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OAOAST TMW: A comedy/erotic e-fed

OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 6/3/04


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(We open up with a tight shot of Abe Vigoda at his desk in the OAOAST DOA Office.)

ABE
Welcome to HeldDOWN~!; I am your Director of Authority, Abe Vigoda. We left you last week on an unforunate note, as the Thrillogy attempted to end Axel's career by tossing him off of our stage while he was inside of a coffin. Axel has since disappeared, as he hasn't been seen since he was thrown into the coffin, including after we opened it. Due to his absence, we are convinced that he will not be the fourth member of his team for the big match at Great Angle Bash, live on Pay-Per-View on June 27th. Therefore, the two teams will consist of Gunner Sharps, Crystal, Sly Sommers, and AJ Flaire, as they face the Thrillogy and whatever mystery partner they might choose.

(An assistant brings in a giant box and places it on Abe's desk)

ABE
Thank you. Now, you might be wondering what type of match we're going for here. Well, I will now reveal it....(takes the covering off of the box to reveal two toy wrestling rings, side-by-side, with a double-wide roofed cage around it). That's right, we're bringing War Games into your homes on June 27th! We made a few modifications to the cage, as the cage does go out a bit further than most War Games cages, so that the wrestlers will be allowed a bit of space to brawl on the floor, if need be. Also, there are two entrances to the front cage, one for each team to use, as the hatred built up in such a short period of time has gotten to the point where we cannot trust either side to be near each other and not fight. Throughout the years, War Games has been the tradition when two factions of competitors cannot figure out any other way to settle their differences, and feel the need to make the opposition bleed. Hopefully, this will work out for the Thrillogy and their enemies on June 27th.

(Abe's assistant takes the War Games set-up off of his desk and out of the office.

ABE
Before I go, I want to announce that tonight, as punishment for the incident with Axel last week, all three Thrillogy members WILL be in action, and the two titleholders WILL defend their belts! Zack, I haven't gotten your match ordered out yet, but your World Title will be on the line! Calvin, you don't have a title, but you will face the competitor who, somehow, I will make sure gets another shot at the World Championship after being crooked out of it at School's Out, that being Crystal! Finally, Hoff...the perpetrator of this whole ordeal. Tonight, you will defend your 24/7 Title against a guy who both you've never faced one-on-one and who wants revenge on you for costing him his match with Calvin Szechstein at School's Out...tonight, it will be Hoff defending his 24/7 Title against Sly Sommers. On behalf of our entire staff, I hope you enjoy the show.


OAOAST HeldDOWN~!

"Trust me" by Lucy Woodward plays as we SEE THE LOGO~

ultimatelogohd.jpg


HD! opens with overpriced crimson and orange pyro exploding on the entrance stage, nearly burning the faces off a few unlucky souls who thought it would be a good a idea to buy front row tickets to the show. The camera circles the arena looking for a few creative signs. It’s search turns up empty and it starts to weep softly as it’s forced to settle on the ugliest announce team in pro wrestling, Triple C.

COLE
WOW!!!!!!! What a way to kick off HeldDOWN!!!!!! With the announcement of War Games, June looks to be hot, hot, HOT as we head full steam into the GREAT ANGLE BASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But fans, we still have a show to do tonight, and it’s going to be a DOOZY! NEVER BEFORE HAS ANY HUMAN ALIVE BEEN PRIVILEGED TO WITNESS SUCH AN EXTRAVAGANTLY AWE INSPIRING EVENT!!!! SET YOUR VCR’S FOR THIS ONE!!!!! Hoff defends HIS 24/7 TI.......

COACH
Aren’t you going to introduce us to the world?

CABOOSE
Why? Everyone already knows who we are. Anyway, Cole <for once> is absolutely right, this is going be an awesome show. Mostly thanks to me. What’s up first?

(The shot switches from CCC to the entrance stage.)

"Quiet" hits, and its dark smoke with white sparks time as one half of the OAOAST Tag Team Champions strides out onto the stage. Dan Black looks around the arena through his designer shades. His tag team title belt, sparkling blue under the arena lights, rests over his shoulder.

Black turns and beckons to the smoke cloud. Through it appears a group of four hot-tastic girls, each modelling the new Black T t-shirt (black, with a huge white T across the front, with the word "BLACK" in black across the top of the T...yeah, that makes sense).

With two girls on each arm, Dan struts down to the ring.

COLE
Heh, looks like Dan's been spending some of his extra money for being a champion on hook-

CABOOSE
How dare you! Just because you have to pay your mother to get action, it doesnt mean the rest of us need to use money to get women!

COACH
Heh heh heh

CABOOSE
And you be quiet. At least Cole doesn't pay men.

COLE
Actually-

CABOOSE
I really really don't want to hear that.

Dan's music cuts as he climbs into the ring with the girls. The crowd BOOS Dan, but without the usual venom. Its hard to dislike somone bringing hot chicks to the ring. Dan takes a mic.

BLACK
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. While my friend and tag team partner, T.Bod, is away on a trip, scouting for some decent opposition for us, I am here to reassure you all that Black T are still the champions, still winners, and still the heros that you need!

Crowd doesn't like this.

BLACK
Because, since I've been on HeldDown, I've been surprised. When I was General Manager of IntenseZone, do you know what I heard?

Guy in crowd: WHAT?

BLACK
Oh, we're so not doing that. Shut your fat, flabby mouth before I come down there, break your neck and steal your woman.

Dan looks closer.

BLACK
Actually, never mind. Making love to that thing is going to break something of yours soon enough. As I was saying- I heard that HeldDown was the big league. I was told that on HeldDown, there was competition. I was told there was action. Well, last week, all I heard was talk. Big talk, funny talk, small talk- but no wrestling. Over on IntenseZone, we used to have a little motto- "Less yakkin', more whackin'". I think all of the boys here on HeldDown need to learn that lesson, and Black T are the ones to teach it!

Crowd still doesnt like this.

COLE
Dan Black is such a hypocrite. He used to come out week and week on IZ and talk and talk.

CABOOSE
You watched IntenseZone?!

COLE
Yeah!

CABOOSE
Oooh, you were the one.

BLACK
So I'm out here, with the Black T girls- aren't they divine, by the way? Just four of the many female fans Tony and I have, modelling our new t-shirt...

Dan traces his finger slowly over the T on one of the girl's shirt. The girl smiles at Dan and licks her lips.

COLE
What a hussy!

CABOOSE
Turned on?

COLE
A little...

BLACK
What? Oh, yes, I'm out here, to lay down a challenge as I did on my first day on HeldDown. It's not for Black T. It's for me, Dan Black, living OAOAST legend, the greatest tag team wrestler in the history of this company, and the greatest singles star never to main event a pay per view. So anyone of you snivelling, HeldDown blabbermouths sitting in the back, writing up your little promos or your skits, come on down to the ring right now and do what you're paid to do.

COACH
Wow, a firm challenge from Dan Black! He wants some action!

CABOOSE
Go Mikey! You can take him!

COLE
You're right! I-hey wait a minute! You're trying to get me hurt again!

Dan stares at the entranceway. Nothing happens. Black shakes his head sadly, and shrugs. Dan holds up his hands in a "what can you do?" gesture.

BLACK
I tell you what- if anyone back there can beat me, they can pick a partner and have a tag team title shot against Black T. C'mon now, thats generous!

Still nothing. Black talks to the girls, who simper and giggle at his jokes. Dan shrugs again, and makes to leave.

The lights go out.

Strobes start to flash violently around the arena, as a familiar piece of music starts to play.

It's Verdi's "Requiem"

COLE
Oh my...

A huge circle of fire shoots up on the stage. Another circle appears just outside that. Another, so that three burning rings are blazing. With a huge explosion of red pyro, the fire vanishes, and walking down the aisle comes the Devilman, Hell made man, three hundred and eighty five pounds of mutant HOSS, the thing they call....JINGUS.

The crowd erupts for the Devilman after his absence. The monster bares his fangs, eyes shining from behind the burnt red of his half mask.

CABOOSE
What the hell is he doing here? He's not welcome on HeldDown!

JINGUS walks slowly down to the ring and climbs up the steps. Dan, looking horrified, gestures the Black T girls out of the ring.

BLACK
Cut the music! Cut it! CUT!

It cuts. JINGUS stands across the squared circle, steam rising from his huge shoulders, eyes fixed on Black.

BLACK
Who the hell let you in here? This challenge was for HeldDown wrestlers! Not you! Not you!

JINGUS moves forward, looks down at Dan from his 7 foot height, and snatches the mic from him.

JINGUS
Dan...you know, you and I, its NEVER OVER.

Crowd POPS!

COLE
So much history between these two! Former tag champs together! Best friends! Bitter enemies! They've been in more matches together than any other OAOAST superstars!

JINGUS
I see you got yourself a new partner, Dan, and new gold. But I know a little something about tag team wrestling too. And me and my partner WILL be facing Black T for the gold.

Dan grabs the mic back, at the third attempt.

BLACK
J, when will you learn? Yeah you're big, you're scary, you're bad ass. But I'm a BETTER WRESTLER THAN YOU! Since the Miracle Weirdness Connection split up, I've beaten you AGAIN and AGAIN. Give it up! It's over! Go get a job in some cheap hollywood movie, and don't ever get in my face again, you red bitch!

BANG!

Dan is flat on his back from a JINGUS punch, as a referee slides into the ring and signals for a bell.

DING DING DING

COACH
Looks like we got ourselves a match!

CABOOSE
Look at JINGUS, cheap shotting Dan like that, its just the kind of thing he's always done.

JINGUS stomps on Black to the approval of the crowd, as Dan tries to slide out of the ring. He reaches the apron, where the Black T girls grab his legs and try to pull Dan out under the bottom rope. JINGUS just grabs Dan's arm and pulls him back into the ring, flinging the girls into the apron and knocking them onto their behinds for a POP!

JINGUS brings Dan up and wrenches his left arm into an arm bar. Dan shakes his head and aims a kick at JINGUS gut, but the Devilman catches the leg and spins Dan around into a spinning SPINEBUSTAH FROM HELL BAH GAWD!

ONE!



TWO!



THREE!





NO, Kickout!

COLE
JINGUS is monsterously strong, he nearly broke Dan in half!

CABOOSE
Meh, Dan's taken that and worse from JINGUS before! And like he said, he always comes out on top!

JINGUS scrapes Dan up and whips him into the corner, before running in and giving him a GORE that leaves Dan totally stuck in the ropes, eyes glassy. The crowd OOOOs at the impact, as JINGUS pulls Black out of the ropes and sets him for-

COLE
Powerbomb onto the turnbuckle?! HEINOUS!

But as JINGUS lifts Dan up, he flips out, and drags JINGUS into the Heart of Ice v2! (Alex Shelley's Border City Stretch) The crowd BOOS the counter, as JINGUS roars in pain!

CABOOSE
Hah, what did I tell you? Here's comes the pain for the Devilman. Watch him tap like a Cole.

JINGUS's arm does indeed waver....but only for a second, until JINGUS just powers up to one knee, and uses his TRAPPED arm to throw Dan off him and down to the mat! Black looks SHOCKED, and tries to escape the ring again, but JINGUS again grabs him and gives him a BaldoBomb!

ONE!



TWO!




THREE!




No! Dan grabs the bottom rope with his left hand at the last minute!

JINGUS brings Dan up and GRABS HIM BY THE JAW! The Devilman lifts Dan up by his head and slams him down to the mat!

COLE
CLAWSLAM! CLAWSLAM!

COACH
Hey, here comes the cavalry!

Jivin Jim Ross runs down to the ring and jumps onto the apron, distracting JINGUS as he was about to cover!

JINGUS moves over to JR, who lets off a stream abuse as only he can, before doing a moonwalk across the apron to HEEL HEAT~!

JINGUS punches JR off the apron, and he falls flat on his fat face.

Dan rolls up JINGUS from behind!

ONE!


TWO!



THREE!




NO! KICKOUT!

CABOOSE
Dammit!

Both men up, and JINGUS slaps on a hold for another CLAWSLAM! But Dan kicks J repeatedly in the midsection until he has to let go. Dan runs the ropes and shoulder blocks his opponent, who doesn't move. Another attempt, but still no movement. A third- and JINGUS sidesteps and drop toe holds Dan, before putting on an STF!

COLE
JINGUS has used this as a finisher- and broken legs with it!

Dan is howling in pain, scrambling and reaching for the ropes, the referee, anything- and finally escapes with a slight hold on the bottom rope.
Black gets up, limping, and JINGUS sets for KICK WHAM DEVILBOMB- but Dan again flips out, KICK WHAM BLACK OUT! (Stunner)

Cover!

ONE!


TWO!


THREE!



NO! KICKOUT!

Dan holds his head in disbelief! He picks JINGUS up and underhooks his arms for a Pitch Black (Angels Wings) but the Devilman back drops out! JINGUS gestures for Dan to get up, and then nearly decapitates him with the Clothesline from Someplace Worse than Hell!

Dan goes 360! The cover!

ONE!



TWO!




THREE!






NO!

Shoulder up!

JINGUS shrugs, grabs Dan up and plants him straight back down again with a shoudler breaker! Cover!

ONE!



TWO!




THRRRREEEE-KICKOUT!

JINGUS spits HELL-FLEM onto Dan, and heads up to the top rope to a flash bulb frenzy!

FROG SPLASH!

COLE
I swear I just heard Dan's rib cage break!

Cover!


ONE!



TWO!




JR pulls the referee out!

JINGUS makes to go after JR, when someone else comes running down to the ring!

COLE
T.BOD!

COACH
I thought he wasnt here?

CABOOSE
Black T have supersonic jets, duh!

JINGUS runs at T.Bod, who gives him the OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE! T.Bod drags Dan out of the ring and helps him limp up the ramp, as JINGUS just stands up and ROARS! The referee counts Dan out!

BUFFER
The winner of the match by countout- JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGUUUUUUUS!

COLE
Dan takes the coward's way out, and now he has to face JINGUS again- with the tag titles on the line!

Tony supports Dan on the stage, as the camera picks up his words.

TBOD
Don't worry Dan, we'll think of something. And whoever he gets as his partner, it can't be as bad as him...

COLE
Can it?

COACH
Who will be JINGUS's partner? I can't wait to find out!

*COMMERCIALS*

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(Return from break)

::Cut to Crystal in the locker room area, in front of a monitor.::

CRYSTAL (staring at the screen before her, remote control in hand): “I just don’t get it.”

::The cameraman zooms into the screen to show what Crystal is talking about. The tape is rewound and plays again, showing last week’s events of Axel disappearance. Crystal pauses the screen on the shattered coffin that is Axel-less and throws the remote down in frustration, rubbing her temples.::

CRYSTAL (talking to no one in particular): “If he wasn’t in the coffin, where the hell was he?”

VOICE: “Crystal, don’t kill yourself worrying.”

::Crystal turns around and AJ comes into the camera shot.::

AJ: “You know how Axel is. If he goes down, he’ll go down in fashion. He put of quite a show last though, huh?”

CRYSTAL (smirking slightly): “That he did. You’re right. If Axel wasn’t in the coffin, he’s alright I guess.”

AJ: “Man, it’s so weird that we would be concerned for Axel, when just two months ago…
CRYSTAL: “Things change. A few betrayals here and there, and your allies and friends change.”

AJ (realizing his mistake): “Oh man, sorry I brought that up Crys.”

CRYSTAL (smiling bitterly): “Yeah, well trust is a bit of a touchy topic for me, I guess. But alas, I don’t have a choice with the Wargames coming up. Trust is all our team has.”

AJ (hesitantly): “About our team…how can we trust Sly?”

CRYSTAL: “What?”

AJ: “Come on Crystal, it IS Sly. I know you’ve been buddy-buddy with him lately, but I still don’t really trust the guy, and neither do a lot of the boys. I mean, look at the stuff he’s done in the past! Even the things he’s pulled on you in the past! He’s a snake in the grass! He’s….”

::AJ’s interrupted when Crystal pushes him against the near wall.::

CRYSTAL: “Shut up AJ! Don’t you dare talk about distrust within this team. We have to trust Sly! Do you really think that after all the crap the Thrillogy has put him through, he would turn his back on us? We have to have each other’s backs, or else we’re done. Wake up AJ! We need everything we can get!”

AJ (pushing Crystal off him): “Okay, okay! I get it! Christ almighty…”

::Both are staring at each other when Sly, unaware of the tension, comes in.::

SLY: “Hey guys, what’s up?”

CRYSTAL (smiling): “Hey Sly. Listen, I got to go get ready for my match. AJ, think about what I said.”

SLY: “Need any backup?”

CRYSTAL: “Nah, I should be fine.”

::Fade to black::

(We’re taken from a pitch black screen to a video)

(Earlier this week)

(We open on a scene outside a rundown building with a sign that reads, “Green Street Homeless Shelter.” Outside Rick Edwards pauses to look at a small piece of paper and then looks at the sign. He gets a look of worry on his face before stepping through the door. Inside Rick sees a blonde woman serving soup to some homeless people and walks over to her.)
RICK
Are you Leah Blackstone?

LEAH
Yes I am. Who are…oh wait I know who you are and why you’re here.

RICK
You do?

LEAH
I watch OAOAST Programming. I’m not giving into your Boss’ demands!

RICK
You’re going to lose this case.

LEAH
Is that a threat?

RICK
No it’s a promise. You can’t win against us. We have the best lawyers in the world. I’m here today to offer you $100,000 to drop this case.

LEAH
I don’t want your money!

RICK
You could fix this place up with this money! You could offer more food and take care of more people! Just drop the damn case.

LEAH
The people I am suing tried to spread lies about my Father who owns this shelter in order to have us shut down. They wanted to tear down this building and build God knows what!

RICK
If you don’t back off we will win and your precious shelter will be closed down anyway!

LEAH
When did you become such an asshole? I remember when…

RICK
Shut the hell up! I’m sick of people acting like they know me! That’s what you were about to say wasn’t it? You were going to say that I used to be a great man and you were a big fan! Well this is the real me, so get used to it!!
LEAH
I used to have a crush on you. I used to watch you on TV and think you were hot stuff. I even sent you a get well card when you were in the hospital. Yeah you can call me an obsessed fan, but as you can tell I don’t have a lot in my life. Now I see the real you and I feel ashamed for ever liking you!

RICK
That card was from you? I didn’t recognize the name so I threw it out.

*Leah looks crushed*

RICK
What are you, some 12 year old girl dreaming about how you were going to marry me someday?

LEAH
I’m 23. My father is all I have left besides this shelter. I just wanted to reach out to something and you seemed like a genuine person.

RICK
Ha…haha…hahahahaha!! You’re pathetic! Drop this case or you really won’t have anything left!

(Rick shakes his head before walking out the door. Leah bursts into tears as he leaves.)

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(Cut to the arena)

CABOOSE
Waah Waah Waah! Stupid hoe! Cry me a river so I can piss in it! What’s next?

Tell me exactly what am I supposed to do?
Now that I have allowed you TO BEAT ME
Do you think that we could play another game?
Maybe I could win this time!

I kinda like the misery you put me through
Darling you can trust me COMPLETELY
If you even try to look the other way
I think that I could KILL this time…


BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOOOOOOOOM!!!

The crowd comes ALIVE as Axel's theme music hits the arena speakers!

COLEDo you believe it?! It's AXEL!

COACH
I thought he was gone for good after last week, but here he is!

The stage glows red as the arena spotlights focus on the top of the ramp, showing Axel doing his trademark crucifix pose, with his back to the fans.

COLE
Wait a minute...

The fans cheer's die down as a murmur passes over the crowd...turning to absolute disgust as "Axel" turns to face the crowd...revealing himself to be...

COLE
That's not Axel!

COACH
That's...that's HOFF!

CABOOSE
AHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! YES!!! I LOVE it!

Hoff looks out over the crowd as "The Game" continues to play, a wide, toothy grin on his face. Dressed in his street clothes, the 24/7 Title belt on his shoulder, Hoff saunters down to the ring.

COLE
What a vile act by Hoff, masquerading as Axel just one week after the Thrillogy threw him from the stage in that casket...

COACH
Yeah, but as we all know, Axel wasn't inside! I was hoping for an explanation!

CABOOSE
If I were you, I'd hope for puberty, bitch boy.

COACH
Hey, I'm a man! I am! Wanna see?

CABOOSE
God, NO! Let's hear what Hoff has to say...not you.

Hoff climbs the ring steps and enters the ring, raising his arms to soak in the boos. The camera pans the arena as Hoff walks to the timekeeper, showing various signs, including a "Welcome Back Northstar" sign in gold glitter, and a "COME BACK PANTHER" sign in big block letters. The camera also passes over two men in Mario Brothers masks, before cutting back to Hoff. He grabs a microphone from the timekeeper and heads to the center of the ring.

HOFF
Welcome...to my world.

The fans let loose a chorus of jeers.

COLE
Aw, come on, that's Axel's catchphrase!

CABOOSE
What, is it copyrighted?

COLE
Yes!

CABOOSE
Aw, bollocks. It's Hoff's catchphrase now.

HOFF
You know what....scratch that weak line. Welcome...to the future.

Hoff opens his leather jacket to reveal his brand new t-shirt, reading "The Future Is Now".

CABOOSE
Clever marketing!

COACH
Ooh, and a cool design too! Can I have one, huh 'Booze, can I can I?

CABOOSE
Maybe if you're a good boy.

Cole eyes his partners warily as Hoff continues.

HOFF
Let's talk about the Bleeding Souls for a second, shall we? What is with these guys? I mean, this has to be the sorriest lot of losers walking the face of the Earth! I know they were big cheese in Bumwad, Michigan, but let's run down the facts, shall we? There's Axel, who my associates and I took care of last week. There's Gunner Sharps, who was a second-rate Hoff when we were in the Underground, and is pretty much a third-rate Hoff now. And AJ Flaire...I mean, come on. Not only did the man lose his title to an alcoholic -- and admittedly, a pretty talented one -- but his back is jello, and he thinks he can wrestle like this? Well, AJ Flaire better not get near me, because I'll snap him like a Slim Jim, isn't that right, Randy?
"Macho Man" Randy Savage ducks out from behind the entranceway.

MACHO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

Savage quickly disappears again.

COLE
Um...okay...

Hoff laughs in the ring before continuing.

HOFF
So last week, I was successful in my first title defense. Rest assured, it won't be the last. But right now, I'd like to lay out a challenge to either one of those pissants in the back. AJ, Gunner, I bet you're pretty sore over what we did to your boy last week, so if you've got the balls for it, come on out here and we can settle the score mano a mano, babay~!

Hoff tosses his 24/7 Title in the nearby corner and poses at the ready...and out dashes AJ Flaire with a steel chair in hand! The fans pop as Flaire sprints to the ring, but Hoff quickly slides out the opposite side of the ring!

COACH
Aw come on! Hoff, you wimp!

CABOOSE
Hey now, Coach...

COLE
Hoff said he's stand up man to man against AJ or Gunner, but now he's slid out of the ring! This isn't right! Come on, Hoff!

AJ stares Hoff down from inside the ring, yelling "come on!" as the fans chant "you suck" in Hoff's general direction. Suddenly, the two men in Mario Brothers masks hop the guardrail.

COLE
What is this?

COACH
It's the Mario Brothers! Doo do doo do do, do do do, do do do...

CABOOSE
Oh, someone shoot me, please...
COLE
What are these men doing?

Before security can move, the Bros. sneak into the ring. Mario positions himself behind AJ Flaire as Luigi calls out to him. AJ turns around...

RIGHT INTO A SCHOOL'S OUT FROM MARIO!!!

COLE
Oh, no.

CABOOSE
OH YES!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!! I LOVE THIS NIGHT!

Hoff smiles a sick grin as "Mario" rips his mask off, revealing himself as Zack Malibu. "Luigi" follows suit, and Calvin Szechstien smiles a huge, dark smile as he shakes his hair free.

COLE
Dammit, it was a setup!

CABOOSE
Oh, yes it was Cole, a brilliant one!

COACH
But...why are the Mario Brothers turning heel...

Caboose slaps Coach upside 'da head as Zack and Calvin stomp away at AJ. Hoff, meanwhile, grabs a chair from ringside, sliding it into the ring and following suit. Hoff and Cal high-five as Zack picks AJ up off the mat. Zack holds one arm as Cal grabs the other, holding AJ so he faces the entryway...with his back to Hoff.

COLE
Oh, please don't tell me they're gonna do this to AJ Flaire...

CABOOSE
Hoff's gonna do exactly what he said, Cole! He's gonna snap AJ's back!

Hoff picks up the chair and taps it on the ground, sizing up AJ's back. Hoff rears back, and...

CRACK~

AJ cries out in pain as his body jolts from the impact! Zack and Cal hoist AJ up slightly as Hoff spits on the ground, eyeing up the small of AJ's back again.

COLESomebody needs to stop this. This is not right, AJ's back is totally unprotected...

CABOOSE
That's why it's so great!

COLE
You're sick, you know that?

CABOOSE
Hey. If loving this is wrong, I don't want to be-- oh HERE IT COMES!

CRACK~

AJ SCREAMS in pain as the chair connects with his lower spine. Hoff hoists the chair in the air, smiling triumphantly and laughing as Zack and Calvin join in the laughter. Hoff pulls the chair down again and rears back...but drops the chair as the fans begin to cheer!

COLE
Look who it is!

COACH
The cavalry!

Malibu and Szechstien quickly drop AJ Flaire and all three Thrillogy members bail as Crystal, Sly Sommers, and Northstar storm the ring! The good guys slide into the ring as the Thrillogy heads away, laughing as they walk backwards up the entrance ramp!

COLE
Thank God for those three.

CABOOSE
Yeah, thanks for crashing the party.

Crystal checks on AJ's back as Northstar leans against the ropes, jawing at the heels. Sly Sommers looks in the corner and picks up the 24/7 Title belt, holding it up over his head to the delight of the crowd.

COLE
Sly could well walk out of here with that belt tonight...oh, wait, what's this now...

COACH
Is AJ okay?

Crystal leans up from AJ and calls to Northstar and Sly, who walk over to where she's hunched over AJ. Together, the three lift Flaire up off the mat and prop him up on their arms.
COLE
How resilient is AJ Flaire? I mean, he took a vicious assault to that damaged back and he STILL keeps going!

COACH
AJ's one tough motha, Cole. He can hang.

The fans begin to chant "A-J, A-J," but the chant quickly turns to boos as Zack, Calvin, and Hoff raise each other's arms at the top of the ramp before heading to the back.

COLE
How can they be proud of themselves? How?

CABOOSE
Michael, look at the ring! These three men are DOMINANT, plain and simple.

COLE
Well, in any case, thank God that AJ looks to be okay...

CABOOSE
I wouldn't call walking with the help of three people "okay," Cole.

Indeed, AJ is propped up by Crystal and Sly, with Northstar checking on his condition as they walk up the ramp. As the fan favorites head to the locker room, the arena gives them a standing ovation.

COACH
These fans are giving it up for AJ! And for my girl Crystal! And those other guys.

COLE
A standing ovation...well, we've gotten word that AJ will receive medical attention immediately, following that brutal assault by the Thrillogy.

CABOOSE
Bah, he's fine. No question.

COLE
Well, we'll hear what the DOCTORS have to say--

COACH
But, I just don't get it, guys.

COLE
Get what?
COACH
What makes two honest plumbers from Brooklyn go bad?

CABOOSE
...Ugh.

COLE
Folks, we've got more hD in three, so stay tuned!

***COMMERCIAL***

VOICE OVER
Get your Hoff T-shirt today!

A shot of Hoff wearing his new T-shirt.

HOFF
Be like me, or be a loser! AHAHAHAHA

V.O.
The Hoff "The Future Is Now" T-shirt, only $19.99 through this offer for a limited time! Get yours today!

shirt1.JPG

1-555-4-OAOAST

***END COMMERCIAL***

(We return from break and are greeted to an upper body shot of that sexy stud muffin, Michael Buffer. Gimme that!)

BUFFER
The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, Rey Mistero Jr. and Konnan -- Enhancement Talent!

CABOOSE
Poor guys -- well, Rey at least; couldn't care less for K-Dawg.

COLE
They'll be taking on a team who debuted last week by attacking the Global Party Xchange...

CABOOSE
Who were attacking -- unfairly, I might add -- the OAOAST tag team champions, Black T. I also must issue a humble agology to The Saints, particuarly Logan. Last week I mistakenly called him Joe Logan, but his real name is Logan "Cowabunga" Mann. Again, I apologize to The Saints. I blame it all on you, Michael Cole. You guys make me stupid sometimes.

COLE
Suuure.

CABOOSE
You want me to call Zack out?

Cole keeps his mouth shut, as we send it back to Buffer.

BUFFER
Their opponents, from Las Vegas, Nevada, weighing a combined 470 pounds, the self-proclaimed Greatest Rock 'N' Wrestling Band of All-time, Logan "Cowabunga" Mann and Snyth Esizer -- The Saints!

The hit 1980s single "Party All the Time" by Eddie Murphy rocks the arena, as muticolor spotlights follow GPX's new rivals, wearing a lavish robes consisting of Angel Wings and a Halo above their heads, struting towards the ring, fluffing their long locks. They enter the ring and bow on one knee, raising their arms in the air, sending sparklers off from the entranceway and pryo blasting from the ringposts.
They remove their wings and halo, revealing sparkingly silver tights with matching suspenders.

* DING DING DING *

The Saints waste no time in their OAOAST in-ring debut, jumping Rey & K-Dawg. Konnan is quickly disposed outside, leaving Rey along to two hungrey wolves. Logan & Synth have a big grin on their faces as they club Rey Rey in the corner. Rey & Konnan -- Enhancement Talent -- have no chance whatsoever. The Saints place Rey's head under their arms -- PERCUSSION (double team DDT). Konnan reenters and gets nailed with a solo PERCUSSION by the hands of Synth. The covers...

1...

2...

3!

* DING DING DING *

CABOOSE
Old school squash! An impressive one at that.

COACH
We didn't even have time to provide extensive commentary. Anyhoo, Michael Cole is headed to the ring to interview The Saints. All yours M.C.

COLE
Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen--

SYNTH
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, OAOAST. Yeah!

COLE (CONT'D)
I'm here with the team who ambushed the Global --

LOGAN
Ambushed? We didn't ambush anybody, okay? What happened last week was months in the making. While me & Synth were rockin' sold out arenas across the world, we saw GPX get handed opportunity after opportunity. Then we get a phone call from a couple of friends, asking us to take care of some business.

COLE
Are you saying Black T paid you off to get rid of GPX?

SYNTH
Who said anything about Black T? Yeah, they're the tag champs, but we want those titles as much as anyone. It just so happens GPX are the number one ranked contenders, so beating them puts us...

COLE
Right at the top.

SYNTH
Very good. And people say you're stupid. Annoying? Yes. Stupid? Most, but not all the time.

LOGAN
As I was saying. So Synth & I take care of business. And Michael Cole, we scared off those party punks to the point they didn't even show up tonight. Or so we believe. The Saints spent most of tonight listening to our hit single "Suck Me, Fuck Me, Make It Ooze" off our 3rd CD "Flyin' With the 'Birds." There's three things we love: winning, our hair, and our music. We're gonna take care of GPX for Blac-- uh...we're going beat the hell outta GPX, and capture the gold. Because in the end that's all that matters.

SYNTH
This is for you, Cole. (Synth hands MC a small note) Open it after we go backstage. Conductor, kick it up a notch!

"We're gonna, party all the time, party all the time..."

The Saints strut all the way backstage to the sound of boos and chants of "GPX!" Once they no longer seen, Cole opens the note, rolling his eyes.

COLE
Ladies and gentlemen, The Saints have left the building.

CABOOSE
Boo! Encore! Encore!

COACH
Damn! I'm still amazed how they left the building so quickly. I mean, they just went backstage.

CABOOSE
Thank goodness I get paid good, cold American cash. Man, I love those Indians. You take their land, they take your money in casinos. Smart bastards. We're back after this.

(Go to break)

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(Return)

*the lights go out in the arena and all the fans stand up*

COLE
What the hell is going on here?

*A funeral bell strikes in the back ground as a green smoke begins to billow out onto the entrance way*

COACH
It can't be! I thought they dissapeared! They all dissapeared!

*Finally the Ministry of Darkness music begins to play as a figure steps out onto the stage. It is DAMARAMU. Stepping out behind him are Skull Mask and Skull Kid. All three men begin a slow walk to the stage as the fans stand in awe.*

COLE
We haven't seen The Cult or Ryan Smith in a few weeks! They just mysteriously vanished one week!

*Damaramu finally steps into the ring and stops as the light come back up. He still appears to be the same evil Damaramu before he left. Silver hair, pale skin, pupil-less eyes and all.*

FANS
GO AWAY! GO AWAY! GO AWAY!

DAMA
Shut up. I bet you loved your month break without me!

*The fans go nuts.*

DAMA
Yeah I knew you all would. And I bet everyone is wondering where we were? And what happened to Ryan Smith? I mean it seemed we were all set for a match at the Pay Per View! Perhaps a gauntlet match of some sort? Or Ryan was going to find some partners? Well let me tell you all what really happened!

*The fans actually shut up wanting to hear where Smith is.*

DAMA
You see there is a 3rd Skull brother. One that chose to remain wrestling in Mexico. His name is Gigas Skull and he's bigger than Skull Mask.

COLE
Is that possible?

DAMA
Anyways just before the Helddown that I dissapeared on I get a phone call from Gigas. Seems he's gotten himself into a lot of trouble with a stable down there known as the 3 Amigo's + 3. These are the 6 toughest and meanest wrestlers in Mexico. He doesn't know who to turn to. So I go to Abe Vigoda to explain what happened and he tells me to just go. So we headed down to Mexico to take on these 3 Amigo's+3. It was actually pretty easy. They all went down without a fight. One problem was we were followed. By Ryan Smith!

*The fans cheer*

DAMA
Yeah well I battled Smith in a Mexican Death match. I defeated the punk in brutal and bloody fashion. I was arrested and tossed in a Mexican prison for a couple of weeks because several old people had heart attacks at the sight of what I did to Smith. Smith is layed up in a hospital somewhere in Tijuana. But now we're back! And back to destroy any other superstar on Helddown that gets in our way!

*The fans are speechless*

COLE
Mexican Death Match? Prison? Tijuana Hospital? 3 Amigos+3?

CABOOSE
What a brave young man.....*sniff*

*Suddenly the fans go wild as the OU Fight Song starts up. Ryan Smith comes streaking to the ring with a chair in hand as Damaramu and The Cult clear out of the ring. Smith is livid as he grabs a microphone.*

SMITH
Yeah real funny story asshole! Why don't you tell them the truth! You went to Mexico and challenged me to an unsanctioned death match! Well guess what!? YOU DIDN'T GET THE JOB DONE! AND NOW I'M BACK TO!

*Dama looks super pissed backing up the ramp*

SMITH
You and your cult don't scare me! Not after what you did to me!

*Smith rips his shirt off revealing scars across his chest, arms, and back*

COLE
OH MY GOD!

SMITH
I'll show you fans what a sick bastard this guy really is! I have video of the Death Match! I'll show it on Helddown next week!

*The fans cheer getting to see this*

SMITH
Then you can see what a sick bastard him and his cult really are! And Damaramu........after that.......YOUR DEAD! That's a promise!

*Dama keeps backing up the ramp as Smith's music continues to play and the fans all cheer.*

FADE TO BLACK

(Go to break)

(Return from break)

COLE
Coming up next is the highly anticipated rematch between The Mad Cappa and Drek Stone. At School’s Out, Cappa was able to retain his title by using Drek’s own move against him.

CABOOSE
The world has been a darker place ever since.

COLE
Well, last week, Drek put out an open challenge to The Mad Cappa. He vowed revenge on him somehow, but didn’t say when. Cappa immediately went to Mr.Vigoda’s office and demanded this match for tonight.

COACH
See Boose, that’s what an upstanding champion does. He saw that Drek wanted another title shot, and he made sure to grant it as soon as possible.

CABOOSE
Is that we he did? Or did he just not want to prolong the inevitable? Cappa’s trying to save his life here by handing over the title nice and quick. Or, like Drek said……he could be wearing a new pair of Nike Concretes.

COLE
Well, it’s time to get down to the ring for what is sure to be yet another thrilling matchup.

Woke Up This Morning
Got Yourself A Gun
Mama Always Said You’d Be
The Chosen One

*The fans start to loudly jeer as Drek struts out of the entranceway with a confident grin on his face. He slowly saunters down to ringside making the championship-belt gesture around his waist. Once he climbs into the ring, he stands in the center and waits a few seconds, soaking up the disgust of the crowd. Finally, he pounds his chest defiantly as an impressive series of fireworks rise from the four corners.*

COLE
Could tonight be the night that Drek Stone is finally able to add OAOAST gold to his resume?

CABOOSE
Fifty dollars says he will.

COACH
Boose, you actually placed a bet on Drek winning this match tonight?

CABOOSE
Oh no, I didn’t. Cappa did.

*1,2,3! HIT IT!*

“Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Reunion Mix)” blasts over the loudspeakers as The Mad Cappa walks out of the entranceway to a roaring reaction from the crowd. With the OAOAST Puerto Rican Title around his waist, he slowly walks down to ringside with a smile on his face. Along the way, he stops to slap hands with some of the fans sitting ringside while the crowd begins to loudly chant “CAPPA! CAPPA!”. After getting in the ring, he raises his arms up to the people and receives an even louder reaction. Finally, he turns his attention to Drek Stone*

*DING DING DING*

COACH
Okay, men. Here we go. Drek Stone and The Mad Cappa - the OAOAST Puerto Rican Championship ON THE LINE!

COLE
And the bell has sounded! This match is under way!

CABOOSE
And Drek just hit Cappa with the StoneCutter. He makes the cover.

ONE!!!

TWO!!!

THREE!!!

AND DREK STONE HAS JUST WON THE OAOAST PUERTO RICAN TITLE!

COACH
Caboose, what the hell are you talking about?! They haven’t even started grappling yet!

CABOOSE
Well, yeah. But imagine the blind people sitting home right now….they probably already popped the champagne. Just trying to get the celebration started early.

Drek and Cappa slowly walk towards one another, their eyes locked in mutual glazes of determination. Only a few feet away from each other, they continue to stare……until they finally lock up in a grapple! Drek uses his momentum to grapple-push Cappa into the nearest corner, but Cappa quickly reverses it and grapple-pushes Drek into that corner. They slowly move away from the turnbuckle, still linked in a strong grapple. Suddenly, Drek pulls his right arm out of the grapple and gives Cappa a vicious punch to the face. Cappa FALLS STRAIGHT DOWN TO THE MAT!!

COLE
What the hell was that?!

COACH
Look at that!! Drek is wearing a pair of brass knuckles!!

COLE
Oh, this is terrible. The referee is calling for the bell.

CABOOSE
Terrible?! Einstein only wishes he would have thought of attacking Newton with a pair of brass knucks.

*DING DING DING*

The fans start booing at the decision as Cappa makes a struggle to get back to his feet. Busted open along his forehead, Cappa has a line of blood slowly tricking down his face. Once he’s on his feet, Drek moves back…..and gives him ANOTHER nasty shot to the face with the brass knuckles.

CABOOSE
Do you see this?! Do you NOW SEE what I tried to warn you about?! Cappa unleashed this brutal side of Drek, and he has nobody to blame but himself!

With Cappa down on the mat, Drek slowly walks towards his legs with a proud smirk across his face. At this point, Cappa’s blood has began to spurt out at heavier intervals. Drek stares at the puddle of blood surrounding Cappa’s head, then looks at the fans and arrogantly pounds his chest. Ignoring the loud boos, Drek picks up both of Cappa’s legs and holds them underneath his arms. Suddenly, he begins to turn Cappa over….

COLE
Oh god, he can’t be doing this! As if he hasn’t hurt Cappa enough.

CABOOSE
You didn’t listen to me, Cole. I TOLD YOU! I TOLD ALL OF YOU! Now, watch this!

…..AND DREK LOCKS HIM INTO THE WALLS OF CAPPA!! Cappa starts screaming loudly, then tries arching his back in an attempt to relieve the pressure. But Drek, with a determined look on his face, remains unwavering and adds even more pressure to the move. With blood continuing to pour down his face, Cappa begins to claw for the ring ropes, looking for something that could give him some kind of support. Yet, Drek just manages to sit back even further. CAPPA IS IN TREMENDOUS PAIN! Finally, referees and ring agents start running to the ring.

COLE
Somebody needs to stop this RIGHT NOW!! This was a damn set-up from the beginning!!

CABOOSE
Amazing observation skills, Cole. What tipped you off?!

COACH
This is getting real bad! The Mad Cappa is losing a terrible amount of blood!

A group of referees and agents surround Drek, and manage to pull him off of the Mad Cappa. They try to push Drek out of the ring to get him out of there, but Drek violently pushes one of the referees down to the ground. He grabs the nearest ring agent by his head and gives him a nasty punch down to the mat. Nearly all of the remaining referees and agents run out of the ring, but Drek grabs one of the referees by his arm. He fiercely pulls the ref towards him, and drops him with a wicked short-arm clothesline! The fans start going crazy with boos and rabid chants of “Drek Stone Sucks! Drek Stone Sucks!”

CABOOSE
Drek Stone sucks?! Is that what they’re chanting?! How many people could clear out a ring of all these officials?! How many people could do what Drek has done to the Mad Cappa tonight?!

Outstretching his arms for the crowd, Drek pompously absorbs all the hatred they’re screaming at him. He slowly around and……THE MAD CAPPA TACKLES HIM DOWN TO THE MAT!! The fans EXPLODE as Cappa starts unleashing a series of rights and lefts on Drek.

COLE
HERE COMES THE MAD CAPPA!! AND THE FANS ARE LOVING IT!!

COACH
NEVER count Cappa out!! Never!

CABOOSE
This is a serious health hazard! Cappa is bleeding!! He could give Drek a disease!! OH GOOD GOD!!!

The Mad Cappa picks up Drek by his hair and flings him into the corner. He begins to let loose with a violent series of stomps into Drek’s midsection. Drek almost starts to slump down in the corner, but Cappa won’t allow it. He forces Drek to stand up on his feet and gives him a kick to the midsection. HE REACHES FOR THE BUST-A-CAP…..but Drek pushes him away and slides underneath the bottom rope! He starts to crawl towards the timekeeper, but Cappa makes a quick attempt to follow him.

COLE
I think it goes without saying that Drek didn’t quite plan this to turn out like this.

CABOOSE
Which is why the guy ALWAYS has a back-up plan. Look what he just grabbed from the timekeeper!

Cappa yanks Drek by his hair, bringing him back to a vertical position. But Drek quickly turns around – AND SMASHES THE MAD CAPPA IN THE FACE WITH THE PUERTO RICAN TITLE!! The Mad Cappa slowly falls to the arena floor as the fans groan and begin to boo once again. At this point, Cappa’s face is an absolute mess. Once again, Drek pounds his chest for the fans. He then starts to fix his hair with his hands, but quickly stops when he sees Cappa making an attempt to get back up.

COACH
And will you look at this, Boose?! The Mad Cappa REFUSES to stay down!

COLE
What strength the Mad Cappa has. Throughout this beating, he just will NOT give up. Even throughout the blood loss, The Mad Cappa KEEPS GOING!!

CABOOSE
The guy’s a moron. He brought this on himself….and now he just WON’T STAY DOWN!! Why does he want to do this to his life?

Drek stares at Cappa with a mixed look of amazement and shock. Slowly, a scowl crosses his face as Cappa manages to make it onto his knees. He swiftly pulls Cappa up by his neck, kicks him in the stomach, AND DROPS HIM WITH A STONECUTTER…..ONTO THE PUERTO RICAN TITLE!! The entire crowd gasps in shock, watching Cappa’s neck fold upon impact. The Mad Cappa is OUT COLD!! Drek stares defiantly at a prone Cappa, then lets a calm grin cross his face. Taking deep breaths, he stares out at the fans with his customary, cocky smirk.

COLE
There! Is he happy?! He did his damage! He targeted Cappa’s neck! He left him a bloody mess outside of the ring. Is Drek Stone done?

CABOOSE
Well, you tell me.

Drek begins to walk around the ring, looking like he’s ready to move to the back. He suddenly pauses and begins walking the other way, back towards Cappa. However, he doesn’t stop to continue the beatdown. He simply steps on Cappa and continues on his way around the ring and towards the back. Throughout the entire walk, Drek looks incredibly pleased with what he has done. Once at the top of the ramp, he holds his arms up, and the arena breaks out in a LOUD chant of “ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE!” Finally, he walks through the curtains. Meanwhile, the referee focuses on the Mad Cappa, who is slowly beginning to move his arms. The fans break out in a series of cheers , but the referres and ring attendants quickly run over to Cappa to help him.

COLE
Well, I hope Drek Stone is happy with what he’s done tonight.

CABOOSE
It amazes me just how many more times I’m right than everybody else. I told you what would happen if Cappa managed to anger Drek. Well, now, you ALL saw it up-close. You just DON’T want to mess with the Italian temper.

COACH
Boose, have you ever thought about Cappa’s temper? Have you ever thought about the bloody revenge Cappa is going to want to extract after what happened tonight?! I think the biggest question after tonight is NOT about the attack Drek unleashed on Cappa but……what is Cappa going to have in store for Drek?

COLE
Ladies and gentlemen, I’m getting the oddest feeling that this feud just might not be over yet.

CABOOSE
It won’t be over until Drek finally captures the Puerto Rican Title that he RIGHTFULLY deserves.

COACH
Unless Cappa manages to get his revenge first……there is NO WAY he will let tonight go unpunished.

COLE
Well, folks, we understand we have a camera on Eddy Kalm backstage! What do you say we take you there?

(We go backstage where Eddy Kalm is sitting behind a desk with his feet propped up, trying to get comfortable. The fans cheer as there is a knock at the door.)

EDDY
Come in!

*Rick enters the room and the cheers turn to boos*

EDDY
Ah Rick, come on in.

*Rick sits in a chair with his arms folded and just stares at Eddy.*

EDDY
Don’t sit down! We’re going to start off the day with some exercises.

RICK
I’ve already worked out today.

EDDY
I don’t mean those kinds of exercises. I mean ones to clear your mind.

RICK
Give me a break.

*Rick stands up, but he doesn’t look happy.*

EDDY
First we will start with breathing exercises. These were Parka’s favorite. Just do like I do. *breathes like he’s giving birth, with bugged out eyes and puffed out cheeks.*

*Rick just stares*

EDDY
Come on now, don’t be a sourpuss. I wouldn’t want to tell Abe you’re being uncooperative.

*Rick rolls his eyes and then quickly does the breathing exercise with no real effort.*

EDDY
I guess that will do for now. Now take a deep breath. *breathes deep*………hold it……..hold it…….suck in the happy…..*lets out the breath*……and blow out the pissed.

*Rick reluctantly takes a deep breath*

EDDYNow don’t you feel better?

RICK
Yup…are we done?

EDDY
No we’re not. Sit down.

*Rick plops down with one leg dangling over the arm of the chair*

EDDY
Now tell me what has been bothering you lately?

RICK
You.

EDDY
Ha ha…what has really been bothering you?

RICK
Abe.

EDDY
Okay tell me more about that.

RICK
He’s an idiot with a personal vendetta against me and I don’t like him very much.

EDDY
You don’t think he’s just trying to help you?

RICK
Help me what!?

EDDY
Help you become who you need to be instead of self destructing.

RICK
You think I’m self destructing? I’m the X-freakin-Champ, no thanks to Abe. He’s just pushing my buttons so that he can have a new play toy!

EDDY
It seems like you were angry before that though. What else is bothering you?

RICKWhat’s bothering me is that everyone has this idea of what I’m supposed to be and they keep telling me about it. Like this girl I had to talk to for work!

EDDY
I saw that on the monitor. She seemed nice.

RICK
She’s a psycho!

EDDY
She cared enough to send you a card in the hospital. Isn’t that your big complaint that no one cared?

RICK
I don’t know her. She’s not going to make up for everyone else’s lack of compassion.

EDDY
You seem to have a lot in common with her though. She has very little left and so do you. You have to realize sooner or later that there will always be someone who cares whether you know it or not.

RICK
Are you finished? I don’t care if she cares because she means nothing to me. The people I cared about didn’t care and that’s what matters. I gave myself to them and they didn’t give back.

EDDY
How long are you going to let that bother you?

RICK
I don’t know. Until people start appreciating me for who I am instead of trying to make me into what they want I guess.

EDDY
Is how you act now really what YOU want?

RICK
I guess.

EDDY
It seems to me that as long as you are acting the opposite of what others want you are at least pacified. Is that any way to live?

RICK
Listen you piece of crap! Don’t start with that stuff as well!

EDDYI think that’s enough for today. Obviously there is more under the surface that we haven’t reached yet.

RICK
Good…I was really getting sick of this.

*Rick gets up to leave and turns around to see Abe Vigoda’s smiling face. The fans cheer loudly at the sight of Abe.*

ABE
How did it go? Wait…don’t answer that. I don’t want to hear you whine!

*the fans laugh*

ABE
I’m here to give you your first hint about your mystery opponent for the Bash.

RICK
Thank God!

ABE
This man is a former champion here in the OAOAST. I won’t tell you which belt he held, but he was a champion!

RICK
That’s it!? How am I supposed to figure it out from that!?

ABE
You probably won’t, but you still have a few more hints left. Good luck. Oh and before I forget, since that happens sometimes, you have a match tonight.

RICK
What!?

ABE
It seems that due to contract disputes with The Shuffle the North American Title hasn't been defended in some time. So tonight I'm ordering Shuffle to step into the ring at least one more time to defend the NA Title in a unification match! We will unify the NA and X Titles tonight!

*The fans cheer*

RICK
A chance at more gold? I'll take it, but don't make this a habit Abe!

ABEI'll try, but I tend to pick up bad habits quite often. Like picking the lint out of my belly button!

RICK
I...didn't need to hear that.

ABE
I know! Good luck tonight kiddo!

*Abe pats Rick on the shoulder before leaving. Rick looks pissed and disgusted as we fade out.*

(Back to the arena)

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MC
It's now time for our 24/7 Title contest of the evening, as Hoff is defending against Sly Sommers, on orders from Abe Vigoda for the Thrillogy's dastardly attack on Axel last week.

COACH
This is also revenge time for Sly, since Hoff cost Sly the European Rounds match he had against Calvin Szechstein at School's Out.

CABOOSE
You mean how that chair magicially flew out of Hoff's hands and into the ring, and how Sly was too dumb to move and ended up tripping over it?

MC
Whatever, you fool....let's get to the match!

("Gimme Back My Bullets" starts up, and Sly Sommers starts his entrance as the fans cheer for him. Sly slaps hands with some fans seated in the front row as he walks to the ring. )

COACH
You can still see the welt above Sly's right eye from the Code Red Clash he took on that chair at School's Out.

MC
And you know that Sly will be looking to give Hoff one identical above HIS right eye.

("Black" then kicks in, as the spiffy lights show brings in Hoff, wearing his 24/7 Title belt over his shoulder. He cockily avoids all of the fans' attempts at slapping his hand, and even grabs a sign that says "Hoff LOVES The Cock!" and rips it to pieces.)

CABOOSE
That's the way to do it, man! Kill those marks!
COACH
You just broke kayfabe; can you please fix it? There's glue and tape over there...

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall, with a thirty minute time limit and is for the OAOAST 24/7 Championship! Introducing first...weighing in tonight at 198 pounds, he is a former X-Division Champion; from Bayside, California...Sly "The Sly" Sommers!

(cheers)

BUFFER
And his opponent...from Minneapolis, Minnesota...weighing in tonight at 275 pounds...he is the current, reigning, and defending X-Division Champion of the WOOOOOOOORLD! Representing the Thrillogy, he is HOFF!

(Boos as Hoff teases the crowd)

*DING* *DING*

Both men circle around the center of the ring, and then lock up. Hoff uses his obvious size and power advantage to toss Sly down on the mat, and then laugh at his smaller opponent. Sly gets back on his feet, holding his back from the impact of the shove. Both men then lock up again. They struggle until Sly pulls Hoff over with an armdrag. Sly laughs at Hoff as Hoff angrily rises to his feet to engage in yet another collar-and-elbow tie-up with Sommers. Hoff uses his power to lift Sly on the top turnbuckle, and then land a stiff forearm to his face, sending him down on the apron!

MC
To quote Sly right then, "OUCH!"

Sly comes back into the ring, and holds his face as he gets to his feet. Hoff charges at Sly, but Sly dodges Hoff. Sly does a go-behind into a waistlock, but Hoff quickly pulls Sly's hands apart and brings him over with a headlock takedown. Sly brings his legs up, and then locks in a headscissors to break Hoff's side headlock. Hoff pulls his head out of the headscissors as both men come to their feet.

MC
Nice show of mat wrestling by both men there...

Both men circle around again before coming together for a Greco-Roman knucklelock. Hoff lifts Sly by his hands and tosses him down. Sommers comes back up to his feet and goes for a hurricanrana. Hoff grabs him and flips him. Sly lands on his feet and ducks an attempted clothesline from Hoff. Both men turn around, and Hoff walks into a dropkick from Sly that sends him down.
CABOOSE
That's an illegal move, according to the Yorkshire "How to Be a Gentleman" handbook!

Sly pulls Hoff up, and goes for an Irish whip. Hoff reverses and sends Sly off to the ropes. Sommers comes off of the ropes and nails a flying headscissors takeover. The momentum of the move brings Hoff back onto his feet and into a corner. Sommers then goes to the apron right beside Hoff, and brings him over with a slingshot flip armdrag. Sly locks in an armbar on the mat. Hoff gets out of it by rolling backwards and onto his feet. He then pulls Sly in (who still has ahold of his arm), lifts him on his shoulders, and nails an FU into a backbreaker!

MC
Ooh, what a devastating manuever!

Hoff then pulls Sly up to his feet, and connects with a series of stiff European uppercuts. Hoff sends Sly to the ropes. Hoff bends over too soon for a backdrop, as Sly is able to roll backwards over his back. Sommers then hooks Hoff's waist, goes forward, and rolls back for an O'Connor Roll into a Cravateface attempt! Hoff quickly gets to the ropes to break the hold.

COACH
We almost had a new champion right there!

Both men come to their feet, and lock up once again. Sly locks in a front facelock, but Hoff once again uses his power advantage to toss Sly with an overhead Northern Lights suplex! Hoff pulls Sly up and shoves him into a corner. Hoff then lets loose with a series of punches and kicks. He gets Sly to a seated position with the strikes before repeatedly ramming his knee into Sly's face. Hoff pulls Sly to his feet, and whips him off to the ropes. Hoff then lifts Sly for a gorilla press, and drops him throat-first onto the top rope!

MC
He just beheaded Sly Sommers!

Hoff runs and comes off of the ropes adjacent to where Sly is, and connects with a stiff boot to the back of Sly's head! Hoff pulls Sly off of the canvas, and nails a vertical suplex. Hoff keeps ahold of Sly, gets up while pulling him to his feet, and nails a sit-down front suplex slam (less head-droppy Falcon Arrow). Hoff then goes for the cover..............1..................2...............kickout! Hoff then lifts Sly onto his shoulders in fireman's carry position, and drops him with a double-knee gutbuster!

COACH
That was harsh!

Hoff then lifts Sly onto his shoulders in torture rack position, and drops down with an Abyss-style backbreaker. Hoff gets to his feet, and then pulls Sly up. Hoff slams Sly, goes to the ropes, and comes by with a jumping kneedrop. Hoff then locks in a rear chinlock.
CABOOSE
Classic wear-down hold here...

MC
More like classic resthold...

CABOOSE
And you got on MY case for breaking kayfabe?

Sly slowly starts to clap his hands to get the crowd behind them. They start clapping rhythmically to show their support for Sly. Sly slowly comes to his feet. When he does, he quickly drops down with a chinbreaker to get out of the hold. Sly holds the top of his head for a second, and then gets up. He comes off of the ropes, and nails a flipping side neckbreaker on a bent-over Hoff. Sly keeps ahold of his neck long enough to bridge up and nail a regular neckbreaker!

COACH
It looks like Sly's getting another wind in him!

Hoff comes up soon after Sly does, holding his neck in pain. Sly then connects with three forearms to the face, and attempts a tornado DDT. However, Hoff catches him, shifts him to fireman's carry position, and nails an inverted Samoan toss, landing Sly neck-first onto his knee (ala Billy Kidman). Hoff then sits Sly up, and nails two stiff toe kicks to the back of his head! Hoff follows up by lifting Sly over his shoulder in Dominator-position, and charges into the corner in Oklahoma Stampede-like fashion!

MC
Talk about trying to crush someone!

Hoff then clutches Sly's throat and inner thigh, and tosses him to the mat. Hoff lifts Sly off of the mat, hooks him for a suplex, and then nails a corkscrew suplex, ala EZ Money. Hoff goes for the pin............1..............2..........kickout! Hoff cockily lifts Sly to his feet, and drops him with a stiff STO onto his knee, chaining that into an impressive Exploder suplex!

CABOOSE
My boy Hoff is using his obvious size and strength advantage to man-handle that vanilla midget!

Hoff then stomps on Sly's head before pulling him up. He lifts Sly up for a side suplex, and drops him with an inverted backbreaker! Hoff then twists Sly around, and drops him with a snap Doctor Bomb (doesn't sit down with it). Hoff pulls Sly up, slaps him, and whips him off to the ropes again. Sly ducks Hoff's clothesline attempt and hops to the second rope. Hoff turns around and walks right into a flying back elbow.

COACH
And Sly's using his speed and agility advantage to get past his lack of size and strength!
Both men come back up to their feet, and Sly slides between Hoff's legs for a go-behind. Hoff turns around, and walks into a rolling koppo kick from Sly that sends Hoff throat-first onto the middle rope. Sly then runs, comes off of the ropes on the other side, and connects with a brutal running dropkick to the back of Hoff's head! Hoff tumbles to the outside. When he rises to his feet, Sly goes for a pescado onto him, but Hoff catches him in slam position and charges at the ringpost, sending Sly spine-first into it.

MC
Damn...!

Hoff keeps ahold of Sly and drops him back-first onto the edge of the guardrail! Hoff then stands Sly up, hooking Sly's arms behind the guardrail. Hoff then charges at Sly, and sends himself shoulder-first into Sly's mid-section! Hoff then tosses Sly into the ring. Hoff climbs in right after, and hooks him for a schoolboy cradle..............1.................2...............kickout! Hoff then whips Sly off to the ropes again, and nails a vicious jumping shoulderblock!

COACH
I thought the point was to pin the opponent's shoulders to the mat, not knock his shoulders off!

Hoff lifts Sly up, and immediately nails a fallaway slam. He goes for the cover............1.............2..........kickout! Hoff lifts Sly, and hooks him for the finishing blow, the Rock Bottom. Sly sees what's coming, and desperately elbows his way out of the move. Sly then comes off of the ropes and goes for a spinning wheel kick. But, Hoff catches Sly as the momentum sends him backwards, and tosses Sly over his head and to the floor!

CABOOSE
That's how you cripple a nobody!

MC
That's a good thing why?

Hoff goes to the apron and waits as Sly rises to his feet. Sly pulls himself up with the guardrail. As he gets to his feet, Hoff dives off and sends Sly down with a flying clothesline! After getting out of a slight daze, Hoff tosses Sly back inside of the ring and goes to the second rope himself. Hoff then hits a falling headbutt and goes for the pin..............1..........2...........kickout! Hoff lifts Sly and drops him with two backbreakers in a row, the second of which he chains into a standing headlock. Hoff quickly tires of the headlock, so he grabs Sly's left arm, twists him around as he lets go of the headlock, and pulls him in to nail a short-arm clothesline! Hoff then goes to the second rope and poses.

COACH
Now, come on...this is just arrogance!

Hoff lifts Sly off of the mat in a waistlock, and then drives him on the back of his head with a release German suplex! Sly bounces so hard that he ends up being sent to the opposite side's corner! Hoff charges at him, and nails a stiff avalanche in the corner! Hoff then hooks Sly and nails a vicious overhead belly-to-belly suplex!

CABOOSE
Sly just shrunk a few inches!

Hoff gets to his feet and nails a standing frog splash. Hoff goes for the cover..............1..............2.............kickout! Hoff then gets up and waits for Sly. When Sly makes it to his feet, Hoff goes for a charging big boot. However, Sly ducks and does a pivot step into a Russian legsweep! Sly rolls back to a pinning predicament...........1.................2...............kickout! Both men come back up, and Sly jumps into a wheelbarrow victory roll..............1...........2...........kickout! Sly then goes to the second rope as Hoff gets up. Hoff charges at Sly. Sly grabs Hoff's arm and goes for a divorce court. But, Hoff reverses it into an inverted backbreaker!

CABOOSE
Those little spurts of energy don't last long, do they?

Hoff pulls Sly off of his knee with a full nelson as he stands up. Hoff then lifts Sly and drops him on his knee with yet another inverted backbreaker! The momentum actually makes Sly stand up, but Hoff quickly knocks him down with a forearm to the face. Hoff then lifts Sly in a wheelbarrow and drops him throat-first onto the top rope. Hoff then chains that with an impressive side suplex.

MC
Hoff is handling his smaller opponent with ease here...

Hoff goes the the pin, but quickly decides against it. Hoff pulls Sly up and whips him off to the ropes. Hoff catches Sly with a hiptoss and sends him over the top rope and to the floor!

COACH
He's dead!

Hoff climbs to the outside, pulls Sly up, and clubbers him back down with repeated, stiff Vader-like hammer forearms. Hoff pulls Sly up, and drives his face into the guardrail with a flatliner. Hoff turns around while keeping ahold of Sly, and drives him back-first into the edge of the apron with a Russian legsweep. Hoff then finds a chair set up in the corner, right next to the guardrail. He lifts Sly up and sits him down in it. Hoff goes to the other side of the ringside area, charges at Sly, and connects with a deadly running kick to the side of his head, nearly putting his own foot through the guardrail!

CABOOSE
OLE! OLE! OLE! OLE!

MCThat's not our company's gimmick, Caboose...

Hoff then grabs Sly and tosses him back into the ring. Hoff slides back in himself, with the chair in his hand. Hoff sets up the chair in mid-ring, pulls Sly up, and lifts him for a gorilla press. All of a sudden, Hoff drops Sly, and Sly falls face-first onto the chair!

COACH
That's the way to breaking a nose!

The camera pans in on Sly's face to see that the chair's opened a deep cut in Sly's face, which is oozing with blood. Hoff then straddles Sly and starts punching repeatedly at the cut. Hoff rubs the blood that he gets on his hands on the referee's shirt. Hoff then pulls Sly up, lifts him for a slam, and drops him with a Catatonic Flatliner. Hoff then rolls sideways, turning the move into a camel clutch. Sly tries to fight off the hold, as well as the ever-increasing blood loss, and get to the ropes.

CABOOSE
There's no way he's getting to the ropes...

Sly tries pulling Hoff's hands off of his chin, but he can't. Sly struggles to crawl to the ropes, even with all of Hoff's weight on his back.....and he gets a rope break! Hoff gets up and stomps on Sly's back. Hoff then lifts Sly and places him on the top turnbuckle while hitting him with forearms to the back to keep him in place. Hoff climbs to the top rope, and goes for an uber-superplex. But, Sly scores with a knee to Hoff's groin that sends Hoff flying down to the mat!

MC
That's how you even the playing field!

Sly then shakes himself off and gets to a standing position on the top rope. Sly then leaps off and scores with a beautiful flying elbow drop! Sly goes for the cover..........1.....................2.................kickout! Sly then hooks Hoff's head in reverse DDT position as he attempts to lift him off of the mat for the One Hit Wonder. He gets Hoff up, but Hoff ends up getting out of the predicament by kneeing Sly repeatedly in the face.

COACH
That can't feel good...

Hoff then sends Sly off to the ropes. Sly goes for a flying headscissors takeover, but Hoff reverses with a brutal tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Hoff then hooks one of Sly's arms underneath his armpit, and lifts him to drop him with a pumphandle backbreaker! Hoff goes for the cover................1.......................2...................kickout! Hoff pulls Sly up and lifts him for a suplex. He keeps him up there for a while, even letting go with one hand for a few seconds to count. Hoff then drops him hard with the vertical suplex. Hoff gets to his feet, and signals for the Rock Bottom!

CABOOSETHIS is it, bitches!

Hoff waits for Sly to get to his feet. Sly just lays there. So, Hoff gets impatient and goes to lift him. But, it turns out that Sly's just playing possum, as he grabs Hoff's arm, pulls him onto the mat, and goes for the Cravateface! Hoff can't figure out a catch-as-catch-can reversal for the hold, so he starts punching Sly frantically before Sly finally has to let go of the hold. Hoff keeps ahold of Sly in that position, and stands up while holding onto him. Hoff lifts him, spins around, and drops him with a big Blue Thunder Bomb! He keeps him down for the cover....................1....................2...................kickout!

COACH
That was a close call!

Hoff then signals to nail Sly with a big lariat. Sly slowly makes his way to his feet. When he does, Hoff charges at him and nearly knocks his head off with it! Hoff makes the cover, but Sly's leg got wrapped in the bottom rope. Hoff pulls Sly out, but then decides against covering Sommers and goes for the chair again. He sets it back up once again, and sits Sly down in it. Hoff then comes off of the ropes and goes for another lariat. But, Sly hops out of the chair and punches Hoff in the stomach at the last second! Sly then comes off of the ropes behind Hoff and bulldogs his face onto the seat of the chair!

MC
His face must smell like ass!

Sly then places the chair on Hoff's face as Hoff lies on his back, and goes up top. Sly lifts off, but Hoff moves and Sly gives the chair a flying legdrop! Hoff shakes off and pulls Sly up. He hooks both of Sly's arms and drops Sly face-first on the chair with a double-underhook DDT! Hoff then pulls Sly up with a double-chicken wing and lands a bridging Tiger suplex..............1....................2............kickout! Hoff then rolls back and locks in a rear naked choke. But, Hoff is unaware of his ring positioning, as he ends up rolling back into the ropes and is forced to break immediately!

COACH
You have to know where you are at all time, or else you're gonna suffer!

Hoff pulls Sly up and whips him off to the ropes. Hoff goes for a flapjack, but Sly reverses with a sunset flip...............1.................2................kickout! Both men come up and Sly nails a jumping heel kick to Hoff's jaw out of desperation. Sly pulls Hoff up with a Dragon sleeper neck clutch, obviously going for the One Hit Wonder. Hoff shoves Sly off hard enough that Sly ends up coming off of the ropes. Sly runs at Hoff, but runs right into a big spinebuster! Hoff goes for the cover.......

1..........
2..........
KICKOUT!
MC
How'd he get out of that?

Hoff hooks Sly's head and arm, obviously going for the Rock Bottom. He then shrugs his head "no", despite having Sly beaten. He then tosses Sly up and catches him in H-Bomb position! But, Sly repeatedly punches Hoff in the face and slips out of the back end. He hooks his legs under Hoff's armpits, yells out "FUCK CALVIN!", and nails Szechstein's own Code Red Clash!

COACH
That's how you send a message!

Sly goes for the cover....

1...........
2..........
KICKOUT!

Sly pulls Hoff up, and attempts to lift him for the Sommerset. But, due to his hurt back and Hoff's weight, he can't get Hoff up. Sly turns around, hooks Hoff's head and one of his legs, and drops back to nail an inverted Overnight Sensation! Sly goes for the pin.........1..............2.........kickout! Hoff then rolls to the outside, as Sly charges at the ropes. Sly then launches himself through the ropes and nails an impressive tope suicida! Sly shakes off his daze and pulls a table out from underneath the ring.

MC
I think Sly's getting wood!

CABOOSE
I think YOU'RE getting wood, Cole! I'm scooting over!

Hoff gets to his feet, and Sly repeatedly chops him in the chest to keep him at bay. Sly then rolls Hoff back into the ring. Sly then goes to the apron as Hoff gets to his feet. Sly springboards to the top rope and goes for a flying clothesline, but Hoff ducks. Both guys turn around and Hoff sends Sly down with a powerslam! Hoff then sees the table and sets it up. Hoff then pulls Sly up and lays him down on the table. Hoff goes to the second rope, and starts posing to irritate the fans at ringside.

COACH
What in the hell...?

MC
Good job wasting time there, champ!

By the time Hoff is ready to do his move, Sly is already up and off of the table. Sly goes to the second rope right beside Hoff and starts squaring away Sly with a series of forearms to the face. Sly then hooks Hoff's head from behind, and nails an incredible flying One Hit Wonder, just barely missing the table!

CABOOSE
NO! NO! NO!

MC
This match is over!

Sommers hurt himself on the way down, and is slow to make the cover. He finally crawls over and drapes his arm over Hoff...

1.............
2.............
KICKOUT!

Sly angrily pulls Hoff up, slides his thumb across his throat to signal, and goes for the piledriver. Hoff, however, is able to reverse with a backdrop onto the chair! Hoff then goes back to the second rope and attempts another falling headbutt. But, Sly moves and Hoff falls face-first onto the chair!

CABOOSE
GET UP, HOFF!

Both men slowly make it back up to their feet, obviously dazed and pretty confused. Out of nowhere, Sly throws a superkick and both men go down. Sly pulls himself over to Hoff as the crowd cheers him to make it to the pin.........1..............2.........kickout! Sly can't believe it! He doesn't waste much time in disbelief, however, as he pulls Hoff up and attempts the piledriver once again. But, Hoff charges Sly into the corner back-first. Hoff then grabs Sly's legs and lifts him in powerbomb position. Hoff goes for a running powerbomb in the direction of the table, but Sly slips out of the back end. Both men turn around and Sly goes for the superkick again. Hoff catches Sly's foot and spins him around. But, Sly comes back with an incredible step-up enziguri!

MC
What a sequence of manuevers! Sly might have this one won now!

Sly pulls himself up and grabs Hoff. He then lifts Hoff and places him on the table. Sly then goes to the top rope. He gets to a standing position for a couple of seconds before woozily sitting down on the top turnbuckle.

MC
He has to be getting dizzy because of the high altitude and the blood loss!

COACH
Don't tell me this is how it ends...
Hoff shakes off his cobwebs, gets off of the table, and climbs to the top rope. He slaps Sly in the face before hooking his head and arms. Hoff stands up, leaps off, and....TOP ROPE ROCK BOTTOM!

CABOOSE
It's OVER!

MC
Hoff missed the table, but the impact of that blow might be enough!

The referee goes down for the count....

1............

2...........

3!

BUFFER
Your winner, and STILL 24-7 Champion of the OAOAST....HOFF!

CABOOSE
THAT is how you set an example!

MC
We said "that" way too much during the course of this match.

COACH
That, we did...

CABOOSE
Who cares? All that matters is that Hoff is still the 24/7 Champion, despite what the Old Man Regime might want to put him through, and Sly Sommers might be dead!

MC
With that monkey's ass-like comment, let's go to commercial break!

CABOOSE
Hey...

(Take a break)

(Back to work)

Cole
And fans we're back. How about that, AngleSault starring in a new blockbuster movie out soon in theaters. Whatta Preview.

Caboose
Gay

Cue: "Aww Naww"

Caboose
Borderline Gay

Cole
Stephen Joseph promised a hell of an announcement tonight!

From the ring entrance walks out Stephen Joseph Popick, with Tha Puerto Rican in tow. Puerto's coming down with a hoodie over his head, shadowing boxing down the rampway whilst Stephen slowly, steadily, walks fixatedly head towards the ring

Announcer
Ladies and Gentleman, here with a special announcement that will shock the world, two-time North American Champion, Runner-up in the 2002 Royal Rumble, the man who destroyed the A.W.O. Stephen Joseph! Accompanying him is the former Puerto Rican Champion, former North American Champion, the designated Next World Champion, Tha Puerto Rican.

Stephen Joseph (with mic)
Thank you, thank you. I know you love me, really I do. I'm out here with two big announcements. The first? I'm the guest of honor at the Body Shop this month with Jesse Ventura!

(Crowd Boos)

Yeah, fuck you too. Anyways, why I'm out here concerns Tha Puerto Rican. Tha Puerto Rican is the best wrestler in this company, he's by far and away the one man we need to represent us to the world. So Puerto, I've put together this video package. Roll it Johnny.

Cut: Video Feed, on AngleTron, but of backstage.

Cole
Abe Vigoda and Bill Watts!

Stephen Joseph
What the?

Bill
Hi Stephen. Now, me and Abe can't have you running around making promises you can't *THWACK*
::The camera turns off, the AngleTron goes to black::

(crowd murmurs)

::The shot comes back::

Cole
What the...Bill Watts and Abe Vigoda have been left lying on the floor!

Caboose
Someone hit them with a lead pipe, It's right there.

Cole
This can only be Popick's work. But Puerto Rican and Joseph are in the ring?

Stephen Joseph
How...utterly tragic. Oh well, at least I wasn't involved with THAT. Puerto, our video homage will have to wait a week, along with the big announcement. Cool?

Puerto
Cool. Who knocked the suckers?

Stephen Joseph
Don't know. Course no one will believe that, but really, who trusts me anyways...::hastily:: Well besides you and the Lightning Crew man.

Puerto
Tru man

Stephen Joseph
So just remember people...and Zack Malibu. Till next week...heh

Fuck me?

Fuck you!

Coach
Hey guys, what'd I miss?

Cole
Who knocked out Abe and Bill

Caboose
Who...or Whom?

Cole
We'll be right back! Whatta Night!

(Go to break)

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(Return from break)

"WHO'S THE BADDEST CHICK?!"

The arena lights drop as Faith Evans' "You Gets No Love (remix)" hits the PA system. The crowd gives a good-sized pop as bright red spotlights flood the arena and begin roaming the crowd. A dim red spotlight emits from the entrance, highlighting the silhouette of a female figure, and as fans begin clapping in unison to the beat of the pulsating Eurhythmics sample, that light from the entrance gets brighter...and brighter...and brighter...until a series of pyro sparks go off at the set, starting from opposite ends of the stage and converging in front of the entrance. The crowd pops as Tina steps out from the locker room and walks out to the edge of the stage with a look of determination in her eyes.

I tell you why there's no love
Simply you're not cool enough
For what we had between us
Don't you know you lost my trust

Tina tosses her hair back and thrusts her arms into the air, and on cue, more pyro sparks begin to fire down from the rafters behind her. She continues her path to ringside.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is a Grudge Match and is scheduled for one fall. Currently coming down the aisle, hailing from Philadelphia, PA, weighing in tonight at 175 pounds, she is known as the Superwoman and the Baddest Chick in pro wrestling....TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINAAAAAAA!

The crowd pops at the mention of Tina's name. Now at ringside, Tina slides into the ring, runs to a far corner and climbs upon the turnbuckles to play to the crowd.

COLE
Fans, there she is. Tina getting set to lock up with Chris Bryte one more time, and this thing has been building between these two for quite a while. Of course, it was about a month ago here on HeldDOWN that Tina and Bryte were supposed to be married, but Chris Bryte, the no good bastard that he is, turned on, attacked and humiliated Tina during the damn wedding. Tina had her heart broken in front of the world, and since that time, she's been out for revenge.

CABOOSE
No, what she's been out to do is rape Chris Bryte financially. I mean, just look at all the money that Tina's cost him over the past month: destroying a $45,000 custom-made suit, STEALING over $35,000 a couple of weeks ago following the Chris Bryte Challenge. And then two weeks ago...

COLE
Yes, two weeks ago, fans, it was Three Rounds of Terror! A boxing match between Bryte and Tina with $100,000 on the line. And the end result...

The HeldDOWN~! logo scrolls across the screen as we go back to the closing moments of the Bryte/Tina boxing match, where Tina has Bryte on the ropes covering up. She catches him with three left hooks to the body, then one to the jaw to put him on the canvas.

COLE
There it was! Chris Bryte was put down by Tina, and he lost the match via KO!

CABOOSE
That was a fluke.

COLE
It was a clean knockout! Tina beat Bryte fair and square, and Bryte, the sore loser that he is, couldn't accept that, and look at what he did!

The LOGO~! scrolls the screen again, cutting to Bryte's post match attack on Tina.

COLE
There you see Chris Bryte, knocking out the referee, then hitting Tina in the back of the head with a stool, knocking her out to the floor. And then--and I can't believe he did this--Bryte lifted up the ringside mats and gave Tina a brainbuster on the exposed concrete. What kinda man is Chris Bryte? To do something like that?

CABOOSE
He's a real man as far as I'm concerned. I thought that was absolutely great!

COLE
Well one man who didn't think it was great was Abe Vigoda. He was absolutely incensed by Bryte's post-match actions, and as a result, Chris Bryte was fined $20,000 for his abuse of the official, $5,000 for the attack on Tina, and to top it off, Bryte was suspended for two weeks without pay! Abe Vigoda really stuck it to Chris Bryte.

CABOOSE
Yeah! Thanks to Tina and that moron Vigoda, Chris Bryte's funds have been going down faster than a cheap ho. The last month's been trying for Chris, but his luck changes here tonight when he faces Tina! Cole, you sit out here praising Tina for her little "victory" two weeks ago. Well it was a lucky punch! And besides, that was boxing. That's a pussy sport. Tonight, Tina's facing Bryte in a WRESTLING match, and I can guarantee you that this week, Bryte's luck will change and Tina's will runs out!

The LOGO~! hits the screen one more time as we cut back to live action, as Tina stands in the ring awaiting her opponent. "It's Goin' Down" by the Linkin' Park feat. the X-ecutioners hits the PA system, and the arena slowly fades to black. A deep blue hue covers the arena, white strobe lights begin flashing at the entrance, and a thick smoke pours out from the locker room.

Watch them flee

Watch them flee

Wa...Wa...Watch them flee
Hip-Hop hits

*scratch* *scratch*

And you do it like this!

Suddenly, the locker room curtains swing open and out walks Chris Bryte to a chorus of boos from the capacity crowd. As always, he's wearing his trademark shades as he heads down the ramp to ringside.

BUFFER
And her opponent, hailing from Topeka, Kansas, also weighing in at 175 pounds...CHRRRRRIS...BRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYTE!

Bryte thrusts his fists into the air, enciting more boos from the crowd. When he reaches the bottom of the ramp, Bryte turns to the crowd, spotting a fan in the front row wearing a long blonde wig and a yellow bandana with "BRYTE-A-MANIA" printed on the front in red letters. He's also wearing a yellow tank, with "BRYTE RULES" printed on the front. Bryte points to the fan and laughs.

COACH
Heh...Bryte-A-Mania's runnin' wild, BROTHER!

CABOOSE
Yeah, these moronic fans are actually beginning to catch on. Chris Bryte is the future, baby!

Bryte then goes through a series of Hogan-esque poses for the crowd as Tina grows increasingly impatient in the ring. Finally, she throws up her hands, slides out to the floor and blindsides Bryte with a vicious clothesline, sending him right to the floor. Bryte's music stops abruptly and the crowd begins to cheer as Tina starts putting the boots to Bryte.

CABOOSE
Now wait a damn minute!

COLE
Tina not wanting to waste any time just went after Chris Bryte! Tina is all over the Bryte man!

CABOOSE
BACKFIGHTER!

The ref slides out to the floor to try and get Tina off of Bryte, but he's shoved hard to the concrete. The distraction caused by the referee buys Bryte time to distance himself from Tina and pull himself back to his feet, and when Tina turns back to face him, he extends his hands forward and begins to beg off. With the crowd cheering her on, Tina advances on Bryte, causing him to backpedal a bit before lunging at Tina with an attempted Judo chop to the head. She catches his wrist, however, shoves it down by his side and runs right through him with another clothesline. Bryte springs back to his feet, only to get ROCKED with a right hand, causing him to spin out and stumble forward in the direction opposite Tina. Tina then moves up behind Bryte, grabs him by the hair and the waistband of his trunks and rolls him into the ring. Both she and the referee follow Bryte in, and the bell sounds.

*DING DING DING*

COLE
There's the bell, and this thing is officially underway.

Tina advances on Bryte once again, but he rolls to the outside, drawing boos from the crowd. Tina follows him to the outside and Bryte quickly makes his way around the ring, with Tina hot on his trail. Bryte makes his way back in on the opposite side of the ring, with Tina following closely behind...


...suddenly, Bryte pounces on her, catching her with a Judo chop to the back of the head.

CABOOSE
Haha! Great move by Bryte!

COLE
Bryte just lured Tina in, and look at him go to work...


CABOOSE
Right on that injured head, too!

Bryte catches her with a double chop to the head, sending her face down to the canvas, then drops down and grabs a front facelock, which he uses to drive repeated knee lifts into the head of his ex-fiancee. With the crowd booing him in the background, Bryte uses the facelock to muscle Tina back to a standing position, at which point, he releases the hold and rips into her with a hard knife edge chop. Another double chop to the head sends Tina staggering back into the ropes. Bryte then grabs Tina's left arm and tries to send her in for an Irish whip, but Tina cartwheels through the move and flips Bryte off. Bryte charges her with an attempted clothesline, but she ducks, and his momentum sends him into the ropes. As he comes off, Tina tries to catch him with a reverse elbow, but he ducks under, catches her by her left hand and sends her into the ropes. When Tina rebounds, Bryte tries to catch her coming off with what looks to be a sidewalk slam, but Tina uses her momentum to counter his attempt with a satellite headscissors, nearly flinging Bryte out of the ring and drawing a pop from the crowd. Bryte quickly returns to his feet, only to walk into a dropkick to the chest by the Superwoman. Back to his feet once again, Bryte charges Tina but is driven face down to the canvas by a drop toehold. Tina floats over into a front facelock of her own, and begins delivering her own knee lifts to Bryte's head, driving the crowd into a frensy.

COLE
Tina's giving Chris Bryte a taste of his own medicine, and this crowd is loving it.

On the canvas, Tina applies pressure to the front facelock as Bryte attempts to find a way of escape. He soon finds it, twisting out of the hold into a hammerlock. He then floats over and locks on a side headlock to regain control. Bryte squeezes tightly on Tina's injured head, causing her to squirm around on the canvas, and with the hold still applied, Bryte plays to the crowd.

BRYTE
I've got her, baby! (crowd boos)

Suddenly, Tina grabs Bryte around the waist and rolls him back onto his shoulders. The referee counts 1...2...no! Bryte gets his shoulders off the canvas and turns back to the original position. Bryte breathes a sigh of relief, but Tina quickly rolls him up a second time for 1...2...NO! Bryte gets his shoulders off the mat again. Back to the original headlock position, where Tina begins trying to force her way out of the hold. She forces Bryte up to knee, then up to a standing position. Tina drives Bryte back into the ropes, drives two forearms into Bryte's midsection then shoves him into the far side. Bryte ducks a clothesline coming off and runs to the other side. This time, coming off, Bryte tries a baseball slide, but on his way through, Tina closes her legs, with her shins catching Bryte right up under the armpits. She then uses her legs to turn Bryte over into a reverse pin (think Pillman/Liger from Superbrawl II without the bridge) for the count of 1...2...NO! Kickout by Bryte sends Tina forward into the ropes

Both competitors quickly get back to their feet and go at one another, with Bryte catching Tina with a Judo chop to the head. Tina responds with a right hand. Bryte with another chop. Another right hand from Tina. Bryte with a right hand. Tina comes back! Bryte! Tina! Bryte! Tina! Bryte! Tina! And guess what, fans...

COLE
THIS THING HAS TURNED INTO A SLUGFEST!

Yup-si-doodle! And Tina's getting the upper hand. Right hand staggers Bryte! Another one. And another.

*CRACK*

CROWD
WOOOO~!

HARD knife edge chop sends Bryte staggering back into a buckle, at which point, Tina starts to unload on him. Right hands. Forearms. Chops! HARD European uppercut rattles Bryte's jaw!

COLE
Tina's got Bryte on the run!

CABOOSE
Damn it, Chris! C'mon! You can't lose to this woman! Not again! Not in a wrestling match!

Tina sends Bryte to the opposite buckle with an Irish whip, but before making impact, Bryte catches himself and leaps up onto the second rope. Before he can take advantage of the counter, Tina comes up from behind, tucks her head between his legs and lifts him up onto her shoulders in electric chair position. The crowd clamors in the background as Tina carries him back out to the center of the ring, clasps his hands, then brings him down with a Japanese Ocean Cyclone Suplex. She holds the bridge...


1...



2...



NO! Bryte manages to kickout after a count of TWOOOOOOOOO~!

Tina climbs back to her feet and turns back to Bryte, who crawls back into the corner and begins to beg off once again. Tina looks into the crowd for a moment (as if to ask for their approval) before moving in. She grabs a handful of Bryte's hair, but at the last second, Bryte reaches up and grabs her by the waistband of her pants, yanking her headfirst into the top turnbuckle. With Tina somewhat dazed, Bryte climbs back to his feet and pounces her again, nailing her with a barrage of punches and chops to the back of her head. Bryte then presses Tina's back up against the buckle, climbs upon the second rope and into 10-count position. He looks into the crowd with a sinister smile before pounding Tina right in the head with...

CROWD
1...2...3...4....5...

...right hands! Tina shoves Bryte to the mat on the fifth, but he immediately rolls back to his feet, charges her and leaps back into position. With his feet firmly planted on the middle rope, and his body straddling Tina's, he fires off...

CROWD
1...2...3...4...

...more right hands to her head. Tina shoves him back down on the fourth, and again, Bryte rolls back to his feet and charges at Tina, but this time when he leaps at her, Tina catches him coming in with a bearhug. Bryte's eyes open wide with shock as Tina carries him out to the center of the ring and drops him down across her right knee with an inverted atomic drop. Bryte bounces into the air, letting out a high-pitched scream as he clutches at his groin. Tina sends him to the mat with a clothesline. Bryte pops back to his feet, only to be mowed down with a second clothesline from the Superwoman. Bryte returns to his feet once more and walks right into Tina's waiting arms as she grabs him and lifts him up for a press slam, bringing the fans to their feet!

COACH
Oh DAMN!

COLE
What strength by Tina!

Tina has a slight smile on her face as she holds Bryte high above her head and turns to face the main camera. To show off her strength, she presses Bryte 1...2...3 times before dropping him face down onto the canvas behind her, then following up with a standing moonsault right to the small of his back! The crowd goes wild as Tina returns to her feet with a look of intensity in her eyes. That look quickly disappears however, as Tina suddenly stumbles forward and into the ropes.


COLE
Huh?

COACH
What happened?

CABOOSE
It's her head. She still hasn't recovered from those head injuries she's suffered!

Indeed. Tina drops down to a knee and clutches at her head as the referee moves in to check on her. She shoves him aside and tries to pull herself back to her feet, but upon doing so, Bryte comes in and blasts her with a spinning back kick that catches her right in the gut, doubling her over. Bryte follows up with another double chop to the back of the head, then grabs her in another front facelock. He flashes a smile to the crowd as he tosses Tina's arm back over his head.

COLE
Oh wait a minute...

CABOOSE
He could be going for that brainbuster, Cole!

COLE
We saw this two weeks ago.

With Tina in position, Bryte lifts her up for the brainbuster, holding her high above his head for a moment to make her think about it. Before Bryte can follow through with the move, Tina shifts her weight, causing Bryte to drop her forward over the top rope and onto the ring apron. Bryte moves in to attack her, but Tina shoots her head between the top and middle ropes, catching Bryte with a shoulder thrust to the gut. She follows up with a second that doubles Bryte over. She goes for a third, but--

*CRACK*

Bryte sidesteps it and catches her with a HARD shin kick right to to the forehead.

*CRACK*

A second shot causes Tina to fall to her knees with her eyes rolling into the back of her head. Bryte then backs up a few steps, measuring Tina as she tries to gather herself along the middle rope. With a sinister smile on his face, Bryte springs into action, hitting off the ropes, darting at Tina and catching her right in the head with a rolling front kick, knocking her back off the apron and onto the arena floor. Bryte pops back to his feet and raises his arms into the air, drawing LOUD boos from the capacity crowd.

COLE
What a piece of garbage. Tina is down on the outside...she's hurt and she may be hurt badly.

CABOOSE
Yeah, I think she's finding out that she made a mistake by stepping into the ring so soon after that injury.

COLE
You may be right, Caboose. Tina's down on the outside...the referee putting the count down...fans, we've gotta take a break. Our cameras are rolling, and whatever happens during the break, we'll bring it to you on the other side. Don't go away!

The camera focuses on Tina, who's lying in almost a fedal position on the outside. The official begins putting the count down on her just as we fade to commercial.


***COMMERCIAL***

When the break ends, Chris Bryte is on the outside choking Tina across the guardrail.

COLE
Fans, we're back on HeldDOWN~! Chris Bryte and Tina still going at it here tonight, and during the break, it was all Chris Bryte. He has dominated Tina on the outside and continues to do so...c'mon ref! He's choking the life outta her out there!

CABOOSE
Stop whining and call the match.

Bryte yanks Tina off the guardrail and sends her crashing her to the floor. Suddenly, Bryte turns to that fan of his that's seated in the front row and calls for something. After the two converse for a moment, the fan takes off his "BRYTE RULES" tank top and hands it to Bryte. The crowd boos in the background as Bryte turns back to Tina (who's now back to her knees), and flashes the shirt in her face.

BRYTE
You see this?! BRYTE RULES, BITCH! BRYTE RULES!

Suddenly, Tina catches him with a right hand to the gut. A second doubles him over. She begins to rise back to her feet, but...

*CRACK*

...a roundhouse kick by Bryte catches her right in the temple, sending her right back to her knees, at which point, Bryte positions himself behind her, grabs a rear naked choke with his left arm and places the t-shirt over her mouth and nose, smothering her. The referee slides out to the floor to break the two up...

REF
C'mon, Chris! Let her go! 1...2...3...4...

Bryte shoves Tina down, causing her head to smack hard off the arena floor. The referee admonishes him once again, but Bryte shoves him aside and goes back to work on Tina. He grabs her by the hair, pulls her back up to her knees, then rips into her with a reverse knife edge to the back. A second, followed by a kick to the back of the head, sending her down on all fours. Bryte then picks Tina up and rolls her back into the ring. Before following her inside, Bryte reaches down, grabs the t-shirt and puts it on. He then calls back over to his fan in the crowd.

COLE
What is this idiot doing now? Chris Bryte and this fan...

CABOOSE
Oh wait a minute...don't tell me...

The fan hands Bryte his blonde wig and the bandana, both of which Bryte put on to a slight pop from the crowd. He then busts into another series of Hogan poses...

CABOOSE
OH YEAH! IT'S BRYTE-A-MANIA, BABY!

COLE
I can't believe this.

COACH
Me either.

Bryte cocks both fists and begins to tremble Hogan-style as a surge of energy flows through his veins. He then slides back into the ring and confronts a groggy Tina, wagging his index finger in her face.

CABOOSE
Tina...WHATCHA GONNA DO?!

She tries for a right hand but it's blocked, and Bryte connects with a straight right hand of his own. Bryte follows up with a second. A third sends Tina staggering back into the ropes. Irish whip sends Tina to the far side, and when she comes off, Bryte floors her with the big boot. The crowd boos Bryte wildly in the background as he turns to them and cups his hand over his right ear.

COLE
I can't believe what I'm seeing.

With Tina down on the canvas, Bryte hits off the ropes, and coming off, he leaps into the air for a Big leg drop that...



...MISSES!

CABOOSE
NO!

COLE
Tina moved! Tina's still in this thing!

CABOOSE
Get up, Chris!

He does, and is clutching at his lower back as he climbs back to his feet. Suddenly, Tina moves in on him, catching him in another front facelock...

COLE
DDTINA COMING UP--

NO!!! Bryte counters with two elbows to the kidneys, then twists out into a standing side armbar. From there, he turns into it at takes Tina over with a Judo throw, and with her in a seated position on the canvas, Bryte grabs her right arm and pulls her into a triangle choke. The crowd boos in the background as Bryte applies pressure.

COLE
Triangle choke by Chris Bryte. Tina is in some trouble.

COACH
Bryte's got it locked in tight.

Bryte has a look of intensity in his eyes as he wrenches back on the hold as Tina desperately tries to find a way of escape. With the fans clapping and stomping in unison, Tina manages to make her way up to her knees, and from that position, she once again tries to roll Chris Bryte back onto his shoulders...



...AND SHE DOES! The referee counts 1...but Bryte quickly lifts his shoulder up off the mat, still managing to keep the hold applied. Undaunted, Tina shifts her weight, putting Bryte's shoulders back down onto the canvas. 1...2...Bryte raises the shoulder one once again and applies more pressure to the hold. The crowd continues clapping and stomping, and chants of "TINA, TINA" begin to echo throughout the arena. With the crowd surging behind her, Tina attempts to power her way out of the hold. She rolls back onto his neck, allowing her to find her feet. From there, she begins to lift Bryte up off the canvas...


...BUT NO! She can't get him up! She tries once again to lift him, but again, is unable to hold him, and ends up dropping him. Bryte has a big smile on his face as the crowd boos in the background.

COLE
Bryte's got this hold cinched in good...Tina's tried to find a way to escape...she tried to power out of it, but her attempts have been futile.

CABOOSE
I think the hold's starting to have its effect on her. I think she's beginning to fade.

Indeed...slowly but surely, Tina's body begins to go limp. As Bryte continues to cinch up on the hold, the referee kneels down by Tina's side to see if he can get a response from her. When she doesn't respond, he raises her left arm into the air...


...AND THE ARM DROPS!

COACH
Uh oh!

CABOOSE
She's out!

The official raises her arm once again...


...AND THE ARM DROPS AGAIN.

The crowd begins clapping and stomping once more, trying to rally behind Tina once again. The referee raises her arm one last time...


and the arm...



it...



it...





...STAYS UP! The crowd pops for Tina in the background.

COLE
The arm stays up! Tina's still in this thing!

The clapping and stomping continues as Tina begins to come to life. Once again, she gets her feet under her and rolls Bryte back up onto the back of his neck.

COACH
Looks like she's gonna try and power out of this thing again!

Indeed. She tries to lift Bryte...but again, is unable to lift him. Tina tries to lift him a second time, but drops him again.

CABOOSE
Just give up, Tina! You're done.

With the crowd still surging behind her, Tina makes one more attempt to lift Bryte off the canvas. Slowly...but surely...she begins to muscle Bryte up off the canvas. Bryte's eyes open wide with fear as Tina lifts him high into the air and drops him down onto the back of his head with a powerbomb. Tina then falls to the canvas, exhausted!

COLE
Bryte is down! Chris Bryte is down again!

CABOOSE
But so is Tina! I think she used every ounce of strength left in her body to execute that move! She's done!

COLE
You may be right! Chris Bryte...my God he hit hard off the canvas.

The chants of "TINA" start up once more as Tina begins crawling over to the ropes, hoping to pull herself back to her feet. Meanwhile, on the other side of the ring, Bryte is just beginning to stir after the powerbomb from Tina. He rolls over into a seated position, shakes his head to clear out the cobwebs, then pushes himself back up to his feet. He starts over to Tina, who by now has pulled herself back to her feet. Bryte rears back, preparing to strike her, when suddenly, Tina hauls off and blasts Bryte on the jaw with a hard right hook, sending him staggering out to the center of the ring. Bryte tries to gather himself in order to fire back, but Tina catches him with another hard right, causing him to spin out and stumble into the opposite direction. With Bryte loopy from the right hands, Tina runs to the ropes opposite him, and when she comes off, she leaps up onto his shoulders for a huracanrana...


...BUT BRYTE COUNTERS THAT WITH A SITOUT POWERBOMB! Tina's shoulders are down...


1...




2...




THRRRRR--NO! TINA MANAGES TO KICK OUT JUST BEFORE THE COUNT OF THREE!

Bryte returns to his feet and grabs a handful of Tina's hair. He pulls her up to her knees, rears back and drives the point of his elbow into the back of Tina's head before grabbing her in a head-and-arm lock and driving her face down to the canvas. With his hands clasped up against Tina's temple, Bryte begins to wrench back on her head and neck.

COLE
Bryte with another submission hold locked in...

CABOOSE
And notice the positioning of his hands, Cole. Bryte's still applying pressure to the head.

Bryte continues to wrench back on the hold as Tina tries to find a way of escape. She tries to turn into the hold, pressing her right elbow against the canvas and rolling onto her right side to aleviate some of the pressure. She manages to turn her body a bit more, gaining enough leverage to roll Bryte over into a pinning combination!


COLE
Bryte's shoulders are down!


1...



2...



NO! Bryte kicks out of it and rolls back to a knee, with the hold still cinched in tight. The crowd begins to come alive again, and the Tina chants start up once more as she attempts to force her way back to a standing position. She pushes herself back up to her knees, then plants her right foot into the canvas. Bryte tightens his grip, grinding his fists into Tina's temple, causing her to cry out in pain. She keeps fighting, though, as she extends her right arm into the air and begins reaching for the heavens. The clapping and stomping starts up again as Tina muscles her way up to a vertical base, with Bryte rising as well in order to maintain leverage. With both competitors on their feet, Tina tries to go for the ropes, but Bryte yanks her back out to the center of the ring. She makes a second attempt for the ropes, but Bryte yanks her away once more. Out of desperation, Tina fires off a series of right hands to Bryte's face, causing him to release his grip.

COLE
She's out! Tina's broken the hold!

CABOOSE
Get on her Bryte!

He does, nailing the Superwoman with a Judo chop to the head, to which Tina responds with a looping right hand. Bryte's staggered a bit, but quickly manages to grab a side headlock and apply more pressure to Tina's head. Tina fights the hold furiously, pounding his arm with wild right hands before shoving him sternum first into a nearby turnbuckle. Bryte staggers backwards clutching at his chest, allowing Tina to come up from behind, grab him by the head and drop to her knees, driving the back of Bryte's neck down onto the top of her head. The crowd pops in the background as both Tina and Bryte roll around on the canvas in pain.

COLE
What a move by Tina.

CABOOSE
What a stupid move, you mean. I mean, really, after all the damage that's been done, why would Tina use her head at a time like this?

COLE
Desperation move on the part of Tina. She said a couple of weeks back that if she had to hurt herself in order to hurt Chris Bryte, then that's what she'd do. Well she just did it right there, and both of them are down.

Tina clutches at her head and Bryte holds his neck nearby as the referee begins to count both competitors out.


1...




2...



3...


Bryte rolls over onto his knees, still clutching at the back of his head and neck.


4...


5...


Bryte slowly pulls himself back to a standing position and the referee's count stops at five. Bryte's takes a moment or two to regain his bearings before turning back to Tina, who by now has crawled over to the ropes and is using them to pull herself back to her feet. Bryte shakes out the last bit of cobwebs before starting over towards her and grabbing her by the back of her pants and pulling her back to her feet. From there, he tucks his head under her left armpit and lifts her up for a back suplex...


...however, Tina back flips out of the move and lands on her feet behind Bryte. She then grabs a rear waistlock on Bryte, but Bryte catches her with a reverse elbow to the jaw. Tina ducks under a second elbow and Bryte's momentum turns him around, allowing Tina to take him over with a Northern Light's Suplex. She holds onto the move, rolling through and bringing Bryte back to his feet, where she takes him over with another Northern Light's Suplex. She holds on yet again, rolls back to a standing position and delivers a third suplex, kipping back to her feet upon impact and shooting an intense glare into the crowd. The fans roar in approval.

COACH
Uh oh.

COLE
I think Tina just got her second wind.

Indeed. Breathing heavily and still holding her head, Tina slowly turns back to Bryte, who's beginning to pull himself back to his feet. Tina glares at him long and hard, her breaths growing deeper and more rapid. Then, when Bryte finds his feet, Tina arches her back, frizzes up her hair and charges at Bryte like a woman gone mad. Hard right by Tina tags Bryte's jaw. A knife edge chop sends him reeling back into the buckle, at which point Tina charges him, leaping onto his chest and nailing him with a barrage of rights and left hands before sending him flying back out towards the center of the ring with a monkey flip. Bryte clutches at his lower back as he pulls himself back to his feet, only to be sent right back down to the canvas courtesy of a Tina clothesline. Bryte pops up once again, but Tina mows him down with a second clothesline. Bryte reaches his feet one more time, only to catch a knife edge chop to the chest. A second one sends him staggering back into the ropes, at which point Tina grabs his left arm and sends him into the far side. Bryte ducks the clothesline coming off. Coming off the opposite side, Bryte ducks a reverse elbow. Bryte comes off once more and runs right into a BIG powerslam from Tina! The leg is hooked...



1...



2...



NO!!!!!!!! Bryte shoots the shoulder off the canvas just before the count of three!


Tina quickly returns to her feet and uses Bryte's hair to bring him back to his. Hard knee lift by Tina catches him right up under the chin. A second sends Bryte's body flailing down onto the second rope. At this point, Tina runs to the far side and comes off with a Kevin Nash-style squisher, but Bryte moves at the last second, and Tina crotches herself along the middle rope. Bryte crawls away on his knees, pointing at his temple to indicate his intelligence to the crowd. However, the miss naturally has NO EFFECT on Tina, and as soon as Bryte turns around, she runs at him and turns him head over heels with a Yakuza Kick. "Holy Shit" chants start up in the crowd as Tina rolls him over onto his back and covers him. Referee with the count...


1...


2...



THR--NO!!!!!!! Only TWOOOOO~!


Tina covers him again, this time hooking the leg...



1...




2...




THRRRRRRRRR...NO! NO! NO! Bryte barely manages to kick out before the referee's hand strikes the mat a third time.

COLE
My God! What does Tina have to do to beat Chris Bryte?!

COACH
DUH! She has to pin him, silly!

COLE
Wha...huh?!

COACH
Or make him submit! Geez...and people call me stupid.

COLE
It was a rhetor...it was...(flags Coach).

Tina's back up to her feet, going for a handful of Bryte's hair when suddenly, Bryte reaches up and claws at her eyes, drawing boos from the crowd. Tina, holding her eyes, turns away from Bryte, allowing him to slip in from behind and bring her over with a schoolboy.

COLE
Wait a minute! HE'S GOT THE TIGHTS, DAMN IT!

1...



2...




THRRR--NO!!!!!! Tina kicks out just before three!


Bryte rises to his feet, beefing with the official over what he felt was slow count. As they argue, Tina returns to her feet and comes up behind Bryte, twisting her body around and managing to take him over in a modified sunset flip! Shoulders are down..


CROWD
1...2...


Bryte shifts his weight, moving into a position where he's lying face up on top of Tina. Tina's shoulders are down...


CROWD
1...2...

NO! Tina grabs an inverted rear waistlock and uses that to bridge back up to a standing position. With both of them on their feet, Tina maneuvers him around into a backslide attempt. The crowd pops in the background as Tina works to bring him over, with Bryte working as hard as possible to stay vertical.

COLE
Tina's got Bryte hooked for the backslide! Can she bring him over?

CABOOSE
Drop to your knees, Chris! Drop to your knees...

COACH
BRYTE'S GOING OVER!

CABOOSE
NO! CHRIS...HOLD ON!

Chris tries to hold on, but to no avail, as Tina brings his shoulders to the mat for...


CROWD
1...2...

NO! Bryte kicks out! Bryte quickly returns to his feet and catches Tina with a kick right to the head. Reverse knife edge sends her back into the ropes. Bryte uses her left arm to send her in, but Tina reverses the momentum and sends Bryte into the ropes. Bryte goes in with a Tajiri-like handspring, but as he snaps back for the elbow, Tina dips her head, managing to catch him in another electric chair. The crowd clamors as Tina walks him forward then drops him down in front of her, with Bryte's neck snapping hard off the top rope. Bryte staggers back into a far corner, clutching at his throat and gasping for air. Suddenly, Tina charges him and sandwiches him into the buckle with a hard clothesline. Bryte's body convulses in the buckle upon impact, stopping only when Tina moves back in and nails him with a hard forearm shot. Tina triples up on the forearm, then whips Bryte into the opposite buckle, causing him to hit with tremendous force. Then, Tina snaps her fingers and points her index finger into the air, drawing a pop from the crowd.

COACH
Uh oh. You know what this is!

COLE
Shades of her sister Joanie!

Tina comes at Bryte with a running handspring elbow, but as snaps back after the second revolution, Bryte tips up against the buckle and catches her coming in with a headscissors. Bryte figure-fours his legs around her neck, then leans back over the top rope, strangling her. Tina flails her arms violently as the referee moves in and calls for the break.

REF
C'mon Chris! 1...2...3...4...

Bryte releases the hold on five, causing Tina's body to fall forward to the mat. She crawls away from the ropes, breathing heavily trying to get some air back into her lungs. Suddenly, Bryte steps in from the apron, darts to the ropes opposite Tina, and...

*WHAM*

...catches her coming off with a devastating shining wizard! Bryte falls into a cover...hook of the leg...


1...



2....



3~!




COLE
NO!!!! NOT 3!!!!! TINA GOT THE SHOULDER UP!

CABOOSE
WHAT?! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

Neither can Bryte. He begins rolling around on the canvas, going through a brief Christian-like tantrum. Once he composes himself, he turns back to Tina and signals for the end.

CABOOSE
This is it! Bryte's tired of playing with her. He's gonna finish it NOW!

Indeed. He brings Tina back up by her hair and nails her with two knee lifts to the head before scooping her up over his shoulder. The crowd clamors in the background.

COLE
This could be all!

COACH
Bryte Out coming up!

Bryte presses his hands under Tina's armpits, lifting her high into the air...then brings her down...


But Tina lands on her feet behind him! She grabs him by the hair, pulls hims back into an inverted headlock and drives him to the canvas with the Red Light Special (Eye of the Hurricane)!

COLE
RED LIGHT SPECIAL BY TINA!!! CHRIS BRYTE IS DOWN!!! COVER HIM, TINA! COVER HIM!

CABOOSE
You're supposed to be unbiased here, Cole!

COLE
The hell with that! After all this jackass Bryte's put Tina through...wait a minute! What's she doing?!

With Bryte down in the center of the ring (still clad in his Hogan-esque attire, mind you) Tina rolls out to the apron and prepares to ascend the turnbuckles.

COLE
Ladies and gentlemen...Bryte is down...Tina's headed to the top...

CABOOSE
This is a mistake, Cole. Trust me! She's got the man down, she could've covered him, but she didn't, and now it's gonna come back to haunt her!

COLE
Let's hope not.

With Bryte still prone on the canvas, Tina perches herself up on top. She slowly stands upright on top, raises her arms into the air (with both index fingers pointed to the heavens), then leaps off the top with a flying elbow...



...THAT MISSES!!!!!! Bryte rolls out of the way at the last second, and Tina gets nothing but canvas.

CABOOSE
HAHA! SEE! I TOLD YOU IT WOULD HAUNT HER! I TOLD YOU!

COLE
Tina's down...and she appears to have hurt that arm!

Indeed. She's clutching at her right elbow as she rolls around on the canvas in pain. The referee heads over to check on her as Bryte, still down himself, points over to Tina and laughs. It's a good, long, hard laugh too! Bryte's laughing so hard that he doesn't see MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE perching himself atop the opposite buckle!

CABOOSE
Oh my God! CHRIS!!! LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT!!!!!

*BOOOOOOM*

Savage dives from the top and NAILS Bryte with his patented flying elbow, driving the crowd into a frenzy! He springs back to his feet, yells "I GOT YOU HOGAN! YEEEEEAH!!!", then slides out to the floor before the ref can spot him. The crowd goes WILD in the background as Savage heads towards the locker room.

CABOOSE
DAMN IT, RANDY!

COLE
Chris Bryte's all dressed up in that Hogan outfit...Savage thought that Bryte was Hogan!

CABOOSE
Savage, you idiot! He has gotta be fired!

After determining that Tina's arm is ok following the missed elbow, he waves her on, allowing the match to continue. Tina looks out towards the center of the ring and spots the unconscious Bryte.

CABOOSE
Oh my God, no!

COLE
Chris Bryte is out! Tina's got the match won!

She crawls to Bryte and drapes her body across his as the referee slides into position to count...



1...




2...





3!!!!








NO!!!!! 2.999999~!

COLE
How in the hell?! How did Chris Bryte kick outta that?! How?!

CABOOSE
He is a true man's man! Admit it! Give him credit!

Tina looks frustrated as she grabs a handful of hair and drags Bryte back to his feet. She then tucks his head into another front facelock...

COLE
Here it comes! DDTINA--

NO! Bryte twists out, winds up on Tina's arm and Irish whips her...RIGHT INTO THE REFEREE!

COLE
Oh no! The official just got wiped out, folks!

Tina leans down to check on the ref, but Bryte takes advantage, rushing her from behind and nailing her in the back of the head with a Judo chop. Tina staggers, dazed from the blow. Suddenly, Bryte hooks her arms then lifts her up into Vertebreaker position.

COLE
Oh no!

CABOOSE
He calls this move the Bryte Side!

COACH
This could be it...

But it isn't. Tina manages to roll off of Bryte's back and land on her feet behind him. She then shoves him forward into the ropes, and when he comes off, Tina doubles him over with a boot to the midsection, then drives him to the mat with the DDTINA!!!!! The crowd erupts as Bryte's body bounces into the air before landing flat on the canvas. Tina instinctively goes for the cover, but then she realizes that the ref is unconscious.

COLE
Damn it! Tina's got the match won!

CABOOSE
But who knocked out the referee? She's got no one to blame but herself for that one!

Tina slaps the canvas in frustration as she heads back over to the ref's body to revive him. Suddenly, the camera cuts out to the floor, where a HUGE black man steps out over the guardrail, clad in a tan sleeveless tee, tight blue jeans and tan boots!

COLE
My God, who the hell is that?!

COACH
Isn't that...isn't that the same guy that attacked Panther at Living Anglelously?!

COLE
I...believe it is!

As Tina continues to shake the ref, the unknown man climbs upon the ring apron, steps over the top rope and walks up behind Tina with a psychotic look on her face. Tina, noticing the shadow looming over her, turns around, and her eyes open wide with fear as she lays her eyes on the monster. Her body trembling, Tina starts to rise to her feet, when suddenly...

*WHAM*

...the man catches her flush on the forehead with THE STIFFEST LOOKING PUNCH IMAGINABLE! Tina's KO'd upon impact, and the man quickly grabs the unconscious Bryte and pulls him on top of her. From there, he revives the referee, then slides out to the floor, with the crowd booing like crazy all the while! The referee slowly begins to stir, then looks up, spotting the pinfall...

COLE
Oh no! Kick out, Tina! Kick out!


The ref raises his hand, then brings it down to the canvas for 1...





2....











3~!

*DING DING DING* **Cue "It's Goin' Down"

BUFFER
Here is your winner: CHRIS...BRRRRYYYYYYTE!

COLE
DAMN IT! Chris Bryte has won this match with a HUGE assist from this...this monster of a man! Who the hell is that?!

CABOOSE
I dunno, but whoever he is, he absolutely laid Tina out! One punch too...and look! He split her head wide open!

COLE
My God!

In the ring, Tina is lying flat on her back with a trickle of blood flowing from her head. Suddenly, the huge man slides back into the ring, grabs the unconscious Bryte by the ankle and yanks him out to the arena floor. He lifts Bryte up over his shoulder fireman's style and carries him up the ramp and back to the locker room. Meanwhile, a host officials rush out from the back to attend to Tina.

COACH
How hard did that guy hit her?

COLE
That had to be one of the most sickening shots I've even seen! Tina's down...she's busted open...

CABOOSE
She may even have reaggravated that head injury! How great would that be?

COLE
I certainly hope that's not the case!

On stage, the big man turns back and faces the ring one last time before disappearing through the curtains. The officials continue to work on Tina inside the ring as we fade to commercial.

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(Take another break)

(Guess who’s back. Back again. HeldDOWN’s back. Tell a friend.)

Cue: “I’m the Bomb” by Electric Six

(Calvin makes his way to the ring, with Candie right behind him.)

ANNOUNCER: “From Milwaukee Wisconsin, weighing in at 197 lbs, tonight accompanied by Candie, from the THRILLOGY, CALVIN SZECHSTEIN!”

Cue: “Set it Off” by Audioslave

(Crystal, focused, walks down to the ring, not taking her eyes off Calvin or Candie.)

ANNOUNCER: “From Coquitlam British Columbia, weighing in at 138 lbs, CRYSTAL!”

COLE: “This should be a great contest! These two competitors are evenly matched, but Calvin might have the slight advantage with Candie in his corner.”
COACH: “Maybe so, but Crystal did get the win over Calvin a couple of weeks ago!”
CABOOSE: “Psh, fluke win.”

(Candie is ushered out of the ring by the ref, and this contest is underway!)

DING! DING! DING!

The two lockup in the middle of the ring. Calvin gets the early advantage and puts a waist lock on Crystal. Crystal breaks his hands apart and reverses in a waistlock of her own. But Calvin breaks up her hands and grabs Crystal’s arm into a hammerlock. He trips her up and goes to a front facelock, but Crystal gets out quickly, grabbing Calvin’s arm and applying a hammerlock of her own. He forces himself in a sitting position and grabs Crystal’s neck and flips her over. He grabs her head and forces her back to a lying position with a headlock, but Crystal quickly applies a headscissors. Cal quickly gets of it and both kip up. No indy-standoff here though, as Calvin charges at Crystal, who gives a hiptoss. Calvin’s up quickly and charges again, only to get another hiptoss for his efforts. He’s up one more time, and Crystal dropkicks him, through the ropes!

CROWD: “Crystal! Crystal! Crystal!”

COLE: “Some impressive matwork from these two in the early going.”
COACH: “But my girl got the advantage!”
CABOOSE: “Oh please. Calvin’s just playing with Crystal. He knows what he’s doing!”

But it doesn’t really appear that way to everybody else right now. Calvin bangs the mat in frustration with Candie attempting to calm him down. He slowly gets back in the ring after a little while. With a smirk on his face, he mockingly applauds Crystal while moving towards her. He puts up his hand to challenge Crystal to a test of strength, and Crystal meets the challenge, only to get a kick in the gut. Calvin aggressively grabs her head in a headlock. Crystal pushes him to the ropes and ducks a clothesline attempt of Calvin’s. He stops and grabs Crystal’s arm, irish whipping her toe the ropes. Crystal bounces back and Calvin uses her momentum against her, delivering a fireman carry. Crystal is up right away, but Calvin doesn’t even attempt to capitalize. Instead, he does some jumping jacks, celebrating his “victory”.

COLE: “What a pompous jerk.”
CABOOSE: “Come on Michael! You should be applauding that excellent, scientific move by Calvin!”

Crystal leans against the corner, rolling her eyes. She lifts her eyebrows at Calvin, as if asking if he’s done yet. Calvin just smirks and starts jawing with her. She meets him in the middle of the ring to trash talk as well. Crystal seemingly says something that irks Calvin, because he suddenly slaps the taste out of her mouth. Crystal looks up at him angrily, and returns the favor! The two then brawl and exchange right hands. Cal get the advantage and Irish whips Crystal. He leapfrogs her, but Crystal rebounds and gives a flying forearm! She mounts on him and starts punching away. Calvin rolls away and tries to get up and away from Crystal, but Crystal is right there. She whips him to the ropes. Calvin goes for the clothesline, but Crystal ducks, grabs his head from behind, and delivers an Edge-o-matic! Cover!

1!
2!
Kickout!

Calvin struggles back to his feet with the help of the corner, with Crystal right on him. Crystal whips him to the opposite corner and charges. Calvin, though, sees her coming and Crystal runs into his elbow. As Crystal recovers and turns around, Calvin delivers a clothesline. When Crystal gets up again, Calvin goes behind and hooks both arms, and delivers a beautiful butterfly suplex!

1!
2!
Kickout!

Crystal rolls out of the cover. Calvin is up and puts the boots to Crystal. He picks her up and whips her to the ropes, but Crystal reverses. As Calvin is rebounding, Crystal delivers a reverse spinkick. Stunned, Calvin bails outside. Crystal sees this and launches herself and planchas Calvin, but Calvin moves and she eats floor! Calvin then yaps to the ref, distracting him, as Candie sneaks up and puts the boots on Crystal!

COACH: “Come on now! This is suppose to be a one-on-one match!
CABOOSE: “Hey, anything goes behind the referee’s back.”

After Candie backs off, Calvin stops talking with the ref, picks up Crystal and whips her to the ring post, her face hitting first. Calvin rolls Crystal back in the ring and climbs the turnbuckle. He waits for Crystal to get up and delivers his signature hurricanrana! He gets up beaming, and takes a sarcastic bow, basking in the jeers of the crowd. He puts one foot on Crystal and poses, flexing his muscles (ala Chris Jericho). She quickly rolls over and grabs Calvin’s foot and trips him up. The legs are crossed and Crystal tires to flip him over for the Crystalling! Calvin scrambles for the ropes, desperate to not let Crystal lock it in. The referee counts to 5 when Calvin does reach the ropes, forcing Crystal to back off. After a few words with the ref, she goes after Calvin again and tries to pick him up, but Calvin gives a poke in the eye followed with a kick to the gut. With Crystal doubled over, Calvin delivers a picture-perfect snap suplex and covers.

1!
2!
Kickout!

Crystal kicks out and gets on all fours, trying to push herself up. Calvin takes this opportunity to kick Crystal straight in the ribs. Crystal, again, gets on all fours, only to get kicked down again. Clutching her ribs, Crystal struggles to get up, using the ropes for support, with Calvin taunting her. He charges her and Crystal pulls down the top rope so Calvin tumbles outside! Candie rushes to Calvin to see if he’s alright. Crystal goes to launch herself over the top rope, but Candie sees her, and pushes Calvin out of the way. However, Crystal sees this and catches her self, landing on the apron. Candie stomps towards her, but Crystal gives her a swift kick to the face! Candie stumbles back into Calvin. When both Thrillogy members recover, Crystal hits them both back down with as Asai-Moonsault! Crystal gracefully lands on her feet and eggs on the already cheering crowd.

COACH: “What a beautiful move! Thatta girl!”
CABOOSE: “Hey, what did Candie do to deserve that? Leave her out of this!”
COLE: “You mean not including interfering earlier?”

Crystal rolls Calvin in the ring and waits for him to get up. When he does, Crystal springboards off the top rope, grabs Calvin’s head, and does a tornado DDT! She quickly goes for the cover.

1!
2!
Kickout!

Calvin stumbles up and props himself in the corner. Crystal goes to him and whips him to the opposite corner, but Calvin reverses. He rushes towards her, but eats boot. Crystal then grabs Calvin’s head from behind and gives Calvin an inverse DDT. She celebrates to the crowd and ascends the top rope. We’ll never know what she was going to do though, as Calvin kicks the referee to the ropes, crouching Crystal as a result. Cal slowly gets up and makes his way to where Crystal is. He grabs her by the hair and throws her down, so she is hanging from the turnbuckle, her back towards Calvin. He takes a running start and dropkicks the back of Crystal’s head! She flops to the ground and clutches the back of her head. After Calvin taunts her and slaps the back of her head a couple of times, she slowly tries to get up with the help of the ropes, still clutching her head. Right when she gets up though, Calvin plows into her with a vicious clothesline in the corner! Before she falls down, he grabs her by the head, puts her in a headlock, and delivers a bulldog! Cover!

1!
2!
2.5!
Kickout!

After Crystal kicks out, Calvin drags her up by her hair and delivers a DDT. He bounces off the ropes for momentum and drops a knee to her face. He goes for the cover again.

1!
2!
Kickout!

Calvin, a bit frustrated, taunts Crystal to get up some more. She struggles to her feet and he grabs her from behind in a waistlock. Calvin tries to go for the German suplex, but Crystal blocks and goes for the rollup!

1!
2!
Kickout!

Calvin gets up right away and goes for a clothesline, but Crystal ducks, hooks both arms, and backslides!

1!
2!
Kickout!

Calvin rolls out and both are up. Crystal walks to Calvin, but he boots her in the stomach. He runs the ropes and goes for the ax kick, but Crystal moves! When Calvin turns around, he’s met with a clothesline! Crystal goes to the corner and signals Calvin to get up. He slowly does and turns around to a SPEAR~!

1!
2!
Kickout!

Candie suddenly gets on the apron and yells at the referee for his obvious stupidity. Meanwhile, Crystal has grabbed both of Calvin’s legs and crosses them! She struggles to turn Calvin around but she finally does, only to turn around to a SCHOOLS OUT!?!

COACH: “What the HELL is Zack doing here!”
CABOOSE: “HA! That’s what we call insurance!”

With the ref still busy with Candie, Zack slips out of the ring and back into the crowd as Calvin makes his way to the top rope. On a knocked out Crystal, he hits the FUBU SPLASH~! Candie steps off the apron, and the ref sees Calvin covering Crystal.

1!
2!

COLE: “No! Not this way!”

3!

DING! DING! DING!

“And your winner of the match, CALVIN SZECHSTEIN!”

The referee raises Calvin’s hand in victory and he and Candie make their way up the ramp, celebrating in the jeers. We fade to black as the referee checks on a semi-conscious Crystal.

(Break!)

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(Return.)

COLE
Right now fans we are about to have a match to unify the North American and X-Division Titles. The Shuffle won the NA Title a couple of months ago, but due to contract disputes he hasn’t defended it. Therefore, Abe has ordered Shuffle back into the ring to put that title up for grabs.

CABOOSE
There isn’t a more fitting man to unify those titles than Rick Edwards.

COACH
You’re kidding right?

CABOOSE
I never kid.

MICHAEL BUFFER
Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall and is a Title Unification Match!

*The Horror by RJD2 starts up as the fans seem unsure how to react to the Shuffle, but some fans do cheer. The Shuffle does a little dance and then walks down the aisle slapping hands with some of the fans. He then slides into the ring and holds up the NA Title.*

MICHALE BUFFER
Weighing in at 255 pounds, from Lynnwood, Washington, the North American Champion, THE SHUFFLE!!!!

CABOOSE
That title should have been taken from him long ago!

COLE
That’s not your decision to make.

*Tear Away by Drowning Pool begins as the fans boo loudly. The spot lights move to the music and Rick makes his way out with J. Arthur Edwards at his side. Rick holds up the X-Title and does a little spin to show it off before walking down the ramp and sliding into the ring. He then sticks the X Title in Shuffle’s face and laughs as he pulls it away quickly.*

MICHAEL BUFFER
Weighing in at…

*Rick covers the mic with his hand and laughs. Buffer seems pissed as JAE points a finger in his face and laughs annoyingly.*

MICHAEL BUFFER
Weighing in…

*Rick does it again and Buffer looks like he’s about to cry.*

COLE
Buffer still can’t seem to get his ring announcements out while Rick is around and now Rick is playing it up!!

CABOOSE
That’s great! Make him cry!

MICHAEL BUFFER
Oh to hell with it!

*Buffer leaves the ring as Rick laughs and the fans boo. JAE then steps to the outside as the match begins.*

*Ding Ding Ding*

Rick and Shuffle circle each other for a couple of seconds before locking up and fighting for control. Rick backs him into a corner and then whips him across to the opposite side. Shuffle hits with a loud thud and bounces out as Rick catches him and hits a Hurricanrana that sends Shuffle sliding across the ring. Shuffle gets up fast and runs right into a Hip Toss and a cover.

1




No!!!

Rick pulls Shuffle to his feet and whips him to the ropes, but it’s reversed and Shuffle plants a fist in Rick’s gut that doubles him over. Shuffle then hits a quick Russian Leg Sweep and floats over into a cover of his own.

1




No!!!

COLE
Neither man getting a two count yet.

Shuffle waits for Rick to stand and then grabs him for a Belly to Belly Suplex, but Rick boxes his ears and hits an Inverted Atomic Drop. Shuffle wobbles around the ring and right into the waiting arms of Rick for a Scoop Slam. Rick then hits the ropes and performs a Flipping Legdrop and then a cover.

1




2

No!!

CABOOSE
Beautiful!!

COACH
Meh…it was alright.

Shuffle stands slowly and Rick grabs him for a Short Arm Clothesline, but Shuffle ducks under and grabs Rick for a German Suplex with a bridge!

1




2



No!!!

Rick comes up holding the back of his head and Shuffle is there to whip him to the ropes. As Rick comes bouncing back Shuffle boots him to the stomach and goes for a Vertical Suplex. As he picks him up Rick shifts his weight and drops behind him where he hits a Back Suplex. The fans boo, but Rick just waves them off and waits for Shuffle to stand. As he stands Rick hits a Bulldog from behind and goes for another cover.

1




2




No!!!

CABOOSE
This ref is counting way too slow!

COLE
I’ve heard that one before! He’s counting just fine.

CABOOSE
Well then he doesn’t know what comes after 2 I guess!

COACH
Duh…everyone knows its 4!

Rick pulls Shuffle up by the head, but Shuffle breaks his grip and starts laying into him with right hands. Rick is backed into the corner by the punches where Shuffle changes to chops as the fans shout, “Whoo!” Shuffle then climbs up for a 10 punch attack, but Rick shoves him off. Shuffle tries to land on his feet, but he falls back and rolls through to his feet before running forward…right into a Clothesline by Rick!

COLE
Wow what an impact!

COACH
Look out for flying teeth!

CABOOSE
Look there goes one now!

COACH
Where!?

CABOOSE
Too easy!

Rick pulls him up, hits a Swinging Neckbreaker, holds on, pulls him back up and whips him to the corner!

CABOOSE
Damn!

Rick then hits a Running Splash to the corner and Shuffle falls face first to the mat. Rick then pulls him up by the head again and takes him back down with a Dropsault. He then swings his arms in a “that’s all” movement before making the cover.

1




2




3

No!!! Shuffle kicks out!!

Rick can’t believe he kicked out and says so to the ref, but the ref holds up two fingers. Rick once again pulls him up by the head, but Shuffle shoves him back and hits the KICK ASS BLASTA~!

COLE
What a Superkick!

Shuffle goes for a cover.

1




2





3

No!!! Rick kicks out!!

The fans boo as Shuffle looks frustrated. He then pulls Rick up by the head and hits a Belly to Belly Suplex! Shuffle looks a little worn out, but pulls himself up and waits for Rick to stand. As Rick stands Shuffle kicks him in the gut and goes for the Shuffle Bomb. As he gets him up Rick starts pounding away at his head to stop the move and manages to hit a Hurricanrana on Shuffle! Both men stay on the mat for a few seconds, but Rick pulls himself up by the ropes. On the outside JAE shouts encouragement to Rick as Rick nods to say he’s okay.

COLE
Shuffle would have had this won if he hit that move!

COACH
Rick didn’t expect this did he?

Rick motions for Shuffle to get up and then hits him with a Doomsday Kick as he stands. JAE says that’s it on the outside as Rick comes up smiling.

CABOOSE
It’s over!

Rick then pulls Shuffle up, places him in a Reverse Chinlock, and hits the Superman’s Dead! He then makes the cover.

1





2






3!!!!

COLE
Dammit!!

*Ding Ding Ding*

MICHAEL BUFFER
Here’s your winner and Unified X-Division Champion! RICK EDWARDS!!!!

*Rick holds up both belts as the fans boo. JAE enters the ring and applauds.*

CABOOSE
What did I tell you?

COACH
I don’t know.

CABOOSE
That doesn’t surprise me at all.

COACH
What? I don’t get it.

COLE
He’s calling you stupid.

COACH
That’s not what your mom said last night.

COLE
That doesn’t even make sense.

COACH
That’s not what your mom said last night.

(We go to break with Coach repeating the same line over and over again.)

(Return from break)

(the sound of “Heeeeeeeeeeey!” followed by the Happy Days theme hits and Fonzie rides out on his hog. The crowd goes wild as Fonzie makes his way down and into the ring. He grabs a mic and then proceeds)

Fonzie: Last week right heres I gots turned on by too guys I thought I was close wit. Well seeing as how its becomes a numbahs game I wents out and got me some of the toughest guys evers. So let me introduce you to Fonzie’s Almighty, Great Superstars!

(All of a sudden Black Sabbath’s ‘Iron Man’ hits the loud speakers and somebody appears at the entrance way)

Fonzie: Coming to yous from Liverpool England, this is….

DangerousDan.gif
Dangerous Dan!

(Dan enters the ring…all 4 feet, 2 inches of him and stands beside Fonzie. Iron Man stops and Snoop Doggy Dog’s ‘Gin and Juice’ hits and another person stands at the entrance way)

Fonzie: All the ways from da mean streets of Detroit…I give yous

ClownNerd.jpg
The Man’s Man…Bobby Rogers!

(Bobby walks down and joins Fonzie along with Dangerous Dan inside the ring. The crowd is going BANANAS~ at this point and Snoop Dog’s music stops)

Fonzie: There’s one more member of da FAGS to be introduced…maybe yous guys have heard of him before

(just then C & C Music Factory’s ‘Everybody Dance Now’ fills the arena and the fans are all beside themselves. They’re jumping and screaming and doing all that fan stuff)

Fonzie: Dat’s right…its da OAOAST return of…

wcwjanevents.jpg
MR WARRIOR!!!!

(MR WARRIOR runs down to the ring, inside the ring and runs all around the rest of the FAGS. He begins shaking the ring ropes and making mock gestures of a gorilla press slam while the fans go BONKERS~.The music stops)

Fonzie: Now I want all the fans here to know that these aren’t the only FAGS, no, no, no! You sees all of you fans out there are FAGS too and we’re gonna do dis together!
(crowd erupts with cheers)

Fonzie: I gots my crew now though Homeless Dan. Now come out heres!

(All of a sudden Homeless Dan shows up on the TitanTron)

Homeless Dan: Not tonight Fonzie…if you want to settle this then step one is meeting me on my own turf next week! I’ll see you at the Salvation Army Soup Kitchen!… if you have the guts

(Fonzie looks around to the crowd who are sitting there with baited breath. He then looks up at the TitanTron and gives the double thumbs up causing the fans to pop once more)
Fonzie: Heeeeeeeeeey! We’ll sees you there

(We go to break with the crowd chanting Fonzie’s name in unison.)

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(Return from break)

COLE
We’ll fans, we’re heading towards the end of our star studded show. .... I’m getting word that our presence is about to be “graced” by the OAOAST’s biggest icon....

COACH
Frank Stallone!!???

"Nothing" hits, and the energetic crowd that has enjoyed HeldDOWN~! tonight turns rabid, channeling their vocal chords into loud boos and jeers, as the OAOAST World Champion and founder of The Thrillogy, Zack Malibu, strolls out onto the ramp.

COLE
Look, it's Zack Malibu. Rah.

CABOOSE
I didn't know you had any sarcasm in you, Cole. Although your delivery is a little bland.

Accompanied by Candie, Zack walks down the aisle, proudly patting the title belt that is draped over his shoulder. The couple get to ringside, and Zack hops up on the apron, pulling up the middle rope so that Candie can duck into the ring. Zack follows right behind her, and the Franchise Player does not look happy with the response he and his lady are getting. Jawjacking ensues, as Malibu barks down at several ringside fans, before calling Michael Buffer over to bring him the mic.

CABOOSE
Speech! Speech!

COLE
Where are my earphones?

CABOOSE
Aw, poor Cole, gonna pout because he almost got his ass kicked.

"YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!" clap clap clapclapclap

"YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!" clap clap clapclapclap

The chant is loud, coming from all corners of the arena. Malibu grows disgusted, hesitating several times in hopes of the crowd quieting down. The chants remain loud, so Malibu opts for speaking over them.

MALIBU
You know, I'm so glad I don't have to pretend to support you people anymore, because you have got to be the most worthless, ill-mannered, dim-bulb, backwoods scum I have ever come into contact with in my life, and that's saying A LOT!

The crowd boos, but Malibu smirks, finally able to get their attention.

MALIBU
Now, if you people will mind your manners for just a few moments, I have an announcement to make regarding my opponent tonight.

The crowd buzzes in anticipation of who Zack Malibu is going to defend the title against right here and now.

COACH
Yo, 'Booze, who do you think it's gonna be?

CABOOSE
Well, it's not going to be me, that's for sure. I think that Zack might be looking to squash the issues once and for all with your girl, though.

COACH
Really? You think we'll see Zack and Crystal here tonight?

CABOOSE
Crystal? I was talking about Cole.

COLE
Har har.

MALIBU
It was just one week ago that Abe Vigoda, crazy old man that he is, told me that I had to be in action tonight, and that the OAOAST Title needed to be on the line. Knowing that ol' Abe was probably desperate for ratings, I agreed. After all, I've always been about doing what's right for the company, riiiiiight? *snicker* So, I sat back with Candie over the weekend and we though, who would be worthy enough to headline HeldDOWN~! against me for this very belt? That got our motors running, and we got to thinking...would I take on Sly Sommers here tonight?

*Crowd pops*

MALIBU
Ah, don't get excited, because I will NOT be taking on Sly Sommers tonight. Number one, he already got his ass kicked by my main man the Hoff-stepper earlier tonight, so why put him through misery again? Then I thought of Crystal...

*Loud cheers from the crowd*

MALIBU
...but since SHE was already in line for an ass kicking, plus let's not forget that I beat both her and Sly at consecutive Pay Per Views, well, that disqualified her as well. So then, I was thinking, who else had an issue with me that probably wasn't booked...oh, that's right...Northstar.

*Huge pop*

MALIBU
Northy, Northy, Northy. You poor, gender confused soul you. I bet you thought the world would be at your feet when you came back. That you could redeem yourself by coming back and putting one over on Zack Malibu? Am I right? OF COURSE I'M RIGHT! I know how you work. I spent too much time cutting your dirty work short to forget. You want to waltz back in here, right past everyone else, and claim to be the next savior for these people? You want to get in MY face and tell me that I should be ashamed of MYSELF? You want a clean slate, Northstar, well, then let me tell you this. Tonight, right here on HeldDOWN...IN THIS VERY RING...I will NOT give you an OAOAST World Title shot!

The crowd deflates, as their happiness has been ended by Zack. Candie just smiles and shakes her head "no" to remind the fans of what Zack just said.

MALIBU
C'mon Northstar, really. The last time you were seen you were getting your ass handed to you by your bitch, and then you vanished, but yet you expect to walk back into a main event position? Do me a favor, and wake up! This is the real world, this is MY world. This isn't your Hollywood dream. There's no more movie crews and entourages and celebrity involvement. This company, this show...it's all MINE! It always has been, and always will be. Don't ever, EVER forget that.

Malibu paces, taking a few deep breaths and getting his shoulders rubbed by Candie.

COLE
Looks to me like Zack has gone through quite the workout just talking. Think he's ever gonna get to wrestling?

CABOOSE
What's the rush? We probably just bypassed the damn Friends reruns in the ratings.

MALIBU
OK, enough chatter. It's time for what you all came to see. What you've all been waiting for. Ladies and gentlemen, my opponent for the evening...with great pleasure I introduce a man who has long waited for an opportunity like this. He's toiled in federations worldwide before finally settling down here, and now tonight, get's his chance at fulfilling a destiny. I give you...PHOENIX!

*Crickets chirp*

COLE
What the...

CABOOSE
This is brilliance personified.

"Take To Flight" is cued up, and jogging out from the back is the OAOAST Luchajobber runs out, decked in his traditional black, orange and yellow garb. Malibu hands his belt over to Candie and gets a quick kiss on the cheek from her before backing away from his opponent, who has now slid into the ring. Referee Charles Robinson, who's been stationed at ringside during Zack's tirade, now enters the ring, and is quickly called over by Zack to block Phoenix from coming any closer.

COLE
He's all the way across the ring! Is Malibu that scared?

CABOOSE
He's the World Champion. You always have to be wary of new challengers. Especially those wearing masks.

Malibu continues to cower, bordering the line between exaggerated and legit fear. All of a sudden, he nudges Robinson aside, and nails Phoenix with a right hand! Malibu continues to pepper Phoenix with punches, and then takes him by the arm, sending him into the ropes, and delivering a HYOOOOOOOOOGE backdrop...but Phoenix lands on his feet! Malibu turns around, and gets taken to the mat with a deep arm drag! Recovery...and another one! Malibu gets up, but before Phoenix gets the chance to take him over again, Zack ducks out of the ring, blowing off the match!

COLE
He's running scared!

CABOOSE
He's pacing himself!

COACH
Look at Candie's ASS! Damn!

Reluctantly, Malibu gets back up on the apron, slowly entering the ring again, as Phoenix watches on. Malibu comes in, strolls right over to the rookie, and cracks him across the face with a slap! Zack grabs him by the back of the mask, taking him over to the corner and ramming his head into the turnbuckle several times, then sets him up in the corner. With Phoenix dazed, Malibu unloads with the chops, cracking the open palm of his hand across the pecs of the lucha sensation. Phoenix absorbs each shot, his body pulsing after each one. Zack then pulls him up out of the corner and Irish whips him across the ring, into the opposite corner. Phoenix bounces off the turnbuckles, staggering forward, and Zack charges in with a lariat...but it's ducked! Zack turns around, and finds himself sent through the air, coming down on his back courtesy of a monkey flip by Phoenix! The crowd roars as the youngster darts towards Zack, jumping through the air and landing on the shoulders of the champion...ONLY TO BE DRIVEN DOWN WITH A SITOUT POWERBOMB!

Malibu shoves the legs of Phoenix off of him, and stands over the fallen enhancement talent. Candie claps happily from ringside, as Malibu stands over Phoenix, pulling him up by reaching through the eyeholes in his mask, and then slapping him across the face before unceremoniously tossing him through the ropes and out to the floor!

CABOOSE
Good idea, Zack. Get rid of that waste!

Charles Robinson begins the count, but at the count of three Zack comes and gets Charles' attention, pulling him away from the ropes.

COLE
What in the world is he arguing about?

CABOOSE
Slow count.

COACH
But he didn't pin him!

CABOOSE
Pfft. The man hit a sitout powerbomb. You LAND in a pinfall. I didn't see Robinson doing his job.

COLE
Oh brother.

As Charles is distracted by Zack's rambling, Candie comes around the ring towards Phoenix, who is just now getting to his feet. Still holding Zack's title belt, Candie winds up, holding the belt firmly in her grip before running forward, clocking Phoenix across the back of the head with it! Candie turns around and walks away, leaving Phoenix laying and acting like nothing's happened, while the crowd showers her in boos! Candie smiles, pleased with her actions, but suddenly and inexplicably, the crowd comes alive, and our cameras catch someone running down the aisle!

It's...it's...PHOENIX!??!?!

COLE
What the...am I losing it?

CABOOSE
They're luchadores. They don't die, they multiply!

With everyone distracted, Phoenix #2 rolls Phoenix #1 under the ring, and then quickly falls to all fours, as if he's playing dead! Slowly, he climbs up onto the apron, and pulls himself up, rope by rope, until he's standing up. Malibu comes over and rocks him with a punch that would have knocked him off balance had it not been for the fact that he's clutching the top rope. Malibu fires off again, but this time Phoenix blocks, and responds with a right hand of his own! Malibu turns away, favoring his jaw, and when he goes for Phoenix again, he catches a shoulderblock in the midsection, and then falls victim to a sunset flip, as Phoenix leaps over him and pulls him down! Robinson hits the mat, making the count...

ONE!

TWO!

NO!

Malibu kicks out right away, and fires off a lariat just as Phoenix stands...but it's ducked! Phoenix goes behind...German Suplex! Once again, Robinson dives to the mat, counting Zack's shoulders down...

ONE!

TWO!!

NO!!!

Another kickout, but Candie is beside herself, having thought that Phoenix was knocked out, and not knowing that this was an entirely new person! Zack starts to walk over to her, shrugging his shoulders in bewilderment, but gets spun around by Phoenix, and knocked for a loop with a series of punches! Phoenix sends Zack into the ropes, ducking his head to backdrop Zack on the rebound, but Malibu puts on the brakes, and kicks Phoenix right in the chin, then follows up with a ROARING ELBOW~!, catching Phoenix right on the chin! Malibu backs into the ropes, looking to follow up with a YAKUZA KICK~!...but it's ducked! Phoenix somersaults through the space between the canvas and Zack's leg, then comes up and nails Zack as he turns with a Yakuza Kick of his own~! Once again the champion bails, and the crowd is firmly behind Phoenix, or Phoenix #2 as the case may be!

COLE
Well, whoever this is, he's certainly showing Zack that he's no slouch!

CABOOSE
This is cheating! How could Robinson allow this?

COACH
What he don't know won't hurt him, right?

Candie comes over to tend to Zack while he licks his wounds. All Malibu can do is point and shout at Phoenix, in shock that this "throwaway" match is now getting competitive. Rather than let Zack's insults get the best of him, Phoenix comes over to the ropes, launching himself over...but Zack moves...and Phoenix lands on the apron! Zack turns around, and gets WIPED OUT by an Asai Moonsault that nearly takes Candie out in the process!

COACH
YO~!

Malibu is down in the aisle, while Phoenix stands above him, waving his arms and urging more cheers to come from the crowd. Candie runs over to Zack and leans over him, checking on his condition, while Phoenix just backs away, sliding back into the ring while Robinson starts the count.

ONE!

TWO!!

THREE!!

FOUR!!

Candie helps Zack up, and he regains his composure, talking briefly with Candie about God knows what. Zack starts to make his way back into the ring, but out of the corner of his eye he sees something out of the ordinary...a hand coming out from under the apron! Malibu stops, and pulls up the apron to reveal the original Phoenix, still loopy, crawling out from where he was shoved! Malibu looks back up into the ring, and then yanks the real Phoenix to his feet, and asks Robinson what's going on! Charles Robinson can only shrug, but behind him, the second Phoenix yanks off his mask voluntarily...AND IT'S NORTHSTAR~!

COACH
It's Northstar!

CABOOSE
I thought he liked to dress up in WOMEN'S clothes!

The crowd erupts, as Malibu slides into the ring, charging his foe, but it's avoided. When Malibu turns to face him once again, he gets speared to hell by Northstar, who takes him down! Northstar rains down on his forehead with several punches, getting up to give Zack some recovery room. As Zack gets to his feet, Northstar hits the ropes, coming off and cracking Zack in the face with a YAKUZA KICK~! to a huge pop! Malibu goes down, and Northstar covers quickly, but before Robinson can make so much as a one count, he's pulled out of the ring and clocked with a beltshot from Candie!

COLE
Hey!

CABOOSE
Oh sure, the whole Doink routine is OK, but that's not!? Hypocrite.

Candie taunts the fallen official, but as she does, her hair is pulled by Northstar, who uses that to bring her into the ring the hard way! Candie begs off, but Northstar holds her by the hair, contemplating what to do. He holds his fist up, and the crowd gives him a unanimous "yes" to nail her...but she kicks him low! Northstar releases his grip, letting Candie go, but not realizing she dropped the OAOAST World Title on the mat. As he cringes, a groggy Zack gets up, taking the title belt, and FLOORING Northtstar with a beltshot, drawing blood from his forehead! Zack stands firm, embracing Candie as she runs to him, and then the two start putting the boots to Northstar, until...

COLE
Here comes the cavalry!

Crystal and Sly Sommers come racing out from the back to make the save! Zack tries to beltshot Sly as he's getting into the ring, but Sly ducks his head just in time, coming up behind Zack and clotheslining him over the ropes and out of the ring! Candie and Crystal fight with each other, much to the joy of every horny male fan watching tonight, but the Female Phenom shoves the Thrillogy valet away, right into the arms of Sly Sommers, who scoops her up and slams her down! Candie is dazed, and Sly pulls her near the ropes then points to them and tells Crystal to "do it up!" Knowing exactly what he means, Crystal runs the ropes, jumping over Candie's body on the rebound and landing on the ropes before springing backwards, crashing down onto her with the Diamond In The Rough!

COACH
Now why can't that happen to ME!?

CABOOSE
You get beat up by women all the time.

The crowd erupts, as Malibu protest the goings-on in the ring. Calvin and Hoff run down to join him and hold him back, while the babyfaces help Northstar to his feet. Candie is rolled out of the ring by Sly, and recovered by The Thrillogy, as Hoff scoops her up to carry her to the back. Malibu is red-faced with anger, scowling at his rivals, while all Crystal can do is smile from her perch on the second rope.

COLE
Fans, what a night it has been. It was looking to be a dominant night for The Thrillogy, but Zack Malibu has just learned that the mind games can go both ways.

CABOOSE
Just like The Coach.

COACH
Ye...HEY!

COLE
It's been a wild night, and things are only going to get wilder as we head into War Games at The Great Angle Bash. Until next week, this is Michael Cole, along with Coach and Caboose, signing off!

(C-ya!)

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