OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 3/18/04

[Chanel #99]

A trumpet blares. The planet Earth is shown. The camera zooms in on the United States. The camera zooms in on Detroit, Michigan. The camera does a bird’s-eye view of the CGI Detroit before zooming in on the Pontiac Silverdome. The camera zooms into the inside of the domed stadium. “Fight” plays as spotlights circle the Silverdome. A close-up is shown of the CGI ring. Finally, there is a shot at the top of the CGI Silverdome. Fireworks explode from the ring, and spotlights shine on the OaOasT AngleMania III logo. The OaOasT AngleMania III logo stands in the center of the ring as spotlights shine on it. A small ticker is placed underneath the logo. All together it saids “OAOAST ANGLEMANIA III 10 DAYS AWAY.” Fireworks explode again as “Fight” stops playing.

( We see HeldDOWN's boss, Northstar sitting on a stool in front a giant poster of the Anglemania logo. He's wearing sunglasses, a hot suit and a "Von Dutch" trucker hat)

Northstar: Yeah, hi. Recently an e-mail from an anyonomus sender, called in to question my devotion to tag team wrestling and told me I could make my penis six inches longer. This cyber know-nothing said I was discriminatory against tag team wrestling! Me of all people! I didn't even know you could discriminate against a type of wrestling match, but whatever. Anywho, this person had the nerve to claim that I....I....your darling and treasured general manager was neglecting tag team wrestling! Neglecting? Me? Heavens no! Perish that nasty little thought and banish it from the vast kingdom that is your mind, cuties! I'm simply protecting tag team wrestling from the critical and judgmental eyes of a fickle fan base! But, this twit saw it differently! He or she said one tag team title defense in the past month does not a tag division make. I think that's wee bit of an overexaggeration, but that's okay. Anywho, considering that my fiance is hospitalized with a numerous injuries, I have a few more important things to worry about then how often the tag team titles are defended, ya know? I was more then ready to send that spiteful e-mail to the big recycling bin in sky. But, like, I was watching Wrestlemania and an idea was stolen from that awful awful Vinny Mac and placed in my angelic and well manicured hands! At Anglemania, we will see what for marketing purposes is the first ever four way match for the tag team titles! Already two teams have been entered into the contest, TNT (duh!) and Silver Star and Flameout! Just so some knob gobbler on the net who spends all his day wacking off to his best of Benoit comp tapes doesn't accuse me of playing favorites and holding down talent, I'm allowing anyone and everyone to get a spot in this four way! Intensezone, HeldDOWN? It doesn't matter what brand you belong to, you're both welcome to compete! Why, you don't even have to be on the roster! Just give me a ring-ding-ding and let me know if you want in the first ever fourway match for the tag team titles!

(Northstar grows solemn and his voice deepens)

Northstar: For those of you have flooded the OAOAST phone lines in a noble attempt to see me removed from office in wake of last week's ugly incident between Alix Spezia and Damaramu, I find your cause admirable, if not a tad bit misguided. Hopefully, cooler heads will prevail and you'll come to understand that last weeks attack on Alix was in no way shape or form, sponsored, condoned or conceived by me. When I heard that Alix had been taken to a hospital, I didn't stop crying for an hour. You all say you can see through me, then look past my words and see a shell of a man, who's being punished in the court of public opinion for an action that he played no part in. Look past these words and see a man who's punishing himself for letting a woman he loves be devoured by an inhumane monster.

(Northstar bows his head)

Northstar: This isn't about me, however. This is about Alix's condition and answering the tens and thousands of phone calls and e-mails that have been directed to the OAOAST's office trying to find out how she was. Alix has several cuts on her arm, a lower back strain and a fractured collarbone. No timetable has been set for her return, because we don't know if there will be a return. Please continue to send her flowers and get well cards, as I know she'll appreciate them. Keep her in your prayers. Thank you.

OAOAST HeldDOWN~!

“Trust me” by pop hottie Lucy Woodward plays as we SEE THE LOGO~



We fade into the interior of the Christopher Bouchard Memorial Arena in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada!



We insta-fade to Jenna Elfman, one of the stars of "3 Stages Of Hell", relaxing in the dressing room reserved for the cast and crew of that movie. A knock at the door startles Jenna, but the crowd pop is heard in the distance, as she opens it to show Zack Malibu standing there!

JENNA
Hi Zack.

ZACK
Hi Jenna. Listen, can I talk to you for a second?

JENNA
Oh Zack, look, I told you, I know last week was not intentional. You don't need to explain yourself any further...

ZACK
Actually Jenna, it's not about that. It's about Northstar.

JENNA
Edward? What about him?

ZACK
Look Jenna, I don't want to come off as biased. You've seen how he and I are at each other's throats.

JENNA
You just don't know him, Zack.

ZACK
That's the thing Jenna, I DO know him. Have you ever heard of 4Play?

JENNA
Well of course, but Zack, don't you have Candie?

ZACK
Not THAT foreplay, Jenna. 4Play. It was a stable of myself, Northstar, well, Shattered Dreams at the time, Kotzenjunge, and this other...oh yeah, Zorin! Anyways, we were great...for one match. Then the Boogies got busted, and Dreams moved on.

JENNA
So he moved on? You fault him for that?

ZACK
No, but I fault him for targetting my girlfriend, running her off, press-slamming me through an entrance ramp, you know, little stuff like that.

JENNA
Are you serious?

ZACK
Deadly serious. And now you've seen what he's capable of lately. He's power hungry, Jenna. He says that what he's doing is for the good of the company, but the only one benefitting from it is him!

JENNA
But Zack, think of the publicity that 3 Stages Of Hell will get this federation.

ZACK
No one cares, Jenna! No offense, I have a lot of respect for you, but this movie has turned HeldDOWN~! into a sideshow. Cameramen interrupting matches, actors treating us like we're lower class citizens...morale has taken a dive, and it's all thanks to your dear, sweet Edward.

JENNA
Wow. I...what do you want me to do about it, Zack?

ZACK
I don't know, Jenna. Talk to him, see if something you say can sink into that skull of his. Just try your best, because I know that I'm speaking for many when I say we can't take much more of this.

Zack exits, closing the door behind him, and leaving a confused Jenna Elfman to gather her thoughts, as we fade out.

[Chanel #99]

The cameras cut to a shot of CWM sitting in his locker room. He is wearing his street clothes. His head is down, and he appears to be in deep thought. Suddenly, Hoff appears in the doorway and knocks on the frame. Dressed in his ring gear, Hoff holds a legal envelope. CWM gets to his feet and turns to meet Hoff in the doorway. CWM walks to where Hoff is standing, and stares into his eyes. Hoff's expression turns dark.

CWM
"So, what?"

Hoff hands CWM the envelope.

HOFF
"Here."

CWM takes the envelope and looks at it.

CWM
"So it's all here?"

HOFF
"Everything you need."

CWM looks again at the envelope, then inquisitively looks at Hoff.

CWM
"How did you even get this?"

HOFF
"Like I said, I know people. How do you think I got the papers that put you OUT of the ring?"

CWM looks down for a moment, then back up at Hoff with a cool gaze.

CWM
"Listen, WHY are you doing this?"

HOFF
"Like I said, I have something to prove."

CWM says nothing, fixing his gaze on Hoff's eyes. The two men stay locked in the stare for a moment, then CWM turns away.

CWM
"Get out."

Hoff's nostrils flare, but he turns and leaves the room. CWM sets the envelope on the desk, looks at it....and turns away. CWM heads for the door...but turns around, grabs the envelope off of the desk, and heads out hte door.

*cut back to da SC*

COLE
"Well, that was a strange exchange between those two men."

COACH
"Yeah, it almost seemed like CWM didn't want the match to happen!"

COLE
"No, that can't be it. But there's definitely something up..."

CABOOSE
"Will you two morons shut it? You couldn't figure out anything if you tried!"

COACH
"Hey, I can figure stuff out!"

CABOOSE
"YOU couldn't figure out two plus two."

COACH
"Yeah I can. That's how many times I was with yo' momma last night! BOOM!"

Caboose's jaw drops.

COLE
"Aw, snap! Folks, we got plenty ahead, so stay with us!"

*cut to commercial*

(Return from break)

"WHO'S THE BADDEST CHICK?!"

...The "You Gets No Love" remix hits the PA system. Throbbing red and pink spotlights flood the arena, roaming the crowd momentarily as as a dim red light emits from the entrance, highlighting the silhouette of a female figure. As the crowd claps in unison to the beat of the pulsating Eurythmics' sample, the light emitting from the entrance gets brighter...and brighter...and brighter...until...

**POP-POP-POP-POP-BOOOOM**

...a series of white sparks explode at the entrance, and the crowd gives a good-sized pop as Tina struts out onto the stage with a huge grin on her face. She places her hands on her hips, taking a moment to soak up the crowd reaction before turning and pointing towards the locker room, where Chris Bryte appears through a thick cloud of smoke. She pats him on his back, places her hand on his left shoulder, and the pair starts down the entrance ramp::

Announcer: HIS OPPONENT...accompanied to the ring by TINA...hailing from from Topeka, Kansas, weighing in tonight at 175 pounds...CHRIS BRRRRRRYYYYYYYTE!

Cole: There he is...Chris Bryte, alongside his girlfriend Tina...and he's not wasting any time here!

::3/4 of the way down the ramp, Bryte suddenly takes off, sprinting down to ringside and sliding into the ring, where Goran attacks him immediately::

**DING DING DING**

Cole: There's the bell, and this thing is underway! Tom Goran is all over Chris Bryte folks!

Indeed. Goran comes down with a series of clubbing forearms and elbow drops to the back of Bryte's head, keeping the rookie grounded. He uses Bryte's hair to lift him to a standing position, firing off a headbutt that sends him staggering back into the ropes! Goran follows up with a hard right hand. He then sends Bryte in with an Irish whip, but Bryte ducks the clothesline coming off and runs to the other side. Bryte rebounds with a crossbody but...

Cole: OH! HE'S CAUGHT!

Goran catches the 175-pounder in powerslam position, and proceeds to parade him around the ring as Bryte flails his arms and legs in a desperate attempt to escape. As a concerned Tina looks on from the arena floor, Goran turns towards the main camera, lets loose a wild battle cry, and takes Bryte over his head with a fallaway slam! Goran smiles and nods approvingly before floating over into a cover on Bryte! Hook of the leg...TWOOO...

NO! Chris Bryte gets the shoulder off the mat at the last second!

Caboose: Bryte's not doing too well this week, is he?

Cole: He seems unable to get out of the starting blocks here against Goran. Bryte's not the most accomplished wrestler out there, but you have to wonder whether or not he's still feeling the effects of last week's match with Axel. The man took not one, but two Axel Slams...one of them from the top rope through a table!

Tina begins slapping the palms of her hands against the mat in order to rally the fans behind the Bryte, and fans pick up the beat, clapping and stomping in unison as Goran lifts Bryte to his feet and backs him into a nearby corner. Goran then fires off a boot to the midsection to double Bryte over, which is immediately followed up by a European uppercut that rattles Bryte's jaw. Goran then grabs Bryte's left arm and sends him into the opposite buckle with an Irish whip...

...BUT BRYTE REVERSES, sending Goran in instead. Bryte follows him in, but upon reaching the buckle, Goran tips up and over--NO!!!!!! Bryte sees it coming and manages to catch him over his right shoulder in snake eye's position. Tina claps and nods her head as Bryte yanks his larger opponent off the ropes and out towards the center of the ring, where, with every ounce of strength he can muster up, he lifts Goran up, and drops him down in the dreaded...

Cole: BRYTE OUT!!!!!!!!!!! HE CALLS THAT MOVE THE BRYTE OUT!!!!!! COULD IT BE??!?!?!

Bryte floats into a cover...hook of the leg...


1...


2...


3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**DING DING DING**

**Cue "You Gets No Love" remix

Announcer: HERE IS YOUR WINNER...CHRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIISS BRYYYYYYYTE!!!!!!!!

Cole: HE DID IT!!!!!!! SONUVAGUN, HE DID IT! Coach, Caboose...did you see...

Caboose: I saw it, Cole! I saw it!

Cole: Chris Bryte has just picked up A WIN here on HeldDown, defeating veteran Tom Goran!!! What a win for Bryte! What a win, and these fans are showing their appreciation for the rookie!

::The crowd pops mildly as Tina rushes into the ring to celebrate with Bryte, raising his right arm into the air as a few dozen flashbulbs go off around the arena. Suddenly, Bryte yanks his arm away from Tina (surprising her somewhat), then signals to the tech crew to cut Tina's music. The crew obliges, and the music dies down as Bryte walks over towards the far ropes, calling for a mic::

Coach: What's this now?

Caboose: I dunno, but I've seen all I wanted to see of this bum. Can we get security out here?!

Cole: Stop it. Chris Bryte has called for a mic...what's he got to say?

::Upon receiving the mic, Bryte walks back out towards the center of the ring with a look of intensity on his face. He then turns towards the main camera, raises the mic to his lips, and speaks::

Bryte: AXEL!!!!!!!!!!!! (crowd boos) AXEL, you piece of crap! Last week, Axel, you and I squared off in this very ring with the 24/7 Title on the line, and you got your win, Axel! Yeah...you got your win! Axel...you won the battle, but ya know what? THE WAR IS FAR FROM OVER!!!!!!!! (mild pop) That's right Axel, it's not over between the two of us, and it won't be over until I make you and this big...big...APE, Gunner Sharps pay for what you've done to me and Tina over the past few weeks!

Caboose: Cole, I'm convinced: THIS KID HAS A DEATH WISH!

Cole: Chris Bryte still wants a piece of Axel. Apparently, last week's match settled nothing...

Bryte: Ya know what...Axel...I know you can hear me right now! Why waste anymore time? If you've got the guts, why don't you bring your ass down here right now...bring the 24/7 Title belt, and we can settle this thing once and for all!!! How about it, Axel?! (crowd pops)

Caboose: He's insane!

::Bryte glares towards the locker room anticipating Axel's arrival. Suddenly...

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!**

...a HUGE pyro blast rocks the arena, and the crowd erupts as "State Prop (You Know Us)" hits the PA system. Flashing red and white spotlights converge on the entrance, where a none-too-happy Panther steps out from the locker room with a mic in hand and walks down the entrance ramp WITH PURPOSE~! A look of fear comes across Bryte's face as Panther gets closer and closer to ringside, but as soon as he slides into the ring, Tina rushes towards and grabs him in a side waistlock, doing all she can to keep Panther away from Bryte. Loud chants of "PAN-THER, PAN-THER" start up in the crowd, as Tina PLEADS with Panther to remain calm. Meanwhile, Bryte nervously backs away from Panther with his left arm outstretched::

Bryte: H-h-hey...wait a minute! Wait a minute, guy! I've got no beef with you, Panther! My beef is with Axel, ok?! I've got no...

Panther: (extends his left hand) STOP!!!!! (pauses for crowd reaction) Just STOP...THE BULLSHIT!

::The crowd pops wildly in the background as Tina continues to plead with Panther. He shoves her away, however, and advances towards Bryte, causing the youngster to backpedal a bit. The "PAN-THER" chants grow louder as the former 24/7 champ goes face to face with Bryte, nearly staring a hole right through his forehead as Tina looks on nervously. Bryte raises his mic to speak::

Bryte: Panther...listen...

Panther: Nah, YOU LISTEN, because I've just about had it with you, Bryte! I'VE HAD IT! You have been working my last nerve since the day you set foot here in the OAOAST and I am *this close*, Bryte! *THIS CLOSE* to taking my size 11 boot and shoving it right through your damn chest!!

::The crowd pops BIG for that comment, and Bryte takes a McMahon-esque gulp as Panther eyes him intensely. Panther continues::

Panther: Make no mistake about it, Bryte...the ONLY reason that you're in this ring tonight instead of being laid up in a hospital bed somewhere, is because Tina is keeping me off of your ass! Because for some reason, she actually cares about your dumb ass, and out of respect to for her, Bryte, I'm gonna let you live. (Bryte sighs in relief) Now Bryte, last week, I told Tina to give you a message: stay the hell outta my business! Well lemme make this clear to you, Bryte...AXEL IS MY BUSINESS!!! (crowd pops) I don't care what he's done to you, any kinda beef you have with him is irrelevant as far as I'm concerned! The fact of the matter is that Axel has something that belongs to me! He has MY 24/7 Title...a title that would still be mine if not for you! Now you had your chance at revenge last week, and you blew it! Now it's my turn, Bryte! It's my chance to get back what's rightfully mine! My chance to right a wrong that was caused by you, and I will go through any and everybody that gets in my way of reclaiming that belt...INCLUDING YOU!

::At this point, Tina grabs Panther by the arm and leads him away from Bryte and towards a nearby corner. As the two "friends" argue, the crowd begins to stir in the background, and we see a bunch of fans turning towards the entrance::

Cole: Boy. You could cut the tension in that ring with a knife!

Coach: Really?! Let me try! (pulls a switchblade)

Caboose: Wait a minute...look at the ramp!

Cole: That's...THAT'S GUNNER SHARPS!

::Yes indeed it is. The crowd boos as the big man makes his way down the ramp with a mic, climbs up the ringstairs and enters the ring. Panther and Tina turn and spot Gunner as he steps out to the center of the ring with the mic::

Gunner: Now Axel and I couldn't help but overhear your little problem. You both want Axel. You both want a piece of the champ! You both want a shot at revenge...right? (both Panther and Bryte nod) Well I'd hate to disappoint you, but either way you look at it, that just ain't gonna happen. (crowd boos) You may not like it, but you've gotta understand that the champ's a busy man. He's got a lot of important stuff he's gotta handle right now, like getting ready for his match with Crystal at Anglemania III, and he doesn't have time to waste dealing with a couple of scrubs like the two of you. Especially someone like you, Bryte! I mean, really, who the hell are you anyway?! In the time you've been here in the OAOAST, you've won...what? Two matches?! And suddenly, you think you're worthy of stepping in the ring with Axel?! (laughs) You're pathetic! (crowd boos) Right now, instead of badmouthing Axel, you need to be thanking him for allowing you the chance to step in the ring with him last week, and thanking him for allowing you to walk out of that ring in one piece, because as bad as he beat you last week, believe me, he could've done much, much worse!

::Bryte eyes Gunner with contempt, then lowers his eyes to the canvas. Gunner then turns towards Panther, and the crowd pops as the two men engage in an intense staredown. Chants of "PAN-THER, PAN-THER" start up once more, prompting a sinister smile from Gunner::

Gunner: AND YOU!!!!!! (crowd pops) You're even more pathetic than Bryte is! (crowd boos) Yeah, at least he's got excuse for his problems, Panther! He's a rookie! What's your excuse, Panther? Huh? You've proven to be a miserable failure at just about everything you've tried here on HeldDOWN! You promised these people that you were gonna beat Brock Ausstin, and you failed! You told the world that you could compete with the OAOAST elite! You told them that you could be the World Champion! What happened?! You got beat by Calvin Szechstein! You failed again, Panther! As tough as you were talking a few minutes ago, Panther, you've failed to beat Chris Bryte! You lost to a rookie in his very first match! (looks at Tina) You've even failed to satisfy your own woman! (crowd boos) Face it Panther, you're an absolute failure, and you're not worthy of challenging Axel for the title. You might not like it, Bryte might not like it, but hey, there ain't a damn thing that either of you can do about it!

::Panther's seething after Gunner's remarks, and the crowd boos in the background as he eyes the former 24/7 Champion down. Chris Bryte raises his mic and steps towards Gunner::

Bryte: You know something Sharps, you--

::Panther suddenly snatches the mic from Bryte's hand and shoves him aside, drawing a pop from the crowd.::

Panther: (to Bryte) Stay outta grown folks, business, K, Bryte? (steps to Gunner) And as for you...

::Panther shoots Gunner a cold, HARD glare...which slowly...but surely transforms into a smile, much to Gunner's bewilderment. Panther actually begins to laugh, confusing the big man even more::

Panther: (turns to the crowd) Gunner Sharps, everybody! Gunner Sharps...(chuckles), can you believe this man? (turns back to Gunner) Ya know Gunner...first off, I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate you coming down here to play Axel's messenger boy and everything! I really do! Axel's blessed to find himself in the company of quality help such as yourself...REALLY! (smiles) Do me a favor though...let Axel know--

**BOOOOM**

Coach: OH!

Cole: WHAT THE HELL?!?!

::Panther suddenly rears back and pops the big man with a well-placed microphone shot to the head, sending the big man down to one knee and causing microphone feedback to echo throughout the arena. Gunner tries to shake off the effects of the blow, but as soon as he stands, Panther jumps right on him, attacking him with a barrage of right hands that send the crowd into a frenzy, and send Gunner staggering back into the ropes::

Caboose: What a cheap shot artist!

Cole: Panther's all over Gunner Sharps! He told Chris Bryte that he would go through anybody that stood in his way...

Caboose: Look out Gunner...

::Panther locks on a 3/4 headlock, preparing to bring the big man down in a Panther Cutter, but at the last moment, Gunner shoves off, sending Panther crashing into Chris Bryte. The two men hit heads, and the force of the collision is enough to send Bryte tumbling through the ropes and out to the arena floor. Sharps quickly takes advantage of the situation, measuring a dazed Panther and folding him up with a MOTHERFUCKING IMPACT SPEAR, much to the crowd's dismay! A bevy of officials quickly storms the ring, immediately jumping in Gunner's path to prevent him from doing further damage to the injured Panther. After a brief moment of struggle, Gunner turns towards the crowd and raises his arms into the air before sliding out of the ring to a chorus of boos. Tina then rushes over to attend to Panther as he rolls around on the mat clutching his ribs::


Caboose: Well...I guess Panther failed again! Hehe!

Cole: Panther's hurt, folks!

"THREE-TWO-ONE, I'M THE BOMB!"

Coach: And here comes Calvin... this won't end well.

Calvin Szechstein comes strutting out from backstage as officials begin to tend to Panther in the ring. Gunner is already gone, and the officials are helping Panther backstage as Calvin grabs a mic halfway down the ramp, beginning to speak.

"Yeah, you guys can clear him out of the ring now," Calvin says with a grin. "I'd hate to have to beat him out of there again."

The crowd boos, their hatred for Calvin showing as the World champ slides into the ring, grinning like a sieve as the officials roll Panther out of the ring.

Cole: Calvin, showing little respect for Panther here.

Caboose: Who can blame him? How long has Calvin been champ?

"Seven months, Caboose," Calvin says, pointing at the announcers. "Seven months I've been a champion of this federation, and yet I get no respect."

Cole: Calvin still gets no respect...

Coach: Didn't he cut this promo last week?

"People say I'm weak. People say I buy this title. How could I buy the title? One, I'm not rich, I'm just well-endowed with money. Two, the title's not for sale anywhere, unless you click on CalvinS.com, in which you can find several Polaroid photographs of my title for sale."

Caboose: ... I know I'm supposed to support him, but this promo sucks ass.

"BOOOOOOR - ING!"

"BOOOOOOR - ING!"

"Yeah, call me boring all you want, but none of you have beaten Zack Malibu three times, have you? None of you have beaten Ragdoll three times, have you? None of you have beaten Jay Darring three times, have you?"

"BOOOOOOR - ING!"

"BOOOOOOR - ING!"

Coach: This crowd is thoroughly unentertained.

Cole: *zzzz*

Caboose: This commentary's kinda lacking, too.

"But you know what? I'm sick of not getting any respect. I'll make a promise to you right now -- you will respect me after AngleMania 3. Everyone in the back, everyone in the front, everyone from side to side will know that I'm the best. And if I have to make an example out of Zack Malibu... God help me, I will."

Cole: ...why is Zack facing Calvin at AngleMania III?

"You want to know why Zack's getting the title shot? I'll tell you why. One... I had to. And two, I'm sick and tired of people ignoring the fact that I'm 3-1 against him. Royal Rumble, Elimination Chamber, I beat him for this goddamn title. And yet, it's always, Calvin has to run away from Zack Malibu! Calvin won't face Zack man-against-man! You know what? Screw you guys. I'm going to face Zack Malibu man-against-man at AngleMania III, and everyone will see that I am the best man in this goddamned federation."

"MAL - I - BU!"

"MAL - I - BU!"

Cole: These fans are showing love for their boy, Zack Malibu!

"<Bleep> Zack Malibu!"

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

The cursing from Szechstein causes the fans to cry out, and an intense Calvin continues.

"Zack Malibu is not a champion, and Zack Malibu is not the best. I am the best. And I will prove that next Sunday, when I take away his dignity, when I take away his pride... and I take away mytitle."

Calvin drops the mic, not leaving the ring as we fade to commercial...
 

[Chanel #99]

MC: Last week on this program, the two monsters that will be competing at Anglemania III next Sunday night, Gibraltar and Brock Auustin, had another violent confrontation. This one probably took the feud to a whole new level. While Brock's agent, Rick Heyross, was conducting an interview with Josh Matthews, Gibraltar and Saint Andrew decided they wanted to interupt.

COACH: And interupt they did...Gibraltar side-swiped Brock with a giant boot to the face, and then the two behemoths brawled to the ringside area. When they got there, Gibraltar cemented his advantage by pulling a HAMMER of all things out of his pocket, breaking it over Auustin's face, and then digging into Brock's skull with the part in which you would pull a nail out of, leaving Brock helpless and bloody for the first time, perhaps in his life!

CABOOSE: Because of that incident, HeldDOWN~! GM Northstar has rendered that if either Brock Auustin or Gibraltar touch each other before their match at Anglemania III, both them and their advisors will be fired. With that being said, over the course of the next two weeks, both men will be given outlets to display their rage and anger on our program, as they've been booked in warm-up matches to prepare them for Anglemania III. This week, we'll see Gibraltar in singles competition, and Brock Auustin will get his turn next week.

COACH: Without any further ado, let's go to the ring!

("Pompeii" starts up, and out comes Gibraltar, being lead to the ring by Saint Andrew. The lights are out, other than one giant spotlight on Andrew. Andrew climbs up to the apron, and Gibraltar bows to him on the floor.)

BUFFER: Introducing first, accompanied by his spiritual advisor Saint Andrew, standing seven feet, two inches tall and weighing in at 485 pounds, from Saint Andrew's Cathedral, he is the MONSTER...Gibraltar!...and his opponent, already in the ring, from Evansville, Indiana, weighing in at 294 pounds...

Gibraltar rushes into the ring, and starts obliterating his opponent with clubbering forearms to the face.

MC: The other guy's name is Issac Brown, and he was chosen by Andrew personally because of the fact that he is around both Brock's weight and height, and therefore would prepare Gibraltar for a man of Brock's size.

COACH: But, let's note that Issac here is an inch shorter, about 40 pounds lighter, and judging by his almost embarrasing body fat percentage, lacks most of Brock's power and fire in the ring.

Gibraltar delivers over twenty brutal, stiff hammer-style forearms to the head of Brown, sending him down to a standing position. Gibraltar then stands Brown up in the corner, and lights up his chest with a series of brutal, stiff chops that echo throughout the entire building. When Gibraltar finishes, Brown's chest is bleeding slightly and is redder than Clifford the Dog. Gibraltar then grabs Brown, and tosses him halfway across the ring with relative ease with a Beale toss (uber-hiptoss). Gibraltar then comes off of the ropes, and delivers a big double stomp to the mid-section of Issac Brown.

MC: That's around 500 pounds coming down on his chest!

Gibraltar pulls Brown up, and picks him up for a slam. Gibraltar then tosses Eddie into the ropes, causing him to fall on the back of his neck, from the center of the ring!

COACH: It's official: Gibraltar is the NEW Godzilla!

Gibraltar pulls Brown up, and whips him off to the ropes. Gibraltar lifts Issac on the way back, and sends him down with a thunderous front spinebuster! Gibraltar goes for the cover........1...........2.....Andrew orders Gibraltar to break up the cover, and Gibraltar follows the orders. Gibraltar then stands an almost-unconcious Issac Brown up, comes off of the ropes, and practically murders him with one of the most devastating lariats in recent history!

MC: My reaction is the same as this almost-horrified crowd! How could anyone condone any type of beating THIS BRUTAL?!?!

CABOOSE: Some guy in the eighth row just caught Issac Brown's head, and I'm LOVING this!

Andrew shouts out orders for even more punishment as Gibraltar pulls up Brown by the throat, and sends him into a corner. Issac basically collapses into a sitting position, as Gibraltar delivers a violent standing bootscrape. Gibraltar then gives Brown two more of the same bootscrapes before going to the other end, bouncing off of the ropes, and charging forward like a locomotive train with a deadly running bootscrape!

COACH: My lord, this is practically legalized MURDER!

The referee is checking to see if Issac Brown is still concious, but Gibraltar pulls Brown out of the corner before the check can be completed. Andrew shouts out, "Show them how much of a fraud Brock is!". Gibraltar then places Issac on his shoulders, and give them the Brock Auustin-exclusive F-Stunner-5! Gibraltar goes for the cover..........1..........2.....Gibraltar pulls Brown off of the mat as Andrew runs over to the commentary booth and talks into Caboose's headset....

ANDREW: SEE! Brock Auustin is a fraud! That F-Stunner-5 is not deadly whatsoever if some no-name glutton for food can kick out of it, even after the beating he's taken thus far! Ha ha! (goes back to his place at ringside)

MC: Please! I wish someone would expose Andrew for the fraud HE is!

Gibraltar pulls Issac off of the mat by the throat. Gibraltar then lifts Brown over his head Gorilla press style, and drops him hard with an over-the-shoulder powerslam! Gibraltar again pulls Issac off of the mat by his throat, literally tosses the near-300-pounder into the air, and brings him down with an inverted powerbomb! Gibraltar pulls Brown off of the mat by the hair as Andrew sets up a table at ringside. Gibraltar then clutches Brown by the throat, and brings him down with a disgustingly hard Chokebreaker! Gibraltar covers Brown with his giant hand over the throat.......1..........2..........3!

BUFFER: Your winner of the match....the MONSTER, Gibraltar!

Gibraltar refuses to let go of the choke after the bell rings, with the referee even trying to use force to pull Gibraltar's huge arm and hand off of Issac Brown. Gibraltar gets so irritated by this that he reaches up, and grabs the referee by the throat! Gibraltar then gets to his feet, lifts the referee up, and bounces him off of the mat with a chokeslam! Saint Andrew gets a microphone, and enters the ring....

ANDREW: On the 28th of March, of the year 2004...your will better have been signed, Brock Auustin! For you have brought out the wrath of the single most dangerous force since the storm in which Noah himself had to perserve through all of those years ago! Brock Auustin, when Gibraltar gets done with you, you will meet the man who brought you to this earth, and he will then send your useless carcass back down to Earth, and let my monster do the final honors of driving your dead body down to the depths of HELL! Tonight was just a public display of just a fraction of the lynching you will receive at the showcase of the so-called immortals, Anglemania the Third, as Gibraltar will have you all to himself in the ring, and when a man of this size, with this power, and the guidance of my quality leading him, the only verdict our private jury will adjourn to is the single most severe public lynching of all-time! Gibraltar, display your wrath just one more time for the varmine and sinners of the world!

Gibraltar then pulls Issac Brown off of the mat, lifts him in power bomb position, runs forward, and tosses Brown over the top rope, through the pre-set table, and to the concrete floor!

ANDREW: Ha ha...Brock, come ten days from this moment right now, the lifeless body lying outside the ring will not be of Issac Brown's...it will be of YOURS! Watch the tape of this beating over and over, so you can witness your own death before it happens! Come now, Gibraltar! Let us further prepare for the first public murder in televised Pay-Per-View history!

("Pompeii" starts up, as Andrew leads Gibraltar to the locker room.)

MC: What we just saw was, by far, one of the worst beatings I've ever seen any man deliver on this program! This is no expression, I would honestly not be surprised if this poor young man who got obliterated by Gibraltar tonight wasn't breathing at this very moment. Do either one of you have any comment?

CABOOSE: For the first time in my life...I'm utterly speechless.

COACH: I'm in absolute shock, Michael. And to think, Gibraltar didn't even have any feelings either way for this poor young man! Think about what he could possibly do to Brock Auustin, who despite his many physical gifts, is still the man that that MONSTER hates more than anyone else on Earth?!?! Andrew might be right for once: we might unfortunately see a man die at Anglemania.

MC: Very prophetic words, Jonathan. I think we have to take a commercial break, thank goodness. I hope we can clear this mess of broken bodies and return to normal. More hD~! in three.

[Chanel #99]

VOICEOVER
The following OAOAST rewind is brought to you by Anglemania Three!

HeldDOWN March fourth 2004:

Zack pulls Silver Star to his feet, taking him to the corner and smashing his face into the top turnbuckle, then tossing him through the ropes and out to the floor, where he smacks the concrete hard upon landing! Zack steps through the ropes and hops down as well, taking Silver Star up and then hurling him into the guardrail, sending shockwaves through Silver Star's spine! Silver Star is curled up in a fetal position, as Zack shoves the timekeeper away and scoops up his chair, folding it up. Silver Star just starts to push himself up, when CRACK~!...he's met with a steel chair across his back! Silver Star is now flat out on the floor, and Malibu brings the chair down again...and again...and AGAIN in a scene reminiscent of Austin/Rock at Wrestlemania X7!

(Go to the arena)



COLE
Folks, Silver Star refuses to go out like a punk female dog, he's enlisted the help of former WCW United Sates Champion Buff Bagwell in his quest for revenge against Zack Malibu. I appreciate his passion to regain his dignity but I'm not sure if Buff Bagwell the man who will take him to promise land.

CABOOSE
If he loses, which he won't, it could be a serious blow to his confidence heading into the four way tag match at Anglemania.

COACH
I DON'T THINK IT WILL BE A FOUR WAY! I DON'T THINK ANYONE WILL HAVE THE BALLS TO FACE BOTH FLAMEOUT, SILVER STAR AND TNT IN A TAG TEAM MATCH!

COLE
There was no reason to yell that.

You're now tuned into the muh'fuckin greatest

*CUE "Dirt off your shoulder"*

The lights dim and a silver spotlight in the shape of a snowflake star shines on the entrance stage. The crowd boo's lustily as Acolyte of Northstar Silver emerges from the back. He stands in the middle of the star and grabs his crotch as silver and black confetti shaped like stars rains down from the ceiling and softly lands next to him.

You gotta get that dirt off your shoulder
You gotta get that dirt off your shoulder
You gotta get that dirt off your shoulder

As Silver Star makes his way down the entrance ramp, Holly-wood emerges from the back followed by Buff Bagwell. Clad in short cut off jean shorts and a white tank top, Holly gets cheers from the audience, but when the fans notice Buff going through his posing routine the cheers for Holly-wood turn to boos for him.

Buffer: Now making their way to the ring, being accompanied by Holly-wood, the team of Silver Star and BUFF BAGWEEEEEEELLLL!

COACH
Hmm... You know something, Holly and Northstar aren't really related. I mean, their brother and sister, but their not blood related. So do you think they ever...

COLE
DO NOT finish that thought!

Before the team can even get in the ring their entrance music is cut off! The lights dim and Zack's entrance video plays on the big screen, drawing a pop from the crowd. A blue and gold display of pyro explodes on the entrance ramp and "Bring Me to Life" hits! The crowd erupts with a thunderous ovation for Zack Malibu and Candie! Zack moves from side to side on the entrance ramp to work the crowd into a frenzy! He rips off his "Malibu 80" basketball jersey and tosses it to a lucky female fan! She responds by throwing her bra at Zack!

COACH
Throw it up for the Zackster!

CABOOSE
My sentiments exactly. Zack Malibu is a nothing but a preppy punk. He doesn't deserve the accolades that are heaped upon him every week! Many moons ago he may have deserved enough respect to satisfy two men. But now, the Zack we see before us is just a shadow of the man the world became enamored with. The old Zack was good at wrestling and cut scatching promos, this new Zack's only good at playing politics and whining like a girl.

Buffer: Now making his way to the ring, being accompanied by Candie, he is the pissed off prep, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at one hundred ninety-five pounds, ZAAAAAAACK MALIBU!

COACH
Why do we have so many people from California in this fed? Zack and Candie are from LA, so are Northstar, Holly-wood, Flameout and K Money! Silver Star's from Santa Monica and Alix and Josie are from San Jose! Pyromaniac and Parka are from San Diego! What's going on?

CABOOSE
Who gives a shit? I got a better question; when are you going to lend some insight and respectability to your job?

COACH
Not until someone tells me why all these kids are coming out of California!

Zack rolls into the ring, while Candie positions herself on the outside. Holly-wood makes a monkey face at her and Candie responds by sticking her tongue out. Zack and Buff and Silver Star have a less comical exchange, as they throw insults a mile a minute at each other. The ref is able to get Buff to leave the ring, the house lights come on and the timekeeper rings the bell.

*ding ding*

And we begin! Silver Star starts for his team. He lures Zack in with promises of a sportsman like lock up. Cagey veteran that he is, Zack is on to Silver Star's sneaky game. He raises his hands as if going for a lock up, then rocks Silver Star's world with a hard left hand! Hand on his cheek, Silver shouts obscenities at Zack! Zack gives his response in the form of a quick forearm to Silver Star's chest!

Crowd: Let's go Zack! Let's go Zack! Let's go Zack!

Zack grabs Silver Star's hand and goes for an Irish whip! REVERSED BY SILVER STAR! REVERSED BY ZACK and Silver Star is sent into the ropes! Zack nails him with a big time Powerslam on the rebound!

Zack drops to his knees for a pin attempt 1....2...kick out!

CABOOSE
Zack cheated!

COLE
How?

CABOOSE
I don't know but I'm sure he did!

Zack waits patiently as he watches Silver Star bring himself to his feet. Silver Star returns to a vertical base and turns around just in the nick of time to spot Zack rushing at him with a Yakuza kick! At the last second Silver Star ducks and the crowd lets out a collective "Oooooow" as Zack sails over Silver Star and crotches himself on the top rope!

COACH:
Poor, Zack!

CABOOSE
Who gives a shit? It's not like he gets ever gets any any way! I hate Zack Malibu.

COLE
Thanks for sharing.

Silver Star can't stop guffawing long enough to string together a set of offense moves, so he tags in the "legendary" Buff Bagwell! Buff does his trademark prance across the ring, in a pitiful attempt to play to the crowd. For their part they greet his six year old taunts and played out poses with outright hostility.

Crowd: You're washed up! You're washed up!

CABOOSE
These fans have no respect for real celebrities.

COACH
That's not a celebrity! That's Buff Bagwell, dude.

Once he's done with his posedown, Buff notices Zack is still in a vulnerable position, sitting on the top rope, Buff grabs a handful of his hair....SLAAAAAAAAM! Buff yanks Zack off the top rope and slams him back first onto the mat! Buff drops to his knees and begins to choke the fan favorite, while Silver Star stands on the ring apron still laughing at Zack's earlier botch. "Kick his ass, dude" He orders in between fits of laughter.

Crowd: Let's go Zack! Let's go Zack!

Not in the state of mind to do anything flashy, Zack counters the choking with a thumb to Buff's eye, breaking the hold! Zack and Buff get to their feet at the same time and exchange a flurry of right hands! Buff's semi blinded so Zack is able to get the upper hand by mixing up his moveset and nailing Buff with a flesh searing knife edge chop! Buff staggers back to his corner, clutching his chest. Silver Star slaps Buff on the back, making a blind tag! Before he steps into the ring, he uses his partner as an offensive weapon and pushes Buff at Zack! Zack ducks down and drops Buff with a drop toe hold! The crowd, thinking that their hero has out smarted Silver Star, roars in approval! However, their joy quickly turns to anger as Silver Star springboards into the ring with an elbow drop! Zack howls in pain as Silver Star's elbow comes crashing down on the back of his neck!

CABOOSE
Eat that pussimus maximus! Looks like you just got outsmarted once again.

Zack is on his feet, but Silver Star isn't letting up so easily! He hooks Zack into an inverted face lock, sticks out a knee and BAAAAM, he slams Zack back first onto his outstretched knee. Zack makes an effort to roll away, but Silver Star is able to hold him in place and go for a pin attempt.

1.....2......kick out! The crowd in the arena and the fans at home breath a sigh of relief.

Silver Star shoots the referee a frustrated look. He uses his left hand to hold Zack on the ground, while his right rapidly rains punches on the main eventer's face! Silver Star stops his punching long enough to flip off Candie.

Crowd: You suck! You suck!

Silver Star brings Zack to his feet, a smile crossing his face as he looks towards the ropes. He stuns Zack with European uppercut, that not only delays any possible comeback attempt, but also sends Zack spinning stomach first into the ropes. Silver Star pounds on his chest, then uses his index and middle finger to brush the "dirt" off his shoulder, drawing more heat from the very pro Zack crowd. He sticks one foot onto the second rope, then uses his free leg to sandwich Zack's neck between the top rope and his knee!

Crowd: You suck! You suck! You suck!

Silver Star politely responds by telling the fans to "Suck my anus!". A retort that only serves to anger the crowd even further. Silver Star breaks his original choke hold, then yanks Zack down to his knees. He places Zack's neck onto the second rope, then puts his knee on the back of Zack's head, choking the living day lights out of the OAOAST's number one star. As he continues to punish Zack he makes kissy faces at both Holly-wood and Candie, drawing disgusted looks from both.

CABOOSE
What a ladies man! He's got them wrapped around his little finger!

COLE
Are we looking at the same thing?

The ref urges Silver Star to let Zack go free. A request that Silver Star obliges, but not before smashing his fist onto the top of Zack's head! Zack falls backwards, not knowing whether to make sure his head hasn't been caved in or clutch his worked over neck! Silver Star softens Zack up a bit with a few well placed stomps. Satisfied with the beating he's given Malibu, he tags in Buff daddy! Buff hops over the top rope, eager to lay into the man that knocked him out cold only two weeks ago. Buff and Silver Star talk hurriedly as they go over a double team maneuver.

COLE
What are these two airheads planning?

Cole finds out when Silver Star hooks Zack's legs between his arms and slingshots him into a waiting Buff Bagwell's arms! With Zack in his grasp, Buff does a 180 spin BAAAM! Buff drives Zack into the mat with a sickening spine buster! Silver Star drops on all fours, hovers over Zack and shouts out something about representing his hood. For his part, Buff flexes and smiles like a damn jack ass!

COACH
These guys make a pretty neat tag team.

COLE
Combined they have the intelligence of a pea.

The ref orders Silver Star out of the ring. It's an order he complies with only after booting Zack in the stomach. With his partner out of the ring, Buff brings Zack to a sitting position. He drops an elbow onto Zack's shoulder, and locks him into a sleeper holder, a move that would cause the crowd to pull a Tacoma if any other baby face was wrestling!

COLE
Will Zack be able to overcome the dreaded sleeper hold? Find out when we come back!

(Go to break)







(Return from break)

We come back from a loooooong break, with Zack still locked in the sleeper hold. Candie's pounding on the mat, trying to rally her man to victory. On the heel side, Silver Star is half asleep and Holly's filing her nails. Buff switches from a sleeper hold, to a chin lock. VARY THAT MOVESET, BABY~!


COACH
So what you're saying is that if Holly-wood was your step sister, you wouldn't do her? You're not blood related. It's all legal, just wear a pee hat.

Zack is able to get to his feet, bringing the crowd to life (LOL pun!). Buff switches from a chinlock back to a sleeper, but its not enough to stop Zack from elbowing him in the gut! Buff winces in pain but refuses to release the hold! Zack stomps on Buff's foot, then nails him with one more elbow! This time Buff breaks the hold! Zack staggers him with a quick a jab to the face! Zack throws out another jab. Buff turns his back towards in an attempt to protect his face from any more blows. Big mistake! Zack hooks Buff's arms, then twists him around as he sets up for the unprettier. At the last second, Buff shoves Zack into the ropes! POW! Zack rebounds with a flying forearm shot that FLOORS Buff Bagwell!

Crowd (on their feet): P..O..P! P..O..P! P..O..P!

Zack points a menacing finger at Silver Star! Silver Star just hops off the apron and holds his hands in the air as if to say "My bad, playa. I don't want none." Zack grins, then turns to face a standing Buff Bagwell! He hooks Buff Daddy into position for a vertical suplex! Buff blocks it with a knee to the gut! He goes for a vertical suplex of his own! As Zack is in the height of the move, he uses his underrated agility to slip out and land behind Buff! Stunned, Buff turns around....THWACK.... Buff is caught with a SCHOOLS OUT! The crowd pops huge as Zack's boot connects with Buff's jaw!

COACH
HOT DAMN! You could hear that in China!

Pin attempt:

1


2


3!!!!!!!!

CABOOSE
Ah crap! Zack Malibu just beat a former United States champion and potential tag team champion. Is there no justice in this world?

A thunderous ovation is heard as "Bring me to life" hits! Zack rolls off Buff, and makes his way to the corner! He steps onto the top turnbuckle, waves to Candie and pumps his fist in the air, a gesture that's mimicked by the crowd! Zack's roving eye catches Silver Star and the two exchange stares. Silver Star brushes the "dirt" off his shoulder and cockily informs Zack that he didn't pin him! He walks away with Zack shouting " Any time!" at him. Holly-wood gives Zack a round of applause, and makes the "call me" symbol as Candie jealously looks on.

COACH
Zack knows what's up. If she was his step sister he'd bone her.

COLE
Will you shut up?! Caboose, talk some sense into him.

CABOOSE
Eh, it's not like their babies would be deformed mutants with eight heads or nothing. I'd hit it. She's like a twelve on a ten point scale. All ass and all class.

 

[Chanel #99]

Cue: “I’m just a Girl’ by No Doubt

COLE
We re set for great one on one action!

Everybody in the arena goes BALLISTIC as Crystal makes her way down the ramp, a focused look apparent on her face.

COACH
And there she is guys, the girl who is going to be the Twenty-Four Seven Champion after AngleMania!

CABOOSE
Get your hand off it Coach, there is NO WAY that Crystal can beat Axel at AngleMania Three. He made her into what she is! She should be back by his side!

COLE
And at this point I have a major announcement for all HeldDown viewers, concerning next week. Next week, I will sit down with Axel and Crystal for an interview, in the backstage area. General Manager Northstar has set this interview up, and has said that the only four people allowed in the room are Axel, Crystal, the cameraman, and myself. No other talent or staff will be allowed inside the room for the duration of the interview. Also, if Axel and Crystal get violent, then their match at AngleMania Three will be cancelled, and they will both be suspended. That way we can see the truth come out, and we can make sure that nothing gets in the way of their match at AngleMania.

COACH
Wow, that’s big. It will all come out, all the feeling will come out next week! There is so much hatred here at the moment, and I want to know why!

CABOOSE
That’s right, next week you will hear Axel’s full story, and you will know the reason that Crystal betrayed him, and why he wanted her back.

COLE
Let’s go down to Michael Buffer.

Crystal slides into the ring and works the crowd, ascending the turnbuckles as Michael Buffer takes his position.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall, with a thirty-minute time limit. Introducing first, from Coquitlam Canada, The Female Phenom, CRYYYYYYSTTTAALLLLLLL!!!!

COLE
Crystal can’t wait to get her hands on Axel at AngleMania; he has had the better of the female Phenom for the last few weeks. But first, she has to go through the seven foot, three hundred and fifty pounder!

Cue: “Debonaire” by Dope

Rhyno’s former ECW theme kicks in as Gunner Sharps appears at the top of the ramp, with Axel in tow. Axel points at Crystal with a smile on his face, and Crystal just stares a hole in ‘The Dark One’. A fan tries to touch Gunner on the back, but Gunner gets right in the fan’s face, threatening to kick his ass!

CABOOSE
Kick that little bastard’s ass Gunner!

COLE
Now this isn’t fair! There is no need for Axel to be out here!

CABOOSE
He’s here for moral support!

BUFFER
And Crystal’s opponent, being accompanied by the OAOAST Twenty-Four Seven Champion Axel, he is from Detroit Michigan and weighs in tonight at Three Hundred and Fifty Five pounds, The Enforcer, GUNNERRRRRRRRRR SHARRRRRPSS!!!

CABOOSE
Gunner is focused tonight, he knows the importance of this match to his partner Axel, and he also wants to send a message to hi opponent at AngleMania, Panther.

COACH
That’s true Caboose. You gotta believe that Gunner will want to make an example out of Crystal, to show Panther what he has to look forward to at AngleMania Three, just like he showed Panther an example earlier, with that vicious spear.

Axel has his final words to Gunner, and Gunner slides into the ring… and is met by the boot of Crystal! Crystal lays the boots into Gunner, one stiff kick to the head after another, before running to the ropes!

COLE
Crystal out of the blocks fast here!

Gunner gets to his knees, but is taken back down with a vicious drop kick to the head by Crystal! Crystal goes for a cover, but Gunner powers out, even before the one count!

COACH
Great strategy by Crystal, she has to keep the big man down!

Gunner gets to his hands and knees, but Crystal sends him back down with an elbow drop to the back. Gunner tries to get up again, but Crystal drops a double axe handle to his back! Crystal runs to the ropes yet again as Gunner tries to stand, but Axel grabs one of Crystal’s feet as she hits the ropes, stopping her momentum! Crystal turns around and runs at Gunner…

COLE
Ref, get Axel out of here!

CABOOSE
Might be another dropkick attempt…

…but Gunner gets up quickly and charges, folding Crystal up like an accordion with a vicious clothesline!

CABOOSE
She took that LIKE A MAN!

COACH
Holy shit, she could be hurt!

Gunner stops for a minute and shakes his head to get the cobwebs out, before turning his attention to Crystal yet again. He picks her up by the hair, before grabbing her by the throat!

COACH
Come on ref! That’s an illegal chokehold!

Gunner grabs Crystal, and lifts her high for a Gorilla Press! Gunner walks over to the corner, and drops Crystal down, with her head bouncing off the top turnbuckle!

CABOOSE
Great show of strength here by Gunner. He could easily throw her into the third row now!

We see a shot of Axel grinning on the outside, and telling Gunner to ‘stay on her’.

COLE
Axel giving coaching tips on the outside, which is a load of crap in my opinion.

CABOOSE
Please Michael, all personal vendettas aside.

Gunner grabs Crystal yet again and pulls her up. Gunner scoops Crystal’s body in the air, and slams her down, before running to the ropes, and hitting a massive legdrop!

COLE
That huge tree trunk of a leg dropping over Crystal’s throat! Cover!

One…

Two…

No! Crystal kicks out.

COLE
Only a two count. Gunner’s going to have to do more than that to put Crystal away, she’s too resilient.

Crystal struggles to her knees, as Gunner stands poised, ready to charge. Crystal turns around and Gunner runs at her, but Crystal buries a right hand into Gunner’s stomach! Crystal lands forearms to the head of Gunner, and tries an Irish Whip.

COACH
Yeah! Go Crystal!

Gunner reverses the whip, and drives Crystal’s back into the mat with a hard powerslam! Gunner covers again…

One...

Two…

… But Crystal gets a shoulder up.

Gunner grabs Crystal by the hair again, lifts her up, and drives his knee into her stomach. Gunner follows the knee up with a hard clubbing blow to the back, followed by an uppercut that sends Crystal down to the mat. Crystal slowly gets up again, and is met by another hard knee to the stomach. Gunner lifts Crystal up for a Sidewalk Slam, and drives her down to the mat, her body now lifeless.

COLE
Gunner is in firm control of this one; Crystal is finding it really hard to get any offence in!

COACH
That’s completely understandable Michael; she is giving up over two hundred and fifty pounds to this monster. Gunner is throwing her around like a rag doll out there.

Axel yells at Gunner to ‘crush her’. Gunner steps outside the ring and climbs up to the top rope like a cat, before playing to the crowd.

COACH
H-he can’t do this. There’s no way… he’ll crush her…

Gunner launches himself off the top rope for a splash… but Crystal moves out of the way! Gunner gets nothing but canvas!

COLE
Crystal moved out of the way! Here’s her chance!

Gunner gets to his feet slowly, as does Crystal. Crystal runs at Gunner, but Gunner delivers another knee to Crystal’s stomach! Gunner grabs Crystals left arm and sends her for an Irish Whip. Crystal comes off the ropes, Gunner tries a clothesline but she ducks under, Gunner tries a back elbow but she ducks under again, and Crystal explodes off the ropes with a Spinning Heel Kick, taking the big man off his feet!

COLE
WOW! What impact by Crystal!

Crystal gets to her feet again and runs at the ropes. Gunner gets t his knees again, but is met by a stiff dropkick, right to the back of the head! Gunner struggles to his feet, and Crystal comes off the ropes again! Gunner catches her and tries for a Tilt a Whirl Slam, but Crystal counters into a flying headscissors! Gunner runs at Crystal again, but Crystal catches Gunner with a dropkick!

COACH
Go Crystal!

CABOOSE
Crystal is using her speed to her advantage, she has to hit and run in this match if she wants to have any chance of winning.

Crystal crouches into the corner and waits for Gunner to get up, signalling for a spear! Gunner gets up, turns around, Crystal charges… and spears Gunner, but he gets back up! Gunner staggers back, and Crystal tries another spear, but Gunner still doesn’t go down for long, he gets back up again!

COACH
She can’t get Gunner off his feet for longer than a second, even with two spears!

Crystal goes back into the corner again and sets up for a third spear! Crystal charges at Gunner, and lowers her head… but Gunner lifts his boot, and Crystal runs right into the massive size 17 head first!

COLE
Oh my god!

CABOOSE
Wow, that’ll stop you in your tracks right there.

Gunner again shakes the cobwebs out, and walks over to Crystal, who is again starting to get up. Gunner tries to get Crystal to her feet, but Crystal buries a right hand into his stomach! Gunner clutches his midsection in pain, and Crystal goes downstairs for a low blow!

CABOOSE
That isn’t fair! Disqualify her!

Crystal quickly steps outside the ring ropes and goes up to the top turnbuckle while Gunner is clutching his balls in pain.

COLE
Crystal going for some high risk!

Gunner turns around to face Crystal, and Crystal goes for the DREADED DOUBLE AXE HANDLE OF DOOM!!!! But Gunner grabs her by the throat on the way down! Gunner hooks Crystal up, and lifts her high in the air by the throat! CHOKESLAM on Crystal by Gunner Sharps!

COACH
What impact!

Gunner goes for a cover!

ONE…


TWOOOO…



NOOOOOOO~! Crystal gets a SHOULDER UP!

COLE
HUGE Chokeslam by Gunner Sharps!

Axel is seen yelling at Gunner ‘SPEAR! SPEAR!’

Gunner goes to the corner and crouches down, as Crystal tries to get to her feet in the opposite corner. Crystal finally gets to her feet, with help from the top rope. She turns around, as Gunner charges…


COACH
Look out Crystal!

...MOTHER FUCKING IMPACT SPEAR ON CRYSTAL BAH GAWD!!!


CABOOSE
THE SHARP END BY GUNNER SHARPS! HE’S GOT THE WIN!


Gunner starts to go for a cover, but Axel walks over and tells him to ‘Powerbomb the bitch to hell!!’

COLE
This isn’t right! Leave the poor girl alone!

Gunner somewhat reluctantly lifts Crystal’s lifeless body up and sets her u for a Powerbomb! Gunner lifts Crystal up and runs…



…but Crystal slides off and rolls Gunner up!!!


ONE…




TWOOOOOOOO…



THREEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!


COLE
YES!!! YES!!!


COACH
SHE DID IT!!!

*DING DING DING*

Cue: “I’m Just a Girl” by No Doubt

Crystal struggles to her knees and raises her arms up in the air in victory, after rolling Gunner up for the surprise three count! She gets to her feet with the aid of the top rope, as Michael Buffer announces her victorious!


BUFFER
Here is your winner, CRYYYYYYY-

COLE
Wait a minute!

Suddenly, Axel slides in the ring and grabs Crystal by the hair, as her music stops! Axel lifts Crystal up on his shoulders, and gives her a vicious Axel Slam, snapping her head and neck back onto the canvas! Crystal lays motionless in the ring, with Axel standing over her with a sick smile on his face!

COLE
Dammit! Dammit that isn’t right! Get him out of the ting! He has no business being here!

COACH
Get him out of here!

CABOOSE
And THAT is what you get when you mess with Axel!

Axel looks over Crystal’s fallen body as Gunner gets up and sees her lying lifeless on the ground. He looks at Axel and Axel tells him to ‘Powerbomb the bitch, NOW!’

COLE
You’ve made your point guys, real big and tough. Now get the hell out of ere!

Gunner looks at Axel and shakes his head, to a small pop from the crowd. He tells Axel ‘That’s enough.’ He leaves the ring, with Axel following reluctantly behind him. We see Axel asking Gunner why he wouldn’t Powerbomb her, and Gunner just shrugging him off and walking away, saying ‘This is going too far’.

COACH
Well at least Gunner showed a little decency and compassion toward a fellow human being, which is the first I’ve seen of that.

CABOOSE
He was soft!

COLE
Don’t forget the two big matches that are related to this match guys, first, we have the monster Gunner Sharps, taking on the incomparable Panther, with Chris Bryte as the special guest referee.

CABOOSE
Bryte had better not get in the way of Gunner’s business in ten days at AngleMania, or he could find himself on the Sharp End.

COLE
And the big one guys, the OAOAST Twenty-Four Seven Championship will be decided between two bitter rivals, Axel the champion, and The Female Phenom, Crystal.

COACH
These two have a storied past, and they will collide at AngleMania, but they will have to try and keep their hands off each other next week, as both sit down for a Hands Off interview with Michael Cole.

COLE
Ladies and Gentlemen, up next we have a special Dream Tag Team Partner matchup, featuring the reigning X Division Champion, and his opponent for AngleMania, Jacob Lyne. You won’t want to miss it!


*COMMERCIAL BREAK*

[Chanel #99]

(We see the OAOAST tag team champions, TNT, entering their locker room. They're dressed in jeans and the brand new "TNT" T-shirts that say "Dynamite" on the back and T.N.T." on the front. They're in a minor spat over money and smokes and don't notice anything around them.)

TJ: Got any odds on ya, bud?

Tyler: What for?

TJ: I left me smokes at the airport. Got a few?

Tyler: None for you, wanker.

(Tyler shoves TJ away.)

TJ: Y'startin?

Holly-wood (off screen): Boys.

(Stunned, Tyler and TJ turn away from each other and face Northstar's step sister, Holly-wood, who's clad in a dark navy halter dress and smoking a cigarette.)

TJ(whispering to Tyler): Look at the funbags on her.

Tyler(whispering back): Shut up.

Holly-wood: Boys!

Tyler: Yes ma'am. Hello

Holly-wood: Hi!

(Holly reaches into her purse and hands TJ a cigarette. She does him another favor by providing a light.)

Holly-wood: From my purse to your heart. A gift!

TJ: Appreciated.

(Holly offers TJ a smoke but he shakes his head.)

Tyler: Not that we're not thrilled to have such a classy lady in our locker room, but can I ask what yer doin here?

TJ: Yeah, we usually just get floozies who want an Aussie kiss and a quick smoke.

(Holly laughs)

Holly-wood: We can talk about "going down under" later. Right now, I wanna talk business, lads.

TJ: Wot business do ya have with us?

Holly-wood: Tag Team title business, boys. I understand my brother caved in to some outside pressure from a certain anonymous adversary and booked you two in a fourway tag match at the biggest show of the year, and didn't even think of consulting you.! For shame!

Tyler: Say that again.

Holly-wood: But, hey, you two are still running the show, you know. Last I checked, it's only a proposed fourway. The match only has two teams and two vacant spots. Call me devious and underhanded, but I'm thinking it would be in both your best interests to keep it that way, you know.

TJ: Why's that?

Holly-wood: Oh, TJ, think of it mathematically! When there's three other teams in the match, that's six other people who could score a pinfall and send you back to Ireland empty handed.

Tyler: But if its just Flameout and Silver Star. We just have to pin em and them alone.

(Holly-wood smiles and nods, glad that TYler's picking up what she's putting down)

Holly-wood: Right on! Now you're getting it, Ty! The fewer people in the match, the fewer people there are to take your belts. That's called logic! What I'm proposing is that you, Flameout and Silver Star team up in an effort to prevent any potential opponents from entering the fourway match. By doing this you'll both increase your chances of walking out of AM with the tag team titles. What do ya say?

TJ: Fine by me. We''ll team up now, but at AM III we'll put their teeth in a bag. Flameout and Silver Star haven't got a snowball's chance in hell of beatin us.

(Holly nods. She shakes hands with TJ and Tyler as we fade out)

(Cut to the SC)

Coach: What if she was your real sister, but you didn't know she was your real sister, but you had kind of a thought that she was? Would you do Holly? I sure would. The whole sister thing just makes it even kinkier, playa!

Cole: Well, it'd be like Luke Skywalker and that chick he fucked in Star Wars

Coach: Well, we have just TEN DAYS to go before AngleMania Three. The road to AngleMania continues, and it continues right now!

Cue: Man in the Box by Alice in Chains

BUFFER
The following contest is a Dream Tag Team Partner match, scheduled for one fall! One the way t the ring, from Detroit Michigan, weighing in at two hundred and fifteen pounds, the X Division Champion, A. J. FLAIREEEEEEE!!!

AJ walks down the ramp with his new, cockier attitude apparent. He spins around ala Ric Flair, before stepping into the ring and grabbing a microphone.

AJ
I decided, when choosing my partner for this Dream Tag Team contest, that I needed a man that knew all of Jacob Lyne’s moves, and had seen Jacob Lynes best day. Even though that meant picking a former opponent, I didn’t mind, because, I have respect for him, and he has respect for me. So I would like to introduce you to my partner for this evening, former X Division Champion and WCW Television Champion, SLY SOMMERS!!

COLE
What?

Cue: ‘Orange Crush’ by REM

Sly struts out to ringside, the crowd in shock at AJ’s choice of partner. Sly slides into the ring and greets AJ with a handshake, before climbing up to the turnbuckles and posing for the crowd.

CABOOSE
Well, who else could you pick Michael? This guy is going to be the Number One Contender to the OAOAST Championship after AngleMania!

COACH
Well, I think a certain someone would disagree with that statement.

Suddenly, Jacob Lyne appears on the big screen, a wide smile on his face!

LYNE
AJ, I had a feeling you were going to choose Sly Sommers as your partner, so I contacted a guy yesterday who I know would love to be in this match. Sly, he’s coming for your ass!

Cue: ‘Oh Hell Yeah’ by H-Blocx

The crowd goes INSANE when Peter Knight and Jacob Lyne sprint down the ramp and slide into the ring to meet their opponents, Lyne going straight for AJ, and PK going for Sly. Both pairs exchange right hands, with Lyne and PK getting the advantage. Double Irish Whip by PK and Lyne, AJ, and Sly come off the ropes, and deliver simultaneous Spinning Heel Kicks! Lyne and PK roll out of the ring, as AJ and Sly run to the other side of the ring. They come off the ropes and springboard off the top, delivering stereo planchas to their opponents!

CABOOSE
Breathtaking offence by AJ Flaire and Sly Sommers!

Sly gets up and rolls PK into the ring, while AJ picks Jacob Lyne up and starts delivering hard chops and stiff kicks to the midsection. Sly rolls into the ring and grabs Peter Knight from behind, hitting a USA High Angle Backdrop! Sly goes for the cover!

ONE…


TWO…


NO! PK kicks out at two.


PK gets up and backs into the corner, with Sly following. Sly starts to open up on PK, hitting hard right hands, and stiff chops, coupled with kicks to Knight’s stomach. Sly tries an Irish Whip, PK reverses, and Sly goes into the corner. PK runs at Sly, but Sly delivers a back elbow, and PK staggers backwards, ducking his head. Sly runs forward and delivers a knee to the face, followed by a neckbreaker to complete the Bob Saget Deluxe Special!

CABOOSE
Great move by Sly, PK’s in trouble!

ONE…


TWOOO…


NO! PK kicks out!

Meanwhile, on the outside, Jacob Lyne has gained the advantage and he Irish Whips AJ Flaire into the steel ring steps, sending AJ crashing into them shoulder first!

COLE
What a collision!

On the inside of the ring, Sly measures PK and goes to the other side of the ring as PK pulls himself up via the ropes. Sly runs at PK, but PK uses Slys own momentum to throw Sly over the top rope!

COACH
Oh my! Sly goes all the way to the floor!

Jacob Lyne picks AJ Flaire up by the hair and rolls him into the ring, as Peter Knight starts to stomp a mudhole in Sly Sommers on the outside! Lyne gets up on the apron and grabs the top rope, with AJ lying prone inside the ring. Lyne propels himself over the top rope and does a forward flip, landing in a legdrop right across the throat of AJ Flaire! Jacob Lyne goes for the cover!

ONE…


TWOOO…


NO! AJ Kicks out!


CABOOSE
So what, AJ and Jacob are the legal men now?

COLE
The referee has lost all control of this matchup, the rivalries are too heated!

Jacob Lyne grabs AJ by the hair and lifts him to his feet, as Peter Knight continues to work on Sly Sommers on the outside. Lyne gives AJ an Irish Whip, AJ reverses, AJ tries a clothesline but Lyne ducks, Lyne runs to the other side, springboards off the second rope, turns in mid air, and hits a high Crossbody! Cover by Jacob Lyne!

ONE…


TWOOOOO…


NOOOO!!! AJ kicks out again!

COLE
Great counter by Jacob Lyne, really showing the X Division Champions what’s in store for AngleMania.

Meanwhile on the outside of the ring, Peter Knight sets Sly up for an Irish Whip, and launches him into the steel ring post! Sly flies off the post and lands on the mats on the outside, as PK continues to lay heavy boots to his head! PK picks Sly up and puts him between his legs!

COLE
My God, he’s gonna try a Piledriver on the outside!

Knight tries to lift Sly up for the Piledriver, but Sly reverses into a back body drop, and falls down to his knees, as PK lands flat on his back on the outside, his body making a thud as it hits the thin mats!

CABOOSE
Sly would have had a concussion at best if PK had of executed that move. He just got out of that in time guys!


Jacob Lyne grabs AJ by the hair again, lifts him to his feet, and applies a front face lock. Lyne tries to lift AJ up for a suplex, but AJ blocks it, and delivers one of his own! AJ holds onto the front face lock, gets up and delivers a second suplex! AJ holds on yet again, and delivers a third vertical suplex, dropping Jacob Lyne right on his back!

COLE
Triple Vertical by AJ Flaire! He had that before that other popular guy had it!

AJ gets up and looks at the prone body of Jacob Lyne… IN ANGER~! He climbs to the turnbuckles and goes for the Extra Special…


…but Jacob Lyne moves out of the way! AJ rolls out of the Twisting Four Fifty, and runs at Jacob Lyne, but he is met with a high dropkick that almost makes an imprint in his face! Jacob Lyne staggers back, and then signals for the end! He starts to get AJ Flaire to his feet!

COLE
Stiff dropkick there by Jacob Lyne!


Sly and PK are exchanging right hands on the outside, while Jacob Lyne hits a Brainbuster!

COLE
Jacob Lyne is in firm control of the X Division Champion!

On the outside of the ring, Sly and PK are exchanging hard right hands. Sly gets the advantage on PK with a low kick! Sly then walks away from PK and pulls something out of his pocket… a chain!

COLE
That’s a chain! Someone take that away from him!

The referee is distracted by Jacob Lyne and AJ Flaire! Sly wraps the chain around his fist, and waits for PK to come after him! PK runs at Sly, and Sly takes hi out with a chain-loaded right hand!

COACH
What a shot! That knocked Peter Knight out!

Meanwhile, Jacob Lyne drags AJ Flaire over to the corner, and ascends the turnbuckles, climbing to the top!

COLE
He’s going for the Crop Circle! Jacob Lyne is going to beat the X Champion!

Suddenly, Sly jumps up onto the apron and pushes Jacob Lyne of the top turnbuckle, and back first onto the canvas!

COLE
Ref, get him away from there!

The referee can do nothing, as Sly just jumps off the apron and starts to back up the ramp! AJ Flaire gets up slowly, just as Jacob Lyne does the same! Jacob Lyne tries for a clothesline, AJ ducks, boot to the midsection by AJ Flaire, THAT’S PHENOMENAL PILEDRIVER ON JACOB LYNE!

ONE…



TWOOOOOOOOOO…


COLE
Not like this, no!



THREEEEEEEEEE!!!


The bell sounds as ‘Man in the Box’ starts up, and AJ Flaire gets his arm raise by the referee. The referee hands AJ his X Division belt, and he gets right in Jacob Lyne’s face, mocking him and telling him that he’s never going to be the X Division Champion.

COLE
That is a shocking result! First Sly Sommers cheated when he levelled PK with that chain, and then Sly knocked Jacob Lyne off the top rope, and AJ took advantage to hit That’s Phenomenal. AJ can think himself lucky that he walked away with a victory this night.

A shot of Jacob Lyne his shown with him clutching his head in pain. The camera then switches to the now-bloody Peter Knight, his face a crimson mask of red from the chain shot. AJ Flaire rolls out of the ring and walks up the ramp to join Sly Sommers, where they raise each other’s arms in celebration of their fallen opponents.

COACH
Well I don’t think either of those men will be so lucky at AngleMania.

COLE
That’s right Coach, two matches also stem from this contest, with the first being the X Division Championship match. AJ Flaire, the X Champ, goes one on one with the Super X Cup winner, Jacob Lyne.

CABOOSE
That should be one hell of a match; it’s all about respect for both men.

COLE
And then the match with some of the highest stakes at AngleMania, it’s for the Number One Contendership of the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship, with Sly Sommers colliding with Peter Knight.

COACH
High stakes for these two men, the winner will be elevated into the upper echelon of our great company.

COLE
Well viewers, stay tuned for more great action, you are watching HeldDown!

*COMMERCIAL*

[Chanel #99]

(Return from break)

"Black" by Sevendust kicks in on the arena speakers as the lights go down!

BUFFER
"The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Making his way down the aisle, from Minneapolis, Minnesota, weighing in at 275 pounds of muscle...Hoff!"

Hoff steps out ontot he stage and looks across the crowd. They come to life, some cheering, and some booing.

COLE
"This crowd still very split in their feelings towards Hoff."

COACH
"Well, yeah, I mean, he's still a dick, but he's seemingly trying to do the right thing and stand up to CWM!"

COLE
"We saw earlier tonight that Hoff showed up, somehow, with papers clearing CWM to compete in an OAOAST ring. And fans, we have just received word from the back that it is now official. Hoff and CWM will go at it at Anglemania 3!"

Hoff walks down the ramp, stopping to point to a fan with a large "Hoff" sign.

COACH
"So what'ya say to that, 'Boose? After all your talk last week, it looks like the match is on!"

CABOOSE
"Well you know what, good for them. If you ask me, they're a pair of idiots, and one of them is gonna end up dead, and it'll probably be this idiot walking to the ring."

COLE
"You may be right, but Hoff has seemed very focused, very determined as of late."

Hoff rolls in under the bottom rope and pops to his feet. He heads for the far turnbuckle, climbs, and waves the crowd to their feet. The fans' boos turn to mostly cheers as Hoff's music fades out. A rock/salsa tune fills the air in its place.

BUFFER
"And his opponent, weighing in at 185 pounds....Phoenix!"

The fans' reaction dies down as the masked luchadore comes to the ring, although he receives some cheers as he plays to the crowd.

COLE
"So what do you know about this guy, Caboose?"

CABOOSE
"Well, he's got more credentials than Tom Goran, but we don't know much really. He's a young kid, trained in Mexico, and looking to make an impact in the OAOAST."

COACH
"Why didn't you ask me what I knew?"

COLE
"Because we already know that you know nothing."

CABOOSE
"Michael! Well done."

Coach pouts as the masked Phoenix enters the ring. He looks at Hoff, then plays to the crowd.

COLE
"This should be an interesting mix of styles."

The bell rings as Hoff and Phoenix circle each other. Phoenix feigns a lunge, but jumps back. Finally, both men come together in a collar and elbow tie-up, and Hof forces Phoenix back to the corner. Hoff moves in with a choke, but the referee calls for the break. Hoff gives a clean break and steps back.

COLE
"Nice clean break there by Hoff; you wonder if we'd have seen that a month ago?"

Phoenix comes charging out of the corner and the two lock up again, but Hoff simply powers him down and shoves him to the mat. Phoenix pops up and tries again, but this time Hoff sidesteps and throws him into the turnbuckle!

COACH
"Nice moves there by Hoff! He's like a cat!"

CABOOSE
"That's a pretty big cat."

COACH
"AW YEAH BABY~!"

CABOOSE
".....what?!"

COACH
"I don't even know anymore."

Hoff follows him in and whips him to the far corner. Hoff charges in after him, but Phoenix bounds off the corner, lands behind Hoff, and rolls him up quickly! The referee makes the count, but Hoff kicks out at two!

COLE
"Some quickness out the luchadore as well!"

CABOOSE
"Well no kidding! He's a LUCHADORE, Michael."

Phoenix goes to pick Hoff up, but Hoff catches him with a shot to the abdomen. Hoff slips behind Phoenix and drops him with a pendulum backbreaker!

COLE
"Nice move there by Hoff!"

Hoff makes a quick cover, but it only gets two. Hoff pulls Phoenix off the mat, punches him a ouple times, and whips him off the ropes, meeting him with a back elbow smash! Phoenix stumbles backwards. Hoff comes off the ropes looking for a clothesline, but Phoenix dropkicks him and sends him down to the mat! Phoenix springs to his feet and meets Hoff with a diving dropkick to the face as Hoff rises! Hoff falls to the mat, and Phoenix makes a cover!



ONE.........









TWO...............








KICKOUT! Hoff kicks out with ease!

COACH
"Some quick kicks there by Phoenix, eally took Hoff by surprise!"

COLE
"Yeah, but it's gonna take more than a few dropkick to keep Hoff down for the count."

Phoenix pulls Hoff up and whips him into the corner. Phoenix hits Hoff with a hard knife edge chop, and another! He whips Hoff out of the corner, but Hoff reverses, and pulls Phoneix back into a short-arm clothesline!

COLE
"Short-arm clothesline, we've seen Hoff use that before!"

CABOOSE
"You know a lot of guys throw clotheslines, but Hoff really seems to enjoy just knocking the piss out of guys with them."

The fans cheer as Hoff flexes his bicep after the big clothesline. Hoff bends down to pull Phoenix up, but Phoenix rakes at Hoff's face with his feet and sends the big man stumbling away!

COLE
"Caught him by surprise!"

Phoenix nips up, and catches Hoff with a legscissors that sends the big man out of the ring! Phoenix watches Hoff as he gets to his feet, then runs off the far side and catches Hoff with a baseball slide dropkick that sends Hoff into the guardrail!

COACH
"Hoff is reeling after that little move!"

Phoenix sizes Hoff up, grabs the top rope, and springboards off the top with a big body press, but Hoff moves out of the way and Phoenix hits the guardrail!

COLE
"Nobody home on the high-risk maneuver!"

Hoff turns around and pulls his adversary off the guardrail. Hoff scoops Phoenix up and slams him to the floor, then climbs onto the ring apron. Hoff looks down at Phoenix...

COACH
"Where's he going here?"

....and jumps off the apron with a big legdrop!

CABOOSE
"Whoa!"

COACH
"You said it buddy!"

Phoenix's body jerks as Hoff crashes down onto his windpipe! Hoff picks Phoenix up and throws him into the ring. Hoff climbs onto the apron...and then onto the turnbuckle. Hoff climbs all the way up to the top...

COLE
"Hoff up to the top now...this is unfamiliar territory for him!"

CABOOSE
"WHat the hell is he thinking?"

Hoff looks down....and drops a BEAUTIFUL flying elbow drop across Phoenix's chest!

COLE
"My GOD! What a huge elbow from the big man!"

CABOOSE
"TEXTBOOK form, man I was NOT expecting that!"

COLE
"Shades of our own "Macho Man" Randy Savage....and Hoff goes for the cover!"


ONE!!!!!!!!!







TWO!!!!!!!!!!!









THREENO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phoenix BARELY kicks out of the elbow!

COACH
"I thought he had him."

The fans are still cheering after the big move! Hoff slaps the mat and gets to his feet. Hoff pulls Phoneix up and grabs him from behind in a waistlock. Hoff throws Phoenix over for a German suplex, but Phoenix flips over and lands on his feet!

CABOOSE
"NIce counter!"

Phoenix pushes Hoff into the ropes and tries to roll him up, but Hoff hooks his arm on the top rope! Phoenix rolls backwards and onto his feet, charges at Hoff, but Hoff LEVELS him with a clothesline as he runs in!

CABOOSE
"This is the beginning of the end, guys."

The fans are UP out of their seats after the power move from Hoff. Hoff surves Phoenix, slowly walks behind him, and motions for him to get up. Phoenix crawls up the ropes...turns around....and walks right into a Rock Bottom as the fans explode!!"

Hoff makes the cover!

ONE!!!!








TWO!!!!!!!!!!!










THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*ding ding ding*

BUFFER
"The winner of this bout....HOFF!!!"

Hoff climbs the ropes as the fans cheer him on. There are still a few boos, but the arena is mostly on its feet, supporting the big man.

COACH
"Man these fans showing Hoff a lot of love!"

COLE
"Well he made short work of Phoenix here tonight and...hey, what's this?"

Hoff hops off the turnbuckle and turns around to face Phoenix, who is helped to his feet by the referee. Hoff stares at Phoenix with a cold look in his eye...then offers his hand.

COACH
"What?"

Phoenix looks at Hoff doubtfully...and then shakes Hoff's hand! Hoff raises Phoenix's arm as the fans go BANANA!

CABOOSE
"What the hell is this?"

COLE
"I think I get it, guys. Phoenix is just trying to make a name for himself...and so is Hoff. Both these guys have something to prove, and I think Hoff gets that."

Hoff turns back and plays to the crowd, raising his arms as they continue to cheer.

CABOOSE
"Whatever. I hope CWM tears his head off."

COLE
"Well, in ten days, you may get your wish...but we've got more action right here tonight!"

(Go to break)

(Return from break)
(We see Jenna Elfman and Northstar in his office. Arguing over incidents that occured last week.)

Northstar: Can you please calm down!

Jenna: I am, calm.

Northstar: Really? Because, the dearly departed vase you just hurled at my head says differently!

Jenna: Flower pot.

Northstar: What?

Jenna: It was flower pot, and you're high on pot if you think for one second I'm going to forget what happened last week!

Northstar: Christ on a cracker! I've spent the last seven days...

(The phone rings. Northstar wants to ignore it, but Jenna protests.)

Jenna: Answer that.

Northstar: Nah, it's not important.

Jenna: Edward, answer the friggin phone!

Northstar: Why?

Jenna: Because it's annoying! "RIIIIIING!" It's like a dripping faucet "Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip." Or a car alarm that never shuts up, "bwwraaaam! bwwraaaam! bwwraaaam! bwwraaaam!"

Northstar: What the fuck?

Jenna: That's a car alarm! "bwwraaaam! bwwraaaam! bwwraaaam! bwwraaaam!"

Northstar: Stop! Stop!

Jenna: See it's annoying, ain't it. BWWRAAAAAM!

Northstar: Stop!

(Northstar picks up the phone but Jenna snatches it out of his hand)

Jenna: Let me. Hello, you've reached the offices of sports entertainment's flagship show, HeldDOWN. This is Jenna, to whom may I direct your call?

Voice: Lemme speak to the homosexual.

Jenna: It's for you.

(Jenna hands the phone over to Northstar)

Northstar: Hi there!

Voice: God damn it!

Northstar: Bill?

Jenna: Bill who? Clinton? Let me talk.

Northstar: Quit being so obnoxious!

Bill Watts: Callin me obnoxious?

Northstar: No! No, sir! I would never utter a disparaging remark about the man who makes my career worth uh...um...doing?

Watts: Don't you patronize me, fairy. I don't trust you as far as I can throw you and my arm's getting stronger every day!

(Northstar laughs nervously)

Northstar: That's great sir!

Jenna: What's great?

Northstar: Nothing. I'll tell you later.

Watts: Are you ignoring me, you miserable piece of dolled up pond scum? I'm of sound mind to hop in my Chevy drive down to wherever you're holdin the show and give you a good old fashioned ass kicking, the likes of which have been comin your way for a while! You ignoring me ain't helpin my temperament. Hell I almost beat your ass last week, but I was to busy talk with Alix Spezia.

(Northstar takes a seat on the desk and turns his body away from Jenna)

Northstar: You talked with Alix?

Watts: Hell yes, ya damn fool! I went to see her in the hospital.

Northstar: You saw her? How does she look? Is she, I mean, does she look okay? Does she want to see me?

Watts: Does she want to see you? What kind of self centered snot nosed punk are you? You're the one who put her in the damn hospital in the first damn place! She's not going to see until the time is right. I don't know why she'd ever want to look you in the eye again after what you did. But that girl did you the biggest favor of your life, she saved your hide by deciding not to sue. Because if she had a lawsuit filed against the company, it would've been the end of you're employment with the OAOAST.

(Northstar ignores the last important comment.)

Northstar: So, like, when does she want to see me? I have so many things I need to tell her.

Watts: That's part of the out of court settlement we reached. You can see her at Anglemania, I just don't think you'll be saying much with her kicking your teeth down your throat.

Northstar: C'mon, she won't attack me. She still loves me, she wouldn't hurt me.

Watts: How's she gonna win the match? Can't beat someone unless you hurt 'em.

Northstar: Match? Hurt? What in blazes are you babbling about now, trailer park?

Watts: Alix asked me if she could wrestle you at Anglemania. I told her that she wasn't in any shape to wrestle, but she told me that she didn't care. Even if she has to wrestle you in a wheel chair match, she's still going to be there. She's still going to kick your ass, and I'm looking forward to it! Gotta admire that spunk, eh.

Northstar: Have you taken leave of your senses, old man? She has a fucking fractured collar bone, and a lower back strain! Not to mention the countless minor injuries she's received! I won't do it! I refuse to do it. I'll never wrestle her!

Watts: Fine. You don't wrestle her, you don't work for the OAOAST anymore. Understood? Because if you don't show up at Anglemania ready to right, I will fire you. You owe the girl a chance to stand up and fight. Whether you really did order the attack on her last week isn't important. After what you've done to her for the past six months and how you've mistreated her, the girl is owed a fighting chance and I'm ordering you to give it to her!

(Northstar drops the phone, and buries his face in his hands. The phone hangs off the desk for about forty seconds before Jenna picks it up)

Jenna: Hola! I couldn't help but over hear your conversation.

Watts: Who in the Sam hill are you?

Jenna: I'm the special guest ref for Alix and Northstar's big match at Anglemania!

Watts: Woman, you are a minion of the devil himself.

(Jenna sits on the desk and rubs Northstar's back as she talks on the phone)

Jenna: No, I'm just his girlfriend! But seriously, make me the special guest referee. After all, I feel partially responsible for their falling out. The least I can do is make sure they have a fair and safe match, and don't do anything they'll wind up regretting. Maybe, I can even make everything right again. Or maybe I'll just make things wrose, but I think their relationship can only get better, and I'm sure I can help. I'm not convinced that a wrestling match is the best place to start, but I'll work with what I'm given. So, can I be the ref or what?

Watts: Do I have to pay you?

Jenna: I'll do it for free!

Watts: Job's yours. At Anglemania the world is going to see Northstar take on Alix with you as the special guest referee.

(Bill hangs up before Jenna can even say thank you. Jenna turns her attention back to Northstar.)

Jenna: Don't worry. Things will work out. They may not work out the way you planned, but it will work out.

Cut to Josh Matthews, standing by backstage. The camera pans to the right, and Matthews quickly shoves the mic in the face of the two men who are walking by, Johnny "Jam" Jackson and Scotty Static, the Global Party Exchange.

JOSH
Johnny, Scotty, tonight it's the final match in the Seven Sins Series. You two are up against the Minions in a streetfight. What are your thoughts going into this contest?

SCOTTY
Jiggy Josh, I can't even gather my thoughts right now, and you want us on promo-time? Look, maybe after we win this war once and for all, you can...

CRACK!

The interview gets cut short in a big way, as a chair weilded by someone from off-camera smacks Static across the head, sending him falling to the floor. The cameraman turns around to catch Nathaniel and Michael, the Minions of Mayhem, standing their, with Michael clutching the chair.

MICHAEL
Time for talking is through.

Johnny Jackson checks on his partner, but then turns around, mouthing obscenities at the Minions as he pounces on Michael! Nathaniel tries to pull him off, but Jackson turns around and delivers a haymaker shot that sends him stumbling back into the wall. Jackson turns back around to Michael, trading blows with him, then kicking him in the ribs. Michael hunches over, and Jackson picks up the steel chair that leveled his partner, and brings it crashing down across Michael's back! The young follower of St. Andrew falls to his knees in pain, but Nathaniel retaliates, clotheslining Jackson from behind, causing him to drop the weapon! Nathaniel takes Jackson by the head and slams him facefirst into the wall, then drags him and hurls him through the curtain, out onto the entrance stage!

COLE
They're out here now!

COACH
Is this it? Are we having the seventh match right now, or is this just the pre-game show?

CABOOSE
It's a streetfight. I say it should count, because at this rate, the Minions will have the match won by the time they hit ringside.

The brawling continues up the aisleway, with Jackson getting the advantage, then taking Nathaniel and hurling him into the ring under the bottom rope. Jackson heads in after him, but the crowd starts booing loudly. Michael has run down the aisle, and climbs to the top rope, behind Jackson's back. Nathaniel provides a distraction, and Michael leaps off, but Jackson sidesteps it, and Michael nails his partner with a missle dropkick! Stunned by what he's done, Michael gets caught with a kick by Jackson as he gets up, then Johnny pulls him in, lifts him up, and slams him hard into the mat with a snap powerbomb!

COLE
He was folded like an accordian!

CABOOSE
I bet you used to play the accordian, didn't you?

Some in the crowd cheer, as HeldDOWN~! official Charles Robinson darts down the aisle and into the ring. He quickly waves his hand at the timekeeper for the bell to be rung.

COACH
It's over?

COLE
No, it's just beginning!

CABOOSE
Are you reading from a B-movie script or something?

The match now OFFICIALLY underway, sees Jackson try to capitalize on his powerbomb by going for a cover, but he's quickly pulled off of Michael by Nathaniel. The other half of the Minions picks Jackson up, and whips him to the ropes, but tucks his head. Jackson attempts a fakeout, sliding under his legs and coming up behind him! Jackson grabs him by the waist, but Nathaniel counters, then lifts Jackson up, and Michael grabs Jackson by the head, as the Minions hit Jackson with a back suplex/neckbreaker combination!

Suddenly, the crowd ERUPTS, as Scotty Static comes out from the back, his forehead bleeding after the chair shot. However, Scotty is weilding his own metallic weapon of mass destruction...a ladder! The Minions see this and back off of Jackson in the ring, as Scotty slides the ladder into the ring. When he tries to enter, the Minions pounce on him, but Scotty fights back, dishing out punches to both of his rivals. He clotheslines Michael out of the ring to the floor, but gets caught from behind by Nathaniel, who spins him around and scoops him up to slam him on the ladder, however Scotty falls behind him. Nathaniel quickly turns around, but when he goes to hit Scotty his arm is held back, as Jackson is up, hooks him with a full nelson, and then hits a full nelson slam onto the ladder!

COACH
YO~!

Jackson drags Nathaniels carcass off the ladder, and positions him on the canvas. As Johnny sets the ladder up, Scotty ducks outside to get Michael back in the ring, but catches a low kick for his troubles! With Scotty stunned, Michael roots around under the apron, and pulls out a table!

COLE
We've got tables, we've got ladders...

COACH
...and chairs, OH MY~!

CABOOSE
That's gimmick infringment. I hate you unoriginal shmucks.

Michael hoists the table up, and whacks Scotty in the head with it, then props it up at ringside. Michael then takes the dazed member of the GPX and rolls him onto the table, then punches at his open wound in an effort to wear him out.

Meanwhile in the ring, Jackson has propped up the ladder, but sees Michael heading to the top rope in an effort to put Scotty Static through the table on the floor below. Jackson heads up top, and nails Michael with a shot, then tries to superplex him into the ring, but Michael wraps his legs around the ropes to block. Nathaniel is up now, and he gets under Jackson, lifting him up on his shoulders and backing away from the corner, holding him so that the Minions can use the Doomsday Device, however Jackson counters by using a victory rolls on Nathaniel, ducking under Michael's flying lariat and sends him falling to the mat! Robinson makes the count...only two!

Both men up, and Jackson backs Nathaniel into the corner, and chops away, then attempts to whip him into the ladder, but Nathaniel runs towards it, then RUNS UP THE STEPS, launching himself backwards with a gorgeous moonsault bodyblock that wipes Jackson out! Rather than go for a cover, Nathaniel helps his partner up, and then goes and takes the ladder, folding it up and placing it in the far corner. Michael and Nathaniel then pick Johnny, each taking an arm, and send him into the corner, crashing backfirst against the ladder! Johnny is reeling from the manuever, and now the Minions hook each other's arms, doing a little do-see-do, as Michael whips Nathaniel into Jackson, crushing him against the ladder, only to be followed up with a flying splash from Michael! Jackson falls face first to the canvas, and the Minions celebrate, but before they can make another move, they're stopped by Scotty Static springboarding in and hitting a double dropkick, catching each Minion in the chest!

COLE
Scotty Static, and now Johnny Jackson, have felt the brunt of these weapons moreso than the Minions tonight, but they keep coming back.

CABOOSE
Stupidly, I might add. Lucky for them it's only been a chair shot here, or a ladder there. It wouldn't surprise me to see the Minions bust something more sinister out of their repetoire.

Static goes and retrieves the ladder from the corner, tossing it up on his shoulders so that his head peeks through one of the spaces between the steps. As the Minions get up, Static spins around out of control, swinging the ladder around and nailing Michael in the back of the head, while catching Nathaniel square in the mush! Static then sets the ladder leaning up in the other corner (closest to where the table on the floor is). He grabs Nathaniel by the legs, and catapults him over, but Nathaniel is able to block, landing on the ladder, but Scotty turns around quickly and shoves him off, to the outside, and Nathaniel takes a flip bump down through the table!

COACH
Your table is ready, haha!

CABOOSE
Who writes your jokes? You make Jimmy Fallon seem like George Carlin.

The chants of "Holy Shit" go up, as Static pulls the ladder out of the corner, and stands it up near the ropes. He starts walking up the ladder, but gets grabbed about halfway up by Nathaniel, who grabs him by the ankle! Scotty kicks off, but Nathaniel is persistent, until a chair is brought down across The Minions back, courtesy of Johnny "Jam" Jackson! Static jumps down, and the GPX look to the crowd, working them up, before each one ducks out of a side of the ring, and goes under the apron. Jackson and Scotty then both come up, and all of a sudden we have two tables sliding into the ring!

COACH
Did Northstar rent out storage space to Home Depot or something?

Scotty sets up his table, as does Jackson, but Scotty sees Michael slowly climbing onto the apron. Scotty goes for him, but Michael hits a shoulderblock through the ropes, then launches over with a sunset flip, but Jackson rolls through and hits a basement dropkick to his chin! Static quickly pulls Michael up and throws him onto the table he's got set up, and then points to the top of the ladder, drawing cheers from the fans!

COACH
He doesn't mean what I think he means, does he?

CABOOSE
No, he's pointing to the kid in the nosebleeds with the out of date Big McLargeHuge shirt on.

COACH
Oh.

CABOOSE
Twit.

Scotty starts to climb up the ladder, while Jackson tries to get Nathaniel on the table but is unsuccessful. As the two of them stand atop the table and brawl, Scotty Static makes it all the way to the top of the ladder, drawing ooh's and aah's from everyone in attendance. Scotty Static stands facing the aisleway, but as he does, he doesn't see Nathaniel falling behind Jackson's shoulders as he attempted to Beat Drop him through the table! Scotty leaps off, turning in mid-air into a senton, aka the Static Shock, FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER...

...AT THE SAME TIME NATHANIEL PUTS JACKSON THROUGH THE TABLE WITH ETERNAL DAMNATION~!

COACH
YO~!

COLE
MY GOD, DID YOU SEE THAT!?

CABOOSE
SEE WHAT COLE? ALL I SEE ARE BODIES EVERYWHERE!

Table shrapnel, spinters, ladders and chairs litter the ring, as well as the four lifeless bodies of both The Minions and the Global Party Exchange. Scotty Static, his body still draped across Michael after impact, and Nathaniel, a limp arm stretched across the chest of Jackson, are both in pinning predicaments. Referee Charles Robinson starts a count, figuring that one, or both people, may kick out...

ONE!

TWO!!

THREE!!!

The bell sounds, and fans cheer for the finish...but what was it?

COLE
So what's the end result?

COACH
GPX! GPX!

CABOOSE
No way, dancing queen. The Minions have this one in the bag! The Minions have won the Seven Sins Series.

Robinson converses with the timekeeper, as some fans throw up a "GPX" chant. All four men are still laying still, and suddenly boos are heard, as the cameras cut to Northstar coming out onto the ramp!

NORTHSTAR
Charles Robinson, if you want a check to cash next week, you will not make an official decision. You see my butterflies, this is no way to end the Seven Sins Series. Not with a brutal streetfight, and certainly not in a tie. No, you see, the way I feel, I think that the Seven Sins Series should end on a much higher note for one of these teams. So, it is my ruling that when these two teams awaken, Mr. Robinson, you tell them that this match was all for nothing.

The fans start to boo, and even Robinson doesn't like that idea.

NORTHSTAR
Because at Anglemania 3, The Seven Sins Series will be decided in a TLC MATCH~!

HUGE pop, and Robinson nearly does a bump off the shock of it.

NORTHSTAR
Now that I've made you all happy, let's...

FEED CUTS OUT, and "Heidi" begins rolling.
 

[Chanel #99]

Credits
Me
Adam
Zack
Northstar
Panther
Superstar
Sly

If I missed you, sorry, Vermont's going all the way~