Mother's Day HeldDOWN~!

[Chanel #99]

OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-
BROADCAST IN OAOAST HD AND 3D

RENEE
Happy mother's day from our family to yours! Its scorching hot HeldDOWN tonight, that will have mom's jaw dropping. I am Renee Young with my boy toy Da Coach, and we are all set for the tournament that will crown a new United States Champion!

*** United States Title Tournament Quarterfinal: A$AP Blondie vs. Oscar Friberg***

Being the last man to hold the U.S. Title before Tyler Bryant tried to hand it off to THE FLEX after winning the OAOAST Championship, Oscar Friberg was one of the favorites to go all the way, if not the favorite. And things were looking great until Blondie feigned a knee injury that occupied the ref's attention as ALEXANDER THE BRUTAL snuck into the ring and choked out Oscar with the Katahajime (Tazmission)!

OAOAST GALAXY
 

RENEE
We haven't seen Alexander since last summer! Where has he been all this time?

COACH
Steaming, apparently.

Once Alexander was out of the ring Blondie miraculously healed and covered Oscar for the pin.

Winner: A$AP Blondie, via pinfall.

Alexander and Blondie high fives after the match, making it clear Vainglorious Bastards USA continues to expand. 

 

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

This is survival of the fittest
This is do or die
This is the winner takes it all
So take it all

The fans are on their feet and hailing the arrival of Ned Blanchard, the Orange County Cobra dressed to fight in his burnt orange tights. He stomps to the ring and is tossed a microphone, and then turns a hateful eye upon the entrance stage.

BLANCHARD
The way I see it, I've got a thousand reasons to wanna open up a can of whup ass on Tyler Bryant.

“YYYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

BLANCHARD
If you wanna see ol Ned Blanchard open up a can of whup ass on Tyler Bryant, gimmie a hell yeah.

“HELL YEAH!”

BLANCHARD
Now, I got a thousand and one. Tyler Bryant, I'd call you out by your name right now, but I know yer a yellow bellied coward and you'll hide anywhere on earth to avoid The Orange Country Cobra. But, aw hell, why not. Tyler Bryant, get your ass on out here!

“YYYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

M

 

O

 

N

 

E

 

Y

 

So sexy

 

Damn, I love the jam, the jet and the mansion. (Oh yeah)

And I enjoy the gifts and the trips to the islands.(Oh yeah)

Its good to live expensive

You know it, but my knees get weak intensive

When you give me k-kisses

 

Thats money honey,

Well I'm your lover and your mistress

Thats money honey

When you touch me, its so delicious

Thats money honey

Baby when you tell me the pieces

Thats money honey

RENEE
That's for sure not Tyler's music.

As “Money Honey” plays, Lorelei DeCenzo strides onto the stage in a strapless yellow gown that highlights her busty figure.

LORELEI
Ned, Ned. Many of us change in life. I was once Mackenzie DeCenzo, until an influx of Nerdly children forced me to drop my own fast name. Our mutual friend, Simon used to be a bumbling yes man, but now Simon is a suave beefcake who wouldn't know failure if it landed in his lap. Ned, you may have a different nickname from when I managed you, but you remain the same stubborn, hard headed boor you've always been!

“BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

BLANCHARD
None of what you said means a damn thing to me, all I wanna know is where's that piece of trash Tyler hiding in that dress?

LORELEI
The champion does not hide! Unlike the Beverly Hills Blonds that is.

“OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

LORELEI
Yes, Ned, you know something about hiding from potent competition. We can surely ask Big Papa Thrust or Logan Mann about that. But, I haven't come to chastise you, Ned. I understand your mad.

BLANCHARD
Sounds to me like you don't understand a damn thing. You wanna cut my baby mama's hair, try and intimidate me and my partner, Baron Windels, then come out here and flap yer gums, and you think I'm just gonna take it? Aww hell no!

LORELEI
What if I offered you something better than a fight? But something just a physically invigorating, something that keeps these sweat hogs in the audience awake all night with their pud pulling fantasies.

BLANCHARD
I got a better model than you in Krista, so once again awww hell no! If I don't get that poor mouth bastard Tyler Bryant in the ring at School's Out in Atlanta for the world heavyweight title, every day of your life, every day of his life, and every day of that bastard FLEX's life is gonna be hell on earth!

“YYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

LORELEI
If you don't want to play ball, then fine! The Serial Thriller will accept your challenge, and relegate you to the record books and a middle chapter of his autobiography. I hope your ready to be nothing more than a stepping stone to the future!

BLANCHARD
And I hope your boy is ready to have a mudhole stomped him  the size of Georgia!

“YYYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

As Ned's music plays, he's tossed a beer and celebrates with the sold out HD audience.

RENEE
How about that? Ned Blanchard, Tyler Bryant, for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at School's Out in Atlanta!

COACH
They don't call it Hotlanta for nothing!

 

[Chanel #99]

Backstage we see Coco Chanel, stern faced, heading to the ring.

RENEE
There's Conan “Coco” Chanel on the way to the biggest match of his life, a first round United States title tournament against the veteran Northstar.

But things are interrupted for Coco when SER ALEARYS CHANCE THE EXILE slams a steel chair into the back of his head!

COACH
Yo~!

SER ALEARYS
Most people just casually throw stones at the ones they don't like. But, I, I like to aim for the head!

Ser Alearys steps back casually stroking his chair like we was god damn La Parka.

RENEE
I don't know if we're going to have a match!

COMMERCIAL

***United States Title Tournament Quarter final: Northstar Vs Coco Chanel***

Northstar entered first, and contented himself with an easy victory.

NORTHSTAR
(to referee Brian Knobbs)
I believe we can file this under a forfeit due to extenuating circumstances.

But “New Americana” hit and the fans were stunned and glad to see Coco Chanel storming to ringisde.

RENEE
Coco is really gonna fight!

COACH
I thought he had Buckworth intelligence, he got a head of rocks like Brannigan.

Coco got directly into the face of Northstar, blaming him for his troubles.

NORTHSTAR
On the contrary, I have no control over that mad dog. You're issues are strictly with AC and AC alone.

COCO
Then do me a favor and pass on a few messages.

Coco gave those messages in the form of a Thez press and a series of mounted punches!

“YYYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

RENEE
Get em, Coco!

After ending the punches, Coco tried to hit his tiger suplex signature but it was escaped by Northstar. The Stellar Evolution then cracked his foe across the back of his injured head with an enziguri. As the crowd recoiled, Northstar proceeded to drop a pair of knees onto the back of the head and then went for a pin that got a two count.

COACH
Do we even got a concussion protocol? How this nigga, Coco, allowed to wrestle?

Northstar tried a wheel barrow suplex that would have thrown Coco by the back of the head into the ring posts. But somehow Coco landed on the second rope and flew off to hammer Northstar with a diving European Uppercut!

“YYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAA!”

RENEE
Daisy Dream!

Coco has to take a moment to nurse his aching head, which gives Northstar time to recover himself. The two California stars traded punches, but Northstar scored big with an elbow to the back of the head.

COACH
Man, Northstar is one relentless dude. Almost as mean as his sister.

RENEE
That would be Holly in case anyone forgot.

Northstar thew Coco into the ropes but got caught with a head scissors DDT on the Los Angeles native's return!

RENEE
Hypnotic Poison! Cover him, Coco!

Cover him Coco did but Northstar put his foot on the ropes to avoid defeat.

RENEE
You have to wonder how much longer Coco can go.

COACH
Again, this dude probably has a concussion. He ain't supposed to be wrestling!

Coco made a climb to the top turnbuckle, but was suffered by that possible concussion. Due to his halt, Northstar was able to run up the ropes and then drop him on the back of his head with a top rope brain buster!

“OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

RENEE
Oh my gosh!

Referee Brian Knobbs had seen enough and called for the bell when Conan wasn't moving any muscles.

Winner: Northstar, via pinfall

NORTHSTAR
Hmph.

RENEE
That's a tough break for Conan, but this match had to be stopped.

COACH
Gee, I wonder if it should have been going on in the first place.

Paramedics rushed out from backstage to try and attend to Coco. I say try because Ser Alearys Chance ran down the ring apron and started beating them all up!

NORTHSTAR
Just what are you doing?

SER ALEARYS
I'm putting my talents to use as you suggested.

NORTHSTAR
Your “talents” have most likely earned you a fine, and brought unwanted attention upon the Kingdom. King Landon will not be pleased.

Northstar departed, with Ser AC throughly embarrassed by the dressing down and plenty of victims made by his assault.

RENEE
Well, aside from AC's madness and possibly because of it Northstar advances through the tournament to the face the winner of Simon Singleton and Logan Mann.

[Chanel #99]

Out in the hallway we find Gloss Angieacola gazing upon Blaine Cayley with INTENSE ZONE worthy curiosity.

BLAINE
Alright, Angieacola, why are you giving me that look?

GLOSS
Um, well, I don't know how to say this, buuuuut... Sammi says that when you get hungry, you'll eat anything around you! Like, even horses and trees and boulders and stuff! Anything! In just one big gulp! *haaa-gulp*

BLAINE
I'm not a picky eater by any means. But, I don't see why you care.

GLOSS
Heehee. Well, y'know, just thought I'd check it out.

Blaine's stomach rumbles.

GLOSS
Oh! Your tummy just rumbled! The beast must be awakening! *poke* *poke*

More rumbling from Blaine's stomach!

GLOSS
Wow! B-but there's nothing around here. Except that table over there... *gasp* Are you gonna eat the table, Blaine?! I'm so excited! This is gonna be great!

BLAINE
I hate to disappoint, ...but I don't eat tables. At least not since...the accident.

GLOSS
The ACCIDENT?! What accident?! You mean you DID eat tables before? What happened?

Blaine starts chuckling at Gloss' excitement over all this.

THE XFL
(peaking from around the corner)
You laughing at me?

BLAINE
Why don't you show yourself, so I can laugh at the coward who grumbles from the shadows.

The XFL steps into full view, looking supremely haggard and run down.

THE XFL
So you two were laughing at me! I knew it!

GLOSS
Uh, why would we be laughing at you?

THE XFL
Because....I had to.....suck.....penis.

GLOSS
Sooooooo whhaaaaaat? I suck penis all the time, and no one laughs at me!

THE XFL
Cayley! Apologize to me!

BLAINE
Are you and I related by any chance? You seem adept at giving me undue grief.

THE XFL
Apologize!

BLAINE
I will not apologize for a wrong I haven't committed. Most likely I wouldn't apologize for a wrong I did commit. But, I do want you to know if you continue to bother us, then I'll have you sucking things much worse than dicks.

GLOSS
Ohhhhh what could that be?! It must be a butt plug! Is THAT related to the accident?!!

THE XFL
(sulking back into the shadows)
You will apologize to me. One day.

[Chanel #99]

Stood atop the interview stage is OAOAST Hall of Famer, Tony Brannigan, clad in khakis and an HD orange polo.

BRANNIGAN
Ladies and gentlemen, my guest at this time, PRETTY YOUNG MONEY!

For my girls, the fighters, the warriors,

Broken glass inside won't cut through me
Pain behind my eyes I turn into strength
Oh I will fight, I will survive

I'm invincible
I'm unbreakable
I'm a diamond cut to last
I'm unstoppable
I'm a hero
Like a phoenix from the ash
Oh-ah, oh-ah, oh-ah-ooh
Invincible

With “Invincible” playing the whole group, yes even Suger Belleflair arrive to join Brannigan.

PHECDA
Now is the time.

AL HOUD
Here the words of Melissa Nerdly.

PHECDA
Our heroine.

AL HOUD
And our love.

PHECDA
The mighty warrior princess must speak.

AL HOUD
Lucky are we to here her.

BRANNIGAN
Melissa Nerdly, Pretty Young Money, the challenge has been laid out by the women's tag team champions and you have yet to accept it what's going on?

MELISSA
Mister Brannigan, I expected better of ya. I don't know why but I did.

BRANNIGAN
All I did was ask a question,

MELISSA
Mister Brannigan, you asked more than a question. You asked a loaded question. Loaded like a gun the devil holds to my head everyday, I say. The women's tag team championships ain't just held by no two Hotties. No sir, no sir. They're held by December Belle-

SUGAR
Patoie!

MELISSA
And Bobbi Cheesecake!

SUGAR
Less patoie, but still patoie!

BRANNIGAN
I don't know what patoie means.

MELISSA
Its the sound of god spitting on them heathens! I never knew what December was until now, but now I know! Oh lord, now I know! To quote a famous politician recently, she is Lucifer in the flesh! Her and her unstable friend. I gotta set an example for Sugar as to how a woman should act.

SUGAR
What'd you just say? Like I ain't  a grown woman setting examples for women all across the world on how to be a cooties avoiding, first base going, hot date getting, daughter of a gun! WHOOOOOO~!

BRANNIGAN
Melissa, we're getting off track, will you or weren't you answer the challenge?

ANASTSIA
Of course we will, Tony The Body. We're more than just pretty faces and sweet voices, we're the rightful women's tag team champions. It would be a shame to let the belts stay off our slender waists any longer than they need to.

MELISSA
You heard the lady, Mister Brannigan! For all the keyboard warriors and cretins in the OAOAST Galaxy, I say this, no sinner can stop the righteous force of the lord and his shepherds! If December and Bobbi want to feel the agony of defeat, and taste good old fashion southern justice, then they got a date with Pretty Young Money at School's Out!

“Invincible” hits once more as PYM takes a group pose in the face of a taunting audience.

COMMERCIAL

 

 

[Chanel #99]

TO THE BACK~!, where Simon Singleton warms up for his U.S. Title tournament match against Logan Mann. Then we cut to OAOAST correspondent Sara Jean Underwood at the world famous interview lounge where she speaks to Logan (accompanied by Holly) about the match. He laughs and then gives the OAOAST Galaxy a history lesson, saying he's owned every team Simon's been apart of. 

SARA JEAN
But now we're talking singles competition.

LOGAN
Owned him! 

HOLLY
Tonight the Limitless Man is just gonna be [bleep] winless! 

*** Keyboard Warriors (The CanCUCK & U.N.I.T-M-I) vs. Hood Again w/ Uncle Moe ***

Another Isolated Incident left an opponent of Hood Again down for the count, as those pesky Keyboard Warriors fell in defeat at the hands of Moses Robinson and Kawhi Erving. Not that it seemed to matter to the CanCUCK, who all but enjoyed watching his partner get destroy by two black stallions. 

MOSES & KAWHI
 

THE CANCUCK
 

Uncle Moe used his pimp came to jerk the masked man off the apron and then decked him. 

Winners: Hood Again, via pinfall.

Suddenly THE PLAYMAKERS step into the ring along with All XFL Team General Manager Rick Heyross. Moss and Benjamin point to Hood Again and scoff. They call for a mic and Heyross reveals his men are agitated over the news he overheard last week, a reference to the OMG~! vignette that caught Hood Again and OAOAST tag champions Big IQ chatting backstage. 

HEYROSS
And that troubling news is Mr. Robinson and Mr. Erving have been promised a tag team title shot in the very near future. 

Heyross went on to explain his men are upset because they feel they're the ones who deserve to be the #1 contenders. "After all, who defeated Hood Again and Big IQ during The Challenge last year?" 

MOSS
(points to himself & Benjamin)
These guys right here. 

Uncle Moe snatched the mic from Heyross and told the Playmakers that if they have a problem his nephews are more than happy to solve it "right here and now!"

BENJAMIN
We're wrestlers not street fighters. And we'd be more than happy to teach you guys a lesson in wrestling, especially if it means we get that tag title shot we rightfully deserve. 

MOSES
Then quit being a little bitch and put your names on a contract! 

HEYROSS
I think that can be arranged.

Hood Again are ready to throw down but Moss would rather puff his chest and yell "IT'S ON" again and again. 

[Chanel #99]

CHRISTIAN WRIGHT'S HOTEL ROOM
NIGHT

Wright's hotel room is lined with candles, but not enough to set off the fire alarm, thankfully! But its a romantic scene made for a romantic and sexy man, who answers the knock on his door.

WRIGHT
Judge Dudd, welcome.

JUDGE DUDD
What reason do you have to call me to your room?

WRIGHT
I noticed earlier today the sun was shining, yet there were drizzles of rain.

JUDGE DUDD
So what?

WRIGHT
It is the beauty in the gloom. Is it not? It reminded me of you.

JUDGE DUDD
Me?

WRIGHT
You carry a thick air of gloom, yet you are resplendent as a fresh cut diamond. I am in awe of you. Yet I am also afraid of you.

JUDGE DUDD
True Americans have no reason to fear me.

WRIGHT
I love my country, tis true. And yet...my fear of you is not abated. I worry that our match at School's Out will not be conducted with fair conduct.

JUDGE DUDD
Is your aim to provoke me, Christian? No, with candles, everywhere, I think you want to seduce me. I'm not that easy!

WRIGHT
Nor would I-

JUDGE DUDD
But for you...such a handsome man...so sexy....I think I will be!

Judge Dudd unzips Christian's pants and reaches in, the enticing aroma of arousal seeping out.

JUDGE DUDD
Oh yes! I will be easy tonight!

The good Judge is impressed by the weight and length of Wright's cock, how thick and heavy it truly is.

JUDGE DUDD
I have to have this.

Wright's chest inflates with joy having heard this, his keen plan working far better than he expected! He almost can't believe it as Judge Dudd  closes her eyes, opens her lips, and engulfs his cock, suckling his organ. Its still amazing to her that something so tiny and limp could grow to become the hard, massive tool that's in her mouth.

The feeling of him between her lips is nothing short of miraculous. Christian is rock hard. Better yet he's writhing above her. Judge Dudd is already desperate to have him cum inside her mouth. She craves it.. Deep within her, she can feel an avalanche of pleasure about to be released.

Dudd begins rubbing his legs, grazing her fingernails along his thighs and his balls. They contract from her swift  touch, but his cock throbs so mightily, Judge Dudd has to wonder if he's a supernatural. His black eyes look down, eyeing her pleasured reaction, with mind wondering if she's going to stop, that she'll scream she's betrayed her ideals. There's no chance of that happening, though. Not in the least.

JUDGE DUDD
I judge myself addicted to your dick, Mister Wright!

WRIGHT

His glorious schlong is fully hardened, his smooth, firm shaft filling her small mouth perfectly, as though she had been made just to suck his cock, to give him pleasure, to bring him to orgasm and swallow the evidence. Then perhaps get him hard again and suck down another load, she thinks mischievously.

The black Hottie takes a deep breath and slowly, patiently works a sweet way down the length of his long shaft until her pink lips brush against his dark pubic hair. Wright wonders if Eagle Eye and Blackhawk have been luckily enough to experience this chocolate queen's bliss.

Judge Dudd has all of him inside her, the head of his meat missile against the back of her throat. She savors the sensation for a few seconds, a sheath for his sword, a hole for his cock to rest in.  The head of his cock brushes against her lips. His long shaft slides past her tongue. His manly Wright must fills her nostrils. His pecker pulsates and throbs inside her mouth, every heart beat transmitted directly to her.

JUDGE DUDD
I never do this for Eagle Eye or Blackhawk!

Well, that answers that question.

Pursing her lips, Judge Dudd continues up and down the glorious flesh rocket planting tiny, worshipping kisses along its whole length. Her lips tingle from the electricity that white skin seems to produce. Her nostrils flare as she breathe in Wright maddening scent. Her pussy is spasming now in a climax she didn't expect to have!

JUDGE DUDD
God damn!

Lowering her mouth, Dudd keeps her tonuge between her lips seeking to bathe his nuts with her saliva. Using her tongue as hunter/gather she pulls one ball at a time into her mouth, gently suckling each one with tender adoration, running the width of her tongue over them. He is saltier here, but she doesn't mind, he taste of pure man and she likes it that way.

JUDGE DUDD
I judge myself addicted to your balls!

Judge Dudd's perfect nose presses back into him, and all she can smell was the tantalizing musk of his skin, the light layer of his sweat, and it wrapped around her head like a cloud, pulling her under with more horny lust.

JUDGE DUDD
The single greatest smell of a life time!

Her hand swirls, jerking up and down, growing a little faster as he breathes harder and harder. Her mouth switches between one than the other, his balls filling her cheeks, before she pulls back leaving them a dripping mess.

JUDGE DUDD
I judge this the most fantastic blowjob I have ever given!

Wright would heartily agree with that assessment. Without any hesitation, the Judge takes his member into her mouth, pushing down until finally his head is once again at the back of her throat. Pushing her left thumb into her palm, she squeezes it tightly, relaxing her gag reflex completely, and with a moment of bravery dug up from deep within, she pushes down, sliding his length down the tunnel of her throat!

Her poor throat stretches like mad, it squeezes, it burns like the fires of hell, but the mocha coloured babe does not stop. She dare not stop! While she's not used to having such a monstrous cock, such as this one, in her mouth, the normally uptight Hottie is determined to bring him immense pleasure. She can't imagine that Blackhawk or Eagle Eye have fuck sticks anywhere near as big as Christian's. All the other men she's been with she could wrap her hands around, and swallow with ease, but the black haired stud tests her, pushes her, and she loves it. The thick amounts of throat slime that sat deep in her esophagus coat his cock as she slides him down all the way. Throat muscles contract around him over and over again, holding him tightly as she slides down inch by inch until her nose is tickled by the curls of his dark pubic hair.

Christian's strong, powerful hands find their way into her dark hair, pulling tighter than he had intended. Yet the black Hottie doesn't mind, nor move his hand away. He doesn't quite guide her, he doesn't do anything to distract her as she takes control, bobbing up and down, slurping when she can, and getting the bare minimum of air that she needs.

Lungs burning every time she's held down on his peter for too long, she continues the eager pace. Stopping suddenly, she takes a heavy deep breath, coating and filling her lungs with fresh air before she pushed herself back down and his hand comes down on her head, holding her tight to his groin.

JUDGE DUDD
Mmmmmm!

A searing charge of pleasure runs through Christian's lean body as she touches the most sensitive parts of his cock with her skilled tongue, and massaging lips. He bucks his hips fast against her face, using her mouth as just another hole for his pleasure as he shudders heavily, fingers gripping her hair tighter than before.

WRIGHT
Ah, yes! It is time for white gold!

Wright's body shakes as that white gold comes roaring from his member. Shot after shot dumped onto her body!

Wright inserts his cumming meat back into her mouth, letting his hot sperm go seeping into the pit of her stomach filling her up, and as he pulls her head back, he let the last few shots land on her tongue, filling her mouth with his spunk. He's so salty and creamy, with just a hint of sweet and it all coated her taste buds causing her to groan with delight and the need to swallow every drop. Her eyes open just half way as she watched him come down from the orgasm she provided him.

WRIGHT
Well then. Fair conduct?

JUDGE DUDD
Fair conduct!

COMING UP NEXT
UNITED STATES TITLE TOURNAMENT
LOGAN MANN VS SIMON SINGLETON
NEXT!

 

[Chanel #99]

*** United States Title Tournament Quarterfinal: Logan Mann w/ Holly vs. Simon Singleton ***

After writing a check with his mouth, it was time to see if Logan's ass could cash it. The answer to that turned out to be no, as Simon defeated Logan to advance in the U.S. Title tournament after counting Logan's Liberation DDT into a Northern Lights Suplex for the 1-2-3. 

LOGAN & HOLLY
 

Winner: Simon Singleton, via pinfall.

RENEE
This is what Logan gets for coming into the match overly confident. He should know tag and singles competition are two different things, but his ego wouldn't let him. 

[Chanel #99]

CASSIDY'S SORORITY HOUSE
BOSTON, MA
EVENING

CASSIDY MAGUIRE is walking up the long steps to her front door with....

CASSIDY NUMBER TWO

CASSIDY
I did find someone fit to pledge, but she told me she had meningitis and had to go to hospital. And I said “no, pledge”, and she went to the hospital anyway, and died. So that's one more thing I was right about.

NUMBER TWO
I'll add it to the list. I think you'll be very excited about the group pledging.

CASSIDY
I better be, number two. I better be.

Cassidy walks into the grand marble decorated foyer of her sorority house and shouts...

CASSIDY
Welcome to Delta Delta Delta  pledge week, hog sluts!

Then she gets a look at the sad motley collection of losers that are her pledges.

CASSIDY
Oh my god, you are hog sluts! And one of you is an actual hog!

HOG
Oink!

CASSIDY
Number two, I demand to know what's the meaning of this? Where did you find these horse mouth skeezers?!

NUMBER TWO
Your brother volunteered to find pledges for me. Wasn't that the best of him?

CASSIDY
No, number two, it was the worst of him!

COLIN (OS)
On the contrary, I would take number two's opinion as the correct one.

Colin walks down the staircase wearing his trademark smirk, and aiming at Cassidy.

NUMBER TWO
He's here! He's here and he's complimenting me! I think I might die.

CASSIDY
Good. I really hope that happens.

COLIN
I being a Harvard man have seen first hand, both the good and the bad of Greek life and the affect they have on young minds. Some would say they  are exclusive and they're a class system.

CASSIDY
Well, guess what, younger brother. Life is a class system. And a sorority is the one place left in the world where you get to pick and choose the people around you. That's my right!

COLIN
Surely you eliminated such rights when you built a Greek house on my grounds.

CASSIDY
These are my grounds too!

COLIN
(ignoring Cassidy)
I believe that makes me somewhat of a dean of students.

CASSIDY
I can handle that my brother is built like a Thai lady boy, but I can not handle this!

NUMBER TWO
Mmmm Thai lady boy.

CASSIDY
We're supposed to have a white party when this is over, where everyone is encouraged to wear/be white!

COLIN
(to the pledges)
Ladies, pigs, regardless of your foibles, your nationally, your race or your class, you may at the very least pledge to Delta Delta Delta! Should you be accepted is strictly up to my sister of course? Good day.

Colin leaves the Delta Delta Delta house behind with Cassidy and Number Two left to survey who they have.

CASSIDY
You in the front row. You're the least hideous. What's your name?

NUMBER TWO
She's deaf.

CASSIDY
She's deaf?!

NUMBER TWO
But she loves Bruno Mars.

CASSIDY
That shouldn't be possible! Okay, okay, listen up., skanks and skank pigs, your first official task for pledge week is to bury yourself alive for the night, and whoever comes back dead is in Delta!

“YYYYYYAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!”

The girls, and the pig, rush out to bury themselves alive.

CASSIDY
Get me decent pledges, number two!  

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

Inside the cafeteria, where people go to eat before they get wasted in the interview lounge, sits...

DEIRDRE enjoying a chicken salad with a side of soup when she's approached by

24/7 champion GORY DRAGAN

DEIRDRE
Gory? What do you want.

GORY
I need your help big time.

DEIRDRE
If I remember correctly, my magic spell I cast at AngleMania thirteen let you escape your magical purgatory.. So looking at that way, I already helped you.

GORY
And I thank you immensely, and I have seen first hand that your a helpful person. You love to help people!

DEIRDRE
I think you read me wrong.

GORY
We all saw you bring your own parents back from the dead-

DEIRDRE
One as a zombie.

GORY
But the other one for real! And, you know, I sort of killed my whole family and my witch coven put me in magical purgatory. But now I feel terrible about killing my family, and I kind of sort want to bring them back.

DEIRDRE
That is a very bad idea, Gory.

GORY
You did it.

DEIRDRE
Because I needed enough magical energy to bring a dragon down from Asgard, not for the Connington family reunion.

GORY
Who is the Connington family?

DEIRDRE
That's my last name, idiot!

GORY
Ohhhh I get it. Alright, lemme think. What if I hooked you up, you know on the back end.

DEIRDRE
Can you get me my witch powers back?

GORY
Maybe think lesser. Like a fruitcake.

DEIRDRE
Your friends with Big Papa Thrust. I want him. I want him bad, but those damn Busty and Ohlala are always hovering around him. I want to be his freak, just for one night. I want the Freakshow all over my face. Make that happen, and I'll give you my spell.

GORY
You got it!

Gory is rather pleased with how things have gone and struts away from Deirdre. But things get suddenly worse when OUTLAW CELLO smashes a lunch tray into the back of his head!

GORY
Yeeeeowwwwch!

CELLO
Sorry, kid, but I'm gonna need that 24/7 title.

RENEE
Guys, we have a 24/7 title match right now!

***24/7 Title: Gory Dragan Vs Outlaw Cello***

As referee Nunzio runs onto the scene Cello and Gory trade hands, which Gory gets the worst of as he's pitched out the cafeteria and into the hallway.

COACH
The boy Gory has held the belt since early December 2015.

RENEE
That makes him improbably the longest running champ in the OAOAST right now.

Gory grabs hold of a steel chair and smashes it into Cello's ripped abdomen. Pained, Cello gets his head slammed into a water cooler, sending its wetness careening everywhere. That's not enough for Gory, who picks up the empty jug and wacks it off Cello's head!

COACH
Hehhe the narrator said wack it off.

RENEE
That's like breaking the fifth wall, Coach!

Feeling resurgent Cello smashes Gory with a forearm, then pitches him into a trash cart. However, Gory doesn't stay down and comes up flinging trash at Cello!

RENEE
Weapons to match both guys' personality.

COACH
You cold, girl.

Cello fights through the wave of trash and begins bashing Gory with fists and kicks to the gut. He then tries to stuff him between his legs for a powerbomb, but Gory makes an escape through his clutches. The parasitic witch then leaps onto Cello's back, and snatches him into a sleeper hold.

RENEE
We'll have to check, but I doubt a 24/7 title match ever ended with a sleeper hold.

And it won't as Outlaw backs Gory into the wall, crushing his body between his muscled weight and the concrete. Gory sags against the wall long enough, for Cello to palm him and bash his head back against the concrete!

COACH
Yo, nigga you ain't gotta do that!

Gory is now totally out of it and could well be pinned, but Cello has to have a coup de grace and powerbombs him through a table!

“OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!” the crowd reacts as they watch this unfold on the screen.

RENEE
Oh my gosh!

Outlaw places his boot on Gory's chest and Nunzio counts the pin....

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

NUNZIO
(raising Cello's hand)
New champion...”OUTLAW” CELLO!

RENEE
This is Cello's first title victory in the OAOAST but there's not even a belt present for Outlaw, that's how impromptu this was.

Cello yanks his hand back and celebrates with a half scowl half grin type thing, all towering over beaten foe.

COACH
Outlaw came in and did with TurboWolf said he was gonna do, took the 24/7 belt.

RENEE
That's right, Coach. This is a big shot at TurboWolf, but I think now Cello has to be looking over his shoulder for the rest of his life. Not fun!

[Chanel #99]

OAOAST SPINEBUSTER OF THE WEEK~!

HeldDOWN~!
LAST WEEK

VICE attack the 3 Amigos backstage. 

Back LIVE!, VICE and Joey the Rat spoke to OAOAST correspondent Sara Jean Underwood at the world famous interview lounge. Joey explained CPA and Bosley won't be able to fight forever so he told them to be "proactive" with their life and have something to fall back on. 

CPA
He heard that on Dr. Phil. 

JOEY
Doc gives good advice! So I told the guys we oughta pay it forward. 

BOSLEY
We give you protection, you pay us. 

JOEY
Easy, breezy. After all, it's a dangerous world out there. But some guys just wanna bury their heads in the sand and pretend everything's good!

CPA 
It's not. 

JOEY
Look at dem 3 Amigos. So small. 

SARA JEAN
You're not so big yourself. 

JOEY
I'll show you something big. Whether you want it or not. 

SARA JEAN
 

BOSLEY
Guess you could use some protection yourself. *laughs*

JOEY
I mean take Chick Little. Guy thinks he's tough. Truth is, he's got tough luck. Have you seen his win/loss record recently?

SARA JEAN
Have you seen yours?

The guys get defensive. 

JOEY
Anyways, we offer to turn his fortune around and he disrespects us! 

CPA
And nobody disrespects us. 

BOSLEY
Nobody! 

JOEY
Now I hear Chick's upset and he wants me -- ME -- in the ring! Ok, "tough guy" let's see how bad you are. 'Cause I know how bad I am. So bad I shout out windows I'M BAD! I'll prove it to ya next week.

COMING UP NEXT
UNITED STATES TITLE TOURNAMENT
THE FLEX VS LUCIUS SOUL
YOUR MAINEVENT IS NEXT

 

[Chanel #99]

***United States Title Quarterfinal: THE FLEX W/Lorelei DeCenzo Vs Lucius Soul W/Melody Nerdly and Jade Rodez-Duncan***

There actually had to be two referees out here, with one on ring side standing between The ASSistants and Lorelei DeCenzo.

COACH
Good for Sophie to protect Lorelei from Lucius goons.

RENEE
Goons?! That's the titty mama and cheeky baby! The only real goon is the giant in the ring.

COACH
The giant that should be US champion.

Soul ran right at THE FLEX and got lariated for his troubles. Not one to back down, Soul did it again and got lariated again.

THE FLEX
FLEX SMASH!

“BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Lucius tried a different tactic and ran forward to slam a dropkick into FLEX's legs. FLEX was hobbled for a bit, but then returned fire by hitting his foe with a spinning bodyslam!

MELODY
You can do it, daddy!

JADE
And do us afterwards! Do us on a printout of the brackets that has you advancing! Do us like a champion!

Motivated by that call, Soul kipped up then blasted FLEX with  dropkick to the chest. FLEX stumbled into the ropes, then staggered back into a drop toe hold from Soul. Grounded, the big man was then hit by a standing moonsault onto the back!

RENEE
Flex doesn't look so big now, and he sure doesn't look like a champion!

Lucius went for a big move with a top rope elbow drop, but Flex caught him on his descent and proceeded to bash his head into the back of the mat!

LORELEI
Very nice, FLEX, very nice! You will be champion!

THE FLEX
FLEX CHAMPION!

“BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Soul was tossed into the corner and tormented with shoulder thrusts to the stomach. The Miami native, Flex, then went for a rare submission with an abdominal stretch! Things looked bad for Lucius, but Jade started performing a cheer for him that featured plenty of jumping around, which in turn led to plenty of ass jiggling!

SOUL
Hot damn!

Soul elbowed free of the hold but was suddenly hit with a thrust spinebuster!

RENEE
Flex Spinebuster!

That, however, didn't lead to a three count much to Lorelei's disgust.. Soul was then tossed into the corner, but managed to avoid a lariat. Then he came in and slammed Flex with his trademark corner lariat! Flex was stunned and then got hit with a 360 stinger splash!

RENEE
Wow, look at the agility of Pimp Magic!

Lorelei jumped on the ring apron to entice Lucius Soul, which was all Jade needed to unleash the Duncan fury! She yanked Lorelei off the ring apron, then proceeded to hit a pimp slap!

RENEE
Ho2Sleep!

Inside the ring THE FLEX tried to toss Soul down with a press slam, but Soul made an escape down the back. He tried to lift THE FLEX for the Fro2Sleep but found he was unable to do so.

COACH
No way he's lifting THE FLEX.

Flex tried again for his press slam and again lost out as Soul escaped the move once more. This time Soul went for a different move and spiked THE FLEX's head into the mat with a swinging DDT! And that was enough to earn the win!

Winner: Lucius Soul, via pinfall

Post-match Soul's ASSistants got jiggy and freaky with him in the ring. Lucky, lucky, lucky!

RENEE
And with that huge victory in our mainevent, Lucius Soul advances to face A$AP Blondie next week live on HeldDOWN~! while Northstar and Simon Singleton tangle.

FADE OUT