Chanel #99 Posted July 30, 2016 Report Share Posted July 30, 2016 OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-BROADCAST IN OAOAST HD RENEE We are coming at you live for OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I am Renee Young with the man who makes my heart go boom, Da Coach! TONGIHT'S MAINEVENT THE CHALLENGEMISTER DICK VS BLAINE CAYLEYTONIGHT! GIVE IT TO...GIVE IT TO ME!!! “BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO” The jeers are plentiful as the entrance doors spread apart and out steps Tyler Bryant in torn jeans and red polo shirt with Lorelei matching him in a glittering red strappless gown. COACH The world champion making his approach and the dude looks pissed. RENEE Like someone set his stuff on fire. Hey, someone did set his stuff on fire! Tyler enters the ring and turns to the hard camera. TYLER Krista, sometimes I wonder if there's a chemical imbalance in you. I wonder if you plan half this terrible shit you do to me before I wake up. Am I in comfortable sleep beside beautiful women and you've already schemed your latest torture of me. I respect women, but Krista is no woman. Krista is a bitch. LORELEI And she is crazy. What type of deranged person wields a flamethrower to burn another person's merchandise? I've never seen anything like that in my history in the OAOAST, and I have been with this company almost ten years. You have taken the cake, Krista, but you will never take the world heavyweight championship. “BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” TYLER Its gonna be a cold summer for you, Krista, hit the defrost, ice on your windshield and keep the heat on. You thought you had fire in your heart coming after me at Great Angle Bash, well this isn't your California wildfires, I snuff your blaze out. You don't the burn the brightest around here, your desires aren't raging flames, their flickers and I blow them out. I'm supposed to meet you in the Three Stages of Hell? After what you've done to me? RENEE What about what he did to her? TYLER That's an idea that should get you burned at the stake! I'm trying to hold my tongue to spare you the humiliation. But you can get it worse than chump-stain Brannigan. “BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO!” TYLER Both of you geezers are the past, but at least Brannigan finally knows his worth, understands his purpose in life. He's the best foot stool in the world, better than an Ikea special, he's where the The Serial Thriller can relax. You burning my things doesn't change a damn thing! Look into those flames, Krista, like you were the Red Woman and you will see nothing! I don't owe you anything! You owe me! “BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” TYLER You owe me the money you stole from me! That is cash out of my pockets you threw into the fire! LORELEI Krista I am the Money Honey and they call me that for a reason, but I make dollars. And I will wring every last bit of cash out of you for your actions. TYLER I should send FLEX to wring your neck. But like Brannigan you aren't worth the time anymore. Go hawk your autograph at the conventions, old timer, and give me a cut so you can pay me back for what you stole. I stay out too late Got nothing in my brain That's what people say, mmm-mmm That's what people say, mmm-mmm I go on to many dates [chuckle] But I can't make 'em stay At least that's what people say, mmm-mmm That's what people say, mmm-mmm Shake It Off hits to HUGE ASS pop and out comes Krista Isadora Duncan in her summer best of a white mini skirt and ruffled pink tee. KRISTA Honey, are you mad? Are you upset? I may have crossed the line burning your sweatshop produced products. A lot of Indonesians died for that Serial Thriller head band and I am sorry. But don't worry I wrote a review for Pitchfork media about your new album. TYLER My what? Quit talking nonsense to me! I don't have an album. KRISTA You did always want to be a pop star. You shouldn't give up on your dreams. Unless your name is Rico De Janerio then you should give up on your dreams and life in general. I knew you weren't bold enough to record your debut on your own so I had Slime go in and act as producer for this mega hot track that caught you at your rawest. LORELEI What the hell do you think you're talking about? KRISTA Please hear my review: “Tyler is diuretic and forces shit and piss into the toilet and records screaming at the top of his lungs in a shrill, air-raid siren pitch -The sounds of screaming combined with the rancid stench of feces and piss evokes sensations of the antebellum South. The waste products on the canvas seem to say, 'Look, this is the waste and excess that exists within me, set it free.' Definitely a brilliant living-art piece, and overall, one of the greatest genius works of our century. Tyler has outdone himself this time.” TYLER You....you slipped me a laxative today! KRISTA I had to get a way for the art to breathe. We'll be releasing soon on Spotify exclusively. That's all the rage now, making art then not letting a good portion of the paying public buy or listen to it. LORELEI Like hell you will, Krista! TYLER I should kick your ass! KRISTA But you won't because you're a pussy ass bitch that can't even tell why his cup of tea is turned in an off blue and is too stupid to question that maybe someone slipped something in it. Oh my god, you've been date raped haven't you! I shouldn't talk this way to a rape victim. I don't want to encourage rape culture. I apologize. LORELEI Go to hell! KRISTA There's a support group at the Jewish Community Center in West Hollywood, I hope you'll attend. Alix and I take salsa lessons on the same night so hopefully we can hang out afterwards. C-ya! Follow me on IG, I get as nekkid as the terms of service will allow! Tyler is fuming and Lorelei has to calm him down, the taunting of the crowd doesn't help and the fact that Krista simply breezes backstage makes him all the madder. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2016 ***The Challenge: Tony Tourettes (0-6) W/Papa Duncan Vs Baron Windels (4-2)*** PAPA DUNCAN Tone, this guys got a bad temper so just keep your mouth shut this time. TONY Ain't gonna do it like that! I'm Fortune 500 Tourettes and I ain't backing down from Ned's Robin! Kick. Wham. Brigham Young Cocktail. End match. Winner: Baron Windels, via pinfall PAPA DUNCAN I told you to keep your mouth shut! RENEE That won't be a problem, because now I think his jaw is gonna have to be wired shut. COACH There is a god! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2016 Backstage in the rocking and rolling interview lounge, Sara Jean Underwood is on hand with Cinnamon Spoons and of course ChubChub! SARA JEAN Hey, everybody, Sara Jean right here beside Cinnamon Spoon and the horsing around, ChubChub! CINNAMON Sara Jean, I'm feeeling IT right now! I've only tripped three times today! SARA JEAN Oh...ok. CINNAMON I'm feeling even better because my friend Teddy Buckworth is alive! Well, undead, but alive! But, the problem is he shouldn't have to go through what he went through. I know what that sword Elysium was supposed to do, put him through hell and its Silver and Caeldori Fox's fault that happened to him. SARA JEAN No question about that. CINNAMON Caledori Fox thinks she's miss perfect. Then I suggest she hone her skills to ultimate perfection because she needs them for battle! If she as awesome as she says she is, she'll meet me in the ring next week! Teddy and the Galaxy can count on me! I'm gonna win! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2016 *** The Challenge: Sumeragi (1-5) vs. Logan Mann (3-2-1) w/ Holly *** Logan continued his climb up the standings, though it came at the expense of his wife Holly who got MISTED outside in an attack meant for Logan. Instead Logan ducked and Holly took a hot load of a different kind. COACH AAH! Logan then shoved Sumeragi into the ringpost like he did to defeat THE FLEX last week. Only this time Logan spread his wings before coming off the top with a knee to the back of Sumeragi's head. Winner: Logan Mann, via pinfall. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2016 MASSAGE ENVYBOSTON, MA Inside the massage parolor stands a robe clad.... CASSIDY MAGUIRE and her Delta sister.... PIERETTE ST.NERDREGARD CASSIDY Oh my god, why are you wearing a robe with the map of Quebec on it? We have GPS, we don't need to look at your crazy ass homemade robe to direct us to the sewer of the French language, thank you. And thank you for coming. PIERETTE I've never met a murder plot I didn't like! CASSIDY Finally, someone with some gumption! When the next Delta Delta Delta election rolls around and I'm named president, you will for sure be my Vice Pres. PIERETTE Yes! Just like Senator Ted Kennedy! CASSIDY Its amazing you're smart enough to know that name, but still too stupid to know a Senator isn't a vice president. Now shut up and be less ginger like, our victim is coming. We hear the sound of shambling and in walks WANDA, Clem Buzzlefoxxer's zombie girlfriend. CASSIDY Wanda! Thank you for coming! Has that maggot filled hole in your cheek gotten more maggot filled? I think it has. Very Donna Karan. PIERETTE Is she a Golden Girl? CASSIDY Of course not! I thought I told you to act less ginger like. WANDA Crrrussssh Dellttttaaa? CASSIDY No, no, crush Delta. I was thinking why should we be enemies? Why shouldn't we be friends? And I was thinking that because....uh... PIERETTE We all like murder! CASSIDY ….Yeah, sure, that works. So I wanted you to have a spa day in a cryosauna. WANDA Ohhhhhh? CASSIDY Oh, I swear by it. 20 to 30 minutes in the cryosauna and I feel better. My skin's glowing. It's amazing for arthritis and lupus. So, who wants to go first? Wanda? I always say, age before beauty. WANDA Okkkkaaaaayyy. Noooo funnnyyyy bussssinesssss. CASSIDY None! Wanda enters the giant room that is the cryosauna, and as soon as she's in Cassidy punches in the numbers she needs. CASSIDY And now we wait. FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER PIERETTE How come there's no screaming? She hasn't even tried to break down the door. CASSIDY Cause Wanda has frozen back to death, idiot. If she tried to break the door down, her arms would snap off. Geez. There's a little movie called Terminator you girls might want to consider watching. Do you have the body bag? PIERETTE Check! CASSIDY Okay, the car's idling out back. We pull bitch Popsicle from the freezer, throw her in the trunk and make tracks. The door whooshes open. CASSIDY Oh, my God, she looks terrible. WANDA I FEEEELLL ALLLIIIVEEEE! CRRUUSSSSH DELLLLLTTAA! PIERETTE She doesn't look frozen to death. CASSIDY Because she isn't, you ginger Rainman! GRETCHEN (OS) Stand back! Gretchen bursts through the doors wielding her mighty parasol, Dawn. WANDA THHHEEE PRESSSIDENT! GRETCHEN Tis me, the president, and for all intense and purposes your grim reaper come forth. Now perish! Wanda has to dump a potted plant in front of Gretchen, which means the parasol swipe only cuts at her neck due to Gretchen being tripped up. A recovery is fast for Gretchen as she comes up with cut that slashes Wanda in the chin, tearing off skin. Its enough of a dangerous blow for Wanda to leap out the window and make a daring escape! PIERETTE I hope she doesn't steal the car. GRETCHEN You two. What do you think you were doing? CASSIDY Uh, its called taking the initiative. Its a life skill, you should look into acquiring one. GRETCHEN You would make common cause with the zombies? CASSIDY We were trying to kill the bitch. GRETCHEN And nearly perished in your own right. You two have the dependability of moldy meat loaf, the resolute promise of stale fondue! CASSIDY You take that back! GRETCHEN I shall not! I shall have it etched in the Delta Delta Delta charter! Your mother will hear of your misdeeds. And your brother! Gretchen storms off in a rage, leaving a fuming Cassidy and a bored Pierette behind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2016 *** OAOAST Tag Team Champions Big IQ & The 3 Amigos (Chick, Juicy Cantu-Si & Mariachi) vs. Keyboard Warriors (Big Bot Man, The Grim Sleeper, Salad_Tosser_9000, House of Dunc & The Wanker) *** Showcase for the good guys. Big IQ picked up the W following Saved By The Bell on The Grim Sleeper. Winners: Big IQ & The 3 Amigos, via pinfall. Post-match OAOAST Hall of Famer Tony Brannigan conducted an in-ring interview with the guys. Big IQ hyped their upcoming title defense against VICE at ANGLESLAM. The 3 Amigos kept it short and sweet, asking the OAOAST tag champs to save a piece of VICE for them because they have unfinished business with Joey The Rat and his boys. THE CHALLENGE AFTER PARTY!Hosted by Josh Matthews with insight from Reject, Todd Cortez and Dan Black Immediatley following HeldDOWN~! on the OAOAST Network Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2016 ***The Challenge: The Flex (1-5) W/Lorelei DeCenzo Vs Simon Singleton (2-4) W/Molly Nerdly *** COACH Yo Blaine was right this nigga Flex a damn idiot. How you give up your own shit, then have to fight a bunch of niggas to get back your own shit, then lose all the time to those niggas. RENEE Well, it doesn't look like Flex will be getting his shit back at the end of The Challenge. Lorelei seemed to note the futility of Flex's cause as she paced nervously too and fro outside as the match began. Even Simon getting beat to the ground didn't help her feelings. And she certainly didn't like Simon tripping Flex up and leg locking him! MOLLY Simon he does not skip leg day! Beware! Molly was right as Flex kicked free with his other leg. The giant hammered the smaller man some more, and eventually rushed the Anaheim native into the corner. But, Simon scored big by kicking the Living Daylights out of FLEX to a huge pop! Yet, Flex roared back and clobbered him with a spine buster! RENEE Flex Buster! Still Lorelei was fraught with dismay and was troubled to see Simon kickout. Flex pitched Simon out of the ring thinking he could get a count out, but Simon returned on the eight count. The giant tried for a press slam, but Simon slipped behind and get in a dragon sleeper! RENEE Simon lost to one giant last week, but he could submit an even bigger one! But, FLEX used all his might to pry Simon off him. He then grabbed him by the throat and tossed him into the corner, and hammered him with a running lariat. From there Simon was chucked to the center of the ring and left in a world of hurt. THE FLEX FLEX CRUSH! Flex flew in with a splash of all things, landing his massive frame on Simon and getting a close count. Mounted punches were rained down on Simon and the giant actually managed to bust him open. MOLLY Simon! The FLEX smeared Simon's blood all over himself and looked pleased, but Lorelei was still worried. Flex hitting another lariat did nothing to ease her mood either. The Miami native continued to work, however, lifting Simon up for a back pack stunner. But Simon suddenly caught him with a rear naked choke and this time there was no escape for Flex who had to tap out! LORELEI Winner: Simon Singleton, via submission RENEE Oooh, I don't know if Flex should have given Simon his back. COACH You don't know? Bitch, of course he shouldn't, he got tapped! RENEE Don't call me bitch. Its rude. COACH I'm sorry. I love you. RENEE Homo COACH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2016 Terry Taylor sat down in OAOAST Headquarters in Malibu to talk with Oscar Friberg about many things, including Vainglorious Bastards and his inclusion in the United States Title Elimination Chamber at AngleSlam. OSCAR Vainglorious Bastards USA, what is there to say about them? One branch is too many. Two branches is....unacceptable. I don't expect a fair fight when I face Alexander one on one. Which is fine by me because I relish the chance to kick Blondie's ass one more time. The subject turned to the Elimination Chamber. OSCAR We have a huge roster, a lot of talent gunning for a few belts. I'm honored to be a part of this match. Humbled even. But I'm confident. Confident because- Oscar was interrupted by the arrival of Alexander The Magnificent! ALEXANDER Confident because you're an idiot. TERRY Alexander, this isn't your time. ALEXANDER When you're Magnificent every hour of every day is your time. I'm in the Elimination Chamber match as well, Oscar, but I don't expect to see you there. Because tonight, inside the the studio is the end of your line. Time to be eliminated. Oscar was promptly jumped from behind by A$AP Blondie and he and Alexander proceeded to beat down the Dutchman until security arrived to usher them off. Oscar was down but not out, and clinched his fist and wanted to go after his foes. But Terry talked him into getting medical attention instead. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2016 *** The Challenge: Deuce Deuce Bigelow (4-2) vs. Bi-Curious George (2-4) *** During his entrance OAOAST cameras picked up BCG saying "Mother always told me never to play with fire 'cause you might get burnt. But I'd tell her 'I'm one great ball of fire!' And with that BCG rushed the ring to trade fire with Deuce! COACH This guy ain't any there, baby girl. Who tries to bum-rush Deuce?! RENEE A crazy tough SOB! Despite a helluva effort Deuce's power was too much for BCG to handle. While attempt to hit his sling blade finisher BCG got spun around and planted with a sit out shoulder piledriver for the 1-2-3. RENEE The Deep Fryer! Winner: Deuce Deuce Bigelow, via pinfall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2016 OMG~! BRRRRRRZZZT! OMG returns as we have hidden cam footage of The Xavier Franklin Long speaking with Charlie Moss. THE XFL The Blackout continues at Sunrise! Bout to get my frugal on and take advantage of the low prices. MOSS Don't do that. Jesus would not want you to do that. THE XFL Boy, you crazy. I get my sights set on December and Bobbi. Probably Bobbi, though, you know ya nigga like to get beat! You know The Young Wolf like to get slapped! MOSS What about the lord? THE XFL Father forgive me for this pussy I'm about to receive! BRRRZZZZZZT! OMG~! Watching this on a television monitor is Rhaenys, who's reaction is thus.... RHAENYS AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2016 *** The Challenge: Big Papa Thrust (5-1) w/ The Freakazoids vs. Lucius Soul (3-2-1) w/ Jade & Melody *** Coming off a controversial loss at the hands of Mr. Dick one week ago, "Pimp Magic" Lucius Soul looked to rebound against the man atop The Challenge standings, Big Papa Thrust. And it was clear from the very beginning that the Big Bad Glutei Daddy had little respect for his opponent. BIG PAPA THRUST I'm gonna snap you like a Slim Jim! LUCIUS Oh yeah? BIG PAPA THRUST Using BPT's anger against him allowed Lucius to gain the early advantage, but thanks to a trip from Oohlala, Lucius would find himself on the defensive. Then every time it seemed Lucius was about to shift the momentum back in his favor BPT would cut him off. But when BPT went to hit the 69 Driver Lucius incredibly managed to counter the move into a swinging DDT for the 1-2-3!!! THE FREAKAZOIDS JADE & MELODY RENEE Lucius Soul with the biggest win of his OAOAST career! Winner: Lucius Soul, via pinfall. THE HOTTEST EVENT OF THE SUMMER RETURNS MONDAY NIGHT, AUGUST 29 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2016 DIVE BARBOSTON, MA A true hole in the wall is our scene, yet somehow its found by Teddy Buckworth, freshly made vamprie with a chip on his shoulder. A shoulder he's currently ramming into a man's torso as he drives him across the room into the wall. BUCKWORTH Now, then who is next? All the other would be fighters suddenly wish to back off as they see their friend lifeless on the floor. BUCKWORTH So it will be a foe of my own choosing. How lovely. The door swings open. BUCKWORTH Ah, a welcome challenge. COLIN Theodore, its time to come home. BUCKWORTH Where might that be, Colin? I am not from Boston, I have no home here. COLIN I am your maker now, you have a home with me. BUCKWORTH Foolishness. COLIN I am your home. BUCKWORTH More foolishness. You speak to me of home and being a maker in tones that indicate we're friends. COLIN We are. BUCKWORTH You should have let me die. You should have pulled out that sword and allowed me the dignity and comfort of death. Colin doesn't know what to say that. BUCKWORTH Hell is what I have experienced, and hell is what I shall forever know. Teddy rips a piece of wood off the bar counter, alarming the patrons. BUCKWORTH I will make certain you know it as well. Traitor. Thrrrrrrroowwwww! Buckworth launches his wooden stake and hits Colin just right, just right bellow the heart! Any higher and Colin would be dead, a fact that he realizes as he sinks to the ground in shock. BUCKWORTH (walking past Colin) Next time we might, you should hope my aim has not improved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2016 BUFFER The following is a match in The Challenged: Singled Out!!! “YYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Because I was born this way I got lightning running thru my veins Ain't nobody gonna stop this train So hop on board, or get out the way Because I was born this way I got lightning running thru my veins Ain't nobody gonna stop this train You can't stop us, we can't be stopped The hard driving shredding of Born This Way hits as golden pyro descends upon the entrance stage. Through this wash of golden fire comes Mister Dick, The Human Hard On posing with his sexy figure, thrusting his pelvis before tossing his white cowboy hat into the air! BUFFER Introducing first from San Antonio, Texas, weighing two hundred thirty eight pounds....he is THE HUMAN HARD ON....MIIISSTTERRR DIIICCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!! “YYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAA!” RENEE Mister Dick sits at 4 and 2 and is entering a match he needs to win to keep pace with the leaders of this tournamennt. COACH After what we saw last week we know Jock will do anything to win. The Cocky Prick slides his lean and hard body into the ring and proceeds to hump his hard cock into the ring mat while smiling at Renee. RENEE OH MY! We are crawling along At the edge of the world Dance beneath the bordersBring fences to fall We seize the day We own the night Lets move measured and slowWalk until the crimson showsWe taste honey, we smell blood Raise your fists, open your heartsWe taste honey, we smell blood Raise your fistsWE ARE THE NEXT ONES TO COME YOU WON'T TAKE US DOWN WE ARE THE NEXT ONES TO COME YOU WON'T TAKE US DOWN The pop is gigantic as Next Ones To Come booms into the arena as twin lions take their roaring place on the entrance stage. And two more twin lions emerge as Blaine and Samantha Cayley step out with Blaine kissing Sammi on the hand then throwing his fist into the air in a show of might and power. BUFFER And his opponent, being accompanied by SAMANTHA CAYLEY....he hails from Manhattan, New York, he is “THE LION” BLAIIIINNE CAAYYYYYYLLLEEEEYYYY! “YYYYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAA!” Don’t push me, cause I’m close to the edge I’m tryin not to loose my head Blaine steps into the ring and climbs to the top turnbuckle where he soaks in the adoration of the sold out audience who have plenty for him. RENEE Blaine is 5 and 1 but if he winds up tied with Big Papa Thrust at the end of this tournament the tie breaker goes to the the head of the freak show. COACH Every win is important, babygirl. Let's see what these dudes is gonna do. DING DING DING Blaine has his back turned to say something to Sammi when all of sudden Mister Dick runs through him bulldozing him all the way to the corner! RENEE That's how seriously Mister Dick is taking this match up. Mister Dick proceeds to stomp Blaine in his ripped stomach to Sammi's dismay. MISTER DICK Eat it up, ya Irish bastard! BLAINE Welsh you bloody fool, I'm Welsh, not that I expect the aww shucks backwater school house that raised you to functional illiteracy to know what or where Wales is. Mister Dick mislikes that and hurls Blaine across the ring with a big hip toss! MISTER DICK I went to John Jay high school! Home of the Mustangs! And I was starting quarterback junior and senior year. BLAINE And you rode the bench at Texas A&M, I'm familiar with your story, it would be better if you died at the end. Mister Dick runs at Blaine and gets tossed over the ropes by the Welshman, causing him to tumble outside! Sammi backs away, but urges Blaine to take the fight to his foe. Blaine sure does do that as she comes over with a plancha to wipe out Jock! “BLAINE! BLAINE! BLAINE!” RENEE Blaine is surging through the Challenge but he's got Big Papa Thrust right with him and Jock and Baron, and Deuce really close to him. COACH That's right, dude has to wrestle smart and so does Jock, but uh, wrestling smart ain't how Jock gets down. Both men roll to their feet where Blaine slugs Jock in the face with a punch. That staggers the cowboy and The Lion proceeds to bash his face against the ring apron. COACH The hardest part of the ring, but the hardest part of the ringside is my dick looking at Sammi! RENEE Jock fights back and shoves Blaine against the steel guardrail, but Blaine returns fire with a punch. That's no big deal for The Human Hard On who spits in his face and shoves him over the guardrail! Then Mister Dick decides to audition for a commentary role. MISTER DICK Let's talk about this son of a bitch Cayley, ain't no way in hell that a good ol Texas boy gonna take a loss to a stinking Euro. If I do I'll suck my own dick! RENEE Its getting crazy out here! Mister Dick turns back to Blaine....and gets soda spit in his face! Mister Dick is blinded and then is chucked over the guardrail himself! Now its Blaine's turn for commentary. BLAINE Jock Mulligan is lucky we're fighting under OAOAST rules and regulations. Anywhere else and he'd have been sucking his own dick two dozen times before he dies two dozen deaths. Now if you'll excuse me. Blaine sets the headset down and grabs a rising Jock into a front facelock. From there he brings him back to ringside with a vertical suplex that throws him onto the mats. COACH Yo, this shit is serious in The Challenge! RENEE There's tons on the line, Coach, and the top of the standings are so close. Jock is thrown back into the ring, and is made to suffer through a Welsh Press from the dynamic star. From there a cover is made.... ONE! TWO! A kickout! Leaving Jock lick his wounds, Blaine ascends to the top rope. Sammi and the fans cheer him on, but he's forced to leap over a charging Mister Dick rather than get off an attack. Blaine then feeds Jock the leg, looking for an enziguri, but The Cocky Prick manages to duck his huge frame! Now in control, the San Antonio native hammers his foe with a full nelson slam! “OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!” RENEE Pure Penetration! MISTER DICK SUCK IT! A cover.... ONE! TWO! A kickout! Now, Jock covers Blaine with his dick! ONE! TWO! Kickout! SAMMI Jerk! MISTER DICK Yeah, come and jerk these twelve inches, Welsh girl. Managing to ignore the beautiful Sammi, Mister Dick throws Blaine hard into the corner hitting him with enough force to drop him to the mat in a world of pain. Indeed The Lion is a wounded cat that hollers in pain as Mister Dick batters him with stomps! RENEE Stomped by cowboy boots, that's almost as bad as getting hit with Holly's combat boots. The Human Hard On forces Blaine upright and grabs him inside a front facelock. From there he raises him up in hopes of hitting a Jackhammer, but all that happens is that Blaine counters with a small package! ONE! TWO! A kickout! Both men scramble upright and its Jock scoring with a discus punch that leaves Blaine laid out and easy to pin... ONE! TWO! A shoulder up! MISTER DICK Yer both gonna suck my twelve inches after this one is over! Might even text a pic to your rich daddy! BLAINE Actually my dad's more an email sort. And you're a dead sort. With that said Blaine hammers Jock with a a jaw breaker, then a procession of punches to his face! The blond grappler then hits the ropes, but Mister Dick lashes out and scores with a standing stiff kick! Blaine falls to the mat as if a bullet ripped through him and Mister Dick gloats with a crotch chop! RENEE It looked like Blaine had the match turned around and then that stiff kick ruined everything. Mister Dick grabs Blaine by his blond hair and again stashes him into a front facelock, but this hold doesn't even last long enough to be lifted as The Lion spins out. Confused Mister Dick is caught with a rude awakening neckbreaker that leaves him in serious need of a Chiropractor! Both men are sore and hurt, but Blaine uses the ropes to find his footing in the corner. The brown eyes of Jock see this and he charges in only to eat a knee on his way in! COACH Nailed that dude in the face like it was nothing! Like he ain't the handsomest man in Texas! RENEE He isn't. That's Baron. Blaine now runs at Mister Dick who greets him with a thundering discus punch that sinks him to his knees in disarray. Now The Human Hard On comes off the ropes with a Stiff Kick but this one is evaded by a rolling Blaine. The Lion then hooks Mister Dick's arms and proceeds to curse him with a side Russian leg sweep! RENEE Song for a Sad Girl! But Sammi is a happy girl cheering for Blaine's resurgence as is the sold out audience. They all count along as a cover is made.... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! A shoulder up! Blaine isn't giving Mister Dick any breaks and starts to turn him over for the lethal Liontamer! But Jock's powerful legs buck him off and the Texan hurries to throw his foe down with a teardrop suplex! Another cover.... ONE! TWO! Blaine makes the kickout! Blaine is pulled off the mat and battered with clubbing forearms to the back. The studly Texan then hoists him onto his shoulders to seek out a double knee gut buster, but Blaine swings out the back and executes a picture perfect sitout inverted DDT! RENEE An amazing counter! Blaine pulls weary bones off the mat and makes a hard climb to the top turnbuckle. But Mister Dick hounds his ascent and uses a press slam to throw him off....and gets dismayed to see Blaine land on his feet. The Cocky Prick tries to overwhelm him with a charge but Blaine connects with a hurricanrana into a pin! ONE! TWO! A kickout! Blaine hurries past his anguish and makes a quicker climb to the top rope where he says... BLAINE You don't need that nose do you? You won't mind if I break it. Off he comes with a diving double stomp aimed at Jock's face, but the Texan is wise enough to roll to the side. Blaine staggers off balance and is hooked by a school boy from Jock! ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING BUFFER Your winner as a result of a pinfall....MISTER DICK! “YYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAA!” “bbbbbboooooooooooo!” RENEE Jock capitalized and he's taking home an absolutely huge win! COACH You can't overstate how big this win is for Mister Dick. The Human Hard On rolls out the ring and gets his hand raised by the referee, while he gloats over advancing up the standings of The Challenge. RENEE So are we looking at the man who's gonna win The Challenge? COACH Too early to say that, especially when he's got Big Papa Thrust to handle on SYN. And Blaine's got a chance to bounce back against that nappy ass motherfucker I can't stand. OFFICIAL STANDINGS BPT 5-2Mr. Dick 5-2Blaine 5-2BW 5-2Deuce 5-2Logan 4-2-1Lucius 4-2-1Simon 3-4Bi-Curious George 2-5THE FLEX 1-6Sumeragi 1-6Tony T 0-7 FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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