Chanel #99 Posted September 10, 2016 Report Share Posted September 10, 2016 Earlier today Sophie stands sharply dressed in waist high skirt and tank top as a limo arrives. She's all smiles as who should step out but...ANGLESAULT! SOPHIE Bonjour, AngleSault! Bievenue! Bievenue! ANGLESAULT Sophie, I'm just glad to be in town for another great OAOAST event. SOPHIE Bien sur! Bien sur! And we have such a feast pours vous! Come, please enjoy! OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-BROADCAST IN OAOAST HD RENEE AngleSlam is in the books, School is in session and the OAOAST is red hot with HeldDOWN~! I'm Renee Young with public enemy number one Da Coach! COACH What? Everyone loves me! RENEE ….......... TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT UNITED STATES TITLELORD NORTHSTAR VS LANCEL LOCKETONIGHT! Sun's always falling Weightless and free Now when you close your eyesJust breathe, breathe with me Breathe hits and a massive pop erupts from the capacity crowd. Walking to the ring are Teddy Buckworth, clad in a three piece suit, and Colin Maguire Jr, in a brown leather jacket and acid wash jeans. RENEE Great to see these two back together again! BUCKWORTH Menagerie, I would ask you to cease these petty moves against myself and my allies, but what is the point? If you ask a fool a favor, are you not a fool yourself? Is that what its come to, Menagerie, your end game? Making dangerous moves against two very powerful vampires. COLIN Seems remarkably foolish, isn't it. One of you is a devil, the rest of you are humans. I spared your lives earlier this year, but now what's to stop me from planting your heads on a stick? RENEE Eeep! BUCKWORTH I expect such foolish behavior from Silver, but you Leon. Tsk tsk. Do you not see in your own way you are signing over the lives of your lackeys? My comrade and I are making a concentrated effort not to spill more blood than is necessary. You have provoked us, I would advise against you doing so again. Your loneliness has led you down a dark path, Leon, and with allies like Silver you will surely not take the correct ever again. It is unfortunate for you that your path and misdeeds have led you to men just as powerful as you. And our people talk to me, but nothing ever hits, So people talk to me, and all the voices just burn holes. I’m going in (ooh) As “Yellow Flicker Beat” hits the fans put forth jeers due to the arrival of Silver, dressed in silver pants and Sloppy Joe dressed like shit and eating figurative shit in junk food. SILVER This isn't what I wanted to see! I had hoped for well...hope! Mister Buckworth, you're disappointing me. As if scum like me had any right to be disappointed in a man like you. But when I helped Caeldori stab you with Elysium, I just had the hope of all hopes you would come out and guide us to a better tomorrow. COLIN Okay, well firstly, stabbing someone with a magical sword does not usually bring out the best of them, albeit it has brought out a much stronger, much fiercer, and much hungrier Theodore Buckworth. If you had known what I would have done to save my friend's life, perhaps you'd had have weighed your options more carefully. But you chose not to, and here you stand, pleasantly far away from us, where you assume distance and a fat trucker can keep you from feeling our wrath. I assure you, you're about to find out you've made another miscalculation. BUCKWORTH Jason, I offer you this not in compromise but in demand, face me at the Halloween Spectacular. You have almost two months to contemplate the objects of your demise and the making that has led you to them. I would hope you would conspire with your friend Reagan to find a way to save your hide. If not the devil's night will not belong to The Devil Inside Leon Rodez, but rather to Paid In Full Teddy Buckworth. “YYYYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Silver doesn't like what he's heard one bit and with Sloppy Joe in fat ass tow, makes a retreat backstage. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted September 10, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 10, 2016 *** The 3 Amigos vs. Keyboard Warriors (Tic, Tak, D'oh) *** Showcase for the Amigos who picked up the W after Chick hit his finisher (The Sky is Falling) on D'oh. Winners: The 3 Amigos, via pinfall. Then it was off backstage for an interviewed conducted by Sara Jean Underwood with OAOAST tag champions Big IQ. The guys were still in a celebratory mood following a successful title defense at Angleslam. Soon they spotted the 3 Amigos returning from ringside and pulled them in to thank the trio in front of a worldwide audience for their assistance at AS, or right now they wouldn't be the champions. CHICK Don't mention it, man. You guys are good eggs! Unlike VICE and Joey who for weeks tried to push us around, but stand up to a bully and they're real quick to hide their eggs in a basket. MARIACHI Egg-actly! BIG IQ & 3 AMIGOS Suddenly MR. DICK enters the lounge and apologizes for breaking up the "circle jerk" but he wants the answer to the question he posed to Big IQ at Angleslam, which he scolds "girlie" (Sara Jean) for failing to bring up. SARA JEAN I was getting to that. *eye roll* Friend or foe, the champs have no problem taking on any challenge, although they remind MD he currently has no partner. MR. DICK (to SJU) Now that's a potshot, girlie. But he who laughs last and all that. (to Big IQ) I'll see you boys next week. With my partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted September 10, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 10, 2016 One of the locker rooms has been decorated to look like a front hallway of a house, and standing in the middle of the hallway dressed as a super sexy mail carrier is KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! KRISTA Hi, OAOAST! I've got a package for you! Let's see, it come straight from Los Angeles, California, express delivery through Chicago after beating Tyler's ass and making a fool of him. Says here the measurements of the package are 32DDD - 24" – 33! Wow this one's a whopper! And I've bet you got a whopper anticipating this package! But, hey it comes with something else... Krista yanks out a big pink dildo of her box! KRISTA Looks like there was a shipping mix up? That's okay because rain, snow or shine I'm always down for sucking cock... KRISTA Mama can't wait to have you deliver your package to her mail slot! KRISTA What I'd love is a hot stamp of sticky semen on my MILF ass! THE FLEX (OS) FLEX SMASH FOR TYLER!!!! KRISTA Sure thing, baby, come fuck Mama! But for once FLEX isn't thinking about fucking Krista! Rather he runs in to attack her! KRISTA Eeek! But help arrives for Miss California is Queen Esther is on the scene and tosses pixie dust into Flex's eyes! Blinded, Flex can't stop Krista from repeatedly slamming his face into the wall until he's knocked out. QUEEN ESTHER Dearest Krista, if your gold is short, please you need only ask for a loan from my noble father's treasury. There is no need to pursue a career as a messenger! KRISTA COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted September 10, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 10, 2016 ***Nathaniel Black Vs Coulter Doyle*** Brand new 24/7 champion, TurboWolf sat at ringside to watch this match. COULTER Yo, Black, you think your shit Brexit? Step up to the EU chump. BLACK Toss off, ya wanker. COULTER Wanker?! Toss off?! Yeah well...you toss off! RENEE Oooh got em. As for the match, Black wrestled circles around Coulter, at one point literally, because he kept twisting about him in circles. But Coulter would avoided a Black Lariat and hit some kind of crazy kung-fu shit on Black. But forget beating Black, Coulter set his sights on TurboWolf and went out and attacked him to try and win the 24/7 title! RENEE Anything goes in the OAOAST, and for sure anything goes in the 24/7 title. TurboWolf wound up hitting Coulter with a beltshot then dumped him back into the ring where Black did hit a Black Lariat and took home the win. Winner:Nathaniel Black, via pinfall TW was not impressed TURBOWOLF Next time don't make me do your job for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted September 10, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 10, 2016 A special room has been sectioned off where Sophie has her great feast prepared for AngleSault. Also present is Todd Cortez, Axel and Scotty Static. SOPHIE So many fond faces. Zhe present welcomes zhe past! Please enjoy this specially prepared meal in celebration of your historic accomplishments. Sophie pulls the cover off the main course...to find its CASSIDY'S HEAD, oozing brains! ALL AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Suddenly two zombies rush into the room, delighting in the scene of Cassidy's severed head. ZOMBIES DELTA DIES! But suddenly the zombies are gripped by a unknown force, that soon becomes known as CASSIDY enters the room holding out her hand and working her magic. CASSIDY Good evening, sluts. The zombies try their hardest to work out of Cassidy's spell, but they're instantly mowed down by GRETCHEN WRIGHT putting her parasol through their skulls, splattering brains everywhere! ANGLESAULT SOPHIE Zhe dinner is ruined! Eeez ruined! CASSIDY Who cares about the dinner? I have to wear this outfit to the airport! Oh, hi Mister TSA flunkie, please don't mind the human brains scattered about my prada and Karl Kani, feel free to let me on the plane anyway. SOPHIE Get out! GRETCHEN We apologize, but- SOPHIE Maintenant! Gretchen grabs Cassidy by the arm before the Delta VP can unleash a wave of angry bile, with the OAOAST legends looking shocked and disturbed at what's happened around them. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted September 10, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 10, 2016 OAOAST correspondent Sara Jean Underwood conducted an in-ring interview BLAINE CAYLEY, who successfully completed The Challenge to win $500,000 and possession of the Money in the Bank briefcase which guarantees him a World title shot anytime or place. RENEE There he is, Mr. Money in the Bank! Joined by his sister Samantha, the Cayleys soaked in the OAOAST Galaxy's cheers. Holding the MITB briefcase Sammi joked it feels a lot lighter than it did at Angleslam, prompting Blaine to jump in and say... BLAINE That's because... (•_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ ...the money's in the bank. (⌐■_■) "YYYEEEAAAAHHHH!!" COACH I doubt Blaine'll be cracking one-liners whenever he challenges Tyler Bryant for the World title. In fact, when's Sara Jean gonna get right to it and ask Blaine when he's cashing in his shot? SARA JEAN Well Blaine, the question everybody wants to know-- COACH Finally! SARA JEAN (CONT'D) How does it feel to complete The Challenge? COACH GAH! BLAINE Satisfying. *takes puff from e-cigarette* SARA JEAN ... Care to expand? SAMMI From my perspective, The Challenge was like watching a crash test dummy being hurled through the windshield over and over. People will look up the tournament results on Wikipedia and rightfully assume Blaine dominated, but it came at a physical price not just to him but the other competitors who stood in his path towards greatness. BLAINE I did grow tiring being so advanced beyond my foes. RENEE Ouch, was that a pot shot? BLAINE I'm not Mister Dick, when I insult somebody I shall let them know, and yes that was an insult. But, my sister does have a point it was a torment, a slow, anguishing torment to battle so hard, with the exception of fighting Tony Tourettes of course. I still do feel bad about beating him up. So I suppose I shouldn't toot my own horn so loudly, it could just as easily be Big Papa Thrust or Mister Dick or Baron Windels chatting with you. I ought to be courteous as it concerns those who may wish to fight me once more, lest I have to take up another brutal battle. SARA JEAN I guess that means you won't be cashing in your Money in the Bank contract anytime soon? COACH I wouldn't as long as Tyler Bryant's still champion. Anybody that survives 3 Stages of Hell against Krista Isadora Duncan is a tough SOB. BLAINE (smirks) What are you doing Halloween night? SARA JEAN Does that mean what I think it means? Are you planning on cashing in your Money in the Bank contract at the OAOAST Halloween Spectacular? BLAINE (smirks) What are you doing next week? (smirks) What are you doing later tonight? Heh. Sleep with one eye open, Tyler. SAMMI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted September 10, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 10, 2016 Out on the entrance stage stands Tony Brannigan microphone in hand and wearing slacks and an orange OAOAST polo shirt. BRANNIGAN Ladies and gentlemen my guests at this time, The Midnight Foxes and returning to the OAOAST....JIM CORNETTE! I don't know where the lights are taking us But something in the night is dangerous And nothing's holding back the two of us But, baby, this is getting serious Oh oh oh Dan-danger-dangerous Oh oh oh Cornette comes in on the arms of both Ruby and Caeldori who wear red mini skirts and glittering Midnight Foxes logo babydoll tees. BRANNIGAN Jim Cornette, what the hell are you doing back in the OAOAST? CORNETTE The Jim Cornette name revered though it is, can not go down due to internet trolls and smark geeks. It will go down managing the hottest pair of Hotties I've ever seen in my life, good golly miss Molly, I'm talking Caeldori Fox, and Ruby! Look at the yams on these two! BRANNIGAN You're a married man! CORENTTE And, Tony, brother, you know I like to get freaky. And I would have never came back if I didn't know in my mind that these two were downright freaky as well! RUBY Mmmm, I like to be very, very, bad! CORNETTE I'm gonna state some plain facts, I think most of the Hotties are low class redneck goofs! But Caeldori and Ruby, they're ladies in the streets and freaks in the bed. Just the way I like it, and how do you do it Caeldori? CAELDORI Perfectly. BJ, HJ, AJ, all sexed to perfection. CORNETTE Let's talk what else I can do for the Midnight Foxes, besides provide them my love muscle. I'm not like you Tony The Body, I don't rest on my laurels, but what laurels they are. Every time there was a big money match in the OAOAST Tag Division, every time there were titles to be won I was there! They were talking about me! RUBY You're the big deal with the baaaddddd dick. CORNETTE Fire & Ice, C02, Mardi Gras Ass Wrecking Crew, Pretty Young Money, you all think you're the greatest. You thought you were the greatest for three or four matches longer than you actually was. There's holes in your resumes and anyone who says differently is talking like an idiot. Look at these two! Their legs are perfect, their hair is styled, their boobs are perky, and it took them no time at all to beat Fire & Ice! BRANNIGAN Now hold on a minute! CORNETTE The rest of the Hotties tag division is on a downhill slide, brother, but with The Midnight Foxes we're always, always, rising. If you know what I mean! BRANNIGAN I'm afraid I do! COMING UP NEXT UNITED STATES TITLELORD NORTHSTAR VS LANCEL LOCKENEXT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted September 10, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 10, 2016 As “Bacon” by Nick Jonas rolls into the arena, red and white lights splash about the entry way. Striding onto the stage is the extra hot Lancel Locke, accompanied by the extra hot Japanese madame Sunshine Yukino. Yukino rips down Lancel's jeans, and the confident beefcake grabs his crotch and winks to the camera! BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP! Now making his way to the ring representing SUNRISE, being accompanied by SUNSHINE YUKINO, hailing from Reno, Nevada, he weighs one hundred eighty three pounds...LANNNCEELLLL LOOOCCCKKKEEEE! “YYYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” RENEE Coach, can we agree that is the biggest match Lancel Locke has ever wrestled? COACH We sure as hell can. This dude worked the indy's, worked at Sonic's to pay for wrestling school, toiled as the lowest member of SlaughterHouse and now he's got a chance to claim OAOAST gold. RENEE I bet he has a million butterflies in his stomach. Inside the ring, Lancel climbs to the top turnbuckle and makes one more crotch grab for good measure as the ladies in attendance swoon all over the hansome hunk. Black ocean, cold and dark I am the hungry shark, fast and merciless But the only girl that could talk to him just couldn't swim Tell me what's worse than this And it echoes in the halls They danced along the walls The memories of your ghost You are the one that I used to love And I'm still in love, but I've never loved you the most I've seen better days So unafraid in my youth I can't breathe, much less believe Highly Suspect's “Lydia” a shredding contemporary score of lost youth comes through the speakers. Wild white lights flicker on the entrance stage as the video screens soar through our galaxy and galaxies beyond, before settling to rest on a lone grave overran with weeds. Its that chilling scene of cosmic emptiness that greets the caped and impassive Northstar. BUFFER And his opponent, from Carlsbad, California, representing THE KINGDOM, he weighs in at two hundred nineteen pounds, “THE STELLAR EVOLUTION” LOORDDDDDDD NOOOORRRTTTHHHSSTTAARRRRRR! “BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO!” RENEE Lord Northstar survived five other superstars to defend his United States Title, but he had no issues with taking this match when Sophie proposed it to him. COACH He should have! King Landon should have ordered him not to take a match after an Elimination Chamber. RENEE Its a chance for another show of strength for the Kingdom. I can't fucking breathe, much less believe the truth I pick up a gun, aim for the sun, and shoot Better days, so unafraid in my youth I can't breathe or believe the truth Northstar stands at the base of the entrance ramp and casts aside his cape, while staring chilled daggers at his bouncing around foe. RENEE That man has ice water for blood. DING DING DING Lancel does the respectful thing and extends the hand, but the champion prefers violence and starts beating him with clubbing blows! “BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Lancel is beaten all the way to the corner where he's hounded by the Carlsbad, CA native. But Locke shoves him away, though Northstar fires back with a lariat...that's ducked as Lancel runs the ropes. The Reno native then rolls beneath a spinning forearm from Northstar, but gets caught on the way up and slung into the ropes. Rather than come back though, Lancel hooks onto the cables! LANCEL LORD NORTHSTAR Hmph. Lancel and Northstar come together in the center of the ring with the pretty boy getting an arm wrench then wowing the fans with a springboard arm wrench! Dizzy, Northstar gets to his feet and is promptly dropkicked through the ropes by his challenger! RENEE Wow, I need to lie down and I'm just watching this. COACH How you think Lord Northstar feels? It ain't for a lord to be getting tossed about all willy nilly. Lancel launches himself over the ropes for a planca, but has to come down on the apron when he notices Lord Northstar stepping away from the attack. NORTHSTAR Hmph. The champion isn't safe as Lancel flies at him with a crossbody effort! All it is is an effort as Lord Northstar catches him within his arms. The worse comes when Lancel is given a brutal bodyslam onto the steel guardrail! The fans react in horror as the challenger hollers out in pain. SUNSHINE YUKINO My money!!! RENEE On that oh so touching note from Yukino, we'll be right back! Quote THE OAOAST GIVES A DAMN ALIX If you're gonna tell the world your jumpoff gave you herpes, you really need to think, will their kids find out their parent has herpes? THE OAOAST GIVES A DAMN Back from break Northstar and Lancel are trading punches in the center of the ring. Lancel wins out with a swift kick, then goes off the ropes with a moonsault press. The problem is Northstar manages to catch hold of him yet again. This time the champion shifts him into a vertical suplex! The cover.... ONE! TWO! A kickout! Lancel is whipped into the ropes, and comes back into a wheelbarrow position. He raises his body up to try for a bulldog, but instead Lord Northstar drops him throat first across the ring ropes! “OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!” Sputtering and wheezing Lancel works into Northstar's clutches and King Landon's right hand mand delivers a triangle arm neckbreaker! “OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!” RENEE Seismic Wave! Another cover.... ONE! TWO! Lancel makes the kickout! The challenge is pushed into the corner and there has his chest lit up by knife edge chops from the champion. Showing a strong will to fight back, Lancel uses chops of his own to push Northstar to the center of the ring. But in the end its the veteran of so many years that overcomes by flipping Lancel over with a bridging northern lights.... ONE! TWO! Lancel makes the kickout! COACH Lord Northstar has fought Zack Malibu, Krista, Alix, Crystal, Bohemoth, he fought him all and he seen it all. RENEE Lancel Locke's pretty innovative though. COACH Hasn't helped him yet. Northstar makes a run for Lancel but gets warded off with an elbow. Now the Reno native feeds his foe the leg, but when he goes for an enziguri Lord Northstar suceeds in ducking the attack. Quickly does Lancel pull his leg away, but uses his other leg to sweep Northstar into a kneeling position. Left defenseless, the lord of the kingdom is rocked by a spinning kick to the head! “OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!” RENEE See, no answer for that! Lancel is pumped up and whips Lord Northstar into the corner, but when he goes for a splash the Carlsbad, CA native moves out of the way. The champion wishes for a finish and hooks onto Lancel for his rock bottom finish. But the move doesn't complete as Lancel flips out of the move! The challenge continues to impress as he slingshots himself off the ropes and delivers a powerful cutter! “YYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” RENEE Sonic Screamer! YUKINO $$$$$$$ Lancel hooks the legs for a crucial cover.... ONE! TWO! Shoulder up! Northstar rolls to his feet under his own power, but is seized by a rear waistlock from young Locke. Lancel tries for a German suplex, but the champion pries apart his hand. Still Lancel is able to score an attack as he drags Northstar down with a backslide.... ONE! TWO! Lord Northstar escapes the fall! Lancel pulls Northstar off the mat, nodding to the fans, rallying him to his cause. But he fails in his Irish whip effort as Northstar reverses the hold and throws him into the corner. The champion then dashes forward with a shoulder tackle, but Lancel moves out the way and Northstar crashes into the ring posts! “OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Lancel crawls across the ring like a spider then cinches in a tarantula! “YYYYYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” RENEE Lancel's Lock by Lancel Locke! The referee immediately begins a count.... ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! Lancel breaks the hold and returns to the center of the ring, clapping his hands and pumping up the audience! “LET'S GO LANCEL! LET'S GO LANCEL! LET'S GO LANCEL!” Northstar is slow to return to his feet, but when he does he blocks Lancel's thrust kick and pushes him backwards. Northstar then throws a lariat, but Lancel goes up and over him before returning to his shoulders and hauling him down with a victory roll! ONE! TWO! Northstar escapes the fall! Both men roll to their feet with Lancel looking for a dropkick. Looking and not finding as Northstar steps out of the way! The Stellar Evolution then pounces on Lancel when he rises and blasts him with an x-factor! “OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” RENEE Solar Eclipse! LORD NORTHSTAR We are at the end, Lancel Locke. Northstar hooks Lancel across his arm then flings him in the air for the release rock bottom, the problem is when he releases, Lancel tangles his legs around Northstar, drags him to the ground and swiftly cradles him! RENEE Hey! He has him! CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! DING DING DING BUFFER Your winner and NEW OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPION...LANCEL LOCKE! “YYYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” YUKINO $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ RENEE A new champion! Lancel Locke has dethroned Lord Northstar! The new champion sinks to his knees and is overjoyed with what he's done. Overcome with emotion he buries his head against his hand then throws them up along with a bright smile! “YYYYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAA!” COACH Damn! This dude had to work at Sonic's to earn money for wrestling school, he's wrestled all around the world to get to the OAOAST and now he's a champion! RENEE What a feel good story! YUKINO $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Indeed Lancel is money as he raises his title on the turnbuckle and gives thanks to the roaring fans. FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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