Chanel #99 Posted July 17, 2016 Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-BROADCAST IN OAOAST HD RENEE Welcome everyone to the longest running action adventure erotic dramaedy on television, OAOAST HeldDOWN~! After that mouthful I'm tongue tied! But I am with America's hardest working troll, Da Coach, set for another night of red hot Challenge action! And before we get to it, let's take a run down of what you saw on the OAOAST Network. COACH If your cheap ass can afford the subscription fee. A video package aired highlighting matches from The Challenge which aired this past weekend on OAOAST Galaxy network and OAOAST SYN. The OAOAST Galaxy premiere week special saw... Big Papa Thrust d. Simon Singleton Mr. Dick d. THE FLEX Lucius Soul d. Bi-Curious George Blaine Cayley d. Sumeragi Deuce Deuce Bigelow d. Tony Tourettes Baron Windels d. Logan Mann Earlier this week on OAOAST SYN... THE FLEX d. Sumeragi Simon Singleton d. Tony Tourettes Mr. Dick d. Bi-Curious George Logan Mann going to draw with Lucius Soul (a first in The Challenge's history) Big Papa Thrust and Deuce Deuce Bigelow fighting to a double DQ Blaine Cayley d. Baron Windels ***The Challenge Tony Touettes (0-3) W/Papa Duncan Vs Logan Mann (0-2-1) W/Holly*** Tony wanted us to know now that he's a rich man he's become an art collector, and showed off a Picasso! HOLLY A postcard of a Picasso, lame shit head. TONY Hhahaha, you're probably stanning for that punk Van Gogh. What kind of queer cuts off an ear? How can you listen to your neighbors fuck without an ear? PAPA DUNCAN Don't worry about it, Tone, poor people like them don't understand us. COACH Paps Duncan still has more money in a shoe box than that loser has right now. As for the actual match, money can't buy talent or competency and Tony was on the defensive right away against Logan. Tony did try for a body slam, but Logan hip tossed him and then rocked him with a wicked left hook! LOGAN I AIN'T LOGAN MAN, THOUGH?! “BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” RENEE Tony stands at 0 and 4 and Logan has a pretty lousy record with zero wins as well and a useless draw. COACH Is any one surprised Tony hasn't won a match yet? Logan being winless is the shock, and that draw is useless like you said. Rich boy Tony pulled out a quarter and flung at Logan! LOGAN Capitalism is evil! Lorgan decked Tony then proceeded to hawk his 350 dollar grey sweat shirt. After that incident Tony had nothing to offer in the way a fight and Logan was able to finish him off in short order with a Liberation DDT! Winner: Logan Mann, via pinfall RENEE So it looks like Logan is starting to dig himself out of his own self created hole a bit. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 MAGUIRE FAMILY COMPOUNDWINE CELLAR A wine cellar is an odd place to keep a body, but its the place where Teddy Buckworth is kept. His sword impaled figure laid out on an ornate chest with Colin looking sadly over him. Angel and Amber walk in to help comfort him. AMBER You need to eat. Or drink. COLIN I am not thirsty for any person's blood but the traitor Jason Silver. ANGEL You need to at least see your son. COLIN I will not leave Theodore's side at this moment. I failed him. ANGEL Colin, you've searched high and low for a way to help him. So have we. AMBER Let the man have some piece. Pull the sword out. COLIN And kill him? Is that what you suggest? ANGEL He's being tormented right now. Let him rest in peace. COLIN Pull the sword out....pull the sword out. And kill my dear friend...yes, you're right. Colin sinks his teeth into his wrist to draw out blood, which leaves Angel and Amber confused. They get the answers to their quandary when they watch wide eyed as Colin dribbles his blood into Teddy's mouth. AMBER You're going to turn him into a vampire? Against his will? COLIN If he has a problem with it, then he has an eternity to seek recompense. AMBER You have to give him a choice! COLIN Perhaps I might be able to do that if he weren't trapped in eternal supernatural hell. Colin will hear no more arguments and instead drags the sword from Theodore's body. The wound on him closes and for a moment he dies, fading into blackness free of his seemingly eternal torment. Then he shoots up, very much alive. Very much a vampire. And very much horrified. Even the sight of familiar faces do not help him. Instead he uses his vampire speed to rush out the door, tattered clothes and all. Colin lingers back for a moment before hauling off with his chase. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 ***The Challenge: Simon Singleton (1-2) W/Molly Nerdly Vs Lucius Soul (2-0-1) W/Melody Nerdly and Jade Rodez*** RENEE Pretty cool match here, this is the first time these two have ever fought one on one. Melody had other ideas.... MELODY Time to settle it! The war to determine who is the number one Nerdly of them all! MOLLY Melody, there is no such war. And we are only indirectly involved with this. MELODY Those are the words of a loser! That's why you're stuck living in a go nowhere town like Edmonton and I...oh wait. LUCIUS Titty Mama, clam down, pipe down and step down or else Pimp Magic won't be going down...on you. MELODY Oh crap! I'm sorry, daddy! Melody took up a place beside Jade and that let Lucius and Simon have the spotlight on them. Inside that spotlight they tangled in a lockup and Simon proceeded to work over the arm, before transitioning downward and tripping Lucius up. Pimp Magic scrambled to grab a front facelock, but Simon rolled out of it, then grabbed his foe into an ankle lock that required him to reach the ropes. RENEE These two are in the middle of the pack standings wise, and a win goes a long way early on. Doesn't it, Coach? COACH No doubt. Unless your Tony then your ugly ass should have kept the porn. Back on their feet, Simon and Soul locked up once again, with Simon working over a headlock, then moving into a a stretch. A stretch that got him hip tossed by Soul, then brought over by a hurricanrana. Simon came to his feet dizzied and got rocked with a spinning wheel kick from Pimp Magic! RENEE Now this is the kind of match Lucius Soul wants to have. Soul threw a shuffle side kick, but got caught and leg locked by Simon. Agent 009 then moved that to a single leg crab, forcing Soul again to reach the ropes. But this time Simon pulled him up and hit a German Suplex for a two count! MELODY Give em a cheer Booty Mama! JADE Lucius Lucius he's our man, he fucks me hard in the can! Lucius Lucius he's the best, win this match and you'll see more than breasts! That got Soul going as he fought up and started tagging Simon with chops. Singleton looked for a belly to belly but Soul flipped out of it, did a little shuffle, then ran through Simon with a flipping lariat. Pained, Singleton rolled into the corner, and was hit with a running dropkick to the face followed by a 360 Stinger Splash that got a close two count. COACH Damn if this nappy hair fool wins The Challenge I'ma lose my shit. RENEE You're just mad that he HAS hair. Soul went for a kick to the back, but Simon caught his leg and shifted him into an ankle lock! This time was able to flip over and roll up Simon to get him on a 2.99999999 count! Both men hurried to their feet and Soul took Simon onto his shoulders for a Fro2Sleep effort. But when he flipped him out Simon kicked the Living Daylights out of him and that got him a victory! Winner: Simon Singleton, via pinfall Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 OAOAST correspondent Sara Jean Underwood was about to speak with OAOAST tag team champions Big IQ at the world famous interview lounge when new OAOAST 6-man champions VICE and Joey The Rat interrupted. SJU reminded them their interview time was later tonight but they wanted to get their message across now. That message: the 3 Amigos can fuck off. VICE want to add the OAOAST tag titles to their collection. JOEY How 'bout dem apples?! Big IQ shoot each other a look. ICE QUIZ Why wait till tomorrow to do what you can right now! Pushing and shoving ensues but that's broken up by OAOAST officials. THE CHALLENGE AFTER PARTY!Hosted by Terry Taylor with insight from Reject, Todd Cortez and Dan Black Immediatley following HeldDOWN~! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 *** The Challenge: Sumeragi (0-3) vs. Big Papa Thrust (2-1) w/ The Freakazoids *** Poor Sumeragi didn't stand a chance. BPT taught SMUSH's young lion (by way of TMW) a lesson in the school of hard knocks. Class was dismissed when BPT forced Sumeragi to submit in the Lay-Z-Boy (camel clutch). Winner: Big Papa Thrust, via submission. Atop the interview stage stands OAOAST Hall of Famer and former World Champion, Tony Brannigan. BRANNIGAN Ladies and gentlemen please welcome the OAOAST HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD....TYLLLERRRR BRRRYYYAAAANNNNT! GIVE IT TO...GIVE IT TO ME!!!! “BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Tyler enters in a collared blue dress shirt and jeans with Lorelei match in a sparkling blue gown, the two sauntering up to Tony with Tyler peering at from sunglasses. TYLER The future is bright but the past is dull. BRANNIGAN Tyler, you and I- TYLER Are going to what? Fight? No we won't do that. You made a cameo in the Lethal Rumble and lost your courage to step into the ring ever since then. You're dull and you're the past and the past is dull. And the past is what Krista Isadora Duncan is speaking on. She's throwing dirt...dirt on my old name. The name of a sidekick to Leon Rodez, of a loving boyfriend to Jade Rodez-Duncan, a loyal friend to Shayne Brave. LORELEI That name is dead, kick dirt on a grave, Krista, but beware the future is very much alive. And every day he grows stronger and gets better. And most of all shines brighter! TYLER Krista, you should be thinking of your future. The future of your end. You can't wrestle forever can you. The younger generation gets bigger, stronger, faster and you get older. Run towards that hall of fame induction, don't run up on me. Because who do you think is running this show? Tyler Braynt, The Serial Thriller. They created a tournament just to have the right to face me. Just to see me in the ring you have to see twelve other men firsrt. I may be The Future but I am also the end. The end of everyone's hopes and dreams and desires. Vengeance? Is that what you're after? You won't get it out of me. BRANNIGAN You're confident you'll beat Krista a second time? LORELEI A second time? Tony Brannigan there won't even be a chance for him to beat her a second time. TYLER Hehehehe, Krista that was a wonderful speech you gave last week. But you still don't know the man you're deal with anymore. Stepping into three stages of hell with you? That idea is so far fetched you might as well have thrown it a thousand meters, and you have a better of chance of throwing in the shot put at Rio then you do of getting me inside three stages of hell. To your challenge I say no, to your threats I laugh, and to your idea of taking this world title off my waist, I laugh. You will never get a damn thing out of me, Krista. You will enter an endless loop of the three stages of hell because now you will know that The Serial Thriller is literally untouchable! Tyler Bryant raises his world title in the air with the fans jeering for they have not liked what they heard one bit. THE HOTTEST EVENT OF THE SUMMER RETURNS MONDAY NIGHT, AUGUST 29 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 ***The Challenge: THE FLEX (1-2) W/Lorelei DeCenzo Vs Blaine Cayley (2-1) W/Sammi Cayley*** RENEE These two took losses in the opening week, Blaine's righted the ship, but FLEX is facing the prospects of a deep hole. Before the match Blaine oddly wanted to shake hands with THE FLEX. LORELEI Excise, me why do you want to shake his hand? BLAINE I'm finally getting a proper meeting with the dumbest man on earth. Instead of an easy journey to a world title with that briefcase, you're now 1 and 3 in a long tournament to regain your own property. LORELEI He's only 1 and 2. BLAINE Only counting for the inevitable. Well then, let's have fun. Blaine stuck and moved quite a bit which wasn't much to FLEX's liking. Not at all as a matter of fact. FLEX did think he had him for a FLEX DROP but Blaine escaped and brought him down with an inverted DDT onto his knees. Problem is Blaine got hurt quite a bit from that move. COACH Talk about dumb! Slamming a mass of muscle on your knees ain't smart, preppy. Sammi urged Blaine upright and upright he came but got his throat caught by FLEX. The giant from Miami threw him into the corner and then raised him to the top to seek out a superplex. But Blaine backed FLEX off then rocked him with a missile dropkick! The Welshman then came off the ropes with a Welsh Press that popped the crowd! “BLAINE! BLAINE! BLAINE!” they chanted as Sammi was all smiles. THE FELX jumped upright and had plenty of fists for Blaine beating him back into the corner. The giant then tried to lift Blaine back to the top rope again, but Blaine knee'd his way out. Stunned FLEX was hit by a cross arm side Russian leg sweep! RENEE Song For a Sad Girl! And we got a sad girl as Sammi saw THE FELX power out of the pin. Tyler's bodyguard then battered Blaine with boots to the stomach and sought out a powerbomb. But Blaine slipped free of the attack and tripped up FLEX to hook in a Liontamer! Much to everyone's amazement, THE FLEX tapped out to the hold! Winner: Blaine Cayley, via submission BLAINE Like I said, 1 and 3. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 INNER CITY STREETEAST ST.LOUIS, ILNIGHT TIME Despite being a clean cut kid, and a pretty thin blond waif, Gory Dragan and Cassidy Maguire manage to look as if they're the most sinister people on a block full of drug dealers, pimp, and hookers. GORY Remind me of the plan again? CASSIDY Remind you of the plan again? The plan is to give you an enema with a shotgun then toss you in the Mississippi! GORY It is?! CASSIDY It should be! Its your fault I'm stuck here! The plan is to pick up a value less human being who's only use is their butt may be bigger than average, then we will trade the bigger than average butt to Clem Buzzlefoxer for our safety. GORY That seems mean. CASSIDY FYI, life is mean! Chris Christie found that out the hard way when he failed to buy xtra large condoms and a cherry coke zero for my good friend Donald Trump and lost out in the vice presidency. He bought just a plain cherry coke. Donald drinks healthy, Gory! And if he was here, he'd tell you my plan is the best plan a Delta has ever come up with! GORY That Gretchen is pretty smart. We should call her for help. CASSIDY Oh, yes, she who was supposed to be Cassidy Number Three! Let's call Big Wet Asses and Swan Lake and ask her for help. No thank you....hey, I think I see someone. Cassidy hurries across the street to a skinny pimp and his hideous but big assed ho with Gory trialing behind him. CASSIDY Hola, black people! Black Lives Matter! PIMP The fuck? CASSIDY A lot of my friends say all black people look alike I disagree. I can distinctly tell the difference between Will and Carloton from Fresh Prince. I am white, but I am an ally, and my friend and I would like to contribute to the black GDP by purchasing your whore. For life. PIMP For life? CASSIDY I have- “BRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAINNNNZZZZZZZZZZ!” CASSIDY No, no, no, no, NO! Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES! Clem and the gang along with his big booty zombie girlfriend have arrived on scene! CLEM BRAAAAINNNS AND TITIES AND BIGGGG BOOOTTTY BITTCCCHESSSS! The gathered scumbags aren't afraid of Clem like Cassidy and Gory are and immediately begin firing off rounds, hitting them with a surge of bullets. Bullets that do nothing as the zombie crew swarms like maggots, feasting on the innards, brains and yes booties of the now scattering shooters. CASSIDY Run! Again! Cassidy and Gory haul ass once again, trying to escape Clem and his horde, they turn their corner with speed, but suddenly a zombie pops out of the window and instantly corners them against a brick building. GORY We're done for! CASSIDY Gory, I always sort of, kind of, maybe didn't find you as repulsive and hideous and worthy of euthanasia as I let on. GORY Thank you, Cassidy. But the apologies are for naught, as suddenly a PARASOL impales the zombie through the face! Blood splatters every where and once the parasol is yanked out we find Delta House president Gretchen Wright standing tall! CASSIDY Gretchen! GRETCHEN With my parasol, Dawn. I do apologize for my lateness, you turned your find my phone app on and we could only follow the screams. GORY We? Suddenly a school bus pulls up with Number Two driving and Pierette hanging out the front seat window. PIERETTE Kyahahahahaha I'm not on the short bus any more, Adelphe! GRETCHEN Come let us away! Cassidy isn't happy about being saved by Gretchen, but none the less she and Gory hurry onto the school bus that speeds away, mowing down a wave of zombies as it leaves! COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 *** The Challenge: Bi-Curious George (1-2) vs. Baron Windels (2-1) *** Dressed for a rodeo than a wrestling match, the Bi-Curious One entered the arena in full arousal mode carrying a SADDLE and covered in rhinestones. BI-CURIOUS GEORGE (to BW) My, aren't you a big boy? Mmm. And they say only two things that comes from Texas. Pfft! You definitely are no steer! BARON And I'm no queer. BI-CURIOUS GEORGE Most certainly not! And neither am I. I too enjoy the taste of the cherry! I also enjoy prime beef and rodeos. Both involve bulls and everybody knows you need a cowboy to ride a bull. So let's see how long I can ride you! *holds saddle up* BARON Giddy up! BI-CURIOUS GEORGE * POW! * Instead of a ride BCG eats a flurry of Texas-sized rights. BW continued to control the action early until BCG tossed him outside and went on the offensive. COACH Behind all the theatrics George is one tough dude! BCG looked to Swings Both Ways late but BW managed to fling him away and hit a surprise bulldog for the 1-2-3. Winner: Baron Windels, via pinfall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 Sophie is on her office, looking over her Laptop when United States Champion, Lord Northstar enters the room, attired in a lord's cape and rainment, with his sigil of a rising star on the front. Sophie gives him a warm smile, with Northstar returns but his is chilly, absent of her warmth. NORTHSTAR You called for me. SOPHIE Bievenuee, Lord Northstar. I wish to talk with you about zhe United States Title! I want to throw you back into zhe fire! NORTHSTAR Careful. Around the OAOAST, such words are to be taken literally. SOPHIE Hhehe, non non. I wish you to enter zhe Elimination Chamber to defend your title. At AngleSlam, Ce sera génial! NORTHSTAR It will be a glorious victory for the Kingdom. SOPHIE My, my, you have no objections? Aucun argument? NORTHSTAR I have entered your realm, you dictate the terms. There is no argument to be had is there? Sophie is a bit put off by how cold Northstar is, but has to nod in agreement. NORTHSTAR Then it is settled. I will return from whence I came. Northstar leaves the room, damn near leaving a cast of ice over the walls! COMING UP NEXT THE CHALLENGEDEUCE DEUCE BIGELOW VS MISTER DICKNEXT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 *** The Challenge: Deuce Deuce Bigelow (2-1) vs. Mr. Dick (3-0) *** This week's marquee bout saw Mr. Dick put his undefeated record on the line against Deuce Deuce Bigelow who looked to get back in the winner's circle following a double DQ decision with former tag partner Big Papa Thrust earlier this week on OAOAST SYN. RENEE The winner of this one who go into next week atop The Challenge standings! The action was fast and furious, as you'd expect given the 15 minute time limit. Once the match went passed 10 minutes it seemed like we were headed towards a draw, but after a tough loss earlier this week Deuce wanted that W bad. He went for his Deep Fryer sit-out shoulder piledriver only for Md to float over the top and deliver a discus punch to the back of the head. RENEE Facial! COACH From the rear instead of the front as usual! MD followed with a STIFF KICK to the back of Deuce's head. Deuce's momentum sent him off the ropes and right back towards MD who looked to deliver another Stiff Kick... but this time Deuce rolled through and popped to his feet to connect with an enziguri that staggered MD long enough for Deuce to dip him in the DEEP FRYER for the 1-2-3! Winner: Deuce Deuce Bigelow, via pinfall. OFFICIAL STANDINGS Deuce 3-1 BPT 3-1 Mr. Dick 3-1 BW 3-1 Blaine 3-1 Lucius 2-1-1 Simon 2-2 Logan 1-2-1 THE FLEX 1-3 Bi-Curious George 1-3 Sumeragi 0-4 Tony T 0-4 FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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