OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 4/15/04

[Chanel #99]

The show opens not with the usual HeldDOWN~! logo and montage, but with text reading, "The following has been paid for by The Friends And Sponsors of Totally Endorsed". The text screen then fades to a shot of Sly Sommers, sitting in a big, plush chair at the long table in the Totally Endorsed locker room, wearing a custom-made designer suit.

SLY
Hello, and welcome to the OAOAST's HeldDOWN~!. As you all know by now, I dropped the mother of all bombs last week, announcing to the entire viewing public what only very few "in the know" knew before seven nights ago, and that was that OAOAST World Champion Zack Malibu was, in fact, the man who trained me to become a professional wrestler. However, he decided that, due to prejudice against me for having an admittedly large ego by nature, he would try and make my start in the OAOAST harder than what it would already be by using his political power in the locker room to have all of the boys shun me, and no one acknoledge on-air that I was the first graduate of his training school. Now that this information is out to the public, everything makes so much more sense now...why would Totally Endorsed bring in a brand spankin' new rookie and make him a member of the pack of the most elite athletes this company's ever seen? They knew that I had trained with Zack Malibu. They knew that Malibu instilled his basic instincts both a wrestler and a person in me, and therefore could spread the word to them, and help them gain the edge in their perennial war with the ultimate crowd kiss-up. That is why T.E. let some punk-ass rookie into the fold. I'm going to keep the rest of my spiel short and sweet, other than I know that Zack taped an interview earlier this week with Michael Cole to be aired tonight, that is supposed to explain his stance in this situation. I know that the OAOAST hype machine will spin his lies and mistruths as the holy gospel, so I promise that, sometime tonight, I will display just exactly how Zack treated me, his star student, throughout the course of my training at my school. After you see both sides of the story, then you, the fan, can decide who is right. Thank you for your time, and enjoy the show.

That fades into...

OAOAST HeldDOWN~!

“Trust me” by Lucy Woodward plays as we SEE THE LOGO~

(IMG:http://webpost.net/te/TestBoot/ultimatelogohd.jpg)

Fireworks go BOOM!, and the crowd goes ape-nuts! We then cut to Sofa Central...

MC
Welcome to this week's edition of HeldDOWN~!! I am Michael Cole, sitting alongside Jonathan Coachman and Caboose to bring you another spectacular edition of HeldDOWN~!. Tell the audience what we got on tap for this week, Coach!

COACH
This week on the program, you will see a battle weeks in the making, as Saint Andrew's monster Gibaltar is going head-to-head with his top nuiscance of the past few weeks, Hoff! I doubt the ring will be able to hold all of the animosity that those two have for each other!

CABOOSE
Plus, Crystal will defend her 24/7 Title against the Lightning Crew's Spanish Fly, in what should be a very exciting contest between the fighting champion and the high-flying Latino rookie!

MC
Also, I recorded a sit-down interview with Zack Malibu on Tuesday morning, as he addressed what Sly Sommers brought up on last week's program, where he revealed what was a well-kept secret within the industry, that Zack had, in fact, trained Sly to become a wrestler.

COACH
According to the message that Sly left us all with at the beginning of the program, he already has a response prepared that he wants us all to see, and I guess we'll be seeing that later in the show as well. Without any further ado, let's get to th...


*We are suddenly taken to a dark room in the back. A green light illuminates from the floor lighting up Damaramu's face. Behind him another light illuminates the face of Skull Mask.*

DAMA
Originally me and Skull Mask here were supposed to go for the tag team titles. Well I've decided against that. I'm not a tag team wrestler! And if I were the champion then I'd have to defend the titles. And that means to get my hands on Ryan Smith he'd have to find a partner. And we know he has no friends. Plus this punk Drek Stone needs to be taught a thing or to about respect and pain! But Skull still wants those tag team titles. So I brought somebody up to handle this. Another follower of mine and an old friend of Skull Mask. I brought the Skull Kid. And you'll get your first look at him in action next week. When he teams up with Skull Mask to take on any team that is crazy enough to face them. Oh yeah...it's happening. The Cult of Damaramu will soon control everything. Skull Kid.....say hello.

*Suddenly a green light illuminates right in front of Damaramu revealing the face of another person painted with a Skull Mask. Only his hair is long and blonde with black streaks. Just like Skull Mask he shows no emotion as Damaramu sneers behind him.*

::The camera cuts to the DOA Office, where Abe Vigoda is busy watching HeldDown on his private television monitor. He begins to rise out of his chair until Drek Stone barges into the room without knocking. Immediately, Abe sits back down::

DREK
Listen, I heard you wanted to see me….

ABE
Ah, yes, I did. So you’re the Drek Stone everybody seems to be talking about…..

DREK
You have amazing deductive skills, you know that, Abe?

ABE
Well, of course. You’re bound to learn something from watching Matlock once in a while.

DREK
Right, right….*looks at his platinum watch*……listen, can we…..uh…..?

ABE
My secretary tells me you’re from New York, Mr. Stone?

DREK
Nothing gets past you, Abe.

ABE
I was in New York a couple of times. Nice place. The people there are very friendly. One time, boy, I had just a crazy time. As soon as I walked out of Grand Central Station, there was a woman standing there. Red push-up bra……fishnet stockings….it just woke me right up……in more places than one, if you know what I mean. Heh heh. She asked me if I felt like having a good time. Well, she didn’t have to ask me twice, let me tell you! Walking to my hotel room, I couldn’t help but think about just how nice people in New York City are. Offering you sexual intercourse right there on the spot!

DREK
Oh, Christ. Abe, what was the…..

ABE
So we went up into my hotel room and just went wild. It was amazing. But afterwards, she asks for 500 dollars. Which I found a little odd. I mean, I knew the relationship was going forward quickly, but this motza ball was already asking to borrow money. So, I mean, we had a minor argument back and forth for a little while, and….

DREK
ABE!! Marrone……what did you want from me?

ABE
Won’t even let a man finish a good story……they weren’t lying about you, Mr. Stone. You want me to give you my announcement? Fine. I didn’t want you to feel left out at Living Anglelously in a few weeks. So I’ve already booked you in a match.

DREK
No….don’t tell me….

ABE
That’s right. At the next Pay Per View, I’m putting you in a match against DAMARAMU!

DREK
Oh, get the hell out of here. I don’t have time to deal with these kinds of distractions! We both know I didn’t sign up with the OAOAST to fight someone like DAMA, out of all people.

ABE
Well, there is a way for you to get out of the matchup…..

DREK
…….yeah?

ABE
Sure. Just make peace with him tonight. Shake his hand in the ring, bury the hatchet between you two…..and I’ll scrap the match immediately. I have no interest in putting you in a match with a guy you have absolutely no problem with.

DREK
Hmmm….okay, no problem. I have the perfect way to end the bad blood between myself and Dama. I have the PERFECT gift planned for him. The brainless masses out there will be drooling all over themselves to get this present…..and it would be for Dama. This is all I have to do?

ABE
That’s it.

DREK
Good. Good. No more meaningless obstacles like Dama in my way. Excellent….

*Drek slowly walks out of the room without saying goodbye to Abe*

ABE
The whippersnapper thinks I’m going senile, isn’t he? Ho ho….this is going to be amusing to watch…….

*The camera cuts back to the three announcers sitting at ringside*

COACH
Does Drek actually think Dama is going to accept a peacemaking gift tonight?

CABOOSE
Dama better accept the gift. It could help preserve his career AND would keep Drek on his steamlined path to the championship. Win/Win for everybody.

COLE
Win/Win….give me a break. It looks like Mr. Vigoda still has a few tricks up his sleeve.

CABOOSE
Can someone explain to me just who the hell he was talking to anyway?

::The camera cuts to The Lightning Crew dressing room. The crowd boos loudly as Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat sit in the dressing room. P.R. and Heat are looking at each other with angry expressions on their faces. Colombian Heat is wearing a red sweatsuit and is twirling his hat. The crowd chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!”::

Tha Puerto Rican:
So, PROTOTYPE is now gone from The Lightning Crew.

Colombian Heat:
Yeah, man. That is just wack, yo. What happened to him?

Tha Puerto Rican:
Probably in some ditch somewhere giving blowjobs for crack money.

Colombian Heat:
Oh snap! Now that was a diss!

Tha Puerto Rican:
And I am no longer the Puerto Rican Champion.

Colombian Heat:
Yeah, that is like, I don’t know, but it sucks, G.

Tha Puerto Rican:
And we’ve had some problems over the past few weeks.

Colombian Heat:
Hey man, I’m sorry about hitting you with the chair at AngleMania III. That was an accident; you know what I’m saying? I did not mean anything by it. It was all an accident.

Tha Puerto Rican:
Your apology is accepted.

Colombian Heat:
Ah. Thanks, man. That really means a lot to me. That you’re not pissed.

Tha Puerto Rican:
Oh, I’m still pissed. But, it’s time to move on. Is everything cool between us?

Heat:
Hey, I’m cool with ya. Got no problem wit you P.R. You’re my #1 homie. We tight like ice. We’re like brothers. We’re homies. We’re friends, bro. And I don’t see us like not being friends in a long time.

P.R.:
Just get one thing clear, Heat. I am the leader of The Lightning Crew. I am the puppetmaster. I am the brain. I am the heart, and you are the soul. You do exactly what I say all the time. If it weren’t for the fact that you were my best friend, you would call me boss. Know your role, and shut your mouth. I’m Batman, you’re Robin. I’m Penn, you’re Teller. I’m Shawn Michaels, you’re Marty Jannety. I’m Chuck D., you’re Flava Flav. I’m Michael Jackson, you’re Tito. It is always, ALWAYS, ALWAYS Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat. NOT Colombian Heat and Tha Puerto Rican. You got all that?

Colombian Heat:
Whatever you say, boss! I will do whatever you say, man. My loyalty is to you and only you.

Tha Puerto Rican:
I like what I hear. Now, we got a match coming up next. Now, DON’T SCREW ANYTHING UP!

Colombian Heat:
Yes sir!

::Colombian Heat gets up, but is pulled back by Tha Puerto Rican. P.R. and Heat engage in a staredown. P.R. sneers at Heat.::

Tha Puerto Rican:
I mean that. DO NOT SCREW THIS FOR ME! YOU. GOT. THAT? DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND?

Colombian Heat:
All right. Alright. No problemo. A’ight. Don’t worry. I got this. I got dis down. You don’t have to worry, yo. We gonna win. Me and you. As a team. Man, no force of nature and no act of God can stop us. We’re untouchable. HA! HA!

P.R.:
Good. Now then. We can actually do this. Let’s go.

::The crowd boos loudly as Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat leave. The crowd chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!”::

Michael Cole:
Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat in action next!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Chanel #99]

::A deep, slow voiced man saids "LIGHTNING CREW". The AngleTron lights up with an image of Tha Puerto Rican on it. The crowd boos the moment his face is shown. The image of a smiling P.R. changes to another image of P.R. raising the Puerto Rican Championship belt after a match. The crowd continues booing waiting for Tha Puerto Rican to show up. As the AngleTron shows image after image of P.R., music is being played in the background. The music is slow and mellow sounding like the opening to a classical song. A man whispers the words "Chance" throughout the opening. On the AngleTron, the image changes to an image of Tha Puerto Rican choked up. Follow by P.R. being very very angry. Follow by Tha Puerto Rican crying. Finally, the last image is of Tha Puerto Rican smiling in a psychotic matter. The music swells, the crescendo hits, the AngleTron switches to a waving Puerto Rico flag with, in big white blocky letters, LIGHTNING CREW appearing in front of it. A lightning bolt hits the entrance. Fog fills up the entrance as "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Boyds begins playing.::

Jonathon “The Coach” Coachman:
LOOK OUT BELOW!!!

Caboose:
Oh please. It was just pyro going off. You don’t have to pee in your pants over it!

Coachman:
Too late.

Michael Cole:
Moving right along, it looks like Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat are coming out here for their match coming up next.

*No Chance (No Chance)
That’s what ya got! (Ha, Ha, Yeah!)

We’re up against
No machine too strong

Pussy politicians
Buying souls for us are…PUPPETS!!! (Puppets!)*

::The Lightning Crew entrance video plays on the AngleTron as the crowd boos waiting for P.R. to arrive. They chant "P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!"::

Cole:
P.R. and Heat have had some problems over the past few weeks, stemming from what happened at AngleMania III back in March where Colombian Heat hit P.R. in the head with a chair causing him to lose the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship to The Mad Cappa.

Coachman:
Not only that, but PROTOTYPE: The PERFECT Lightning Crew Member, left The Lightning Crew 2 weeks ago. PROTOTYPE was the creation of Tha Puerto Rican, and it really hit him hard that PROTOTYPE turned his back on him in something right out of Frankenstein.

Caboose:
I see no reason to worry. Friends have spats every once in a while. There is nothing to worry about. What they should be doing is concentrate on getting the Puerto Rican Championship back from The Mad CRAPPA! They should use all their energy to make sure Tha Puerto Rican defeats Mad Cappa and wins back the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship.

::Finally, Tha Puerto Rican steps through the fog and smoke and the flickering lights, and smiles evilly. Colombian Heat, wearing his sweatsuit and clock around his neck, follows him. Heat dances and jumps up and down getting the crowd hyped up. He does several gang signs and grabs his testicles, sneering at the crowd. The crowd boos P.R. and Heat loudly, chanting "P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!" but P.R. and Heat do not listen. Tha Puerto Rican asks Heat if he is ready to fight. Heat responds with a “Hell Yeah!” and smiles evilly. Tha Puerto Rican laughs, and then orders Heat to walk with him to the ring. P.R. and Heat high five while walking to the ring, with Colombian Heat dancing along the way.::

*But will find their place
In line (Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha)

But tie a string around your finger now boy
Cuz, cuz…it’s just a matter of time
Cuz you’ve got…NO CHANCE! (You’ve got no chance)
NO CHANCE IN HELL!!!

You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Yeah, yeah, yeah)
NO CHANCE IN HELL!!!

You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Got no chance)
NO CHANCE IN HELL!!!

You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (No Chance)

NO CHANCE IN HELL!!! (YEAH!)*

Michael Buffer:
Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, coming to the ring at this time, at a total combined weight of 396 lbs. From San Juan, Puerto Rico and Bogotá, Colombia, respectively. They are the heart of The Lightning Crew. The second-in-command of The Lightning Crew, Colombian Heat, AND the leader of The Lightning Crew, the former OaOasT Puerto Rican Champion, THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!

Caboose:
Buffer should have said former AND FUTURE OaOasT Puerto Rican Champion, because Tha Puerto Rican will definitely get the Puerto Rican Championship belt back soon!

Cole:
You heard it right. P.R. and Heat. The heart of The Lightning Crew.

Caboose:
Actually Tha Puerto Rican is the heart of The Lightning Crew, and Colombian Heat, Vitamin X, and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez are the soul. But regardless, The Lightning Crew will not be breaking up anytime soon. P.R. and Colombian Heat have reconciled and are now ready to attack and kick all kinds of ass together as a team starting tonight!

::Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat walk cool and cocky to the ring as "No Chance In Hell" continues to play. The crowd continues booing them, some even throwing garbage in their direction. Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat jaw with some fans at ringside and flip them off. The camera cuts to the ring where P.R. and Heat’s opponents are waiting. The two opponents stare at The Lightning Crew members with determined faces.::

Buffer:
And their opponents. First, from San Francisco, California. Weighing in at 250 lbs. Standing 6"', he…is…SIMON STOONNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

::Simon Stone raises his arms to minimal response. Stone yells. Stone is 27-years-old, Caucasian male, and has long, black, somewhat stringy hair and is sporting stubble. Stone wears a black singlet with red trim and flames on the tights. He also wears black kneepads, and black boots with red laces. He also has black wrist tape.::

Buffer:
And his partner, from Jefferson City, Missouri. Weighing in at 230 lbs. Standing 6”0. TOM “CAPITAL” GORRRRRRRAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!

::Tom “Capital” Goran raises his arms and smiles. He also gets minimal response. Tom is a 37-year-old Caucasian male with a rapidly thinning mullet, a tattoo of the NRA logo on his right short, and a 1970’s porn-style mustache. Tom wears short, black trunks with the word “CAPITAL” written on the back in white letters. He is also wearing black kneepads, and blue boots. He converses with Simon Stone as P.R. and Heat sneer.::

Cole:
Tom “Capital” Goran and Simon Stone have a big task ahead of them. They are teaming for the first time tonight to take on two of the OaOasT’s most talented superstars in Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat. Heat and P.R. had this match booked by Vitamin X, in order to smooth things over.

Caboose:
And what a caring individual Vitamin X was to do this! He loves The Lightning Crew, and cannot fathom them no longer existing. What a great guy.

Coach:
Things looked to be cooled down earlier tonight between Colombian Heat and Puerto Rican. It seems like they are both back on the same page after that little bit of falling out 2 weeks ago.

Caboose:
Well, they didn’t appear on the show last week, so they had a week to cool down following that fight we saw in the ring. They had time to think things few and now they can get back to what’s really important. Getting the Puerto Rican Title back home to The Lightning Crew! Go get them, P.R.!

P.R. and Colombian Heat step onto the ring apron and sneer at the crowd. They enter the ring, and spin around soaking in the jeers, and revealing in the hatred the fans feel for him. P.R. laughs evilly, and talks about how great he is, and then does the HBK-pose while pyro fires up behind him and Colombian Heat stands next to him posing. Tha Puerto Rican laughs evilly as the crowd boos loudly and chants "P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!" Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat get on the top rope and pose, receiving nothing but boos. P.R. flips the crowd off then heads to another turnbuckle, where a single spotlight shines on him. He poses a'la The Rock, and again receives boos. The crowd chants "P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!" but P.R. just sneers at the crowd as "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Boyds continues playing. Tha Puerto Rican jaws with the fans, then heads off the top rope and stands in the ring, as the lights go back on in the arena, and the fans chant "P.R. SUCKS!" "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Boyds dies down. Colombian Heat removes his red backwards hat and sunglasses and clock. He then takes off his sweatsuit to reveal his wrestling attire and bounces off the ropes, dancing, getting the crowd hyped up. Tom Goran and Simon Stone stand in one corner of the ring looking at P.R. and Heat. Heat jaws with the fans as P.R. smiles evilly. The crowd still chants and Tha Puerto Rican still trash talks. The bell rings.::

*DING DING DING*

Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat vs. Tom “Capital” Goran and Simon Stone:
The camera cuts to The Mad Cappa standing in his dressing room with the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship belt over his right shoulder. He has an angry look on his face as he stands in his room watching the match.

Cole:
The Mad Cappa is watching his mortal enemy in this match.

Caboose:
He is not going to have that Puerto Rican Championship for
long!

The crowd chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” as P.R. and Heat sneer at the crowd. They do “Rock-Paper-Scissors” and Heat’s rock beats P.R.’s scissors, so Heat goes first. P.R. high fives Heat and then exits the ring as Tom “Capital” Goran enters first.

Coach:
I LOVE Rock-Paper-Scissors! Let’s play, ‘Boose!

Caboose:
Get away from me before I break your fingers!

Coach:
Fine!

MC:
Colombian Heat and Tom Goran starting things off.

Colombian Heat and Tom “Capital” Goran circle the ring. They lock up and jockey for position. P.R. cheers Heat on as Heat gets the better of Goran. Heat whips Goran into the ropes, and follows with a reverse elbow to the face. Heat stomps on Tom as he tries to get up as the camera cuts to Cappa watching the match. Heat picks up Goran and sends him into P.R.’s corner. Heat chops Goran’s chest. Tha Puerto Rican takes the tag rope and chokes “Capital” with it. The crowd boos loudly as the referee orders P.R. to stop. The crowd chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” as Heat tags in Tha Puerto Rican.

Cole:
And now Colombian Heat tags in Tha Puerto Rican who is taking over where Heat left off.

Tha Puerto Rican chops Tom Goran. The crowd “WOOOOOOOOOOOs!” with each chop. P.R. trash talks Goran and then slaps him in the face. Tha Puerto Rican whips Goran into a turnbuckle, and follows with a Stinger Splash. P.R. follows with a sidewalk slam. He goes for the cover.

1…












2…













KICK OUT!!!

Cole:
And Tom Goran kicks out just in the nick of time.

Caboose:
He was just lucky this time. He won’t be so lucky for long.

P.R. chokes out Goran and then whips him into a turnbuckle. Goran reverses however, and Tha Puerto Rican Flair Flips onto the ring apron.

Caboose:
Spectacular move from Tha Puerto Rican!

Tha Puerto Rican looks at the crowd and points to his brain to show how smart he is. The crowd boos loudly. P.R. dances, but is clotheslined by Goran to a loud pop.

Coach:
Tha Puerto Rican was caught by surprise with that move!

P.R. gets back into the ring as Tom “Capital” Goran tags in Simon Stone. Stone rushes towards Puerto Rican and beats on him with rights and lefts. P.R. tries to fight back, but Stone continues the assault as the crowd comes alive once again.

Cole:
Simon Stone is now taking it to the former Puerto Rican Champion.

Coach:
Stone with rights and lefts on the face of Tha Puerto Rican.

Simon Stone gives Tha Puerto Rican a European Uppercut. He Irish Whips Tha Puerto Rican into the ropes, and gives him a giant clothesline which causes Tha Puerto Rican to do a somersault onto the mat that causes the crowd to groan.

MC:
OH MY! What a tremendous clothesline from Simon Stone! Stone going for the cover. 1! 2! And P.R. kicks out! Close call. Stone almost had the upset right there!

Caboose:
Stone and Goran have no chance in hell of defeating the team of Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat!

MC:
Stone picks up P.R. and tags in Goran. And—oh come on! P.R. with a cheapshot, poking Stone in the eyes!

Caboose:
HA! HA! A great shot right there! A classic Caboose maneuver right there! HA! HA!

Tha Puerto Rican tries to go to Colombian Heat, but Tom “Capital” Goran grabs his right leg. So, P.R. gives Tom an enzuguri, and tags in Colombian Heat. Colombian Heat kicks Tom Goran down to the mat, trash talking him along the way. Heat stops to pose and gets more boos. Heat gives some more hand signs and sneers at the crowd. He grabs Goran and gives him the Pimp Juice. He goes for the cover.

1…




2…



THRE-KICK OUT!!!

Colombian Heat punches Tom Goran in the face as the camera cuts to The Mad Cappa still watching the match in his dressing room. Heat grabs Goran and Irish Whips him into the ropes. He ducks under Goran and then grabs him by the neck; giving him the Gangsta Slam. Heat then heads to the ropes, and follows with the Where The Hood At?. He goes for the cover again. 1…2…KICK OUT!!! Heat gets a bit frustrated, but P.R. tells him to continue wrestling.

MC:
Heat grabs Tom Goran and Irish Whips him into the turnbuckle.

Colombian Heat rushes towards Goran, but Goran sticks his right boot out, hitting Heat in the face. The crowd cheers as Tom grabs Heat and gives him a fallaway slam. He then picks up Heat, and punches him in the face several times. Goran Irish Whips Heat into the ropes, and goes for a German Suplex, but Heat reverses, and gives Goran the Get Crunk’d Up. The crowd boos loudly as Tha Puerto Rican applauds Heat. The crowd chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” Heat knees Goran in the back several times and then picks him up.

Coach:
Colombian Heat is now heading to the top rope! What is he going to do now?

Caboose:
He could be going for the Drive-By, which is one of his signature moves.

MC:
If Heat hits The Drive-By, it could possibly be the end of this matchup.

Coach:
This is big.

Colombian Heat gets on the top rope as the crowd stands up and boos loudly. Heat flips the crowd off and flashes some more gang signs, before leaping off the top with The Drive-By. However, Tom “Capital” Goran moves out of the way, and Heat hits the canvas to a loud pop.

Michael Cole:
And Heat eats canvas!

Coachman:
Tom Goran has just escaped the Drive-By! Talk about a surprise!

Caboose:
Aw! Come on! You got to be kidding me! Come on Heat! Get up! Get up!

Tha Puerto Rican starts to show signs of worry and reaches his arm out for the tag. Tom “Capital” Goran slowly gets up and struggles to reach Simon Stone. The crowd cheers as Tom Goran tags in Simon Stone.

MC:
And Stone gets the tag just in the nick of time!

Simon Stone beats on Colombian Heat as P.R. orders Heat to fight back. Stone punches Tha Puerto Rican in the face to a loud pop. Stone goes to Colombian Heat once again, but Heat lowblows Stone to boos.

MC:
Now come on! That is not right! Colombian Heat with an illegal move. A lowblow on Simon Stone!

Colombian Heat trash talks Simon Stone and then gets behind him. He grabs his arms and lifts him up, and brings him down for the Colombian Necktie.

Michael Cole:
And now the Colombian Necktie! Colombian Heat has just hit Simon Stone with his finishing move!

Caboose:
It’s all over now! Simon Stone and Tom “Capital” Goran are about to feel the wrath of The Lightning Crew! HA! HA!

Colombian Heat sneers at the crowd and then looks at Tha Puerto Rican. P.R. yells for Heat to tag him in. Heat is a little hesitant, saying, “Do I have to?” Tha Puerto Rican yells out “TAG ME IN, DAMNIT!”

MC:
It looks like Tha Puerto Rican wants to be the one who pins Simon Stone. Could this be more signs of dissension between P.R. and Heat?

Caboose:
You’re looking too much into it, Cole.

Colombian Heat hesitates, but tags in Tha Puerto Rican. The crowd boos loudly as Tha Puerto Rican laughs evilly and gets ready to deliver the P.R. Nightmare. The crowd stands up and boos loudly as P.R. trash talks Simon Stone, sneering. The crowd chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!”

MC:
And now, it looks like it is all over. Simon Stone just got Colombian Necktie, and now it looks like P.R. is putting the exclamation point, by giving Stone the P.R. Nightmare.

Coach:
It could be all over for Simon Stone now!

Caboose:
Say goodbye, Simon Stone.

The crowd boos loudly and chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” as Stone slowly gets up. Some fans throw garbage into the ring, as Stone gets on one knee. P.R. yells, “GET UP, DAMNIT!” as Simon Stone, sweating and breathing hard, gets up. He turns around and gets kicked in the stomach. Tha Puerto Rican gives Simon Stone the P.R. Nightmare to boos, and cheers from Colombian Heat.

MC:
The P.R. Nightmare! Tha Puerto Rican has just given Simon Stone the P.R. Nightmare! It’s all over!

Caboose:
What a great move!

P.R. covers Simon Stone. Tom “Capital” Goran tries to stop the pinfall, but Colombian Heat enters the ring and punches Goran out of the ring.

1…





2…




3!!!

*DING DING DING* (3:39)

MC:
And the match is over! Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat win!

Caboose:
As if there were any doubt!

Michael Buffer:
The winners of this contest…COLOMBIAN HEAT AND THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOO RICANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!

Caboose:
Notice that Colombian Heat’s name was said first? See? There are no problems with The Lightning Crew! It is all for naught. Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat are still friends. They’re closer than most brothers are! They are like family. There are absolutely positively no problems with these two!

Coachman:
For now, Caboose. For now.

::”No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Boyds starts playing again as the crowd boos loudly and throws garbage into the ring. The referee raises Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat’s hands in the air as the crowd chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” P.R. laughs evilly as Colombian Heat tries to catch his breathe and wipe the sweat off his forehead. Tha Puerto Rican jaws with the fans and flips them the middle finger, sneering at the crowd the entire time. Tha Puerto Rican talks with Colombian Heat as Simon Stone and Tom “Capital” Goran slowly exit the ring. Heat sports a cocky smirk and flashes some gang signs and then yells out “YEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHH BOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!”::

MC:
It was a hard fought battle, but the heart and soul of The Lightning Crew came out on top this time around. But Tom Goran and Simon Stone have nothing to be ashamed about. They put up a fight. It was a valiant effort, but in the end, Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat came out on top.

Coachman:
It seems like the trouble these two have had with each other is over. These two are once again on the same team, and they showed it tonight with their win over two very talented individuals.

Caboose:
You make it seem like it was an upset. A surprise that P.R. and Heat actually won. Stop B.S.’ing yourselves. It was obviously from the get go that these two would win. And once again, let me remind you. There are NO problems between P.R. and Heat. It is all lies. It is all propaganda insulated by the OaOasT. The Lightning Crew is fine. Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat are still friends. BEST friends in fact. It is all lies. Trust me. It is all lies, and that’s the truth, Ruth!

::”No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Boyds continues playing as Colombian Heat puts his right hand out. P.R. smiles and looks at the crowd. He shakes hands with Colombian Heat with huge smiles on both their faces, and then gives him a hug. The crowd boos even louder and chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!”::

Caboose:
You see? Everything is fine! Colombian Heat and Tha Puerto Rican are a unit once again! Everything is Okkkkkkkkaaay!

MC:
Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat are on a roll here tonight. They have worked well as a team.

Coachman:
And they still have to deal with The Mad Cappa who, as we just saw, is in the building.

::Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat continue shaking hands when the crowd stands up and cheers loudly as The Mad Cappa runs into the ring.::

MC:
THE MAD CAPPA IS HERE! THE MAD CAPPA HAS ARRIVED!

Coachman:
AND HE LOOKS PISSED!

::The crowd cheers loudly as The Mad Cappa hits Colombian Heat in the back of the head with the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship belt. The crowd chants “MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA!” The Mad Cappa beats on Colombian Heat while Tha Puerto Rican exits the ring. Cappa whips Heat into a turnbuckle, and stomps a mudhole in him.::

MC:
And The Mad Cappa is now taking it to Colombian Heat!

Caboose:
Now what is he doing here? He had nothing to do with this match? He surprised P.R.! What kind of man is he? Can you tell me what kind of man is wearing the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship belt around his waist?

Coach:
Tha Puerto Rican attacked Mad Cappa 2 weeks ago on HeldDOWN~! Cappa is just returning the favor right now!

Caboose:
But he hasn’t even gotten to Tha Puerto Rican yet!

::The Mad Cappa whips Heat into the ropes and follows with the Fall From Grace. He then gets up and waits for Heat to get up. The crowd cheers loudly as Cappa trash talks to Heat. Heat gets up slowly, when suddenly Tha Puerto Rican grabs a steel chair and smashes it across the back of Cappa’s head.::

MC:
Oh come on!

Caboose:
Hey, that’s fair! This isn’t a match! And The Mad Cappa attacked first!

::The Mad Cappa lies on the mat struggling to get up. Tha Puerto Rican smashes the chair across Cappa’s back again. He then does it a third time. Then a fourth time. Cappa screams loudly as he grabs the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship belt that lies on the mat. P.R. looks at the belt with a psychotic look on his face. He smiles evilly as he grabs the Puerto Rican Championship belt and kneels down. Colombian Heat coughs as he struggles to get up. P.R. grabs the belt and sneers at Mad Cappa. He waits for Cappa to get up, and hits him in the face with the Puerto Rican Championship belt. The crowd boos loudly as P.R. raises the Puerto Rican Championship belt to loud boos and “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” chants. The crowd pelts him with garbage as P.R. laughs evilly and sneers at The Mad Cappa, who is lying on the mat in pain, struggling to get up.::

Caboose:
There he is, the REAL Puerto Rican Champion! The REAL man! He is a man’s man! He is better than The Mad Cappa in many ways! The Mad Cappa is just a jabrony.

Cole:
That belt belongs to The Mad Cappa, but Tha Puerto Rican is the one raising the belt right now.

Coachman:
P.R. wants his belt back, and he will get it at all costs!

Cole:
The Mad Cappa entered the ring and was attacked with a chair 4 times, and then hit in the head with the Puerto Rican Championship belt! The Puerto Rican Champion is now on the mat, and the former Champion is standing over him victorious!

Caboose:
It’s the way things should be. Tha Puerto Rican-Puerto Rican Champion. The Mad Cappa-lying on the mat in pain.

::”No Chance In Hell” begins to play again as Tha Puerto Rican places the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship belt over his left shoulder. He smiles and laughs evilly as Colombian Heat gets up and kicks Cappa in the stomach. Cappa is in the fetal position as P.R. laughs evilly and leaves the ring…with the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship belt over his left shoulder. P.R. jaws with the fans as he heads to the entrance.::

MC:
Wait a minute. What? What is Tha Puerto Rican doing now? He just stole the Puerto Rican Championship belt from The Mad Cappa?

Caboose:
He didn’t steal the belt! He brought it back to its rightful owner! The belt is back with Tha Puerto Rican!

Jonathon “The Coach” Coachman:
The Mad Cappa is not going to be happy when he finds out his belt is gone! And taken by Tha Puerto Rican!

MC:
P.R. and Colombian Heat are leaving the ring with the Puerto Rican Championship! That son-of-a-bitch has just stolen The Mad Cappa’s title!

Caboose:
And bravo for that! It’s about time P.R. got his belt back. Cappa has had the belt for 2 weeks now. That is enough time already. It’s time for the belt to return to its owner—Tha Puerto Rican!

::”No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Boyds continues playing as Tha Puerto Rican walks to the entrance. He raises the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship belt to loud boos as the crowd throws garbage in his direction. P.R. jaws with the fans along with Colombian Heat. The Mad Cappa is now up, and looks at the entrance in pain. Tha Puerto Rican laughs evilly and smiles evilly as he places the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship belt over his left shoulder and flips Cappa the middle finger. He does the People’s Eyebrow and then leaves through the curtain. The crowd boos and chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” The Mad Cappa lies in the ring in pain, on his knees. He is furious that the belt is gone. Cappa gets out of the ring, and stumbles towards the entrance. Cappa trips, but gets up and continues walking through the curtain.::

Michael Cole:
Well, now, The Mad Cappa is following Tha Puerto Rican. And he looks pissed, but can he continue in his condition?

Caboose:
If the belt means as much to The Mad Cappa as it does to Tha Puerto Rican, then he will go after it, even if he has to crawl on his knees.

Coach:
Tha Puerto Rican has left the ring with the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship belt by his side, and now, The Mad Cappa is chasing after him! Something tells me that this isn’t over!

Cole:
It certainly looks like things are about to pick up. We’ll be right back with more OaOasT HeldDOWN~! Right after these messages!

::FADE OUT::

::COMMERCIALS::

[Chanel #99]

::The camera cuts to the parking lot. The crowd boos loudly as a caption reads “DURING THE BREAK.” The camera shows Tha Puerto Rican getting into his car, laughing evilly.::

Tha Puerto Rican:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!! Come and get it, Cappa! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!

::The crowd boos as Tha Puerto Rican places the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship belt in the car and then drives off. He raises the belt as the car leaves the parking lot and disappears off the screen. The crowd boos.::

Michael Cole:
Tha Puerto Rican has left the arena with the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship!

Jonathon “The Coach” Coachman:
And The Mad Cappa has no idea where it is!

Caboose:
Serves The Mad Cappa right for running into the ring for no reason.

Cole:
P.R. is bitter about losing the Puerto Rican Championship at AngleMania and is now taking it out on everyone.

Caboose:
Tha Puerto Rican lost only because Colombian Heat hit Puerto Rican with a chair and Zack Malibu. P.R. would still be Champion if it weren’t for that chairshot!

Coach:
Not true, The Mad Cappa had P.R.’s number on that night.

Caboose:
That’s a lie and you know it!

Cole:
Well, regardless, the fact is, Tha Puerto Rican is now in possession of the Puerto Rican Championship belt, despite not being Champion.

Caboose:
But he will be Champion; soon, he will be champion. Infact, since he has the belt, the OaOasT might as well make him Puerto Rican Champion once again! Where’s Abe Vigoda?

Cole:
Well, it looks like The Mad Cappa isn’t through with P.R. yet. And something tells me their feud is about to get kicked up a notch.

COACH
It's now time for the "debut" of sorts for the Rave & Assault Squad, as this new transformation of the young men formerly known as the Minions, Mikey and Nate Tethers have apparantly formed a union with a young man only known as "SB87", and begged for a spot to prove that they still belong here in HeldDOWN~! for this week's show. OAOAST D.O.A. Abe Vigoda agreed, and that's how we got here right now!

MC
Let's go to the ring and see what the R.A.S. are all about!

(The house lights go down, and a random techno mix starts blaring over the P.A. system. Mikey, Nate, and SB87 start bouncing out of the entranceway, and bouncefully dance to the ring. SB87 is jiving with small glowsticks as he comes down to the ring. Right as they get to the ring apron, SB87 tosses one glowstick to Mikey, and the other to Nate as he slides into the ring. SB87 then displays some tremendous breakdancing skills.

BUFFER
Introducing first....coming to you from wherever they slept last night, weighing in at a combined weight of 558 pounds...Mikey, Nate, and SB87: the Rave & Assault Squad!

CABOOSE
Let's see if this guy can move that well in an actual match!

BUFFER
And, already in the ring...at a combined weight of 610 pounds...the team of Phoenix, Chris Stevens, and Mike Hunt!

CABOOSE
What did he just say about his....

MC
Get your mind out of the gutter!

*bell rings*

SB87 and Phoenix start off, as SB87 immediately charges at Phoenix, and slides underneath his legs. SB87 then comes to his feet, and slaps Phoenix in the back of the head. SB87 giggles to himself as Phoenix turns around, and then runs forward. Phoenix side-steps SB87, so SB87 leaps to the middle rope, leaps off, and twists himself to bring Phoenix over and down with an armdrag.

MC
SB87 has some fancy footwork, judging from the opening seconds.

Both men come back up quickly, and SB87 charges forward for a clothesline. Phoenix ducks it, and turns around. SB87 then nails an impressive no-look front flip behind dropkick. Both men come back up, with SB87 being the first by a second. SB87 then jumps up, and Phoenix grabs him in wheelbarrow position. SB87 pulls himself upward, and then clutches Phoenix by the back of his shoulders, twists himself around, and brings Phoenix down with a front version of the John Walters Backbreaker (pulls opponent back onto his bent knees)!

COACH
I bet Phoenix wishes he had a big rack right about now!

SB87 takes advantage of his unique positioning, and brings Phoenix over with a kip-up rana. SB87 quickly rolls to his feet, and sees that Phoenix is standing, but dazed and bent over. So, SB87 runs at him, and delivers an impressive flip into a Rocker Dropper-style legdrop! SB87 then rolls backwards into a headstand, and pushes up and onto his feet. He follows up, in one fluid motion, with a flipping legdrop.

MC
Wow! This kid's never wrestled before?!?!

SB87 pulls Phoenix up, and locks him in a front facelock. SB87 drags Phoenix to the RAS corner, and tags in Mikey. Mikey then launches himself over the top rope and his partner, and scores with a sunset flip on Phoenix........1........2........kickout. Mikey kicks Phoenix in the ribcage region before getting up. Mikey then pulls Phoenix up, and goes for a powerbomb. But, Phoenix slips out from behind, and jumps into a tag into Chris Stevens. Stevens rushes into the ring and goes for a clothesline. But, Mikey slides underneath the arm, and uses it to pull himself up into a flying headscissors!

COACH
The newcomer SB87 isn't the only one who can hit you from any angle with an innovative move!

Mikey gets to his feet, and waits for Stevens to get up. When Stevens gets to his feet, albeit in a bent position, Mikey charges up from behind him, and flips over for an inverted Stunner! Mikey then keeps Stevens's head held over his shoulder as SB87 springboards to the top rope. SB87 then guillotines Stevens with a deadly flying legdrop! The referee immediately grabs SB87, and attempts to force him back into the corner. While that is happening, Nate goes to the top rope as Mikey gets to his feet, and lifts Chris Stevens up for a powerbomb. Then, the former Minions drop Stevens with a spectacular moonsault/sitdown bomb double-team move!

CABOOSE
That was double-teaming at its finest!

Nate goes for the cover as Mikey slides out of the ring and slaps his hands together to simulate a tag. The referee turns around for the count.........1...........2.......kickout! Nate pulls Stevens up, and goes for a suplex. But, Stevens comes out of the back end, and hooks Nate's head. He lifts Nate for a reverse suplex, but Nate lands on his feet behind Chris' back, and hooks his head. Nate then lifts Chris in Curtain Call position, and drops him neck-first onto his knee!

MC
That should be called "A Trip to the Chiropractor"!

Stevens ends up in a seated position, as Nate comes off of the ropes, and dropkicks Chris in the face! Nate goes for the cover......1..........2......kickout. Nate gets up, and Stevens gets to a sitting position. Nate then kicks Chris right in the jaw to keep him down, and then runs to the ropes. Nate nails a handspring off of the ropes, and right into a tremendous moonsault! But, Nate makes a youthful mistake and pulls up Stevens with a headlock instead of going for the cover.

CABOOSE
No matter how spectacular you can make your moves, the basics will always come back to bite you in the ass if you don't master them.

Nate tags in Mikey, and the former Minions both send Stevens off to the ropes. They lift him, attempting to go for the Room Spinner, but Stevens lands on his feet behind Mikey and Nate, and leaps to tag in Mike Hunt. Hunt dashes into the ring, but Mikey lifts him up for a powerslam, and both brothers drive him down with a unique powerslam/sitdown bomb combo! Mikey goes for the cover as Nate leaves the ring..............1..............2...........kickout! Mikey then drags Hunt's body near the RAS's corner. Mikey clutches the top rope with both hands, springs up, and nails an incredible split-legged senton! Mikey goes for the pin............1............2......rope break!

MC
Can we say that these kids get "high" on the air?

COACH
If you mean leaping ability, and not the state of Bill Watts's mental capacities when he hired Caboose, then yep.

CABOOSE
HEY!

Mikey then gets to his feet, and wraps in a twisting leglock on the right leg of Hunt. He reaches out, and tags in SB87, who locks Hunt's other leg with the same leglock. Nate then goes to the top rope, and comes down with a brutal double-stomp to Hunt's nuts! SB87 then climbs to the second rope, and tags Mikey back in, as Nate goes back to the ring apron. Mikey grabs Hunt in a front facelock, and climbs to the second rope himself. SB87 then grabs Mikey's legs, and puts the front of his ankles on his own shoulders to shove them off to the right...and send Hunt over and down with a Mega Whip Tornado DDT!

MC
What was that?

COACH
We're wrestling commentators; we aren't supposed to know what moves are called!

SB87 goes back to the apron, as Mikey gets to his feet, and nails a spinning wheel legdrop instead of going for the cover. He then makes another rookie mistake, and charges off instead of going for the pin. Mikey leaps to the second rope, and nails a Lionsault Tumbleweed! Mikey then goes for the cover........1...........2........kickout! Mikey then heads up top....and connects with a huge 450 splash! He goes for the cover...........1...........2........Chris Stevens runs in to break it up!

CABOOSE
Finally, the other team is starting to work together!

Stevens raises his hands in the air in a quasi-celebration, and then turns around and walks right into a springboard corkscrew dropkick from Nate! Right then, Phoenix runs in, but SB87 springboards from his positioning on the apron to the top rope, and nails Phoenix with a flying tornado DDT! SB87 pulls Phoenix up and shoves him against the ropes, as Stevens and Hunt groggily pull themselves up with the ropes. The RAS then collectively deliver a triple dropkick that sends all three opponents through the ropes and to the floor.

MC
This doesn't look good for these guys!

Nate then climbs to the second rope while facing his partners, and sits down on the top rope. SB87 goes down on all fours about three or four feet away from the ropes. Mikey then comes off of the ropes on the other end, leaps onto and off of SB87's back, shoots himself over his brother, and nails an incredible ultra tope con hilo!

COACH
I can't believe what I just saw!

Mikey then stands up on the second rope, and climbs to the top rope while still facing away from the opponents at ringside. When all four men outside the ring get to their feet, Mikey launches off with an incredible Phoenix (twisting 450) plancha! SB87 then rises to his feet, and runs to the opposite side of everyone else. He bounces off of the ropes, and then launches off from a little less than half of the ring's distance through the middle and top ropes, nailing an incredible 720-degree twisting tope suicida!

CABOOSE
It's official: we are dealing with space aliens here!

SB87 shakes himself off, and then tosses Mike Hunt into the ring. SB87 then climbs to the top rope, and nails an amazing Phoenix 630! SB87 goes for the cover..........1............2......Chris Stevens jumps in at the last second to break up the pin attempt! Stevens pulls up SB87, and attempts to powerbomb him. But, SB87 lands on his feet in front of Stevens and kicks him in the stomach. SB87 then sticks Stevens's head in between his legs as Mikey and Nate re-enter the ring. Each of the brothers then grabs an ankle of SB87's, and flips him over, driving Stevens into the mat head-first with the Death Party (sunset flip piledriver)!

COACH
Are we watching a wrestling match, or a video game?

Nate then mockingly crosses himself, as Mikey goes up top and Nate grabs Stevens, obviously going for the Holy Divide. At the last second, Phoenix climbs to the ring apron and shoves Mikey down. Mikey lands on the apron as Phoenix enters the ring and forearms Nate in the lower back region. Phoenix then positions Mikey for a powerbomb, but SB87 nails a desperation dropsault on Phoenix to send him flying into a dazed Mike Hunt. Nate then shakes his cobwebs off and goes to the top rope, as Mikey grabs Chris Stevens, and picks him up in electric chair position. Mikey backs up, and Nate hooks Stevens's head in reverse DDT form. Then....BOOM! They nail the Night Cap! (Diamond Dust/Electric Chair Sitdown Tombstone double-team)

MC
They just killed that man!

Mikey cradles Stevens for the cover as Nate and SB87 jump on Phoenix and Hunt......

1..........
2..........
3!

BUFFER
Your winners of the contest...the Rave & Assault Squad!

MC
That was a very impressive debut for the youngsters!

COACH
I don't know about you two, but I think this business just found out that it has to catch up to these three. What a spectacular showing!

CABOOSE
They had inverted versions of inverted versions of moves I didn't know existed!

MC
In common wrestling fashion, let's take it to the back after this outstanding debut, as someone has something to say!

*Gunner Sharps is shown putting his boots on, when we hear a knock at his dressing room door*

GUNNER
Come in!

*The door opens to reveal Axel, with a half-smile on his face. Gunner stands to greet Axel, the two shakes hands, and Gunner sits back down and continues getting ready*

AXEL
I’ve got some good news man.

GUNNER
What, you’re over Crystal?

AXEL (expression changes from happy to a little agitated)
Very funny. I just spoke to the old bastard, and tonight, I have a chance to get some gold back.

GUNNER
Dammit Adam, I’m getting sick and tired of all this Crystal obsession shit. You cost me my match a couple weeks ago, and you lost at AngleMania. This is getting unhealthy. I don’t want to go after Crystal anymore. She’s done nothing to me in the past, she’s only rejected you.

AXEL
No my friend, I won’t be going against Crystal… that will happen again in due time. No Gunner, tonight, one on one, in that ring, it will be The Dark One, colliding with your former best mate, The X Division Champion, AJ Flaire(crowd pops at the mention of AJ’s name), and you my friend, will be the Special. Guest. Referee! Tonight Gunner, you and I will have a chance to break AJ’s back, FOR GOOD!

*Gunner looks at Axel, a look of sadness on his face. He drops his head*

GUNNER
I won’t break his back, Adam. I… I can’t.

AXEL
You WHAT? You won’t break his back? He turned his back on us! He doesn’t deserve to have that belt!

GUNNER
No, he turned his back on YOU. I turned my back on him, and I now regret it. I can’t do it Adam. I can’t hurt him again. He doesn’t deserve it.

AXEL
Oh… I know what’s happened. I saw your AngleMania match. Your hometown crowd was cheering. You, my friend, have gone soft.

GUNNER (standing up quickly)
I have not! How DARE you insinuate that I have gone soft. I’m more intense than I ever have been, and I’m going to prove it tonight! If you haven’t forgotten already, I WON the match at AngleMania, while you were pinned by a girl (ooooooh’s from the crowd). I’m NOT going to fight AJ again, and I’m NOT going to go after Crystal again. I want to focus on my career, not your personal life. You cost me my fucking match with the Pure Adrenaline Champion last week, you ignorant bastard.

AXEL (looking away, smiling)
Don’t ever talk to me like that again, or I swear I’ll beat you down. I know your weaknesses Gunner, and one of them is our X Division Champion. I know how much convincing it took for me to get you to beat him down, you see him as more of a little brother than a friend. But you will make the right decision tonight.

GUNNER
Oh I’ll make the right decision alright. I’m going, now get the hell out of my way.

AXEL
As you wish. But know this Gunner, whether you like it or not, I have your back tonight. But if you don’t help me end AJ’s career next week, I won’t have your back… I’ll BREAK your back.

*Gunner leaves and slams the door behind him, with Axel looking on, a scowl on his face*

AXEL
He’d better make the right decision.

*The camera cuts to Gunner walking through the hallway, a troubled look apparent on his face*

GUNNER
Blinded Son of a Bitch Adam, he doesn’t even know what he wants anymore.

*Gunner walks with his head down, not looking at who is in front of him. He keeps walking, and bumps into Crystal, sending her backward. Gunner, startled, steps back also, and gets ready for a fight*

CRYSTAL
You want some of this Jason? You want some of me again?

GUNNER
Oh shit, it’s you. Settle down, I won’t hurt you. I don’t want to fight you, you’ve done nothing wrong by me.

CRYSTAL
Like I can believe a word you say. For all I know you could spear me and take my belt. What makes you think I can have the slightest amount of trust in you? You’re taking orders from Axel. You’re nothing more than his servant.

GUNNER
BULLSHIT Crystal, that’s a bunch of crap. I’m nobody’s servant; I do things on my own. I won the AngleMania match without Axel, and I would have beaten Dan Black last week if Axel hadn’t of come out and distracted me. Anyway, I’ve got bigger things to worry about than you.

CRYSTAL
Enlighten me.

GUNNER
Axel versus AJ Flaire tonight for the X Title, and I’m the ref. Axel wants me to hurt AJ, but…

CRYSTAL
You don’t want to?

GUNNER
Yeah.

CRYSTAL
Well I’m going to put it this way. If you go out there, and you help Axel hurt AJ, it’ll be on your conscience. You and AJ used to be inseparable; he was like your little brother. How in the hell can you justify hurting him so bad? The decision is up to you, make the right one.

*Crystal walks away from Gunner, leaving Gunner with an even more concerned look on his face*

*The camera cuts back to the three announcers*

COLE
Well, some interesting developments in the back! Gunner and Axel may be at odds, and tonight we will see Axel and AJ one on one for the X Division Championship, with Gunner as the special guest referee!

COACH
Blockbuster announcement for tonight guys, Axel already holds a pinfall victory over AJ Flaire, a bit over a month ago in that Eight Man Elimination Match, at Zero Hour.

CABOOSE
I agree with Axel though, guys… Gunner has turned soft! The crowd was behind him at AngleMania, and now he wants to please them, and not do what he does best, and that is break bones.

COLE
Well if the fans are making Gunner soft, then Crystal is making Axel the same way! His feelings for her cost him many times in that match at AngleMania; he hesitated many times in the match, causing Crystal to get an advantage! But Gunner is in two minds about the whole thing. On one hand, he is the ally of Axel, and they are friends. On the other hand, AJ used to be his best friend, as Crystal said; Gunner treated him like a little brother, watching out for him.

CABOOSE
Gunner should definitely help Axel out tonight. The big man should just go out there, wait for Axel to get the kid down, count the three, and then break the kid’s back

COACH
How can you possibly justify that?

COLE
In any event, the X Title will be on the line, and it will be on the line tonight!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Chanel #99]

::The camera cuts to the backstage area. The crowd pops loudly as The Mad Cappa is shown walking in…ANGER~! Cappa breathes hard throwing things as he walks to the ring. Cappa yells out, “P.R.! P.R.! P.R.! COME BACK HERE YOU COWARD! P.R.! P.R.!”::

Michael Cole:
The Mad Cappa is backstage. And he seems to be in a very VERY bad mood.

Coachman:
Can you blame him? HIS Puerto Rican Championship has been stolen from him by his arch-nemesis. His archrival is now in the possession of the title he wanted to make prestigious!

Caboose:
Cappa should have learned from his crushed larynx what happens when you messed with The Lightning Crew. But that wanker has to continue messing with The Lightning Crew. You won the Puerto Rican Championship at AngleMania III! YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT TO PROVE! GO AWAY!

::The crowd chants “MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA!” as Cappa walks through the curtain and into the entrance. No music is played as Cappa stumbles as he walks down the aisle. The crowd cheers as Mad Cappa mutters and curses, and yells as he demands a microphone.::

Coach:
And now The Mad Cappa is out here once again. He looks like he wants to confront P.R.

Caboose:
He is going to have trouble doing that, since P.R. has left the arena!

::The Mad Cappa grabs a microphone and enters the ring. The crowd cheers, as Cappa stands in the ring, furious, and cursing. Cappa sneers at the AngleTron, and begins to speak.::

Caboose:
Cut his mic off! I don’t want to hear Cappa talk!

The Mad Cappa:
GATLAMALA!

Caboose:
I hate that word so much!

The Mad Cappa:
P.R.! PRL! Tha Puerto Rican! Puerto Rican Lightning! Whatever you want to call yourself! GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!

::The crowd cheers. Mad Cappa paces back and forth in the ring.::

MC:
Here we go!

Mad Cappa:
I AM NOT ASKING, I AM TELLING YOU! GET YOUR PUERTO RICAN, ASSHOLE, COCKY ASS INTO THIS RING!

MC:
The Mad Cappa is calling out Tha Puerto Rican, but P.R. is out of the arena. Do you think he knows that?

Caboose:
He was on his ass when P.R. left. I don’t think he remembers that he left.

::The Mad Cappa paces back and forth. Cappa sneers.::

Cappa:
P.R. I am NOT waiting for you to come out any longer! I’m going to go backstage and drag your pompous, arrogant roody poo candy ass out here and kick your ass all over this arena! Don’t ask, just accept it! You son-of-a-bitch! You have screwed with me for the last time! You make me absolutely sick to my stomach! I’ve defeated you once before. I’ve kicked your ass once, and I can sure as hell do it again! So, Tha Puerto Rican, get out here right now, and give me MY belt back right now!!!

::The Mad Cappa stands in the ring for a few seconds. The crowd is buzzing in anticipation awaiting P.R.’s appearance. P.R. is nowhere to be found.::

The Mad Cappa:
GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW! P.R.! GIVE ME MY BELT BACK! ONCE AGAIN, GIVE ME THE BELT BACK!!! GIVE ME THE BELT BACK NOW!!! GIVE ME THE PUERTO RICAN CHAMPIONSHIP BACK NOW!!! GIVE ME THE BELT BACK NOW!!! GIVE ME THE BELT BACK!!!

Cole:
The Mad Cappa has been in the ring for a few minutes. P.R. has yet to arrive.

The Mad Cappa:
I’ll say it one more time. Give me the belt back. Give me the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship back. Damnit! Give me back the belt!

::The Mad Cappa stands in the ring waiting for P.R. to arrive.::

MC:
Is P.R. going to arrive?

Tha Puerto Rican:
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey Cappa! Hey Mad CRAPPA! Hey! Hey, Cappa! Up here! Up here you idiot! On the AngleTron! Look!

::Tha Puerto Rican appears on the AngleTron. The crowd boos loudly and chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” as Tha Puerto Rican sports a cocky smirk. He is located at a bridge in the city. Tha Puerto Rican is wearing sunglasses, his upside down crucifix, a black Lightning Crew t-shirt, a Puerto Rico flag bandana, a gold chain, a pierced left ear, a camouflage jacket, a $500 Rolex watch, blue baggy jean shorts and black workman boots. Tha Puerto Rican has the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship belt held on his left shoulder. P.R. sneers at Cappa as the crowd boos. Cappa is furious.::

Michael Cole:
Tha Puerto Rican is at what appears to be a bridge!

Caboose:
That is most certainly an interesting place to go with that belt!

Coachman:
I have a bad feeling about what he has planned.

Tha Puerto Rican:
Hola, Mad Cappa! It is I, Tha Puerto Rican! And, ah, it appears that I have something that belongs to you!

P.R. does the People’s Eyebrow and has the camera do a close-up of the belt.::

The Mad Cappa:
You’re damn right it’s mine! Give it back you son-of-a-bitch!

Tha Puerto Rican:
Uh-but-but. Watch the language. There could be children watching!

Cappa:
Enough of this bull, P.R. give me MY belt back!

P.R.:
YOUR belt? YOUR BELT? Pardon me, but last time I checked, you have only had the belt for 2 weeks, while I have held the belt for a YEAR, and 2 TIMES also! This belt is really mine, and it will ALWAYS be mine, and the only reason you have the belt is because the OaOasT forced me to give it to you. This belt will never be yours, and I hate you even more than I did for defeating me at the Pontiac Silverdome at AngleMania! Infact, I hate you so much. To show you how much I hate you, Mad CRAPPA, I may do something. I may do something that I thought I would never do. I may soon do something that even I will regret.

::Tha Puerto Rican walks to the edge of the bridge and takes the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship belt. He holds it over the water as the crowd stands up and buzzes in anticipation. P.R. sneers at Cappa as Cappa is now afraid.::

MC:
Is P.R. actually going to throw the Puerto Rican Championship over the bridge?

Coachman:
He wouldn’t do that! That belt means the world to him!

Caboose:
But his hatred for The Mad Cappa has driven him to the edge, literally! He may do this because he knows that it will hurt The Mad Cappa. He knows that if P.R. himself gets rid of the one thing he cherishes the most, then Cappa will be upset, since he didn’t get the job done himself. He is just getting there before Cappa can!

The Mad Cappa:
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! DON’T DO THAT! DO NOT DO THAT, P.R.! PLEASE! DON’T YOU DARE DO THAT!

Tha Puerto Rican:
And why not? Because you want to do it yourself right? You selfish prick! You sadistic bastard! You see joy in my pain. Well, I’m just getting the job done for you!

Caboose:
Told you.

The Mad Cappa:
Don’t do it! Please.

P.R.:
Get on your knees.

Cappa:
What?

P.R.:
I said Get on your knees and beg me not to throw the belt over the bridge!

MC:
Now come on! This has gone too far!

Caboose:
Not far enough!

Cappa:
You got to be kidding me!

P.R. teases throwing the belt off the bridge.::

Tha Puerto Rican:
The Puerto Rican Title will sleep with the fishes if you don’t get on your knees and beg me!

Cappa:
Okay! Okay! Okay!

::The Mad Cappa gets on his knees. He is hesitant. The crowd boos Mad Cappa getting on his knees. He looks at the crowd as if to say, “What can I do?” Cappa looks at the AngleTron, and sees P.R. smiling with glee. He then sneers at Mad Cappa.::

MC:
This is not right. This is not right at all. The Mad Cappa is being humiliated right here tonight on HeldDOWN~! And all for the Puerto Rican Championship!

Coachman:
I’ve never seen The Mad Cappa so embarrassed.

The Mad Cappa:
Please. Please Puerto Rican Lightning. Please P.R. Please, I am begging you. I am on my knees. I am begging you to give me back the Puerto Rican Championship. I am on my knees, begging you. Please. Give me the belt back. Please.

::The crowd boos loudly and chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” as The Mad Cappa sneers at Cappa. P.R. thinks about it and sneers at the crowd. He puts the belt back over his shoulder and laughs evilly. Cappa is now worry and is back on his feet. The crowd boos.::

Coachman:
This has got to be embarrassing. Infront of all these people, The Mad Cappa is forced to bow before Tha Puerto Rican.

Caboose:
P.R. is just showing the world that he is indeed the better wrestler. That he is better than The Mad Cappa. He is proving it right now, in front of all these morons. Tha Puerto Rican is the superior athlete. And The Mad Cappa is nothing. The Mad Cappa is a Grade-A loser. Cappa is weak. Mad Cappa is horrible.

MC:
P.R. has Cappa right where he wants him. Can we stop this?

Tha Puerto Rican:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!! You really are pathetic. I am loving this. I have you right where I want you. You are under my control.

The Mad Cappa:
Now, give me the belt back. NOW! GODAMNIT! GIVE ME THE BELT BACK NOW!!!

P.R.:
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I am surprised at your determination. Switch to decaf. You know what I’m saying?

Cappa:
I want the belt back. And I want it NOW!

P.R.:
Okay. Okay. Okay now Cappa. Calm down, son. Calm down. Tell you what. Lemme holla at ya playa. You want the belt back so bad. You want the belt, you come GET the belt! I will not be throwing this belt over the bridge. Oh no. BUT, I do want something in return for giving you back MY belt. I’ll give you the belt back, but I want to blackmail you into giving me something I want.

The Mad Cappa:
You name it. Anything. Anything.

Tha Puerto Rican:
I want a rematch. That’s right. I want a rematch so that I can defeat you 1-2-3 in the middle of the ring, and get my revenge for my lost at AngleMania III AND win my title back, since the OaOasT refuses to acknowledge me as the actual Champion Thank You very much! I will embarrass you this time, I guaran-damn-tee it! And I want this re-match…at The Year of Living Anglelously!

::The crowd pops as The Mad Cappa thinks about it.::

MC:
Now there’s a barnburner!

Caboose:
Cappa is too chickened to accept it.

The Mad Cappa:
I accept!

::The crowd cheers loudly and chants “MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA!” P.R. sports a cocky smirk as he is satisfied by the answer.::

Cole:
WHOA! P.R./Mad Cappa: The Rematch The World’s Been Waiting For at Living Anglelously, April 25th!

Coachman:
Their match at AngleMania III was a 5-star classic. Now we are going to have the rematch one month later at The Year of Living Anglelously!

Tha Puerto Rican:
Ah. That’s good. That’s good. It’s okkkkkkaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy. (P.R. dusts his right shoulder off). BUT! BUT! I want to make this match a little different than our last one at AngleMania III. You see, to prevent any shenanigans, and any interference like the one that took place at AngleMania, I would like if we had a special referee ref our match at Living Anglelously. A referee with an eye for trouble. A man of integrity, a man of great intelligence. I want Colombian Heat to be the guest referee for our match at Living Anglelously!

::The crowd boos. The Mad Cappa is shocked. Cappa now becomes furious.::

Caboose:
A brilliant powerplay by Tha Puerto Rican! Inserting his best friend to referee his Championship match at Living Anglelously!

The Mad Cappa:
That is not right! You cannot be serious!

Tha Puerto Rican:
Oh, I am damn serious! And to show you how serious I am, let me show you how much the Puerto Rican Championship means to me!

(IMG:http://forums.thesmartmarks.com/style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif) .R. walks over to the edge of the bridge, and holds the Puerto Rican Championship belt over the water. The crowd stands up in shock as P.R. shakes the belt.::

P.R.:
Don’t make me do what I will regret! Will Colombian Heat be the special referee for our match at Living Anglelously?!!!

MC:
P.R. wouldn’t do this, would he?

The Mad Cappa:
YES! YES! COLOMBIAN HEAT IS THE REF! NOW GIVE ME THE BELT BACK!!!

::The crowd boos as Tha Puerto Rican puts the belt back over his left shoulder and sneers at Mad Cappa. The crowd boos loudly and chants “MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA!” and “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” P.R. sports a cocky smirk, which turns into a sneer.::

MC:
What a lowly, despicable creature Tha Puerto Rican is. Humiliating The Mad Cappa and blackmailing him into a match at The Year of Living Anglelously for the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship, with Colombian Heat, Tha Puerto Rican’s best friend, as the special guest referee!

Caboose:
That’s called being smart, Michael Cole. P.R. used the Puerto Rican Championship as bait, and The Mad Cappa took it, hook, line, and sinker. Something tells me things are going to go P.R.’s way from now on, and it will culminate at The Year of Living Anglelously when Tha Puerto Rican defeats The Mad Cappa and wins back the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship! I love it! Smart idea from a man of great intelligence! Tha Puerto Rican is smarter than The Mad Cappa and he proved it right now!

Tha Puerto Rican:
Alright then. So, it’s settled. One More Time. The Mad Cappa vs. Tha Puerto Rican for the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship with special guest referee Colombian Heat at OaOasT The Year of Living Anglelously, Sunday April 25, 2004 live only on pay-per-view!

The Mad Cappa:
Okay! You got all that! Now, give me the belt back! And give it to me now!

Tha Puerto Rican:
Okay then. I got what I want. And now, to be fair, you should get what you want. But life is not fair, asshole! If you want the belt back, you have got to earn it, and you will earn it by finding ME! Don’t just stand there, come out and find me. You know where I am located! You want the belt so bad, you come get the belt! I DARE you to come and find me. I’m at the Don’t Call Me Lightning Kid Bridge on the corner of Puerto Rican Champion Boulevard and Mad CRAPPA Lane! Come on jabrony. You’re so smart, right? Use your intelligence to find me, the single greatest species to walk on the face of the Earth!

The Mad Cappa:
You’re not the single greatest species walking the Earth…you’re the single greatest piece of FECES on Earth! And I’m not sure feces can float!

::The crowd cheers loudly. Some fans chant “FECES! FECES! FECES! FECES!” Cappa smiles at his joke, but P.R. sneers.::

Coachman:
Oh SNAP~! That was a good one. He got him good!

Tha Puerto Rican (sarcastic):
Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. You think that was funny? You think you’re funny? What? You think you’re The Rock now all of sudden? You think you’re John Cena? I’ve heard better jokes on Premium Blend on Comedy Central! You’re no George Carlin, you’re just The Mad CRAPPA! And just for that little attempt at a joke, you leave me no choice.

(IMG:http://forums.thesmartmarks.com/style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif) .R. walks to the edge of the bridge once again. The crowd buzzes in anticipation and boo as The Mad Cappa looks on with curiousness.::

Tha Puerto Rican:
You know Mad Cappa; this belt means the world to me. This belt is my entire life. This belt is my life support system. I have nothing but this belt. I don’t have many things in my life worth living for and don’t do many things other people do that makes them happy. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I don’t believe in God. This is all I got. This is what gets me through the day. This is my reason to live. This is why I put my body on the line night after night. This IS my life! THIS makes me happy! This is my blood. This is the reason I live. But Mad Cappa. You leave me no choice. I MUST do this! I HAVE to do this before you do. I have to make this sacrifice, just because I hate you so much. My hatred for you has driven me to do this, and it pains me, and I will regret doing this, but if it makes you sad, then it is worth it, just a little bit. Knowing that all your hard work will mean nothing, it’s worth it. Just a little bit. So long Mad CRAPPA’S hard work! It was all a waste. Adios, Puerto Rican Championship belt!

::Tha Puerto Rican throws the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship belt over the bridge. The belt hits the water with a resounding SPLASH~! The crowd, and The Mad Cappa, is shocked. The crowd is murmuring.::

MC:
OH MY! Did Tha Puerto Rican do what I just think he did?

Coachman:
Indeed he did, MC! Tha Puerto Rican has just thrown the Puerto Rican Championship into a river! He has gone insane! That belt meant the world to him, and he just threw it away!

Caboose:
The Mad Cappa drove him to that point! P.R.’s reason to live was that Puerto Rican Championship, and now, thanks to The Mad Cappa, it’s gone! P.R. just sacrifice his prized belt to make sure Cappa didn’t do it first! What a noble man, P.R. is! Making the ultimate sacrifice!

MC:
P.R. is the ultimate nutjob! HeldDOWN~! Should has a lot of nut cases. Damaramu. Skull Mask. Tha Puerto Rican!

Coachman:
The Mad Cappa is shocked. The title he won at AngleMania III! The title that shows that he indeed defeat Tha Puerto Rican in the most important match of his life is now in a river! This must be hurting The Mad Cappa too!

Caboose:
The belt means more to Tha Puerto Rican then it will ever mean to The Mad Cappa. That’s why this is a shock. No one ever thought P.R. would do that!

MC:
Well, he did it. And now, uh, I guess the match at Living Anglelously will no longer be for the Puerto Rican Championship? I’m—not so sure what is going to happen concerning that match.

Coachman:
I guess—I guess we will find out in the upcoming weeks, but things aren’t going well for The Mad Cappa OR Tha Puerto Rican!

Tha Puerto Rican:
So, what are you waiting for? Meet me at the bridge! I’m sure the fact that the Puerto Rican Championship is no longer with us is enough reason to come and try and kick my ass! So come on! Come and get it! I’ll be waiting here all night if I have to! Just Bring It, Bitch! And that’s the truth, Ruth! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

::Tha Puerto Rican sneers at Cappa and then disappears from the AngleTron. The crowd is buzzing when The Mad Cappa exits the ring. The crowd cheers loudly as The Mad Cappa mutters and curses, looking pissed off. He exits through the curtain.::

MC:
And now it looks like The Mad Cappa will infact go after Tha Puerto Rican!

Caboose:
He is in for SUCH an ass kicking!

Coachman:
Don’t be too sure about that ‘Boose. The Mad Cappa is pissed. He was humiliated live on national television. He is now going to have to take on his mortal enemy at The Year of Living Anglelously with his enemy’s best friend now the special referee. AND his Puerto Rican Championship was thrown off the bridge into a river! Cappa has a lot to be angry about, and now he will take it out on Tha Puerto Rican right now!

Caboose:
Like I said, he’s in for a serious ass-kicking.

::The crowd cheers as The Mad Cappa disappears through the curtain. The camera cuts to Tha Puerto Rican pacing at the bridge, waiting for Cappa to arrive. He checks his $500 Rolex watch, and then saids “Son-Of-A-Bitch.”::

MC:
And there is the challenger. He looks ready to fight.

Coachman:
I can’t wait to see The Mad Cappa meet up with Tha Puerto Rican. I’m as excited as I would be if Crystal invited me to her hotel room for some hot wild sex!

Caboose:
Stop. Speaking. Now.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Chanel #99]

COLE
Next up we have…

(LIGHTS GO OUT)

COACH
Mommy!!!!

COLE
What the hell is going on here??

(The big screen lights up with a flash of lightning and the crowd buzzes in anticipation. A familiar guitar intro starts up and the crowd goes absolutely bananas!)

HERE I AM………ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICAAAAAAAAANE!!!!!!

COLE
OH MY GOD IT CAN’T BE!!!!!

COACH
The Scorpions are back together???

COLE
No dumbass……..it’s…..it’s…

(The Blurricane flies out of the stage and the fans are on their feet!)

COLE
It’s him!!!! It’s the Blurricane!!!!

CABOOSE
Well I’ll be damned….what rock has he been living under?

(Blurricane walks to the ring and slides in with a mic in hand. He then motions for the crowd to quiet down a little so he can speak.)

BLURRICANE
I bet you didn’t expect to see me did ya??

(The crowd cheers)

BLURRICANE
In case you’re wondering Judas isn’t coming back. It seems he’s a little burned out with wrestling and I don’t blame him.

(The crowd lets out a collective “awww”)

BLURRICANE
I didn’t quite expect to be back here myself, but something wouldn’t let me stay gone.

(The crowd cheers again)

CABOOSE
Must be the cheap pops that brought him back.

COLE
Will you let the man speak?

BLURRICANE
I sat there at home tending to my broken leg and I began thinking. I began thinking about the people I left behind. The fans…(Pop from the crowd)…the wrestlers…the officials, and it occurred to me that none of them even called when I was rehabbing my leg!!

COLE
What??

CABOOSE
Well this just got interesting.

BLURRICANE
But I’m the kind of guy that wouldn’t let that get to me.

COACH
I was going to call…I lost the number.

BLURRICANE
Or maybe I should say I used to be the kind of guy that wouldn’t let that get to me. When I sat there at home without a single phone call, card, letter, or even a goddamn fruit basket I realized that things were different!!

COLE
What’s gotten into him??

(The crowd sit in stunned silence at Blurricane’s words.)

BLURRICANE
No one gave a damn about me, because even when I was around I was just the comedic relief!! I was just the cartoon character that made people laugh, but no one took seriously!! Well I’m sick of being the court jester!!! My life has been hell! You saw the worst of it and yet you just laughed and thought it was a joke!! Well this isn’t a joke!!

(Blurricane rips his mask off and tosses it down before reaching up and ripping the Blurricane shirt in half.)

BLURRICANE
Say goodbye to comic heroes and say hello to the real man!! My real name is Rick Edwards! I am not here to be your comic relief! I am not here to be your hero!! I am here to make you notice me!! You will notice when I am around! You will notice when I am not around!! And soon you will see who I really am!!

(Rick tosses the mic down and storms out of the ring as the fans begin to boo.)

COLE
My God…what has come over the Blurricane??

CABOOSE
It’s Rick Edwards. Can’t you hear?

COACH
This is awful…I always thought he was hilarious, but now he's...crazy!

COLE
Let’s go to a commercial break. I can’t believe this.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Chanel #99]

Woke Up This Morning
Got Yourself A Gun
Mama Always Said You’d Be
The Chosen One

*Drek Stone walks out of the entranceway to a chorus of boos. He struts down to ringside, grasping a gift-wrapped, rectangular object in his right arm. He slides the gift into the ring, walks over to the ring announcer, and casually pulls the microphone out of his hands. He slowly walks into the ring, picks up his gift, and props it against the ring ropes. He then stares at the fans with a smirk on his face. He nonchalantly fixes his suit before finally speaking into the mic.*

DREK
Dama, like I said earlier tonight, I realize that we got off on the wrong foot last week. I was trying to walk through the hallway, you were blocking the entire path…….I guess there was a little miscommunication between us. It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just something that happened. But after my match that night, I went home and thought about what transpired. It was then that I realized that this problem needs to be addressed sooner rather than later. That we need to end this thing before it winds up getting out of control.

CABOOSE
See this? Along with being an outstanding athlete, he’s a peacemaker as well! You could learn something from this, Coach.

COACH
Oh, please. What ulterior motives does Drek have tonight?

CABOOSE
Coach, you need to do something about this paranoia. It’s a little worrying.

DREK
See, Dama, I really have no interest in fighting you. There’s no room for a feud between us two. You have your goals to take care of, first. I mean, aren’t you going for those Tag Titles? Making a real strong bid for them? And didn’t you want revenge on that guy…..what’s his name…..Smith? Didn’t you want to get back at him for embarrassing you in the ring? For keeping you down for a three count, despite the empty threats you made to end his career? Aren’t these your type of goals? The stuff you seem more…..what’s the word…..SUITABLE for accomplishing? I don’t want to keep you from completing these goals.

CABOOSE
Amazing. What a humanitarian!

DREK
And then again, I know you don’t want to keep me from accomplishing what I’m here to do. I came to the OAOAST for one reason. I came here to quickly rise to the top and grab the Heavyweight Championship. To once again have the feeling of holding gold in my hands. Then, from there, we can work on boosting ratings, increasing buyrates, getting this godforsaken federation some actual PUBLICITY…..with myself on top, I could make sure to accomplish all that. And I really can’t do that if I’m feuding with you….

COLE
So that’s what this is about. He thinks he’s better than Damaramu.

CABOOSE
That’s not what he said. You missed the entire point! Color me shocked, Cole. Really.

COACH
What color is “shocked”, Caboose?

CABOOSE
Oh Christ, Coach. Stay away from the jokes.

DREK
So, as you can see, a feud between us wouldn’t do anybody any favors. I came here to receive a meteoric rise to the top, settling at the top of the OAOAST mountain as the Heavyweight Champion. You’re here to accomplish your more……minor goals. Our careers are on two different paths. And I don’t need to be distracted from my important goals by fighting with you……and I’m sure you don’t want to be distracted from fighting that Smith guy by me. So that’s why I’m here tonight. To let bygones be bygones. Dama, as you can see, I’ve brought a special gift here tonight to quickly settle the bad blood between us. So I’m asking you to come out here now and unwrap the present I’ve prepared for you. This way, we can both move on with our lives, and……

*The sounds of ringing funeral bells interrupt Drek Stone in the middle of his interview. The arena slowly turns dark, and a green spotlight shines at the top of the ramp. Slowly, Damaramu saunters out as the “Ministry of Darkness” echoes throughout the entire arena. As he eerily walks down to ringside, Drek quickly grabs the gift and holds it to his chest. Finally, Damaramu enters the ring and the lights go back to normal. Drek almost begins to start talking into the microphone again, but he catches Dama staring a hole through him. Drek gives him a reassuring smile, but Dama continues to stare with a scowl on his face. At this point, Drek stops smiling, and he stares back at Dama with a cautious glare.*

DREK
Now, Dama, I can see you’re upset. You were like this last week when we bumped into each other in the hallway. Originally, I couldn’t understand just WHY you were so angry. It didn’t make any sense to me. We had just met each other for the first time, you got an up-close glance of a future OAOAST World Champion…..I just didn’t understand where the anger was coming from. Then it finally hit me! I felt like such a STUNAD when it came to me. The source of all your anger……it was jealousy.

COLE
Jealousy?!

COACH
What the hell is he talking about?!

DREK
Yes, you were a little jealous. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Admittedly, I originally snubbed you and, for that, I’m sorry. See, when I gave that chauffeur an autographed picture of myself last week, I accidentally forgot to bring any extras. Then I saw you in the hallway, and you were obviously expecting me to give you an extra photograph. But, unfortunately, I left them all in my hotel room. So there you were, expecting to receive a gift, and I had nothing to give you. At that point, I can understand your disappointment and resentment. I would have been upset too! So, to make up for that little slight, I’ve made sure to bring you a gift tonight. To absolutely smooth everything over.

*Drek makes an attempt to hand the present over to Damaramu. But Dama refuses to accept the gift, or even acknowledge it. He continues to stare into Drek’s eyes.*

DREK
Listen man, I SAID this was a gift for you. Now take it……

*Dama continues to stare*

DREK
Okay……you obviously don’t understand the concepts of gifts. No problem.

*Drek puts the microphone down on the mat and unwraps the present himself. Once he finally takes the wrapping paper off, he holds it up high for the crowd. It’s a portrait of Drek Stone! In the picture, he’s dressed in a pinstripe suit and has his trademark smirk. Some fans begin to boo the gift he’s brought for Dama, while some of the other fans start to laugh*

CABOOSE
How thoughtful. I mean, REALLY! How many men get a gift like this?

COACH
How many men would want one?

CABOOSE
None that I know. I’m signing up for 15 after the show.

DREK
There you go, Dama. I’ve given you an even BIGGER autographed picture. I mean, imagine the riches this thing could bring. People are going to be jumping all over you to get this thing. Offering you gold….silver….rubies….diamonds…..you NAME IT! The possibilites are absolutely endless. But it’s your decision what you want to do wih it. Personally, I suggest a nice spot right above your fireplace. The whole family can gather around. You can play Christmas songs and roast chestnuts as this handsome face watches over the room. Skull Mask can make the occasional visit to your home, staring at the perfection that you’ve brought into it.

*Dama slowly pulls the portrait out of Drek’s hands and starts to stare at it*

DREK
That’s it. There you go. Enjoy it. I guarantee that when you walk backstage, you will be THE MOST popular person in the locker room. Let me warn you though….they’ll begin to swarm you to get a good look at excellence. Be strong! Be prepared! Don’t let them….

*Suddenly, with lightning speed, Dama brings the portrait crashing down across Drek's head! Glass shatters everywhere as Drek hits the mat rolling over onto his face. Dama stands for a second with the destroyed frame in his hands looking down at the fallen Drek Stone. Dama drops it and pulls Stone to his feet as the fans actually cheer him on. Blood trickles down Stone's face as Dama grabs him by the throat and pulls him close, whispering something to him. In his haze, Drek's eyes go wide at what Dama whispers to him. Dama then swiftly lifts him up high and SLAMS him into the mat with a chokeslam! After Drek hits the mat, Dama continues to stomp him for a few more seconds until grabbing the microphone*

DAMA
Drek Stone. I don't know who the hell you are. Nor do I give a damn who you are. See you bumped into me last week. I didn't really care. But I looked in your face and realized I didn't like you. Why? Because you remind me of Ryan Smith. You're both cocky assholes that need that chip on your shoulder knocked off. Well Drek Stone. Since you're so intent on getting in my business I'll see you at the Year of Living Anglelously. Don't worry about the tag titles. Skull Mask's new partner will handle things just fine.

*Drek tries to get up*

DAMA
Go to hell.

*Dama gives Drek a severe kick in the ribs, causing him to roll over onto his back. Clutching his ribs, Drek continues to let the blood flow down his face. Finally, Dama tosses the mic down into Drek's face and backs out of the ring. His white eyes continue to stare a hole through the fallen Drek before he finally turns and walks back up the ramp.*

CABOOSE
I’m…….I’m in shock. Absolutely SICKENING! I hope the cops are rushing to take Dama away right now.

COACH
Yikes, what an absolutely gruesome beating.

CABOOSE
His face……oh god, Drek’s handsome face.

*Referees and agents run into the ring to tend to Drek. However, he pushes them away and slowly starts to sit up. After a few attempts, he’s finally able to manage it. He lifts his hand to his face to massage it, but feels something liquidy on his hand. Slowly, and suddenly shaking, Drek pulls his hand away from his face to see it covered in blood. He begins to steadily look at the mess around him, seeing the shattered pieces of glass and splintered pieces of wood scattered around the ring. Once again, he puts his hand back on his face and pulls it away to see even more blood covering his hand. At this point, he starts shaking even more violently. He takes a large slice of glass nearby and throws it out of the ring. He tries to pull himself up using the ring ropes, but his legs are too wobbly. He quickly falls back down. Two referees slowly pick Drek up off the mat but, once he’s on his feet, he pushes them away. However, having no one to support him, he falls on the top rope, but manages to prop himself up. The camera zooms in on Drek’s face, and it’s easy to see that his eyes are filled with rage.*

DREK
……you’re a……dead man…..Dama. YOU’RE……A DEAD MAN!! YOU’RE FINISHED!!!

*The referees slowly manage to pull Drek off the ropes and slide him underneath the bottom rope. Two referees are supporting Drek on either side as he slowly walks towards the back. The fans are hushed as Drek gets near the entranceway, but he forces the referees to stop. He waits a few seconds, then gives a double middle finger to all the fans in the audience. They immediately begin booing as the referees once again help Drek Stone into the back*

CABOOSE
I told Dama not to do it. I told him right here…..he didn’t want to do this to Drek Stone. Now look what he did. Dama tried to mangle that handsome face, and now his career is finished. Did you see the intensity in Drek’s eyes?

COACH
I did. But is the intensity of Drek ANY match for the intensity of Damaramu? I just don’t know, Caboose.

COLE
That’s going to be a HUGE match at Living Angelously. Drek Stone versus Damaramu!

CABOOSE
Dama’s going to be sleeping with the fishes. I guarantee it…..

We're backstage on HeldDown~!, as the camera focuses on a door slowly opening. Dan Black steps through, wearing a typically sharp black suit and looking annoyed.

BLACK
Where the hell is he?

Dan looks to the left down a corridor and scowls. He turns to the right and again sees nothing. As he turns back to the left the face of Jivin' Jim Ross is pressed up close against him. Dan jumps in fright and swears.

BLACK
Don't sneak up on me like that you-

JR
Now Danny, no need for that! I just soft shoed over to ya, you like it?

BLACK
No. Shut up about dancing. What did you want to see me about? And why are you dressed like that?

JR is wearing a basketball jersey, baggy pants, sneakers and a huge gold medallion hangs around his neck.

JR
Its the latest image I got going! Street JR! You like?

BLACK
I bloody don't. You look like an idiot. What the hell is going on?

JR
We're going to cut a little promo, ok?

BLACK
Well, everyone is always interested in what I have to say, so-

JR
No, you don't get it- I'll cut the promo. You just stand there and look all dark and mysterious and brooding.

BLACK
But-

JR
It's what you do best, Danny. Now listen up. It's time for my promo.

BLACK
You're not going to....rap? Are you?

JR
Sure am! Look how over that Cena guy is! I want that kinda heat!

BLACK
What did I do to deserve this...

JR
Let's go!

COLE
Oh boy, Rappin' Ross! This is gonna be great!

JR starts to sway from side to side, throwing his arms in the air and looking at the camera.

JR
Now y'all know me good ol' JR
But ya didnt know I was a huge rap star!

I'm the man with beat, MC Jim Ross
I like to rap like I'm fellating a Hoss

Now see I'm managing the Black man
although he sure ain't a black man

he ain't even Steve Blackman
hell he don't even got a suntan

but with JR he down with the homies in the hood
When Rappin' Ross around hell it all good

I take the ladies out and I make them holler
Give them a dose of mah special sauce

and they can suck or they can swallow-
Word.

JR finishes and folds his arms across his chest. Dan has his face in his hand and is groaning quietly.

CAMERAMAN
Er...is that it, guys?

BLACK
No! I want to say something. I can't let this buffoon represent me. Now listen up, HeldDown. Last week you saw me DESTROY one of your biggest monsters, Gunner Sharps.

COACH
What? He got the cheapest win I've ever seen!

BLACK
And I won't stop there. Anyone, anytime, any- hey!

Dan is cut off by someone walking into his shot. The watching crowd POPS for the OAOAST X Champion, AJ Flaire!

BLACK
What the hell are you doing? Get out of my shot!

FLAIRE
Hey, sorry, I didnt see you guys there-

BLACK
What? You didnt see ME? Dan BLACK? How dare you? Who the hell are you anyway?

FLAIRE
I'm AJ Flaire, X Division Champ-

BLACK
X Division? You're joking, right? That thing is still going? That's the cheapest title I've ever seen! It's pathetic! Who did you beat to win that, Gillberg?

FLAIRE
Cheap? You've got a lot to learn about HeldDown, Dan. Cheap is that Adrenalin Title you're so proud of- you created the damn thing for yourself!

BLACK
You insolent little- this title is more important than anything on this hell hole of a show. You don't know the blood thats been spilt, the pain inflicted over the Adrenalin Title.

FLAIRE
Whatever Dan, you keep your pretend little title. The ratings for IntenseZone were so low that no ones ever heard of it anyway.

BLACK
Take that back! Take it back or I'll beat you for that X title, just to teach you a lesson.

FLAIRE
Now that IS a joke, Black. You wouldn't last five minutes in a match with me.

BLACK
Well lets see, shall we? There's a little Pay Per View coming up. One I intend on appearing at.

FLAIRE
Fine by me. You and me, one on one, X title vs. Adrenalin title, winner takes all.

JR
Now Dan, I don't think-

BLACK
Shut up, you fat idiot. I'll see you in the ring, Flaire. Polish up that title, I want it nice and shiny for when its sitting in my trophy cabinet.

Flaire gets in Dan's face, and laughs softly, before turning sharply and walking away.

COACH
Well, we just got ourselves a PPV match! Dan Black vs. AJ Flaire, both titles on the line! I can't wait!

CABOOSE
More HeldDOWN~! in a few!

[Chanel #99]

*The OU Fight Song plays over the arena's speakers as the fans stand up and cheer. Ryan Smith exits the backstage area and heads to the ramp slapping some fans hands on his way down.*

COACH
Here's Ryan Smith.....fresh off a loss last week.

COLE
Yeah a loss to Mr. Boricua after copious interference from The Cuban Wall.

CABOOSE
I think he's finally realized what we warned him about the Lightening Crew.

*Ryan Smith enters the ring and quickly grabs a microphone. He has a look of intensity on his face as he begins to speak.*

RYAN
So the Ligthening Crew has come to Helddown! Who gives a damn? See you guys seem to have an over inflated since of who you are and how much you matter to me. Cuban Wall you couldn't stand the fact that someone was better than you! That someone pinned your tubby ass in the middle of this ring! So you stuck your nose in my business last week. Well I don't like that. There's two things that matter to me. Beating Damaramu over and over again! And winning the World title. Now I don't see Cuban Wall anywhere in those plans. Nor do I see the Lightening Crew in those plans. So Wall what I'm proposing is to get you out of my plans. I figure beating your ass again will get rid of it so I can get back down to business.

*Suddenly "No Chance in Hell" hits and the fans stand to boo. The Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua exit the curtain and begin to head to the ring. No characteristic taunting. They both head with a purpose. Wall slides into the ring and quickly grabs a microphone.*

CUBAN
Did my ears decieve me? Did I hear you out here overlooking me? Ryan Smith you just made the biggest mistake of your life! I promised I was going to end your career. And that promise still stands. You beating me was nothing but a fluke. You think a maggot like you scares me? Smith I'm warning you right now. Don't overlook me or the Lightening Crew...or you'll wind up in a hospital bed.

RYAN
Well then big guy.......tell me what you're going to do about it? Do you want to fight me? At The Year of Living Anglelously? You want to bring your stupid chain? The one you cracked across my face last week!?

*A smile crosses Wall's face as he walks over to the corner and begins conferring with Mr. Boricua. Both men seem to be debating fiercley and finally Wall turns back around.*

CUBAN
Fine. I accept your challenge Ryan Smith. And I will bring that "stupid little chain" with me! I'm challenging you to a Chain on a Pole match!

*The fans all begins talking at once at this revelation.*

COLE
A Chain on a Pole match!?

CABOOSE
Smith is so dead.

SMITH
That sounds great. I'll see you at The Year of Living Anglelously. And you can bring tubby there along with you.

CUBAN
Actually Smith. You can see me and "tubby" as you put it next week! See before I came out here I exited our new GM's office! And he has signed Ryan Smith vs. The Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua right here next week!

*Smith's eyes become wide before settling back into his cool demeanor.*

SMITH
Very well. Next week will be a warmup. See you then.

*The OU Fight Song plays as Smith walks right past Wall and Boricua and exits the ring. He backs up the ramp looking at both men as they talk and point at Smith.*

MC
Wow, Ryan Smith versus Cuban Wall AND Mr. Boricua here on HeldDOWN~! next week, in a Chain on a Pole match? I can't wait

COACH
Speaking of the Lightning Crew, one of their members is receiving a 24/7 Title shot right...now!

CUE: “No Chance in Hell” by Bradley Boyds

::The crowd boos at the all-too familiar theme music of the Lightening Crew. Spanish Fly emerges from the smoke, undaunted by the jeers of the crowd, and makes his way to the ring::

“Hailing from Tiajuana, Mexico, at a height of 4’9” and a weight of 199 lbs, a member of the Lightening Crew, SPANISH FLY!”

::Spanish Fly continues to jaw the fans as the jeers continue.::

“SET THIS F-CKER OFF!”

::The crowd’s jeers turn into murmurs of confusion as “Set it Off” by Audioslave blares though the speakers. Cheers are heard though, when it’s the 24/7 Champion Crystal that emerges from the smoke, followed by the ever-present cameraman::

COACH: “Woah, new music for Crystal. Hey Caboose, you like Audioslave, don’t you?”
CABOOSE (muttering): “What a copy cat.”

“Hailing from Coquitlam, British Columbia, at a height of 5’8” and weighing 138 lbs, the reigning 24/7 Champion, CRYSTAL!”

COLE: “Well, this is a unique experience for Crystal. She is in the ring with someone who is both younger and shorter than her.”
CABOOSE: “Yet Spanish Fly still outweighs her by a good 60 pounds.”
COACH: “Damn, what kind of jacked up cruiserweight is this?”

DING! DING! DING!

COLE: “Well, since Spanish Fly is a cruiserweight, count on seeing some high flying action here as Crystal can take to the air herself.”
CABOOSE: “If Crystal was smart, she would try to ground the cruiserweight. She’ll probably try to match him move-for-move though, just to impress the idiots here.”
COACH: “Hey now playa, don’t be hatin’ on the fans.”
CABOOSE: “Your even worse than them. Shut up.”

::Spanish Fly charges at Crystal right away while she’s talking to her cameraman. He catches her in the corner with some quick strikes, and whips her to the other corner. Fly goes to charge, but Crystal, using the ropes as leverage, leaps over him. Crystal then tries to charge at Spanish Fly, but gets an elbow to the face for her efforts. He springs to the second rope and goes for a crossbody, but Crystal dropkicks him in midair!::

COLE: “Nice counter by Crystal.”

::Spanish Fly rolls out of the ring immediately to catch a breath. Crystal sees the opportunity, and planchas over the top rope, but Spanish Fly sees her, and side steps Crystal so she lands right on her face!::

CABOOSE: “See! Told you she would be stupid and try unnecessary high risks like that! Good thinking by Spanish Fly!”

COACH: “You better watch yourself boy.”

CABOOSE: “Again, shut up.”

::Spanish Fly sees his opportunity and throws Crystal against the barricade before chucking her into the ring. Crystal is slow to get up, and Spanish Fly ascends to the top rope, and hits a beautiful hurricarana! He quickly goes for the first pin in the match::

1!

2!

Kickout!

::Crystal stumbles to her feet and Spanish Fly immediately hooks her and delivers a snap vertical suplex. He immediately does a standing moonsault, and follows it by a cover.::

1!

2!

Kickout!

CABOOSE: “Well, that must be a new thing for Spanish Fly. What other time could he suplex someone like that?”

COACH: “I know Spanish Fly has only been here for a couple of weeks, but he has to learn that Crystal won’t go down that easily!”

CABOOSE: “Shut it, fanboy. OF COURSE he knows that.”

::But Spanish Fly seems a bit frustrated anyways. He yanks Crystal up by her hair and whips her to the ropes and delivers a pretty dropkick. He turns to the crowd, and bows to them, as the boo like crazy. Crystal gets up, and Spanish Fly picks her up and has her on his shoulders.::

CABOOSE: “An impressive display of strength by Spanish Fly!”

COLE: “Uh, not really. Crystal’s only 140 pounds, tops.”

::Spanish Fly seems to be going for the Death Valley Driver, but Crystal armdrags her way out! They both get up and SF charges, only to get arm dragged again. As both get up again, Crystal whips Fly to the corner, but Fly reverses. Spanish Fly then somersaults, and goes for the monkey flip, ala RVD. He flips Crystal, but Crystal lands on her feet! Spanish Fly is unaware though, and keeps showing off the audience. He finally turns around, only to be hit with the SPEAR~! Oddly, Crystal doesn’t go for the cover though. She picks up Spanish Fly, hooks him up, and hoists him up to the top turnbuckle. She then springs off the bottom rope, and enziguries Spanish Fly!::

COACH: “OUCH~!”

::Crystal then hooks Spanish Fly at the midsection, and performs a Northern Lights Suplex while Spanish Fly is still on the top rope! She keeps in hooked for the pin.::

1!

2!

2.5!

Kickout!

::Spanish barely kicks out. Crystal picks him up and hooks him by the arms. She delivers ONE butterfly suplex. And then TWO butterfly suplexes. And finally THREE butterfly suplexes! She then goes towards the ropes and signals for the Diamond in the Rough! She springboards once, twice and hits it!::

1!

2!

3!

DING! DING! DING!

CUE: “Set it Off” by Audioslave

“And your winner, and STILL 24/7 champion is CRYSTAL~!”

MC
Great title defense by Crystal, proving why she is the fightingest Female Phenom in the business today!

::The camera cuts back to the bridge where Tha Puerto Rican is at. He is freezing and keeps checking his watch. He plays with one of his dreadlocks. Colombian Heat appears next to him carrying a black duffel bag.::

Colombian Heat:
Yo, dawg. Is The Mad Cappa gonna show or what? I gotta get home early; you know what I’m saying? Got to go and record Chappelle’s Show tonight. I’m Rick James bitch! Ha! HA! That dude is crazy, man!

Tha Puerto Rican:
Heat, can you concentrate on the matter at hand instead of some crappy overhyped overrated comedian? We’re not going anywhere until The Mad Cappa shows up. And he will be here. Trust me. I know he will be. I know The Mad Cappa better than he knows himself…and George Carlin is funnier than Dave Chappelle.

Colombian Heat:
Pssshhh! You don’t know what you’re talking about! Dave Chappelle is the bomb, yo! And—yo, nevermind.

P.R.:
Watch incase Cappa arrives!

Heat:
Yes sir, boss!

::Colombian Heat leaves as the camera does a close-up of Tha Puerto Rican. P.R. is angry and sneering as he awaits Mad Cappa’s arrival.::

P.R.:
He’ll be here. I know he will be. He’s coming. I know he is.

::Suddenly, P.R.’s 2-way pager goes off. P.R. opens it and checks the message: “NEVER FORGET: PAYBACKS...ARE...HELL!!!-MAD CAPPA.” The crowd cheers. P.R. sneers.::

MC:
P.R. still waiting for The Mad Cappa’s arrival. More HeldDOWN~! In two minutes and two seconds!

::FADE OUT::

::COMMERCIALS::
::The camera cuts back to the bridge where Tha Puerto Rican is at. He is freezing and keeps checking his watch. He plays with one of his dreadlocks. Colombian Heat appears next to him carrying a black duffel bag.::

Colombian Heat:
Yo, dawg. Is The Mad Cappa gonna show or what? I gotta get home early; you know what I’m saying? Got to go and record Chappelle’s Show tonight. I’m Rick James bitch! Ha! HA! That dude is crazy, man!

Tha Puerto Rican:
Heat, can you concentrate on the matter at hand instead of some crappy overhyped overrated comedian? We’re not going anywhere until The Mad Cappa shows up. And he will be here. Trust me. I know he will be. I know The Mad Cappa better than he knows himself…and George Carlin is funnier than Dave Chappelle.

Colombian Heat:
Pssshhh! You don’t know what you’re talking about! Dave Chappelle is the bomb, yo! And—yo, nevermind.

P.R.:
Watch incase Cappa arrives!

Heat:
Yes sir, boss!

::Colombian Heat leaves as the camera does a close-up of Tha Puerto Rican. P.R. is angry and sneering as he awaits Mad Cappa’s arrival.::

P.R.:
He’ll be here. I know he will be. He’s coming. I know he is.

::Suddenly, P.R.’s 2-way pager goes off. P.R. opens it and checks the message: “NEVER FORGET: PAYBACKS...ARE...HELL!!!-MAD CAPPA.” The crowd cheers. P.R. sneers.::

MC:
P.R. still waiting for The Mad Cappa’s arrival. More HeldDOWN~! In two minutes and two seconds!

::FADE OUT::

::COMMERCIALS::

[Chanel #99]

::The camera cuts back to the bridge. Tha Puerto Rican paces across the bridge, jumping up and down, looking at his watch. He is becoming a little impatient as he looks at the highway.::

MC:
It seems as though that The Mad Cappa has yet to make his appearance.

Caboose:
Did Cappa’s car stall or something? Where the hell is the annoying brat?

Coachman:
P.R. has been waiting for the past 30-45 minutes.

Caboose:
Cappa probably got lost along the way.

Tha Puerto Rican:
Where is he? I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bored right now.

::Suddenly, a black Porsche pulls to the bridge. It comes screeching next to Tha Puerto Rican. The Mad Cappa comes out from the car and rushes towards Tha Puerto Rican. P.R. sneers and motions for Cappa to come fight him. The crowd cheers loudly. Cappa is furious and yells out “Son-of-a-bitch!”::

Michael Cole:
And here we go!

::The Mad Cappa and Tha Puerto Rican fight on the bridge with the crowd cheering the entire time. P.R. and Cappa trade left and rights with neither man getting the advantage.::

Coachman:
P.R. and Cappa are tearing into each other right now!

Caboose:
They’re giving us a preview of their Rematch at The Year of Living Anglelously where Tha Puerto Rican will defeat The Mad Cappa!

P.R. gains the advantage causing the crowd to boo. But The Mad Cappa fires back and lays into P.R. with lefts and rights causing the crowd to cheer.::

MC:
And now The Mad Cappa is taking P.R. to the edge of the bridge!

Caboose:
Come on, P.R.! Fight back!

::The Mad Cappa continues his attack, punching P.R. closer and closer to the edge of the bridge. P.R. yells out “NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!” causing The Lightning Crew to appear. The Lightning Crew gather on The Mad Cappa causing the crowd to boo loudly. The Mad Cappa gets beat up by The Lightning Crew, allowing Tha Puerto Rican to escape. The Lightning Crew take turns beating down on The Mad Cappa.::

MC:
Now come on! This is not fair! This is not fair at all!

Caboose:
It was a trap! It was a trap all along! Tha Puerto Rican set this up from the beginning! It was all a plan! The Lightning Crew were waiting in the wings to attack! They were at the bridge! It was a coordinated attack! P.R.’s plan came into fruition! Brilliance! Sheer, utter brilliance!

Coachman:
The Lightning Crew set up this attack, but the important thing is that P.R. and The Mad Cappa will meet one more time at The Year of Living Anglelously on April 25th with Colombian Heat as the special referee. And Tha Puerto Rican threw the Puerto Rican Championship over a bridge into a river!

MC:
The Lightning Crew are now taking turns beating on The Mad Cappa!

::Tha Puerto Rican gives Cappa a P.R. Nightmare on the concrete. Colombian Heat then grabs Cappa and gives him the
Colombian Necktie. Mr. Boricua clutches Cappa’s neck, and gives him a Lightning Crew Bomb. Vitamin X then applies the Lethal Injection. Spanish Fly follows with the Unprettier. Thomas Rodriguez lowblows Cappa. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez slaps The Mad Cappa. Finally, Cuban Wall does The Lightning Crew Splash onto The Mad Cappa’s body, causing him to scream in pain. P.R. laughs evilly and spits in Cappa’s face. He sneers at him and blows snot in his face.::

Tha Puerto Rican:
Pick him up!

::The Lightning Crew pick up the dazed, dizzy, and in pain Mad Cappa and drag him towards the edge of the bridge. The crowd boos loudly and chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” while The Lightning Crew laugh evilly. The Lightning Crew wave goodbye to Cappa as Mr. Boricua and Tha Puerto Rican shove him over the barrier of the bridge. Cappa struggles to hold on, clinging to the barrier with his fingers. But, Tha Puerto Rican punches Mad Cappa in the face several times, screaming in pain. The Mad Cappa is barely hanging on when P.R. grabs his head and slaps him in the face.::

Tha Puerto Rican:
You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!!!

::Tha Puerto Rican flips Mad Cappa the middle finger and punches him in the face. The Mad Cappa loses his grip and falls off the bridge into the water.::

Michael Cole:
OH MY GOD!!!!

Coachman:
WHAT THE HELL DID THA PUERTO RICAN DO?!!!

Caboose:
He just threw The Mad Cappa off that bridge, just like he did to the Puerto Rican Championship!

MC:
That was a giant fall! That bridge was 30-40 feet above water! We do not see The Mad Cappa anywhere! He has disappeared!

Caboose:
Hopefully for good.

MC:
How can you say such a thing?

Caboose:
Because I’m Caboose, that’s why!

Coachman:
The Lightning Crew have just thrown Cappa in that river! We didn’t know if P.R. and Mad Cappa would fight for the Puerto Rican Championship at Living Anglelously. Now we don’t know if there will even be a match at The Year of Living Anglelously on April 25th! As Jim Ross would say “BAWD GAWD~!”

MC:
What a scene we just saw! The Mad Cappa has just been thrown into a river! The Lightning Crew has thrown the Mad Cappa off a bridge! What other craziness will we see tonight?

::The crowd is silent. There is an eery mood as Tha Puerto Rican looks at the river and smiles. He laughs evilly since he does not see The Mad Cappa in the river. Tha Puerto Rican smiles evilly with his Lightning Crew and then grabs the black duffel bag. He opens it…and pulls out the OaOasT Puerto Rican Championship belt. He places it over his left shoulder and sports an evil grin. The crowd is shocked.::

MC:
WHAT? P.R. has the Puerto Rican Championship! But how? He threw it into the river!

Caboose:
Cole, you idiot! That belt P.R. threw was obviously a replica! THAT belt is the real thing. It was brilliant. It was all apart of the plan. P.R. had a fake belt already made BEFORE tonight’s HeldDOWN~! So, he stole the real belt. Put it in a duffel bag. He threatened to throw the fake belt into the river, but not before humiliating The Mad Cappa on national television and forcing him to have a match with him at Living Anglelously with his best friend as the special referee. P.R. threw the fake belt into the river. Which caused Cappa to go after P.R. Which caused The Lightning Crew to attack Cappa. Which caused Cappa to be thrown off the bridge into the river. It couldn’t have been more planned out perfectly! In one plan, Tha Puerto Rican has rid himself of The Mad Cappa once and for all, and has the Puerto Rican Championship belt back. P.R. is on a roll!

MC:
It was a master plan executed by The Lightning Crew tonight.

Caboose:
Pure genius. I love it!

MC:
Is there even going to be a match at The Year of Living Anglelously? The match IS scheduled. But, will The Mad Cappa make it? Will The Mad Cappa even be…alive?

Caboose:
Let’s all pray to all the gods that may exist that he is not breathing. That would make the situation even better.

Coachman:
You are a cold, soulless, heartless human being.

Caboose:
And you are a gay, stupid psychotic, obsessive, horny, pervert. Welcome to the club.

Michael Cole:
What could possibly happen next?

Jonathon “The Coach” Coachman:
This feud has taken an interesting turn to say the least.

Michael Cole:
Is The Mad Cappa even…alive?

Colombian Heat:
Good job, man!

Cuban Wall:
Way to go! Way to go!

Mr. Boricua:
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Thomas Rodriguez:
Excellent plan, P.R.

Vitamin X:
That was perfect.

Spanish Fly:
Way to go.

Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez:
That’s my man!

::Tha Puerto Rican laughs evilly, catching his breath. He looks at the Puerto Rican Championship belt, then at the crowd. P.R. turns to the crowd.::

Tha Puerto Rican:
Did you seriously think I was actually going to throw the Puerto Rican Championship belt into a river? You are bigger idiots then I thought! HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAAA!!! Let’s go.

::Tha Puerto Rican sneers at the camera and walks away. The Lightning Crew follows, as there is now silence. The camera pans to the bridge. There is silence. The last shot is of the bridge with P.R.’s evil laugh heard.::

::FADE OUT::

::COMMERCIALS::

[Chanel #99]

COLE:
Well Caboose…..

CABOOSE:
What the hell are you addressing ME for? Like I want to carry on a conversation with YOU. The fat paycheck and ability to bust on you for a few hours each week is the only think keeping me from leaving here and becoming a greeter at Wal Mart.

COLE:
……..Anyway, two weeks ago Peter Knight was pulled off the active roster for the entire month of April per one of the final orders of our old GM Northstar

CABOOSE:
Because he couldn’t hack it in the ring. Hell, I DIED and I still won more championships than he could ever win.

COACH:
Fortunately, PK’s tag team partner Parka, also in the middle of rehabbing a knee injury, surprised PK by making a visit to the arena.

CABOOSE:
And told PK to “go back to his roots.” I think Parka’s watched too many soaps and/or Afterschool Specials while on the shelf. At least our Director of Authority had the foresight to send a camera crew with him to videotape it. I enjoy laughing at the less fortunate.

COLE:
Geez Caboose, you’re on a roll tonight, aren’t you? Someone park in your space again?

CABOOSE:
Oh yeah, that reminds me Cole, you probably should go to the impound yard after the show. I’m not sure when they break out the car crusher on Thursdays.

COACH:
EASY Cole!!! Let’s roll the tape, please!!!

CUT TO: An airport, with a closeup of a plane landing.

We switch to the terminal, the camera pointed at the open jetway. Among the families, businessmen, and college kids fresh from Spring break, Peter Knight steps into the terminal, clad in a Patriots cap, jeans and a leather jacket. He adjusts the carry-on bag on his shoulder and walks towards the baggage claim, but the camera crew cuts him off.

KNIGHT:
What the hell do you guys want?

CAMERAMAN’S VOICE:
Mr. Vigoda sent us to follow you around. He says you have to let us or you’re off for 6 more months.

KNIGHT:
(To himself) First Northstar, now this guy. *Sigh* Fine. Like I need to attract more attention to myself. You guys got a car to follow me into town?

SOUND GUY:
Well, there are only two of us, and there isn’t much equipment……

KNIGHT:
Great…. Well, at least I won’t have to pay for it.

SG:
I don’t think Mr. Vigoda gave us the money to…..

KNIGHT:
I said at least I don’t have to pay for it. Go get it and meet me outside in 10 minutes.

CUT TO: A montage of the car driving into town, and then inside the car. The camera’s POV is in the back seat. Only the back of Knight’s head and the side of his face are visible.

CAMERAMAN:
Can you tell us a little bit about Fall River?

KNIGHT:
What is this, the Travel Channel?

CAMERAMAN:
Mr. Vigoda wants back-story, and for you to provide a running commentary wherever you go in town.

KNIGHT:
Well, we’re driving over the Braga Bridge right now, which is the main bridge into Fall River and a prefect place to chuck you and that camera into the river. The city had a bunch of old mills, complete with smokestacks to drop you into and machines to slice your arms off. Now shut up and give me some gas money.

CUT TO: Some images of Fall River landmarks, such as Battleship Cove and Government Center. The scene then switches to a yellow three story house, Knight’s car parked in front. The cameraman quickly focuses on Knight as he steps out of the car and removes his sunglasses.

CAMERAMAN:
So, where are we?

KNIGHT:
My childhood home. I just walked right into this situation, didn’t I?

CAMERAMAN:
Actually, you drove into it. What kind of kid were you growing up?

KNIGHT:
Eh, I was pretty normal. I played with the neighborhood kids, went to the school down the street, you know, just like any kid would. Then my mother died when I was 12, *getting angry* my father became a boozehound and smacked me around almost every day *and angrier*, this street went to hell because all the kids I played with were doing drugs *and angrier* and shooting each other, and I had to go live with my aunt and uncle after my dad was arrested for running someone over while hammered. *Staring daggers into the camera* Get all that? Is that enough running commentary for you?! Let’s go!!

CUT TO: More scenes of life in Fall River. The scene switches to the “St. Stevens Prepatory Academy.” Male students in khaki pants and sweater vests converse with girls in skirts and white blouses with the seal of the academy sewed on them. Knight steps out of the car again and, again, the camera is right on him.

KNIGHT:
What, do you guys get out as soon as the car stops or something?

CAMERAMAN:
So, where are we now?

KNIGHT:
Where I spent most of my days during high school. Me and a few of my friends would always sneak off the campus for about two hours and hang out here. We’d wait until these preppies walked to their cars for lunch and then beat them up.

CAMERAMAN:
For their lunch money?

KNIGHT:
Eh, sometimes. Sometimes we would take a couple of bucks for smokes or beer or something, but a lot of the time, it was just because he looked like a total wuss and was easy pickings. Of course, some of them would pay us NOT to beat them up, which was fine with us, since there were a lot more targets to choose from. And hey, money is money. It’s better than working at McDonalds flipping burgers all day. Of course, the more snobbish ones would tell us to wash his car or something for $5, but the moron actually give us his keys, so we would just drive around the city, get some food, and bring it back with no gas in the tank and trash all over the place. If he complained, we’d just beat him up. Man, if I was facing Malibu for the title, this place sure gave me a lot of practice pounding on preppies instead of being Mr. Tour Guide. *Sighs in frustration* Come on, one more stop, but I don’t know if you guys are up for it. We’re gonna see some REAL fighting.

CUT TO: Nighttime, and a nondescript warehouse near an old airport. Knight steps out of the car and immediately turns towards the camera.

KNIGHT:
Now, Parka had that old gym of his where he learned the ropes. Well, here’s where I got my career started.

Knight steps into the medium sized warehouse. It is very dark, with only a few florescent lights providing any light. There are 4 “pens” made of wooden planks, fencing, and a thin pad covering the floor, all occupied by men sparring with one another.

KNIGHT:
We’re a little early; the fights don’t begin until 9:30. Yep, here’s where I became more and more of a man, every Tuesday and Friday night . I started here when I was 17. I got into a beef with some big dude in his mid 20s and he challenged me here to settle things. Of course, I got my ass beat down. But I liked the whole experience here. Plus, the winners get money and respect, so I became a full time combatant here. I got my ass beat week after week. Some guy even broke 7 of my fingers in one match. See, there really aren’t many rules here; only that you can’t bring anything into the ring to help you. Sure, a lot of guys didn’t bite or anything out of respect to each other, but there were some guys who just didn’t give a damn about respect and did whatever they could to win. I lost a ton of matches when I started, and a lot of the guys didn’t think I was cut out to be tough. But that only motivated me. See, come over here.

Knight leads them to a wall with a bunch of pictures tacked onto it. Knight points to one that looks like Knight, only he is shaved bald and sports a heavily blackened right eye. He has what looks like a boxing title over his shoulder. The writing underneath says “P. Knight - 2001”

KNIGHT:
That’s me two years later. I was in a tournament of the best fighters in the area, and I made it into the final. Guess who my opponent was? That same big oaf who I had my first fight with. This was his “farewell” tournament, and he was going for his 5th title. We must have gone a good 45 minutes of beating the hell out of each other. We were exhausted, bloody, I could barely see out of my eye there *points to picture*, but I gathered whatever strength I had left, reared back, and nailed him right in the nose with my best right hook. It broke in two places and he went down in a heap. You could hear a pin drop there for a few minutes as they helped him to his feet and out to the hospital. Sure, some people still hated me for bringing down their legend, but I earned everyone’s respect that night. I fought for another year or so, until one night, someone came up to me and asked me “hey, you wanna learn wrestling, get a shot at the big time?” After that, I met Parka, and the rest is history.

The sound of folding chairs being set up begins to be heard in the background.

KNIGHT:
Hey, it’s almost time. I haven’t been here in a year or so. I’m interested in some of the new guys.

A half hour later, all four pens are surrounded by men from bikers to businessmen, all cheering for blood. A cloud of cigarette smoke (and perhaps another kind of smoke) hangs in the air as two men, with trainers, and a referee step into each pen. At the pen Knight is watching, a tall, thin black man wearing leather gloves with the fingerholes cut out and trunks reading “Greatness” is facing a rather muscular Latino, whose trainers seem to be calling him “Marvelous Merceda”. The referee checks them for foreign objects while giving them their instructions. Knight is sitting right at ringside, and the camera gets a great view of the action. The ref signals the fighters, and they begin to circle one another. “Marvelous Merceda” makes the first move, tripping “Greatness” and mounting him, delivering rights and lefts to the head and neck as he tries to cover up. Knight looks on, a smile creeping across his face.

KNIGHT:
Damn, I missed this!!!

The bout continues until the 6 minute mark, as “Greatness” is reeling against the fencing and Marceda continues to pound away. Greatness clutches him and tries to back him out to the middle of the ring, but Marceda positions himself and gets a Judo throw on Greatness before locking in a chokehold with his legs. The men that are sitting (including Knight) rise to their feet as Greatness flails about and the ref asks him if he wants to quit, but a white towel flying in from his corner ends the bout. Marceda keeps the chokehold on as the ref tries to pull him off. Finally, his corner men tell him to let go and he does, raising his arms in victory as some of the crowd that was rooting for Greatness throws plastic bottles and trash at him. Knight goes around to the area of the pen where Greatness is being helped out and the camera follows. He has apparently recovered enough to punch at the fencing and curse out his opponent. He wiggles himself from his trainers’ arms and rips off his gloves, hurling them into a nearby trash can. As the crowd follows Greatness to taunt him or console him, Knight walks over to the trash can and picks up the gloves. The camera catches what seems like a twinkle in his eye as he looks to the camera.

KNIGHT:
You know, I was only planning to stay a few days. I think I’m gonna be here longer now.

Knight turns away from the camera and slaps the gloves against the fencing as he heads back to his seat for the next fight.

COLE
Folks, we got word that our own Josh Matthews is in the back, standing by with Hoff. Josh, are you there?

The cameras cut to the backstage area, where Josh is standing next to a very pissed-off looking Hoff.

JOSH
Thanks, MC! Hoff, many people are wondering about your altercation with Gibraltar last week. Rumors are flying that you have it out for Sly Sommers, or that you're in Zack malibu's back pocket--

Hoff's eyes flash wide and he grabs Josh by the throat! Josh's cheeks flush as Hoff calmly reaches his hand out and grabs the mic from Josh's hand.

HOFF
Josh, I like you...

Hoff lets go of Josh's neck.

HOFF
So, I'm not gonna kick your ass for implying that I'm on someone's "payroll." Fact is, I don't care about Zack Malibu; I don't care about Sly Sommers. What I do care about is putting that big son of a bitch Gibraltar in his place. Every week, I hear St. Andrew ramble on and on about the evils of the world, and how we need to be saved. Well, let me tell you something, Josh. I'm a drinker, a gambler, a sinner...and I don't WANT to be saved. And as long as he has that big bully watching Andrew's back, no one's gonna stop him. So, I'm gonna take the bully out.

Hoff looks at Josh, who tenatively reaches for his microphone. Hoff flips it into his hands.

JOSH
Right, but Hoff, what about your claim to be bigger, badder, and better than Gibraltar? The man stands well over seven feet tall and--

Hoff wrenches the mic away from Josh again.

HOFF
Look at me.

Hoff holds his hands out to the sides as the camera zooms out to show Hoff's whole body. A loud shrill goes up from a few of the female fans as-- HOFF TAKES OFF HIS SHIRT!

CABOOSE
Now don't get too excited, Cole.

HOFF
You wanna talk about big and bad? They don't come any bigger or better than me. Gibraltar might be a giant, but the Big Hoff Daddy is a giant killer, and you'd be wise to remember that. Bottom line? Tonight, when I get my hands on that overgrown altar boy, I'm gonna power him down.

VOICE: "I'd like to see you try!"

The fans boo as St. Andrew walks into the scene, mic in hand!

ANDREW
Hoff, poor child, I don't think you realize who you're dealing with.

Hoff's nostrils flare as Andrew sneers and keeps talking.

ANDREW
You see, first of all, you're dealing with a higher power. You ought to show a shred of respect.

The fans jeer as Hoff shakes his head slowly.

ANDREW
And in all honesty, Hoff, I fear for you. I fear for your soul, because there must be something possessing you. How else could you possibly believe that you could match power with the most devastating force in the world today? You see, Hoff, the fact is simply this: Gibraltar is all that YOU claim to be. He is bigger and better than anyone out there, and that most definitely includes you. Fortunately, tonight, you will be delivered into Gibraltar's waiting arms. You will be saved!

Andrew looks up at Hoff with a passionate expression on his face.

COLE
You know, sometimes I worry he actually believes what he's saying.

Hoff looks back at Andrew for a moment, then looks down and chuckles...then lunges at Andrew! Hoff makes a grab, but Andrew jumps back and turns to run away! J. Math steps back as the cameras follow Hoff down the hall as he chases after Andrew! Andrew turns a corner, and Hoff follows...but gets knocked back hard into the wall! Hoff slumps against the wall as Andrew appears from behind the corner....followed by Gibraltar!! Andrew grins evilly as Gibraltar stalks toward Hoff! Gibraltar picks Hoff up as Andrew shouts for him to finish the job! Hoff stands groggily, and Gibraltar takes a step back...and DRILLS Hoff with a stiff lariat! Hoff falls hard to the floor! Finally, security rushes to the scene, but Gibraltar and Andrew are already walking away. As they step backwards, Andrew yells back at Hoff "you will be saved..."

The cameras cut BACK TO DA SC BOYIEEE~!

COLE
What a cheap attack by Saint Andrew and Gibraltar!

CABOOSE
What are you talking about? I saw a man defend his spiritual leader. What's so wrong with that?

COLE
Come on Caboose, that was a damn setup and you know it.

CABOOSE
Don't tell me what I know, Michael. I'll tell you what I know and what I don't.

COACH
I'll tell you what I know -- that Gibraltar is one bad motha!

COLE
Absolutely, and Hoff is gonna have his hands full tonight! And still to come here on HeldDOWN, we've got a lot more, so stay tuned!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Chanel #99]

COLE
All right everyone, it's time for what promises to be a literally HUGE clash between Gibraltar and Hoff!

COACH
This thing has been brewing for a couple weeks now and it's gonna come to a head here tonight!

CABOOSE
Yeah, well, I don't know about YOU two, but I'd love to see Hoff pay for his crimes.

COLE
Come on now, Caboose. Hoff's tried to change his act, he's made amends with CWM, he's--

CABOOSE
I mean all the stuff he was talking about. Drinking, gambling...hitting on poor Jackie Gayda...taking his damn shirt off for no good reason--

COACH
I think you liked it, 'Booze.

CABOOSE
I most certainly did not.

"Pompeii" starts up on the speakers as the lights go down. A spotlight shines on St. Andrew and Gibraltar as they walk to the ring amidst a chorus of boos.

MICHAEL BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, the following clash is scheduled for one fall. Making his way down the aisle, accompanied by the diabolical Saint Andrew...weighing in at an astonighing four hundred and seventy-five pounds...GIBRALLLLL-TAR!!!

COACH
Good God, 480 pounds?

COLE
And over seven feet tall. This man is truly a monster.

Andrew climbs the ring steps and enters the ring, followed by Gibraltar. Gibraltar walks to the adjacent corner, and St. Andrew whispers in his ear as "Pompeii" dies down....

...and is replaced by "Black" as the fans go WILD!

BUFFER
And his opponent this evening, hailing from Minneapolis, Minnesota.....HOFF!!!!!!

Strobe lights flash across the arena as Hoff walks onto the stage and down the ramp, keeping his eyes locked on Gibraltar.

COLE
Hoff looks determined here, guys.

CABOOSE
He SHOULD have shown that focus in his 24/7 title shot a couple weeks back.

COLE
Nevertheless, I think Gibraltar may be in for more than he realizes!

Hoff slides in under the bottom ring rope and quickly pops to his feet. Hoff levels a long, hard look into Gibraltar's eyes, before suddenly turning and climbing the ropes to salute the fans! Hoff raises one arm and the crowd gets to its feet!

CABOOSE
I hate these fans.

COACH
You hate ALL fans.

CABOOSE
Yeah, well, especially these fans. And that's not true anyway! I like British fans.

COACH
Oh yeah? What about that one time when we were at Sizzler--

CABOOSE
Shut up.

COACH
And that ten year old kid came up--

CABOOSE
Shut up.

COACH
And he asked you if you knew the British Bulldog--

CABOOSE
Dammit, Coach, SHUT UP!

COLE
Wait...you guys went to Sizzler together?

CABOOSE
I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT, MICHAEL!

Hoff hops off the corner and bounces off the near ropes before turning his gaze to Gibraltar again. A serious look sets on Hoff's face as St. Andrew barks a few last commands at his monster. Satisfied, Andrew steps out of the ring and off the apron. Gibraltar takes a few steps toward Hoff as the bell rings.

COLE
And here we go!

COACH
What do you think Andrew told Gibraltar, guys?

COLE
Probably he warned Gibraltar not to let Hoff get in his head.

CABOOSE
Why would Andrew worry about that? Gibraltar is a focused man, fellas. He does what Andrew tells him to. Hoff certainly won't get "in his head."

Hoff continues to stare up at Gibraltar, taking another step towards him.

COACH
Man! When you're 6 foot 5 and you gotta crank your neck up to look at a man, that's a tall man right there.

COLE
Gibraltar is huge. Quite simply, he's a monster. And I don't know if-- whoa!

Gibraltar shoves Hoff away from him, seemingly with ease. Hoff stumbles back several steps and almost loses his footing. Hoff looks down; Gibraltar's stone-like expression doesn't change.

COACH
Wow, did you see that? Gibraltar just pushed Hoff away like he was barely there!

The fans boo as Hoff continues to look away from Gibraltar -- then dashes at him and catches him with a clothesline that sends BOTH men over the top rope!!

COLE
Whoa, where did that come from?! Hoff just took the monster up and over!

CABOOSE
No way!

Both men actually flip over and land on their feet, but Gibraltar stumbles back into the barricade. Hoff grabs Gibraltar by the head and drills him with a European uppercut! Gibraltar's head snaps back from the impact of the move!

COLE
Wait, there's Saint Andrew!

Andrew sneaks behind Hoff and rears back for a double-axe handle blow to the back-- but Hoff whirls around and spots him! Andrew's eyes go wide as Hoff grabs Andrew by the neck!

COLE
Nowhere to run this time!

Hoff winds up for a big right hand, but Gibraltar grabs his wrist from behind!

CABOOSE
Yeah, dummy, don't forget the guy you're fighting out there.

Gibraltar twists Hoff's arm and wrenches his shoulder around. Hoff doubles over, and Gibraltar kicks him hard in the stomach!

COLE
What a shot by Gibraltar! that stiff kick right to the ribs!

Gibraltar, still holding Hoff by the hand, flings him, chest-first, into the nearby ringpost! Hoff slams into the steel and stutters back, holding his jaw!

COACH
Ouch, I think Hoff took one to the mouth right there!

Gibraltar grabs Hoff by the hair and drags him up the ramp, but Hoff elbows him in the side and break free as...the bell rings.

COACH
What?

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, this bout has been ruled a no-contest due to a double-count out!

The fans boo Buffer's announcement.

COLE
Well how do you like that? These two just couldn't keep it in the ring.

CABOOSE
It's not about wrestling for them, Michael. They just don't like each other.

Hoff takes a swing at Gibraltar, but again Gibraltar catches Hoff's arm, and this time Gibraltar plants Hoff between the eyes with a headbutt!

COACH
Dayum!

COLE
This man is a monster, a human weapon. He is truly dangerous.

Hoff sinks to one knee, and holds his head after the blow. Gibraltar grabs Hoff by the back of the head and raises his fist...but Hoff hits him downstairs!

CABOOSE
Come ON.

Gibraltar falls to HIS knees in obvious pain as Hoff regains his footing. Andrew runs at Hoff, but Hoff simply sidesteps and tosses him into the guardrail! Hoff turns his attentions back toward Gibraltar, hitting him hard in the forehead with a big right hand! Hoff pulls Gibraltar back to his feet, but Gibraltar surprises Hoff with a quick punch! Hoff reels back...but comes back at Gibraltar, and the two start trading a huge flurry of punches!

COACH
Now we got us a brawl on our hands!

COLE
This is out of control!

Hoff and Gibraltar stay locked together, throwing punches as they brawl all the way up the ramp and into the back. Shaking his head, St. Andrew storms after them.

COLE
Folks, hopefully, we can get this under control...can we get a camera back there?

CABOOSE
Or maybe some SECURITY?

The Angletron cuts to a shot of Hoff and Gibraltar brawling in the hallway. St. Andrew shouts for Gibraltar to tear Hoff apart, but can't find an opening to get into the brawl. Finally, a security team rushes to the scene...and hesitates.

COLE
DO something!

COACH
What CAN they do?

The guards look at each other at the two men keep trading punches. Blood starts to trickle down Hoff's nose as the men let blow after blow fly. Finally, a guard attempts to pry them apart...but both men throw him into the wall, and he goes down hard!

CABOOSE
This is outrageous! Someone needs to control this!

The image cuts off of the Angletron.

COLE
Well, hopefully someone will get a hold of this situation soon...I've gotten word that more security is on the way, so hopefully that'll put a stop to this.

CABOOSE
Yeah, but I don't think this little matter is anywhere near over. For one thing, Hoff's not dead enough.

COACH
Ha ha, he said blow.

COLE
Huh? Who did?

COACH
Hoff did.

Cole and Caboose look at each other, and blink.

CABOOSE
...Uh, I didn't hear him say anything.

COACH
No no, he typed it. You know, on his computer.

CABOOSE
WHAT?!?!?

COACH
You know, for his segment of the show?

CABOOSE
Oh my God.

COACH
When Hoff was describing the action he said "blow" a buncha times.

CABOOSE
I think I'm going to be sick.

COLE
Dude...

COACH
What?

COLE
Dude, you just broke, like, three different levels of kayfabe.

CABOOSE
.....

COACH
.....

CABOOSE
YOU FUCKING MORON!! WHAT THE @#$% IS THE MATTER WITH YOUR @#$% BRAIN?!? You don't just ACKNOWLEDGE EVERYTHING like a @#$% narrator...

***TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES***
Please stand by.






COLE
Folks, what a brawl we just witnessed between Hoff and Gibraltar. These two men can't even keep the action in the ring!

CABOOSE
Well, there's a lot of friction between these two men. They've got pride -- although I don't know what Hoff has to be proud of. but pride, nonetheless.

COACH
Absolutely, and--

CABOOSE
Shut your mouth.

COLE
Hopefully these two big men will find a way to settle things soon. But until then, this one is far from over.

Cole
What an exciting night of action so far!

Caboose
You don't know what an exciting night of action is do you?

Coach
I know what you mean Caboose!

Caboose
You do Coach?

Coach
Like those nights where I stay up all by myself, and stare at Cole's picture and start singing Barry...

"Aww Naww" cuts Coachman off, Cole jumps frightenedly, and Caboose rolls his eyes.

Caboose
Fucking A...Won't this guy just retire?

Stephen Joseph, with cast around his neck and holding a crutching with his right hand, slowly and gingerly walks out to the HeldDown arena, a place he has not been since he days of the Trinity with Edward Robbins and the Sandman. The crowd rises, some cheer and most boo, being HeldDown loyalists.

SJ
I don't expect a warm reception, but I'm out here on business tonight. One, is to sadly state that due to a recurring neck injury, my career in wrestling is over. i'm sure that warms your heart Caboose...Calvin...Zack...(stares down)

Buttt, because I've still got a contract and I'm still being paid, they wanted me to do something. As you know, when IntenseZone was discontinued, the executive staff that had been monitoring Dan Black, myself and T-Bod, no longer had executive functions. Seeing this, and then seeing a vacuum because we lost our PPV producers earlier this year, the OAOAST has seen fit to grant myself a role in shaping the production and handling the logistics of our monthly PPV's.

I'd like to announce that this month's PPV, Living Angelously, will be without a doubt a great show. I'll try not to be biased against SOME... HeldDown (smirks) talent.

So, without talking too long...if you're an OAOAST wrestler, and you want a match, starting after Living Anglelously...you two two things.

Beg me. And wait.

"Aww Naww" blares again, with a smiling, smirking Stephen Joseph, having survived a reorganization yet again, drunk on retained power, stands there, supported by a cast, soaking up the HeldDown hate. For him, this is his home.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Chanel #99]

HeldDOWN~! returns from break, cutting directly to Sofa Central, where 3C (Cole, Caboose and DA COACH~!) await us.

COLE
Fans, last week on HeldDOWN~!, we saw a shocking breach of confidentiality pertaining to certain background information on one of our OAOAST stars. Sly Sommers, the current number one contender and stablemate of the former champion Calvin Szechstein, confronted World Champion Zack Malibu in the ring last week, and revealed that he was trained by Zack himself. However, Sly didn't stop there, as he made accusations that Zack used his "pull" so to speak to keep Sly as far away from him as possible. Needless to say, the verbal assault went places it most definitely should not have, and it took all of us by surprise. Earlier this week, I caught up with a man that I am proud to call a friend, Zack Malibu, and asked for his take on Sly Sommers' recent comments. Roll the tape.

(The scene cuts to an exterior shot of the Malibu Mansion, formerly The In Crowd Mansion. We then cut to a shot inside, as Michael Cole and Zack Malibu, minus Candie, are sitting down in Zack's "entertainment room". Numerous videos and DVD's fill the shelves behind his black leather sofa. Zack looks more mellow than usual.)

COLE
Zack, first off thanks for having me over again.

ZACK
Anytime, Mikey Mike, you know that.

COLE
We know that this time I'm here for business, not for pleasure. I'm here to find out your side of the story, as you were a victim of an expose' by Sly Sommers last week on HeldDOWN~! What is your reaction to what Sly had to say, and how much, if any of it, is true?

ZACK
Michael Cole, this is the reason why you're the OAOAST's top broadcast journalist. The thing with Sly, he's got most of his story right. I'm not going to lie to you.

COLE
He does?

ZACK
Yeah, he does. Let me explain though. Did I have a hand in training Sly Sommers? Yes. Did he absorb the teachings quicker than anyone? Yes. Was I embarrassed of the kid? Yes.

COLE
Wait, Zack, go back. You taught him, he learned quickly, but yet you really were ashamed of him?

ZACK
I was, Cole, and I still am, for one reason and one reason only. That attitude of his. That holier than thou, better than anyone, cocky attitude. Now I know that I'm guilty of having an ego, but here was this kid, young, new to the business, just getting his feet wet, wanting to tie himself to me for the quick buck. When I train talent, I don't mind getting a mention as their teacher. I don't mind getting some credit, because it helps them get noticed, and it makes more people want to learn from me. Sly Sommers, on the other hand, wanted to be build as "Zack Malibu's Prized Pupil". Sly Sommers wanted me to use some stroke to intimidate indy promoters into booking him, after he no-showed, jacked his booking prices up, and carried himself the wrong way. He was burning bridges before they were finished being built, Cole. That weighed on me. That weighed on me heavily as a wrestler, as a businessman, and as a person. It made me look bad. So I cut my ties. I gave him a taste of his own medicine, and I burned our bridges. I told him not to refer to me anymore, for anything. I washed my hands of the situation, figuring that would be the last of it. In this business, however, the past tends to catch up to you, and it wasn't long before I saw Sly's name on an OAOAST roster sheet. I said nothing about it. I have co-existed up to this point with him, and while we've had run-ins, we've never brought it up. It wouldn't have been known by anyone, ANYONE except those closest to me had he not come out and done that last week. He's trying to get into my head. He's trying to make me out to be the bad guy, so he can have this little inspirational trip. That he can overcome the big bad teacher and take his title. That he can rise above the politics, as he'd call it. Sly Sommers has fabricated this scenario in his head. He has twisted the true story into his own viewpoint. I can't stop that. You can't stop that. The more people lie to themselves, the more it becomes a truth. Sly Sommers feels I've wronged him. All I can say is that on April 25th, when we get in that ring, teacher vs. student...old school vs. new school...tradition vs. young blood...what I do to him just might be considered wrong...but it's going to feel so right.

COLE
Zack, I want to thank you for clearing that up. I want to thank you for taking the time out for letting all of us in the OAOAST, and the fans, know what's going on.

ZACK
My pleasure, Michael. Thank you for coming here and allowing me to share my side with the fans and the staff of the OAOAST.

(We close in on Zack, letting out a sigh of relief, and then leaning back on his sofa, closing in on his face, as we fade to commercial.).

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Chanel #99]

HeldDOWN~! returns, but instead of a nice shot of the crowd, or returning to in-ring action, we're greeted with shaky camerawork, as one of the 24/7 Camera Crew is chasing after the current 24/7 Champion, CRYSTAL~!, who is pacing down the hallway.

CRYSTAL
I'm not going anywhere's near a shower, if that's what you're hurrying for.

CAMERAMAN
No...uh, actually, we're supposed to stay on you 24/7 so that...

CRYSTAL
Yeah yeah, I know. I swear though, if you so much as LISTEN to me washing up later on, I'll twist your legs around your head and roll you down a stairwell.

CAMERAMAN
Yeee..uh...yes ma'am.

CRYSTAL
Don't call me ma'am, kay?

Crystal stops her bickering, and knocks on the door of the current World Champion, Zack Malibu~! Zack opens the door, and cheers are heard from the fans in the background.

CRYSTAL
Excuse me, Zack, but can I come in and talk to you for a minute?

ZACK
Sure thing, Chrissy. Excuse us.

Zack goes to shut the door, but the cameraman puts his foot out to block it from shutting.

CAMERAMAN
Sorry, Mr. Malibu, but Mr. Vigoda wants us to stay with her 24/7 due to the new title stipulations.

ZACK
Look, obviously she has something she needs to say...

CRYSTAL
It's OK, Zack. He doesn't need to go away for this.

ZACK
Well then, shoot. What's going on, sweetie?

CRYSTAL
Look Zack, I don't want to come off as selfish or anything, but when you won that title back at Anglemania, it got me thinking. It got my heart racing. It got me thinking about how much I want to be World Champion.

Zack does a double take, as it's the last thing he expected to hear.

ZACK
OK then. That doesn't make you sound selfish, Chrissy.

CRYSTAL
That might not, but this may. Zack, I'm here to ask you for something. I understand you have your hands full right...so do I (Crystal turns and shoots an evil eye into the camera, directed towards the cameraman, no doubt). The HeldDOWN~! after the pay per view, should all go well and you retain, I would like you to grant me a shot at the World Heavyweight Title.

The crowd is heard popping crazily in the background. Zack runs his hands through his hair.

ZACK
Crystal, I...

CRYSTAL
Come on, Zack. The match we had last year was the ONLY time I had a shot at the World Title and it was a fair fight. You think I had that chance against Calvin? He pulled out every trick in the book. I trust you, Zack, and I'm sure it's likewise. The HeldDOWN~! after the PPV, we can go out there, have our match, and give it our all. All I'm asking for is the opportunity to prove myself.

Zack takes a deep breath, then shrugs and smiles.

ZACK
Sure thing, Chrissy. I'll go see Abe later tonight, and get the paperwork signed. If I retain at the PPV, you'll get your shot.

CRYSTAL
Then I guess you'd better get back to preparing for Sly, huh?

ZACK
And I think you'd better find a hiding spot from these cameramen. This guys been filming your ass more than he's been filming us.

CRYSTAL
He what!?

Crystal turns around and WALLOPS the cameraman with a 24/7 Title beltshot, sending the camera flying! We can now only see the ceiling, until Crystal leans over the camera, looking down into the lens. Malibu is heard exclaiming "Ouch!"

CRYSTAL
We're currently experiencing technical difficulties, however we'll return right after this!

The camera stays on, as Crystal turns to the TV screen...

CRYSTAL
Hey, Zack...what's this?

ZACK
That's weird...

(Cut back to arena, where suddenly, "Bring Me To Life" starts up.)

MC
What in the hell? Zack's not supposed to come out right now!

CABOOSE
Great, first he wants taped interview time, and now this? Greedy bastard...

We see what we think is World Champion Zack Malibu entering the building with three generic-looking wrestlers, but then we get a close-up to see that it's Totally Endorsed member Colvid, wearing a blond wig, khaki shorts, a Zack Malibu t-shirt, and a children's replica OAOAST World Title belt. Sly Sommers suddenly comes jogging from behind, and looks to be apologizing profusely to Colvid for something, as Colvid pulls a microphone out of his pocket.

COLVID
What do you mean, "your clock ran slow"? Get in the ring right now! (Sly runs into the ring with the generic-looking workers, as Colvid climbs in using the ring steps.) For those of you that don't know me, my name is Hack Malibu, and I am YOUR World Heavyweight Champion!

COACH
Oh jeez...

MC
Give me a break!

"HACK MALIBU"
Now, I wanted to display for all of my tremendously amazing and honest fans...(audible groans)...exactly what a day in my Hack Malibu School of Wrestling is like, so that you can all blindly hand me $2,500 and have me show you how to do hiptosses and stuff!

CABOOSE
Now THIS is the Hack Malibu I know!

"HACK MALIBU"
So, if I could have my students go through some armdrag drills for you here....GO!

Two of the nameless guys come to the center of the ring. One runs at the other, and they perform a rather ugly-looking armdrag!

"HACK MALIBU"
Good, good....next guy, armdrag!

The third nameless guy charges at the guy who just took an armdrag, and that guy can't even get him over for the armdrag. They try again, and both guys fall down in a heap.

"HACK MALIBU"
That's alright...you can try again later. SLY! Do a damned armdrag!

Sly runs to the middle of the ring, and takes an armdrag perfectly by the third nameless guy. Sly pops up after holding his back for a second, and the first nameless guy charges at him. Sly drops him with a perfect armdrag, but "Hack Malibu" pulls Sly up by the hair, and shoves him into a corner.

"HACK MALIBU"
What do you think you're doing, you little bastard?!?! That was HORRIBLE! (Sly leans forward to talk into the microphone)

SLY
What do you mean? That's exactly how you showed us! No offense, but those other guys couldn't do it worth crap!

"Hack Malibu" then slaps Sly hard in the face, and then shoves him down.

"HACK MALIBU"
Stay right there, you disrespectful little moron! I'll show you how it's done! (points at nameless guy) You, get in referee's position!

The second nameless armdragee gets on all fours, in referee's position. "Hack Malibu" then grabs a waistlock behind him, and starts trying to "wrestle" him, obviously staging a fake struggle. "Hack" then starts blatantly thrusting his pelvic region in a humping motion into the rear end of the nameless trainee. The trainee frantically crawls away from "Hack". He looks back at "Hack", who starts horribly acting flamboyant, and licks on his own finger. Sly then reaches forward and grabs the microphone off of the mat.

SLY
Dude, I'm not trying to be a homophobe or anything...but that was kind of gay!

"Hack" then gets right in Sly's face and grabs the microphone out of Sly's hand...

"HACK MALIBU"
First off...that was as hetero as a man and a woman having sexual intercourse! Second off, I thought I told you to not doubt the almighty and power wrestling GOD known as Hack Malibu!

All of a sudden, someone slides into the ring with a chair, and the nameless guys run out of the ring for safety. The camera gets a close-up, and it's the actual Zack Malibu!

MC
He's HEEEEERRREEEE!

Sly then slides out of the ring, and runs down the ramp, as Colvid snaps out of his goofy Malibu mockery...

COLVID
Dude, I know I'm a good actor and all, but I wasn't going to REALLY beat you up! (Sly points behind Colvid) What's behind me, the Boogeyman?

Colvid turns around, and walks right into a chairshot from Zack! Colvid goes down, bleeding from a cut on his hairline, and unconcious! Zack repeatedly delivers chairshots to his ribcage, before running out of the ring and chasing Sly to the back with his chair!

MC
This is chaos! We have a man bleeding unconcious in the ring, and our World Champion is chasing his number one contender through the building like a madman! More hD~! after this!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MC
We're back here on HeldDOWN~!...and, what's this? They're in the parking lot? Take it away!

(Camera cuts to the parking lot)

Zack Malibu is still chasing Sly Sommers, crazily swinging his chair. As soon as Sly finds his car, he hops in, and turns the ignition. He pulls out as fast as he can, and drives off. Zack can't catch up, so he hurls his chair and ends up cracking the back window of Sly's car. Zack growls out loud....

ZACK
You piece of (bleep)! You made this (bleep) personal! I'm going to kill you, you mother(bleep)! You're gonna die! (yells inaudible)

(cut back to Sofa Central)

COACH
This situation has gotten way too out-of-control! April 25th cannot come any sooner for either one of these men!

MC
All of this aside, hopefully, it is now time for our main event as Axel will be challenging "The Phenomonal" AJ Flaire for the X Title, with Gunner Sharps as the special referee! Let's get to the ring right now!

Cue: “The Game” by Disturbed

Tell me exactly what am I supposed to do?
Now that I have allowed you TO BEAT ME
Do you think that we could play another game?
Maybe I could win this time!

I kinda like the misery you put me through
Darling you can trust me COMPLETELY
If you even try to look the other way
I think that I could KILL this time…

BOOM!BOOM!BOOBOOBOOMMMBOOOMBOOMMMM!!!!!!!!

Axel steps through the curtain to a chorus of boos and jeers by the fans. He does the Crucifix Pose at the top of the ramp, before walking down to the ring. A fan tries to reach out and slap his hand, but Axel pulls his hand away and threatens the fan before flipping him off.

COLE
Axel had better not put his hands on that fan; we could have a lawsuit slapped on the company.

CABOOSE
The fans have to learn that Axel is a dangerous human being, and they had better not mess with him!

He slides into the ring and does the crucifix pose as Michael Buffer takes his position.

BUFFER
Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest scheduled for one fall, is for the OAOAST X Division Championship! Introducing first the challenger, from Hobart Tasmania Australia, weighing in at two hundred and forty pounds, AAAAAAAAAAAAXXXXXXXXEEEEEEELLLLLL!!

COLE
Axel gets his opportunity tonight against his former team mate in AJ Flaire; he gets his chance to become the X Division Champion for the very first time! There is a lot of history between these two men, and I think the score will be settled tonight. But one question remains - whose side is Gunner on? That is the wild card in this match up.

COACH
That’s an interesting point Michael, last week Axel inadvertently cost Gunner his match against Dan Black, and Gunner was visibly annoyed with his friend’s actions. We saw earlier tonight that Gunner had a problem with Axel, and told Axel that he wasn’t going to hurt his former best friend AJ Flaire, because Flaire had done nothing against Gunner.

COLE
Now let’s go to Josh Matthews in the backstage area, he is with our X Champion, ‘The Phenomenal’ AJ Flaire.

*The camera cuts to Josh and AJ in the back, behind a HeldDown logo*

JOSH
AJ, I just wanted to get your thoughts on the match, and especially the guest referee for the match, Gunner Sharps.

AJ
Well you know Josh, Gunner and I were like brothers. We travelled up and down the roads for years. He was the first guy I trusted in this business, and he’ll probably be the last. Now I don’t know whose side Gunner is on, and I don’t know if this is going to be my last match, with Axel’s threat. But, I’m going to forget all of that. It’s up to Gunner whose side he picks. I’ve always respected his judgment, apart from the past four months, when he has been beating me down. If he chooses not to show favouritism toward Axel, he will regain my respect as a person, and a competitor. So Josh, I usually treat every match as my last anyway,. And this will be no different. Axel, I’m coming down to that ring to take you out. I don’t care about referees, titles, any of it, I’m coming down to that ring to out-wrestle you, and to beat you One, Two, Three. Now that, Josh, is Phenomenal.

*Cameras cut back to ringside and Axel with a scowl on his face*

CABOOSE
Strong words, I don’t think he can back them up.

Cue: “Man in the Box” by Alice in Chains

The crowd EXPLODES as the opening chords of “Man in the Box” plays, and then they stay silent, waiting for the appropriate time to cheer. Then, as the distinctive voice starts up, AJ Flaire steps through the curtain to a deafening pop. AJ has his belt shining around his waist, and his *BRAND NEW* T-Shirt (Front: AngleMania Record: 1-0; Back: That’s Phenomenal!) covering his torso. AJ struts down the ramp to the beat of his music, slapping hands with fans on the way down to the ring, and slides straight into the ring, before jumping up to the top turnbuckle, and playing to the crowd.

CABOOSE
What a show pony!

COLE
AJ is working off the energy of the fans; he’s now received cult status in the wrestling world! The crowd loves his new cocky edge, as well as the same “Take-no-crap” attitude. He gets it done in the ring, and still has time to salute the fans afterwards!

COACH
He made up for his indiscretion at Zero Hour by putting on a fine technical bout at AngleMania, before coming away with a victory, keeping his belt, and shaking his opponents hand, all in front of his hometown crowd.

COLE
AJ told me that’s what curbed the little attitude problem he had in March, seeing his family again in Detroit, and seeing how much he was respected by the fans, and by his fellow locker room members.

AJ jumps off the turnbuckle and goes over to the opposite side, as Michael Buffer makes the introduction.

BUFFER
And Axel’s opponent, he hails from Detroit Michigan, and he weighs in tonight at two hundred and fifteen pounds. He is known the world around as one of the greatest X Division wrestlers of all time, holding his championship for over four months now. He is loved and respected by the fans, as well as his peers. He is your OAOAST X Division CHAMPION! Ladies and Gentlemen, THIS. IS. A... J… FLAIRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

AJ poses again on the second rope, title in hand, before putting the belt over his shoulder and standing in the corner, across from Axel.

Cue: ‘Debonaire’ by Dope

The crowd delivers a very mixed reaction as the seven foot giant, Gunner Sharps, appears at the top of the entrance ramp with a referee’s shirt on. He walks down the ramp, with some fans clapping him and some booing him and flipping him off.

CABOOSE
Gunner doesn’t know what he’s doing. He is too conflicted to be the referee of this match. No one knows what side he is even on!

COLE
On the contrary Caboose, I think this is the perfect way to figure out whose side he is on! Gunner will be forced to choose sides tonight, whether he likes it or not.

Gunner climbs up onto the apron, and steps over the top rope with ease. The big man goes up to the second rope in the corner, and plays to the crowd, while his music keeps playing.

BUFFER
And your special guest referee for this bout… GUNNNNNEEERRRRRRR SHAAAAAARRRRRRRPPPPPPPSSSSSSSS!

COACH
I agree with you Michael. Gunner has to choose tonight, he has to choose if he want to help Axel end AJ Flaire’s career, or if he wants to help him keep his title.

Gunner walks up to AJ Flaire, who hands him the X Championship Belt. Gunner holds it high in the air, and then gives it to the timekeeper at ringside. Axel walks up to Gunner as he is facing the timekeeper, and turns him around, so they are face to face. Axel tells Gunner to ‘get that little son of a bitch’, and then points at AJ. Gunner shakes his head, and then makes a sign with his hand that he’s going to call the match down the middle. Axel gets frustrated, and the two begin to argue!\

COLE
Oh all is not well in the Axel and Gunner relationship! Gunner just told Axel he was going to call the match down the middle, and Axel is livid!

Axel and Gunner continue arguing, but suddenly, AJ Flaire runs at Axel and rolls him up from behind! The Bell rings, and Gunner goes down to make the cover!

One!

Two!

CABOOSE
This isn’t right!

No! Axel kicks out easily!

Axel gets up, and tries a clothesline on AJ, AJ ducks under, and knocks Axel down with a beautiful dropkick! Axel gets up quickly, and AJ knocks him down again with another dropkick! AJ goes quickly up to the top rope, and Axel gets up again! AJ comes off the top, and connects with a spinning heel kick! Axel gets to his knees, AJ comes off the ropes, and sends Axel’s head back with a vicious front dropkick to the jaw! AJ goes for a cover on Axel! Gunner starts to make the count!

One!


Two!



No! Axel kicks out with some ease!

COLE
Gunner has been completely impartial so far in this contest, he almost counted Axel’s shoulders down twice now!

Axel staggers back into the corner as AJ goes to meet him. AJ walks up to Axel, winds up, and connects with a hard knife edged chop to the chest of Axel.

WHOO!

Axel winds up again, and connects with a second chop to Axel’s chest.

WHOO!

Hard boot to the midsection by AJ Flaire, AJ sends Axel for an Irish Whip, Axel reverses, AJ goes flying into the corner with Axel in pursuit, AJ jumps onto the second rope, comes off backwards, and connects with a martial arts kick to the face of Axel! AJ comes off the ropes again, and hits Axel with a legdrop across the throat!

COLE
Cover again by AJ!

One!


Two!

COLE
Hook of the leg and…


No! Axel kicks out once again.

COACH
Gunner is making a very deliberate, very fair count. I’ll be interested to see if the pace changes throughout the match, if Axel gets any quick near falls.

Axel starts to get up again. He gets on all fours, and is sent straight back down to the ground by AJ Flaire, who connects with a dropkick to the face. Axel goes down, AJ goes to the top rope yet again, and waits for Axel to get to his feet. Axel finally gets up, and turns around to face, AJ. AJ comes off the top rope, but Axel floors him with a vicious clothesline, eliciting an ‘Oooh’ from the crowd!

COLE
Oh my! What a nasty clothesline by Axel!

CABOOSE
Axel folded him up like an accordion!

Axel gets a smile on his face as he picks AJ Flaire up by the hair. He grabs his head, steadies, and then lands a hard right hand to the forehead, sending AJ staggering back to the corner. Axel follows AJ, and turns him around, so his front is facing the corner, and his back is exposed. Axel gets in position, and drives his shoulder hard into AJ’s back, the X Division Champion crying out from the pain. Gunner walks over and tells Axel to get AJ out of the corner, and Axel tells Gunner to fuck off!

COLE
Axel doesn’t respect Gunner as an official, he sees Gunner as Crystal said earlier - as his servant!

Gunner tries to get Axel out of the corner again, but Axel won’t break, so Gunner begins the five count! Gunner gets to four, and Axel turns around to face him, stopping the count!

COLE
Gunner was going to Disqualify Axel!

Axel grabs AJ out of the corner and sets him up for a back suplex. Axel lifts AJ high into the air, and drops him square on his forever-injured back, AJ letting out another groan of pain. Axel rolls AJ over onto his stomach, comes off the ropes, and drops a knee down over AJ’s back. Axel rolls AJ onto his back and goes for a cover!

One…


Two…


NO! AJ kicks out.

Axel grabs AJ up by the hair again, and connects with a knee to the gut, followed by a right hand to the face. Axel picks AJ up for a sidewalk slam. Axel smirks at the crowd, before dropping AJ over his knee, for a hard backbreaker! Axel follows up with another cover.

ONE…


TWO…


NO! AJ kicks out again!

COLE
Axel may be getting frustrated here, he’s telling Gunner to count faster. Gunner’s been a fair and impartial official, and he has certainly earned my respect because of that fact. He could have easily been in favour of Axel, or even AJ, but he is keeping the count steady and deliberate, and not changing the pace whatsoever.

Axel, now very frustrated, rolls to the outside, while Gunner asks him what he’s doing. Axel shoves the timekeeper out of the way and grabs the X Division Championship, and the timekeeper’s steel chair. He slides the chair into the ring, and goes back to the ring with the title belt in his hands. Axel waits for AJ to get up, and gets the title belt ready to use it as a weapon.

COLE
Axel’s going to hit AJ with the title belt!

Axel starts to charge forward, but Gunner steps in front of him, snatching the title belt out of his hands! Axel argues with Gunner, but Gunner tells Axel ‘no’, and passes the belt out of the ring. While Gunner is talking to the timekeeper, Axel grabs the steep chair, and waits for AJ to turn around!

COACH
Gunner doesn’t realise that Axel has the steel chair!

Axel charges forward at AJ, with Gunner behind him! Axel swings the chair, but AJ ducks, and Gunner turns around at that moment, taking the chairshot!

COLE
Axel just his Gunner in the face with a steel chair! But Gunner isn’t down!

Gunner staggers back, holding his head in pain, before looking up at Axel, and threatening to kill him! Axel, worried, tries to explain what happened to Gunner, and Gunner tell him to ‘shut up, you stupid son of a bitch!’ Axel turns around, the chair still in hand, and AJ hits a spinning heel kick, driving the chair back into Axel’s face! AJ goes for a desperation cover!

ONE…


TWOOOOO…


COLE
He might have Axel pinned!


THREEEEEEEENOOOOO! Axel kicks out!

CABOOSE
That was an illegal move by AJ Flaire! Gunner should have seen that!

COLE
Gunner couldn’t care less! Axel hit him in the face with the chair!

AJ gets up just as Axel does, and gets a front face lock. AJ tries to suplex Axel over,. But he can’t, his back is too injured! Axel lands a hard right hand to the gut, before pushing AJ back into the corner! Axel pretends he is choking AJ, but he undoes the turnbuckle pad, exposing the steel bolt!

CABOOSE
Axel just undid that turnbuckle pad! He wants to drive AJ’s head into the steel!

Axel turns AJ around again and starts driving his shoulder into the injured back! Gunner tells Axel to break the hold, or he will be disqualified!

COLE
Gunner is threatening Axel once again!

Axel breaks away from AJ, before going straight back to the corner, and repeatedly driving his shoulder into AJ’s back. Axel gets told to get out of the corner again, so he backs up, and measures AJ! Axel charges at the corner, but AJ moves out of the way at the last second, and Axel drives his shoulder into the ring post!

COLE
Axel may have hurt his arm on that move!

Axel backs out of the corner, clutching his left arm in pain. AJ grabs the injured arm, and wrenches it over, Axel shouting ‘No!’ as he does so. AJ wrenches the arm over a second time, before delivering an elbow to Axels arm, Axel again clutching at it and shouting in pain. AJ positions himself in front of Axel, still hold the arm. AJ elbows Axel in the gut, before grabbing his head with his free arm and taking it over for a snapmare, in turn wrenching the arm. AJ steps his right leg over the arm, and wraps it around in a grapevine, AJ goes to ground and locks his two legs, while pulling back on the arm for a modified armbar. Gunner goes over to Axel, getting down and asking him if he quits. Axel cries out no, and AJ rocks back on the arm a little more, eliciting a pop from the crowd, and another groan from Axel.

COLE
Great presence of mind by AJ Flaire, working the now injured arm of Axel.

AJ continues to keep the armbar applied, as Axel starts to reach for the ropes, and crawl to the side of the ring.

COACH
That’s what AJ Flaire is renowned for Michael Cole, his technical ability. The arm is his favourite body part to work on, and he must have been very happy to see Axel clutching his left arm after its collision with the ring post. AJ knows exactly how to put his opponent in incredible pain, he knows every way to twist that arm, and every version you could possibly think of an armbar. AJ Flaire said he watched Arn Anderson as a kid in Detroit, AJ and his dad would go to the NWA and WCW events, and he would see Double A work the arm.

Axel finally crawls to the ropes, and drapes his foot over the bottom rope. Gunner calls for the break, and AJ obliges. Axel uses his right arm to pull himself up, and AJ grabs his left arm again. AJ wrenches the arm over, and this time connects with another shot to the elbow. He wrenches the arm over again, and sends Axel for an Irish Whip. Axel grabs AJ’s left arm with both hands and reverses the Irish whip, not having enough strength in the left to do it on its own. AJ comes off the ropes, Axel tries a clothesline with his good arm, AJ ducks under, boot to the midsection by AJ Flaire, grabs the left arm, and takes Axel down with an armbreaker.

COLE
Beautiful move by AJ, focusing on the arm again.

AJ grabs Axel up again and goes behind with the arm, getting a hammerlock. Axel tries to fight out of it, but AJ locks it in. Gunner goes in front of Axel to see if he gives up, and Axel takes advantage and mule kicks AJ Flaire in the groin!

COLE
Blatant low blow by Axel! That’s not fair!

Axel grabs AJ Flaire and backs him into the corner, landing a hard right hand on the way, and favouring his left arm. Axel starts landing hard rights to the face of AJ, before going downstairs with a boot to the stomach. Axel takes AJ to the centre of the ring, and signals for the end!

CABOOSE
Here we go, Axel’s gonna become the X Division Champion!

Axel tries to lift AJ up in a Death Valley Driver position, but his arm is too injured! He tries again, but AJ reverses, and takes Axel down with a Fujiwara armbar!

COLE
The Fujiwara locked in! The Fujiwara is locked in! Axel could tap out here!

AJ wrenches the arm back in his preferred submission hold, as The Dark One screams in pain. Gunner gets down to the ground and asks Axel if he gives up, but Axel fights through the pain. Axel starts to crawl his way over to the ropes, and AJ wrenches the arm back even further!

COACH
Axel is going to the ropes, but just look at the angle that the arm is on! That must be so incredibly painful!

AJ wrenches the arm back, and the crowd start an ‘A-J! A-J!’ chant once again, but even that won’t stop Axel, who puts his foot on the bottom rope yet again, forcing AJ to break the hold.

COLE
I though AJ had Axel there, but he obviously doesn’t have much power left, that back injury takes away all his power!

AJ signals for the end! He lifts Axel up to his feet, and then puts Axel between his legs!

COLE
AJ Flaire is going for That’s Phenomenal, that Cradle Piledriver! If he hits this, the match is done!

COACH
But does AJ have enough strength to get Axel up for the Cradle Piledriver?

AJ tries to lift Axel up, but Axel holds onto AJ’s leg for support. AJ tries again, but Axel backdrops AJ over with his good arm, with AJ landing hard on his injured back!

CABOOSE
He countered! Axel’s got him now boys!

Axel and AJ both get up at the same time, and exchange right hands, each stiff blow eliciting an ‘ooh’ from the crowd. AJ tries for a clothesline, Axel ducks under, and Axel picks AJ up over his shoulders, before driving AJ down head first for a Death Valley Driver!

COLE
Death Valley Driver! This could be all!

Axel hooks the leg!

ONE…



TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…



CABOOSE
It’s over!



THREEEEEEEENNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! AJ barely gets a shoulder up!


COACH
I can’t believe he kicked out!

CABOOSE
That was a slow count!

Axel, visibly frustrated, smacks the mat three times, before getting up, and getting in Gunner’s face, holding up three fingers. Gunner stands still, simply telling Axel that it was a two count before AJ got his shoulder off the mat. Axel pushes Gunner, and Gunner steps back, before stepping forward again and telling Axel not to piss him off. Axel tells Gunner to ‘go get fucked’, and slaps him, Gunner clutching his face!

COLE
A hard slap by Axel! He’d better not annoy the giant too much!

Axel goes over to AJ once again and picks him up. Axel puts AJ between his legs, facing the exposed turnbuckle pad!

COACH
Michael, you don’t think Axel’s going to powerbomb AJ into the steel bolt, do you? He wouldn’t… he couldn’t…

CABOOSE
Oh yes, yes Coach, he would.

Axel does the crucifix pose and points to the exposed turnbuckle! He tries to lift AJ up, but AJ catches him with a low blow!

COLE
AJ goes downstairs! AJ doing what he can to save his career!

AJ grabs Axel’s legs and takes him down, still holding onto his legs. AJ positions him, smiles at the crowd, and falls back, slingshotting Axel into the exposed turnbuckle!

COACH
Axel’s head was driven into that steel bolt!

Axel staggers back, holding his head! Gunner, still holding his face from the slap, looks at Axel, and develops a scowl that turns into a grin. Gunner screams out to the crowd, and rips his referee’s shirt in half, ala Hulk Hogan!

COLE
Gunner’s going to make Axel pay!

CABOOSE
What the hell is he doing?

COLE
This is like a religious experience! The fans are up as one!

Gunner gives Axel a double middle finger, and then sets up for the Sharp End! Axel staggers back, clutching his head, before turning around, and walking into a…


…MOTHER FUCKING IMPACT SPEAR by Gunner Sharps, to the biggest pop of the match!

COLE
DEAR GOD! GUNNER JUST HITS AXEL WITHTHAT DEVESTATING SPEAR!

Axel goes down hard on the back of his head, and his body becomes lifeless! AJ climbs to the top rope, salutes the fans, and comes off, hitting Extra Special!

COACH
The Twisting Four-Fifty Splash by AJ Flaire! He got all of it!

AJ goes for a cover! Gunner makes the count as the fans chant along!


ONE!





TWO!






THREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


*DING DING DING*

Cue: ‘Man in the Box’ by Alice in Chains

The fans go up as one as Gunner slams his hand on the mat for a third time, and tells the timekeeper to ring the bell. He grabs the X Division Championship belt from Michael Buffer, who announces the winner of the match.

BUFFER
Here is your winner, and STILL OAOAST X Division Champion… A J FLAAAAAAIRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEE!!!!!

AJ gets up and looks at Gunner, who has the X Championship in his hand. Gunner presents the belt to AJ, and AJ accepts it, before going up to the second turnbuckle, and celebrating his victory!

COLE
AJ Flaire did it! AJ Flaire beat Axel, and Gunner finally showed where his allegiance lies!

CABOOSE
This is a bunch of crap Cole! Gunner cost Axel this match!

AJ gets off the turnbuckles as his theme continues to play, and he sees Gunner look at him once again. AJ steps forward, and extends a hand out to Gunner. The crowd pops and a mixed chant on ‘A-J! A-J!’, and ‘Gun-ner! Gun-ner!’ begins. Gunner looks around at the crowd, and the looks at AJ’s hand. He hesitates, and then puts his hand out to shake AJ’s. AJ comes forward and pats Gunner on the back, and Gunner raises AJ’s hand in victory as ‘Man in the Box ends and ‘Debonaire’ begins.

COLE
Two friends reunited once again! It’s about time we saw a happy sight on HeldDown! One of the greatest X Division wrestlers ever in this company, and one of the biggest men to enter the company, best friends, and strong allies.

CABOOSE
This makes me wanna puke!

COACH
A great sight, what will be Axel’s retaliation next week, on HeldDown?

MC
What will be Zack Malibu's retaliation next week on HeldDOWN~!? What will be Hoff's retaliation on Gibraltar next week? What will be Ryan Smith's retaliation on The Lightning Crew next week? Will Abe Vigoda still be alive? All these questions and more will be answered on one week from now, as we conclude the road to Living Angleously on HeldDOWN~!! See you then!

END OF SHOW

[Chanel #99]

PROPS

Me
Zack
Stephen Joseph
Papacita
LaParkaYourCar
Hoff
Adam
Dama
NY Untouchable
PK