Chanel #99 Posted September 18, 2016 Report Share Posted September 18, 2016 OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-BROADCAST IN OAOAST HD RENEE Summer is at its end but HeldDOWN is still smoking hot with the Hotties and studs of the OAOAST! Not to mention my bald king, Da Coach here with me to call the furious action tonight! Standing inside the ring is our wonderful boss Sophie, attired in a floral patterned sundress. SOPHIE Bonjour, bonjour, today eez a hisotric night in our industry. Mais il est lourd. So very heavy, so very heavy. Zhe zombi have spread like 'ow you say wildfire? Non? COACH I still got my brains, that's all I care about. SOPHIE Gory et Delta Delta Delta 'ave been most weak zombie slayers, c'est vrai? We can no long trust them to protect us...so then I 'ope we no longer need protection. Je tiens amitié. I extend friendship and a contract offer to both Wanda Zhe Zombi and Clem Buzzlefoxxer. “Zombie” by Cranberries hits and out from under the ring crawls Clem, Wanda and several of their zombie goons! Sophie is quite alarmed that they've been under the ring the whole time, but puts on a brave face and a smile. RENEE Sophie, get out of there! This was a horrible idea! SOPHIE Errrrm...Bievenue. CLEM HELLLOOO WOORRLLLLD! TONNNNYY BRANNNNIGAAAAN! HEEEE NOOTT CARREEEE IIII DIIEEEEDDDDD! SOPHIE Non, non he was very 'ow you say choked up? CLEM NOOO ONNNE CARREEEE LEOONNNN KILLL CLEMMMM. BUUTTT CLEMMM BACCCCK IN OAOOOASSSTTTT, AND HEE LOOOKINNNNNGG SEXXXXXXYYY ASSS SHIITTT! WANDA CLEMMM PENNIISSSSS. SOPHIE (under breath) Disgusting. CLEM CLEMMM BIG DICKK AND BIG PLANNNNASSS. WANNDAAA AANNDD MEEE, SIGNNNN CONNTRAACCCT! YOUUU PEOPLLLE REGRETTTT NOTTTT MOURNNINNNG ME. NOOWWWWW YOU BECOMMMEEE INFESTED WITHHH MY KINNNDDD. TAKKE OVERRRRR, CRUSH, DESTORY, FUCKKK BIG BOOTTTTTY BITTTCHHEESSSSS! I RUNNNN DIISSSS SHIIITTTT NOOOWWW FAGGGOTTTSSSS! I'm a wanderess I'm a one night stand Don't belong to no city Don't belong to no man I'm the violence in the pouring rain I'm a hurricane Ha ah ah ha ah ah ah I'm a hurricane Ha ah ah ha ah ah ah I'm a hurricane As “Hurricane” hits, the collected members of Delta Delta Delta arrive in matching pink outfits along with Gory who just wears jeans a pink polo. CASSIDY I'm sorry that the French educational system only taught one class and that's how to derive nutrition out of cigarettes and cheap wine, but where Gerad Deprideau failed you I'm going to have to educate you, Sophie. GRETCHEN What my vice president means to say- CASSIDY I haven't even said the bad part yet! Listen, you idiot Biloxi fashion week failure, I tolerated your bitching last week because I was clearly drugged at some point to keep myself calm. But I've had number two taste testing for me all week and all attempts to poison me and subdue me have failed. NUMBER TWO I've ingested a lethal amount of arsenic, the doctors say I could die at anytime. I actually should be at a hospital, but Cassidy refused to put me on her insurance. CASSIDY Literally no one cares about that! What they do care about is the fact that braindead Sophie, is allowing brain eating zombies to run rampant on our turf. I didn't think you were stupid before, Sophie, I just thought you were European and were kind of eccentric and fun and thus made for better entertainment than an equally qualified American similar to how all male American actors have been replaced by foreigners. But, I see I was dead wrong. You are a total asshat, and now I'm gonna kick your hatted ass along with your zombie sex slaves! “OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” GRETCHEN Again, what my vice president means to say. Is that you are making a terrible decision! I can understand the little civility we in Delta Delta Delta have been regarded for we have failed in our duties as noble protectors of the weak, but do not disregard sense out of spite. I implore you! WANDA SHUUTTTTTT UPPPPPP! CRUSSHHH DELLLTTAA DELLLTTAA! PIERETTE Kyyahahahahaha, all this zombie mayhem is starting to get real boring. When you poke em they don't bleed, they just ooze pus and maggots and that's no fun if your victims don't bleed. But, for Wanda, I gotta make an exception it would be great fun to poke you till all the icky stuff comes oozing out! WANDA SHUUUTTTTT UPPPPPP! GRETCHEN My honor, nay the honor of my very sorority deserves no lesser satisfaction than to see your bodies strung up at a community Christmas pageant. I will not wait till then, however, I have an eager need for your demise and will churn you up with the refuse they deign to serve the commoners at this venue. SOPHIE Non! Zhe zombis....have their rights as we have ours. Zhey are not to be attacked by Delta Delta Delta or you will be kicked off campus. GORY I have something to say, if you don't mind. I feel at least 88 percent responsible for this big mess, and because I'm trying to be a good guy these days I better do my part to clean it up. Clem, I didn't forget you when you died, because I didn't know you, I was stuck in a supernatural purgatory, so I know what its like to pass on without anyone getting notice. And if you want to be noticed, there's no better way to be the first world war two veteran to step inside an OAOAST ring, and I support the troops and I support kicking zombie ass, so I'll be glad to face ya! CLEM CLEMMM WINNNN! EXPOOOSEEE PENNIISSS! Sophie nods her agreement and that ends the segment, with Cassidy's mic having to be cut off before she can further trash her boss. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted September 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2016 OAOAST SPINEBUSTER OF THE WEEK: Angleslam - The 3 Amigos thwart Joey The Rat's interference during tag title match + Chick intervenes on Big IQ's behalf. *** VICE w/ Joey The Rat vs. Time Killers *** VICE bounced back following their AS loss with a dominating win over the young and eager Time Killers after Marty Fox got leveled by a GIGATON PUNCH. Winners: VICE, via pinfall. Post-match Joey slapped around Marty and then cut a promo on the 3 Amigos over costing them the tag titles at AS, calling the trio "snitches", which Renee noted was rich coming from a guy nicknamed "The Rat", and that everybody knows what happens to snitches. BOSLEY & CPA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted September 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2016 Backstage in the state of the art interview set with its many monitors Terry Taylor is on hand with Fire & Ice! TAYLOR Fire & Ice the Miss Anderson Cup begins in two weeks, and the full bracket will be announced next week but we already know in the first round match in the Sunny Bracket you will face your rivals The Midnight Foxes. CINNAMON Soooo excited! ANNAGRET How dare you even mention those crackwhore magazine top models called the Midnight Foxes in the same breath as me. CINNAMON And me too! Fo-sho! ANNAGRET Eh, not so much. TAYLOR They do have a win over you. ANNAGRET Yeah, yeah, thanks to what a tennis racket wielding geezer? This just in if all you can get to lay down with you is Vince Russo's secret gay prince then you're not as hot or as perfect as you think you are. I've got receipts for my hotness, dick picks from the hottest black studs roaming this realm. Movie stars, rappers, politicans, businessmen, if there's a BBC springing to attention my eyes are on it! And so is a whole lot more! CINNAMON I uh...had sex with ChubChub! Twice! ANNAGRET Ugh, you're a weird kid. But, you're still better than The Midnight Foxes. And I think its time for some sisterly bonding with a fox hunt, just too bad we'll come up with a hillbilly's ring rats. CINNAMON Yeah~! COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted September 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2016 Tearing me apart with words you wouldn't say, And suddenly tomorrow's a moment washed away. 'Cause I don't have a reason, and you don't have the time, But we both keep on waiting for something we won't find. The light on the horizon was brighter yesterday, With shadows floating over, the scars begin to fade. We said it was forever but then it slipped away, Standing at the end of the final masquerade.The final masquerade! “Final Masquerade” by Linkin Park hits and out comes the entire Kingdom, King Landon, Ser Pike, Ser AC, Ser Felix and Lord Northstar all march to the ring where the leader has a microphone. KING LANDON There appears to be a problem in the OAOAST. In the Kingdom actually. Very troubling I might add. Oh, yes, a major problem. I don't know how it happened. No I don't. But we are short a title. Northstar stands coldly as King Landon glances back at him. KING LANDON Hmmmm, I figure I can't allow that to stand. Kingdoms do not lose things. Territory? We conquer that! Gold? We tax that! Titles? We win them! But why, why, do we not have the United States title? Where is the gold? Oh yes, where is the glory to my Kingdom? What is happening? Why is this happening? Who is to blame? I'll tell you who is to blame, Lancel Locke! “LANCEL! LANCEL! LANCEL!” KING LANDON I know what its like to be young and hungry, Lancel, but I am not going to allow you to eat at my table. You have a problem. Oh yes, you have a problem. I wouldn't want to be you. Oh no, I would not want to be you. I'd rather be anyone on earth but you! We are a Kingdom of warriors, we are not a peaceful nation. No we are not. You are a man allied with nothing but women. Mere women! What can you do to us? Wave the white tampon in surrender? Oh yes, that is your only option to surrender. Don't believe the lies they tell you, one man does not stand against the might of The Kingdom! “Bacon” hits and out comes US Champion Lancel Locke in jeans and a backwards cap with Sunshine Yukino at his side. LANCEL Let me give you the 411 on me, King Landon, I'm fun, I'm hot, I'm exciting, and I'm unbeatable. “YYYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” KING LANDON Unbeatable? You say that. Ha! LANCEL Unbeatable against Northstar at least. Northstar has the slightest of frowns at this. LANCEL Probably unbeatable against any member of the Kingdom. Including his royal highness. KING LANDON What?! What?! No. This is a lie! Oh yes, it is a lie! How can you lie like that to my royal subjects? About their king at that?! This is astounding! You've got a lot of nerve, kid. A lot of nerve! I should destroy you. Oh yes, you should be destroyed! LANCEL Then let's do it. You want me belt so bad, you want to prove me wrong so bad, what's stopping us from getting together and making magic happen? KING LANDON I am above your title! I am above you! “BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” KING LANDON Ha! Boo all you want, but that's just the truth. Yes, yes, that's the truth. I am King Landon Maddix, I am not happy go lucky Landon Maddix, I am not Cucaracha International Landon Maddix, I don't lower myself to the plebeians level anymore. LANCEL No, you just talk bullshit like a bitch. “YYYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA: KING LANDON NORTHSTAR I would be happy to have this insurgent removed from our lives. KING LANDON Lancel Locke, I will take your title from you, and more than that I will take your very career from you! You have forgotten exactly who and what I am, but when Halloween Spectacular comes and the bell rings you will be reminded that I am King Landon Maddix, first of his name, king of Spain, and king of the OAOAST. SUNSHINE YUKINO $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ The segment ends with Lancel holding his US title into the air and staring back at an angry King Landon. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted September 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2016 *** Alexander The Magnificent w/ A$AP Blondie vs. Knight Ryder *** A non-Keyboard Warrior jobber? Yes they still do exist in the OAOAST Galaxy! And Ryder did the honors following a pair of powerbombs which the members of Vainglorious Bastards USA have recently said on OAOAST SYN "broke the spirit of Oscar Friberg" at Angleslam. Winner: Alexander The Magnificent, via pinfall (knee to chest/double bicep pose). Post-match Alexander acted like he was going to assist Ryder to his feet only to lock on the Tazmission! BLONDIE RENEE Come on! Suddenly the OAOAST Galaxy roared as Team Scream's OSCAR FRIBERG hit the ring, wiping out Blondie and getting him some of Alexander before ducking a charge and yanking down the top rope to send the big man tumbling out to the floor! COACH AAH! Oscar grabbed the mic and declared the only thing broken is gonna be the Bastards pride when he defeats Alexander one on one "anytime, anytime!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted September 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2016 Our illustrious announce team recapped the situation last week involving Mr. Dick and OAOAST tag champions Big IQ and then tossed it to OAOAST correspondent Sara Jean Underwood at the world famous backstage interview lounge. There the OAOAST Hottie was joined by MR. DICK who revealed, "as promised, by the way", the man he's selected to be his partner to challenge for the OAOAST Tag Team Championship... MISTER DICK Well, rather than say his name, why don't we go see him instead? And with that MD took SJU and the cameraman on a journey to the OAOAST locker room where some members on the roster played cards. MISTER DICK There! There is my partner! The individual MD pointed toward turned from his seat and it was... BARON WINDELS! SARA JEAN MISTER DICK Things got awkward as BW quickly reminded everyone he already has a partner in Ned Blanchard, collectively Cobra Strike. MISTER DICK And where is Ned? Somewhere leeching off-- I mean probably off enjoying the perks that come with being Krista's baby's daddy. You, my friend, still got to work hard for a living. Like me and everybody out in the crowd and at home, because the life of a pro wrestler isn't as glamorized as a lot of people think. There's tiers here like in the real world. Look how close we came to making it to the end of The Challenge. But who did? A couple of damn social climbers. Horseshit, man. I deserve to be a champion! Even you. Not in somebody else's shadow though. Maybe you can finally sympathize with how I felt all those years we first teamed now that the shoe's on the other foot. WE deserve to be champions. We CAN be champions. We WILL be champions if we scratch each other's backs by going for Big IQ's gold. BW ponders everything MD just said and announces... BARON I'm in. The team once known as the Lone Star Gunslingers shake hands in a memorable moment. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted September 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2016 Our illustrious announce team recapped the situation last week involving Mr. Dick and OAOAST tag champions Big IQ and then tossed it to OAOAST correspondent Sara Jean Underwood at the world famous backstage interview lounge. There the OAOAST Hottie was joined by MR. DICK who revealed, "as promised, by the way", the man he's selected to be his partner to challenge for the OAOAST Tag Team Championship... MISTER DICK Well, rather than say his name, why don't we go see him instead? And with that MD took SJU and the cameraman on a journey to the OAOAST locker room where some members on the roster played cards. MISTER DICK There! There is my partner! The individual MD pointed toward turned from his seat and it was... BARON WINDELS! SARA JEAN MISTER DICK Things got awkward as BW quickly reminded everyone he already has a partner in Ned Blanchard, collectively Cobra Strike. MISTER DICK And where is Ned? Somewhere leeching off-- I mean probably off enjoying the perks that come with being Krista's baby's daddy. You, my friend, still got to work hard for a living. Like me and everybody out in the crowd and at home, because the life of a pro wrestler isn't as glamorized as a lot of people think. There's tiers here like in the real world. Look how close we came to making it to the end of The Challenge. But who did? A couple of damn social climbers. Horseshit, man. I deserve to be a champion! Even you. Not in somebody else's shadow though. Maybe you can finally sympathize with how I felt all those years we first teamed now that the shoe's on the other foot. WE deserve to be champions. We CAN be champions. We WILL be champions if we scratch each other's backs by going for Big IQ's gold. BW ponders everything MD just said and announces... BARON I'm in. The team once known as the Lone Star Gunslingers shake hands in a memorable moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted September 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2016 OAOAST Hall of Famer Terry Taylor conducted an interview with the 3 Amigos who responded to Joey The Rat's comments last week and then challenged him/VICE to a 6-man tag match at the upcoming OAOAST Halloween Spectacular. Short and sweet. ***Sloppy Joe W/Maggie Nerdly Vs Teddy Buckworth*** RENEE You almost have to feel bad for Sloppy Joe, just wants to eat his food and chill out and always gets beat up because of something the rest of The Menagerie is doing. That's pretty much what happened here! Sloppy would have fared poorly against human Teddy, but against vampire Teddy he literally shat himself in fear. I'm not kidding, the man shat himself. And he eats shit so what came out was a huge stinking pile of shit! COACH Aww hell fucking naw! Buckworth wrinkled his nose and proceeded to hit Buck The Trend on Sloppy, dropping him in his own shit for the win. Winner: Teddy Buckworth, via pinfall Post-match Theodore had the microphone. BUCKWORTH Jason, if this was your plan to somehow derail my, or even throw me off my game, I do suggest you reconsider your actions. As it stands now, I am on schedule to give you a miserable trashing at Halloween Spectacular, and you are on schedule to beg and plead for your life. Trick or treat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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