Chanel #99 Posted November 23, 2016 Report Share Posted November 23, 2016 TV title holder, Painbow was out with Kiki Kix to cut a promo that discussed his current rivals, GOATman Pains and the HARD champion, Storm Bellmare. PAINBOW This nigga, Pains, fuck him. Walking up on me, watching my matches like he bout the shits. He ain't trying to throw no hands. That shit wouldn't even be fair. I like challenges. This nigga a stay in the house ass nigga playing wrestler. He on the opposite end of the spectrum from a gangster. He acting real tough but I promise, Ima fuck him up, he got it coming. “BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO!” PAINBOW Storm Bellmare, you really is a joke, nigga. I said I don't give a fuck about no Storm Bellmare and I still don't give a fuck about Storm Bellmare. All I care about is my HARD title, and you gonna come of that title real soon, little boy, this shit ain't even question. You a sitting duck ass type of nigga, your days are numbered. At that point Lisa Ann, TMW commissioner came out to address Painbow. LISA ANN Painbow, those are big words. I like how aggressive you are, and you've given me an idea. At TMW Ascension 6, you will be in the ring TWICE. Once to defend your TV title against GOATman Pains and again to challenge for the HARD title against Storm Bellmare. “YYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” That met with solid approval from Painbow. MATTHEWS Lisa Ann is giving the fans what they want and giving Painbow what he wants. REJECT Painbow is a mainevent talent, Matthews, he's going to rise to the occasion and then some. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted November 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2016 ***Non title match: The Union Jets Vs The Political Prisoners*** Before the match The Politcal Prisoners cut a promo... MR STEAL YO PUSH The hot scoop is is that Tommy Boy just had a baby boy with his girl. But let's face facts, Tommy... WIN GRIFFEY You broke, the kid ain't yours, and everybody know, but you be like “so, I love my baby mama, I'll never let her go.” MR STEAL YO PUSH 18 years, 18 years, she got you for 18 years! If this was supposed to rattle The Jets it didn't work as The Prisoners were twisted into pretzels early on in the match. This forced them to bail and regroup outside. Once a strategy was worked out they returned to the ring and isolated Smith from C-4. The fans got behind Smith and he mounted the comeback, but was denied the hot tag thanks to MSYP distracting the referee. REJECT Don't call it cheating, just call it smart wrestling. This meant Smith had to suffer more pain until he could make another comeback where he did get the hot tag to C-4! MATTHEWS C-4 coming in hot! Try as they might, the heels were not able to weather the storm of The Union Jets and suffered a loss when MSYP got pinned off C-4's tiger driver. Winners: The Union Jets, via pinfall Post-match the Jets got on the microphone... C-4 We understand Das Wrestling Machine has a problem with us being the champs and being named the most talented tag team in the world. SMITH Its hard to face facts, mates, but here's the cold reality, you're good, great even, but we are most assuredly the best, that's why every time you come to get these titles from us, you leave wondering where it all went wrong. C-4 And if you lads are in the mood for more heartbreak and more disappointment, we've got one more title shot for you. At that point “Du Hast” by Rammstein hit and out came Das Wrestling Machine to the ring. But instead of talking they just attacked The Union Jets! MATTHEWS They say it with their fists! The brawl was broken up by the officials and some trainees with the Jets leaving with their titles raised into the air. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted November 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2016 Backstage we saw Jessica Ferguson breezing through a very complicated math problem. JESSICA There I solved Hilberts Sixteenth problem. Unsolvable my ass, even Isabella could have figured this one out. Strangely, THE MASKED ASSASIAN walked up behind Jessica and started SNIFFING HER HAIR TMA ***Sniff sniff sniff sniff*** JESSICA Huh? What? Just when I thought I couldn't get exposed to any more stupidity. I get sniffed. TMA You have a pleasant scent. It is tender. Innocent. JESSICA Whaaaah? What are you doing? Are you a canine? I have read about this, people who can't cope with the state of the world and become anamlisitic. It explains my brothers idiocy but what's with you? TMA I am not a dog. JESSICA I know that! But why have you popped up behind me? And why are you tracing your fingers over my boobs and butt? If you need bodies to dissect I have a connection, just don't ask where they came from. Snitches get stitches in the name of science. TMA You are bossy. Is it puberty? JESSICA You sure are something, something dumb. How old do you think I am? TMA I want to take a shower with you. JESSICA Whaaa....whats that supposed to mean? TMA Shampoo. JESSICA Huh? TMA When you wash your hair, you have to close your eyes, right? I have trouble doing this by myself. JESSICA Are you a kid? TMA I tried asking LeBrenda but she just laughed in my face and kept singing in my ear when I closed my eyes. JESSICA Very low level. TMA You'd help me wash my hair, I was waiting for you, hoping you would. JESSICA Waiting? How long? TMA About an hour and a half, JESSICA That long?! I'd kill to have no reason to be a productive member of this world. TMA I'd wait for days if I knew you were coming. JESSICA (How can this woman be so cute every now and then?) TMA So will you help me? JESSICA Come on let's get this over with TMA I'll wash your hair as well. JESSICA Unnecessary, I can wash my own hair. TMA How can you accomplish such a difficult mission by yourself. Please take me as an apprentice. JESSICA Jeez. How absurd. Come on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted November 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2016 ***Rex Vs Burlington Pembrokshire*** REJECT We're about to see just how tough and strong Pembrokshire is. The two strongmen had a test of strength to begin with, and carried that to a draw. MATTHEWS Looks plenty strong to me. Next they engaged in a brawl, fighting all about the ring. Rex wound up trying to power bomb his foe out of the ring, but Pembrokshire punched his way free and the two men went back to trading blows. REJECT These guys hit harder than a chair weiled by Sandman. MATTHEWS Makes me glad I'm at this announce desk. Rex fought Pembrokshire hard, wearing him down, but was disgusted to see Pembrokshire gain a second wind and even things up. But the wrestling gods were on Rex's side and he took home victory after a pop up powerbomb. Winner: Rex, via pinfall Post match on the way backstage, Rex looked into the camera and said... REX Fuck Thanksgiving! And fuck your holidays! The only holiday in my life is when I get to beat Abdullah's at TMW Ascension! Reject and Matthews were (un)lucky enough to conduct a short interview with Ser AC The Exile who had big news for TMW fans... SER AC You may have forgotten Tristan Nystrom, the lowly soul who failed to stop his evil brother's eventual rampage over you because of his own ineffective skills and inherent weakness as a man, but I remember him very well. For that boy has potential and with my guidance I can make him into a man to be as loved by the commons as I! I am happy to announce that Tristan will be my squire at November Reign when I take on Lancel Locke for the US Title. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted November 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2016 Before the next match we saw Undie Brown holding a pair of panties next to the Geisha Girls, holding a wad of cash. UNDIE BROWN This thanksgiving I'm thankful for teaming up with hot babes in hot undies! IAMHINA I'm guessing all you can afford is our boy shorts. Thongs would send you to living in a may tag box. MITAMA Robbery of bank/ Roll in cash/ Become rich in our worn panties. UNDIE BROWN Santa won't you bring me big dollars so I can buy these hot Asian babes undies! ***Undie Brown and The Geisha Girls Vs Sgt.Holt and Dayofthedead.com*** With misjudged confidence in his skills, Undie Brown announced he would take it easy on Holt if Cady and Lilly gave up their panties. CADY Fwwaaaaahhhaaa infidel do you release mine is the dark hell hound thong, all who touch it are cursed to roam the land with a 17 inch erection weighing them down! LILLY Oh no. As for me, well, you know...I just don't wear any. “YYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAA!” UNDIE BROWN Undie tried to sniff Lilly's ring gear but got hammered by a heroic Holt. The vet of the Iraq war outclassed Undie who failed to use his size to his advantage. MATTHEWS Beneath that weird fetish lies one of the strongest men on the roster REJECT Beneath your weird fetish lies an even weirder fetish, Matthews. IamHina was first up for the girls, and gave Lilly a lesson in mat work. But then Lilly gave her a lesson in power moves, and got her name chanted to which she was bashful over LILLY Oh wow you guys are the best. I'll have to show you what I look like with no panties. “YYYYYEAAAAAAAAA!” REJECT I should have joined in the damn chants. DOTD was able to use their raw power to handle the Geisha Girls, but the Japanese starlets found they were able to get their offense in with a wide variety of unique double team moves. Thus the determine factor of the match came down to the men, with Undie trying to pry off Holts pants to get to his boxers. During this he hooked onto his tights during a pin and actually got her win that way! Winner:Undie Brown, via pinfall REJECT Matthews, I've never seen anything like that. MATTHEWS A win is a win is what you tell me, and Undie Brown and the Geisha Girls have their first televised wins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted November 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2016 In front of an OAOAST TWM backdrop stood Brea Brea with something to say about Princess Danger. BREA People don't know this but I am fluent in Japanese, and I wanted to know what Princess Danger had to say about our match at the last TMW Ascension. She called me weak, pathetic and disgraceful and said I'm not mean enough to last in this business. Princess Danger, if being strong and respectable is being a horrible, sadistic monster like you then I'll always be weak, pathetic and disgraceful. But I'll never be one who lets someone get away with disrespecting me. I want you to come face me one more time at TMW Ascension, so you can see I'm more than princess danger, I'm Queen of the OAOAST! ***Agent Augeur Vs Marc Bennett*** MATTHEWS You all might know this but the TMW section of OAOAST.com was down for an hour this past week, and taking credit for it was Agent Augeur who wanted to show how vulnerable our cyber world is. REJECT Marc Bennet has stepped up to punish Augeur. Lisa Ann has more faith in him than I do, but the kid has talent, he just need to harness it. That talent had him overwhelming the black clad grappler early on, and Agent Augeur made an escape outside. He couldn't avoid Bennet for long as the Austin native descended on him and hit a plancha. With the fans rooting on Bennet he proceeded to dominate the agent out of the ring. MATTHEWS Looks like Bennet is doing exactly what you said he needed to do, partner. Inside the ring, things were slowed down by Augeur who decided to target Bennett's right shoulder. REJECT That'll make it hard for Marc to use the burning hammer. Bennett weathered the storm and fought past the pain to resume brawling with his foe. But when he tried to lift him for the burning hammer his shoulder gave out. Agent Augeur was then able to go to the top rope and hit the flying dvd known as Mona Lisa Overdrive! Winner: Agent Augeur, via pinfall Post match Agent Augeur pointed to the video screen, which showed a bank account of Marc Bennett being drained of 5,000 bucks! REJECT He backed into his bank account, Matthews! MATTHEWS He's going too far! The agent was long gone by the time Bennett was able to get to his feet, but when he rise Marc had this to say... MARC Oh you did it now. You're gonna find out why they call me Money Marc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted November 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2016 An in ring promo was being cut by THE SHELL GANG, when they were interrupted by CHAD MUSTARD. IGNATIUS This ought to be pointless. CHAD Guys, have me a chance. IGNATIUS A chance at what, might I ask. CHAD Give me a chance to be part of Shell Gang. Let me tell you why. So I'm on my annual hunting trip with the International Order of Saint Guntington. It's an elite secret society of hunters that dates back to the Hapsburger Dynasty. This is the annual quail swim with the Ordensbrothers RBG, Bill Parcells, Ted Danson. Giant covey of quail take off right in front of us, we lower our guns to take 'em out. Ginsberg... she bagged two, two or three. Hell of a shot. All of a sudden, a couple stragglers take off after the first volley of shots, I lower mu gun to take 'em out, when all of a sudden, Liz Cheney pops out. And I think she was, like, peeing. Mm-hmm. Anyway, I lower my shotgun, shoot her right in the face. Boom! Point is, I figure that kind of marksmanship and near manslaughter makes me a prime choice to be the next member of Shell Gang. WESELEY I say let him in. I could always use a good storyteller to keep me laughing while my bags are carried and my ring gear is handwashed. Oh and my condoms are fetched. I'm not the master of pulling out I thought I was. IGNATIUS Ah, expect some awkward phone calls nine months from now, old friend. FABIAN Chad, Chad, Chad. I bet when you were in school if you asked any frat could you join, they'd be the ones getting hazed to hang with you. But you're not in school, you're not even in the real world. You're in the lands that are ruled by the man who has shaped the course of destiny throughout the past thousand years. Your name drops mean nothing to me, because those are the names that drop my name. I am more than what you think I am and The Shell Gang is the collected embodiment of my control over fate. For you to join, for you help the spin the threads of time, is a disrespect I don't think myself or my friends will tolerate. Chad is immediately jumped by Ignatius and Wes! The duo beat on him before throwing him into Fabian who hits a pop up German suplex! After that, the heels pose and make their trademark bang signal. MATTHEWS Damn them, Chad didn't deserve that for asking to ally with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted November 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2016 ***Bedrock Vs Sumeragi*** Bedrock entered eating a whole turkey! A whole freaking turkey! REJECT It didn't take him long to get used to the 21st century habit of overeating. Nothing like a savage pigging out on a dead bird to honor our forefathers. Sumeragi decided to get the jump on Bedrock and kicked him in head sending his turkey flying! REJECT As long as that thing doesn't land in my lap. The Japanese import proceeded to stomp away at Bedrock, with the fans peppering him with jeers. He didn't care as he proceeded to torment Bedrock with chokes and other illegal moves. MATTHEWS What do they teach these guys in the SMUSH dojo? REJECT Sumeragi says he wasn't happy with what the dojo taught him and developed his own style. The Japanese star went up top for a moonsault but missed and Bedrock went on to take control of the match! Sumeragi was now playing catch up and never quite caught up and took her loss to a running front flip senton. Winner: Captain Bedrock, via pinfall Bedrock went to get his turkey but found that Jesse Ferguson was having it carried off by lab assistants. JESSE I can do a lot with the dna of a caveman. Thank you, you've been a big help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted November 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2016 Backstage TORI MALIBU was distraught as she held a cracked pair of expensive sunglasses. TORI Oh no, oh no, OH NOOOOOOOO! So this living proof every god in human history hates me. What did I do to make you hate me so much, god?! What did I do?! Tori's screaming attracted so much attention that a rather wild looking girl emerged from a dressing room. And when I say wild I do mean wild in a sexy way, but also in a dangerous way! But strangely the girl is rather...itchy, which Tori is polite enough to pretend not to notice. ??????????? You should send him a text message. He'll answer faster. TORI Oh? You're Euphoria right? I remember you from tryout camp. What a name! No way it's real. EUPHORIA It sure is. My mom was on the high of her life when I was coming to the world....hehehehe TORI Cool. People say I'm the high of their life after they meet me. Totally do. I swear. EUPHORIA I believe ya. TORI Where have you been though? You hear one day and then you were gonzo the next! EUPHORIA They tried to make go to rehab but I said no, no, no....rehab for my shoulder, I didn't need it I told them and they finally agreed. TORI Right on. We girls are tough! Super tough! I never get rattled myself. I stay strong. Yep. That's me. Always Strong Tori! Stronger than Zack that's for sure, not that you should tell him I said that or anything hehehehe. EUPHORIA Are you hiding something? TORI Huh? No! EUPHORIA That's a lie. Euphoria is a real good secret sniffer outter, I can get info outta anyone. TORI Ok, ok, but you gotta promise not to tell anyone. I was messing around with Agent Augeur's glasses and just snap! They broke! How do glasses break from wearing them? How do you break from doing your life purpose? Well anyway I wanted a cool entrance form the Hottie number one contender match and I don't have anything to look cool in! EUPHORIA You should stay behind. TORI I should? EUPHORIA Let ol Euphoria take your place, you don't wanna look bad for everyone. If you get in trouble I'll take the rap for ya, wouldn't be my first brush with trouble, won't be my last. TORI Awesome! In the meantime I'm gonna find some crazy glue to fix these glasses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted November 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2016 ***Number One Contender Match for Hottie's Title: Adelphe St.Nerdregard Vs Blanchefleur Vs LeBrenda James Vs Amber O'Shea Vs Brea Brea Vs Euphoria*** The Hotties champ and her trusty sidekick Effie were on hand for commentary Even in the wild world of TMW entrances, Euphoria stood out for crawling out from the side out of the stage, and in ring bashing her head into the ring posts to put a smile on her face. GLASS JULIET Eww I already hate this girl. WHY is she itching like that? WHAT is wrong with her? EFFIE I agree, she's nasty. GLASS JULIET Normally people have to be tortured to agree with me but Effie you just get me. REJECT What a charming pair you two make. Euphoria was a woman gone mad as she tackled LeBrenda right off the bat and hammered her with blows. LeBrenda tried to fight back but Euphoria was like a pitbull, one with oddly dyed hair. REJECT Must be a Knicks fan! Elsewhere Adelphe fought against Blanchefleur, who she's long had issues with. The celestial mother smiled on Adelphe as she blocked a body slam out of the ring and drilled her with a ddt. But then Euphoria was on her, trying quite literally to rip her to shreds! Elsewhere Amber was double teamed by LeBrenda and Brea Brea, but then Brea turned on her partner and beat her into the ground. REJECT I think Princess Danger has something to watch out for. In the ring Adelphe fended off Euphoria but had to contend with a tough Amber, who wouldn't go down so easy. In fact Amber sought to put Adelphe away with the Biotic Crisis but the bubbly ginger kicked out to shock the crowd. GLASS JULIET This is so lame. Let's show some enthusiasm and kill each other! EFFIE Don't do that, I baked a lot of blueberry stuffing for thanksgiving. Amber went up top, but was promptly shoved off and to the outside by Brea Brea. The South African hottie then took her spot, but Adelphe impressed everyone with a top rope hurricanrana! She couldn't pin her though as as Euphoria jumped on her back and gave her a piggy back eye rake! REJECT Who the hell thinks to do that? LeBrenda came along and speared them both, then decided to bark orders at Blanche. Problem is Blanche takes orders from no one and started pounding her with elbows. GLASS JULIET Upupupu a cat fight au chocolate. EFFIE Don't point out race, it's rude. Meanwhile Euphoria actually unhooked a bottom rope and wanted to coral Amber with it! REJECT It's cuffing season! Colin get your girl! Adelphe saved Amber from this lunacy by hammering Euphoria with a Luminary Uppercut! “YYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Blanche took advantage by rolling Adelphe up, but only got a two count and when Adelphe got up she hit the Luminary Uppercut to claim an all important victory. Winner: Adelphe St.Nerdregard, via pinfall, new number one contender MATTHEWS The Celestial Mother smiles on Adelphle! GLASS JULIET Hmph! Listen up, viewing audience, I've been the Hotties Champ for over a year, and I've killed people who poop meaner things than Adelphe, there's only one outcome possible at TMW Ascension and that's me beating her ginger butt so hard her celestial mother will be ashamed and put her up for cosmic adoption FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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