OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 2/12/04

[Chanel #99]

The following is a message from the American dream, Dusty Rhodes

(Dusty Rhodes is shown on screen, sitting on chair against a pitch black background)

Dusty Rhodes: The American dream here. Growin up digging ditches and unclogging toilets as the son of plumber down in Texas, I seen some bad people and I seen some good people. But, I ain't never seen none badder than Ragdoll n' Damaramu and I ain't never seen none gooder than Crystal n' Zack Malibu. Tonight the world is focused on dem, dadday. As they gonna collide like only dey can and put hard times on eachotha, for da first ever Match Maker's Mayhem. The HeldDOWN muthaship'll will fly higher than ever before as they travel down a road few of us will ever see. Friend Vs friend, foe Vs foe. Dadday, this is gonna be something special. Don't let us down.

(fade out)

OAOAST HeldDOWN~! IS LOVE!

(IMG:http://www.peoriaparks.org/luthy/images/garden-wedding-color.jpg)

(The Emmy winning opening video plays to should’ve won a grammy “Trust me” by Lucy Woodward. This time, clips of various superstar couples have been added to the montage. After the video finishes, we’re taken to a jam packed arena and the opening pyro EXPLODES!)

(IMG:http://www.byz.org/~immort/bm2002/85-Sat-Night/m/BM2002-1302-08312153-ManBurn-Fireworks.jpg)

(The pyro settles leaving a smokey haze over the arena. The camera pan’s across fans getting a shot at their less than creative signs. The camera stops to focus on a disgustingly obese audience member holding a sign that says “Zack Malibu’s personal lollipop.” Ooookay then! Anyway, we’re shortly taken to Sofa Central)

Michael Cole: Good evening ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the most exciting show on television, OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Tonight HeldDOWN is love and romance is in the air! We’re coming to you live from the sold out Compaq Center in San Jose, California! I’m Michael Cole, joined by Caboose and...hey! Where he’d go?

(Coach comes running to the announce table carrying two cotton candies, a case of nachos, a large Mountain Dew, a jumbo Popcorn and a giant pretzel! He clumsily slides into his seat and spills soda all over Da Booze!)

Coach: Sorry gangsters. The concession stand line was a mile thick!

Caboose: That’s mile long, nimrod. Mile long! And you spilled sugar water all over my pants!

Coach: Want me to use my tongue to wipe it up, my sweet baboo.

Caboose: You’re dead.

Cole: Boys, leave the fighting to the wrestlers. Speaking of wrestler’s what’s our first match?

Caboose: Our first match isn’t a match. It’s an interview with Ragdoll. We’re going backstage to J.Math.

(Cut to J.Math!)

JOSH
Thanks, Sofa Central...Fans, I am standing beside one of the most deranged, most twisted, most feared, and most hated wrestler the OAOAST has ever seen...the one and only Ragdoll...Ragdoll, thank you very much.

-The camera pans over to show Ragdoll, smoking a cigarette of course, leaning against the wall. He wears a black "True Art Tattoo Parlor" sweatshirt, black jeans, and a black backwards baseball cap. His eyes are distant as they look completely past Josh and off towards whatever. There is an awkward silence as the camera pans back to Josh, who looks at the camera and shrugs.

JOSH
Uh...Ragdoll...wo...would you care to explain your absence...you missed about three weeks.

-Ragdoll turns his head slowly towards Josh and smiles slightly. Its not a happy smile, mind you...it's more a sadistic smile.

JOSH
....ah shit...

-Ragdoll slowly pushes himself off of the wall and walks towards Josh, causing the young lad to step back.

RAGDOLL
...Have you ever been in rehab, Nidia?

JOSH
I...

RAGDOLL
Have you ever had to go to a place...where people in nice suits and pretty dresses act like they care about your well-being...but in actuality, all they really give a damn about is how you pay the bill?

JOSH
...well...no...
RAGDOLL
Oh don't lie, Maven...of course you have. You work in the wrestling business. The higher-ups act like they want you to get clean - in this case, Northstar - but all they REALLY care about is how you bring them revenue. The OAOAST is the gay brother of rehab, in all honesty.

JOSH
Mr. Baker...none of that is true...GM Northstar cares 100% about his wrestlers well-being.

RAGDOLL
Cut the shit, Jackie...you know just as well as I do that not a single person in this FUCKING company gives a damn about me. I had a serious problem, and not a single person extended a hand to me...

JOSH
....

RAGDOLL
...but you know what hurt the most? The King of Nice...Zack Malibu...turned a deaf ear to my pleas of help. Do you have any idea how many times I called him asking for help? I thought that this was the guy that would help anyone, includng me. I guess I was wrong though, wasn't I, Josh? I realized during my stay in rehab...Zack only helps those that will help his career. Well, you know what? Fuck him. He will pay for being such a selfish bastard...he will bleed...he will cry...and I will laugh my ass off. I will not rest...until I break...Zack's...neck.

-WHAM!! Josh suddenly drops to the ground, clutching his jaw. Ragdoll shakes his fist, before reaching off camera. He slowly pulls back...revealing a baseball bat. Josh starts to back away as Ragdoll stalks forward, but is suddenly cut off by Jasmine.

JASMINE
Austin, baby...put down the bat, please...Josh did nothing to you...

RAGDOLL
...you tell Zack...you tell that two-faced son of a bitch his days are numbered...

JASMINE
Come on sweety...come on...

RAGDOLL
You tell him, Matthews...you fucking tell him...

-with those words, Ragdoll is dragged away by Jasmine. The screen fades to black.

(Go to break)

[Chanel #99]

(Return from break)

(We go backstage, where Sly Sommers looks to be dragging a cameraman along, while holding his camera.)

SLY: (looking into the camera) Dude, please, I just need you to film something for me for a second. I NEED to get this on tape. Please help me.

CAMERAMAN: Fine, whatever.

SLY: Thanks. (walks by a crew member getting water, and tugs on his shirt) Hey, you seen Janet anywhere around here?

CREW MEMBER: Just down the hall, to the left.

SLY: Thanks. Follow me, camera dude. (They walk down the hall, and find Janet directly to the left, talking to someone on the phone) Hey, can you hang that up for a second? I REALLY need to talk to you.

JANET: Wait a second....(Sly grabs the phone)

SLY: Janet's busy right now, she'll call you back. (Sly shuts the phone)

JANET: What the....?

SLY: Listen, Janet...there's something I've been meaning to admit to you for a while now, and, when I was lying in that hospital bed, I realized there's no better time to do anything than in the present, especially with the big wedding and all tonight...

JANET: Okay...

SLY: I was kind of....you see...I mean....geez, I really like you, okay.

JANET: I like you too. We're buddies, remember?

SLY: No, no. Um...I sort of like you a little more than as "just buddies". From the first moment I saw you, I fell in love. I mean, who wouldn't? You're extremely beautiful. Then I got to know you, and I fell in love with you as a person. And it's gotten to the point where I'm completely infatuated...

JANET: Wow...um, I don't really know what to say. I mean, I'm completely and totally flattered. You're an extremely nice guy and all, and I'd LOVE to go out with you...but from the last relationship I was in, I sort of found that it was kind of better for our relationship if we just stayed friends. Is that okay?
SLY: (dejected, but trying to sound normal) Yeah, I suppose. Sure.

JANET: Hey, chipper up. I'll tell you what; let's hang out sometime this weekend with the gang, just like good old times?

SLY: Um, I actually can't. You see, Cal wants me to start training for the Super X Cup, so I'm sure to bring it home for Totally Endorsed.

JANET: Um...okay. I got to get going, but I'll call you tomorrow, okay?

SLY: Sure.

JANET: Bye...

(Sly walks off, back to his locker room. But on the way, one of the gorilla area producers approaches Sly.)

DIRECTOR: Hey, Sly...Northstar wanted me to make sure you knew about your match up next...

SLY: Match? What match?

DIRECTOR: You're working....(looks through format sheet on his clipboard)...yes, you're facing Chris Bryte.

SLY: What? I was never informed of this.

DIRECTOR: Sorry. But I can't change it. It's up next.

SLY: Man, right now's not a good time...

DIRECTOR: I can't change it. I'm sorry.

SLY: But....(man walks back to the gorilla area)...damn it.

[Chanel #99]

(We cut to Chris Bryte who is chillin like a villain backstage! He's sipping on some H2O and watching Friends! Go Chris! Chris' favorite character is Joey but Silver Star, who's rapidly approaching, favorite character is Monica. Expect fireworks to ensue!)

Silver Star: What's up loser?

Bryte: What?

Silver Star: I said...WHAT'S..UP..LOSER?
Bryte: I heard what you said. What I want to know is why someone who's only won one match in the past four months is calling me a loser?

Silver Star: I call em as I see em, Romeo. And ever since you started going with Tina, you've been looking like a Grade A loser.

Bryte: You're trying to tell me that being with Tina makes me some kind of loser?

Silver Star: Not necessarily.

Bryte: Damn right it doesn't. Because I care about Tina...

Silver Star: Excuse me while I'll laugh my ass off, dude.

(Silver Star guffaws! He grabs Chris' water and takes a sip of it, then bursts out laughing once again. He takes another sip. Then laughs again. Finally, he spits in Chris' water and hands it back to him.)

Silver Star: Dude, Jay Leno ain't got shit on you! Fuck Conan, fuck Bernie Mac, you are the only king of comedy! Oh boy, that's to fucking much. To much, dude! Congratulations Mr.Bryte, you sir have won the loser of the year award! Your prize is a swift kick in the nuts and a verbal smackdown courtesy of yours truly. You care about Tina? Dude, you are a fag! Tina? Man, fuck Tina. Hoes like that are a dime a dozen. Shiiiiiiit, the hooker who gave me a hand job for a dime bag last night was better looking than that chickenhead! Tina's like school on Tuesday, no class.....Wait, I messed that up. Tina's like school on Sunday, no jazz....Shit!

(Bryte grabs Silver Star by his shirt collar and slams against the wall!)

Bryte: Have you lost your mind?

Silver Star: No, but Tina lost her virginity for a Benjamin and some E.Z. Wides!

Bryte: Are you looking to get your ass kicked? Because if you keep running your mouth that's exactly what's going to happen.

Silver Star: Be easy, cheesy. I'm just trying to give you some pimp to boy advice. Get your dick in, then your ass out. That's my motto! See, my pimp hand's so strong I could bench an elephant. I'm like Ludacris, I've got hoes in different area codes. Areeeaaaa codes! Areeeaaaa codes! Whatever it is, they love it. And they just won't let me be.
I handle my biz, don't rush me...do do do do dee deee areeeeaaa codes!

(Bryte lets go of Silver Star, but puts his hand over Silver Star's mouth)

Bryte: You don't need to sing the song. What's all this garbage about you having a pimp hand? Aren't you dating the GM's sister? I heard she's got you whipped.
(Silver Star removes Bryte's hand from his mouth)

Silver Star: Yeah, I'm whipped. Whipped after a night of serious ass fucking. You know who's wearing the pants in this relationship.....Neither of us. You know what I mean?

Bryte(looks past Silver Star): Speaking of.

Holly: Hey guys, whatcha talkin bout?

Bryte: He's....

Silver Star: Chris Bryte is a sexist pig!

Holly: Chris Bryte?

Bryte: I am not!

Silver Star: Am so! He told me that last night in the hotel room, he phone boned Tina's mom while he made Tina jerk him off.

Holly-wood: That's a tiny bit gross, Chris.

Bryte: I don't even know what a phone bone is! That never happened.

Silver Star: Then he said that the only thing Tina's good for is sucking dick and birthing babies

Bryte: If you don't shut up, I'm gonna slug you in the face!

Silver Star: Just like you did to Tina?

Holly-wood: You hit her?

Bryte: Never!

Silver Star: He did to! He was telling me that two nights ago he sent her out to score, she came back empty handed and it was "Chris Bryte upside her head!" His words not mine. Then he told me once he gets the bitch pregnant, he's out the door! I tried to tell him that women are to be respected, treasured and valued for their contributions to society but he just showed me the back of his hand!

Bryte: I'm starting to wish I had.

Holly-wood: Chris, you're beyond despicable. If I had the authority, I'd fire you on the spot! However as director of player personnel I only have the ability to make matches, and next week you two are going to face each other in one on one competition. Silver, seeing that you're so concerned with Tina's welfare this is a perfect opportunity to defend her honor in the most magnificent way possible! What do ya say?

Silver Star: Uh...I..don't think that's such a good idea. I'm a little busy next week....I was planning on having syphilis.

Bryte: Hmph. I'll see your ass next week, shit head. Guard your grill.

Silver Star: Something's wrong! I can't stay still!

(Chris Bryte walks away, leaving Silver Star and Holly-wood to argue over her match making choices)

(BACK TO DA SC~! IN DA PLACE 2 BE)

Cole(dancing and waving his arms in the air from side to side): I've got hoes. I've got hoes.

Coach: Mikey, we're...

Caboose: Shhh. Let him look like a fool, then he'll get fired and we'll get bigger pay checks.

COACH: Fine by me, sweet baboo. As Chris Bryte is entering the ring, folks, we must remind you of the Super X Cup, on February 29th at Zero Hour: Night of the X!

MC: Northstar booked this contest as a small preview of the tournament, as Chris Bryte, already in the ring, will be facing, without a doubt, one of the odds-on favorites in the tournament, Sly Sommers.

CABOOSE: Speaking of the tournament...can we announce the third match, please?

MC: Fine, fine.

CABOOSE: Thanks, douche. To go along with the two huge, already-announced matches that are former X Champion Sly Sommers against his former rival Crystal, as well as another former X-Division champion in Mad Matt facing, without a doubt, one of the biggest stars in the history of the entire OAOAST, Intense Zone's "Shooter" Jay Darring, we can now announce that the leader of the Communion, St. Andrew, will be facing a young man who had his X-Division coming-out party in the big Hour-Long Gauntlet on January 1st, defeating everyone else in the match in a row, but coming up just short of walking away with the title, that being "The Role Model" Jacob Lyne!

COACH: Wow! You have a young man destined to be one of the breakout stars in this sport in the year 2004, against one-fourth of the four-horse race for the X-Division Title as we closed 2003! This is going to be good!
MC: Without any further ado, let's go to the ring for our match!

("Orange Crush" starts up, and Sly Sommers comes out, but not in his ring gear. He's wearing his street clothes, and is noticeably depressed, with his head hanging down and a somber look on his face.)

BUFFER: The following is a non-title contest, scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Bayside, California...weighing in at 195 pounds, he is the current WCW World Television Champion...ladies and gentlemen, Sly "The Sly" Sommers!

(boos around the building)

BUFFER: And his opponent...already in the ring, weighing in at 175 pounds, from Topeka, Kansas; accompanied to the ring tonight by Tina, he is Chris Bryte!

(silence)

CABOOSE: Sly's obviously heart-broken from what just happened. I mean, that gypsy pulled his heart out of his chest and stomped a mudhole into it!

MC: Gypsy? Modernize your vocabulary.

(bell rings)

Sly is noticeably asking Chris to just get this match over with and go home. Bryte seems pumped up, and not wanting to half-ass this match. Bryte eventually gets sick of Sly begging off, and slaps him in the face to a decent-sized pop. But, instead of fighting back, Sly just brushes the hair out of his face and holds his cheek. Bryte doesn't get what's going on, but still pops Sly in the mouth with a big punch. He nails two more, sending Sly back to the ropes. Chris then grabs Sly, and whips him to the other end. Sly comes off of the ropes, and Bryte backdrops Sly, sending him crashing him down.

MC: What in the hell? Chris Bryte's actually getting in offense!

Bryte pumps his fists in celebration, and then looks at Tina for approval. She applauds him with a smile, and Bryte looks happy as Sommers crawls to a sitting position in the corner directly across from Chris Bryte. Bryte walks over to Sly, and stomps him in the chest three times. Bryte then turns to his three super-fans in the front row who are cheering him wildly, and salutes them. Bryte then turns around and goes for a third kick to the chest. But, Sly catches his foot angrily. Sly gets to his feet while holding onto Chris's foot, and pulls him in for a knee to the gut. Sly then pulls Chris's head in, puts it in between his legs, and SPIKES Bryte head-first with a piledriver!

COACH: Just like that...the tide has turned.
CABOOSE: Chris Bryte...we hardly knew you.

The referee checks to see if Bryte's even conscious, but Sly immediately turns Chris over, traps the arm, and locks in the Cravateface (Crippler Crossface, but with a cravate neck crank). Sly pulls back on Chris's neck as far as he can as he twists Bryte's neck like a coke bottle...and Bryte taps out!

MC: Easy work for Sly Sommers here...apparantly Chris Bryte opened the volcano inside of him, waiting to burst!

But, Sly refuses to let go of the hold, as Bryte's head turns purple from being cranked so hard. As a group of referees rush out to get Sly off of Bryte, Bryte passes out in the hold due to the extreme amount of pain. Four referees gather around Sommers, and eventually pull him off of Chris Bryte, as Tina climbs into the ring and tries to check on Chris Bryte. Sly walks away from the ring with a deranged look in his eye, while screaming repeatedly, "Die! Die!"

MC: Uh oh...I think Sly's snapped.

COACH: That's good for absolutely no one, including his opponents in the Super X Cup!

(Cut to backstage, as the camera pans up from a shot of the monitor showing the action in the arena to show Leon Rodez and Jacob Lyne watching it.)

JACOB: Man, he's gone wacky. Someone needs to do something about his silly ass.

RODEZ: Yeah, like take him out of the X Cup.

JACOB: Now, dude, as much as I don't like him, he is a former X Champ, and he deserves his shot as much as anyone.

RODEZ: Not really, dude. This tournament's supposed to be about making stars, right?

JACOB: Right.

RODEZ: Well, why not take some of the established X-Division wrestlers out, and throwing a young lion in there, like, let's say...me!

JACOB: I think they already have the thing planned out, and, no offense, but you're not in the plans.

RODEZ: Oh, I'm not? I'll see about that!

(Rodez walks out of the door, walks down the hallway for a few seconds, and taps Northstar, who is on his cell phone, on the shoulder. Northstar sort of signals to Rodez to go away, but Rodez continues to tap Northstar on the shoulder.)
NORTHSTAR: Hey, listen, I have to go. I have a nuisance on my ass. I'll call you back in about five minutes, okay? Bye. (Hangs up phone) What do you want?

RODEZ: Well, I needed to talk to you about the fact that you've announced all of the HeldDOWN~! guys for the Super X Cup, and I'm not one of them.

NORTHSTAR: So? You aren't one of the five best X guys we have here. What's your point?

RODEZ: Not one of the best? Are you kidding me?

NORTHSTAR: Well...these guys have proven themselves as commodies in the X Division...

RODEZ: What about Crystal?

NORTHSTAR: She's one of our top commodities, X or otherwise. We need her on all of our Pay-Per-Views. But, I do have an idea.

RODEZ: Which is....?

NORTHSTAR: How about this: since I need a way to promote HeldDOWN~!'s part in the Super X Cup, and you apparently want a crack at this, how about we book a Suicidal Six-Way Survival match, with Sly Sommers versus Crystal versus Saint Andrew versus your buddy, "The Role Model" Jacob Lyne, versus Mad Matt versus you, Leon Rodez! Here's the stip: whoever you beat, if you beat anyone in this match, loses their spot in the X Cup, and has to give it to you immediately. How about that?

RODEZ: I think I like that.

NORTHSTAR: Good. Now bugger off.

(Rodez walks off as Northstar goes back to his phone, and we go to break!)

[Chanel #99]

(We return from break feeling good, feeling great. How are you?)

"Higher" by Creed plays and out comes....Jeremy Red. Jeremy Red has an evil smirk on his face and he is wearing a medium sized Mad Matt:Shadow of Madness t-shirt. Red takes the shirt off and rips it in half to boos from the crowd.

Red:Two weeks ago, I pinned Mad Matt in the center of the ring and well, no one has seen his ass in public since. I did what I set out to do and I RAN Mad Matt out of OAOAST. He is never coming back. He is too busy hiding under a rock because he is afraid that will kick his ass.

The crowd chants "bullshit".
Red:You don't believe that I pinned Mad Matt cleanly in the center of the ring. This footage should speak for itself.

We see footage with a graphic that says:Two weeks ago. Jeremy Red rolls up Mad Matt in a small package and the referee's count is slowed down and it is shown at such an angle that it doesn't see Jeremy Red pulling the tights.

Coach:That was an obviously doctored piece of...

Caboose:That is exactly how it happened Coach. Don't try to argue when you have videotaped proof sitting in front of you.

Red:I wanted to finish the job this week. I looked in every corner of the arena, under every object, and I still couldn't find Mad Matt. So what I did, just in case that spineless coward did not show up is I got myself one of the top ten X-Division opponents from South of the Border. It is the man....the myth....the legend...CAPTAIN INSANEO.

Captain Insaneo comes to the ring wearing a La Parka mask, torn up blue jeans, and an opened flannel shirt which reveals a bear gut. He attempts to enter the ring but gets winded.

Cole:Funny...I never even heard of this guy.

Caboose:Cole, Captain Insaneo is a legend south of the border. What a feather in the cap for Jeremy Red to beat this lucha libre legend. Sure he gained about 50 lbs since he last wrestled but he can't help that.

The bell rings and Captain Insaneo hits a forearm smash to Jeremy Red. Red backs off and Insanoe swings his forearm but Jeremy Red ducks. Jeremy Red hits a back elbow to The Captain and stomps away at him. Red picks up Insaneo and throws him into the ropes. Red goes for a Thesz Press but Insaneo counters with a spinebuster. Insaneo bounces off the ropes and misses an elbowdrop. He has fallen and he can't get up. Red pounces on Insaneo like a shark smelling blood and pounds away on him with punches. Red picks up Insaneo and DDT. Red covers Insaneo.


One.....


Kickout.

Cole:The Captain kicks out at one. This washed up Lucha Libre star that no one has ever heard of will not be put out by a simple move such as a DDT.

Coach:Red looks to be digging deeper into his offense but he doesn't have to that much farther to dig.
Caboose:All he has to do is use that small package that he destroyed Mad Matt with. He is toying with them, you morons.

Jeremy Red picks up The Captain and throws him into the ropes. Sleeperhold from Jeremy Red. Red is forcing the Captain down but the Captain goes behind and drives Jeremy Red down with an akward backdrop suplex. The Captain is up and he lifts Jeremy Red off the canvas. Insaneo throws Jeremy Red over the top rope and to the floor. Insaneo climbs over the second rope, almost getting winded in the process. Insaneo leaps off and he just kind of falls into Jeremy Red in what may be a plancha. Insaneo throws Red into the ring and climbs to the bottom rope. Insaneo leaps off with an elbowdrop from the bottom rope. That's his finisher. The Totally Insane Leap. Insaneo goes for the cover.



One......



Two.....




Thr.....Red kicks out.

Cole:Jeremy Red was almost pinned. Insaneo's mass was a help there.

Coach:Insaneo looks to be signalling for another Totally Insane Leap.

Caboose:Red may be in trouble. No one has survived two of these.

Insaneo climbs to the bottom rope but he trips and falls off onto his face. Jeremy Red grabs Insaneo and hooks him in an inverted full nelson. Red sits out on the move, jarring Insaneo's neck. Red has the move still locked in.

Cole:Red has this submission move on and it actually looks painfall.

Caboose:He told me that move was called the Shades of Red. Red is cranking the neck of the Captain.

Coach:The Captain looks to be about ready to submit.

Red cranks the hold and he does have the fingers locked. Captain Insaneo submits. Red has won with that sitout inverted full nelson submission that he calls the Shades of Red. Red refuses to release the hold for a few more seconds. Red finally releases the hold and grabs the microphone.
Red:Anyone who gets in the ring with me will be eliminated that quickly. Mad Matt....I dare you to come out next week. As for anyone else who wants a piece of me, I always have an open contract. Good guy. Bad guy. Gay guy. Straight guy. Heck you don't even need to be a guy. I will beat you all....I will....

The lights go out. A blue light comes back on and "Higher" by Creed plays.

Red:No way...I beat you Matt. You dare shows your face.

We turn to see a figure in a long trechcoat in the ramp who has his back to the ring. He looks to be the size and the build of Mad Matt. He turns around but the arena is so dark we can't see his face. Red looks about ready to freak out. Suddenly a chilling cold voice that resembles Mad Matt's, only with a more mysterious tone comes over the loud speaker.

Voice:You are at your end Jeremy Red. The shadows are a mysterious place. Don't ever go in them alone. You can run but you can't hide. After the Madness is done with you, you will be in one of two places. A hospital or a morgue. It is too late to escape your face, Jeremy Red. Beware.

The lights come back on and the man at the top of the ramp who may be Mad Matt just vanished.

Caboose: Hey Coach, I heard you hid a camera in Jenna Elfman’s dressing room!

Coach: Uh...

Caboose: It’s okay, no one’s gonna know, except for the twenty million people who see this show, the cops, and her lawyers. Before you get fired let’s at least watch the camrea!

[Chanel #99]

(We head backstage for another awesome skit, because after all, who wants wrestling on a wrestling show? This time we find Jenna Elfman sitting in her lavishly decorated dressing room, perusing the latest issue of Cosmo girl. An issue that just happens to have a feature on Northstar. The man who just happens to be entering Jenna's dressing room with a present. Let's watch, baby!)

Northstar: Jen, darling! Happy Valentine's Day!

Jenna: Huh? Oh, happy Valentine's Day. I just got off the phone with the man I'm married to, my husband, Bohdi. The man I willingly exchanged vows of faithfulness with.

Northstar: I get it, you're married. You don't have to beat me over the head with this Brodi guy.

Jenna: It's Bohdi. You met him at the wedding. He's the nephew of a composer.

Northstar: And I'm the nephew of the son of a plumber from Texas. So what, darling? It's not who you're related to, it's who you are. Any who, I come bearing a gift.

Jenna: A break from your incessant flirting?

Northstar: You know you love it.

Jenna: What tipped you off? The fact that I pretend I'm sleeping every time you enter the room, or is that every time you call me I answer the phone in a faux Dutch accent?

Northstar: You're stinging sarcasm is only making me more and more aroused.

Jenna: You have an insult fetish? That's unique. But what's your gift?

(Northstar pulls a small black box out of his pocket)

Jenna: Uh oh.

Northstar: I wanted to get you something that would symbolize the way I felt about you. But then I realized that such an object doesn't exist. No one thing could properly illustrate how I feel about you. Every time I see you, smell you, hear you, I feel miserable. I can't stand being around you. I just look into your eyes and I get depressed. I hear you laugh at someone else's joke and I'm over come with an insane jealously. I see you smile at someone else and your look of happiness turns my thoughts to despair. You're standing here in front of me, and it should be the happiest moment of my life, but I don't think that there's anyone in the world more miserable than me. I love you so much and every day that I don't have you, I feel like I'm fucking dying inside. I know I have Alix, but she's only a placeholder. You're the one I was meant to be with. I just want to hold you and kiss you, and never let you go, but all I can do is give you this meaningless, sterile and empty object.

(Northstar opens the black box to reveal a Leo diamond three stoned pendant, the most expensive necklace Kay jewelers offers. The crowd ooh's and aah's as they get a good look at diamond accessory. Jenna takes it out of Northstar's hand. She starts to put it on but the quickly places it back in Northstar's hand.)

Jenna: It's wonderful but I can't accept it.

Northstar: But I love you!

Jenna: I still can't accept it. There's just no way. I'd be leading you on, when you really need me to tell you the truth. You only have a crush left over from when you were a kid. You're confused. You don't really love me. Love isn't about feeling terrible around the object of your affection. Miserable isn't in the definition of love. Seeing me smile shouldn't send you into fits of rage. You're just lonely and confused.
Northstar: I'm lonely, confused and in love with you.

Jenna: No you're not! Look, I have a life, a husband. It wouldn't work out. It couldn't possibly work out between us. I'm flattered, you're a sweet kid, you're very handsome but there's an ocean between us and no boats to cross with. You have a gorgeous fiance, and its obvious she worships the ice you skate on. Go give the necklace to her.

Northstar: Will you at least try it on?

Jenna: Yes. It's the least I can do.

(Northstar helps Jenna try on the pendant. He steps back to admire how stunning she looks in the attractive pendant. Jenna's cheeks are overcome with a rosy glow.)

Jenna: It's.....exquisite.

Northstar: So are you.

(Northstar brushes Jenna's hair away from her forehead. He leans forward and gives her a light kiss on the side of her neck causing her to shiver ever so slightly. When she doesn't protest Northstar moves his kisses up her neck, to her cheek and slowly to the front of the face he's doted on for song. He parts her deep red lips with his tongue. They meet for a tender kiss. Instead of squirming away Jenna leans into his embrace and firmly places her hands onto his chest. Almost instinctively her fingers work their way up his body and start to caress his hair. Her arms find a resting place on his shoulder blades. Northstar slowly slides his hands down Jenna's back, then lovingly runs them up the back of her shirt, feeling the warmth of her bare flesh while his tongue gently slides over hers. His blissful moment comes crashing to a halt when the sound of a door slamming is heard. He and Jenna break their lip lock.)

Jenna: Oh my.

(Northstar turns around to see his fiance, Alix Spezia staring in horror at the two kissers)

Northstar: Alix! Oh fuck. Alley cat, I can...

Alix: Explain?

(Alix then breaks into tears. She grabs a vase off a make up table and hurls at a wall. It shatters into hundreds of tiny pieces. She then leaves the room, slamming the door so hard a picture falls off the wall and the glass on the frame comes apart.)

Northstar: Where were we?

Jenna: Go after her.
(Northstar goes back to kiss her, but she steps aside.)

Northstar: I wanna stay with you.

Jenna: Quit pouting and go!

(Northstar starts to protest but Jenna points her finger at the door signaling the end of the discussion. Northstar reluctantly exits the room. When he's gone Jenna puts her hand to her forehead and shakes her head)

Jenna: What did I just do?

(CUT to la Central de Sofa)

Cole: You just ruined a marriage, you home wrecker! I hope you're happy.

Coach: Chill out. I think Northstar’s caught up with Alix. We’re about to see a happy ending.

[Chanel #99]

We're taken backstage to a sobbing Alix Spezia. Her cheating, semi crazy, makeup wearing, womanizing and ambiguous boyfriend is sitting next to her. His lips are still covered in Jenna Elfman's lipstick)

Northstar: Alix, stop crying.

Alix: Go away!

Northstar: Alix, please it's...

Alix: It's not what I think? GO AWAY!

Northstar: You don't want me to leave.

(Northstar tries to get close to Alix, but she angrily swats at him, opening a cut above his eye.)

Northstar: Ow.

Alix: Please, go away. NOW! Please.....

Northstar: Fine, I will. But not until you at least listen to what I have to say. If you're still mad at me, then I'll walk out of your life forever.

(Alix buries her face in her hands)

Alix: I don't need to listen! I saw! With my own two eyes, I saw you stick your tongue down her throat. I saw you! How could you? How could you betray my trust?

Northstar: Alix, it was just...I mean...I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. It's just she was there in front of me and I've dreamed of kissing her ever since I was little kid. Most kids want to grow up and play hockey or be a fireman, I just wanted to kiss Jenna.

Alix: And I wanted to be queen of England but do you see me marrying Prince Charles?!

Northstar: Alix......you didn't let me finish. When I was kissing her and running my hands through her thick, luscious golden locks and moved them down to her voluptuous and round buttox all I could think about was your lips, the warmth of your body and your vibrant, bouncy, onyx colored hair. You must believe me!

Alix: I...I...can't. What about that diamond necklace you gave her? Were you thinking of me when you put it on her? Were you? It was such a beautiful necklace. And when I found it in your suitcase, I was so happy! Not because it's a really pretty necklace, but because they say diamonds are forever and I hoped this necklace meant our love would be to. But, you turn around and you give it to Jenna. Do you have any idea how much that hurt? Don't you realize she doesn't love you? She doesn't even think of you in any sort of sexual way. You're like a little brother to her! Don't you understand that I'm the one in love with you! I'm the one who held you in my arms like a baby after the ironman match against Zack. Do you remember how much you cried, how many tears rolled down your eyes? Everyone was leaving the arena but I sat there, I held you tight and I told you it would be okay, I wiped your tears away. I gave you hope for another day. When it finally dawned on you that your world championship dream was dead did Jenna console you? Did she sing you to sleep that night? Did she?

Northstar: No.

Alix: But I did. I was there for you. I'm always there for you, because I love you and I want to be there for you. I've always loved you. Even when I was just a production intern and you were a ditzy blonde in the Dream machines, and you didn't even know my name I loved you. I'd walk on water just to be by your side. I'd take down the heavens if it meant we could be together.

(Alix starts to cry again. Northstar tries to put his arm around her but she shoves him away.)

Northstar: I know that. I know. I love Jenna but I love you to, I wouldn't be marrying you if I wasn't in love. I need you to calm down. Please don't cry. I can't stand to see you like this.

Alix: Just, go away. That's the best thing you can do for me.

Northstar: If I leave, I can't give you your gift.

(Alix stops crying and her eyes light up just a tad)

Alix: You...really....have a present for me?
Northstar Yeah. Ya know the Matchmakers Mayhem match?

Alix: Uh-huh.

Northstar: Well, I've dedicated it to you! It's your very own personal wrestling match! Former world champion Zack Malibu and Master of mischief Ragdoll team up to take on the buxom blonde bombshell Crystal and your acquaintance by association, Damaramu! And they're fighting for you! Every school's out, every devil doll, every whatever Crystal's finisher is is done with you in mind. These four warriors don't fight because they hate each other, they fight because we have an undying eternal bond to one another.

(Alix starts to sob uncontrollably. Northstar tries to hold her in his arms but she gets up and leaves, still crying)

Northstar: Tears of joy. Yessir, tears of joy.

(Central sofa to cut we)

Cole: Alix, dump him! Northstar is a trifling, lying sleaze ball. He'll never change. He's always going to hurt Alix, and he's always to make up some phony apology. He's not sorry he kissed Jenna Elfman. He's sorry that he got caught. Dump his ass. It's not like he's a knockout. Honey child, there are better men out there.

Caboose: Like you?

Cole: What? I didn't say that. Coach change the subject. Quick!

Coach: Um, let’s go to break!

(Head to break)

(as we come back from the break, Michael Cole is standing in the center of the ring, microphone in hand)

COLE
Well Ladies and Gentlemen; let’s take you back to last week, when it was AJ Flaire, the X Division Champion, facing his good friend and teammate Crystal, in one on one action. It was shaping up to be a great encounter, until Axel and Gunner Sharps interrupted the match. Well, let’s show you what happened.

(Cole points to the stage as a clip of the match is shown, starting at when Axel and Gunner entered the ring)
The two men slide into the ring where the referee is there to meet them. The referee points to both men, and then to the entrance way!

CABOOSE
Ah, ref, I don’t think they really care.

Axel shoves the ref out of the way as he looks straight at Crystal, who is starting to crawl towards the corner. She doesn’t see Axel!

COACH
Don’t look at her like that!

The referee once again steps in front of Axel! He puts a finger in Axel’s chest, and Axel grabs it, and twists it! The microphone picks up a crack!

COLE
HE HAS BROKEN THAT OFFICIALS FINGER! STOP HIM!

Axel shoves the referee in the path of Gunner who grabs him by the throat! Gunner lifts the referee up in a Gorilla Press! Gunner holds the referee in the air for a few seconds, and then drops him down with a Spinebuster Slam!

COACH
Tortured Soul Slam on the Referee! He is out!

Suddenly, AJ Flaire gets up and runs at Axel, but Gunner steps in front of him, blocking AJ’s path! We see Gunner say “don’t drag yourself into this Aaron, this isn’t your fight!’

COLE
AJ’s trying to help his friend here, but Gunner is trying to reason with him!

AJ tries to push Gunner out of the way, but he can’t. So AJ slaps Gunner on the side of the face!

CABOOSE
Bad move there AJ, baaaaaaad move.

Gunner holds his face and turns around slowly! He catches AJ Flaire by the throat! CHOKESLAM by Gunner Sharps on AJ Flaire!

COLE
That’s enough; you guys have proved your point!

Gunner picks AJ’s now lifeless body up and sets hi up for a Powerbomb! Axel goes up to the top rope, waiting for Gunner! Gunner lifts AJ high for a Powerbomb and then lifts him higher by his tights, as Axel jumps off and grabs AJ! Axel falls as Gunner falls, and together they deliver both a Spinebuster and an elevated Powerbomb!!

CABOOSE
With AJ’s bad back, he could be severely injured here!

Gunner looks at the fallen AJ, and we see the slightest hint of sadness in his face, but it is quickly followed by the hatred that filled his expression just a few moments ago.

Axel gets up, and Axel looks over at Crystal, who has seen this entire take place, and is now trying to pull herself up out of the corner. Axel just looks straight into her eyes and says ‘You brought this on yourselves’.

(The HeldDown logo flashes over the screen and we see Cole again in the middle of the ring)

COLE
Well, after that incident, Axel promised me, and you fans, that he would come out here and give an explanation of why he and Gunner chose to interfere in the match, robbing you fans of a conclusive finish. So I’d like to invite Axel out to the ringside area now.

CUE: ‘The Game’ by Disturbed

(Axel’s entrance music begins to play, and Axel comes out to ringside, without pyro. He has a frown on his face as he steps between the ring ropes and grabs a microphone, before joining Michael Cole in the middle of the ring)

COLE
Well firstly Axel, thanks for being out here, I’m sure these fans all want to know what you have to say.

AXEL
Just ask the questions Michael and don’t try and butter me up. I came out here to tell everyone the history between me and Crystal.

COLE
Well Axel, that’s my first question, how did you meet Crystal?

AXEL
I met Crystal about five years ago in my native Australia. She was just starting out, and it was her first really big tour. She was away from her family, so she befriended me. She was with me all the time Michael, god, she practically worshipped the ground that I walked on.

COLE
Were you ever closer than friends?

AXEL How did I know that was coming up next? You’re a pervert, just like everybody else in this arena (cheap heat). That’s the question that I refuse to answer.

COLE
What’s DPWX, and how does it tie you and Crystal together?

AXEL
Detroit Pro Wrestling Xtreme, the federation that I, along with the Bleeding Souls, basically ran. In case all you people haven’t figured it out yet, the Bleeding Souls consisted of Me, Crystal, Gunner and AJ Flaire. And yes, Gunner and AJ were the best of friends, as were Crystal and I.

COLE
Well, now that Coach has breathed a sigh of relief, let me ask you this: Why did you attack AJ Flaire last week, and why do you now want Crystal to join you again?

AXEL
Michael, it’s pretty simple. AJ Flaire and I had a fight when he debuted in the OAOAST. I was the one that got him the job; I was the one responsible for bringing him in. Just like Crystal, he never once thanked me for what I did. Last week, he got in the way, and as much as it pained Gunner and me to hurt him, we had to send a message. We had to show Crystal what the result of her decision was.

COLE
Why do you want Crystal to re-join you, and Gunner?

AXEL
Michael, the last time the Bleeding Souls were a cohesive unit, we were in complete control. Everyone knew their place. I was the Champ, AJ and Gunner were the tag team, and Crystal was the crown jewel. She was the mid-card champion, although I always knew she could go places. I taught her the way of the world; I taught her how to cope in this business.

COLE
Are you jealous of her success here in the OAOAST?

AXEL
What do you think Michael? While she was getting title shots, while she was getting place in Elimination Chamber matches, I was stuck beating the shit out of rookies who didn’t know any better. I was lost in the shuffle. I BEAT Calvin. I BEAT Malibu. I BEAT CWM. I beat them all, and I got no recognition for it whatsoever. Meanwhile the resident ‘female phenom’, and hell, who do you think coined that phrase, was getting all the attention, just because the guys all wanted her. I beat Calvin one on one, and I hold a tag victory over him, she couldn’t beat him in either title shot. What does that tell you?

COLE
Okay Axel, final question: do you think you can beat Crystal?
(Axel smiles cockily, and brings the microphone to his lips)

AXEL
Well…


Cue: ‘I’m just a Girl’ by No Doubt

(The crowd goes INSANE, as Crystal appears the ramp, walks briskly to the ring, slides in, and snatches Cole’s microphone!)

CRYSTAL
Come on Adam, can you beat me? You seem to be in an honest mood, airing our dirty laundry for the world to see, telling everyone how we used to be, so come on, put your money where your mouth is. Can you beat me?

AXEL
I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again, sweetheart.

CRYSTAL
Well why don’t you try and beat me… right now.

Crystal steps back and puts her arms out, begging Axel to hit her. Axel’s smile turns to a look of anger, even sadness.


Suddenly, Gunner Sharps walks down the ramp, and into the ring, and he stands beside Axel. Crystal still seems ready to take both men on, and they start to step towards her, Crystal backing up with each step…


Cue: "Kick Start my Heart" by Motley Crue


The crowd goes INSANE as K Money sprints down the ramp and into the ring, as Axel and Gunner slid out opposite sides, before meeting again at the ramp! Money quickly asks Crystal if she is OK, and he then turns his attention to Axel again, inviting him into the ring for a bit of two on two action. Axel still has his microphone, and begins to speak again.

AXEL
You wanna be a hero, Baker? You wanna come down here and save the girl? Well why don’t you defend her honor next week, one on one with the DARK ONE!

The crowd pops HUGE at this challenge, and chants of ‘Fuck him up Mon-ey, Fuck him up! CLAP! CLAP!’ start as the crowd wait in anticipation. K Money grabs a microphone and addresses Axel.

K MONEY
You want me next week? You got it! I’m gonna kick your ass, but I’ll make sure I leave some for Crystal!

AXEL
Okay then Hero, let’s make it interesting. I want to beat you fair and square, so how about your buddies The Firm, as well as my man Gunner Sharps, are barred from ringside for the duration of the match. You and me, one on one.

K MONEY
Sounds good to me. The Firm and Gunner Sharps barred from ringside. Seeya next week.

(Cole re-joins the broadcast position)

COLE
What an announcement!

Cue: "Kick Start my Heart" by Motley Crue

CABOOSE
What a match that will be next week, Axel versus K Money, one on one!

COACH
Thank god for K Money! But if he does anything to Crystal, I’m going to hang his underwear on the flagpole!

Caboose: You’re a fool. Fans, there’s nothing more exciting then seeing the OAOAST live. Here to tell you about upcoming events is Kevin Kelly!

(Go to house show ads, s’il vous plait!)

[Chanel #99]

(We come back from commercial break with a caption on an all-black screen that says, "The Following Has Been Paid For By The Friends And Associates of Rick Heyross, and then it cuts to Heyross sitting behind a desk in his office.)

HEYROSS: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. As most of you may or may not know, due to last week's wild incident between my client, "The Current Big Thing" Brock Auustin and Gibraltar. I am here to claim that, on behalf of my client, it was entirely not his fault. What happened was Mr. Auustin was in the wrong position, and accidentally grazed Mr. Gibraltar's face with the foot of one of our opponents during his finishing manuever, the F-Stunner-5. Mr. Gibraltar, letting his unrelenting temper get the best of him, forcefully attacked my client, ending up with both men brawling all throughout the building and the area around it before having to be controlled by a group of law enforcers and their tasers. Being the super-agent that I am, I have come up with a way to not only end this problem, but also to build even more interest for Anglemania III. You see, for every big man in wrestling, there has been an anthetisis to him that is just as big, or even larger. After my client's domination of this promotion over a long period of time, he has finally found someone even larger and just as mean and destructive to become his arch-enemy, this being Mr. Gibraltar. Therefore, the only way we can possibly settle this and make money out of it is by proposing this: at Anglemania III, on Sunday night, March 28th, HeldDOWN~! and Rick Heyross bring to you "The Battle of the Monsters". It would be my client, Brock Auustin, facing St. Andrew's monster, Gibraltar. My client has already signed the contract to face Gibraltar; all that needs to be done now is St. Andrew accepting the challenge for his follower. I thank you for your time, and I hope that Mr. Andrew and Mr. Gibraltar agree to the terms, as I'm sure all of the HeldDOWN~! fans across the world would love to see this colossus battle.

(Back to the SC!)

Cole: Fans, Anglemania already has a main event caliber match and we haven’t even gotten to Zero hour!

Caboose: Hold your horses. Anglemania has a proposed match. Nothing’s been signed. St.Andrew hasn’t agreed to it, Northstar hasn’t approved it. Stop getting people’s hopes up!

Cole: I’m only trying to get people psyched for the biggest show in OAOAST history!

Coach: My sweet baboo is right. Stop thinking about the biggest show in OAOAST history and start thinking about the biggest commercial break in OAOAST history! It’s next! Now if you’ll excuse me I have to make a nacho run.

(Go to break)

HeldDOWN~! returns from break, and immediately a huge crowd pop is heard, as Zack Malibu, along with HeldDOWN~!'s own interviewer extrordinaire and all-that pimp masta JOSH MATTHEWS~! are headed down to the ring~!

COLE
Zack and Josh? What on earth is this about?

CABOOSE
Well this is HeldDOWN~! Is Love, Cole. Maybe Zack is trying to fix you up with someone who's your type.

COLE
Josh is NOT my type!

CABOOSE
So you are gay then?

COLE
What? No! But even if I was...I wouldn't go for Matthews.

COACH
Me either playa...me either.

*Caboose and Cole turn to look at Coach.*

COACH
Just sayin', is all.

The reaction dies down, and Zack calls for the microphone, which ring announcer Michael Buffer tosses up into the ring.

MALIBU
I know I'm using up some valuable time by being out here, so I'll get right to the point. Ragdoll...Austin...get your ass out here right now!

COLE
WHOA~! Zack Malibu, calling out Ragdoll to the delight of the crowd!

The cameras look toward the entranceway, as do Zack and Josh, but no one comes out.

MALIBU
Baker...get your scraggly, cowardly ass out to this ring right now, before I drag you out of whatever bathroom stall you're residing in by your greasy hair and take you out here the hard way!

COACH
YO~! Oh snap, he went there~!

CABOOSE
Went WHERE, Jonathan?

COACH
It's a figure of...bah, nevermind.

MALIBUC'mon Ragdoll, what's wrong? Can't come out here when my eyes are on the entranceway? Can't come out when I can see you coming? You know why, Ragdoll...it's for the same reason that you've started to ruin your life. You, my friend, are nothing more than a COWARD!

The crowd cheers, and even Josh Matthews, someone not exactly held in the highest regard by the HeldDOWN~! faces, agrees.

MALIBU
You see, Rags, I heard what you said earlier. You're trying to pin it all on me. You want Zack Malibu to take responsibility for YOUR actions. You say I never helped you? You say I never reached back to you when you reached out to me? Let's have a bit of a refresher course, Austin. You see, you and I, we never saw eye to eye when it came to loyalties on this program. We've been enemies more than we've ever been friends. But when you hit rock bottom, when you were at your lowest, scraping your knees across the grime covered streets, shaking in a corner because you couldn't get your fix, what happened then? It was you, Austin, who called on your brother Ken, saying that you knew you screwed up, and that you wanted out. You knew you had demons to face, and you were afraid to face them alone. Now you and your brother have never had the best relationship, but I'll be damned if that man didn't drop everything he was doing, put his career on hold to save YOUR ASS. The same man who turned his back on his flesh and blood. The same man who sent him packing for months. Your brother, because deep down he still cares greatly for you, wanted nothing more than to get you on your feet. So he tried and he tried, and god dammit if you didn't start to shape up a bit. Then you started to wane, Austin. You started to fall off the wagon again, and Ken was at a loss. If he couldn't help you, who could? Well you know, Ken called me up one night and said "Zack, listen. I respect you probably more than anyone else I know, and I need your help on this. I need you to save my baby brothers life." So in turn, out of respect for your brother and everything he's done for this company, I went looking for you. I gave you numbers to call, people to get in touch with, many of whom have dealt with the pain that you faced. I gave you stacks of pamphlets. I sat up with you talking over coffee, trying to get you to see that this was not the way. Austin, I was there for you, but you couldn't hold on. You just had to do it. You had to reach down, you had to pick up that needle and jam it in your arm, flushing away your existence for a momentary high. YOU were the one who chose to refrain from what we were doing. You put our lives on pause to help you, when the truth was that you didn't want to be helped! The saying goes that you cannot save those who do not wish to be saved. If you wanted to be saved so badly, you would have made more of an effort, Austin. You would have thrown the needles away. You would have gotten back into the gym and worked harder for a comeback. You could have been inspirational, but the truth is you let everyone down. It has absolutely killed your brother to see what you've done to yourself. You've torn your family apart, and the only thing you can say is that it's MY FAULT? MY FAULT? Oh no, no that's not true at all. What is true, Austin, is that you are so damn afraid of reality, so afraid of all your past actions biting you in the ass, that you simply wish to avoid the blame, avoid the responsiblity. You can't even look me in the eye to tell me I let you down. You have to attack me from behind, thinking you need to prove a point. Well Austin, I'm out here now, and if there are any guts left inside you, you will come out here right now, and look me in the eye, and tell me what you want to say to me to my face!
The crowd roars, as Malibu seems flustered by the tirade. Quickly, the cheers become jeers, as Austin Baker, aka Ragdoll, powerwalks down to the ring, sliding in and swiping the mic right out of Malibu's hand.

RAGDOLL
You know what, Zack? This is just what I expected. For you to turn this all back around and try to save yourself some face. I pity you Zack, I really do, because for all I've done wrong, I've never run from anything. I'm back here now, and I'm right in your face. As for coming at you from any angle, that's just the art of war, baby. That's how we play the game, that's how I play the game, and I could damn well take you out at any time I wanted to. Except...hehe...what's this? This your new bodyguard or something?

Ragdoll looks at Matthews, who is intimidated, but Zack steps in between them, and takes his mic back.

MALIBU
No, he's not my bodyguard, but you know why he's out here, big man? Because of you. You think you're a tough guy, intimidating Josh here earlier? Well you know what, you're face to face with him. No bats, no weapons, just you and Josh. Go ahead, tough guy, lay one on him. Hit him.

Josh, shocked, looks at Zack like he's crazy.

MALIBU
Josh, don't worry, he's not going to do anything. That's not his style. It's not like the great Austin Baker to come at you when you know it's coming, now is it, Ragdoll?

Ragdoll stands there fuming, while Josh gulps.

MALIBU
C'mon Austin, hit him. Take Josh out. Hell, he's not my best buddy either, half the time I want to do it. TAKE HIM OUT!

Josh pleads with Zack to stop this, but Zack tells him to keep his cool, then turns back to Ragdoll.

MALIBU
Hit him, Rags. Let all that frustration out. The pain, the suffering, everything you want. Pretend he's me. Pretend he's your brother. Pretend he's the very substance that has made you sink to unthinkable depths as a man...I WANT YOU TO TAKE JOSH MATTHEWS TO HELL WITH YOU! TAKE HIM OUT~!

Ragdoll, not able to take anymore, swings for the fences...

...AND MALIBU STEPS IN TO BLOCK~! MALIBU UNLOADS A FLURRY OF RIGHT HANDS, STAGGERING RAGDOLL BACK, and a FINAL SHOT CARRIES HIM OVER THE ROPES AND TO THE FLOOR~!
COLE
Incredible! Zack Malibu has struck a nerve with Ragdoll!

COACH
And they have to TEAM UP TONIGHT~!

Ragdoll tries to come back in, but security quickly runs down to quell the situation, as Josh Matthews breathes a huge sigh of relief in the ring. Zack Malibu looks on at Ragdoll, and these two will be on the same side in the first ever Matchmaker's Mayhem Match~!

[Chanel #99]

(IMG:http://webpost.net/te/TestBoot/myahem.jpg)

*I’m Just A Girl hits as the red and white lights streak over the entrance way. The fans erupt as Crystal appears on the stage.*

BUFFER
Ladies and Gentleman the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is the special Matchmaker's Mayhem matchup! Making her way to the ring first...from Coquitlam, BC Canada, weighing in at 130 pounds...THE FEMALE PHENOM CRYSTAL!!!!!!!!

*The fans pop accordingly as Crystal enters the ring and climbs the ropes playing to the crowd the entire time. Suddenly a very different atmosphere overtakes the arena as “I Stand Alone” by Godsmack hits and Damaramu’s presence is known. A spotlight appears on the stage revealing Damaramu and Northstar standing together.*

BUFFER
Now, her tag team partner...being accompanied by HeldDOWN~! General Manager NORTHSTAR, he is from Moore, Oklahoma...weighing in at 250 pounds...DAMARAMU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Damaramu begins to make his way to the ring as the fans boo him and Crystal stares a hole right through him.*

CABOOSE
250!? Man this guy came in at 240 and he’s been putting on muscle weight ever since he arrived! What a monster.

COACH
You keep admiring his body Caboose...I’ll stick to admiring Crystal’s.

COLE
Guys! This is an interesting match. Damaramu and Crystal just finished up one hell of a blood feud and now they’re forced to team up! Last time they teamed up they won the match but Damaramu hung Crystal out to dry.
*Damaramu enters the ring and then turns to the non-delight of the crowd. Suddenly “Handsome Devil” by the Smiths begins to play and the fans give a mixed reaction. Mostly the fans are booing but a few cheer out of respect for Ragdoll’s attempt in rehab.*

CABOOSE
Ragdoll was in rehab and he made a plea.....a plea to a friend and that call was unanswered by Zack Malibu! And he calls himself a role model!?

COLE
Well I question the validity of anything Ragdoll says but we’ll see how things play out.

Announcer: And their opponents! First from Las Vegas, Nevada weighing in at 174 pounds....RAGDOLL!!!!!!!!!!!!

*The fans give Ragdoll another mixed reaction when his name is called as he enters the ring. He stops on his side and looks across the ring at Crystal who is warming up on the ropes and then at Damaramu who is standing in the corner like a stone statue staring a hole right through Ragdoll.*

WAKE ME UP INSIDE!!!!

*The fans EXPLODE as Zack Malibu’s music begins to play over the speakers. The blue and gold pyro goes of as Zack and Candie appear on the stage to the delight of the fans who were waiting for another face they could go crazy for after the long introductions of Damaramu and Ragdoll.*

Announcer: And his tag team partner! Being accompanied by Candie, from Los Angeles California and weighing in at 195 pounds........ZACK MALIBU!!!!!

*The fans once again explode as Zack Malibu finishes his sprint to the ring high fiving the fans on his way. Zack jumps into the ring and is full of energy. He pats Ragdoll on the back who shoots him a “Go to hell look” then he runs over to shake Crystal’s hand. Crystal shakes his hand back and smiles.*

COLE
Good sportsmanship by Zack Malibu here!

COACH
You realize that this is the first meeting between Damaramu and Zack Malibu since Zack eliminated Dama from the Rumble?

CABOOSE
And let’s not forget that Dama promised to break Zack for it!

COACH
He threatens that a lot...

CABOOSEAnd he’s broken all of those he vowed to, let's not forget that.

*As Zack is shaking Crystal’s hand Damaramu sets back and then delivers a gigantic spit right into Malibu’s face. Zack steps back rubbing it off and then he rushes forward attacking Damaramu!*

COLE
Here we go! Crystal and Ragdoll clear the ring as Zack goes crazy!

*Northstar yells from the outside of the ring as Zack starts unloading on Damaramu with wild lefts and rights. Dama however fights back and both men start slugging it out in the center of the ring. Zack wins the fist fight and sends Dama flying into the ropes. Zack catches him with a high back body drop on his way back in.*

COLE
Oh man Dama hit the mat hard there!

*Dama fights his way to his feet only to be clotheslined back down by the angry Zack Malibu. Zack goes on the attack delivering some stomps to the grounded Damaramu before yanking him up and delivering a hard snap suplex. Dama wrenches in pain as he hits the mat with impact. Malibu is right back on him though hitting the ropes and coming back in with a running elbow drop. Dama sits up holding his face and Malibu delivers a hard martial arts kick right to Dama’s lower back!*

COACH
Dama should’ve thought twice before he spit in Zack Malibu’s face!

CABOOSE
This is all part of his plan! Just watch!

COLE
Bad blood here from the Rumble match! Now they’re letting their aggressions out all over each other!

COACH
Well one of them is!

*Zack delivers a few more kicks to Dama’s back before yanking him back up to his feet and delivering a few forearm smashes to his lower back. Damaramu continues to hold his back as Ragdoll leans over the ropes and slaps Zack on the back tagging himself in. Zack gives Ragdoll a “What the hell?” look but Ragdoll goes right to work on Dama. Ragdoll sends Dama into the ropes and delivers a high jumping dropkick to Dama’s face. Ragdoll runs and delivers an elbow to Crystal on the apron for good measure.*

CABOOSE
That’s what I like! That selfish Zack was hogging the spotlight and Ragdoll got himself involved in the match!

COLE
Zack was just getting started!

*Crystal protests the cheapshot, while Ragdoll sends Damaramu into the ropes and meets him with a tackle before going nuts with punches all over Dama’s face. Dama covers up as Ragdoll unloads. Finally Ragdoll drags Dama up by his hair and sends him into the corner. Ragdoll runs in and leaps up onto the second rope playing to the crowd. The mixed reaction returns and Malibu takes the opportunity and tags himself in! Ragdoll looks down shooting Malibu a dirty look giving Dama enough time to get his hands under Ragdoll!*


COLE
Damaramu’s still in it!

CABOOSE
To much stalling! You never give Damaramu enough time to recover!

*Damaramu comes out of the corner driving Ragdoll into the mat with a powerbomb! Damaramu stands up smiling and turns around into a Zack Malibu missile dropkick from the top!! Dama hits the mat as Malibu recovers from the aerial assault he just unleashed. Zack goes back to Damaramu and sends him flying into the ropes. Dama comes back as Zack tries to deliver a Yakuza Kick~! but Dama ducks! Damaramu comes back on the rebound with a hard lariat turning Malibu inside out!*

CABOOSE
OH DAMN! That belongs on ESPN’s Top 10 hits!

COACH
Damaramu at 250 is by far the biggest competitor in this match and it’s showing now!

*Damaramu yanks Zack up by his air and spins him around forward talking trash. Zack stands there with a dazed look on his face as Damaramu starts delivering elbow smash after elbow smash...Zack is reeling on the ropes and then Dama spins around delivering a hard rolling elbow! Zack is loopy as he bounces off the ropes into Dama’s waiting arms....spinebuster!*

COLE
Wow Damaramu is really giving it to Zack here!

*Crystal leans over the ropes asking for the tag but Damaramu ignores here continuing to work on Zack Malibu. Dama sends Zack into the ropes and catches him coming back in with a spinning powerslam. Dama stands over Zack as the fans boo and then Dama steps on his face! The ref goes crazy trying to get Damaramu off as he stands on Zack’s face!*
COLE
That’s just uncalled for! This is a wrestling match dammit!

*Damaramu finally steps off Zack as the ref admonishes him. Zack tries to roll onto his stomach and Dama leaps to the air coming down with a stomp onto Zack’s lower back. Dama pulls Zack back up and picks him up on his shoulders in a fireman’s carry...DEATH VALLEY DRIVER! Zack comes down straight on his head! Damaramu wisely goes for the cover after spiking Zack, and the ref moves in for the pin attempt...Zack kicks out at the count of 2!

Dama stands up and delivers a hard kick to the ribs as Malibu starts to get up, causing Zack to roll over onto his stomach. Zack cries out in pain as Dama drops down onto him with his knee firmly planted in Zack’s back and applies the crossface! Dama with the crossface locked in!*

COLE
The fans are going nuts! Dama is trying to make Zack tap out early!

*Zack tries to fight his way to the ropes as Dama keeps the crossface tightly locked. The fans go nuts as Dama continues to yank on back on the move nearly bending Malibu in half. Suddenly Ragdoll rushes into the ring and boots Dama right in the head, causing him to release his grip on Zack Malibu!

COACH
Well it looks like he does want to be a team player!

*Ragdoll yells at Zack to get the hell up and goes back to his corner. Dama lays there a little shaken up from the blow and then rolls to his feet staring at Ragdoll. Dama smiles an evil grin at Ragdoll before turning to tag in Crystal.*

COLE
What a coward! Ragdoll obviously wanted a go at Dama, but now he's putting Crystal in for the first time since this matchup started!

DAMA
Beat his ass bitch!

*Crystal flips Damaramu off as she enters the ring. Zack is starting to get to his feet and Crystal jumps on him delivering some hard chops to the chest. Zack is being backed up to the corner as Crystal turns his chest red with chops. Once in the corner Crystal begins delivering kicks to Zack’s midsection as he just takes the beating. Crystal steps back, readying Zack for her next move, but looks over to see Northstar on the outside staring a hole in her. Shooting a wary eye back at her employer, Crystal goes back to the corner and pulls Zack out wheeling him around and grabbing him in a waistlock. Zack tries to fight it but Crystal yanks back dropping him on his head with a German suplex! Zack is crumpled in a heap on the mat holding his head. Ragdoll stares on and Dama and Northstar continue to call for more of Zack’s blood.*
COLE
Zack is in a very bad way here.

CABOOSE
And Damaramu and Northstar love it! I think Ragdoll may even be enjoying this!

COACH
I know my girl and I can tell she’s not enjoying this!

*Crystal drops down and pins Zack as if wanting to end it now.*

1!!!!!!!!!!!!




2!!!!!!!!!!!!




KICK OUT!

*Crystal looks a little flustered and goes back down for the pinfall again.*

1!!!!!!!!!!!




2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




KICK OUT AGAIN WITH AUTHORITY!

COLE
Zack is still in this!

*Crystal looks down at Zack, and he starts to fight his way back up. Crystal looks at Northstar who gives her another look and she sets back and delivers a hard superkick! Zack crumbles to the mat again. Crystal looks angry and she goes for the cover again!*

1!!!!!!!!!!!


2!!!!!!!!!!



KICK OUT!

*Crystal has finally had enough and she goes over to tag Damaramu back into the match.......DAMA TURNS HIS BACK ON HER! Crystal screams at Dama as he starts a conversation with Northstar. Crystal thinks about it and then she slaps Dama on the back of the head!*

COLE
Well now he’s tagged in!

*Dama turns around giving Crystal a pissed off look and then says “You just doomed your little friend in there!” Dama jumps into the ring and looks at the fallen Zack Malibu. Dama kicks him in the back of the head a little and then yanks him to his feet gripping him around the throat.*

DAMA
DID YOU LIKE ELIMINATING ME!? HUH!? WELL THAT’S IT YOU PREPPY ASSHOLE!

*Damaramu slaps Zack in the face and then spins him around picking him up in position for the Dama Hammer!*

COLE
It’s over if Dama hits this!

*Dama screams and throws Zack over but Malibu lands on his feet! Damaramu turns for a short arm clothesline but Zack ducks!!!!!!!!! DESPERATION SCHOOL'S OUT~! DAMA’S DOWN! ZACK IS GROGGY...HE FALLS BACK...AND BLINDLY TAGS RAGDOLL IN~!

COACH
About time someone woke him up from that nap on the apron.

Ragdoll blows right past Zack, who is slumped back in the corner, still in the ring, as he quickly goes for the cover on the unconscious Damaramu, who got blasted with Malibu's patented superkick. Ragdoll covers, and the referee moves in...

ONE!

TWO!!
THR...NO! NO! NORTHSTAR PUTS DAMARAMU'S FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE!

The referee notices the foot, but then questions Northstar about it. Northstar mouths off, telling the referee to just do his job or start collecting welfare. The ref backs off, as Ragdoll pulls Dama to his feet, and hits a sick open handed chop to the weary Dama's chest. Dama turns around from the blow, but Ragdoll turns him back towards him, slapping him hard across the pecs again, reddening his chest. Ragdoll sends Damaramu into the ropes, and catches him coming off with a Manhattan Drop, drilling Dama crotch first onto his knee. The move causes Dama to hunch over in pain, as Ragdoll bounces off the ropes behind him and slams him headfirst into the mat with a bulldog! Dama rolls onto his back after the impact, and Ragdoll quickly goes for the cover again...another two count, as Damaramu is able to get a shoulder up at the last millisecond possible!

COLE
Dama wanted to be selfish, keeping all the action to himself at the start of this contest, however if he doesn't make the tag soon, he's going to make Northstar a very unhappy man tonight.

COACH
I don't even want to get into the hidden meanings you've placed in that sentence, Mikey boy.

Ragdoll picks Damaramu up and throws him into the corner, Dama crashing chest first. Ragdoll then starts choking the hated heel on the top rope, and gets admonished by the referee, but flips the referee off and turns back to Damaramu! As Ragdoll pulls for him, Dama collapses to his knees, and hits a low blow out of desperation, crumpling Ragdoll to the mat.

CABOOSE
Now that is the true science of wrestling!

COACH
Touching another mans nards? Now we know why you enjoyed your career so much!

Dama struggles for his corner, as Northstar cheerleads from ringside, telling Crystal to reach in for the tag. Crystal waits patiently where she should, so Northstar slides into the ring, and starts to drag Damaramu closer to his own corner so that he can make the tag, but the referee pulls Northstar away! The referee and Northstar get into an argument, and Northstar shoves the ref...so the referee shoves Northstar on his ass to a major pop! Northstar scurries to his feet, and goes for the referee, but the referee quickly steps aside and BOOM~!...CANDIE SPEARS NORTHSTAR~! The crowd goes nuts as the GM rolls out of the ring, and Malibu's girlfriend celebrates in the ring! Suddenly, her celebration is cut short by Damaramu, who takes her by the hair, spinning her around, and then grabs her by the throat! Dama's wide eyes look straight into Candie's, but before he can do anything, Crystal slaps him on the shoulder and tags herself in to save one of her best friends!

CABOOSE
What! That stupid bitch!

COACHOh that's it, you mascara wearing tard. Put 'em up, Batman!

Damaramu turns to Crystal while holding onto Candie, and pushes Crystal back into the corner! Crystal gets stunned by her back slamming against the turnbuckles, but when Dama turns back around to face Candie, all he sees is the sole of a boot coming at him...AND CRACKING HIM WITH SCHOOL'S OUT~! MALIBU ENTERED THE RING TO MAKE THE SAVE FOR HIS GIRL, AND THE CROWD IS RABID~!

Dama stumbles back, topping through the ropes and onto the floor, while Zack ushers Candie out of the ring. Meanwhile, Ragdoll rushes to monkey flip Crystal out of the corner, but she holds onto his legs and throws him up, and he comes down crotching himself across the top rope! Crystal climbs up to the top turnbuckle, and leaps off onto his shoulders, snapping him back into the ring with a flying huracanrana~! The crowd pops huge as Crystal looks to the crowd and runs the ropes, looking for the Diamond In The Rough~!, but as she runs the ropes, Northstar, who is starting to recover, reaches up on the apron and inadvertently grabs her foot!

COLE
What is he doing!?

CABOOSE
It was an accident, but surely she'll overreact...

...and Crystal turns to him, frustrated, then LAUNCHES herself over the ropes and crushes the General Manager with a pescado!

COACH
Haha, it is NOT Northstar's night tonight, boys!

Crystal pops up to her feet and pumps her fists, while a recovered Damaramu yells at her for what she's done, and then goes to tend to his boss. Crystal slides back into the ring and goes back for the fallen Ragdoll, but when she picks him up he surprises her by playing possum and lifting her up on his shoulders, then carrying her near the ropes and tossing her out so that she crashes down neck first across the top rope! Crystal flops back to the mat, gasping for air, and as she's getting up to be looked at by the ref, Ragdoll charges in and BLASTS her in the head with a Devil Doll~! Crystal crumbles to the mat, but Ragdoll pulls her up to her knees by her hair, steps back, and then charges in, nailing her with ANOTHER Devil Doll~! Crystal is limp, but Ragdoll looks out to the crowd, raising his hand to call for "one more", but the crowd boos, and Malibu says to go for the pin already. Ragdoll looks at Zack, then slowly walks over to his corner, extending his hand for the tag, and motioning for Zack to be the one to get the pinfall. Zack goes to tag in, hoping to give Crystal some mercy from this maniac, but instead Ragdoll piefaces his partner, and turns back to Crystal. He pulls her up and braces her on all fours, as she doesn't even know where she is. Ragdoll bounces off the ropes, looking for a third Devil Doll to finish her off...BUT MALIBU DROPKICKS HIM OUT OF THE AIR! ZACK SPRINGBOARDS IN WITH A DROPKICK TO SAVE CRYSTAL~!
CABOOSE
He turned on his partner! Look, there is your proof that Ragdoll was right all along. Malibu is a selfish cutthroat!

Zack yells at Ragdoll, who lay on the ringmat in shock/pain. With Zack's back turned, a recovered and rested Damaramu sneaks in...LIFTING ZACK UP FOR THE DAMA HAMMER~!...NO~! Malibu slides out, and spins Dama around...SCHOOL'S OUT~!...NO~!, foot grabbed by Dama, and he pulls Zack into a lariat...DUCKED, and Malibu goes behind with a waistlock...RELEASE OVERHEAD GERMAN SUPLEX SLAMS DAMA ON THE CANVAS~! Malibu calls on Dama, prompting him to get up and come at him face to face, nose to nose. Damaramu pushes himself up, and just as he comes at Zack...WHAM! RAGDOLL RUNS ZACK INTO DAMA, AND THEIR HEADS COLLIDE~! Both men fall back to the mat in a daze, while Ragdoll drags Crystal near the corner, then ascends to the top. Tilting his head back in a cocky manner, Ragdoll leaps off, rotating in midair before crashing down on Crystal with his patented BLACK LABEL SHOOTING STAR PRESS~!

COACH
YO~!

COLE
It's been a while since he took that one out of the bag!

Ragdoll crushes Crystal upon impact, and covers her in a cocky manner, as the referee makes the count...

ONE!

TWO!!

THREE!!

CABOOSE
Well, I'm happy. That no good Malibu almost cost this man a chance at redemption.

COLE
Redemption? He tried to cave Crystal's skull in!

CABOOSE
It's not my fault it's hollow.

COACH
I'm tellin' you, Booze, this shit ain't flyin' right with me.

CABOOSE
Oh pipe down, you poor man's Jimmy Walker.
"Handsome Devil" comes up, and the crowd boos heavily, as Ragdoll gloats over his win. Malibu gets to his feet, holding his head and coming towards his partner/rival, while Ragdoll just looks on with a smirk, then backs out of the ring. Ragdoll backs up the aisle, while Zack and Candie check on Crystal, and Damaramu and Northstar curse under their breath at ringside.

COLE
It may have not been a match made in heaven for either team, but it was certainly mayhem! In one match, Austin Baker has seemingly infuriated not only the General Manager and his main protege, but the Female Phenom and The Franchise of the OAOAST~! If you ask me, Ragdoll is nothing more than a marked man.

CABOOSE
He's a smart man, Cole. Trust no one and do anything necessary is his credo, and by God, it got him a win tonight.

COLE
Fans, once again a HeldDOWN~! first leaves us with a shocking conclusion, and a bitter taste in our mouths...

CABOOSE
I think that's just from all the blowjobs you give to keep this job.

COACH
Oh SHIT, he went there Mikey, he went there!

CABOOSE
So did your mother, snapperhead.

COLE
Fans, before The Coach and Caboose tear this Sofa Central set to pieces, we're going to mercy kill this one and head for the higher grounds of a commercial break. Back with more after this~!

(Head to break)

[Chanel #99]

(Return from break)

(We cut backstage to E!'s very own Jules Asner! She's with GM Northstar and his partner in nefarious evil doings, Damaramu!)

Jules Asner: Hello every body! I'm Jules Asner, host of E!'s hit show "Revealed" I'm pulling double duty for the OAOAST and E! by interviewing HeldDOWN General Manager and architect behind the amazing "3 Stages of Hell" movie. How are you, Northstar?
Northstar: Well, I have a beautiful fiance, I'm head of the most successful brand of sports entertainment on earth, I have my own reality show in the works and I just bought a new yacht. I'd say I'm doing all right. How bout yourself, love?

Jules: I'm fine. Actually, I'm surprised that you're doing so well, considering that there are rumors flying that your employees are unhappy with the production of "3 Stages of Hell".

(Northstar laughs nervously)

Northstar: Uh, those are just rumors. Yes. They're rumors coming from the keyboards of entertainment journalists with overly active imaginations and to much time on their hands now that Benifer is done.

Jules: But, I saw one of your female wrestlers, assault star Josh Duhamel.

Northstar: Jules, darling, one grumpy Gus does not an unhappy roster make. The offending party has been talked to and reprimanded. She issued a private apology, which Josh accepted and we're moving on. Everyone is pleased as low fat cherry punch with how the movie is progressing, and the wrestlers just adore the actors. Absolutely adore them.

Jules: I hear you're staring to adore one Mrs.Elfman, which is a little odd considering that she's married and you're engaged to the prettiest Maggie Gyllenhaal look alike, Alix Spezia

Northstar: Jenna always has and always will have a special place in my heart. I don't see why that should change just because I've slipped the ring on Alley cat's finger.

Jules: Fair enough. Who's the big guy behind you?

Northstar: Him? That's Damaramu. He's like Vin Diesel, only talented.

(They laugh)

Jules: You're so witty, you know that?

Northstar: I've been told that before. Now, Damaramu is my absolute most favorite wrestler in the whole wide galaxy! If he was a song, he'd be "Baby Girl" by Nelly Furtado. If he was a movie, he'd be "The Sweetest Thing". If he was a mid twentieth century dance, he'd be "Agon" by George Balanchine. If he was a hot brunette, he'd be you!

Jules: Thank you. He doesn't say much. Why not?

Northstar: He just had a match, so he's pretty tired. He needs to go nighty night! (Laughter) Well, maybe I can get him to talk. Dama, say a few menacing words for us.

Damaramu: Jules.....let me ask you something......have you ever felt fear?
Jules: Why yes.......

Damaramu: I mean true fear.....like the kind that makes you want to cry and wish that it's all a bad dream? The kind that makes life seem surreal?

*Damaramu gets real close to Jules as Northstar looks a little nervous*

Damaramu: Let me tell you.....that star that assaulted Josh Duhamel......she felt that fear. Ryan Smith, the biggest bitch this world has ever seen feels that fear on a daily basis now. And when I'm the world champion......everyone will feel that fear.

*Jules looks like she is about to cry as Damaramu stands up and smiles.*

Northstar: Well he certainly is one of a kind! Now back to the movie.....

*One of the camera men steps forward now looking down at the camera.*

Camera Man: I'm sorry I'm having a little bit of trouble with this camera. Can we cut? Sorry it's just that the little red light went off.

Northstar: Let me see that! I took a Film school in college!

*The camera man starts to walk off as Damaramu's eyes get real wide and he starts to yell.*

Damaramu: YOU SON OF A.........

*Damaramu starts to step forward but the camera man swings the camera as hard as he can throwing himself to the ground in the process of putting so much force behind the swing. The side of the camera shatters across Damaramu's face as he falls straight backwards to the ground with blood running down his face.*

Jules: What's going on!?

Northstar: What do you think you're doing!?

*Northstar stands up as the camera man rises to his feet ripping his hat and beard off. Northstar sits in his seat his eyes growing wide with fear as Ryan Smith now stands in front of him.*

Ryan Smith(grabbing Northstar by the collar): You keep that god damn camera running and you sit right their Jules! This son of a bitch tried to ruin my life! This son of a bitch has told me that I can no longer wrestler here......and he did it after screwing me over in a match. And that bastard laying on the floor out cold tried to KILL ME!

Jules: Is this true Northstar!?
Northstar(standing up and slapping Smith's hand off): Don't try to intimidate me! You are a liability and what I did was for your own good!

Ryan Smith: Cut the bullshit Northstar! You know why you did it!

Northstar: I don't have to take this! Someone get Damaramu a medic and someone else call security! SECURITY! SEC.......OOMPH!

*Ryan Smith sets back and delivers a hard right hand right to Northstar's jaw taking him down.*

Ryan Smith: Jules put this on your TV show! The man running this show is perhaps one of the most immoral men alive! He's out for one person and that's himself! And his favorite wrestler here!? Why this man is a psycho. He's a killer! He tries to kill people in that ring! Everyone says "This man is sick! He tries to injure someone in every match!" Yes he does! *Smith turns to the camera* But none of you people at home have seen the real Damaramu! YOU HAVEN'T SEEN WHAT THIS MAN CAN DO! YOU HAVE NO IDEA! HE'S A KILLER! YOU WILL ALL BE SORRY WHENEVER YOU SEE WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN! STOP HIM NOW BEFORE IT'S TO LATE! I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE HE WAS JUST CONFUSED BUT NO! HE IS REALLY THAT CRAZY AND YOU HAVE NOT EVEN SEEN THE REAL DAMARAMU YET! HE HAS A DARKER SIDE!

*Ryan Smith is now red in the face as he starts to ramble incoherently into the camera. He looks up and notices that security is running his way and he takes off as fast as he can. Northstar sits up holding his jaw as Smith runs out of the building with security in hot pursuit.*

Northstar: THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER! TURN THOSE CAMERA'S OFF!

*FADE OUT*
(Backstage, gorgeous interviewette JACKIE GAYDA~! is standing by with Johnny "Jam" Jackson and Scotty Static, the duo known as the Global Party Exchange!)

JACKIE
Hey out there, Jackie here with two guys who are looking to soar to new heights here on HeldDOWN~!, I'm talking about Johnny Jackson and Scotty Static, you know them best as the GPX. Guys, tonight, you'll once again take on Minions Michael and Nathaniel in a Seven Sins Series matchup. What are your thoughts on the series, and on the Minions in general?

JACKSON
Well you know, sexy lady, you have a pleasurable experience tonight, because you are the first interviewer to be able to corner us for an interview. Most of the time, we try to do our talking in the ring, you know actions speaking louder than words and all that. But now the time has come for the GPX to let loose with the verbal barrage on those glorified altar boys, The Minions of St. Andrew.
STATIC
What Johnny Jam is trying to say, hot mama, is that since our first night here in the OAOAST, The Minions have tried their best to put one over on us. Oh sure, they took my partner out for a bit, and they had that walking growth hormone try to put us in permanent body casts, but look at us boys...WE'S STILL STANDIN'~! You see, The GPX, we know how to party up, but we know how to throw down. So tonight, we're gonna throw down, we're gonna paint the town, and we're gonna paint it red with church boy blood~! Seven Sins Series, hell boys, you ever hear of lucky seven? Well, you're gonna need some damn luck, because you've lit a fire under the two boys that know how to play with it pretty well. Pinfalls, submissions, one on one, two on two, it's all good in our hood, because you might have gotten this party started, but we're gonna make sure it ends with a bang. Hell, who says you need to be taken seriously? Dropping you on your heads sure sounds like fun to me!

JACKIE
With that said boys, good luck tonight in your matchup against The Minions. Jackie Gayda here, sending it back to you Michael!

(Back to sofaiziney dul centralizeiney. That’s Martian by the way)

[Chanel #99]

Cole: How did that no talent bimbo, Jackie Gayda get a job on the show?

Caboose: Same way you did, she gives good head.

Coach: You’re tooooooooooo funny, my sweet baboo!

Caboose: One more time. One more time and you’re dead meat.

COACH: I’ll take that bet, my sweet baboo. It is now time for the second match in the Seven Sins Series between the two top, up-and-coming young teams of HeldDOWN~!, St. Andrew's Minions and the Global Party Exchange.

MC: Last week, we saw the Minions corner Johnny Jackson and work over his back and neck, leading to Jackson having to tap out to the Cycle to Nowhere.

CABOOSE: After the match, Northstar unfairly came onto the big screen and declared this week's match as being "Pinfalls Only", since Johnny was a wussy and tapped out.

MC: First off, any man would tap out after being worked over like that and then being put in a submission hold that painful. Second, Northstar's just out to change things up, since seven of the same matches weekly isn't exactly the best way to run a wrestling show.
COACH: While you two bitch and moan, let's go to the ring! Buffer, take it away!

("Make Her Say" starts up, and the Global Party Exchange, consisting of Johnny "Jam" Jackson and Scotty Static, come out to a nice ovation. They run around the ring and slap hands with the fans, and then slide into the ring.)

BUFFER: The following contest is set for one pinfall, with submission victories barred, and is the second contest in the Seven Sins Best-of-Seven Series. Introducing first, weighing in at a combined weight of 407 pounds, from Orlando, Florida, the team of Scotty Static and Johnny "Jam" Jackson, the Global Party Exchange!

CABOOSE: The odds are definately against the GPX tonight, as they have to both play catch-up to get the series tied, plus Johnny's back and neck might still be aching from last Thursday night!

("Pompeii" starts up, and out come Nathaniel and Michael, the Minions, without their leader St. Andrew.)

BUFFER: And their opponents...weighing in tonight at a combined weight of 408 pounds; from St. Andrew's Cathedral, they are currently leading in the series one-to-nothing, they are Michael and Nathaniel, the Minions!

MC: They showed last week that being without their leader St. Andrew didn't make them any weaker, but as time goes on in this series, when desperate moments come up, will they start trying to rely on their absent leader and therefore cost themselves matches?

(bell rings)

Michael starts off with Scotty Static, who tells Johnny Jackson to stay in the corner so the Minions can't immediately target him like last week. They lock up, and Michael is able to power Static into a corner. Michael teases a clean break, but then slaps Scotty in the face. Michael backs up, and both men then circle in the center of the ring. They then lock up again, but this time, Static is able to shove Michael into a neutral corner. Static teases a clean break, but in an effort of one-uppsmanship, slaps Michael in the face. Michael angrily charges at Static, but gets dropped with a drop toe hold, which Static seemlessly converts into an Oklahoma roll.............1...............2..........kickout. Both men get back up, and Michael brings Static down with a small package........1........2.....kickout.

MC: Fast-paced opening here between the two young break-out stars of the future.

Both men get back up, and Static brings Michael down with a snap headlock takedown, but hooks the far leg for a cradle......1......2......kickout. Both men up yet again, and Michael brings Static over for a crucifix pin...........1............2.........Static rolls out. Michael kips up to his feet, and Static catches Michael with a headscissors takedown into a victory roll cradle........1.......2.......Michael rolls backwards so that Static's shoulders are down........1........2.....kickout. Both men back up, and Static catches Michael with a hurricanrana into a cradle pin...........1...........2........Michael rolls it into a sunset flip pin.............1.............2..........Scotty rolls backwards into a jackknife cradle..........1...........2........kickout. Both men back up, and Scotty hooks Michael in a front facelock while dragging him over to the GPX corner. Static then tags in Johnny Jackson, who slingshots himself over the top rope and brings Michael over into an inverted Oklakhoma roll.......1..........2........kickout. Both men back up, and Michael is able to slip behind Jackson to bring him over with a backslide........1......2.......kickout. Both men back up, and Jackson catches Michael with a full nelson, which he then uses to roll Michael over onto his shoulders in a cradle.........1.......2....kickout. Michael then hooks Jackson in an armbar, and pulls him over to the Minions' corner. Michael tags in Nathaniel, who grabs Jackson's arm, and brings him over into a La Magistral cradle..............1..............2........kickout.

COACH: These guys are taking the "pinfalls only" stipulation to heart!

CABOOSE: For four rookies, they sure do know how to pin you in a crapload of ways!

Both men get back up, and Nathaniel connects with an STO takedown, which he then bridges his legs over to use it as a cradle pin...........1..........2........kickout. Both men get back up, and Nathaniel kicks Jackson in the stomach. Nathaniel whips Jackson off to the ropes, and goes for a hiptoss. But, Jackson lands on his feet bridge-style to block it. Nathaniel responds with an inverted Hog Log legdrop, right across Johnny's throat. Nathaniel goes for an immediate cover.............1...........2.......kickout. Nathaniel sits Jackson up, and connects with two stiff toe kicks to the spine while holding onto his head. Nathaniel pulls Jackson up, and connects with a fast scoop slam. Nathaniel then comes off of the ropes, and connects with a Power Drive (Muta-style) elbow drop. Nathaniel then goes for another pin.............1...............2.......kickout. Nathaniel immediately gets up, and while holding Jackson's head down, drops three quick knees on the bridge of Jackson's nose. Nathaniel then drags Johnny over to the Minions' corner, and tags in Michael. Michael slingshots himself to the second rope in the inside corner, and connects with a moonsault. Michael goes for a cover..........1..........2..........Jackson gets his foot on the bottom rope.

MC: Looks like the Minions are going back to their gameplan from last week of keeping Jackson in the ring and targeting him alone.

COACH: They're also looking to be trying and closing shop early with all of these early pinfalls, but Jackson's not ready to give up yet.

Michael pulls Johnny to his feet, and whips him off to the ropes. Michael goes for a clothesline, but Johnny is able to duck. Jackson comes off of the ropes at the other end, and goes for a flying headscissors. However, Michael twirls Johnny back onto his feet, and brings him back with a Russian legsweep. Michael goes for the cover............1...............2...........kickout. Michael pulls Jackson to his feet, and shoves him into the Minion corner. Michael then connects with two front savate kicks, and then climbs the middle rope, and spins around for a back kick, square to Jackson's jaw. Michael rolls back onto his feet, and delivers a devastating jumping knee to Jackson's jaw. Johnny falls to a seated position in the corner, as Michael quickly tags Nathaniel back into the ring.

MC: The Minions are showing wisdom far beyond their years here, with the constant quick tags.
Michael and Nathaniel utilize their legal five seconds in the ring together by each grabbing a leg of Jackson's, lifting him, and bringing him back with a double seated powerbomb. Michael slides out of the ring as Nathaniel goes for the pin...........1............2.........kickout. Nathaniel pulls Jackson up, and stands him up in a neutral corner, stomach-first. Nathaniel then lifts up the back of Jackson's shirt, and lets loose with four stiff chops, each being harder than the last. Nathaniel then lets loose with a series of forearms to the lower back, ending with a back elbow shot. Nathaniel then hooks Johnny's head in neckbreaker-position, and looks to be attempting a running neckbreaker. However, Jackson grabs ahold of the top rope, and refuses to let go. Nathaniel pulls as hard as he can, but Jackson refuses to let go. Finally, Johnny is able to score with two overhead punches to Nathaniel's face, followed up by climbing up the turnbuckles, and flipping over to drop Nathaniel with a devastating DDT!

COACH: The tide might be turning! What a move!

Both men are down, and look to be crawling towards their corners as the referee counts them down...................1......................2..............3..........4.......
.....5...........Nathaniel's near a tag..........6...........7.....Jackson's within inches........8........Michael makes the tag in, runs about half-way into the ring, and literally dives to grab Johnny Jackson's ankle so he is unable to make the tag. Michael gets to his feet and pulls Jackson to mid-ring. He then drops the elbow on Jackson's back, and follows up by quickly getting to his feet and nailing a standing cannonball senton onto Jackson's back. Michael then hooks Johnny's head and leg, and turns him over for a pin...........1...........2...........kickout.

COACH: Despite the Minions' relentless attack on Jackson's back, "Jam" refuses to give in!

CABOOSE: If he doesn't just let them pin him soon, they're going to permanently mess up his spine!

Michael looks up at the referee in frustration, and then pulls Jackson up to his feet. Michael whips Johnny off to the ropes, and goes for a hiptoss driver. However, Jackson somehow finds the energy to flip his legs so that he can hook Michael's head with them, and bring him over with a hurricanrana out of nowhere. Both men get back up, and Jackson blocks two punches from Michael, retaliating with two right hands of his own. Jackson then whips Michael off to the ropes, and brings him over in a powerslam. However, Johnny makes the rookie mistake of not going for the win, and instead pulling him up to whip him to the ropes. Jackson slides underneath a forearm attempt from Michael, and hooks his arms for the Full Nelson Slam. However, Michael is able to slide his way out of the move, and goes for a standing Yakuza kick. Jackson catches the foot, and spins it around. But, at the same time as Jackson throws a Yakuza kick of his own and connects, Michael spins around with a Dragon whip spinkick, which also connects, as both men go down.

COACH: No longer does either side have momentum. The first man to tag out automatically gets the advantage for his team!

Both men slowly crawl to their corners, as the referee begins the count.............1...............2...............3............4............5...
.......Michael is currently moving faster to his corner than Johnny is to his.........6...........7.........Michael tags in to Nathaniel, who quickly charges into the ring. But, before he's able to grab Jackson, Johnny rolls forward and tags in Scotty Static! Static springboards to the top rope, and connects with a beautiful missile dropkick on Nathaniel. Scotty immediately goes for the cover...........1...........2..........kickout. Static pulls Nathaniel up, and whips him off to the ropes. Static then connects with an incredible no-look jumping heel kick. Scotty hollers, and the crowd starts cheering him more. Static then pulls Nathaniel up, and kicks him in the stomach. Static then springboards to the second rope, and connects with a corkscrew legdrop to the back of Nathaniel's head.

MC: Scotty Static has taken over this party!

CABOOSE: Please, stop trying to be hip.

Static goes for the cover...........1............2...........Michael runs into the ring and breaks it up at the last second. Michael pulls Static up, but Static fights Michael off, and sends him off to the ropes. Static then brings him over with a hurricanrana, which sends Michael outside the ring, under the bottom rope. Static then clutches the top rope, and waits for Michael to get to his feet. When he does, Scotty springboards to the top rope, and connects with a flip press onto Michael!

MC: Air Static!

Static ends up landing in the front row, and slaps hands with a few fans, before turning around and being plowed over by a corkscrew tope suicida (dive through the ropes) from Nathaniel! As the Minions and Scotty Static get to their feet on the floor, Johnny Jackson, still showing pain in his back and neck region, scoots to the middle of the apron. He then springboards to the middle rope, and hits one hell of an Asai corkscrew flip, onto all three other men!

COACH: All four of these guys are showing why they are the new breed in tag team wrestling!

CABOOSE: But notice how Jackson landed his dive...his back did connect with the guardrail on the way down, and that is definately not good news for the guy that named himself after a sandwich ingredient.

The first two men up from the abyss of bodies are Scotty Static and Nathaniel. Static and Nathaniel trade punches as they climb over the guardrail, but Static ends up blocking two of Nathaniel's punches, and nailing four of his own, leaving him with enough of an advantage to grab Nathaniel's shirt and toss him into the ring. However, as Static tries to climb back into the ring himself, a pair of hands comes up from out of the ring apron, and yank Static by the ankle, underneath the ring.

MC: What in the hell...?

COACH: Come on! This is wrestling, not magic show B.S.!

As this is going on, Johnny Jackson is able to grab Michael by the shirt, and practically drag him from the front row, back into the ring. But, Jackson's unaware that his partner has been pulled out of this match reluctantly, as he puts Michael in a corner, and starts wailing away for the ten-punch series. But, as Jackson gets to six, Nathaniel sneaks behind him, slips in between his legs, and pulls him up and out. Nathaniel headbutts Jackson in the groin, unbeknowingst to the referee, as he picks him up, making Jackson drop to a pilerdriver position. Nathaniel shakes the cobwebs, and then heads up to the top rope, facing the crowd. They're in position as Nathaniel launches off...The Holy Divide! Michael covers Jackson as Nathaniel faces them in a kneeling position and crosses himself............1.............2..............3!

MC: The pinfall was academic, but the circumstances are more than a little shady!

CABOOSE: What's so shady about a clean pin? Facts are facts...the Minions are now up two-to-nothing!

COACH: Where's Scotty Static then?

Just then, Static rolls out from underneath the ring, with a cut open on his forehead. A masked man dressed from head to toe in black rolls out from underneath the ring, and joins the Minions on the ramp. The masked man secretly unmasks while the Minions bow before him, giving away that it is, in fact, Saint Andrew who helped the Minions get this win.

MC: That bastard! He was banned from ringside and STILL wormed his way into the conclusion of this contest!

Just then, HeldDOWN~! GM Northstar appears at the start of the ramp, and he has a mic!

NORTHSTAR: Minions, congratulations on your second victory in the Seven Sins Series. But, I'm disappointed in you nontheless. I set this up so you guys and the GPX could make YOURSELVES stars, not have someone come in, interfere, and steal your thunder! Andrew...I banned you from ringside for a reason. I shouldn't have to worry about you interfering next week, since I booked you in a Six-Way Survival match. But, if you stick your nose in the match next week, or any other week, you and your group of Waco Kool-Aid drinkers are FIRED! Now...Minions, another change-up for next week: since you two like targeting Johnny Jackson alone so much to get the win, I'm going to throw a pitchfork into your gameplan. Next week, you will HAVE to focus your energies on both members of the Global Party Exchange, since, in order to win the match, you MUST defeat both of them. That's right...next week, you four will compete in an elimination match! That is all!

MC: How about that for messing up the Minions' plan?

COACH: Next week might bring a little bit different of a result for the brothers Minion! As the Communion is freaking out on the aisleway, we've got to go to a commercial. More HeldDOWN~! in a few!

(Go to break)

(Return from break)
::The scene opens backstage with Panther and Tina leaning up against a wall, Panther wearing his red ring gear (with black trim and lettering), a matching bandana around his forehead, and the 24/7 title belt around his waist, and Tina wearing tight black jeans and boots, a red tube top with a black Superwoman "S" on the front and a diamond-studded choker around her neck. They appear to be arguing. At one point, Tina turns to walk away, but Panther grabs her by the arm and pulls her back::

Tina: YOU KNOW...(takes a deep breath) you DO have a match to get ready for tonight!

Panther: Tina, I've been trying to get in touch with you all week. You won't answer your phone, your cell phone's disconnected...hell, you've blocked my e-mail...Tina...I just need to know...

Tina: What? What do you need to know?

Panther: Last week...what Bryte said about you giving me half your paycheck and all that stuff...was that true?

::Tina doesn't answer, and instead cuts her eyes away from him and looks off into the distance.::

Panther:...well...?

Tina: (turns back to Panther) Yeah...it's true.

Panther: (buries his face in his right hand) Oh...God!

Tina: (sighs) I've been using the money to help pay off your bills and what not...

Panther: Why?

Tina: What do you mean "why"?

Panther: Damn it, Tina! We've been through this before! I don't need your help! I don't want your help...

Tina: You asshole!

::Panther rolls his eyes, takes a deep breath and exhales deeply before turning back to Tina with a look of ANGER~! and frustration on his face::

Panther: Well, what do I owe you?

Tina: Huh?

Panther: For the money! You never do something for nothing. Obviously, you want something from me...so what do I owe you?

Tina: Panther...look...you don't...(sighs) you don't owe me anything, alright? I mean...it was the least I could do. After all, if it wasn't for me shutting down your fed, you wouldn't have had those financial problems in the first place...and I did kinda wreck your marriage and all.

::Tina's begins to tear up a bit, and the look on Panther's face softens somewhat::

Panther: Ok...ok, but Tina, we've been here since October. Why the hell didn't you tell me?

Tina: Why should I? It doesn't change the fact that I pretty much ruined your life.

Panther: (sighs) You did not...

Tina: Yes I did, Panther. I mean...(sniffles) I think back to all the bad things I used to do to you, Panther...all the times I turned on you, all the times I had you attacked...when I killed your unborn child, and I was proud of it. I didn't have any remorse, because at the time you were a conceited...egotistical asshole. (sniffles) And then last summer we met up again, and you were so...so different. I mean...you had a wife that you really loved...you had those kids that you loved...that you really enjoyed taking care of. You turned into a really nice guy, Panther...and that just made me feel so bad for what I'd done to you. And then to top it off, after all I did, after I came between you and your wife, when I thought you might have gotten me pregnant, you still offered to take care of the baby...

::A tear runs down Tina’s cheek as she continues::

Tina: You looked out for me, despite all the rotton things I'd done to you in the past. And then what do I do? I drag you back into wrestling…make you come to the OAOAST and make you completely miserable. I get you into this mess with Brock Ausstin…get you beaten up, injured…you start to become obsessed with the business all over again, and suddenly you’re turning back into the same self-centered asshole you were before. Panther…that’s why I tried to cost you that match a few weeks back. That’s why I tried to end your career, because I figured while you’d never forgive me for what I’ve done…and I don’t deserve to be forgiven, I don’t, but I thought that if I could get you out of the business, you’d go back to being the same nice guy I met last summer. Without wrestling...hell...without me around to ruin your life, you’d be a better person, and most importantly, you’d be happy…and that’s all I want for you right now.

::At this point, Panther smiles and shakes his head in disbelief. He then puts his arm around Tina and pulls her close, bringing a look of bewilderment to her face::

Panther: (chuckles) Why you gotta make it so hard for me to hate you? Huh? (Tina smirks) Listen, I dunno where you got the impression that I’m miserable, but Tina, right now that couldn’t be further from the truth. See, I’m happy right now. I’m happy here on HeldDOWN~! Hell, look at me. I’m the 24/7 champ. Tonight, I get a chance to challenge for the WORLD TITLE! Things are finally starting to go my way around here, and honestly I haven’t been this happy in a long time.And as far as you ruining my life goes...Tina, you're being too hard on yourself...(sigh) and you know...now that I think about it...I guess I've been a little too hard on you too. I mean…you have kinda gone outta your way to help me out these last few months. I tell you what…let’s take all of this bullshit between us…everything that’s gone on with us in the past, and just forget about. Let’s me and you start over right now…

Tina:…you do mean as friends, of course…I mean…because Chris…

Panther: Of course. Friends.

Tina: Ok….because Chris…(nervous giggle) you know…

Panther: Look, damn it, I don't have all night. I've got an important match to get ready for. Do you wanna be friends or not?

Tina: (smiles) Yes!

Panther: Alright then.

::Panther leans over and gives Tina a big hug. Crowd goes "AWWWW" inside the arena. Panther then lets go, pats Tina on the head, and starts to walk away::

Panther: Now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go get ready for my match.

Tina: Good luck, Panther.

::Tina wipes the tears from her cheek and smiles as Panther walks off in the distance.::

(Head to break)

[Chanel #99]

(Return from break)

(IMG:http://www.cyberdive.org/wedding/ugly.jpg)

As HeldDOWN is LOVE~ returns from a commercial break, the arena is dressed in splendid fashion, as the OAOAST prepares for its first ever wedding ceremony! Flowers are spread along the ramp, the AngleTron, and the ring, as a beautiful chapel of LOVE~ is set up inside of the ring. “The Wedding Song” continues to play and the fans grow restless, but rest assured, they are ACTUALLY very excited about the wedding!

COACH
Welcome back to HeldDOWN, fans, and we’re pumped and prepped for the wedding of Big Poppa Poplex!

CABOOSE
All I can say is thank GOD for Cole being a best man, because I don’t know if I could live with him crying on my shoulder during this shindig.

COACH
That’s what I’m here for, Boose.

Suddenly, Barry Manilow’s timeless classic, “Mandy”, echoes throughout the arena, and, well, the crowd is kind of indifferent as Poplex’s best men and Jenni’s bridesmaids strut down the ramp and enter the ring! Notable appearances are Poplex’s best friends Tarantula-Rhymer and Michael Cole, Jenni’s former transvestite friend Siddhartha, and many of Poplex’s family, including his second cousin twice removed, Billy Bob Poplex, his brother “Howard” Dean Poplex, and his former boyfriend Jake Potter. Finally, behind all of them, Schaeffer slowly walks down to the ring, holding the Word of God in his shaking hands. Tears are freely flowing from the priest’s eyes, as he prepares to send his begotten son onto a new path of life.

COACH
This is such a moving moment, Caboose, and I’ve never witnessed anything like it.

CABOOSE
Moving in all the wrong ways, yes. I feel like moving to the nearest bathroom.

Schaeffer gets into the ring and takes a microphone, playing with it like a wing-wang before talking.

SCHAEFFER
Dearly beloved, we are gathered-crap, I knew I forgot something. Allow me to introduce you to the groom! From Atlanta, Georgia, weighing in at 160 pounds, this is Big Poppa Poplex!

Village People’s “In the Navy” hits and the crowd EXPLODES as Big Poppa Poplex emerges, clapping along to the beat in his pink tuxedo and sandals! Big Grand Poppa Poplex looks on, swelling with pride as his grandson wears the same sandals he wore as a wrestler.

CABOOSE
This is ridiculous! Wrestler entrances? Entrance music? Jesus, this is awful!

COACH
Shut up, Boose, and let me lean on you.

Poplex reaches the ring and looks lovingly at Schaeffer, who pats him on the shoulder and starts speaking again.

SCHAEFFER
Now, introducing the bride! She normally would be accompanied by her father, but he died in a brutal sperm bank massacre, so she is accompanied by a coat rack! This is JENNI!

“Here Comes the Bride” plays and the crowd goes lovey-dovey in their cheering as they greet Jenni, the bride! She looks absolutely GLOWING~ as she wears a matching pink dress and sandals. The coat rack isn’t even a burden as she enters the ring and walks up to her man.

SCHAEFFER
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the uniting of two bodies…two souls…two lives. I have known Big Poppa Poplex for many a year, since his penis was only two inches long and his voice sounded like Fran Drescher! Yes, that time he asked me to ‘purify’ him in the shower-

Poplex simply smiles at Jenni and clears his throat at Schaeffer, who gets the message and continues.

SCHAEFFER
Right! Like I was saying, as treasurer of the Wing-Wang Gang, I am going to read some bible passages that will guide you two on your way to holy salvation. Isaiah 66:24: “When you see this,” *Schaeffer grabs his penis* “your heart shall rejoice, and your bones shall flourish like grass; the hand of the Lord shall be known to His servants, and His indignation to his enemies. For behold, the Lord will come with fire and with His chariots, like a whirlwind, to render His anger with fury, and His rebuke with flames of fire. For by fire and by His sword the Lord will judge all flesh; and the slain of the Lord shall be many.”

The crowd sits uncomfortably as Schaeffer continues his completely off-topic sermon, but Poplex simply grabs a hold of Jenni’s ass and the two smile lovingly as the old man continues.

SCHAEFFER
Those who sanctify themselves and purify themselves, to go to the gardens after an idol in the midst, eating swine’s flesh and the abomination and the mouse, shall be consumed together, says the Lord. Now…what was this passage about? It embodies the Wing-Wang Gang as a whole. Jenni, welcome to the Wing-Wang Gang. Now, should anyone have any reason why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace!

Silence, besides a few drunken frat boys wishing to marry Poplex.


SUDDENLY, Wang Chung’s “Everybody Have Fun Tonight” hits and the crowd goes OMGWTF WILD as…THE SUPERSTAR WALKS OUT!!

CABOOSE
Finally, some levity!

COACH
What business does THIS goon have coming out here?

CABOOSE
…well, Poplex DID call him out last week.

As Poplex looks on MADLY IN ANGER~, Superstar produces a microphone and begins speaking.
SUPERSTAR
I figured I’d use this song because, Jenni, you-*we* know this song ALL too well. Remember last week at the karaoke bar? You’d just been dumped by Siddhartha the Transvestite, and you were drowning your sorrows away. I was pretty sad over losing the night before, so together we got up there and we sang Wang Chung. It was a great night. Especially what happened after that.

Tears begin forming in Schaeffer’s eyes.

SUPERSTAR
Well, you don’t need the details, but we went back to my hotel room and HAD SEX. ROUGH, NASTY SEX. YOU SAID I WAS THE ONE. I really don’t care that you left me, since you’re pretty awful, but it’s the thought that counts. So, Poplex, ask yourself, do you REALLY want to marry someone who’s slept with ME?

BPP can only break down sobbing, Michael Cole holding him up. This causes Jenni to burst into sobs, apologizing a million times over to her fiancé. Superstar stops and smiles, but Big Grand Poppa charges from the ring at Superstar, for ruining his grandson’s wedding! BGP swings with a wild punch, but SS easily sidesteps it and kicks BGP in the nuts! Superstar then easily grabs BGP and tosses him right into the steel barrier. BGP starts to breathe heavily, holding his back from the pain. Superstar begins to point and laugh at him, but then notices the ENTIRE POPLEX FAMILY~ running after him. Knowing he’s outnumbered, Supes takes off into the backstage area. All the Poplex’s run after him, with the exception of Billy Bob Poplex, who goes to check on his Grandfather. He notices BGP holding his chest.

BILLY BOB POPLEX
We need a doctor! Somebody get a doctor!

Paramedics rush out to the scene. They place BGP on the stretcher and bring him to the back, with Billy Bob right by his side. In the ring, BPP has composed himself.

BIG POPPA POPLEX
Jenni…through my gallon of tears, I’ve come to a revelation: I love you, and nothing will change that. I’m full of southern hospitality, and I’m ready to forgive you. As Schaeffer taught me, “Isaiah 43:24: I have held My peace a long time, I have been still and restrained Myself. Now I will cry like a woman in labor, I will pant and gasp at once.” I forgive you, Jenni, as I know you have no more secrets from me.

Schaeffer swallows his saliva, and starts to sweat.

SCHAEFFER
I....I can’t go through with this!

The crowd sits in their chairs puzzled.
SCHAEFFER
Poplex, my dear boy. When I was young, about your age, my life was a disaster. I was an alcoholic. I was a druggie. I remember riding all over the United States with the hells angels on my hog. One day, I was smoking the marijuana, driving along in Atlanta. And then something happened that changed my life forever: A young child, about three years of age, ran across the road. I swerved at the last minute, barely missing the child, and drove right into a truck that was shipping adult entertainment products. I got out of the car, blood running down my face, the sky filled with dildos and porno mags, and at that moment, I realized that I had to change my life forever. That, my son, is when I found God. And after a few months, I was on the right path in life. But after everything I had done to get away from my terrible past, there was one thing I could not escape from: My strong sexual urges.

Poplex stands frozen. He knows what Schaeffer is about to tell him, but he can’t believe it.

SCHAEFFER
You see my boy....last week when you told me about your bride, I just couldn’t wait a week to meet her. I had to check her out, and make sure that she was the right girl for you. Well, I went to her house, and...I...I....just couldn’t control myself. She said that I reminded her of her high school history teacher, and we both started drinking the alcohol, and...

Before Schaeffer can finish, Poplex falls to his knees crying. Schaeffer kneels down and hugs him. Everyone in the arena has their mouth wide open, in absolute SHOCK over Schaeffer’s revelation, and in absolute disgust of the image of Schaeffer having sex. Jenni, in tears, runs off, out of the arena. Poplex picks up Schaeffer’s mic.

POPLEX
Jenni! Jenni! Wait!

BPP jumps out of the ring, chasing after his bride to be. Schaeffer tries to follow, and almost kills himself trying to get out of the ring and run up the rampway at the same speed of Poplex.

Camera cuts to Poplex’s locker room, where Big Grand Poppa is lying on a table, with Billy Bob on a knee beside him.

BIG GRAND POPPA (whispering)
How’d it go?

BILLY BOB POPLEX (crying)
It went good. It was beautiful.

BIG GRAND POPPA (whispering)
That’s good. That’s....goo....

BGP’s muscles relax, and his head fall to it’s side. A doctor check his pulse and shakes his head.
BILLY BOB POPLEX
Noooooooooooooooooooooo!

Cut to the parking lot. Jenni, in her white wedding gown, tears going down her face, is seen getting in Poplex’s pink pickup truck and driving off in haste. Poplex and Schaeffer BURST~ onto the scene, yelling for Jenni.

SCHAEFFER
Where did she go?

Poplex looks around and sees his pickup in the distance.

POPLEX
There! There she is! Follow me!

Poplex RUNS~ to his limousine and PULLS~ the driver out. He gets in the driver’s seat, and Schaeffer, noticeably out of breathe and sweating buckets, calls shotgun and jumps into the passenger side. Poplex quickly accelerates, speeding out of the parking lot, with a “Just Married” sign hanging off the back of the limo.

(Back to Sofazentrale)

Coach: What did you think of that segment my, sweet baboo?

Caboose: You’re not Sally, I’m not Linus....STOP CALLING ME YOUR SWEET BABOO! In fact stop talking period. Because you always talk with your mouth full and I’m tired of you dropping chilli sauce on my pants. This may be HeldDOWN is love for but Caboose is all about the hate!

Coach: Somebody had a visit from his Aunt Flo. Didn’t he?

Cole: Coach, don’t go there! Ladies and Gentlemen we've recieved word from the back that CWM is ready to give us some words...from an unusual place.

[Chanel #99]

*The camera pans out on a door marked: Staff Only: Weapon Storage. The cameraman pushes the door open to reveal a room stuffed full of every weapon ever used in the OAOAST, CWM is standing next to the broken shards of a table*

CWM: This table lying here is the table that Hoff put me through last week. It will lie here broken and forgotten to gather dust and rot. Soon Hoff will have much in common with this table. Because his day is coming.

You know, I'll admit I've made alot of threats and alot of promises. I told Hoff to get a will, that I was going to fuck him up worse than I ever was fucked up. So far though I've been writing checks that my ass can't cash. Hoff and Superstar have been one step ahead of me. And now Zack has his own issues to sort out with Ragdoll, so I'm all alone. But that's okay. I don't need ANYONE'S help to deal with Hoff. As for Superstar...well I'm working on a surprise for you so you better start checking over you shoulder kid.

I've noticed something else. When I looked Hoff in the eye last night I didn't see quite enough fear in his eyes. I don't think he's taking me seriously enough. That's a big mistake Hoffy Boy. I want you to look into my eyes.

*Camera zooms into CWM's eyes. His deep green eyes look like they are about to burst into flames*

CWM: Are these the eyes of someone who makes idle threats? I don't think so. You made the biggest mistake of your life time when you turned on me. You managed to piss me off. I want to demonstrate to you how serious I am about beating you.

*CWM walks out of Camera view and the camera follows him further back into the storage room where CWM stops in front of a 5 foot tall keg*

CWM: This is my beer keg. It's seen me through good times and bad. I sunk every penny I owned into getting this federation started and when it took off I took my first paycheck and bought this. From the Start of the aWo, to it's breakup, to my first title reign, and everything else I've had this. It and that it contains means more to me than anything. Growing up I had no friends. Beer was the only thing I could count on. It still is one of only two things I can count on. The other thing is this...

*CWM picks up a rusted Tire Iron, blood still staining it*

CWM: This is my weapon of choice. It's never failed me...just like beer. But I've realized something about beer...It's a crutch...

*CWM whirls around in the blink of an eye and begins hammer the Beer Keg with the tire iron. It begins to creak and then with a final blow of the tire iron it bursts apart floding the room with beer. CWM turns back to the camera seeminly wiping a tear away.*

CWM: The question you have to ask yourself Hoff is if I'm willing to destroy the most precious thing in my life...what will I do when I get my hands on you?

*Fade out*

[Chanel #99]

::The camera cuts back to ringside, where the ring announcer is standing in the center of the ring::

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen...the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the #1 contendership for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship!!!!!
::Suddenly, the arena lights drop, and the crowd pops as "State Prop (You Know Us) hits the PA system. After approximinately 5-6 seconds...

**BOOOOOOOOOM!!!**

...the arena is rocked by a HUGE pyro blast. Flashing red and white spotlights swarm the arena, roaming the crowd momentarily before converging on stage, where Panther appears through through a thick cloud of smoke, with the 24/7 Title belt draped over his shoulder. He walks towards the edge of the stage and pauses for a moment, waiting for the cue in his music. Then, as the horns blare in the background, Panther flings the title from his shoulder and raises it into the air, holding it high above his head as white spotlights illuminate the set behind him, then swiftly snaps it down by his right side as the spotlights disperse about the arena. Panther flings the belt back onto his shoulder as he starts down the ramp to ringside::

Announcer: Introducing first...he hails from Philadelphia, PA...weighing in tonight at 198 pounds...he is the reigning HeldDOWN~! 24/7 Champion...PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTHEERRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

::The crowd pops wildly at the mention of Panther's name. As Panther gets close to the ringside area, he tosses the 24/7 belt over the top rope and into the ring, where it's caught by the referee, then takes a vertical leap onto the ring apron before climbing in. He then takes the belt from the official and walks out towards the center of the ring, with the belt raised high in his right hand, soaking up the cheers from the capacity crowd. Then, he lays the title belt flat on the mat, turns towards the main camera and, again on cue with his music, takes stance behind the belt, glaring intensely into the camera as the horns blare once more white spotlights highlight the ringposts....getting brighter...and brighter...and brighter...before converging on the center of the ring, where Panther snaps his right fist into the air and pyro blasts explode from the four posts. The lights immediately return to normal, Panther grabs the title belt from the mat and hands it over to the referee, who in turn hands the belt over to a ringside attendent...who in turn carries it over to the timekeeper...who in turn GETS THE TITLE STOLEN from him by a couple of punk ass kids in the front row. The kids quickly take off with the title belt with security hot on their trail::

Coach: That...can't be good.

Cole: (nervous laughter) Well fans, it's been quite a night already...I still can't get over what we've already seen in the Poplex Wedding...

Caboose: Greatest. Thing. Ever. By the way! Superstar is great! Just great!

Cole: Well we're gonna see just how great he is as he does battle with the man who eliminated him from the Royal Rumble just a couple of weeks ago. It's Panther vs. Superstar...#1 contendership on the line...here we go...

"I'M NOT AFRAAAAAID~!"
::A chorus of boos erupts from the crowd as Earshot's "Not Afraid" hits the PA system, and a deep red hue covers the arena. The camera focuses on the entrance, as Superstar slowly walks out from the locker room area with a look of...well...INTENSITY~! in his eyes. He pauses for a moment when he reaches the top of the ramp, scouring the arena momentarily, then focusing his sights directly on Panther. He then starts down to the ring::

Announcer: His opponent...hailing from Tuscon, Arizona...he weighs in tonight at 246 pounds...ladies and gentlemen...THIS...IS...THE SUUUUUUUUUPERSTAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR~!

::The crowd boos at the mention of his name as Superstar continues his path to the bottom of the ramp, as inside the ring, Panther paces in anticipation. When he reaches ringside, Superstar reaches up, grabs the bottom and middle rope with his left and right hands respectively and pulls himself onto the apron, where he engages in a deep...INTENSE~! staredown with the reigning 24/7 Champ. He then takes a step through the ropes and enters the ring, and walks towards the middle of the ring, where he and Panther go eye to eye. Suddenly, the referee steps between them and separates the two competitors as the arena lights return to normal as the theme music dies down. A slight smirk appears across Superstar's face as the official begins giving the pair instructions. Then, after both men have confirmed their understanding of the rules, the official calls for the bell...

**Ding Ding Ding**

Cole: AAAAAAAAAND...THEY'RE OFF~!

Caboose: (looking at Cole like he's a complete fool) "And they're off?!" What is this, horse racing?

Cole: (slightly embarrassed) Well...I thought it sounded cool. Anyway, folks, as stated, this match is for the #1 contendership. The right to face the World Champion Calvin Szechstein right here next week on HeldDOWN~! And no matter which way this thing goes, it'll be quite a match right here next week on hD~!

Caboose: "No matter which way it goes"?! Are you trying to break a world record for the most dumb ass comments in a single match? Michael Cole, how could you even think that Panther has even a remote chance at beating Superstar?! I mean...we're talking about a world class athlete here! We're talking about a man who not too long ago defeated YOUR HERO, Cole, Zack Malibu...fair and square, might I add, right in the middle of the ring.

Cole: Well before you write Panther off, don't forget that as I stated earlier on, Panther did eliminate Superstar from the Rumble at Anglepalooza!

Caboose: Big deal! So he tossed the man over the top rope! Superstar wasn't ready for him, and Panther got lucky! But tonight, Panther's luck runs out! Tonight, Panther has to face Superstar one-on-one...man-to-man, and I promise you, Cole...I promise you Coach, that just like the Poplex Wedding, by the end of this match, Panther's career will be RUINED...that Wedding thing was GOLD~! by the way! GOLD~!

Coach: Yeah, yeah! Panther and Superstar still staring one another down...man, it's intense in here.

Indeed. Panther and Supes have yet to take their eyes off of one another in the center of the ring. At this point, Superstar points to the canvas...apparently telling Panther "Just lay down! You're no match for me kid!" Panther shakes his head negatively, prompting laughter from the UGW leader. Supes points at the mat again and tells Panther to "lay down", then takes his right hand and shoves Panther's right shoulder. A second shove knocks Panther off balance, causing him to take a couple of steps in reverse, but Panther quickly gets back up into Superstar's face, at which point he's met with a HARD slap--

**SPLAT**

--to which he immediately responds by spitting his wad of gum directly into Superstar's face, drawing a loud "OOOOOOOOH" from the crowd.

Caboose: What a show of disrespect. He'll pay for that!

Superstar rubs his face for a moment, visibly angered, then he quickly goes for a lock up, and he and Panther begin to jockey for position.

Panther fights to gain an early advantage, but is no match for Superstar in the strength department, and is easily muscled backwards into a corner. Once in the corner, Superstar presses all his body weight against Panther's frame...

Official: C'mon, break it! 1...2...3...4...BREAK!!!

Superstar doesn't break, however. Instead, he takes his right hand and mashes it right up against Panther's face, pushing his head and neck backwards over the top turnbuckle. The referee grabs Superstar's hand and actually tries to pry him off of Panther, and after a brief moment of struggle, Superstar releases...at which point he's met with a shove to the chest from Panther--

**CRACK**

--AND RESPONDS with another HARD slap to the face of the 24/7 Champ. The crowd boos wildly in the background as Superstar cockily backpedals out towards the center of the ring, inviting Panther to come in to attack him. Panther keeps his cool, however, merely shrugging off the blow before calmly walking back out towards the center of the ring, where he squares off against Superstar once again.

There's a bit more trash talk between the two in the center of the ring, as Panther implores SS to tie it up once more. Superstar obliges his request with a STIFF~! collar-and-elbow tie--
**THUD**

Coach: DAMN!

Superstar shoves Panther HARD to the mat, bouncing the back of his head off the canvas. The crowd boos as Superstar shows off a double bicep. Meanwhile, Panther rolls back to a kneeling position, shakes out the cobwebs, then climbs back to his feet, where he begins to circle Superstar.

Caboose: What I tell ya, Cole?! Panther is no match for the Superstar!

Cole: It's early, Caboose! A mere shove off doesn't win you a match.

Caboose: Well it's showing me that Panther doesn't know how to handle Superstar! I mean, really! He's a a lightweight! Panther's strength is in his speed and quickness, yet he's trying to match power with the man!

Cole: Well...maybe he knows something. I dunno...it's difficult to judge when you're not in that ring.

Caboose: Yeah, well, I'll tell you something I do know: if Panther keeps on wrestling like this, he'll find himself on the losing end very quickly...right Coach?

Coach: I've gotta agree with you there.

Now on the opposite side of the ring, Panther implores Superstar for another lockup, again, drawing laughter from the OAOAST veteran. Superstar waves him on, and, with a look of anger and determination in his eyes, Panther steps in...and they lock up ONE MORE TIME!

The two jockey for position, with Panther trying to shove Superstar back...planting his right foot in front of him to get some more leverage...AND IT APPEARS TO BE WORKING! Superstar is driven off balance, stumbling to regain his footing. Panther pushes more, driving Supes back a couple more steps, and the crowd, noticing Panther's effort, starts to get into it. They begin stomping and clapping in unison as Panther pushes Supes back another step...but he comes right back and sends Panther back a couple of steps. Panther plants his foot once again, pushing Superstar back another step...then Superstar pushes back, sending Panther back a step...and another step...and another...and another...and the crowd begins to boo, as it becomes apparent that Panther, despite all his effort, is no match for Superstar in the strength department. Panther keeps on fighting though, and as Superstar drives him close to the buckle, Panther places his left foot on the bottom rope for leverage...then the right. He then climbs up another rung, to the point where he's actually sitting on the top turnbuckle, with the collar-and-elbow tie-up still applied.

Official: Break it you two! C'mon...1...2...3...4...

They break on four, and Superstar takes a slight step back, holding his hands into the air to signify a clean break. He turns to the referee for approval, when suddenly...
**CRACK**

Panther turns his head with a HARD right hand slap! The crowd goes "OOOOH", and Superstar, stunned, holds his left cheek. Before SS can shake his head, snap his fingers and say "OH NO...YOU DIDN'T!"...

**CRACK**

Panther slaps him across the face once again.

**CRACK**

A third slap spins him around and sends him stumbling in the opposite direction, drawing a pop from the crowd. Infuriated, Superstar turns back towards Panther and charges at him with a full head of steam...



...but Panther stands upright on the second rope, leaps over his foe as he comes in, and runs out to the center of the ring. Panther quickly runs to the ropes, and when he rebounds, Superstar charges back out to middle of the ring and tries for a clothesline, which Panther ducks. Panther then hits off the other side, this time ducking a roundhouse kick as he comes off and runs to the other side. This time, as he comes off, Panther slides through the legs of Superstar, managing to catch both hands on the way through. Now behind Superstar, Panther yanks on his arms, flipping him over into a seated position, and in a quick motion, Panther criss crosses both of SS's arms around his neck, and wrenches back on a criss cross choke. The crowd pops in the background as Superstar tries to find a way of escape.

Coach: Nice move by Panther!

Cole: He's got this submission hold locked in on Superstar. It could be over right here, gang!

Caboose: No way! No way he beats Caboose here...see!

No sooner than he spoke, Superstar tugs his right arm away from Panther, then does the same with the left. Panther quickly cinches up a reverse chinlock, but before he really has a chance to lock it in, Superstar spins out, goes behind Panther, and from his knees, locks the 24/7 Champion in a rear waistlock.

Panther prys at Superstar's hands, desperately trying to escape the grip, but it's to no use, as Superstar climbs back to his feet, and drives Panther forward into the turnbuckle. Superstar immediately goes to work, driving repeated shoulders into the back of the Champion of Champions, each one causing Panther to grimace in pain. Superstar then drags Panther out of the buckle, tucking his head under his left armpit and once again locking his hands around Panther's waist.

Coach: We could be getting set for a Backdrop driver, here!

That's exactly what he's going for--

Cole: WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!

Mid move, Panther backflips out, going up and over Superstar's shoulder and landing on his feet behind him, where he catches him with a well-placed dropkick, sending him facefirst into the top turnbuckle. Superstar staggers backwards, somewhat dazed, allowing Panther to grab a rear waistlock of his own, and take Superstar over with a huge GERMAN SUPLEX...NO BRIDGE! ALL IMPACT!

Cole: German suplex by Panther! This crowd is on its feet!

Indeed. The crowd pops big for the move, as Panther springs back to his feet, and shoots an intense glare into the main camera. Meanwhile. Superstar rolls over onto his knees, trying to regain his bearings. He pulls himself back up to one knee...then to his feet, then he LUNGES for Panther, misses with a wild clothesline, only to be taken up an over with ANOTHER GERMAN SUPLEX, the force of which causes him to roll backwards onto his knees, then fall flat onto his face as the crowd pops in the background.

Panther springs back to his feet once again, and he's FIRED UP, damn it! He motions to the crowd to "get up", before turning back to Superstar and motion for him to do the same. The crowd once again begins cheering and stomping in the background as Panther vehemently yells at Superstar to get up! He's almost begging him to get up as Superstar slowly pulls himself back up to his knees...then up to one knee...then back to a standing position. Panther wastes no time in slipping behind Supes and grabbing another waistlock, attempting to take him over yet again...



...BUT IT'S BLOCKED!!! Superstar counters the move, firing off reverse elbows to the jaw of Panther, causing him to loosen his grip. Standing switch and go behind by Superstar, and he tries for a German suplex of his own...



...BUT IT'S BLOCKED!!!! Superstar tries it again, but Panther shoots his legs back (almost grabbing a bodyscissors) and rolls forward, taking Superstar over in a modified victory roll...

1....



2...


NO!

Only a two!

Panther quickly gets back to his feet. Superstar attempts to do the same, but Panther cuts him off with a double axehandle to the back of the head, knocking him to his knees. Panther then begins to go to work, hammering down with repeated right hand elbows to the back of the neck of Superstar. Panther then stradles Superstar's back, placing his left hand under his chin and his right hand around his head and twisting off, wrenching his neck in the process. Superstar falls forward, clutching the back of his neck, and he attempts to crawl away from Panther, but catches a swift boot to the back of the neck for his troubles. Panther follows up with another boot, then reaches down, using a handful of hair to pull Superstar back up to his knees. Again, Panther places his hands around the chin and forehead of Superstar, and after firing off three right hands to the bridge of the nose, Panther twists off once again, again causing Superstar to fall forward in pain.

Coach: Panther's attacking the neck of Superstar.

Cole: He may be trying to soften him up for the Panther Cutter...perhaps even Da Bomb. Sound strategy by the 24/7 Champ!

Superstar crawls into a near corner, using the ropes to pull himself back up as the referee tries to hold Panther back from attacking. Once Superstar reaches his feet, Panther, smelling blood, shoves the official aside and follows him into the buckle, where he begins to stomp away at the midsection of the former 24/7 Champion. Then, as Superstar doubles over in pain, Panther grabs a side headlock and begins to wrench back on the hold, putting as much pressure on Superstar's head and neck as he possibly can. With the headlock still applied, Panther drags him out to the center of the ring, still cinching up on the neck. Suddenly, Superstar shoves off, sending Panther crashing shoulder first into the buckle, and after taking a moment to crack his neck, Superstar charges in at Panther, only to be met with a reverse elbow to the jaw that sends him staggering back out to the center of the ring.


Panther measures the dazed Superstar, and as he attempts to regain him bearings, Panther comes at him, firing off an attempted Superkick, but Superstar ducks and Panther's momentum takes him up and over his head. Panther quickly turns back to Superstar just in time to see him moving in with a superkick of his own. Panther ducks to avoid the blow, but Superstar stops mid-move, shifting onto his other leg, and nailing him in the back of the head of the head with a devastating enzuiguri!!

Cole: Dear God! What a shot by Superstar.

Coach: He damn near took his head off.
The force of the blow knocks Panther forward and into the ropes, at which point, Superstar pounces on the fallen 24/7 Champion, viciously pounding away with forearms and knees to the top and the back of the head. He then reaches down and grabs two handfuls of Panther's hair, using it to pull him to a kneeling position. Panther struggles to free himself from Superstar's grasp, but it's to no use, as he bends Panther's neck back, rears back and drives the point of his elbow right into the forehead of the Champ of Champs! He repeats this move three more times before placing his left hand up under Panther's chin, wrapping his right hand across, and twisting off on Panther's neck, drawing loud boos from the crowd as Panther falls forward and hit the canvas.

Caboose: Superstar's returning the favor from earlier on! I love it!

Isn't that nice? Panther tries to crawl away from Supes, but a swift kick to the gut turns him over onto his back. Superstar follows it up with a hard stomp, driving the flat of his boot into the face of Panther. Superstar then taunts the crowd, drawing a chorus of boos as Panther rolls around on the mat in pain.

Panther rolls over onto his knees, again attempting to pull himself back up, but Superstar is right on him with another hard stomp to the head. Handful of hair brings Panther back to his feet, and Superstar fires off a knee lift that catches him right in the forehead! A second one catches Panther right under the jaw, sending him staggering back to the buckle, as Superstar looks on with a sinister smile on his face. Superstar then moves in on Panther, catching him with a vicious open hand strike to the chest....a second strike echoes throughout the arena. Superstar then whips Panther across the ring and follows him into the opposite buckle. However, upon reaching the corner, Panther runs up to the top rope, moonsaults up and over the charging Superstar and lands on his feet in the center of the ring. Panther then runs at Superstar, who, after turning to spot Panther, catches the 24/7 Champ coming in with a back drop that sends him up and over the top rope...

Cole: Oh! He landed on the apron! Panther landed on the apron!

Indeed. In the midair, Panther manages to grab the top rope and land on the ring apron. However, upon landing, Panther appears to have injured his right knee! Panther limps towards the middle of the apron, all the while trying to shake his right leg loose. Superstar notices Panther favoring the leg, then runs at him, attempting to catch him with a clothesline, but Panther ducks...

**CRACK**

Crowd: WHOOO~!

...and catches him with a hard knife-edge chop from the apron!

**CRACK**

Crowd: WHOOO~!
A second chop by Panther! He then reaches over the top rope, grabs Superstar by the head and hooks him in a front facelock. He then flings his right arm over the back of his neck and...

Caboose: Oh no! Wait a minute!

Cole: Panther's got him hooked! Don't tell me he's gonna...he's not gonna suplex him out to the floor, is he?!

That's exactly what Panther is thinking, but when he tries to lift Superstar...

Caboose: HE CAN'T GET HIM!

No! Panther can't find the strength to take him up and over. He tries it a second time, and again, is unable to lift Superstar. This time, Panther releases his grip, grimacing in pain as he shakes his right leg a second time! Superstar quickly seizes the opportunity, catching Panther with a swift kick right to his right kneecap...a second kick to the knee causes Panther reach down and clutch his injured knee, nearly tumbling forward from the apron in the process. As Panther struggles to maintain his balance, Superstar takes a couple of steps back and charges Panther, catching him with an elbow to the side of the head that sends him flying from the apron (still clutching his knee, mind you) and landing knee first on top of the steel barricade!

Coach, Caboose and Cole: OH MY GOD~!

Chants of "Holy shit" echo throughout the arena as Panther falls to the ringside mats clutching his injured knee close to his chest. Meanwhile, in the ring, the referee attempts to hold Superstar back as he puts the count down on Panther.

Cole: Ladies and gentlemen...oh my goodness, I can't believe...

Coach: Did you see that?! Hell, did you hear that?!

Cole: I saw and heard it alright. Panther's knee smashing hard off that barricade, and damn it, Panther's leg may be broken into a thousand pieces!

Caboose: This has gotta be it right here! There's no way...there's absolutely no way Panther's coming back from this...I don't think I've ever seen anything like that in all my years...and his leg is broken I think!

Cole: Unfortunately, you may be right!

On the floor, Panther tries to scramble back to his feet to beat the count, but quickly crumbles back to the floor as he knee collapses underneath him. Panther then tries a second time to pull himself back to a standing position, but again, his knee collapses, and he falls to the floor, clutching the injured knee and screaming in pain. Realizing the severity of the injury, the referee slides out to the floor to check on Panther. He kneels down at Panther's side, and after briefly conferring with the 24/7 Champion, the official then stands, looks back to the locker room, holds up his arms in an "X" fashion, then quickly returns back to Panther's side. The fans begin to boo in the background as a group of trainers and HeldDOWN~! officials make their way out to ringside.

Cole: Oh no! Oh no! Say it ain't so! Tell me it's not gonna end this way! Not with an injury!

Caboose: Well...it looks like that's exactly what's happening. I honestly think Panther broke his leg on that one.

Coach: Damn. You've gotta feel for Panther here. Panther...probably the biggest night of his career so far. A chance to get a shot at the World Championship, and then something like this happens.

Caboose: Hey, look on the bright side...this is GREAT for Superstar!

Cole: Oh stop it! Fans, we've got officials attending to Panther on the outside...hopefully...I'm not sure what's going on, but hopefully he's ok. Right now, we've gotta take a quick commecial break. When we return...I dunno what's gonna happen. Stay with us...




***COMMERCIAL***



When the break ends, Panther is back inside the ring, lying flat on his back as Superstar repeatedly stomps his injured right knee. The crowd is LIVID in the background!

Cole: Fans, we're back, and what we just saw during the commercial break was one of the most sickening displays I've ever seen!

Caboose: It was absolutely great! Take a look at the replay!

***DURING THE BREAK***

Cole: Fans, this was the scene. Panther was down on the arena floor. He was hurt...we thought the match would be stopped, when there you see Superstar out to the floor...we THOUGHT he was coming to the aid of Panther!

Caboose: You may have thought it! That nitwit Coach may have thought it, but *I* knew the truth all along! He was just suckering Panther in...and look at that!

Cole: Superstar...pretending to help Panther back to the locker room, but instead...right there! You see him lift Panther up and drop him knee first across the steel stairs...not once...BUT TWICE, DAMN IT!!! HE DID IT TWICE! What a worthless, poor excuse for a human being!
Caboose: I said it before, and I'll say it again! Superstar is GOLD~! tonight! He's got that killer instinct! He refuses to be denied, and I predict that in one week's time, Cole, this man will have his chance to receive the ULTIMATE gold! The OAOAST World Title! There's your #1 contender right there!

The HeldDOWN~! logo scrolls across the screen as we cut back to LIVE ACTION, as Superstar has Panther trapped in the corner with his injured knee draped over the middle rope, and he's just pulling on the knee, causing Panther to scream in pain. The referee rushes in and calls for the break.

Official: 1...2...3...BREAK IT!

Superstar backs off with a slight smile, once again with his hands raised above his head to signify a clean break. Panther's breathing heavily in the buckle as he clutches his injured knee. Suddenly, Superstar comes back in and fires a hard kick right to Panther's knee cap. And another one. He then removes Panther's knee from the middle rope, tucking his right foot under his left arm and using it to drag the injured wrestler out to the center of the ring, with Panther vainly swinging his arms in Superstar's direction in an attempt to escape. Once in the center of the ring, Superstar takes Panther over with a dragon screw, whipping him over with such force, that Panther does two rotations and lands on his stomach. Superstar's not done, though, as he holds onto the injured leg, using it to drag Panther back to a somewhat vertical base. Hopping on his left leg, Panther turns back to Superstar and takes another vain swing at him, but Superstar laughs at Panther's pathetic attempt to defend himself. He tugs on Panther's leg a bit, attempting to hyperextend it, then takes him over once more with another vicious dragon screw, this one putting Panther flat on his back.

Again, Superstar holds onto Panther's injured leg, climbing back to a standing position and cinching up on the leg right at the knee. Panther kicks at Superstar with his left leg, but it's swatted away, and Superstar proceeds to lift Panther back up onto the back of his neck...turn him over...



and...






and...




Panther tries to fight it...







BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT....




SUPERSTAR SITS DOWN ON THE HALF BOSTON CRAB!!!! The crowd boos wildly as Superstar cinches back up on the hold, and Panther screams in pain on the mat.

Cole: Half crab!!! Half crab by Superstar!!!

Coach: This could be all right here!

Caboose: Calvin...say hello to the Superstar!!!

Superstar grits his teeth and wrenches back on the knee as Panther wriths in pain on the mat, desperately clawing at the bottom rope. In the background, the fans begin stomping and chanting once more, and chants of "PAN-THER, PAN-THER" begin to echo throughout the arena. The camera does a close up on Panther, who, after taking a deep breath, places both palms on the mat, and uses what upper body strength he has to push up off the canvas to relieve some of the pressure from the hold. He then tries to pull himself to the ropes, hand over hand, and the cheers and stomping get louder and louder.

Cole: This crowd is making a lotta noise! They're trying to will Panther out of this hold. Panther's trying as hard as he can to escape the hold. Can he do it?!

Caboose: Of course not, Cole. Panther just doesn't have the strength to break the hold. He doesn't have the ability...hell, I guess you can say he doesn't have what it takes to run with the best of the OAOAST!

Coach: Well he's damn sure trying! Look.

Panther's almost at the bottom rope, and has his hand extended...grasping for it...but before he can reach it, Superstar releases the hold. He rolls Panther onto his back, grabs him by the right ankle and drags him out to the center of the ring, where he drops an elbow right into the insertion of Panther's knee, causing him to cry out in pain. Back to a standing position, Superstar once again tugs at Panther's leg to hyperextend it, then drops another elbow to the knee. At this point, the official kneels over to Panther to ask him whether or not he can continue. Panther responds by shoving the official away, drawing a small pop from the crowd.

Now back to his feet once again, Superstar stomps down upon the injured knee of Panther. He does it a second time. Panther rolls over onto his stomach, attempting to buy some time by crawling towards the ropes, but Superstar grabs the ankle once again and drags him back out to the center of the ring, where he places the flat of his boot at the back of Panther's right knee, lefts the injured leg into the air, then stomps down on it, sandwiching his knee between Superstar's boot and the canvas. Again, Panther screams in pain as he clutching at the injured limb.

Caboose: Superstar is taking that knee apart piece by piece.

Coach: If it wasn't broken before, it may be broken now.

Caboose: And it's only gonna get worse from here.

Panther rolls onto his back yet again, at which point Superstar grabs the left leg, turns into it with a spinning toe-hold...

Crowd: WHOOO~!

...and attempts to grab the right leg to turn it into a figure four leglock, but Panther boots him in the chest, sending him back a few steps. Undaunted, Superstar grabs the leg once again and turns into another spinning toe hold, at which point, Panther grabs him by the head and pulls him down...

Cole: Oh! Inside cradle by Panther!!!! What an upset this could be...


1...





2...






THR--NO!!!

Superstar kicks JUUUUUUST before the count of 3. He springs back to his feet, runs back over to Panther and again stomps down on the right knee. He does it a second time. He grabs the ankle once again, yanks on it one more time, and drops another elbow into the insertion of the knee.
Cole: Panther's just unable to catch break here.

Caboose: Untrue, Cole. I'm sure that leg'll be breaking at any time now. It could be right here.

Superstar climbs back to his feet, and again tries for the figure four, but Panther desperately attempts to fight it off, more violently than he did the two prior attempts. Then, Panther uses just about every ounce of strength in his body, he presses both feet into the chest of Superstar, and again pushes him off, propelling Superstar backwards, sending him crashing HARD off the turnbuckles. Superstar's head whips violently when he makes contact the buckles, making him somewhat groggy. He staggers out of the corner and out to Panther (who's lying spread eagle on the canvas), then falls forward...


...BUT Panther raises his right foot at the last second, causing Superstar to land facefirst on the bottom of his boot, then fall to the canvas. Superstar is down, and the crowd once again cheers in the background, but in the process of delivering the last move, Panther jammed his injured leg, and once again writhes in pain on the canvas. With both men down, the official stands over them, and proceeds to count both men out...



1....





2...






3...





4...


Superstar begins to stir.




5...




Panther begins crawling over to the bottom rope.




6...




Superstar does the same.





7...



Panther grabs a hold of the bottom and middle ropes, and begins to pull himself back to a standing position.




8...





The ref halts the count at 8, as Panther pulls himself back up to a standing position, then staggers back into a nearby turnbuckle clutching his knee. On the opposite side of the ring, Superstar, still trying to shake loose the cobwebs, pulls himself back to his feet. Upon spotting him, Panther limps out to the center of the ring, stepping as gingerly as possible to avoid putting pressure on the injured knee. When Superstar reaches his feet, Panther darts after him. However, Superstar sees Panther coming, and when Panther comes in, he sidesteps him, catches him by the back of his jersey and the waistband of his shorts and sends Panther SAILING over the top rope and to the outside, where his knee smacks hard off the thin mats at ringside. The crowd boos wildly as Superstar falls to the mat, holding his arms up in victory.

Cole: Oh my goodness! Superstar sends Panther up and over the top rope!!! Just like Panther did to him at Anglepalooza!

Caboose: Oh yes, Cole! This thing has just come full circle between Panther and Superstar, and how ironic would it be if that one move right there was the move that ended Panther's championship hopes?

Coach: I dunno. How ironic would it be?!

Cole: I dunno, but right now, Panther is down once again on the outside. He is hurt, and he could be on the verge of being counted out here.

The referee's count is up to 3 as Panther tries to push himself back to his feet, but again, his knee crumbles underneath his weight. Panther bangs the ringside mats in frustration, then rolls over onto the mat, looking up at the lights in dispair.

Caboose: Hey...hey, I think he's giving up. Panther's actually gonna give this thing up!

That seems to be the case, as he just lies there on the floor with a sombre look on his face, as the referee's count reaches 5. In the ring, Superstar walks over to the ropes by Panther, leans over and begins to taunt the fallen wrestler, prompting the ref to push him back out to the center of the ring, delaying the count somewhat. It really doesn't seem to matter, though, as Panther just continues to lie there, his spirit broken.

Suddenly, the chants start up once again. "PAN-THER, PAN-THER" Starting out slightly, then spreading throughout the arena, as the fans begin clapping and stomping yet again. After a couple of moments of arguing with Superstar in the ring, the official returns back to the ropes and picks up the count at 6. But by now, the surging crowd seems to be getting to Panther. Panther sits up, then scours the arena...a look of intensity building in his eyes. He grits his teeth and turns over onto his knees, attempting to push himself up to his feet as the ref hits 7.


Panther's knee buckles, and he goes back down to one knee. The official's count reaches 8, as Panther desperately crawls over to the ring apron, as Superstar smugly looks on from the ring.

Coach: You'd better hurry up, Panther. Only two more numbers left!

Caboose: There's NINE~!

The crowd is now at a fever pitch as Panther pulls himself back onto the ring apron...




BUT HE FALLS BACK TO THE FLOOR~!


The crowd lets loose a collective gasp as Panther quickly scrambles back to his feet, and with one last ditch effort, he lunges onto the apron, and manages to roll back into the ring JUST BEFORE THE REFEREE REACHES THE COUNT OF 10 BY GAWD!!!!!!!!

Cole: He made it! He made it!

Caboose: But watch Superstar!

Superstar's right on him when he gets back into the ring, hammering down upon him with repeated elbows to the back of the head. Superstar grabs a handful of hair and pulls Panther back to his feet, at which point he tucks his head underneath Panther's right armpit, bends back Panther's right knee with his left hand, then lifts Panther high into the air and drops Panther's knee onto his knee. Superstar lifts Panther a second time, then drives him across the knee once again, causing Panther to scream in pain.

When Superstar puts Panther down, he stumbles back into the near buckle. Superstar follows him in, catching Panther with another hard kick to the injured knee. And another. Superstar grabs Panther's injured leg, drapes it over the middle rope, and fires off repeated kicks to the knee before the referee steps in and shoves him back out to the center of the ring. Frustrated, Superstar rolls his eyes and shoves the referee aside, drawing boos from the crowd. Now with his eyes firmly fixed on Panther, Superstar wipes the sweat from his brow and charges in at Panther...


...but at the last moment, Panther, whose right leg was already draped over the middle rope, swings his left leg through as well, hopping out onto ring apron as Superstar goes between the top and middle turnbuckles, running HEADFIRST into the steel ringpost! Superstar immediately staggers back, falling flat on his back in front of Panther, parallel with the ring ropes. Then, Panther scours the arena with a look of intensity in his eyes, and after shaking off his injured leg, he clutches the top rope, leans back and propells himself into the ring and onto the chest of Superstar. Panther falls back into the cover and reaches for Superstar's far leg. The referee counts...

Crowd: 1....2....3!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Caboose: NO!!!!!! FOOT ON THE ROPE!!!!! HE GOT THE FOOT ON THE ROPE!!

Cole: DAMN IT!

The crowd boos loudly after that one, and the frustration begins to build in Panther's face. He punches at the canvas, grabs Superstar by the hair and proceeds to pull both he and himself back to a standing position. When they reach their feet, Panther drags him out to the center of the ring and locks on a 3/4 headlock, causing the crowd to clamor...

...but Superstar quickly shoves off, sending Panther into the ropes. When Panther comes off, Superstar ducks the head, but Panther catches in a front facelock. He tosses his right arm over his shoulder, hooks his leg with his left hand, and tries for the Pantherplex--NO!!!!!! Superstar counters with the small package...


1...




2...




NO!!!!!! PANTHER REVERSES!!!!!


1...




2...



SUPERSTAR KICKS OUT AT TWO~!


Superstar beats Panther back to his feet, and attempts to grab the 24/7 Champion by the hair, but catches a short jab to the midsection for his troubles. A second one doubles him over. Panther then climbs back to a standing position and locks on another 3/4 headlock.
Cole: Panther Cutter coming up...

NO! Superstar shoves off a second time, this time, lifting Panther into the air and sending his injured right knee crashing up against the top turnbuckle. Panther stumbles backwards, again favoring the injury, at which point Superstar comes up from behind with a rear waistlock, tucks his head under Panther's left armpit and takes the Champ of Champs up and over with a DANGEROUS (SO DANGEROUS~!)...

Cole: BACKDROP DRIVER~!

The crowd boos loudly as Superstar staggers back to his feet and stumbles into the ropes--perhaps the effects of running into the post beginning to catch up with him. He once again wipes the sweat from his brow, then looks down at Panther, who's lying in an awkward position on the canvas, his eyes rolled up in the back of his head.

Caboose: My God, I think he killed him.

Superstar breathes a sigh of relief, then points down at Panther's fallen body and signals for the end.

Cole: You're kidding me. Not this! After all this kid has suffered throughout this match, don't tell me...

Caboose: Yes, Michael Cole. Star Power is coming up!

He walks out to the center of the ring and grabs Panther by the hair and tries to yank him up from the canvas...but Panther is dead weight.

Coach: He's out like a light!

Superstar then reaches down, grabbing Panther under his armpits, and muscling the unconscious wrestler back to a vertical...well...a semi-vertical base. Then, he turns Panther around so that he's facing him, and scoops him up over his shoulder, preparing to put the Champ of Champs out of his misery...

...BUT NO!!! Panther's dead weight proves to be to much for Supes, and he drops him forward onto the mat. The crowd boos in the background as Superstar staggers back into the ropes to catch his breath.

Coach: Why doesn't he just pin him?! Panther's out!

Caboose: I can't believe I'm saying this, but you're right, Coach! Superstar, you've got it won! The title match is yours! PIN HIM!!!!

But he DOESN'T pin him. He's determined to hit Panther with one last move to put him away for good. He again grabs Panther under his armpits, muscles his lifeless body off the canvas, and once again scoops Panther up over his shoulder for the Star Power. However, Panther's dead weight causes him to lose his balance, stumbling backwards a couple of steps, then tumbling forward towards the canvas, at which point, Panther suddenly comes to life, hooking his leg on the way down, and rolling him over into a pinning combination...


1...



2...







3!!!!!!!!!!

**DING DING DING**

**Cue "State Prop"

Announcer: Here is your winner...and #1 Contender for the OAOAST World Championship...PAAAAAAANTHERRRRRR!!

Superstar sits up on the canvas, his eyes wide open in disbelief as Panther stumbles back to his feet, and the referee raises his right hand into the air as the crowd cheers and takes pictures in the background. Panther then limps over to the far corner and collapses into the top turnbuckle as Superstar bangs against the mat in frustration, then rolls out of the ring and to the outside.

Cole: Unbelievable, folks! Panther has done it. Panther has just gotten an upset victory over Superstar, and that means next week, live on HeldDOWN~!, he gets to challenge for the World Championship against Calvin Szechstein!!! Panther!!! Panther!! Panther...................................DAMN IT~!

Caboose: Yeah, damn it is right. I don't understand it, Michael! Superstar had it! He had Panther beat! Why didn't he go for the cover?!

Cole: Well, whether or not he would've gotten Panther after the backdrop driver, we'll never no. Not on this occasion. All that matters is right now, Panther's got a shot at the title. Panther's got a shot to achieve his goal of being the best, and beating the best in the OAOAST, and I'm glad to see it.

Coach: Yeah, big up to my man Panther on this one!

Caboose: Ah...screw you guys.

Cole: For the Coach and Caboose, I'm M.C.! Tune in next week!

::Panther limps back out to the center of the ring, where's he's presented with the recovered (THANKFULLY) 24/7 Championship belt. He raises that high above his head, and the cameras flash in the background. The HD! logo flashes on screen and we fade out. C-ya next week!::