OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 2/28/2016

[Chanel #99]

OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-
BROADCAST IN OAOAST HD AND 3D

 

RENEE
The action is hot on HeldDOWN~! I am Renne Young with America's bald icon, Da Coach, and we get things rolling with a huge tag match!

*** VICE vs. OAOAST United States Champion Tyler Bryant (w/ THE FLEX & Lorelei DeCenzo) & OAOAST World Champion Krista Isadora Duncan ***

Not one afraid to call her own shots Krista got the tag match she wanted with Tyler as her partner. But the feeling wasn't mutual and Tyler let it be known sarcastically offering to let Krista start the match. 

TYLER
(to Krista) 
Ladies' first.

QUEEN ESTER

KRISTA
Nope. He's mine, sister. 

And with that Krista took Ester behind Sofa Central where Papa Duncan was seated. She sat Ester hard on Papa Duncan's lap...

QUEEN ESTER
Oh dear!

PAPA DUNCAN
 

... and told her to enjoy the art of seduction. As Krista re-entered the ring she did a series of leg stretches and squats meant to titillate Tyler but it only worked up Bosley who HOWLED at the top of his lungs and charged forward like a dog in heat. Krista would fend him off and shake her booty hoping to drive Tyler (rocking his shades on the apron cool as a cumber) wild, but it only brought unwanted attention from CPA.

COACH
You know a brother can't resist a hot blonde. Especially a big titty one!

Krista took care of business and oiled her chest. 

QUEEN ESTER
(bouncing on Papa Duncan's lap, clapping) 
Ooh! Glistening!

PAPA DUNCAN

But again Krista doesn't get the reaction she wants from Tyler so she removes his shades and stuffs her titties in his face!

KRISTA
BAM!

Tyler acts like he's in a trance and follows Krista inside. 

LORELEI
 

KRISTA
Ha! I knew it! Same ol' Tyler.

Suddenly Tyler throws a Yakuza kick... but Krista ducks and Bosley gets drilled! 

COACH
AAH!

KRISTA
 
Tyler! I'm very disappointed. That was intended for me. 

Tyler motions he was "this close." Krista nods and then fires a Yakuza kick of her own... but Tyler ducks and CPA gets blasted!

Tyler's all "shame, shame, shame" while Krista's all "meh, next time". A booty shaking moonsault leads to the 1-2-3, but not before Krista checked one last time to see if the old Tyler still existed. He did not. 

Winners: Tyler Bryant & Krista Isadora Duncan, via pinfall.

So excited for Krista's victory Queen Ester bounces like crazy on Papa Duncan's lap while hugging him tightly around the neck. The look on Papa Duncan's face as the blood rushes through his body tells the story. As Ester climbs over the barrier to rejoin Krista Papa Duncan hurries to unbuckle his belt to let his boner breathe, although its urge for freedom results in an unexpected release of bodily fluid that lands on Coach's shiny bald head!

PAPA DUNCAN
 

COACH
 

Papa D spits on Coach's head and pretends to give it a shine. 

PAPA DUNCAN
Glistening! 

COACH
Weird old fuck. 

PAPA DUNCAN
 
Hey. I nutted on your head. 

COACH
 

[Chanel #99]

The Sunrise Offices are our scene where Bobbi and Annagret and Jade are sat in front of Maya who is covered in rags and made herself up to look inhumanly pale and sickly.

BOBBI
Maya, my brunette goddess, you don't look so hot!

ANNAGRET
You do look hot, but you look ill.

BOBBI
Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant! Yeah!

MAYA
Girls.

Maya puts her acting skilz to work and starts crying.

MAYA
I don't know how to say this. But I have cancer! Me! Dying in the prime of my life! Before I ever got to make racist remarks on Twitter and apologize on IG with emjois!

JADE
Oh god! Oh god! My sister! My loveable sister, who is my everything. Noooooooo! Goooooddddd whhhyyyyyyyyyyyy?

MAYA
Jeez, calm down. I mean, thank you for sympathy.

BOBBI
Listen up, right now! Cancer is one hundred percent due to stress!

MAYA
That's not medically accurate.

BOBBI
And you dumb bunnies have been causing Maya nothing but stress. So you're outta here! There's one person taking care of Maya and that's me. I'll feed her, I'll bathe her and I'll finger her butt hole!

MAYA
Hmmm, that sounds actually okay.

ANNAGRET
Chill out, Spzacake, you're gonna make your forehead vein stand out even more.

BOBBI
What forehead vein!?! I need a mirror!

ANNAGRET
Ugh. I've got Maya covered, I'll bathe her, finger her butt hole, and suck her titties.

MAYA
Wow, that sounds even better.

JADE
No! I won't stand for it! Maya is my sister, we were in the womb together!

MAYA
We're twins now.

JADE
If any one will care for her needs its going to be family. Her sister will be the one, feeding, bathing her, fingering her asshole, sucking her titties and feed her asshole a strap on!

MAYA
The whopper has been unleashed! But, no, this isn't working at all. And something tells me-

Bobbi slaps Jade,

MAYA
Its about to get violent. So I'm just gonna duck and cover under Megan's desk while you guys kill each other again.

And Maya does just that as we hear the sounds of three Hotties fighting over her.

TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT
SUGAR BELLEFLAIR VS GRETCHEN WRIGHT
TONIGHT!

[Chanel #99]

TO THE BACK~!, where we see a LIVE! shot split-screen of OAOAST Hall of Famer Terry Taylor gathered with Big IQ at the world famous interview lounge and The Playmakers taping up/lacing their boots in the locker room. In the background All XFL Team General Manager Rick Heyross knots his tie in front of the mirror. 

RENEE
When HeldDOWN~! returns, interviews with tonight's Morrison Conference Finals teams... The Playmakers and Big IQ!

As we're set to break OAOAST correspondent Sara Jean Underwood enters the locker room... only to be THROWN OUT by the Playmakers. 

MOSS
No women inside the players locker room.

SARA JEAN
 

BENJAMIN
You heard the man. Out.

HEYROSS
 

* COMMERCIAL *

Originally scheduled to interview Big IQ at the world famous backstage lounge, Terry Taylor instead found himself speaking to The Playmakers and Rick Heyross after they kicked Sara Jean out of the players locker room, which they described as "scared ground" where modern day warriors prepare for battle, thus is "no place for a lady" according to Moss.

HEYROSS
Once again the galaxy's greatest tag team find themselves opposite Big IQ in a pressure setting. And like the last time they met -- during The Challenge of 2015 -- Charlie Moss and Quentin Benjamin will defeat Mr. Wright and Mr. Quiz yet again. 

BENJAMIN
It's just what we do. 

Terry tossed things to Sara Jean at world famous interview lounge with Big IQ who, unlike the Playmakers, were more than okay speaking to her. Maybe a little too okay in Ice Quiz's case. The King of Hip Hop invited Sara Jean to Big IQ's "Game of Ice" cause they were "gonna chill" the Playmakers. CW then said some words, all of which were big so Ice Quiz translated it to "real talk" so about 50 words got summarized into 5...

ICE QUIZ
We're gonna beat your ass!

SARA JEAN
 

[Chanel #99]

OAOAST SPINEBUSTER OF THE WEEK~!

HeldDOWN~!
Last Week 

THE FLEX defeats Tanner Neptune. 

Then courtesy of OAOAST SYN, in a bit filmed in the Team SCREAM dressing room shortly following the aforementioned match, Tanner apologizes to the group for putting their Anderson Cup chances in jeopardy a week before their Jannetty Conference Final match against The American Idols. 

TANNER
My emotions got the best of me. 

THE DOLL
What? No! You don't owe them a apology, Tan. That big brute tried to take something precious and you fought for me. I mean you lost... and that's bad... 

TANNER
 

THE DOLL (CONT'D)
... but you still have me -- and that's good! 

TANNER
 

OSCAR
She's right buddy. You did what you had to do. And when you mess with one of us...

JO-JO & BTK
... you mess with ALL of us. 

OSCAR
Because we're a team. All for one...

TEAM SCREAM
... and one for all!

The SOTW led directly to our next bout of the evening.

*** Anderson Cup Jannetty Conference Finals: The American Idols w/ Taylor Swift's Bae vs. Tanner Neptune & Jo-Jo Whoa *** 

Looking to make up for putting his team chances in jeopardy last week, Tanner came out strong taking on both Idols, but the top rudo fraction of the ARRIBA promotion had an ace up their sleeve in the form of Taylor Swift's Bae who interfered on their behalf. 

RENEE
UNH! He has a face you just want to punch! 

When TSB did so again late in the match, it brought OSCAR FRIBERG... and THE FLEX who decided to POST the leader of Team SCREAM!

TAYLOR SWIFT'S BAE
 

COACH
Yeah! That's what Oscar gets for sticking his beak in other people's business!

Jo-Jo rushed to Oscar's aid only to be jumped by the Idols. Once he was neutralized they turned their attention to Tanner, jokingly taking a number as they did a number on him. But when it came time to drop The Trump Card, Tanner wiggled free and shoved the Idols into each other. Tanner then knock "Back Alley Lover" Rodrigo Larkins out to the floor, leaving himself in the ring with KC Roach. Although TSB would once again play a role as Rodrigo feigned (in a way over the top matter) a leg injury to distract the ref. 

RENEE
Oh, come on!

Having slammed KC and gone up top, Tanner had his feet grabbed by TSB, providing KC the time to recover. A superplex followed... as did a TOP ROPE SEATED SENTON by CHICK of the 3 Amigos!

COACH
What the heck?

TAYLOR SWIFT'S BAE & RODRIGO
 

Chick patted Tanner on the rear then placed him on top as MARIACHI and JUICY CANTU-SI appeared out of nowhere to keep TSB from jumping in. The only hope for the Idols at this point was Rodrigo, but in his rush to breakup the pin he tripped on the ropes and was too late!

Winners: Tanner Neptune & Jo-Jo Whoa, via pinfall.

Post-match Tanner and Jo-Jo celebrated with the 3 Amigos.

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

OAOAST Reactor
A hard day of practice is over, and...

ISABELLA SPEZIA VILLAGROSSA is exiting the ring for the day, when she's approached by none other than Silver.

ISABELLA
Hmmmm? What's up?

SILVER
Hello! My name is Silver!

ISABELLA
What a funny name! My name is Isabella.

SILVER
Isbabella Spezia-Villagrossa?

ISABELLA
How did you know?! Oh my god are you like the Long Island psychic?

SILVER
I wish I was. I am just lowly Silver, a pathetic man, wasting oxygen and ruining people's lives by existing.

ISABELLA
Don't say things like that! It's god's job to make you feel inferior not yours. So, smile.

SILVER
If only I could be like you, a true bastion of dignity and blessings, like all Spezias are.

ISABELLEA
That's the thing. I may be the daughter of former LA Mayor Villagrossa. But mom doesn't wanna pay for the DNA test, and Daddy Spezia is in the slammer, Alix told me its for rescuing fairies from the orc king. Damn orc king!

SILVER
But, you are Alix's sister and you share her light of hope and joy. Please, let me be close to you. Be my valet.

ISABELLA
Okay, give me your car keys.

SILVER
Maybe the valet idea isn't going to work. Let me at least touch you. Your sister hates me, but let me have some of your hope and light rub off on me, so that your sister can see I'm of true spirit and only want her to be this world's guiding heart. Please let me help your sister.

ISABELLA
Why touch when you can kiss!

Isabella plants a kiss on Silver's cheek!

SILVER

Thank you.

[Chanel #99]

The situation last week between Melissa Nerdly and Samantha Cayley is recapped. Then we see video courtesy of OAOAST SYN where Melissa says she did the Lord's work striking down Sammi for "hateful remarks" weeks back and "let's not forget, very sinful behavior". She was then confronted by Sammi's brother and more Blaine. 

MELISSA
Hmm, let me guess. Satan herself sent you? (Referring to Gloss, the longtime thorn in Melissa's side)

BLAINE
Pain. And it's pain you and your goons will feel.

MELISSA
 
You've come to threaten me? Me?! You sure gotta lotta nerve mister. Just reinforces my belief the world is a terrible place due to men like you.

BLAINE
(smiles sadly)
There are no men like me.

[Chanel #99]

When we return from break we find Molly Nerdly, clad in black capris and a tank top in the ring.

MOLLY
If you're wondering why I'm in the ring by myself and not with Simon, its because I need answers. Just like all of you, I have a need right now to hear from my sister Morgan Nerdly.

I wouldn't hold my breath if I was you
Cause I'll forget but I'll never forgive you
Don't you know, don't you know?
True friends stab you in the front!

For the first time in years and I mean years, Morgan Nerdly receives the ire of the OAOAST Galaxy. Yet as Bring Me The Horizon's “True Friends” plays, Morgan obviously couldn't care less what anyone thinks of her, least of all the sister she stares down in the ring.

RENEE
I still can't get over what we saw last week. It broke my heart.

COACH
Shit, even I had some tears for Maddy.

MORGAN
Is there something you want from me?

MOLLY
Why did you do it?

MORGAN
Do what?

MOLLY
I want an honest answer, why did you attack Madison? She loves you!

MORGAN
But don't you all love me?

MOLLY
Of course, but Madison-

MORGAN
Was always there for me right? At my darkest hour, so I should be indebted to her for the rest of my life.

MOLLY
No one is saying that, but Madison hasn't done anything wrong to you.

MORGAN
She thought she could change the parameters of our new relationship. Maddy, believed by showing me up that it was time for little baby Morgan to go back to depending on big sister Maddy.

MOLLY
That wasn't it!

MORGAN
How do you know?

MOLLY
Well....

MORGAN
Your guess is as good as mine. Its just my guess led me to Shock & Awe our oldest sister, and reestablish the terms of our relationship. I'm the boss now. Buuuutttt, what about you and me? Where are we?

MOLLY
I'm very mad at you right now.

MORGAN
Is that so? You know I could break your neck before I finish doing my nails.

MOLLY

MORGAN
But, you're family, so I'm gonna let this transgression pass. Just don't do it again.

Morgan gives a condescending pat on the shoulder to big sister Molly and then merrily takes off.

COACH
Morgan letting bitches know what time it is!

RENEE
I just feel so bad for Madison. She doesn't deserve this. The whole family doesn't deserve this.

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

***24/7 Title:  Nathaniel Black Vs Gory Dragan***
RENEE
Big Papa Thrust has been banned from ringside for this match which is such the right move its not even funny.

COACH
Yeah, sure, leave Gory to fight a eleven year vet by himself.

Gory decides to do some stalling to start the match with some DDP Yoga!

GORY
Need to limber up. These old bones ain't what they used to be.

RENEE
Old bones? He's twenty one!

Black isn't one for DDP Yoga and chases Gory around ringside. When Gory slides under the apron, he appears on the other side with a STOP SIGN! But then Black comes and gives a front dropkick that knocks it into Gory's face!

“YYYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAA!”

Black takes the stop sign and batters Gory's back, before getting a two count. The Brit then does his own version of stretching, by stretching Gory out. The Mind Freakazoid manages to upend Black from an ankle lock attempt then hits a straight jacket DDT!

RENEE
Unpleasantville!

Gory retrieved a LAPTOP from beneath the ring.

RENEE
That's mine! That's mine!

He swung Renee's computer at Black but missed and Black rocked him with a Black Lariat!

“YYYYYYYEEAAAAAAAAA!”

That only got a two count, and Gory had to deal with Black targeting his neck with a series of head drops. But out came Ohlala to distract Black. But it didn't work as Black continued to torment Gory.

OHLALA
How dare you not look at me?!

Black come off the ropes for another Black Lariat, but this time Gory hammered with a school boy into a superkick!

RENEE
Evidence on Fire!

And then Gory hit the unprettier into a bulldog known as Do Not Go Gentle for a surprise clean win!

Winner: Gory Dragan, via pinfall

Post-match Gory's title retention was celebrated by Big Papa Thrust and his Freakazoids!

[Chanel #99]

Bohemoth was out for a promo, which did not sit well with the crowd. The subject of his discussion was AngleMania, and his lack of a match.

BOHEMOTH
How does THE MAN not have a match on the card?

“BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

BOHEMOTH
I should be in the world title match, not that scrawny punk Tyler and that old hag Krista!

“BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

BOHEMOTH
But I got set up by Sophie and got screwed out any world title match until 2017. But, you can't hold me down. Not me! Especially not me! I'm proposing a Money In The Bank ladder match for AngleMania, and there I will get what I deserve, a world heavyweight championship title shot, and if anyone thinks they can mess with The Man's legacy prepare to get hurt!

RENEE
Wow! We'll have to see what Sophie says about Bohemoth's proposal but that's big.

[Chanel #99]

Backstage Rhaenys and Alysanne are walking down the hallway with Alysanne having to carry Rhaenys' bags. But soon they find just who their looking for in a scissors sharpening, Pierette St.Nerdregard.

RHAENYS
Well, well.

ALYSANNE
Hi, Pierette.

PIERETTE
Oh-ho-ho! A cute collection of South American sisters for my cute Canadian eyes. If only you had penises.

ALSYANNE
Yucky!

PIERETTE
Only kidding, Alys in cum land!

RHAENYS
I suppose you heard the news, there will be an Ejaculation Chamber match at SluttyMania. And the winner gets a shot at whichever women's belt they'd like. Naturally if Alysanne wins she'd chose to tag with me and reclaim our gold. If I win, I haven't made up my mind yet.

ALYSANNE
Take your time!

PIERETTE
I hope she's paying you in angel dust and beer to treat you so crappy dappy. But if we're talking win then If I win-

RHAENYS
You won't

ALYSANNE
She just might. Ya never know!

RHAENYS
She won't. No one but me will win. Both of you should keep that in mind.

Alysanne and Pierette shrug their shoulders and let Rhaenys walk off without much argument.

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

COLIN'S MANSION
BOSTON, MA

The ladies watching get quite a treat as the shredded figure of Colin Maguire JR steps out of the shower, glistening with hotness.

CASSIDY NUMBER TWO
Towel?

CASSIDY NUMBER TWO tosses Colin a towel, not even acknowledging the oddness in her presence.

COLIN
Though I am not unaccustomed to female attention, I tend to lack appreciation for that which comes from my sister's lap dogs.

NUMBER TWO
I believe we have something very important in common.

COLIN
You are wrong.

NUMBER TWO
My sex life is unusual. I dated several of my dad's friends and they have all killed themselves. My last boy friend was obsessed with my eyebrows and threatened to shave them off if he ever sees me again.

COLIN
I do not care.

NUMBER TWO
When I love someone it drives them insane. I wish you to touch my uterus.

COLIN
Cassidy! Cassidy!

Colin storms out of the room, angry as all hell with number two rushing after him. He walks through his expansive mansion, outside only to find that construction is being done on his property with his sister

Cassidy #1 in a hard hat, working as supervisor.

COLIN
What is this? Who are these men?

CASSIDY
These are my Mexicans.

COLIN
Dare I ask what does that mean?

CASSIDY
I'm keeping them on retainer to make buildings for me.

COLIN
Make buildings for you? You mean construction.

CASSIDY
I'm making a sorority house next to your house.

COLIN
At twenty eight years of age unenrolled in any educational institution you intend on joining a sorority? What madness is this? What's more this is my land, I never approved additional buildings. Nor would I for this childish folly.

CASSIDY
I'm older, so dad's land goes to me.

COLIN
You were believed to be dead. Rules of inheritance do not apply, this is my land.

CASSIDY
You're a vampire, you are dead, so rules of inheritance for sure don't apply to you.

NUMBER TWO
Actually your dad is just buried alive, so its still his land.

CASSIDY and COLIN
Stay out of this!

The argument is interrupted by the approach of one of Cassidy's Mexicans.

MEXICAN
Cassidy, Colin..

CASSIDY
Your English is alarmingly good. That disturbs me. Talk worse.

MEXICAN
I would like to arrange a bargain with you.

COLIN
This is no Mexican, Cassidy. What manner of trickery is this?

MEXCIAN
Clever boy. It is your Aunt Regan. I could not approach this hostile territory, and I needed to see you when your mother wasn't present.

CASSIDY
You better reimburse me for the lost labor from demonic possession.

MEXCIAN
That can be included in our terms.

COLIN
What terms? What is this bargain you wish?

MEXCIAN
More of a gamble. At SluttyMania, the wrestling event in Tokyo. Let us put our cards on the table and play for keeps. I will wrestle on a team with Maggie, and Cassidy and your...thing can wrestle on the other side.

NUMBER TWO
She means me.

CASSIDY and COLIN
We know!

MEXICAN
If you win, I shall meet the same fate as your father, buried alive. If my team wins, you will return Leon to me unharmed.

CASSIDY
Deal.

COLIN
Deal?! You would trust this woman to wrestle a clean fight and then uphold her stated stipulations.

CASSIDY
She's desperate. And afraid. I like my odds.

MEXCIAN
Then that's all I need.

The Mexican experiences a swift change over to well being a normal dude.

MEXICAN
Hola?

CASSIDY
Get back to work!

[Chanel #99]

*** Anderson Cup Morrison Conference Finals: The Playmakers w/ Rick Heyross vs. Big IQ ***

Last time these teams met was week 1 of The Challenge, where The Playmakers emerged victorious. A defeat which later came to haunt Big IQ as the head-to-head tiebreaker propelled The Playmakers into the tournament finals. But tonight Big IQ got to avenge that loss and earn a trip to the Anderson Cup Finals when CW made Moss submit to his Sweet Surrender Texas Cloverleaf. 

Big IQ started the match on fire, but the Playmakers eventually isolated Big Quiz, really working over the ribs he injured a few months back. The Playmakers game plan was clear... and it almost worked. At one point Benjamin had Quiz in a Boston Crab mid-ring but that was broken up by CW. So Moss tagged in and reapplied the hold only for CW to break it up once again, leading to another quick tag by The Playmakers and another Boston Crab. You can guess how CW responded. This time he received a warning from the ref. Run in one more time and be disqualified! 

RENEE
You rarely see such a warning, but there is a rule on the books that gives officials authority to disqualify a competitor for excessive saves. 

COACH
Yeah. It's rarely enforced, but like you said, it's in the books to prevent a match from going on forever. 

So when Moss locked Quiz in the Mossy Knoll cloverleaf celebrations began in the Playmakers corner. CW couldn't make the save and Quiz had been severely worn down. But with the OAOAST Galaxy full behind him Ice Quiz gritted his way to the ropes to force a break!

MOSS & BENJAMIN
 

HEYROSS
 

Quiz would soon tag CW, but after a hot entrance the Don of Amor found himself double teamed and eventually set up for a SUPER ROCKER DROPPER! Instead Quiz shoved Benjamin off the top, causing Benjamin to bump into Moss whose momentum allowed CW to take him over in a victory roll... but CW rolled all the way through and applied the Sweet Surrender cloverleaf. Given the pain the Playmakers made Ice Quiz suffer thru CW wanted to share a little with them. 

Winners: Big IQ, via submission.  

[Chanel #99]

Backstage, OAOAST correspondent Sara Jean Underwood spoke with Hood Again who expressed disappoint at Heavy D and Warthog. 

MARCELLUS
You fucks had one job to do and you went and did the WRONG one. 

KAWHI
I had them on my fantasy team. 

MOSES
Now being tag champs is just a fantasy caused they're out of the Anderson Cup. 

OAOAST cameras cut to the ring as Heavy D and Warthog show up with Sonic and CAM. Then suddenly Warthog stiffs Sonic with a vicious lariat! 

COACH
DAYUM~!

Heavy D and Sonic proceed to beat down Sonic as CAM calmly removes his jacket, rolls up his sleeves and pulls out BRASS KNUCKS which he uses to pound Sonic until blood is drawn! 

RENEE
Talk about a lamb being led to slaughter! This was all a setup! But why? 

Warthog and Heavy D constantly sneak a peek at the entryway, as if waiting for something or someone, as CAM continues to wail on an unconscious Sonic. Then a ROAR from the OAOAST Galaxy as HOOD AGAIN storm the ring to finally get them some of Heavy D and Warthog. This also gets CAM to stop what he's doing, but not to help the guys. Instead he uses a handkerchief to clean the knucks and his hands, creepy satisfaction on his face. 

COACH
This shit's outta control! 

Uncle Moe shit talks CAM as his nephews and Heavy D/Warthog continue to trade fire. Then another roar from the OAOAST Galaxy as DEUCE DEUCE BIGELOW and JUMBO appear in a HeldDOWN~! ring for the first time in weeks to help Heavy D and Warthog attack Hood Again!

UNCLE MOE

RENEE
Wait a minute! Was all this just to setup Hood Again? Use Sonic as a sacrificial lamb to lure them into a trap?!

The numbers are too much for Hood Again to handle and they're left laying as OAOAST officials swarm ringside to end the chaos. 

DEUCE
(to Uncle Moe)

[Chanel #99]

Inside Malaysia's makeshift dungeon, Archie is talking on the phone. Whilst wearing a slingshot bikini, which dudes don't normally wear. Sitting on a stool observing this conversation is Malaysia.

ARCHIE
Yes, mom I will be home this weekend, we have those days off. I know that seems odd.

MALAYSIA
Esmeralda, tell your mother you are very happy.

ARCHIE
Mom, I am...happy....yes, thank you. I just wanted to say that.

MALAYSIA
Tell mom your you are my little fag boy and adore me and my needs.

ARCHIE
Mom....
(to Malaysia)
Please don't make me do this.

MALAYSIA
Say it!

ARCHIE
Mom, I have a...Malaysia Nerdly....I am here...WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Outright furious at Archie pussing out, Malaysia grabs hold of his phone and crushes it within her hands, and it ain't a cheap phone either!

ARCHIE
WAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

MALAYSIA
Stop crying!

ARCHIE
I can't! WAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

MALAYSIA
I am trying to be very patient with you, and not tear your smooth fag ass up, Esmeralda.

ARCHIE
Thank you, Mistress Malaysia.

MALAYSIA
But if you won't respond to my methods then it looks like I'll have to bring in an outside party. And I know just the girl. She's electrifying.

TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT
SUGAR BELLEFLAIR VS GRETCHEN WRIGHT
NEXT!

[Chanel #99]

Stand on the bar, stomp your feet, start clapping
Got a real good feeling something bad about to happen

Miranda Lambert's hit song “Something Bad” plays with shimmering lollipops hanging from the ceiling. All this does nothing to make the crowd receptive to the duo of Holly and a robe clad Sugar Belleflair who make their unwelcome appearance. Sugar taunts the crowd with a Flair style twirl, whereas Holly holds up her belt for all to be jealous over

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall, now making her way to the ring, accompanied by the OAOAST Women's Champion, HOLLY, from, Lexington, Kentucky, she is THE NATURE GIRL SUGAR BELLEFLAIRE!

“BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Holly finds her way to the commentary booth yet again, sure to deliver more vulgarities to the world!

COACH
Holly, thanks for joining us. We love you.

RENEE
Don't know about we.

HOLLY
I don't give a (beep) what you think of me, Renee. I'm the champion and I'll leave the Tokyo Dome still the champion.

Oh, I remember when this road was my own
I pray to god, I just don't know anymore
I pray to god, I just don't know anymore
Anymore
I lost the feeling but I try to hold on
I thought the end of a love and what made you strong
I pray to god, I just don't know anymore

HAIM's “Pray To God” hits with flashing red, pink and orange lights all doing their part to work the sold out audience into a frenzy. Toting a parasol and boasting ribbons in her hair, Gretchen arrives with a charming smile, a curtsy and then struts to the ring.

BUFFER
And her opponent, from Alexandria, Virginia, she is the 2016 Lethal Bang winner and the  MONARCH OF POSH  GRETTTCHHEEEEN WRRRRIIIIGGGHTTT!

“YYYYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!“

HOLLY
(beep) this! I should hit her with my belt right the (beep) now. But I promised this squirt Sugar her chance, so I gotta let it play out.

RENEE
Sugar Belleflair won last year's SluttyMania mainevent in case you forogt.

“LET'S GO GRETCHEN! LET'S GO GRETCHEN! LET'S GO GRETCHEN!”

SUGAR
I ain't gonna wrestle unless ya'll cheer me! And if ya'll ain't sincere about it, I'm gonna tell Santa to burn down your grandma's house!

RENEE
This is who you place your faith in, Holly?

HOLLY
She'll get her (beep) together.

Sugar does seemingly get her shit together as she batters Gretchen with knife edge chops. The attacks do enough damage to push Gretchen to the ground, where Sugar smashes her in the back with a harsh kick.

SUGAR
WHOOOOOOOOOO!

“BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

SUGAR
That ain't what I said! Perverts!

RENEE
Perverts? Now she's just throwing out random insults.

The Nature Girl brings Gretchen off her feet and launches her into the corner, then follows in with a splash from her teeny tiny body. Tiny as she may be it still hurts, and Suagr is able to use a hip toss to throw Gretchen to the ground. A cover then occurs....

ONE!

 

An easy kickout!

Steaming mad over the failed count, Sugar hurls the Alexandria native into the ropes and lowers her head to try a back body drop. But, The Monarch of Posh returns to punt her in the chest, shooting her upward!

SUGAR
Ah! That hurt! I wanna go home!

Well Sugar doesn't go home, and instead gets pulled intoa  small package...

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

Kickout!

SUGAR
I wanna go home, but I don't wanna go home cause I lost!

HOLLY
(beep)ing hell.

RENEE
I told you.

Sugar rolls to her feet and gets seized on by Gretchen, who seeks out a back suplex. Using her agility Sugar is able to back flip out the hold, which makes her think she's hot shit. But Gretchen reaches back and uses a stunner to surprise her. The Kentucky staggers about and then gets rocked with a lethal superkick!

“SUPER KICK TEA PARTY!” the fans yell.

GRETCHEN
Though your birth and social status means you shall never be in the same gathering as me, I do appreciate the thought.

SUGAR
There isn't anyone who wants to gather with a pig tickler like you except dirty thinking pigs!

Feeling her oats, Suagr fakes a lockup and goes behind Gretchen with a waistlock. But as she starts to lift her up, Gretchen fires off round of elbows to break the hold.

HOLLY
(beep) her up! She's trying to steal my man!

COACH
That's right!

RENEE
That's not right!

On her feet. Suagr lunges at Gretchen with a lariat. This move is countered by the Monarch of Posh who twists Sugar into a hammerlock then rolls her onto the ground and hooks her for a pin and referee Nunzio counts...

ONE!

 

TWO!

Kickout!

RENEE
Gretchen is showing those Wright wrestling skills.

HOLLY
The Wrights are all (beep)ing chokers and losers. You wanna bet on Gretchen? Be my guest to lose some money.

Gretchen puts herself off the ropes, but runs into a dropkick from a resurrgent Sugar. The blow hits Gretchen in the chest and pushes her back into the ropes, who spew her back into Sugar's jumping stunner!

“OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!”

RENEE
Alarm Belle!

SUGAR
WHOOOOOO~! LOOKING HOTTER THAN YOUR STINKWAD GIRLFRIENDS!

RENEE
What's a stinkwad?

HOLLY
A stinkwad is the bitch coming to try and ass (beep) my husband!

RENEE
Now you think she's gonna peg him!

Sugar takes hold of Grethcen and launches her through the ropes to put her out of the ring. Out of the ring and directly in front of the announce desk.

HOLLY
This kid isn't so bad after all.

Holly sits up from the announce desk, and proceeds to launch a heaping of spit onto the Alexandria native.

“BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOO!”

RENEE
Holly! That was way uncalled for!

HOLLY
That was exactly called for. (beep) everything about this rich bitch.

Though humliated and covered in Holly's spittle, Gretchen returns to the fight and crawls back into the ring. She's seized upon by Sugar, who batters her with stomps then pulls her upright. There's a lot of spunk left in Gretchen and I don't mean the sexual kind and she slams forearms into Sugar's face. Weakening the former women's champion, Gretchen grabs hold of her into a front facelock. But Sugar slips out a DDT effort and goes to the back to hit an inverted DDT onto her outstretched knee! As the crowd frets over Gretchen's health a cover is made and referee Nuznio makes the count....

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

 

Gretchen with the kickout!

“LET'S GO GRETCHEN! LET'S GO GRETCHEN! LET'S GO GRETCEHN!”

Backstage we find Logan sipping Effen Vodka and watching this match while TOUCHING HIMSELF.

RENEE
Okay, how are you gonna blame Gretchen for that? Let's hear it.

HOLLY
Easily, that bitch got one of the withces, probably Cassidy, to cast a spell on my husband. (beep) her and (beep) you!

COACH
I'm on your side, Holly, and if you need a lap to cry on I have one. One equipped with a penis.

Taking hold of Sugar's neck, the dirtiest Hottie in the game cinches in a reverse chinlock that has Gretchen howling in pain.

“LET'S GO GRETCHEN! LET'S GO GRETCHEN! LET'S GO GRETCEHN!”

SUGAR
Let's go to the mud hole with the rest of stinky pig ticklers! Cause that's where she belongs! Stinkin pig tickler!

There is no quit in Gretchen Wright, and the Lethal Bang winner makes an impassioned fight to her feet. Elbows slam into Sugar and do their part to win Gretchen her freedom. Panicked, Sugar tries to capture Gretchen with another inverted facelock. But this time, the rich Hottie snapmares her foe over. Hurried does Sugar get to her feet, but gets flung into the air with a  flap jack while being drilled with a curb stomp on the way down!

“YYYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

RENEE
Noble Pursuit!

The cover...

CROWD
ONE!

 

CROWD
TWO!

 

Sugar makes the kickout!

“BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOO!“

GRETCHEN
Now, now, you may be lowborn but there is no need to make guttural noises in public. Pride is not limited to class.

RENEE
Sometimes its a wonder how popular she is.

Gretchen loads up another superkick, and when Sugar rises she sends it her way. But Sugar grabs hold of Gretchen's boot and swings her around for a 360 roation and then levels Gretchen with a superkick of her own!

“OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!”

SUGAR
Awwwwwwwww yeah! I'm the hottest girl in this arena, and I got the cutest dimples and if you don't think so you can suck rotten eggs!

RENEE
I think my dimples are pretty cute.

Sugar decides to go to a Flair staple and starts to tangle Gretchen into a figure four...

RENEE
Oh no!

But Gretchen uses her legs to push Sugar against the corner posts. Trapped in the corner, poor Sugar is blasted by a running dropkick from the Monarch of Posh! Pained Sugar staggers out and gets hit with a northern lights suplex into a bridge!

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

A kickout!

Sugar rolls to her feet, looking decidedly fearful over the possibility of losing this match. She rushes to the ropes and flings herself at Gretchen with a sunset flip. Yet Grethcen rolls through the hold, and manages to bring Sugar upright with her. From there she stuns Sugar and Holly with a fisherman's gordbuster!

“YYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

RENEE
Just Charge It!

As the fans, and Logan, celebrate, Gretchen makes the crucial cover....

CROWD
ONE!

 

CROWD
TWO!

 

CROWD
THREE!

DING DING DING

BUFFER
Your winner as a result of a pinfall....GRETCHEN WRIGHT!

Not even a moment passes after the winning announcement, Holly slams her title belt into the back of Gretchen's head!

“BBBBBOOOOOOOOOO!”

RENEE
Holly, no!

Official Nunzuo does his best to make Holly cease the attack, but for his efforts gets a lethal belt shot!

COACH
Damn, that's a big fine right there!

Money is of no object for Holly, only revenge as she lays in hard and hate filled stomps into Gretchen. But help is on the way thanks to PIERETTE!

“YYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAA!”

Rather than deal with two Hotties, Holly decides to make a quick exit to stage left. But the damage is done, as Gretchen clutches her sore head with Pierette fretting over her condition.

RENEE
Man, Holly did a number on Gretchen!

With belt raised high above her head, Holly walks off triumph and we...

FADE OUT