OAOAST Syndicated

[Tony149]

TV-14
L,V

* DUN DUN DUN DUNNA, DUN DUN DUNNA *

Across a river, over a bunch of mountains, through fields, sweeping past trees and bushes, hovering over the skyline of New York City, the OAOAST logo flies through the air...before sweeping down, brushing past an elderly man who seems understandably shocked to see six over-sized letters fly past him. The logo continues going, nearing a house...which luckily, a woman is leaving, meaning the logo can sweep through the open door, continuing on down the hallfway and into the living room where a young kid is sat on his computer. It sweeps past him, hitting the computer...which explodes with a flash, lighting up much to the kid shock and delight.



THE OAOAST...WHAT THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD IS READING~!

After the opening OAOAST video package, the tempo skids to a halt for the always dramatic cold opening. We are outside the Gund Arena and through the door from the parking lot walks LEON RODEZ, the returning Grand Rapids Golden Child smiling from ear to ear to finally be back in a wrestling arena after four months way. Leon doesn't have to wait long for his welcome back either, as Jade Rodez appears in shot and leaps into her brother's arms. The reknowned ladies man looks only a little embarrassed as he returns the favour.

JADE
Oh God it's so good to see you!

LEON
Oh give it a rest, you only texted me twenty minutes ago. And watch the neck, wouldya?

Jade backs off sheepishly but it's clear Leon is only playing.

Like any good tag team, D*LUX have followed their manager to the ends of the earth (or, the ends of the arena at least) and they shake hands with Leon too, exchanging the welcomes and the 'good to have you back's with their extended network friend. Leon then comes to an abrupt stop, as the welcoming party doesn't end there.

Stood behind the boybanders with arms folded, ZACK MALIBU nods knowingly.

ZACK
Welcome home, buddy.

The former Tag Team Champions embrace, in a strictly friendly way honest.

LEON
Good to see ya man. Surprised you could find the time to drag yourself away from all your enemies.

ZACK
(raises eyebrows)
Tell me about it.

LEON
Well, isn't this sweet.

Leon glances around nervously.

LEON
No sign of...

ZACK
I checked, they haven't arrived yet.

LEON
So, that means they're gonna be here then?

ZACK
Yeah, but don't worry, we've got your back.

Strangely, Leon just laughs.

LEON
That's great, but you've got Sly to worry about. You're in danger of burning out as it is, without playing bodyguard to me in your spare time.

Leon begins to walk off, shaking his head, as the welcoming party watch on.

LEON
Besides, if Alix and Krista are here and start talking to me, the 82nd Airborne themselves wouldn't stop them, let alone you four.

And sooner than you can say 'crossed wires', Zack and D*LUX burst out laughing as Leon swaggers off.

ROLL TITLES!!

"ACROSS THE COUNTRY AND AROUND THE WORLD..."



The OAOAST Syndicated theme song, whatever it is, plays. The OAOAST Syndicated logo fades away, replaced with a shot of the amped up crowd at the Gund Arena in Cleveland, Ohio.

BOOM~!
BOOM~!
BOOM~!
BOOM~!
BOOM~!

The camera pans over the jam packed crowd in the Gund Arena as the OAOAST Syndicated theme song continues playing. The fans are FIRED UP, DAMNIT~! for tonight's show. They hold up their signs and cheer loudly. The following words appear on the top left hand corner of the screen:

CLEVELAND, OHIO

TONY SCHIAVONE (Off-Screen)
It might be 11:30 p.m. where you live! It might be 10:30 or 9:30 p.m.! No matter what time it is, thank you for tuning in for this special Monday night edition of OAOAST Syndicated as we hit a pit stop on the Road To AngleMania!

Pan down to our hosts and announcers for this evening, located as usual on top of the world famous OAOAST Wrestling INTERVIEW STAGE~! The OAOAST Syndicated theme song dies down.



SCHIAVONE
Hello everybody, and welcome to another exciting edition of OAOAST Syndicated! I'm Tony Schiavone, and with me as always is the legendary Jesse "The Body" Ventura, and Jess, tonight is a very special night! Not only is this a special Monday night edition of OAOAST Syndicated, but tonight is also the final match in the Anderson Cup tournament! After an exciting month of action, we have come down to two teams, Los Diablos de Fuego taking on The Enterprise: Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright!

JESSE "THE BODY" VENTURA
I tell ya, Tony Schiavone, there's nothing on Earth better than tag team wrestling! Well, maybe one thing, but there's nothing better to WATCH on Earth than tag team wrestling! Except...well, maybe there's ONE thing!

SCHIAVONE
I get it, Jess. Anyway, Los Diablos de Fuego and The Enterprise. Two teams that have defeated some of the greatest tag teams in OAOAST history. Tonight, one of those teams will become the #1 Contenders to the OAOAST World Tag Team Titles, and that title match will take place at AngleMania VI: Etched In Stone on April 1st! It should be an exciting match-up, and not only that, but "Silky Smooth" Leon Rodez will be joining us on commentary, making his return to the OAOAST after four months on the injured list!

VENTURA
It's great to have Leon back! The OAOAST was a little less silky smooth without him.

SCHIAVONE
Did you spend all night working on that?

VENTURA
I drift in and out.

SCHIAVONE
Somehow I'm not surprised. Anyway fans, before we begin, a special announcement. The scheduled Mask Vs. Hair Match between The Freebird and Scotty Static will NOT be taking place tonight, due to a flight mix up yesterday afternoon. We will also NOT be seeing any footage from the H1 Grand Prix Tournament. The First Round of this tournament took place over the course of this month, and we were supposed to be seeing Danish Dynamite vs. Kenji Kawada AND Mascara Maligna vs. Titanium Insomniac, but that has been postponed, and we will see those two matches at a later date. But not to worry fans, because we've still got FIVE action packed matches for you tonight. In addition to the Anderson Cup Finals, we also got the first Quarterfinals Match In The Tournament For The Vacant OAOAST X-Division Championship as "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican takes on "The Ice Heart" Dan Black. P.R.'s future wife will also be in action as Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez takes on Confusia with the winner to go on to AngleMania VI to take on Ashley Street for the OAOAST Women's Championship. The OAOAST World Tag Team Titles are up for grabs as the champions, Chicks Over Dicks, take on the challengers, The South Central Militia in a Battle Of Los Angeles Match! First time ever this match is happening. A wrestling match inside a real movie studio!

VENTURA
What will the OAOAST think of next?

SCHIAVONE
Plus, for the First Time In A LONG Time, Zack Malibu takes on his former student, Sly Sommers in a No Holds Barred contest!

VENTURA
This is the match Sly Sommers has been waiting for since he first started wrestling! Finally, he'll go one-on-one with his teacher and try to prove that he is the better man once and for all. We've seen Zack and Sommers fight before, but never in a No Holds Barred Match, so who knows what's going to happen when there are no rules!

SCHIAVONE
Zack might have Sly on his mind tonight, but he's also on the Road To AngleMania VI, as he's got that humongous, GIGANTIC OAOAST World Championship Match against "Reckless" Drek Stone coming up at AngleMania VI.

VENTURA
Zack's gotta be careful. This match can take alot out of him, and he might not recover in time for his date with Drek on April 1st! I would play it safe if I were him.

SCHIAVONE
Well, Zack and Sly have a rivalry that goes back years! I somehow doubt that they'll take it easy on each other. Sly wants to prove that the student is better than the teacher, and Zack wants to end this feud for good! I don't think this match will be for the weakhearted.

VENTURA
Yeah. But good thing we're on late, so the young ones are probably asleep right now.

SCHIAVONE
Not my kids. They stay up all night, those lousy, obnoxious brats! Anyway fans, tonight's show will have a HUGE effect on what will take place at AngleMania VI! We're going to end this night with a tournament, but we're ALSO going to start this night with a tournament! The Quarterfinals of the X-Division Title tournament are about to begin with Tha Puerto Rican vs. Dan Black! Let's now go to the ring where Michael Buffer is standing by as we kick things off with our opening match on this very special Monday night edition of OAOAST Syndicated!

VENTURA
Yup!

[Tony149]

TV-14
L,V

* DUN DUN DUN DUNNA, DUN DUN DUNNA *

Across a river, over a bunch of mountains, through fields, sweeping past trees and bushes, hovering over the skyline of New York City, the OAOAST logo flies through the air...before sweeping down, brushing past an elderly man who seems understandably shocked to see six over-sized letters fly past him. The logo continues going, nearing a house...which luckily, a woman is leaving, meaning the logo can sweep through the open door, continuing on down the hallfway and into the living room where a young kid is sat on his computer. It sweeps past him, hitting the computer...which explodes with a flash, lighting up much to the kid shock and delight.



THE OAOAST...WHAT THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD IS READING~!

After the opening OAOAST video package, the tempo skids to a halt for the always dramatic cold opening. We are outside the Gund Arena and through the door from the parking lot walks LEON RODEZ, the returning Grand Rapids Golden Child smiling from ear to ear to finally be back in a wrestling arena after four months way. Leon doesn't have to wait long for his welcome back either, as Jade Rodez appears in shot and leaps into her brother's arms. The reknowned ladies man looks only a little embarrassed as he returns the favour.

JADE
Oh God it's so good to see you!

LEON
Oh give it a rest, you only texted me twenty minutes ago. And watch the neck, wouldya?

Jade backs off sheepishly but it's clear Leon is only playing.

Like any good tag team, D*LUX have followed their manager to the ends of the earth (or, the ends of the arena at least) and they shake hands with Leon too, exchanging the welcomes and the 'good to have you back's with their extended network friend. Leon then comes to an abrupt stop, as the welcoming party doesn't end there.

Stood behind the boybanders with arms folded, ZACK MALIBU nods knowingly.

ZACK
Welcome home, buddy.

The former Tag Team Champions embrace, in a strictly friendly way honest.

LEON
Good to see ya man. Surprised you could find the time to drag yourself away from all your enemies.

ZACK
(raises eyebrows)
Tell me about it.

LEON
Well, isn't this sweet.

Leon glances around nervously.

LEON
No sign of...

ZACK
I checked, they haven't arrived yet.

LEON
So, that means they're gonna be here then?

ZACK
Yeah, but don't worry, we've got your back.

Strangely, Leon just laughs.

LEON
That's great, but you've got Sly to worry about. You're in danger of burning out as it is, without playing bodyguard to me in your spare time.

Leon begins to walk off, shaking his head, as the welcoming party watch on.

LEON
Besides, if Alix and Krista are here and start talking to me, the 82nd Airborne themselves wouldn't stop them, let alone you four.

And sooner than you can say 'crossed wires', Zack and D*LUX burst out laughing as Leon swaggers off.

ROLL TITLES!!

"ACROSS THE COUNTRY AND AROUND THE WORLD..."



The OAOAST Syndicated theme song, whatever it is, plays. The OAOAST Syndicated logo fades away, replaced with a shot of the amped up crowd at the Gund Arena in Cleveland, Ohio.

BOOM~!
BOOM~!
BOOM~!
BOOM~!
BOOM~!

The camera pans over the jam packed crowd in the Gund Arena as the OAOAST Syndicated theme song continues playing. The fans are FIRED UP, DAMNIT~! for tonight's show. They hold up their signs and cheer loudly. The following words appear on the top left hand corner of the screen:

CLEVELAND, OHIO

TONY SCHIAVONE (Off-Screen)
It might be 11:30 p.m. where you live! It might be 10:30 or 9:30 p.m.! No matter what time it is, thank you for tuning in for this special Monday night edition of OAOAST Syndicated as we hit a pit stop on the Road To AngleMania!

Pan down to our hosts and announcers for this evening, located as usual on top of the world famous OAOAST Wrestling INTERVIEW STAGE~! The OAOAST Syndicated theme song dies down.



SCHIAVONE
Hello everybody, and welcome to another exciting edition of OAOAST Syndicated! I'm Tony Schiavone, and with me as always is the legendary Jesse "The Body" Ventura, and Jess, tonight is a very special night! Not only is this a special Monday night edition of OAOAST Syndicated, but tonight is also the final match in the Anderson Cup tournament! After an exciting month of action, we have come down to two teams, Los Diablos de Fuego taking on The Enterprise: Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright!

JESSE "THE BODY" VENTURA
I tell ya, Tony Schiavone, there's nothing on Earth better than tag team wrestling! Well, maybe one thing, but there's nothing better to WATCH on Earth than tag team wrestling! Except...well, maybe there's ONE thing!

SCHIAVONE
I get it, Jess. Anyway, Los Diablos de Fuego and The Enterprise. Two teams that have defeated some of the greatest tag teams in OAOAST history. Tonight, one of those teams will become the #1 Contenders to the OAOAST World Tag Team Titles, and that title match will take place at AngleMania VI: Etched In Stone on April 1st! It should be an exciting match-up, and not only that, but "Silky Smooth" Leon Rodez will be joining us on commentary, making his return to the OAOAST after four months on the injured list!

VENTURA
It's great to have Leon back! The OAOAST was a little less silky smooth without him.

SCHIAVONE
Did you spend all night working on that?

VENTURA
I drift in and out.

SCHIAVONE
Somehow I'm not surprised. Anyway fans, before we begin, a special announcement. The scheduled Mask Vs. Hair Match between The Freebird and Scotty Static will NOT be taking place tonight, due to a flight mix up yesterday afternoon. We will also NOT be seeing any footage from the H1 Grand Prix Tournament. The First Round of this tournament took place over the course of this month, and we were supposed to be seeing Danish Dynamite vs. Kenji Kawada AND Mascara Maligna vs. Titanium Insomniac, but that has been postponed, and we will see those two matches at a later date. But not to worry fans, because we've still got FIVE action packed matches for you tonight. In addition to the Anderson Cup Finals, we also got the first Quarterfinals Match In The Tournament For The Vacant OAOAST X-Division Championship as "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican takes on "The Ice Heart" Dan Black. P.R.'s future wife will also be in action as Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez takes on Confusia with the winner to go on to AngleMania VI to take on Ashley Street for the OAOAST Women's Championship. The OAOAST World Tag Team Titles are up for grabs as the champions, Chicks Over Dicks, take on the challengers, The South Central Militia in a Battle Of Los Angeles Match! First time ever this match is happening. A wrestling match inside a real movie studio!

VENTURA
What will the OAOAST think of next?

SCHIAVONE
Plus, for the First Time In A LONG Time, Zack Malibu takes on his former student, Sly Sommers in a No Holds Barred contest!

VENTURA
This is the match Sly Sommers has been waiting for since he first started wrestling! Finally, he'll go one-on-one with his teacher and try to prove that he is the better man once and for all. We've seen Zack and Sommers fight before, but never in a No Holds Barred Match, so who knows what's going to happen when there are no rules!

SCHIAVONE
Zack might have Sly on his mind tonight, but he's also on the Road To AngleMania VI, as he's got that humongous, GIGANTIC OAOAST World Championship Match against "Reckless" Drek Stone coming up at AngleMania VI.

VENTURA
Zack's gotta be careful. This match can take alot out of him, and he might not recover in time for his date with Drek on April 1st! I would play it safe if I were him.

SCHIAVONE
Well, Zack and Sly have a rivalry that goes back years! I somehow doubt that they'll take it easy on each other. Sly wants to prove that the student is better than the teacher, and Zack wants to end this feud for good! I don't think this match will be for the weakhearted.

VENTURA
Yeah. But good thing we're on late, so the young ones are probably asleep right now.

SCHIAVONE
Not my kids. They stay up all night, those lousy, obnoxious brats! Anyway fans, tonight's show will have a HUGE effect on what will take place at AngleMania VI! We're going to end this night with a tournament, but we're ALSO going to start this night with a tournament! The Quarterfinals of the X-Division Title tournament are about to begin with Tha Puerto Rican vs. Dan Black! Let's now go to the ring where Michael Buffer is standing by as we kick things off with our opening match on this very special Monday night edition of OAOAST Syndicated!

VENTURA
Yup!

[Tony149]

The lights go down in the arena. A Puerto Rican flag appears on the AngleTron. In big white blocky letters, the following words appear on the screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them:

*THE CHAMP IS HERE!*

With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and booing. PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entryway, and strobe lights appear on the entrance set.

SCHIAVONE
And we begin the show with The Corporate Champion!

VENTURA
And a future World's Champion!

A few seconds elapsed, and out from the curtains and through the smoke come "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican with his manager and "Career Consultant" Stephen Joseph Popick. The booing gets louder. PR has an evil smile on his face, playing to the fans. He out stretches his arms. Popick is carrying PRL's black spray-painted briefcase with the Golden Contract inside. Puerto jaws with some fans. He looks at Popick, and the two of them begin their walk to the ring.

*DING DING DING*

MICHAEL BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a Quarterfinals Match in the tournament for the vacant OAOAST X-Division Championship, scheduled for one fall with a thirty-minute TV time limit. Introducing first, coming to the ring at this time. Accompanied to the ring by his manager and "Career Consultant" Stephen Joseph Popick. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. Weighing in at 220 lbs. He is the Man With The Golden Contract. "The Corporate Champion" THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

Chants of "P.R. SUCKS!" fill the arena as PRL and Popick continue their walk to the ring.

SCHIAVONE
We begin the next round in this tournament with two OAOAST veterans. Dan Black, whose been in the OAOAST since 2002, is looking to win the X-Division Title for the first time in his illustrious career. While his opponent, Tha Puerto Rican, who has been in the OAOAST since 2003, looks to do the same.

VENTURA
This could be quite the matchup between these two. Dan Black and PRL are both tremendous athletes, and they can definitely go toe-to-toe. While neither one is what you would think of when you hear the words "X-Division", they can both get off their feet when they want to. I say they are evenly matched.

SCHIAVONE
I say so, Jess. But then again, Dan better be on the look out for The Lightning Crew, and of course Popick will be at ringside!

Tha Puerto Rican climbs the ring steps and gets onto the ring apron. He sneers at the crowd. Popick holds the ropes, and Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans boos while "Know Your Role '99" continues playing over the P.A. system. PRL does the HBK muscle pose while pyro goes off behind him. The crowd is still booing loudly.

VENTURA
I tell ya, Tony Schiavone, things are looking up for Tha Puerto Rican in 2007! He may not be a HI-YAH World Tag Team Champion any longer, but he's going to become the X-Division Champion at AngleMania VI, AND he's going to marry Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez! And don't forget, he still has his guaranteed World Title shot in that briefcase! Things are looking up for The Corporate Champ!

PRL grabs his briefcase and heads to a second turnbuckle, where he raises the briefcase over his head. He then heads to another second turnbuckle and raises the briefcase over his head again. PR hits a third second turnbuckle and raises the briefcase with his right hand and "smells the electricity" a'la The Rock.

SCHIAVONE
Well, before he can win the X-Division Title, he must beat 3 more men, starting with Dan Black tonight! But everything else is true. Things are going smoothly for Tha Puerto Rican right about now.

VENTURA
And Tony, Lindsay Gonzalez is gonna wrestle later tonight, and if she wins, she's going to AngleMania VI to challenge for the Women's Title! So there's a good chance that PR and Lindsay could both become champions at AngleMania VI!

SCHIAVONE
It's a very good possibility, Jess. But again, the first thing they have to do is defeat their opponents!

VENTURA
Feh! They're gonna do it, no problem!

PRL does the same Rock pose on the fourth second turnbuckle, receiving boos. Tha Puerto Rican gets off the second turnbuckle, and removes his sunglasses, earring, and HBK-like entrance attire.

SCHIAVONE
PRL and Dan Black have had matches in the past, and Black DOES hold a victory over Tha Puerto Rican. Tonight, PRL could beat Black, and move onto the Semi-Finals of this tournament in the process!

VENTURA
What a victory this would be. Defeating a three-time OAOAST World Tag Team Champion!

PRL chats with Popick while the lights go back on in the arena. PRL stretches the ring ropes while Popick holds the briefcase.

SCHIAVONE
Don't sell Dan Black short, he is a member of Black T after all!

VENTURA
Oh I know. And you know my relationship with Tony Brannigan, but still, I think PRL's the favourite to win this one.

SCHIAVONE
Well, we'll find out in just a few moments, Jess. The Quarterfinals are about to begin!

"Know Your Role '99" dies down. PRL and Popick look to the entrance with smirks on their faces.

CUE: "Quiet" by Smashing Pumpkins

The crowd cheers. Black smoke pours out onto the entryway. White pyro shoots into the smoke. Followed by black pyro. They go back and forth until all the smoke is gone and "The Ice Heart" Dan Black remains. Black stands in the entryway and looks at the crowd through his black shades. He begins his walk to the ring.

BUFFER
And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time. From London, England. Weighing in at 243 lbs. He is one-half of Black-T. A former three-time OAOAST World Tag Team Champion. He is "The Ice Heart" DANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN BLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

Black continues walking to the ring as "Quiet" continues playing.

SCHIAVONE
Dan Black, an OAOAST Original. Some say in the twilight of his career. Well, Black hopes to prove those naysayers wrong, and a good way of doing so is by beating PRL and moving onto the Semi-Finals!

VENTURA
Black's not fighting no Joe Average. He's gotta be on his 'A' game tonight. Tha Puerto Rican wants to win this tournament just as bad as Black does, maybe even more so!

Dan Black climbs the ring steps and enters the ring. He stares at PRL.

SCHIAVONE
These men aren't strangers. They've wrestled in the past, but tonight might be their biggest match to date. The winner of this match moves onto the Semi-Finals to face either Reject or James Riggs, while the loser is out of the tournament for good. So much is on the line and you're seeing it tonight on OAOAST Syndicated!

Black removes his trenchcoat and shades and hands them over to a ringside attendant. He's wrestling in his short tights tonight.

VENTURA
This looks to be a good match, Tony Schiavone! Two of the greats in the business, and arguably the best wrestlers never to wear the OAOAST World Title. The Corporate One vs. The Ice Heart. I can't wait!

Dan Black stares at Tha Puerto Rican. Referee Dave Hebner pats down Dan Black, and then pats down Tha Puerto Rican. He then calls for the bell.

*DING DING DING*

QUARTERFINAL MATCH IN THE TOURNAMENT FOR THE VACANT OAOAST X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
"THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN (with Stephen Joseph Popick) vs. "THE ICE HEART" DAN BLACK
"Quiet" by Smashing Pumpkins dies down. PRL and Popick continue staring at Dan Black. Popick high fives PRL and then exits the ring with the briefcase.

SCHIAVONE
PRL's got backup in the form of Popick, but Dan Black is all alone.

VENTURA
He's gotta be careful. Without Tony Brannigan there, Dan Black could be fighting a 2-on-1 Handicap Match!

The crowd is hot for the opening match. "The Ice Heart" Dan Black stares at "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican. PRL starts running his mouth. Black just stares at him.

SCHIAVONE
Let us not forget, that in 2003, Dan Black was the General Manager of IntenseZone, and people argued that Black gave PRL several advantages over the other IntenseZone Superstars!

VENTURA
Yeah, but that was a different time. The Republicans still controlled congress, nobody had ever used the word 'Wardrobe Malfunction', The O.C. was still on the air. It was a different world back then. Now it's 2007, and any good will between PRL and Black is long gone.

SCHIAVONE
You watched The O.C.?

VENTURA
Uhhh...sometimes.

SCHIAVONE
Oh my God, why?

PRL shoves Dan Black! Black responds by locking up with Tha Puerto Rican. PRL goes behind Black, turns him around, and then whips him into the ropes. The whip is reversed, and PRL bounces off the ropes. Black goes for a clothesline, but PRL ducks and bounces off the ropes, so Black grabs him and goes for a hiptoss, but PRL won't budge. Instead, PR gives Black a hiptoss onto the mat! Popick cheers!

SCHIAVONE
Fast-paced action as we start this match!

VENTURA
Fast-paced action defines the X-Division, Tony Schiavone.

PRL poses for the fans. They jeer. P.R. laughs off the jeers, and picks Dan Black up. Puerto hits Black with several Rock-style punches to the temple.

SCHIAVONE
PRL going to work on Black.

PRL grabs Black's right arm and whips him into a turnbuckle--Black reverses the whip--and PRL does a Flair Flip onto the ring apron! Black quickly charges and clotheslines PRL off the ring apron and onto the floor!

SCHIAVONE
Whoa! And PRL goes out of the ring!

PRL is kissing the mats. Popick checks on his client while Dan Black stays in the ring, waiting for PRL to get back in.

VENTURA
He better not try anything funny! He could get disqualified and eliminated from the tournament!

SCHIAVONE
Dan Black's a ring veteran, I'm sure he knows that.

PRL slowly gets back to his feet. He tells Popick he's okay, and then slowly climbs the ropes, getting back onto the ring apron.

Black sees him and knocks him off it again!

SCHIAVONE
Whoops! And so much for that!

P.R. collapses onto the mats again! Popick goes over to check on him.

VENTURA
Hey if he keeps doing this, PRL may just stay down for the 10 count and Black advances!

PRL
I'm okay! I'm--I'm--I'm okay!

PRL is on his hands and knees. He uses the ring apron to pull himself up again. Puerto Rican uses the second and third ropes to pull himself back onto the ring apron and on his feet--



---and once he does this, Dan Black charges forward and knocks him off the ring apron again!

SCHIAVONE
He did it again!

The crowd loves it. Black dares Puerto to get back into the ring.

"BLACK!"
"BLACK!"
"BLACK!"
"BLACK!"

Popick picks Tha Puerto Rican up and helps him get back onto the ring apron, yelling "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" PRL uses the ropes to pull himself back onto his feet. Black charges for a punch, but PRL blocks the punch, and then rakes Black's eyes!

SCHIAVONE
Oh, what a cheapshot!

PRL runs across the ring apron and climbs the top rope. He waits for Black to get near him, and then jumps off...and gets hit in the gut by Black! PRL does a Ted DiBiase oversell of the move by somersaulting onto the mat!

VENTURA
Black was ready for him that time!

The crowd cheers as PRL lies on the mat. "The Ice Heart" stomps on PRL's stomach a few times and then picks him up. Black Irish whips Tha Puerto Rican into the ropes. Black puts his head down, so PRL grabs Black and gives him a spinning neckbreaker!

VENTURA
Hey look at that! PRL with a nice neckbreaker!

SCHIAVONE
PRL has taken Black down to the mat, and now is in control!

PRL has a sneer on his face as he gets up. The Corporate Champion attacks the Black-T member with shaky leg kicks all over his body. A "P.R. SUCKS!" chant starts up. PRL picks Dan Black up. He measures him up, and then hits him with a Rock-style punch to the forehead! He does it again! And again! Puerto Rican whips Dan Black into a turnbuckle--NO!--Dan Black reverses, PRL jumps onto the second turnbuckle, and then the top turnbuckle, and then leaps off, going for a flying crossbody--CAUGHT by Dan Black and turned into a powerslam! Black covers!

ONE!







TWO!






KICK OUT!

SCHIAVONE
Dan Black with that incredible counter! Turning the crossbody block into a powerslam!

VENTURA
He can't relax now! He's gotta keep going. PRL's not going to stay down after that!

Dan Black applies an arm-bar on PR's left arm. Popick slaps the ring apron to try and get PRL back into the match.

SCHIAVONE
Black, going to work on the left arm of Tha Puerto Rican.

P.R.L. quickly gets to his left knee. He then gets to a vertical base. With a sneer on his face, PRL punches Black in the face! He does it again! And several more times, but Black will not let go of the arm-bar. Black tugs on the arm to stop the punching. He whips PRL into a turnbuckle. Black charges forward, but PRL leaps up and lands behind Black! He then starts nailing him with Rock-style punches to the face! Punch! Punch! Punch! NOW KISS THAT LEFT! Punch! Dan Black slumps down onto the mat! Tha Puerto Rican pulls Dan Black out onto his feet, and then scoops him up to give him a bodyslam! The crowd starts murmuring.

SCHIAVONE
He could be going for it, Jess!

VENTURA
Oh yeah! The best damn elbow drop in the business today!

PRL exits the ring and takes his time climbing the top turnbuckle. The crowd gets louder. PRL removes his left elbow pad and throws it into the crowd. The Corporate Champ stands up on the top rope, looks down at Dan Black, and then leaps off the top, doing the "Up yours!" hand gesture in mid-air!

Corporate Elbow Drop!

SCHIAVONE
Corporate Elbow Drop from Tha Puerto Rican!

PRL goes for the cover!

1...2....LEFT SHOULDER UP!

PRL is annoyed, but continues on. He gets up and does some fist drops onto Dan Black's forehead. PRL then bounces off the ropes, shakes his shoulders, dusts his right shoulder off, and then drops another fist onto Dan Black's forehead!

VENTURA
PRL does the Five Knuckle Shuffle better than anybody else in this business!

PRL doesn't go for the pin, instead, he picks Dan Black up and whips him into the ropes, following up with a dropkick! He now goes for the cover. It gets two. PRL yells at the ref, but Dave Hebner says it was only a two count. PRL sneers at Dave Hebner, and then gets up. The P.R. Menace grabs Dan Black's right arm and drags him over to the ropes, where he picks Dan up and places his head on the second rope. PRL then drives his right knee into the back of Black's neck, choking him! PRL taunts him while doing so. The crowd boos.

SCHIAVONE
PRL using every trick in the book to advance tonight!

Dave Hebner tells PRL to stop with the choking, so he obliges. As the ref scolds PRL, Stephen Joseph Popick rushes over to where Dan Black is and starts pulling his head down, choking him some more! The crowd boos louder!

SCHIAVONE
Now come on! This isn't right! Somebody get Popick out of here!

VENTURA
Now Tony, if the referee didn't see it, then it doesn't count!

SCHIAVONE
Popick isn't doing any good! He's just a nuisance at ringside!

VENTURA
Hey, he's Tha Puerto Rican's "Career Consultant"! He has a right to be there!

SCHIAVONE
That's just a bogus title PRL made up!

VENTURA
Just like he made up the Puerto Rican Championship?

SCHIAVONE
Yes!

VENTURA
Oh Tony. You have so much to learn.

PRL smiles, knowing the work Popick has done for him.

"P.R. SUCKS!"
"P.R. SUCKS!"
"P.R. SUCKS!"
"P.R. SUCKS!"

PRL pulls Black back up by his hair, and then applies a side headlock on him. PRL cinches the hold tight.

SCHIAVONE
PRL, softening the head for the Corporate Nightmare.

VENTURA
Excellent thinking by Tha Puerto Rican!

Black elbows PRL in the stomach. He does it again! He does it a 4 more times and finally, PRL breaks the hold. Black throws PRL into the ropes. He goes for a hiptoss, but PRL won't budge, and instead goes for one of his own. However, Black won't budge either! Instead, Black hits PRL in the stomach and then whips him into the ropes again, giving PRL a BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK Body Drop onto the mat!

SCHIAVONE
And PRL went flying with that one!

Dan Black goes for the cover! ONE! TWO! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! "The Ice Heart" Dan Black picks PRL up by his head. This allows PRL the chance to punch Black in the gut several times. Once Black is stunned, PRL applies another side headlock on him.

SCHIAVONE
And back to the headlock PRL goes, as he tries to set up the Corporate Nightmare!

Once again, Black elbows his way out of the hold, getting PRL to scream like a girl in the process. Black bounces off the ropes. P.R. leaps up onto Dan Black's shoulders and goes for a hurricarana! But Dan Black holds on! He powerbombs PRL onto the mat!

SCHIAVONE
Great counter by Dan Black!

Black grabs PRL by his legs...and then slingshots him over the top rope and onto the floor! PRL hits the protective mats with a *thud*!

SCHIAVONE
And whoa! Dan Black! What a move! PRL has been flung onto the outside by Dan Black!

VENTURA
Dan better be thankful that this is the OAOAST and not HI-YAH, otherwise he would be disqualified right about now!

Popick checks on his client, who is wincing in pain. Dan Black just looks at P.R.

SCHIAVONE
PRL is on the outside! But the match still continues! Who's going to advance to the Semi-Finals? We'll find out right after this!

PRL is on the floor on the outside, holding his back. Popick is still checking on him. This is the last image we see before we go to commercial.

Commercial break

SCHIAVONE
Back on OAOAST Syndicated, and fans before the break, PRL was in control of Dan Black, until--

As Tony Schiavone talks, the replay is shown of the powerbomb and the slingshot over the top rope and onto the floor.

SCHIAVONE (CONT'D)
Dan Black countered a hurricarana with a powerbomb. And then followed that up with a slingshot over the top rope and onto the floor! Nothing happened during the break as PRL was still on the outside.

VENTURA
And he still is on the outside. Look!

Indeed, The Corporate Champ is just starting to get up. He is groggy following the slingshot. First, he puts his right foot on the ring apron, and then he uses the second and third ropes to pull himself up onto the ring apron. PRL uses the top rope and second rope to pull himself up some more.

VENTURA
P.R.'s out of it! His eyes are glazed over! Look at the poor guy!

SCHIAVONE
That poor guy better snap out of it if he wants to win this match!

VENTURA
Give him a break! He's great, but not superhuman!

The crowd cheers for Dan Black. PRL is on his feet on the ring apron. Black sees this and grabs PRL by the head, throwing him back into the ring. PRL lets out a girlish scream as he's thrown back in.

VENTURA
Now come on Black! You didn't have to do that!

SCHIAVONE
He doesn't want to waste anytime Jess. There is a 30-minute time limit after all!

PRL lost his Puerto Rican bandana while being thrown into the ring. Black picks him up, and then applies an abdominal stretch on him!

SCHIAVONE
And now Black is in control of this matchup!

Black cinches the hold tight. Dave Hebner asks PRL if he gives up. PRL responds with, "WHAT DO YOU THINK MAN? OF COURSE NOT!" Popick has no choice but to watch as PRL struggles to escape the abdominal stretch. Finally, Puerto pokes Dan Black in the eyes, and that ends the abdominal stretch. PRL stops to stretch and hopefully stop the pain from the abdominal stretch. He then grabs Black and attacks him with the CLUBBERIN'~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN'~! forearms to the back of the neck and head. PRL then gives Dan an Irish whip into the ropes. PR puts his head down, so Dan Black drives him to the mat with the STO!

SCHIAVONE
Sidewalk Slam!

"The Ice Heart" is not done yet! The 3-time OAOAST World Tag Team Champion picks Tha Puerto Rican up, and whips him into the ropes. He follows with a BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK Body Drop onto the canvas!

PRL
AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Black heads to a corner and waits for Tha Puerto Rican to get up. Black stares at PRL like a predator stalking his prey. Once PRL is on his knees, Black decides to rush forward and hit PRL with the Shining Black!

SCHIAVONE
Shining Black! Dan Black with the Shining Black on Tha Puerto Rican!

VENTURA
That's one of his signature moves, Tony! He could finish PRL off right now!

Black goes for the cover, hooking PR's right leg.

1...





2...







2 1/2








2.9999999999999999999999







3
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

SCHIAVONE
And PRL kicks out just in the nick of time!

Black is pissed. He glances angrily over at referee Dave Hebner. Still, Black continues on, picking Tha Puerto Rican up by his hair and whipping him into the ropes. PRL bounces off the ropes, and into a bearhug from Dan Black!

SCHIAVONE
Hey, a bearhug! That's a new one from Dan Black!

VENTURA
Dan Black is pulling out all the stops to advance in this tournament tonight!

Black is in the centre of the ring applying the bearhug on "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican. Puerto screams in pain as the bearhug is tightened. Popick, now VERY worried for his friend and client, switches between slapping the ring apron and yelling for PRL to escape the hold.

SCHIAVONE
This bearhug is sapping all the energy of Tha Puerto Rican! How much longer can he hang on?

VENTURA
As long as he has to! PR knows what's at stake here! He wants to win the X-Division Title and become the greatest X-Division Champion in OAOAST history, just like he was the greatest 24/7 Champion in OAOAST history!

SCHIAVONE
Well, that subject is up for debate!

VENTURA
How so? Do you know anybody who held the title longer than PRL?

SCHIAVONE
No.

VENTURA
Well, there you go! PRL is the greatest 24/7 Champion EVER!

SCHIAVONE
Well...okay fine. PRL is still in the bearhug.

Dave Hebner checks to see if Tha Puerto Rican gives up. PRL shakes his head no.

POPICK
GET OUT PUERTO!

After 2 solid minutes in the bearhug, PRL starts moving, hitting Dan Black in the face. He does it again. And again! And again! And again! Finally, Dan Black lets go of the bearhug.

SCHIAVONE
And Dan Black lets go, but he had the bearhug on for a while, so it must have done some damage to PRL's body!

Black is dazed from the punches. PRL is holding his back in pain. He takes a deep breath, and then grabs Dan Black, scooping him up--NO! PRL can't scoop Dan Black up! He holds his back in pain again.

SCHIAVONE
And yes, PRL's back is in pain!

VENTURA
Dan Black has found a weakness! He can now take advantage of it since it's out in the open!

Black has a sly smile on his face. The crowd cheers. Black grabs Puerto and applies another bearhug on him.

SCHIAVONE
And back to the bearhug Black goes.

But this one ends quicker than the last as PRL punches Black in the face, and then slams his hands against Black's head, and that does the trick. With PRL's feet back firmly on the mat, the Corporate One decides to do some Irish whipping, but it gets reversed, and it's PRL who bounces off the ropes. Black puts his head down, so Puerto Rican decides to go for a sunset flip! But Black won't budge!

VENTURA
Is he doing to do it? Does he have him!?

Black *almost* loses his balance, but regains it so that he sits on Tha Puerto Rican's chest!

1...2....

P.R. grabs Black with his legs and reverses!

1...2...

Black sits up!

1...2....

Black and PRL get up. Black bounces off the ropes and charges forward---


---and gets thrown over the top rope and onto the floor!

SCHIAVONE
Oh my! And Dan Black goes flying out over the top rope and onto the floor!

VENTURA
Nice move by Tha Puerto Rican!

The crowd comes alive again, booing PRL and starting another "P.R. SUCKS!" chant. PRL Flair Flops onto the mat. Dave Hebner checks on him because of this. Meanwhile, Stephen Joseph Popick checks to make sure no one else is looking (even though all the fans are), and proceeds to start stomping on Dan Black on the outside! The crowd boos!

SCHIAVONE
And there he goes again! Will somebody please get Popick out of here?

VENTURA
Hey, he's doing nothing wrong. Just checking up on Dan Black.

SCHIAVONE
Checking up on him? It's quite obvious what he's doing there! Do you need glasses?

VENTURA
No, I've got perfect 20/20 vision!

Popick picks Black up, and gives him a short-arm clothesline! Dave Hebner doesn't see all of this since he's busy checking on Tha Puerto Rican. Black holds his neck in pain.

SCHIAVONE
Dan Black at the mercy of Tha Puerto Rican and Stephen Joseph Popick! But the match still continues! Who's going to the Semi-Finals?

Popick smiles evilly as Dan Black lies on the outside. He's breathing heavily now. Dave Hebner is checking on Tha Puerto Rican.

* COMMERCIAL BREAK *

We return from commercial break with Stephen Joseph Popick picking Dan Black up.

SCHIAVONE
Welcome back fans, Dan Black is still on the outside.

PRL climbs the top rope. He waits for Black to get near him. Once he does, PRL leaps off the top rope and hits Dan Black with a double axehandle to the outside!

VENTURA
The Corporate Axe from Tha Puerto Rican!

SCHIAVONE
The Corporate Axe?

VENTURA
Yeah, that's the name of his new move, the Corporate Axe!

SCHIAVONE
P.R. just loves saying the word 'corporate' doesn't he?

VENTURA
Well, he's The Corporate Champion, so it makes sense.

SCHIAVONE
*Rolls eyes*

PRL has an evil smile on his face as he picks Dan Black up and throws him back into the ring. Puerto follows him and now the two men are finally back in the squared circle. A small "P.R. SUCKS!" chant starts up. Tha Puerto Rican picks "The Ice Heart" up. He measures him up, and starts hitting him with Rock-style punches to the temple. The punches stun the OAOAST Original. Puerto grabs Black and then takes him over to the top rope where he proceeds to drag his face across the rope! P.R. then grabs Black again and runs with him towards the opposite ropes. Once they get there, PRL leaps over the top rope and onto the floor while still holding onto Black's head. This causes Black's neck to hit the top rope and snap back onto the mat! The Ricochet!

SCHIAVONE
Ricochet by Tha Puerto Rican!

PRL quickly runs back up the ring steps and enters the ring. He waits for Black to get up. Once Black is on his knees, PRL charges forward, leaping over Black and giving him a reverse necksnap on the way down! The Lightning Shock!

SCHIAVONE
Ooh! People shouldn't bend like that!

VENTURA
Nope.

Puerto Rican goes for the cover. It gets two. PRL is pissed. He expresses his anger by choking Dan Black with his bare hands!

DAVE HEBNER
Come on now! Break it up! 1! 2! 3! 4!

PRL lets go at the count of 4. He gives the referee a dirty look. The man formerly known as The Lightning Kid picks up the man formerly known as Mystery Eskimo. P.R. goes for a punch--BLOCKED by Dan Black! Dan Black punches P.R. in the face! He does it again! And again! And again! The Corporate Champ is dazed and confused!

SCHIAVONE
He's beating him up!

Black grabs PR's right arm and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes--NO!--P.R. reverses. Dan Black bounces off the ropes...and into a sleeperhold from Tha Puerto Rican!

VENTURA
The sleeper! PR with the sleeper!

The crowd starts booing, worried for Black. PRL cinches the hold tight. Black flails his arms around, walking around the ring with PRL on him.

VENTURA
He could do it! This could be it! PR's going to the Semi-Finals!

Dan Black gets on his left knee. He has stopped moving his arms around. Dave Hebner checks on Black as the crowd boos Tha Puerto Rican. PR responds with a simple "SHUT UP!"

SCHIAVONE
Dan Black appears to be out of it. The sleeperhold is taking all the energy out of him.

VENTURA
He's weakening! He's almost out of it!

Black sits on the mat. PRL still has the sleeperhold applied.

PRL
GO TO SLEEP, BLACK! GO TO SLEEP!

SCHIAVONE
PRL is taunting him! He's running his mouth while applying the sleeperhold!

VENTURA
Which goes to show you his amazing ability. Being able to talk and kick ass at the same time! Unbelieveable!

Black's eyes are close, but his mouth is wide open. PRL has the sleeperhold locked tight on the mat. Dave Hebner checks on Dan Black, and then raises his left arm.

It falls.

ONE!

Dave Hebner checks on Black again, and then raises his left arm a second time.





It falls.

TWO!

VENTURA
This is it! He's going to do it! He's going to go to the Semi-Finals!

The crowd is the hottest they've been all match! Dave Hebner checks on Black one more time, and then raises his left arm a third time.











It falls.

NO! THE ARM STAYS UP!

VENTURA
Awww geeze!

Black arm stays up! PRL is shocked! Black starts shaking his fists. The crowd gets louder and louder.

SCHIAVONE
Uh-oh! He's getting up! Dan Black is getting back up!

Dan Black gets to his right knee. He's still shaking his fists. PR is shaking his head.

SCHIAVONE
Black is getting that adrenaline rush! He's on his second wind!

Black slowly gets back to a vertical base. PRL still has the sleeperhold applied.

SCHIAVONE
Black is up!

Dan Black grabs PRL, and hits him with a back suplex!

SCHIAVONE
And PRL is down!

VENTURA
Now they're both down, Tony Schiavone!

The crowd cheers! PRL and Dan Black lie in the centre of the ring. Both men are breathing heavily. Dave Hebner checks on the two of them before starting his 10 count.

1!




2!




3!

Black begins to stir.

4!

Black crawls over to where PRL is.

5!

Black puts his right arm across PRL's chest!

1...







2....






KICK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SCHIAVONE
No! No! That wasn't it! That wasn't it at all!

The crowd thought that was 3. Black is groggy, but still manages to curse.

VENTURA
PRL still has some gas left in the tank! He's in it to win it!

"BLACK!"
"BLACK!"
"BLACK!"
"BLACK!"

Dan Black slowly gets back to his feet. He stumbles a bit. Black wipes the sweat off of his forehead and flicks it down onto Tha Puerto Rican. He then grabs PRL by his head and picks him up. He goes for a punch--BLOCKED! Punch from PRL! Another punch! And another punch! And another! PRL grabs Dan Black and whips him into a turnbuckle corner. P.R. charges forward. Stinger Splash! PRL pulls Black out from the turnbuckle and then whips him into the ropes. PRL gets down onto the mat, so Dan Black leaps over him. Black bounces off the ropes and leaps over PRL again. PRL gets to his feet and bounces off the ropes too.



DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE OF DOOM~!

Both men collapsed onto the mat!

SCHIAVONE
A double clothesline! And both men are down and out!

PRL and Dan Black lie on the mat, breathing heavily. The crowd is hot.

VENTURA
This could be a double countout, Tony! If neither man gets up before the count of 10, then what happens?

SCHIAVONE
Then this match ends in a draw, and either James Riggs or Reject goes to the Finals.

VENTURA
Whoa! So a bye for one of those men then!

SCHIAVONE
That's right!

VENTURA
James Riggs and Reject are probably praying for a bye right now!

Dave Hebner checks on the both of them.

1!




2!




3!





4!





5!

Black starts to move.

6!

PRL starts to move.

7!

Black struggles to sit up.

8!

Black sits up.

9!

Black gets to his feet.

VENTURA
No! No double countout! The match is still on!

Dan Black is heavily fatigued. He picks Tha Puerto Rican up by his hair. Punch! Punch! Punch! Punch! Punch! Punch! Black whips PRL into a turnbuckle. PRL does a half-ass Flair Flip, doing the Flip part, but not landing on the ring apron. Instead, PR returns to the ring, and gets hit with a double-armed DDT by Black! Black goes for the cover!

ONE!







TWO!




THRE--TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Dan Black picks Tha Puerto Rican up. The Ice Heart whips PRL into the turnbuckle again. PRL hits the turnbuckle sternum first! Black quickly rushes over and picks P.R. up. After slamming his head on the top turnbuckle pad, Black grabs PRL and sits him on the top turnbuckle. Black climbs the second rope.

SCHIAVONE
Black could be going for a back suplex!

Dan climbs the top rope too. He grabs PRL, standing him up on the top turnbuckle. HOWEVER! PRL fights back, elbowing Black in the head! He keeps on doing it!

VENTURA
Look! PRL's defending himself!

PRL elbows Dan Black enough that he falls off the top rope and onto the mat! PRL quickly switches position so that he can do something off the top rope. The Man With The Golden Contract waits for Black to get back up.

SCHIAVONE
What could he be going for now?

The answer? A flying crossbody! That connects!

HOWEVER!

Black rolls through and it's he who makes the cover! 1....2....KICK OUT! Both men get up at the same time. Black goes for a clothesline, but P.R. ducks--

*KA-POW~!*

--AND KNOCKS DAN BLACK DOWN WITH THE SWEET CHIN MUSIC!

SCHIAVONE
Sweet Chin Music! The Sweet Chin Music from Tha Puerto Rican!

The crowd boos. PRL looks at the crowd with a sly smile on his face.










"THAT'S IT!"

The crowd boos louder!

SCHIAVONE
That's it! That's the signal for the Corporate Nightmare! PRL is ready to end this match!

PRL gets into his stalking position. Dan Black is starting to get up.

VENTURA
Tha Puerto Rican is going for it!

PRL dares Dan Black to get up. The crowd is booing, hoping that he can escape the Corporate Nightmare.

SCHIAVONE
Dan Black could be in trouble! If he hits this, PRL might be moving to the Semi-Finals of this tournament!

PRL has an evil smile on his face.

PRL
COME ON! COME ON!

Black sits up. He then gets to his right knee.

VENTURA
Black has never been hit with the Corporate Nightmare!

SCHIAVONE
This is true. He has no idea the pain it causes!

VENTURA
Yeah, it ain't pretty!

Dan Black pushes himself onto bended knees. PRL nods his head, knowing the time is near. Dan Black slowly stands up straight.

SCHIAVONE
Here it comes!

Black takes a deep breath, groggy with his eyes glazed over, and then turns around.

KICK WHAM CORPORATE NIGHTMARE!

NO!

Dan Black escapes!

KICK WHAM BLACKOUT!

NO!

PRL escapes! Black hits the ropes.



AND GETS HIT IN THE BACK WITH THE BRIEFCASE BY STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK~!!!!!!!!111111111111111

SCHIAVONE
What--what the!? Popick--Popick just hit Dan Black in the back with that briefcase!

Dan Black staggers in pain, holding his back! PRL sees him.




KICK WHAM CORPORATE NIGHTMARE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111111

SCHIAVONE
Corporate Nightmare! The Corporate Nightmare!

VENTURA
Oh, and Dan Black is out!

The crowd is shocked. Stephen Joseph Popick watches with the black spray-painted briefcase in his left hand. "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican covers "The Ice Heart" Dan Black, hooking his right leg and pulling on his tights, just to be safe. PRL smiles evilly as referee Dave Hebner makes the count. The crowd boos.

1....










2....









2 1/2











2.999999999999999999999999999999










3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*DING DING DING* (17:12)

VENTURA
He got him!

SCHIAVONE
Tha Puerto Rican has done it! Tha Puerto Rican has advanced to the Semi-Finals!

"Know Your Role '99" starts playing again. PRL pumps his fists in victory. Popick applauds his client.

BUFFER
Here is your winner...and advancing to the Semi-Finals of this tournament..."The Corporate Champion" THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

PRL gets his hands raised by Dave Hebner. P.R. pumps his fists again. He even throws up a "V" for victory sign. Dan Black is still lying on the mat.

SCHIAVONE
Well, PRL needed some help to get there, but he got there, and now Dan Black is OUT of the tournament and Tha Puerto Rican advances!

VENTURA
Well, can't say I'm pleased that Dan Black is out, but at least he lost to a great opponent! Tha Puerto Rican is now one step closer to becoming the X-Division Champion at AngleMania VI!

SCHIAVONE
The field of 8 has been cut down to 7! We now know the first semi-finalist. In the upcoming weeks, we will see the next three Quarterfinal matches as we get closer and closer to crowning a X-Division Champion at AngleMania VI on April the 1st!

Stephen Joseph Popick enters the ring and congratulates PRL. He high fives his client. PRL puts up four fingers, and then puts down two, to symbolize that he's got two more matches to go. P.R. and Popick laugh manically and gloat over P.R.'s victory.

THA PUERTO RICAN
I'M ALMOST THERE! W00T~! YEAH BABY!

SCHIAVONE
Let's take a look at the instant replay of the end of this match.

The OAOAST Syndicated logo flashes across the screen. Cut to the ending of the match, starting with the Corporate Nightmare attempt.

VENTURA
PRL went for the Corporate Nightmare, but Dan Black escaped! Black went for his Blackout, but PRL escaped *that*, and shoved him into the ropes, where he got hit in the back with the briefcase containing the Golden Contract. Black was stunned, so PRL gave him the Corporate Nightmare. 1! 2! 3! Your winner, and moving onto the Semi-Finals, "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican!

SCHIAVONE
You forgot to mention PRL pulling the tights.

VENTURA
That happened?

SCHIAVONE
Yeah it did! It's on tape! PRL pulled his tights!

VENTURA
He didn't pull the tights! Why would he need to do that? He had the match won!

SCHIAVONE
I don't know why! Who knows why Tha Puerto Rican does some of the things he does!

VENTURA
Well, there you go! He didn't do it!

SCHIAVONE
Jess, ugh. Never-nevermind Jess. Let's--let's just move on!

VENTURA
You know I'm right!

Popick and PRL walk around the ring gloating over their victory. They high five each other. Dan Black is still in the ring as "Know Your Role '99" continues playing.

SCHIAVONE
Let's take a look at the updated brackets.  

A graphic appears on screen showing the updated graphics for the X-Division Title tournament.

FIRST ROUND
"The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican vs. Kenji Kawada - PRL
"After Hours" Felix Strutter vs. "Ice Heart" Dan Black - Black

Otaku II vs. James Riggs - Riggs
Jamie O' Hara vs. Reject - Reject

Spanish Fly vs. Jay Richards - Fly
Dance Dance Dragon vs. Ramone Juan Jesus Guetierez - DDD

Vitamin X vs. James Blonde - VX
Longdogger Pete vs. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix - LDP

QUARTER-FINALS
"The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican vs. "Ice Heart" Dan Black - PRL

James Riggs vs. Reject

Spanish Fly vs. Dance Dance Dragon

Vitamin X vs. Longdogger Pete

SEMI-FINALS
"The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican vs. ????

SCHIAVONE
So, PRL will meet the winner of James Riggs/Reject. That match will take place this Thursday on HeldDOWN~!. Spanish Fly vs. Dance Dance Dragon will take place on the March 8th HeldDOWN~!, and Vitamin X vs. Longdogger Pete will take place on March 15th. Both Semi-Final matches will take place on the March 22nd HeldDOWN~!, and the Finals will of course take place on April 1st at AngleMania VI: Etched In Stone. And the Final match will have a Special Guest Referee!

VENTURA
A Special Guest Referee? It's me isn't it?

SCHIAVONE
No, it's someone that is a great represenative of high-flying X-Division wrestling!

VENTURA
It's me right? I did some high-flying back in my day.

SCHIAVONE
No you didn't! You were a power wrestler at best!

VENTURA
Yeah, but I did some high-flying too. It's not on tape, but it DID happen! It was just never recorded!

SCHIAVONE
Right, Jess, right.

PRL and Popick leave the ring. Popick congratulates PRL as they walk across the entryway.

VENTURA
Hey, PRL has almost a month off! He can relax from now until March 22nd!

SCHIAVONE
That's right, Jess! PRL can get some rest and relaxation for 4 weeks!

VENTURA
Now he has plenty of time to plan for his wedding!

SCHIAVONE
Speaking of which, PRL's future wife, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, is going to compete later tonight for a chance to go to AngleMania VI too! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez takes on Confusia for the #1 Contendership for the OAOAST Women's Championship later tonight on OAOAST Syndicated!

VENTURA
That's going to be great! A future husband and wife going to AngleMania together and walking out as champions! Wouldn't that be romantic?

SCHIAVONE
To some people, yes. Anyway fans, "The Ice Heart" Dan Black has been eliminated from the tournament. Tha Puerto Rican continues marching on the Road To AngleMania VI. We still got more to come, including the Anderson Cup Finals, coming up later tonight in our main event! Fans, we'll be right back! Stay tuned!

"The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican and Stephen Joseph Popick walk up the aisle to the entrance. Stephen Joseph Popick raises the black spray-painted briefcase over his head to loud boos. He smiles evilly. Popick puts his left arm on PRL's right shoulder as the two men walk to the entrance. Both men laugh manically and gloat over what they've done. "The Ice Heart" Dan Black finally rolls out of the ring as "Know Your Role '99" continues playing. P.R./Popick exiting through the curtains is the last image we see before we go to a commercial break.

Commercials

[Tony149]

Cut to an exterior shot of the Gund Arena. The crowd cheers! The OAOAST Syndicated theme song plays.

SCHIAVONE
Here's a shot of the Gund Arena in Cleveland, Ohio! The Gund Arena is sold out for this edition of OAOAST Syndicated! And fans, this edition of OAOAST Syndicated is brought to you by Skittles! There's no way in hell I am saying that fruit Fruity FRUITY slogan.

VENTURA
You just did.

SCHIAVONE
Damn!

VENTURA
And by the Nintendo Wii! Want to have a fun gaming experience that's half the price of the overrated PlayStation 3? Then, get the Nintendo Wii! It's fun for the whole dang family!

SCHIAVONE
Hey, we've lucked out on the sponsors for tonight's show!

VENTURA
Yeah. High five!

*Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura high five each other and laugh.*

SCHIAVONE (Quickly turning serious)
Anyway, fans, coming up next is the OAOAST World Tag Team Championship Match, and the Titles will be up for grabs in a highly unusual match.

VENTURA
Unusual and Chicks Over Dicks? Get out of town!

SCHIAVONE
I know Jess. But this is another unique match from the minds of Krista Issadora Duncan and Alix Mar--okay, just Krista! A Battle Of Los Angeles Match! Chicks Over Dicks defend their belts against the team of Marcellus "One Eye" Wallace and Vincent "Whitey" Santana, the South Central Militia, in a match fought inside a Hollywood studio!

VENTURA
I hope we get cameos from Steven Speilberg, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Scarlett Johannson!

SCHIAVONE
Well, I looked at the match earlier, and nope, none of them appear.

VENTURA
Awwww.

SCHIAVONE
Yeah. Now, this match was taped on Friday, but it has yet to be shown to the world. So, now, here it is! The World Premiere of the Battle Of Los Angeles Match! Chicks Over Dicks vs. The South Central Militia for the OAOAST World Tag Team Championship! Let's go to the videotape now, folks!

The OAOAST Syndicated logo flashes across the screen.

RECORDED FRIDAY FEBRUARY 23rd



We're greeted by an image of E! Corespondent Ryan Seacrest is standing in front of Warner Brother Studios, wearing a sharply designed tuxedo and holding a microphone. No you haven't turned to some kind of screwy Internet fantasy e-Oscars. This is still Syndicated, gentlemen, and I am still on copius amounts of LSD.

SEACREST
This time of year is normally one of great excitement and eagerness within Hollywood, for the always thrilling Oscar race has typically captured the hearts and minds of the citizens of Los Angeles. However, today, the tenor of Tinseltown is one of terror! Why? Because, urban terrorist, notorious Blood affiliated criminals, The South Central Militia have targeted Warner Brother's studios for their version of blood, warfare, and carnage. Their primary targets are Hollywood "It" girls, Alix Spezia and Krista Isadora Duncan. But it's business as usual for studio staff on this Friday afternoon. However, security has been put on high alert should the Militia get out of hand. Now let's go to Terry Taylor.

We're taken to the inside of the studio,  where our announce team is situated within the comfortable confines of the luxurious gift shop, surrounded by a mountain of stuffed Looney Tune characters. They're also joined by adorable mascot versions of the popular cartoon legends, such as Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny, and to mock poor Terry Taylor, Foghorn Leghorn. Our announcers are as follows.


Terry Taylor!


Jade Rodez!


Melody Nerdly!

TERRY TAYLOR
The glitz, the glamour, the fun, the sun! It's all here in tinseltown, Los Angeles, California. But what the City Of Angels never expected to see was two if it's most famous natives slug it out with two of it's most hated denizens. But that's exactly what they'll see today, as Chicks Over Dicks defend their Tag Team Titles against The South Central Militia in a Battle Of Los Angeles Match! Terry Taylor, joined by Miss Melody Nerdly, and Jade Rodez, sister of the returning Leon Rodez, at Warner Brother's studios in Burbank, California. And we are here thanks to the South Central Militia dropping an enormous bid on a charity auction to spend time with the girls. However, the SCM didn't want just a regular meet and greet, they wanted a Tag Title Match in on COD's type of turf, and that's what they got. Unlike the Oscars which get decided by a panel of voters, The SCM's fate is entirely in their hands. Melody, why don't you tell the fans watching at home a bit about the contest.

MELODY
Professor doctor Miss Melody.

TAYLOR
Professor, doctor, Miss, Melody, tell the fans a bit about this unique contest.

MELODY
You tell them, you're the unpaid intern.

JADE
Well, why don't we let our special master of ceremonies, a Rodney Dangerfield impersonator, introduce us to our participants!

MELODY
Why a weaksauce impersonator and not an actual celeb? Because we just found out the real Rodney Dangerfield was dead three minutes before we started filiming.

TAYLOR
That's a shoot. Sadly.

We're transported to the middle of the lot, a concrete ocean surrounded by various studios and sets, pillars of movie making prowess. Along the slab of pavement lie grassy islands, filled with flowers, and encircled by palm trees. The beautiful California sun illuminates the area with a radiant glow, as the challengers to the Titles shift uncomfortably next to the appointed referees, Tokyo native Okari Tanaka, German Helmut Wolfang, Charles Robinson, 86 year old Clem Buzzlefoxer, and 58 year old Clem Buzzlefoxer JR. The camera settles on the master of ceremonies, the impersonator of a sometimes despised, sometimes beloved comedian, who looks like a pale gnome next to the ghastly Militia.

RODNEY DANGERFIELD IMPERSONATOR
Hey, uh, I'd introduce myself, but I'm not so sure that's a good idea, I got self esteem issues, see. I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me, he said I was being ridiculous, everyone hasn't met me yet.

DANGERFIELD IMPERSONATOR
My wife's no help either. We were happy for twenty years. Then we met! Hey, her jealously is getting out of hand. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who April was! Seriously though, let's get to the competitors for this match. We got the South Central Militia over here, Vinny Santana, and Marcellus Wallace, from South Central Los Angeles. You and me, we got a lot a common, I come from a real though neighborhood also. I bought a waterbead and found dead body at the bottom of it! In the local restaurant I got served broken leg of lamb!

The camera points towards the challengers, who flash platinum encrusted teeth towards the loathing viewers around the world. Vincent's skinny body is shelved in a mink fur coat and a pair of Artful Dodger death valley jeans, dark blue pants that boast a menacing skull floating along the back. His associate has outfitted himself in a loose fitting white tank top, and camo pants that sag to reveal black boxer shorts.  Standing beside the duo are the peripheral members of the South Central Militia, various hoodlums and thugs, dressed in allover red tiger print hooded sweat shirts, and black denim jeans.

TAYLOR
Look Vincent's pants, with the skull on the butt. Talk about redefining the word bad ass!

MELODY
Worst. Joke. Ever.

JADE
What's the deal with the SCM bringing an entire army to the fight? No rules against it, I suppose, but even so, it doesn't seem very sporting! Maybe Alix and Krista should've brought their people along!

TAYLOR
I'm not sure Krista's nine o'clock erotic yoga for senior women class poses quite the same threat as the Militia's gang.

MELODY
The idea of grandma experiencing multiple tantric orgasms is enough to scare any man.

DANNGERFIELD IMPERSONATOR
Hey it's the champs, Alix and Krista!

Indeed it is, unfunny comedian, indeed it is. The girls are known for habit over doing things on a far grander level then that of their counterparts, and their entrance into the unusual bout is no exception.

When you get a new car [uh huh uh huh]
and ya feeling like a star [ok ok]
what you gon do [what cha gon do, what cha gon do]
GHOST RIDE IT
ghost ride ya whip

The beloved Champions make their grandoise entry to centerstage riding on a school bus. And I do most certainly mean on, as Krista is stationed on the roof of the vehicle, svelte figure enhanced by chic athletic gear; white Nike low rise work out pants, and a classy pink Nike tennis polo. Caught up in a rush of euphoria, she's dancing the night way with sexy salsa moves, while sipping on what is likely her seventh beer of the day. Leaning out of the window are a collection of urban looking gentlemen, waving their hands to beat of the Mistah FAB's song that booms from the massive bass of the bus' stero. Alix, outfitted in a denim mini skirt so tiny it could serve as a necklace, and a green and white Abercrombie polo shirt situates herself in the door. However she can't help but leap out to dance next to the side of bus, moving her feet in rhythmic fashion while she and the vehicle parade down the street.  Even, the Dogg father himself, and COD's number one fan, Snoop Dogg is on top of the bus, getting in on the Ghostriding action. Unfortunately he's so spaced out on acid that his entire world appears something like this.....



The Militia look on in utter shock and disbelief, as it's now apparent Chicks Over Dicks are more hood then they are, completely wrecking their entire gimmick and reason for employment.

MELODY
They're Ghostriding da whip! Stuntin', shinin', flamboostin'! Get out the way, let casper drive!

Not any more they're not, because the bus comes to a halt in front of the totally stunned One Eye and Santana. Alix leaps out first, gingerly blowing kisses into the camera towards the adoring home viewing audience. Krista, quickly scurries down from her perch on the room, muttering and mumbling about having no place to put her liquor. The girls give a hug to their dog father, who wishes them good luck, before dancing towards the Mushroom Kingdom with his new best friend, Kirby.

DANGERFIELD IMPERSONATOR
Those are some good looking dames. Me not so much. When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said look twins! I sure wouldn't mind marrying them, better then my wife. I get no respect from her, I made a toast on her birthday "to the best woman a man ever had". A waiter joined me! How's about it girls, wouldya say, tie the knot with me? (Robinson whispers something to Dangerfield). Hey, that's alright, my cousin is gay. I always tell him that in our family tree he's in the fruit section!

MELODY
Will this match mark the debut of zombie Dangerfield to avenge the ruination of his act by this craptastic impersonator?

The fake Dangerfield is dismissed by a production assistant, rambling about getting "no respect". With the comedy routine a distant memory, Charles Robinson takes the microphone to explain the rules of the bout.

ROBINSON
Ladies and gentlemen, this match very simple, it can end in three ways, by knockout, by submission, or by pin. How you get to that point is completely up to you, anything goes in Hollywood. Are you ready?

The SCM and Krista nod, Alix sings the words "I am ready" in a deep falsetto voice.

ROBINSON
Then let's make it happen! (terrible catchphrase, Chuck!)

TAYLOR
Hey, Jade, you have to think  D*LUX could be in line for a Tag Title shot sometime around the corner?

JADE
Huh? What? Yeah, when they're ready for that type of thing, I guess.

The criminally insane Wallace waste little time in getting the carnage underway. He grabs onto Alix's bare arms and begins to slam her into the school bus. CLANK! Alix's skinny body thuds off the harsh yellow metal. CLANK! She endures another hostile trashing. CLANK! And another blazes a trail of pain along her exposed back. Alix realizes that she can't tolerate much more of this brutalization, and makes moves to escape the predicament. She shoots her knee into Wallace's ripped stomach, which does little in the way of damage, but provides her enough of a distraction to stomp on his BAPE shoes! One Eye allows Alix to go free in order to take care of his gangsta fashionable footwear. With her rival preoccupied, Alix scurries up to the hood of the vehicle. Like a prophet on a summit, Alix holds her hands out in holy triumph and asks the all important question "LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?"

"Si senorita!" shouts a nearby groundskeeper, who's neglecting his work to peek up Alix's teeny tiny skirt.

"Then let's rock, mother trucker!" she screams, before bending backwards (affording the viewing audience the coveted shot of her Victoria's Secret panties), and jamming on an air guitair. "Well, we can't salute ya! Can't find a flag." She belts in her best (worst) heavy metal voice. "If that don't suit ya, that's a drag!" Alix begins attacking her air gut air with such ferocity you'd think she was actually playing a concert attended by thousands of people "Schooooool's out for the summer! Schooooooool's out forevaaa! Schooooooool's been blown to pieces!"

Alix's nails on chalk board voice grate heavily on One Eye's voice, thus he claws his way onto the hood to silence the musical vixen.

"What the hell are you singing?" He wonders, wishing to know the exact the details of the song he's about to end her career over.

"School's Out!" She boasts. "That's the crazy note, bestowed from the goddess above into the mouth of the most rockingest dude of all freaking time, Alice Coooooooopah!"

Wallace scoffs. "Alice Cooper? Dude in the Wayne's World movie? Yo, for real, that seventies trailer trash shit is mad gay."

The usually cheery brunette is struck by a bolt of outrage and bellows, "Don't you ever say another ill word about Alice Cooper! No more Miss Nice Girl, no more miss cle-he-heaaaaaan."

Alix takes out her enormous anger on Wallace's back with a round of stomps. But those paltry blows do little to prevent him from rising to his full vertical base. He volleys a lariat towards her head, but Alix evades the slow moving blow by sweeping underneath his attacking him. She's able to catch him off guard with a side Russian leg sweep setup, but instead of using that exact move, which would dump both of them off the bus, she shoots them both forward with a front Russian leg sweep. The windshield "breaks" One Eye's fall, savagely holding in place as his face crashes into it. Leaving a whimpering Wallace pressed against the pane of glass, Alix backs up as far as she can go on the short surface and does a little disco dance. Once Saturday Night Fever comes to a close, she darts to her wounded rival, takes to the skies, then viscously impacts her sparkling shoes into the back of his skull. The sound of Marcellus' head being sandwiched between her feet and the windshield causes watchers around the world to cringe in sympathy pain.

"Word, bitch. Alice Cooper like a motherfucker!" She screams, jamming on the air guitar above her defeated enemy.

TAYLOR
What's a good word to describe that, Melody?

MELODY
Try "ouch".

Elsewhere, Krista has decided to forgo the silly concept of a wrestling match, and embark on a studio tour instead. Her curiosity has taken her onto a dimly lit movie set, which is functioning as a living room for an (as of right now) unknown picture. Because of the haunting darkness of the area, Krissy can scarcely make out any sort of crew, or what movie is/was using this stage area. Her curiosity is partially filled in a most horrifying way, when a man dressed in the trademark costume from the Scream films (screaming skull mask, black robe) appears to attack her with a blood soaked sickle. The weapon descends upon her like a judgment from the lord, threatening to split the surly diva in to pieces. She dives onto a near by leather couch, causing the sickle to bounce of the wood floor, sending shockwaves up the man's arm. The psychopathic killer is undettered by the miss, and again tries to skewer Miss California with his sickle. Once again a sweat drenched Krista scrapes her body away from certain dismemberment. While she lies on the floor, panting heavily, arm resting on a coffee table, her assailant lets out a bawl of frustration as he tries to pry his weapon from the couch.

JADE
Hey, isn't Scream a Miramax picture?

MELODY
Are we gonna have to cut your mic, young lady?

JADE
I'll be good!

Krista's seen enough horror movies to know that the people who run from the antagonist are the usually the ones who meet gruesome, blood filled endings, while those who stay and fight, are typically the ones who survive the ordeal. Thus Krista morphs from sterotypical hot blond victim, to ass kicking Tag Team Champion, and springs to her New Balance tennis shoes. An animalistc growl spews forth from the killer as he watches his rival stand in proud defiance. Tufts of black fabric flap in the air as he slashes his sickle towards his foe's body. But Krissy gracefully avoids the strike by backflipping away, landing near a big screen TV. Her bubblegum pink lips form a sly smile, as her manicured hands invite the barbarian to retry his failing luck. He accepts her invitation, and lunges at her, savagely planning on impaling her with stinging steel of his blade. But the fitness model shoots down that idea in multi colored  flames, by leaping onto the big screen TV, and spring boarding back to floor her attacker with an enziguri! Fresh screams from her victim's throat splatters the landscape, as he plummets to the hardwood floor. Despite his anguished yelps, and paralyzed position, Krista doesn't believe that her rival is truly incapacitated, and makes moves to finish him off once and for all. With a devious smirk on her face, she grabs a 17†rust finish table lamp, and hoists above her head. CRAAAASH! The resounding blast of the object being splintered across the killer's head, cuts through the erry silence like a blade through a werewolves heart. The once fearsome maniac turns docile, his weapon of mass destruction sliding free of his motionless fingertips.

"CUT!" a booming voice echoes from the distance. The lights go up, showing that what Krista erroneously believed to be an unused set, is actually a fully populated working space. The stage hands, key grips, and other technicians, scurry about, wrapped up in their world, seem oblivious to the fact that the poor woman thought someone was actually trying to kill her. Makeup ladies dive upon her confused person like vultures, attacking with her various beauty products that probably bear her name and likeness. The camera pans out to reveal the source of the shout of "cut", none other then horror guru, director Wes Craven.

"Honey, baby, you're supposed to let the bad guy win. Remember?" He says, leaning back in his director chair. "You might have read that in that big pamphlet full of words and phrases, called the script. I know you want a big part, but you can't kill the bad guy in the first five minutes. You can't have a movie where the main character gets killed in the beginning. Except for American Beauty. Can we do this again?"

Krista, in an attempt to prove that she's not a total dunce to the horror legend, desperately tries to plead her case. "You don't understand! He's not an actor! He's a savage, psychotic, gang banger, who bid on a charity auction to help Tibet, but really he's trying to kill me! Look!" In a scene reminiscent of Scooby Doo, Krista frantically tears away the mask, revealing her assailant to be.....



"What in tarnation is going on here?!"

"Oh come on, Wes!" Krista exclaims. "What, was Slimer from the Ghostbusters out of your budget? And instead of polluting the world with another poorly acted Neve Campbell movie, I think already having three violates some kind of Geneva Convention code, why don't you give this war mongering, fascist dictatorship controlled cesspool of a country what they really want to see? A sequel to Every which way but loose Now there's a concept our chauvanistic heteronormative societey can't get enough of, a man and his monkey,"

"There she is!" A gruff and all too familiar voice yawps.

All eyes turn towards the door Krista entered from, where three more uninvited guests have arrived to the proceedings. Vinny Santana, and two of his most trusted south central warriors, stride across the set, shoving away anyone unlucky enough to stand in their path. The fierce threesome swarm their seemingly overmatched victim, who's blue eyes eagerly search out a means of escape.

"Um, if you need me I'll be in my trailer." Krista remarks with a nervous giggle. Her enemies have little intention of allowing her to spend time in any vehicle besides an ambulance, however, and Vinny acts on this desire by launching a lariat her way. She swoops beneath his mink covered arm, but annoyingly carries herself into a choke hold from one of the henchmen. His dirty fingers press into her smooth skin, robbing her of air, and nearly squeezing her neck into minuscule pieces. But he doesn't get the opportunity to inflict any crippling harm on the woman, as Santana harshly orders his subordinate to release her to his "care". The gangbanger obliges without question, roughly thrusting Krista towards his boss. With a  ferocious roar, Vinny pounces at the champion, who surprises him by twisting around at superhuman speed and hurling four spin kicks at the attacking beast. Shards of jagged pain mixed with feral rage as Krista's spotless footwear slices into his scrawny torso. He rears backwards, growling in fury, his claws slashing fruitlessly in the air. He howls inside, promising swift retribution against his adversary. But the femme fatale is already airborne, horse whipping her shoe along his pug ugly face. The tremendous force of the blow pushes him to the ground, where his angry curses emerge as nothing but inarticulate snarls.

"Get her!" Vincent hollers to his charges.

The smallest of the two gangsters needs no further prompting. In a blur of motion he picks up a studio light and takes aim at the blond bombshell. The screeching glare of the light momentarily blinds Krista, and prevents her from staging a suitable avoidance. Thus the callous steel of the weapon springs through the air unhindered and strikes it's target in the arm. The Tag Team Champion howls in pain, glaring back at the thugs. Icy eyes peer from beneath a sweat marked brow, as she nurses her wounded arm. Before she can recover from her pain, the compact man-beast slams the light fixture into her stomach, taking her completely off her feet with a single lunge.

JADE
Oh no! My hero...uh...Krista....Krista is in trouble!

MELODY
Now is as good a time as any to use this picture.



TERRY
Internet? What the hell is the Internet?

Jagged fangs flash from the creature's open jaw as he stalks a crawling Krista, weapon positioned menacingly above his head. He slashes madly through the air with his club, but Krista evades a grizzly fate by lancing her boot into his testicles! The cheap but effective shot interrupts the trajectory of the light, and causes it to fall from the man's hand, landing innocently at his side. His face cracks, and his mouth twists in anguish, as he's caught within the grip of the worst pain imaginable. Krista has zero sympathy for her opponent's plight, and hops to her feet to cause further damage. Her eyes narrow into sinister slits, while her feet ravage his chest with caperiora inspired hand stand kicks. Vincent can only watch in a mix of disgust and awe as convicted felon is decimated by the thirty five year old president of the PTA.

"Christopher," An excited Craven turns to his camera man. "Are you getting all this on film?"

"What for?"

"For the movie!"

"There's no movie being made. This is all just an expensive and elaborate scheme designed by your wife to get you out of the house so she could bang the pool boy."

Krista's procession of kicks push the criminal farther away from the living room and into the nitty gritty inner workings of the set. Desperate to escape the crazed champion, the convict pays no heed to the stupefied crew around him, as he makes a frantic bid for the nearest exit. Not one to shy away from battle, Krista spurs her feet after the nameless henchmen. But the third brute, the one who had earlier locked a fierce grip around Krista's throat, accosts her once more. Krista won't be so easily subdued this time, and shoots an elbow into the side of his cranium. He staggers backwards, droplets of blood trickling down the side of his head. Miss California takes advantage of his moments weakness, by latching onto the back of his do-ragged head. She leads him, kicking and screaming to a medium sized camera mount. Several impressed stage hands bear witness to the grizzly scene of KID bashing his skull into the jagged metal object. The twisted strands of metal violate the ruffian's face, peeling away at his bronze skin, leaving glistening crimson in it's place.

MELODY
Hhahahaahah! The misfortunes of people I don't know never stops being funny! This noobilicious noob nugget needs to learn to play his class! F'n carebear, log off and play in ezmode!

JADE
Don't ask, Terry. Just know that Melody is a very special young lady, and we love her very much.

A savage smile taking hold of her face, Krista discards her whimpering victim to the concrete floor, where steaming blood invades his vision. Then, in a most embarrassing act, she bends over and hual's the convicts pants and underwear to his ankles, exposing his pimpled filled butt to the world, and changing this from a one star match, to the match of the year in the eyes of many fans (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, TONY149, I KNOW U FUCK W/THAT). Not content with merely lambasting this cretin with a mundane humiliation, Krista wishes to curse him the worst indignation humanely possible. Thus she grabs a nearby tripod, and folds it into it's lengthy vertical base. While nonsensically humming Ring Of Fire by Johnny Cash, she then positions her tool above his bare ass, preparing to flashback him to his woeful prison days as communal prag of the Black Guerrilla Family gang. But, without warning, a fourth thug appears on the scene to save his associate from an anal violation and the years of psychotherapy that come with it. He charges at Krista from behind, swinging a tripod of his own. But Krista reacts with amazing quickness, and sinks her weapon deep into the man's chest. He collapses forward, a wad of blood soaked spit spilling from his mouth. His pain further increases when Krista slices the tripod through his shaggy back, cleaving his spine.

JADE
What's with all these stupid crew people standing around doing nothing?

TAYLOR
They're union, they don't have to do any work.

Krista opens her mouth to taunt the over matched bumpkins, only to be interrupted by a ferocious roar. The hideous figure of the smallest thug rises in front of her. He raises a dagger to carve her silky smooth skin into nothingness, but never gets that chance as she wheels about and  swings her pole at the oncoming hoodlum. The sliver edge of the metal object slices cleanly through his neck, creating grotesque gash on it's landing strip. Trailing a shower of blood, his body topples sideways. His expressionless head rebounds of the hard floor, while his limbs twitch convulsively.

MELODY
It's dangerous out here! I've got to take steps to protect myself! *casts shell/protect/and haste on self*  *waits a couple of seconds*,  *attack
magic
summon
<-----DIABLO
--------------IFRIT
--------------SHIVA
--------------ODIN<------------*casts*
steal
item
flee *

JADE
Mel, just because you put in an astreik before a sentence, doesn't mean it's actually going to happen.

MELODY
I see....*UP,UP,DOWN,DOWN,LEFT,RIGHT,LEFT,RIGHT,B,A,Start.* Bring it on, Militia! Bring...it....on!

Vinny, who had been relaxing on the plush leather couch, while his underlings took a brutal beating,  casually rises to his feet, stifling back a yawn. "Well, it's like I told my son, shortly before I shot his mother three times in the face, if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself."

With a savage howl, Santana pounces from his position in the living room. The Militia co-leader tackles Krista, knocking the startled champion to the ground. She lands hard amidst the throng of carnage she's wrought, with the berserk brawler right on top of her. The impact drives the breath from her lungs. Her mighty spear slips from her fingers.

JADE
*casts cureaga on Krista* Right, Melody? From Final Fantasy.

MELODY
No offense, Jade, but sometimes you can be a major geek.

A voracious fist closes in Krista's face, crushing it beneath it's powerful weight. Bone crunches loudly. A geyser of tears and sweat explode off Krista's head, and onto Vinny's face and chest. Chuckling to himself, he claws his fingers into her eyes. Blinded, she swings out wildly with a recently acquired film cannister. The blunt object smashes into the left side of the he-wolf's face, knocking him off his prized possession. His agonized yelps steer her hands as, tears streaming from her afflicted eyes, she hammers him with the object again and again. Krista believes that for the moment she may actually be able to subdue the ferocious pugilist. But a canine grunt suggests otherwise. Moving with a speed that betrays the heated assault he's under, rises to blast Krista with a roundhouse kick. His boot hits her like a battering ram, and her shoes take leave of the ground. She crashes through a row of cameras, causing amazed stage hands to scatter away from the wreckage. The harsh prong of busted metal, plastic, and glass, stings her busted body. The collision leaves her head ringing, but nevertheless, she leaps to her feet, a smaller tripod in hand. And well it is that she does, for Vinny is rejoined by the smaller thug, and the thug who suffered a depantsing at her hands.

"Shit, it's gotta be a drag to be you, baby girl." Vinny comments through an arrogant smile. "Get her." he orders, the grin instantly disappearing with the loathsome order.

"Son of a bitch, I should took the job on The View when I had the chance." Krista mutters inwardly. Thrusting with her arm, she attacks the first warrior so hard that the spear stabs through the thickened fabric of his top. She hastily tugs on the "hilt" of the weapon, praying that it would not get stuck within the man's top. To her relief the sword comes free easily enough, and she swings it around in one smooth continuous movement. With lethal percesion the object cuts into man's jaw, forcing newly loosened teeth to rip through the empty air. His lifeless body spills onto the floor, landing in bloodied heap in front of Santana, who regards his fallen comrade with bitterest contempt.

"Anytime you guys actually wannna, you know, put up a fight, that would be awesome." Krista remarks with a grin.

"What are you waiting for, Christmas? Damn, dude, smoke this ho!" The fur coated Vinny yells to his remaining lackey.

The fearless street tough roars defiantly at Krista as he charges her with tremendous force. She meets his charge with a viscous looking stab, striking him bellow the ribs. A well aimed spin kick from Krista's left foot pierces his shoulder. Her right foot then springs to life, catching him squarely in the jaw with a superkick. Enmeshed in agony, the brawler collapses to the floor, beaten and bleeding, his chest rising in falling beneath his heavy anguish. Only labored breathing assured Vinny that his unfortunate comrade would be conscious to later chew out for his incompetence.

"Good help is so hard to find." Krista comments over a giggle.

Hatred smolders in Vinny's eyes. Tearing his gaze away from his defeated cronies, he takes a frigid look towards Krista. Yet she is the one who performs with murderous determination. The golden hair fighter whirled and spot and every thudding kick crashes against Vincent's defense with the impossible power of a meteor strike. The Militia co-leader spends lavishly on his energy simply trying to keep up with these attacks without being torn in half. Each parry cost him more power then he can afford to spend, and every block of her whirlwind assault seems to exponentially drain his energy. He backs away as fast as he dared; the relentless jezebel stays right on top of him. He no longer tries to block the strikes, only guide them slanting away, as he's unable to counter her blinding speed. Acting on desperation alone, he drops low and spins into a reverse ankle sweep, that slaps Krissy sharply enough to knock her off balance.

MELODY
Trying to figure out who would win a match between Krista and Vinny, is like trying to determine who win a fight between a Jedi and Mega Man.

TAYLOR
Or Wolverine and Captain America.

MELODY
Help, I'm surrounded by nerds!

"You picked the wrong thug to mess with." Vincent barks, while he drives a series of kicks towards Krista's legs, drawing Krista into overhead flip so that he can burn through her spine with a single lariat. The plan, which seemed so clear in his mind, becomes a murky botch, when Krista, upon hitting the floor, returns to the air to strike him with a spinning side stamp that folds him in half. Using the dancer's strength within her legs, she continues her spin into a fast wheel kick that brings her heel against the point of his chin with a sharp crack, knocking the brawler into a catering table. Crew members scatter about, leaving their donuts and coffee to fend for themselves, as Whitey topples onto the long piece of furniture. While Vinny's bonelessly limp body is still tumbling through the cheese tray, Krista gives him a mighty shove. His fall suddenly accelerates like a missile burning the last of it's drives before impact. The brute strikes the floor at a steep angle, skids along it, and slams into a row of light fixtures so hard, the grouping buckles and collapses onto him. The muffled sound of his pathetic cries are especially gratifying to his exhausted rival.

JADE
Hey, Krista is sending me a text message. She says that Vince is as dead as your sex life, Terry.

TAYLOR
*downloads hentai of big titty chicks with lethal cyanide juices in their nipples *

Knowing that her enemy is all but permanently incapacitated, Krista lays a shoulder onto his tomb of metal and glass, attempting the first pinfall of the match. But there's one slight hiccup.....

MELODY
TheRE 4r3n'T 4NY $TUpID R3PH3REE$!@!!@@!!!~~111!!!!!

JADE
Translation: There aren't any stupid referees!

This, of course, is a problem. An enormous problem, that puts Krista, who already suffers from high blood pressure, on the verge of an anxiety caused heart attack. She rises to her feet in order to search out one of the referees, and systemically remove the genitals of the remaining four.

"Okay, I'm going now." Krista shouts to those staff, who haven't ran for their lives. "So if anyone twice my size wants to hit me with any blunt objects, now is the time! Anyone? Ex-girlfriends? Republican National Party members? No? Okay, aurevoir!" With that Krista scoops up the long abandoned Scream costume as a souvenir, and bids the wholly confused employees a fond farewell.

Elsewhere, One Eye Wallace finds himself far off the beaten path, nestled between a seemingly endless row of trucks in a loading dock. How he got to this remote location is anyone's guess, and how he's going to return to the center of the fray is beyond him. He seeks out help from the mass of workers unloading various trucks of their eccentric content, but they seem to busy to lend a hand to a former pimp. Marcellus' shoulders sag in depression, but his spirits raise just as quickly as they feel when he eyes the route to salvation; a security guard sitting in a golf cart reading the sports section of the LA Times.

"My cracka, my cracka, lemme holla atcha!" One Eye shouts, trotting to the overweight man's location. "Let me get that golf cart right quick, son."

"Sorry, fella, but this golf cart is only to be used by authorized Warner Brothers' studio employ." The guard responds without looking up from his Clippers article.

One Eye thinks quickly, and this is the best plan he come with "Hey, I'll make ya a deal, white boy, I'll suck you off if you gimme that golf cart."

The guard blinks in astonishment "Contrary to what my wife may have said in the divorce proceedings, I have never, and will never, involve myself in any level of faggotry. Is that understood, young man?"

"How bout this, I'll jerk off, while you watch?"

"Get in the cart."

Marcellus slides into the passenger seat next to the salivating rent a cop, who can't keep his greedy eyes off One Eye's one eyed monster. Sadly, we're not treated to the type of scene typically reversed for steamy adult films such as Wank In The Woods 19, thanks to Wallace punching the guard in the jaw! The sucker punch knocks the unconscious man out of the cart and onto the gravel road, allowing Marcellus to commandeer the vehicle for his own purposes. An arrogant middle finger flies into the air, as he tears up the roadway with an out of control top speed of a fifteen miles per hour.

JADE
I am worried that I wasn't disturbed at all by that sequence.

Meanwhile, we see Krista, Scream costume tucked between her hand, continuing her fruitless search for the incompetent officials. The frustration is evident on her face, and her lips form a detesting scowl. Her blue orbs glare balefully at the palm tree decorated roads, manicured lawns, and various on screen and off screen personnel peeking in and out of sound stages and craft shops, that make up the backlot. Fortunately a familiar sight hits her like a splash of cold water, restoring her sanity. The image that's so pleasing to Krista's frayed mind is of one woman who'd normally never be associated with the word sanity, Alix Spezia. The perky brunette approaches Krista with skipping feet, a Tweety Bird doll in one hand, and cone of cotton candy in the other.

"Alix!" Krista cries out, pushing her way past three extras in cowboy outfits to get her better half. "Come quick!"

Ally spots the black blob on Krista's arm that is the Scream costume and decides at that moment to shred whatever common sense and good judgement that is left in her body. "I'll save you!" She cries, then darts past a row of outrageously attired, psychotic clowns making their way to the set of The Dark Knight.

"Save me?"

Having cleared the jesters in a single leap, Alix is right on top of her bewildered partner. As Krista demands to be dismounted, Alix's talons dig into bundled up costume, while her bare knees pin Kris' arms to pavement. "Get off my sugar mommy, you monster! You can eat her brains after she pays my cell phone bill!"

"What are you doing to me?" Krista screams.

A calvary of midgets dressed as ninjas walk past, paying no little attention to the scuffle, thinking it to be a raunchy part of some National Lampoon/American Pie type flick.

"I'm saving you from this brain dead black alien symbiont that's attacking you and trying to feast off your life blood and impregnate you with it's alien spawn!"

"The only brain dead thing that's attacking me is you!"

A studio tour cart packed with Japanese tourists armed with the latest digital camera stops next to the girls' ordeal.

The nasally voice tour guide begins, "And to your left, you'll find former Spice Girl Geri Haliwell engaged in a fierce fist fight with Drew Barrymore. Sometimes the pressure of Hollywood becomes to much to wash away with booze, cocaine and Percocets."

"Oohs" and "Ahhs" leave the lips of the tourists as their cameras capture permanent images of the titillating "catfight".

"Do I really look like Drew Berrymore?" Alix wonders aloud.

"GET OFF OF ME!"

Alix takes that as a cue to let go of Krista's arms and clamber away from her incensed partner. Yet she continues to annoy Krista by trying to justifying her gross stupidty. "The couples therapist, he said, that we should totally get down and drrrrty with the foreplay."

"Couples therapist? Just because the raving crack addict at the soup chicken removes his semen encrusted hands from his pants long enough to mix in some perverted romantic advice between his half cocked conspiracy theories on how American Idol is a Japanese plot to push white catholics to brink of extinction doesn't make him a couples therapist. Now help me find one of those referees, so we can hurry up and go home. I have to pick Maya up from piano lessons in forty five minutes."

Ally bellows, "NO!"

"NO?"

"I don't take orders from you, Miss thang! I'm a baaaaaad type of p-i-m-p and you're my black man servant. Now get out on the street and earn my paper, bitch!"

SLAP!

"Sorry, I was reading the script for a Huggie Bear movie. Okie-dokie, artichokie, let's go-go Gadget go!"

Suddenly, pandemonium erupts on the lot. The studio dwellers shriek and shout as they dive out of the way a rampaging golf cart. Even the caped crusader himself, Batman, isn't immune to the fright, and he claws and pushes at studio citizens to avoid the crazed cart which is going a whopping six miles per hour. The vehicle glides to a calm stop when it reaches the Tag Team Champions, and from it's driver's seat steps Militia co-leader, One Eye Wallace. Situated in the passenger seat is one of the five referees for the bout, Japanese official, Okari Tanka.

"Good afternoon, bitches. One Eye Wallace come to do damage."

"Ready Alix?"

"Ready? I could do this blindfolded!"

"Be my guest." Krista retorts, handing Alix a strip of fabric from the Scream costume.

"Uhhh...maybe some other time. Heh-heh."

Krista springs forward first, knee angled for a kill. Alix leaps from One Eye's far side with a similar strike in perfect coordination. But the girls slam into each other in midair, for the hooligan is no longer between them. Alix looks up just in time to glimpse the bottom of Wallace's boot as it smacks her in the face, tumbling her towards the ground. She reaches into her expert gymnastic training to effortlessly right herself and touch down in perfect balance to spring forward as Wallace presses Krista away with a  succession of flourishing, weaving jabs. Ally launches herself at the thug's back- and he half turns, whirling the night stick he stole from the security guard towards her head. She swats away the weapon, but a forearm catches her across the knees and bats her down to the pavement. She snarls to herself and stands up to rematch the powerful brawler. But an oversized plastic baby bottle (don't ask) is hurled from his hands, slamming into her and driving her back against the brick wall. Ally moans in anguish while her hands nurse her now badly bruised ribs.

TAYLOR
Marcellus Wallace is a tough customer! His nightmares could give Stephen King a run for their money.

MELODY
Why are you complimenting this jerk? Did he cosign a loan for you or something?

While easily deflecting a rain of grey streaking thrusts from Krissy's oft-used tripod, One Eye hears the unmistakable whistle of the baby bottle zipping towards his head with astonishing speed. He scarcely manages to back roll quickly enough to avoid it before it can shatter his spine. His backroll brings him to his feet directly in front of Alix, who's charging towards him unarmed. Wallace neatly sidesteps her onslaught, cutting at her leg with a lariat as she sails through the sky. Yet Alix evades the cut as she passes, and manages to sweep her feet behind her to tag One Eye in the neck. Unfortunately her graceful leap puts her in Krissy's path, so that the fitness queen must dive past her descending partner.....depositing herself on the door step of Wallace's upraised knee. Krista drives a kick towards Wallace's chest as she pivots in the air, pushing her out of the way of his knee strike. Upon landing, she slashes her tripod towards his stomach, but Wallace side steps, causing the weapon to nearly impale a vexed Alix.

"Wanna not try to carve my guts out, Xena?" She reprimands.

"Wanna not try to be a vapid skank?"

"No not really."

Bored with the inane chatter, Wallace leans into a haymaker aimed squarely at Krista's face. She deflects it with a rising parry of her makeshift spear, bringing the callous steel into his beefy chest. Though pushed back several inches, he recovers quickly enough to launch a counter strike Krista's way. But in the space where Krista once stood is now only the white lightening of Alix's super kick driving straight for his face. Only a desperate whirl to one side made would what would have been a broken nose, a line of scorch in the face of Okari Tanka, who keels over in intense agony.

MELODY
The Japanese guy is down right now, but when he awakens he will rise to a blank canvas of infinite possibilities. All the colors of the known and unknown universe will be at his disposal.

JADE
That's really eloquent, Mel.

MELODY
I heard it on Battlestar Galactica.

Stricken with a sudden panic, One Eye springs away from the California girls to land in front of a door with the words "storage" written in vibrant bold  letters. He disengages for a moment to regain his composure and wonder where the devil should Vincent and the rest of his gang be.

"Let's kick him in the spleen, baby!" Alix screams at the top of her lungs.

"Spleen?"

"I've got an anatomy test on Tuesday. I'm sooooo gettin' my med school on. There's gonna be two doctors in this alternative lifestyle family!"

By the time Wallace is ready to resume combat, a groaning Krista is there to meet him with her tripod, attacking with velocity so bewilderingly fast that One Eye dares not even strike back. He throws a feint punch towards Krissy's lovely face, then drops and spins into a reverse ankle sweep. But not only does Krista effortlessly overlap this strike, but Wallace almost loses his own footing to a leg sweep from Ally Cat. Alix then slams a giant plastic stalk of corn into her foe so hard that the shock of deflecting it buckles the man's elbows. Unable to power his way through COD's numbers advantage One Eye beats a hasty retreat, using his time spent as a high school track star to quickly out race the girls. His speedy feet take him into a surprisingly small outdoor forest set for the movie adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are. The luscious tropics, and fabulously colorful foliage afford Wallace little protection from various attackers, and he's soon accosted by a new even more frightening adversary, an outrageously imaginative monster (or man in a monster costume) from the film. The colorful character stands several inches taller then the spooked human, and boasts a proud black mane, enormous ebony eyes that glisten like onyx gems, and bestial fangs. Coarse white fur covers his naked body, and razor sharp fangs protrude from his hands and feet. The animal regards the intruder with a look of confusion and understandable distrust. His curious eyes peer into One Eye, who's body is doused in sweat and trembling with fright.

Left alone in what looks like an MC Escher painting with a nearly seven foot monstrosity, with all other traces of humanity having mysteriously disappeared , One Eye's dark face goes white with very real fear.

"Got dayum, I ain't even trynna be part of this mess." He mumbles, not wishing to upset the gruesome fellow. "If you up and leave this piece lookin' to come do me dirty, then my name is Vincent Santana and I stay at 6099 90th street. Some niggas call me whitey, and I like to wear a long blond wig, and make my skin look real pale. Once again Vinny Santana, 6099 90th street."

Of course if One Eye wasn't an illiterate moron he might have read Where the Wild Things Are as a child and known that the creatures were of a friendly nature. But he didn't read the book, and when the monster extends his hand in friendship and even grunts the word "Friend", he reacts like the LAPD just busted in for a drug raid, and hauls ass out of the beautifully decorated jungle. Waiting for him at the edge of the forest with the rest of civilization are his much smaller, much more human foes, Chicks Over Dicks. The second he steps onto the pavement, Krista's spear is there to meet his neck. Only a frantic whirling block, coupled with a side kick that catches Krissy in the shin, buys him enough time  to stay upright and leap away again; and when he touches down on his feet---

Alix is there to demolish him with a diamond cutter!

TAYLOR
I don't know how fun a diamond cutter onto concrete can be for the recipient or the person preforming the move, but it looks like it did the trick for the girls!

Alix spots another referee, Clem Buzzlefoxer JR, making his way towards the chaotic scene to at least grant the appearance that this is an actual wrestling match. Strangely enough he's situated within an oversized shopping cart that's being pushed by cartoon skunk Pepe Le Pew. Alix decides it's best not to question this arrangement, and turns to Krista.

"Don't you wanna pin One Eye?" Ally asks.

"Don't you want to eat me?"

"Here? Right now? In front of all these costumed cartoon animals? Hey, if you're amped on the whole furry scene, that's you're thing, but I...."

"Is sex the only thing you think about?"

"No, I think about unicorns. And popcorn mogul Orville Redenbacher. And what the world might be like were this mythical beast and snack food titan to have sexual relations."

Sighing to herself Krista waits for Buzzlefoxer JR to arrive to the pinning predicament When he finally does reach the brawl, she lies on top of her foe for the first official pinfall of the contest

ONE

TWO

BUT THE BATMOBILE(!!!) COMES ZOOMING TOWARDS THE PINFALL, RUNNING OVER CLEM BUZZLEFOXER JR! HEAVEN NEEDED A REFEREE THAT RARELY OFFICAITES TELEVISED MATCHES.

MELODY
ROTFLMAO! H@X0RED N00B! REPLAY IT! REPLAY IT!

BUT THE BATMOBILE(!!!) ZOOMS PAST, RUNNING OVER CLEM BUZZLEFOXER JR! HEAVEN NEEDED A REFEREE THAT RARELY OFFICAITES TELEVISED MATCHES.

MELODY
ROTFLMAO! AGAIN!

BUT THE BATMOBILE(!!!) ZOOMS PAST, RUNNING OVER CLEM BUZZLEFOXER JR! HEAVEN NEEDED A REFEREE THAT RARELY OFFICAITES TELEVISED MATCHES.

MELODY
AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!

BUT THE BATMOBILE(!!!) ZOOMS PAST, RUNNING OVER CLEM BUZZLEFOXER JR! HEAVEN NEEDED A REFEREE THAT RARELY OFFICAITES TELEVISED MATCHES.

MELODY
(foaming at the mouth and wildly waving her arms in the air)
AGAIN, N00B STAIN!!!1111!!$%##$!!!!

BUT THE BATMOBILE(!!!) ZOOMS PAST, RUNNING OVER CLEM BUZZLEFOXER JR! HEAVEN NEEDED A REFEREE THAT RARELY OFFICAITES TELEVISED MATCHES.

JADE
AGAIN!

MELODY
Jade, you disgust me.

"Holy partially dismembered corpse Batman! That was pretty different." Alix remarks.

Krista replies, "If ever there was time to use the "did anyone get the license plate of that truck" line now would be it."

While busy and purposely oblivious studio executives walk past, stepping over Buzzlefoxer JR's mangled and bloody carcass, a groggy Wallace heads to his feet, totally unaware of what madness just transpired. What he is very aware of is the overhand chop being sent his way by Krista's blade. It slides off his instinctive guard, but the second strike meets with much greater success, scorching his shoulder blade.

MELODY
Remember when the referee got ran over by the Batmobile and DIED? LOL E-WRESTLING PALS!

Marcellus slips away from an overhand slash, and springs backwards to reposition himself near the storage locker door. Krista leaps for him again, but this time One Eye meets her charge easily. Now it's his turn to launch a blustering attack, and he wastes little time in doing so, throwing his full weight behind bullish charge. Krista won't be mowed down by her bullying rival, and stands her pole onto the ground. The swordswoman uses it as pivot to thrust herself forward and meet her oncoming attacker with pressed together tennis shoes. Her feet act on her murderous will and crash into One Eye's face, vaporizing his short lived moment of offense. Wallace crumples into the storage locker door, face blank, mouth slack, eyes glazed over. One Eye, cringing and shrinking with dread, still finds some hope in his heart that his massive strength advantage has not failed him at the worst possible moment, that all is still proceeding according to plan-

That is until Krista springs forward to spear (the actual move) his anguished body through the dilapidated doorway. The world seems to roll around the two, as they topple down a flight stairs in a pendulum like swing. Plaster fragments and hunks of rubble peel to the side, victims of the warriors' downward fury. Neither competitor treats the stairwell like the rocky surface it truly is, instead acting as if it is a corrugated stretch of floor, taking shots at one another while they ungracefully tumble to the bottom of the cliff. The once larger then life sports entertainers turn into tiny specks, for the camera man has no desire to follow them down and film their brewing hell storm.

Courtney Cox strolls past by the anarchic display and comments, "Good lord, that Lisa Kudrow still has quite the temper I see. Poor Matt LeBlanc may never recover from the skunk incident."

"Alrighty then." Alix says to herself, then shouts down to Krista. "While you spend quality time with an accused rapist, I'll just go find a referee who hasn't been caused permanent brain damage by a superkick, or hasn't been murdered by a classic piece of Americana. Okie dokie?"

MELODY
ROTFLOL! ONE! TWO! Ahhhhh I'm dead! ROTFLOL!`

Alix's quest to hunt down those three remaining officials begins in earnest. She walks with her head on a swivel, and her steely grey eyes on constant alert. The only thing they seem to spot is the unusual assortment of props lying about the studio, overworked film crew, and stressed out actress and actors hammering their agent through a cellphone for getting them entangled into whatever ridiculous movie they're currently stuck shooting. Alix's examination is yielding little besides stares from gawking tourists, and an extreme amount of annoyance, and she has to rest her weary bones on a vacated golf cart to preserve what sanity remains. She pulls out her cellphone, furiously punching numbers as she prepares to unload on her own agent for talking her into an oaoast return. Her chastisement is delayed, however, by the shrill scream of an approaching woman.

"There you are! There you are!" She belts. Alix watches a tiny woman, who appears to not have slept one hour in the past week, zip towards her, evading an assemblage of key grips, men in monkey costumes, tourist carts, and a cage housing an actual live lion.

The woman's eyes are drawn to the strikingly beautiful, but highly perturbed culinary mogul. Even contorted in rage, her glassy eyes narrowed in disgust, Alix's face would be the envy of any aspiring supermodel. Her light brown hair hangs in disaray about her shockingly tan head and shoulders. Her pallid expression suggests to the lady that she must work with great haste to remove Alix from this unfriendly locale.

"Come on, we've got to get you out of here!" The woman bays, taking hold of Alix's hand.

At this point in time Allix assumes that anything would be preferable to participating in the oaoast's lunatic schemes, and eagerly goes along with the woman to free herself from the oppressive shackles of pro wrestling.

JADE
Uh, is that it? Is that how it ends? With a woman who looks like a sawed off Rosie O'Donnell kidnapping Alix to join some Hollywood cult?  Alix, come back to us!

MELODY
Who let these motherf**** batmobiles on my motherf***** set? LOL!

As they travel down the back lot curious eyes note their path, before turning back to whatever task lies before them. While she strides down the busy studio, she overhears snippets of various conversations, many revolving around a missing actress for the Wonder Woman movie. Alix's mind is pulled back into reality when the woman leads her through the door of a soundstage. The first thing Ally notices upon entering the expansive structure is a chafed little man, baffled by mystery, marching towards her. His chest proudly bears a badge with the words executive producer scribbled across, alerting Alix to the fact that he a very important individual.

The man leans forward to stare into her eyes with a measuring squint. "Six million dollars. Six million dollars? And this is what you're giving me? Showing up at...what time is it even?" He turns a spiteful glare to the female assistant  "Did I not say to get her out of her trailer at eleven o'clock? Jesus creeping shit,  I don't care how many pills she's overdosed on, pump this bimbo's stomach and get her ready. And why the hell isn't she in costume?"

"Costume?" Alix questions, only have to a bundle of skimpy leather tights thrust into her arm by a wardrobe manager.

The executive producer sighs. "The bigger their tits get the smaller their brains get. Wonder Woman, Socrates. Wonder....Woman! Do you get me? Get in costume, and why is her hair light brown! Wonder Woman has dark black hair. Do you idiots in makeup not know that? Or am I working with the American union of fucking deaf, dumb and blind film staff? Get her in costume!"

"Go, honey, go quick." The female assistant pleads, but Alix remains shellshocked over having lucked into her first leading role in a movie you don't have to be 18 or older to buy.

Thinking that Alix is off put by the prospect of another big budget comic book movie, female co-star, and daughter of Goldie Hawn.......


Kate Hudson comes to console her. "Sweetie, it's gonna be okay. Look, sometimes you gotta do the safe picture, to do the artsy pictures. Sometimes you gotta do the pay your friend back picture, and sometimes you gotta do me You, Me and Dupree."

OWEN WILSON


"Give me a tiger face." Kate encourages the nervous gal.

"RAWWWWR!" Alix howls with impressive gusto.

"Monkey face!"

"OOH-WAH! OOH-WAH! OOH-WAH!"

Kate presents a dismissive wave of her hand. "Eh. That's more of an orangutan face."

"Same thing, babe."

"No, the orangutan is a member of the great ape phylum of primate classification. It's not a monkey, Alix."

"Hey, Goldie locks, who's the federal wild life marshal here me or you?"

"Neither of us, actually. But it doesn't matter." She turns to director Joss Whedon. "Where should we take it from?"

"Take it from these nuts, bitch!" a man blusters from the distance. "What's the motherfucking name?"

"Snoop Doggy Dogg?" Kate replies with a head shake.

"Naw, bitch, Vinny Santana!" says the man himself, entering in full Joker from Batman costume, complete with trashy dark purple polyester suit, purple gloves, a green polka dot bow tie.

"Affleck's finally gone off the deep end." Kate laments with a depressed face.

"The Joker" parts the sea of crew members, holding an actual sword in his hand, having learned the usage of a weapon from his ordeal with Krista.

Alix (who managed to slip into the scintillating Wonder Woman costume in the confusion) picks up a knife and tosses it towards her rival. It moves with unbelievable velocity and strikes perfectly Santana in the chest. Unfortunately the knife is fake and plastic, thus it harmlessly falls to his feet.

"I hate how fake Hollywood is." Alix whimpers.

"Here, catch!" The female assistant tosses a sword into Ally's waiting hands.

"Do you just keep a finely sharpened medieval sword on you for such an occasion?"

"It's a movie studio, we've got everything you could ever want."

"In that case, I could totally use a Death Star, like, right now!"

"On backorder."

TAYLOR
Wonder Woman against The Joker, every comic book nerd's dream match. I think Melody just passed out from ecstasy overload.

JADE
I better get The Monty Python DVDs to revive her.

Who needs DDTs, suplexes, and anklelocks when you can have god damn sword fight between iconic comic book characters? Glimmering blades cross, and the miniature volcano in the cave scene in the distance echoes their lightening with a shout of fire. Exchanges flash, leaps are side slipped or met with flying kicks, ankle sweeps are skipped over and punches are parried. A collection of light fixtures falls to pieces, as Vinny skirts backwards to avoid her latest thrust. Monitors explode in fountains of white hot sparks as spasming sword strikes rip through them. A roar of a kick blasts Vincent into a wall, smashing breath from his lungs, and drawing enthusiastic applause from the female assistant and Kate Hudson. The shot leaves the brawler half stunned, and swaying on his feet. Alix bounds over a group of wowed makeup artists and lifts her blade for the kill.

"I don't remember seeing The Joker in the script." The director, Joss Whedon, tells the executive producer.

"There's a script?"

Vincent has one trick up his sleeve, that's almost certain to save him from a grizzly end. He twitches one finger, pressing a button on his bow tie to emit a blast of water from a hole in the center. The stream catches Alix perfectly in the eye and wreaks havoc on her trajectory, causing her to not only miss Vinny by several inches, but for her weapon to tumble out of her hands. Vincent reaches forward. Her sword twists in the air and flips into his hands. Grinning devilishly he poised both lethal blades into a cross in front of him.

"Ice cold, ho!" He belts. "I'm the best there ever was!"

Alix roars her disagreement with that statement, and flies towards the skinny grappler, using her feet to crash him into the film crane once more. Snarling with a ferociousness that betrays her cute face, Her hands seize "The Joker's" wrist with impossible strength forcing his thin arms wide. Whitey feels the bones in his forearm bending, beginning to feather towards the greenstick fractures that would come before the final breaks.

MELODY(waking up)
Wait, what's going on? The Joker? Wonder Woman? Joss Whedon? Live? In front of my very eyes? Oooooooh.....

FAINT!

With "Wonder Woman's" grip on his wrists bending his arms near to breaking, forcing both their weapons down in a slow impossible arc, a whimpering Santana lets go. Startled by his sudden surrender, Ally instinctively shifts her grip, releasing one wrist to reach for her blade. In that same instant Whitey twists free of her other hand and catches up with his own sabre, reversing it through his forearm so that his quick parry of Ally's thundering overhand not only blocked the attack but directed both blades to slice into the crane against which he stood. He slides her proceeding thrust through the air behind him, guiding both blades up and over his head in a circular sweep, allowing him to use of Alix's next chop to drive himself backwards through area and into the high tech cave scene with it's billowing smoke and falling cylinders.

Vinny takes a moment to scream, "Owen Wilson, you were my shit in You, Me and Dupree".

OWEN WILSON


The brunette beauty follows, constantly attacking, forcing a worried Vinny to give ground and retreat along a narrow balcony of rocks. Ally Cat forces him back and back, slamming her blade down with strength that seemed to flow from the "volcano" bellow. "Down ya go!" she screams, spinning and whirling, carving up everything in her path. Vincent frantically backs to the end of a walk way, behind him is only a strip of rock no thicker then his arm, connecting to another balcony along the way. With no place else to go besides through her blade, Santana steps backwards onto the platform without much hesitation, his balance impossibly flawless as he deflects chop after chop.  "Slice and dice is so very nice." She chuckles, following his retreat. Out on the tight rope of rock their blades blur faster then ever before, while Kate and the assistant inch closer to the brawl to cheer on Alix. They chopped and slashed and parried and blocked, neither one gaining any sort of upperhand. Smoke shrouds the nearby area, and the only real source of light comes from the glow of the fire pits bellow. In order to gain some type of advantage, Vincent springs from the tightrope onto a pillar of rock behind him. "Awww, you don't wanna play with me?" Alix bemoans, then flies in pursuit. Vincent leaps again, moving towards a set of makeshift rock stairs, this time launching a deck of  razor sharp playing cards to delay her chase. Ally effortlessly evades the oncoming bullets, as she hurtles to her rival's location. They spin and whirl throughout it's levels, and across it's stalactite platforms. Alix kicks off a nearby pillar, and latches onto an overhanging cable to float herself above the scrambling, skidding world bellow.

"You don't mind if I drop in on you?", she asks.

Putting her aerial advantage to excellent use, she swings through a wide arc over empty air towards her exhausted foe. But Vinny shoves out and meets her descent with his blade angled high. The adorable heroin responds by shifting her momentum in mid air and flicking a kick at his weak knees. The volley nearly topples Santana to a gruesome ending, but she's somehow able to retain his balance and live to continue the unorthodox fight. Moving with unusually fast speed, Vincent yanks his legs high before she can effort a second go round, and slashes the cable above Alix's hand. The onlookers spew forth shrills of horror, for it looks like the heroine may plummet to an unfortunate doom. But Alix has already shifted her momentum, swinging her back to the staircase and in reach of another cable. Knowing that he'll never be able to properly do battle with Alix if he's the only one who's stationary, he leaps onto a cable of his own, altering it's arc to reach the one from which "Wonder Woman" now dangles. But Alix, an expert gymnast of near Olympic level, is fully on her game and swings cable to cable against Vinny's advance, carrying herself across the landscape, requiring Vincent to do the same. A simultaneous crash of boots, carries them both spinning off the cables and onto a heavily slanted slab of karst (thing in a cave). While Alix's main cheerleaders, Kate Hudson, and the female assistant, sing her praises down bellow, "The Joker" heads to his feet. But he barely manages to get upright, before Alix pounces on him. They stand toe to toe, blades whirling and crashing on all sides, while the staff goes mindlessly about their business, thinking this is some sort of elaborate fight scene.

TERRY
This whole thing is pretty cool!

JADE
Terry, you wouldn't know cool if I dumped ice cubes down your pants!

TERRY
Krista has dumped plenty of ice cubes down my pants, so I think I have a good idea of what cool is, Jade.

Vincent decides that he doesn't really wish to know what it's like to be stabbed through the chest, and turns Alix's sabre aside with a two handed block, following the strike with a solid kick that knocks the two apart and pushes her farther down the hill. Vinny trails her path, sprinting into a leaping dive, making a spear of his blade.

"You are gonna be one sorry monkey!" Alix gleefully informs "The Joker", as she leans aside and deflects his thrust almost contemptuously; she misses a cut at his legs as the brawler flies past him. He then turns his dive into a forward roll that left him barely teetering at the end of the slanted cliff. Vinny snarls a curse the second he realizes he has been suckered into affording his feisty foe the higher ground.

"Alix to Air Traffic Control, I'm coming in for a landing!" She bellows then leaps towards her waiting adversary. He reaches his blade upward to cut at her oncoming knees---

Half a second to slow. Vincent's whirl to parry did not meet her knees as he had hoped, only the cold silence of empty air. Naturally she meets with far greater success then he, flushing him down with a simple enziguri that topples him forward, then rolls his empty husk of a body onto the floor bellow. The observers bestow a hearty round of applause, cheers, and adulation upon the beautiful victor.

JADE
An action sequence worthy of an MTV Movie Award, and Melody missed the whole thing. She's gonna be po'ed when she wakes up. Great job by Alix. Although Krista probably would've sliced off Vinny's fingers then served them as delicious snack treats for the crew, but not every one can be as great as Krista!

"Please tell me someone got that on film!" Alix shouts with smug satisfaction.

"Way to go!" Kate Hudson celebrates.

Alix flicks her luscious hair in arrogance. "They don't call me sizzle lips Spezia for nothing"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Nothing really, I just thought you might like to know that they call me sizzle lips Spezia."

To make the situation even more joyful, Charles Robinson, comes plodding to the fallen Militia member. Alix requires no further cues, and applies what should be the winning pinfall.

KATE
ONE


KATE
TWO


OWEN WILSON HITS ROBINSON IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH A STEEL CHAIR!

"What did you do that for?" The female assistant inquires.

"This man, this Vinny guy, said he liked You, Me and Dupree. That touched me in...a real special place. That is an exclusive club who's ranks decrease with repeated viewings, and I just can't afford to lose any more members. You guys know that! I'm sorry."

TAYLOR
That leaves two referees, Clem Buzzlefoxer SR, who's living on borrowed time as it is, and the German Helmut Wolfgang.

We're transported across the lot, where a most unusual scene is occurring in a bare bones office. Within the confines resides.....


Biff Atlas!


Flex Phillips!

AND....


Gwen Stefani!!!

NRG founders, Flex Phillips and Biff Atlas are engaged in a heated round of negotiations with pop superstar Gwen Stefani. Standing in the background is the long absent German referee, Helmut Wolfgang.

"I won't do it. Forget it, guys." Gwen says with a touch of finality that imbecilic Flex fails to pick up on

"Come on! It's the Flexster you're talking to. You have to do it." Flex jabs his fingers into his pecs, as if accentuating his flopping man tities is some kind of new wave corporate negotiating technique.

"I'm not endorsing anything from NRG. The last time I had one of your protein shakes, my skin was green for a week."

"Perfect for the role of She-Hulk! You were born to endorse the Chocolate Berry Blitz. Just try saying the slogan with me. It's Berryily Blitzxcellently Chocoblastltastic!"

"Those aren't even real words, man." Stefani corrects.

"Flex," Biff chimes in "Lemme handle this one. I am a pure ladies man. Observe." Biff leans out an open window to hit on the most masculine looking lesbian, his idiotic mind can find. He motions her over with one finger, and she amazingly comes to greet him. "Baby, I just made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with one hand."

"Drop dead asshole!"

Gwen is saved from the meddlesome pitchmen  when a pair of warring bodies comes bursting through the front door. They land like panthers on the floor bellow, and race to their feet to continue their vituperative slugfest. The camera pans out to reveal the two fighting beasts as none other then Krista Isadora Duncan and Marcellus Wallace. There is a striking oddity to their scrape, that of their highly bizarre choice of headgear. Krista's head is encased in a Bugs Bunny mask, while One Eye has chosen to shield himself with the visage of Bugs' archrival, Daffy Duck.

"Save me, Madonna!" Biff shrieks, then hides behind the platinum recording artist.

Despite the fact that he got her name wrong, and that neither competitor is paying a lick of attention to the witless duo, Gwen raises a chair to protect Biff from a beating he's sure is coming.

"No body move, no body gets hurt!" She yells, angling the chair between the now frozen fighters.

"Got dayum, ya'll white bitches crazy!" Wallace bemoans.

Having seen similar situations countless times in Looney Tune cartoons, Krista simply points to One Eye and says "Duck season!"

The chair moves towards One Eye's head forcing out a quick "Rabbit season!"

"Duck season!"

"Rabbit season!"

"Duck season!"

"Rabbit season!"

"Rabbit Season" Krista says with a sly smile.

"Duck season!" Wallace hollers, then shortly realizes the error of his ways. "Oh shit!"

BAM! Stefani clobbers Wallace's face, shattering the mask into tiny black and orange specks, and pulping him into the carpeted floor. Krista discards her disguise, as she leaps on top of him for a pin; which is scored by the German official.

JADE
This might be it. Krista's gonna win, just like always!

ONE


TWO


A veil of red suddenly descends upon Wolfgang's world. He claws at his throat, but there is nothing there his hands can touch. He wants to scream, to beg, to howl, but his locked throated strangles all words within his neck, and the world of crimson smokes towards black. The ground falls away beneath him, and a white flash of impact blasts him into an unknown abyss.

Gwen rushes to check on the immobile referee's condition "Oh my god." She murmurs, searching out a pulse. "This dude is dead. He choked to death."

"Jesus tap dancing Christ!" Krista whines, clasping her golden locks in frustration. "On what?"

A shrug of the shoulders. "Not sure."

The answer to that million dollar question is revealed when the bloodless fingers of the deceased German uncurl to reveal the empty wrapper of an NRG Strawberry Smash protein bar.

Biff and Flex turn to each with mouth held agape.

"Uh..." Flex stammers. "That ain't got nothing to do with us!" He exclaims, then he and his partner in crime head for the hills, not intending on stopping until they reach Mexico.

MELODY
Biff reminds me of one of those dorks on message boards who post pictures of their woman and act like "Yeah, look at my two hundred ten pound cutie, she's so awesome and SEXXY and don't you think" and it just makes me cry for their lack of self-awareness.

"Wow, that's kinda crappy." Gwen notes.

"I know! Now there's only one referee left, and he's eighty something years old, and is most likely already dead, with his corpse on the way to a land fill on San Diego. Shit, shit, shit! There's gotta be someone who can do something."

Maybe there is, maybe there it isn't. Regardless, Krista holds out hope, and exits the office to continue the eternal search. She stands on the studio lot, scanning for any sign of the last remaining official, Clem Buzzlefoxer SR. With no sight of him in the immediate vicinity, Krista realizes she'll have to go on an in depth man hunt. But her weary legs, and tired body make no bones about their distaste for expansive movement and force her into checking for the referee in a nearby trailer.

"Hello?" She peers into the lavishly decorated area. "Clem, come on out, buddy! One of the groundskeepers found your tube of condisil cream! Here's the match over here, Clem! And here's your head, far away from the match and jammed right up your wrinkled ass! Get out here now!"

"What are you doin.." A female voice calls out, but stops short to instead say, "Oh, it's you! Finally!" Peering from behind the counter is Oscar award winning actress and dead ringer for Krista, Charlize Theron. She leaves behind her pot of gumbo to dart to the doorway and give a throughly confused Krista an enormous hug.

"I know we've talked to each other at awards shows and everything, and we'll probably chat at the Oscars on Sunday, but it's so great to finally get to talk, in private, with the woman who's life story I'm bringing to the big screen."

CONFUSION!

"Didn't your agent tell you? I'm playing you in Dying to FIT in: The story of Krista Isadora Duncan! It's a movie about your life! I can't believe that dirt merchant prick of an agent never mentioned it."

"Yeah, well, that's the last time I ever use an agent who list his references as Dick N. Cider, Haywood Jablowme, and Mike LaToris. So, you're playing me, huh? I don't really see any resemblance."

Patty sez: LOL!

"I have studied every aspect of your life, Krista. I know your hopes, your dreams, your thoughts and fears. I know that you want more for your life then putting out thirty minute exercise videos to help lonely housewives get a better bikini butt. I look into your beautiful blue eyes and see a sad soul crying out, when lord, when? When can your lowly servant be free of this immature, ditzy life partner to whom I am a constant victim of her every gaffe, every folly, every fault, so much so that it has pushed me to most dangerous stages of alcoholism and drug abuse. Fuck! When, lord? When I goin' be free?"

Just hearing the words that have passed through Krista's mind countless times over the past five years, causes Krista to lose all emotional control and opens a flood gate of tears that have been waiting to be free for half a decade. She falls against Charlize's shoulder, salty tears pouring down her reddened cheeks. But her sob session is halted by distinctive sound of a motorcycle being started outside the trailer.

"What on earth?" they ask at the same time, while they journey to the window. The two women spot One Eye Wallace mounting a motorcycle, taking it to search out his comrade and hunt down Alix.

"I gotta get to that Cool Runnings prick. But how can I keep up with a motorcycle?"

"They're filming one of those ridiculous made for TV westerns right around here. Steal a horse, and go Tombstone, Kurt Russel style." Charlize suggests.

Not the most responsible or safe of ideas, but if you're playing Krista in a movie, then you know all about her habit of making as many unsafe, irresponsible, high risk, and possibly death inducing choices as a twenty four hour period will allow. Krista thanks her doopleganger Charlize for the moment of therapy and advice, and bids her farewell, before stepping back into the outside world. From around the corner she hears a resonant NEEEEEIGH, as if a horse had just swallowed an air horn. The actual animal itself quickly extends around the trailer, where Krista rekindles her childhood love for horse riding by leaping onto it's saddle.

"Message to horse...move your ass!" Krista shouts, which sadly is exactly how she spoke as a cute but potty mouthed eight year old.

MELODY
All this competition, this chase for glory, makes me think of resurrecting my childhood dream of being an Olympic speed skater.

JADE
You know Olympic athletes don't make any money?

MELODY
No money? Forget it, I'll just stick to Crackdown for 360. 7.4? Yeah, right Gamespot.com go to hell! Dumbass Wii fanboys.

The horse (who we'll just call Bethani), gatherers herself and springs down the road, dodging past the outraged movie director, who screams at Krista for stealing the central character of his low budget film. Farther away from the outlaw duo, One Eye encounters his first obstacle, two crew members moving a worn out couch across the street into a prop closet. His vehicle sprays a fan of white hot sparks as he whips sideways, narrowly avoiding a bloody collision with the stagehands. Seconds later Krista and Bethani face the same challenge, but handle it with far more grace then Wallace ever could. Shifting towards their right they avoid the workers altogether by moving onto a ramp in front of craft shop. Krista grabs an American flag that was being held by one of the workers and launches it like a missile towards Marcellus' head. Howling in terror, One Eye zig zags about, and the pole passes through the space where his face used to be, skidding to the ground.

TAYLOR
Salute the flag, Melody and Jade.

MELODY
I'm Canadian.

JADE
And I'm a Virgo.

Krista rejoins One Eye on level ground, where he uses the mechanical power of his bike to push some distance between the two. But thanks to the glut of studio dwellers seemingly conspiring to get in his way, he's never able to build the speed he truly needs, thus Krista's right on his tail. In an effort to totally block Krista's path he makes a sharp turn down an "alleyway", cutting to the side of a dumpster he knows Krista and her horsie will never be able to maneuverer around. He's absolutely right, they don't maneuverer around it-

They eclipse it entirely in one beautiful jump, not losing a single inch on One Eye. Not willing to admit defeat, Wallace repeats the same tactic, pulling his bike in front of an approaching golf cart. The golf cart swerves to miss a passing One Eye, but in the process, blocks the easy path of Bethani and Krista. Bethani coils herself and springs over the cart, and the chase is on once more.

MELODY
You know who's a huge turd? People on message boards who sign each post, and then even personalize each one which makes it even more loathsome. "JOEY128. (Proud as hell of my little lady!)" Yeah smoke crap N00b!

Ooookay. They race through an outdoor set of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, clawing along hills and ravines, shooting past battling wizards, skidding and leaping, sprinting where the way is clear, and skidding to highpowered stops when it's not, whipping around knots of extras and bounding over crew. One Eye no longer holds any concern for the innocents, running through anything that stands in his path, the blades of his bike mowing through the set with indiscriminate destruction.

MELODY
I also hate those guys on message boards who have to "show off" the fact that they're getting hitched when the ring they bought their fat monkey whore looks like something they won playing the claw game.  

Krista's hands chuck a series of wizard staves towards her foe, which he narrowly avoids as they make their way back into the central lot.

"Let's get a little closer, eh." She mutters.

Bethani gains steadily. One Eye's vehicle has the edge in raw speed, but Beth can out turn it and make instant leaps at astonishing angles. The horse also owns uncanny instinct for where the brute might be heading and seemingly infinite knowledge of useful shortcuts to maintain pace with the man. One Eye tries once again to block Kris' path , screeching out into a nearly impossible to navigate maze of golf cart, pick up truck, and delivery truck. Impossible to navigate for anyone besides Krista that is. Krista motions Bethani to leap towards the roof of the cart. The weight of the thin plastic won't hold Beth for long, thus the horse makes the leap onto the trunk of the pickup truck. From there she sets her feet back on the ground, and the chase resumes, the pairing not losing a single inch on One Eye. With a burst of sustained effort that strangles her neighing, Bethani finally pulls alongside One Eye as they near a massive soundstage. Krista leans forward, stretching out a metal pole she had picked up along the way, barely able to reach the wheelers back curve, and carved away an arc of the bike's back tread, making the vehicle buck and skid.

"One more leap, Bethani!" Krista pleads "Bring me even with him!"

The horse complied with order, and One Eye swerved again heading towards the enormous open garage door of the sound stage. As they clear the first row of alarmed crew members, Krista leaps from the saddle to swing both her boots into the side of Wallace's head. The vehicle's internal  workings screamed at the sudden impact and shift of balance. Their shrieks cycled up as burst of smoke and fragments metal as their catastrophic failure sent the bike tumbling in a white hot cascade of sparks. Krista leaped free of the crash, and the momentum tosses Wallace out of the pilot's seat and in the opposite direction.

"Hey!" Screams Kate Hudson, cluing us into what sound stage we're actually on. "There's Krista Isadora Duncan! I bought up all her exercise videos when I was pregnant. Alix, she's with you, you have to help her."

"Help, is a funny word, Kathryn. Sometimes the moose head on the wall at my grandpa's house asks for help and tells me to travel to Manitoba to tell his children to bear arms and avenge his humiliation at the hands of the White Devils. Other times it asks me why they took In Living Color off the air, and I'm like, dude, I just don't know."

Down on the floor, One Eye and Krista resume their epic clash. A blooded haze settles  over her vision as she fights tooth and nail with the fearsome werewolf. One Eye's claws rake her skin, digging deep bruises into her flesh, but the pain only increases the fury raging within her. She gives as good she gets, picking up any discarded object from the floor and ripping into Wallace's facial features with furious force.

JADE
Come on Krista! You can do it! Come on!

MELODY
If you love Krista so much why don't you marry her, huh?

JADE
Why don't you STFU AND GTFO?!

Wallace holds the weight advantage over Krista, though, which he presses by knocking the woman onto her back. The beast pounces on top of Krissy, pinning her to the floor while his fists zoom towards her face. She tucks her chin to protect her face, then with an explosive movement, rotates to the right throwing One Eye off of her. Before the Militia member can regain his footing, Krista springs on top of him, holding a video monitor within her trembling hands. She stares furiously into the warrior's black eyes, seeing in his bestial face, every last ordeal and problem he and his associates have brought her and Alix over the past month. She pounds the gladiator's snout with her monitor taking out her pent up fury on the creature beneath her.

"No!" Vincent belts, hurriedly pulling his broken bones to their upright position. He turns to his "brother's" defense, and Alix spots her window of opportunity. She surges forward and drives her fingers into his throat, then follows that up with a viscous knee to the groin. He doubles over in raw pain just in time to see the horrifying vision of Krista taking one last hellish swipe through One Eye's face.

"Hot damn! This movie is gonna make Police Academy 3 look like Police Academy 5!"  Owen Wilson shouts to Kate Hudson who just shakes her head in pity.

Blood spouts like a fountain from the gangbanger's ruined face. He clutches at the mangled flesh with his huge mishappen hands, but there is no recovering from such a wound. He tries to roar but all that emerges from his gaping mouth is a wet gurgle. He topples over onto the wet concrete. His arms and limbs twitch convulsively before he finally falls silent.

JADE
Yeah, Krista! I knew she could do it! I knew it! I knew it! She's the best.

An anguished cry erupts from Vinny's throat. The sight of One Eye's defeat launches him into a murderous rage that easily overcomes the pain Alix just inflicted on him. He springs to his feet like a demon freshly released from hell. He attacks Alix with renewed fury, forcing her back towards the pit of fire in the cave scene until the blaze is right behind her shoulders. She fights back as best she can, parrying his blows with every last of her strength, but quickly finds herself on the defensive. His right hand closes about her throat, drawing blood with his claws, and she gasps for breath. His flesh feels sick and slimy against her skin, even as he crushes her windpipe with killing force. Using everything in her body, she pries his hand off her throat and thrust it down to the fire pit bellow! In the blink of an eye, Vinny removes his hand from the vat. But the damage is already done, he screams in torment, then acts on his rage by spearing her right through the chest, blasting her near the fire pit. She gasps out loud, as Vinny nears her, his barred fangs giving way to evil intentions. A thin smile comes onto his hideous face, as his eyes dart between her body and the pool of fire. But Alix isn't willing to accept defeat, and reaches behind her to grab one of the discarded blades. She drives the butt end of the sword up his chin so hard that it's a surprise when it doesn't emerge through the top of his head. He stares at her in absolute shock, blue eyes filling with blood, before Krista spins him around and shoves him towards the smoldering heat bellow.

"Give up?" Krista asks with an icy cruelty taking shape in her voice.

Defiant as ever, he spits the word no to her face. His refusal gives her the exact excuse she needed to devilishly to lean his head closer to flames of hell.

"Give up?" It comes out as more of an order then an actual question, her tone taking on something less then human.

Flames lick the fringes of his shaggy blond hair, blackening the ends, charring it altogether at some points. Distressed cries seep from his lips, playing traitor to his desire to remain stoic. His body writhes in a panicked frenzy, but all that does is cause his tormentor to tighten her grip and happily direct his head closer to the executioner.

In the end there is only one choice for Santana. A choice Vincent is loathe to make, but one his unenviable positioned has required him to state. "Fine! I submit! Fuck!" He screams in agonized depression, gritting his teeth, nearly grinding them into pearly white dust. Between coughing sobs, he weakly taps out to physically gesture his twenty six thousand dollar failure.

"Good enough for me!" Cries the last remaining referee Clem Buzzlefoxer. The 88 year old is being transported into the area on a golf cart, driven by the same security guard One Eye punched out at the start of the match. Buzzlefoxer hops off the cart, with pants unzipped and unbuttoned, shirt on backwards, and strange liquid substance on his right hand. He runs over to the girls to raise their arms in victory, but they spot the sticky white substance on his hand and take a rain check on that formality. Owen Wilson rushes to Vincent's side, not to check on his condition mind you, but to get more compliments on You, Me and Dupree. The surrounding staff throw up an enormous cheer for COD's victory, with Kate Hudson and the female production assistant running to Alix's side to exchange high fives.

Kate quips "I guess Vincent didn't know that smoking is bad for your health."

"It's too bad he couldn't handle the heat." Alix comments

"I'm sure he's feeling the burn right about now." Kate responds

"Oh, he's most definitely aflame with anger."

JADE
Whoo! They did it! Alix and Krista won the first ever Battle Of Los Angeles Match and keep their Titles! Awesome! Although I didn't really do anything but sit here and talk, I feel like it's my own personal victory!

MELODY
I bet that's the last ever Battle Of Los Angeles Match. If this company heads into bankruptcy anytime soon you can blame this one for it.

TAYLOR
Let's go to Rodney Dangerfield for the official announcement....

DANGERFIELD IMPERSONATOR
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

JADE
Or not.

We go back to the winner's circle where Krista and Alix are chatting up about their victory.

"Krissy, we're so awesome right now!" Alix exclaims, as she traps Krista within her arms.

"You mean I'm so awesome." Krista retorts only half sarcastically.

"Wha? We did it together!"

"Well, I was the one who rescued you from being charred to a  little spicy chiquita, and who figured out to win the match in the first place, and who had to get Seabiscut to chase down Ghost Rider, so you know..."

"No way!"

"Way!"

"Okay let's make up." Alix decides.

"What?"

"I'm done arguing let's kiss and make up."

"We can't, nobody won!"

"Okay you win."

"No I didn't."

"Okay, I won! Yea!"

"You can't do that!"

"Boy, you like to argue."

"No I don't."

"Then stop."

"We're not done."

"Yes we are."

"No we're not!"

TAYLOR
Uh, goodnight from Burbank everyone! Alix and Krista, should they stop fighting, will see you from the Oscar's red carpet, or maybe they already saw you, because I don't know when this show will air, Melody will see you from behind a computer screen insulting you from halfway across the country, and Jade and I will see you at the arena!

JADE
Hey, I wanna cruise by some swank Hollywood parties with Krista and Alix!

TAYLOR
I think D*LUX is waiting for you, Jade.

JADE
Right. I forgot.

MELODY
All n00bs die slow!

[Tony149]

EXCITING! EXHILIRATING! SOME OTHER WORD THAT STARTS WITH THE LETTER "E"! IT'S THE ONE AND ONLY ANGLESAULT THREAD LIVE!

March 1st - Tokyo, Japan for HeldDOWN~!
March 8th - Houston, Texas for HeldDOWN~!
March 15th - Atlanta, Georgia for HeldDOWN~!
March 22nd - Sacramento, California for HeldDOWN~!
March 29th - Thunder Bay, Ontario for HeldDOWN~!
APRIL 1ST - TORONTO, ONTARIO FOR OAOAST ANGLEMANIA VI: ETCHED IN STONE

CATCH ALL THE EXCITEMENT OF THE ONE AND ONLY ANGLESAULT THREAD LIVE!

(Cut to the announcer's table with Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura. The OAOAST Syndicated theme song starts playing.)

SCHIAVONE
We are now on the Road To AngleMania! And fans, stay tune to our weekend OAOAST Syndicated program as well as HeldDOWN~! every Thursday night, as we countdown the days until the biggest show on the OAOAST calender! And this Thursday's HeldDOWN~! will be no different. What a show we have planned! The next Quarterfinals Match in the X-Division Title tournament as James Riggs takes on Reject! We'll hear from Zack Malibu concerning his match against Drek Stone for the World Heavyweight Title at AngleMania! AND, get ready for this one! This Thursday on HeldDOWN~!, we will hear from the one and only...Caboose! That's right, Caboose will be on HeldDOWN~! this Thursday night to discuss, among other things, his loss to Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix two weeks ago. We haven't seen or heard from Caboose since that match, so we are all looking forward to his appearance this Thursday!

The OAOAST Syndicated logo flashes across the screen. Cut to a graphic saying THIS THURSDAY ON HELDDOWN~! CABOOSE RETURNS! in big white blocky letters. Footage of Caboose is shown during this. The crowd cheers loudly. The OAOAST Syndicated theme song continues playing.

VENTURA
I'm telling ya, Tony Schiavone, this will be good! Caboose is never one to hold back, so I'm interested in hearing what he has to say regarding his loss to Landon Maddix in that No Disqualification Match two weeks ago. Either way, it's good to have Caboose back.

SCHIAVONE
The former two-time OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion and former HeldDOWN~! colour commentator returns to the OAOAST's flagship show this Thursday night at 8:00 p.m. EST/5:00 p.m. PST only on TSM! And right now, fans, let's head on over to "Mean" Gene Okeurland standing by on the OAOAST Wrestling Interview Stage with a very special guest!

The camera cuts to the world famous OAOAST Wrestling INTERVIEW STAGE~! where "Mean" Gene Okeurland is standing by, OAOAST microphone in his right hand, ready to begin speaking. The OAOAST Syndicated theme song dies down. The crowd cheers.

"MEAN" GENE OKEURLAND
Thanks Tony. Right now fans, please help me in welcoming...the man who earlier tonight, defeated "The Ice Heart" Dan Black to advance to the Semi-Finals in the tournament to crown a new OAOAST X-Division Champion! (The crowd starts booing.) "The Corporate Champion" THA PUERTO RICAN!

*THE CHAMP IS HERE!*

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Know Your Role ’99" begins playing. "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican walks out through the curtains. He plays to the booing fans. PR is wearing sunglasses and looks like he just walked out from the shower, judging by his wet hair and shirt.

SCHIAVONE
P.R.L. looks rejuvenated from earlier tonight!

VENTURA
He had a nice shower, he put on a new Lightning Crew T-shirt. He looks fresh, as the kids say.

PRL taunts some fans and then walks up the steps onto the OAOAST Wrestling Interview Stage. PRL plays to the crowd some more. "Know Your Role ’99" dies down.

"MEAN" GENE OKEURLAND
PRL, earlier tonight you advanced to the Semi-Finals of the X-Division Title tournament. But that’s not why you’re out here. Apparently, you have a very special announcement to make.

"THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN
That’s right Scheme Gene. Tonight is a very special night in the history of The Lightning Crew. You see I--

"P.R. SUCKS!"
"P.R. SUCKS!"
"P.R. SUCKS!"
"P.R. SUCKS!"

VENTURA
Would you let the guy talk!?

PRL sneers at the crowd.

PRL
You see, I thought about what Popick told me last Thursday. And he was right. We DO need a Lightning Crew member to dominate every facet of professional wrestling. I mean, we already got the all-rounder, in me. We already got the best damn women’s wrestler in the world in Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. We already got a master technician in Vitamin X. We’ve got future World Tag Team Champions in Brains & Brawn.  We’ve got not one, but TWO big men in Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua. And Thomas Rodriguez and Princess Stacey are cool too. The point is, we are missing something. We are missing a certain ingredient. What we are missing...is a cruiserweight!

OKEURLAND
A cruiserweight?

PRL
Yeah. A cruiserweight. Or a high-flyer. Or a light-heavyweight. Whatever you wanna call him, we do not have him in our group! And we need that person, because that person will dominate the X-Division for us, The Lightning Crew!

OKEURLAND
But P.R., you’re in the tournament for the X-Division Championship. Aren’t you that high-flyer?

PR
I KNEW somebody was gonna ask me that! No. You see, I am EVERYTHING! I am a high-flyer, I am a technician, I am a brawler! I can do it all! We need somebody who can specialize in that field. Someone who can out-fly and out-maneuver the Felix Strutters and the James Riggs, and the Jay Richards of the world. I THOUGHT I had that person in Spanish Fly and Colombian Heat, BUT, as I would soon find out, THAT was not the case. Oh no! SOOOOOOOO, knowing full well that I needed somebody to fill this void, I did the first thing anyone would have done: I went to my family. My blood. So I picked up the phone and called my cousin in San Juan, Puerto Rico, that’s where I’m from, by the way.

OKEURLAND
I know that!

PRL
Don’t play smart with me, old man! Anyway, so I called my cousin, whose a wrestler himself, and asked him if he would be want to join the OAOAST. He said he would be delighted in doing so. So, I flew him over to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania this weekend, and after the usual business crap, wallah, he has an OAOAST contract, and is now the NEWEST member of The Lightning Crew!

SCHIAVONE
PR’s added a new member!?

VENTURA
Way to go, P.R.! Keep expanding!

PRL (evil smile on his face)
SO, without any further ado, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, the NEWEST MEMBER OF THE LIGHTNING CREW! My cousin, direct from San Juan, Puerto Rico! THE BONE THUG!

"No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds starts playing. A few seconds later, The Bone Thug comes out. Bone Thug is a 6’1" man who looks to be around 242 lbs. He has long black hair down to his shoulders, and is wearing a Puerto Rican flag bandana across his forehead and using a Puerto Rican flag bandana to cover his mouth. He’s also wearing sunglasses, an earring on his right ear, a Puerto Rican flag basketball jersey, black elbow pads, taped wrists and hands, tattoos all over his arms, black baggy shorts that have the words BONE THUG written on them across the right leg in red, and a skull and crossbones drawn on the left leg, black knee pads, and black boots. The crowd boos as The Bone Thug makes his way onto the interview stage.

VENTURA
Look at that! THAT man right there is the newest member of The Lightning Crew! The Bone Thug! Wow. Even his name sounds threatening!

SCHIAVONE
PRL is adding more members to his stable. First Stacey Robertson, and now The Bone Thug, his own cousin!

VENTURA
PRL wants The Lightning Crew to be the most feared stable in the OAOAST. And with guys like The Bone Thug in it, I think he’ll succeed.

The Bone Thug stands on the interview stage looking at the crowd. He pulls down the Puerto Rican flag bandana covering his mouth. Bone Thug looks at the crowd with disgust on his face. PRL smiles evilly. "Mean" Gene Okeurland gets a good look at the newest LC member. "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds dies down.  



"MEAN" GENE OKEURLAND
So, this is The Bone Thug?

PRL
That’s right! THIS is my cousin, Bone Thug! He is the ULTIMATE X-Division athlete. Now, at long last, The Lightning Crew is complete. He has wrestled all over Puerto Rico fine tuning his craft. And now, he is ready for the big time! With Bone Thug in my camp, we are gonna dominate the OAOAST and leave nobody unharmed!

OKEURLAND
He doesn’t seem to be one for talking!

PRL
Yeeeah. About that. See, my cousin, Bone Thug, doesn’t really take too kindly to...well....other people. In fact, he flat out REFUSES to speak English because he doesn’t want to talk to anybody else but me, my family, and The Lightning Crew. That leaves Popick out in the cold, sadly. So, other people are gonna have to do the talking for him. He’s a really nice guy once you get to know it. He’s just a little *rough* which is why he’s known as Bone Thug.

OKEURLAND
I'd think he would have to be more than a little rough to have a name like Bone Thug!

PRL gives "Mean" Gene Okeurland a dirty look.

OKEURLAND
Ermm...moving on. Bone Thug, do you have anything to say?

"Mean" Gene Okeurland puts the microphone to Bone Thug’s lips.

THE BONE THUG
Cada uno en el OAOAST está en aviso. The Bone Thug hueso está aquí, y él está aquí dominar! Haré todo en mi energía de servir al equipo del relámpago quiero y mi primo, PRL, bien. ¡Ganaré títulos, y no demostraré a mis opositores ninguna misericordia! ¡Soy el mejor alto-aviador maldito de la historia de lucha del profesional! ¡Y pronto, cada uno realizará esto, aunque yo tiene que batir el crap fuera de ellos antes de él! ¡El gamberro del hueso está aquí y él es listo, y no hay una cosa maldita de ti que los gringos estúpidos pueden hacer sobre ella!

OKEURLAND
What did he say?

PRL
He basically said that he will be the best damn high-flyer ever seen in the OAOAST! He’s ready, "Mean" Gene, and he WILL dominate! And that’s the truth, Ruth!

The crowd boos. Bone Thug continues looking at the fans IN ANGER~!

OKEURLAND
Well, I’m sure he’ll fit right in in the OAOAST.

PRL
Oh I’m sure he will! In fact, Bone Thug will have his first match this Thursday night on HeldDOWN~! So, set your VCRs and TIVOs for that, Lightning Bolts! It’s going to be a doozy!

OKEURLAND
Well, all right. Any last words?

PRL
Yeah. (Turning to the camera.) Good luck Lindsay, baby! Whoop some candy ass later tonight, my little snookiebins! I can’t wait for the day that you become Mrs. Lindsay Skyeone Gonzalez...Quagmire!

SCHIAVONE
Quagmire!?

OKEURLAND
Bone Thug, do you have anything to say?

"Mean" Gene Okeurland puts the microphone under Bone Thug’s mouth, but he doesn’t say anything.

OKEURLAND
Ooookay then. Thank you, P.R. And thank you Bone Thug for your time!

PRL
Oh, the pleasure was all yours, Gene! Thank you very much!

BONE THUG
VIVA LA RAZA~!

"No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds starts playing again. Tha Puerto Rican and The Bone Thug leave the interview stage. PRL smiles evilly.

SCHIAVONE
The Lightning Crew just got bigger! The Bone Thug, PRL’s very own cousin, is in the group now! And Jess, he might just be a future superstar in the making!

VENTURA
Well, if he’s got PRL’s blood, then he is! I like this kid’s future! We may be looking at the next big thing for all we know!

SCHIAVONE
We may, but he might have to work on his people skills first!

VENTURA
People, smeople! As long as he’s got the talent, he can do anything!

SCHIAVONE
Well, we’ll find out if he does got the talent starting this Thursday on HeldDOWN~!, when he makes his OAOAST in-ring debut! More OAOAST Syndicated coming up after the break!

PRL and The Bone Thug taunt some fans as they walk back to the entrance. PRL laughs manically while Bone Thug puts the Puerto Rican flag back around his mouth. The two men walk through the curtains as "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds continues playing.

Cut to: MARIA~!

MARIA
Still to come, the finals of the Anderson Cup Tournament! So don’t go anywhere!

Maria blows a kiss to the camera.

Commercial break

[Tony149]

*Is that all you got!?
Well, it's alright! It's alright!
I'll take your best shot!

Is that all you got!?
Well, it's alright! It's alright!
I'll take your best shot!

Is that all you got!?
I'll take your best shot!
Well, it's alright! It's alright!
I'll take your best shot!
I'll take your best shot!

Is that all you got!?
I'll take your best shot!
Well, it's alright! It's alright!
I'll take your best shot!
I'll take your best shot!

BOOM!
Here comes the BOOM!
Ready or not, here comes the boys from the South

BOOM!
Here comes the BOOM!
Ready or not, (ha ha) How you like me now?*

As the chorus plays, we see the following words appear on screen in big white blocky letters with Not-Vince McMahon saying them.

THE BIGGEST EVENT IN PARODY E-FED ENTERTAINMENT COMES...



TO TORONTO, CANADA

FOR A NIGHT...

THAT WILL BE...

ETCHED IN STONE

As this is said, the camera cuts to a silhouette slinging the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his right shoulder. It's quite obviously the current OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, "Reckless" Drek Stone.

THIS WILL BE...

Footage of OAOAST superstars.

THE GREATEST PAY-PER-VIEW...

More footage of OAOAST superstars.

IN ONE AND ONLY ANGLESAULT THREAD HISTORY!

The montage continues.

*BOOM!
Here comes the BOOM!
Ready or not, here comes the boys from the South

BOOM!
Here comes the BOOM!
Ready or not, (ha ha) How you like me now?

I said

BOOM!
Here comes the BOOM!
Ready or not, here comes the boys from the South

BOOM!
Here comes the BOOM!
Ready or not, (ha ha), how you like me now?*

The clips of the OAOAST superstars go in fast motion. Finally, the montage ends. The OAOAST AngleMania VI logo appears on screen.

OAOAST ANGLEMANIA VI: ETCHED IN STONE

SUNDAY APRIL 1, 2007 AT 7:00 PM FROM THE TORONTO SKYDOME IN TORONTO, ONTARIO, CANADA

LIVE ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW!

34 DAYS AWAY!

"Boom" by P.O.D. ends.

SCHIAVONE
We are inching closer and closer to AngleMania VI! And coming up next is a match that will lead to another match at AngleMania VI on April 1st! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez takes on Confusia for the #1 Contendership to the OAOAST Women's Championship! And it's coming up right now!

"A Bloody Murderer" starts playing. Smoke appear in the entryway. Confusia crawls out through the smoke. She continues crawling on her hands and knees as Michael Buffer begins to speak.

*DING DING DING*

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is a #1 Contenders Match for the OAOAST Women’s Championship. Introducing first. Coming to the ring at this time. She is a former OAOAST Women’s Champion. CONFUSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Confusia gets up and looks around at all directions. She then runs across the entryway and slides into the ring.

SCHIAVONE
Confusia looking to go to AngleMania VI and become a two-time Women’s Champion!

VENTURA
Yeah, but she’ll have to first deal with Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. And believe me, that won’t be an easy task.

Confusia heads to a turnbuckle corner where she kneels down and stays still.

SCHIAVONE
Confusia defeated Ashley Street at Anglepalooza *last* year in a Six-Way Survival Scramble to win her first Women’s Title. Ashley won the title back in Japan on February 21, 2006, and she’s held the Title ever since.

VENTURA
And she’ll hold it for 34 days more, because once AngleMania VI comes around, that title will come home to Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez!

SCHIAVONE
Well first, Lindsay will have to defeat Confusia, so don’t count your chickens before they hatch, Jess.

VENTURA
I can and I will!

SCHIAVONE
Okay.

Confusia stands still in the corner. "A Bloody Murderer" dies down.

*LIGHTNING CREW!*

The crowd stands up and starts booing as the opening to "No Chance In Hell" starts playing. Smoke fills the entryway. The crescendo hits, and a lightning bolt hits the entrance. "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds begins playing.

*No chance (No chance)
That’s what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah!)

We’re up against
no machine too strong (Too strong)

Pussy politicians
buying souls for us
are...PUPPETS! (Puppets!)*

Pink spotlights converge around the arena. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez comes out to a mixed reaction. She smirks at the crowd. Behind her comes out Princess Stacey. Stacey also strikes a pose. Lindsay looks at Stacey, and the two women walk to the ring with evil smiles on their faces as strobe lights appear on the entrance.

*But will find their place
in line (In line)

But tie a string around your finger now boy cuz
Cuz it’s a matter of time
Cuz you’ve got...NO CHANCE! (You’ve got no chance)
NO CHANCE IN HELL!

You’ve got...NO CHANCE! (Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!)
NO CHANCE IN HELL!

You’ve got...NO CHANCE! (Got no chance!)
NO CHANCE IN HELL!

You’ve got...NO CHANCE! (No chance!)
NO CHANCE IN HELL!*

BUFFER
And her opponent. Coming to the ring at this time. Accompanied to the ring by Princess Stacey of The Lightning Crew. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. Weighing in at 120 lbs. She is the 1st Lady of The Lightning Crew.  MISS LINDSAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GONZAAAAALLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez laughs at the fans in ringside.

SCHIAVONE
Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez has finally decided to continue her wrestling career, and she starts tonight on Syndicated, taking on a former Women’s Champion!

VENTURA
I don’t get why Popick was complaining about Lindsay no longer competing in matches. She still served well as a member of The Lightning Crew. I figure as long as she’s useful, there shouldn’t be no problem!

SCHIAVONE
Well Popick says he wants The Lightning Crew to dominate every facet of this sport. He wants Lindsay to be the best women’s wrestler in the world.

VENTURA
Makes sense. Still, if Lindsay never wrestled again, I wouldn’t complain, so long as she kept appearing in those sexy outfits every week!

Lindsay and Princess Stacey climb the ring steps. They both wipe their feet on the ring apron. Princess Stacey holds the ropes so that Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez can enter the ring. Stacey follows her. Lindsay poses in the centre of the ring to a mixed reaction from the fans. Lindsay smiles evilly. She looks at Stacey, and the two women do The Lightning Crew Salute while confetti falls from the rafters, as does a giant Puerto Rican flag.

VENTURA
Whoa! What an entrance for Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez! I gotta say, I miss seeing her all the time. When I used to commentate IntenseZone every week with Jim Ross, I had the privilege of being around Lindsay alot of the time. It’s nice to see her again.

SCHIAVONE
Lindsay’s been in the OAOAST since March of 2003, but has yet to win the Women’s Title. Infact, she’s only had one title shot, and that was in March of 2005 against Holly-Wood! Lindsay wants to change all of that tonight, as she takes on Confusia, with the winner to meet Ashley Street April 1st at AngleMania VI!

Lindsay high fives Princess Stacey as "No Chance In Hell" continues playing. Lindsay and Stacey discuss strategy as the lights go back on in the arena. Confusia is still in a corner, watching Lindsay.

SCHIAVONE
And fans, Snickers presents OAOAST AngleMania VI:  Etched In Stone! Sunday, April 1st from the Toronto Skydome in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, only on pay-per-view! Snickers: Hungry? Why Wait!

VENTURA
And Lindsay’s a Canadian herself! How great would it be if she won the Women’s Title in front of her fellow Canadians at AngleMania?

SCHIAVONE
I’m sure that would be a great moment in her career. But first, she must beat the bizarre Confusia.

VENTURA
Bizarre is right! She makes Luna Vachon look like Trish Stratus!

Princess Stacey hugs Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and then exits the ring. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez stares at Confusia, who finally gets up. Lindsay pulls on the ropes, and then smirks at her opponent. Referee Mike Chioda pats down Lindsay. When he goes to pat down Confusia, Confusia screams at him, scaring the poor referee. Instead, Mike Chioda calls for the bell.

*DING DING DING*

#1 CONTENDERS MATCH FOR THE OAOAST WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP
MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ (with Princess Stacey) vs. CONFUSIA
"No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds dies down. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez stares at her opponent for this evening. They circle each other and then lock up. Lindsay strikes first, grabbing Confusia’s right arm and applying a hammerlock on it. Lindsay taunts Confusia.

SCHIAVONE
Lindsay starting things off with a hammerlock!

VENTURA
And you said she had no wrestling skills!

SCHIAVONE
I don’t remember saying that, Jess.

VENTURA
Well, you did. You just have short term memory.

Confusia elbows Lindsay in the face, breaking the hammerlock. She continues hitting Gonzalez with forearms, and then whips Lindsay into the ropes, following up with a jumping calf kick! Princess Stacey winces when she sees this! Confusia covers Lindsay!

1...2....KICK OUT!

VENTURA
Confusia wants to end this match early. What, does she got a hot date or something? How can that be with a face like that?

SCHIAVONE
Jesse, come on! Looks aren’t everything!

VENTURA
That’s something ugly people say!

Confusia grabs Lindsay by her hair, and gets punched in the stomach for her troubles! Lindsay hits Confusia with right jabs with Stacey cheering her on. Gonzalez gives Confusia an Irish whip into the ropes. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker!

VENTURA
Hey, a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Something from PRL’s playbook!

Lindsay goes for the cover.

ONE!




TWO!





LEFT SHOULDER UP!

Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is a little annoyed, but she continues on. She picks Confusia up and whips her into the ropes. Lindsay goes for a clothesline, but Confusia ducks, bounces off the ropes, and fires off with a flying clothesline! Confusia covers Lindsay!

ONE!





TWO!



KICK OUT!

Confusia picks Lindsay up by her hair...and gets scratched in the face!

SCHIAVONE
Now come on! Lindsay resorting to cheating tactics now!

VENTURA
Hey, she’s a member of The Lightning Crew! That’s their whole M.O.!

Lindsay grabs Confusia from behind, and hoists her up into the air, applying a double chickenwing on the former Women’s Champion!

SCHIAVONE
A double chickenwing from Lindsay Gonzalez! She’s got Confusia begging for mercy here!

VENTURA
Lindsay Gonzalez is showing the world that she’s not just another pretty face! Look at her go to work on Confusia! I think Confusia might have underestimated Lindsay before the match. Not anymore!

Lindsay curses in Spanish while applying the double chickenwing. She yells at the crowd, before dropping Confusia onto the mat face-first.

VENTURA
That won’t really make a difference on her face.

SCHIAVONE
Jess, please!

"P.R. SUCKS!"
"P.R. SUCKS!"
"P.R. SUCKS!"
"P.R. SUCKS!"

Lindsay Gonzalez drops some elbows onto Confusia’s back as the crowd chants the derogatory chant against Lindsay’s fiancee. Gonzalez sneers at the crowd. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez grabs Confusia and picks her up. She goes for a Russian Legsweep, but Confusia blocks it, kicks Lindsay in the stomach, and gives Lindsay a gutwrench suplex! Confusia goes for the cover! It gets two! Confusia picks Lindsay up...and Lindsay grabs Confusia’s legs to give her a double leg takedown! Lindsay gets on top of Confusia and starts pounding her face in, causing everyone but Princess Stacey to boo!

SCHIAVONE
And Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is back in control of this match-up!

VENTURA
She’s surprising everybody! People forget that Lindsay is quite the wrestler!

Lindsay gets off of Confusia and plays to the crowd. The crowd gives her a mixed reaction. Lindsay taunts the fans in attendance.

SCHIAVONE
Gonzalez taking some time to pose for the fans.

VENTURA
She’s earned it. After all the hard work she’s done in this match, she deserves a break.

SCHIAVONE
But Jess, she better be careful. This match ain’t over yet!

Lindsay brags about her body--



---And that allows Confusia to grab Lindsay from behind and roll her up!

SCHIAVONE
Confusia’s got her! Confusia’s got her!

Unfortunately for Confusia, Mike Chioda is distracted by Princess Stacey on the outside. The crowd boos loudly!

VENTURA
The referee’s not in position! He’s talking with Princess Stacey!

SCHIVAONE
Oh for crying out loud! Someone get her out of there!

VENTURA
No way, Tony! I like having her at ringside! It gives me something two gorgeous ladies to look at!

SCHIAVONE
The referee’s finally turned around!

1....





2...






2 1/2


3!!!!!!!

KICK OUT!

SCHIAVONE
Oh! And if the referee was just a few seconds earlier, Confusia could have won the match and go on to AngleMania!

VENTURA
That’s not known for sure, Tony Schiavone. Lindsay could have still kicked out!

SCHIAVONE
Maybe so. We’ll never know.

Both Lindsay and Confusia get up. Confusia goes for a clothesline, but Lindsay ducks, and rolls Confusia up!

1...2...KICK OUT!

Lindsay gets up first and starts punching Confusia in the face. Punch. Punch. Punch. BLOCKED! Confusia punches Lindsay in the face! She does it again! And again! And again! And again!

VENTURA
Careful with those punches, Confusia! Lindsay’s got a modeling contract you know!

The punches daze the 1st Lady of The Lightning Crew. Confusia whips Lindsay into a turnbuckle corner. Confusia charges, and gets hit with a right boot by Lindsay! Still Confusia fights on, charging forward, and leaping onto Lindsay’s shoulders for a hurricarana! NO! Lindsay powerbombs Confusia down onto the mat! Gonzalez then grabs Confusia’s legs and applies the Boston Crab!

VENTURA
Boston Crab! She’s gonna win, Tony! She’s gonna win!

SCHAVONE
Confusia locked in the dangerous Boston Crab!

Confusia screams in pain, clawing the mat. Princess Stacey smiles, sensing that the end is near for Confusia. Mike Chioda checks on Confusia. Confusia doesn’t really speak coherent English so he can’t tell if she quits or not. Lindsay yells at Confusia to quit in Spanish.

VENTURA
Confusia’s gone! Lindsay’s going to AngleMania!

Confusia pushes herself off the mat. Using all the strength she’s got left, Confusia uses her legs to push Lindsay Gonzalez off of her. She keeps trying....she keeps trying....she does it! Confusia powers out of the Boston Crab! The crowd cheers!

SCHIAVONE
And Confusia able to power out of the deadly submission hold!

VENTURA
She was just lucky that time! Lindsay will get her!

Princess Stacey is disappointed. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez cannot believe that Confusia escaped. She has the McMahon SNEER~! etched on her face, so you KNOW she’s pissed. Confusia lies on the mat recovering from the Boston Crab. The Latin Bitch gets back to her feet and goes to grab Confusia...but gets rolled up in an inside cradle!

1...

2...




LINDSAY REVERSES!

1...




KICK OUT!

Confusia gets up first, so she grabs Lindsay by her legs and applies the Boston Crab on her!

SCHIAVONE
Now it’s Confusia’s turn to try the Boston Crab!

But then, Confusia turns around...and turns the Boston Crab into a STF!

SCHIAVONE
An STF is applied! Lindsay could be in trouble!

The crowd cheers as Lindsay screams in pain! Mike Chioda checks on Lindsay, who is saying "NO!" over and over again. Princess Stacey can only watch as Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez gets trapped in the STF.

VENTURA
Lindsay’s gotta do something! Her chance to go to AngleMania is on the line!

SCHIAVONE
But what can she do? She’s caught in the STF! The only way to stop it is to tap out!

VENTURA
She’ll think of something. The Lightning Crew ALWAYS thinks of something!

Finally, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez starts crawling towards the ropes. Gonzalez inches closer and close while the crowd cheers.

VENTURA
She’s doing it! She’s doing it!

Gonzalez is only one foot away from the ropes...so Princess Stacey helps her out by grabbing Lindsay’s right hand and placing it on the bottom rope!

PRINCESS STACEY
Hey ref!

Stacey points to the hand on the bottom rope, and Mike Chioda orders Confusia to let go of the hold. The crowd boos.

SCHIAVONE
Now come on! How could the referee not see Princess Stacey help Lindsay there!?

VENTURA
The referee doesn’t have eyes in the back of his head! He was concentrating on Lindsay and Confusia! If he doesn’t see it, it doesn’t count!

SCHIAVONE
The ref had to suspect something! He’s refereed his share of Lightning Crew matches! He knows how they work!

VENTURA
That’s a stereotype and you know it!

SCHIAVONE
What?

Confusia lets go of the STF at the count of 4. She stares angrily at the referee. Confusia yells out something incoherent, while Princess Stacey breathes a sigh of relief. Confusia gets up, and picks Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez up. Then, she starts punching Lindsay in her face!

SCHIAVONE
Both women are doing anything they can to win! A shot at Ashley Street’s Women’s Title is on the line!

A European Uppercut knocks Lindsay down, so Confusia goes for the cover.

1...2...RIGHT SHOULDER UP!

Confusia picks Lindsay Gonzalez up again and chops her across the chest!

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

She does it again!

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Confusia whips Gonzalez into the ropes, and hits a dropkick! The cover!

ONE!                                                           TWO!                                                                      KICK OUT!

SCHIAVONE
Confusia is building a comeback! She might just do it!

VENTURA
Not if Lindsay has anything to say about it!

The crowd has come alive, rooting for Confusia to win. Confusia gets up, more determined than ever, and picks Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez up. She goes for a vertical suplex, but Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez lands on her feet! And apparently landed wrong because she immediately collapses onto the mat!

SCHIAVONE
Wha--uh-oh! Something--something’s wrong here.

VENTURA
Yeah, Lindsay collapsed! She must have hurt her ankle!

Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez winces in pain, holding her left ankle. Mike Chioda checks up on her, causing the crowd to boo. Confusia just stands there, bewildered.

MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ
AAAAHHH! It hurts! It really hurts!

SCHIAVONE
Are we gonna have to call off the match? Does Confusia automatically win?

VENTURA
She better not!

SCHIAVONE
Well, what else can be done?

VENTURA
Let’s see if Lindsay can walk it out!

Mike Chioda pays attention to Lindsay. Confusia walks close to the ropes. At the same time, Princess Stacey is reaching for something in her right pocket. Stacey yells at Confusia. Confusia turns around.










AND PRINCESS STACEY THROWS SALT INTO HER EYES!!!

SCHIAVONE
What? What the?

The crowd boos loudly! Confusia covers her eyes and screams!

SCHIAVONE
What? This--this was all a setup! Lindsay was never really hurt! This was all a plan!

VENTURA
They’ve fooled you again, Tony! And I love it!

SCHIAVONE
Confusia has salt in her eyes!

VENTURA
I know! Look at her squirm!

Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez sees Confusia with the salt in her eyes, and smiles. She tells Mike Chioda that she’s okay. The referee asks Lindsay if she wants to be taken to the emergency room, but Lindsay insists that she’s fine. Gonzalez gets back to a vertical base and shakes her left ankle to prove it was really hurt.

SCHIAVONE
This was all a plan! Lindsay and Princess Stacey have Confusia right where they want her!

VENTURA
Brilliant plan by The Lightning Crew’s ladies!

Confusia is still covering her eyes, so Lindsay turns Confusia around, leaps onto her shoulders...














AND GIVES HER THE LINDSAY-CARANA~!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOO!"

SCHIAVONE
Lindsay-Curana! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez has given Confusia the Lindsay-Carana!

The crowd is still booing. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez crawls over to Confusia and covers her, hooking her left leg. Princess Stacey is absolutely giddy right now. Referee Mike Chioda makes the count.

1....










2....









2 1/2





2.99999999999999999999999999999999999999













3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*DING DING DING* (5:34)

VENTURA
Lindsay’s going to AngleMania!

"No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds starts playing. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is ecstatic, and so is Princess Stacey. Mike Chioda raises Lindsay’s hands in victory. Confusia is still on the mat, covering her eyes.

BUFFER
Here is your winner...and the #1 Contender to the OAOAST Women’s Championship...MISS LINDSAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GONZAAAAALLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Lindsay’s hair is all messed up, but she doesn’t care. She’s overjoyed by the fact that she is going to compete for the Women’s Title at AngleMania VI. Princess Stacey applauds her friend on the outside.

SCHIAVONE
Well, the way she got there might be the subject of controversy, but the referee’s decision is final! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is going to challenge Ashley Street for the Women’s Title at AngleMania VI on April 1st!

VENTURA
And she couldn’t be happier! Look at her! She can’t believe it! It shows what happens when you believe in yourself and follow your dreams!

SCHIAVONE
I beg your pardon? Lindsay needed help to win. She needed Princess Stacey to throw salt into Confusia’s eyes to get the pin!

VENTURA
Wrong. She did the Lindsay-Carana to get the pinfall!

SCHIAVONE
But she needed Princess Stacey to throw salt into Confusia’s eyes first!

VENTURA
Not necessarily. That was just a coincidence!

SCHIAVONE
Oh come on Jess! You saw it with your own two eyes!

VENTURA
What I saw was a woman defy the odds and defeat a tough opponent to move onto the biggest show of the year to challenge for the OAOAST Women’s Title! Way to Lindsay! You can do it, baby!

Mike Chioda checks on Confusia. Meanwhile, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez keeps mouthing "AngleMania! AngleMania!" Lindsay points to the OAOAST AngleMania VI sign in the rafters, and then makes the classic "I-Want-The-Belt" hand gesture. Lindsay smiles an evil smile as she mouths "I’m going there! I’m gonna win the Title!"

VENTURA
The Road To AngleMania VI begins now for Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez!

SCHIAVONE
That’s right, Jess. On April 1st, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez has a date with destiny! She will take on Ashley Street for the One And Only AngleSault Thread Women’s Championship in front of 60,000 plus fans in the Toronto Skydome!

VENTURA
That’s her hometown! What a bonus!

SCHIAVONE
Correct again, Jess. In 34 days time, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez will have a chance to become Women’s Champion for the first time in her career!

VENTURA
What a night this has been for The Lightning Crew! PRL advances to the semi-finals in the X-Division tournament! A new Lightning Crew member in P.R.'s cousin! And now Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is going to AngleMania VI to compete for the Women’s Title! Things are going REAL well for the future husband and wife!

SCHIAVONE
Indeed they are. Fans, we’ll be right back with more action on OAOAST Syndicated, so stay with us! There’s more to come!

VENTURA
Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is going to AngleMania VI!

Princess Stacey enters the ring and hugs Lindsay, then high fives her. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Princess Stacey gloat about what they just did. The two hot females laugh manically. Referee Mike Chioda helps Confusia walk across the entryway. The crowd boos as Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez raises her hands in victory with a wide smile on her face while Princess Stacey points to the OAOAST AngleMania VI sign behind her, saying, "That’s where you’re going! That’s where you’re going!" Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Princess Stacey gloat some more as "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds continues playing.

*FADE OUT*

* COMMERCIAL BREAK *

[Tony149]

Go to OAOASTShop.com to buy the latest in OAOAST merchandise! Toys! Belts! T-shirts! Foam hands! Bandanas! Chains! Wrist bands! And anything else your heart desires! You can find what the OAOAST Superstars wear at only one place, OAOASTShop.com! AOL keyword: OAOASTShop!

SCHIAVONE
Up next on Syndicated, we're set for...

(Cut to a camera shot of Sly Sommers, wearing jeans over a blue singlet, with kneepads over the jeans, hopping the guardrail. He grabs the microphone from Michael Buffer and hops into the ring)

VENTURA
He's not supposed to be out here now...

SLY
I'm tired of waiting...no long tirade: get Zack out here NOW!

SCHIAVONE
Folks...this was scheduled to be our semi-main event...the big No Holds Barred fight between Zack Malibu and Sly Sommers...two men who've had an issue since Sly was training to be a wrestler. He feels that Malibu tried detouring his success in the sport and his influence ended up driving Sly into collecting demons throughout the years. Sly's apparantly tired of waiting to end this road in his life, and he wants Zack NOW!

"Getting Away With Murder" starts up, and Zack Malibu walks out of the curtain! The crowd goes nuts, as he's decked out in his fighting gear (a white t-shirt, khaki pants with the kneepads over them, and bandanas tied around his wrists). The crowd goes BANANAS, as Malibu has his eyes SET on Sly. He stalks down to the ring, walking through a sea of hands wanting to touch him. Malibu gets to the ring apron, takes a deep breath, then climbs onto the apron...

BUFFER
The following is a No Holds Barred CONTEST! Scheduled for one fall, no time limit! Introducing first, from Peoria, Illinois...SLY SOOOOOOOMERSSSS! His opponent, from Providence, Rhode Island...he is the number ONE contender to the OAOAST Heavyweight Championship of the WOOOOOOOOORLD!!! The most decorated competitor in OAOAST HISTORY....ZAAAAACK MALLLLIBUUUUU!

Malibu enters the ring, and him & Sly immediately go chest-to-chest! A sea of referees run out to seperate the two! The competitors are kept at bay in their corners until the bell is officially rung, purely for insurance reasons! Everything seems to be set, as the referees leap out of the ring...

*BELL RINGS*

Malibu and Sly are already at it! They're mid-ring, trading punches, back and forth! They throw their fists as hard as possible, hoping to knock the other into oblivion! Finally, as the crowd's heating up, Malibu shows himself to be the faster puncher, as he gets shot after shot after shot in a row! Malibu has Sly reeling against the ropes, as Zack grabs his wrist and goes for an Irish whip. Sly reverses in mid-ring, and pulls Zack right into a double-leg takedown! Sommers jumps on top and starts strangling Zack with his hands!

VENTURA
Sommers is a man possessed...he believes that Malibu is the reason for all of his life's wrongs, and is willing to do whatever it takes to take it out on him!

Sly's choke doesn't last forever, as Malibu grapples himself on top of Sly, then grabs a headlock and goes crazy with punches to the head! Malibu lets go of the headlock so he can get up and begin to stomp Sly repeatedly! Sommers grabs the leg in-between punches to trip up Zack and pull him to the ground. Sly grabs Zack from behind on the mat and grabs a waistlock. Malibu tries to wrestle out as Sly deadlifts him off of the ground with it, then HURLS him right onto his head! Sommers drops down and grabs a front facelock, as Zack is able to get under Sly and gets up, holding Sly by the legs. Sommers has ahold of the front facelock as Zack charges Sly into the corner Gore-style and they crash hard! However, Sly won't let go of the front facelock. Sommers connects with a series of forearms to the back, then tries wrapping a bodyscissors around Zack. Malibu lifts Sly up, turns around, and slams him down in almost-spinebuster-like fashion! The impact of the slam breaks the front facelock, then Malibu strangles Sly until he lets free of the bodyscissors!

SCHIAVONE
Fighting fire with fire: always a Malibu M.O.!

Zack then goes into a series of down-strike forearms, while on top of Sly. One after another connect, as the edge of Zack's forearm busts Sly open! However, he's able to avoid a forearm and use the free arm to try and transition into a Fujiwara armbar as he twists around under Malibu. Zack rolls away, and both men come to their feet! Sly paces at Zack and connects with a forearm, so Zack replies with one of his own. Sly forearms, and Zack repeats. Back and forth these two go! Sly goes to chops, so Zack replies with some of his own, back and forth! Finally, after Sly throws a blistering-hard chop, Zack goes in a completely new direction and gives Sly the stiffest damn headbutt you'd ever seen! The "THUD!" echos through the building, as Sly goes down in a pile and Zack has knocked himself dizzy!

VENTURA
This crowd is going nuts, as we're seeing two men who see nothing but red try to rip one another apart!

Malibu takes a moment to shake his dizziness off, then walks over to Sly. Even as Sommers begins to make his way to his feet, Zack continues to kick. Malibu tries to pull Sly up the rest of the way, but is met with a headbutt to the stomach. Sly then forearms Zack in the back hard before lifting him up in a fireman's carry. But, Malibu escapes with two elbows to the kidney. Malibu's back on his feet, as he charges back, bounces off of the ropes, then runs at Sly...who gets him up in the fireman's carry...but the momentum sends both men flying back, over the top rope, and tumbling to the floor!

SCHIAVONE
OH MY!

Both men are down, as the crowd's already going nuts! They're struggling up to their feet, as the crowd's chanting "KILL! KILL! KILL!", but at no one in particular. With Malibu pulling himself up with the ring apron and Sly using the guardrail, they both slowly rise to their feet...then rush over to one another and go at it again! Back and forth they go with the forearms to the face! Each forearm delivered is stiffer than the last! Finally, Sly breaks up the monotony with a knee to the stomach, then pounds Malibu down to the ground with forearms to the back of the head! Sly doesn't stop the attack, repeatedly striking Zack's back on the ground, then pounding his face into the concrete floor!

VENTURA
Like he said on Thursday, this isn't for glory...Sly's out for blood!

Sly gets up to a standing position and stomps the back of his head. Sommers pulls Zack up by the hair and punches him in the face...so Zack replies with a punch of his own! Sly punches Zack, so Zack punches back! Sly breaks up the pattern with a forearm to the stomach! Sommers then rips Malibu's shirt off and chops his bare back! Zack responds with a rising uppercut! Sly then backs off, walking around the ring with Zack in pursuit. Finally, Sly's cornered in by the guardrail, so he turns around and begins to beg off. Zack takes a second to sarcastically consider it, then charges in...but Sly moves and shoves Zack into the guardrail! Sly grabs Zack by the hair and slams his face into the guardrail!

SCHIAVONE
I'm honestly surprised Sly didn't slam his face THROUGH the rail, with all that anger built up!

Sommers then grabs the top of the rail and repeatedly delivers stiff knees to the back of Malibu's head, sandwiching it between the knee and the metal with each strike! Sly lets up, then drops the straps on his singlet. Sommers pulls Zack up by the hair, lifts him for a suplex, and drops him stomach-first on the edge of the rail! Malibu screams in pain, as Sly backs up, then hits a running kneelift to Zack's face, sending him into a seated position in the front row! Sly grabs Zack by the hair and pulls him back over to the other side!

VENTURA
If Sly's dominance continues...what will happen to the AngleMania main event? It'll assuredly cripple Malibu!

Sommers then goes under the ring apron and looks around...then pulls out a Singapore Cane! Sly wastes no time showing the stick off, as he goes ballistic, pounding Zack in the back with it! He gets in six really good shots before the stick breaks! Sly throws it out of his way, then pulls Zack up by the hair. Sly puts Zack in position and goes for a piledriver on the floor! But, Zack is somehow able to come to and backdrops Sly over the guardrail and into the front row! The crowd clears, as Zack leans over the rail and starts repeatedly punching Sly in the face. Zack tries pulling Sly out of the front row by his hair, but gets headbutted in the face! Malibu stumbles around in pain as Sly comes back over the rail. Sommers climbs onto the apron, then back into the ring. He grabs the top rope, as Malibu turns around, then springboards up top and comes down with a flying knee strike into Malibu's face! The force sends Zack flying backwards, as he goes face-first into the corner of the guardrail!

SCHIAVONE
Sly Sommers is willing to do to himself to hurt Zack what most men aren't even willing to do to others!

Sly slowly gets up, holding the side of his leg. He grabs a chair out of the front row, as the fans are still scattered, and folds it up. He walks over to Zack, who has a laceration over his left eyebrow, and starts choking him with the edge of the chair's lip. After over ten seconds of Malibu gasping for air, Sommers lets up on the choke and tosses the chair down. Sly pulls up Zack by the hair and stands him up using the railing. Sly keeps Zack dazed with a stiff forearm to the face. Sly then picks the chair back up and hits Zack in the ribs with the edge of it. He then lifts Zack up for a fireman's carry and drops him ribs-first onto the guardrail! Sommers shoves Zack's legs over the rail, sending him fully into the crowd. Sly sets up the chair near the guardrail, then walks across the ringside area. Malibu comes up, holding his ribs, as Sly charges forward...leaps off of the chair, over the rail...and Zack tosses him into a slam on the floor!

VENTURA
Malibu's got insane veteran instincts, even in a fight like this!

Zack gets up, holding his side, and grabs a chair. He folds it up as Sly gets to his knees and swings for the fences...but Sly rolls out of the way and Zack hits nothing but concrete! Sly comes from behind with a groin shot, then sends Zack off with an Irish whip! Malibu crashes back-first into the guardrail. Sommers picks up Zack's chair, then runs at a sitting Zack, leaps in the air, and dropkicks the chair into Zack's face! The crowd cheers due to the move being so violent, then boos when Sly tosses the bloody chair out into the crowd. Sommers picks up Zack and tosses him back over the rail. Sly climbs back over and kicks Zack in the kidneys. Sommers grabs the previously-used chair and tosses it over the top rope and into the ring. He sees Zack getting up, so he helps Zack up the rest of the way, then shoves him back-first into the ringpost. Sommers backs up, charges at Zack, and goes for a charging move...but Zack moves and Sly goes face-first into the post! Sly stumbles back into Zack, who brings him down with the Trendsetter!

SCHIAVONE
THE TRENDSETTER! That's early in the match for that!

Zack goes for the cover!

ONE!




TWO!



KICKOUT!

Malibu brushes his hair out of his eyes, which is getting harder as blood flows into it, and grabs a front facelock on the ground. He then delivers MMA-style knees to the top of the skull to Sly, as Sommers tries to wrestle his way out. Zack pulls Sly up with the front facelock, then tosses him into the ring with it. Zack slides in, but gets caught with a tackle on the way up from Sly, who follows up with mounted punches. Sommers hops off and grabs the chair, then slams it down onto Zack's chest. Sly goes to the second rope, then comes down with a double stomp onto the chair-covered Sly! Malibu tosses the chair off of himself and sits up, clutching his ribs...but gets kicked back down with a stiff one to the chest! Sly then grabs the chair and sets it up in the corner...

SCHIAVONE
This cannot be good...

Sommers goes over to pull up Zack, but he starts fighting from underneath! Punch after punch after punch to the mid-section, and he fights Sly off. Malibu's up, and he's rallying an attack with chop after chop after chop! These strikes send Sly backwards, into sititng in the chair! Malibu punches him a few times, then backs up, charges at Sly...and Sly moves, causing Zack to dropkick nothing and land back-first on the chair seat, bending it!

VENTURA
Malibu might be hurt!

Sly grabs the chair out of Zack's wreckage and sets it up, with the chair seat's far left corner bent. As he does this, Malibu comes up to his knees, holding his lower back. Sly walks over and Zack punches him in the stomach, but Sly replies right back with a punch to the face that sends Zack back down. Sommers pulls Zack up by the hair, delivers a short-arm whip, and pulls him right into a flapjack, stomach-first, through the chair!

SCHIAVONE
OH DEAR! Malibu's in a universe of hurt!

The referee grabs the broken chair and throws it out of the ring, as Sly pulls Zack up. Sommers goes for a suplex, but Zack dead-weights him and won't come off of the ground. Sommers changes his grip on the suplex and gets Zack up in the air...but Malibu slides out of the back end! Sly turns around as Zack gets a rush and throws School's Out! But, Sly catches the boot and drives his elbow into the knee Ong-Bak style! Zack goes down, as Sly delivers a falling knee to the ribs. Sly tries to pull Zack up and lift him for something in the piledriver position, but Malibu anchors himself on the mat. So, Sly goes nuts with repeated slaps to both sides of Zack's mid-torso, then stands him up and connects with a chop to keep him standing. Sly comes off of the ropes and dives forward, connecting with a headbutt to the stomach!

VENTURA
Seems as if Sly's targetting that mid-section, which has so many vital organs and bones that if you do enough work, your opponent could be critically injured!

Malibu goes down, clutching his ribs. Sly drops an elbow on the back of Zack's head. Sommers then asks for another chair, to which a ring attendant hands him. Sly sets it up mid-ring, then pulls Zack up, who tries fighting but misses his swing. Sly then attempts to lift Zack for a belly-to-back suplex onto the chair! But, Zack is able to elbow his way out! Malibu comes down on his feet, then performs a go-behind and goes for an Angle Slam! A complete desperation move, but Sly escapes, performs a go-behind of his own, then goes for a wrist-clutch Teardrop Suplex (opponent's hand tucked beween his own legs during a headdroppy Angle Slam/belly-to-back suplex combo)! He gets Malibu up, but Zack's wiggling! He stays up in the air, then loosens his hand from Sly's grip as he slides down Sly's back, ending with Zack pinning Sly with a schoolboy!

ONE!




TWO!




KICKOUT!

Sly gets up first and levels Malibu with a European uppercut that seats Zack in the chair. Sly then climbs to the top rope. He slides his thumb across his throat, then leaps off with a flip...Zack moves, but Sly over-dives the chair for safety! Sly still lands hard on his tailbone! Sommers comes up, holding his rear, as Zack is up, not all there, but throwing a strike...Sly blocks! Sommers forearms Zack in the stomach, then lifts him in an electric chair and drops him ribs-first through the seat of this chair! Malibu rolls around frantically on the mat, trying to catch a breath! Sly scoots that chair out of the ring and asks for another! The ring attendant gives him one, as he sets it up in a corner. Sly walks over and pulls Zack up and shoves him into the corner behind him. Sly lays in a chop...and Zack fights back with a chop! Sly's shocked, but strikes back with another chop...so Zack reciprocates! The crowd's growing in excitement as Zack nails an unanswered chop, then another...and another...and he gets Sly reeling back on the ropes on the opposite side of the ring! Malibu gives him an Irish whip...Sly comes off of the ropes and runs into a big overhead belly-to-belly suplex!

VENTURA
Malibu's got a second wind!

Zack comes up to his feet, clutching his ribs but showing fighting spirit, yelling in the air! Sly comes up and runs into a back elbow that sends him right back down! The crowd's cheering, as Sly comes back up and walks right into an Exploder slam! Malibu stays down for a second slower than usual, as his ribs are killing him. Zack pulls himself up using the ropes, then slowly climbs to the top rope, as the pain seems to be killing him. As this is going on, Sly crawls over to the opposite corner, where he set up the chair. Sly pushes himself up using the chair, as Malibu perches himself up top. Sly folds up the chair, then picks it up, turns around...and walks right into a Malibu dive! Both men's skulls go into the chair at the same time and they're both down!

SCHIAVONE
Oh my! That wasn't meant to happen!

Both men look to be out cold! The referee cannot count them down, as there are no rules in this bout! The crowd's chanting...

"MALIBU!"
"MALIBU!"
"MALIBU!"

Tight shots of both men's faces show that their eyes are wide open, but they're not all there. Blood is flowing down both men's faces, as they're trying to find the energy to get up. Sly rolls over to the ropes, as he attempts to pull himself up with them. But, the crowd gets roaring as Malibu pushes himself up! Both men are up to their knees, as the "MALIBU!" chants get louder! Malibu yells to the ringside attendant, "GET ME A DAMN CHAIR!" The man obliges. Sly pulls himself over to the corner, grabs the chair set up in it, folds it up, and lifts it. Both men are mid-ring...bloodied, dazed, and armed with chairs!

SCHIAVONE
This is going to get good!

The crowd's buzzing, as both men swing...their chairs smack! They swing the opposite way...chairs smack again! They swing overhead...chairs smack! Sly gets his chair up first and nails Malibu in the hand with the chair! Zack drops his chair, so Sly swings overhead and BLASTS Zack in the head with the chair! Zack stays up! Sly connects with another hard shot...and Zack's still up! Sly seems shocked, so he reels back and PLASTERS Zack with a third chairshot! MALIBU'S STILL UP! Sly looks around in disbelief, as Zack's yelling in anger...so Sly connects with another shot! Zack takes a bump...but pops back up! Zack shakes his head, but gets sent right back down with the hardest chair shot of them all, as the chair bounces off of his skull as he falls to the mat! Sly hops right onto him for the cover!

ONE!







TWO!







THR...



KICKOUT!


The crowd goes nuts, as Sly brushes the hair out of his face and leaves a moment for shock, then pulls Zack up with a front facelock while yelling "GET ME A (bleep)in' TABLE!" The ring attendant reaches under the ring and grabs one, sliding it in under the bottom rope. Sommers yells "POP DROP!"! He lifts Malibu for his own signature fisherman's buster...but Zack somehow reverses it into a small package!

ONE!






TWO!






KICKOUT!


Zack immediately rolls to his feet, and as Sly's on one knee...Malibu hits the Zack Attack!!! COVER!

ONE!






TWO!








THREEEEEEEEKICKOUT!


VENTURA
That was SOOO close!

SCHIAVONE
These two have put one another through hell, as this crowd is going nuts for stuff I'm not sure how these men are doing!

Malibu pops up to his feet, but has to lean on the ropes after that burst of energy ends! Sly's up on one knee...Malibu rushes for another Zack Attack...he steps up on the knee...but Sly twists around and, in one motion, pops up and drops Zack with a backpack stunner!

SCHIAVONE
An old Sly favorite...

SLY COVERS!

ONE!





TWO!






KICKOUT!


Sly immediately pulls Zack up and goes for another backpack stunner....he lifts, but Zack slides right out and lands in position to lock in his dreaded California Dream! But, Sly's right by the ropes and is able to walk up them, then push off of the top rope and hit an inverted Sliced Bread #2, landing in a cover!

ONE!






TWO!






THREEEEE.....


KICKOUT!


Sly immediately pulls Zack up and hits the One Hit Wonder (Last Rites)! Sly rolls all the way through, keeping the hold on as he comes to his feet. Sly yells "OVER!", but Zack twists the move around and hits Sly's One Hit Wonder! Malibu rolls all of the way through, then turns Sly around, grabs him in a waistlock, and hits a German suplex! He keeps ahold of the waistlock...

SCHIAVONE
Here come the Rolling Suplexes!

They're up, and Zack hooks Sly...TIGER suplex! Zack brings him up again, changes his grip...bridging Dragon Suplex!

ONE!






TWO!







KICKOUT!


Malibu brings Sly right back up, then rehooks the right arm to chicken wing it...RELEASE HALF AND HALF SUPLEX! Sly lands on his head...but he's UP! Malibu comes up and turns around...Sly goes for a running lariat...Zack ducks it and goes behind with a schoolboy!


ONE!






TWO!








THREEEEEEEEEKICKOUT!



Malibu cannot believe it! He sees the table and quickly sets it up! During the last stage of setting it up, Sly attacks him from behind! Sommers forearms Zack in the back of the head twice, then lifts him over his shoulder. Malibu tries getting out, so Sly tackles him into the corner! Sly then lifts Zack into a seated position on the top turnbuckle, then chops him twice! But, Malibu fights back with chops of his own! Zack kicks Sly in the head, then slaps him in the face! Zack reaches down and hooks Sly for a fisherman's manuever, lifting him up on the middle turnbuckle with him.

SCHIAVONE
No way...


VENTURA
FALLING STAR DRIVER THROUGH A TABLE?!?!?

Zack lifts Sly directly up in the air...and Sly escapes the hold with a knee to the skull! Sommers is set down on the mat, then leaps up and CONNECTS with a palm thrust to the face! That dazes Zack long enough so that Sly can climb onto the second rope, then turn Zack sideways. Sly hooks Zack's hand between his legs...he's going for the Wrist-Clutch Teardrop Suplex! Zack grabs the turnbuckle with his other hand, trying to block the manuever. So, Sly reaches up and gives Zack a DEEP eye rake, distracting him long enough...WRIST-CLUTCH TEARDROP SUPLEX THROUGH THE TABLE!

SCHIAVONE
WOW! Both men just took a hellacious fall, and this crowd's ballistic!

Zack got somewhat away from Sly, who took almost as much of that as Zack did! Sly grunts and yells his way through it....but he slowly crawls over to Zack...COVER!

ONE!







TWOOOOOO!









THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....


KICKOUT! KICKOUT!


THE ENTIRE BUILDING is chanting Zack's name! Sly is on his knees, with his hands on his head, like he's seen a ghost! He gets up, yelling "SCREW IT!", and walks into a corner! The crowd's cheering for Zack to get up! Sly looks up to the heavens, then yells..



"SCHOOL IS OUT!"

SCHIAVONE
WHAT?!?!

Zack's getting to his feet, as Sly measures him! The crowd's yelling at Zack, telling him not to walk into Sly's trap! Malibu's completely out of it, as he stumbles up to his feet...Sly charges at him sideways....HE THROWS THE SUPERKICK....


AND ZACK CATCHES THE LEG!

Malibu spins Sly around by the leg...


ZACK HITS SCHOOL'S OUT! HE COLLAPSES ON SLY! PIN!



ONE!







TWO!









THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!



*DING DING*


THE CROWD IS NUTS!


BUFFER
YOUR WIIIIIIINNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEER! ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAALIBUUUUUUU!

SCHIAVONE
WHAT A FIGHT!

VENTURA
I don't know how he did it...but Zack Malibu took one HELL of a beating and came back to win!

SCHIAVONE
That's Zack Malibu for you....no man in this company is better at fighting from underneath, when all odds are against him, and fighting back for the win!

Malibu's on his knees, almost in tears! The referee helps him up to his feet, then raises his hand! Sly's out completely cold, as a sea of EMT's come out to check on him! Malibu, holding his ribs, climbs to the second rope and acknoledges the crowd's insane reaction to his victory! Zack then climbs down and demands Michael Buffer's microphone!

ZACK MALIBU
SLY! SLY! Guys...(brushes away the EMT's, as the company trainer gets a half-conscious Sommers up to his feet) Sly...bro. Listen...I'm telling this to your face. I don't know how much this is going to mean to you, but after that fight you just gave me, you're never going to lose my respect, bro! I'm so sorry for all that crap in the past and I hope this settles it once and for all. You got demons, man? Let me help you out...I know you fell on hard times, you might need help...let me help you, man. Just please...accept my apology?

There's a delayed reaction, as Sly's soaking this all in...the crowd is cheering....

...and Sly HUGS ZACK!

THE CROWD CHEERS! They chant "SLY! SLY! SLY!"

SCHIAVONE
That's the type of thing we love to see around here!

VENTURA
No, we don't!

SCHIAVONE
Shut up!

Sly and Zack raise each other's arms, as the crowd gives them a standing ovation! Sly then collapses to the mat! He's hurt bad! The EMT's surround him, as medics with a stretcher run out to the ring! Malibu looks incredibly concerned, as they quickly load Sly onto the stretcher and wheel him out!

SCHIAVONE
We've got to move on with this show, but we hope to get more on Sly Sommers' condition by the end of the night or, if not, during Thursday's HeldDOWN~! broadcast! But that was a match if I've ever seen one!

* COMMERCIAL BREAK *

[Tony149]

SCHIAVONE
Fans, what a phenemonal match we just witnessed! Zack Malibu and Sly Sommers tore each other apart in that very ring to prove once and for all, who was the better man! And then afterwards, after all these years, Zack Malibu apologized to Sly in an emotional moment that will surely go down in the record books as the most emotional moment in OAOAST history!

VENTURA
Lay off the hyperboles there, Schiavone!

SCHIAVONE
This has been quite the night thus far here on OAOAST Syndicated! All the matches have been exciting and memorable! We even saw the introduction of the newest member of The Lightning Crew, The Bone Thug! We are still on The Road To AngleMania VI, and tonight's show has helped shape up AngleMania VI on April 1st in a significant way! We now know that Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez will take on Ashley Street for the OAOAST Women's Title at AngleMania VI. We also now know that "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican is going to the Semi-Finals in the tournament for the vacant OAOAST X-Division Championship to face either James Riggs or Reject with the Final Match to take place at AngleMania VI. We are now about to find out the OAOAST World Tag Team Title Match at AngleMania VI as the Anderson Cup Final is just about to begin! Earlier tonight, we saw Chicks Over Dicks retain the OAOAST World Tag Team Titles over The South Central Militia in a wild, insane Battle Of Los Angeles Match! We are about to find out their opponents at AngleMania VI as Los Diablos de Fuego take on Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright of The Enterprise!

The OAOAST Syndicated logo flashes across the screen. The match-up graphic for Los Diablos de Fuego vs. Christian Wright & Theodore Moneymaker appears on screen. The crowd cheers. The OAOAST Syndicated theme song starts playing.

VENTURA (Off-Screen)
I tell ya, Tony, this is big! And I mean REALLY BIG! This is one team's shot at the big time! Either Los Diablos de Fuego or Moneymaker & Wright will get the shot, and take on the World Tag Team Champions at the biggest show of the year! And it's not like either of these two teams are strangers to Chicks Over Dicks either. We all know about Los Diablos friendship with Alix Maria Spezia, and if you recall, Chicks Over Dicks took on and DEFEATED Christian Wright and Bohemoth last year at AngleMania V! So either we are going to see a battle between good friends, or a chance for Christian Wright to get some long awaited revenge on the two women who made his life a living hell early last year!

(Return to Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura.)

SCHIAVONE
This match could change the very careers of one of these teams tonight! And a match of this importance deserves to be called with a little help, which is why we are going to be joined by a former OAOAST World Tag Team Champion, the returning "Silky Smooth" Leon Rodez in just a few moments! The Anderson Cup has come down to this! Two teams, and only ONE of them will go on to AngleMania VI to challenge for the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Tag Team Titles! Fans around the world have been waiting for this match! And the wait is almost over! The anticipation can almost end! Los Diablos de Fuego vs. Christian Wright & Theodore Moneymaker in the Anderson Cup Final starts now! Let's go to Michael Buffer already in the ring!

The camera cuts to Michael Buffer, who is standing in the centre of the ring holding cue cards in his left hand and a microphone in his right hand. The OAOAST Syndicated theme song dies down.

*DING DING DING*

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is your MAIN EVENT of the evening!



*GOOOOONG!*


"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"C'mon man"
"DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK..."

Well, I wouldn't. But, it IS a comeback, the triumphant return of LEON RODEZ, to a ROARING reaction from the Cleveland fans! "Mama Said Knock You Out" hasn't been heard in an OAOAST arena for nearly four months now and grooving along to it never felt so right, the song drawing on a little longer than usual before the curtains part and Leon, dressed in his street clothes of course, appears and freezes on the stage at the reaction!

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

SCHIAVONE
What a THUNDEROUS reception!

VENTURA
These people are going nuts Schiavone!

SCHIAVONE
For the first time since our last Syndicated broadcast, Leon Rodez is here on OAOAST programming, ready to call the main event with us. Provided he can get up here without being mobbed, of course!

VENTURA
I know how he feels.

Leon manages to bust out a little jig, but his head seems a little rigid and it's clear he's still suffering a little with his neck injury. Not that the fans seem to care though, continuing to whoop and holler as Leon is directed by a trusty member of OAOAST staff to the staircase to take him up towards the Syndicated announce desk in the sky (almost). He avoids most of the fans and their outstretched, grabby hands, making it safely to the announce position and shaking hands with both Tony and Jesse.

"LE - ON!"
"LE - ON!"
"LE - ON!"
"LE - ON!"

SCHIAVONE
Leon, take a seat, make yourself at home.

LEON
Man alive... I think one of my ear drums burst. That's all I need.

SCHIAVONE
The fans are going wild for sure. How does that rank for a welcome return?

LEON
It's the greatest welcome return in the history of our sport.

VENTURA
Haha, you should have seen that coming Tony!

SCHIAVONE
Well in any event, Leon, welcome. We've got a pivotal match in the OAOAST calendar on the way and we'll ask for your thoughts in a second, but first, let's send it down to Michael Buffer for the introductions...


*DINGDING!*

BUFFER
The following contest, scheduled for one fall, is the FINAL of the 2007 Anders...



"REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH!"

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

VENTURA
The hell?

LEON
Oh great.

Leon's sarcastic reaction pretty much sums up the thoughts of everyone in the arena, nobody what-so-ever happy to hear "Personal Jesus" by Marilyn Manson, nor to see Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix marching out through the entrance way! In the ring, Buffer and assigned referee Charles Robinson look on in disgust as Todd Cortez and Megan Skye follow The Next Generation down the aisle, Landon motioning for the microphone and a clear ring as he climbs up the steps.

VENTURA
I knew it was too good to be true to get this far without the show turning into an SWF spin-off.

SCHIAVONE
Well, we expected Landon and Cortez here tonight. But, we also expected them long before now. Where do these two get off interrupting the Anderson Cup Final of all things?

LEON
Coincidence? I doubt it.

Taking the microphone, Landon waits for Megan and Todd to join him. Todd's attention is clearly off in the completely opposite direction where the announce table in the crowd sits, but Landon apparantly doesn't mind or notice this as he clears his throat, waiting for some quiet.

MADDIX
Before we get too ahead of ourselves here, I have something to get off my chest.

"LAN - DON SUCKS!"
"LAN - DON SUCKS!"
"LAN - DON SUCKS!"
"LAN - DON SUCKS!"

MADDIX
You people realise there's no overrun time on this network, right? If you want an Anderson Cup Final over three minutes, I suggest you pipe down.

LEON
He's got a point. Not much of one, granted.

MADDIX
Obviously, there's two teams in the back right now waiting to find out if they're going to AngleMania to challenge for the OAOAST World Tag Team Titles. The grandest stage of them all, et cetera et cetera... the fact is, myself and Todd Cortez here weren't entered into that tournament. Prejudice against former SWF Tag Team Champions, whether we were an 'active team' at the time or not, is the only reason to explain why we were out while the cowboys, the bodybuilder guys and two fifths of the village people were in. So, we might not be challenging the OAOAST World Tag Team Champions at AngleMania. But, that doesn't mean we can't challenge for tag team titles.

Landon smiles to himself.

MADDIX
You see, I've been pushing, Megan has been pushing and finally, the officials in charge of HI-YAH Promotions... and, I know, I still can't believe that it's real name either... finally, they've folded to our demands. D*LUX...

"RRRAAAAAAHHHHH!"

MADDIX
(glares at the screaming women)
...congratulations, because you two have just found your way onto the biggest show of the year. All we have to do is make it official. And what better time than the present? So, consider yourselves called ou...

LEON
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!

"YYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Exchanging his headset for a house mic, Leon Rodez has climbed onto the announce table and looks down into the ring, eyes locked with Todd Cortez. Suddenly, Cortez snatches the microphone and points up at the announce position. Maddix looks confused as to why he no longer has a mic in hand and what the hell has happened to his simple AngleMania challenge all of a sudden.

LEON
It's pretty obvious you've saved up this little cherade until I was out here, so if you don't mind, I've got something to get off of my chest. You see, it's been four months since I last stood in a wrestling ring. And I'm getting some serious déja vú here, because the last people I saw in a wrestling ring, besides of course the officials and the EMTs and Zack, was you Todd Cortez. Right after you tried to paralyse me on syndicated television. It's weird. I felt sick then and I feel just as sick right now.

Cortez still has the microphone but has yet to use it, pulling it out of Landon's grasp as he tries to reclaim it.

LEON
When I arrived tonight, I had a feeling you wouldn't be too far away. Infact, I counted on it. I knew you two would show up, ready to take the shine off of my return. Well, quite frankly, that's fine with me. This grand build up to my trimuphant return sat behind a microphone, I could have done without. The words 'Return' and 'comeback' aren't going to mean a damn thing until I lace up my boots and step back into a wrestling ring, a privledge you robbed me of for four months! But guess what Todd...you put me out of action, but you didn't finish the job.

"YYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

CORTEZ
You wanna change that?

LEON
Besides that being the dumbest question I've ever heard, it's funny you should ask. See, as anyone who knows me knows, I don't get mad. But Todd, I DO get even. Repercussions will be dealt. The thought of you being stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of your life, unable to move your head more than a couple of inches in any one direction, ruining your life...that would give me no pleasure what-so-ever. Because unlike you, I have a conscience. I have a soul. I have a heart and this heart is the heart of a competitor. So my personal repercussion, my 'payback' if you will, it's pretty simple. I'm going to step into a wrestling ring again. Your plan to put me out of action, whether it was pre-meditated or just a heat of the moment action, will not work. And better yet, when I step into a wrestling ring for the first time since War Games, I'm gonna do so at your expense. Or, to put it another way, I'm challenging you to a match, one on one at AngleMania...

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Before Cortez can take that in and even think of responding though, Landon has reclaimed the microphone. And he shakes his head with a wry smile.

MADDIX
Apparantly, getting dropped on your head has done some damage to your hearing.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

MADDIX
Incase you didn't get the message, we've got our eyes set on your sister's meal-tickets. And I'm not talking about her bre...

CORTEZ
YOU'RE ON!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

The crowd positively EXPLODE as Cortez throws down the microphone and again locks eyes with Leon, The Silky Smooth One nodding his head in satisfaction from the announce position. One person not so satisfied is Landon, mouth agape as he stares a hole through the back of Cortez's head. Before, as he realises what's just happened, he waves Megan off and storms out of the ring!

Nobody seems to notice that though, too busy watching on as Cortez and Leon exchange finger points and threats from across the arena.

SCHIAVONE
Unbelievable! Leon Rodez has issued the challenge, Todd Cortez has accepted! And we've got ourselves one hell of a Grudge Match for AngleMania VI!

VENTURA
You're not kidding Schiavone! Cortez versus Rodez, April 1st 2007, Skydome!

SCHIAVONE
Well we've been knocked a little off schedule here and we're going to take a commercial break but when we return, we promise, we WILL bring you the Anderson Cup Final. Don't go anywhere!


*COMMERCIAL BREAK*

[Tony149]

SCHIAVONE
Welcome back to Syndicated, a much calmer Syndicated than when we left you. Tony Schiavone alongside Jesse "The Body" Ventura and Leon Rodez who has a date set for AngleMania VI. But right now, we need to focus on another AngleMania altering match as we are moments away from the finals of the 2007 Anderson Cup. Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright, representing The Enterprise, the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference Champions, take on the surprise package of this and perhaps any other Anderson Cup, Los Diablos de Fuego the Los Infernales Conference Champions. Jesse, I guess it's pretty obvious what your thoughts are.

VENTURA
But that doesn't make them any the less valid. Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright have gone through The Love Doctors, HI-YAH Tag Team Champions for one year. They've gone through America's Team, the Tag Team World Cup finalists. And most importantly they defeated in my mind the best tag team in OAOAST history in Black T to make it to tonight. The torch was passed and I don't expect Teddy to drop it. Teddy and CW and are shoe-ins in my book.

SCHIAVONE
But Los Diablos are masters of upsetting the odds, as we've seen so far as they won their Conference from number five seeds.

VENTURA
They had plenty of luck along the way too. The old saying goes, 'sometimes it's better to be lucky than good' and Los Diablos typify that statement. However, The Anderson Cup Finals is not one of those times.

SCHIAVONE
Leon, who's your money on here?

LEON
Please. I haven't worked in four months, like I have money to put on anything.

SCHIAVONE
And with that, let's go to the ring!!



*DINGDING!*

BUFFER
The following contest, scheduled for one fall, is the FINAL of the 2007 Anderson Cup Competition! One fall, NO time-limit, there MUST be a winner! Your referee when the bell rings, Mister Charles Robinson.


"You break the laws
You hustle, you deal, you steal from us all
Come on come on, lovin' for the money
Come on come on, listen to the Money talk
Come on come on, lovin' for the money
Come on come on, listen to the Money talk
Money talks"

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

"Money Talks" by AC/DC is welcomed by pretty much two people in the entire world. And seeing as those people are those in charge of the band's royalties, they don't count. The rest? Well, they boo their heads off, especially those in Cleveland, as Mackenzie DeCenzo leads the way. Behind her, both Theodore and Christian look more focused than usual, ahead of clearly the most important match either has been in.

BUFFER
Introducing first, team number one. Coming down the aisle, accompanied to the ring by The Enterprise's Chief Financial Officer, MACKENZIE DECENZO! At a total combined weight of four hundred and sixty two pounds. Representing The Enterprise... they are the 2007 Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference Champions... "THE NATURAL" CHRISTIAN WRIGHT and "THE BILLION DOLLAR HEIR", THEODORE MMMOOOONNEYMAKER!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Christian and Moneymaker enter the ring and Moneymaker teases the crowd with his "money fingers" pose. The duo then begin to discard their entrance attire on the lowly peasant ring attendant.

SCHIAVONE
Well Leon, a man you're very familiar with in Christian Wright in with a huge opportunity here. He's changed a lot since you've been gone however with his induction into The Enterprise.

LEON
He's changed, yeah. Clearly not much for the better. Although, maybe I'm just bias.

VENTURA
Probably.


"Humidity's risin'
Barometer's getting low
According to all sources
The street's the place to go"

As the shower of gingerbread men, courtesy of course of Ms. Spezia's Sweeties, fall from the ceiling to coincide with the entrance of Los Diablos de Fuego. Pink and yellow lights flash across the arena and disgust is already etched on Moneymaker's face, as the most flamboyant finalists in Anderson Cup history emerge and HUMP like there's no tommorrow to hump to!

"It's raining men - Hallejulah
It's raining men - Amen
It's raining men - Hallejulah
It's raining men - Amen"

BUFFER
And, their opponents! At a total combined weight of three hundred and fourty pounds... they are the 2007 Los Infernales Conference Champions! From sunny Cabo San Lucas... the sexist team in AAAAALL of Mehico! MORACCA and MARIACHI... LLLOOOOSSS DDIIIIIIAAAAAAAABBLLLLLLOOOOOOOSSSSS DDEEEEEEEEE FFFFFUUUUUEEEEEEEGGOOOOOOOOOO!!!

LEON
I've seen some things in my time. And, you know, that might sound like an off-hand little quip but believe me, when I say that I really mean that. This... this is 'interesting'.

Los Diablos, clearly delighted to be in Cleveland and even more delighted to be in Cleveland with each other make their unique way down the aisle, all being watched by The Enterprise duo. And they are NOT impressed. Not in the slightest. Moracca simply can't decide who his sombrero should go to, with so many hotties in Cleveland (his opinion, not mine). However, his choice becomes easier as he spots the announce table in the sky, collaring the poor ring attendant and gesturing wildly for her to make sure Leon gets the sombrero. Meanwhile, Mariachi rolls into the ring and sucks the middle prong of his pitchfork, freaking out Christian Wright in particular.

SCHIAVONE
So here we go, this year's Anderson Cup coming to a close with two surprise finalists. A new name will go on the honours list and one of these teams will go to AngleMania VI to challenge for the World Tag Team Championship.

VENTURA
And right now let's point out, CW and Teddy have beaten Los Diablos before. The same cannot be said the other way.

With the accessories and the entrances out of the way, we're left with our four finalists. Charles Robinson quickly warns Mackenzie that he's going to keep a close eye on her tonight, before signalling for 'one in, one out' on both sides. Los Diablos thankfully don't mis-interpretate that to mean anything dirty and they decide on Moracca starting, while on the other side it'll be Christian Wright to begin.

And after almost two months of action, the climax to the Anderson Cup is upon us!


*DINGDINGDING!*

Christian and Moracca circle for a moment, before The Natural suddenly ducks through the ropes as he decides he's not quite ready yet.

SCHIAVONE
As we said Leon, you're very familiar with Christian Wright. What's the secret to beating him?

LEON
You've got to frustrate him. He's got plenty of ability and when he dictates his slower pace he can rival a lot of guys on the roster, but the thing he lacks is a long temper and he's easily flustered. That's what I went in thinking at AngleSlam a couple of years ago and it worked for me. It's also why he went on such a long losing streak, because he let everything pile up on him and with every mistake, every loss, he lost his cool and paid for it.

Finally Christian is ready to go and tries to entice Moracca into a knucklelock. The flamboyant luchador takes a look at his opponent well built upper body. A long, lingering look. Before he eventually decides to oblige CW, locking the hands... and instantly finding himself over-powered! Christian powers Moracca down to his knees before kicking away one of the hands, wringing out the other arm and going into a hammerlock, then a rear waistlock. Despite the close physical contact Moracca looks for a way out and finds it with a sudden drop-down, breaking Wright's grip. As he hits the mat, Moracca rolls back into a wheelbarrow position, which CW is obviously unhappy with as he quickly liftss Moracca up. But he loses the slippery Mexican again and gets armdragged over, carrying on rolling until he hits the floor to break any momentum!

SCHIAVONE
First exchange goes in Los Diablos' favour and there you see, Mackenzie DeCenzo trying to prevent Christian from losing his cool.

VENTURA
That's easier said than done. You guys talk about flustering Christian? Well, Los Diablos are the masters of it, whether it's intentional or not.

Climbing back in Christian takes one look at Moracca and decides to let Theodore Moneymaker try his hand.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Laughing at the reception from the Cleveland crowd, Moneymaker again makes with the "money fingers". However, as Christian and Mackenzie frantically tell him to turn around, Moracca sneaks up on him and scores a roll-up...


1...





2...




Moneymaker kicks out and ducks Moracca's imminent attack on the way up. Nobody home though, Moracca diving over top and pulling Teddy into a sunset flip...


1...





2...




Kickout again. Again Moracca is a step ahead of Moneymaker, ducking a wild clothesline and pulling him down with a Crucifix...


1...





2...




Another kickout! Moneymaker scrambles back to his feet again and finally he gets the jump on Moracca, catching him coming in with a knee to the gut! Looking mighty relieved he then whips Moracca off into the ropes, ducking his head early. Too early as it turns out, Moracca putting on the brakes and using Theodore's well groomed locks to plant him face-first into the canvas with a Faceplant! Worried about his rugged good looks Moneymaker checks his face as he gets to his feet, not realising his ring positioning until Moracca's clothesline sends up and over the top, Teddy's face bouncing off the ring apron for good measure!!

"YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

SCHIAVONE
It's not just their 'antics' that'll fluster you though, Los Diablos can more than accomplish that with their speed alone as Theodore Moneymaker is finding out!

Christian and Mackenzie rush around to their boss and check his face for damage, while Moracca returns to his corner and exchanges a hug with Mariachi.

"LOS DI - AB - LOS!"
*clap clap clapclapclap!*
"LOS DI - AB - LOS!"
*clap clap clapclapclap!*

WRIGHT
SILENCE!!

"LOS DI - AB - LOS!"
*clap clap clapclapclap!*

Apparantly there's no lasting damage done to Theodore, the melodramatic concern from Mackenzie and Christian all for nothing really. Mariachi has made the tag meanwhile and waits in the ring for Moneymaker, who brushes his associates off and slides into the ring, pointing the finger at the Diablo and telling him he's 'gonna pay!'

Presumably, that'll be after he eats a drop toehold.

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

Moneymaker holds his face again as he climbs back up, Mariachi brushing past him on the way to the ropes and then ducking another wild Moneymaker swing. As he approaches the other side of the ring Mariachi suddenly leaps to the middle rope, twisting in mid-air and wiping out Moneymaker with a crossbody...


1...





2...





Kickout!

Rolling across the ring, Mariachi creates some distance as Moneymaker rushes to his feet and charges the luchador. A leapfrog saves Mariachi though. And as Theodore then stops just short of the ropes, he lands a dropkick, again pitching The Billion Dollar Heir up and over the top, this time frontways and bouncing off the top rope before ending up in a heap on the floor!

SCHIAVONE
And Moneymaker, right back out to the floor! Safe to say, this isn't going too well for The Enterprise.

LEON
If Moneymaker and Wright are The Enterprise, does that make Los Diablos Klingons?

VENTURA
In more ways then one, yes.

Moneymaker starts to cuss up a storm on the outside, Mackenzie covering her mouth in shock being the refined woman that she is. As Theodore takes his frustrations out on the ring skirt it's left to Christian to calm his partner down, Mariachi and Moracca watching all this and surely loving it.

LEON
I tell you what, you can't judge that book by it's cover, I know. But can you imagine Los Diablos challenging for the World Tag Team Titles at AngleMania?

VENTURA
No.

SCHIAVONE
Well, if they get there, nobody can argue that they don't deserve it. Anyone who wins the Anderson Cup earns it.

Back inside climbs Moneymaker now and he looks to slow the pace down as he dares Mariachi into a test of strength. Despite his partner not faring too well earlier with this tactic Mariachi takes the bait... suckering himself into a boot to the gut from Moneymaker!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

VENTURA
Haha, there we go! Los Diablos have got speed to spare, but brains not so much.

Moneymaker doubles Mariachi up with the boot and quickly taps his temple to show he has the brains, before lifting Mariachi's head up...


*SLAP!*

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

...and leathering him with a knifedge chop! A clubbing overhand right drops Mariachi back to the canvas, Moneymaker able to dictate the pace now and looking much more comfortable for it. Front facelock applied, Moneymaker takes Mariachi up and over with a Vertical Suplex and pins him down with a tight cover...


1...





2...




Kickout!

By the mask Moneymaker keeps hold of Mariachi and he reaches back with his foot, allowing Christian Wright to tag himself back in. The Natural steps in and waits as Moneymaker whips Mariachi across the ring. A hard back elbow cuts Mariachi down, Wright making the cover...


1...





2...




...and getting two. So, Wright sits Mariachi up and applies a chinlock, looking to wear Mariachi down.

SCHIAVONE
The Enterprise now able to dictate the pace and all of a sudden, this Anderson Cup Final has taken a different complexion.

VENTURA
I've been saying it all along, it's better to be lucky than good sometimes, but tonight is not one of those times. Moneymaker and Wright are a rock solid tag team, a very old school vibe to them. They might not be able to pull off crazy armdrags and moonflips like Los Diablos, but they know how to win matches.

Mariachi doesn't stay grounded for long, humping the energy in the air created by the Cleveland fans. He then goes to the gut with an elbow. Again. And a third time, breaking the chinlock! Mariachi then dives and makes the tag in to Moracca!

LEON
Didn't do such a good job cutting off the ring...

Climbing straight to the top, Moracca sets and soars...




...AND GETS SPEARED OUT OF MID-AIR!!

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

LEON
...that was okay though.

Wright quickly hooks the leg and demands the count from referee Robinson...


1...






2...






NO!

Growling under his breath, Wright grabs one of Moracca's limp legs and drags him across the ring towards The Enterprise's corner. Tag made to Theodore Moneymaker who climbs in and heads straight to the middle rope, dropping his forearm directly across the head from the second floor! Another cover...


1...





2...





Another kickout!

Having just returned to his corner, Mariachi is surprised by Moneymaker, rushing across the ring and barging him off the apron to ringside! He manages to avoid the ring steps and with a rush of Latino blood slides back in, only to be cut off by referee Charles Robinson. With the referee's back turned, that allows Mackenzie to come into play. She quickly grabs CW's briefcase and as Wright holds Moracca wide open, Mackenzie JAMS THE CORNER OF THE BRIEFCASE INTO THE RIBS!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Moracca throws a fit clutching his ribs (Brutus Beefcake style), damage clearly done by the metal briefcase. As Mariachi retreats from the ring that's all referee Robinson sees though, Mackenzie 'innocently' checking to see if the briefcase has been properly locked.

SCHIAVONE
Now come on Jesse, you can't condone that.

VENTURA
You obviously don't know me very well after all these years then.

SCHIAVONE
Nevermind better to be lucky than good, now it's 'better to cheat than to win fairly'?

VENTURA
I never said that. However, something along the lines of 'it's better to win at any cost than lose' wouldn't be so far from the truth.

SCHIAVONE
Jesse, that's cheating, plain and simple. That's grounds for a disqualification...

LEON
Oh, you two! Like a married couple you are.

SCHIAVONE & VENTURA
...

With the referee back in position, Moneymaker stops Moracca writhing for long enough to make the pin...


1...







2...






No! Kickout, not very convincing though.

SCHIAVONE
In all seriousness, Moracca is in a very bad way after that briefcase shot. He might have broken a couple of ribs.

LEON
And hair grows back, but Beefcake, your ribs, they may not grow back the right way!

SCHIAVONE
...

LEON
Sorry, Curt Hennig flashback. Uhm, yeah, ribs are a neccessary part of today's modern society.

The Enterprise make another exchange and in comes Christian again. Whether Moneymaker saw what happened or not isn't clear, but Wright knows exactly what happened and goes right after the ribs with his stomps! Moracca howls out in pain from behind his pink mask as Wright tries to grind Moracca's ribs into pieces with the heel of his boot!

"CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!"
"CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!"
"CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!"

WRIGHT
SILENCE!!

"CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!"
"CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!"

LEON
He should really save his breath. They're never going to 'SILENCE' at his say-so and he needs to get over it.

Pulling Moracca to his feet, Christian aims him to the far most set of turnbuckles and puts all of his two hundred twenty five pounds behind an irish whip...


...Moracca clattering out of the corner like a train hitting the buffers!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

VENTURA
It's only a matter of time if Moracca's ribs really are bust. If you can't breathe, you can't fight.

Wright is able to take his time now, literally strolling across the ring. He might as well have a bowler hat on and a newspaper in his hand. Apart from the bare chest, nobody would bat an eyelid where he to walk down the business district of Wallstreet. By the mask he pulls Moracca back to his feet, executing a simple scoop and a slam to position Moracca in the middle of the ring. For a lateral press...


1...





2...




Shoulder up.

Again Moracca has to be forceably dragged to his feet by The Natural, barely able to stand on his own power without crouching over in pain. Wright doesn't help matters by pulling him into a short knee to the gut. And a second short knee strike. Wringing out the arm, CW then whips Moracca into the ropes and leaves the knee trailing again. This time though, it's not just for the strike, it's to ensnare the labouring Luchador into the time-tested Abdominal Stretch!!

VENTURA
Always a painful hold, but especially so with hurting ribs.

SCHIAVONE
Especially so after a briefcase to the ribs as well.

LEON
Burn! You're not giving that up, are you?

With no problems stretching out the one hundred and seventy one pounder, Wright is able to jawjack with Mariachi in the meantime. Of course, Mariachi is Mexican. Which is tough, because most English speaking humans don't have any idea what Christian is talking about half the time, let alone those to whom it's a second language.

"MO - RA - CCA!"
"MO - RA - CCA!"
"MO - RA - CCA!"
"MO - RA - CCA!"

The crowd start to sense their beloved luchador is in trouble as Charles Robinson checks for a submission and start to get behind him. With the referee's line of vision changed though, it allows Christian to reach back...




...AND LINK ARMS WITH MONEYMAKER DOWN THE APRON!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

SCHIAVONE
Again, behind the referee's back more blatant cheating! Is this what you mean by 'old school' Jesse?

VENTURA
It's what I mean when I say they're successful!

Howls from the fans and from Mariachi alert Charles Robinson to the problem. Well, the source, not actually what it is. Theodore Moneymaker changes the subject when Robinson confronts him and claims the reason he's halfway down the apron is because Mariachi is. The last part is true and that causes Robinson to go over to him, ALLOWING CHRISTIAN AND MONEYMAKER TO LINK ARMS AGAIN!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

VENTURA
Haha, Theodore Moneymaker with the referee in the palm of his hand! This is the secret to great tag team wrestling!

LEON
It wasn't when me and Zack held the Titles.

VENTURA
And you lost them to The Beverly Hills Blonds. Enough said.

The added leverage has Moracca wailing in pain, Moneymaker and Wright releasing hands just in time to avoid being caught. With the added leverage gone Wright then decides to drop the submission, shoving Moracca down and cradling him into a pin...


1...






2...






NO!

Wright brings Moneymaker back into the match now, Teddy sauntering over and slamming a boot into the back of Moracca's head. As much of an insult as a damaging strike, The Billion Dollar Heir laughing it up at the luchador's expense. He then picks Moracca up and executes a quick Gutwrench Suplex, straight into the pin...


1...






2...






SHOULDER UP!

MONEYMAKER
C'MON REFEREE!!

Taking his frustrations out, Moneymaker sits Moracca up and DRIVES the knee down the length of the spine! And a second time! He then throws Moracca down again, covers...


1...






2...






KICKOUT!

SCHIAVONE
One thing you can't deny is the heart of Los Diablos.

VENTURA
Oh, they've got plenty of guts. More than brains, that's the problem.

Another tag is made between The Enterprise and they set Moracca up, pulling him first out of the corner and then right back in spine-first! Moracca crumbles in the corner as Wright places a foot across the throat, cutting off the oxygen to the luchador's lungs for four very crucial seconds before breaking.

"LOS DI - AB - LOS!"
*clap clap clapclapclap!*
"LOS DI - AB - LOS!"
*clap clap clapclapclap!*

Pulling Moracca out of the corner, Wright scoops the Diablo into his arms. And in a rare show of raw power he's able to then press the luchador up and over his head, just long enough to drop him STOMACH FIRST ACROSS THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!!


*CLANG!*

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

LEON
Oh, he missed the padding and hit the outside of the buckle!

SCHIAVONE
And if Moracca's ribs weren't injured before then they certainly are now!

Moracca lies across the top turnbuckle in agony, Mariachi complaining to referee Robinson about the tactics. Aside from a warning there's not much he can do though and Wright clearly isn't listening as he brushes Robinson away. Climbing to the middle rope, Wright drags Moracca around until he's more upright on the turnbuckle. He then hooks the head and the tights, taking a quick glance behind him at the exact spot he expect to land...






...AND DOES, WITH A SUPERPLEX ON MORACCA!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

SCHIAVONE
Superplex off the top!

VENTURA
That's it Schiavone, he's just gotta make the cover!

LEON
Easier said than done though guys, that move took a lot out of Wright too.

Indeed it did and both men are down. Mariachi clearly worried in the corner as Mackenzie pounds on the ring apron to encourage her man on. Eventually Wright does start to move and crawls across, making sure he gets a firm body to body pin on Moracca rather than just an arm...


1...








2...









3-

NOO!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Even that isn't enough!

MONEYMAKER
AGAIN! AGAIN!

If at first you don't succeed...


1...





2...




No!


...uhm, third time's the charm...


1...





2...




No!

...and I'm all out of clichés. And Wright is all out of pins, joining Teddy and Mackie in venting his frustration at referee Robinson.

SCHIAVONE
The Enterprise beginning to get a little frustrated here at not being able to put Moracca away!

LEON
This is what The Anderson Cup means. Well, so I hear, I've never been in it. Makes you wonder why I'm here really!

Even now, Moracca still shows some fight and tries to crawl to his corner. Not happening though as he's dragged away and to his feet. Wright lands a European Uppercut on Moracca before going over, making the tag to Moneymaker.

"MO - RA - CCA!"
"MO - RA - CCA!"
"MO - RA - CCA!"
"MO - RA - CCA!"

Scoop and a slam by Moneymaker, positions Moracca right by the Enterprise corner. Climbing up onto the middle rope, facing out into the crowd, The Billion Dollar Heir then takes a moment to taunt the crowd, giving them the "money fingers" taunt again. Even Mackenzie and Wright join in this time, while Teddy takes a last glance back and flops backwards, with the back elbow from the second...



...BUT BY THE TIME HE GETS THERE, MORACCA HAS MOVED!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

WRIGHT


MACKENZIE


Moneymaker ends up tumbling head over heels, flat on his face as he comes to a rest. Meanwhile, Moracca is crawling in search of the corner, Mariachi begging him to get there and tag him in! And perhaps some other actions, a little less conventional.

Christian Wright wants to witness neither though and sneaks in, grabbing Moracca by the ankle and holding him at bay!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Hopping on one foot is hard enough with pristine ribs, let alone the aching ones Moracca is running on. However, he manages it, getting up onto a standing foot and throwing an Enziguri... DUCKED! Moracca saves himself from landing face-first however and rolls forward, which sends Wright lurching forwards head over heels! Rolling back to his feet, Wright tries to cut Moracca off again. This time, a little more vociferously. A little too much so maybe, as Moracca dodges his charge and with a free run to the corner...





...HE GETS THE TAG!!!!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

LEON
Cue the Mariachi band!

In comes the fresh luchador and he is a HOUSE EN FUEGO~! as he rushes in, taking out Wright with a One-Footed Dropkick, right to the mouth! Moneymaker returns to his feet and soon regrets it. In dives Moracca, hooking the head and spinning him around 180 with a Swinging DDT!

SCHIAVONE
The tide has well and truly turned! Mariachi, running riot!

VENTURA
Like only a Mexican can, right?

Off the ropes comes Mariachi now and as Wright ducks his head, Mariachi bunny-hops him and snares the far arm on his way over, taking him over with a modified armdrag. Wright rolls straight back to his feet and earns a lucha shoulder pop, setting him in place as Mariachi again hits the ropes. Drop down by CW forces Mariachi up and over, the pink luchador leaping to the middle rope and somersaulting backwards with a Quebrada Press than folds CW in half!!

"YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

Seeing as Wright isn't the legal man Mariachi is quickly back to his feet and focuses on Theodore Moneymaker. Still down, The Billion Dollar Heir is a sitting duck as Mariachi tumbles with a Somersault Legdrop, right across the throat! And the cover...


1...






2...







Broken up by CWii!

VENTURA
There's only so long one man can fight off two, no matter how 'fiery' and speedy they are.

Wright hooks on a waistlock to pull Mariachi up, the luchador kicking his legs like a child in a strop. A succession of forearms over the back soften him up before the waistlock re-attaches and he looks for a German Suplex...


...NO! Mariachi lands a hard elbow to block. Hooking the head, Mariachi then makes for the nearest set of ropes and scales them one by one before hitting the SLICED BREAD #2!!

LEON
It's the best thing since Sliced Bread #1!

As he hits the canvas Wright immediately going rolling out of the ring. Caught up in the moment Mariachi intends to follow him as he runs the ropes. However, Theodore Moneymaker puts pay to that, getting to his feet just in time to wipe him out with a lunging Lariat!!

"OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Mariachi almost goes inside out from the shot, which might have been a kinder landing than the one he gets on his neck. Rolling him over, Moneymaker covers Mariachi...


1...







2...







Only two!

Still a little shaken Moneymaker sits Mariachi up. And, tired of dealing with these Mexicans, he decides to go for the finish as he clamps on the BANK VAULT!!

"YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAA...


...well, ALMOST clamps it in, as Mariachi tumbles to the side before the hands can lock, causing Moneymaker to go rolling with him. Both men come back to their feet at the same time and Teddy looks for a quick boot. However Mariachi catches it, leaving The Billion Dollar Heir hopping hopelessly on one foot before snaring him over with a Dragon Screw!

LEON
That's a good way to tear a knee ligament, trust me.

Rolling through with the screw, Mariachi now steps through and tries to lace up the legs for the Escorpión. Moneymaker is far from an easy target yet though and uses his leg strength to push the luchador away. Tucking and rolling, Mariachi is up before Moneymaker though and ducks underneath a clothesline. It's Moneymaker who keeps on going into the ropes this time. And a drop toehold scythes him down, bouncing face-first off the canvas as Mariachi tumbles over top into the Oklahoma Roll...


1...








2...









NO!!

Both men scramble up...



...not noticed by the masses, distracted by Moracca running down the apron with the Apron Run Cannonball...







...but Mackenzie drags Christian Wright to safety by the arm...



*THUD!*


...AND MORACCA ENDS UP SOMERSAULTING FLAT BANG ONTO THE CONCRETE FLOOR!!!!!

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

SCHIAVONE
MORACCA CRASHES AND BURNS!!

VENTURA
He is done Schiavone! It's down to two on one now and like I said, you can only fight those odds for so long!

LEON
Nevermind three on one, which it's as good as now.

Back in the ring and Mariachi is taking the fight to Moneymaker with a flurry of quick right jabs. With Theodore backed into a corner Mariachi pops up, executing a picture perfect Dropkick that has Moneymaker bouncing back into the turnbuckles, slumping against the middle buckle. Mariachi then gives 'the signal', the signal that can only mean... some sort of spinning move.

Noteably a Tornado DDT, hooking on a front facelock from the middle rope. Off he leaps, bringing Moneymaker around the world with him for a second time in the match...



...but Moneymaker hangs on and throws him off safely. Mariachi puts on the brakes and hits the accelerator, going underneath a clothesline from Moneymaker on the way to the ropes. A back elbow has the same result, Mariachi running into the ropes just as Mackenzie DeCenzo appears in shot with the briefcase wielded...






...but Mariachi leaps to the middle rope and springs away before she can strike!! The luchador then points the finger at Ms. DeCenzo, who tries her best to look innocent...



...long enough for Christian Wright to scramble up the steps, across the apron AND HANG MARIACHI'S THROAT ACROSS THE TOP ROPE!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

SCHIAVONE
Mackenzie with the distraction! Christian with the hotshot! Damn it, it IS three on one!!

Mariachi's neck whiplashes off of the ring rope and he stumbles backwards, right into Theodore Moneymaker. A hard knee to the kidneys sets him up, clamping hold of the arm AND LOCKING HIM INTO THE BANK VAULT!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

VENTURA
It's over Schiavone!

SCHIAVONE
Moracca is down and hurt, no-one to save Mariachi. He needs a miracle here...

But none seems to be coming. Instead, the luchador simply seems to be going limp.


Mackenzie watches intently on the floor, Wright on the apron...






...as Mariachi flails...






...hopes for a save...







...AND GIVES UP BEFORE HE PASSES OUT!!!


"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

*DINGDINGDING!*

VENTURA
THAT'S IT! Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright win it, they're the Anderson Cup Champions!

LEON
Just brilliant.

Mackenzie looks like she's about to faint, acting as if she just won an Oscar rather than witnessed her charges pick up a victory in the Anderson Cup. She and Christian embrace as Moneymaker releases the Cobra Clutch Sleeper, laughing away at the top of his lungs as Mariachi chokes for breath underneath him.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen... here are your winners... and, the 2007 ANDERSON CUP CHAMPIONS!!! The team of CHRISTIAN WRIGHT and THEODORE MONEYMAKER!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Absolutely elated, Mackenzie whoops for joy. Wright meanwhile slides into the ring and shakes hands with Moneymaker, a manly hug between the two rugged males not going down well, which is ironic considering who they just beat.

SCHIAVONE
The Enterprise have pulled it off, they've won the Anderson Cup! In the end it was relatively comfortable, although we shouldn't discount the role Mackenzie DeCenzo played...

VENTURA
Yes we should! Nothing should cloud the issue, Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright have done it. They beat The Love Doctors, they beat Benjamin and Moss, they beat Black T and now deservedly they're going to AngleMania VI to challenge for the OAOAST World Tag Team Titles. What a rise for a team only months in the making, a relative newcomer and a former Rookie Of The Year with a crisis of confidence, to achieve this here tonight! I won't have you taking anything away from them, either of you, they earned the Anderson Cup just like any other team would have done! More so! I tell ya what, this is an amazing moment!

SCHIAVONE
Los Diablos shouldn't be discounted, they put in a tremendous effort this year. But it was just one match too many, one upsets too many to pull.

VENTURA
But tonight is Theodore and Christian's night! Forget Los Diablos, they're the runners-up and nobody remember the runners-up! Give it up for The Enterprise.

SCHIAVONE
The Enterprise will be going to AngleMania and with that, we leave you for OAOAST Syndicated. From Tony Schiavone, Jesse "The Body" and Leon Rodez, we'll see you Thursday night for HeldDOWN~!

As The Enterprise continue to celebrate, The Beverly Hills Blonds begin to make their way down. A huge explosion of confetti erupts in the rafters and the Anderson Cup Champions revel in it all, despite the boos of the fans. And it's this scene that we leave OAOAST Syndicated on. An unhappy one for many. But a perfect one for The Enterprise. They're going to AngleMania.


MONEYMAKER


FADE TO BLACK

[Tony149]

PRODUCED BY
OAOAST Entertainment

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Zack Malibu

DIRECTED BY
Ed Wood Caulfield

OAOAST CREATED BY
Cobainwasmurdered
Tony149
Anglesault

WRITTEN BY
King Cucaracha
Ed Wood Caulfield
Patty O'Green
Phoenix Fury Legdrop
Zack Malibu

© 2007 OAOAST Entertainment
All Rights Reserved