The Great Angle Bash 2004

[Chanel #99]

"War is as much a punishment to the punisher as to the suffer."
Thomas Jefferson, 1794



"I love war."
General George S. Patton

[Chanel #99]

In a world full of posers, phonies, and pure wannabees,
there finally emerges a group
which has come to set the record straight.
so, all you suckers better recognize, ya heard
can you say uhhh na na na na...

* DING DING DING DING *

The strobe lights start to flicker...

MICHAEL BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, the opening contest of the Great Angle Bash LIVE on pay-per-view is set for one fall. Introducing first, from Hotlanta, weighing 192 pounds, he loves to "party up and throw down"; he is Scotty Staaaatic. His tag team partner, from the 313 of Detroit, weighing 215 pounds, Johhny "Jaaam" Jaaackssson! The Global Party Xchange!



The lights continue to flicker, as the heavy beat kicks up. A lazer written "GPX" flashes on the entranceway, Scotty Static and Johnny "Jam" Jackson -- the Global Party Xchange -- emerge on the rampway. Johnny twirls his right hand in the air and flicks it towards the ring like its a lasso. The Party Xchange zigzag around each other, slapping the palms of their fans -- and swaping spit with some lucky female fans. Sorry guys.

COLE
Welcome to the Great Angle Bash. Michael Cole, Caboose & the Coach coming to you live from our playpen at Sofa Central. We're kickin' it off big with The Saints vs. The Global Party Xchange. Also tonight: Black T defend their World Tag Team Titles against JINGUS & The Sadist, the X-Title & Puerto Rican titles will also be at stake; then our main event...WarGames!

COACH
Oh, the pressure. What happens if my girl's beautiful face gets deformed? I mean, she's gonna be inside two rings sourround by steel fencing. When the time comes, I'm gonna cross my eyes, legs, and fingers. I even have my magic troll doll with me.

CABOOSE
Cole is a troll, but I wouldn't say he's magic. Although I'm sure those in Neverland would beg to differ. And don't forget about WarGheyms. I'm sure you're especially looking forward to that, Cole.

COLE
Can we knock it off with the gay jokes. It's getting old.

CABOOSE
The jokes are like money -- you can never get enough.

COLE
Brief backstory to this match: Nothing more than hitmen for the World Tag Team Champions Black T, The Saints made their debut nearly a month ago by attacking GPX from behind. Then last week both teams competed in the ill-fated 'Starmaker.' GPX won the competition, but like they've done all along The Saints once again ambushed Scotty & Johnny, backdropping Scotty onto Johnny through a table.

CABOOSE
It's moments like that which make me miss active competition. Like the time I owned then-OAOAST Champion Anglesault and dethroned the king, taking the thing that meant the most to him.

COLE
That was two years ago at this very event -- the first GAB, as a matter of fact. The Great Angle Bash has a storied history. The previous two Bashes are among the greatest events in OAOAST history. When it's one of the OAOAST's "Elite 4" pay-per-views -- AnglePalooza, AngleMania, the Great Angle Bash & AngleSlam --not only is the world is watching, but the guys give 110%.

COACH
Which is impossible, because we all know you can only give 100%.

The multi-color spotlights begin beaming around the arena as:

Girl
I can't understand it why you want to hurt me
After all the things I've done for you.
I buy you champagne and roses and diamonds on your finger -
Diamonds on your finger -
Still you hang out all night
what am I to do?

My girl wants to party all the time

Party all the time
party all the time.
My girls wants to party all the time
party all the time.

BUFFER
Their opponents, from Sin City, weighing in at a combine weight of 498 pounds, "the Sultan's of Strut," the Heavenly Rockers, the self-proclaimed 'greatest rock 'n' wrestling band off all-time'; ladies and gentlemen, Logan "Cowabunga" Mann & Synth Esizer -- The Saints!

In a development worthy of a breaking news report on major news networks, The Saints head to the ring wearing tank tops and baggy shorts...scratching their groins. Yes, scratching their groins. GPX look on from ringside, giggling.

COLE
You know everything about the Saints, Caboose. Why are they, you know...

CABOOSE
I may be the president of their fanclub, but I don't know anything about that. Jock itch, I guess.

* DING DING *

Mocking the Saints, Scotty Static struts, then moonwalks back to his corner. Meanwhile on the outside, Johnny scuttles on the ring apron. With his left hand scratching his crotch, Logan charges Scotty who moves, sending Logan into the turnbuckle. Mann bounces off the turnbuckle pads but Scotty sends him reeling back into the corner with a dropkick. Trapped in the corner Logan gets wallop with chops. Synth attempts to sneak up behind Scotty, but he catches a case of the itchies. Continuing to stratch his groin area, Synth pleads with his left hand for Scotty not to hit him. Indecisive, Static looks for help from the fans. He balls up his fist and points to Synth. With a 1980s NWA crowd feel, the fans go ballistic in their desire to see Scotty deck Synth. Scotty shakes his head "no" and tells Synth to return to his corner. Grateful, Synth blesses his opponent.

INVERTED ATOMIC DROP courtesy of Johnny!

CABOOSE
Those ungrateful teenyboppers! That blessing will turn into a curse. Come on, Cole. Condemn Johnny's actions.

COLE
It was rather unsportsmanlike.

CABOOSE
Unsportsmenlike? Is that the best you could come up with? If the Saints would of been committing the dirty deed, you damn sure wouldn't be saying "unsportsmanlike", you'd be condemning them straight to hell.

Double dropkick by GPX. Scotty Irish Whips Logan to Johnny who backdrops him onto the fallen Synth. Johnny whips Logan off the ropes, Scotty droptoe holds Mann right into Snyth's groin.

COLE
Payback's a bitch.

GPX slide Synth straight into the steel ringpost, who quickly falls to the outside. Johnny counters an attempted punch from Logan into a FULL NELSON SLAM. Jackson goes down on all floors. Scotty bounces off the ropes and jumps of his partner's back using it as a springboard, flips in midair...MOONSAULT!

1...

2...

No! Synth managed to pull Logan outside. After pulling his partner to safety, he clutches his shoulder with one hand, stratches his groin with the other. Static springboards...Shooting Star Press...Clotheslines both Mann & Esizer...SHOOTING STAR LARIAT!

Johnny carries Logan back inside. He pumphandles Mann into a piledriver. BEAT DROP!

His back facing away from his opponent, Scotty climbs to the top. Johnny goes on the ring apron and begins climbing the same turnbuckle his partner is. He positions Scotty's head between his legs. The crowd stands on their feet. They know something spectacular will go down. JJ lifts Scotty up in a Razor's Edge-position, throws him up high in the air. Using JJ's shoulders as a springboard, Scotty comes off the top with a MOONSAULT!

COLE
He must have gotten a good 12-13 feet in the air!

The cover...

1...

2...

3!

* DING DING DING DING *

BUFFER
The winners: Scotty Static & Johnny "Jam" Jackson -- the Global Party Xchange!

"Make Her Say" cues up, as the crowd gives GPX a standing ovation. The arena fills up with chants of "PARTY! YAHTZEE" among other things.

COLE
Now that's what I call a blow off. Wow.

CABOOSE
I can't believe the Saints got owned. Who'd they piss off in the office?

COACH
Whatever happened to them, it obviously screwed them up mentally and physically. But it got me thinking of Crystal again. When her sweet, sweet body grinds against the unforgiving steel...

CABOOSE
Don't worry about it. Something happens, we can enter her into 'The Swan 2' or one of MTV's billzillion makeover shows.
 

[Chanel #99]

COACH
How about that last match? Wow!

COLE
That one was great, but the next one should be better...however for this match we're going to go to two very special broadcast colleagues...

CABOOSE
Good, I want nothing to do with this anyways. Infact, I'm going to use this time to go and listen to my Flock of Seagulls albums

COLE
Take it away guys!





GORILLA MONSOON
Thank you Michael Cole! I'm here with one of the co-creators of the OAOAST and the man its named after, AngleSault!

ANGLESAULT
Gorilla, I guarentee you the pleasure is all yours

GORILLA
You looks a little out of shape from when you were last on an OAOAST program, what happened?

ANGLESAULT
Watching Jose Contreras pitch while eating Ben & Jerry's ice cream will do this to you.

GORILLA
Some of the great names in entertainment made there way to the arena tonight to witness this. Why just over there is


Latoy..Mich…one of the Jacksons!

ANGLESAULT
I’d hit it

GORILLA
Do you know which one it is?

ANGLESAULT
Does it matter?

GORILLA
….hey look! There’s



Shrek! Wow, a top of the line movie star

ANGLESAULT
You idiot! That’s not Shrek…that’s Princess Fiona, the female Shrek thing

GORILLA
My mistake, and with that they’re lowering the cage!

(Cage begins to lower as the lights dim and all sorts of colored lights flash about)

GORILLA
Lets go over the rules shall we?
 

One member from each team will start things up and be locked in the WarGheyms cage. After the first 5min somebody from one of the other teams will go in and from there on in they will alternate entering at 2min intervals. A coin toss backstage was done prior to the match to see who will be get the advantage. The only way to win is by pinfall or submission and the match can not end until all the competitors are in the ring

(A random Bob Seger song hits the speakers and out walks Homeless Dan with a burlap sack of stuff over his shoulder along with Ron Howard and Scott Baio by his side)

ANGLESAULT
I wonder if Scott will sign my Teen Beat magazine from the early 80s afterwards.

(as they make their way down to the ring and AngleSault goes on about his love for Chachi the speakers go silent for a moment and then the lights go up and you hear “Heeeeeeeeey!” followed by the Happy Days theme)

GORILLA
Oh boy Sault, listen to this crowd! They’re erupting for the FAGS!

ANGLESAULT
I can’t believe I agreed to be a part of this

(Fonzie comes down to the ring with his thumbs up accompanied by Dangerous Dan Dierdorf and The Man’s Man Bobby Rogers)

ANGLESAULT
Where’s Mr. Warrior. My program specifically says he’s on this card

GORILLA
He’s probably waiting to make his own entrance

(The three walk down and Bobby Rogers enters the ring to signify he’ll be starting for The FAGS. Homeless Dan points at Ron Howard and then to the ring to send him in. Ron Howard enters and the cage door is locked. The bell rings and a timer on the Jumbo-tron shows a countdown of minutes)

Ron Howard and Bobby Rogers circle one another before finally hooking up. Bobby Rogers uses his weight advantage to push Ron Howard down. Ron Howard gets back up, screeches like a bullied child and runs right into a Bobby Rogers clothesline.

GORILLA
3:30 left till this becomes a 2 on 1!

Bobby Rogers kicks Ron Howard in the abdomen and then drops an elbow. He stays down on the mat with Ron and proceeds to place him in a body scissors

GORILLA
Bobby is really bringing it to Ron, Sault!. This body scissors is going to make it hard to breathe while cutting the circulation off of his solar-folareal joint

ANGLESAULT
…what?

Bobby lets go of the body scissors and helps Ron Howard up…but Ron Howard hits him with a BALL SHOT~! Bobby Rogers stumbles back and falls like a sack of nerdy potatos as the clock hits .45 . Ron Howard begins stomping a mud hole in Bobby and walking it dry before starting to strut around the ring. As he poses for the crowd the cage door opens and Dangerous Dan enters

GORILLA
It looks like the FAGS have the advantage and their newest entrant is going at Howard from behind

ANGLESAULT
Do you stop to think before you speak?

GORILLA
Normally? No

Dangerous Dan runs at Howard and hits him from behind with a clothesline. Because of the height difference this ends up being a chop-block. Howard falls across the ropes and slides down to the second rope where his body lays partially across it. Dangerous Dan gives a MIGHTY DROPKICK to Ron Howard’s head causing Howard to just fall off to the side. Bobby Jones gets up and motions for Dangerous Dan to climb the turnbuckle, which he does. Bobby Jones proceeds to lift Ron Howard up onto his shoulders and Dangerous Dan leaps off, nailing him with THE DOOMSDAY DEVICE~! The ref walks over to check Ron Howard who is now convulsing on the ring mat.

GORILLA
There’s no stopping this match until all entrants are in so the ref can only stand there. Things are going to heat up now though because the timer’s run down!

Scott Baio enters the cage, works his way through ring one and into ring two where everybody is now. Dangerous Dan turns around just in time to see Baio charging at him. Baio nails Dangerous Dan flush in the chin with a running Yakuza kick effectively knocking the vicious munchkin 6 ways from Tuesday.

ANGLESAULT
Dear god, I can’t believe it!

GORILLA
I know Sault, that was a vicious shot

SAULT
What are you talking about? I’m talking about this coupon for 45 cents off of Shampoo in this magazine! I mean, back in the 80s that was a great coupon

GORILLA
Would you knock it off!

Ron Howard is now laying at one end of the ring in a heap still because of the Doomsday Device while Dangerous Dan is laying in a puddle of blood which is flowing from his mouth along with a few teeth surrounding him. Scott Baio starts dancing about like a 30s Irish boxer and begins taking jabs at Bobby Rogers. Baio misses each one before Rogers hits Baio with a HARD RIGHT and another…and another! Knocking Baio backwards, over the top rope and back into ring one. Bobby Rogers goes over to the ropes and does a SLINGSHOT DROPKICK off the ropes. Baio looks out of it and to make matters worse in comes Fonzie!

GORILLA
Listen to these fans Sault! They love this man

ANGLESAULT
…I’m so sad and angry…I need a hug

As Anglesault weeps to himself after coming to the conclusion he’s just a bitter little man, the Fonz enters the ring and gives the double Thumbs-up and points at Homeless Dan on the outside. Fonz then goes to work over Scott Baio who been brought to his feet by Bobby Rogers. Baio however takes an opening and grabs Bobby Rogers by his flannel, falls down holding it and slingshots him into Fonz! The two collide and Fonz falls back into the cage as Bobby Rogers stumbles back towards Scott Baio. The ref goes to check on Fonzie and while he does that Baio reaches into his slacks.

GORILLA
What’s he grabbing at?

ANGLESAULT
Could we all be so lucky? (fanboy gaze)

GORILLA
Wait a minute…that looks like…


Willie Aames!

Scott Baio pulls out his Willie, grabs him by the shins and walks towards Bobby.

WILLIE
Hey Charles, wanna go outside and shoot some hoops?

BAIO
Maybe later Buddy, I’m kind of busy

WILLIE
Ok Charles

Scott then rears back, swings his Willie mightily and knocks the ba-jesus out of Bobby. Baio then places his Willie back into his pants. Just as he does that Homeless Dan enters the ring and start to grind Fonzie’s face into the side of the cage. He lets Fonz drop and then walks over to Ron Howard to see if he’s still alive. Ron Howard is laying there mumbling to himself when Dangerous Dan crawls over and bites Homeless Dan in the calf with his remaining teeth!

ANGLESAULT
That midget is rabid! Don’t they still do background checks around here?

GORILLA
He doesn’t have much teeth left, leave him alone Sault

Homeless Dan places a hand on each side of Dangerous Dan’s head and proceeds to pick him up. He then does an airplane spin and lets go sending Dangerous Dan’s tiny(yet fit) body flying into the UNFORGIVING STEEL of the cage.

GORILLA
Wow! I don’t think we’re going to see anymore of him

ANGLESAULT
He’d be wise to stay down…although with his height I don’t know if we would even notice if he got back up

Just as Homeless Dan begins to smile C&C’s Music Factory’s hit song “Everybody Dance Now!” hits the arena causing the fans to go absolutely BERSERK!!!!

GORILLA
Would you listen to this?

ANGLESAULT
I’d rather not

Mr Warrior comes racing down to the ring. He grabs the outside of the cage and shakes it violently. He then stops, looks at Homeless Dan and does the mock Gorilla Press Slam thing. He then proceeds to run around the outside of the cage doing the motion to get truck drivers to pull their horn and shakes the other side of the cage. The fans by now are going absolutely bonkers and a bleeding Fonzie looks up, smiles, and gives the double thumbs up to Mr. Warrior. Mr. Warrior returns the sentiments by snorting, growling and breathing heavily. He then nods his head wildly before…running back up the ring entrance and to the back.

GORILLA
What in the world is he doing?

ANGLESAULT
I don’t even think he knows anymore

GORILLA
Well then that’s everybody now so pinfalls or submissions can start bei…why’s the clock been reset to 2min?

ANGLESAULT
I don’t know. I better get paid extra for this though

Fonzie gets up and stands behind Scott Baio who’s confused from what just happened. Baio turns around and KICK~WHAM~HAPPY DAYS! Baio flops about and then just lays motionless. Fonzie gets to his knees and starts chucking the double thumbs at him and then chucks the thumbs to everybody out there. All the while the clock reaches 30 seconds and Homeless Dan gets a look of fear on his face as he now notices its down to him, Bobby Rogers, and The Fonz. Homeless Dan begins to back into a corner to stall and as Fonzie and Bobby Rogers close in the clock reaches 0 and the arena goes dark.

ANGLESAULT
All of these PPVs and they can’t even get the lighting correct!

GORILLA
No Sault, look! Up on the Jumbo-Tron!



(All the Children in Unison recite a cryptic message together)

“He walks a path of darkness with anger by his side
No longer willing to be the one in which sinners choose to confide
He’ll cause a cold streak to run down your spine
He’ll claim your souls, as he’s claimed our genitals…its just a matter of time.

FOR HE WALKS AGAIN”

The lights begin to flicker and all of a sudden

the music hits! The lights slowly start to come back up and standing at the top of the stage is a short man holding up a bible

GORILLA
Oh my god! Do you realize who that is?


PAUL BARRON!

The short pudgey and peach fuzzed man points to the back and then points to the ring. From the back comes a tall dark figure.

GORILLA
It can’t be…my god…its…


THE UNDERSCHAEFFER!!!!!!!!!

UnderSchaeffer slowly walks down to the ring as Paul Barron holds up the bible from the entry way. He gets to the cage and slowly climbs the steps leading in. Bobby Rogers goes over to him and gives UnderSchaeffer a HARD RIGHT HAND but it has no effect! UnderSchaeffer looks at Bobby Rogers, grabs him by the testicles and picks him WAAAAAAAAAY up for THE CROTCH SLAM. Bobby lays on the mat twitching. Fonzie abandons going after Dan and instead runs to ring one and at UnderSchaeffer. UnderSchaeffer catches him with a big boot and Fonzie drops. UnderSchaeffer then looks out at the crowd and makes masturbatory hand gestures. The crowd gives a collective gasp as UnderSchaeffer has signaled for the end. He brings Fonzie to his feet, lifts him up and gives him the FACE-TO-CROTCH PILEDRIVER. Fonzie lays motionless on the mat.

GORILLA
This could be it!

ANGLESAULT
Thank god.

UnderSchaeffer looks down at Fonzie then over to Homeless Dan who’s smiling. UnderSchaeffer then begins to skulk over to Homeless Dan who loses his smile really quick. They stand looking one another in the eye. UnderSchaeffer rolls his eyes back, goes back to normal, looks at Dan and leaves the ring.

GORILLA
My god Sault, he was just a hired gun!

Dan goes over to Fonzie who still lays motionless, looks at the ref and covers him.

1


GORILLA
It can’t end this way!


2


ANGLESAULT
I refuse to ever be a part of this fed again (throws down his headset, slides his fat body out from behind the desk, and leaves)


3!!!!!!

(Bob Seger hits and Homeless Dan gets up and celebrates by doing that dance that Billy Crystal did in City Slickers.)

GORILLA
What an unexpected way to finish this one. The FAGS just didn’t have it in them to battle Homeless Dan and his entourage. Its been great being a part of the Great Angle Bash. For Anglesault, this is Gorilla Monsoon saying so long and back to you guys Coach!

[Chanel #99]

All the lights in the arena go out as the fans stand in unison. The Ministry of Darkness begins to play as green lights flood the entrance way. An eerie green smoke begins to billow out as we hear Damaramu chanting in tongues. Skull Mask and Skull Kid walk slowly out onto stage and then both drop to one knee bowing to the entrance way. Damaramu slowly walks out with his arms outstretched as fans boo.



BUFFER
The following bout is a Gauntlet Match! Introducing first The Cult of Damaramu.....SKULL MASK, SKULL KID, AND DAMARAMU!!!!!!!!!

The fans continue to boo as the pupil-less and silver haired Damaramu walks to the ring with his Cult. They enter the ring and all stand in one corner having a conference as the fans continue to boo them very loudly. Suddenly the boo’s turn into wild cheers as the OU Fight song begins. Ryan Smith speeds out onto the entrance way pumping one fist in the air as the fans stand and cheer.

BUFFER
And his opponent from Norman Oklahoma! Weighing in at 228 pounds.......RYAN SMITH!

Ryan Smith jogs to the ring hopping in and showing no fear to the Cult of Damaramu. The referee gets in between the 4 men as he explains the rules.

COLE
Well one of the Cult members will start this match. The others must wait on the entrance ramp.

COACH
Well Smith promised he’d be just as evil as Damaramu! He looks the same to me! He’s still wearing that OU MMA gear......

COLE
Maybe he’s got a new attitude.

COACH
We’ll see! It’s all about the package though!

CABOOSE
Did you just say it’s all about the package?

COACH(embarassed)
And we’re underway!

Damaramu and Skull Mask leave the ring as Skull Kid starts things off. He and Ryan Smith get into a collar and elbow tie up. Rather than going for a fancy wrestling move Ryan Smith steps back and kicks Skull Kid right in the crotch!

COLE
OH MAN! He’s already fighting dirty!

COACH
We must remind you folks that this is match is anything goes! The only thing that can cause a DQ is if any of the Cult members interfere!

Skull Kid doubles over in pain as Ryan Smith grabs him by the air and slings him into the corner. Smith walks into the corner throwing hard boxer-like rights and lefts. Smith looks like a man enraged as he leans into Skull’s face ripping and clawing at it. Smith manages to gouge at his eyes before he lays in a two-handed choke!

COLE
He’s not wrestling him! He’s destroying him!

Smith steps out of the corner with his hands still around Skull Kid’s neck. Smith slings Kid over his head and onto the mat! Kid bounces a couple of times before coming to a rest. As he tries to sit up Smith runs in with a dropkick to the back. Kid falls back over as Smith lifts him off the mat with a gorilla press and tosses him over the top rope!

COLE
Skull Kid has gotten virtually no offense in!

COACH
This is insane! He’s getting destroyed!!!

The Cult members remain emotionless on the entrance ramp as Smith yanks Kid up by the hair and then tosses him into the ring post! Kid bounces off as Smith grabs him by the hair again and repeatedly rams his face into the post! Kid’s face is a bloody mess as Smith slides him into the ring. Smith follows him in grabbing a chair on his way in! Kid tries to stand but Smith slams it down onto the top of his head causing him to fall to the ground again. Skull Kid is out cold as Smith grabs the chair and sticks the end into his throat choking him! Kid wakes up and begins to struggle as Smith applies the pressure!

COLE
He has proven already he can be as sick as Damaramu! Even I feel sorry for Skull Kid!

Smith releases the choke hold with the chair and slings it to the ground, dragging Kid up to his feet. Smith puts Kid up on his shoulders in position for a tombstone piledriver! But Smith has his back to the chair!

COLE
This does not bode well for Skull Kid!

CABOOSE
I actually like Ryan Smith now......

Smith leaps into the air and does a complete 180 bringing Kid crashing down head first onto the chair with a tombstone piledriver!

COLE
My god!

COACH
Kid has gotta be injured!

Smith rolls over onto Kid holding himself up on him with one hand pointing with the other at Damaramu.

1!
2!
3!

The bell rings as the fans cheer. Smith doesn’t take his eyes off of Damaramu as he stands to his feet and holds his arms out to his side. Damaramu is furious on the ramp! He slaps Skull Mask in the back and orders him to the ring! Skull Mask looks a little bit timid as he begins to make his way to the ring. A host of officials rush past him to drag the injured Skull Kid out of the ring. Skull Mask doesn’t even look at his fallen partner as they cross paths on the entrance ramp. Mask stops at the base of the ramp and stares up at the pissed off Ryan Smith.

COLE
Skull Mask looks scared!

COACH
I never thought I’d say it! But the Cult is scared of Ryan Smith!

CABOOSE
They aren’t scared of anything!

Skull Mask starts to enter the ring but he is immediately rushed by Smith who comes in with a flying knee that sends Mask flying off the apron. Smith grabs ahold of the ropes and propels himself over the top rope straight down onto Skull Mask’s head. Smith lands on Mask and begins to fire off with hard fists. Mask tries to cover up but Smith jumps to his feet and begins to kick Mask in the face and ribs as hard as he can. Smith yanks Mask up by his hair and starts to propel him into the barricade but Mask proves to be harder to take out than Skull Kid as he reverses and sends Smith flying into the barricade. Mask rushes in with a high forearm and nearly takes Smith’s head off!

COLE
Well looks like he’s not going to have his way with Skull Mask!

CABOOSE
Of course he’s not!

Mask pulls Smith up on his shoulders and snake eye’s him across the steel steps. Smith’s head bounces off as he falls backward into Masks arms. Mask rolls Smith into the ring and slowly follows him in. Smith is fighting to his feet and Skull Mask helps him up.....before bringing him back down with a high chokeslam! Smith looks broken in half as Skull Mask picks him up and sends him into the ropes.....Smith ducks a clothesline as the fans cheer! Skull Mask doesn’t turn around in time as Smith comes back with a bulldog off the rebound! Smith lays in the ropes where he lands for a second trying to collect himself from the quick onslaught he just received. Smith finally gets up as Mask does. Smith charges in with a chop to the throat! Then he grabs Mask by the hair and leaps over the top rope dropping Mask’s throat across the top rope!

COLE
He’s going right for the throat of the beast!

COACH
Literally!

Smith gets back into the ring and hits the ropes going for a flying clothesline but is caught in a bossman slam like maneuver by Mask!

COACH
Mask is proving very difficult to hurt as usual!

Mask climbs back to his feet and kicks the rising Ryan Smith right in the stomach! Mask pulls him up and goes for the Spinning Helicopter Powerbomb! Mask spins.....SMITH REVERSES INTO A FACEBUSTER! THE FANS EXPLODE!

COLE
You can’t powerbomb Ryan Smith!

COACH
Yes you can.....it’s happened before.........

COLE
Shut up!

Smith rises to his feet quickly heading up to the top rope! Mask is laying on his back as Smith comes flying off the top rope, camera’s flashing all around him, with a picture perfect flying elbow.....RIGHT TO THE THROAT! Mask begins to writhe in pain as Ryan Smith quickly gets to his feet and grabs the chair! He pulls it up over his head and brings the end crashing down into Skull Mask’s throat! He does it again! And again! A final time as he holds it there in a merciless choke hold trying to crush Mask’s throat! And for the FIRST TIME EVER SKULL MASK SHOWS PAIN ON HIS FACE!

COLE
Emotion? He’s showing emotion?

COACH
Ryan Smith is destroying the beast!

Smith finally releases the chokehold and heads back up to the top rope. Skull Mask still lays on the mat gasping for air as Smith comes flying back off with ANOTHER ELBOW TO THE THROAT! The fans wild cheering has stopped as they stare at the grisly scene in the ring. Smith rolls over and covers Skull Mask.

1!

2!

3!

COLE
He did it! He beat both of the Skull’s with relative ease! Look out Damaramu!

COACH
Dama is pissed!

Damaramu paces back and forth on the entrance ramp with a mixture of fear and anger on his face. A host of medical staff rushes to the ring to collect Skull Mask. He’s helped onto a stretcher as Smith raises his arms to both sides and then slowly motions for Damaramu to enter the ring. The look of evil in Ryan Smith’s eyes rivals that of Damaramu! The medical staff begins to bring Skull Mask’s stretcher up the ramp. They get up to the stage by Damaramu as he walks over to check on his fallen Cult member. Damaramu leans over and whispers something to Skull Mask. Suddenly even more fear appears on his face!!! Damaramu grabs the stretcher and sends Skull Mask sailing off of the ramp!!!!!

COLE
OH MY GOD!

Damaramu begins to shout obscenities at the fallen Skull Mask from the ramp! Mask flew off of the ramp as the stretcher bounced off the ground slamming Skull Mask onto it! Damaramu turns back to Ryan Smith and shoots him an evil look. Smith returns the evil in his eyes.

CABOOSE
Damaramu will not tolerate failure! Ryan Smith is trying to beat Damaramu at his own game...but I tell you.......there is no evil greater than Damaramu!

Damaramu looks down at the side of the stage and notice’s a battered Skull Kid out to check on his partner. Dama jumps off the stage and clothesline’s the poor beaten Skull Kid! Damaramu pulls him back up and begins to punch him wildly. Dama pulls him over to a table.....POWERBOMB! Skull Kid is broken in half! Damaramu stands triumphantly over his two fallen former Cult members. Dama turns to climb back on the entrance ramp only to be caught by Ryan Smith flying off with a cross body! Both men tumble to the concrete floor but Smith is up first! Smith starts laying in rights and lefts!

COLE
Here we go! The last part of the gauntlet! Damaramu!

Smith yanks Dama up off the ground and whips him hard into the guardrail. Smith comes right over with a hard kick to the stomach and then he grabs Dama by the back of the hair and slams him face first into the rail! Dama grabs his face as Smith pulls him back and tosses him back first into the guardrail! Smith begins to chop Dama as hard as he can right in the chest! Dama starts to fall forward but Smith is there to catch him and pick him up to drop him crotch first on the rail! Smith steps back and then runs at Dama hitting him with a hard elbow that flips Dama off of the rail and onto his head!

COLE
What a beating!

Admist all the paramedics Smith pulls Dama up and pulls him over to the side of the ramp and tossing him up. Smith follows him up onto the ramp and then quickly grabs Dama for a snap suplex! Dama curls his back in pain as he hits the steel! Dama tries to get up but Smith is right there to kick him in the back! Dama curls his back and tries to rise to his feet but Dama is up behind him again grabbing him by the back of the head and pushing him all the way to the ring and into it!

COLE
Smith has not let up this assault at all!

COACH
Damaramu looks helpless! Absolutely helpless!

Dama crawls to the other side of the ring and tries to use the ropes to help himself up but Smith is there grabbing him around the waist and pulling him back to the center of the ring and......german suplex! Dama comes down straight on his head as Smith rolls over towards him and grabs him by the eyes! Smith digs his fingers into Dama’s eyes and gouges deep! Dama screams in pain and grabs his eyes as Dama stands back to his feet trying to get Smith out of his eyes! Smith while still gouging deep into Dama’s eyes brings his foot straight up for a low blow! Dama tries to fight back but all his body will let him do is fall into the corner in pain. Smith goes to the opposite corner and comes flying in towards Dama getting ready to deliver a stinger splash! But Dama ducks down as Smith lands on the top of the turnbuckle! Dama stands up and pushes Smith off of the top rope to the floor. Dama stands for a second trying to collect himself before he focuses in on Smith laying on the ground.

COLE
Damaramu does this in every match and that’s what makes him so dangerous! He patiently awaits and opening to lay down an ass whipping!

Damaramu proves correctly as he shakes the cobwebs off and jumps out of the ring onto Ryan Smith. Dama begins to deliver hard elbow smashes to the half up Ryan Smith. Dama spins.....ROLLING ELBOW! Smith falls backwards onto the rail as Damaramu steps back and delivers a hard yakuza kick right to Smith’s mouth! Smith begins to drool blood as Dama grabs him by the hair and tosses him face first into the ring post! Smith falls to the ground as Damaramu follows up behind him and yanks him back to his feet picking him up for a backdrop driver but instead chooses to run Smith spread eagle into the ring post! Smith wraps himself around the ring post as Dama begins to deliver elbows and forearms to his back! Dama begins to punch Smith in the back of the head causing his face to smash into the ring post several times. Smith begins to bleed from his already injured nose as Dama yanks him down from the post and delivers some knee’s to Smith’s face while he lays on the ground. Dama yanks Smith up and tosses him into the ring following him in and delivering a hard kick to Smith’s ribs as he rolls over. Smith tries to rise to his feet but Damaramu is still all over him yanking him up and grabbing him around the throat!

DAMA
I’ll choke the life out of you!

Smith falls to one knee as Dama leans over laying the choke in hard! Smith starts to flail and then brings one of his fists up into Damaramu’s crotch! Dama grabs himself doubling over as the bloody Ryan Smith comes from one knee and drives his head into Damaramu’s mouth! Smith rises to his feet in front of the hurt Dama and hits the ropes! Smith comes flying off catching Dama with a swinging sleeper drop!

COLE
That’s his finishing move!

The crowd explodes as Smith goes for the cover!

1!!!!!



2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!









3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMARAMU KICKS OUT!

COLE
That was close!

Damaramu starts to get to his feet but Smith is still on him pulling him up and delivering hard punches to the face! Smith sends Damaramu into the ropes and catches him on the rebound with an overhead belly to belly suplex. Smith jumps back to his feet and sends Damaramu running into the ring post! Smith follows him in with a stinger splash as the crowd is whipped into a frenzy!!!!

COLE
They’re going to riot!

COACH
It’s like a rock concert!

Smith begins to deliver elbows to Dama as he lays in the corner before pulling him out and going picking him up on his shoulders for a Dama Driver!

COLE
He’s going to use Dama’s own move on him!

Smith screams and goes for it but Dama flips onto his feet as the fans boo! Dama picks Smith up for the driver but Smith grabs ahold and turns it into a reverse crucifix pin!

1!!!!!


2!!!!!!







3!!!!!!!! KICK OUT!


The fans all stand and begin to yell as Smith slides out of the ring and goes underneath the ring. Smith returns to his feet holding Damaramu’s signature lead pipe! Smith enters the ring with it as Damaramu starts to rise to his feet! Smith holds it high over his head with a look of rage covering over his face! Damaramu rises to his knees and fear crosses over his face! Smith begins to talk.

SMITH
This is for everything! This is for turning on me when we were young! This is for trying to kill me! THIS IS ALL OF YOUR HATRED RIGHT BACK AT YOU!!!!

DAMA
PLEASE RYAN! NO DON’T! WE’RE FRIENDS!

SMITH
YOU DON’T KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD!

DAMA
YES! GOD RYAN WE WERE THE BEST OF FRIENDS! WE STILL ARE! I STILL LOVE YOU AS MY BROTHER!

SMITH
LIAR!

DAMA
NO RYAN! I’M SERIOUS! RYAN!

Damaramu bows before Ryan Smith and reaches into his eyes and pulls out the white contact lens. Dama looks back up at Ryan Smith with his deep blue eyes. Dama’s blue eyes are now bloodshot as tears fill them. Ryan Smith stands over him with the rage still on his face as he holds the pipe high over his head. The fans stand in shock at what is happening.

COLE
I don’t believe this at all.

DAMA
Fine Ryan! If you don’t believe me then do it! Crush my skull! Give me what I have coming to me!

Ryan Smith stands over Damaramu looking down at him and suddenly a tear breaks down his hardened cheek. The rage slowly disappears from Smith’s face as the pipe falls out of his hand behind him. Dama is already bent over looking at the ground as Ryan Smith pulls him to his feet and embraces him! Damaramu embraces Smith right back as the fans explode in wild cheers!

COLE
Is it over!? Is this bloody feud over?

Damaramu and Ryan Smith pull back looking at one another as they both raise each other’s hands! The fans continue to cheer as the referee walks over and both men say something to one another. The ref runs over to the announcer.

BUFFER
Ladies and Gentleman this bout has been declared a draw!!!!!!

The fans don’t care about the decision as they continue to cheer on the two friends while Ryan Smith’s music plays. Dama and Smith continue to play to the crowd raising there hands together.

COLE
I don’t believe it......Ryan Smith has saved Damaramu’s soul!

COACH
Damaramu and Ryan Smith......friends again!

CABOOSE
NO! NO! GOD NO!

Damaramu climbs up on the top rope and does his normally stoic and evil point to the crowd but this time with a gigantic grin on his face! The fans go wild as Damaramu takes off his bloody Cult of Damaramu shirt and tosses it into the crowd! Both men exit the ring together and begin to head up the ramp slapping the fans hands the whole way up! They stop on the entrance ramp and embrace one another once more before turning to the fans and raising one another’s hand again. Then they both exit as the fans continue to cheer!

COLE
It’s over ladies and gentleman! The bloody feud and the bloody tactics of Damaramu have ended! Ryan Smith getting as evil as him has caused Dama to see the error of his ways! Ryan Smith has saved the soul of Damaramu!

COACH (tears in his eyes)
It’s so beautiful........

COLE
What an amazing match and an amazing end to a storied feud!

CUT TO: BACKSTAGE AREA

GENE
I'm standing outside the trainer's room where The Saints are currently in, receiving treatment for their little, um...groin problem. Let's see if we can get a word -- and more than likely embarrass 'em in the process.

INSIDE TRAINER'S ROOM

Logan & Synth are looking over an ointment OAOAST head trainer and physician, Dr. Ima Hoe handed them.

GENE
Logan "Cowabunga" Mann & Synth Esizer, what in the world happened out there? Not only did you two get punk'd from the boys of Hotlanta & the 313...

CROWD (Off Camera)
What?

GENE
...but you spent the entire match scratching yourselves.

LOGAN
We viewed the footage from our match minutes ago, and we heard Cole say "Now, that's what I call a blow off." That ain't no blow off! You saw GPX take advantage of ones misfortunes, the equivalent of a blind man being a school crossing guard. The end result: everybody got ran over.

GENE
You didn't have trouble seeing, you ass-wipe.

LOGAN
It was an anlogy, geezer. What wanna know what the problem really was? Promise not to laugh?

GENE
I'm a broadcast journalist, I'm fair and balanced. Of course, I won't laugh.

SYNTH
Take a look at this.

The camera pans around to The Saints backs as they pull their shorts down.

GENE
Oh, my!

SYNTH
We have little Zoidberg's crawling in our pubes! And you know why? Because of those poor excuse for groupies, who probably entered this country illegally.

LOGAN
What we need -- besides getting vengeance on GPX -- is a dignified class of groupies.

SYNTH
(continuing to scratch frantically)
Shit, man! Let's go put this crap on. I think the Zoidbergs are gettin' hungry. Holy one-eye monster, it's going inside my...W-w-w-woo, w--w-wooo!

Synth heads for the nearest restroom.

LOGAN
(shouting and scratching)
If it goes in, just whack off or take a piss!

GENE
And Gordon Solie must've thought dealing with Robocop was bad. Back to you.

[Chanel #99]

COLE
On with the show and on with the action here at the Great Angle Bash. Tonight, on the night of what promises to be an epic and more-so brutal War Games...

COACH
Not to mention War Gheymes.

CABOOSE
Yeah...brutal is the right word.

COLE
...in contrast to that, this match coming up in a few short moments promises to be a very impressive technical encounter. Two of the OAOAST's brightest...if you'll excuse the pun...stars face each other tonight, in a rematch from just over two weeks ago. On that night, the cocky Chris Bryte lost to the recently returned Leon Rodez, and was less than happy about it.

CABOOSE
Of course he wasn't. It was a fluke!

COLE
That's what Bryte claims. We'll see tonight if Bryte can reverse his fortunes and get his win back, or if Rodez can up-show Bryte once more.



Suddenly, "It's Goin' Down" by Linkin Park and featuring The X-ecutioners strikes up around the arena, bringing the crowd to their feet to boo the on-coming Chris Bryte. Slowly, the lights in the arena begin to dim to black...with white strobes re-lighting the arena and smoke filling the stage. Emerging from through the curtains, Chris Bryte stops on the stage and holds his arms out...


...as right behind him is The Hand. Or is that THE HAND~!

COACH
But Cole...the other question is...will we see Panther again tonight?

CABOOSE
We'd better not.

COLE
It wouldn't surprise me guys.

CABOOSE
Am I the only one who remembers that Panther DOESN'T WORK HERE ANYMORE!

Bryte and The Hand begin to make their way down the ramp, with the boos still filling the air. Bryte jawjacks with the crowd as he strolls confidently towards ring one, a smug grin plastered on his face. The Hand meanwhile keeps an eye on the fans, making sure no-one crosses the line and pops Bryte one, as many people would like to.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen...this following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing at this time, being accompanied to the ring known as THE HAAAAAAND! From Topeka, Kansas...he weighs one hundred seventy five pounds. The man responsible for driving both Tina...and Panther...from the OAOAST. He is...


CHRRRRRRRIIIIIISSSS BRRRRRRYYYYTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Bryte holds his arms in the air, regardless of the jeers from the crowd. Reaching ring one, he enters and climbs to the middle rope for another pose, as The Hand stands by the ropes and looks out towards the entrance way.

COLE
Bryte looks confident...as ever. He was able to pick up a win on HeldDOWN~! this week of course.

CABOOSE
Yeah. While Rodez is ducking challenges, Bryte's been ducking clotheslines...in the ring.

COLE
Rodez didn't have a match though.

CABOOSE
Exactly. He took the night off. Bryte had more integrity though, and actually wrestled.

The opening riff of Foo Fighters' "My Hero" suddenly brings the crowd to life...especially the females. Gradually the initial pop dies down, only to start right back up as Leon Rodez bursts through the curtains! In the ring, Bryte sneers angrily, as meanwhile Rodez walks down the rampway with his extravagant gold robe flowing behind him. Reaching down, Leon tags hands with the fans on his way towards the rings.

BUFFER
And...the opponent. From Grand Rapids, Michigan. He weighs one hundred and ninety eight pounds...and tonight, makes his OAOAST Pay Per View debut. He is "Silky Smooth"...


LLLLLLEEEEOOOOOOONNNNNNN RRRRRRRRROOODEEEEEEEEZZZZ!!!

"YEEEEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!!"

Reaching the end of the ramp, Rodez finds The Hand standing in his way and sighs. Quickly removing his robe, Leon passes it down to a ringside stagehand, before turning back to The Hand...


...AND PUNCHING HIM SQUARE IN THE JAW!!!

"YEEEEAAAHHH!!"

The Hand staggers back, more out of shock than pain. Leon meanwhile starts to yell at Bryte's bodyguard, but doesn't see Bryte himself launching himself over the ropes...and gets wiped out with a plancha on the rampway!

COACH
WOW! What a start to this match!

Bryte and Rodez hit the ramp hard, and immediately start to pound the other with punches. The Hand meanwhile shakes off the punch he took, grabbing Rodez and hauling him off of Bryte!

COLE
Hey! He's got no right doing that!

CABOOSE
Sure he has...he's just protecting Chris.

Suddenly the referee exits the ring, ordering The Hand to the floor or face costing Bryte a DQ. Rodez meanwhile escapes The Hand's grasp and charges back at Bryte, knocking him down with a big clothesline. Reluctantly, The Hand steps down to ground-level. Meanwhile, the fight continues on the rampway with Rodez battering Bryte with punches. Bryte hits a boot to stop him however, and irish whips Rodez forward. Hitting ring one's ropes, Rodez shoots back and NAILS Bryte with a flying forearm!

"YEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!!"

Scurrying back towards the entrance, Bryte seems to have had enough already. He doesn't get far though before Rodez grabs him by the tights and pulls him back to his feet. Bryte pushes him quickly away and hits a leg-quivering kick to the ribs. A second is blocked though, and countered with a right hand by Leon!

COLE
The referee needs to get control here. This match hasn't even officially started!

Grabbing Bryte by the head, Rodez drags his opponent towards the ropes and drapes his neck over them. Quickly he enters the ring, hitting a series of forearms over the back of Bryte before bringing him into the ring with a BIG suplex!

*DING DING DING!*

Finally the bell to officially begin the match sounds, as Leon gets to his feet. Bryte is back up too, holding his back and leaving himself open for another Rodez clothesline. Again he's quickly up, but takes another clothesline as Rodez has fired himself up.

"Get up Bryte!"

Despite the yelling, this time Bryte isn't getting up, much to Leon's frustration. With a sigh he moves forward, looking to pull Chris to his feet...


*SMACK!*

...but Bryte snaps his leg upwards, catching Rodez violently in the head! The force staggers Rodez back into the ropes, while Bryte gets back up...smiling to himself, clearly not knocked out as Rodez assumed. Moving in, Bryte lands a stiff kick to the hip and one to the ribs, before coupling those with a right hand. Rodez tries to retaliate with a punch of his own, but Bryte deftly side-steps it and drives his knee deep into the Silky Smooth gut of Silky Smooth Rodez. Winded, Leon staggers out straight into another kick from Bryte.

CABOOSE
You see? This is no contest! Bryte is kicking this punk into oblivion!

The kick sends him back into the ropes, which cause Rodez to stagger back out. This time Bryte has time...time enough to take a back-step and look for a roundhouse kick. However, Rodez ducks it and Bryte stumbles forwards. Quickly Leon regains his bearings and waits for Bryte to turn around, which he slowly does. But as he does, Bryte too ducks causing Rodez to miss a superkick. Now Leon is dis-orientated and staggers forward, taking a moment to compose himself before turning around into a Bryte clothesline! With Rodez down, Chris makes a quick cover...



ONE!





T..

...kickout.

Rodez pulls himself right back up, as Bryte starts to hop around and measure him for another kick. But Leon knows what's coming, and launches forward to trap Chris in a side headlock before Bryte can offload. Angrily Bryte fires a series of forearms to the ribs and pushes Rodez into the ropes. Rodez rebounds, as Bryte aims a roundhouse kick his way but Leon baseball slides underneath and trips Bryte! Bryte bounces off the mat face first, as Leon pulls him up to a seated position...

*SLAP!*

"WHOOOOOOO!"

...before hitting a knifedge chop to the BACK! Bryte howls in pain, as Rodez takes a step back before shooting back and dropkicking him right in the back of the head!

COLE
Leon Rodez fighting back! And now it's Bryte in trouble!

Groggily, Bryte collapses to the canvas. Rodez meanwhile looks down at The Hand and grins smugly as he sees the angry look on his face. Turning back to Bryte, Rodez scoops his opponent off the mat and quickly scoop slams him right back down. As soon as he hits the mat, Bryte slides away and rolls frantically from the ring, to the apron which leads onto ring two. Rodez tries to move in after him, but the referee holds him back. That gives Bryte time to enter ring two and create a distance between himself and his opponent.

COACH
Look at Bryte running fro...

CABOOSE
He's not running. He just didn't like that ring, so he wants to try out the other one. I mean, why have a second ring if it's not going to be used?

COLE
War Games maybe?

CABOOSE
Shut up.

Pushing the referee aside, Rodez moves from ring one to ring two...but to the surprise of no-one, Bryte jumps him as he enters and pounds away with forearms on Rodez. Leon swings back with punches of his own quickly though, and suddenly a slugfest erupts in ring two! The ref hurriedly enters ring two...

...but while he's doing so, Bryte catches Leon with a jab to the eye! Rodez clasps his hand over the damaged eye, as Bryte takes a step back and lashes Rodez's right knee with a stiff kick! Dropping to one knee, Leon now has a leg and an eye to tend to. Meanwhile, Bryte turns out to the crowd and holds his hands high in the air, showing the world he is in complete control.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Back up gets Rodez, but he takes another kick to his surgically repaired knee which drops him to the mat. Seeing his chance, Bryte grabs the leg and looks to turn his opponent over for a half boston crab. Rodez gets turned and tries to scramble away, but Bryte places a foot on the back of his head. With that holding Leon still, Bryte tugs back on the leg, trapping Rodez in a high-angle half boston crab to a smattering of boos from the fans.

CABOOSE
Yeah! Look at that for a submission hold guys.

COACH
Meh...impressive enough.

Knowing he's in trouble, Rodez begins to crawl for the ropes. Everytime he moves an inch however, Bryte ruthlessly pulls back on the leg. Still Rodez crawls though. The fans begin to cheer him on, as suddenly Bryte steps off the head and changes the move into an STF!

CABOOSE
Oh, even better!

Now Rodez finds crawling for the ropes even more challenging, with all of Bryte's body weight on his back too now. Bryte tugs back on the head as the referee drops to Rodez's level and checks for a submission. But Leon isn't going to quit that easily, and continues to crawl.


"LET'S GO LEON! LET'S GO LEON! LET'S GO LEON!"

Hearing the crowd's support, Leon grits his teeth and reaches out for the ropes. They're within touching distance now. But still, Rodez can't quite reach, much to his frustration. Bryte meanwhile continues to pull back on Rodez's head, still not giving up on the submission.

COLE
Rodez is so close!

COACH
Yet he's SO... FAR... AWAY!

With another groan and a drag, Rodez moves forward another couple of inches and reaches for the rope...


...touching it...



...but he's unable to grab it!

COLE
He's just inches away from escaping this hold! This must be excruciating for Leon Rodez!

Bryte tugs back on the head one last time, and suddenly Leon's hands shoots into the air in pain. The referee is right by him, as Leon looks to be about to tap...



...BUT INSTEAD GRABS THE ROPE!

"YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Angrily Bryte releases the hold, pulling himself up and laying a series of boots in on Rodez. Boot after boot conects, before the ref finally pulls Bryte away.

COLE
Well...Leon got to the ropes...but the damage may have been done.

CABOOSE
May have been? Believe me Mickey boy, it HAS been done!

Bryte gets a warning from the referee, which he ignores to back after Rodez. Grabbing him by the leg again, Bryte drags him across the ring...Rodez unable to grab anything to stop himself. Eventually, he's dragged all the way across the ring, with Chris rolling out to the floor. He still has the leg though and drags that out with him, slamming it down across the apron! Leon groans in pain once more, as Bryte continues dragging until Leon's legs are either side of the ring post. The referee yells at Bryte not to use it...


*CLUNK!*

...but does, wrapping Leon's leg around it!

"ARRRGH!!!"

Leon reaches out to tend to his knee, but Bryte quickly grabs it again...


*CLUNK!*

...and sends it into the post a second time!

COLE
This isn't right! Chris Bryte is trying to re-injure Leon Rodez, with the use of that solid steel ring-post!

CABOOSE
...and?

COLE
And!?! That's not fair!

CABOOSE
It's wrestling Cole. That's the name of the game. You pick a bodypart and you work it over. Chris Bryte is doing nothing wrong.

COACH
Except using the post as a weapon.

CABOOSE
...nothing wrong at all.

Rolling back into the ring, Bryte pulls Rodez away from the ropes and hits a couple more kicks to the knee. By now, Leon looks to be in agony, his knee getting systematically torn apart by Bryte, who seems to be taking great pleasure in his kicks.

"CHRIS BRYTE SUCKS! CHRIS BRYTE SUCKS! CHRIS BRYTE SUCKS!"

Hearing the chants, Bryte turns to the crowd and flips them off, changing the chants into widespread boos. Rodez meanwhile tries to pull himself up using the ropes. Bryte sees him though, waits for Rodez to get to his feet...and then chopblocks out his knee! Rodez crashes right back to the mat, as Bryte gets up and flashes a cocky smile out to the fans. Meanwhile, Leon is again pulling himself up, not willing to give up. So Bryte again takes his time and hits a second chopblock!

COACH
Man...when did Brytey boy become so ruthless?

CABOOSE
When this PUNK and that Panther PUNK started embarrasing him!

Still Leon won't stay down and pulls himself up using the ropes again. But Bryte quickly grabs his leg and drags him hopping into the centre of the ring. Punches from Leon don't come close to hitting Bryte. A punch from Bryte does connect though, before he takes the leg and dragon screws Rodez back down to the canvas. Leon is left clutching his knee from the move, while Bryte takes the time to re-adjust his kneepads.

"LET'S GO LEON! LET'S GO LEON! LET'S GO LEON!"

Even the crowd can't help Rodez now it seems, as Bryte moves in again. Pulling Rodez up, Chris grabs another hold of the right leg ready for another dragon screw leg whip. Suddenly Leon shoots with his left leg for an enziguri...


...but Bryte ducks, and tries to lock Rodez in the STF again. Leon knows what that hold feels like by now, and doesn't want to feel it again, so immediately starts to scramble and claw for the ropes. So Bryte gives up on that...


*SMACK!*

...and lands a STIFF~ kick to the back of the head. It could be classed as a knockout kick, as Rodez slumps immediately forward and doesn't seem to be moving!

COLE
What a KICK!

COACH
Oh...he is out like the cat~!

Seeing that Rodez is all but unconscious, Bryte rolls him slowly onto his back and cautiously makes a pinfall attempt...




ONE!





TWO!





SHOULDER UP!!

"YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

Undettered, Bryte goes right back to the leg and looks to lock on another submission move. Rodez doesn't have his wits about him and can't block. And that allows Bryte to turn Rodez over and grab a leg, holding it high in the air...


"WHOOOOOOOOOO!"

...and letting out a NAITCHAAA BOOIIII~! cry, before attempting a figure four leglock. Rodez suddenly springs into life though, reaching up and popping Bryte with a right hand! Bryte is rocked, and takes a second shot. And a third! But he manages to shake those off and kick Rodez in the back, before going for the figure four again. He twists around the leg, but at that point, Leon sticks his free leg in Bryte's butt and pushes him off.

CABOOSE
NO!

*CLUNK!*

Bryte ducks his head to avoid the turnbuckle, but instead crashes shoulder first into the ringpost! Out staggers Bryte, turning around into a drop-toe hold from the still grounder Rodez. He hits the canvas hard, as Rodez pulls himself back up and looks to lock BRYTE in the STF. However, Bryte is able to roll out of the hold and to his feet. Rodez pulls himself up to his feet too, but gets dropkicked in the right knee to put him right back down!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Bryte dodged the bullet that time. Just as Rodez looked to fightback, he took another shot to the knee!

CABOOSE
Brilliant stuff from Bryte. Brilliant!

Chris shakes off the pain in his shoulder, and drags Rodez back up to his feet. Throwing him into the corner, Bryte offloads with a series of martial arts kicks to the chest and gut before looking for a spinkick. But he hits nothing but turnbuckle, as Leon rolls out of the way. The confused Bryte remains in the corner, as Rodez charges in on him as best possible and spears him into the corner!

*OOOF!*

COLE
Bryte may not survive this time!

Bryte staggers out, straight into the waiting arms of Rodez who looks to hit an exploder suplex. But at the most inopportune moment, his knee gives way! The pain forces him to release Bryte, who quickly regains his senses and DDTs Rodez before cradling him up...




ONE!




TWO!





KICKOUT AGAIN!

"YEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!!"

Starting to get a little frustrated, Bryte goes for the knee again...


*SMACK!*

...but takes a left boot to the ear!

*SMACK!*

...and one to the ass, which sends him flying out to the two ring aprons!

COLE
What determination from this kid! He just won't give up!

A little dazed, Bryte staggers onto ring one's apron, as Rodez grabs ring two's ropes and crouches down. Suddenly, he springs forward, plancha-ing over the ropes and into Bryte, causing the two men to topple over into ring one...


...WITH BRYTE LANDING ON RODEZ...


CABOOSE
YES! COUNT IT!



ONE!




TWO!




THR...

NO, ONLY TWO!

The ref, who has counted from ring two, quickly gets back into ring one. Bryte meanwhile pulls himself up and walks to the centre of the ring while Rodez gets back up. Once his opponent is up, Chris charges across the ring looking for a clothesline. But Bryte sees him coming and counters, picking him up and dropping him across the top rope with a stungun! Rebounding off the ropes, Bryte flies across the ring as Rodez quickly starts to climb to the top rope!

COLE
He's going up...bad leg and all!

COACH
Not a wise move.

Getting to the top, Rodez steadies himself as Bryte turns around. As he gets around, Rodez launches off the top and wipes him out with a crossbody block from the top! But Rodez doesn't go for a cover. Instead, he gets back up and encourages Bryte to do the same. Slowly he does so, staggering over to Silky Smooth who sends him into the turnbuckles with an irish whip. Bryte hits hard and drops to his knees, as Rodez follows in...




...SHINING WIZAAAAAAAAAAAARD!!!!

"YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

The crowd erupt, as the force of the shining wizard sends Bryte rolling out of the ring by the rampway. Quickly Rodez exits to the ramp, waiting for Bryte to get up. As he does though, The Hand pulls himself onto the ramp and looks to nail Rodez. The referee quickly steps in the way to stop any interference, as Bryte gets up...


..AND RODEZ DIVES OFF THE RAMP, NAILING A CROSSBODY ON BRYTE!!!


COLE
OH MY!

CABOOSE
What an idiot!

"LEON! LEON! LEON! LEON! LEON!"

The crowd are on their feet, as Rodez pulls himself and favours his knee. Bryte meanwhile is stunned, getting up on his feet with no clue as to where he is. Infact, he's up, but the only thing keeping him there is the steel barricade. Rodez quickly grabs Bryte and sends him head-first into the ramp, before scooping him onto there. He meanwhile climbs up to the apron on the adjacent side of the ring...and begins to climb to the top rope.

COACH
Wait...where the hell is he GOING!?!

CABOOSE
He really is an idiot!


"PLEASE DON'T DIE! PLEASE DON'T DIE! PLEASE DON'T DIE!"

For some reason, Rodez is smiling as he reaches the top rope. Bryte manages to drag himself back up and staggers around, as Leon takes his time about his dive. However that time gives Bryte chance to launch forward and shake the ropes, causing Rodez to fall akwardly across the top turnbuckle and collapse back into the ring.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

COLE
Bryte saved himself there...Lord knows what Rodez would have done there.

Quickly Bryte re-enters the ring, grabbing Rodez and pulling him to his feet. Again the knee is bothering Silky Smooth, so Bryte lands a vicious kick to the kneecap. Bryte tries to follow with an irish whip, only for Rodez to counter and send him into the ropes. But that gives Bryte the chance to show off and wipe Leon out with the Handspring Elbow! Leon hits the mat, with Bryte's arm on top of him for a makeshift cover...




ONE!





TWO!



NO!

COLE
Not enough on that pin to get a win.

CABOOSE
But what EXCELLENT athletisism from Bryte! Did'ya ever see Tina or Panther do that!?!

COACH
Only in my dreams.

(Cole and Caboose look at Coach fearfully)

COACH
...Tina that is.

CABOOSE
Sure.

Bryte stumbles back to his feet and yells at Rodez to get up, which as ever he does. As he does, Bryte backs off the ropes and charges at Leon, looking to hit a spinning heel kick. But Leon ducks and Chris whiffs it. Tumbling across the ring, Bryte gets back up and charges again...

*SMACK!*

...straight into a superkick!

COACH
Oh, ho baby!

As Bryte hits the mat, Leon quickly steps out to the apron and rallies up the crowd. With his opponent out, Rodez takes a moment to ready himself, before slingshotting in to the second rope and nailing Bryte with a Quebrada! The crowd erupt and The Hand actually shows a sign of worry, as meanwhile Rodez holds his knee in pain. Eventually he ignores it though to make another cover...



ONE!




TWO!






TH...




KICKOUT!!

"OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE
So close for Leon Rodez!

CABOOSE
Ah, he never had Bryte beat with that...never in a million years.

Showing rare signs of frustration, Rodez slams his hand into the mat and questions the count. The ref isn't wavering though, so Rodez decides to pick Bryte back up. Bryte however elbows Leon in the gut, and pulls his head down into powerbomb position. But before he can lift Leon, the fan's favourite shoots upwards and counters with a backdrop! A shocked Bryte gets right back up and staggers on the spot, as Leon charges in and looks for a flying forearm...



..BUT BRYTE PULLS THE REFEREE IN THE WAY!!!


"OOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Oh come on now! That should be a disqualification!

COACH
But who's gonna disqualify him. The ref's been knocked loopy.

Rodez holds his head as he realises who he hit. He's soon holding his head for other reasons though, as Bryte nails a big kick to the back of it!

"CHRIS BRYTE SUCKS! CHRIS BRYTE SUCKS! CHRIS BRYTE SUCKS!"


"I DON'T SUCK...YOU SUCK!"

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Grinning to himself, Bryte pulls Rodez to his knees and hits a big kick to the sternum. Another kick to the sternum connects, before Bryte charges off the ropes and looks for a running kick. But Leon hits the deck, causing Chris to harmlessly kick thin-air. Carrying on running, Bryte hits the ropes as Leon turns around and catches him with a beautiful standing dropkick, flipping poor Bryte inside out! With victory in his sights, Leon flips Bryte over and makes the cover....



COLE
THE REF IS STILL DOWN!

CABOOSE
Oh, what a shame.

Quickly Leon realises the situation, and pulls up from the cover to check on the ref. But little does he know what is waiting for when he turns around...


COLE
Wait, NO!



*BAAAAAAAAAMMM!!!*

THE HAND CONNECTS WITH A BIG PUNCH, KNOCKING LEON OUT COLD!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

COLE
What the hell was that!?! This match should be over, Chris Bryte should be disqualified...The Hand shouldn't even be in the ring!

CABOOSE
Well, you go in there and tell him. You thought you were a wrestler the other week. Try being a referee tonight...

The Hand stands over Rodez, who is out freaking cold. Bryte meanwhile is back up but groggy, stumbling over and being helped by The Hand. With a smile he looks down at Rodez, and tells The Hand to pull him back up...which he does. And with The Hand holding him and a possible concussion, Rodez can't stop Bryte from snapping off a VILE roundhouse kick, which knocks him even more loopy than before. Down goes Rodez, and The Hand leaves the ring. Meanwhile Bryte tries to revive the referee...



...as suddenly, the crowd erupt into cheers! Bryte looks confused, and turns around, getting clotheslined by...



....you guessed it...




COLE
IT'S PANTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The crowd are going nuts, as Bryte staggers around...


*SMACK!*

...and takes a superick from Panther!! The Hand pulls himself up to the apron as Panther calls him on...but sees security nearing on him, and quickly leaves the ring. That doesn't stop The Hand though, who enters and then exits the ring, storming after Panther who continues to dare him on. Eventually The Hand gets to Panther and swings with a right hand which is ducked...BEFORE PANTHER STARTS TO UNLOAD ON THE HAND!!!

COLE
LOOK AT PANTHER GO!

CABOOSE
Where the hell are security? HE DOESN'T WORK HERE!!

Panther and The Hand continue to brawl up the ramp, and gradually backstage...


...as back in the ring, both Rodez and Bryte are still out cold. The referee by now has come-to, but he still looks as if he has a serious hangover.

COACH
This is crazy guys!

COLE
Well...Panther and The Hand have brawled to the back, so maybe we'll get a fair ending to this match.

Just as Cole finishes, Bryte suddenly starts to stir!

CABOOSE
Yeah, we'll get a fair ending...because Chris is gonna pin this punk right now!


"LEON! LEON! LEON!"

The crowd start chanting, trying to wake up Silky Smooth...as the groggy Bryte turns over, and starts to crawl towards him. Rodez still looks to be out, as Bryte makes it over and drops an arm across his opponent's prone body for a pin...



ONE!







TWO!







THREE


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!



"YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

The shoulder of Rodez comes up at the very last second!

COLE
He kicked out! How the HELL did he kick out!?!

CABOOSE
That's what I wanna know!

Bryte holds his hands in despair, unable to believe he didn't get the win. Angrily he gets back up and starts to yell at the referee...but eventually his attentions turn back to his Rodez. Despite his condition, Leon is gallantly pulling himself back up. As he does so though, Bryte looks out to the crowd and signals for the end!

CABOOSE
Here we go! C'mon Chris!

Rodez slumps against the ropes, taking seemingly forever to turn around into a boot from Bryte. Leon doubles over, as Bryte scoops him up for a powerslam...and then looks to raise Leon up into position for the Bryte Out...


...but Rodez slides out the back, and looks on a waistlock before taking Bryte over with a bridging german suplex!


ONE!






TWO!




NO!

Both men get back up and Bryte looks for a clothesline. Rodez ducks though, hooking on another waistlock in preperation for another german suplex. Panicing, Bryte fires away with frantic elbows until he releases. Rodez staggers away, and walks back in to a savate kick...which he catches! Bryte is caught, as Leon spins Bryte around. Bryte knows what he's doing though and looks for the Money Clip...


...but Rodez ducks that! Now Bryte doesn't know where he is, taking a European uppercut from Rodez!

COLE
What a war of atrittion here between these two men!

COACH
Well, when it's Pay Per View, ya gots'ta be prepared to fight Michael.

Staggering into the ropes, Bryte gets hit with a second European uppercut before getting whipped across the ring. Hitting the opposite ropes, Bryte looks for a rolling Koppu Kick...but Rodez blocks, and hoists Chris up into Styles Clash position! The crowd go wild again, as Rodez looks around them before sitting back and driving Bryte to the mat!

COLE
SITDOWN SUNSET BOMB! HE MAY HAVE HIM!



ONE!






TWO!






THR...


TWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Rodez can scarsely believe Bryte kicked out. Getting back up, Leon grabs Bryte and drags him towards the corner, before beginning a climb to the top.

COACH
Here we go! Because The LLLLADY Loves!

COLE
If Leon can hit this, it WILL be over!

Rodez's clomb is slowed by his bad knee...and that gives time for Bryte to pull himself back up, and push Leon off the top rope all the way over into ring two!!!

"OHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

CABOOSE
Ha HA! Read 'em and weep boys!

COLE
Read what?

CABOOSE
...shut up.

Leon holds his back in pain, as Bryte leaves ring one and quickly enters ring two. The referee makes the same journey right after him, while Bryte pulls Rodez to his feet, pushing him into the corner and hitting a weary kick to the gut. Leon feels the effects though, as Chris pulls him right back out of the corner and hops to the middle rope. Hitting a right hand, Bryte then hooks on a front facelock and looks for the Tornado DDT. Twisting off the ropes, Bryte looks to drive Rodez to the canvas...

...but Rodez blocks and places Bryte harmlessly down on the mat, before hooking on a hammerlock. The effects of the match so far mean Chris' head isn't right. As such, he can't successfully counter as Rodez hooks up the leg and DRIVES him to the mat with a bridging Road-ez To Nowhere!!!



ONE!



COLE
HE'S GOT HIM!



TWO!







NO, KICKOUT BY BRYTE!

CABOOSE
YES!

COACH
Great resiliance from Bryte! What a match!

Rodez looks in disbelief towards the referee, and then back down at Bryte. Despite kicking out, he's all but done. Rodez knows it, and quickly drags him back to his feet before sending him into the corner. Bryte swings and misses with a kick, before taking a right hand. Rodez then leaps onto Bryte and looks for a monkey flip...but Bryte catches him, and drops Rodez face-first into the top turnbuckle!

CABOOSE
Beautiful counter from, quite frankly, a beautiful man!

COLE
Eh?

CABOOSE
In a strictly heterosexual way of course.

Out stumbles Rodez, straight into another boot from Bryte. With a groan Leon doubles over, while Bryte twists around and looks to lock Leon up for the Bryte Side. Leon is caught, unable to free himself as Bryte twists into the moves and lifts Leon up...


...only for Leon to kick out in mid-air and land on his feet behind Bryte!

CABOOSE
What the...

The confused Bryte stops dead, allowing Rodez to hook him up for a back suplex. Hurriedly Bryte swings with numerous elbows. But they're not enough to prevent Rodez picking Bryte up and bac suplexing him...


*CRASH!*

...INTO THE TURNBUCKLES!?!

"OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE
Oh my GOD what a move!

COACH
Yeouch~!

Collapsing to his knees, Bryte grits his teeth in anguish as Rodez takes a step back. Moments later he makes a step forward though, and NAILS another shining wizard, knocking Bryte instantly out!

"YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

The crowd are once again on their feet...but Rodez hasn't done enough yet it seems. Pulling Bryte away from the corner, Rodez sets him in front of the turnbuckles before climbing up to the top turnbuckle!

COLE
He's going for it again!

Up rise the crowd, as Rodez makes it quickly to the top rope and stands high above. Bryte still isn't moving, so Leon crouches back down...before springing up off the ropes, rotating majestically through four hundred and fifty degrees...




...and NAILING the Because The Lady Loves!!!

COLE
YES! He got it! He got ALL of it!

CABOOSE
Don't worry....Chris'll still kick out.

An eruption of cheers fills the arena, as Rodez drops across Bryte and hooks the leg...



ONE!





TWO!







THR...





EEEEEEEEEEE!!!

"YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE
IT'S OVER!

*DING DING DING!*

Foo Fighters' "My Hero" strikes up once more, as an elated Rodez rolls out of the ring and clenches his fists in celebration. The referee rolls right out with him and raises his arms in the air victoriously, to another burst of cheers.

BUFFER
Here is your winner...LEON ROOOOODEEEEEZZZ!!!

Still in a state of elation, Rodez punches the air. Bryte meanwhile is still out from the offensive flurry moments ago.

CABOOSE
How the hell did that happen!?!

COLE
I guess Chris Bryte now realises that Leon Rodez is not a fluke-artist. Leon Rodez is the real deal!

CABOOSE
No he's NOT! This was just...another fluke! If it wasn't for Panther...

COACH
If it wasn't for The Hand, then...

CABOOSE
Oh, bite me!

Looking out to the crowd, Rodez sees the signs...hears the cheers...feels the love...and decides to hop over the barrier, and continue his celebration in amongst the crowd. They are more than happy to welcome him, and let him mingle amongst them while the scene switches to Chris Bryte...who is gradually returning from the land of nod, and realising he's been beat. Again. But much worse...

...Panther played his part. Again.

We cut to a shot of Chris Stevens walking backstage, in street clothes. As he walks down a hallway, several people stop to say hello.

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT
Hey, great match against Bryte last week! We all know you had him beat!

STEVENS
Thanks.

MAKEUP GIRL
Yeah, and you really took it to Rick Edwards too! You'll get him next time!

STEVENS
Heh, yeah, you know it.

Smiling, Stevens heads to a nearby catering table and grabs a bottle of water. As he opens it, "Smilin" Josh Matthews walks up alongside him.

JOSH
Hey, Chris, how ya doin'?

STEVENS
Pretty good, Josh, pretty good.

Josh and Stevens clasp hands in a friendly greeting. Chris takes a sip of his water.

JOSH
Hey man, sorry to hear that you didn't get a match tonight. I know you were looking forward to it.

STEVENS
Nah, it's cool. I'm sort of riding the wave, you know? The last couple weeks have been real good, and things are gonna be... what the...?

Stevens trails off as an angry cry is heard off-camera. Suddenly, a blonde man streaks by, shoving Matthews out of the way and spearing Stevens! The two begin brawling on the floor!

COLE
What the hell?

Stevens and the mystery man roll around the floor and exchange punches as Matthews finds his feet and calls for security. Guards arrive on the scene and pull the two men apart.

COACH
Who is he?

The camera pans out to show the mystery man being held by security. The man looks at Stevens with a sick smile, opening his mouth to grin, and revealing...

CABOOSE
FANGS?!

COLE
What the hell is this?

Security drags the unnamed man away, as Stevens shakes the cobwebs off and watches the scene wind down.

STEVENS
...What was THAT all about?

JOSH
Chris, who was that guy?

STEVENS
I...I have no idea.

Stevens, still disoriented, walks away. The cameras cut back to Sofa Central and TRIPLE C~!

COACH
Folks, just to clarify, that wasn't Gangrel.

CABOOSE
WHAT? Moron, we don't know WHO it was!

COACH
Yeah, but to clarify for our fans reading at--

Cole shoots Coach a hard, angry glare.

COACH
!! I mean our fans listening on radio, yeah! But anyway, no, not Gangrel.

COLE
Well it could be anybody...

COACH
Besides Gangrel.

CABOOSE
Got it, Chachi. Anyway, we'll hopefully find out just what the hell went down later.

COLE
Yeah, but up next....

COACH
The Body Shop with Jesse "The Body" Ventura!

COLE
And his guest will be Caboose's favorite wrestler -- Stephen Joseph!

CABOOSE
Oh...you're so getting a Christmas card this year.

COLE
Why, thank you. You never sent one before.

CABOOSE
Yes, yes you dumb metro-fool. Just make sure your wife doesn't open it.

COLE
Why would she? It'll be mine, mine mine. Take away, Jess.

[Chanel #99]

Welcome to the jungle
We've got fun 'n' games
We got everything you want
Honey, we know the names
We are the people that can find
Whatever you may need
If you got the money, honey
We got your disease

THE BODY SHOP w/JESSE THE BODY VENTURA

As the graphic fades away, we see Jesse standing in the ring, decked out in an American Flag bandana, black jeans and leather jacket.

JESSE
Ladies and Gentleman, welcome the Body Shop! Tonight we're joined by OAOAST founder and legend Stephen Joseph. Stephen, thank you for gracing us with your presence.

STEPHEN
Thank you Jesse

JESSE
Now, recently you lost Tha Puerto Rican to a bogus charge and a real arrest, leaving you in control of the Lightning Crew. Since Spanish Fly's lost, you all have been nowhere to be seen. What gives?

STEPHEN
Puerto Rican is innocent. And as per the Lightning Crew, they are working on a few small tasks for me. In the meantime, I'm working on a summer, shocker.

JESSE
We've heard rumors of this. What can you tell us tonight about it?

STEPHEN
Well Jesse, I can't say much, except that at our July PPV I'm going to introduce the OAOAST to a new force. A force dedicated to helping those who deserve reward to get them.

JESSE
And this is not the Lightning Crew?

STEPHEN
No. These are not lackeys.

JESSE
What can you say about your vendetta with Zack Malibu?

STEPHEN
Mark these words. Zack Malibu has been a false idol since day one. Sadly, since I don't pander to the worthless flim-flam fans, I never built up a following. I just call it like I see it. When Tha Puerto Rican returns, he will get a title shot and he will be the next World Champion.

JESSE
Guarenteed?

STEPHEN
It's a promise Jesse.

JESSE
Thank you for your time...

STEPHEN
It's been an honor. Jesse, I know you will enjoy the changes to come. It's about time for Stephen Joseph to return to power.

JESSE
Is that a promise?

STEPHEN
From hell, Jesse. A promise from hell. And to you Zack, Calvin, and fellow OAOAST Corporate.

Fuck Me?
Fuck YOU!
Tha Puerto Rican will return and fulfill his promised destiny.
And fuck anyone who attempts to stop me...us.

[Chanel #99]

COLE
Well folks, coming up next is a matchup that is sure to be nothing less than an old-fashioned, intense grudge match.

The OAOAST Great Angle Bash logo flashes by the screen. The prematch-up graphic for The Mad Cappa/Drek Stone No-Holds-Barred match appears on screen. The crowd cheers loudly, obviously anticipating the upcoming title matchup.



CABOOSE
It’s about time! Last month, Drek Stone was literally cheated out of the Puerto Rican Title when the Mad Cappa used his amazing skill of FALLING out of a suplex to somehow wrap Drek up in a small package and pull his tights long enough for a three count.

COACH
Boose……that’s not exactly how it happened.

CABOOSE
Well, this month, there will be no more of that. Before leaving office, former DOA Abe Vigoda made sure that this match would be No-Holds-Barred. Now Drek is not only limited to his astounding wrestling skills……but he can use his dangerous fighting skills as well. There’s nothing more hazardous than a double threat……and you can’t get more threatening than DREK STONE! The Mad Cappa doesn’t stand a chance.

COACH
We had this argument last month, and we’ll have it again. Drek is good……but he’s no Mad Cappa. We’ve seen from Cappa’s wars with Tha Puerto Rican that the man can fight…..and fight well. Drek doesn’t realize what he’s started, but he’s going to realize it tonight.

COLE
After all the sneak-attacks, all the blood, all the trash-talking interviews, all the threats……it comes to a head here. Drek Stone. The Mad Cappa. No-Holds-Barred. The Puerto Rican Title on the line. Folks, let’s get down to the ring!

Woke Up This Morning
Got Yourself A Gun
Mama Always Said You’d Be
The Chosen One

ANNOUNCER
Coming down to the ring first is the challenger. Hailing from the mean streets of Brooklyn, New York, weighing in at 240 pounds…..he is the self-proclaimed “World’s Greatest Athlete” and “The Best Looking Man To Ever Step Into a Wrestling Ring”……..Could he become the Puerto Rican Champion tonight? The time awaits to see just what this man accomplishes tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome…….DREK STONE!!!!!

*The fans start to loudly jeer as Drek struts out of the entranceway with a confident grin on his face. He slowly saunters down to ringside making the championship-belt gesture around his waist. Once he climbs into the ring, he stands in the center and waits a few seconds, soaking up the disgust of the crowd. Finally, he pounds his chest defiantly as an impressive series of fireworks rise from the four corners.*

*1, 2, 3! HIT IT!*

ANNOUNCER
And coming down to the ring is the champion! Hailing from Anacostia, Washington D.C., weighing in at 185 lbs…….he beat Drek Stone last month in a mat classic at School’s Out. Can he accomplish the task again?! After tonight, he may just continue to be introduced as the UNDISPUTED OAOAST PUERTO RICAN CHAMPION OF THE WORLD…….folks, please welcome……THE……MAD……..CAPPA!!!!

“Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Reunion Mix)” blasts over the loudspeakers as The Mad Cappa walks out of the entranceway to a roaring reaction from the crowd. With the OAOAST Puerto Rican Title around his waist, he slowly walks down to ringside with a smile on his face. Along the way, he stops to slap hands with some of the fans sitting ringside while the crowd begins to loudly chant “CAPPA! CAPPA!”. After getting in the ring, he raises his arms up to the people and receives an even louder reaction. The Mad Cappa slowly unclips the title belt from around his waist and hands it over to the referee.

COLE
Here we go!

However, with Cappa’s back turned, Drek immediately starts hitting him with stiff clubs to the back. He yanks Cappa by his hair and throws him into the nearest turnbuckle. Drek begins to choke Cappa violently, completely ignoring the referee’s meaningless shouts to release the hold.

COACH
Oh man, I’m just shocked here. Imagine…..Drek jumped Cappa from behind to get an early advantage. Why, I never imagined anything like this.

CABOOSE
Stop your crying, Coach. This is No-Holds-Barred! Anything is allowed!

Cappa suddenly takes his right fist and gives Drek a hard punch to the face.

CABOOSE
That shouldn’t be allowed.

Drek, obviously stunned, releases the hold. Cappa bounces out of the turnbuckle, hitting Drek with some solid punches to the head region. After a fourth blow, Drek is found reeling against the ropes. Cappa quickly moves back a few feet, then bursts forward and brings both of them over the top rope with a high crossbody!

COLE
And the Mad Cappa brings Drek over the top rope with a suicidal move!

CABOOSE
Suicidal? Please! I’ve seen better, and so has Drek! Remember when Drek started choking The Mad Cappa near the turnbuckle before? Both original AND genius!

The fans break out in a chant of “Cappa! Cappa!” as both men hit the ground. Drek quickly tries to crawl away, but Cappa isn’t having any of it. He grabs a nearby camera cord, and wraps it around Drek’s throat. Drek starts flailing about to get the wire removed from his neck, but Cappa isn’t ready to release the choke. He grabs the cable with both hands, then swings it towards the turnbuckle post. Drek gruesomely hits the corner face-first, then falls to the arena floor.

COACH
What did I tell you, Boose? This match isn’t about The Mad Cappa proving he’s a better technical wrestler than Drek Stone. He proved that point last month. This is about proving he’s the better fighter!

CABOOSE
What the hell is so impressive? For God’s sake, he stole the idea of choking somebody from Drek! Just a few minutes earlier! How many more ideas is this guy going to steal?

Cappa delivers two stiff stomps to the back, then quickly picks Drek up and rolls him into the ring. Smiling at the “Cappa!” chants he has received once again, he lifts the apron and begins to search underneath the ring for available weapons.

CABOOSE
Look at this. Cappa’s trying to run away after sneak-attacking Drek! This is YOUR Puerto Rican Champion?!

COACH
You damn right, boy!

COLE
You’re darn skippy, hippy!

CABOOSE
……..

COACH
…….

COLE
……….what?

However, because Cappa’s head is crouched beneath the ring, he can’t see Drek beginning to stand inside. Suddenly, Drek bounces off the ropes and knocks Cappa down to the floor with a baseball slide to the face. The fans start booing as Drek slides out from the ring, standing next to a stunned Cappa. Arrogantly, Drek begins to pound his chest and smile at the fans hurling insults at him.

CABOOSE
I’ll never understand how these people could boo Drek. Insanity, it is!

However, with a burst of energy, Cappa raises off of the floor and charges at Drek, bringing him down to the floor with a spear. Everyone in the crowd is on their feet as Cappa unleashes a passionate flurry of punches to Drek’s head. Cappa quickly gets off of Drek and walks over to the ring stairs. He picks up the top level of the stairs and, with a Herculean effort, manages to lift it over his head. Waiting for Drek to get up, Cappa props the stairs onto his shoulder, grimacing in anger the entire time. Finally, once Drek is up, Cappa hurls the stairs at Drek……but Drek somehow manages to roll out of the way. The fans groan at the sound of the metal stairs smacking against the ringpost, but the failure hasn’t managed to stop Cappa.

COACH
…….did I really just see Cappa lift those steel stairs over his head?

COLE
Not only that, but he actually tossed them towards the turnbuckle pretty hard. I don’t think even Drek Stone knew that Cappa had so much strength.

Cappa shoots a glare at the timekeeper, who immediately gets up, sensing that he could be in danger otherwise. He quickly folds up the chair and starts marching towards Drek, who has once again began to crawl away. Drek, looking behind him and seeing an angry Mad Cappa, abruptly rises to his feet and starts sprinting down the entranceway. Cappa, not wanting Drek to get away, starts running after him. At the top of the ramp, Drek turns around to make a quick plea with the Mad Cappa, but it’s too late. Cappa absolutely WAFFLES HIM with a steel chair shot to the head! Drek crumples down to the floor as Cappa holds up the chair to the loud adoration of the fans.

COLE
What a steel chair shot!

COACH
That was sick!

Cappa picks up the chair, holds it high over his head…….and brings it right down onto Drek’s back! The loud “SMACK!” of the chair colliding with Drek’s spine echoes throughout the arena, as Drek starts rolling around the ramp in pain. Somewhat satisfied with the damage he’s caused thus far, Cappa drops the chair to his side and picks Drek up off the ramp by his hair. Slicing his thumb to his throat, Cappa gives the signal that he’s ready to end the match already. He kicks Drek in the stomach….turns to grab Drek by his neck…..but Drek quickly pushes Cappa’s arm away. He grabs Cappa from behind by his waist…..and VIOLENTLY BRINGS HIM DOWN ONTO THE STEEL RAMP WITH A GERMAN SUPLEX!

COLE
WOW! Drek Stone with a german suplex right onto the solid STEEL RAMP!

CABOOSE
As if there was ANY doubt he could pull off such a move. It’s time to see the sadistic side of Drek Stone!

This time, it’s Cappa that’s forced to roll around the steel in pain as Drek makes a tough struggle to stand back up. Drek clutches his back for a few seconds, but then notices that Cappa is lying down defenseless. He quickly sits on top of Cappa’s chest and, loudly laughing, gives him a stiff slap across the face. Cappa’s eyes open angrily, but Drek doesn’t care enough to notice it. He delivers another hard smack across Cappa’s face, yet this time he doesn’t laugh. Meanwhile, Cappa’s body begins to shake in anger. Suddenly, he violently shoves Drek off of his body and moves to his feet. Drek pops back up to a standing position as well, and almost instantly, both men are now left in an intense staredown at the top of the ramp.

COLE
I don’t think there could be a better picture taken to sum up this feud. Look at the hatred between these two men. Just look at their eyes!

They begin to jaw back and forth with one another, until Drek delivers a firm punch to the side of Cappa’s head. Cappa instantly fires back a shot that dazes Drek momentarily. They look at each other once again, but then suddenly break out in a full-blown fistfight right near the entranceway. After they both exchange even punches for a few seconds, Drek manages to get the quick advantage by breaking out three consecutive shots….

CABOOSE
Go, Drek! The Mad Cappa is staggering!

…..but it’s all for naught. Cappa seizes back the advantage with his own consecutive shots, dazing Drek to the point where he’s right at the edge of the ramp.

COACH
Here comes Cappa! Drek is getting a little hazy! This could be it!

CABOOSE
The hell it is!

The fans start buzzing, anxious that Drek is only a few feet away from plummeting to the arena floor. Cappa takes a step back, fully noticing his surroundings, then lunges at Drek with a final fist. However, at the last second, Drek somehow sidesteps the attack and hooks Cappa’s arm beneath his own. He takes Cappa off of his feet with a hiptoss…..AND SENDS HIM PLUMMETING RIGHT TO THE ARENA FLOOR!!

COLE
OH MY GOD!! DREK STONE JUST HIPTOSSED THE MAD CAPPA OFF THE TOP OF THE RAMP TO THE CONCRETE FLOOR!!

COACH
That could be a ten to twelve foot drop!

After the twelve-foot hiptoss, Drek falls to his knees, slowly catching his breath. He then stares down at Cappa with a sneer across his face, then notices the steel chair lying beside him. Drek slowly grabs the chair and begins to make his way down the sideladder attached to the ramp. Meanwhile, Cappa has very gradually started to stir himself off the floor, trying to use his momentum to get off of his back. At this point, Drek is now standing on the third rung of the sideladder with the steel chair clutched in his hands.

DREK
You piece of shit, Cappa.

Cappa has now managed to get onto one knee. With a grimace of pain etched across his face, Cappa makes an incredibly tough struggle to balance himself onto his feet.

DREK
You tried to hurt me? You wanted to make me bleed? Do you know who I am?

Cappa slowly turns around to face Drek waiting on the sideladder.

DREK
Well, NOW YOU WILL!

Drek leaps off of the ladder with the steel chair…….AND BRINGS IT RIGHT ACROSS THE MAD CAPPA’S HEAD!! Not only does Cappa collapse to the ground after the move, with the steel chair hanging off of his neck, but the force of the chairshot brings Drek to the floor as well. The fans break out into a chant of “Holy Shit!” as both men lie on the concrete ground.

COLE
OH GOD! Drek just came crashing down with that steel chair!

CABOOSE
But keep in mind, in this match, that’s totally fair!

COACH
Hey guys…..uh……Drek has brown hair.

CABOOSE
…….imagine my surprise. Coach managed to ruin yet another bit.

The camera cuts away to focus on Cappa, who now has a gash-line cut across his forehead. A large amount of blood has started to stain his face almost instantly, and he’s helpless to make any attempts to stop it. Drek, noticing that Cappa is practically lifeless and only a few feet away, begins to crawl towards him. After a few seconds of struggling to make it to Cappa’s body, Drek finally manages to drape an arm across his body. The referee drops to make the cover.







ONE…….
















TWO……









CABOOSE
It’s over! Referee, get the title ready. I bought some gold polish specifically for this occasion!















SHOULDER UP!! THE MAD CAPPA GOT A SHOULDER UP!!

CABOOSE
WHAT?!

COACH
The Mad Cappa is NOT going that easily!

Drek, with an absolute look of shock across his face, starts to pound the floor in anger. He gets up to argue with the referee, and Cappa has started an attempt to crawl his way to the ring. With blood staining the floor in the shape of handprints and typical drips, Cappa is unwavering in his desire to get to the ring. He gets nearly halfway to the ring before Drek realizes what’s going on. He quickly stomps over to Cappa and yanks him off of the floor by his hair. With an odd mixture of both conceit and pure hatred, Drek grabs Cappa by his arm and irish-whips him into the stairs……but Cappa reverses it!! Drek, noticing that he’s heading straight for the steps, makes a huge leap across them, managing to escape the metal danger.

CABOOSE
What athleticism! How many men could do that?! How many? Maybe Jesus…..but not many more on that list. Drek is just incredible.

He passionately pounds his chest for the fans sitting ringside but upon turning around…..CAPPA JUMPS ACROSS THE STEPS AND BRINGS DREK DOWN WITH A FLYING CLOTHESLINE!!

COACH
And the Mad Cappa is starting to fight back! Here he comes!

Drek pops back up to his feet and Cappa, with a sudden burst of adrenaline, starts letting loose with a series of lefts and rights. He grabs Drek by his arm and irish-whips him into the stairs…..and this time, Drek hits the stairs KNEE-FIRST and winds up completely flipping over the metal steps. The fans completely explode with chants of “CAPPA! CAPPA!” after the move! Cappa stares at his passionate fans for a few seconds, then symbolically wipes the blood off of his forehead, stares at the sky, and smears it across his chest. While Drek tries to use the steps to get back to his feet, Cappa once again stomps over to the timekeeper’s table.

CAPPA
You guys might as well ring the bell! Wait….you know what?! I’m here already. I’ll do it myself!

Cappa grabs the ring bell off of the timekeeper’s table and walks to where Drek has just managed to make it back to a standing position. He starts to slowly turn around….

CAPPA
Hell, I’ll ring the bell. DREK……WANT TO SEE ME RING THE GOD DAMN BELL?!

AND CAPPA SMACKS DREK ACROSS THE FACE WITH THE RING BELL!

COLE
Oh my god! The Mad Cappa just used that ring bell!

CABOOSE
That shouldn’t be allowed! Christ, what the hell?!

COACH
Well, guys, I don’t know what to tell……you…….

COLE & CABOOSE
……..

COACH
I hate this rhyming game.

Drek instantly falls back down to the floor as Cappa merely tosses the ring bell over the top rope, into the ring. The fans once again start to break out in a chant for the Mad Cappa. He places his head on top of Drek’s forehead to lift him off of the floor….but suddenly pulls it away. Staring at his hand, Cappa can see it has been stained with a deep, crimson red.

CABOOSE
Oh no, don’t tell me. Oh god, I’m going to be sick.

He aggressively pulls Drek off of the floor by the back of his head….and now the fans can see that Drek has also been busted open along his forehead.

COLE
And Drek has been busted wide open following that shot with the ring bell!

COACH
Both men are just staining the floor with blood! Now THIS is what a No-Holds-Barred match is all about!

With the blood pouring out of his head almost as quickly as Cappa’s did, his face has already turned into a mess in just a short period of time. Now with his own sadistic smile, Cappa rolls Drek into the ring. Stepping in right behind him, Cappa stands near the turnbuckle, waiting for Drek to make it back to his feet. While Drek struggles to get himself off of the mat, Cappa signals for the Bust-A-Cap, much to the excitement of the fans. Clutching his ribs painfully, Drek manages to stand up after a couple of seconds. Now, Cappa kicks Drek in the stomach……but DREK CATCHES CAPPA’S FOOT!! With a scowl, Drek spits in Cappa’s face, swings his foot around……..AND HITS THE MAD CAPPA WITH THE BUST-A-CAP!!

COACH
THE BUST-A-CAP!! THE BUST-A-CAP!!

COLE
I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!

CABOOSE
FINALLY! The innovator of the move gets to SHOW IT OFF!!

The fans gasp in shock as both men hit the ground after the Drek Stone Bust-A-Cap! Both men lay there, staring at the lights for a few seconds, until Drek takes a look to the side of him and sees Cappa laying there. Just like before, he makes a solid effort to crawl over to Cappa. After creeping forward……..for…………a few…….seconds……….DREK DROPS AN ARM ACROSS CAPPA’S CHEST. Yet, this time he makes sure to hook the leg.









ONE…….
















TWO…..





























KICKOUT!!! The Mad Cappa ONCE AGAIN KICKS OUT!! The fans break out in a cheer of “Cappa! Cappa!” as Drek stands up with a completely exasperated look on his face. He slowly staggers over to a steel chair that had been waiting on the side of the ring. He sits it up near one of the turnbuckles…..but then suddenly starts walking over to the opposite turnbuckle, near the timekeeper. Drek starts screaming for the timekeeper to hand over a microphone. Throughout this wait, Cappa has started to stir off of the mat, using the bottom rope to get himself off of his back. Finally, Drek is handed a mic.

DREK
You people…….cheer…..for him……? For this……piece a……..shit…….? Well, wait……let me give you…….somethi……something to cheer a-about……I promise y-you……

Suddenly, Drek’s speech is interrupted by Cappa yanking Drek’s arm from behind. However, almost instantly, Drek turns around and belts Cappa across the head with the microphone.

DREK
Like……..like I didn’t expect that……

Drek drops the microphone to the floor and starts to drag Cappa across the mat by his arm. He finally pulls Cappa over to where the chair had been set up near the ring corner. Although Cappa is practically dead weight at this point, Drek has managed to pick him up off the mat and prop him up in a sitting position on the folding chair. Afterwards, Drek begins to slowly scale the turnbuckle, with his back facing Cappa.

CABOOSE
Drek, man, this isn’t smart. We all know you’re a breathtaking athlete. We all know you’re one of the greatest guys to step into an OAOAST ring. WE ALL KNOW…

COLE
What could Drek be going for here?

COACH
This move could really turn the tide of the match. What’s he going to do?!

The crowd begins to scream for Cappa to get away as Drek, after straining a good deal climbing the ringpost, finally makes it to the top turnbuckle. Drek takes a long, hard look at the fans……..pounds his chest…….and LEAPS OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH A MOONSAULT TOWARDS THE STEEL CHAIR........BUT CAPPA MOVED!!

COLE
OH MY GOD!! THE MAD CAPPA MOVED!! DREK STONE JUST MOONSAULTED RIGHT INTO THAT STEEL CHAIR!!

COACH
I’ve NEVER….EVER…..seen anything like that!!

COLE
My god! Look at the chair! It completely collapsed!

CABOOSE
Somebody call the paramedics! I’ll even pay for the treatment! Christ, this is TERRIBLE!

Following the moonsault, the chair is a completely mangled mess. The legs have been bent in different directions, the seat has broken away from the skeleton of the chair…..and Drek is lying lifeless on top of this metal destruction. A lively chant of “Holy shit!” breaks out among everyone in the arena as both Drek Stone and Mad Cappa continue to lay on the mat. Finally, after OAOAST Flashback replays the same moonsaulting clip several different times on the AngleTron, Cappa starts to move his arms to attempt to get some feeling back into his extremities. He clutches the bottom rope and tries to pull himself to his feet, with the fans solidly behind him the entire way. Meanwhile, Drek hasn’t moved yet.

COLE
Drek has not yet even moved following that missed moonsault into the chair.

COACH
Guys, I think this is the end.

CABOOSE
No…..n-no…..it’s not. It can’t be!

Finally, after a stressful attempt to stand back up, Cappa has made it back to a standing position. He takes slow tip-toe steps towards Drek, who is still lying motionless on his stomach, but winds up dropping to his knees. Cappa starts to inch towards Drek quickly……well, as quick as an injured, bloody man could go. Finally, once he gets there, he slowly pushes Drek onto his back and drapes his body across Drek’s. The referee makes the count.













ONE……















TWO…..





CABOOSE
KICK OUT, DREK! KICK OUT!!










THREE…..




COACH
And it’s mercifully over!















NO!!! NO!!! DREK STONE KICKED OUT!! The fans scream out in disappointment as Cappa rolls off of Drek, clutching at his hair in frustration. He methodically wipes more blood off of his forehead, but this time wipes it across Drek’s chest. Suddenly, a smile runs across Cappa’s face, and it looks like an idea just popped into his head. After straining to get back to his feet, Cappa walks over to Drek’s legs and places them underneath his arms. After waiting a few seconds to regain his composure, Cappa takes a glance behind him to make sure that the second ring is where he planned it to be. He then falls back in a slingshot position……and sends Drek across the top rope!! However, following the move, Drek lands on the top ropes of both separate rings!! Drek is now helplessly draped across the ring ropes of both rings. The fans begin to cheer, knowing that another high-impact move could be on the way.

COLE
What could the Mad Cappa be going for now?

COACH
We’ve already seen so many gruesome attacks take place during this match. Cappa, just end it.

CABOOSE
…..what the hell are you talking about, Coach?! DREK WILL DECIDE WHEN THE MATCH ENDS! And if he could kick out of that moonsault…..guess what…..we’re not near the end! Drek is nothing less than invincible, and he’s proving that tonight!

The Mad Cappa slowly staggers over to one of the turnbuckles near Drek and gradually makes his way to the top rope. Finally, after reaching the high turnbuckle, he raises his arms to the crowd, receiving a great reaction in return. Bracing himself, he jumps off the top rope……with A SIDE-SWINGING MOONSAULT RIGHT ONTO THE PRONE DREK STONE!! The arena starts going crazy as both men fall onto the ring aprons in between the two rings! However, Cappa can’t take advantage of this opportunity yet. Left clutching his ribs in agony, he’s pretty much powerless to make a cover. The fans break out into yet another chant of “Holy Shit!” as both men continue to lay on the ground. Finally, Cappa sees that this is his opportunity. He very slowly edges towards Drek Stone to make the cover. Finally, he gets there and the referee starts the count.














ONE……
















TWO…..



















THREE!!!!












NO!!! NO!!! DREK KICKED OUT AT THE VERY LAST SECOND!!! Again, the fans gasp in surprise! The Mad Cappa, clutching his back in pain following the last move, places his hand on Drek’s chest as a means of support to lift himself back up. After getting to his feet, Cappa slowly looks back towards the turnbuckle, nodding to himself. Cappa walks to the corner and begins scaling the turnbuckles once again bit-by-bit.

COACH
I think the Mad Cappa has found his opening towards ending this thing.

COLE
Whoever wins this match…..ladies and gentlemen, they’ve both given you their entire hearts in this match tonight. Either man deserves to walk out of here as the Puerto Rican Champion.

CABOOSE
Sure……excluding Cappa.

Meanwhile, Drek, slowly shaking the cobwebs out of his head, rolls into the opposite ring. While Drek does his best to try to get back on his feet, Cappa has already climbed to the top rope. Waiting for Drek to get back up, it’s clear that, at this point, Cappa just may be more intense than we’ve ever seen him. Finally, once Drek manages to stand once again, Cappa leaps off that top rope into the opposite ring with a HIGH CROSS-BODY…..but Drek DUCKED!! Cappa goes sailing over Drek’s body, crashing hard onto the mat!!

CABOOSE
There we go!! How much more of a ring general could Drek Stone be?! He knew exactly where he was!

COLE
I think the Mad Cappa realizes now that he may have gone to that top rope one too many times. That may have been the turning point of the match!

The impact of the missed move stuns Cappa momentarily, but he somehow finds the will to get back to his feet relatively quickly. He runs towards a stunned Drek, but Drek lifts his body up high and drops him RIGHT ACROSS THE TWO TOP-ROPES OF THE SEPARATE RINGS! This time, it’s the Mad Cappa that’s left hanging! The Mad Cappa, very dazed but not out of it yet, starts making a slow attempt to get himself out of this precarious mess. Meanwhile, Drek has grabbed the nearby ring bell that Cappa threw into the ring previously, and has started climbing to the top rope. Cappa, inching his body closer towards the ground, almost has his legs off of the ropes. But Drek, sensing that Cappa is almost freed, leaps off the top rope…..into the opposite ring…..and DRIVES THE BELL INTO THE BACK OF THE MAD CAPPA’S HEAD!!

COLE
OH MY GOD!!

COACH
That’s it. He’s dead.

COLE
The Mad Cappa’s head violently snapped forward after that bell shot. Horrific!

CABOOSE
He shouldn’t have brought the ring bell into the ring. He has nobody to blame but HIMSELF for Drek taking the perfect advantage!

Drek strategically places the ring bell near his feet and places Cappa’s head underneath his arm. He pulls Cappa’s body away from the ropes, leaving only his feet dangling along the top rope. He smiles sadistically to the crowd……AND DROPS THE MAD CAPPA WITH A MODIFIED STONECUTTER……RIGHT ON TOP OF THE RING BELL!! Right after both men hit the ground, Drek scrambles over to Cappa and turns him onto his back. He hooks the leg and the referee makes the count.









ONE…..

















TWO…..





CABOOSE
IT’S OVER! IT’S OVER!

COACH
COULD IT BE?! CAPPA’S NOT MOVING!!













THR……..













THREE!!!!!!!




*DING! DING! DING!*

CABOOSE
YES! YES! DREK STONE DID IT!

COACH
I…..I can’t believe it. I’m in shock.

COLE
And so are these fans!

After an initial roar from the crowd following the three count, they almost instantly start to boo as the referee walks towards Drek with the Puerto Rican Title in his hands. Sitting next to the ring ropes, Drek yanks the title away from the referee’s hands with a smile on his face. He pulls on the ref’s shirt to lift himself back up and, once he gets on his feet, holds the title up to the crowd.

CABOOSE
YES! You deserve that title belt, Drek! I knew you could DO IT!

The audience breaks out in a chant of “DREK STONE SUCKS!” as he continues to hold the belt up over his head with an obnoxious smile across his face. Suddenly, he drops the title down to the mat and shoots a cold stare towards The Mad Cappa. Calmly nodding his head, Drek reaches down to his left leg and pulls his pants leg up, revealing a pair of handcuffs that had been concealed before.

COLE
Wait…..what the hell does he have a pair of handcuffs for?

COACH
Come on. The match is over. Cappa is knocked out cold. Somebody get those things away from him.

Drek locks one end of the cuff to Cappa’s wrist, then fastens the other end to the bottom ring rope. Drek gingerly rolls out of the ring and pokes his head beneath the ring apron, obviously looking for something. After searching underneath the ring for a few seconds, Drek finally crawls out……with a sledgehammer in his hand.

COLE
Oh, good god. You have to be kidding me. We need some help out here.

CABOOSE
Help for what?! Already you’re villifying the man for doing nothing. Wait to see what he might be doing!

Drek casually tosses the hammer into the ring, then nonchalantly climbs up the ring steps to make his way back in. Meanwhile, Cappa has slowly began to stir inside the ring. He tries to move his wrist but, after struggling for a few times, finally realizes that it’s chained to the top rope. He stares at his arm in confusion for a few seconds, then angrily turns his attention to Drek. Drek stares at him with an arrogant smile and, with the sledgehammer in his hand, walks over to the Puerto Rican Title. They stare at each other again for a moment until….

DREK
Cappa…….

Drek lifts the sledgehammer up over his head.

DREK
……..it’s over.

Drek swings the sledgehammer down…..ONTO THE PUERTO RICAN TITLE!! Immediately upon impact, the gold plate of the PR Title cracks open.

CABOOSE
…….what?!

COLE
What the hell is Drek doing?!

The Mad Cappa’s eyes widen, and he looks to be in even too much shock to be angry. Drek, not happy with the progress, lifts the sledgehammer back up…..AND SMASHES IT INTO THE TITLE A SECOND TIME!! This time, the gold has been properly splintered. Moving the sledgehammer into his left hand, Drek picks the title up by its strap with his right hand. Shreds of gold crumble onto the mat from the piece of leather that used to be the Puerto Rican Title.

COACH
Why the hell would Drek Stone do that?! He just fought for two months to get that title! And he destroyed it in fifteen seconds!

CABOOSE
It’s symbolic, Coach. One of the most important things in the world to Cappa…..and Drek just destroyed it.

COLE
It doesn’t make any DAMN sense, Caboose. This is sick.

Drek indifferently tosses the strap to the side, then walks over to The Mad Cappa. Cappa gazes at Drek with a mixture of confusion, shock, and rage, but the only reaction on Drek’s face is one of an ominous smile. He grabs the sledgehammer with both hands…….AND DRIVES THE END OF IT INTO THE MAD CAPPA’S FACE!

COLE
OH MY GOD!!

COACH
SOMEBODY GET SOME HELP OUT HERE!!

CABOOSE
……..wow.

Cappa is instantly knocked out-cold after the blow, and Drek raises his arms to the crowd hearing what must be one of the loudest negative reactions of his career. As referees and agents run down to the ring to help The Mad Cappa, Drek rolls out of the ring and starts limping to the back. After getting to the top of the ramp, he makes sure to turn back around to get one last glance at the ring. He silently watches the ring officials release Cappa from the handcuffs, then raises his arms to the crowd in one last act of defiance.

COLE
DAMN YOU, DREK! Damn what you did here tonight!

Drek finally leaves the arena with a rabid chant of “ASSHOLE!” following him out. The camera focuses on the medics scrambling to get Cappa out of the ring for a short while before going back to the announce team.

COLE
Damn that son of a bitch! How could he do such a thing?! Not only did he just destroy th etitle that Cappa worked so hard to establish…..but he just hit him in the face with a sledgehammer! DAMMIT! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM?!

COACH
This is a damn shame. After such a long and hard match…..he goes and ruins it by doing that.

CABOOSE
What he did after tonight’s match…..was a necessary evil.

COACH
Oh, you’re an asshole. You have no idea what you’re talking about!

COLE
There was no reason for it! Cappa was knocked out cold! Why go through all of that?!

CABOOSE
He made a promise a few weeks ago. The Mad Cappa tried to test the boundaries of that promise…..and tonight, he paid the price for it. Was it severe? Definitely. But did he have it coming to him? Absolutely.

COLE
No! He didn’t deserve that tonight! He DIDN’T DESERVE IT…..and I can damn well guarantee that he’s not going to take this lying down.

CABOOSE
……It looks like he just did.

COACH
Well, let’s just see what the Mad Cappa winds up doing about this. Tonight has been the highlight of Drek’s OAOAST career. But tonight may also wind up hosting one of the biggest mistakes of Drek Stone’s career as well.

COLE
I shudder to think what the Mad Cappa might have in store as possible retaliation.

CABOOSE
Nothing if he’s smart.

COLE
Fans, here's a quick word about our next pay-per-view event.

THIS AIN'T OZ
Sunday, July 25, 2004

We return with a close up of Jim Cornette's face.

CORNETTE
Ladies and gentlemen, here they are, the tag team more agile than Spider-Man, more powerful than Superman, and more richer than Batman -- "Sarcastic" Simon & "Narcissistic" Ned, the New New Midnight Express!

It's still there, the rush you get when you hear the opening notes of "Chase"...

The new new Midnights come out sporting long robes with two small "nn"s on top of a large "MX" on the back, making an "X" with their index fingers.

BUFFER
And their manager, Mr. Jim Cornette!

Cornette woos while proudly waving his trademark tennis racket over his head.

CORNETTE
It's been a long time comin' but I'm back in the OAOAST and I brought back-up. The last time I was here I managed The Purist, a guy who didn't know a wristwatch from a wristlock despite claiming he was a skilled wrestler. Sure he won the X-Title, but he lost it to a guy who couldn't cut it in the OAOAST. My last night in the OAOAST, I saw that moron lose to another man I thought was a moron, OAOAST World's Champion Zack Malibu. It turns out Zack's a smarter person than I thought. Not Sharon Stone smart, but smart nonetheless.

Now, let me discuss my newest endeavor, somethin' I think I know a little about -- tag team wrestling. Since I was last here the talent in the tag team division went from fruity peebles to the town of Bedrock. The OAOAST's tag team division is quickly becoming the place to be. When the Midnights & I went to the OAOAST's New York headquaters to sign the contract, we saw a line that extended all the way to Times Square with teams from all over the world lookin' for a chance to join the premiere tag wrestling God's green earth has seen since the 1980s. Hell, I saw the Rock 'N' Roll Express chuggin' down a bottle of Jack Daniels, begging the receptionist to let them see the suits. It didn't matter that they were hittin' on a male receptionist; anything it took to get an interview with the suits.

Which brings me to tonight's tag team title match: The OAOAST World tag team champions, Black T vs. Jingus & The Sadist. Apparently you have to scream the name "Jingus" but no garbage wrestler is gonna get Jim Cornette to scream his name, not even if you force me to watch a best of Alfdogg tape. You see, we have interest in tonight's title match because we're facing the winners on HeldDown, for the gold. It doesn't matter if Black T retains, or those rejects from Night of the Living Dead win, because the New New Midnight Express are the superior team. But I gotta be honest with ya, deep down I'm rootin' for the champs because they've turned a broadcasting legend into a complete joke. J.R. doesn't deserve to be saddled with such a disgraceful gimmick that would be like Gordon Soile -- God bless his soul -- getting stuck with Mae Young's horny old legend gimmick. I've known J.R. for over 20 years, and I've stood up for him like he's done for me. When Vince Russo & Ed Ferrara made fun of him in WCW, I spat in Ed's ugly-lookin' mug. When J.R. got fired by WCW, I gave him a job with Smokey Mountain Wrestling. I'll be damned if two pricks'll further disgrace my friend. They're a lot of tough tag teams in the OAOAST today but, brother, the teams I've managed have won titles in every promotion I've been in, no matter how tough the competition. I promise you, the Midnight Express will get done what that dimwit Purist couldn't do: Cleanse the sins of wrestling's past, as we become the world tag team champions. All the politics in the world won't be able to stop us. If they try...I have my attorney Ben Stone on speed-dial.

We're comin' for the gold.

As they exit, Cornette once again waves his tennis racket and the Midnights give the "belts around our waist" gesture.

COLE
Well fans...backstage, we have Jackie Gayda. I'm being told that there's something going on backstage. Jackie...

The camera cuts backstage, where Jackie is standing next to a blue locker room door. From inside the room, we can hear the faint sounds of screams and smashes.

JACKIE
Yes Michael. I'm outside the locker room of Chris Bryte. Of course, Bryte came out on the losing end of his match earlier on against Leon Rodez...his second loss to Rodez in as many weeks. Immediately following the match, he and Hand...

CABOOSE
That's...THE HAND, Jackie! THE HAND~!

JACKIE
...whatever. Anyway, he and Bryte went behind closed doors, and you can hear the commotion coming from inside. Chris Bryte is obviously not a happy man...and fans, I'm gonna try and get a word with Mr. Bryte and try to find out (LOUD thud from the inside of the door)...and find out just what the hell is going on in here!

Jackie slowly slides the door open and creeps into the room. The camera crew follows closely behind, and we get a glimpse of a locker room littered with trash, clothes, and overturned furniture. The Hand sits on a metal folding chair in the right hand corner of the room, an ever-present scowl on his face. Towards the center of the room stands Chris Bryte. Still in his wrestling gear, Bryte is having a rather heated conversation with someone on his cell phone.

BRYTE
I HAD HIM UNCLE KEV...I...NO....but...but...MY FAULT???! *MY* FAULT?! DID YOU EVEN WATCH THE DAMN MATCH?! I HAD THE SONUVABITCH! I HAD HIM! But that damn Panther had to stick his nose...(to The Hand) AND WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?!?!?! YOU JACKED UP PIECE OF...

THE HAND
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR~!

BRYTE
Hey pal...(to the person on the phone) WHADDYA MEAN CALM DOWN! I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! I WON'T CALM DOWN UNTIL...

Bryte turns around, spotting Jackie and the camera crew for the first time.

BRYTE
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!?!

Both Jackie and the cameraman jump, startled by Bryte.

JACKIE (nervously)
Um...Chris...

BRYTE
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?! WHO THE HELL...?

JACKIE
I-I-I...(gulps) I just wanted to get a word with you--

BRYTE
I DON'T HAVE A DAMN THING TO SAY TO YOU! GET THE FUCK OUT!!!!! GET THE FUCK...

Bryte launches his cell phone at Jackie's head, but, thankfully, she manages to duck, and the phone hits the wall, shattering upon impact. To continue his hissy fit, Bryte charges at Jackie, sending both she and the camera crew scurrying out of the room and into the hallway. Once the intruders are out of the room, Bryte slams the door behind him, and Jackie breathes a sigh of relief. After taking a moment to regain her composure, Jackie turns to the camera, raises the mic to her lips and continues.

JACKIE
Um...well...obviously...Chris Bryte is upset. It looks with him in this state of mind, we won't be able to get--

Suddenly, the door flings open, and Bryte storms out into the hall with a look of fury in his eyes.

BRYTE (to Jackie)
You want a word with me, huh?!

JACKIE
Chris--

He walks up to Jackie and shoves her to the floor, drawing LOUD boos from the fans inside the arena. Then, he has the audacity to throw a couple of kicks at her head, but Jackie manages to dodge both and crawl away. The cameraman tries to make a similar escape, but Bryte stops him.

BRYTE
No, no! You're not going anywhere! Put the camera on me, asshole, because I've got something to say!

The camera focuses on Bryte, who picks Jackie's mic up off the floor and glares directly into the camera. He's huffing, puffing and trembling as he he struggles to collect his thoughts.

BRYTE
PAAANTHEERRRRRRR~! (deep breath) That's three times now! THREE FUCKING TIMES you've stuck your nose in my business! You come out during my match with Rodez...WE HAD HIM!!!! *I* HAD HIM!!!!!!! We had it all sewn up until you went and stuck your nose...ARRRRRRRGH~!

Bryte runs his right hand through his hair and grits his teeth.

BRYTE
NO MORE, PANTHER!!!!! NO MORE!!!!!!!! The attacks, your little cat and mouse games--THEY END NOW!!!!!!!! You want me so bad, Panther?! You want a piece of me?! Then I tell ya what...this Thursday night! HeldDOWN! You want me that badly, well, you got me! I'm giving you a personal invitation to show up and face me man-to-man...NO SNEAK ATTACKS! No running out of the crowd...none of that crap! I want you to come down to that ring, and we're gonna settle this thing once and for all! YOU HEAR THAT PANTHER?!?!?! YOU SONUVABITCH?! YOU SON--

Bryte tosses the mic off-camera, and we hear a high-pitched scream in the background.

DIRECTOR (off-camera)
Chris, please...calm down...

BRYTE
SHOW UP, PANTHER!!!!!! I'M BEGGIN' YA!!!!! SHOW UP!!!!


...


AAAAAARRRRRRRGHHH~!

Bryte turns and punches the wall before storming back into the locker room and slamming the door behind him.

COACH
...that boy ain't right.

[Chanel #99]

CABOOSE
I just remembered -- Jackie has big tits and a nice plum ass. You think she's slept with The Saints yet?

COLE
The Saints aren't even involved in this match!

COACH
I don't think anybody'll be sleeping with The Saints anytime soon.

CABOOSE
You think she's slept with Black T? Man, do those guys know how to party. T-Bod threw an 'invitation only' party at his Hollywood estate. Dan was there. As was Jesse, Jivin J.R., who spent more time bobbing for apples than scoring with the chicks; Hugh Hefner and many of his playmates. There were even pornstars there -- hardcore, softcore; A-list, B-list... and yes, Ron Jeremy, too. I swear, I thought I was going to come home in a black body bag -- not Black T's Black Body Bag, because nobody gets up from that.

COLE
If you're dead, you aren't getting up from that, either.

CABOOSE
Not if you know Papa Shango.



COLE
Tag Team Title Time!

CABOOSE
And another easy defence for Black T. And don't you ever try to change the subject when I'm talking again, Cole. You wouldn't want me to knock the frosting off your hair.

COACH
Are you crazy, foo’? JINGUS and Sadist be bad mo’fo’s!

CABOOSE
Oh boy, its gonna be a long night…

BUFFER
Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is for the OAOAST Tag Team Championship of the WORLD~!

CUE: Some bizarre mix of “Hit Me Baby One More Time” and Verdi’s “Requiem”

BUFFER
Introducing first the challengers, weighing in at a total combined weight of SEVEN HUNDRED AND TWENTY EIGHT POUNDS, they are the man who loves pain and cannot be harmed, the SAAADIST! And his partner, the one, the only Devilman, the monster JIIIIIIIIINGUUUUUUUUUUUUUS!

The two huge figures walk down to the ring, the fans giving them a good reception. JINGUS roars and cuffs the Sadist about the head, firing him up. Sadist leaps into the ring and seems to be encouraging the referee to hit him. JINGUS saves the frightened ref and the challengers stand tall in the ring, looking at the entranceway.

CUE: “Quiet”

BUFFER
And now, the Champions! From London, England, weighing 243lbs-

JIVIN’ JIM ROSS
Wait a minute here, take it easy Buffer!

Jivin’ JR has walked out onto the stage and motions for the music to cut.

JR
Now, I’m sure you’re a good announcer, and I’m sure OAOAST pays you very well to be here.

BUFFER
Well actually, no, they-

JR
Cry me a river son, cry me a river. The point is, when it comes to introducing the CHAMPS, there’s only one man fit to do it, and that’s me, Jivin’ JR, the farmer of champions, BAH GAWD!

JR moonwalks across the stage, then gets down and attempts a Ross-aroonie. JR nearly falls off the stage in the process and a couple of roadies have to come in to pick him up.

JR
*panting* Ok…here they are….Black T!

* CRACK! *
* CRACK! *

And Black T nails JINGUS and Sadist from behind with chair shots!

COLE
What?! Where did they come from?

COACH
They just ran out the crowd and attacked! Disqualification!

CABOOSE
The match hasn’t started yet, you damn fool.

The referee angrily calls for the bell to start and takes the chairs from a smirking Black T.

* DING DING DING *

With both opponents down, Dan and T.Bod consult each other, sharing a joke and a laugh before Dan, nodding, steps out of the ring to allow T.Bod the floor. Tony shoves Sadist out of the ring and covers JINGUS.

CABOOSE
Quickest victory ever!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!











NO! Kickout!

The crowd POPS! T.Bod looks disgusted, while Dan slams the top turnbuckle and shakes his head. Tony covers again, but JINGUS throws him off before one!

COLE
Uh oh, I think they made him mad.

T.Bod backs off as the monster approaches. The Body holds up his hands and smiles apologetically at JINGUS- and then pokes him in the eye through his mask! Tony goes to work, clubbing JINGUS with hard forearm shots, and beating him down to one knee. Meanwhile Sadist is back on the apron in the challengers corner.

The Body grabs JINGUS and whips him into the Black T corner, where Dan and Tony both fire away on JINGUS. Sadist jumps into the ring, but the referee gets in his way, allowing Black T to perform a double choke on the Devilman.

CABOOSE
Heh, Sadist isn’t too bright, is he.

At last the referee turns, and Dan removes his hands with an innocent look on his face. As the ref comes over to remonstrate with Black T, we hear Dan telling him that he was “just checking his air way”.

T.Bod brings JINGUS out of the corner and whips him off the ropes, dropping down and propelling JINGUS with a huge back body drop! Tony poses over the body of JINGUS, who rolls him up from behind!

ONE!


TWO!



KICKOUT!

COACH
T.Bod’s got to learn not to turn his back on JINGUS.

CABOOSE
Like everyone has to learn not to turn their backs on Mikey. You never know what he might try and slip in.

COLE
Are you saying I’m some kind of gay rapist?

CABOOSE
Er…can I say that? *Pause* Yes, the director says I can. Sweet.

In the ring, Tony tries to stomps JINGUS down, but the Devilman rises up and decimates his opponent with a lariat. JINGUS grabs T.Bod by the neck and tags in Sadist, who head butts The Body down. Sadist scoops T.Bod up and whips him into the corner, before crushing him with an Avalanche. Sadist allows Tony to drop forward out of the corner and then power slams him down hard!

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Sadist brings T.Bod back up, who starts to fire back with punches and chops, but Sadist, after enjoying the blows for a few seconds, head butts Tony down once more. Sadist brings Tony up and whips him to the ropes, but T.Bod ducks the lariat and nails Sadist with a dropkick to the back. T.Bod follows with a shoulder block to the same area, and then begins to kick Sadist down to the mat.

COLE
T.Bod going after the back of the Sadist. He may like the pain but it doesn’t mean he can’t be weakened.

CABOOSE
Tony’s showing all his class here. He’s a veteran, he knows every trick, every tactic. Sadist? Who knows how many years he’s been wrestling. Doesn’t look like many to me.

Tony brings Sadist to his feet, and with a show of strength lifts the big man up and hits him with a backbreaker, into a cover:

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

T.Bod brings Sadist to his feet and tags in Black. Dan and Tony both CHOP Sadist and then whip him to the ropes for a double shoulder block that floors Sadist. Black T run to opposite ropes, and both execute Muta style elbows in turn. As the referee ejects T.Bod, Dan brings Sadist up and applies a front facelock. Black tries to suplex his opponent, but Sadist blocks it and reverses to his own!

Dan grimaces in pain, as Sadist brings him up and slaps on a choke! Black kicks out of the choke bomb attempt, and tries to whips Sadist to the ropes. The big man reverses it however, but Dan ducks his lariat, comes up behind Sadist, and wrenches him over with a German suplex!

Black is slow to get to his feet, the effort of the suplex taking a lot of out of him, but manages to meet Sadist rising. Dan lashes him with a trio of European uppercuts and whips him into the Black T corner. Dan runs in with a high jumping knee to the jaw of Sadist! Dan takes a run up again and delivers another high knee. Sadist is groggy, and Dan tags Tony in. Black T both grab Sadist in front face locks, raise him up and deliver a double team brain buster!

Tony covers:

ONE!

TWO!


THR-Kick out!

T.Bod drops a knee to Sadist, and then brings him to his feet. A whip to the ropes, and Tony gets a drop toe hold and locks on an arm bar. Sadist starts to power up, so T.Bod brings him to his feet and wrenches the arm over. Sadist enjoys the hold, grinning maniacally at The Body, who, taking it as a challenge, wrenches the arm over again.

COLE
T.Bod really testing out Sadist, trying to see if there’s any pain that he won’t actually like!

COACH
It doesn’t seem like there is. He’d probably even enjoy spending time with ‘boose!

*Smack!*

COACH
*sniff*…I retract my previous statement.

Sadist is still enjoying the hold, so T.Bod whips him to the ropes., but Sadist comes roaring back with a big boot that nearly decapitates The Body. Sadist lifts T.Bod up and drops him hard onto the top rope, before tagging in the Devilman. Tony is hanging on the rope, and JINGUS grabs him around the waist, bringing him over in a high arc with a wheelbarrow suplex that slams Tony’s back into the mat hard!

JINGUS decides against a cover, and instead brings T.Bod up and grabs his face, setting for a CLAWSLAM! But Dan Black dashes in, and dropkicks JINGUS in the back. JINGUS releases T.Bod and turns to Dan, who smirks at him- and T.Bod rolls him up, grapevineing the legs!

ONE!


TWO!


THREEEEE-Kickout!

COLE
Great team work from Black T, and it almost stole the win.

CABOOSE
That’s why these guys are the best in the division. Two OAOAST legends, the two greatest singles wrestlers never to have held the World Title, and together they’re unstoppable.

Tony and JINGUS are both up, and Tony chops the massive chest of JINGUS. The Devilman fires back, his more powerful chops rocking T.Bod back. JINGUS whips T.Bod to the corner and charges in, but Tony ducks aside and the Devilman’s splash hits only turnbuckle. The Body tries his own version, whipping Big J to the opposite corner and running in, but JINGUS gets his arm and leg around T.Bod and drives him HARD into the mat with a stiff STO!

Cover-

ONE!


TWO!


Dan Black breaks it up!

Dan shrugs at the ref as he exits, and JINGUS brings T.Bod back up. Whip to the ropes is reversed by Tony, but as JINGUS comes back he jumps up onto T.Bod, wraps his legs around his head and snaps Tony around and over with a hurricanrana!

COLE
Ohmygod! JINGUS with a ‘rana! What agility from the monster!

CABOOSE
He just slipped and got his legs tangled round Tony’s head! Lucky bastard!

T.Bod staggers up, dizzy and stunned by the move, and JINGUS charges at him with a GORE! The Body is powered into the mat, and JINGUS covers, the crowd counting along!

ONE!


TWO!


THREE!




No! Kick out!

COACH
How did Tony kick out?! JINGUS just near broke him in half!

CABOOSE
Because he’s T.Bod! He’s The Body!

JINGUS roars and picks Tony up, dragging him into the challenger’s corner and tagging Sadist in. The two monsters beat T.Bod into the mat, until the ref ejects JINGUS, at which point T.Bod summons enough energy for a LOW BLOW on Sadist! Sadist collapses to the mat!

COLE
Do you think he enjoyed that?

CABOOSE
I don’t know…let’s try it out on Coach.

With Sadist down, Tony is able to roll across and tag Black in. Dan covers Sadist.

ONE!


TWO!


THR-Kick out!

Black locks on the Heart of Ice V2! (Alex Shelly’s Border City Stretch) but immediately releases it!

COACH
Dan remembering what happened in his singles match against Sadist on HeldDown- the freak LOVED that hold!

Black instead gestures for Sadist to get up. As he does, Black kicks him in the gut and plants him face first to the mat with a double arm DDT. Dan SPITS on Sadist, and climbs to the top rope!

Dan flips off the fans and dives off- with a Swanton Bomb! Black’s back smashes into Sadist!

COLE
An unusual move from Dan Black, he doesn’t usually fly.

CABOOSE
I think Dan feels like with his submission holds being ineffective against Sadist, he needs to up his game to beat him.

Dan, holding his back, rolls over to cover.

ONE!


TWO!

THREEEE-KICK OUT!

Dan rolls off the body of Sadist, frowning. And Sadist does the zombie sit up! Dan backs off as Sadist gets to his feet, but finds himself in the challenger’s corner! Sadist charges at Dan, who ducks, and Sadist just stops himself from slamming into JINGUS. Sadist apologises to JINGUS, allowing Black grab Sadist from behind, going for another German suplex- but Sadist counters the waistlock to his own, and hits Dan with the suplex- but Dan flips out and lands on his feet!

Sadist turns and Black dropkicks his leg, dropping him to one knee. Black runs off the ropes and nails Sadist with a SHINING WIZARD~!

ONE!


TWO!


THREEE!




KICK OUT!

Dan holds his head in his hands as the crowd stomps and cheers for Sadist to make the comeback once more. Black brings Sadist up, but the monster stops him with a couple of hard forearm shots and a whip to the ropes. Sadist tries to hip toss Dan, but Black again lands on his feet. Another dropkick to the leg from Dan, and he goes for another Shining Wizard, but Sadist blocks it, spins Dan around and up and hits him with a Blue Thunder Driver! The ref counts!

ONE!



TWO!




THREEEEEE-KICK OUT!


Sadist picks Dan up in the middle of the ring and double underhooks his arms. Sadist lifts Dan up and plants him with a Tiger Bomb!

ONE!


TWO!




THREEEEEEEE!




NO! Kick out!

COLE
These guys are just knocking hell out of each other! They can’t keep this up!

Sadist shakes his head slightly, and scrapes Dan off the mat. Black is now limp and helpless in Sadist’s clutches, and the monster picks him up for what looks like…

COACH
Tombstone! Sadist is going to give Black a Tombstone piledriver!

Before he can however, T.Bod darts into the ring and clips Sadist’s left leg. Dan falls to the mat as Sadist also goes down. T.Bod grabs Sadist by the neck, turns him around- RUDE AWAKENING!

T.Bod puts Dan on top and then runs at JINGUS, tackling him off the apron! T.Bod tumbles out after JINGUS as the ref counts!

ONE!




TWO!





THREE!








NO! Sadist KICKS OUT!

CABOOSE
That was three! Black T are cheated again!

COLE
It was two, two, two! Sadist just isn’t going to be beaten!

Dan and Sadist are both down in the ring as T.Bod and JINGUS slug it out on the floor. Tony tries to whip JINGUS into the ring steps, but the Devilman reverses it. T.Bod show his athleticism however, as he jumps up and lands on the steps! T.Bod turns back to JINGUS, who catches him with a shot to the gut, and climbs onto the ring steps too! DDT to T.Bod onto the steps!

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOH!
T.Bod’s face connects with a CLANG, and he slides off the steps, hardly moving. JINGUS climbs back into the ring, picks Dan up and delivers a quick SPINEBUSTAH! JINGUS puts Sadist on top!

CABOOSE
What the-!

COLE
Turn about is fair play, my friend!

ONE!



TWO!



THREE!




NO! Shoulder up from Black!

COACH
Things are really hotting up in the ring! Each of these four men throwing every thing they have at each other, they’re all desperate to be Tag Team Champions.

Sadist and Black both use the ropes to pick themselves up. JINGUS stomps the turnbuckle for a tag from Sadist.

COLE
If JINGUS gets in there now, its all over, Black’s in no condition to fight him off.

Sadist starts to crawl over, as we see T.Bod trying to climb up using the announce table!

CABOOSE
Come on Body! You can do it! In fact-

Caboose gets up and helps Tony to his feet!

COLE
What the hell? Coachie, stop him!

COACH
You stop him!

Sadist is just inches from the tag- and Tony pulls JINGUS off the apron! The Devilman hits his head on the edge of the ring, and Tony slides into the ring, grabbing Sadist for another Rude Awakening- but Sadist turns and reverses it to a belly to belly suplex!

Sadist goes for the cover- but the referee tells him that T.Bod isn’t the legal man!

CABOOSE
See, I told you he was stupid!

COLE
You just interfered in the match! How could you?

Caboose says nothing. A quick camera shot shows a satisfied smirk.

Sadist gets to his feet, and Dan Black attacks from behind, hitting a Russian leg sweep to take Sadist down. The referee gets Tony back to the Black T corner, but Dan just brings Sadist across and tags him anyway. JINGUS is back on the apron to watch Black T work over the Sadist in the corner. Dan and Tony whip Sadist to the ropes and give him a double hip toss as he comes back. Dan drops a knee to the throat as he departs to the apron, and Tony brings Sadist up.

T.Bod displays his power, lifting Sadist up and planting him with a belly to back suplex, and then locks on a sleeper on the mat. Sadist immediately begins to power out however, getting to his feet and running T.Bod into the challengers corner, where JINGUS tags himself in.

JINGUS with a flurry of blows that stun Tony, and the Devilman puts him on his shoulders! Sadist climbs to the top rope! The crowd POPS in anticipation, and Sadist jumps off, mashing T.Bod with the lariat as Tony takes the Doomsday Device! JINGUS covers!

ONE!



TWO!




THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!




















No! Dan saves at the last possible second! Now its Black and JINGUS exchanging blows, JINGUS with the Irish whip, but Black reverses it, and JINGUS knocks Sadist to the floor! The Devilman turns round- KICK, WHAM, PITCHBLACK!

Dan isn’t legal, so he helps a groggy T.Bod up. Tony is about to go for the cover when Dan shakes his head and holds up three fingers to Tony. The Body nods, and together they pick JINGUS off the mat. Tony grabs him for THE OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE, and Black assists it with a Rock Bottom!

CABOOSE
The Black Body Bag! 3B, and this one is over!

Tony covers!

ONE!




TWO!







THREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!



















NO!


Sadist dives in at the last minute, making the save with a blow to T.Bod! Dan attacks, but Sadist throws him out over the top rope! Sadist picks Tony up, and puts him onto the back in the torture rack!

Sadist drops down to his knees, delivering a vicious sit down backbreaker to T.Bod! But the monster isn’t finished, and gets to his feet again to deliver another!

But as he does so its KICK WHAM BLACKOUT from the returned Black! As Dan does the KICK, T.Bod is dropped backwards and lands on JINGUS!

Dan YELLS at the referee to count it!

ONE!




TWO!
















THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!





















* DING DING DING *


BUFFER
Ladies and Gentlemen, the winners of the match and STILL OAOAST WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS- Dan Black, T.Bod- BLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLACK TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

CABOOSE
They did it! They did it!

COLE
I’m not sure how, but Black T scraped through!

COACH
JINGUS took the Pitch Black and the 3B, and it was enough to keep him down. Black T roll on with another impressive win, but JINGUS and Sadist have got to be inline for a re-match after that performance!

Jivin’ JR runs down to ringside, hugging Dan and T.Bod and handing them their title belts. Black T makes its way up the ramp slowly, wincing from the impact they’ve taken. On the stage, JR beckons to someone behind the curtain. A waiter rushes through with a tray of champagne glasses, closely followed by a cluster of attractive young women who coo and make a fuss over the champs. Dan and Tony drink deeply, as JR starts to boogie with the women.

CABOOSE
Damn, I’m going to that party!

COLE
No, there’s still plenty more action to come! You’ll have just as much fun here with me and Da Coach!

CABOOSE
Bloody contract…

COACH
Next up, more gold on the line, its the X Title Match! But let's go backstage, where Jesse "The Body" Ventura is standing by with the Global Party XChange.

CABOOSE
Jesse's working hard for his money tonight.

CUT TO: LOCKER ROOM

JESSE
Jesse The Body in the locker room area, with an exclusive interview with a tag team we saw earlier tonight cheat their way to victory -- Scotty Static & Johnny "Jam" Jackson, the Global Party XChange.

Scotty & Johnny jump into the camera's view.

SCOTTY
Jess-say! Wassup to you and all our peoples 'cross the globe? GPX wid ya after a sensational win.

JOHNNY
Body, you gots me & Scotty S.'s vote for P-R-E-Z in '08, ya hear?

SCOTTY
Yo, Jenna & Barb -- give us a call.

JESSE
I don't even know if you two should be allowed to vote. But I gotta tell you -- I, like everybody watchin' on pay-per-view, saw you two take advantage of a serious situation. As somebody who occassionally broke the rules every now and then during my wrestling career... you did somethin' to The Saints! It ain't no coincidence those floozy's wanted to "celebrate" with 'em after their huge win last week on Starmaker. Even I wouldn't have stooped that low.

JOHNNY
We wuz boostin' the economy.

JESSE
I'm sure President Bush would be thrilled to here you're "boostin' the economy" by prostitution.

SCOTTY
You know the old saying, Jess: "Revenge is a dish best served cold." And what's more colder than a woman's scorn? I remember the time Johnny got an STD back in 4th grade. I mean, who would've thunk a 9-year-old girl would be sexually active?

JOHNNY
The Saints picked up a bag of Scuttles not Skittles.

JESSE
In the past few months, you guys have become the most wanted men in the OAOAST -- and you're not even the tag team champions. Surely the wear and tear is getting to you. Maybe to the point where you no longer what the tag titles. You saw what Black T did out there.

SCOTTY
Dude, we've been wanted since we were litttle kids stealing the jocks' girlfriends. The Saints said they aren't done with us. They aren't Charlie's Angels, but if Mann & Synth come knockin' on our door we'll greet 'em with a major serving of fist-in-your-face. Like we said last month, we're more focus than ever before. Body, you've experienced the crushing feeling after losing a championship match. Like pimpin', it ain't easy. Our match tonight showcased our new approach. Nobody lives -- or wins -- forever, cuz. If wrestling's taught us anything, it's that the babyface always goes over in the end.

JOHNNY
Bro, don't forget when the Road Warriors lost to Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard at Starrcade '87. They lost in their own hometown.

SCOTTY
Dusty Rhodes isn't workin' here, baby. So me & Triple J are gonna go all-out until we win the gold... well, those tinted blue belts.

JOHNNY
Yo Scott, you think those belts turn your stomaches green like that epsiode of Saved by the Bell, where Zack -- not OAOAST asshole champ Zack, Zack Morris -- got the gang those rings?

SCOTTY
They do to Black T -- green with GPX envy. Black T...we's a comin' hard.

JOHNNY
Playa don't play. GPX over and out.

JESSE
There you have it. GPX admits groupie tamperin', and they want the tag team titles. Good luck to them. Especially if they end up facing Black T, a team they have yet to defeat. And Caboose, with the money I'm gettin' paid, the OAOAST better work me. Back to the ring. And Michael Buffer.

[Chanel #99]

MICHAEL BUFFER
Ladies and Gentlemen this match is scheduled for one fall and it is for the X Division Championship!



The fans cheer.

Tear Away by Drowning Pool begins and the fans stand in anticipation and boo.

I’m tearing away
Pieces are falling I can’t seem to make them stay

You run away
Faster and faster you can’t seem to get away






BREAK!!!!!!

COLE
Here we go. It’s time to find out who the mystery opponent is.

COACH
I’ve got goosebumps Cole!

CABOOSE
I think this whole thing is ridiculous. Once Abe Vigoda left the Board should have told Rick who he was facing!

Rick Edwards makes his way out and the crowd boos loudly. J. Arthur Edwards follows closely behind and yells at some fans who are heckling Rick. Rick doesn’t even pay attention to the fans as he slides into the ring and waits in the corner. Buffer is standing in the ring with a mic, but he seems to be waiting for Rick to do something. Rick actually waves him on to go ahead as the music fades out.

MICHAEL BUFFER
Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by J. Arthur Edwards, weighing in at 210 pounds, from Houston, Texas, the reigning X Division Champion…RICK EDWARDS!!!!

Rick gives Buffer mock applause and Buffer just shakes his head.

MICHAEL BUFFER
And his opponent…

COLE
Who is it!?




























The fans buzz with anticipation...






















THE ARENA GOES DARK

















CALIFORNIA LOOOOOOVE!!!!!

COLE
What!?!?

COACH
OH MY GOD!!!!!

CABOOSE
This is a Traveshamockery!!!

The fans go absolutely nuts as California Love by Tupac and Dr. Dre plays over the loud speakers and the familiar El Camino once again pulls out onto the stage!

COACH
Is it really him?

CABOOSE
No it’s not…

COACH
Oh…oh wait you’re ribbing me aren’t you?

It is in fact him as The Parka pokes his head out of the window of the El Camino and raises his arm in the air. In the ring Rick and J. Arthur are livid and Rick complains to anyone who is nearby. Buffer actually laughs as he begins his announcement.

MICHAEL BUFFER
Making his return to the OAOAST, weighing in at 225 pounds, from San Diego, California, he is a two time OAOAST Tag Team Champion with the Dream Machines, this is…THE PARKA!!!!!

The fans cheer as Parka steps into the ring and stares down Rick. Parka removes his mask and hands it to the ring attendant before turning to face Rick again.

COLE
These two have never faced each other before.

CABOOSE
Which makes it even worse seeing as Rick couldn’t even prepare for him!

* DING DING DING *

The two men stand face to face and scowl at each other as the fans chant “Parka, Parka!” Rick mouths the words, “I’m not afraid of you,” and Parka just smirks. Rick reaches his hand back like he’s going for a punch and…thrusts his hand forward for a handshake. Parka looks at him strangely before looking to the crowd who obviously say no. Rick offers the hand again and Parka slowly goes for it, but Rick pulls back and goes for a punch. Parka manages to block the punch and lays into Rick with five punches of his own that drive Rick back into the corner.

COLE
That backfired!

Parka begins nailing him with back elbows, but Rick works his way in between the ropes and calls for a break. The ref has to pull Parka away from the corner as Rick makes his way back in and locks up with Parka. Rick gains the advantage with a Side Headlock, but Parka shoves him forward to the ropes and hits a Drop Toe Hold. Parka quickly pounces and grabs a Side Headlock of his own on the mat. He then pulls Rick up and hits a Bulldog before making the first cover of the match.

1



No!!!

Both men stand and Rick throws a knee into the gut of Parka before hitting a Snap Mare that brings Parka over to the mat. Rick then backs up and nails Parka in the back with a Soccer Kick. Parka cringes in pain as Rick yells at him to get up. Parka gets up and Rick runs forward, but Parka ducks down and hits a Back Body Drop on Rick!

COLE
Rick can’t seem to keep the advantage on Parka at all.

CABOOSE
Because he couldn’t scout him!

COACH
I should have brought the tissues for you…please don’t him me! *Scoots away from Caboose*

Rick is up again, but Parka kicks him in the gut and hits a Snap Suplex that sends a loud thud throughout the arena. Parka floats over into a pin.

1





2

No!!

Parka stands and pulls Rick to his feet by the head and goes for a Tiger Driver, but Rick fights it and goes for a Back Body Drop. As Parka goes over he hooks Rick’s legs and takes him over with a Sunset Flip!

1





2



No!!!

COACH
Damn! Parka seems to have a few counters up his sleeve.

CABOOSE
Yeah because he got to scout out Rick before the match!

Rick gets up and then stumbles right back into the hands of Parka who Clotheslines him almost out of his boots! Parka then hits the ropes and comes off with a Jumping Fist Drop to Rick’s head. Parka stands and poses for the crowd which absolutely loves every minute of it. Parka waits in the corner for Rick to stand and when he does Parka runs forward, but Rick bails to the outside for a breather.

CABOOSE
Good move!

Parka looks pissed and exits the ring to follow him, but JAE is there to block his way. Parka tells him to move, but JAE just folds his arms and stands there. Parka just shrugs his shoulders and blasts JAE with a forearm shot before grabbing him by the head and slamming him face first into the guardrail!

COLE
That’s it! It’s about time someone put him in his place!

CABOOSE
You’re terrible.

Parka then tosses JAE over the guardrail and hard onto the concrete, but Rick takes advantage of the distraction and hits a Bulldog to Parka.

COLE
Bulldog to the hard floor!!

COACH
That has to hurt!

CABOOSE
Hmm…maybe we should test your theory Coach.

Parka’s face hits the mat hard and comes up bloody. Blood trickles from the nose of Parka and Rick sees it as he gets down and starts pounding on the nose of Parka with right hands. The fans boo as Rick flips them off and mocks Parka by holding his own nose in pain.

COLE
My God I think Parka’s nose exploded!

Rick tosses Parka back into the ring and slides in where he pulls Parka to his feet and hits a Short Arm Clothesline. He then makes a cover.

1






2






3

No!!! Parka kicks out!

Rick pulls Parka to his feet and shoves him back into a corner before backing up and hitting a Running High Knee right to the face of Parka! Parka starts to fall forward, but Rick catches him and shoves him back into the corner before hitting a Dropsault right to the face!

COLE
Dammit Rick is gonna destroy Parka’s nose! He won’t be able to breathe right!

CABOOSE
Which will cause him to become winded…brilliant!

The impact of the dropkick knocks Parka back and then he falls face first to the mat where Rick rolls him over and goes for a pin.

1






2






3


No!!!

Rick can’t believe that Parka kicked out and tells the ref so. Rick then pulls Parka to his feet and lifts him up and hits a Brainbuster. Rick then bounces off the ropes and does a Flipping Leg Drop to Parka’s face, which causes Parka to hold his nose in pain and writhe around on the mat.

COLE
Enough is enough!

Rick laughs as he turns Parka over for a cover.

1






2






3


No!!! Parka kicks out again!

Rick really can’t believe it this time and even shoves the ref. The ref threatens to DQ Rick while assuring him it was a two count! Rick goes to pick up Parka, but he is distracted by a pop from the crowd, which quickly turns to boos.

COLE
What’s happening?

COACH
Look who’s here!

Eddy Kalm comes out onto the stage as if he was shoved and Christopher Cain follows him out. The crowd boos at Cain who drags Eddy to the ring.

RICK
What the hell are you doing?

Parka comes to in the ring and slides out when he sees his former manager. Rick exits the ring as well so not to be outdone by Parka.

CAIN
He was lurking backstage, probably to jump you on your way back!

RICK
Why would he do that!? He has nothing to do with this match…wait a minute…*Rick turns and looks at Parka*

CABOOSE
Son of a Bitch! Eddy set this up didn’t he!?

Rick looks pissed at Eddy and then at Parka before spearing Parka into the edge of the ring! Rick spits at Eddy and then launches Parka head first into the ring post. The ref comes out and tells Cain and Eddy to leave ringside. Eddy goes to leave, but Cain grabs him and pulls him back. Rick comes over and tells Cain to take Eddy and leave, but Cain just stares at him.

COLE
I don’t think Eddy had anything to do with this! Why would he do that?

COACH
I don’t know. I might agree with Caboose for once.

Rick slides Parka into the ring and goes back in. He then pulls Parka to his feet and decides to sit him on the top turnbuckle.

COLE
Oh man he could finish this right now if he hits the Brain Damage!

Rick takes a few steps back and runs up the ropes for the Brain Damage, but Parka gets a burst of energy and shoves Rick back down to the mat! Cain is up on the apron quickly and goes for Parka, but Parka elbows Cain to the face and the shoves him so that he falls back to the mat on the outside. Cain lands hard on his back as Parka gains his balance on the top rope and hits and Elbow Drop off the top rope! Parka then makes a cover after a few seconds of recovery.

1






2






3


No!!! Rick kicks out!!

Parka then notices Cain start to move on the outside and yells at Eddy to go to the back. Eddy wastes no time running to the back as Parka slides outside and gets a chair. Parka then runs around and leaps off the ring steps to bring the chair crashing down on Cain’s head!

COLE
OH MY GOD WHAT A CHAIR SHOT!!!

Cain falls to the mat as Parka discards the chair and slides back into the ring, but Rick is waiting and kicks him in the gut! Rick then goes for the Superman’s Dead, but Parka manages to fight out and goes for the Day of the Dead! Parka gets Rick up on his shoulders in the Razor’s Edge position and brings him down on the back of his head and neck!!!

COLE
OH MY GOD WE MIGHT HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!!

CABOOSE
No!!!

1








2








3!!


No!!! Rick actually kicks out!!!!

The fans halfway pop, but they stop when the ref puts two fingers up.

COLE
I can’t believe it!! Rick kicked out!!

CABOOSE
Yes!!

Parka is shocked, but he pulls Rick to his feet and goes for it again, but Rick manages to fight his way off of Parka’s shoulders and turns around. Rick then jumps into the air and hits a Doomsday Kick to the front of Parka’s head! The kick hits hard on Parka’s nose!

COLE
A reverse Enziguri!!! He just blasted Parka’s face!

COACH
Daaaaaamn!!!

Parka goes down hard and holds his nose in pain as blood begins flowing from it again. Rick pulls him to his feet and goes for the Superman’s Dead again, but Parka fights it before he can get him up. Rick then blasts Parka to the face with a forearm and tries again. This time Parka falls behind Rick and goes for a Half Nelson Suplex, but Rick fights out, grabs Parka by the arm, swings the arm around Parka’s throat, and yanks him down with a Rough Break Neckbreaker!

CABOOSE
Now that’s gotta be it!!!

COLE
It’s hard to tell in this match!

1







2







3!!


No!!! Parka kicks out!!!

COLE
Now Parka kicks out of one of Rick’s finishers!!

COACH
What a match!

JAE comes back to ringside and gets Cain up before both men stand on the apron and offer their help. Rick waves both men off and tells them to stay out of it.

CABOOSE
You have to give Rick one thing! He doesn’t like people fighting his battles for him!

COLE
You’re right.

CABOOSE
Wow…say that again. I like the sound of it.

COLE
No.

Rick then goes again for the Superman’s Dead, but Parka yet again fights out and lands behind him. This time Parka grabs a Dragon Sleeper on Rick!

CABOOSE
Dammit Parka just won’t quit!

The fans are on their feet as Parka locks the move in tight as he can, but the loss of blood and fatigue has taken its toll on him. Rick fights his way to the ropes and shoves off so that his momentum knocks Parka back. Rick rolls through, grabs Parka by the head and pulls him up for an Inverted Vertical Suplex ended with a Diamond Cutter to finish the Superman’s Dead!

COLE
This could be it!!!

CABOOSE
Damn right! That move drops you right on your face and Parka can’t take any more punishment there!

Rick slowly crawls over and makes the cover.

1








2







COLE
Kick out!

3!!!

* DING DING DING DING *

COLE
Rick did it! He beat an opponent he wasn’t even prepared for!

COACH
Damn!

CABOOSE
I knew he could do it!!

Rick slowly gets up as JAE and Cain enter the ring and Cain goes to pick up Parka, but Rick waves him off. Rick then thinks about it a second before shrugging his shoulders and waving him on and leaving the ring with JAE. Cain then picks Parka up and hits a Chokeslam as the fans boo.

COLE
Oh come on!!

Rick grabs his X Title and holds it high as Tear Away plays over the loud speakers.

MICHAEL BUFFER
Here’s your winner and still X-Division Champion…RICK EDWARDS!!!!

Rick slowly walks back to the back, looking quite tired.

COLE
What a war these to had tonight. I’m glad to see Parka back, but I’m not so sure Parka is glad to be back right now. Well, it's certainly been a wild night thus far, and we still have our main event yet to come -- the match the E-Fed Entertainment world has been waiting for is next... WarGames. Before we go back to the ring, the OAOAST world tag team champions -- who successfully defend their titles earlier tonight -- Black T will be standing by with some comments. But first, once again, a quick work about our next pay-per-view event.

THIS AIN'T OZ
Sunday, July 25, 2004

Call your local cable or satellite provider to order NOW!

[Chanel #99]

Standing alongside thier long stretch limo outside the arena are the OAOAST tag champs, dressed fabulously.

T-BOD
You know Mr. Black, I couldn't help but notice Jim Cornette's absurd comments regarding us and our treatment of Mr. Jive. He made it sound like we were pissing on Jesus, or something.

DAN
Quite frankely Mr. T, it seems James E. is out-of-touch with the 2004 version of "his friend" J.R. (tapping the limo window) Mr. Jive, a word with you.

Jivin' J.R. pops out of the sun roof.

J.R.
Mr. Black, Mr. T -- Black T.

DAN
Mr. Jive, for the world to know... how do you feel about being aligned with the tag team champions of the world?

J.R.
It's BAH GAWD grrrreat! I hang out with the champs, and I get laid once a month!

T-BOD
For the record, Mr. Jive... how many times did you get laid before?

J.R.
Countin' animals? I tell ya -- hit their g-spot and they squeal like a pig. Oink! Oink!

T-BOD
Just--Just human beings.

J.R.
I've been married nearly as many times as Larry King, but the kiddies are test--BAH GAWD--tube babies. So the answer's zero. Nada. But now...I'm livin' like vida loca! I haven't been this happy since Danny Hodge won the NWA Junior's heavyweight title back in the day.

T-BOD
Thank you. See. The little slobberknocker's happy as happy can be. Mr. Cornette, I suggest you should concern yourself with what's going to hit you and the Midnight Express come Thursday on HeldDown --

T-BOD & DAN
(flashing the 3-B hand gesture)
3-B!

The Champs open the door, we see J.R. surrounded by lovely ladies. Once Dan & T-Bod are in the limo the ladies jump on them. The window rolls down. Dan, getting his neck kissed by a redhead, turns to the camera.

DAN
Remember, there's two guarantees in life: there are winners and losers. And we're...

Dan kicks back and we see a woman's hand rubbing T-Bod's chest.

T-BOD
Winners.

The window rolls back up. The limo accelerates -- VROOM!...

...and we cut to a shot of the backstage area, where your favorite interviewer and mine, Josh Matthews, is standing with the incomparable Calvin Szechstein! The former champ has his wrestling tights on under a black "THRILLOGY" t-shirt, and his eyes show a clear focus.

JOSH
Calvin, we're literally moments away from possibly the biggest match-up in OAOAST history, as the Thrillogy, as well as Gibraltar, take on Sly Sommers, AJ Flaire, Northstar and Crystal. Calvin, you've been victim of some nasty words over the last couple of weeks...

CALVIN
You're damn right I've been the victim of some nasty words over the last couple of weeks, Josh. I'm catching insults from Stephen Joseph of all people, telling me to fuck myself. I'll tell you what, Stephen, my deal with Sony Records has me in close contact with Janet Jackson, and if the FCC can come down hard on her and my man JT then they can DAMN sure come down hard on you. But the FCC's punishment isn't going to be NEAR as harsh as mine. I don't care who you are, Stephen Joseph -- to the Thrillogy, you're a nobody, and I will kick your face in, cut your throat out and sell it back to you at a HEFTY profit if you don't shut your god damned mouth. Understood?

JOSH
Calvin, tensions seem to be high over WarGames...

CALVIN
You're damn right tensions are high over WarGames! All I hear walking down the street is how the Thrillogy is going down, how Zack Malibu is going down. It's all of the people being goddamned ignorant. We're bigger than them, we're faster than them, and we're smarter than them. We are going to win this match, Josh Matthews, and if you don't believe THAT then you need to wake up.

Calvin walks off, and Josh looks on.

JOSH
We're just moments away from WarGames! Take it away, Triple C!

[Chanel #99]

COACH
It is now time for, without a doubt, the single most dangerous and destructive match in the history of wrestling. It is the War Games.



MC
Two teams of four, inside of a double-cage surrounding two rings, battling for OAOAST supremacy. You have the Thrillogy, who have gained the monstrous Gibraltar for one night only due to a "donation to the church", battling Sly Sommers, Crystal, AJ Flaire, and Northstar, dubbed by some to be the "Not Ready for Main Event Players" due to their inability to get the job done in big-match situations.

CABOOSE
And they will continue to not be able to get the job done in huge, main-event level matches tonight, as I can't see them winning at all with all that's in their way!

MC
You're referring to the obvious size advantage that Gibraltar and Hoff hold over all four members of the opposing team...

CABOOSE
That, and how truly pathetic that team is!

COACH
Whatever. The fact is, I think that Sly, Crystal, AJ, and Northstar have enough heart and determination to overcome whatever obstacles stand in their way. They've already overcome team in-fighting, losing their most dominant member, multiple proverbial muggings, and many other things that would shoot a normal person's morale down instantly.

MC
Both teams have their pluses and minuses, and it should be a tremendous, yet grueling battle. Let's go up to the rings, where Michael Buffer is standing by with our ring introductions.

(Cut to shot of Buffer inside Ring One)

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the main event of the Great Angle Bash 2004, as two four-headed juggernaunts will collide in this very building in the single most grueling type of match in wrestling history, as we kick off the OAOAST Summer of Blood with a bang! Are you ready? ::decent pop:: I said, ARE YOU READY?!?! ::loud applause:: Then, for the thousands in this arena and the millions watching around the world...LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!

The crowd erupts, as the arena lights go out, and one big spotlight comes on to shine on the double-cage above the ring, as it's being lowered. Random pyro eruptions go off as the monstrocity of a cage gets closer to the ground. As soon as it touches the ground, all four corners erupt with vertical pyro explosions, and a huge pop commences...

"Nothing" then begins, as all four members of Team Thrillogy then come to the ring...

BUFFER
Introducing first, weighing in tonight at a combined weight of 1,160 pounds...accompanied to the ring tonight by Candie and Saint Andrew...they are the team of Calvin Szechstein, Gibraltar, the 24/7 Champion Hoff, and the Heavyweight Champion of the WOOOOOOOOOOORLD!..."The Franchise" Zack Malibu! They are Team THRILLLLOOOOOGY!

Thrillogy walk to their assigned cage entrance door, on the right side of the second half of the cage.

MC
There's none of the usual Thrillogy pagentry...this is about as serious as it gets.

"Set It Off" then starts up, as Crystal, AJ Flaire, Sly Sommers, and Northstar come to the ring to a gigantic pop...

BUFFER
And their opponents...weighing in tonight at a combined weight of 773 pounds...they are the team of "The Phenomonal" AJ Flaire, Sly "The Sly" Sommers, Northstar, and the "Female Phenom" CRYYYYYSTAAAAAAL!

COACH
I think these two teams are ready for war!

The "Not Ready for Main Event Players" huddle on the ramp near the main door, which is their assigned cage entrance. They then see that Zack Malibu looks to be opening the cage door. Crystal then yells to her group that she wants in first. They give the thumbs-up, and she charges into the cage. She has trouble shutting the door all of the way. As she's trying to get it shut, Calvin Szechstein runs into the cage from the Thrillogy entrance, exits Ring Two to enter Ring One, and jumps Crystal.

*DING* *DING*

Calvin holds Crystal on the ropes, and lays into her back with repeated stiff forearms. In between spots, Calvin either spits at or flips off her teammates. Calvin turns her around and gives her a knee to the gut. Calvin then takes the time to taunt her teammates by spitting at them and yelling various curse words. Calvin then whips Crystal off to the ropes. She bounces off, and Calvin lifts her for a flapjack. However, she takes advantage ot the recovery time given to her when Calvin was taunting her teammates, and reverses with a DDT!

MC
Thatta girl!

Crystal then pulls Calvin up, and lays into him with repeated punches to the face. After a bevy of punches, Calvin ducks into a corner. Crystal connects with two more punches before hitting a great-looking dropsault, followed by connecting with a shoulder charge to the mid-section. Crystal takes a few steps back, charges forward, and nails a jumping enziguri to the back of Calvin's head to cause him to fall on his face. Crystal then turns him over and straddles him to punch him in the face some more. She then drags him to center-ring and goes to the second rope. She goes for a moonsault, but he gets his knees up at the last second. Calvin shakes off his cobwebs and forearms her in the face as she tries to get up. He then grabs her by the hair and tights to toss her face-first into the cage! She bounces off and walks into a snap powerslam!

CABOOSE
Calvin Szechstein: Beatin' women since back in the day!

MC
I'm sure that's something that the Board of Directors would be proud of...

Calvin then steps on her hair with one foot as she lies on her stomach. He lifts up her legs and sends her back down by kicking her in the back stiffly. Calvin pulls her up by the hair and shoves her into the ropes. The back of her head hits the cage as she bounces off and walks into a brutal STO that sends the back of her head into the cage yet again! Calvin keeps ahold of her and, in one solid motion, brings her down with a Flatliner!

CABOOSE
It's only about a minute in, and my boys already have it in the bag!

Calvin then turns Crystal over and starts strangling her with his bare hands. Calvin soon tires of just doing that, as he gets to his feet and kicks her in the face before going to the second rope. Calvin then connects with a falling front elbow to her throat. Calvin then pulls Crystal up, and whips her as hard as he can into the corner. She bounces off chest-first and falls on her back. Calvin pulls her up by the hair, and shoves her into the corner. She falls into a seated position, and Calvin starts rapidly stomping her in the chest and face.

MC
There's a wicked killer streak being released within Calvin Szechstein!

Calvin then walks to the opposite corner as she's left seated in that corner. Calvin then charges forward like a demon and connects with a running knee to her face! Calvin then rips off a long strip of athletic tape from his left hand and begins to choke Crystal with it. Calvin then tosses it when he's finished choking her, with it getting stuck to the cage. Calvin then grabs Crystal's legs, and attempts to pull her out of the corner with a sitdown powerbomb. But, she backflips out and onto her feet as he lifts. He falls on his butt and gets dropkicked in the face for it!

COACH
That's what I call "smashmouth"!

She waits for him to get up. When he does, she springboards to the second rope and hits a turnaround flying clothesline! Crystal then pulls Calvin up, and connects with a European uppercut that sends him against the ropes, with his arms stuck between the ropes and cage. Crystal then lets loose with a stiff series of chops, leaving Calvin's chest beet-red. Crystal then lifts herself onto his shoulders in an electric chair position, swivels around to get Cal to slightly lose balance and shift to the right, and bridges back on the ropes in between the two rings to lock in a reverse headscissors tarantula!

CABOOSE
No fair! That's an illegal choke!

MC
This is War Games! Nothing's illegal!

She cranks back on the hold, with Cal's head even turning blue for a few seconds, before losing grip and falling onto the apron. She crawls back into the ring and grabs Cal by the ankle to keep ahold of him. She pulls him up, and whips him off to the ropes. He reverses the Irish whip, and brings her up and down on the way back with a falling hiptoss. Calvin then pulls her up by the hair and tosses her into the other ring. Calvin then taunts the other members of her team with his back turned to her. She shakes the cobwebs off as he continues to waste time. As he finally turns around, she springboards to the top rope in Ring Two, jumps to the top rope in Ring One, and sends Calvin down with a springboard dropkick!

COACH
KA-BAM!

She pulls Calvin up, and kicks him in the stomach. She then whips him off to the ropes. He bounces off of the ropes, and Crystal flies at him for a lariat. She then twists around mid-move and brings him down with a reverse DDT! Crystal pulls Calvin up, and goes for a DDT. But, Calvin grabs onto her leg so that she can't come down without driving herself down in a painful position. So, she forearms him in the back repeatedly and then backs up to come off of the ropes. She goes for a clothesline, but Calvin ducks down, grabs the arm, twists around with her, and hits a neckbreaker.

CABOOSE
Nothing gets past Calvin Szechstein!

Cal waits until she gets to her knees. When she does, he charges forward and dropkicks her in the side of the head. Calvin then pulls her up, and chops her once, though very loudly. Cal, still having a hold of her by the hair, pulls her into front facelock position and quickly switches to suplex-lifting position. He turns himself around after lifting her, and suplexes her back into the corner, where she ends up entangled in the Tree of Woe!

MC
I must admit: that was a pretty creative use of the suplex.

Calvin then chokes Crystal with the bottom of his boot yet again, and dropkicks her in the stomach. She ends up falling out of the tree of woe as she's clinching her stomach. Calvin pulls her up, locks her hand between her legs, hooks the other arm, and drops her with a pumphandle suplex. Cal then kips up, spits his gum in the air, and pulls Crystal up. He then goes for a side suplex. She blocks by hooking her foot around his leg. He forearms her in the back twice, and goes for it again. But, she ends up landing on her feet behind him. He turns around and walks right into a forearm to the face.

COACH
Idiot...

Crystal then whips him off to the ropes. She goes for something when he bounces off, but he ends up grabbing her arm and reversing the whip. She comes off of the ropes and goes for a flying headscissors. But, she gets caught in tombstone position, and Cal then slams her onto her back. Szechstein pulls her up, and clotheslines her down while holding her by the hair. He then pulls her up by the hair yet again, and takes her over to the mesh fencing, where he repeatedly slams her face against the cage. After finishing that, he hooks her and sends her back with a Russian legsweep.

CABOOSE
That's Calvin Szechstein for ya: always reacting...

Szechstein pulls her up and knees her in the face while she's kneeling. He then pulls her all of the way up and drops her with a side suplex. He rolls onto his back, kips up, comes off of the ropes, and drops a fistdrop on Crystal's face. Szechstein lifts her up and tosses her into a corner. He then kisses two of his fingers, points at his partners, pounds his chest, and nails a stiff back elbow to Crystal's jaw.

COLE
That's just plain arrogant.

Calvin does the same cocky gesture, and then drives another back elbow at Crystal, this time to the center of her chest. Calvin then goes for the Irish whip, but turns it around himself and drives her chest-first into the corner. She bounces off upon impact, and gets driven down to the mat with a sitdown STO-type manuever. He then drags her further out in the ring, and then goes up to the second rope. He yells something inaudible to Crystal involving the f-word. He then goes for a falling headbutt, but she moves out of the way and he falls on his face!

COACH
That's what you get for being cocky!

Both slowly get up. As they struggle to their feet, the referee outside of the ring gets the call in his ear to do the coin toss to determine which team gets to send in their member next. He pulls the coin out of his pocket, and tells the Thrillogy to select which side they want it to land on. Zack yells out, "Heads!" The referee then flips the coin. It lands on the ground, and the referee looks down to officially declare it to be Heads. The Thrillogy celebrate at ringside, as their opponents brood over by their entrance.

CABOOSE
That's a good referee if I've ever seen one!

COLE
It was probably a double-headed coin!

Crystal gets up first, and starts miming a rope pull as Calvin struggles up to his feet, which seems to signal for her going for the Canadian Destroyer. Right before Calvin reaches both feet, the buzzer goes off! Hoff from the Thrillogy then enters the cage, runs directly into Ring One, and jumps Crystal from behind. He pulls her up after his first set of strikes, and whips her off to the ropes. He then lifts her in side suplex position, swings around, and both tosses and drops her at the same time!

CABOOSE
What strength by the Thrillogy Assassain!

Hoff pulls Crystal up, and lifts her for a suplex. He ends up holding her up there...and holding her up there...and holding her up there. He ends up keeping her up in the suplex for twenty seconds before dropping her with the suplex! Calvin then comes running out of the corner that he used to help pull himself up with, and connects with a kneedrop. Hoff pulls Crystal up as Calvin kneels to one knee. Hoff then slams Crystal onto Calvin's knee and Cal shrugs her off.

COLE
As much as I hate to admit it, Hoff and Calvin are a very well-oiled machine.

Calvin then pulls Crystal up by the hair, and shoves her into a corner. Calvin and Hoff then pound on Crystal with hard right-handed shots to the face. They then each grab her by an armpit, and toss her with a big Beale toss (double hiptoss)! Hoff then lifts his own partner onto his shoulders, and drops him with an FU so that he falls on Crystal in senton-form. They then lift Crystal up, grab her by the arms, and repeatedly toss her back-first into the mesh cage!

COACH
This is excessive brutality!

Hoff then grabs her by the hair, and starts pounding her face into the cage repeatedly. This ends up opening a small cut in the center of her forehead that trickles blood. Hoff then lifts Crystal for a slam, and ends up spinning her for a Catatonic. On the way down, Calvin grabs ahold of her in Russian legsweep-fashion to bring her down even harder. Hoff and Calvin then cococt a double-team move where Hoff lifts Calvin for a side suplex, and tosses him over his shoulder, where he nails a moonsault on Crystal.

CABOOSE
This proves that unity is much more solid grounds for victory than insanity.

Calvin then straddles Crystal and repeatedly punches her in the face. Hoff tells Calvin to back off and he does. Hoff then jogs forward and hits a running frog splash. Calvin and Hoff then each hook a leg of hers in half-crab fashion, and roll forward, ending up with a double-team rolling bomb on her! They keep ahold of her legs, and roll it over into a double team Boston Crab!

COLE
That looks painful!

Hoff and Calvin get bored with the submission hold, and let go. They then lift her by the hair and go for a double suplex. They back up and slam her into the cage before falling forward with a front-face suplex! Hoff and Calvin knock fists in celebration before Calvin then pulls her up, and kicks her in the stomach. Hoff comes off of the ropes and connects with a stiff running kick to the side of her head! The impact of that spins her around, and into spinebuster position by Hoff. Calvin then bounces off of the ropes and connects with a leaping clothesline as Hoff drops her with a front spinebuster! He then turns her around into a Boston Crab, and Calvin nails her in the face with a baseball slide!

COLE
Isn't that...

COACH
Shut up with the indy references!

Hoff then pulls her up and whips her off to the ropes. She bounces off, and showing all the fight left in her, goes for a bodypress. However, Hoff is too big and strong, and ends up catching her. He then tosses her up on his shoulders and drops her with Cruel Intentions. Calvin then asks Hoff to grab his foot. He does, and then flips Cal in a moonsault onto Crystal. Hoff then asks Calvin to go rest in Ring Two while he takes care of Crystal. Calvin follows his orders.

COLE
This arrogance will come back to bite them in the ass.

Hoff then lifts her in powerbomb fashion and drapes her over his shoulder. He then puts her in Gory Special position, lets go of her neck, and drops her hard face-first onto the mat. Hoff then lifts her in a wheelbarrow-like way, and suplexes her to where she goes neck-first into the cage! Hoff pulls her out from between the top rope and the cage, and drops her with a big Exploder suplex!

CABOOSE
Kill 'er, Hoff!

Hoff then pulls her to her feet and puts her in powerbomb position. He gives a thumbs-up to Calvin, who gives him the thumbs-up back. Hoff then lifts her for a powerbomb. Just at that moment, the buzzer goes off! Sly Sommers immediately rushes into the ring and dropkicks Hoff in the knee to stop his attempt at a powerbomb. He then rushes at the ropes, and dives over them with no touch to connect with a flying clothesline onto Calvin!

COLE
He's like a man possessed!

Sly stays on Calvin, and repeatedly punches him in the face as hard as he can. He then grabs Calvin by the sides of his head and slams the back of his head into the canvas. He then pulls Calvin up, whips him to the ropes, and sends him down with a hard clothesline! Calvin dazily gets up, and walks into a dropkick from Sly. Calvin then tries rolling into Ring One, but he gets stuck in the crack between the rings. Sly then walks in between rings, and stomps on Calvin with both feet until he falls all the way in and under the rings!

COACH
Goodbye, Cal!

Sly then enters Ring One, and starts wailing away at Hoff with punches. Crystal gets to her feet seconds later, and assists Sly with punching Hoff in the face. They then both whip Hoff off to the ropes, and catch him with a double front dropkick to send him down. He comes up, and Sly kicks him into a corner. Sly then goes down on all fours, Crystal charges forward, leaps off of Sly's back, and connects with a flying forearm to Hoff's face.

COLE
How's THAT for continuity, Caboose?

CABOOSE
Shut up.

Hoff then stumbles and falls on his face. Crystal locks in a camel clutch, Sly takes a few steps back, and then field goal kicks Hoff in the jaw. Sly and Crystal get up and slap hands. Right at that moment, Calvin, who had fought his back from underneath the rings to squeeze back up, comes charging at them. But, they side-step and then hiptoss him into the cage! Sly pulls him out in between the top and middle ropes, and then pulls him to his feet. He whips Calvin off to the ropes, and lifts him for a Samoan Drop. Crystal then charges from the side, and they hit Three Count's old Countdown (Samoan Drop/swinging neckbreaker double-team manuever)!

COACH
Drop that fool, girl!

Sly pulls Hoff up as Crystal pulls Calvin up. They send the two Thrillogy member to opposite corners, and deliver stereo chops to their chests. Sly and Crystal then go for dueling Irish whips on their opponents. Hoff reverses his Irish whip, but Sly is ready for it and ends up tackling Calvin! Sly pounds away at Calvin, and Crystal launches herself off of Sly at Hoff. But, he catches her and goes for a Catatonic. However, she reverses mid-swing into a DDT!

COLE
Incredible move by Crystal!

Sly and Crystal then get up as Hoff dazily comes to his feet. Sly and Crystal charge forward, and nail dueling step-up enziguris, coming from both sides, to the back of Hoff's head! Crystal then pulls Calvin up, and snapmares him. She dropkicks him in the back of the head, and Sly follows up with a dropkick to the face! Crystal then lies on her stomach, and Sly lifts her in a wheelbarrow position. He then switches her position so that he can drop her in legdrop-fashion onto Calvin!

CABOOSE
No fair! Doesn't she count as a weapon in that form?

Sly then tosses Calvin into Ring One. Calvin slowly stumbles to his feet. When he does get all of the way up, Sly springboards to the top rope and nails one hell of a flying clothesline! Crystal goes to the second rope as Hoff stands on his feet in a daze. She then dives off, and sends him wandering backwards into the cage. In Ring Two, Sly has ahold of Calvin by the hair and tosses him into the cage face-first!

COLE
Damn!

The buzzer then goes off again, and Gibraltar enters the cage!
 

[Chanel #99]

CABOOSE
Oh, baby, here we go!

Gibraltar enters the cage and, rather then enter the ring, walks over to where Calvin has landed ungraciously on the arena floor. Sly, who was planning some sort of high-flying chicanery, thinks better of it and turns to head to Ring One. Seizing the moment, Calvin slides in under the ropes! Calvin sneaks up behind Sly, but Sly quickly spins and catches Cal with a big right hand! Calvin stutters, and the fans cheer as Sly pounces, leaping at Calvin with a modified Thesz press and taking him down! Sly UNLOADS a flurry of punches, but the fans' cheers quickly shift to jeers as Gibraltar enters the ring. Sly gets off of Calvin and heads to Gibraltar, but before Sly can even act, the monster floors him with a Yakuza kick!

COLE
That's the kind of difference Gibraltar makes! He can turn a match around in one fell swoop!

Gibraltar looks down at Sly for a second before kneeling alongside of him and slapping on a blatant choke. Calvin rolls to a corner and takes a breather, but in Ring One, Crystal spots the dirty move! Crystal, who had been working over Hoff, heads off of Hoff and toward the second ring, but Hoff grabs her from behind as she tried to cross! Hoff pulls Crystal back and grabs her in a rear waistlock, but Crystal pulls a standing switch! But before she can act, Calvin springs to his feet, charges, dives THROUGH the ropes into ring one, and grabs Hoff's ankle!

COACH
What athleticism by Calvin Szechstein!

CABOOSE
Athletes like that don't get tired easy.

Crystal tries to throw Hoff over in a German suplex, but Calvin, laid out on the mat, holds tight onto Hoff's boot, preventing Crystal from hitting the move! Crystal rears back again, but Hoff casually throws a back elbow to Crystal's temple! Crystal breaks the hold, and Cal lets go of Hoff, allowing Hoff to turn around and wallop Crystal with a standing clothesline! Cal hops to his feet and laughs as Hoff lays in some boots to Crystal. Meanwhile, Gibraltar lets up on the choke on Sly as Cal switches rings and approaches the Sly one.

COLE
Nice tactic by Calvin, you have to admit, but I can't agree with what we're seeing here.

Hoff throws Crystal into a near turnbuckle in Ring One as Cal steps into Ring Two. Gibraltar picks Sly up off the mat and holds him up by his hair, allowing Calvin to slap him across the face. The fans boo as Hoff, in Ring One, lays into Crystal with a slow series of hooks to the ribs. AJ and Northstar yell encouragement from the outside as inside, Cal grabs Sly from Gibraltar and snapmares him over.

COACHSome words of support for Crystal and Sly from their teammates, but I don't know if it'll be much help.

COLE
Well the numbers game starting to take over again, especially with both the big man and the REALLY big man in for the Thrillogy.

Cal scrapes his boot across Sly's face as Hoff tosses Crystal out of the buckle and to the mat. Hoff smiles real wide and poses for the fans as Cal drops a knee across Sly's face. Gibraltar starts to pick Sly up, but is quickly cut off by a screaming Zack Malibu to "GO FOR CRYSTAL!" The fans are livid as Gibraltar looks out to his corner, where both Zack and St. Andrew are pointing towards Ring One. Gibraltar simply lets Sly drop, and Calvin capitalizes with a quick stomp to the face as Gibraltar crosses into Ring One. Hoff picks up Crystal, who throws a forearm as she rises, but Hoff shakes it off and kicks her in the midsection. Crystal doubles over, and Hoff drops her with a double sledge blow to the small of the back. Hoff smiles, but whirls around suddenly as Gibraltar comes up behind him.

CABOOSE
Uh-oh, this might not be good.

COLE
Hoff and Gibraltar have a history together...

Hoff catches eyes with Gibraltar, and for a moment, a flicker of tension passes between the two. However, just as quickly, Hoff smiles and slaps Gibraltar on the chest, telling him to "go to town" as Hoff crosses into Ring Two, where Calvin has Sly locked in a legbar.

CABOOSE
Whew! They had me worried for a second.

Hoff smirks down at Cal and nods, and Cal smiles as he wrenches on Sly's leg. Sly screams out in pain, and Hoff quickly silences him with a kick in the mouth. Hoff leans down to taunt Sly as Gibraltar picks Crystal up off the mat. Zack screams obscenities, mixed in with threats for the Female Phenom, as Gibraltar rears his fist back, but Crystal surprises him with a kick to the gut that catches him off-guard!

COACH
Atta girl!

Gibraltar shakes the blow off, but before he can regroup completely, Crystal hits him with a stiff forearm! Crystal reaches up and levels a series of forearm shots at Gibraltar, and the big man begins to teeter! Sensing her chance, Crystal runs off the opposite ropes and charges...right into a Vader-like standing splash! Crystal cruples in a heap as Gibraltar looks down. Meanwhile, Calvin lets Sly out of the legbar, and shouts something to Hoff, who nods. Hoff scoops Sly up and hoists him over his shoulder as Cal hits the ropes. Cal comes off and runs at Hoff, jumping, grabbing Sly around the neck, and bringing him down in a modified flapjack/Diamond Cutter combo!

COLE
More great teamwork from the Thrillogy members, Hoff and Calvin Szechstein.

CABOOSE
You gotta hand it to them.

Cal gets to his feet and again stomps away at the back of Cal's head. Hoff looks back to his corner and flashes a thumbs-up to Zack, who applauds the maneuver before turning his attention back to Ring One, where Gibraltar picks up Crystal, grabs her by the hair, and tosses her viciously out of the ring by her neck! Zack paces around the ring to where Crystal landed, but the referee quickly pulls Zack back to his own corner. Gibraltar steps out of the ring and hops down to the floor as, back in Ring Two, Calvin has Sly trapped in the corner. Calvin chokes Sly with his forearm, before quickly dodging out of the way, just in time to allow Hoff to hit an avalanche in the corner! Sly falls like a sack of bricks, and Hoff chokes him out with his knee. Calvin gloats to the fans in the arena...

Until the buzzer goes off!

The fans go wild as NORTHSTAR charges into the ring! Bypassing Crystal for the moment, who remains in peril on the outside, Northstar flies into the ring and hops over the ropes into Ring Two! Calvin, who was still taunting the fans, turns around just in time to be walloped by a big right hand! Calvin staggers back, clutching his jaw, as Hoff spies the commotion! Hoff eases off of Sly and stalks toward Northstar, but Northstar catches him with a flipping dropkick! Hoff goes down, and Northstar lands on his feet, quickly turning to catch Calvin with a dropkick! “Kiddy Stuff!” Northstar arrogantly comments. The fans light up as Northstar pumps his fist in celebrtion...only to be FLOORED by a clothesline to the back of the head by Gibraltar!

CABOOSE
Ah ha, the numbers game wins again!

Gibraltar, having left Crystal lying on the outside, towers over Northstar as Northstar tries to find his feet! As the sparkly superstar gets up, Gibraltar grabs him by the throat for a chokeslam, but Sly gets up out of the corner and blasts him with a dropkick to the back! Gibraltar staggers and lets go of Northstar, turning to meet Sly, and Sly blasts him with a jumping heel kick! Gibraltar falls into the ropes, and Sly grabs one arm, and Northstar rises and grabs the other! The two fan favorites whip Gibraltar across the ring and off the ropes, and catch him with a double drop toe hold! Northstar and Sly bound to their feet, but quickly get hit from behind by Calvin and Hoff, respectively!

COLE
Sly and Northstar may have gotten carried away taking down the big man!

CABOOSE
Yeah, they've gotta keep their eyes on the Thrillogy! So do I, so does you, everybody!
COLE
Yeah, really.

Both Sly and Northstar hit the ropes. Sly stumbles backwards, and Hoff catches him with a backdrop suplex. Northstar, meanwhile, turns and bounces forward, getting caught by Calvin in a snap belly-to-belly! It's the heels' turn to celebrate, as Cal and Hoff high-five after their respective suplexes. Gibraltar gets to his feet, nodding at a shouting St. Andrew. The three Team Thrillogy members turn around...and get caught with a big springboard plancha by Crystal!!

COACH
Talk about keeping your eye on the ball! The Thrillogy completely forgot about Crystal!

Zack clutches his head on the outside as, on the inside, Crystal kips up! The three bad guys all roll to their feet, and Sly and Northstar as well! It's a race to get up first, and to the delight of the fans, the good guys win! Sly and Northstar kick a rising Calvin and Hoff in the skull, sending those two back down and rolling to the outside. Gibraltar finally gets to his feet, and Crystal lays into him with a big knife egde chop! Crystal fires another, and Gibraltar stumbles back against the ropes with his back to the outside! Crystal, with a brief nod to her partners, runs back off the far ropes, springs off, and gets pressed up by Sly and Northstar, and thrown violently into Gibraltar, clotheslining him over the top!

COLE
That was insane!

Hoff and Calvin get back to their feet, shaking off the cobwebs. On either side of the ring, they head over to where Crystal and Gibraltar have landed, unaware of Northstar and Sommers in the ring. Looking across at each other, Northstar and Sly grab the top rope, jump, and twist, springing off the top rope and catching Calvin and Hoff with simultaneous top-rope Asai moonsaults!!

COACH
THAT was insane!!

A small "holy shit" chant breaks out amongst the crowd as Sly pastes Calvin and Northstar lays out Hoff. The six combatants are all laid out on the far side of Ring Two, near the Thrillogy entrance. Zack complains to the official about time, an the ref informs him he's got a bit left yet to wait. Sly grabs Calvin by the hair and heads to the Thrillogy door, telling a frustrated Malibu "this one's for you!" and slamming Cal's face into the steel cage. Calvin bounces off, and Sly smirks as Malibu begins to tear out his hair in frustration. Hoff is faring no better on the other side, as Northstar grates his face across the cage to the delight of the nearby audience. In the middle of the scene, Crystal pulls the monster Gibraltar up, sizing him up as best she can. As Gibraltar wobbles, Crystal cocks her head...looks hard at Gibraltar...turns...and plants a field-goal kick right between his legs! Gibraltar's usually stoic expression fades as his eyes bug out and he sinks to his knees! St. Andrew cries out as Crystal turns a furious gaze onto Malibu, pointing at him and screaming "THAT was for you, you son of a bitch!"
CABOOSE
Now that was low. He's a man of God!

Crystal has nothing but hate in her eyes for her former friend, Zack, as she rolls Gibraltar back into the ring. On the outside, Sly continues to throw Calvin into anything he can find -- the cage, the ringposts, the apron -- all to the adulation of the manic crowd. Calvin staggers past the Thrillogy entrance and along the long side of the double ring, Cal folowing him the whole way. Meanwhile, Northstar is a bit less lucky with Hoff, who blocks an attempt by Northie to slam his head into the ring, and reverses the maneuver. Northstar reels, and Hoff scoops him up, turning and driving his back into the ringpost! Northstar cries out in pain as Hoff drops him hard on the ground. Back in the ring, Crystal looks out among the fans before heading over to the ropes!

COLE
Could be time for the Diamond to shine!

COACH
That rhyme was wack.

Crystal steps over Gibraltar's prone body and heads to the ropes, jumping once, springing twice, and flipping over for the Diamond in the Rough, but nobody home! Gibraltar rolls toward Crystal and she jumps over him, but Crystal lands on her feet! Gibraltar gets up and turns, but Crystal goes low with a diving dropkick to Gibraltar's knee! Gibraltar shudders in pain and grasps his knee as he falls! Seizing the moment, Crystal snaps a soccer kick into Gibraltar's knee, causing the big man to literally HOWL in pain!

COLE
How do you chop down a redwood? You take it out at the base!

CABOOSE
I guess Gibraltar's not totally impervious to pain, just mostly! Come on, Gibraltar, get up...OH!

Caboose winces as Crystal turns Gibraltar over and stomps at his bad leg! Crystal grabs him by the ankle and lifts his knee up, slamming it to the mat! St. Andrew is beside himself at ringside as the monster clutches desparartely at his knee! Meanwhile, though, Zack finds himself distracted as Sly takes a break from pummeling Calvin to look under the ring...and Sly comes up with a steel chair. A cheer goes up from the fans as Sly hoists the weapon high in the air! Zack screams "NO!" as Sly advances on a reeling Calvin Szechstien, but Calvin catches Sly with a SCHOOL'S OUT SUPERKICK, INTO the chair and into Sly's face! Zack lights up, and Calvin beams and points both hands at Zack.

CALVIN
THAT was for you, baby.

Zack is all smiles as Calvin kicks Sly cockily in the back of the head. The fans are livid, booing so loud that they almost drown out the buzzer...

The buzzer which allows Zack Malibu into the match.

CABOOSE
YES!! Oh, yeah, now it's on, NOW we got ourselves a match.

Calvin shows a bit of surprise, then gives a polite golf clap as Malibu is let into the cage. The door closes behind him, and he and Zack nod at each other and slide into the ring. Crystal, who had Gibraltar in a single-leg Boston crab, lets go of the hold and rises to meet the two intruders. Crystal takes a step forward, then a step back...then a step forward as she rushes Malibu! Crystal pushes Zack into the corner and hits him with a big right hand, but Calvin quickly makes the save and throws Crystal down. Crystal rolls backwards through the throw and charges, but Calvin meets her with a big right hand that stuns her. Calvin lays into her again, and this time she stumbles and turns around...right into a SPINEBUSTER~ by Hoff!

COACH
Angry Man slam, again!

CABOOSE
You know, Hoff and I talk a lot, and he's really not that angry.

Zack and Cal are all smiles as for the moment, Sly and Northstar are both laid out on the outside of the ring. Hoff checks on Gibraltar quickly as Calvin and Zack pick Crystal up off the mat. Zack taunts Crystal, shouting "you want to be me? You want to be a CHAMPION?!" before slapping her hard and letting her fall to the mat. Gibraltar pulls himself up, slightly favoring his knee but shaking it off...

CABOOSE
NOTHING can keep Gibraltar down!

Gibraltar checks on both Northstar and Sly, who are still down from their previous beatings. Meanwhile, Hoff picks Crystal up and positions her between his legs in a standing headscissors. Hoff reaches down and grabs Crystal around her waist, lifting her up. Zack and Calvin, on either side, grab Crystal by her shoulders, and together, the Thrillogy slams Crystal with a three-man powerbomb! The fans fall silent in anger and awe, as the Thrillogy celebrates the devastating move!

COLE
Now this is brutal. This is an assault.

Zack stands straddling Crystal's prone form, looking down and smiling thinly. Zack waves Gibraltar over as Calvin hops over the ropes and lands outside the ring, heading to where Sly begins to stir. Zack points down to Crystal, and Gibraltar just nods and begins stomping away, methodically, at the Female Phenom. As Zack crosses into Ring One, Hoff looks to his right and notices Northstar getting to his feet. Before Northstar can so much as look up, Hoff grabs the top strand and catapults himself over with a cross body block to the outside! Hoff floors Northstar, and kneels next to him, punching down at Northstar's face. Meanwhile, Calvin has picked Sly up on the outside, and grabbing Sly by the neck and tights, runs him face-first into the steel cage!

COACH
That steel is unforgiving and...oh, what's Zack up to now?

Zack has crossed into Ring Two and walks over to the good guys' corner, looking at their door, where AJ Flaire is pacing, fuming, waiting to be let in the ring. Zack calls out to AJ, who looks up, his eyes lit up with rage. Zack starts throwing a series of catcalls at AJ, who grabs the cage door and tries to rip it off its hinges! Zack laughs as the referee at ringside, as well as security, pull AJ away from the cage door! Hoff, seeing the commotion from the corner of his eye, slams Northstar's head into the ring apron, then drops him and rolls into Ring Two. As security restrains Flaire, Hoff mimics and old man walking through the ring, holding onto his back and pretending to have a cane. Zack bursts out laughing as the fans let the pair know what they think of the comedy.

COLE
Come on, there's no place for this! This is a wrestling match!

The fans chant "you suck" as Zack composes himself. Hoff rolls out of the ring and heads back to meet Northstar, who catches Hoff with a punch, but Hoff simply fires back with a roundhouse right that sends Northstar spinning around and falling to the floor. Meanwhile, Calvin rolls Sly into the empty Ring Two and follows him in. Sly crawls to his knees, but Calvin pounces on him, grabbing him in a side headlock and forcing him onto his stomach. Calvin cries out "TOTALLY ENDORSED FOREVA!" to the dismay of the crowd, and laughs as he cinches in on the headlock. Meanwhile, Zack crosses back into Ring One, where every so often, when Crystal tries to get up, Gibraltar stomps hard into her lower back. Zack calls Gibraltar off, and pulls Crystal to her feet, smiling at her before sending her back down with a European uppercut. Zack calls Hoff back into the ring, and the big man lets go of Northstar's face, which he was grinding into the steel, and rolls in under the bottom rope.

COACH
What could the Thrillogy be up to now?

Hoff looks over to Ring Two, and shouts out "you okay, Cal?" Calvin just shoots Hoff a thumbs-up and quickly brings his hand back down into the side headlock. Hoff turns to Zack, who whispers something in his ear that brings a smile to Hoff's face. Zack says something to Gibraltar, and the two big men grab Crystal. Hoff holds her by the ankles, and Gibraltar grabs her by the arms, and Zack heads to the top turnbuckle. The fans begin to jeer again as Zack stands up fully on the ropes, and yells "Michael Cole!" and gyrates his hips. Hoff laughs, Calvin laughs, Gibraltar even cracks a slight smile, and Zack jumps...catching Crystal, who was suspended in midair, with a huge splash. Crystal cries out in pain, and clutches her ribs as she rolls around on the mat. Hoff and Zack slap a high-five.
COLE
This is awful, this is despicable, this is...look, look at AJ Flaire on the outside!

As the bad guys celebrate yet another big move in their onslaught, AJ Flaire paces outside the ring! AJ is almost in hysterics, grabbing his hair, and stopping occasionally to shake the cage! The fans begin to chant "A-J, A-J," but this only serves to make AJ even CRAZIER! Finally the ref begins to count down, and the fans count along!

5!

4!

3!

2!

1!

*BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT*

The referee opens the door, and AJ sprints into the ring!

COLE
Here comes AJ! The crowd is blowing the roof off the arena!

Indeed they are! AJ Flaire spears a hole through Zack’s gut! Zack writhes around in pain, clutching his stomach and cursing the man who invented the treacherous move known as the spear. Flaire mounts Zack but before he can even think of doing harm to the world champ, Hoff grabs him by his hair and yanks him to his feet! Hoff uses an Irish whip to propel Flaire towards Gibraltar, who tries to knock AJ’s head off with a clothesline! BUT, AJ baseball slides under the big man’s arm! He stands up and hits Gibraltar with a picture perfect dropkick that sends Saint Andrew’s goon crashing into Hoff, causing the Thrillogy member to tumble through the ropes and out of the ring!

COLE
Sound move by AJ! He used Gibraltar’s big body as a weapon.

“I’m not done with you! Get your ass back in the ring!” Flaire orders Hoff as he leans over the ropes. Flaire ceases his taunting of Hoff when he realizes that an enraged Gibraltar is on his feet. Flaire stands tall, never once looking like he’s about to back down from this gargantuan beast. Suddenly, Gibraltar clumsily stumbles towards Flaire. The former X division champion grabs the top rope and drops to the ground causing Gibraltar to free fall over the ropes and to the outside! Flaire turns his head around and sees Sly smirking at the sight of he and AJ knocking such an enormous demon out of the ring. The good times come crashing to a halt when Zack Malibu nails Sly with a low blow. The smile disappears from Sly’s face only to reappear on Zack’s. He nails Sly in the back of head with a monestrous straight kick! Zack doesn’t even bother to watch Sly crumple to the mat as the champ FLOORS~! AJ Flaire with a yakuza kick! With both men down and out, Zack stops to admire the carnage that he just caused.

COLE
Sly drop kicked Gibraltar towards AJ and AJ lowered the ropes so that Gibraltar would fall over. And now Zack takes them both out!

ELSEWHERE Calvin and Northstar have been exchanging recipes for the Austrian dish, Salzburger Nockerl in between trying to knock each other into next week with wild haymakers! Northstar breaks up the punchfest by sending Calvin to the mat with a fluid arm drag takedown. Calvin scampers away before Northstar can cinch on a potentially lethal armbar. Northstar stays with Calvin and rocks him a nasty body blow, doubling the main event star over and knocking the wind out of him! With Cal in a vulnerable state Northstar locks him into an underhook position. Calvin struggles to free himself from the hold, while at the same wasting the breath he’s fighting to catch.

“Nice knowing you, sugar!” Northstar remarks before lifting Calvin into the air and dropping the corporate sellout back first across his outstretched knee. Calvin starts to roll away, hoping to get out of the ring and catch a breather but Northstar grabs a hold of his feet and yanks him towards the center of the ring! Looking to keep his adversary down, Northstar drops an elbow onto his upper back!

CABOOSE
This match has gone on so long I’ve run out of things to say.

Noticing that Calvin is clutching his back Northstar tells him “Here’s a kiss to make it better!” as he hooks his arms around Calvin’s legs and turns him over for the Blow a Kiss (Liontamer). Northstar isn’t even able to properly lock on the move as he spots Zack Malibu charging at him with a clothesline! Northstar ducks down, avoiding a near disastrous attack but breaking his finishing move at the same time! Zack rebounds off the ropes and comes charging at Northstar like a maniac with another clothesline! Northstar bends backwards in a Matrix like maneuver avoiding the move for the second time in ten seconds! Instead of running the ropes for a third time, Zack hits the brakes and waits for Northstar to stand up. When he does Zack grabs him by the shoulder and spins him around so that they’re face to face and levels him with a stiff roundhouse kick to the face!!!!!

CABOOSE
Um, that probably hurt.

“Owwwwww!” Northstar screams at the top of his lungs as he tries in vain to call for a time out. Zack backs away from his arch rival, allowing Northstar to get to his feet without interuption. Looking to put his team in the drivers seat permanently, Zack yanks Calvin to his feet. He shares a few quick words of strategy with Calvin then the two head over to Northstar who’s leaning against the ropes and checking to see if he steel has all his teeth. Northstar fires off punch after punch in valiant effort to fight them off, but Calvin and Zack easily over power him with clubbing forearms. Zack calls out for a combination of a Back body drop into a pile driver! Calvin flashes a devious smile and nods approvingly at the anguish they’re about to cause. Zack hooks his head between Northstar’s arm as Calvin waits to perform the pile driver portion of the double team. The crowd comes to life as Crystal saves the day by clotheslining Calvin in the back and dropkicking Zack in knee before he can drive Northstar to the mat with a back body drop!

CABOOSE
If it weren’t for Crystal this match would’ve been over!

The sellout crowd is on their feet and chanting Crystal’s name while they watch her hit Zack with a release German suplex that folds him up like the now defunct California Golden Seals! Wearing a pained and perturbed look, Zack staggers to his feet. He dashes at Crystal and leap frogs her when she ducks down. He bounces off the ropes and comes at her with a yakuza kick. Crystal who has seen enough of his matches to expect him to use that signature move grabs his foot and violently shoves him down to the mat!!

COLE
If I see another yakuza kick, I’ll kill someone. Swear to god.

Fortunately for a hurting Zack, Crystal’s attention is diverted as she turns around to find herself face to chest with a fuming Gibraltar. And he ain’t here to play bridge! Before Crystal can even think of reacting, Gibraltar grabs her by the throat and TOSSES her to the corner where she lands back first against the turnbuckle! The crowd deflates like a popped balloon as it looks like another fan favorite is about to get their ass handed to them. Gibraltar charges at Crystal, seeking to sandwich the lightweight between the turnbuckle and his mountain like body! CRAAAAAACK! AJ Flaire leans over the ropes and SMACKS Gibraltar square in the face right as he was about to make road kill out of Crystal! AJ Flaire rears the chair back and lowers it on Gibraltar’s head one more time! The sound of flesh meeting steel echoes throughout the arena as the big man staggers backwards, slightly dazed from the blows.

COLE
Two chair shots and Gibraltar is still standing!

Will the third time be a charm? We’ll never know as Hoff yanks Flaire off the ring apron and brings him to the floor! Flaire wildly swings the chair at Hoff! Hoff turns his body sideways so that his tree trunk like arm absorbs the brunt of the blow. Flaire attempts to knock Hoff out with the chair one more time, but Hoff knees Falire in the gut before the boom can be lowered! Flaire drops the chair to the mat! Hoff snags him in a front face flock then falls backwards, DRIVING Flaire face first onto the steel chair! Hoff simply laughs as he watches AJ clutch his face and holler out in sheer agony. When AJ’s pain ceases to amuse him, Hoff rolls himself into the ring to join his partners in crime. He spots Gibraltar silently stalking Crystal across the ring. Crystal’s backing away from the psychotic beast while throwing weak jabs that are meant to keep him at bay rather then damage him. Crystal makes the huge mistake of backing into Hoff, who hooks her arms behind her back allowing Gibraltar the chance to take as many free shots as his sadistic heart desires. Gibraltar winds up as he prepares to rearrange Crystal’s face! But at the last possible second, Crystal mule kicks Hoff, side steps Gibraltar’s punch and watches as his fist moves Hoff’s nose three inches to the left! Crystal shoves a bleeding Hoff to the ground as she runs the ropes. She bounces back with a cross body block but Gibraltar predictably catches her! All looks lost as he falls to the mat and tosses Crystal backwards with a fall away slam! The predictable turns into the unpredictable as Sly is there to heroically catch her in his arms! He sets her down and the two fan favorites exchange smiles before charging at Gibraltar putting the biggest man in the match flat on his big ass with a double spinning wheel kicks!

CABOOSE
Gibraltar won’t stay down for long. If they want to win they need to finish him now.

Back on his feet and with blood pouring from his nose, Hoff angrily spins Sly Sommers around. Sly fires a right hand that sends Hoff daddy reeling towards the ropes! With Crystal pounding away at Gibraltar, Sly charges towards Hoff, looking to knock him to the outside and take him out of the match! However, Hoff’s looking to do the same to Sly as he ducks down and back flips Sly over the ropes! The crowd breathes a sigh of relief as Sly lands on the ring apron! Hoff simply becomes more enraged when he see’s that Sly avoided a fall to the outside! He grabs the back of Sly’s head and leads him to the corner, where he tries to smash his head into the turnbuckle! But Sly has other ideas and easily counters the move by holding onto the ropes and placing his foot onto the bottom ropes! The boy from Bayside fires off a ferocious elbow towards Hoff’s bleeding nose causing tiny drops of blood to fly from his face and land on the sweat soaked mat. Hoff glowers at the ex X division champion as Sly steps underneath the ropes. Hoff tries to bury a massive boot in Sly’s gut but Sly catches his foot! In one smooth as a baby’s behind motion Sly spins Hoff around and DROPS him with a USA High angle backdrop 2K4!!!!!!!!! The crowd roars in approval as they watch Hoff grimace in pain as he slowly rolls out of the ring, agonizing over his pathetic misfortune. Sly is unable to bask in the cheers of the crowd as he immediately Gibraltar’s gigantic hand wrapped around his neck! Sly looks past the hulking ogre to see Crystal slumped over in the corner. Coming to the stark realization that he’s his last line of defense, Sly begins to furiously kick at Gibraltar’s knees. Gibraltar shrugs off the blows as he lifts Sly by the throat high into the air! Sly doesn’t stop kicking and fighting as Gibraltar charges towards the corner and CHOKE SLAMS him onto the top turnbuckle! As he lies on the turnbuckle staring at the top of the steel cage he lets out a distressing whimper. Gibraltar looks on with a blank expression as he shoves Sly off the turnbuckle and to the outside where he joins AJ Flaire and Hoff. Still showing no emotion, Gibraltar goes to the outside with the intention on dishing out even more punishment to his opponents. As he steps over the ropes and descends to the floor, he’s cut off by Northstar, who foolishly tries to take him down with body blows! Gibraltar swats him away like an annoying fruit fly and starts to walk towards AJ. However Northstar leaps on his continent sized back and tries to lock him into a sleeper hold. This proves to be another one of Northstar’s stupid ideas as Gibraltar, with Northstar still on his back, runs backwards towards the steel cage! Just as he’s about leave an imprint of the cage on Northstar’s back the native of Beverly Hills lets go of his sleeper, hops off Gibraltar’s back, ducks underneath his legs and watches the savage fiend crash back first into the steel cage! Northstar yanks a pair of comically oversized handcuffs out of his pocket, slaps them onto Gibraltar’s wrist then handcuffs him to the steel cage! The crowd loudly cheers Northstar’s underhanded display!

CABOOSE
Can you believe that crap?

COACH
All is fair in love and war.

“Me-1! You-0!” Northstar remarks while watching Gibraltar fight like a caged animal to break free of his restraint. Northstar blows Gib’s a kiss before heading back to the ring where Calvin and Zack are stomping away at Crystal. Calvin spots Northstar entering the squared circle and breaks away from Crystal to cut him off! Upon reaching Northstar, Calvin tears his flesh to shreds with five well placed knife edge chops. As he continues choping Northstar he turns his head towards Zack and calls out for a double team. Zack brings Crystal to her feet and whips her towards Northstar, who Calvin whipped towards Crystal. Crystal and Northstar aren’t nearly as dumb as they look as Northstar ducks down allowing Crystal to use his back as launching pad to jump into the air and land on Calvin’s shoulders! Calvin also isn’t as dumb as HE looks and he tries to powerbomb Crystal! But Crystal like Billy Kidman, CAN’T BE POWERBOMBED and she reverses the move into a hurricanrana! Directly behind her, Northstar shouts “I’m gonna forearm you good!” as he SMASHES Zack across the face with a flying forearm!

COLE
Looks like Crystal and Northstar have temporary control of this match!

With the crowd on the edge of their seats Crystal grabs a hold of Calvin’s legs and sling shots him towards Northstar, who FLATTENS him with a powerful spine buster! Misery thy name is Calvin. Just like everyone else Calvin rolls out the ring. Now vehemently opposed to doing anything that might help his team win the match, Northstar wiggles his ass like he was in Lil Joh video then arrogantly twirls around as if he’s in a beauty pageant. And he twirls right into a SCHOOL’S OUT from Zack Malibu, effectively eliminating him from the match!

CABOOSE
Be cool, stay in school! Bahwhahahaaa!

COACH
This is what we all came to see, a one on one showdown between Crystal and Zack! Now we’re going to get it!

The fans engage in dueling chants of “Let’s go Crystal!” and “FUCK ZACK!” The two recipients of the chants circle each other with hatred burning in their eyes. Crystal strikes first as she quickly goes behind Zack and hits a rear waist lock. Zack prepares to reverse a German suplex only to be taken to the mat with a side amateur takedown!

COACH
Way to go! Throw that cocky SOB a curve!

His pride more hurt then anything else, Zack angrily looks on as Crystal waves him on. Not one to back down from a challenge Zack rushes towards Crystal and goes behind her for a waist lock of his own! Instead of going for a side take down like Crystal, Zack goes for a German Suplex! His ex-companion counters the move into a roll up! Zack pushes her off before any count can be made! Both competitors get to their feet! Zack locks Crystal into position for a vertical suplex! Crystal counters with a vertical suplex of her own! Zack counters her attempt by hooking his leg in between Crystal’s and shoving her away! The mile a minute paced action continues as Zack throws out a lightning quick School’s Out! As quick as he threw it, Crystal’s even quicker with a basement drop kick to his free leg! Zack falls to the ground, but quickly gets up, limping away from Crystal and looking for a way out of this predicament!

With chants of “Let’s go Crystal” raining down from every corner of the arena, the female phenom takes Zack’s legs out from under him with a swift soccer like kick! She throws her index finger into the air and her loyal fans do the same! Crystal locks on the Crystalling and poor little Zack finds himself overwhelmed by pain! He hollers out for one of his teammates to come save him from certain defeat! Some of the pain is replaced by feelings of relief as Hoff returns to the ring to answer Zack’s call for help! The feelings of relief are suddenly ripped away from Zack and replaced by those of tormented distress as he watches helplessly as AJ Falire cuts Hoff off at the pass and DRILLS his blood soaked nose with a FLYING~! chair shot! Zack looks on in horror as Hoff lies on the mat unconscious and the fans chant for him to tap out! Zack makes one last futile plea for help then finally TAPS OUT to the Crystalling!

The minute Zack’s hands hit the mat, the fans erupt like a volcano, nearly blowing the roof of the arena with their cheers!

COACH
SHE DID IT! I MEAN, THEY DID IT! BUT SHE DID IT!

CABOOSE
Calm down, fanboi! Zack’s still the champ. In the long run that’s all that matters. Crystal and her gang of cronies and boy toys can win all the War Game’s matches they want, but until they take the world title off Zack Malibu’s waist, it won’t mean anything.

COACH
Don’t you dare try to take this moment away from me!

COLE
You? You didn’t do anything!

COACH
I had to sit on my ass and do squat while Crystal took beating after beating from these goons! That’s doing a lot!

As loud as “Set it off” screams over the sound system it’s not enough to drown out the appreciative cheers from the fans. As the cage is raised towards the ceiling(sans Gibraltar) Crystal lets go of Zack and looks out towards the celebrating crowd. Nearly exhausted she drops to her knees, holds her head towards the ground and weakly pumps her fist into the air in victory. Crystal finally sprawls out across the mat and we fade out with the crowd still chanting her name and her being unable to hear it.
 

[Chanel #99]

The Great Angle Bash

A OAOAST ENTERTAINMENT PRODUCTION

WRITTEN BY
Damaramu
Mystery Eskimo
NY Untouchable
LaParkaYourCar
Hoff
FrigidSoul
Northstar
Phoenix Fury Legdrop
King Cucaracha
Papacita
Stephen Joseph
Zack Malibu
Tony149

GRAPHICS
Papacita

OAOAST CREATED BY
CobainWasMurdered
Anglesault
Tony149

EXECUTIVES IN CHARGE OF PPV PRODUCTION
Tony149
Stephen Joseph

EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS
Zack Malibu
Chuck Woolery
Northstar
Mystery Eskimo

DIRECTED BY
Tony149

MMIV
All Rights Reserved.



THURSDAY NIGHT