Chanel #99 Posted May 14, 2016 Report Share Posted May 14, 2016 OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-BROADCAST IN OAOAST HD AND 3D RENEE Ladies and gentlemen we thank you as always for joining us for OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I am Renee Young with the one they call Heavenbottom, Da Coach! And let's kick things off with Alysanne The Charming against Sammi Cayley! The “NBA on NBC” theme hits, but there's no Bob Costas or Ahmad Rashad. Instead happily skipping onto the entrance stage in an All XFL football jersey is the sunny Alysanne The Charming. Noticeably less pleasant is the outright frowning and grumbling, Xavier Franklin Long at her side. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall....now making her way to the ring, she is accompanied by THE XAVIER FRANKLIN LONG...from Caldera, Chile, she is “THE CHARMING SISTER” ALYSANNE THE CHARRRRMMINNNGGG! RENEE Last week we all saw The XFL completely lose it on Blaine Cayley and Gloss Angieacola, and this week he still looks like he's about to lose it. Alysanne settles herself into the ring with some stretches and warm ups as The XFL paces uncomfortably outside. We are crawling along At the edge of the world Dance beneath the bordersBring fences to fall We seize the day We own the night Lets move measured and slowWalk until the crimson showsWe taste honey, we smell blood Raise your fists, open your heartsWe taste honey, we smell blood Raise your fistsWE ARE THE NEXT ONES TO COME YOU WON'T TAKE US DOWN WE ARE THE NEXT ONES TO COME YOU WON'T TAKE US DOWN As the entrance stage lights up with white and red beauty and “Next Ones to Come” by Claire rolls into the ears of the cheering fans we await the arrival of Sammi Cayley. As the drums boom out, we finally get her, Slammin Sammi arriving in white boy shorts and a cute eye catching smile for the world! BUFFER And her opponent, from Manhattan, New York by way of Beaumaris Castle, Wales, she is “THE LIONESS” SAMMI CAAYYYYLLLEEEEYYYYYYYYYYY! “YYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” RENEE There's no Blaine with Sammi because he is on a promotional tour of Brazil. COACH Shit, the way that country is they might ask Blaine to be their next president. The Lioness slides into the ring and lets out an adorable little roar that further endears her to the loving fans. DING DING DING Sammi and Alysanne come together into a lockup, which does not please The XFL. THE XFL I wanna see some fists flying, woman! Alysanne does not listen to her boss and instead pushes Sammi into the corner, where she offers a clean break, getting applause from the fans. THE XFL Naw, naw! Again the two make a lockup, this time with Alysanne applying a headlock. The Chilean Hottie is shoved into the ropes and comes back to drill her foe with a shoulder tackle! THE XFL Smoke her! RENEE He so needs to calm down. COACH I see, you intimidated by an angry black man. Sammi rolls off her feet and fires a forearm that backs Alysanne up. But it doesn't stop her assault as she steps forward and trips her foe up with a drop toe hold that lands her throat first against the ring ropes. With Sammi prone, Alysanne takes full advantage and leaps onto her with a hip drop, looking mighty happy with herself... THE XFL Aw, you think that's good? I don't! I don't! “X-F-FAIL! X-F-FAIL! X-F-FAIL!” the audience taunts The Young Wolf. Saddned by XFL's words, Alysanne loses her focus and gets popped in the jaw with a spinning forearm from Sammi. The Lioness then stabs her foe in the stomach with a boot and from there grabs her hair slams her back to the mat. Before Alysanne has a chance to recover, Sammi is descending on her with a splash! Cover counted by referee Shawn Stasiak.... ONE! TWO! Kickout! RENEE Maybe if The XFL would relax, Alysanne could focus on winning the match. COACH The team captain's gotta motivate his players. RENEE Technically Alysanne is a broadcast journalist not a player. COACH Sports media always fucking up shit. An Irish whip by Sammi is reversed and The Welsh babe is tossed into the ropes. When she comes back, Alysanne slashes her with a corckscrew forearm smash! RENEE Fluff Piece! COACH I wouldn't mind having my piece fluffed by Alysanne. RENEE I knew you were gonna say that. Taking hold of Sammi legs, Alysanne is able to hurl her into the corner. But what a shock she gets when Sammi comes roaring back and drills her with a diving lariat! “YYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” THE XFL How you shake off that slingshot? SAMMI Thanks to god's chest plate! “SAMMI! SAMMI! SAMMI!” Alysanne heads to her fight and is forced to back away from an aggressive Sammi. The Charming Sister tries her drop toe hold again, but this time Sammi halts the attack and winds up delivering a crushing elbow drop to Alysanne's head! RENEE Looks like Sammi's a quick learner. COACH She has a bright future with Gloss, Spencer and Blaine to teach her. Pulled upright by her highlighted locks, Alysanne is then shot into the corner. A raised elbow manages to back Sammi off, and give Alysanne some time to breathe. But that's short time with The XFL yelling at her. And so Alysanne runs in to try for a spinning head scissors, but Sammi amazingly manages to muscle her off and to the ground! As Alysanne stands up, dizzied, she's attacked by a cross arm side Russian leg sweep! “YYYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” RENEE Song for a Sad Girl! Sammi hooks the legs for the cover.... ONE! TWO! A kickout! THE XFL Bitch you better be aware! Be aware of The Young Wolf and who he be! SAMMI Whatever, dude THE XFL Sammi starts to pull Alysanne off the ground, but is met with a jaw breaker as a counter that has her reeling. RENEE The distraction of an officially deranged XFL paying off! Trying to push away the pain Sammi takes a run at Alysannne, but the South American Hottie on ups her European foe and swings her to the mat with a scoop powerslam! RENEE Dreamfyre! There's some power in that stacked little body of Alysanne's. The Charming Sister hooks the sexy bare legs of Sammi.... ONE! TWO! Sammi with the shoulder up! “LET'S GO SAMMI! LET'S GO SAMMI! LET'S GO SAMMI!” RENEE The OAOAST Galaxy one hundred percent behind Sammi Cayley. While The Young Wolf tries to shut the fans' cheering down, Alysanne makes her way to the top turnbuckle. After pumping her fist she flies off with a body splash that lands exactly on Sammi's bare tummy! Stasiak gets down to count the pin... ONE! TWO! Again Sammi with the kickout! “YYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” The XFL is on the ring apron now, perhaps thinking he can intimidate the referee, and in fact he tries. THE XFL Punk ass bitch! This is The Young Wolf's den, I say who gets got not some washed up never was wrestler! Suddenly XFL is sunk to his knees as The Lioness shoves Alysanne into him! “YYYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Alysanne stumbles backwards and is met with a scoop slam from Sammi. The Welsh cutie then hits the ropes and returns to drop a Hogan like leg on Alysanne. But it doesn't have a Hogan like finish as although pained, Alysanne still finds her footing. COACH I think Xavier just caused Alysanne a lot more harm than good. RENEE Seriously. Why did he just randomly leap on the ring apron? Alysanne throws a lariat at Sammi that gets ducked, and The Lioness is quick to bring her foe down with a school boy.... ONE! TWO! A kickout! It may be a kickout but Sammi is still in full control of Alysanne and uses that to turn her into a Liontamer! “YYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAA!” Alysanne can't withstand the immediate pain and bangs her hand on the mat! “YYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” BUFFER Your winner as a result of a pinfall....SAMMI CAYLEY! “YYYYYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Sammi doesn't even have a chance to be happy, before she comes face to face with the sanrling, raging Xavier Franklin Long. RENEE Get out of there, Xavier! THE XFL The Lion is no match for The Young Wolf. Never has been, never will be! No harm can befall Sammi, as SPENCER REIGER and GLOSS ANGIEACOLA are on the scene at once! The XFL knows to leave this situation at once, and gathers up Alysanne to hurry backstage. RENEE Well, Blaine isn't here, but as we see Spencer and Gloss sure are. COACH And Spencer's gonna speak! SPENCER The XFL, I don't know about this Young Wolf crap, but I do know a coward when I see one, and when I see you running with a woman as a shield I see a coward! “YYYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAA!” SPENCER But! If you can borrow some guts from Alysanne, I'd be happy to finish you off with the Reiger Counter next week on HeldDOWN~! “YYYYYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” The XFL mouthes the words you're on along with a whole procession of vulgarities unfit for this paragraph! RENEE Wow! Next week, guys, we'll see The XFL take on Spencer Reiger! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 14, 2016 Inside the hustling and rollicking interview lounge we find Sara Jean with a whiskey swilling Outlaw Cello. SARA JEAN Hey, everybody, Sara Jean here with new 24/7 champion Outlaw Cello. Outlaw, Renee Young said and a lot of people agree with her that maybe your 24/7 title win was a shot at TurboWolf who has made his intention to win the belt pretty well known. CELLO Hell, I'll just come right out and say it you're all right. It was a shot, because Outlaws don't “make intentions” known, Outlaws fire shots. I'm gonna make my intention known to piss on Coach's bald head. How about that? RENEE Papa Duncan already ejaculated on it, so you'll in be in good company. CELLO The kid could come and get me anytime he wants. But he ain't gonna. He's gonna make his intentions known, because that's what my replacement does. He talks and makes thing known. Turbo, I known many a werewolf in my life, good men and women, and they'd be ashamed of you. You don't deserve to be a were-kitty! So stay in this interview lounge and keep on making your intentions known, because you don't have the guts, the balls or the courage to come and fight me for this belt. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 14, 2016 *** Joey The Rat w/ VICE vs. "The Golden Grr" Chick w/ Mariachi & Juicy Cantu-Si *** After trying to force a protection plan on the 3 Amigos, it was Joey who needed some protecting once Chick got his hands on him. That's when VICE sprung into action, pulling Chick out of the ring following this Chick Magnet tornado inverted DDT. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Mariachi and Juicy rushed to their amigo's aid, forcing the ref to keep them and VICE separated. The action resumed in the ring with Chick hitting his top rope senton cannonball, making Joey feel like THE SKY IS FALLING. But CPA snuck in and knocked him out cold with the GIGATON PUNCH as Bosley kept Mariachi, Juicy and the ref distracted outside. CPA then rejoined the group and pointed out Joey's cover, shocking Chick's amigos and the OAOAST Galaxy as Joey scored the W. Winner: Joey The Rat, via pinfall. VICE raised Joey's hand in victory, with Bosley declaring him "FUTURE WORLD CHAMPION!!" JOEY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 14, 2016 At OAOAST Studios in Malibu, CA, Tony Brannigan sat down with Tyler Bryant, World Champion and also man who wears Dolce & Gabanna sunglasses even in a TV studio! BRANNIGAN Tyler, how was your mother's day? TYLER My mom hit my phone on mother's day and said “Tyler, you're no good.” But that's better than Lorelei telling me the checks no good. But I've got to ask is it true, Tony, do I do no good? BRANNIGAN You've done plenty of bad things in a little over a year, TYLER Funny that you say that, because I do a lot more than I should. Ned Blanchard for instance, I've given him a chance to unseat me as the best in the world. But you tell me why he's earned a shot at my world heavyweight championship. I didn't know impregnating Krista made you number one contender. In that case when will I fight the ghost of Dario Rodez? BRANNIGAN Tyler, young man, you have serious issues you need to work out with yourself to say something like that. TYLER Every one's so sensitive these days, but just to me. Just sensitivity to Tyler. No one likes to remember their own dirty past in the OAOAST, but they all want to notice my nasty present. What is it, Tony, can you not cope with the misdeeds you've done? The misdeeds that got you a month as world champ and a gig as an interviewer? Is that it? Is that why you and Ned Blanchard hang me out to dry. BRANNIAN Ned Blanchard is a former world champion, and you should respect him. TYLER Disputed world champion. There's no disputing what I am. The future and The Serial Thriller. BRANNIGAN But isn't there a good chance Ned Brannigan could beat you at School's Out. TYLER I am always on top of my game. There is no break from me, and that's what Ned Blanchard really doesn't like. He doesn't like that the Handsome Hustler got tired, that he had to become a badass good guy to get respect from the fans. From Krista. I don't want anyone's respect or adoration, Brannigan. The world wants peace, but I'm down to cut ties to get what I want. Keeping myself on top is the only peace of mind I have. I made a decision to be the future, and I will die for it. I don't think Ned Blanchard could say the same. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 14, 2016 CONDOJupiter, FL This may be a sea-side condo but its all but abandoned as Teddy Buckworth and Silver find when they bust in the door. A few plates of left over food lie about as well as an empty glass or two, and still Teddy Buckworth keeps his gun at the ready. SILVER I don't think you need the gun. No one is here. BUCKWORTH (Peeking into the bed room) I wish I shared your confidence. Unmade bed, open closets. SILVER But stale food, hard bread. This is the kind of food a bum like me should have to eat everyday. BUCKWORTH It appears Caeldori Fox is not present. SILVER I bet she hasn't been here in a while. If I was on the one the first place I'd go is my home because I'm an idiot. But this Miss Fox is smart so the last time she left here she gave her final good-byes. Right? BUCKWORTH Your assertion is made by correct, by the absence of one thing. SILVER Hmmm what's that? BUCKWORTH There are no computers, tablets or phones. Caeldori is no Luddite, she's robbed us of a way of tracking her. SILVER Unless.... BUCKWORTH Yes. Unless we get a witch to perform a tracking spell. Fortunately for us, witches are in oversupply in our lives. SILVER Hmmmm... BUCKWORTH Speak, Jason. SILVER We've been running down here hoping to stop Caledori, but shouldn't we tell the person you think she's going stab with the sword they're in grave danger? Seems like a nice thing to do. BUCKWORTH There is no need. They already know, SILVER So you told them? BUCKWORTH Jason, the person Caeldori intends to consign to an eternity of woe is me. Buckworth calmly walks out the door, leaving Silver behind to process that major bombshell. In an interview conducted by Terry Taylor at the world famous interview lounge, Hood Again hyped their match against the Playmakers at School's Out, with the winner getting a OAOAST tag title shot at the Great Angle Bash. *** The Playmakers w/ Rick Heyross vs. The Masked Mutants w/ Studderboxx *** Showcase for Moss and Benjamin, who pinned Slime following 3 Yards & A Cloud of Dust. Winners: The Playmakers, via pinfall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 14, 2016 BISHOP IRETON HIGH SCHOOLALEXANDRIA, VASUNDAY The prestigious high school is hosting its prom, and its a festive and wonderful affair as teenagers dance to “Cheap Thrills” by Sia. Our focus in on Sara Jean Underwood, Gretchen Wright and Pierette St.Nerdregard, who manage to blend in with their own expensive fluffy prom dresses. Actually that's a lie Pierette is in a tuxedo. GRETCHEN Truly, Pierette and Sara Jean, I can not thank you enough for allowing me to experience the joys of youth my quick advancement through the educational system caused me to miss. SARA JEAN Of course! Its great you were smart enough to attend Columbia at age 14, but like I always say you need to be the teenager you are and part of being a teenager is going to prom. GRETCHEN I thank you for being my date, Sara Jean, though Pierette, in all honesty, it gives me great uneasiness to have you as a chaperon. PIERETTE Awww c'mon, kid, its just me, Pierette, your friendly neighborhood Cinderella from the garden of slaughter! GRETCHEN Indeed, that is why I have great uneasiness. SARA JEAN Pierette just wants to watch you have fun. Pierette, why don't you get some punch, and Gretchen I will dance. GRETCHEN How pleasant a thought! “Hot Line Bling” by Darke begins to play as Sara Jean leads Gretchen onto the dance floor. Both girls are adept at dancing together, though Sara Jean's modern style is a bit of clash with Gretchen's ball room inspired movements. None the less they attract two seniors to their party... SENIOR Can we dance with you two? GRETCHEN Male suitors! Sara Jean, how shall we proceed? SARA JEAN What's your names, guys? SENIOR I'm James. SENIOR 2 Marvin, here. GRETCHEN It is a grievous affair to chose between the two of you. Let us all dance together as one. I bow to your first, sirs. Creating an impressive scene the foursome take over the dance floor with their movements. Gretchen does her best to emulate Sara Jean's slithering type of movements, while still staying try to her classical roots. She cuts such a beautiful and sensual figure that she can't help but capture everyone's attention. SARA JEAN You're killing it, girl! GRETCHEN Ah, yes, Sara Jean, we Wrights are all the best of beauty and elegance! The song switches over to slow ballad of “Grenade” by Bruno Mars, and Gretchen settles into a slow dance with Marvin. GRETCHEN Marvin, my reputation, I fear may be one of a frilly woman who-ahem-makes her rounds with the males. Though this is true, it should as a fact, not lead you to think I shall lesser the value of whatever sexual intimacy may come of our night. MARVIN I love you. “THIS PARTY IS OVER!” SARA JEAN That voice! Its Blackhawk, and Eagle Eye! Appearing on the front stage of the gym are Blackhawk and Eagle Eye dressed for war in battle fatigues and Military vest. EAGLE EYE The day of reckoning is now! TEACHER What are you two doing?! Are you terrorists? BLACKHAWK Damn right we're terrorists! “AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” TEACHER 2 Okay, everyone don't panic. Don't panic! EAGLE EYE No. Do panic. You have to panic. Please panic! BLACKHAWK Know our face and know our name! We are The Army of One Nation, and we have come to tell you a rape sympathizer lives among you! In this very room she stands! Ready to condone your rape! Condone it, I say! Condone! Condone! Condone! Condone! EAGLE EYE Her name is Gretchen Wright. Gretchen has heard more than enough and pushes her way forward to confront the Army of One Nation GRETCHEN You senseless old curs, you will retract those statements and leave forthwith! EAGLE EYE Why do you condone rape? BLACKHAWK Why, he asks! Why?! First your family rapes America of its wealth to fill their own coffers and coin purses, and then, and then her brother rapes Judge Dudd! Then makes her Uber her way home! Of course he makes her use the app that has stolen the livelihood of thousands of taxi drivers nation wide. Of course, I say, of course! GRETCHEN How dare you! You dishonor yourself with such lies, and I find you more reprehensible then ever. SARA JEAN Can you two just go? You're ruining prom for these kids. EAGLE EYE I hope we are. Because now their prom memory will be the great motivator. BLACKHAWK Oh yes! Oh yes it will! It will send these young people to their nearest arms dealer, their nearest bastion of self defense and stock up on ammo, on vests, on knives, on supply gear, and with those mighty tools of Justice in their arms they will be turn themselves lose upon the peers who think freedom is free! We want you to turn your school into the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan! The greatest movie in history! SARA JEAN Are you advocating school shootings?! BLACKHAWK We are advocating America! America does not tolerate the ones we call rapists! It never has and it never will! Christian Wright, rapist! Gretchen Wright, rape supporter! Wright family, rapists! Ice Quiz...he shouldn't be allowed to live! He should be the first one you train your gun on before you come to school and commence extermination of the thought-terrorists! But first, I invite you all to purchase the OAOAST Network for nine dollars and ninety-nine cents and witness Judge Dudd, Blackhawk and Eagle Eye win the OAOAST World Tag Team Titles and Women's Titles, and win them for America! EAGLE EYE AGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! Blackhawk turns around to find that Eagle Eye has been stabbed in the neck with a pair of scissors by Pierette. BLACKHAWK PIERETTE Sorry, Sara Jean, I couldn't find the punch. SARA JEAN Nevermind that right now! You stabbed Eagle Eye! PIERETTE Would blunt force trauma be better next time? GRETCHEN Perhaps next time you'll seek an officer of the law? PIERETTE Urgh, BOOOO, the cops are always mad when I wanna start swinging my weapon. Blackhawk is left to rush Eagle Eye out of the gym, presumably to a hospital because I mean he got stabbed in the neck. The kids, on the other hand, have zero clue as to what to do now. But Gretchen decides to speak up. GRETCHEN I like you have oft dreamt of this very night, and we shall not let hoodlums such as those ruin our evening. I say we go forward with greater revelry than before! “YYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” A very clean, very censored version of “Pop That” by French Montana et all plays as everyone goes forward with revelry that's off the fucking chain, my niggas! Shit is lit! COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 14, 2016 For my girls, the fighters, the warriors, Broken glass inside won't cut through me Pain behind my eyes I turn into strength Oh I will fight, I will survive I'm invincible I'm unbreakable I'm a diamond cut to last I'm unstoppable I'm a hero Like a phoenix from the ash Oh-ah, oh-ah, oh-ah-ooh Invincible With “Invincible” strumming into the arena there's a definite bad mood in the audience. At the very least they can enjoy that the daisy duke clad, Melissa is by herself as she two-steps to the ring. COACH Miranda Lambert's favorite singer-wrestler! RENEE I wonder if that's really true. Well, anyway Melissa and Anastasia have a date to try and get back their women's tag titles from the Mardi Gras Hellfire Club. COACH No trying, just victory. Inside the ring, Melissa is handed a microphone and the crowd is rendered ballistic. “BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” MELISSA I'd like to say a few words this evening. “SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!” MELISSA Do ya'll kiss your mother with them mouths? “SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!” MELISSA No ya don't! Ya don't kiss your mother with those mouths because your mother is down at the bar, kissing the mailman, the plumber, the mayor, the deputy and the principal and not a one of them is yer daddy! “FUCK YOU, MELISSA! FUCK YOU, MELISSA! FUCK YOU, MELISSA!” MELISSA I don't know what I done did to get ya'll to hate me so much! I am a respectable woman of the lord with a twinkle in her eye and a song in her heart. RENEE Some of that statement was true, but most wasn't. MELISSA But, I ain't talking to ya'll. In fact I got nothing to say to ya'll. Ya'll are lost in satan's spider web and he's gonna eat you whole. I know that as sure as I know the lyrics to every Jason Aldeean song. There's only one girl I need to talk to and that's Bobbi Cheesecake. “BOBBI! BOBBI! BOBBI!” MELISSA Bobbi Cheesecake, I know what its like to be young. I understand all the pressures from your peers to do bad things and pressure from your folks to live the way they want ya to live. Girl, I know its tough. And its easy to fall in with bad crowds, and I hate to be the one to tell ya this, but you fell in with a bad crowd with Sunrise. Lemme tell ya what, though, better ya hear from a friend like me than from the judge throwing the book at ya! RENEE A friend like her? MELISSA Bobbi, you can see I'm all alone in the ring, because I want this to be a discussion between mentor and ment...toree. Mentee? What's the word I'm looking for? Not like ya'll can read past a second level so I'm a fool for asking ya. Bobbi, just please gimmie a moment of your time, darling, you won't regret it. Night falls! DARKER EACH TIME! Let me tell you a story You turn over to sleep I hold my breath till the morning 1000 Nights! And I'm still crying! 1000 Nights! And I'm still trying! 1000 Nights! And I'm still crying! 1000 Nights! And I'm still trying! Ooooohhhh! I don't know what to do to please you! Ooooohhhh! I don't know what to do to please you! The fans pop huge and wave their hands in the air as “1000 Nights” begins beating into the ring. Their enthusiasm warms Bobbi's heart as she comes out smiling and looking cute in tight jeans ¾ sleeve floral top. BOBBI Melissa, I believe everyone needs to be heard! And even if I don't like you, I'm still going to hear what you have to say. Listening is a skill, and I friggin use it! MELISSA Girl, I don't want you to dislike me. I got enough folk hopping on the anti-Melissa bandwagon and hunting me down with pitch forks. BOBBI Whoa! That's intense! What is a pitch fork? MELISSA Its a long fork. BOBBI I don't use forks! I eat fine with my hands! MELISSA Ya don't eat with it, you do farm work. Honest work. God's work! And that's what I'm doing every time I take the stage and every time I step into the ring. I'm doing god's work and spreading his good gospel and making myself a pretty penny! RENEE She just had to throw that in. MELISSA But, you, yer doing the devil's work, drawn in by those Sunrise heathens. Walking around with their scantily clad bodies on display in mixed company. Laying in bed with different men, and copulating with them. Constant sex, sex all the time, sex every day! It ain't decent! I thought I had a good one with December, but in my band all I had was nothing but a demon! A demon who will spread her legs and spew forth a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah. Bobbi, I wanna save you from that. I want to lead you down the righteous path. The Pretty Young Money path. I been missing a back up singer since December fell in love hookin' and whorin', and I think you're just the girl to take her place. BOBBI You want me to leave Sunrise? Leave my friends? And December? MELISSA Sure do. BOBBI That ticks me off! MELISSA Hold on, girl- BOBBI I hate it when people tick me off! People call me spazcake, but life would be so much easier if they didn't go around ticking me off! MELISSA I'm trynna reason with- BOBBI I would never leave my best friends for a butt-head like you! Not even for a million dollars! Not even for one night stand with Justin Bieber! Not even for a two night stand with him! From beneath the ring, emerges the rest of Pretty Young Money, Anastasia Violetta, Phecda and Al Houd, and Sugar Belleflair. SUGAR I knew this steaming turd couldn't think straight. Anyone friends with December gotta have turds for brains! BOBBI No, you have turds for brains! SUGAR No! You do, turds for brains! You do! PHECDA A sledgehammer to the heart. AL HOUD You have heart Melissa too much. PHECDA This will not be allowed. AL HOUD Now you must suffer. “YYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans sing their joy with help on the way in the form of December Belle, weilding a dildo shapped baseball bat! RENEE Ah! Where did she find that! Sugar is smart to haul ass, but Anastasia gets walloped in the head with the dildo bat and falls out of the ring. Phecda and Al Houd of course fret over Melissa and hurry out the ring, but she still takes a dildo bat swing in the butt on her escape! “YYYYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” BOBBI Cool toy! DECEMBER Yay. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 14, 2016 Come on, let me ride your bicycle It's so fantastical on your bicycle We can get a little more physical Baby, after all, it's only natural I feel it coming, coming, coming, oh I feel it running, running, running, oh Come on, let me ride your bicycle It's so fantastical on your bicycle “C'Mon Let Me Ride” by Skylar Grey hits, a familiar bounce and beat matched by familiar jeers. With blue lights flooding the arena, Malaysia wheels herself out on her Barbie Bike, her musuclar figure somewhat blocked by Archie Stumplebottom, who is beyond humliated to be seen in a sexy female sailor uniform. COACH hhaahahahaaha! BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Now making her way to the ring being accompanied by ARCHIE STUMPLEBOTTOM, she hails from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, MALAYSIA NERRRDDDDLLLLYYYYY! “BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO!” RENEE Malaysia Nerdly set to face off against Titania Nerdly, her own neice. And this all got started when Malaysia wanted to add Madison, Titania's mom, and her sister to her list of submissives. COACH Like Archie learned its better you let Malaysia do what she wants from the start. Malaysia parks her bike beside the entrance ramp, and hops off, flexing her powerful muscles to taunt the booing audience, who despise her so much. I got everything, and I don't know what to do I can run on the show, cut the inventory too Howling at the moon, howling at the moon I can throw your 45s all day to into the sun And say goodbye At the shooting stars, at the crashing cars At the future past, was made to last I didn't know, I didn't know I didn't know, I didn't know At night I cry and howl at the moon At night I cry and howl at the moon The bells of Phantogram's “Howling At The Moon” ring loud and true as do the cheers from the fans. They're treat to a strobe light show, and then finally a cloud of fairy dust that gives way to the sparkling Titania Nerdly, clad in green skirt, white leggings, and bright white top. BUFFER And her opponent, from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, she is THE HYBRID HOTTIE....TITTTTAAAAANNNNIIIAAAA NEEERRRRDDDDDDDDDLLLYYYY! “YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAA!” Titania slaps hands down the entry way, but still keeps a sharp focus on her aunt inside the ring. RENEE Coach, I think we're in for an upset. COACH Yeah, the fans will be upset when Titania loses to Malaysia. DING DING DING MALAYSIA Bring it, little neiece! Titania comes right at her aunt with a lariat, that fails to floor her. But that's little problem for young Titania as she leaps up and smashes her unsuspecting aunt with a dropsault! TITANIA Booyah! Slapping the mat in rage, Malaysia exhibits her disgust with being taken down. That spurs her on as she rises and blasts Titania with a boot to the stomach. Hobbled by such a sick shot, Titania is grabbed by her long locks and launched into the ropes. But she doesn't come back and instead fluffs her locks. TITANIA Glad ya like my hair! Just got it done! MALAYSIA Titania uses the ropes to build up speed and bum rushes her aunt. A lariat is thrown in defense by Malaysia, and Titania has to duck that attack. That provides her with the base she needs to springboard off the top rope and smash Malaysia in the face with a dropkick! RENEE Ouch! Referee Nunzio counts the fall.... ONE! Malaysia presses Titania off her! MALAYSIA You're gonna pay, bitch! There's no fear in Titania as she takes aim at Malaysia. But these blows do no good as Malaysia quickly presses the Hybrid Hottie over head! The fans deride Malaysia, and certainly don't like when she tosses her out the ring to land her at Archie's feet. MALAYSIA Kick her! ARCHIE But... MALAYSIA Kick her! ARCHIE Please, Mistress... MALAYSIA Okay, okay, you don't have to kick her. RENEE That was oddly kind of Malaysia. The short haired Hottie leaves the ring to arrive to Archie and Titania, and takes the kicking with her own feet....sending the left foot right into Archie's nuts! CROWD COACH BWWWWWWAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Fuck that nerd ass white boy! As Archie writhes on the mat in agony, Malaysia flings Titania into the ring steps, causing her niece to howl in agony. MALAYSIA You need to learn lessons in submission from your mommy dearest. I see I have a lot of bitches to break! Titania is shoved back into the ring and promptly pinned by Malaysia.... ONE! TWO! Kickout! Wanting to get nice and intimate with her niece, Malaysia traps her in a rear body lock, tangling her arms around her sexy exposed stomach. COACH That's gotta hurt, those are some big muscular arms crushing Titania's ribs. MALAYISA Ah, yes, I love looking at your crying face on the Angletron, bitch! Weep more for me! Titania doesn't want to give Malaysia the satisfaction of submitting and instead starts flinging elbows back against her. She hammers her with enough attacks to break the hold, and soon feels the fury of fighting spirit. The Hybrid Hottie takes a run off the ropes and returns to blast a still seating Malaysia in the face with a basement dropkick. Then she executes a standing moonsault that impresses the sold out audience! RENEE Way to go Titania! COACH What she oughta do is use some of that fairy dust to blind Malaysia and run away. RENEE No way is Titania going to give up like that. She's fighting for her mom. Titania tries to whip Malaysia into the ropes, but is overpowered and flung in herself. The cables spew her back and Malaysia again tries to press slam her, but Titania flings her body out of Malaysia's attack. Now behind her foe, she unleashes a dropkick directly into her muscular and hot ass! MALAYSIA Fuck! Angry, Malaysia spins around with a lariat, but this plays into Titania's plans as she twists her body around her aunt and brings her down with a crucifix! ONE! TWO! Shoulder up! Malaysia hurries upright and lashes out, cutting her relative down with a lariat that leaves her in a folded up position and whimpering from her misery. RENEE That's one way to stop a comeback. COACH A damn effective way. She like Stan Hansen with a booty. MALAYSIA Esmeralda, quit whining over mini cock and hand me the leash. Hand it to me now! That's one thing Archie can do, and he's quick to obey lest he be punted in the nads once more. RENEE I don't wanna see what Malaysia is going to do with that leash and collar! COACH I do! The dominatrix doesn't give little niece a choice in this matter, instead forcing the collar around her, and trappping her in a BDSM/incest fantasy for all to see. MALAYSIA Look at what I got! A good little werewolf, bow-wow, cute puppy! Bow-wow! COACH Yo, I'm about to beat off, Renee! RENEE Eek! Please don't! Of course Titania isn't a fan of being paraded around like she's some kind of poodle or sex slave. That's Archie's job, so doggy trips up master, then rips off the collar and leash, ending the incestuous humiliation! TITANIA Sorry, not that easy! Titania summons all the strength in her body and hurls Malaysia into the corner. She then rushes in and smashes her in the jaw with a pair of double knees. Malaysia is visibly dazed, weaker then we've seen her in a long while. As such Titania is able to spike her on her head with a picture perfect tornado DDT! “OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” RENEE She almost put her through the mat! Titania ascends the top turnbuckle getting a cheer of approval from the fans. With their support she flies back at Malaysia with a twisting body splash that lands right on target! Nunzio then drops down to the count the pin.... ONE! TWO! Malaysia again with the kickout! Trying to keep her momentum alive, Titania takes a run off the ropes. However, when she arrives to her aunt, Malaysia grabs her and crushes her with a Bossman slam! COACH Now that's putting a bitch through the mat! Rather than attempt the pin, Malaysia brings Titania off the mat with her and turns a sinister smile upon the camera. As the audience jeers her, Malaysia powers Titania down with a Candian backbreaker driver! “OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!” RENEE Ohhhh there it is! The pivotal cover.... ONE! TWO! THREE! “BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO!” BUFFER Your winner as a result of a pinfall....MALAYSIA NERRRDDDDLLLLYYYYYY! Malaysia may have the victory, but the real story is MORGAN NERDLY, who's snuck into the ring and resides behind her. MORGAN Ohhhh, big sister! Malaysia turns around at the whistle and is brought onto Morgan's shoulders! From there the fans watch as The Maple Leaf Cutie unleashes an f-u on her elder sister! “OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” RENEE Shock & Awe! Malaysia lies in a wreck, but Morgan doesn't just want to rest on her laurels. She has big plans in store, and they involve Titania, who is brought onto her shoulders in the standing fireman's carry. “BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” RENEE No! Hasn't Titania suffered enough! Titania's mother, Madison comes surging down the ramp and slides into the ring to confront Morgan! MADISON Morgan, put her down! MORGAN Why? MADISON Because! MORGAN Tell you what, if you beg me, I will put Titania down. MADISON Please put her down! MORGAN Get on your knees, I like you there. MADISON (on her knees) Please put her down! MORGAN Oooh sexy. But no, I'm gonna do it anyway! Or is she? She's not! LYRIC DELACEY arrives just in time to yank Titania off her aunt's shoulders! RENEE There's Titania's tag partner! Lyric doesn't give Morgan much time to react and instead pitches her over the top rope to eject her from this situation! “YYYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” MORGAN Lyric stands between Morgan and her family, forcing Morgan to back up the entrance ramp, frustration all across her face. RENEE Whew! Thank you, Lyric! COACH That's weird as hell. Lyric did something selfless. RENEE She's not that bad a person. COACH Nah, she is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 14, 2016 DELTA DELTA DELTA HOUSEAFTERNOONBOSTON, MA Cassidy and Cassidy Number Two are patrolling the hauls of their luxury sorority mansion when they pass the maid, Rosa. CASSIDY There's still a lot of puke to scrub from the last pledge exercise. Let's make that a priority, Rosa! ROSA Si, Cassidy. CASSIDY Number Two, I am a big fan of Mexicans, they always listen to my exact order. Remember when Juan bumped into me and spilled my wine, I told him to jump off the roof of Fenway and he did! NUMBER TWO You have an amazing skill at telling people what they need to hear. CASSIDY I'm sorry. Did I ask you to pull down my panties and blow a compliment up my butt? Nobody likes a suck-up, Cassidy Number Two! NUMBER TWO You said you did. When Colin accused you of just creating an army of yes-women, you said you only wanted suck ups. Then you went and masturbated to the thoughts of he and I fornicating in a haunted house. CASSIDY That last part DID NOT happen, Number Two! NUMBER TWO It might have. CASSIDY No! No, it didn't! NUMBER TWO We should kill more pledges. CASSIDY I only killed the one, and personally I think she was dead before I locked her in the freezer. Well, come on, lets work these hoe-bags. Oh, Rosa, come back, sweetie! Rosa comes succoring back with her bucket. CASSIDY My brother has saddled me with more pledges. If he gets his way, Delta Delta Delta is gonna be filled with fatties and ethnics. The fatties will bring their big old appetites, and you know what those ethnics will bring with them? Weird spices from their home countries. That is a nuclear combination, Rosa. ROSA Oh no! CASSIDY The weird ethnic spices will send the fatties racing to the bathroom to blow liquid fire out of their huge, swollen bowels. Think of the splash back. Think of the undersides of all of the toilets that you're gonna have to sanitize, Rosa. I don't want that. I don't want that for you. NUMBER TWO Our next haze will save your life. Trust us. We're witches. CASSIDY So here's the skinny. We're gonna get in a fight, and I'm gonna dunk your head - in the deep fryer. ROSA The oil! CASSIDY We'll turn off the machine, idiot. ROSA You are a good person, Miss Cassidy. CASSIDY You'll just pretend and come up all screaming, and I guarantee all those newbies will run screaming into the night and go pledge some other sorority. Come on. Cassidy, Cassidy Number Two and Rosa stride down the hallway, with Cassidy bursting into the kitche, which is currently filled with pledges. CASSIDY Okay, so you all want to be Delta is that right? Well, you're about to learn what being a Delta is all about. It's about kicking the living crap out of someone when they disrespect you. The pledges nod. CASSIDY Hey, Mexican Mammy you're about to get your ass handed to you. I was just in your room, where I noticed you have a sizeable shrine with evil burning candles, photos of me with my face scratched out and pairs of my stolen panties. Care to explain, chubby old Nazi? ROSA l, I don't know what you're talking about. CASSIDY Now I know why all your food tastes like it's got a little bit of pee in it. You know, ladies, Rosa, and I had arranged a little prank where I was gonna dip her fat face in some cold fry oil to scare all you bitches. Well, I propose a change of plans. What do you think, Rosa? Cassidy grabs hold of Rosa's head and dips her in the fry oil. All part of the plan. Except the oil is on and promptly scalds her face, then cooks her, then burns her to death. PLEDGES (running away) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! CASSIDY What the hell, Number Two? NUMBER TWO I forgot to turn the fry cooker off. Oops. CASSIDY Oops?! NUMBER TWO Do you think she's okay? CASSIDY No, Number Two, I don't think she's okay! NUMBER TWO On the plus side, we got rid of the pledges. CASSIDY That is true. But now we have no pledges! Get me some pledges! Some white ones! Some non-fat white ones! Go! Cassidy literally kicks Number Two out of the room and now free of any witness' starts crying. CASSIDY This is all Colin's fault! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 14, 2016 ***United States Title Tournament: Northstar Vs Simon Singleton W/Molly Nerdly*** Before the match, we saw The King, Landon Maddix in his throne room observing the affair. RENEE That's Northstar's leige, who's no stranger to big matches and big tournaments. Winning the King of the Ring is how we got this crazy Landon in the first place. The match started off with chain wrestling sequences that impressed the fans, but left Northstar upset he couldn't take control of his foe. SIMON Frustrated already? NORTHSTAR Hardly. The two went back at it again, tangling with another chain wrestling sequence. This time saw Simon trap and keep trapping Northstar in a leg lock, that was only broken when Northstar reached the ropes at last. SIMON Frustrated now? NORTHSTAR Hmph. The two tangled again in a chain wrestling sequence that put Simon into the corner. There Northstar just reeled back and slugged Simon in the face with a punch that pleased King Landon watching backstage. RENEE Yeah, I think Northstar is a little frustrated. Simon came back with his own punches, and snapmared Northstar down to work over a reverse chinlock/headlock sequence. Northstar would fight out of it and hit a surprise x-factor on his foe! RENEE Solar Eclipse! COACH I don't like the way Simon's face came down on the mat. Simon came up bleeding from the nose, which worried both Molly and the fans. Northstar couldn't care less and battered his face with forearms, much to his King's delight. RENEE Man, King Landon is a total blood mark! With arm dripping in Simon's blood, Northstar pinned him in the corner, and sought out Shattered Dreams. But Simon ran forward and kicked the Living Daylights out of him! “YYYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” RENEE I seriously doubt Landon's marking out for that big kick. COACH It just knocked his best lord into the dark ages! Simon laid atop Northstar for the cover, but only secured a one count. After that a commotion ensued when Ser Alearys Chance came rushing down the ring with a steel chair. His intent was to slide the chair to Northstar, but Molly got in his way. COACH Molly, you being stupid, and you supposed to be the smart one! SER ALEARYS Some people think I wouldn't stoop so far low as to hit a woman. Those people would be wrong! RENEE No don't! But before AC could hit Molly he was pounced upon by CONAN CHANEL! “YYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” RENEE Yay for Coco! As Coco beat down AC, Northstar was out of sorts and promptly tossed about with rolling Germans. But the ending pin only earned a two count. Simon then came off the top rope with Skyfall, a leg drop that also only got a two count. RENEE So much to fight for, and Northstar is refusing to stay down. COACH And this dude Simon is gonna keep firing off the big moves. Agent 009 tried for a choke suplex, but was elbowed away by Northstar. He came charging back in and was again elbowed aside. Next, Northstar struck with an STO and hooked in an STF, but Simon was able to make the ropes. COACH Northstar turned defense into offense in a flash. The Stellar Evolution went to the top rope and attempted a shooting star press, but Simon moved out the way. Again, Simon tried to kick the Living Daylights out of Northstar, but this time he missed willdly. The Anaheim native recovered and attacked Northstar with forearms, but was shoved away into the ropes. He came firing with a lariat that was expertly matrix'ed by Northstar. The Carlsbad, CA native then popped up and surprised Simon with a release rock bottom! MOLLY RENEE Maria! Legs were hooked, and Northstar secured a victory! Winner: Northstar, via pinfall RENEE What a match that was! COACH No doubt. The Galaxy was on the edge of their seats from start to finish. RENEE So now we know Northstar advances to the tourney finals at School's Out! Will he face A$AP Blondie or Lucius Soul? We'll find out next week! FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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