OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 4/22/2016

[Chanel #99]

OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-
BROADCAST IN OAOAST HD AND 3D

RENEE
We are off the road to AngleMania and heading into the future, ruled by Tyler Bryant! I am Renee Young, chilling beside da big boss dog, Da Coach on a night where I don't know what's gonna happen because Papa Duncan barfed all over my format after he ate a plate of cookies.

GIVE IT TO...GIVE IT TO ME!

“BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

A plethora of anger descends upon the entrance stage when “Rising Up” hits, and why not? The fans certainly aren't happy to see THE FLEX with muscles bulging, or Lorelei in a gorgeous yellow gown. But their real ire is reserved for the double champion, Tyler Bryant, he of pretty smile, Dolce & Gabana sunglasses and True Religion jeans and cream colored v-neck top.

COACH
Stand up, Renee! Stand up for a man who broke the glass ceiling! Stand up for a true feel good story!

RENEE
Nothing feels good about Tyler Bryant as world champion after how he left Krista at AngleMania Fifteen.

The trio steps into the ring, The Serial Thriller assuming the forefront with Lorelei grinning behind him.

TYLER
What a time to be alive!

“BBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

TYLER
What a time to be alive!

“BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

TYLER
Unless you're Krista. Little late to jump on the celeb with short hair band wagon.

LORELEI
Too funny!

“FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!”

TYLER
There had to be a certain air of inevitably about this when I linked up with Lorelei. They do call this gorgeous lady the champion maker. And its not because of her laundry list of HI-YA champion clients. So, Lorelei, you the real MVP.

LORELEI
No, Tyler, you'll be the real MVP and wrestler of the year for decades to come.

COACH
I can't wait for this future!

TYLER
I do get why the OAOAST Galaxy is mad with me. You guys like lovable losers, and I finished what my contemparies like to think they started. J-MAX, where's your world title? Biffman, where's your crushing defeat of the Krista Isadora Duncan's legend? Dance Dance Dragon, where's your employment in the OAOAST? Shaun Brave, where is your AngleMania moment that will live forever?

RENEE
Shaun Brave? There's no need to be insulting.

TYLER
Most of you guys are still where you started, and you're gonna finish where you started. At the end of my career they won't speak my name with you. They will speak it with the legends.

LORELEI
No, Tyler, they'll speak it alone, because a superstar like you, you stand alone.

“BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!”

TYLER
I can read your minds right now. You don't want to just see me lose my world title, you want to see me get humbled, and for me to learn a lesson. And learn that lesson the hardway. But, sorry to say the only way I learn is my way. You're all out to get me, because you haven't got me! I am The Serial Thriller! I can not be got, not by people that live their lives as failures, and that's a given.

“BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

TYLER
You wanna know why I can't shut my mouth and take the high road? Because I'm from Michigan home of the worst economy in the midwest, I was saddled with worthless friends and a horrible manager, I started in a teeny bopper tag team, the world wanted to put me in the low road, so I changed lanes, and if anyone thinks they can run me off my road, then they will get ran down!

“YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!”

TYLER
But, I do have a soft side. I can appreciate people who appreciate me. No, I can like people who like me. When you show love to The Serial Thriller, The Serial Thriller shows you the thrill of a lifetime. FLEX, my massive friend, another man who came in that J-MAX, Love Doctors, class, you understand the urge to be great. You know greatness is a lifestyle and settling for pretty good is the cousin of death. Lorelei and I wanna reward you for holding us down and holding you down.

LORELEI
FLEX, my dear, please open up your Money In The Bank briefcase.

THE FLEX does just that and sees a shit load of cash!

THE FLEX

RENEE
Wow!

TYLER
FLEX, you're smart, you're loyal and you're grateful. I appreciate that. Go buy your mom a house. Go buy your whole family a house. Go spend some money for no reason. Come back and ask for more.

LORELEI
But let the championship belt take control.

Lorelei smiles with deep pride as Tyler passes over the United States Champion to THE FLEX. Such an action shocks the audience, who have never witnessed a title being given like so.

RENEE
That's why he hasn't mentioned the US title at all. Because he was always planning on giving it to FLEX.

TYLER
Say it, FLEX. Say it.

THE FLEX
FLEX CHAMPION!!!

“BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

YA'LL NIGGAS GOT ME HIGH!

“YYYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

The fans may be confused, but they're still thrilled to see the arrival of Pimp Magic Lucius Soul with his bustiest ASSistant, Melody Nerdly linked to his arm. Tyler is annoyed at their arrival, and yells at security to cut them off. Obviously that doesn't happen, and so he has to confront Lucius.

TYLER
Lucius Soul, nice to see you. I take it you've come looking for a handout. Or a common bond. Krista cut your hair to get you to submit years ago, I cut her hair now. What's that called, Lorelei?

LORELEI
Possibly symmetry, but a very thin sort if you ask me.

LUCIUS
Tyler Bryant, I came to slap your ho ass down.

TYLER
What?!

LUCIUS
I came to slap your ho ass down, you heard me, motherfucker.

MELODY
TV-MA in your face, last-gen sucka.

TYLER

At this FLEX steps up, but Soul refuses to back down and stands tall with his babygirl massaging his traps.

LUCIUS
You made two mistakes in life, the first was when you slithered out ya mom's stank pussy, and the second was when you stomped Krista and cut her hair.

LORELEI
You can't seriously be in this ring to defend Krista?!

LUCIUS
The monkey stepped on the lion's pussy cats mama's, the lion said “bitch, can't you see, you standing on my god damn feet!” The monkey ignored the lion and got into an old oak tree, bullshiting awa. The lion said I'm gonna put an end to this nigga's shit. The lion climbed the tree to deliver this message, “oh mister monkey there's a big bad mothefucker coming your way.”

TYLER
Are you kidding me? You think I'm scared of you?! You look like a black version of the chick from Broad City. I've beat you before. I've beat you so many times my brain is fried from counting! You're one of the idiots I was talking about that came up with me! I'm above you now! Where's Colin, where's Leon, where's Ned, where's Alix?!!! Why are you of all people in my face?

LUCIUS
Because you did one of my ASSistants a hell of a way!

MELODY
And not the way we're paid to get done!

TYLER
For sure. I did. Two times in a year, because I also sent her fat ass to troll Tinder after I got with a boss lady!

“BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

LORELEI
That would be me.

MELODY
Rhaenys does your job ten times sexier, t-b-h.

LUCIUS
Listen you dumb white mothefucker, its gonna be your ass or mine. I'll fuck up your jaw, mess up your face, break all four legs, and knock your ass out of place!

“YYYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

FLEX is ready for a fight, but Tyler keeps him back so that he may speak his words.

TYLER
Look here, “brother”, I don't believe for a second you give a crap about Krista, or Jade or any Duncan or any Nerdly for that matter. People can change, though. I used to give a crap about Jade and Krista, and now I don't. But people like you don't change. Criminals always stay criminals. You're the same hustler you always were, and you're trying to hustle me into giving you a big payday. But seeing that I'd get the winner's bonus-

LUCIUS
Fuck the cash, white boy, I'll whup that ass for free!

“YYYYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

TYLER

You want to wrestle for free?

SOUL
You ain't making no money on me, slave, you a chattel!

TYLER

Okay, calm down, let's-

LUCIUS
Me, I'm the free man, the soul man. You sold your ass to a bitch, you can't go back.

LORELEI
Excuse me, but he-

LUCIUS
And, white boy, I fought ya man before. FLEX, I killed ya ass in 07 so this must be your ghost!

THE FLEX

“OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

LUCIUS
One hit, two hit, three hit, four hit, Tyler you need to forfeit you already lost it. Face this shit, taste this shit, I don't respect your career so I'm gonna erase that shit.

“OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

LUCIUS
The only way you about to win this battle is if you get a rap gimmick and call yaself KRS-Won. With a W but you can't even think that fast,. Ladies and gentlemen of the Galaxy, this man out here talking about rising to top! What a fallacy? Wassup, white boy? After ten years you just stand up? After ten years you just man up?! Tyler Bryant, still waiting for some nuts?! Ten years ago I knew there wasn't shit to you!

TYLER
No! No! You're ruining it! You're ruining my moment!

LUCIUS
And you quick back to down, now pop shit and apologize for making my babygirl cry. Ain't nothing worse than a cutie with a booty too sad to do her duty.

TYLER
Apologize? Is that going to calm you down and get you the hell out of my face? Fine, then. Fine, I'm-

LUCIUS
Too late for that, motherfucker, now you gonna catch  a whole lot of hell. Your eyes will be red and your ass will be blue, so I suggest you bow your head to Pimp Magic like you was doing the DAB.

LORELEI
Lucius, if-

LUCIUS
Bitch, don't you even roar, or I'll sick this babygirl on you, you dog ass whore!

“YYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

LORELEI

MELDOY
FATTAAAALLLLLIIITTTTTTTYYYY! LUCIUS WINS!

“ARRRTTTTTERRRRRRR! ARRRTTTTTERRRRRRR! ARRRTTTTTERRRRRRR!”

That shrill French whine comes from Sophie, who is already through her expensive Bergdorf outfit as she rushes out from backstage.

SOPHIE
I am zhe authority! Moi! No fight, no fight! Arretter!

TYLER
I was the one trying to defuse the situation.

SOUL
Nah, you realized it wasn't gonna be a battle, just me making ya teeth rattle.

SOPHIE
Assez!

MELODY
I love how we all know French when she's around then forget it when she leaves.

SOPHIE
You two will fight, but in sanctioned affair not in brawl like zhe hobos.. Zhat is a match we all want to see. Non?

The crowd agrees with applause, as does Melody while Lucius nods his own approval.

SOPHIE
And zhe United States title. What eez zhis ridiculousness, Lori? I am 'ow you say, beside myself. Zhis is a farce. Vous ne pouvez pas le donner.

TYLER
I didn't give it away. I vacated it.

SOPHIE
Tres bien! I did not think you could handle being double champion.

LORELEI
So then we're all in agreement?

SOPHIE
Oui, FLEX, you can deposit the US title on my desk, and I will make announcement on zhe belt's future tres bientot.

THE FLEX
FLEX CHAMPION?

SOPHIE
Non, FLEX not champion. No one is zhe champion des Etas-Unis. Zhe title is vacant as Tyler said.

Sophie gives a small bow to the grapplers in ring, which makes Tyler furious. So furious that he rips the US belt out of FLEX's hands and throws it out of the ring!

“BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

But, Tyler gets his comeuppance as Lucius nails him with a Ho2Sleep!

“YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Tyler comically tumbles aside, and falls into THE FLEX who falls into the ropes and is dumped outside by Pimp Magic! Lorelei beats a hasty retreat, leaving Lucius to reap the spoils of motorboating Melody!

RENEE
What a whirlwind affair that was! HeldDOWN gets wild post AngleMania!

COMMERCIAL

 

 

 

[Chanel #99]

COLIN'S COMPOUND
BOSTON, MA
Morning

Inside his expansive kitchen which may be wider than some people's homes sits...

COLIN MAGUIRE JR enjoying a peaceful life alongside the mother of his son, Jack...

AMBER O'SHEA

COLIN
I believe there may be dirt on this glass from the stone age. Dana, wipe it off again.

Colin passes his glass of OJ off to a nearby servant.

AMBER
Didn't you send your sister to jail for what you're doing?

COLIN
No, I sent my sister away because her scheme to protect my son was folly. And she is terribly annoying at times.

AMBER
Maybe it runs in the family.

COLIN
You are free to leave my compound whenever you wish. However, the cost of living in Boston is quite high and I think you'll find it rather difficult to find suitable housing on your developmental deal.

Amber won't be drawn into an argument and abruptly ends breakfast, brushing past...

ANGEL MAGUIRE who has just entered but heard the conversation.

ANGEL
I thought you wanted to get back with her!

COLIN
In case you have failed to notice I have amassed quite a few enemies in your absence as well as during your presence. Her falling in line is the best way to protect both her and Jack.

Angel slides a plate of eggs in front of Colin.

ANGEL
Is Amber the falling in line type?

COLIN
Anyone can be broken.

ANGEL
I'm sure your father said the same thing about you. And look at him. On another matter, I'm taking Jack to see Zootopia so you need to stay here between the hours of 12 and 5.

COLIN
Why should I be confined to my own house?

ANGEL
Cassidy is getting furniture delivered.

COLIN
Then Cassidy can stay behind!

ANGEL
….She said she didn't want to and left.

COLIN
Absurd! Furthermore, we have plenty of furniture, more than needed as a matter of fact.

ANGEL
Its not for this house its for her sorority house.

COLIN
Of all the insane plots and plans! If anything it would be better were I harsher on Amber for springing that girl out of jail!

ANGEL
I can't wait for her first mixer! You know I was in a sorority when I was in college.  Those were great days, Colin! We were Kappa Kappa Beta, and

On and on Angel drones, as Colin lays his head on the table and wonders if he should have just let Leon kill him.

[Chanel #99]

Sat at ringside for this next match is December Belle, clad in a purple mini skirt and plaid short sleeve collared shirt.

RENEE
There's one half of the women's tag team champions, here to observe the team at the top of the contenders list.

For my girls, the fighters, the warriors,

Broken glass inside won't cut through me
Pain behind my eyes I turn into strength
Oh I will fight, I will survive

I'm invincible
I'm unbreakable
I'm a diamond cut to last
I'm unstoppable
I'm a hero
Like a phoenix from the ash
Oh-ah, oh-ah, oh-ah-ooh
Invincible

“Invincible” by Cassie Pope hits with the fans none too happy to see Pretty Young Money minus Sugar Belle-Flair appear on the entrance stage. Melissa can't even pretend to be happy and instead takes heavy stomps down the ramp with her allies having to hurry after her.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Now making their way to the ring being accompanied by PHECDA and AL HOUD....”TENDER AT HEART” ANASTASIA VIOLETTA and “CANADIAN COUNTRY” MELISSA NERDLY...PRETTY YOUNNNNGGGGG MMMMMMMMOOONNNNNNNEYYYYYYYYYYY!

“BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

RENEE
New entrance music for Melissa and Pretty Young Money. Maybe a statement after getting a crushing loss at AngleMania.

COACH
That was a tough defeat to take, and then Sophie got December at ringside watching just to rub salt in Melissa's wounds.

Salt indeed as Melissa stomps over to December and proceeded to address her one time backup singer.

MELISSA
December Belle! I'm talking to you!

DECEMBER
Ah...I'll pay attention.

MELSSIA
I don't care who's daughter you are, you could be the kid of Garth Brooks and Jeb Bush and I'll tell ya right now I'd still curse your very name, because you, girlfriend, you are pure evil.

DECEMBER
Oh no, I am?

MELISSA
Yes!

DECEMBER
I'll try to be different from now on. Thanks for your help, Melissa.

MELISSA
…....Well, that don't matter because a cow can't stop having udders just the same as you can't stop having sinful thoughts and sinful actions. Do unto others as they would do unto you is the cardinal rule all decent folk live by.

DECEMBER
Yay. Me too.

MELISSA
Heckie no! Not December Belle!

PHECDA
Never December Belle.

AL HOUD
Do only ill unto Melissa does December Belle.

DECEMBER
Oh. She has the same name as me.

MELISSA
We're talking about you, ya ding bat! You kicked me when I was down. Beat on me when I was at my most stressful moment in my life. When I needed an old friend to stand by my side in the lord's fight, I got an old friend that robbed me of my championship gold!  Her and her devil skank friend Bobbi Cheesecake! Calling herself Asscake! Its shameful! And, ya'll, when they hurt me I spiraled into a deep depression, and because of that I wasn't at my best at AngleMania and I led Pretty Young Money to defeat against the forces of Satan. But, what I'm saying is, that loss weren't my fault! Satan's victory wasn't because of me! It weren't! It were your fault, December! My life is in shambles 'cause of you!

DECEMBER
Ah, I sound like a bad person.

MELISSA
You are a bad person!

PHECDA
Truly none is more evil.

AL HOUD
Than the betrayer of Melissa.

MELISSA
“But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars – they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur.” That's what the book of revelations says and it might as well come with a picture of your face next to it.  Not only are ya an idolater and liar, yer a sexual deviant, engaging in acts outside the confines of marriage and doing it in ways that aren't missionary, that aren't holy. That aren't right!

DECEMBER
I'm an idol....Thanks for the compliment.

MELISSA
I said idolator! Idolator!

DECEMBER
Oh....I misheard you.

MELISSA
No kidding! Lemme tell you right here today as the good lord as my witness that fiery lake of burning sulfur is here on your door step, missy!

DECEMBER
Not my door step. That sounds bad.

MELISSA
It is bad! It couldn't be badder far as I can tell!

PHECDA
You will watch.

AL HOUD
All will watch.

PHECDA
As Pretty Young Money breaks the warrior spirit of the Keyboard Warriors.

DECEMBER
Oh no.

***Pretty Young Money (Melissa Nerdly and Anastasia Violetta) Vs Keyboard Warriors SassyMama and MangoRocket***

That was a bit dramatic for KW squash match and squash it was with the KW contingent their usual awful selves. Oddly enough after all that talk, Melissa didn't get the finish as Anastasia used her head and arm choke known as  Flowers For Defeat to secure the victory.

Winner: Pretty Young Money, via pinfall

Post-match Melissa threatened December some more, but December was uh less than moved, Actually she was fast asleep.

[Chanel #99]

Still photographs tell the story of the 3 Amigos/American Idols 6-man tag at AngleMania XV. Highlighted are the Vainglorious Bastards USA shirts worn by the Idols, plus the appearance of A$AP Blondie to help them defeat the 3 Amigos.

Backstage, OAOAST correspondent Sara Jean Underwood spoke to the Idols and Blondie in their dressing room (truth be told, this bit was filmed post-AM since the Idols returned back to their home promotion ARRIBA to work shows this week). 

According to the Idols, owning Mexico isn't enough. They wanna take over the world, so they've decided to expand their brand Stateside with the creation of Vainglorious Bastards USA. A$AP Blondie being the first member.

RODRIGO
We've decided to embrace the hate.

KC
And the tears of haters taste so good!

TAYLOR SWIFT'S BAE
 

BLONDIE
Like that man baby Chick. Somebody call his mama and tell her he hitched a ride on the WAMbulance! But don't worry crybaby, later tonight I'll give you the spanking your mama should've given you a long time ago.

 

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

Out front of a Hardware store in god knows what part of midwestern fly over country, stands THE ARMY OF ONE NATION and JUDGE DUDD. In the middle of these towers of American might is a balding, red faced man in overalls.

EAGLE EYE
Galaxy, this is our friend. Friend, tell the Galaxy your name.

MAN
My na-

BLACKHAWK
His name is Ronny! An American name! Not a German name like Gretchen!

RONNY??
Actually-

BLACKHAWK
Its a name that comes from our greatest president! The last real American to live on these shores until Eagle Eye and myself had our awakening of truth! Of power! Of raw American might and strength! That's what we woke up to! The red the white and the blue!

JUDGE DUDD
Ronny, has no job. Because his job was sent away to Indo-China-Mexico.

EAGLE EYE
The worst land of all.

RONNY???
But-

JUDGE DUDD
What a surprise that the same people who ignore the plight of Ronny's crying TEN children all under the age of eight are the same people who hold the women's titles and the OAOAST tag titles.

BLAKCHAWK
Wright family we're talking to you! High up in your ivory tower you don't care that every day Americans like Ronny are dying! His kids are dying! Obamacare says to them “here, kids, have a loli and a Snoopy band-aid and go die so we can give Japs your spots in colleges!” That's what Obamacare says about Ronny and his family! And you don't care, Wright family! As long as your coffers are full and titles are around your waist, you don't care! Tell them, Ronny!

RONNY
Actually-

EAGLE EYE
The man is speechless!

BLACKHAWK
Luckily I am not! Sit in your throne room, Wrights and think about how to stop the momentum of Mister Trump, and ignore the plight of America? That's the recipe for disaster and now you eat your meal. You eat it, you bastards! Gretchen Wright, Christian Wright, we are now on your ass!

JUDGE DUDD
Officially!

EAGLE EYE
Ice Quiz, you are complicit in this as well. But something tells me you don't know what complicit means. You'll know when you're flat on your back and no longer tag team champion.

BLACKHAWK
America is coming for you!!!! WAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!

The Army of One Nation points their fist at the camera and then makes their exist, leaving behind a confused Ronny.

RONNY
None of that shit they said about me was true!

[Chanel #99]

Backstage, Mariachi and Juicy Cantu-Si watch Chick warm up for his match with A$AP Blondie when they're approached by... JOEY THE RAT?!

JOEY
Looks like you pipsqueaks could use a little protection. And I know just the guys for the job. 

CHICK
Grr. Who you calling a pipsqueak... pipsqueak? 

JOEY
Hey, your beef's with the man upstairs not me. But I see you got Blondie tonight. He's got the Bastards on his side now, meaning he's got the numbers and we all know the numbers don't lie. So if shit hits the fan during your match, ain't nobody gonna have your back 'cause you ain't got the numbers. But I got a number for ya too, and that number will give you the numbers. Understand? 

CHICK
Not interested. Sorry not sorry. 

JOEY
OH! You ain't even heard the number yet. 

JUICY
You heard the man. Not interested.

The 3 Amigos walk away.

JOEY
Your lost. 

 

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

*** Chick w/ Mariachi & Juicy Cantu-Si vs. A$AP Blondie w/ The American Idols ***

Chick came out hot against the newest member of Vainglorious Bastards USA. But thanks to underhanded tactics Blondie would gain control. Chick fought back and was poised to crash down on Blondie off the top with his Sky Is Falling finisher when Taylor Swift's Bae shoot the ropes to crotch him, causing shit to hit the fan as Chick's amigos battled the American Idols outside. While that went on Blondie planted Chick with Illegally Blonde for the win.

Winner: A$AP Blondie, via pinfall.

COACH
I bet Chick wishes he had taken Joey up on his offer now.

[Chanel #99]

SMOOTHIE KING
CAMBRIDGE, MA

Sipping on a smoothie is....

CASSIDY MAGUIRE

And watching her sip the smooth is a thirsty...

CASSIDY NUMBER TWO

CASSIDY
Finally, freedom from Aunt Reagan. Do you know she made me watch CNN and read the New York Times? What do I care that some poor person's house is full of communicable diseases, and the cops are planting evidence in their apartment and a billionaire Russian developer is trying to evict them. What do I care?!!

NUMBER TWO
I was always told by the voices in my head that to care for others is a sign of weakness.

CASSIDY
Exactly, number two. Sometimes you just get me! That's why I'm willing to let you be part of my next big plan.

NUMBER TWO
Thank you, Cassidy! Thank you so much! Ever since I met your brother I've wanted to hump him atop a pile of cadavers and now, now I can. Thanks to you!

CASSIDY
What? No, Number Two, that's not my plan, you stupid bitch! Not that I care if you hump my brother on atop of living cadavers if you want.

NUMBER TWO
Cadavers can't be living.

CASSIDY
I know that! I was making a point!

NUMBER TWO
The fact that they're dead is the sexy part.

CASSIDY
Ewww! Why did I break you out of that asylum for the criminally insane?

NUMBER TWO
Because I pay you a hundred dollars a week to work for you?

CASSIDY
It should be two hundred, but I'm a generous sort, just like my good friend, Donald Trump. And it was his suggestion I form a sorority so people like me can take back higher education and really cool parties from the blacks, and the gays and the others.

NUMBER TWO
The others?

CASSIDY
Could be Mexicans, or Jews. He didn't specify.

NUMBER TWO
There's a a problem. We're not enrolled in a college.

CASSIDY
That's not the point, Number Two! And if it was the point maybe it should have been brought up before I used my brother's cash to build a sorority house, complete with horse stables, pond, and hunting grounds!

NUMBER TWO
Who's gonna be in our sorority?

CASSIDY
We have to have a pledge week of course.

NUMBER TWO
We should let your mother in.

CASSIDY
Ewwww, no way! I'm going to use this sorority to get drunk, spend money, fuck randoms, and discriminate against a whole bunch of people! Why would I want my mother hanging around?

NUMBER TWO
We should name our sorority SARS.

CASSIDY
That's a disease, you ugly whore! You go into the corner and think about what you did! In the mean time I will think of a name, a GREEK name.

NUMBER TWO
SARS is Greek.

CASSIDY
No it isn't, Number Two! No it isn't and it never will be!

Out of arguments Number Two has to sit in the corner of a public restaurant, which of course draws odd stares.

[Chanel #99]

Inside the hustling and bustling interview lounge the party is in full swing, but our focus is on Sara Jean with TurboWolf

SARA JEAN
Hey, everybody, Sara Jean here with TurboWolf. TW, you made your AngleMania debut competing for the 24/7 title. But you suffered a loss. Where do you go from here?

TURBOWOLF
I lost that match fair and square, but I will be back for the 24/7 title. Gory can't take it easy long as I'm in the hunt.

Walking into the shot, unwelcome, is Outlaw Cello, shirtless and wearing a black cowboy hat.

CELLO
You're the replacement?

TURBOWOLF
Say what now?

CELLO
They got you to replace me. Tough talking badass. That's what this is.

TURBOWOLF
Are you serious?

CELLO
Serious as the beating I'm gonna lay on you.

TURBOWOLF
All right then. Today's as good a day as any.

CELLO
Not for me, kid.

Cello flashes a taunting smirk then backs off. Or tries to back off, but TurboWolf is on him in a werewolf's flash and tackles him to the ground. But not many punches can be thrown as a wave of wrestlers come and pull them apart. Far from being upset, Cello walks off chuckling at the attack he provoked.

TURBOWOLF
Keep laughing and watch me knock that smile off your face!

 

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

*** OAOAST World Title: "Pimp Magic" Lucius Soul w/ Melody Nerdly vs. Tyler Bryant © w/ Lorelei DeCenzo & THE FLEX ***

Lucius Soul found himself presented with the opportunity of a lifetime being granted the first title defense of new OAOAST World Champion Tyler Bryant. The Serial Thriller fresh off his defeat/humiliation of Krista Isadora Duncan at AngleMania XV. The Queen of All Media being the mother of Jade Rodez-Duncan, one of Lucius Soul's assistants (meaning he's tight with the Duncan family now, lucky guy). And with Jade home with the family following the shocking events of AM XV it was up to Melody to keep a close eye on Lorelei DeCenzo, dubbed by Da Coach as the "Bill Belichick of the OAOAST" for being willing to do whatever it takes to win.

COACH
Haters be damned!

RENEE
I thought you were gonna say Phil Jackson since he and Lorelei just follow the talent. 

COACH
DAYUM~!

The match itself was a thriller with both men looking like a million bucks. Lucius motivated more than ever before and with good reason, he's fighting for the OAOAST Championship. 

RENEE
Imagine what Rico de Janeiro and Remy Brazil must be thinking watching Lucius. They turned on their longtime friend and now he's in there giving the OAOAST Champion Tyler Bryant all he can handle!

Late in the match Tyler tuned up the band and went for a superkick, the very move that led to the shocking turn of events at AngleMania XV... but Lucius ducked and hit the champion with the FTS smack in the middle of the ring.

RENEE
Fro 2 Sleep!!

As Lucius's knee met Tyler's jaw, Lorelei immediately climbed on the apron to grab the ref's attention, a preemptive strike on the ensuing pin.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Unfortunately for Lucius, the anger of the OAOAST Galaxy drowned out his call for the ref to come make the count. But it did lead to Melody rushing over and yanking Lorelei off the apron!

MELODY
 

LORELEI
 

MELODY
Now you see me.

LORELEI
 

MELODY
Now you don't! 

LORELEI 
 

Melody shoves Lorelei to the ground.

"YYEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

While the ref escorts Melody back to her corner, THE FLEX attempts to interfere on Tyler's behalf... but a well placed dropkick knocks him back onto the apron and a flying Fro butt down to the floor. Then Lucius goes back to make the cover!

ONE!

TWO!

THR-- KICKOUT!!

RENEE
Although Flex failed to interfere, he succeed in buying Tyler more time to recover. That's why we don't have a new OAOAST Champion right now. 

Frustration kicked in for Lucius, causing him to go back to his go-to move for the quick win, but Tyler countered the F2S with a crucifix like he did to beat Krista for the title at AM. Only this time Tyler rolls through with the move and catches Lucius getting back up with the 0-100 TKO for the 1-2-3.

Winner: Tyler Bryant, via pinfall.

Post-match Tyler and Flex rid the ring of Lucius and celebrate with Lorelei, posing on the apron with the World title and MITB briefcase respectively. Then outta nowhere NED BLANCHARD storms the ring and clobbers Tyler, sending him flying off the apron down onto the security barrier!

COACH
AAH!

The show closes with Ned unloading on Tyler as THE FLEX and OAOAST officials try to pry him away.

 

FADE OUT