OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 4/8/2016

[Chanel #99]

OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-
BROADCAST IN OAOAST HD AND 3D

RENEE
Ladies and gentlemen of the OAOAST Galaxy we are mere days away from AngleMania Fifteen here on OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I am Renee Young with my man Da Coach on a night of kick ass action!

TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT
THE FLEX and TYLER BRYANT VS KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN & OSCAR FRIBERG
TONIGHT

A boy of anguish now, he's a man of soul,
Traded in his misery for the lonely life of the road.
The years were cruel to him no,
He won't let them go.
Lays awake tryna' find the man inside to pack his bags and escape this world.

“Moving On” hit first and emerging onto the entrance stage is the entire Menagerie. Led by a leather jacket clad Leon Rodez, the despised heels journey to the ring.

RENEE
Last week Leon Rodez was returned to dry land, and now he angles to defeat Colin Maguire Jr at AngleMania.

COACH
No easy task for either guy.

Once in the ring, the group lets Leon take the forefront.

LEON
This is the deal, Colin, take it or leave it. I'm sick of running in these circles with you. If you can beat me at AngleMania then we'll leave your family alone. But, when I beat you at AngleMania, Reagan gets your son and I get the fleeting pleasure of watching your life crumble.

“BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

LEON
What's the matter, “guys?” Don't you think Colin can beat me? He is the Irish Golden Boy? The all powerful baby vamp. What can I possibly do to him? I'll tell you what I can do to him, I can break him, physically and emotionally and finally spiritually.

“BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

LEON
There is no hope for Colin. There's no hope for anyone! Its just like it always is, isn't it? Every time someone comes against me with their dreams, and their goals, and their hopes, I take it all away from them. So what's to stop me from doing it to Colin? His sister? His sister's doppleganger? His mother? Am I supposed to be afraid of a man hiding behind skirts?!

RENEE
Hey! He's the one who had to have Maggie and Reagan rescue him.

LEON
Colin is a fragile man, a weak paper tiger, who I will defang and tear to shreds. My strength doesn't hinge on my ability to drink blood, my weakness isn't wood tools and silver necklaces. My strength is that I am a devil, and my weakness is nothing!

THE DAY IS MY ENEMY! THE NIGHT MY FRIEND!

Cheers overtake the arena as COLIN MAGUIRE JR comes darting towards the ring!

RENEE
Here's Colin coming to whup some you know what!

But Colin steps right into a zone of terror as The Menagerie pounces upon him and batters him with stomps and punches. Still, Colin fights to his feet and delivers a Biotic Crisis to Sloppy Joe!

“YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAA!”

LEON
Use your sword on him, Silver! Now!

You know I'm bringing bombastic
I'm feeling fucking fantastic
Turn up the music yeah blast it
You know I'm playing like, no more Mr. Nice Guy

You know I'm bringing bombastic
I'm feeling fucking fantastic
Turn up the music yeah blast it
You know I'm playing like, no more Mr. Nice Guy
I'm coming for you

Alix's entrance music plays and riding to the ring in Queen Esther's chariot is Alix and her fairy god mother!

RENEE
Cinderella never looked so mean!

Alix dismounts her chariot and enters the ring with fists and feet of fury! Together she joins with Colin in taking out a common foe in The Menagerie, putting them all on the escape. But, Alix isn't done yet and grabs a microphone

ALIX
Fuck niggas that's that shit I don't like!

“YYYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

ALIX
Some bitch niggas that's that shit Colin don't like!

“YYYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

ALIX
So why don't you send two of you into the ring and we get down to functions of fucking you up!

“YYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAA!”

RENEE
The Menageries versus Alix and Colin next!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

***The Kings of the Heap Vs Alix Maria Spezia W/Queen Esther Vs Colin Maguire Jr***

RENEE
So its Kings of the Heap versus Alix and Colin, teaming up after being bitter enemies for many years.

COACH
Which doesn't help against guys who have been a team for six years.

Alix was mostly curious to Angel's whereabouts.

ALIX
Got buyers remorse on that chick, huh? No problem, Krista's been boning me for twenty plus years and she still has buyers remorse.

COLIN
I am not having sex with my mother!

ALIX
Isn't that what we all say when confronted with it on national TV?

QUEEN ESTHER
A strong fondness for one's mother is nothing to be ashamed of, says I.

Colin ingored Alix's accusations and tangled with Rayder, who tried to use his size to keep the vampire at bay. But Colin closed the distance and went to town on him with punches and Irish Uppercuts.

COACH
You ain't gonna stick and move with a guy with super speed.

Scourge came in illegally and the two were able to double team Colin for a bit. But Colin would fight them off and get the tag to Alix. The five time world champion came straight out of compton with a springboard spear to Rayder!

QUEEN ESTHER
Huzzah!

“HUZZAH!”

The Kings would go on to isolate Alix and seemed headed to an upset victory. But Alix countered a gut wrench powerbomb by Scourge and got the tag to Colin! Together he and Alix took a strong fight to the Kings, and used both their finishers to get a double pin!

Winner: Alix Maria Spezia, and Colin Maguire Jr

RENEE
A HUGE win heading to AngleMania for Alix and Colin.

COACH
But can they pull it off against two former world champions in Silver and Leon? Those two are a whole different story.

[Chanel #99]

We got a montage of comments from The Money In The Bank participants and here they are....

KING LANDON
A king enters another AngleMania, not just any King, the King of Spain! The King of OAOAST! Yes, yes, me. Who can win a match when I stand in the ring with them? Can anyone? No of course not. Of course not! Victory is my dynastic right! MINE!

EGGTHER
I don't just climb ladders. I climb mountains. All my career I've been climbing mountains to reach the next level. That got me the BUSTLE Junior Heayvweight Title and soon...the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. Pretty cool.

BOHEMOTH
I'm THE MAN! But because of some bullshit rule I can't my world title shot until 2017. 2017! The Money In The Bank Ladder match is my last chance to get what I deserve. That means I'll end the career of every man in the match, and any man not in the match for that matter, to get what's owed me.

NORTHSTAR
You saw how desperately my sister clung to her women's title. Failure is never an option in our family.

NED BLANCHARD
You can line up all the so called OAOAST Superstars in the match and the only one who stands up against me is Baron Windels and Simon Singleton. That may be my man, but in this match I ain't got no friends but I got plenty of enemies needing to get their ass beat by Ol Ned Blanchard.

THE FLEX
FLEX SMASH!

BARON WINDELS
Ya'll know me. My actions speak for me. But I will promise this when I win my world title shot, its going to be cashed in next year at AngleMania.

LOGAN MANN
Ya'll gonna act like I ain't Leezus Price though? Like I ain't stay with the wins though? I ball so hard Sophie wants to fine me! But first she's gotta find me! And she can find me on top of that Money In The Bank ladder. But what's fifty grand to a future world champion?

SIMON SINGLETON
I personally can not wait until AngleMania. My favorite time of the year. What tricks do I have in store to secure victory? Why, a true gambler never tips his hand.

BIG PAPA THRUST
What I see in the ring with me is a bunch of cont..a bunch of cump....a bunch of babies! There eyes will leak like bitter midcarders to Meltzer when they see the biggest arms in the galaxy pull down that breifcase. Cry for 40 days and 40 nights. But Big Papa Thrust don't need no ark Two of each animal climbed onto my peaks, leaving little room for my freaks, but the rainbow that appeared didn't sigmafy frogiveness. The rainbow was Mister Dick waving the gay pride flag, that faggot!

OSCAR FRIBERG
Its been a very interesting couple years for me. After stopping Deirdre from bringing a dragon to life at AngleMania 13, I think any match seems like a walk in the park. But, I won't underestimate any one in this match. I'm the youngest guy in this thing and the least experienced. Some of these men have been world champions. Some numerous times. Some have mainevented AngleMania. Hell, King Landon even owned a wrestling company. But what I won't do? What I'll never do is be afraid. Of anyone or anything.

IVAR
A ladder match. Using ladders as weapons. Using chairs as weapons. Even tables. Interesting. Where I come from, we used axes, or clubs, or swords, or spears. But by all means, my foes, do think you will best a thousand year old vampire with a seat. I could use the laugh.

TEDDY BUCKWORTH
Numerous men enter a battle field and vie to climb a ladder for a briefcase, and may use any means of violence available to them. Truly this is a fool's errand, and I as a Yale graduate know the odds are not only against my victory, but for my injury. And yet my normal composure is shaken, instead I am jittery. Antsy if you will. I hunger to stand face to face with the odds and tell them....not today.

[Chanel #99]

*** Remy Brazil & Rico de Janeiro w/ Pete-O vs. CO2 w/ Lucius Soul & Melody Nerdly ***

At least it was originally scheduled to be Rico and Remy vs. CO2. Instead Rico backed out pre-match claiming a stiff neck. 

RICO
I wanna go into AngleMania 100%. 

Lucius suggested the real reason was that Rico knew he was in for a pounding and backed out with a "sore vagina."

MELODY
And lemme tell you, pal, Jade and I know all about sore vaginas. Lucius' magic 8 ball trick? WOWZERS!

RICO
Listen girl, you out here talkin' bout tricks. Well I got one for you right here. *raises fist* Now you see it. *decks Lucius* Now you don't! 

As Lucius hits the mat Remy and Pete attack CO2, with Pete surprising Jade with his To Catch A Predator cutter!

MELODY
 

RENEE
This is disgusting! 

Rico gives Lucius a Mustache Ride while Remy plants Maya with the Ace in the Hole. Attention then turns to Melody, but thankfully OAOAST officials arrive on the scene to prevent any further destruction.

RENEE
About time somebody shows up to stop this!

The guys then pose over their fallen AngleMania opponents to a chorus of boos.

Official decision: No contest. 

 

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

“Simply Ravishing” hits to a grand ovation from the sold out audience. The fans are on their feet and offering a wealth of love and appreciation for Tony Brannigan, who comes on stage in khaki pants and an AngleMania t-shirt.

RENEE
Look, Coach!

COACH
Tony The Body! My main man back in town!

“BRANNIGAN! BRANNIGAN! BRANNIGAN!” the fans sing their praises for the OAOAST Hall of Famer.

BRANNIGAN
Thank you, thank you. I appreciate that. Its been a while, but I am back with you just in time for AngleMania!

“YYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAA!”

BRANNIGAN
I did sort of up and leave after the Lethal Rumble. Make a surprise entrance and then disappear. I think Virgil did that one year. The idea of entering the rumble was pitched to me the actual day of the rumble. TMW HARD champion Tristian Nystrom was supposed to enter, but weather grounded his flight from his vacation back home in Holland. We didn't exactly have many guys to choose from as a lot were earmarked for the Lethal Bang. One option was Carl MacDonald, and I don't wanna go into dirty details, but he wanted a hefty bonus to appear, and performance bonuses as well.

RENEE
Leave that to the Baron of Industry.

BRANNIGAN
But we promised thirty men and we had to deliver. That's when Terry Taylor just tossed out my name. I laughed because it was a joke to me, but he said “no, you're in great shape, you go out there, and you take your shot.” I still didn't think much of the idea, but Sophie got wind of it and was she was adamant I do it. The Body can never rest a lovely lady!

The crowd laughs.

BRANNIGAN
And so I entered. And I don't know what I thought I'd do. I didn't know the order of entry obviously, but when I got out there I saw Brock, Big Papa Thrust, there was my cousin Coco, Cello was there, Spencer, Daisuke just a lot of dangerous guys. I thought I'll do my best give the crowd a show and someone will toss me. And Cello got a a hold of me. I know he's not a popular guy, but he's strong as an ox and he's built out of solid steel, and he's kicking my ass, but I'm actually giving it back to him. Then I get a big assist from Coco, who I didn't even think actually liked me very much, but he helps me knock out Cello, and I just thank him for that.

The crowd gives their cheers for Coco's work with his cousin.

BRANNIGAN
My pulse is racing, my heart is beating, and the fans are chanting, and then I went after Brock. And that's when I said to myself I remember this feeling. I'm in my element. This is my life's work. These are people, this is my territory!

“YYYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAA!”

BRANNIGAN
I resolved to myself I was going to win that rumble, and I even almost won the 24/7 title. But, I didn't. Didn't win the rumble either. Made it to the final five, got knocked out by Tyler.

“BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

BRANNIGAN
But I'm proud of myself. I can stand before you with my head held high. I gave it my all, one hundred percent of me I left in that ring. No regrets. None.

GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE IT TO ME!

“BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Heat and derision greet Tyler Bryant, Lorelei DeCenzo and THE FLEX, a walking torrent of arrogance and scorn, highlighted by the US champion and his sharp sunglasses.

LORELEI
You stand before the crowd with your head held high? You left it all in the ring? Where are these cliches coming from? Are you Charlie Moss now? Why don't you do less walking down memory lane and more of your job. I have a client, and he'd liked to be interviewed. In case you forgot he is the won who won that Rumble, he is the won who will be facing Krista Isadora Duncan for the world heavyweight championshiip at AngleMania fifteen.

“BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

BRANNIGAN
No, no, she's right. Tyler, let's talk. I've never been in an AngleMania mainevent, these people have never been in AngleMania mainevent, but you will be. What are you feeling?

TYLER
What is that I always say, Tony The Body? What a time to be alive!

“BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

TYLER
You've known me for a decade, Tony. Since I was seventeen years old, a skinny rookie being led by a fat manager.

“BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

RENEE
Don't talk about Jade like that!

TYLER
But you knew how good I was back then, didn't you? You knew I was going to be up to something one day. You didn't know what though. Puerto Rican title? X Divison title? Hi-YAH world title? What would I get? How about the United States Title and the World Heavyweight Title.

BRANNIGAN
You're talking like a man who's already won the gold.

TYLER
I have won the gold, Tony The Body. When I was a kid beating The Rock for the WWE world championship I won the gold, because at that moment I decided to be great. Now here I am. Look at the smile on me, look at the shades on me, look at the titles on me. I do not chase girls, but they run a mile for me. I have a team that will ride for me, and buy the tires for me. The other guys I came up with? The J-MAX's, the Biff Atlas', The Dance Dance Dragon's they didn't understand this is a one shot game. Like you said, you take your shot. And if you don't someone will foul you out. Have I done some bad things? No, I've done some terrible things to get where I'm at and I would do far worse. I'm on the top of the world, king of all the dogs. Can Krista take me down? Can anyone take me down? They're welcome try, but every day is a new season, and I'm still breathing.

BRANNIGAN
Those are the words of a confident man. I know those words. This is your money promo, but let's not forget you have a tag team match tonight pitting you and THE FLEX against Krista and Oscar Friberg.

TYLER
Oscar, I'm very mad that I've given you my attention for so long. But you've left me with no options, and that's why you're dealing with THE FLEX, tonight and in the Money In The Bank ladder match. He's going to make you go insane, but at the end of that insanity, when you finally see the light, you'll realize you're just not main event material. Krista, as for you, you know I'm not the Tyler you once knew. I'm the Tyler I always knew. If you wanna really meet him I dare you leave the gal pals behind. No Alix, no Queen Esther, not even Jade and Maya. Come meet the real me, The Tyler with the Midas touch, The Serial Thriller, the future world champion of the OAOAST. What a time to be alive.

“Rising Up” plays once more as the fans have no choice but to look at the hated heel trio pose with smug triumph.

[Chanel #99]

*** Al Houd, Phecda & OAOAST 6-Man Tag Champions The Playmakers & Brock Ausstin w/ Rick Heyross vs. Blaine Cayley, Spencer Reiger, "King of Bronies" Daisuke Motozaki & The Party Brigade w/ Amberlyn Duncan & Samantha Cayley ***

Nights away from teaming with fellow Pretty Young Money members Melissa Nerdly and Anastasia in a 8 person mixed tag against Blaine, Spencer, Gloss and Samantha at AngleMania XV, Al Houd and Phecda found themselves in 10 man tag action teaming with OAOAST 6-man tag champs The Playmakers and Brock Ausstin. A fast paced affair that had the OAOAST Galaxy on the edge of their seats but ended in controversial fashion when, late in the match after a pier-six brawl erupted, MELISSA NERDLY appeared ringside to trip up Spencer. 

SPENCER
 

MELISSA
 

When Spencer turned his attention back to the match Phecda nailed him with the Polish Hammer for the 1-2-3.

MELISSA
 

Winners: Al Houd, Phecda, Brock Ausstin The Playmakers, via pinfall. 

[Chanel #99]

When we return from break from the match, Pretty Young Money are still in the ring and are ready to speak to the world.

MELISSA
Ya'll might be wondering why we're still in the squared circle and all. And its because I got words that need to be said and if ya'll don't hear em I'm gonna burst.

PHECDA
Speak to us, Melissa.

AL HOUD
Your gospel is all we need to proceed.

PHECDA
Proceed down the path you have chosen for us. Blessed are we.

RENEE
I hope she's saying her prayers for AngleMania, especially after what just happened.

MELISSA
A lot of ya'll folk are dumb. Not all, but I'd say most of ya'll are slow.

“BBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

MELISSA
Now, hold on, ain't nothing wrong with being slow now. Forest Gump was slow and he won an Oscar a long time ago.

COACH
I feel old.

MELISSA
Ben Stiller was slow in Tropic Thunder, and I ain't seen too many slow people around film lately, but they're gonna be back. And all ya'll slow folk, well Jesus is gonna make sure you get to heaven riding on a rainbow.

PHECDA
The kidness you display...

AL HOUD
They do not deserve it.

MELISSA
Maybe they don't. But they ain't like Spencer, willfully malicious against me. Or like Blaine, an outright lunatic, or like Sammi a stuck up schemer, or like Gloss...the less said about that demon the better. The only sin against god ya'll ever committed is doubting me and my backup singer, Anastasia Violetta. Not questioning our singing talents, I know ya'll adore us. But, you say we ain't worthy of being the women's tag team champions. Ya'll say it on Twitter, ya'll say it on Instagram, ya'll say it on the street, and ya'll say it in church. In the lord's house! My home is the right hand of Christ, and you are offending my landlord!

RENEE
Yikes, is this sermon ever gonna end?

MELISSA
I demand something be done about the lack of respect, and the lack of human decency displayed to our women's tag title reign.

I spent these waking hours waiting for the sandman

I spent these waking hours looking for his master plan

I’ll wait ‘til morning ‘til he comes to my house

And he’ll give no warning when he’s knocking me out

 

So sing me to sleep tonight

And don’t bring me back to life

 

I spend these waking hours waiting for the sandman

I spend these waking hours looking for his master plan

He will be sorry when he comes to my house

I’ll show no mercy ‘til the lights go out

RENEE
Hey! Hey!

The fans erupt with cheers as Sleeping Beauty December Belle appears on the entrance stage with microphone in hand.

DECEMBER
Hi, Melissa.

MELISSA
December? Ain't this a hoot and a holler, the girl who ditched Pretty Young Money to join a whore house has interrupted me.

ANASTASIA
What do you want, December? This is our moment!

DECEMBER
Oh, sorry, I'll leave.

ANASTASIA
Oh...okay. Good. Thank you.

DECEMBER
No, wait I should stay. I'm riding a high after SluttyMania Two. I won the ejaculation chamber and the women's money in the bank contract, and I sodomized Tanner.

MELISSA
Good god almighty, you're proud of committing the number one sin in the good book!

DECEMBER
Isn't murder worse? As far as I know I haven't killed anyone. I think.

ANASTASIA
Again, December what are you doing?

DECEMBER
What am I doing? That's a good question. What AM I doing? Oh I know, I was gonna help you with your lack of tag title respect problem. Is that cool?

PHECDA
It is too late.

AL HOUD
Tainted are you.

PHECDA
The devil smiles on you. Melissa does not.

MELISSA
Exactly. You left PYM, and you can stay out!

DECEMBER
I want to rejoin PYM? I didn't know that.

MELISSA
You...December, you manage to be stupider than a hen in a track suit!

DECEMBER
Thanks.

MELISSA
That weren't a compliment!!! Get outta here!

DECEMBER
I can't.

MELISSA
Why not?

DECEMBER
Why not? Another good question. Hmmm. Hmmmm. Ah, I remember, I was going to cash in my women's money in the bank contract.

MELISSA
And which one of us looks like Gretchen?

DECEMBER
Ah, no, you have it wrong. I mean for the women's tag titles.

“YYYYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAA!”

RENEE
Bombshell. Dropped!

MELISSA
You're fooling around!

DECEMBER
I'm too lazy to work on my sense of humor. I even got a tag partner. Which is important. She told me to say a bunch of stuff about her, and a lot of it involved anal sex innuendo, but I dozed off midway through her instructions, so I'll skip to the end. Meet my Mardi Grass Ass Wrecking Crew partner....Bobbi. Yay.

Night falls!

DARKER EACH TIME!

Let me tell you a story

You turn over to sleep

I hold my breath till the morning

 

1000 Nights!

And I'm still crying!

1000 Nights!

And I'm still trying!

1000 Nights!

And I'm still crying!

1000 Nights!

And I'm still trying!

 

Ooooohhhh!

I don't know what to do to please you!

Ooooohhhh!

I don't know what to do to please you!

Though December's introduction leaves plenty to be desired the fans make up for it, roaring with glee for the arrival of Bobbi Cheesecake!

COACH
Two Sunrays hooking up to wreck some ass? That ain't fair to Melissa!

RENEE
Oh when it comes to Melissa then fair applies?

Melissa begs off, urges the arriving Earl Hebner to call this off, but alas there's no escape and we have a match!

***OAOAST Women's Tag Titles: Pretty Young Money (Melissa Nerdly and Anastasia Violetta) Vs The Mardi Gras Ass Wrecking Crew (December Belle and Bobbi Cheesecake)***

Melissa refused to give up her belt and tried to use it as a weapon to take out December. But Sleeping Beauty caught her arm and delivered a Rock Bottom!

RENEE
Dad has to be so proud.

COACH
When December is your kid, I think you're proud if she gets up before noon.

But unlike dear old dad, December only got a two count, and Melissa rolled away to tag Anastasia. The two fair skinned Hotties went through a series of holds and chain wrestling, before Bobbi got a blind tagged. The duo hit a double team which involved a body slam then a pair of headbutts to the Russian Hottie's rear end!

RENEE
Ass Wrecking indeed!

Bobbi spent some time choking Anastasia, until the Violet Shark fought out with elbows. She took over the match, trying to submit Bobbi with some arm work. But Bobbi showed just how sore her arm was by grabbing a helping of Anastasia's tight butt and parading her about the ring.

BOBBI
I don't normally go for Eastern European girls, but if they're all like this I'll take a communist revolution up the Kremlin's butt!

Anastasia had to tag Melissa in, though Melissa had no desire to enter. Bobbi got a little too cocky though, and a delayed fall away slam was countered into a neckbreaker. After that Melissa hit a cross arm lungblower to disgust the crowd and earn a two count.

COACH
Achy Breaky Back almost got it done, and Melissa needs to end this quick. No need for a long match just days before AngleMania.

Anastasia and Melissa tried to isolate Bobbi and work over her back, but Asscake proved a lot tougher than they envisioned. The worse came when she bashed their butts together in glorious ass to ass splendor!

RENEE
The noggin knocker with an OAOAST twist!

With Melissa and Anastasia tending to their sore tushies, Bobbi was able to get the tag to December. Anastasia was up first and charged but got hit with Rock style spine buster from Sleeping Beauty. Luckily for Anastasia, Melissa was there to hit her with a spinning heel kick. She pounded on December with stomps, until Bobbi come along and lariated them both out of the ring!

COACH
Bobbi can throw a mean lariat. Lariatcake!

RENEE
No, Coach. No.

December and Anastasia brawled inside while Bobbi and Melissa duked it out on the outside. Melissa was able to get rid of Bobbi, by grabbing a fan's coke and throwing it in her face to blind her!

“BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

RENEE
Of all the dirty tricks!

COACH
You're right, them shits ain't cheap.

RENEE
Well, that's not what I meant, but good point anyway.

Melissa is passed the title belt by Phecda which has the crowd howling in rage. But their prayers for a savior are answered as SAMMI and GLOSS run down and mob Melissa! In fact they do more than stomp her out, Gloss gives her a blood bath.

GLOSS
A period blood bath!

SAMMI
Tell me you're joking.

GLOSS
That's for me to know and no one to never find out, sweetums!

Even Phecda and Al Houd are reticent to help Melissa, and so she stays on the floor, soaked in (period) blood as she watches December hit Anastasia with an F-5 into a rock bottom!

RENEE
Wake Me Up When December Ends!

And Melissa sheds plenty of tears as the pinfall is counted and the titles change hands!

Winner: The Mardi Gras Ass Wrecking Crew, via pinfall

DECEMBER
(musical)
Victory, victory.

Fortunately for the video editing guys who have to make a highlight of this, Bobbi's celebration is much more animated and an engaging. Of course there's plenty of material with Melissa throwing a histrionic fit as Al Houd and Phecda debate which one has to help her to the back.

RENEE
This is not the way you wanna go into AngleMania if you're Pretty Young Money. Melissa is going to be reduced to a meme.

COACH
She can take the heat off Jordan.

RENEE
Well, tonight is really about the Ass Wrecking Crew! Rock Bottoming and butt humping their way to the tag team titles. Its a new day in the women's tag division, Coach.

COACH
Hopefully it ends with Melissa getting justice. If she needs a shoulder to cry on, I have a penis.

RENEE
Yipes!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

Inside the state of the art interview lounge, Sara Jean is ready to catch up with TurboWolf.

SARA JEAN
Hey, everybody, Sara Jean here with the one and only TurboWolf. Turbo, you have a big chance to put your name in the history books, with a 24/7 title win at AngleMania fifteen. But first you have to beat Gory Dragan.

TURBOWOLF
I saw Gory looking past me back to his past, and that's gonna be a problem for him at AngleMania. I got my baggage too, but I got my goals, and I won't be weighed down by anything I done in my past. AngleMana is my night-

COCO
Already, poorly said.

Sara Jean and a frustrated TW turn to see Conan arrive with a glass of wine in hand.

TURBOWOLF
Man, what do you want?

COCO
Man? Who is man? I am Conan “Coco” Chanel, your superior in every way. It seems wise of Gory to ignore you.

TURBOWOLF
Why's that?

COCO
After all if I'm in the 24/7 title match I'm the threat. The only threat.

TURBOWOLF
Your in the match now?

COCO
That's what I said. And your chances of victory have been reduced to zero. Good-bye.

Off Coco goes, and TW goes in the other direction, fuming.

[Chanel #99]

In a special "AngleMania Minute" feature we heard comments from Hood Again/Uncle Moe/Lancel Locke, Slaughterhouse, the 3 Amigos, Big IQ and OAOAST tag champions the Christ Air Express hyping their respective AM XV matches. 

How could all those people get something in word wise in just 60 seconds you wonder? 'Cause the CAE didn't actually speak! Instead they blew smoke (from their joint) at the camera after Big IQ promised to take home the gold at AM.

***Krista Isadora Duncan W/Queen Esther & Oscar Friberg Vs THE FLEX & Tyler Bryant W/Lorelei DeCenzo***
Krista was very warm to the handsome Oscar, massaging his abs, rubbing his shoulders, and finally rubbing her tits against his back!

RENEE
Hey, she's got a good future at an Asian massage parlor!

THE FLEX was mad jelly of Oscar, but Tyler put on a stoic front. As it was, he and Oscar started the match. The US Champion worked over his arm, but Oscar came through and fought back until THE FLEX slashed him with a lariat!

KRISTA
Now come here and let mama kiss it all better.

And the big boob bimbo kind of did that by making out with Oscar in their corner!

COACH
Them care first clinic's should offer service like that.

Again THE FLEX was irate, but got suckered into Krista's cross body block. But he got some of the good as slutty Krista twerked that MILF ass on his face while winking at Tyler.

RENEE
Tyler is all focused on AngleMania right now.

After some back and forth action between the parties (with Krista and Tyler not really coming to blows), Krista seemingly got isolated by a more focused FLEX. But when he saw her camel toe, he lost his shit to his horniness and Krista was able to crawl to her corner to tag in Oscar. Tyler decided to tag himself in, and he and Oscar had a good showing. It was the number one contender with the victory as  he put down Oscar with the 0 to 100 TKO!

Winner: Tyler Bryant and THE FLEX, via pinfall

Tyler tried to beat down Krista for the second week in a row, but this time Krista was well prepared for him and after slapping him up tossed him over the ropes and out of the ring. Tyler was forced to retreat with his allies as Krista hung back and gave him an earful.

RENEE
Ladies and gentlemen, we will see you at AngleMania fifteen live from Philadelphia!