Chanel #99 Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-BROADCAST IN OAOAST HD AND 3D RENEE We're getting closer and closer to AnglePalooza, but before anyone gets thrown over a rope, or tossed into a gangbang they have to survive HeldDOWN! I am Renee Young with my partner in life love and quirky jokes, Da Coach for a night with HUGE Anderson Cup implications! TONIGHT IN THE ANDERSON CUPCOBRA STRIKE VS THE VAINGLORIOUS BASTARDS TEEN SCREAM VS THE KINGS OF THE HEAPTONIGHT! *** Sonic w/ Heavy D & The Warthog vs. Studderboxx w/ Snot & Slime *** An Internet favorite, the shackles were freed from Sonic as he was in full hedgehog mode on this night. Before the bout even got underway Sonic caused the OAOAST Galaxy to "ooh" and "ahh" when he DIVED over the top rope and somersaulted onto Studderboxx who was still in his SHOPPING CART!!! COACH & RENEE DAYUM~! Slime and Snot ran around like headless chickens as Sonic dived back into the ring, dropped his pants and grabbed his junk. All while wearing a backwards baseball cap! RENEE The Lethal Bang isn't till this Sunday at Anglepalooza! Studderboxx eventually made it into the ring but Sonic stayed on the attack and WON with the Sonic Boom. Winner: Sonic, via pinfall. After the match Sonic surprised Heavy D and Warthog by calling out Hood Again, grabbing his junk again in the process, though he kept his pants on this time. SONIC You wanna play? Well I'm game. Let's do it! HEAVY D & WARTHOG COACH Who spiked Sonic's cereal? Hood Again and Uncle Moe walk down the aisle to cheers and surrounded by OAOAST officials who make sure things don't get out of hand. But there isn't any danger of that. Not on this night. In fact, Hood Again seem impressed by Sonic. UNCLE MOE Kid's got balls. Who'd a thunk it? MOSES & KAWHI OAOAST officials keep the peace as Heavy D and Warthog give Sonic a piece of their mind. Clearly not thrilled with his actions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 One Lane RoadDay timeGrand Rapids, MI Riding in a black SUV is Maggie Nerdly, with a pair of Leon's henchmen surrounding her, and one at the wheel. The ride is going smoothly until the driver and Maggie notice someone lying in the road way. MAGGIE Run over them. They're probably dead anyway. The driver nods, but suddenly the figure pops up, the figure of Cassidy #2! She opens her hands and sends the car tumbling forward with a powerful spell! The spell is so strong it crashes the automobile into a tree! CRAAASSSSSSSSSSSSH! The bodyguards and Maggie spill out with Regan bleeding from the head. CASSIDY #2 How's it going? MAGGIE Die now bitch. Suddenly Ivar descends on the guards, ripping their heart out before they can properly attack #2. Thus Maggie is left on her own, face to face with Cassidy #2 and Ivar The Cunning. CASSIDY #2 Welcome to a hostage exchange. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 As we return from commercial break the OAOAST Women's Champion Holly is in the ring with her husband Logan Mann by her side. Leezus Price wears his own custom designed 300 sweatshirt you can buy at OAOASTShop HOLLY Gretchen, you little bitch! “GRETCHEN! GRETCHEN! GRETCHEN!” HOLLY Shut you (beep)ing (beep) suckers! “BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO!” RENEE That's pretty low to call the Galaxy that. HOLLY I can't stand you bitches and I can't stand that posh (beep) eating (beep) Gretchen Wright. If a baby got left on my door step and there was a note saying it was Gretchen, I'd drown the (beep)ing baby in my pool! “BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH Dayum~! That's hatred. RENEE That's not just hatred, that's crazy! HOLLY I swear to god, I'm gonna knock that little bitch out. I mean it! You wanna (beep) my husband, Gretchen! Mine? That's you wanna do? Go after my man, my one and only man! LOGAN Hhehe, that's me! HOLLY Logan may be a worthless pissant with no stroke game- LOGAN HOLLY But he's my worthless pissant with no stroke game! You should've known to keep your damn lotioned up hands off him. Off my man! “LOGAN LOVES GRETCHEN! LOGAN LOVES GRETCHEN! LOGAN LOVES GRETCHEN!” HOLLY I thought I told you to keep your (beep)suckers closed! “WE DON'T HAVE TO! WE DON'T HAVE TO! WE DON'T HAVE TO!” HOLLY And I don't have to talk! I'm outta here! The fans have indeed chased Holly off Logan having to rush after his furious wife. RENEE That story of Holly's is full of inaccuracies. The Galaxy is right, its Logan that chased Gretchen, and Gretchen who told him to get lost. Either way, if Gretchen can manage to win the Lethal Bang she and Holly will be seeing a lot more of each other. COACH We all know Gretchen ain't winning no Lethal Bang! COMMERCIAL, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 *** OAOAST tag champions The Christ Air Express vs. Keyboard Warriors (Wisdom Goof & Cuck Goes The Weasel) *** Having sat back and watch the teams involved in the 2016 Anderson Cup pummel each other, it was time for the OAOAST tag champs to step into the ring themselves in a non-title bout. And they made quick work of the Keyboard Warriors, picking up the W after hitting the Virtue of Ignorance on Wisdom Goof. Winners: The CAE, via pinfall. TO THE BACK~!, where OAOAST correspondent Sara Jean Underwood chatted with OAOAST 6-man tag champions The Party Brigade and the "King of Bronies" Daisuke Motozaki. TPB, joined by Amberlyn Duncan, hyped their semifinal Anderson Cup match next week against the Playmakers, reminding the All XFL Team members they defeated them in The Challenge last year. Suddenly the guys were interrupted by Southern Immorality's RICO DE JANEIRO and REMY BRAZIL, along with PETE-O. Remy spoke of the group's new lease on life after finally getting rid of the cancer, a reference to last week's incident with Lucius Soul. Then Amberlyn busted Pete trying to take an upskirt pic on his phone and slapped him! * WHAP * PIERCE, J.RIGGS & DAISUKE With the champs attention on Amberlyn and Pete, Remy and Rico laid out TPB and Daisuke. PETE-O RICO Consider this a challenge. Remy and Rico stomp the champs and leave. DAISUKE *straining* Anglepalooza. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 On screen stands Papa Duncan! Only he's in a field of flowers, and he's in black face, and he's wearing a white shirt that reads All XFL in magic marker. THE XFL? I am The XFL! THE XFL!!!! THE XFL? And I want your kids to taste my creampies! TASTE MY CREAMPIES! THE XFL? What's more American than a kid with a creampie? Ethnically diverse children appear on the field with The XFL. Some are differently abled, and maybe some are gender neutral. KIDS Kids with The XFL's Creampies! Queen Esther skips onto the scene full of joy and merriment. QUEEN ESTHER Can I help dispense creampies to children? THE XFL? You sure can! Hey, let's do it together, America! Let's give kids creampies! KIDS YYYYYYYEAAAAAAAAAA! QUEEN ESTHER Splendid! I do so love a good creampie! We fade out to The XFL's locker room where Krista watches with a horrified world champion and some random Asian dude. KRISTA What do you think? Huh, huh, huh? Some of those people weren't kids, but they were kid identifying. THE XFL YOU FUCKING BITCH, GOD DAMN IT SHIT, QUIT DOING THIS TO ME! KRISTA I think you're unstable. THE XFL If I'm unstable it's because you keep telling people I molest little Asian dudes. KRISTA No, this time I said little American dudes. I was very clear on that after my focus group. ??????? Hing hing wing wing wow. THE XFL Who the fuck is this guy? Where's Queen Esther? KRISTA This is Cheng Meng. THE XFL Who the fuck is Cheng Meng? KRISTA I dunno, my dad and Vinny were hanging out with him but then they got bored and left him on the sidewalk. CHENG MENG Hing hing peng peng THE XFL What is that? That can't actually be Mandarin. KRISTA So you molest his children then you tell him his language is fake. THE XFL I didn't molest anyone's kids! Stop saying that! KRISTA Level with me, you're not happy with the ad I produced for you. THE XFL Of course I ain't happy! KRISTA The production values are top notch. THE XFL They are very good. KRISTA So why aren't you happy? THE XFL Because you keep saying I'm a child molester, and I ain't! KRISTA Ya know what, I'm done here. I tried my best to make you happy, because you're my friend- THE XFL We ain't friends, I hate your guts, and you hate me. You're coming after my world title! KRISTA Come again? THE XFL We're fighting at Anglepalooza for the belt. KRISTA What belt? I don't really wear belts. THE XFL The world heavyweight championship. KRISTA I'm like 140 pounds, so... THE XFL Argggggh! This ain't how my reign was supposed to go, I'm supposed to be the man heading into AngleMania and feasting as only the Young Wolf can. KRISTA You talk exceptionally weird, like who calls themselves the Young Wolf and talks about feasting in the middle of everyday conversations. CHENG MENG Ping ting ting ting. KRISTA He said if he was twenty years younger he could be your boyfriend. THE XFL ARTGGGGGGHGGH!KFWNSESDFRNBD! KRISTA Okay then, I'm gonna go, and we'll hopefully be seeing each other at AngleMania. THE XFL AnglePalooza! AnglePalooza! KRISTA That's what I said. THE XFL No you said AngleMania. KRISTA They're the same thing. THE XFL No they ain't. KRISTA Okay, I'm gonna go. Bye! COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 2, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2016 ***Anderson Cup: Tanner Neptune and Jo-Jo Whoa Vs Kings of the Heap*** The Kings of the Heap as usual weren't impressed with their foes, and as usual had a few flippant remarks... RAYDER Ay, didn't we already face these lads last round? SCOURGE Ye know what, they do look familiar to me. RAYDER Run along little lads, we beat ye already. Get our real opponents, some real blokes, capable of giving us a decent row. JO-JO Quit goofing off, you know we're not the Time Killers. TANNER What if we secretly are and we just don't know it? RAYDER A real smart lad here, innit he? SCOURGE Eh, we'll beat ye all the same whoever ye are. JO-JO Just like we're Goldust, you're gonna remember our names after this match! Jo-Jo showed out early on with some high flying tricks to dizzy the heels. But when Rayder hit a powerslam, all hoped seemed lost. But not for long as Tanner got a tag and took the fight to his foes. What Tanner lacks in brains he makes up in skills, and gave The Kings a run for their money. But, they grounded him with a double powerbomb and isolated him from his corner. But, Tanner has a never say die attitude at Tan It Like You Mean then got a hot tag to Jo-Jo! The Montreal native had to fight two on one while Tanner recovered, but Tanner got back into the game just as quick as he good. Problem is, Scourge pulled out a spiked club from beneath the ring apron. RENEE How did that thing make it through airport security?! But BRIAN TRAVIS KIDD saved the day and tossed Scourge into the steel steps. Right after that, Jo-JO school boy'ed a stunned Rayder for the win! Winner: Tanner Neptune and Jo-Jo Whoa, via pinfall Post-match Tanner and Jo-Jo celebrated with BTK and give him much thanks for his help. RENEE The OAOAST Galaxy is going crazy for Teen Scream! COACH I'll give it up to them, they're looking hot in this Anderson Cup. RENEE And they're one win away from being AngleMania feature players Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 2, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2016 Backstage in the hallways many people watch with shocked faces or snickering mouthes as Archie, dolled up in comedic whore look with lipstick and huge amounts of clumping eye shadow labors his way through. Catching up to him is his charge, Sabrina Oakheart SABRINA Archie, wait up! What happened to you? ARCHIE Malaysia found me earlier and helped me with some new makeup options SABRINA Uh, what? Just what on earth happened to you, Archie? ARCHIE Don't call me Archie SARBINA That's yer stinking stupid name, retard. ARCHIE My name is Esmeralda. SABRINA Huh? What are ya talkin about? That ain't yer name, goofy. ARCHIE I am not goofy. I am Esmeralda. A pretty and petite little girl, who loves his Mistress Malaysia. Who loves his Mistress Malaysia. Who loves his Mistress Malaysia. Who loves his Mistress Malaysia.Who loves his Mistress Malaysia.Who loves his Mistress Malaysia.Who loves his Mistress Malaysia.Who loves his Mistress Malaysia.Who loves his Mistress Malaysia.Who loves his Mistress Malaysia.Who loves his Mistress Malaysia. SLAAAAAAP! SABRINA Snap out of it, you big dumbass! ARCHIE I am not a dumbass. I am a prett- SLAAAAAAP! SABRINA Yer a man! ARCHIE (crying) I'm a little girl. She told me I am. SABRINA I don't care what she said, I only care what I got to say. And I say you're a man! So say it! ARCHIE (crying) I'm a little girl. SABRINA Yer a man! Sabrina socks Archie in the arm, which seems to wake him up. Just a bit that he comes out a fog. ARCHIE (crying) I'm a man? SARBINA Yeah! ARCHIE I am a man. I am a man. I AM A MAN! A MAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! Sabrina is ready to cheer on Archie, only she's attacked from behind by a chair wielding Sugar! ARCHIE Sugar doesn't settle for attacking Sabrina from behind. Rather she proceeds to dump that cheese in a can crap all over her! It isn't until Sabrina's golden hair is covered in the gunk that she turns to Archie. SUGAR You got something to say to me, four eyes?! ARCHIE I...well...I....I am a petite and pretty little girl. SUGAR Yeah, that's what I thought! Punk! Patooie! Yes Sugar made the spitting sound effect instead of spitting. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 2, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2016 ***Bohemoth Vs Simon Singleton W/Molly Nerdly Over The Top Rope Challenge*** RENEE So both these two men are in the Lethal Rumble, with Bo desperate needing a win to get a title shot that he otherwise wouldn't get. And to win this match you have to throw your foe over the top rope. Bohemoth got over confident thanks to the size advantage and wound spending the early part getting the baby oil chopped off his chest. SIMON Can I hear a whooo, Bohemoth? BOHEMOTH Kiss my ass! Bo started taking things seriously, and had Simon on the verge of elimination several times. But each time Simon would come back, and after a while he started to nearly eliminated the much bigger man. But things were ruined when BROCK AUSSTIN ran in for the attack! RENEE Brock Ausstin?! No Contest Brock lariated Simon over the ropes, but was soon attacked by DEUCE DEUCE BIGELOW! RENEE Now Deuce! As Deuce and Brock brawled, Bohemoth got into a fight with the arriving TEDDY BUCKWORTH! And soon Conan Channel and Big Papa Thrust were brawling out from the back. COACH The Lethal Rumble has kicked off early! RENEE And it spilled out of the ring. Let's get this taken care of while we're on break. Please! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 2, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2016 Backstage, OAOAST correspondent Sara Jean Underwood was joined by OAOAST United States Champion Tyler Bryant, Lorelei DeCenzo and THE FLEX at the world famous interview lounge. Of course SJU wanted to know why Tyler went back on his exclusive interview a couple weeks back. TYLER You must love seafood 'cause you're selfish! Lorelei laughs, Flex nods. SARA JEAN Says the guy who calls himself the star of the future. LORELEI A factual statement, oh by the way. TYLER And keeping with the facts, as United States Champion that jumps me to the front of the line when it comes to getting a World title shot. At least it should've. Instead I go into Sophie's office a couple weeks ago expecting to be given the good news only to be told I'm in the Lethal Rumble match! But I'm the U.S. Champion. Why waste time with the rest when you've got the best *pointing to self* right here? Just slot me into the main event of AngleMania. SARA JEAN Before you go making your plans for AngleMania, you will be in action prior to the Lethal Rumble match when you and Flex take on former U.S. Champion Oscar Friberg and BTK -- Team SCREAM -- in a tag match. LORELEI Wow, Ty, you might actually have to break a sweat Sunday night at Anglepalooza! TYLER Just another thing to add to my list of credits going into AngleMania. And I am going to AngleMania as the winner of the 2016 Lethal Rumble and leaving as the next OAOAST World Champion! Don't think so? Then go look out into the sky at night. You'll see the stars aligned with one shining brighter than others... Tyler Bryant. LORELEI COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 2, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2016 Backstage Pete-O is hurrying to escape from god knows what. PETE Gotta get the hell outta here, gotta get away from The Party Brigade! Gotta get away from the pony man! But Pete runs right into an ice cream eating Sugar Belle! SUGAR Hey, you dingdong! You made me lose my ice cream. PETE-O You're beautiful. SUGAR What'd you say to me, fatso? PETE-O Uh...uh...I have ice cream in my truck if you'd like some. SUGAR I want a Popsicle! PETE-O Of course, of course! Yes you can have my popsicle. Yessssssss. SUGAR I want yogurt! PETE-O Oh yes indeed you can have all my yogurt. SUGAR Good. Now, are you out here running from something? You yellow? PETE-O I'm trying to get away from the Party Brigade and Daisuke. SUGAR That's a chump move. A yellow move! I ain't run from no Sabrina Oakheart. I man up! You gotta man up! You gonna start manning up?? Well, are ya, punk?! PETE-O Yesssssss, let's go get my Popsicle and my yogurt and you can man me up. Yessssss! SUGAR Let's get a move on! PETE-O Yessssssssss! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 2, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2016 *** Anderson Cup, Semifinal: Cobra Strike w/ Melody Nerdly vs. The American Idols *** Minus fellow Vainglorious Bastards member Taylor Swift's Bae, who was back in Mexico preparing to headline a ARRIBA card the following night, Rodrigo Larkins (a/k/a Back Alley Lover) and KC Roach, collectively The American Idols, defeated Cobra Strike to advance to the Jannetty Conference Finals in an action packed affair. All 4 men were battling inside late in the match when Cobra Strike decided to mount the American Idols in the corner. As the OAOAST Galaxy counted along with each blow Roach managed to dump Ned over the top to the floor! * SPLAT * COACH DAYUM~! Roach then clubbed BW who Larkins hooked and sprinted forward, flinging the Lone Star Gunslinger through the air and into a neckbreaker by Roach for the 1-2-3. RENEE Trump Card! Winners: The American Idols, via pinfall. FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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