Chanel #99 Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-BROADCAST IN OAOAST HD RENEE What an unbelivable night of action we have tonight on OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I am Renee Young with the hater of the year, Da Coach, and we are just days are from the hottest event of the summer, AngleSlam! I stay out too late Got nothing in my brain That's what people say, mmm-mmm That's what people say, mmm-mmm “Shake It Off” hits to massive ovation from the sold out audience, and wheeling into this sea of delight is Krista Isadora Duncan clad in a sharp black business suit, with Queen Esther happily at her side. RENEE Guys, Krista heads into AngleSlam in a 3 Stages of Hell match to face Tyler Bryant for the world title, in one of the biggest mainevents we've had in the summer classic! Krista enters the ring and is handed a microphone so that she may regale us with her promo skills. KRISTA Pokemon Go seems to be all the rage these days. Nothing like grown people endangering their health to capture bug eyed fictitious creatures. QUEEN ESTHER They are not real? Was Alix mistaken?! KRISTA Alix is mistaken about pretty much everything she says, minus her appraisal of my hottness. And my hotness level is very high. And I know you, my adoring always masturbating public, haven't seen me shake my Jigglypuffs in a while, but my focus is laser locked on one Tyler Bryant. QUEEN ESTHER Jigglypuff...is not real either! I wrote an invite to the Jigglypuff kingdom inviting the queen to sup with me. Alix assured me she received it. KRISTA Yes, she did. By JigglyPuff kingdom she clearly meant the truck that picks up the recycling. Anywho, I do apologize for the lack of MILF goodies but don't worry! The big guns will be back! The boobie bombs will explode! Because one way or another all will be set to rights at AngleSlam. If I win, I'll be the World Champion, and If I lose, I will inject Tyler with liquid shit and increase his value as a person and I can get back to what I love most...fucking! "YYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!" RENE Eeek! KRISTA You see, my loves, Tyler is playing a dangerous game. A deadly game like it was Survivor Series 97. And Tyler thinks he's The Rock. At best, I mean at best, he's Joey Abs. That's at best. Normally he's a white version of Colombian Heat. No worse! Because at least Colombian Heat had the kindness to go away. The decency to disappear without warning. Tyler continues to hang around, much like an unwanted pregnancy, which he just so happens to be the product of. QUEEN ESTHER Let us only hope he is not bastard born! KRISTA Uh, like 85 percent of America is probably bastard born. Anywho, Tyler you continue to linger about, though its clear no one wishes to associate with you besides Lorelei and THE FLEX, two people who's other known associates are Zika and a used steroid needles. Clearly, TyTy, you aren't wanted, but because you hold the world title belt, you're kept around. But not for long! Do you honestly think you have a chance to beat me? Honestly? Honestly? I've only been in the OAOAST two years longer than you and I have eight more world titles than you, and six more tag titles you, yet somehow you will overcome?! This isn't slavery, fool, and you aren't on the Underground Railroad. You will overcome nothing. You will be slapped around, bitched out, defeated, humiliated, and above all else, you will finally shake my hand and apologize. Krista drops the mic and smiles for the camera with Queen Esther doing the same, both showing full confidence in her words. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted August 27, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 ***Outlaw Cello Vs Faqu*** COACH It ain't fair Cello gotta fight Faqu of all dudes before a 24/7 title defense when TurboWolf gets the night off. As a matter of fact, TW was watching backstage. And he saw Faqu light Cello up with headbutts early on. The moves were so painful that Cello bailed out of the ring. RENEE Its like getting hit with a cinder block! Returning to the ring, Cello looked much better as he and Faqu traded blows. Faqu tried for a running headbutt but Cello big booted him not once but twice. From there Cello assumed control of the match and finally secured victory with The Lasso. Winner: Outlaw Cello, via pinfall Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted August 27, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 RENEE Cassidy Maguire's life has been hell since Clem and his zombies have been on the scene, and Molly Nerdly put together this mini video of her suffering. Black MassProduced by Molly Nerdly CASSIDY (OS) I know what you're thinking. Why is Cassidy, the goddess of fashion and telling it like it is, being tormented by fatties with bad haircuts and horrible shoes? What was the outrage that was so enormous it brought randoms to our sorority house despite the fact that zombies are still on the loose? If you believe it, it's all because I chose to pen the missive to end all missives. CNN Cassidy Maguire's malicious... AL JAZEERA The new face of hate, Cassidy Maguire.. BBC AMERICA ...weighs in on liquid gold colonics... CASSIDY (OS) No, no, no, no, no, no! HEADLINE NEWS Cassidy Maguire Worst Person Alive. CASSIDY (OS) How did this happen? I mean, I'm all for public shaming. I practically invented it. It's the sign of a healthy culture. But not when I'm the one getting shamed. Cassidy is having a press conference at the OAOAST east coast offices in Boston... NEWSCASTER Ms. Maguire any comment at this time? Crowd quiets, cameras continue snapping CASSIDY Yes. I would like to comment. To all the so-called mainstream media, including weird Web sites that nobody has heard of who have used my name as clickbait, and to all the relentless unwashed hordes on Twitter, who have taken every opportunity to mock and attack me mercilessly from the safety of their stained futons, I offer the following heartfelt sentiment. You can all suck it! Now we cut to Cassidy lying in her spacious bed room at Delta House, with a box next to hear and tears in her eyes CASSIDY (OS) Despite my outward bravado, I was dead inside. In my heart, I knew my glamorous reign of terror was over. It was going to be difficult, but I knew what I had to do. I have to kill myself. There's a knock on the door, and Angel enters the room to find her daughter strewn about her bed. CASSIDY Leave me alone, mother. ANGEL Cass, are you okay? CASSIDY I said get out, please! I'm trying to kill myself. ANGEL What?! How? CASSIDY Duh, with an asp. ANGEL Like a snake? CASSIDY Yes. I ordered an asp online so I could kill myself like Cleopatra, and now I'm just waiting for it to sense my body heat and come out and bite me so this will all be over. ANGEL Cassidy, no, that's insane. CASSIDY Is it? Is it insane? My life is over. There was nothing left to do but go on AliExpress and order a venomous snake for same-day delivery and just... end it all. Angel looks into the box nervously then lets out a sad sigh. ANGEL Cass, this is a scarf. CASSIDY I can't even kill myself right! ANGEL Cass, I know you and I don't see eye to eye on many things, but you're my daughter....and understand what you're going through. I know you're hurt and Delta House is falling apart, but that just means its time for you to stand up and fight to keep your sorority together. When things can't get any worse, that's when they start to get better. So, stand up and fight. Okay? CASSIDY Fine. I'll do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted August 27, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 *** CPA w/ Tango Bosley & Joey The Rat vs. Ice Quiz w/ Christian Wright *** Prior to the match we see clips of Ice Quiz stopping CPA from interfering as CW makes Bosley tap to his Sweet Surrender cloverleaf from OAOAST SYN. But CPA got his revenge on this night as he defeated Ice Quiz after connecting with a GIGATON PUNCH. Winner: CPA, via pinfall. COACH If CPA lands another knockout punch like that at Angleslam, we're gonna have new tag champions! Backstage, OAOAST correspondent Sara Jean Underwood spoke with Mr. Dick and Baron Windels at the world famous interview lounge. BW expressed regret over letting the OAOAST Galaxy down by not being able to keep Big Papa Thrust out of The Challenge finals. MR. DICK And me. But hey, my chance to make the finals never should've had to rest in your hands. Yeah I didn't actually lose my match to BPT like you-- SARA JEAN MR. DICK (CONT'D) ...but like they say, a draw is as good as a loss in this kinda tournament. SARA JEAN MR. DICK What's the matter-- Heh! (to BW) Sometimes I forget how easily I can melt a chick's panties. SARA JEAN No, it's that potshot you took at Baron. MR. DICK Potshot? Are you outta your damn mind? I consider this man here a brother. Brothers joke around. Even fight on occasion. BARON And we've done just that. MR. DICK Damn right. We've got the scars to prove it too. But one thing I'd never do is take a shot at BW's ability. Although I can't say the same about you folks in the media, because for the last few weeks you guys have been taking shots at me with the whole ropes controversy. 'Did he or did he not try to cheat?' SARA JEAN It's a subject that has had more than just my colleagues wondering about. The OAOAST Galaxy would like to know too! MR. DICK All you need to know is the subject has been addressed personally with BW. Locker room business. Not yours or anybody's else. SARA JEAN Is that true Baron? BARON It is Sara Jean. I understand the incident during our Challenge match looked sketchy to many, but what people don't know is that Jock came to me immediately following our match to address the issue. MR. DICK Nip it in the bud because I knew you media types would try to make a big story out of it. Thanks for proving me right, girlie. BW calms MD who's all fired up from the line of questioning. BARON Like Jock said, we handled things in the locker room. So as far as I'm concerned, there is no controversy. MR. DICK Satisfied, girlie? No beef. Not with BW. Not with anybody. (to BW) Let's go. We got some ass to kick. MD escorts BW away from the interview lounge. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted August 27, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 ***Oscar Friberg, Conan “Coco” Chanel, Ivar The Cunning Vs Lord Northstar, Ser Alearys Chance The Exile and Alexander The Magnifcent W/A$AP Blondie*** RENEE And Elimination Chamber preview live tonight on HeldDOWN~! COACH Any of one these dudes could walk out AngleSlam as US Champ, its impossible to predict the winner. Things broke down before they were ever in order as a wild brawl ensued between all the men! Extra referees had to be on hand to straighten things out. That barely worked but we did have some semblance of order as a semi-coherent match was obtained. Eventually Conan was isolated by the heels but got a hot tag to Oscar, and mayhem broke out once again. It looked like Oscar might win with a Crowbar on Alexander, but Blondie attacked him with a steel chair! As the referee didn't see this, Alexander was able to secure a tainted victory! Winners: Northstar, Ser AC, and Alexnader, via pinfall Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted August 27, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 Backstage in the state of the art interview lounge we find Josh Matthews with the OAOAST Hottie's Tag Team Champions THE MARDI GRAS ASS WRECKING CREW. MATTHEWS Bobbi, December, at AngleSlam you'll defend your tag team titles against The All XFL Network BOBBI I'm so angry I could sweat! But I have keep my hydration! DECEMBER Its important to use hyphenation. You're right. BOBBI I said...just forget it! All XFL Network, actually Rhaenys in particular....we're totally fired up! DECEMBER Zzzzzzzzz. BOBBI Wake up! DECEMBER Ah, okay! BOBBI Your man chose us. Point blank. Bottom line! And he's more our man than yours, because you have to beg and plead for him to pay attention to you. But us? He pays top dollar to pay attention to us! Money you won't be getting, gold digger! DECEMBER I think you want to prove something to The XFL by taking us on. But, maybe this is a bad idea, I think. You'll probably lose pretty bad, and get embarrassed. and then what will The XFL think about you? Who wants to have sex with losers, when the winners ovaries are always ready, willing and waiting. BOBBI But, you signed the contract and the Ass Wrecking Crew is gonna tear your butts up! COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted August 27, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 ***Colin Maguire Jr Vs Celtic Gothic*** Flynn tried to talk some “sense” into Colin, but Colin wasn't having it and went to town on his former friends. Still Flynn sought to work this issue out with words, but this led to Colin beating both he and Coulter down with quicker ease. In the end both members of CG were hit with Biotic Crisis and pinned for a three count. Winner: Colin Maguire JR, via pinfall Post-match, Colin had no time to celebrate as he was promptly attacked by TEDDY BUCKWORTH! The newly made vampire hit his maker with Buck The Trend and posed tall above his fallen body. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted August 27, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 ** The Challenge All Stars Tag Special: Mr. Dick, Baron Windels, Lucius Soul, Simon Singleton & Tony Tourettes w/ Vinny Valentine vs. Deuce Deuce Bigelow, Logan Mann w/ Holly, THE FLEX w/ Lorelei DeCenzo, Sumeragi & Bi-Curious George *** In a wild and crazy 10 man tag featuring those who didn't make the finals of The Challenge: Singled Out, the team of Mr. Dick, BW, Tony T, Lucius and Simon emerged victorious when Mr. Dick pinned Sumeragi after Bi-Curious George delivered a Sling Blade. Or as BCG likes to call it -- Swings Both Ways! COACH That's your partner! To understand why BCG laid out one of his own we'd have to flashback to the start of the match where the flamboyant BCG was shunned by the rest of his team. Well, all except Logan but that was only because he went on and on about finishing ahead of Simon Singleton in The Challenge (which got him shunned too for being annoying). RENEE Who cares! All BCG cared about was rolling around with the hunks on the other side! As a member of OAOAST sister promotion SMUSH, BCG gets paid a fixed amount while on tour with the OAOAST so the winner's purse means nothing to him. Perhaps if the other had known that they'd have treated him differently. Instead they froze BCG out for much of the match (which also saw Lucius and Deuce have quite an exchange) until he had enough and snapped on Sumeragi for refusing his help late in the contest. RENEE George definitely swung both ways in this one! Winners: Mr. Dick, Baron Windels, Lucius Soul, Simon Singleton & Tony Tourettes, via pinfall. Thrilled to finally be in the winner's circle, Tony T celebrated like he just won the World title. But there a mini-fire that BW and Simon had to put out following the match when Lucius and Mr. Dick traded words. RENEE No beef with anybody, huh? Seems like Lucius hasn't forgotten how Mr. Dick won their match during The Challenge. Cooler heads prevailed as MD simply walked out, leaving the others to chat amongst themselves. FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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