arts and crafts!

Cuban Wall picks Colombian Heat up again. CW places Colombian Heat in between his legs, lifts Heat up, and gives him a Piledriver onto the mat! Cuban Wall gets up and lifts his right hand in the air! The crowd boos.

COLE
Oh no! Oh no!

COACH
CHOKESLAM! CHOKESLAM! CHOKESLAM!

Cuban Wall has an evil smile on his face as he watches Colombian Heat get up. Heat slowly gets to his feet.

COLE
Cuban Wall is going for the Chokeslam! This could be the end of this match!

COACH
It WILL be, Michael! It WILL be!

Cuban Wall motions for Heat to get up. Colombian Heat is on his right knee. Wall is yelling for Heat to get to his feet.

COLE
Wall signaling for another one of his signature moves. The Chokeslam!

Colombian Heat is slowly standing up straight. He turns around...Cuban Wall grabs him by the throat!

COACH
GOOZLE~! GOOZLE~!

Cuban Wall taunts Colombian Heat while still clutching his throat!

COLE
Chokeslam coming up!

BUT THEN Colombian Heat kicks Cuban Wall's right knee! He does it again! He does it a few more times, breaking the goozle! Colombian Heat hits Cuban Wall with forearm shots to the face! The shots daze the big man, but that's all they do!

COLE
Colombian Heat making the comeback!

COACH
Stop him, Wall!

Colombian Heat grabs Cuban Wall's left arm and whips him (after trying twice) into the ropes. Cuban Wall reverses--Colombian Heat bounces off the ropes. Cuban Wall grabs him, lifts him up onto his left shoulder, and falls to his knees, giving him the WALLBREAKER~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

COLE
Wallbreaker! Cuban Wall just gave Colombian Heat the Wallbreaker!

COACH
YEAH! Big time man! Big time!

Colombian Heat squirms on the mat! Cuban Wall stares down at Heat, and then rushes forward, bounces off the ropes, rushes forward, jumps up and down crashing onto Colombian Heat!

COLE
The Lightning Crew Splash!

COACH
Just like Spanish Fly last week!

Cuban Wall gets up to smile evilly, and then covers Colombian Heat. Referee Mike Chioda counts.

1...












2...














2 1/2














2.999999999999999999999999999999999999
















3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*DING DING DING* (5:09)

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

COLE
Cuban Wall absolutely DOMINATED Colombian Heat!

"No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds starts playing. Cuban Wall gets up, scoffs at Colombian Heat, and then gets his hands raised by Mike Chioda.

BUFFER
Here is your winner...and STILL One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion...CUBANNNNNNNNNNNNN WALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

COLE
Cuban Wall controlled most of the match! He barely gave Colombian Heat any offense! Another successful title defense for the current OAOAST 24/7 Champion!

COACH
Two weeks in a row, baby! First Spanish Fly, now Colombian HACK! And that's all he is, a HACK! Cuban Wall proved it tonight!

COLE
Well, Cuban Wall IS 6'7" 285 lbs, Coach! This was going to be a challenge for Colombian Heat anyway!

COACH
Wouldn't a superior athlete be able to overcome the size and weight difference?

COLE
Maybe...

COACH
Maybe? No, DEFINITLEY! Cuban Wall proved tonight once and for all that he is better than Colombian Heat! Now hopefully, they'll never have another match against each other ever again!

Mike Chioda hands Cuban Wall the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt. Wall raises the belt over his head with his right hand. The crowd boos loudly as "No Chance In Hell" continues playing. Colombian Heat is lying on the mat, breathing heavily. Mike Chioda checks on him.

COLE
Colombian Heat tried, but Cuban Wall was just too much for him! Cuban Wall's 24/7 Title reign continues on for another day! Let's take a look at the replay!

The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to a replay of the match, starting with Cuban Wall headbutting Colombian Heat at the beginning of the match.

COACH
My man Wall dominated from the beginning! Poor little Colombian Heat tried to fight in the beginning, but Wall just shrugged him off like he should!

*Cut to Cuban Wall hitting Colombian Heat with the CLUBBERIN'~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN'~! forearms.*

COACH (CONT'D)
Watch this! BAM! Cuban Wall with those CLUBBERIN'~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN'~! forearms!

*Cut to Cuban Wall clutching Colombian Heat's throat for a chokeslam.*

COACH (CONT'D)
Cuban Wall went for a chokeslam, and yeah, Colombian Heat managed to escape *that*, lucky bastard. But, you know what? Cuban Wall came back!

*Cut to Cuban Wall giving Colombian Heat the Wallbreaker, followed by The Lightning Crew Splash.*

COACH (CONT'D)
BAM! Wallbreaker! And then, BOO-YAH~! The Lightning Crew Splash! 1! 2! 3! That's it! That's all! That's all there is!

*Cut to Cuban Wall raising his right fist in the air when he came out.*

COACH (CONT'D)
Your winner and STILL STILL OAOAST 24/7 Champion, CUBAN WALL!

The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen again. Cuban Wall slings the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his left shoulder. He looks down at Colombian Heat and scoffs, saying something under his breath. Mike Chioda is still checking on Colombian Heat as Cuban Wall exits the ring over the top rope.

COLE
Colombian Heat tried to avenge his friend's loss last week, but came up short this week!

COACH
Yeah, life is good for Cuban Wall right now!

COLE
You maybe right! I mean, who can stop him and end his title reign?

COACH
NO ONE! That's who! HA HA HA HA HA!

COLE
Cuban Wall walks away with his head held high. Another victory under his belt as he has been on a roll since winning the 24/7 Title at AngleMania VI! Colombian Heat tried, but in the end, Cuban Wall was just too much for him! But if I know Colombian Heat, I know that he will live to fight another day!

Cuban Wall walks up the entrance ramp holding the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder. He has a cocky smirk on his face as he walks. Cuban Wall jaw jacks with some fans, threatening to give them a knuckle sandwich should they touch him. He laughs maniacally as he gets to the entrance stage. Colombian Heat is still lying on the mat, his eyes glazed over, breathing heavily, and coughing like mad. He tries to get up as "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds continues playing.

[Chanel #99]

OAOAST HeldDOWNis brought to you by...
Yaz-Beyond Birth Control
Verizon-It's the network
And By.....
Best Buy-More Ways To Shop

In a flash, we're transported backstage, where outside the arena The South Central Militia are stood, outside of a jet black limousine. Leant up against the limo is Landon Maddix, holding a handful of bills, which he is busy counting out into the outstretched hand of Vincent Santana. Marcellus Wallace already has his wad of cash and is eyeing it carefully.

MADDIX
280... 290... and, that's three hundred. Gentlemen, a pleasure doing business with you.

SANTANA
Yo, 'amigo', this better not be no Mexican money. We wanna cash this stash in, ya heard?

WALLACE
Yeah, we ain't dealin' in no foreign exchange. It all about the dollar dollar bill.

MADDIX
...yep, that's whatever you just said for ya.

The SCM glance at each other and grunt.

MADDIX
Well, now that the formalities have been taken care of, I actually have got places to be this time. So I guess I'll be seeing you two 'homeboys' around.

In an attempt to be 'down', Landon tries to guide Moe through a long and convoluted handshake sequence. Wallace looks a little bemused as La Cucaracha even goes so far as to add the SPRINKLE~ at the end. Landon then thinks about doing the same to Vinny, but reading the disinterested look on his face, he settles for a simple fist pump.

WALLACE
Listen, this Malibu cracka... he don't get the message, you know who to call on.

SANTANA
Terms an' conditions applyin', natch'. You got the beans, we gots the means. We ain't gonna back down from no fight, but me an' Moe, we like breakin' faces that bit mo' when we gots Ben Franklin along for the ride. Holla atcha boi!

MADDIX
Listen, don't you two worry about Zack Malibu. I've got a feeling you'll be seeing plenty more of him. Some dogs, they just don't know when to stay down after a good kicking. Which is when you gotta pull the Ol' Yella on them, if you catch my drift. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a plane to catch... (Landon enters the limo) ... Landon Maddix has left the building!

The limo screeches off as soon as the door shuts behind Landon (thankfully not exploding in the process, I hope I haven't referenced that too many times this week), leaving The South Central Militia to count their 'takings' for the night.

COLE
Well, I guess that explains it. Landon Maddix paid off The South Central Militia to do his dirty work for him!

COACH
It wouldn't be the first time Moe and Vinny made a little on the side, if you know what I mean.

COLE
The South Central Militia, no qualms, they'll take anyone's blood money I guess. They might have delved themselves in far deeper than they ever expected though. Trust me, I know Zack Malibu and Zack isn't one to let indiscretions go unpunished. Landon definately hasn't, but Vinny and Moe might not have seen the last of our World Champion either. I just hope it was worth it.

COACH
Pssh, of course it was! 600 dollars? Most people would lay out Zack for a third of that!

COLE
And most people would pay 600 dollars to lay you out, what's your point? Well, anyway folks, it's time to go into the ACTION ZONE!

OAOAST ACTION ZONE

We find ourselves inside the state of the art production studios of OAOAST Entertainment, a technological wonderland compromised of video walls and TV monitors. More impressive to the home viewer, however, is MAGGIE NERDLY.  

MAGGIE
Hey y’all, me again, back on the tube with the latest 411 on the 6th annual Great Angle Bash. Regarded as one of the elite 4 pay-per-view events of the year, some of the most memorable and shocking moments in OAOAST history have occurred at the Bash, which is set to hit the airwaves on Sunday night June 24th. Now, the event is already sold out, so if you want to see the card headlined by the clash of champions -- Zack Malibu defending his OAOAST Championship against SWF Champion Landon Maddix -- you gotta call your local cable or satellite provider and order, like…right now y’all! What are you waiting for? More? You want more?! Like the clash of champions wasn’t enough to plunk down $40? Hmm, okay, how about this -- the Mardi Gras HomeWrecking Crew vs. the Heavenly Rockers AND the Lone Star Gunslingers in a triple threat match for the HI-YAH World tag team championship!

LOGAN (Off-Screen)
Ludicrous. Ludicrous sayeth Logan Usher Mann!

MAGGIE


Alongside a noticeably concerned HOLLY-WOOD, the HEAVENLY ROCKERS grace us with their presence.

MAGGIE
Oh, my gosh! How cool is this? I was just telling the people at home about your match at the Great Angle Bash.

LOGAN
And I just told you how ludicrous it is. Our beef is with Rico de Janeiro and Lucius Soul, not the Lone Star Gunslingers. For them to say we’re jealous of them, nervous about our spot in the hearts and minds of fans worldwide, I ask you this, Maggie Nerdly: Who weaseled their way into a high stakes pay-per-view match?

MAGGIE
Um, the Lone Star Gunslingers?

SYNTH
Yo, Mann, this Nerdly chick got her head on straight. Nothing like that other one.

MAGGIE
Hey, that’s my sister you’re talking about! And her team has as much beef with Soul and de Janeiro as you do. As a matter of fact, they might actually have MORE beef with YOU than they do them.

SYNTH
Dat right?

MAGGIE
Yeah!

LOGAN
To think, that little old lady was 20 years before her time. ‘Cause all the beef is gonna be in the ring at the Bash! HI-YAH tag team titles on the line. We said it then and we’ll say it now, it was never about the belts, but now that the greatest rock ’n’ wrestling band of all time have a shot at winning some hardware, it’s just the extra bit of motivation we need.

MAGGIE
Holly, let me ask you a question.

LOGAN
You got a question, direct it towards me or Synth. Got it? Holly’s got nothing to say.

MAGGIE
Who do you think you are, “Macho Man” Randy Savage?

LOGAN
I’m the “Macho MACHO” Mann! Ain’t that right Holly?

SYNTH


LOGAN
Warning to everyone watching: The Great Angle Bash and the HI-YAH tag team championship will be the Heavenly Rockers first step to regaining the OAOAST World tag team titles!

Logan stuns the viewing public by performing a double bicep pose. Not to be outdone Synth jams on his air guitar as we return to the arena.

COLE
Bit of weird behavior for Logan Mann, I must say. He and Holly have always had a pretty equal relationship, it's just strange that he would keep her from talking like that. Even stranger that she would take it, because Holly is a tough woman! Regardless fans I have to change the subject a bit and inform you that at The Great Angle Bash, Anglesault will have a major announcement regarding the OAOAST and it's relationship with the HI-YAH promotions. You don't want to miss it.  But let's not get to far ahead of ourselves as our mainevent, the long awaited return of Los Infernales is coming up next.

COMMERCIAL

COMING UP NEXT
America's Sweethearts against OAOAST Legends
****OAOAST World Tag Team Titles****
Chicks Over Dicks Vs Los Infernales
NEXT

[Chanel #99]

The following announcement was paid for by World Domination Wrestling.

Yankee Doodle Dandy plays, as an outdoor setting is shown.

(voiceover) Summer is upon us...

Cut to a wideshot of a teen-aged boy doing a cannonball off the diving board at a public pool.

Which means the month of our Independence isn't far behind.

Cut to a family sitting at a picnic table in their backyard, laughing, then to Alf delivering the Five-Star Alf Splash to Chris Stevens.

And that means, the cookouts...

Cut to a man turning a hot dog on the grill, then to Felix Strutter drilling Thunderkid with the Thunder Bay Throttle.

The apple pie...

Cut to a woman setting a pie on the table, then to Jumbo flattening a jobber with the XL splash.

And don't forget...

Cut to a child eating a large piece of watermelon. (yeah i no what ur thinking u racist)

The American Pasttime.

Cut to a group of kids playing wiffleball, then the screen quickly goes dark.

...yeah, right.

Cut to Jamie O'Hara cracking Vinny Valentine with a bat, followed by several clips of violent acts by WDW superstars.

On July 14, your real American Pasttime comes to Pay-Per-View.

The montage ends with a smiling Alf standing on the second rope, holding his belt, then the screen fading to black.



World Domination Wrestling presents Declaration of Invalescence!

LIVE, July 14, only on pay-per-view!

Cut to Axel in a stylish suit, in a black background.

AXEL
WE can NOT tell a lie.

Commercial break

The view is that of a darkened arena, abuzz with anticipation, crowd scarcely able to contain their excitement for the mainevent. Buffer certainly doesn't help clam matters as he stands ready to speak.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, The Enterprise is proud to present to you our mainevent! It is for the most coveted prize in all of tag team wrestling, the OAOAST world tag team title!

A momentary flash of lightening reveals an Angletron tagged by blood red letters that read LOS INFERNALES. Do You Call My Name by Ra crackles like thunder, and tense shots of light flash into the night, revealing the angry interior of the entrance stage. Between these ominous webs of light lies the video screen, highlighting the vast achievements of Los Infernales. The entrance doors cast apart, and the figures of the OAOAST legends crack through the sky.

COLE
First time since 2004, Coachman. Los Infernales in an OAOAST ring. First time since 2003 they've had a tag title shot.

COACH
And we owe it all to Mister Moneymaker for doing the right thing for the OAOAST and America. If only the pussified liberals in power had the balls to stand up and fight the lesbian demon like Mister Moneymaker.

Do as you are told and maybe then we'll let you out
You might be dead and cold you might be full of doubt
Don't try to escape cause you don't have nowhere to go
If nothing is your fate there's no scenario (no nothing)

Clad in a dark yellow bodysuit, highlighted by zig zagging black stripes, and a yellow mask, Dandy hoists his arms into the darkened sky, celebrating his status as OAOAST royalty.  Poet's two hundred twenty pounds are lodged into a form fitting black leather suit, that's overran by white webbing, and the letter's “SP” scrawled in red on the back. His sneering face is shielded behind a demonic black mask. He beats his hands furiously against the steel staging to the ferocious tune of his entrance music, before exploding upwards to throw his arms towards his side.

COLE
Well, fans, for once I can honestly thank Theodore Moneymaker. His money has set up quite an amazing tag title match between OAOAST hall of famers Los Infernales and Chicks Over Dicks. Los Infernales is a team that will always hold a great deal of respect from long time fans, however, with the exception of their short tussle with Black T, this was a team that was strongly disliked by the majority of the fanbase. They're about as fondly remembered by the OAOAST faithful as Chris Pronger is to an Oiler fan. They were a great team, but a lot of their actions, Spider Poet in specific, were governed by total insanity. It's no surprise that they've associated with Moneymaker, and it's even less surprising he lauded them as upstanding citizens. Jerks recognizes jerks!

COACH
All you had to say, was they're a great tag team.  One of, if not the best tag teams I have personally ever seen. We've had lots of wrestlers pass through the halls over the years, but both these cats is in the top ten.

Neither Dandy nor Poet is overwhelmed by their return to the OAOAST or the prospects of becoming the the third team to hold the coveted belts three times. The anticipated murmur emanating from the sold out audience affects them not a bit. As harsh white lights dance all around them, their lone focus is on the ring, and being victorious inside it.

BUFFER
Now introducing the challengers! First from,he is a former OAOAST Adrenalin Champion, and a three time OAOAST tag team champion, fighting out of Charleston, South Carolina, he is SPIDER POET! And his partner, he is an international sensation, and an original OAOAST superstar, he is EL DANDY! Together they are the namesake for the Los Infernales conference in the Anderson Cup, two time OAOAST tag team champions, and first ballot OAOAST hall of famers, brought to you by Theodore Moneymaker, and The Enterprise, they are the one and only LOS INFERNALEESSSS!

Neither man can be bothered to even acknowledge their own name, preferring to let Buffer's parade of their accomplishments do the boasting for them. Behind their sleek costumes, their blood pumps cold venom, and this is never more evident then when Poet makes the disgraceful throat slashing gesture to the camera. Dandy stands atop the third turnbuckle, a furnace of fury to match his aggressive entrance music.

COLE
Los Infernales are in for an interesting fight, I don't think they've ever went up against a team like Chicks Over Dicks before. For one thing, COD are females, that's a far cry from the likes of Jingus and Mystery Eskimo. For another, not only do they want to beat you, but they want to humiliate you as well. They really drag you into a vaudeville

COACH
Poet and Dandy have been in double tables matches, stairway to oblivion matches, and tag gauntlet matches. After all that, Jane Fonda and her half mexican rug muncher ain't gonna be a problem. Lemme switch the beat right quick, and tell you how unpopular lesbians are. Lesbians are so unpopular, so useless, that the only things I have to make fun of them with are “Ellen, Rosie, Melissa Ethridge and The L Word.” Gay men, you got a wide assortment of slurs and vulgarities to disparage them with. Lesbians have about four things. No one gives a shit about lesbians, and this Moneymaker thing is a prime example. If he was going hard at black folk, or Jews, or even gay men, people would be all up in arms. You notice he didn't go after Los Diablos like this. Why? 'Cause, homeboy, would have the whole fagot army up his ass. No one cares about lesbians, and no one cares about Alix and Krista.

Hey, hey, you, you
I don't like your girlfriend!
No way, no way!
I think you need a new one
Hey, hey, you, you
I could be your girlfriend!

Hey, hey, you, you!
I know that you like me!
No way, no way!
No, it's not a secret
Hey, hey, you, you!!
I want to be your girlfriend!

Contradicting Coach's previous statement is the tremendous outpouring of screams and cheers for the soon to be arriving champions. While the always glamorous pink pyro waterfall streams from the ceiling, the chants of “C-O-D! C-O-D!' are already out in full force. Joining the festive atmosphere is a stunning red pyro fountain. The glorious displays of pyro power create a wealth of fiery sparks that scream across the dim stagging. Once the red and pink pyro disappears, the usual golden wall flames across the entirety of the entrance stage, it's sonorous shout sounding something like screaming locomotives.

COACH
I hate that one!

Past the misty remnants, stands Krista Isadora Duncan.  Her buxom chest strains to be free of a tight pink diamond encrusted tank top. A flirty lace skirt, slit on each side, showcases an ample portion of gorgeous legs that pour into black platform boots. She glides her fingers through her golden hair, and looks directly into the camera, offering an arrogant smirk as her gift to the viewing audience. All around her, Alix treats the entrance stage as a giant race track, darting from one side to the other, to pump their southern fanbase into a frenzy.  A white t-shirt that reads “FREE PARIS” hangs to teasing exposure of her midriff. Tiny white shorts reach no further then the steeply jutting slope of her butt, her enticing cheeks shimmering tan, round and voluptuous.  Ally's prancing is cut short, the moment Krista's hands intertwine with her's. Krissy twirls Alix through the gleaming lights, before hiding her within the loving safety of her arms. Krista's gentle hands treasure her body, kneading it's every curve and contour, enjoying the feel of her soft, silky skin. Alix gasps softly at the touch of her fingers on her hot flesh.  She regains enough of her composure from the tender caress to toss her head over her shoulder, and flip a kiss into the camera.

BUFFER
And now introducing champions, first, from Los Angeles, California, she is the CEO of Mrs.Spezia's sweeties, a two time 24/7 champion, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! And her partner, from Los Angeles, California, she is a best selling author, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, she is Miss California, Krista Isadora Duncan! Together they are three time world tag team champions, Hollywood “It” Girls, America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks!

“C-O-D! C-O-D!”

When the girls reach the ring, Alix grabs Krista by the waist and hoists her on the apron with startling ferocity that Krista wouldn't expect from the normally submissive Alix. With her ego swelled to bursting by the unparalleled adulation of the audience, Alix coolly reclines against the apron. She feels the smoothness of Krista's legs coil around her bare stomach, and her body tingles in immediate response. While Ally stands lost within the rapture of the pleasuring touch, Krista passes a middle finger towards the battery of cameras that flash away.

COACH
I gotta feel bad for the bloods in the audience. Most of these bitches out here is beat to hell. I bet they pussy look like some corned beef. Alix and Krista, supposed to be man's escape. “Hey,dude, if we was trapped on a deserted island, you know, I might have a chance.” No chance now, son. You might hide in the bushes, watch them and beat off. Instead these kids gotta be on the Internet at five am, looking at some uneducated fat hood bitch, with five kids, showing her ass on Youtube, and typing “Shorty a straight up dime!” All because of Alix and Krista. You can masturbate to lesbians, but you can't put yourself right in there. You basically just masturbating to a fantasy of you masturbating while two hot chicks do it in front of you.

COLE
Are you insane?

COACH
Nah, I'm just tryna kick the shit you need to learn though, that Ether, that shit that make ya soul burn slow.

***Jay-Z is Nas' boss***

With the introduction out of the way, the bell is called for...

DING DING DING

The affair begins with Krista Isadora Duncan squaring off against El Dandy. The capacity crowd can't seem to calm their sweltering heat over this gargantuan match up, and they continue to stay on their feet, launching cheers into the night. Krista, who didn't even know who EL Dandy was until last week, does not partake in their awed reactions and strides into a lockup with the man. Her gusto is beaten back by his strength, and he pushes her towards the corner. Her muscles strain mightily as she  worms way into the ropes to gain a rope break. But his strength defeats her once more,  and he drives her into the turnbuckles. Aware of the damage EL Dandy can do the smaller woman in this position, Charles Robinson steps between their struggle. But this does nothing to prevent Dandy from shooting a punch into her cheek!

“BOOOO”

COLE
If it wasn't clear before, then it sure is now, the fans prefer today's tag team champs to yesterday's.

Ignoring the fact that his home fed has forsaken the old for the new, Dandy grabs onto Krissy's arm and hurls her into an opposite corner. Her back collides with the posts and she emits a soft whimper of anguish. There's little moment to cry over her injuries, however, as her foe is targeting a shoulder block at her midsection. Thankfully, KID pulls her body out of his path, and his shoulder slices through the steel posts. Dandy is able to stomach the searing pain that comes with his miscue, and pulls himself towards the center of the ring. But as he moves to face the champion, he's not able to stomach the searing pain that goes with the knife edge chop she slams into his chest.

“WHOO!”

And another!

“WHOO!”

And another!

And...

“WAIT!” Krista screams, as Dandy is left teetering on wounded frame, preparing his body for another terrible strike.

Confusing both crowd and foe, Krissy madly digs into the turnbuckles, as though she were searching for buried treasure. What she unearths is a true jewel to any woman with $50.99, and access to a Sephora, Krista Isadora Duncan Candy Girl lipstick

COLE
Talk about your lipstick lesbian!

COACH
Terrible.

While Dandy continues to play the fool, Krista throws on the sugary topping, coating her luring lips in a playful, crystal cut pink. After she's certain her lips are sumptuous and lush with flavor, she turns her attention to her gorgeous hair, seeking out a hairspray to give it that radiant shine. Unfortunately, Dandy has endured enough of this silliness and yells,

“COME ON!”

Ever the obliging one, Krista says, “Suit yourself.”

Dandy grits his  teeth, and steels his barrel chest for the incoming chop. Imagine his shock, and terrible nosebleed when Krista obliterates his face with a superkick!

KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!

While Dandy copes with his helping of insult and injury, Krista turns her mocking attention to SpiderPoet, and sings,

“Spiderman, Spiderman! Does what ever a spider can! Spins a web, any size, catches thieves just like flies. Lookout!! Here comes the Spiderman!”

Indeed here comes the Spiderman, drawn into the ring by her incessant taunting. Screaming above the cheers of the audience, Poet is held back with all the strength Robinson can muster. Smiling devilishly, Krissy pours more fuel on his fire, by slinging imaginary webs at him!

KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!

While Poet may be restrained by Robinson, Dandy has no such restrictions on him and streams towards Krissy with designs on knocking her out the ring. But Miss Californ-i-a spins at the last second to mow him down with a spear! While Dandy wails in frustration, Krista hovers over his prone body, firing off a sly smile to her adoring fans across the globe. Once she's done showing love to the viewing audience, she leads Dandy to his feet, and drags him into neutral corner, where his face is clobbered into the turnbuckles. He falls to the canvas, eyes smoldering from sweat, and his vision engulfed by the sun soaked beach bunny. While this may be a pleasing sight to the patrons at the ExecutiveSuite lesbian bar in Long Beach, for Dandy it's most distressing thanks to the numerous stomps she pumps into his chest.

COACH
Think of what every state's greatest contribution  to the OAOAST is. Rhode Island has given us Zack Malibu, Indiana has given us Alfdogg, Florida has given us Mister Moneymaker. What's California's greatest contribution to the OAOAST? Two screwed up chicks living a Thelma and Louise fantasy.

Krissy scrapes El Dandy off the mat, and shoots him into the far ropes. However he reverses the hold, and her high heels are sent trotting to the cables. Upon her return he attempts to lacerate her with a lariat. But the Cali sex kitten uses his outstretched arm as a base to pull herself into the air and swing behind his expansive backside. Once she's horizontal across his body, she ties him into an inverted facelock, then kicks her legs out, punishing him with an inverted DDT. Dandy emits a blood curdling yelp, but it's quickly swept aside by the rush of crowd cheers.

Feeling a pang of sympathy for the battered legend, Krista implores the crowd to show him love, “El Dandy, everybody!”

“BOOOOOO!”

“Uh, Spider Poet, everybody!”

“BOOOOOO!”

“Hmmm. Free beer, everybody!”

“YEAAAAA!”

“Just kidding, everybody!”

“BOOOOO!”

While the crowd grouses over the lack of free alcohol, Krista raises her rival upright. She leads him into her corner where she make a tag with Alix Spezia. Monstrous screams pour through the rafters at the sight of Hollywood Bad Girl. Ally certainly doesn't disappoint her fans, slingshotting herself over the ropes to lash her furry boots into Dandy's face. The man stumbles backwards, clutching his aggravated bones. His staggering is soon moved into a full sprint as Alix whips him across the ring. When he returns, his arm is nearly torn out it's socket and by a Japanese Arm Drag.  Dandy rises to his feet rather quickly, but can do no more than that as Miss Spezia upends him with her trademark dropsault. While Dandy thuds into the canvas, Ally lands on her feet and immediately darts to the ropes. Rather then run to her foe, her limber body cartwheels back. When she nears him, she balls her frame into a shooting star press, crashing onto his portly stomach!

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

Silverman counts the resulting fall.

CROWD
ONE

CROWD
TWO

But El Dandy kicks out and immediately rolls away from the brunette beauty.  However, Alix is unrelenting in her assault, and hounds him across the ring, where her hands grabs onto his mask and haul him upright. But, Dandy calls upon a surge of energy in order to shove her into the corner posts. His follows her in with frenzied charge. Yet, these efforts yield little success, as Ally Cat greets his arrival with a boot to the face. As Dandy is left to careen backwards, the Cali sex kitten ascends to the second rope. Eventually the luchadore recovers enough of  his strength to efforts another charge. That moment is when the culinary sensation leaps from her perch. Her arms coil around his thick neck, and her body twists him into a nauseating rotation, before she finally pummels his head against the canvas with the crowd thrilling Sucker Free DDT! Alix follows up with a pinfall...

CROWD
ONE

CROWD
TWO

Much to the audience's dismay, Dandy tears his shoulder from the canvas. Grousing in agony, he quickly rolls away from The Hollywood Bad Girl. But once again Alix stalks his movement, closing in on him to take hold of his mask. In an act of sheer desperation, Dandy latches onto her skimpy shorts, and propels her towards a neutral corner. Unable to halt her path, Ally trips over her clunky boots, and falls shoulder first into the steel turnbuckles. She instantly sags downward with a stunted scream, as her hand moves to clutch her aggrieved limb. Dandy wisely takes advantage of his foe's wounded state, venturing to his corner to apply a much needed tag with Poet.  

COLE
Spider Poet was a man many predicated would one day become OAOAST world champion. Unfortunately his career in the OAOAST fell on hard times, culminating in his eventual release from the company after a 2004 feud with Black T.

The audience's reception for SP is that of anticipated murmurs, many of them curious as to how SP will preform against this new generation of champion. Poet temporarily acquits himself against their skepticism as he unleashes a series of clubbing forearms upon Ally's bare back. The blows burn harshly, but the closed fists that follow hurt even worse, and manage to force our heroine into a vacant corner.  Poet sadistically throws shoulder blocks into Ally's busty chest , forcing pained cries from the fan favorite. Brushing past the immense agony, Alix tries to fight her way free. However, the ex-champ is too powerful to overcome, and a brutally strong shoulder tackle subdues her efforts. As Alix whimpers under the duress, SP takes hold of her curly brown hair and casually dumps her to the canvas.

COACH
I hope every tag team in the back is thanking Mister Moneymaker. Because now they got to see how a real tag team performs. I hope The Gunslingers, D*LUX, Los Diablos and all them youngbloods is taking note of how hall of famers handle they bidness. Imitate this team ya'll. Imitate!

Poet kneels to Alix's level and savagely drives his forearm into her windpipe. He watches cold heartedly as Ally's face contorts with pain and her throat bubbles soft noises of anguish. Alix's body begins thrashing on the canvas, as Poet places his gloves over her face, further suffocating her moans into incoherent gargles. The crowd demands that SP release their beloved starlet. But their orders do little more then motivate the grappler to increase the pressure on his chokehold. While the audience can't do much more then complain, Krista has the power for physical action. She charges into the ring and spikes her high heels into the face of Poet, pushing him away from Alix. Were she not restrained by Silverman, Miss California would unload a violent punishment upon Alix's tormentor. Instead she's forced back to her corner, spewing a steady stream of vulgarities.  

COACH
I ain't getting these bitches. They could have any man in the world! I ain't gonna lie, I couldn't turn down they pussy if it was on fire, and my dick was dipped in gasoline. Truth.com

Enraged at nearly being choked to death, Ally wastes no time in seeking retribution. She leaps into the air and drives a dropkick into the web design on Poet's back. The South Carolina native stumbles forward, clumsily draping himself over the ropes.  With fire glowing in her eyes, Ally sprints towards her enemy with roaring elbow. But thanks to shout of “Look out!” from Dandy, Poet detects the blow and manages to slip off to the side. Not deterred by the avoidance, Ally Cat turns to face the former tag champ.  Yet the 6'1 fighter uses his reach advantage to  paste Alix with sharp right cross. The shot knocks the plucky babe off balance, and staggers her back several inches. However she doesn't move very far, as Poet grabs onto her forearm and flings her into the opposite direction. As she bounces off the ropes Poet's gloved hands weave around her slender waist and shoot her into the sky for a flapjack. But Alix's amazing agility counters this hold, as she extends her legs forward to wrap her tanned thighs across his neck. SP tries to worm his way free of her powerful legs, but by the time he makes any headway, The Hollywood Bad Girl is already dumping him over heels with a hurricanrana!

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!

Poet rises to his feet, but he's stricken with a bout of disorientation, and can't hope to get a bead on the champion. However, he's made aware of her position in a most horffic manner. She streams forward and uses his knee as a launching pad to carry herself into the skies. As she nears his masked face, her fur covered boots flick out and pulverize his facial features. Through the mask's mesh webbing comes terrifying screams, as Poet plummets to the canvas. Alix doesn't seem overly concerned with his plight, however. Rather she focuses her attention by paying tribute to one of Krista's trademark gestures, by pulling a compact mirror from her top. Instead of admiring her beauty like Krissy, Alix channels the spirit of West Coast rapper Eazy E and sings,

“I gotta get ma girl to rock that body, but before I left, I hit the bac-ardi. Went to her house to get her out of the pad,and the bitch said somethin that made me mad. She said somethin that I couldnt believe, so I grabbed the stupid bitch by her nappy-ass weave. She started talkin shit, wouldnt you know. I reached back like a pimp, slapped the hoe! And her father jumped up and he started to shout so I threw a right cross and knocked his old-ass out.”

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!

Upon finishing her NWA impression, Alix dips her body backwards to drive an elbow into SP's chest. From she efforts another pinfall.

CROWD
ONE

CROWD
TWO

But Poet shoots his shoulder away from the canvas, and soon his entire body follows suit. Ally hastily moves to follow him upright, but the former Trinity member shows incredible quickness by swinging behind her and cinching in a waistlock. Poet attempts to lift her into a German suplex, but her crazed thrashing and squirming, nixes his efforts, and she remains grounded. Free from his German Suplex for the time being, Ally latches onto his neck for a ¾ inverted facelock in hopes of nailing a stunner. But Poet has this counter well scouted and bests the lass by flipping her into the skies. With ¾ facelook still applied, Alix makes an attempt to hit a standing sliced bread #2. Once again, Poet is game for her tactics, as he shifts her petite body downwards into position for a tombstone piledriver! Desperate to avoid the fatal finisher,   Ally laces her lovely legs around his neck, then tugs forward, flipping the stunned legend over with a head scissors! The capacity crowd roars their approval for Ally's showing, and she thanks them by “treating” them to more west coast rapping, this time by Bay Area hip-hoper E40,

"Girl, I been shaking, sticking and moving tryna to get you and that booty"

The crowd joins in because there is nothing more magical then 15,000 rednecks holding it down for the Yay Area, "Tryna get to you and that booty! Tryna get to you and that booty!

"Girl, I been shaking and acting a donkey tryna to get you and that monkey,"

"Tryna to get you and that monkey! Tryna to get you and that monkey!"

“Krista!” Ally screams pointing to her girl.

If you thought middle aged white women from West LA couldn't rap, then Krista certainly proves you wrong, “What you gonna do when I bend the block? Pull up on that ass in a brand new drop. Speakers on blast with tremendous knock. TV's in the dash, rims just won't stop. “

Ally turns to Charles Robinson, “Charlie!”

If you thought middle aged white men who are best known for looking like a sawed off Ric Flair can't rap, then Charles Robinson certainly proves you right, “Yeah I see you looking, looking. But my ass in these jeans got you shook, and I don't think you know what to do, with this pussy. What you gonna do, with this pussy? Yeah I know you want this, want this. Tryna chase me through the club for this good shit, good shit. But I don't think you can handle, this pussy. What you gonna do with this pussy?”

THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE


While the fans make mental notes to keep their distance from Robinson, Alix returns her attention towards SP, who's reclaiming his lost breath against the ring posts. She darts towards him, seeking a running dropkick. But before she can even leap into the sky, Poet's arms coil around her slender waist, and his body bridges backwards, tossing her over with a belly to belly suplex. Ally crashes into the turnbuckles with an impact that sends chills down the spines of the alarmed audience.  

“BOOOOO!”

Pleased with the damage he's wrought, Poet makes a tag with partner El Dandy. Without so much as a word spoken between them the former champions conclude that it's Krista who should now bear the brunt of their beatings. They stride to her location, thinking they'll meet little trouble in shoving her off the apron. Their judgment proves erroneous as Miss California grabs onto their approaching heads and simply drops to the mats, impaling their necks on the cables. As the audience cheers their downfall, they lie on the floor, clutching their throats and gasping for air. Krissy eyes their downtrodden position, and realizes that this is the perfect time to bring Los Infernales' return to the oaoast to a close. She scampers back to the apron, and slingshots herself over the ropes so that she lands on the second cable. It's a position she doesn't hold for very long; she flings herself backwards and pummels her rivals with a majestic moonsault!

“K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!”

Wanting no piece of the ill tempered fitness queen, Poet rolls his carcass from the ring, leaving his partner to manage the fight. Dandy is led to his feet, and slung towards the ropes. However, he uses his strength advantage to overpower Krista into a reversal. She springs off the cables and nears El Dandy with legs extended  into a hurricanrana.  She tightens her limbs around his neck and bends backwards, but gets no farther then that, as Dandy exerts his raw power to remain upright. Suddenly, Krista has found herself in a precarious position, and an expression of pure panic rests behind cascading strands of hair. She frantically tries to worm her way free, but Dandy wraps his legs around her arms, trapping her in place. Seconds later, he violently jerks his body forward, punishing the champion with a Styles Clash. The high impact hold garners a reaction of disgusted fear, as the audience openly worries over her ability to kickout of the ensuing pinfall..

ONE



TWO


Krista alleviates the spectator's fears by escaping the pin. She rolls onto her stomach, in hopes of being able to push herself upright. But the basic movement is made all but impossible when Dandy crunches down on her with a front facelock. Krissy tries to squirm free of his grip, but the man instantly tightens his hold, rendering her efforts useless. With Miss California properly subdued, Dandy drags her towards a vertical base, where a firestorm of knees and uppercuts savage her face.  As Krista is left a whimpering wreck by those strikes, Dandy is easily able to swing her free arm over his shoulder. Then he raises her into the sky, showing off amazing strength as he suspends her helpless frame in midair. Seconds after a dizziness settles into her mind, Dandy glides Krista downwards, so that her Kate Spade pumps drape over the top rope. Then Dandy jerks his figure backwards, violently yanking Krista from her perch on the ropes. Her head is spiked into the stone solid canvas, and her screams of woe are shortly joined by dismayed gasps from Ally and the audience. Assured that she can continue the fight no longer, Dandy drapes his arm over her heaving chest for a pinfall...

ONE



TWO

Krissy yanks her body off the canvas, giving rise to massive pops from the sold out FedEx Froum. El Dandy can't believe his ill luck, but the two time tag champion, doesn't yield on his composure, and makes no complaints to the referee. Instead he lifts the bone weary blond to her feet, and picks her up as if we were attempting a powerslam. He holds the sub 150 pounder over one shoulder, and effortlessly cocks her lip arm into a hammerlock. The jolt on her arm draws out a full throated roar of pain. While she continues to mew in agony, Dandy throws her onto her shoulder with a hammerlock powerslam. The audience cringes in horror as they watch her arm get crushed under his paunchy bodyweight. Robinson drops into position to score the resulting fall...

ONE


TWO

Once again Krista calls upon the strength to escape the fall.

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”

This latest escape causes Dandy's workman like quietude to disappear, and he dumps a wealth of anger upon the slow counting official. Once Robinson is suitably dressed down, Dandy brings Krista to her feet. He attempts to whip her into a neutral corner, but the exhausted covergirl gains her second wind, and reverses the hold. Dandy's back brutally smacks off the steel buckles, much to the onlooker's merriment. Krista tries to give them something else to cheer about, as she darts in for a body splash. But Dandy's yellow boot shoot upwards and catches her in the face, causing the blonde bombshell to stumble backwards in pain. Dandy works her wounded state to his advantage, using it to scale to the top turnbuckles. As he settles himself upon his perch a young girl in a “KRISTA IS MY HERO” t-shirt, assaults him with a barrage of taunts. He takes a moment to silence the child with gruff words, then flies off his nest with a crossbody block. Unfortunately the distraction of the girl bought Krissy enough time to recover, and the Hollywood sex kitten sweeps bellow his incoming body!

COACH
Oh no!

Unlike Coach, the audience is prepared to applaud Dandy's disastrous crash into the canvas. But their hearts sink into their stomaches as they watch him land expertly on his feet. He promptly shoots towards Krista with a lariat, but she swings beneath the incoming missile and instantly spins behind his body.  Her hands coil around his masked face, leading the more astute fans to roar in anticipation of her upcoming signature move. The rest of the audience soon joins in with their cheers as Dandy is driven downwards by the Elizabeth, I'm coming to join ya, honey! It's the big one! (Reverse X-factor)

YEAAAAAAA!

Noticing the camera pointed at  her lovely face, Krissy mouthes the words “That one is for you, Theo” as she hooks the left leg of her defeated foe. Robinson administers the pivotal count...

CROWD
ONE

CROWD
TWO

But The Spidahman darts into the squared circle and ends the pinfall, earning the sizable wrath of the audience. The fans are given a small measure of joy, however, when Krista leaps upright to plaster Poet with an elbow strike. She refocuses her attention on Dandy, who, despite an aching back, has risen upright. Unfortunately for the OAOAST legend, he's sent tumbling back towards the canvas by crowd thrilling spear by Krista!

COLE
Here's a question, Coach. Jewish people make up only two percent of the population.  How many Jewish people do you know?

COACH
Shit, I don't know, a lot.

COLE
Right. And gays and lesbians make up ten percent of the population. So multiply the amount of Jews you know, and now think about how many gays you probably come across everyday of your life.

COACH
No. No. No...no..no..no..no...no....

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

While Coach laments having to encounter a couple of gay people every other week, the exhausted Dandy heads upright. A cloak of constraining red descends upon his world when Krista clamps him into a headlock. He claws at her arms, but that does nothing to win him his freedom. Gasping for air, he plants his hand onto her luscious tush and shoves her into the nearby ropes.  While this breaks the headlock, it allows the foxy mama to latch onto his arm and attempt an Irish Whip. However, Dandy's raw power out muscles the fitness queen, and she's sent hurtling into the cables. When she returns, Dandy makes an effort to slow the pace of the bout, by trapping her into a sleeper hold. The pedestrian move last for all of .000000001 seconds before Miss California annihilates him with a Side Effect! As the crowd salutes the showy move, Dandy's world smokes into a blackness.

COLE
What a move from the current champ to the old champ!

COACH
Get up Dandy! I don't want to have to refer to the Los Infernales conference in the Anderson Cup as The Chicks Over Dicks conference.

Apparently two offensive moves is enough to satisfy Krista's appetite, and she decides to allow Alix back into the bout. Krissy gracefully strides across the space that separates them, and tilts her head down from her greater height. Alix arches her boots and elevates herself to sweetly plant her darling lips onto Krissy's cheek, which in West Hollywood constitutes a tag.

“Awwww!”

Krista quickly breaks the affectionate mood by telling Alix, “TGIF: I'm off to get hammered.”

“It's still Thursday!”

“Early bird catches the breathalizer. Good luck, baby.”

While Krista scans the audience for beer she can swipe, Ally is left to deal with El Dandy. The hall of famer cuts the distance between them with two quick strides; his arm extended into a lariat. Easily and contemptuously, Ally slips away from his strike, and grabs onto his mask in order to hurl him over the ropes. Much to her and the audience's dismay, Dandy lands with his feet teetering on the edge of the apron. The Hollywood Bad Girl quickly moves to dislodge him from her fragile perch, tumbling over his bulky frame with a sunset flip power bomb. The audience bellows in anticipation for the destruction of Dandy, but they're severely disappointed as the man latches onto the ropes to preserve his health.

COACH
This is a guy who nearly died at Anglemania II against the Miracle Weirdness Connection, you're not going to see him go down so easily!

Alix isn't disheartened by his avoidance of a disastrous plummet, and instead grabs onto his baggy tights to yank him off the apron. The unexpected attack blasts Dandy into the mats, smashing the breath out of his lungs. He has nary a moment to stomach his horrible pain before Ally Cat peels him off the floor and deposits him into the ring. Dandy rolls his carcass  towards the center of the mat, wishing to buy himself a moment to recover his strength. This is a wish that goes ungranted, however, as Alix sprints towards his rising figure. She spins and whirls, and a razor sharp leg lariat slices through his face. As the spectators cheer her painful strike, the groggy legend works his way upright. Furious elbows slice through his defenses, permitting her to trap him into the setup for the TRUE LIFE: I just got beat up by a girl. But Dandy frantically fights her off, succeeding in shoving her towards the ropes. Poet unleashes a fierce knee strike while the girl is still on the run, causing her to lurch towards Dandy in a great deal of duress. The former tag champ pounces upon Alix and drives her backwards with a single arm DDT. So disgusted by Poet's intrusion, Krista chucks her beer bottle at his head! Unfortunately, he narrowly avoids her crazed attack. Robinson decides to let the unusual action slide in order to score Dandy's fall.

ONE


TWO

Alix kicks out, letting the fans release their held breathes. They soon take up the task of rallying their fallen starlet with chants “LET'S GO ALIX!” Though they sing their hearts out, Los Infernales retain complete control of the bout as Dandy applies the tag to SP.

COLE
Spider Poet is the more decorated member of the team, having a run with a singles belt to his credit. Really was one of more versatile superstars, and will be one of our more well paid superstars if he pulls off the victory tonight. Moneymaker offering a two million dollar winning bonus in addition to the guaranteed three million.

Poet steps into the squared circle, and immediately slams an elbow into Alix's jaw. The Hollywood Bad Girl is thrust backwards by the powerful shot. However, she's granted no chance to return fire as Poet throws her to the canvas with a judo shoulder throw. Left dazed by the dizzying attack, Ally is powerless to prevent her rival from snatching her into a pump handle armbar. The hold stings fiercely and Alix can't help but allow tears to stream down her cheeks. Hearing the soft weeping of his foe causes the fiendish brute to yank harder on her arm, causing her to break into full sobs.  As the fans that once revered him pelt him with jeers, Poet scoots backwards, almost sitting upon her weakened shoulder. He continues to inch backwards, delightfully aware of the fact that every time he moves farther back, the pressure of the hold mounts. What he fails to note is that every time he moves back, he pushes Ally closer to the cables. Thus it's with great surprise and disgust when his rival reaches the salvation of the cables.

“YEAAAAAA!” yell the fans.

Disgusted with the escape, Poet breaks the hold and retreats towards the center of the ring. His moment of mercy towards Alix is short lived, however, as he obliterates her wounded arm with a series of stomps. The fans boo, and Robinson pleads for sportsmanship, but as Alix no longer has a hold of the ropes, his attacks are perfectly legal. Lips peeling into a snarl, Poet grabs Ally's chocolate locks, and uses them as a leash to drag her into his corner. He drapes Alix's injured limb over the orange ropes, and barks orders to El Dandy. Without a second of hesitation, Dandy grabs onto Ally's hand and leaps from the apron, snapping her limb downwards. The fans cry out in disgust, as the treacherous double team leaves Alix's arm a useless husk of torn muscles.

“BOOOOO!”

Krista complains, “Robinson if you didn't see that, you either need to get glasses or get introduced to a 12 gauge. Preferably the later!”

Underneath the mesh mask Poet's expression flares with fury, as he guides Alix towards the center of the ring. He underhooks her tender limb, then does the same to the opposite arm. The Hollywood Bad Girl stages a valiant effort to wiggle her way free of his clutches, grabbing onto his leather tights and attempting to just drag him downwards. However her efforts generate little results, and he effortlessly yanks on her injured arm, lifting her upside down into the sky. He stalls for several seconds, then abruptly dives towards his side, crushing that injured shoulder against the mat. Ally is shocked wide awake by the unbelievable agony, and buries her weeping face into the sweat stained canvas.

COACH
Mister Moneymaker is a genius! Moneymaker knew he had to go back to the golden era of the division to best these false champions. Now his wisdom is fully paying off.

Leaving Alix to shriek and wail, Poet ventures to the top rope. The audience turns their attention from the battered covergirl towards her assailant, attacking him with vulgarities and taunts. He pays them little mind, and flings his body from his perch with the trademark SPIDAHSAULT~!! Amid of a ringing chorus of hatred, the three time tag champ crashes into Alix, and instantly hooks the leg for a pinfall....

ONE


TWO

But Krista destroys the fall by chucking a beer can at Poet! Befuddled, Robinson looks towards Krissy with confused eyes. But Miss California proclaims her innocence by putting on a “Wasn't me!” expression and pointing towards a quadriplegic in the front row. For his part, Poet decides to ignore the fact that he just got pelted with a beer can, and nonchalantly makes the tag with Dandy. When he enters the ring, the quasi luchadore swoops upon the grieved maiden with side head lock. As her brown hair streams over his arms, Dandy roughly hitches her upright. He grabs onto her sore shoulder, and locks it into an underhook that drags tortured screams from her throat. Her wails grow even more heart wrenching when he tightens the underhook and wrenches her chin sideways. Dandy then sharply rotates his hips, and dives towards his side. The moaning champion soars through the sky, her downfall only halted once her shoulder collides with the canvas. The scream that the move forces from her throat dies as a high pitched bubbling in her throat, as Dandy muffles her with a pinfall...

ONE

COLE
Los Infernales could have their first tag team titles in four years!

TWO

The crowd is ecstatic to watch Ally triumphantly thrust her way out of the pinfall. The shocking escape does little to disparage Dandy's spirits, however, as he carefully positions himself behind the broken girl. His fingers crack, and his rotund body trembles in excitement as he impatiently demands she raise upright. Once she reaches a sitting position, Dandy quickly skates forward and horsewhips his left boot into her wounded arm. The sound of leather slicing through flesh is gruesome, and reverberates throughout the venue. But the sounds of Alix's tormented cries is even worse, and degenerates the audience into shouting and ranting lunatics. Beneath their jeers is the noise of Robinson's hand pounding the mat to score the resulting fall...

ONE


TWO

Somehow Ally manages to evade certain defeat, delighting her mammoth fanbase.

“LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!”

Dandy forces Alix to stand up on her own power, forcing the SoCal babe to expend what remains of her energy. As she rises, he terrorizes her with elbow strikes, alternating between lefts and right. After the tenth strike the veteran grabs her arm and attempts to sling her to the ropes. She surprises both he and the audience, with a reversal, putting him on the run. Fortunately, his partner possesses enough awareness to hop off the apron and grab his ankle to prevent him from returning to vengeance lusting Alix. Annoyed over having her attack halted, The Hollywood Bad Girl dashes at him with demonic speed. He tries to stave her off with a lunging lariat. Yet the sex kitten avoids the deathly strike by dropping into a soccer slide tackle. Ally wildly careens between Dandy's legs, out of the ring and into Poet's face! Not expecting her arrival, SP is flung into the steel barricade, knocking it back several inches. As the fans sing her name, Ally's snowboots leap onto the ring apron. She then returns herself back into the ring with a springboard dropkick to Dandy's nose!

“YEAAAA!”

Ally attempts a pinfall....

CROWD
ONE

CROWD
TWO

Dandy kicks out well before the three count, disappointing the FedEx Forum.

COACH
You ain't gonna pin Dandy with just a dropkick!

While Dandy rolls onto his stomach to protect his brutalized face, Ally departs to a neutral corner. She springs onto the second turnbuckle, and without delay, launches herself towards Dandy with a moonsault. But much to the audience's and Krista's horror, Dandy twists his body onto it's back, and sucks his knees into his chest. Ally sees this counter well ahead of time, but in her current position she can do nothing but brace herself for the disgusting impact that awaits her. Too horrified for Alix's afflicted welfare to watch, Krista turns away as Alix's jaw meets Dandy's knee in a head on collision.

COLE
Ouch!

With bold shrieks of pain seeping through the hand that covers her injured mouth, Alix stands up. Unyielding in his assault, Dandy pulverizes Alix with his second single arm DDT!

COACH
Los Infernales are closing in on another tag title reign. Thank god, for that. I'm tired of the OAOAST being the WNBA with better looking lesbians. “Superjew” Stern is using us as some kind of WNBA D-League! Once Alix learns to drain the three, the Los Angeles Sparks'll be running they offense right through her.

All on her own, Alix begins to scrape her mauled figure from the canvas, steeling herself to wage war against these fearsome legends. But the battle is won by El Dandy before Alix can even get to her feet, as he ties her arms around his legs, and reaches over her shoulder to pulverize her bare stomach with crazed forearm shots. Being the girlfriend of a fitness queen, Ally has mighty strong abs. However, that doesn't change the fact that the blows burn tremendously, and her bewailing face is perfect evidence of this. Thrilled with the damage he's caused, Dandy shoves Alix into the mat for another pinfall...

ONE


TWO

Alix kicks out in pure desperation, and her hand instantly extends towards Krista, begging for a tag. Face wrought with agony for Ally's plight, Krista pleads with Ally to inch closer to their corner. But this turns into a frustratingly impossible task when Dandy traps her into a kneeling armbar.  Dandy rips slowly, at her arm, as though each tweak could rip away a raw hunk of her own flesh. Unable to do anything besides lend Ally moral support, Krista decides to do that lone job as best she can. She uses her fitness model exuberance to bounce across the ring apron, and whip the crowd into a frenzy for her girl. Her efforts are a smashing success and the audience sings,  

“LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!”

COLE
Los Infernales are exploiting the injured arm of Alix Spezia. The six foot El Dandy using an armbar.

Dandy ignores the roar of the crowd and continues to torture the west coast beauty. His submission is like a hammer taken to crystal crushing her limb into useless dust. Robinson strains to make himself heard when he asks her if she wishes to submit. The answer is no, but it's not a strong refusal. Her voice fades into an empty sigh, and her tear stained face sags back into the canvas.

“LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!”

Spurred on by the show of love from Krista and the fans, Alix makes a frantic bid to secure her freedom. She takes Dandy's unattacking arm in a grip of desperate strength, and uses it as a crutch to haul herself upright. The sudden movement of his once defeated foe, spills gloom and despair into Dandy's mind, and he struggles to tighten his hold. His efforts are for naught, however, as Ally uses the arm that assisted her upright to pummel him with a crowd thrilling TRUE Life: I just got beat up by a girl (STO).

“YEAAAAAA!”

The arm bar is shattered into nothingness, and with it out goes Dandy's will to fight, as he instantly begins crawling towards the outstretched hand of Spider Poet. Krista and everyone who isn't affiliated with The Enterprise, is on hands and knees begging Alix to make the tag. With Dandy too concerned with self preservation, Ally's progression is a bit easier then usual. However, the energy is all but drained from her as she fights through the arduous trek to her corner. The fiesty covergirl uses what little strength she has left to spring forward and makes the tag to Krista! The crowd erupts with bloodthirty jubilation as they are acutely aware that the devil herself is set to unleash  hell on Los Infernales! A festering cauldron of pure hate, Krista jumps into the ring, issuing a full throated roar that sends the crowd into the further frenzy. Poet, mysteriously unhindered by the ref in his entrance into the ring, has the misfortune of encountering the California Hellcat first. The former Trinity member attempts to clam her with surprise sunset flip. But Krissy doesn't even entertain the thought of going down, instead choosing to go up for a double stomp. Poet avoids having her heels stab through his eye sockets, by rolling onto his stomach, causing her to miss. This merely makes her even madder, and she leaves an imprint of his her spiked heels on his neck with a second double stomp!

“K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!”, sings the audience as Krista plays to her own beauty by arrogantly tousling her shimmering locks.

With Krista distracted by pummeling his partner with stomps, Dandy seeks to utilize the power of surprise. The luchadore races towards the ropes, bouncing off in preparation for one of his many high speed attacks. Unfortunately for him, Krissy swings her gorgeous legs off the mat, wheeling them around as Dandy returns to blast him with a spinning wheel kick! Within the shadow of the mask that cloaks his face, the crowd can see gleams of crimson goo, and they erupt with delight over his suffering. Poet obviously does not partake in the Tennesseans joy, and seeks to gain a measure of revenge with an Irish whip.  A hard thud with the turnbuckle sucks the wind out of Kris' labored lungs, and she groggily staggers towards a SPIDAHKICK~!. But she sweeps beneath the fatal finisher, and pulls her figure behind Poet. She then sinks a tight grip onto his face, locking him into place! From there she executes the lethal Elizabeth, I'm coming to join ya, honey! It's the big one!! Poet's leather bound body smacks off the canvas , and his shouts are joined by raucous cheers of the audience.

COLE
Moneymaker has to be beside himself right now!

Rather then attempt a pin, as most would expect , Krissy choses to treat the fans to an aerial display. She points towards the corner, and flashes a sly smile towards the roaring crowd. The angelic goddess exits the ring, and scurries to highest point of the turnbuckles. The audience rises to their feet, and cloaks the arena in a white glow with their camera flashes.

“Krista to traffic control, I'm coming in for a landing!” She hollers, before departing her perch with picture perfect 450 splash. She becomes a smear of flashing gold and black darkness, hurtling towards Poet. He exerts an effort to move away, but her billion dollar body gracefully curls from the air and explodes upon his chest!

COLE
The current tag champ is taking it right to the old ones!

While the audience honors her showing with overjoyed applause, Krista springs to her feet. She assumes a crouched position, eyes narrowed into predatory slits, waiting for Poet to rise so that she may devastate him with a spear. The Memphis crowd is thrown into a frenzy by Krissy's promises of destruction. As she watches the bruised legend slink to an unsteady base, she slashes forward to strike. However her efforts are thrown awry by the interference of El Dandy, who volleys a lariat her way. While she expertly avoids the strike, she has no luck in evading his dropkick! The fans are overtaken with annoyance for Dandy's actions, and pollute the air with their hatred. Despite the fact that El Dandy is actually the legal man, Robinson hastily orders him from the ring.

COACH
That right there, Cole, is what being two time-two time tag team champions gets you!

COLE
Alix and Krista are three time-three time-three time tag team champions, so what does that say? Regardless, Dandy got off that amazing dropkick just seconds before Krista could connect with her spear. What a momentum stopper that was, and now Poet is waiting to hit his version of the superkick.

There's a colorless glare in Poet's eyes, as his gloves snap against the mat, and his gruff southern accent demands Krista stand up. She acquiesces to his orders, groggily moving past a confused haze to head to her feet. Poet instantly flourishes to his foe, slashing at her with a SPIDAHKICK~!. But a the blond bombshell counters his finisher by springing upwards to strike him with an enziguri! Poet's world descends into a chaotic blur as the move tumbles him into the canvas.

COLE
The Spiderkick just got countered!

Poet's sweat stained eyes instantly move to get a read on Krista's location, only that find, that she's suddenly venturing to her corner.

“C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!”

As Dandy's dropkick is the only actual move she's been afflicted with, Krista's late match trip to the corner isn't as dramatic as usual. Moving with great urgency and speed, she reaches her corner, and slaps hands Alix Spezia. The capacity crowd goes nuclear for Alix's arrival, nearly taking the roof off the arena with their cheers! The roar of the crowd leads Poet to step upright and assume a defensive posture against the charging beauty. Unfortunately this defensive posture is all but useless, as Alix leaps forward to overtake him with the Burning Sensation When You Urinate]! The powerful move blasts away his universe, and he falls into a permanent blackness.

“YEAAAA!”

With Poet totally incapacitated, a giddy Alix stands at his side and puts her big ol' bootay on dutay. Alix pumps and grinds her delicious ass, her savory golden brown butt cheeks clapping in beauty that Da Vinci would've sunk to his knees and rejoiced over. Listen to Beethoven's 9th symphony with your eyes closed when the "Ode to Joy" hits open your eyes and experience this fantastic ass. The Sistine Chapel of ass. As millions rush for the charmins and Johnson & Johnson, Alix  and hurls herself at whathisface with a standing moonsault. A pin follows.....

CROWD
ONE

CROWD
TWO

CROWD
THREE!!

But WAIT! Robinson is pulled out of the ring by Christian Wright! Standing behind The Natural is Simon Singleton, videotaping the proceedings for posterities sake.

COLE
Where the heck did he come from?

COACH
From heaven!

Those fans who aren't livid with anger, ask the same thing as Cole. But they're given no answers from The Enterprise members, only more reasons to be outraged as they watch Wright slug Robinson in the jaw! With Robinson KO'ed by the punch, a chortling Wright robs him of his orange referee shirt, prompting the crowd to chant “PLEASE DON'T RAPE HIM! PLEASE DON'T RAPE HIM!” CW hastily puts on the referee's shirt, and dives into the ring, followed by an eager Singleton.

COLE
He's no referee!

While Alix and Krista lodge the same complaints, Dandy is quick to take advantage of Wright's assistance ; he slips behind the grousing champ and stuns her with a roll up. CW performs what may be the fastest count in OAOAST history.

ONETWOTHREE!!

No! Alix performs a minor miracle in escaping the questionable fall! Both competitors head to their feet at the same moment, but Alix who strikes first and strikes last by shoving the luchadore into Simon's camera!

“My Siclopse!” Simon whines, not overly bothered by the fact that his camera may have botched The Enterprise's operation.

Eyes rolled into the back of his head, Dandy topples himself into a full nelson by Alix. She wraps her leg around his, then slings his entire body forward imprinting his mask design on the canvas with her finisher You Have Died of Dysentery (full nelson face crusher)!

“YEAAAAAAA!”

Dandy lies a burnt out husk on the mat, a vanquished victim of the new generation of tag superstars. All he has left to do in the OAOAST is lie in perfect harmony while Alix pins him and the official makes the count.

But Wright doesn't make the count.

COLE
What is he doing? He's not even a real official!

The fans, and COD, are understandably exasperated by Wright's unfair officiating. However, he attempt to justify his refusal, “The adoption of unfamiliar habiliments, doth pertaining to a jocular nature has....

BAM!

Alix silences the tedious super star with a superkick that propels him from the ring and deposits him onto the outside mats. Besieged by a terrible headache, Wright is only able to lie motionless and listen to the bevy of taunts that surround him. Back in the ring, Alix retries her pin attempt, and motions towards the backstage area  to send her a referee. Her prayers are hastily as Nick Patrick darts down the ramp. Joined by a chorus of cheers, he slides into the ring, past a Simon and his Siclopse, and administers the crucial count.

CROWD
ONE

COACH
Ned, CPA, Mister Moneymaker, save us from the lesbians!

CROWD
TWO

CROWD
THREE!

The audience puts the exclamation point on that final count with an electrifying ovation. Girlfriend returns to the speakers as it has for every tag title match since the start of the year. Above the elated noise comes the voice of Michael Buffer with the winning announcement.

BUFFER
Your winner and still OAOAST world tag team champions....

CROWD
CHICKS OVER DICKS!

COACH
Oh, Mister Moneymaker! I'm sorry! God, I'm so sorry! You deserved better, sir. So much better.

While cheers from the fans fill the venue, the girls embrace in celebration of their monumental achievement. Patrick slips the titles into Krista's hands, then quickly goes to check on Robinson's health. For her part, Ally hoists Krista into sky, and swings her around while Krista gleefully holds the pair of championships into the sky. Elsewhere the defeated hall of famers retreat through the stands, passing respectful salutes towards those fans who appreciate their accomplishments within the OAOAST.

COLE
How about that? Out with the old and in with the new, Coach! Score one for today's tag teams, an enormous victory for the current generation of tag teams.

They say what goes up must come down, and the mood of the sold out audience is no different. The atmosphere significantly darkens when the remaining members of The Enterprise are seen trotting down the rampway. Their deathly march is reminiscent of Strom Troopers from Star Wars, but their intentions are more vile then even Darth Vader could conceive.

COLE
They don't belong out here!

Smiles faded from their faces, the girls prepare to wage war against these less then pleasant odds. Unfortunately, their opponents refuse to fight fair, and the previously docile Singleton and Wright strike them down with swipes of the Siclopse and their fists. The champions hit the canvas with a sharp thud, drawing concerned gasps from their legion of fans. Ever the resilient one, Krista staggers to her feet. As she reels, the world spinning around her, something warns her at the last second as Ned's rock hard fist comes swinging into her field of vision. But she's not fast enough to dodge it. It connects hard, and she stumbles backwards, only to have the fist of Simon drive her back the other direction. Desperate, she leaps into a dropkick, but CPA's mammoth frame slams into her. This time the impact sends Krista against the turnbuckle, knocking the wind clear out of her. On the outside, Mackie and Jade watch with totally different expressions. Jade couldn't care less for the plight of her former best friends, while Mackenzie maintains some concern for Ally and Krissy.

“BOOOOO!”

COLE
Damn it somebody do something!

The fans know exactly who they want to make the rescue and chant, “LEON! LEON! LEON!”

Alix scampers to her feet, but is caught by CPA's hand, wrapped tightly around her throat, yanking her through the air. She crashes into the canvas, smacking her face off the stone solid surface. Ned moves towards her side, savagely pumping an unceasing torrent of stomps into her battered arm. The world turns into a red haze around her, and in the distance she hears Moneymaker screaming “Destroy her now!”. Going on the assumption that Moneymaker isn't referring to Jade, Alix assumes he's talking about her. Sure enough, a shadow looms over the struggling diva. It's that of CPA, bigger then godzilla, and ten times more dangerous.

Suddenly a mighty shout of jubilation springs through the stands. The abrupt sense of joy is brought on by D*LUX, and a chair wielding Leon Rodez rushing down the ramp. At the sight of his hated enemies, Moneymaker orders his crew to fortify their ranks. As he watches Simon leap out of the ring and cowardly head for the hills, he's quickly realizes his boys aren't up for a fair fight, and changes his commands to that of retreat. Wright doesn't think twice about answering the command, diving from the ring, and joining Simon in departure through the crowd.

COLE
Money can buy a lot of things but it can't buy guts!

Mackenzie retreats behind the announce table, unable to shield her concern for Alix and Krista. Ned grabs the hand of a disinterested Jade Rodez and takes flight through the stands. Unfortunately for Ned  his escape route is soon trailed by Leon Rodez, to the delight of the audience. With the weapon toting Leon distracted by Ned and Jade, Moneymaker demands that the remaining member of The Enterprise, CPA, stand and fight. It's a request that's granted in spirit, but not in reality, as the boybanders chop the big man down with springboard lariats!

“YEAAAAAA!”

COLE
Alright D*LUX!

Moneymaker is quick to realize that CPA may not be able to overcome this numbers disadvantage, and hurriedly drags him out of the ring. With Mackenzie in tow, CPA and Moneymaker retreat up the ramp. Moneymaker stays silent, except for a growl of frustration, but CPA mouth launches a plethora of threats at the boybanders. However, D*LUX pays them no mind, instead focusing on the health of the tag team champions. Somehow, through their expert medical knowledge, they both determine that Krista needs immediate CPR, which prompts Krista to shoot off the canvas and yell “Nope, I'm fine!” The situation grows even more annoying for her when Rescue 911 enters the ring to administer assistance and decides the same thing, only they believe they should be the ones to administer CPR.

Elsewhere Leon continues his frantic hunt of Ned and Jade. Dragged like a sack, Jade is cut through the swamp of audience by Ned's frantic movements. The same audience members are mowed down just seconds later by the running Leon. Fraught with panic, Ned steps up the pace in his retreat, weaving Jade to and fro. Any audience member with an object in his hand, cups, cotton candy, finds it quickly removed and enlisted as a missile in the war against Leon. The Grand Rapids Golden Child effortlessly swats these bombs away, and increases the ferocity of his pursuit. Unfortunately things get  rather messy when Ned tries to lose himself within a wave of arena security. The guards, fearing an outbreak of violence from the fans, ask Leon to show some restraint. He shows them the back of his chair. THWACK! THWACK! Guards are mowed down with deadly precision by Leon.

COACH
What the hell is he doing!?

THWACK! A redwood of a man is felled by Leon's rampage. THWACK! Then another! At this point, Ned realizes the guards are nothing more but pylons to be crushed by the razor sharp rage of Mister Rodez. Thusly he pulls Jade along as though they were running from a ticking time bomb.

The time bomb explodes.

Leon hurls his chair right at Blanchard. Jade finds out why her brother's tryout for the Detroit Tigers failed miserably, as his projectile falls short of it's mark. Jade throws up her hands to try and ward the descending warhead off. Too slow. The bomb detonates on her face, blasting her backwards onto the harsh concrete.

COACH
That idiot! How on god's green earth can you sit here and defend that no good piece of shit time and time again like he was sent from the heavens above?

Jade hits the floor, the nerve endings in her face burning as though they were on fire. Despite the boos of the audience, It takes Ned a moment to realize what fate has befallen Jade. Then her horrified, sustained scream clues him into what terrible events have transpired. Leon wishes to rush to her aid, but without his chair, all he can do is watch helplessly as security drags him away.

COLE
Good god. I haven't agreed with Jade's choice of company or her actions, but getting hit in the face by a chair thrown by her brother....that's awful. I know it was accident...

COACH
Accident my ass! Who cares even if it was an accident? That idiot goes Bruce Willis on security guards, pushes fans down, then throws a chair at his own sister!

COLE
He was aiming for Ned. It's been a very trying couple of months for Leon, and with this latest incident I can only imagine it's going to get worse. Folks, I apologize for the way the show has ended, please check with OAOAST.com with updates on Jade. We'll see you next week.

GOOD NIGHT SWEET WORLD