Tony149 Posted March 9, 2013 Report Share Posted March 9, 2013 BOOM!BOOM!BOOM!BOOM!B-O-O-M~! The camera cuts through the smoke to reveal we are in the national capital of the Great White North, Ottawa (dramatic pause) Ontario, Canada for another edition of HeldDOWN~! We SWOOP~! over the jam-packed crowd over to Sofa Central. COLE We welcome you once again to the OAOAST's flagship program...HeldDOWN~! Michael Cole here with you at ringside alongside Jonathan Coachman as always. Tonight, we've got not one, not two, but THREE tournaments continuing, Coach. COACH I forget, does the H1 Grand Prix winner earn a shot at the Tag Team champions at AngleMania for the X-Divsion title? COLE Take it easy my confused chocolate companion, all will be explained as we go along. Tonight, we have two more first round matches in the X-Division title tournament. In a rematch from Anglepalooza, the match that necessitated this tournament in fact, Reject takes on Jamie O'Hara and in the other first round contest, James Riggs takes on the returning Otaku II. COACH The Vegas oddsmakers are getting behind James Riggs to win this tournament. COLE Please tell me you still aren't betting on these matches? COACH Slippery Sal's giving me 4-1 odds. I can't lose! COLE Enjoy your thumbs while you still can, partner. Anyway, we're going to kick things off here with Anderson Cup Conference Semifinal action, so let's send it over to our broadcast colleagues Tony Schiavone and Jesse Ventura for the call. Guys? We pan over to the table to the right of SC. SCHIAVONE Thank you Michael Cole and hello everyone, Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura, back with you for more 2007 Anderson Cup action here on HeldDOWN~! But first, we want to quickly remind you, February 24th, to join us for another edition of OAOAST Syndicated! As always, we'll be in for another action packed night... VENTURA Hopefully not as action packed as AnglePalooza was. Leaving the arena at half past three in the morning was a bitch. SCHIAVONE ...and of course, Syndicated will host the finals of this year's Anderson Cup. And Jesse, rumour is we'll be having a special guest joining us for those finals. Call the hotline for more details on that one! Please... In the meantime, we've got our next Conference Semi-Final upcoming, featuring the two surprise packages of this year's first round. Infact, the only two teams who bucked the seedings in the first round. The number five seeds up against the number eight seeds, Los Diablos De Fuego take on The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew and one of those teams will upset the opening odds and make it to the Los Infernales Conference Final! Jesse? VENTURA Schiavone, everyone laughed at me when I suggested The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew would make it past The Heavenly Rockers. Especially you. Well, who's laughing now? Rico and Lucius, that's who. They just need to beat those oddball Mexicans, Los Diablos, who lucked out thanks to an injury in the first round remember, to get to that Anderson Cup Conference Final. And they're still undefeated as a team in the OAOAST! Who knows how far they could go! SCHIAVONE Well, for the record, The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew needed an assist from The Sooner Bruisers to make it this far. But let's not get bogged down with the ifs and the buts right now, let's get to the action and go down to Michael Buffer! *DINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a semi-final match in the Los Infernales Conference of the 2007 Anderson Cup! "Easy lover She'll get a hold on you believe it Like no other Before you know it you'll be on your knees" The smooth sounds of Phil Collins' "Easy Lover" waft through the arena and the entrance doors part for the grooviest cats in all of the OAOAST! Rico de Janeiro swaggers out, stroking his 70s porn stache down as Lucius Soul follows outcombing away at his afro. The duo seem confident, more confident than usual, an extra little swagger/strut in their respective steps as they stroll to the ring. "She's an easy lover She'll take your heart but you won't feel it She's like no other And I'm just trying to make you see" BUFFER Introducing first! Weighing in at a total combined weight of four hundred, ten pounds... the number eight seeds in the Los Infernales Conference... the team of RICO DE JANEIRO and "SWEET" LUCIUS SOUL... they are, THE MARDI GRAS HHHOOOOMMEEWWRRRREEEECCKKIIING CCRRREEEEEWWWWWii! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Climbing to the apron, Rico points out a couple of (H)Ottawa natives and gives them the porn 'stache treatment. The girls are obviously desperate, as they go wild for the Brazilian beefcake. The rest of the crowd meanwhile continue to rain down with boos, none of which seem to register with Rico or the grinning Lucius. "Humidity's risin' Barometer's getting low According to all sources The street's the place to go" The crowd suddenly perk up, as a shower of gingerbread men begin to fall from the sky, courtesy of Mrs. Spezia's Sweeties! Donald Trump, she ain't. Which isn't neccessarily a bad thing. As the fans take cover from the potentially lethal snack treats plummeting from the sky, Los Diablos skip their merry way out onto the entrance way! Moracca drops it like it's hot, Mariachi miming a thorough spanking of his partner like something out of a 50 Cent movie. Except with two guys. "It's raining men - Hallejulah It's raining men - Amen It's raining men - Hallejulah It's raining men - Amen" (Ow!) BUFFER And, their opponents! At a total combined weight of three hundred and fourty pounds... they are the number five seeds in the Los Infernales Conference. From sunny Cabo San Lucas... the sexist team in AAAAALL of Mehico! MORACCA and MARIACHI... LLLOOOOSSS DDIIIIIIAAAAAAAABBLLLLLLOOOOOOOSSSSS DDEEEEEEEEE FFFFFUUUUUEEEEEEEGGOOOOOOOOOO!!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" SCHIAVONE Two very flamboyant teams, set to square off here. VENTURA Wait a minute Schiavone. 'Flamboyant' is all well and good, but you can't compare these two Mexican rent-boys to Rico and Lucius! Rico and Lucius might be a little flamboyant in appearance, but they're strict ladies men. SCHIAVONE Well, there's plenty of women on their feet for Los Diablos that I can see. VENTURA All for nought. These two are beyond 'flamboyant'... they're camper than a row of pink tents, pitched up outside a Kylie Minogue concert! Los Diablos enter the ring, as a stray gingerbread man finds it's way into the ring from the crowd and bounces off of Soul's head. Lucius freaks out and checks his fro is still intact, combing it furiously as Rico kicks the offending gingerbread treat into touch. *DINGDINGDING!* Once he's sure the 'fro is ok, Lucius elects to start for his team. On the other side, Mariachi and Moracca engage in a game of rock, paper scissors, Moracca winning out with scissors over paper... and gets a handful of 'paper' up the toucous, Mariachi giving his partner in life and love a good-luck spanking. MORACCA We're ready to go now as Moracca and Lucius circle briefly, Lucius talking 'that smack' towards his opponent. The masked luchador seems more interested in Lucius' hair though as they finally lock up. A quick side headlock and a takeover brings Moracca to the ground, Lucius cranking back on the head and confidently telling everyone that 'I got this sucka'. Until that is Moracca starts to STROKE the afro seductively, freaking Lucius out to the point that he releases the headlock and scrambles to his feet to complain to the referee. VENTURA I'll say one thing about these Los Diablos. Intentional or not, they know how to take their opponents out of their game better than anyone else in the OAOAST. As the complaints continue, Lucius pulls a comb out of his back pocket and fixes his 'fro. Before he can return the comb to it's pocket however, over comes Moracca, snatching the 'fro pick and making to DROP HIS TIGHTS ready to comb his own personal 'afro'. However, thankfully he doesn't get that far as Lucius lands a boot to the gut! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" VENTURA Why are they booing? Don't tell me that actually wanted to see... 'that'. SCHIAVONE I think they're booing the cheapshot, actually. Lucius stashes his comb before wringing out the arm, whipping Moracca into the ropes. A clothesline misses the mark, Moracca swooping underneath a second clothesline too. Showing no signs of slowing down Moracca hits the ropes for a third time and leaps into Lucius with a Lou Thesz press! And, in a very un-Thesz like move, he starts to fondle the face and chest as the count is made... 1... Quick kickout by Lucius, offended by the touchy-feely nature of his opponent and ducking through the ropes to call a timeout. "LOS DI - AB - LOS!" *clap clap clapclapclap!* "LOS DI - AB - LOS!" *clap clap clapclapclap!* SCHIAVONE The fans in Ottawa solidly behind Los Diablos here. VENTURA Well, they're Canadian. What do you expect? After re-composing himself Lucius ducks back in and looks for another lock-up... faking Moracca in and landing another quick boot to the gut. A couple of right jabs knock Moracca off balance before Lucius tries another irish whip. This time Moracca reverses though, sending Soul to the ropes and greeting him with a BUTT-BUTT on the way back, ass to mouth action that Lucius Soul doesn't fancy experiencing again as he scrambles for his corner... ...just as Rico goes swaggering off down the apron! SCHIAVONE Woah! I don't think Rico wants any of this action! VENTURA Well, can you blame him!? Pulling himself up in the corner Lucius asks Rico where the hell he's going, distracting him as Moracca flies in with another BUTT-BUTT, this time sandwiching him in the corner! Lucius simultaneously gags and staggers out of the corner, Moracca waiting on him with a deep armdrag. Another armdrag follows. And a third, Japanese style this time, Moracca holding onto the arm as he makes the tag to Mariachi. Up top goes the now legal Diablo, waiting while Moracca wrings out the arm and rubs it against his genitals (ew!) before dropping off the top with a double axehandle across the arm! Lucius nurses the arm as Mariachi now applies a wristlock, placing a couple of Soul's fingers in his mouth... and performing an arm wringer, by the TEETH! VENTURA Come on referee, he's biting him! I don't know if that's legal where these two come from, but it's not legal inside a wrestling ring! Referee Nick Patrick is well aware of that and begins to count Mariachi, demanding a break. Before he can even reach 'quatro' however, Lucius makes his own escape, firing off a left hand to the Mexican luchador's forehead and sending him rolling across the ring! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" SCHIAVONE Closed fist by Lucius. VENTURA How can you complain about a closed fist when there's a guy dressed from head to toe in pink sucking on people's fingers!? Let's get serious here Schiavone! As Lucius looks at the bite marks on his right hand and contemplates how much a tetanus shot is going to cost him, here comes Mariachi again. Latching on with a wheelbarrow, Mariachi tries to bridge up. Lucius blocks the next move with a shove, only to get cradled forward into a pin... 1... 2... Kickout. Both men up and Lucius goes for a right hand. Mariachi ducks the right though, pulling Lucius down by the left in one quick movement with an armdrag variation. Through to his feet rolls Lucius, Mariachi barging into him with a lucha shoulder pop and making for the ropes again, his shoulder pop not leaving Lucius winded for long enough though as he waits with a BEAUTIFUL Standing Dropkick!! "OOOHHHHHHHHHH!!" VENTURA There we go, great move! Finally, somebody remembered this is the Anderson Cup and realises the opportunity they've got awaiting them tonight! What damage has been done is hard to tell through Mariachi's pink mask, but he seems to be trying to check his nose as Lucius pulls him back to his feet. A scoop and a slam plants Mariachi near the Mardi Gras corner. And the tag is made as Rico de Janeiro is finally ready to enter the match, lifting himself to the second rope and coming down with a forearm drop right between the eyes! Cover... 1... 2... No! Rico sits Mariachi up and leans his weight down with a rear chinlock, putting the forearm across the nose for added discomfort to the Mexican. VENTURA Rico, the biggest man in the match, slowing things down and dictating his own pace. Very smart move. The Brazilian continues to suck the life out of Mariachi. Only, not out of the orifice the luchador would have liked. Moracca starts to hump the top turnbuckle in support of his partner and don't ask me how, but it seems to work as Mariachi starts to try and fight back to his feet. Rico cuts him off at the knees with a forearm over the back though. And another. Rico strokes down the 'stache... and lands a third forearm. *slap!* With Mariachi in a position he's clearly comfortable with, on his knees, Rico and Lucius make the tag. The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew execute a double irish whip, putting Mariachi down with stereo back elbows. As Mariachi again checks his masked nose, Rico then gives Lucius a leg up, assisting him for a Standing Moonsault! 1... 2... Kickout! SOUL C'mawn dawg! Lucius bemoans the count, until Mariachi starts to crawl away, forcing him to land a quick stomp to the back of the head. Bringing Mariachi back up, Lucius then backs him into a corner. Kick to the chest. Another. Another. And another, Mariachi slumping against the bottom turnbuckle, winded. "MA - RI - AH - CHI!" *clap clap clapclapclap!* "MA - RI - AH - CHI!" *clap clap clapclapclap!* Smirking at the crowd's reaction, Lucius jaws with some Los Diablos fans before backhanding Mariachi across the face!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" VENTURA Haha! He pimp-slapped him Schiavone! No more than he deserves! SCHIAVONE Blatant disrespect there from Lucius Soul. The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew might be coming off of a big victory, but they better not get too over-confident here. Lucius pulls Mariachi up now and whips him corner to corner. Full run-up, in rushes Lucius Soul, soaring and spinning through the air 360 degress with the Soul Brother Splash!! As Mariachi staggers out, a back elbow puts him down, setting up the cover... 1... 2... Two count! As Mariachi flops around like a fish out of water trying to get back up, Soul walks over and tags Rico back in. The King Of The Mardi Gras slowly swaggers out, stroking down the porn 'stache as he measures Mariachi for a simple boot to the side of the head. A second boot lands across the ear, Rico turning to the corner ready to stroke the 'stache at Moracca... but thinking better of it as he sees the Mexican licking his lips seductively. So, he finds a better way to taunt the illegal man, executing a vertical suplex on Mariachi and putting him through some more suffering. SCHIAVONE Rico, just oozing arrogance. Amongst other things. Rico takes his time jawing with Moracca, allowing Mariachi a little time to recover, catching de Janeiro coming back by leaping up and landing a forearm! Moracca lands a second forearm! A third! But a knee to the gut cuts him off though, Rico whipping him to the ropes and looking to follow him in with a Harley Race knee. A baseball slide from Mariachi helps him detour that though, rushing to his feet and diving for the Los Diablos corner... ...CAUGHT! Rico catches Mariachi in his arms and applies a Bearhug! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" However, as Rico puts the squeeze on the merry Mexican it becomes clear that he's kinda liking it. And by the time Rico realises that, it's too late...*SMOOCH~!* ...as Mariachi starts to FRENCH-KISS THE BRAZILIAN'S FOREHEAD!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" VENTURA What the HELL!? Understandably Rico throws Marachi off of him and quickly looks to make Mariachi pay for the unwanted intimate contact, aiming a clothesline at his head... but Mariachi drops down, crawling through the legs AND MAKING THE TAG TO MORACCA!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" SCHIAVONE There's the tag! As Rico tries to wipe the slobber from his face, Moracca bypasses and dropkicks Lucius off of the apron and to the floor. Moracca then rushes back at Rico, who has recovered sufficently to lunge forwards. Baseball sliding through the legs Moracca ends up behind the Brazilian, leaping up onto his shoulders and tipping forward with the victory roll... 1... 2... But Rico kicks out, making the victory roll just a 'roll'. Keeping the tempo hig, into the ropes goes Moracca again. Hearing Rico trailing him hot on his heels, Moracca thinks quickly and leaps to the middle rope, backflipping over Rico. The Brazilian keeps going, back off the ropes but into a waiting Moracca and a spin wheel kick to the jaw! As Rico rolls away, more concerned with the state of his moustache than his actual facial features strangely, in comes Lucius Soul to pick up the slack. A forearm clubs Moracca from behind, Soul beating Moracca down until he's suitably weakened for an irish whip towards the corner. Grabbing the ropes, up and over goes Moracca however, Soul managing to avoid a collision with the turnbuckles on his way under but turning around into a Hurricanrana, sending him flying across the ring! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" SCHIAVONE If you'll excuse the pun, Moracca is a house en Fuego! Moracca gets a little too carried away though and as his body gets ahead of his brain, he gets caught napping in the centre of the ring by a Rico de Janeiro clothesline! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Not playing around any longer, Rico hauls Moracca back to his feet and clubs away as he waits for Lucius to recover back to his feet. Lucius first detours, baseball sliding into Mariachi and dumping him from the apron to the floor, before setting in place as de Janeiro performs a double-leg takedown on Moracca. Leaning back, Rico then s l o w l y propells the luchador across the ring with the Slingshot... *SMACK!* ...RIGHT INTO A BICYCLE KICK FROM SOUL!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" SCHIAVONE WOW! Moracca taken out of mid-air with an amazing kick! VENTURA They turned him inside out! That's gotta be all, surely! Rico sure hopes so, as he turns Moracca over and covers... 1... 2... NO! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Moracca is still relatively fresh and able to kickout. This time, at least. The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew come up with a Plan B now, Rico directing Lucius to pick Moracca back up. Which he does, holding Moracca in place as Rico barrels off the ropes. SCHIAVONE This looks like a tactic doomed to fail. And sure enough, it is. Moracca breaks free of Lucius' grip and grabs a headlock, launching up in time to catch Rico around the head with a headscissors. After a dip to the left, he then tumbles right and executes a headlock takedown on Lucius, bringing Rico with him with the headscissors takedown in addition! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Momentum carries Soul out of the ring, leaving Rico alone with the horny luchador, barging him into a corner and climbing the ropes in front... "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" "SIX!" "SEVEN!" "EIGHT!" "NINE!" ...a couple of hip thrusts, pumping his crotch into Rico's face... VENTURA Oh dear God! "TEN!!" The tenth punch wipes The Brazilian's mind of the disgust of the situation, leaving him scrambled as Moracca leaps away and waits on his opponent. Out staggers Rico, Moracca landing a boot to the gut to double him up. With a quick sidestep he then bypasses Rico, running up the turnbuckles... ...changing his mind mid-way... ...and preferring instead to SOMERSAULT OFF THE TOP TO THE FLOOR, WIPING OUT LUCIUS SOUL AT RINGSIDE!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" SCHIAVONE What a dive from the daredevil luchador! VENTURA But that's not gonna win him the match. Nevermind that you can't win on the floor, Lucius isn't even the legal man! As Moracca and Soul end up in a multi-cultural heap on the floor, that leaves two more multi-cultural superstars in the ring. Rico de Janeiro looks up, confused that his opposition has disappeared. As he spots what happened he begins to leave the ring to go after Moracca. However, before he can do so, Mariachi rushes back into the ring and grabs Rico by the waist, pulling him down with an O'Connor roll... 1... ...getting a good couple of handfuls of Brazilian butt in the process... 2... NO! VENTURA Nick Patrick's lost all control here. This isn't the legal Diablo in the ring. SCHIAVONE To be fair, it's not too easy to tell them apart. VENTURA If I can tell them apart, how come the referee can't? SCHIAVONE He doesn't have the benefit of monitors and a director in his earpiece to help him out, like us Jess. Still Mariachi's nose seems to be bothering him a little as he lands a thrust kick to the gut of de Janeiro. Mariachi then hits the ropes in front, watching as Rico instinctively ducks his head and timing his return to allow a front facelock to apply, swinging around for a DDT... but Rico THROWS Mariachi off, sending him crashing into the turnbuckles of a neutral corner!! And as the metal buckles whiplash Mariachi back out into the ring, Rico knocks him HEAD OVER HEELS with a Running Clothesline, just to compound the Mexican's misery!! "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Left facedown flat on the canvas, Mariachi doesn't seem to be moving. Prompting Rico to get tired of this story and skip to the ending... RICO WHO WANTS A MOUSTACHE RIDE!?!? "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" ...calling for the end! Rico deadlifts Mariachi off the canvas, then over his shoulder ready for the Moustache Ride. However, one problem with Rico's plan is that somebody actually DOES want a Moustache Ride! Responding to Rico's early calling out, Moracca slides into the ring in front of Rico, jumping up and down and pointing to his butt in hopes of taking a ride on the 'stache!! SCHIAVONE Oh dear. Rico looks momentarily confused, before telling Moracca that 'Rico don't swing that way, baby', booting Moracca in the gut. That causes him to drop Mariachi, the other Diablo landing safely on the middle rope facing into the crowd. Forgotten about by Rico now, as he turns to Moracca and hooks him up for a suplex. Rico is careful about what part of the tights he grabs with his fruity opponent, lifting Moracca high and vertical... ...but Mariachi turns around on the ropes and pushes Moracca's legs... ...CAUSING HIM TO DDT RICO RIGHT ON THE TOP OF HIS HEAD!! "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" As Rico settles on the canvas, Mariachi then adds to his woes, coming off the top with a FROG SPLASH!! "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" SCHIAVONE Los Diablos doubling up on Rico! VENTURA So to speak. SCHIAVONE Well, yes. I'm sure they'd like to... actually, nevermind. All of a sudden Los Diablos have everything going their way and measure Rico, Moracca making a very hands-on check of his opponent's injured nose. In from behind (steady now) comes Lucius Soul though, attacking from the blindsight with a double clothesli...DUCKED! Lucius skids to a halt and tries again, this time from the front, Los Diablos cutting him off with a couple of boots. Hooking an arm each, Moracca and Mariachi then KISS either cheek of Soul before PLANTING him face-first with the Double Flatliner! "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" SCHIAVONE Kiss Of Death! VENTURA The referee needs to get one of these two out already! I don't care which, I guess it doesn't really matter, but one in and one out would be great right about now. That isn't going to happen just yet, as Los Diablos prepare the same move for Rico. Up he climbs, falling into the clutches of the Mexicans who tie him up... but Rico lands a succession of elbows, some for Moracca, some for Mariachi. A final one to Mariachi sends him tumbling to the side and Moracca just isn't powerful enough to complete the move alone. Which allows de Janeiro to sweep out the leg, taking Moracca to the canvas and applying a hold around the head and the arm, cranking back to yelps of pain from the luchador! SCHIAVONE The Anaconda Vice, which is apparantly to be called the 'Rico Vice'! Cute. VENTURA It's anything but cute, this is a dangerous hold! We might be about to see a submission right here! Rico pulls back on the hold, trying to bridge up on his toes to put extra pressure on. Trying to fight the hold, Moracca pumps with the trapped arm, looking to land with his elbow. He fails to though... ...but notices the turnbuckles in front of him, placing his feet on the bottom turnbuckle! Referee Nick Patrick begins to call for the break. But he needn't bother, as Moracca pushes off the buckle, rolling backwards and out of the clutches of de Janeiro! Right to his feet he rolls and he leaps for a dropkick. Rico gets to his feet in time to shove it off though. Pulling Moracca back up, Rico clubs him with a haymaker. Rico then scoops Moracca up, looking to get him in position for the Moustache Ride... ...only for Moracca to slide safely down the back, countering with a Sunset Flip... 1... 2... Rico kicks forward, stacking Moracca for the pin... 1... 2... Moracca tilts the cradle back into a sunset flip style pin... 1... ...AND GETS A HELPING HAND FROM THE OUTSIDE FROM MARIACHI, PUSHING HIM FORWARD... 2... 3!!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" VENTURA Wait a minute! The illegal man was pushing him in from the outside! SCHIAVONE It doesn't matter Jesse, it's over! Los Diablos have won it!! *DINGDINGDING!* The Ottawa crowd go wild as Moracca quickly dives out of the ring and into the arms of Mariachi, sparking rather over-jubilant celebrations as Rico sits up in the ring and looks stunned to see Nick Patrick signalling for the Los Diablos victory! Rico isn't sure what happened but he knows something is up and fumes at the referee as BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the contest, advancing to the Final of the Los Infernales Conference... LOS DIABLOS DDEEEEEEEEEE FFFUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEGGOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Los Diablos continue to celebrate, bumping and humping around each other in glee. Joining them is Nick Patrick, chased off by Rico and into the midst of the jubilations. Much to his dismay, as he gets the dry humping treatment from the over-excited luchadors! SCHIAVONE And who would have thought we'd see the day? Los Diablos De Fuego are going to the Conference Final of the 2007 Anderson Cup, meaning a rematch from AnglePalooza as they take on The Beverly Hills Blonds! Somewhere, Ned and Simon have to be fuming right about now! VENTURA They're not the only ones! Schiavone, that was a travesty! Los Diablos blatantly cheated, the illegal Diablo was providing his partner with the leverage to hold Rico down. Otherwise, there's no way he'd have got the three! SCHIAVONE The irony of you complaining about cheating is staggering. VENTURA Nevermind that! How the hell can you condone that!? SCHIAVONE Without quoting you? VENTURA Preferably, yes. SCHIAVONE ...well, I can't. But in a way, justice may be done. Los Diablos get another shot at The Beverly Hills Blonds after the travesty that went down at AnglePalooza. It'll be next week, right here on HeldDOWN~! And one of those teams are going to Syndicated and the Anderson Cup Final! We're whisked backstage where Jesse Ventura and Synth Eszier are busy disposing of the decapitated corpse of Josh Matthews. Just kidding. Actually, we just see The Lonestar Gunslingers walking through the parking garage, in matching cowboy hats, skin tight jeans to show off their cute butts, and black t-shirts. The only difference between them is that Baron has a cigar in his mouth. JOCK MULLIGAN Damn it, Baron, how many times I gotta tell ya, don't smoke them damn cee-gars 'round me no more. BARON WINDELLS You ain't my mama, don't go tellin' me what I can and cain't do. JOCK I ain't your mama, but I'ma gonna beat you like yer daddy if ya don't get rid of that thing. BARON Take it easy, kid. JOCK I ain't easy, and I ain't yer kid. Baron finally disposes of his cancer stick, but that does not mean all is harmonious in the land of the Gunslingers.... BARON You wanna have it out right here, Mulligan? JOCK Thought you'd never ask, Windells. Preparing to scrape, the boys take off their shirts, revealing their Adonis like physiques to the world. The sight of their gorgeous bodies leads the females in the audience watching on the big screen to pop with delight. However the blowup between the rougnecks never comes to pass, as their attention is caught by the alluring sight of Melody Nerdly leaning against a red Chevrolet cavalier, with three cans of Budweiser sitting next to her. Her bright blond hair and attractive attire stands in hot contrast to the dreary frost of the surrounding area. The tail of her trench coat flaps out when a draft comes along, revealing a svelte figure poured into cowgirl boots, daisy duke shorts, and a midriff exposing tied up flannel shirt. Luscious blue eyes look the stunned Slingers over, as they fail in their attempt to form a complete sentence in the face of her beauty. MELODY (to herself) Man, my life completely sucks! I have here three frosty piles of fermented starched based goodness, yet thanks to a teenage accident with firecrackers, I have a much smaller bladder then that of your average twenty seven year old woman. If only there were two hunky, young Texans nearby who would aid this damsel in distress in her predicament! Oh, won't someone fall for my transparent scheme to attract attention? Melody slyly adjusts her trench coat to afford the slobbering Gunslingers and even better view of her titillating outfit. The flesh show is all the boys need to take Melody up on her offer to sip the beer she actually stole from a homeless man who keeps his fecal matter in a jar. BARON (whispering to Jock) How bout that one, Mulligan? Her pert n' perkies are sweeter then cream gravy. Let's bend an elbow with the lass, what do ya say? JOCK (stammering) Uh,um, I..I...I reckon me and my partner here might able to take that bumble bee whiskey off yer hands, miss. MELODY Oh good, it's so nice to find suckers stupid enough to fall for my trick. Uh, I mean it's nice to find suckers that are horny enough to appreciate a good rack. Name's Melody, by the way. BARON I'm... MELODY Don't say it, I already know. You're Baron Windells, two time Texas State Rodeo Champion, and you my nice tall glass of Texas bred milk are Jock Mulligan, the world famous Texas Twister! I spent forty eight straight hours staring at your website, mainly because Los Diablos De Fuego told me you left your webcam on when you were getting undressed. Curse you androgynous Mexicans! I wasted that twenty one free hours of AOL deal on their lies and deceit. Lies make baby Jesus cry, quote The Simpsons. Say, where you guys really from anyway? JOCK San Antonio, Texas, miss. MELODY Why you lying sack of fly infested pig crap! When I h@XX0rd your website, it said the domain name was registered in Lubbock. BARON Born and raised in San Antone, ma'am. MELODY Get out! I'm from right around there. Yeah, grew up in a little old town outside of San Antonio, called Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. JOCK (to Baron) Canada ain't nowhere near San Antonio. Everyone knows it's by Tulsa, Oklahoma. BARON Quit shootin' your mouth off, Mulligan, and take a good gander at them bouncing betties. I bet they're the biggest toads in this here puddle. MELODY So, why are you out by yourselves in this lonely parking garage. I could understand if you were like me, and your only friends are those on your Myspace top eight, but you're the Lonestar Gunslingers, you need to be prepping for your world title match with Drek Stone. BARON Uh, Miss boob....Melody, we don't got a world title match tonight. JOCK You'd have to have a roster full of boogered up ladies and gents before we ever sniffed the hide of a world title. We ain't even got a match to speak of tonight. Only reason we came, is 'cause they'll fine us a thousand bucks if we don't show up. BARON It takes us four weeks just to make that much! MELODY You can't be serious. Impossible. Oh my microchips and bit processors, you are serious! That's ludicrous. City of Boston calling in a bomb scare over an Aqua Teen Hunger Force lite brite, ludicrous. 1-31-07 Never Forget. ATHF #1 in your hood, g. Jock, Baron, you are the hottest entity to come onto cable television since Futurama reruns. Your matches are some of the most watched videos on YouTube! But instead of taking your rightful place in the main event and capturing a world title to bring respect back to this industry, they have you backstage, patrolling the parking lot for car theives and drinking beer that's just sixty percent homeless man urine. I don't believe this. I need to sit down. I am...I am shocked and appalled that these heartless monsters have conspired to confiscate what little enjoyment I, as a fan, and a human being, am able to derive from this sport. It is disgusting to me, the audience, the wrestlers, and anyone who's ever worked within this business to see that the oaoast stupidly and selfishly refuses to acknowledge that you are shooting stars of immeasurable talent and ability. JOCK Well, there ain't a whole lot we can do about it. MELODY Of course not! Because you're very stupid. But that doesn't mean anything. So you're never gonna reign supreme on Celebrity Jeopardy? Big deal! What you need is someone with a vast, and unlimited intellect to harness your talent and guide you through the murky waters of the oaoast. Someone, with the wrestling knowledge to make navigating the awful oaoast jungle as easy as a stroll through the botanical gardens. What you need is your own personal Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. A manager! BARON Who do ya subreast....ggest....who do ya suggest? MELODY Only the sharpest wrestling mind to ever bless these hallowed halls. JOCK Don Dokken? MELODY The frontman for the late eighties hair metal band Dokken? Um, I was really just talking about me. JOCK You? MELODY Look, Melody likes what she sees. You're hot. You're happening. You are what it is now. And Melody wants to be there. I understand your concerns, my friends, and let me tell you, Melody Nerdly Wrestling Industries ain't called Melody Nerdly Wrestling Industries for nothing! Because Melody Nerdly only cares about one thing, the money! Er, the wrestling! Jock seems unsure of the offer, obviously sataisfied with being a lower midcarder who hasn't won a match in a year. Baron is concerned with much more important things, such as looking at her breasts. MELODY Normally, I don't even hang out with people I know in real life. Most of the time, we have to IM or MMORPG first, but I feel so strongly about this partnership, that I'm leapfrogging all of those steps and getting right to business. Listen, you need Melody on your team, because I am without question the most successful wrestling manager you will ever meet in your life. My credentials are beyond reproach, just check my Xbox 360 gamerscore, gamertag, MelNer420. I have been a part of this business for over seventy five years, and you don't achieve that kind of longevity just by being some fly by night floozy, exploiting uneducated rednecks in a miserable attempt to preserve her job. Have either of you guys ever heard of a Texas rattlesnake named Steve Austin? BARON You know Stone Cold? MELODY Heck yes, I know Steve Austin, I played a pivotal role in one of his many world title victories. I remember like it was yesterday. November of 1999. Wrestlemania 2000 for Nintendo 64 had just arrived in stores to much fanfare. After paying seventy five dollars, thanks to the screwed up currency exchange rate, which I blame on those filthy French Canadians, the entire army of Nerdly children, Melvin, Marvin, Martin, Molly, Me, Maddy, Maggie, Macon, Maxwell, Michelle, Morton, Mindy, Monica, Mitch, Moria, Makela, Malcom,Mandy, and Abdullah Abir, he's adopted, gathered around the basement TV to see who would be the first to claim WWF gold. Melvin picked Triple H. As if a conflicted closest case who shacks up with a pre-operation-female to male tranny like Chyna in order to fit into a heteronormative society, can go higher then the Euro title. Marvin used a Chris Benoit create a wrestler, wound up tagging with Big Bossman and eventually got jobbed out to Droz. Abdullah Abir used the Godfather, lost his first five matches, started rambling about jihad, and the system got locked up by our parents for a bit. But when we got it back, it was Melody's Turn, and Melody was like the cowgirl from hell, taking Stone Cold, to Intercontinental, European, Hardcore and finally world title gold, smacking down that effeminate leatherboy, HBK to win it all. And if all that can be accomplished by an eighteen year old, braces wearing, pimpled face, kind of chubby Melody, what do you think this much better looking and much more confident version of the same woman can do for you? JOCK I dunno... MELODY She can take you the top, to the top of the tag division, to the top of the OAOAST,and to top of the Space Needle, Malcom got a job as a ticket taker there, he'll sneak us in. How about it, guys? BARON It's 'bout time we start takin' some risks,Jock. MELODY Ain't no gamble hummin' this Melody, baby. Just straight butter, and we're takin it to the phat farm. The Slingers step away from Melody to have a huddle over this career altering(destroying?) decision. JOCK Ya think she can do it? BARON Who cares what she can do? Look at those crunchberries, Jock. Quit beatin' the devil around the stump, and tell her yes. Baron's repeated mentions of Melody's large chest is all the convincing Jock seems to need to give the green light to this new partnership. JOCK Sounds like you can Cowboy up with The Gunslingers! Welcome aboard, miss. MELODY Great, just great, guys. I'll text you as soon as I ink up a contract., and uh, hey, lose the midget, he's cramping the band's image. BARON There's no midget 'round here. MELODY Great, because he's become a Grade A1 pain in the keister! I gotta take off to pwn teh lamerz at World of Warcraft, and get some L33T armor drops, but you two stay awesome in the meantime. Melody leaves the scene of her crime, before The Gunslingers get the chance to come to their senses. That probably wouldn't be much of a problem, however, as they're stuck trying to figure out what the hell a “World of Warcraft” and “L33T armor drops” are. We then return to the only slightly less nerdy announce team. COACH Futurama? World of Warcraft? Quoting the Simpsons? What a geek! God messed up when he was matching a personality with her body. Dude got lazy.Commercial break Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony149 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2013 COLE Welcome back! Last week, we saw the debut of Sly Sommers' younger brother Johnny, as he ended up defeating two local competitors single-handedly, as his older brother Sly has apparantly boycotted wrestling for the OAOAST until he can get a one-on-one match with Zack Malibu, who he apparantly is still bitter with. COACH Unbeknownst to us, Johnny Sommers signed ANOTHER tag team match for this week, with his brother as his partner. Again, Sly's let it be known that he won't lace up the boots again until he gets a match with the current #1 Contender to the World Title. COLE I'm being told there's a meeting of the minds backstage, let's go to it! (Cut backstage to the locker room, where Sly, in his street clothes, and Johnny is in his ring gear) SLY I told you last week...I'm NOT wrestling again until I get Malibu in the ring! JOHNNY So you're willing to disappoint me, to kill my chances of establishing myself, because of your selfishness? SLY Man, I wish I could. I really could. But my heart wouldn't be into it, and we'd end up going down the wrong path. JOHNNY Down the wrong path? DOWN THE WRONG PATH?!?! Watch this... Johnny grabs a steel chair and storms out of the locker room. The camera follows him as he storms through the hallway, through the gorilla position, and out to the arena... COACH What's going on? Johnny Sommers storms out to the ring, still with his chair. Both of the opponents are in the ring, looking confused. Johnny slides into the ring with his chair...then blatantly nails the first guy in the stomach! The second guy gets BLASTED with a chairshot to the head! Johnny lays out the chair, then grabs the first guy, bends him over while hooking the arms, and hits the Pyrite Pyramid! Johnny then commands the referee to ring the bell...and he does! *DING DING* Sommers then goes for the cover! ONE! TWO! THREE! *DING DING* BUFFER Your winner...JOOOOOOHNNNY SOOOOMEEERRRS! COLE Johnny Sommers has once again defeated a team by himself! COACH It seems like Johnny isn't pleased with Sly's decision to not team with him... Johnny storms to the locker room, ignoring his surroundings. The camera follows him back to the locker room... JOHNNY You happy, Sly? You see what I had to do to those guys? (the camera pans to a one-shot of Sly, looking puzzled.) MICHAEL COLE Well, it looks like Sly may have created a bit of a monster here. As officials help the team out of the ring and to the back, we cut to Sofa Central. COLE Folks, last week we saw the debut of the Freebird to less than favorable reactions COACH Debut my ass!! MICHAEL COLE No thank you we don’t want to debut THAT! COACH No I’m saying that this moron thinks we’re fooled but I got news for you buddy the OAOAST ain’t that stupid. Why don’t we just bring in some big guy to kick his ass? MICHAEL COLE Would the Sadist do? COACH It’s a start MICHAEL BUFFER The following match is set for one fall and frankly we didn’t put a time limit on it because it’s not going to play a factor tonight. Introducing first – a weirdo from a weird team, if your memory is good you may actually remember the SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADIST!! If “Hit me baby one more time” by Slutney Spears doesn’t get you an unfavorable reaction with the Canadian crowd then coming out looking like Nathan Jones evil, twisted machochistic twin brother complete with leather straps and studs most definitely will. (Except for that very excusive “Blue Oyster Bar” in Ottawa where he’d fit right in) COACH Damn look at this big bastard… he’s sick MICHAEL COLE Tell me about it, that neck choker with those latex tights? What a poser COACH Ye… wait, WHAT? MICHAEL COLE Erm, nothing, nothing – the Sadist, what a sick man Coach quietly scoots his chair further away from Michael Cole as the Sadist steps into the ring (actually he steps OVER the top rope, squeezes the family jewels and then smiles) MICHAEL BUFFER And his opponent The classic opening to Lynyrd Skynyrd’s Freebird starts up as Michael Buffer unenthusiastically and unconvincingly reads the introductions for the Freebird”If I leave here tomorrow Would you still remember me?” MICHAEL BUFFER Coming down the aisle the *wink*wink* OAOAST newcomer, standing at 6 foot, 8 inches and weighing in at 300 pounds even – Allegedly from Badstreet Atlanta, GA, yeah right. This is the man who calls himself the Freebird.”For I must be traveling on, now, cause there’s too many places I’ve got to see.” MICHAEL COLE A less than memorable introduction COACH This guy doesn’t deserve an introduction, he deserves to be thrown into the back of a truck and driven out of here MICHAEL COLE Again? COACH Damn right!”But, if I stayed here with you, girl, Things just couldn’t be the same.” The Freebird seems to be genuinely surprised at the hostile reaction he’s getting, surprised and saddened by the Canadian crowd.”Cause I’m as free as a bird now, And this bird you can not change. Lord knows, I can’t change.” The Freebird only makes it about half way down the aisle before his music is cut SCOTTY STATIC Cut the bullshit!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! COACH GPX are here Cole, my boys the Party Exchange are in the hizzy! MICHAEL COLE Static and Jax seems to have a few words for the ‘Bird. COACH They got a bird to flip the ‘Bird. JOHNNY JAX You know I could not believe my eyes when you showed up again this week ya inbred hick! SCOTTY STATIC Didn’t you get the message last week? We don’t want you in the OAOAST! JOHNNY JAX Didn’t you get the message at AnglePalooza? WE DON’T WANT YOU IN THE OAOAOST!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! THE FREEBIRD AnglePalooza? What the hell are ya’ll talking about? I’m just trying to have a match here guys, come on! JOHNNY JAX Unbelievable, he’s keeping up the charade SCOTTY STATIC Listen here meat head, Zack beat you – he ran you out of here! THE FREEBIRD You guys are insane, I don’t have time for this shit! The ‘Bird turns around and heads for the ring. JOHNNY JAX Oh you better MAKE TIME! SCOTTY STATIC Yeah Bruce… When the name “Bruce” is mentioned the Freebird freezes dead in his tracks, then he slowly turns around and looks at the Global Party Exchange. THE FREEBIRD Wait a second… you think I’m Bruce Blank? SCOTTY STATIC We don’t think, we KNOW you are you piece of shit! JOHNNY JAX You only have to stand upwind to know it SCOTTY STATIC So it’s real simple Bruce, you can either take that mask off and end this right now… THE FREEBIRD Or? Johnny laughs, he’s glad that the Bird asked because he was looking forward to the “hard way” JOHNNY JAX Or we rip it off you!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! RIP IT OFF!! RIP IT OFF!! RIP IT OFF!! RIP IT OFF!! THE FREEBIRD I ain’t this Blank guy you’re talking about, but I’m not about to take my mask off just because you say so. SCOTTY STATIC The hard way it is then Scotty and Johnny Jax are about to rush the Freebird when the big man puts up his hands, begging off as he backs off. THE FREEBIRD WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!! You want this mask? Then step into the ring with me next week, if you win – I’ll take it off JOHNNY JAX You’re on!! Scotty looks a little annoyed that Johnny was the first to take the deal, he obviously wanted to be the one to take the match. THE FREEBIRD I swear to god this is the most fucked up place I’ve ever been, you guys are crazy. The bird turns to head to the ring but Scotty and Johnny have other plans. Johnny quickly sweeps the legs out from under the Bird, then Scotty Static leaps up on the guardrail and flips backwards with a moonsault onto the prone Freebird SCOTTY STATIC NEXT WEEK WE’LL RIP THAT F*CKING MASK OFF BRUCE!! YOU’RE NOT WELCOME IN THE OAOAST!! Johnny gets in a couple of kicks to the ribs as the Sadist looks on, rubbing his chest while wishing that GPX would attack him instead. After a couple of more kicks GPX walk off leaving the Bird down and in no shape to wrestle tonight. GPX!! GPX!! GPX!! GPX!! GPX!! GPX!! GPX!! COACH Awesome! Next week we’ll have this idiot exposed MICHAEL COLE Well FINALLY someone stopped tip-toeing around the suspicions and said it: the Freebird is Bruce Blank COACH There’s no doubt in my mind Cole, the build, the wrestling style… he tried to fool us but we’re too smart for that. MICHAEL COLE Hopefully we’ll see who’s under the mask next week. COACH I doubt it, Blank is too much of a coward to even show up next week – he knows he’s getting exposed. Fashionably late to the party, Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix has JUST arrived in the arena with bags in hand and Megan Skye in tow. Maddix stops at the exit of the parking lot and takes a couple of nervous looks around, glancing over his shoulder and finding Megan, arms folded, waiting for her man to move. MADDIX Just... stick with me. We'll be fine. And with that, Maddix and Megan enter the arena... ...to be SURROUNDED... ...by security. After being briefly startled at the group of bodies waiting on him, Landon breathes a sigh of relief. MADDIX Well, I didn't expect this. I mean, I know now that I'm a two-time Clusterfuck winner that my star has risen a little, but this still seems a tad excessive. HEAD OF SECURITY Mr. Maddix, we're here to guide you to Mr. AngleSault's office. MADDIX 'Mister' AngleSault? What's his first name? HEAD OF SECURITY ... MADDIX Nevermind. So, what are we waiting for? What we're waiting for is the presence of one OAOAST superstar in front of the group of security, arms folded. Landon cowers a little until he realises who it is. Todd Cortez, smirking a little as Maddix calls the security off for a moment. CORTEZ What's with the entourage? MADDIX Well, you know, stardom is demanding. Now that I'm a two-time Clusterfuck winner, they figured I needed more of a security pre... CORTEZ Yeah, yeah. You wanted to talk? MADDIX Indeed I did. Now, as you know, I won the Clusterfuck last week, for the second time. So, I wanted to clear the air between us after what happened at AnglePalooza. You and me, in the Lethal Rumble, we... well, we traded a few shots. Spirit of competition and all that. You wanted to win, so did I. Completely understandable. But, now that the dust has settled and the Lethal Rumble is in the past I feel it's neccessary to make it clear, us going at it was nothing personal. It was just a heat of the moment mistake. After all, you paid for it, because if you hadn't fed me to Brock Lesna... CORTEZ Ausstin. MADDIX Right, right, that guy. Anyway, if you hadn't fed me to Brock, he wouldn't have eliminated you. And I might have won the whole Rumble. But again, Clusterfuck winner, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I think we can agree, we should just forget about it and move on. Infact, I was thinking... what have you got planned for AngleMania. Todd shrugs his shoulders. MADDIX Well, seeing as I can become the first-ever SWF and OAOAST World Champion in history just yet, how about you and me make history and become the first team in history to win the SWF and OAOAST World Tag Team Titles. I hear they've got a couple of broads holding the belts. Should be a sinch. In the background, Megan suddenly scowls a little. CORTEZ You realise that the Anderson Cup winners get a title shot at AngleMania, right? MADDIX Oh. Really? CORTEZ Really. MADDIX Oh. There's so many frikkin' tournaments around here, I don't know what they're all for. Actually, I think I'm in one of them... or maybe a couple of them, I don't know. As Maddix tries to rack his memory, Cortez begins to wonder why he bothered searching Landon out in the first place. MADDIX Okay then, what about those Japanese titles? CORTEZ HI-YAH? Maddix suddenly ducks for cover, much to the confusion of Todd. MADDIX Jesus! What the hell are you doing!? CORTEZ Nothin'. That's who own the belts, HI-YAH... Landon goes ducking from another non-existant karate chop, leaving Cortez wondering why he bothered searching Landon out in the first place. Again. Luckily, he's got Megan to explain, whispering in her man's ear what Cortez is actually trying to say, causing him to burst into laughter. MADDIX What!? Get away with ya, you daft racist! You're ribbing me, right? CORTEZ No. That's the company's name, HI-YAH. Seriously. MADDIX Wow. That's... unfortunate. To say the least. *nervously scratches neck* Well, in that case, we'll go after them. First team to ever win the SWF and the HIIIIIII-YAAAH *karate chop* Tag Team Titles. Doesn't sound quite so impressive, but beggars can't be choosers I suppose. What do you say? The obvious answer would be no. But Todd actually DOESN'T have anything planned for AngleMania and with Bruce Blank gone, any strength in numbers is better than none. Even if it is Landon Maddix. CORTEZ I'll think about. MADDIX That's the spirit! (Cortez abruptly walks off) Okay! See ya around buddy! Cortez just kinda grunts, Landon shrugging his shoulders as the security guards re-assemble and begin to lead him away towards AngleSault's office as we fade to commercial.Commercial break Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony149 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2013 *KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!* ANGLESAULT It's open. The door of our-esteemed company namesake opens and the posse of security guards unload Landon Maddix into the office. Maddix, for some reason, wishes them a good day all friendly like before directing his attentions to AngleSault. Unlike his 'guest' however, AngleSault is clearly not feeling quite so cheery tonight. MADDIX Hey boss! ANGLESAULT Cut the crap Landon, I'm not in the mood. MADDIX Excuse me? Forgive me for being good mood. ANGLESAULT Good mood, huh? MADDIXGreat mood. Life is good. I don't know if you know or not, but I won the SWF Clusterfuck on Thursday night, for the second time in my career. A feat nobody's ever managed in their career before me, I might add. My new endorsement deal with Pepsi Max just came through. Not to mention, it's my birthday in seven days. ANGLESAULT How ironic. Landon eyes narrow a little. ANGLESAULT Make the most of your good mood for the next few seconds, because I've got a feeling it's not gonna last much longer. See, I don't care about what you did in the SWF. I hear that Clusterfuck is a big deal, so obviously you're pleased about winning it again. But, I'm more concerned with OAOAST matters. Especially when someone tries to HANG my marquee superstar! MADDIX I don't recall ever being hung... well, besides the obvious. Landon winks at Megan, who giggles a little before AngleSault's glare changes their mood abruptly. ANGLESAULT This isn't a joking matter. You didn't just try and cost Zack Malibu his career, you tried to kill the guy. And I'm not talking the phony baloney, couple of chair-shots to the head and a table bump and 'oh my god, he could be broken in half'. I'm talking legitimate attempted murder. Attempted decapitation! Zack Malibu or not, it doesn't matter. I'm not going to tolerate that kind of behaviour from anyone on my roster. Do you realise how many complaints were filed after the show went off the air? How many refunds I've had to hand out to parents with tramautised kids on the way out the doors? I've been fending off police questions ever since last Sunday. MADDIX Listen, I was ju... ANGLESAULT You were just following Blank's orders. I understand that Landon, you wanted to make up for losing War Games and you though that'd do the job, saving his career. That doesn't excuse what you did. Not in my eyes. Blank is dealt with, now I've got to deal with you. MADDIX Deal with me? ANGLESAULT Firing you isn't really an option. You not being the ring-leader in all this, I'm sure you've got a get-out clause to try and take us to court with. Normally, I'd simply suspend you, but with you in the main events week in and week out with the SWF, I don't know how much of an effect that'll really have. So, I decided I'd make your life a living hell... MADDIX Whoa, is that really neccess... ANGLESAULT ...except, I'm not that kind of an 'authority figure'. I believe on doing things the fair way. So, I'm going to settle for fining you for the damage you've done to the image of the OAOAST. My laywers will work out a fee within due course. And in the meantime, I'm not one for 'revenge', rather for what's right. And there's nothing wrong with letting someone else get some revenge on you. So, next week on HeldDOWN~!, you'll be celebrating your birthday... by taking on CABOOSE!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Surprisingly, Landon doesn't seem that concerned. More... blank. MADDIX Who? ANGLESAULT Who!? Caboose! The former HeldDOWN~! commentator. MADDIX ... ANGLESAULT The guy you and The Wildcards ran out of the OAOAST temporarily. MADDIX ... ANGLESAULT The guy who hit you with a cricket bat at AnglePalooza. MADDIX Theeere we go! ANGLESAULT It's probably a good job that's how you recognise him too. You'll be more prepared for the bat when it comes, because that match is gonna be NO DISQUALIFICATIONS!! Now, get out of my sight. "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Landon's jaw drops at that one, looking to Megan who's also speechless. Apparantly done, AS goes back to his paperwork, directing Landon to the door. And the SWF's Power Couple slowly leave, Landon mumbling to himself something about how 'they don't play cricket in Spain' as Megan tries to re-assure her man. COLE Holy cow! 'Boose is back, next week and he'll be taking on Landon Maddix right here on HeldDOWN~! And with No Disqualifications no less! What a huge main event, announced for next week's show! COACH Does that mean he'll be back commentating? COLE I can only hope. COACH What's that supposed to mean? COLE ...HEY, it's time for X-Division tournament action! Let's go to the ring! "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers starts playing. The crowd stands up and starts booing. The entrance doors slide open, and James Riggs steps out onto the entrance stage with Staci on his right arm. The crowd boos some more. Riggs has a cocky smirk on his face as he looks at the crowd. Riggs and Staci walk down the entrance ramp. *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a First Round Match in the tournament for the vacant OAOAST X-Division Championship scheduled for one fall with a thirty minute TV time limit. Introducing first, coming to the ring at this time. Accompanied to the ring by his manager, Staci. From Torrence, California. Weighing in at 232 lbs. JAMESSSSSSSSSSSSSS RIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Riggs has a cocky smile on his face as he looks at the booing fans as "Dani California" continues playing. COLE First Round action coming up as we continue the tournament to crown a new One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Champion! Last week, Dan Black and "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican advanced to the Quarterfinals and will meet at OAOAST Syndicated on February 24th. Now tonight, we will find out the next Quarterfinals Match as James Riggs takes on Otaku II and Reject takes on "The Birmingham Bad Boy" Jamie O' Hara, with the winners to meet each other on the March 1st HeldDOWN~!. James Riggs taunts a fan at ringside, and then climbs the ring steps to get onto the ring apron. Staci sits on the middle rope and opens them so that Riggs can enter the ring. JR climbs a second turnbuckle and pounds his chest twice with crossed arms, before cockily thrusting them into the air. Riggs then hits another second turnbuckle and does the same pose, then does it again on the other two turnbuckles. On the fourth second turnbuckle, white pyro shoots out along the ring apron behind him, meeting at the ring post, which explodes into a golden shower of sparklers. COACH Whoa! COLE James Riggs certainly has the entrance of a superstar. But we haven't seen much of him in action. Riggs hopes that this tournament will allow him to show the OAOAST his true wrestling skills. COACH And I think it will, Cole. This is James' tournament to win. Think about it. Only a few short months into his OAOAST career, and he could leave AngleMania VI with the X-Division Title! COLE That's a very sound possibility, Coach! But first, he'll have to defeat 4 men, including Otaku II tonight. COACH Bah! Otaku II's never been that great! This will be an easy match for Riggs, trust me! Staci applauds her husband as he gets off the second turnbuckle. "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers continues playing as Staci takes off James' sunglasses and long white/silver leather trenchcoat, revealing golden tights. COACH We've already got PRL advancing! Now next up is James Riggs! Look at those tights, Cole. It certainly matches the gold belt that he's shooting for. COLE What if it comes down to PRL vs. James Riggs at AngleMania? COACH ...uh....umm....hope for a tie? COLE Wrong answer. COACH Damn! Staci hands James' sunglasses and leather trenchcoat to a ringside attendant. Riggs bounces up and down in place in the ring. He shakes his head, putting his game face on. Staci chats with him as "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers dies down. COLE Otaku II is about to make his return to the OAOAST in just a few moments! COACH So what? COLE Coach! The lights go down in the arena. Sky blue lights flash on and off around the arena. "Touch Of Grey" by Phil Lesh And Friends begins playing. The entrance doors slide open, and Otaku II steps out onto the entrance stage to a nice "Welcome Back!" pop. With him is his wife, Ayane Mitsui, and his longtime manager, "The Sheriff" Tony Capella. Otaku has a wide grin on his face, happy to be back in the OAOAST. Tony and Ayane wave to the crowd. Otaku raises his hands, acknowledging the fans. The three of them walk down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. James Riggs and Staci stare at James' opponent. BUFFER And his opponent. Making his return to the OAOAST. Accompanied to the ring by his wife, Ayane Mitsui, and "The Sheriff" Tony Capella. From Boston, Massachusetts. Weighing in at 215 lbs. He is a former OAOAST Heartland Champion. He...is...OTAKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU TWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Otaku waves to the fans. COLE Otaku II was last seen in August of last year, losing the OAOAST Heartland Title to "The Current Big Thing" Brock Ausstin. Now he is back, fully recovered from the injuries suffered at the hands of Brock Ausstin, and ready to go after the X-Division Championship! COACH He'll have an uphill battle as he takes on James Riggs! Otaku II slaps hands with the fans at ringside, and then climbs the ring steps. Otaku, Ayane, and Tony Capella enter the ring. Otaku raises his hands in the air once again, and then climbs the second turnbuckle and raises his hands again. Otaku then gets off the second turnbuckle and gets ready for his match. The lights go back on in the arena. COLE We are just about to begin the third First Round Match. James Riggs vs. Otaku II. First time match-up between these two men. This should be a good one. COACH Let's go Riggs! Win this for Staci! COLE No chance, Coach. COACH How'd you know? "Touch Of Grey" by Phil Lesh And Friends dies down. Otaku II stares at James Riggs. Their seconds are still in the ring. Referee Mike Chioda orders them to get out. Staci kisses JR on the lips for luck. Ayane Mitsui kisses Otaku on the lips and Tony Capella hugs him. The managers leave the ring. The crowd is hot. Otaku does some last minute stretching. Mike Chioda pats down James Riggs, and then Otaku II, and then calls for the bell. *DING DING DING*FIRST ROUND MATCH IN THE TOURNAMENT FOR THE VACANT OAOAST X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP OTAKU II (with Ayane Mitsui and "The Sheriff" Tony Capella) vs. JAMES RIGGS (with Staci) Otaku II and James Riggs engage in a staredown. COLE The winner of this match will meet the winner of Reject/Jamie O' Hara on March 1st. Ayane roots for Otaku II. Staci does the same for JR. Otaku and JR circle each other. They lock up. Otaku and JR jockey for position. Otaku takes James Riggs into a turnbuckle. Mike Chioda orders them to break it up. Otaku lets go. COLE We're starting immediately with the wrestling in this match! Otaku II and James Riggs circle each other again. They lock up--NO! Riggs grabs Otaku's left arm and applies a hammerlock on it! Riggs cinches the hold tight, as Otaku desperately tries to escape. James takes Otaku to the mat, still applying the hammerlock. Mike Chioda checks on Otaku II. MIKE CHIODA What do you say? OTAKU II No! NO! Otaku gets on his left knee. He then stands up, but JR still has the hammerlock applied. Otaku elbows Riggs in the face, escaping the hammerlock. Otaku then bounces off the ropes...and does a rolling clothesline on James Riggs! "YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Otaku II grabs James Riggs and applies an arm-bar on his left arm. However, James shifts his body so that he can give Otaku a drop toehold, and follow that up with a front facelock! Otaku reverses that into a Fujiwara Arm-bar, but Riggs stands up, still in the Fujiwara Arm-bar. Riggs escapes and applies a side headlock on Otaku. COLE Both men trading holds in the early going. Otaku takes Riggs into the ropes, and shoves him off into the opposite ropes. JR responds with a shoulderblock! Riggs then blows a kiss to Staci. The crowd boos. COLE James showing his arrogance. COACH That's not arrogance. That's just him showing his girl some love! Otaku is on his knees. James bows to the crowd. He turns around and stares at Otaku. The two men circle each other. Otaku calls for a test of strength. JR is hesitant at first, but eventually gives in, and they both engage in a test of strength. COLE Both men feeling each other out in the early going. Both men are unable to get an advantage. As Staci and Ayane look on, Otaku II and James Riggs use all their strength to win the test of strength, but are unable to. COLE Both men in a stalemate. But not for long, as Otaku II stands up and causes James Riggs pain with his hands! Riggs screams. Riggs falls to his knees! Mike Chioda asks if he gives up, but Riggs shakes his head. James gets up, still trapped by Otaku II. That is until he starts kicking Otaku's legs, releasing the grip. James then gives Otaku an arm-drag, and then applies an arm-bar on him. JR cinches the hold tight. Otaku tries to fight out, but can't. Ayane and Tony Capella start to worry. JR grabs Otaku by his hair and kicks him in the gut. He then applies a wristlock on Otaku's right arm. *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" JR follows that up with some punches to the face. Riggs grabs Otaku's right arm and gives him an Irish whip--Otaku reverses--Otaku jumps up--hurricarana! Otaku goes for the cover! 1.... 2.... JAMES REVERSES INTO HIS OWN PINNING MOVE! 1... 2... OTAKU REVERSES INTO HIS OWN PINNING MOVE! 1.... 2.... RIGGS REVERSES INTO HIS OWN PINNING MOVE! 1.... 2.... OTAKU REVERSES INTO HIS OWN PINNING MOVE! 1... 2... KICK OUT! Both men get up. Riggs charges forward, right into a hiptoss from Otaku! Riggs immediately gets up, and kicks Otaku in the gut. JR applies a side headlock on Otaku II, and then brings him down to the mat. JR tightens the hold on the mat, with Mike Chioda checking Otaku. "O-TA-KU!" "O-TA-KU!" "O-TA-KU!" "O-TA-KU!" Otaku II pushes himself off the mat. He gets to his right knee. Then to a vertical base. James Riggs still applies the side headlock. Otaku takes Riggs into the ropes and pushes him off into the opposite ropes. Riggs knocks Otaku II onto the mat, and applies another side headlock on him! COLE And back to the side headlock! James Riggs punishing the head, hoping to do his Rolling Koppou Kick and advance to the Quarterfinals of this tournament tonight! COACH And look at Staci, rooting her man! Go on Staci! Root! Root! Root! COLE Shut up. Otaku II gets up, still in the side headlock. JR then stands up, still applying the side headlock. Otaku grabs JR and gives him a back suplex! NO! JR lands on his feet! Otaku turns around. JR grabs him, and brings him down to the mat with another side headlock! JAMES RIGGS I gotcha! I gotcha! COLE And James Riggs talking trash to Otaku II. He is in control of this match! And now he's getting cocky! COACH He's in the zone, Cole! He feels it! Otaku II tries to escape, but is unable to. Ayane Mitsui slaps the ring apron, trying to bring Otaku back to life. Staci has a cocky grin on her face. COLE The side headlock wearing Otaku down! James Riggs gets up. Otaku II takes him into the ropes and shoves him off into the opposite ropes. Otaku II goes for a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker...but James Riggs lands on his feet! Riggs then grabs Otaku and lifts him up... FOR A TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER! COACH YO~! Look! Look! The crowd comes alive! Staci screams for Riggs to hit the move! But then Otaku slips out...and lifts James Riggs for the Tombstone Piledriver! COLE He got the reversal! Otaku got the reversal! COACH No! No! No! TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER! COLE Otaku got it! Otaku just gave James Riggs a Tombstone Piledriver! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Otaku II stands up and grabs JR's legs. He puts his right foot in between the legs, puts the legs over his leg, and then turns around, kneeling down for the Sharpshooter! COLE Sharpshooter! Has he got it hooked!? COACH ESCAPE RIGGS! ESCAPE! Riggs grabs the bottom rope. Mike Chioda tells Otaku he has to let go of the Sharpshooter. MIKE CHIODA Come on now! Let go! 1! 2! 3! 4! COLE James Riggs with a great save, grabbing the bottom rope! This match continues! COACH Phew. Thank goodness. Otaku II stands up and stomps on Riggs' back. Riggs rolls out of the ring and onto the floor. COLE And James Riggs taking a breather, trying to recover from the Sharpshooter. Riggs bends down, using the ring apron to hold himself up. He is catching his breath. JR walks around the ringside area. Otaku sees this, bounces off the ropes, and charges forward. TOPE SUICIDA ONTO JAMES RIGGS! COLE WOW! COACH Oh no! Otaku II and James Riggs lie on the floor. Staci, Ayane, and Tony Capella look on, worried. The crowd cheers. COLE Otaku II pulling out all the stops to advance in this tournament! COACH This isn't happening! THIS ISN'T HAPPENING! COLE It is happening, Coach! Right here on HeldDOWN~!. Let's take a look at the replay. The OAOAST Starbucks Doubleshot Instant Replay shows Otaku II's tope suicida onto James Riggs again. Meanwhile, in real time, Otaku II and James Riggs are breathing heavily on the ground. Otaku II starts to get up. COLE Riggs maybe hurt. You HEARD the tope suicida! Incredible move from Otaku! O2 picks James Riggs up by his long blonde hair and throws him back into the ring. COLE And Otaku II now in control of this match-up. Otaku II picks James Riggs up again, and throws him into a turnbuckle! Riggs hits the turnbuckle left shoulder first! Riggs clutches his left shoulder in pain. O2 helps him (not really), by scooping him up and giving him a bodyslam onto the mat! COLE Otaku going to work on that left shoulder! Otaku is starting to feel the effects of this match. Still, he picks James Riggs up again, and gives him another bodyslam! Riggs clutches his left shoulder after the move. COLE This crowd is alive for every move! They are on the edge of their seat! COACH They want to see Otaku II lose! COLE Oh, will you stop!? Otaku turns Riggs onto his stomach. He then applies a half nelson on Riggs on the mat. Mike Chioda checks on Riggs. He won't give up. STACI COME ON JAMES! Knowing that JR won't give up, Otaku II lets go of the half nelson. O2 nails JR in the face with several forearm shots to the face. The shots cause Riggs to stagger around the ring. Otaku grabs Riggs and whips him into a turnbuckle--Whip is reversed--Otaku stops in his tracks. Still, Riggs charges forward, and gets hit with a back elbow to the face! Riggs staggers around the ring some more. O2 grabs him and rolls him up! ONE! RIGGS KICKS OUT! *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Riggs falls to the mat! COLE You heard that chop all over the arena! O2 grabs Riggs and whips him into a turnbuckle. Otaku charges forward...into a back elbow from Riggs! Otaku II falls to the mat! Riggs cracks a half-smile while Staci applauds him from ringside. The crowd boos. COLE And now, all of a sudden, it is James Riggs who is in control of this match-up! COACH Yes! That's the way it ought to be! Woo-hoo! Go James! JR picks Otaku II up by his hair. He sits him on the top turnbuckle. Riggs then climbs the top turnbuckle himself. Franksteiner! COLE It looks like Otaku II is in trouble! James Riggs covers Otaku II, hooking his right leg. ONE! TWO! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! COLE And Otaku kicks out! Riggs isn't pleased with this. Not at all. JR quickly thinks of something else to do. He figures stomping Otaku's chest would be a good start. "O-TA-KU!" "O-TA-KU!" Riggs taunts the crowd. He then picks Otaku II up. Back suplex! The cover. It gets two. COLE Otaku just gets his shoulder up! Another close call for Otaku II! James Riggs argues with the referee, but Mike Chioda puts two fingers in front of his face. Riggs responds with one finger in front of his face. Riggs gets up, sneers at his fallen opponent, and starts stomping his chest! COLE Riggs is on offense! He is doing everything he can to win! He wants to be the X-Division Champion! JR dares Otaku to get up. Staci watches with a smile and a nod. Tony Capella and Ayane Mitsui look on, concerned. Riggs grabs Otaku's left arm and applies an arm-bar on it. "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" COACH Michael, tell these fans to shut up. COLE It's not my job to do that. COACH Well it should. It'd be better than you being here announcing with me. Mike Chioda checks on Otaku II. Otaku refuses to give up. Ayane slaps the ring apron, which causes the crowd to start clapping in unison. James taunts Otaku while applying the arm-bar. MIKE CHIODA What do you say, Otaku!? OTAKU II NO! James Riggs picks Otaku II up by his left hand. JR kicks Otaku II in the stomach. *CHOP!* *CHOP BY OTAKU!* *CHOP BY RIGGS!* *CHOP BY OTAKU!* *CHOP BY RIGGS!* *EYEPOKE BY RIGGS!* COLE And look at this! Look at the cheating by James Riggs! Doing anything cheap tactic he can! COACH Hey now. It was just a punch that went awry! He didn't MEAN to poke Otaku in the eyes. It just happened! COLE Coach, that's a load of bull, and you know it! COACH Mikey! Language! Mike Chioda scolds James Riggs for the eyepoke. Riggs just plays it off and smiles. Riggs gives Otaku II and Irish Whip into the ropes. NO! O2 reverses! BAAAAAAAAAAAACK Body Drop on Riggs! Otaku bounces off the ropes. Dropkick on Riggs! Otaku bounces off the ropes again. Forearm to the face! COLE Otaku II is building momentum! COACH Oh God! Staci, do something! Anything! Otaku grabs Riggs and whips him into a turnbuckle. O2 kicks JR in the stomach, and then delivers a knife-edged chop across his chest! And another knife-edged chop across the chest! Even Staci feels the impact! Otaku II pulls Riggs off of the turnbuckle. He goes for a German Suplex. JR with a back elbow to the face! He goes behind O2 for a German Suplex! BUT WAIT! O2 hits JR with back elbows! Otaku grabs James by his hair and slams his face on the top turnbuckle pad! Otaku then grabs Riggs in a back suplex position and places him on the top turnbuckle. O2 hits Riggs back for good measure, and then climbs the second rope. Then the top rope. COLE Otaku II has something in mind here! COACH He's going up top! COLE That's right to the top! COACH Look out below! SUPER BACK SUPLEX!!! COLE Oh my~! A back suplex from the top rope! The crowd cheers loudly. Both Otaku and James Riggs lie on the mat, fatigued. COACH Look at poor Staci! She shouldn't be forced to see this! COLE Nevermind, Staci. Look at the two competitors in this match! COACH Nah, they're not hot enough. COLE What? Mike Chioda checks on both men. Both men show movement. COLE James Riggs was folded in half! A high risk move by Otaku, but can he take advantage? Mike Chioda starts the 10 count. 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! COLE We could quite possibly have a bye for somebody tonight! 7! Otaku is crawling around the ring. 8! Otaku grabs the still stunned James Riggs. 9! Otaku covers James Riggs! Staci is shaking her head. 1.... 2..... 2 1/2 2.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 3--NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! COLE Oh! And Riggs just JUST snuck that shoulder up! Staci breathes a sigh of relief. The crowd almost had a heart attack there. Both Riggs and Otaku II lie on the mat. Tony Capella yells words of encouragement to Otaku II. James Riggs sits up. He is winded and sweating bullets. He holds his neck and winces in pain. JR slowly gets up (very slowly). The crowd chants, "O-TA-KU!" again. Riggs picks up Otaku II. He punches him in the face several times. Then, Riggs whips Otaku II into the ropes. He goes for a clothesline, Otaku ducks, grabs Riggs from behind, and gives him a German Suplex! And another German Suplex! And third German Suplex! And a FOURTH German Suplex! Otaku stands up, grabs Riggs...and applies the Sharpshooter! COLE SHARPSHOOTER! SHARPSHOOTER! OTAKU'S GOT IT! RIGGS IS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! The crowd goes wild! Otaku has the Sharpshooter locked on tight. Otaku pulls back on the submission hold. Staci is panicking on the outside, while Ayane and Capella are jumping up and down. COLE Otaku could be moving onto the Quarterfinals if he wins this! Riggs, despite being in pain, starts moving. He moves closer and closer to the ropes. COLE Can Otaku do it? Can Riggs tap? JR keeps moving, crawling. Closer and closer. And closer. COACH He's moving! He's moving! Do it! Do it! DO IT! Riggs uses all the strength he's got left to crawl 2 feet from the ropes. Using his last bit of energy, James Riggs pushes himself forward --- --- AND GRABS THE BOTTOM ROPE! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Riggs did it! Riggs actually did it! He got his hands on the bottom rope! COACH Yes! I told you he can do it! But you didn't believe me! So now, EAT YOUR WORDS! Otaku II still has the Sharpshooter applied, even after JR grabbed the bottom rope. Finally, at the count of 4, he lets go. COLE James Riggs, with one last lunge, was able to grab the bottom rope and save himself from being eliminated in the tournament! COACH He can do it! He can do it! He can still win this thing! Come on James! That's my boy! Come on! Win this thing! Beat Otaku II! COME ON! Otaku II is starting to become frustrated. He stomps on JR, and then picks him up. Tiger Suplex! The cover! It gets two. COLE If you look into the eyes of James Riggs, it looks like he is wiped out! COACH Don't say that! You don't know what you're talking about! Don't say that! O2 gets up. He picks James Riggs up. He goes for a back suplex, but Riggs gets back on his feet and kicks Otaku II in the stomach! Snap suplex on Otaku! Riggs quickly picks Otaku II up again and takes him over to a turnbuckle corner where he seats him on the top rope. Riggs then climbs the top rope himself, a look of ANGER~! on his face. COLE Both men going up! Something's gotta give! Riggs grabs Otaku II in a facelock. He then puts Otaku's left arm over his head. Riggs grabs Otaku II's tights, then stands up with him. COACH Here it comes! TOP ROPE SUPERPLEX~!!!!!!! COLE Top rope superplex! Riggs to Otaku! And once again, both men are down, in the centre of the ring! Otaku and Riggs lie back first on the mat. Both men are breathing heavily. The crowd is hot. Staci yells for James to get up. Ayane covers her mouth with her hands as Chioda starts the ten count again, the crowd screaming every number along with him. 1.... 2..... 3..... 4..... Riggs begins to crawl slowly over to Otaku..... 5...... 6....... And drapes an arm over his chest. 1..... 2...... 3.......NO! Otaku barely gets his shoulder off the mat before the three! COLE TWO ONLY! Otaku will not go out easily in this match! Riggs' shoulders slump as he groans in frustration, seemingly having run out of ideas as he pulls Otaku to his feet and backs him against the ropes, firing off two more stinging chops before charging into the opposite ropes to gain momentum, but on the rebound, Otaku ducks and pitches Riggs over the top rope right in front of Staci, but Riggs lands on the apron. Riggs rears back for a right hand, but Otaku is ahead of him and pops him with one of his own. And another. And one more that has Riggs teetering in front of a very worried Staci Riggs-Robert. Otaku throws Riggs' arm over his head and signals to the crowd. "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE Otaku might be going for a suplex back into the ring here. Otaku hooks the tights and picks Riggs up.....but Staci reaches in and grabs his ankle, causing Otaku to go off-balance and Riggs to fall on top of him! COLE Wait a minute! Staci tripped him up! Staci ducks out of sight but holds on to the foot as a stunned Otaku squirms. 1....... 2....... Ayane realizes what's going on and rushes over towards Staci...but it is too late. 3!!!!!! *DING DING* COACH YES! COLE Dammit! They stole it! They stole this match!Dani California plays as Staci giddily trots up the ring steps and into the ring as an exhausted James Riggs gets his hand raised. BUFFER The winner of this match, JAAAAAMES RRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIGGGGGSSSSSSS!!!!!! Staci kisses James' forehead as Ayane pleads her case to Chioda while checking on Otaku. COACH This tournament's working out like a charm. All the worthy competitors are advancing. COLE Sure they are. Hopefully we'll get a less controversial finish to our other first round contest tonight between Reject and Jamie O'Hara. COACH I'm sure the right man will win that match as well. For now let's go to Mean Gene Okerlund. Gene? We fly backstage where Mean Gene Okerlund is positioned in the designated interview area, which features little more then a cardboard sign with the words “intrpew airea” written in crayon taped to the wall. Hooray budget cuts! “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND Ladies and gentlemen, Gene Okerlund with you, about be joined by the team that recently earned the dubious distinction of being the shortest reigning world tag team champions in history at a time of ten minutes and twenty two seconds, The South Central Militia. Gentlemen, if you would please. The Militia saunters on the scene, an apathetic swagger evident in their deliberate steps. Marcellus Wallace's thick frame is housed in a pair of grey denim jeans, and a white tanktop. Vincent, sporting a leopard print cowboy and dark sunglasses over his green eyes, goes with a jeans only look, showcasing his twig like upper body. OKERLUND Gentlemen, last week, after going two years in the OAOAST without a tag team title shot you tasted the sweet honey of success, winning your first ever championship belt. But only ten minutes later, you swallowed the bitter pill of failure, dropping that title to the previous champions, Chicks Over Dicks. Many, would say you got what you deserved after earning your very brief reign through illicit means. But, I would very much like to explore your inner emotions during those chaotic seconds. When was the exact moment that you knew that your joyous moment was about go so terribly wrong? WALLACE I knew business was foul when I saw jester ass, Krusty the Clown whiteboy Anglesault walk on out. Never trust a dude who got himself a little bit of power, black, white, Puerto Rican, or Mexican. I learned my lesson listening to P.Diddy. That crazy fur coat wearing fool had me out there in 04 registerin' to vote for president. The cracker I picked didn't even win shit. Now these white people know where I live. I'm in the hood, I'm on the run. I'm a six foot seven nigga hidin out, and that ain't easy to do, especially when Diddy got you giving these crackers yo real name and social security number, talkin' about rockin some vote or some shit. Fuck a vote, rock me my bail money, nigga. OKERLUND Vincent Santana, your thoughts on losing your titles back to Chicks Over Dicks the same night that you won them. VINCENT We ain't got a whole lot to say, Okerlund, except this tag team gold issue ain't deaded. We ain't just gonna leave it alone like that. When those bitches came back in January, everyone was welcoming this, welcoming that. As far as we was concerned they weren't welcome in the first place, how we welcome 'em back? But we kept it cool, and just played the game like any other playa out there, waitin for our time to get our shine on. When that time came we put muscle to hustle, and made it happen. But what god giveth Anglesault taketh away, and just like that we ain't got the gold, we ain't got the cash, and we just some poor ass folks still trying to crawl our way out the hood. Now we gonna give those ho's a belated welcome. Tell 'em we gonna snatch that gold right from they waist, let our boys run a train on 'em, then leave they brains splattered out on the trolley track. OKERLUND That is repulsive! You should be ashamed of yourself. WALLACE It ain't make no difference if you a nigga or you a ho, once you got beef with the Militia, you gonna get dealt with. Whether you a hood from the hood, or a Celebrity from Hollywood, you gonna get yours. M.O.B, money over bitches. Just the way beef jumps off with the SCM VINCENT Tell 'em what beef with the SCM is, One-Eye. WALLACE What's beef? Beef is when it ain't safe to walk ya own streets. Beef is when you gotta get chauffeured around town inside a bullet proof jeep. Beef is when your daughter got to walk to school wit a team of them bodyguards. Beef is when you sleep with one eye open and one hand on a nine. Beef is when the FBI advises you not to leave ya house after dark. Beef is when you walk down the street lookin over ya shoulder, wonderin if ya next breath is about to be ya last. What's beef? That's beef. VINCENT How we settle beef? WALLACE We settle beef the way real niggas settle beef, on the street, with fists, and heat. OKERLUND And what does that mean? VINCENT That means we got a plan. With that mysterious warning, The SCM gruffly departs the scene, leaving Mean Gene to ponder what they have in store. With nothing left to observe we're returned to sofa central COLE Strong words from, the Militia. Folks, we'll be back with more from Ott.... *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* COLE What? A lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing over the P.A. system with the crowd standing up and booing. COACH We are about to be joined by The Corporate Champ! PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entrance stage, and strobe lights appear on the entrance set. A few seconds elapsed, the entrance doors slide open, and out from the curtains and through the smoke come "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican AND his girlfriend, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. The crowds boos get louder. COLE PRL and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez are here? But for what? PRL doesn't have to wrestle again until OAOAST Syndicated! COACH Lindsay is here. Why are you still complaining? COLE Because it makes no sense. COACH Shut up and just oogle her. PRL is in his suit and tie, while Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is wearing a gold necklace with her name on it, a red leather tanktop, black bracelets on both wrists, black tights, and black heel boots. PRL and Lindsay are holding hands, with PRL holding a microphone in his right hand. Both of them are smiling. P.R. brings the microphone to his lips. "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN Would you please cut the music? "Know Your Role '99" dies down. The crowd is still booing. PR and Lindsay look at the crowd and smile. COLE That was awfully polite of him. "ASSSSSSS-HOLE!" "ASSSSSSS-HOLE!" "ASSSSSSS-HOLE!" "ASSSSSSS-HOLE!" PRL ignores the chant, instead just continuing to smile. Lindsay looks at him with those lovey dovey eyes. COLE Why are they out here? COACH Would you please be quiet!? PRL Now, all you pieces of trailer park trash... "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" PRL I, The Corporate Champion, have a special announcement to make. "P.R. SUCKS!" "P.R. SUCKS!" "P.R. SUCKS!" "P.R. SUCKS!" PRL And if you would just SHUT UP I will tell you! The crowd boos again. PRL sneers at the crowd, but then quickly smiles again. PRL Now then, I have something special to announce. A BIG announcement. (PR looks at Lindsay) You see, a few minutes ago, in the back, I asked Lindsay to do something very...very...special for me. I asked her something and I hoped that she would say 'Yes' because it would mean the world to me. I got down on my knees and--well...let's just say it together. MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ Okay! PRL Okay. You ready? LINDSAY I'm ready. PRL You sure. LINDSAY I'm sure. PRL Ok. LINDSAY Okay. COLE Just get on with it! COACH Don't rush them! PRL Okay. On three, we'll say it. Okay? LINDSAY Okay. PRL Okay. On three. 1. 2. 3. PRL & LINDSAY WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!! The crowd BOOS! Puerto Rican and Lindsay hug each other and kiss on the lips. COACH They're getting married? How wonderful! This is so great! I love it! PRL and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez are going to become husband and wife! Isn't that romantic? COLE Not really. COACH Don't try to be a spoil sport! This is a great moment! Enjoy it, bitch! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez takes the microphone. LINDSAY And you thought it wouldn't last! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! PRL kisses Lindsay. PRL We're getting married and THAT'S the truth, Ruth! Now, MAZEL TOV! "Hava Nagela" begins playing. The crowd still boos. Tha Puerto Rican and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez make out on the entrance stage. They then dance. COLE PRL and Lindsay Gonzalez are getting married apparently in a temple. COACH Yeah. You didn't know that? COLE I didn't even know he's Jewish! COACH Well he is! He's Puerto Rican, but he's a practicing Jew. COLE So, he should be called Tha Jewish Rican then, right? COACH Don't be a smartass, Cole. COLE What? COACH You heard me. COLE Ugh. Anyway, congradulations and Mazel Tov to Tha Puerto Rican and his fiancee, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. Lindsay shows off her engagement ring. It's pretty impressive. COACH Mazel Tov, PR! COLE Yeah. Anyway, folks, we'll be right back right after this. Jewish Rican Lightning? COACH No. "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez dance on the entrance stage to "Hava Nagela". PRL shows off his engagement ring to the camera. PRL and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez laugh manically while the crowd boos. THA PUERTO RICAN Kiss the ring, BITCH~! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! P.R. and Lindsay kiss. This is the last image we see as we go to a commercial break.Commercial break Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony149 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2013 As we return, Coach is dabbing his eyes with a tissue. COACH *Sniff* So beautiful. Those kooky kids are growing up. COLE (ignoring Coach, as usual) Okay, folks, we've had a wonderful show so far, plenty more still to come, but for right now let's take it to Terry Taylor who is standing by backstage. Right on cue, the view switches to Terry Taylor, backstage just as Cole promised. But no viewer's eyes are focused on the much maligned d-level announcer, rather all attention is locked on his interview subjects, tag team champions Chicks Over Dicks. Alix is attired in a pair of destroyed stone washed jeans, and a grey t-shirt that simply reads I HATE MY GIRLFIEND. Krista, on the other hand, is much more formal then her better half, decked out in an ultra chic three piece black business suit, and black fendi sunglasses. Taylor sports a Ray Emery Ottawa Senators jersey in a pitiful attempt to curry favor with the arena based fans. His sucking up fails miserably, and a small but audible “Terry touches boys” chant is heard over the venue microphones. TERRY Hello, world! Terry Taylor here, backstage in the Scotiabank Palace, with OAOAST world tag team champions, and close personal friends.... Not wishing to be associated with the likes of Terry Taylor, Krista slaps him upside the head. TAYLOR (continuing and correcting himself) ...and women who I psychotically obsesses over, Chicks Over Dicks. Girls, how are you on this Thursday evening? ALIX I'm pretty rad! Thank ya for asking, Double T. So whatcha-watcha-watcha want? TAYLOR I'd like for you to talk about tonight's challengers for your title belts, Los Conquistadors. ALIX Then let's talk about 'em! Dude, I know we've got this whole any one who wants a title shot can get one thing going on, but this like that awful Gnarls Barkley song radio DJ's across the country continue to torment my ears with, is a lil craaaazy. Dontcha think? Yeah I really do think! On the list of tag teams that actually, you know, deserve a title shot, Uno, bitchin' card game sucky wrestler, and Dossy-Dos rank at number sixty. There are only like twelve tag teams here! That means there are um.uh..lemme get my math on..subtract the four carry the one, multiply the exponent, change the bed linen, add the negative nine, remember to get some dog food on the way home, subtract the exterior quotient from the Pythagorean fraction, the capital of Ohio is Columbus...there's six hundred and seventy two billion imaginary tag teams ahead of them! And that's a heck of a lot of imagination! And speaking of, why don't we all take a voyage on the SS imagination, were our primary destination is adventure and McDoanlds, because I totally have to get one of those new Catscratch Happy meals. And while we're aboard the SS Imagination let's all try to imagine what could have been going through Uno and Dos' mind when they actually signed up for this happenin' partay. Hey, Krissy, what comes before Part B? TAYLOR Part A. ALIX Hi, is your name Krissy? Because if it is, you two have the same name! Oh my god, isn't that so cool? You can be sisters! Anyway, Uno and Dos. Yeah, we kinda abandoned the whole SS Imagination ship, but what seriously what are those dudes thinking? Them taking a title shot makes even less then Mr.T having a reality show on TV land where he comes and gives advice to people who's lives, like, suck and stuff. Now the show's concept makes a lot of things, it makes me wanna puke, it makes me wanna vomit, it makes me wanna throw up, and it makes me wanna upchuck, but it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. How are you gonna try to help someone else with some messed up family issues when you still running around own in a velour sweat suit and a Mohawk? You're the one with the issues, call A&E we need an Intervention. You the fool we need to pity, no one else. I saw an episode and he comes running down the street at the start. Running! Dude, you don't have a car? It's 2007 and you don't have a car. My dad has a car and he's been in jail for six years. He's got no place to go and nothing but time and he's still got a car. He doesn't even have his own bathroom, he has to shower with his back against the wall, and he's got a car. You've got thirty minutes to help someone with some serious situation and you're out there running, chugging along like the Little Engine that could. I think I can, I think I can, I think can. None of the other A Team could throw a car pool together for B.A. Baracus? If I see Mr T, I'm running to. What can Mr.T possibly help you with? "Oh no! My husband just got layed off, my son needs a heart transplant or else he'll die and we have no health insurance. And I just found out they want to take the house away from us. Maybe I should just sell my body on the streets." Mr.T comes jogging along to solve all your problems; "I'ma help you!" If the only two ways out of the poorhouse are Mr.T or prostitution, give me the high heels, trashy makeup and direct me to the nearest street corner, dude. And if I was Los Conquistadors, I'd take my chances on the street corner also, and forget all about this silly wrestling stuff, because I don't really see this whole tag title thingie majig working out toooo well for them! TAYLOR I guess we won't be looking forward to a Mr.T appearance at Anglemania! And Krista, how are you? KRISTA I'm just horrible, Terry! My maid, totally legal, naturalized citizen of the United States, keep Lou Dobbs away from me, just called me and told me that my cat, Billie Jean, died! And that we're out of Windex. But I can always go to the store and replace the Windex. ALIX But how can she replace the pieces of her broken heart? TAYLOR Ah....that's....well...um...bad and all, but that's not really what I expected you to say... KRISTA Huh? TAYLOR Well, you know, I was kind of hoping you would..uh...say something funny... KRISTA My cat just died, Terry. I've had that cat since I was in college, that's seventeen years we've been together. It was like a sister to me. My daughter loved that pretty kitty, I don't even think she'll be able to get out of bed to go to school tomorrow. Even Ned adored Billie Jean! And this is the man who on our third date, punched a kid in a wheelchair, then tried to justify it by saying “His chin wasn't in a wheelchair, dude should've bobbed and weaved!” But you think I should push all that pain aside and be Sandra god damn Bernhard for your amusement? That's all I am to you? A one woman Saturday Night Live? I'm in pain, Terry Taylor! My family has been torn apart in the span of six hours, and you're looking for an HBO comedy special? What kind of twisted human being are you? TAYLOR It's just when I asked how you were doing, I didn't really want to know how you were actually doing. KRISTA If you don't want to know how I was doing, why the hell would you ask how I was doing? TAYLOR It's more of a greeting. I say “How are you?” and you say “Hey there.” KRISTA What? That doesn't even make sense as a reply! If you ask me what time is it I don't say “yes, I'd like side of scrambled eggs with that.” I give you a logical, and hopefully accurate reply. If you say “Hi, Krista, how are you?” I don't answer “Instant Shine shoe polish should not be used on suede, nubuk, and fabrics. Keep out of reach of children.” You ask me how I was doing, and I told you, but now you're upset. That's like dumping kerosene on yourself, lighting a match and getting butthurt when you catch on the fire! Once you ask a question, that sentence is out of your hands, you can't control the response. You have dissolved yourself of all responsibilities and ownership. You have turned that right over to the askee. ALIX I'm seeing feelings, sweetie pie, but I'm not hearing them. Vocalize your anger, honey bunches of oats. Vocalize. TAYLOR You're not helping, Alix. Krista.. KRISTA Don't even talk to me, you sicko. There is not a word in the English dictionary that could even attempt to describe the loathing I hold in my heart for you. You have finally pushed me over the edge. I could take your stalking, your constantly leaving your yeast infection medication in my car, you and Alix putting blue food coloring in my protein shake and saying Papa Smurf peed in it, your sixty page, graphically illustrated, sex stories, and even your life size erotic pottery, but today, you have pissed me off beyond the point of no return. I'd like to think I'm within my rights to take a brick and slam it into your nasty, disgusting, abhorrent, monkey mouth face. But the truth is I can't hit you, Terry Taylor. Believe me I would very much like to punch a hole through your chest and give your still beating heart to the man behind you. I'd consider it Christmas/Kawanza/Hanukkah/Ramadan/other miscellaneous non secular holiday/ morning if I could stomp the everlasting shit out of you. But in this miserable-tax me out of my freaking mind-country we have these pesky things called laws. And laws being what they are, and my home state having a certain three strikes rule, and me having two strikes (with several foul balls) against me, I just can't break 'em as easily as I did during my rebellious ”dykes on bikes” years. But all is not hopeless, Chicken Hawk. Because what I can do is take out all the aggression and all the rage that you, Miss Congeality, have brought to me out on my opponents, Los Diablos.... ALIX Los Conquistadors, silly! Los Diablos are the friends we have so we can show all our equally liberal Caucasian friends how cool and open minded we are by hanging out with non threatening ethnic minorities. KRISTA Hmmm. They all look like alike to me. But not because they're Mexican, don't drop the dime to Ariana Huffington, but because they wear masks. Back to the point, Terrence. I was content to wrestle a simple, straightforward affair. My heart was on fire with passionate love for the opportunity to put on an exhibition that would showcase the pure and innocent competition that is the heart of this sport's appeal. I would've used some headlocks, some arm drags, maybe even a side Russian leg sweep, I've never used a side Russian leg sweep before. Tonight, I was really going to do it, I was going to stay true to my promise and use that move. But, you ruined it by making an early push for douchebag of the year. Although the fact that you're still breastfeeding at forty eight years old, may have guaranteed you that little honor from now until eternity. Now two innocent victims, two people who I didn't even know existed before tonight, have to get punished because you have a harder time keeping your mouth shout then that homophobic bimbo Kelly Ripa. And when I say I want to punish Los Conquistadors, I mean I want to grab a wooden table douse it in gasoline, flick open a lighter, then power bomb them through it, and watch with vast joy as the flames cook me two authentic Mexican burritos and the thirty six year old virgin shut ins in the audience chant “She's a crackwhore! She's a crackwhore!” Unfortunately, there's a slight problem with that disturbing but oh so entertaining plan, Terry Taylor. There's always a problem. My life wouldn't be complete without problems. It would be like the Jackson Five without Douglas. But there was no Douglas in the Jackson five, you say! Don't correct me, you rat bastard! Haven't your callous actions done enough damage to my fragile heart for one day? Problemo numero uno, fire scares Alix. A lot. ALIX Terribly terrible incident when I was a widdle bunny wabbit! Birthday party, barbecue pit, clown, balloon animals, helium, made the elven o'clock news, food at the funeral was pretty radical, however. KRISTA Second problem, those tables are insanely hard to set up. You have pull the metal legs out, and you don't know if they're gonna stay out or not, because sometimes it looks like you've got it and then it just folds back up, and they're heavy and who wants to drag those things all the way into the ring? It's just a big enormous hassle. Third problem, although I am a virtual Paul Bunyan when it comes to the size of my expansive and superior intellect, in actual physical stature, I'm kind of....small. Have you looked at me at lately, Terry? All men and women do, desperately longing to taste my little slice of heaven. And I know you have because you're a twisted pervert who's staring at my boobs right now, even though I just told you that the cat I've had since I was eighteen died while I'm thousands of miles away from home. Anyway, the point is I'm not exactly on the short list of women to be casted as She Hulk, if you get what I'm saying. I just can't go into the ring and say “ME KRISTA! ME ANGRY! ME SMASH! ME DISCOMBOBULATE ANTI MATTER”. I mean technically I could say all of that, but it would most likely result an equally angry and much larger individual belly to belly suplexing my limp and battered body into the third row. And if you've taken a look at some of the rat teeth, nugget mouth, booger bears in the stands, you can guess why I'm slightly adverse to landing face down on their laps. But what I can do, I can do better then anyone else who's ever had the displeasure of meeting you, and that's humiliate someone. America's got talent, and so does Krista, and that talent is the utter embarrassment and lengthy drawn out emasculation of grown men. ALIX She's right! Look at you, Terry, you might as well spend the rest of your days in a mini skirt, Guess pumps, and Revlon lip stick. Hey, it happened to me! I used to be Darnell Washington from Inglewood, the hardest banger in the set. One day I'm doing drive bys, the next day I'm in Krista's kitchen, wearing a sundress, voting democrat, and baking cookies for GLAAD meetings. KRISTA And what happened to young Darnell is precisely what I plan on doing tonight. It's a good thing Los Conquistadors wear masks, otherwise they'd have a mighty difficult time showing their face in public again. Actually they're going to have to remove their masks just so they can't be recognized by the cruel and mocking public. Because if people see them on the street in those masks they'll be screaming “Hey! Aren't you those idiots who got humiliated by that devilishly sexy, outrageously intelligent, youthful looking, and all around queen of the galaxy, Krista Isadora Duncan? You are! You, bums, you need your testicles taken from you! You sons of bitches are nothing but women with pee holes in their underwear! GET OUT!” That's what'll happen, so I suggest you get used to life without your masks or face paint,or whatever it is you use to cover up the fact that you look worse then the hooker Terry Taylor paid sixty bucks to go to his senior prom with, because I'll humiliate you so hard, you'll be holding your head in your hand, sobbing like unwashed babies, and asking god why I just embarrassed you without respect to your church and your family “I had no choice, God! I didn't deserve it, God! The sanctity of my virginity was violated, God! It wasn't right God! It wasn't right!” You're damn straight it wasn't right, just like it wasn't right for Terry Taylor to expose his whoreishness by not caring about the tragedy that's destroying my life, and by staring at my ass even though I'm a grieving mourner who just lost her childhood pet! So when you get backstage and you want to find someone to blame for the fact that you gotta spend the rest of your days in shame and embarrassment, then Terry Taylor is the chicken you wanna have fried like Kentucky. I'm Krista Isadora Duncan and you better ask somebody who knows so you can know to. TAYLOR Los Conquistadors, I know one thing, you're in big trouble..and..uh..I'm sorry about that, I didn't even know she had a cat, my fault guys. Girls, one last thing, The South Central Militia, the team you beat last week to become three time tag team champions, say the issue of the title belts isn't dead, and that they have a plan, so to speak. What do you say to that? KRISTA The issue, if you even want to call it that, is d-e-a-d, dead. Why? Because I say it is. And as for their plan, I think gender reassignment surgery is a fantastic idea! Saves me the trouble of having to do it myself! But, watch out for menopause, it's a killer. ALIX Do ya still get menopause if ya switch your kibbles and bits? TAYLOR Something for our enlightened and open minded fans, all two of them, to ponder, I'm certain. Girls, thank you very much. ALIX & KRISTA You're welcome, Terry! TAYLOR Fans, we'll be back with you shortly. Stay tuned to OAOAST television.COMMERCIAL BREAKNO MORE COMMERCIAL BREAK Hole's rendition of Golddust Woman comes through the PA system, as an image of Los Conquistadors standing side by side appears on the Angletron. While the arena lights settle into a stark gold glow, flashes of Los Conquistadors highlights in the OAOAST come onto the big screen. Unfortunately, there aren't many highlights to speak of, so the same three enter a repeat cycle. That doesn't seem particularity important, however, as the audience has turned their attention to the entrance stage where a dilapidated steel cage rises from a platform. Housed within the metallic jail are Uno and Dos, looking far different then they did the last time they were seen on OAOAST television. Outfitted in matching gold and black PVC bodysuits, with their names etched in white cursive on the back, and thigh high white platform boots, the formerly comedic pair make for an unusual presence. Eager to escape their dungeon, they rattle their cage, until a nearby stagehand arrives to set them free. Uno repays his kindness by shoving the underpaid servant to the steel floor. And Dos shows his own despicable side by hurling a wad of spit onto the weeping man. The two warriors pound their fist together, then traverse to the ring amidst the confused murmur of the audience. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of twenty five minutes. It is for the OAOAST World Tag Team Titles! Introducing first the challengers, weighing in at a combined weight of three hundred and twenty pounds, they hail from Santa Fe, New Mexico by way of Tijuana, Mexico, The Wild Chicano, Uno, The Mexican Maniac, Dos, they are the baddest men in Latin America, they are LOS CONQUESTIADOOOOORSSS! The conclusion of the announcement causes the ramp based Conquistadors to toss up their arms in triumph. Dos even goes as far as to do a backflip in celebration of his own greatness. The audience, who can't quite figure out what happened to the hapless Mexican duo, and why their getting a tag title shot, sit in “stunned” silence. COACH What the hell is going on here? Where's the basic masks, the simple and ugly spandex tights, the lack of entrance music, the lack of any sort of entrance period. Now they've got fancy black and gold bodysuits with their names written on them, gold face paint, gelled hair, platform boots, entrance music to go along with a flashy entrance style, and what's more, they have a hometown now! COLE Well, Los Conquistadors must've hit the finest costume shops and image makeover clinics New Mexico has to offer, because they've come out looking like legit stars for their first ever tag team title match. We'll see if the new look breeds success, although, I have my doubts. Uno enters the ring first and gives the ropes a vigorous shake, while yelling in Spanish. Slightly more calm, Dos strolls along the apron, pounding his gloved fist against his bodysuit. COACH Obviously, Alix and Krista didn't learn their lesson from last weeks ordeal. You don't just go giving title shots left and right. Just because someone asks you to do something, doesn't mean you gotta go and do it. I ask Krista to have sex with me every Thursday, and each time she pushes me down a flight of stairs. So she knows how to say no. COLE I don't think Los Conquistadors pose quite the same threat as The Militia, no offense intended to these fine athletes.Los Angeles, Sugarcult's ferocious ode to the entertainment capital of the world is heard loud and clear over the arena sound system. What's heard even louder is a monstrous roar of excitement from the fans. Every last audience member rises to their feet in unbridled anticipation of the two wrestlers soon to appear. A chant of “C-O-D” goes up when a gorgeous red pyro waterfall dives onto the stage below. The chant only increases in decibel level when the waterfall is met with an equally astounding pink pyro fountain. Once those fireworks vanish a majestically royal gold pyro wall rips to life, overtaking the entire entrance stage in it's radiance. As the yearning chorus of the song kicks in, the Californian duo of Chicks Over Dicks steps through smoky cloak. Their apperance is marked with a thundering cheer from the Ottawa natives, many of whom hoist their pro-COD signs and t-shirts high into the sky. COACH Terry Taylor is a bigger fool then we all thought. All you gotta say is “sorry you're cat died”, and leave it at that. Now Los Conquestiadors are in for prolonged humliation, while he's backstage sipping coffee, and stuffing his face with donuts. Alix, bedecked in sizzling white booty shorts, matching white tube top, and an array of faux fur covered wrist bands and boots, dances along the steel stage, rocking her shapely body back and forth, sending the fans into further frenzy. Krista, lock into an arrogant pose infront of the door way, is outfitted in a frilly Heatheratte™ rainbow patterned mini skirt, and spotless white tennis shoes. She off sets the girly lower body wear by sporting a “distressed” black Monarchy™ hoodie, featuring Archaic old English text, a rebellious rose graphic, and gothic zipper on the front. Somehow she manages to take her hyperactive gal pal's hand into her's and twirl her around like a ballroom dancer, before sucking her into tight embrace. Alix turns over her shoulders, brushes a strand of her brown locks out her face, and tosses a bewitching kiss to the camera, causing cute super imposed red lips to pop on the screen. BUFFER And the champions...., first, from Los Angeles, California, she is the CEO of Mrs.Spezia's sweeties, the Hollywood Bad Girl, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! And her partner, from Los Angeles, California, she is a best selling author, a fitness queen, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, she is Miss California Krista Isaodra Duncan! Together they are three time OAOAST world tag team champions, America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks! As she takes position on the ring apron, Krista looks over her foes for the night with an amused shock. She expected them to fit the mold of the hulking Neanderthals her team has had to war against since returning to the OAOAST. To see that they're just rail thin twerps in fetish costumes brings a great smile to her face. She's so thrilled by this fact, that she ushers Ally out of the ring, and takes her place. Of course Alix has to offer a nugget of “wisdom” before she departs, “Beware trusted girl companion, for evil is a foot, and we must proceed with great caution!”DING DING DING goes the bell. Brushing aside Alix's inane warning, Krissy enages Uno in a lockup. She begins to push her fellow cruiserweight towards a vacant corner, however he slips through a crack in the hold, ending her attempt. Seconds later he attaches his hands around her neck in a front headlock. Krista instantly begins fighting against his clutches, digging her nails into his painted face. As streaks of red begin to appear through the black masking, Uno tries to subdue the blond bombshell by dragging her down to the canvas. Krista subverts this attempt by placing her hands onto his PVC suit and ushering him to the cables. He returns in triumph, bowling her over with a shoulderblock. Leaving her prone body on the mat, he skips to the cables, reading to crush her with a bodysplash on his trip back. But the plan goes awry when he notices that Krista is on her feet, prepared to impale his gut with her lowered head. He thinks on his platformed feet, and leapfrogs over her attacking body. But his offensive showing ends at that excat moment, as Krista rifles a left hand into his jaw the second he lands. A right impacts disgustingly above his left eye, then another left rips at the cartilage in the bridge of his nose. As he's left dizzied by the trio of strikes, Krista takes a moment to showup her overmatched foe. She pulls a compact mirror from her top, then flips it open to admire her fetching beauty. Finally she plants a kiss on her gorgeous reflection, and discards the mirror into the stands, where the eager audience lustily brawls over it. She then turns her attention back to Uno, and pastes him with a crowd popping lariat. The force of the strike puts him on the ground, where he can scarcely see past the salty tears in his eyes. While he fights a losing battle to stand up, his pesky rival carts herself to ropes. But instead of running back in the normal fashion, she once again takes an opportunity to belittle her opponent. Paying “homage” to his Mexican heritage, Krista salsa dances her way towards Uno. Her curvy hips gyrate in ultra spicy seduction, while her arms wiggle through a pattern of mesmerizing euphoria. Unfortunately for Uno the end result of the taunting is anything but euphoric, as Krista sinks her knee into his forehead. While the audience salutes her fetching show, she hooks Uno's leg for a pin. Eighty six year old referee Clem Buzllefoxer counts the fall. ONE TWO Clem's Alzheimer's strikes at a most inopportune moment, forcing him to forget what comes after two! This crucial delay allows Uno to kickout of what might have been a match ending pinfall. Yet, his escape doesn't grant him the chance to go on the attack, as Krista hauls him upright and shoots him towards the ropes. He returns to her much faster then she would've liked, and as such she's caught off guard by the speedy grappler. He uses her confusion to his advantage by placing his hands onto her shoulders, and using them as a base to leverage himself behind her. The shift pushes her off balance, but Uno locks her in place with a pump handle set up. Kicking and grunting, Krissy tries to free herself from the luchadore's pinions, but the hold is locked in too deeply. Uno drags her into the sky, then roughly deposits her into the floor with the pump handle slam. He quickly moves to cover her, and the official counts his pin. ONE Alix ends the pinfall with a boot to Uno's skull! Her vexatious meddling causes Uno to direct several crude comments her way. Fluent in Spanish, Alix replies in kind, and it looks for the moment that a full scale donnybrook might erupt from this verbal warfare. But Clem talks cooler heads into prevailing, and Alix eventually departs to her corner. With Ally dismissed, Uno drags Krista to his corner where he makes the tag to his associate, Dos. The Mexican Maniac's arrival into the affair is greeted by an embarrassing chill of silence. He takes his anger over the utter lack of crowd response out on his enemy by savagely punting her arm while Uno holds it in place. As Krista recoils in pain, Uno departs the ring, leaving Dos by his lonesome with their prisoner. The Maniac takes hold of Krista's sore arm, preparing to further torment the limb with an arm drag. But that plan encounters a horrid failure, when Krista slashes her free hand into Dos' throat. Now more concerned with the struggle to breathe then the struggle to win a match, Dos allows his rival to go free. Krista utilizes this newfound freedom to retreat to her corner and bring gal pal, Alix Spezia into the match. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” bleat the now standing crowd. Alix works her legion of adoring fans into a higher state of jubilation by staying on the ring apron and rocking out with an air guitar concert. The simple exhibition elicits a grand reaction from the audience, and the volume of the “Alix” chants increase ten fold. Once she's satisfied with the sky high noise level, she hooks her arms around the top rope, kicks her legs up, and gracefully flips her limber body into the squared circle. Dos attempts to give her rather rude welcoming into the affair, and attacks her with a shoulder block. But The Hollywood Bad Girl blocks his volley by stabbing her fuzzy boot into his rotund midsection. The shot bends Dos over in anguish, and has him hacking and coughling like an asthma suffer. But most importantly it permits Ally Cat to trap him into a front underhook. Moving quickly, she peels backwards and spikes his head into the stone solid canvas with a double arm ddt. Amazingly, The Mexican Maniac is able to spring to his feet just seconds after the cringe worthy move. Yet, he's not able to mount any sort of offensive thanks to his plucky enemy depositing him into the ropes with an Irish whip. When he returns, she wraps her arms around the one hundred fifty pounder's waist then rockets him into the arena air with a flapjack! Surprisingly, Dos succeeds in tying his scrawny legs around her neck for a hurricanrana. But Alix has zero intention of letting his reversal see the light of day, and counters his counter with a crowd pleasingsit out powerbomb! Buzzlefoxer moves into position to count the ensuing fall. CROWD ONE CROWD TWO But Dos scrapes his shoulder off the mat right as the referee was prepared to count three. “Oh Poopie!” A comically dejected Alix responds to the kickout. She'd love the chance to debate the pinfall with the senile offical, but she has more pressing matters to attend to, chiefly Uno descending upon her with a top rope bodysplash! The adorable champion reacts with preternatural quickness, heading to her feet, reaching over her shoulder, and anxiously awaiting the luchadore to fall into her trap. When she feels the coareness of his facepaint graze her collarbone, she attaches her hands around his head, then dives backwards to pulverize him with a diamond cutter! “YEAAAA!” The Wild Chicano bellows in misery, felling the horrible after affects of his ill advised attack. He rolls out of the ring, clutching his battered face, and leaving his partner to fend for himself. However, Dos fares far better then his ally in dealing with the California girl and surprises her with a side Russian leg sweep. Not wanting these precious seconds of momentum to expire, he holds onto her body and rolls them to their feet. Once he gets fully upright, he drops downwards with a second side russian leg sweep. Again he makes an effort to repeat the sequence and brings the pair to their feet. But his success ends at this very point, as Alix ducks down, ties her leg between his inner thigh, then rolls forward, overtaking him into a pinning predicament. While the audience roots on her crafty pinfall, Clem gets in position to score it.. CROWD ONE CROWD TWO Dos slides out of the unusual pinfall, shooting to his feet as he does so. Problematically for him, the brown haired babe springs onto his scrawny shoulders the second that he rises. Dos entertains the idea of plastering her along the floor with a sitout powerbomb, but isn't able to turn that dream into reality thanks to Ally Cat shifting into a victory roll position. Now Dos concocts the brilliant scheme of annihilating her with an electric chair drop. But he's foiled once more, as The Hollywood Bad Girl whips her enemy sparkling head over sparking heels with an inverted hurricanrana! Dos' mellon suffers a vile impact into the canvas, with his neck crunching awkwardly against the beige surface. COACH I guess clothes don't always make the man, because these guys have fancy new costumes, and they're still hot garbage. The frazzled luchadore beats a hasty retreat to the outside, selfishly forcing his partner to enter the ring, lest his team be counted out. Thanks to the fact that they're wearing identical costumes, and the fact that blind as a bat Clem can't read the big white “Uno” on his back, The Wild Chicano is allowed unhindered entry into the match by the official. Alix is another story entirely, however, and she greets Uno's return with a pair of thudding elbow strikes. The blows have Uno wobbling from side to side in extreme dizziness, but Ally steadies him by draping his arm across her's. Her assistance to her beleaguered foe ends there, and she brutally throws him to the canvas with her world famous True Life: I Just Got Beat up by a Girl (STO). The crowd roars their approval for the signature spot, as Uno lies on the mat besieged by miserable anguish. Alix celebrates her victory, by tossing kisses to the cheering spectators. COLE John, what do you think The South Central Militia meant earlier tonight when they said they had a plan? COACH I hope they meant taking you up to San Fran and tossing you off the golden gate bridge. Bored with thrashing the luckless pair from Mexico, Alix decides to let Krista in on the fun. She moonwalks to her corner and makes the tag to her surly partner. Miss California's appearance earns a cheer from everyone in the arena, except for Uno who makes a mad dash to his corner to avoid a sound whupping from KID. But Krista halts his escape by sling shotting herself across the ring, and slamming her shoes into his back. She allows him to rise on his power, then drives a pair of elbows into his cranium before Irish whipping him towards a neutral corner. Krissy trails his path, looking to sandwich him between her body and the turnbuckle posts with a corner splash. But this plan goes quite wrong when Uno, seconds before he's to meet the corner pads, grabs onto the top ropes and uses them to push himself into the air. An alarmed Krista instantly slams on the breaks, avoiding a disastrous collision with the ring posts. But the fitness queen isn't quite in the clear, as airborne Uno entangles his legs around her neck. To the crowd's delight, the femme fatale quickly disposes of the irksome grappler by latching onto his inner thigh, yanking him away from the corner, and dropping him onto the top rope, savagely impaling his neck on the stiff cable. A muffled shriek leaves Uno's throat, as he flops to the canvas clutching his badly injured neck. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” yells the audience. COLE Sometimes it looks like Los Conquistadors might be able to string together a decent round of attacks, then other times it looks like they may be the worst team on earth. Feeling a teeny-tiny amount of pity for Uno's startling inability to do anything that doesn't involve getting beat up by women, Krista choses to challenge him to the only contest he could possibly beat her in; an arm wrestling match. She lies on her stomach, and offers her arm for a duel. Thankful for a reprieve from the horrific beatings, The Wild Chicano eagerly accepts her invitation to the unorthodox battle. He interlaces his fingers with her's and they promptly begin wasting everyone's time with an arm wrestling match. Being one buff mama, Krista has little trouble in overwhelming the disturbingly out of shape luchadore, who's grunting and sweating like he's trying to move the rock of Gibraltar, rather then arm wrestling a sub 150 pound, middle aged mother. Krissy merely smiles at him, as he continues to encounter spectacular failure in moving her arm even half an inch. Unfortunately for him, the embarrassment over being trounced at an arm wrestling match becomes the least of his worries, as the sometimes clever Alix Spezia, takes advantage of his vulnerable position by descending upon his frame with a spring board shooting star press! COLE Uh oh! “¡Guárdese!” a worried Dos bellows from the outside. But the warning comes too late for poor Uno, and Alix comes crashing down onto his back, to the immense enjoyment of the arena's entire population. Ally leaves the ring as quickly as she entered while tossing kisses to her adoring fans. The victim of her sneaky attack erupts with a volcanic scream of agony, as pain continues to gush throughout his back. To add insult to injury, Krista slams his arm to the canvas, officially claiming victory in their unusual arm wrestling affair. She then then dumps one final bit of salt into Uno's wounds by lying on top of him for a pinfall. The official drops to his knees to make the count. CROWD ONE CROWD TWO Dos breaks up the pinfall, which means his ally will not earn the dubious distinction of being the first wrestler to ever be pinned from an arm wrestling defeat. Unfortunately for the New Mexico native, his insistence on saving his associate looks to have come at the expense of his good health, as Krista zeros in on him with a lariat. He ducks bellow her attacking arm, causing her to recklessly zoom past. This moment of carelessness would be the perfect chance for him to decimate her lovely facial features with a superkick. However Krista turns that idea into a pipe dream, by leaping into his chest, and pressing her knees into his flabby pecs while her hands tighten around his collarbone. She cannonballs backwards, causing the downward momentum to dish an inordinate amount of pain to her witless rival's chest. Saving his comrade from further beatings, Uno returns to exact a measure of revenge on his tormenter, by trapping her into a rear waistlock. Unfortunately for him the hold stays applied for no more then three pitiful seconds before the blond bombshell shoots an elbow into his noggin. The fierce strike shatters his grip, and tortures him with a pounding headache. Pointing a menacing finger at Uno, Krissy flashbacks to her days as a dancer for Guns N Roses and yells “Welcome to the jungle, baby! You're gonna diieeeeeeeee!” The taunt elicits a rolling pop from the fans, who probably grew up on an unhealthy diet of GNR and other testosterone fueled metal. Uno, however, is positively spooked by the threat, and reacts to it as if he just got crushed by an Undertaker chokeslam, diving to the canvas and convulsing in white hot “pain”, and nonsensically frothing at the mouth. The audience and Krista share a hearty laugh for Uno's ridiculous oversell of a non move. But after forty seconds of the luchadore's embarrassment the laughter lowers into unenthusiastic chuckles, then dies as stares of awkward pity and wounded sadness. When the pathetic Mexican finally realizes that he hasn't just been steamrolled by the second coming of Andre the giant, he rises to his feet, eager to regain what little honor he once had. Feeling somewhat bad over Uno's terrible performance thus far, Krista offers him the opportunity to take a free shot at her. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, he crunches his gloved hand into a tight ball, then springs forward to knock her nose several inches to the right with a fearsome punch. Unfortunately his enormous platform boots conspire against him, and trip the luchadore face first to the mats! While the audience guffaws over Uno's latest gaffe, a sighing Krista simply helps him to his feet. Her rare show of kindness doesn't go unpunished, as Uno directs a trio of elbows into her tight tummy. He pulls her into a front facelock, and lifts her up as if he's about to deploy an Implant DDT. However he twists both their bodies around, then drops to the mat, so that the duo lands on their backs with her neck smacking off the ring floor. Searing pain pools around her neck, tugging apart the very structure that holds it together. Uno is tickled with delight to have been able to execute an actual offensive move, and seeks to experience more of the sweet joy that is success. He grabs onto Krista's flowing blond hair, and brings her to her feet where he attaches another front facelock. The Latino raises her into the air, then falls backwards, torpedoing her neck straight into the ring with the deadly brain buster DDT! Overjoyed at proving that he's not a miserable excuse for a human being, The Wild Chicano stands up and openly implores the crowd to worship at his feet. He starts to clap his hands together, stomping his heels against the mat, asking the fans to rally behind his achievements. Not a single person obliges the request. The audience's hands rest underneath their fat butts, leading a dejected Uno to perform pathetic slow clap down, and hang his head in shame. COLE Two measly moves and this guy thinks he's Alfdogg or Zack Malibu! Showing admirable resilience, Krista rises on her own accord. Her enemy emphatically tries to show her that it would've been wiser to stay on the mat and get pinned, by throwing a sidekick towards her midsection. But she catches firm hold of his shoe, indefinitely delaying the strike. She shakes her head like an admonishing mother, then dizzies her rival by spinning him in a 360 rotation. When the nauseated luchadore comes back to face her, she gives him a taste of his own medicine by striking him in the gut. The vile strikes doubles him over, and leaves him prey to any number of painful holds. Krista choses the most breathtaking of her gruesome options, by backfliping over Uno, catching him into a wasitlock, then upending him with a German Suplex in one glorious motion! A grotesque anguish infects Uno's battered neck, as the crowd bestows Krista's showy attack with an enormous cheer. COACH Dayum, bitch! What a german suplex! COLE I hope I can move like that when I'm that old. COACH You are that old, and you can't move that well. A returning Dos shrieks and shouts as he leaps onto his partner's assailant with a clubbing forearm. Two more similar strikes follow, blessing Los Conquistadors with a very delicate control of this contest. The Mexican Maniac clamps down on Krista with a front wasitlock, but watches in horror as she easily destroys the hold with a single headbutt to his nose. Blood splinters from his nostrils, as he clambers about the ring, unable to cope with the rapidly rising agony in his face. Miss California only adds to his problems by Irish whipping him towards the ropes. As he crosses the squared circle, Alix springboards off the ropes, pouncing her way across the ring. When she nears her opponent, she extends her feet forward and pierces them through his chest with a crowd popping dropkick! The girls have little time to celebrate their teamwork, however, as Uno has recovered, and has his mind set on retribution. Unfortunately for him his weak body and substandard wrestling skill are unable to act upon his thoughts of blood lust, and the beautiful ladies pounce upon him before he can even stage a proper attack. They latch onto him with twin rear facelocks, then obliterate the back of his skull with a savage double inverted DDT! COLE Chicks Over Dicks are taking over now! Perhaps Cole may have spoken to soon, as Dos is able to temporally dispose of Alix with a running forearm to the back. Krista, on the other hand, proves much more difficult in defeating, but the luchadore gives it his best efforts, trying to upend her with an STO. But the fitness queen turns the tables on her foe, by peeling backwards and gruesomely introducing his face to the canvas with a flatliner(reverse STO) COLE Folks if you're waiting for order to be restored, don't hold your breath, because Clem Buzzlefoxer's matches have a notorious history of breaking down into chaotic tornado tag situations, and never reverting back. “C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!” Much to the target of the fans' love's chagrin, Los Conquistadors refuse to back down in the face of inevitable defeat. Uno accosts Krista and tries to fling her to the ropes with an Irish whip. But Krissy shifts the momentum of the hold and reverses it. Rather then let Uno takes his own run of the ropes, Krista holds onto his arm and pulls him in close to strike him with a knee to the midsection. The shot doubles the baddest man in Latin America over, and saps him of what little breath he has left. Figuring that he's little more then a dead man walking, Miss California takes to the skies to finish him off with a fameasser. But, Uno calls upon his last burst of strength to catch her in a samoan drop setup! Given the unusual nature of the hold's beginnings, his grip is nowhere near secure, thus Krista is easily able to slip out of it. She floats to his side, where her arms move quickly to lock him into an inverted facelock. On her descent she amazes everyone privileged enough to watch this glorified squash match with an inverted DDT! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” shout the fans, leading Krista to bow like a classical ballerina to their show of appreciation. Elsewhere in the ring, Dos is shooting himself towards a mat based Alix with a lionsault. But the now fully healed Ally sees the move coming a mile away and rolls forward to avoid it. Fortunately for Los Conquistadors, Dos saw her avoidance well in advance and succeeds in landing on his platformed boots. Gathering her strength, the perky cutie stands up to end the Conquistador nuisance once and for all. However, Dos shows that he won't go down so easily, by sending a closed fist to her face. However she stymies the thirty one year old's attempt by slicing a swift kick into his pudgy midsection. With the fans cheering her on, Alix sets her challenger up for a pile driver! Instead of using the basic and unimpressive move, she sunset flips forward and crushes her poor antagonist's cranium with the phenomenal Burning Sensation When You Urinate (sunset flip pile driver)! Dos' head spikes into the mat, his body going limp before it even falls to the ground. After a prolonged stand still The Santa Fe native flops onto his back, unable to draw a single gasp from his lifeless caracass. With Dos permanently incapacitated by the lethal finisher, Ally treats the audience to their favorite of her signature moves and wiggles her tail like her name was Flipper. Canadian lads across the great white north unleash a maple syrupy jizzum upon their 1986 Jarri Kurri hockey cards, and Tragically hip albums, at the wonderful sight of Alix bouncing her luscious rump like she's got a V12 in her ass. Once she's done shaking her moneymaker, she flips backwards and lands on her brutalized foe with a standing moonsault. Buzzlefoxer, who now needs a new pair of pants and a box of tissues, drops to his knees to count the pin... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO CROWDTHREE!!! After the word three leaves their lips, the fans erupt with jubilant cheers for the outcome. Sugarcult's hot joint leaks out of the speakers, competing with the rising noise level from the stands and the shouting ring announcer. BUFFER Your winners and still OAOAST World tag team champions....CHICKS OVER DICKS! COLE Krista said she was going to humiliate Los Conquistadors, and Uno seemed to get to worst of it, being beaten in arm wrestling, enduring a salsa dance knee drop, getting “slammed” by a pop song lyric, and having to stand around like a tool while Krista checked her lipstick before she clotheslined him into next week. Not a whole lot went well for him tonight. COACH I think Dos, The Mexican Maniac, is the one who's gotta get some pity. He's the one who got a sunset flip piledriver, he's the one who's hurting, and he got pinned by a bootysault! But, Krista promised humiliation, and she and Alix delivered, wrecking the debut of the new “Los Conquistadors”. By far the easiest title defense yet for Chicks Over Dicks, but you got to wonder, who's gonna take the next shot. It could come from anywhere. The girls react to this rather easy victory of the lowly Conquistadors like they just went through a sixty minute death match. Krista leans against the ropes for “support”, pointing to the sky and thanking god that he allowed her to live through this “brutal”, “career shortening”, ordeal. Alix sprawls out across the mat, huffing and puffing as if there isn't a single breath left in her body. Buzzlefoxer, who has time and time again been exposed as a complete moron, fails to get the joke and tries to apply CPR on Krista. I'm sure you can imagine how well an eighty six year old bony senior citizen sexually assaulting a buff fitness expert went off. We'll bring you updates on the location of Clem's funereal in the days to come. COLE Folks, quick reminder, the Chicks Over Dicks charity auction ends next Wednesday, and the winner will be announced live on HeldDOWN the following Thursday. It's not too late to put down your bid, and contribute to a great cause. Coach, how much did you bid? COACH Not a dime. I'm a pimp, I don't tip ho's, ho's tip me. I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES WHERE YA FROM, YOU SEXY THING (YOU SEXY THING YOU) I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES SINCE YA CAME ALONG, YOU SEXY THING WHERE DID YOU COME FROM BABY? HOW DID YOU KNOW I NEEDED YOU? HOW DID YOU KNOW I NEEDED YOU SO BADLY? HOW DID YOU KNOW I'D GIVE MY HEART GLADLY? YESTERDAY, I WAS ONE OF THE LONELY PEOPLE NOW YOU'RE LYING CLOSE TO ME, MAKING LOVE TO ME BELIEVE IN MIRACLES AGAIN FEBRUARY 24TH, 2007 SEXY THING YOU, SEXY THING YOU TOUCH ME BABY SEXY THING YOU, SEXY THING YOU I LOVE THE WAY YOU HOLD ME DARLIN' SEXY THING YOU, SEXY THING YOU KEEP ON LOVIN' ME BABY! MICHAEL BUFFER The following match is… Michael Buffer is interrupted when Faqu makes an unscheduled appearance, walking to ringside with the HI-YAH Title over his shoulder wearing street clothes, shades and an annoyed expression on his face. COACH What’s he doing out here? MICHAEL COLE Didn’t you get the memo? He’s sitting in with us tonight – you may want to watch your words. COACH Oh like that fatass can do anyth… Faqu sits down and puts his headset on COACH Hey champ how are ya! Cole just laughs as the big Samoan stares at Coach. MICHAEL BUFFER The following match is the second first round match in the tournament to qualify for the H1 Grand Prix! Introducing first from Chicago Illinois, weighing in at 440 pounds – give it up for Richardo “JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMBO!” Montana The Blues Brother classic "Sweet Home Chicago" starts up and incites the Ottawans to get up on their feet and cheer for the Jumbo man as he heads to the ring while high fiving fans left and right. MICHAEL COLE Imagine the celebration Jumbo would have thrown if the Bears had won the Super Bowl COACH The who had won the what? MICHAEL COLE Sorry Coach I know you don’t follow any sports outside of wrestling COACH Hold on! You’re saying there ARE other sports outside of wrestling? MICHAEL COLE *SIGH* Nevermind FAQU Can we get on with this? MICHAEL BUFFER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND HIS OPPONENT!! “Spirit in the Sky” begins to play as the lights turn red. MICHAEL BUFFER From Vancouver, British Columbian – CAN-A-DA!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! MICHAEL COLE Getting the home crowd pop tonight FAQU *annoyed little snort* COACH I’m with the champ on that one! MICHAEL BUFFER Here is JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES BLONDE!! At the mention of his name Blonde pushes the curtains to the side, makes sure his red cowboy hat is on tight and then runs to the ring really freaking fast, leaping up on the apron to do a round on the outside of the ring. When he sees Faqu behind the commentator’s desk he stops dead in his tracks. COACH I don’t think Blonde knew you were here champ FAQU … COACH Man you’re so right, you tell him champ! Blonde puts his cowboy on the top of the ringpost, then he jumps off the apron and approaches Faqu. JAMES BLONDE What are you doing here huh? You trying to upstage me again? Faqu stands up, still with the headset on staring at James Blonde like he could leap over the desk and tear his head off at any time. FAQU Bro just focus on the match, if you’re ever going to qualify for a title shot you need to focus. Faqu’s condescending comments seem to really piss Blonde off as he stands there shaking his clenched fists like he’s trying to keep himself from exploding. JAMES BLONDE Just worry about your own business… Oh I’m sorry you always have … buddy! After that comment Blonde quickly slides under the bottom rope and gets into Jumbo’s face. MICHAEL COLE Blonde has quite a temper on him COACH Yeah but he’s got a po… erm… Coach was about to agree with James Blonde’s comments but since he’s sitting next to Faqu he figures it’s best to just shut up. The angry Blonde doesn’t even wait for the bell to ring but starts off with a drop kick to Jumbo’s chest NO EFFECT! The big man takes the kick but it doesn’t really seem to have much effect on the big man, a second drop kick has about the same effect as the first – none what so ever. When James Blonde tries to go for a third drop kick Jumbo just pushes the Cruiserweight’s feet to the side so that he crashes down without hitting anything. MICHAEL COLE James Blonde has his work cut out for him if he’s going to beat the massive Jumbo, I mean he’s got a good 200 pounds weight advantage FAQU If he wants to be the HI-YAH champion he needs to be able to beat people of all sizes COACH Damn right, I was about to say that myself MICHAEL COLE Champ can you stay out here all night? Cause I’m kinda enjoying this Coach. Jumbo pulls Blonde up and then throws him into the corner, with one hand on either side of the turnbuckle to keep Blonde in place Jumbo proceeds to ram his massive girth into Blonde squashing him in the corner 4 or 5 times before turning to the crowd. JUMBO!! JUMBO!! JUMBO!! JUMBO!! Jumbo picks Blonde up for a body slam, then he pauses for a moment to pick his spot before throwing Blonde half way across the ring with a mighty thud! MICHAEL COLE He can’t let Jumbo dictate the match, he really needs to hit and move, hit and move COACH Don’t you think he knows that? Blonde is well aware of what’s on the line here! MICHAEL COLE Yeah a chance to face Ramone Gutierrez for a spot in the H1 tournament COACH Oh it’s so much more than that, it’s Blonde’s chance to prove himself to… (glances at Faqu) … the world. James gets back to his feet, shakes his head a bit to clear it and then quickly ducks out of the way as Jumbo charges him. Blonde ducks under Jumbo’s arms, then nails the big man in the back with a drop kick. Since Jumbo was already charging the drop kick drives the big man into the turnbuckles with a lot of force. Blonde makes the mistake of trying to follow up, only to end up in the corner as Jumbo grabs the much smaller man and throws him in there. MICHAEL COLE It’s pancake time!! This time James Blonde does NOT get trapped by Jumbo as he ducks out of the way when Jumbo tries to land a massive overhead blow. *CLANG!!* COACH Jumbo hit the metal!! His fist hit metal!! Jumbo doubles over cradling his right fist tightly after hitting the metal bracket that keeps the ring ropes up. Blonde eyes an opportunity and quickly moves in to grab Jumbo’s hand. Blonde twists it around causing Jumbo to yelp in pain, then he spins it around into a really tight wristlock COACH I must say James is very focused today, he saw a weakness and targeted it right away, if he keeps it up he could end up in the final. FAQU … Blonde grabs Jumbo’s wrist and then smashes the already hurt hand into the top turnbuckle JUMBO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWii With Jumbo in the ropes Blonde takes the hurt hand, spreads the fingers with two on either side and then rams the hand down on the top rope in effect clotheslining it. MICHAEL COLE That’s certainly a unique move, but you can’t deny it’s efficiency Jumbo is in a world of hurt, so much that he doesn’t have enough mental surplus to counter James Blonde grabbing him by the wrist, running up the turnbuckles and then leaping back into the ring for a wrist drag take down *WHAM!!* Jumbo goes flying across from the move and then flies out of the ring when James Blonde follows up with a drop kick to Jumbo’s face. COACH You’ve got to admit he’s looking pretty good in there champ FAQU He’s doing alright COACH Alright? I’d say he’s doing bet… yeah he’s doing alright. (mumbles something) Jumbo stumbles back to his feet, leaning against the guardrail with his good hand on the metal. Blonde quickly scales the turnbuckles, folds his hands over his head and then comes off the top rope with an axe handle blow to Jumbo’s massive back. *CRASH!!* Jumbo’s hand gets trapped between his massive body and the guardrail as he crashes into the metal. Blonde quickly rolls under the bottom rope and then retreats to the opposite side of the ring as he allows the referee to start a count ONE!! TWO!! MICHAEL COLE Is he just going to let the referee count Jumbo out? THREE!! COACH A win is a win is a win Cole FOUR! FAQU A true champion doesn’t take the easy way out, Blonde just isn’t ready for that level. FIVE!! SIX!! Blonde leans back in the ropes, content to win by countout – all he cares about is qualifying for the tournament. SEVEN!! Unfortunately for Blonde the big man manages to roll into the ring just as the referee raises 8 fingers in the air, it seems that Blonde will have to win the match the old fashioned way. Blonde waits for Jumbo to get to his feet, then he rushes him. The big man ducks with Blonde immediately leaping over the top hoping to take the big man down with a sunset flip MICHAEL COLE That could be a mistake!! Jumbo maintains his balance, then he drops to his ass hoping to crush Blonde under his massive girth COACH Nothing but canvas!! Blonde saw the huge ass coming and manages to move out of the way at the very last second. James is up on the top rope before Jumbo can even react and comes off with a cross body block on the big man while he’s still on his knees driving Jumbo to the canvas ONE!! TWO!!! KICKOUT!! Jumbo kicks out with Authority~! Throwing Blonde off him with enough force to send him through the ropes to the apron. The big man uses the momentary break in the action to get back to his feet, then he catches a glimpse of Blonde attacking once more and manages to grab him for a Sidewalk Slam… Only to have Blonde shift his body weight so that his momentum twists his lower body up behind Jumbo’s back allowing Blonde to leg scissor Jumbo’s let arm and then pull him down into a Crucifix position. ONE!!! MICHAEL COLE I can’t believe he shifted Jumbo’s weight over like that TWO!! COACH Blonde is using Jumbo’s own weight against him! THREE!!!! *DING!*DING!*DING!* MICHAEL COLE Blonde wins in what you have to call a bit of an upset COACH HE DID IT!! Blonde beat the beast! MICHAEL BUFFER The winner of the match, earning the right to enter the final – JAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESS BLONDE!! MICHAEL COLE Blonde fought a little more aggressively tonight than he usually does COACH What are you talking about Cole? He was all business in the ring Faqu stands up, takes off his headset and then just walks out of the arena without even looking at James Blonde in the ring. COACH I thought he’d never leave, man it’s sickening how Faqu keeps cutting Blonde down. MICHAEL COLE Oh now your tune has changed? Funny how that coincided with Faqu leaving. COACH I had a sudden moment of clarity. COLE Yeah, it was clear that Faqu wasn't going to knock your head off. Back with more after this.Commercial breakGay? Bi ? Curious? Get your dick sucked and ass licked, in private or while a friend watches. White guys and Asians, ages 18-27 e-mail Pierce Coburn at piercemoney2000@hotmail.com. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony149 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2013 Renagade hits, and the crowd boos as Reject makes his way to the ring. COLE And this is an X-tournament match, and a rematch from Anglepalooza, where this whole thing began! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFERThe following contest is a first-round match in the X-division championship tournament, scheduled for one fall! Making his way down the aisle, hailing from the Bronx, weighing in at 235 pounds...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREJECT!!!!! Reject slides through the ropes and poses on the buckles, drawing boos. COLE And this a rematch from Anglepalooza, where Jamie O'Hara defeated Reject for the title under controversial circumstances, then last week the belt was declared vacant and this tournament ordered!Fix Up, Look Sharp plays, and Jamie O'Hara gets a big pop as he walks to the ring. BUFFERHis opponent, from Birmingham, England, weighing in at 170 pounds...JAMIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'HHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! O'Hara slides into the ring, and he and Reject begin to trade blows! *DING DING DING* O'Hara and Reject slug it out, until O'Hara ducks a swing, and lifts Reject for an atomic drop, dropping him down onto his knee! Reject walks into the corner holding his backside, and O'Hara follows him into the corner, delivering kicks to the body. He whips Reject across the ring, and delivers a backdrop! O'Hara follows with a clothesline! And a second! Reject rolls out to the apron, and O'Hara knocks him to the floor with a SPRINGBOARD DROPKICK! COLE Jamie O'Hara on fire here in the early going! COACH Reject better get it together here if he wants his belt back! O'Hara poses in the corner, drawing a loud ovation, as Reject tries to gain his senses. O'Hara follows him to the outside and rams his head into the apron, and then into the steel steps! COLE O'Hara really taking the fight to Reject right now! O'Hara rolls Reject back inside, and waits for him to get to his feet. When he does, he delivers a side kick to the midsection. Then another to the other side, then a kick to the gut, followed by a DDT! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! O'Hara gets to his feet and hits Reject with a dropkick, sending him all the way out to the floor! COLE It's all Jamie O'Hara thus far in this first-round X-tournament match! Reject leans on the guardrail in attempt to catch his breath, then turns around. O'Hara runs to the ropes, and attempts a HANDS-FREE PLANCHA, but Reject ducks out of the way, and O'Hara lands with a SPLAT on the floor! COLE Nobody home on that one, and this is the break that Reject needs! Reject uses the apron to pull himself up, then rolls back in and back out. He picks up O'Hara and whips him into the steel steps, as O'Hara flips over them on impact! COACH WOW, O'Hara full-force into those steps! Reject slowly follows O'Hara, and picks him up, ramming his head into the steel steps! Reject then tosses O'Hara inside, and rolls in after him, posing for the crowd to boos. He then picks up O'Hara, whipping him into the ropes, and catching him with a spinning heel kick! COLE And a great kick that time by Reject, as the tide has definitely turned in this match! Reject stops to pose once again, drawing more boos. He then drops a fist right between the eyes of O'Hara! COLE Wow, right on target! He then drops a second, as the referee warns him about closed fists. Reject gets in the referee's face briefly, before picking up O'Hara and delivering a snap suplex! He rolls over for the cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject picks up O'Hara and backs him into a corner, delivering a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Reject then fires off right hands, before executing a gutwrench suplex! He follows with a snap legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject complains to the referee briefly, then picks up O'Hara. He whips O'Hara into the corner, and charges, but O'Hara gets the feet up! O'Hara then comes out and delivers a spinning wheel kick! COLE But O'Hara still with fight left! The referee makes a count as both men are out on the mat... ONE!!! TWO!!! THREE!!! FOUR!!! FIVE!!! SIX!!! SEVEN!!! EIGHT!!! O'Hara rises up, and slowly gets to his feet. Reject follows, and goes for a right hand...but O'Hara blocks, and delivers one of his own! Reject tries another right hand, another block! A third, same result! O'Hara fires off, then whips Reject into the ropes, and hits a flying back elbow! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! O'Hara picks up Reject, and delivers a bodyslam, then slides to the outside, and delivers a SPRINGBOARD SOMERSAULT SEATED SENTON! COLE One of his patented moves! 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! COLE But Reject JUST sneaks out of there! Reject goes to the eyes of O'Hara as he tries to pick him up, then whips O'Hara across into a corner. Reject charges, but is caught with a drop toe-hold, landing on the bottom turnbuckle! COLE Uh-oh, could be time for the Facelift! The crowd noise escalates, as O'Hara backs up, then charges and delivers a seated dropkick, driving Reject's face into the buckle! COACH Oh, no! COLE There it is! 1... 2... NO!!! Shoulder up! COACH But Reject still hanging in there! You gotta love it! O'Hara backs Reject into a corner, then climbs to the second buckle, and the crowd counts along with the punches... 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! 9!!! 10!!! Reject comes out of the corner, and O'Hara goes in behind him and hops to the second rope. Reject turns around, and is caught with a BLOCKBUSTER~!!! COLE Oh, SNAP~! 1... 2... NO!!! Shoulder up again! O'Hara picks up Reject from behind, but as he does, Reject kicks him low...kicking the referee as well, who was standing behind O'Hara! COACH Double-header! Reject gains his senses, then sets up O'Hara for the PITCH BLACK~!!!111, but O'Hara struggles, and Reject can't hook the legs over the arms. Finally, he just goes for a powerbomb, but O'Hara delivers right hands, and is able to counter into a hurricanrana! O'Hara covers, but there's no referee! COLE Tough break here for Jamie O'Hara! So he picks Reject up and whips him into the ropes. Reject ducks a clothesline, then ducks a leapfrog, then drills O'Hara with a spinning wheel kick! COLE Nice kick by Reject, but there's no count here, either! Reject gets up and attempts to revive the referee, to no avail. So he makes his way over to the corner, and starts untying the buckle. COLE Uh-oh, and now Reject resorting to desperate methods... Reject picks up O'Hara, then delivers a PILEDRIVER~! COACH And a beautiful piledriver by Reject! Reject covers, as the referee is just coming to... 1... 2... NO!!! O'Hara gets a shoulder up! COLE It's not over yet! Reject picks up O'Hara, as the referee is still coming to, and moves towards the buckle. However, when he gets there, O'Hara blocks, and RAMS REJECT INTO THE EXPOSED BUCKLE~! COACH Oh, no! Reject and O'Hara are both out of it, but O'Hara inches over and hooks the leg as the referee comes to... 1... 2... ... NO!!! Reject gets a shoulder up! COLE These guys both want it as bad as ever! O'Hara slowly gets to his feet and climbs to the top rope. As O'Hara is climbing, Reject can be seen pulling a pair of brass knuckles from his tights! COACH And Reject adjusting his tights on the mat there... COLE Oh, he is not! I clearly saw him pull something out of his tights! O'Hara balances himself on the top rope, as Reject pulls himself to his feet! O'Hara hops off...and Reject catches him right under the chin with a shot from the knucks! COACH Wow, what an uppercut from Reject! COLE Oh, stop! He had the brass knuckles and you know it! And the referee still dazed on the mat, obviously unable to detect that! Reject crawls over, hooks the leg and lays back... 1... 2... 3!!! COACH YES!!! *DING DING DING* COLE And Reject has stolen this one! BUFFERThe winner of the match, advancing in the tournament...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREJECT!!!!! COLE And another shady finish here, as Reject will advance to face James Riggs in the second round of the tournament! COACH You know, Reject ought to consider a side career in the boxing ring! What a right uppercut! COLE You are unbelieveable, you know that? Reject walks down the aisle, boxing at the air. COACH See? Look at those moves! COLE It helps to have a weapon on those hands, as well! But the reality is, he advances in the tournament! We cut to the back and a jubilant couple, James Riggs and Staci as they walk happily in the back, a bottle of water in place of the bubbly that is waiting in their hotel room (along with page 45). RIGGS One down, three more chumps to go. STACI It's yours baby, it's....oof. That is the sound of the couple turning a corner and bumping into James Wolfenstein. Staci takes the brunt of it, spilling her water and knocking her back a step. Riggs' jolly demeanor suddenly vanishes as he rips off his sunglasses and shoves the Lone Wolf. RIGGS Hey! Watch where you're going, punk! Wolfenstein looks at Riggs quizzically. WOLFENSTEIN "Punk"? Wait, wait, wait, I'm getting lip from a guy that needed his ball and chain to take care of things for him? (He looks Staci over) Those are some small pants, but you wear them well, babe. Hides his testicles well. STACI Riggs scowls at Wolfenstein, and a brawl looks like it is about to start, but Riggs restrains himself. RIGGS You know what, you aren't even worth it. At least I'm going somewhere with my undefeated streak. Weren't you supposed to have a match tonight? I guess the suits realized that a James Wolfenstein match would get ratings that wouldn't even beat Armed and Famous and forgot about it. You can mess around with the little people in this place all you want Jimmy, but you will never be in my league because I have the total package: looks, talent and a beautiful leading lady. You? Well, looks is out. Talent? (Holding his hand palm down and tilting it left and right) Ehhhhhh. A leading lady? (He wraps his arm around Staci) Not a chance. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a tournament to win. Riggs and Staci walk off frame, Riggs making sure that he "accidentally" bumps shoulders with Wolfenstein as he passes. The camera focuses on Wolfenstein taking in Riggs' words as we fade.Commercial break Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony149 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2013 "Quiet" by the Smashing Pumpkins hits and it's anything but as Black T emerge through the cloud of black smoke to a loud roar. BUFFER The following contest, semi-final action from the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference in the 2007 Anderson Cup, and it is scheduled for one fall with a 15-minute time limit. Introducing first...representing Great Britain and the United States of America, the 4th ranked team in the MWC Conference and former three-time OAOAST World tag team champions...DAN BLACK and TONY BRANNIGAN... BLACK TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! SCHIAVONE Lots of rumors circulating throughout the wrestling world pertaining to the future of Black T. Many experts believing the 2007 Anderson Cup could be their last hurrah if they're unsuccessful yet again. In case you've forgotten, Black T lost to the GPX in the finals of the first ever Anderson Cup 3 years ago, then were stunned in the second round of last year's Cup by the Lone Star Gunslingers. 2007 was the first time they were ranked lower than #1, seeded 4th in the tournament. They've been hampered in recent years by injuries and outside interests. Credited as the team who turned the OAOAST tag division around, the Anderson Cup is the only title missing from their résumé. VENTURA Geez, Schiavone, you make it sound like Black T are as injury prone as the Heavenly Rockers. That isn't the case at all and you know it. They're not in a Peyton Manning situation. They already have multi-reigns as tag champions to be considered the greatest of all time, and make no mistake about it, they are the greatest tag team in OAOAST history. They've done more for tag team wrestling than any other team here or elsewhere. If it weren't for the fact they spent the last year saving the OAOAST from falling into enemy hands, they'd probably still be World tag team champions. As customary, Edgar Winter's "Frankenstein" plays the Sooner Bruisers to the ring. BUFFER Their opponents, also former professional wrestling tag team champions of the world, currently the reigning and defending MWC Champions, the only #1 ranked team remaining in the Anderson Cup...from the state of Oklahoma, total combine weight 525 pounds, BIG FRANK and UBER BRUISER... THE SOONER BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUISERS!! SCHIAVONE Speaking of the World tag team championship, here are the men who ended Black T's third title reign at World Without End last October. Black T have gone on record as saying it was the toughest match they've ever been involved in. VENTURA I think the Heavenly Rockers would agree. SCHIAVONE And that rivarly began with the Anderson Cup. The Heavenly Rockers defeating the Sooner Bruisers in last year's finals, which ended with the Bruisers crashing Synth and Logan's post-match celebration and injuring their manager, now the wife of Logan Mann, Holly-Wood. VENTURA That went a bit too far, but Holly gave Big Frank mixed signals. SCHIAVONE Now stop it. There's no need to go there. * DINGDINGDING * Officially underway, the match begins with Dan Black and Uber engaging in the ever popular collar-and-elbow tie-up. Black holds his own until the Psycho Gremlin decides to put his amatuer background to use, taking the Ice Heart to the mat and riding him like some punk kid. Dan escapes and CHOPS UBER IN THE FOREHEAD, rattling him with a series of forearm and knee strikes to the face. But the crazed Sooner Bruiser battles back, headbutting Black in stomach before tossing him outside. Any thought Big Frank has about capitalizing on the situation is put to rest when Tony Brannigan rushes over to fend off an attack. Ordered back to his corner Tony can only watch as Uber suplexes...No, Black floats over and delivers the CHIMERA SUPLEX SEQUENCE! SCHIAVONE Dragon, German and Tiger suplexes all in succession! Incredible! ONE... TWO... NO!! Big Frank kicks Dan's legs out from under him. Unappreciative of the gesture, Black cheapshots Frank, but then walks into a snap powerslam from Uber! ONE... TWO... Tony Brannigan gives the Sooner Bruisers a taste of their own medicine, breaking up the pin. VENTURA Black T not afraid to bend the rules here and there, and neither are the Sooner Bruisers. Speaking of the aforementioned, they're the first to make a tag. But rather than isolate Black, Big Frank encourages him to tag Tony, the powerhouse of the team. Ask and you shall receive. Butting heads and nose to nose, both men exchange words and bodybuilding poses. Then it's on. Frank hits the ropes and collides with Tony, but it doesn't even faze the former World Champion. So Bruiser challenges Brannigan to try and knock him off his feet, and like Tony, Frank stands his ground. VENTURA (laughs) You wanna talk about an irresistible force vs. the immovable object, then look no further, we're witnessing it right now live on HeldDOWN~! Determined to accomplish his objective, the Man of Tomorrow hits the ropes again, as does Tony. Needless to say, the pace quickens as both competitors CRISS-CROSS. SCHIAVONE Blind tag made on the part of Black T. VENTURA And it looks like they're gonna try to sucker Big Frank. Proving why he's considered to be the best color commentator in the history of our great sport, Jesse's analysis is spot on. The Superfreak ducks a Tony Brannigan leapfrog and gets caught looking up for the ropes with a Dan Black SUPERKICK! ONE... TWO... NO!! SCHIAVONE You think Dan took exception to Frank asking for Tony? It looked to me like he put a little extra something in that kick. The Ice Heart stays on the attack, stomping Big Frank upside the head as he tries to crawl away. Snap suplex and a beauty into a lateral press. ONE... TWO... KICKOUT, AND WITH AUTHORITY! VENTURA Notice how quickly Dan Black goes for the cover. We've seen alot of that in the Anderson Cup. The quicker the victory, the better. Not only does it save wear and tear on your body, it also doesn't allow the time limit to become the third opponent in the ring like it did last week in the Beverly Hills Blonds-D*LUX match. SCHIAVONE And what a match that was. The Blonds scoring the winning pinfall, in dubious fashion mind you, with 1 second remaining in the time limit. We'll see them next week in one of our two Conference Final bouts. VENTURA We might be playing the fued, Schiavone. A Black T win means they must face Tony Brannigan's cousin Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright in the MWC Finals. Wouldn't that be something? Tony's tagged in, and the Trans-Atlantic Wrecking Crew whip the Man of Tomorrow into the ropes, clotheslining him together. As Black exits, Tony covers. ONE... TWO... Again, Frank kicks out, but not with authority as it's a bit tougher doing so to a man Brannigan's size. Tony, however, doesn't have much trouble PRESSING the 275 pounder in the air, slamming him to the canvas and following up with a round of power forearms and the cover. ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! SCHIAVONE Black T sticking to their plan. They're going for pins at every opportunity, Jesse. VENTURA You gotta against a team like the Sooner Bruisers. Unlike most big men, the Bruisers can go 15 or 60. It don't matter to them. Brannigan maneuvers Frank to the corner and unloads with forearms and shoulder thrusts, then sends the Superfreak off towards the far corner, charging in and eating nothing but turnbuckle as the leader of the Freakozoids steps aside and hoists him on his shoulders, taking Tony over to his corner for the tag to the Psycho Gremlin, who flies off the top to complete the ELECTRIC CHAIR BULLDOG!! ONE... TWO... NO!! Black makes the save and gets into it with both Bruisers. 2 against 1, Dan's eventually overwhelmed and fired into the ropes...but he ducks a double Soonerline and hits both brothers with an STO! SCHIAVONE My goodness, Dan Black just took down both Bruisers! VENTURA 2 for the price of 1 and he didn't even have a coupon. With the Bruisers flat on their backs Tony is able to make the tag. Black steps in and kicks Big Frank out to the floor, leaving him and Uber alone in the ring. * CHOP * "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Forearm smash. * CHOP * "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kick to midsection. * CHOP * "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Forearm...No, Uber ducks and plants Black on his head with a BACKDROP DRIVER! ONE... TWO... THR-- NO!! Incredibly, and quite arrogantly, the Psycho Gremlin lifts Dan's shoulders off the mat to naw on his forehead! BUFFER 5 minutes gone by. 5 minutes! VENTURA I don't understand that at all. For all we know Black would've kicked out, but you gotta go for win there. Black T are 1 of only 3 teams to have held the OAOAST tag team championship of the world on three separate occasions. They're not a team to be messed with. SCHIAVONE Right you are, Jesse Ventura. And yes, we know, you're always right. The Superfreak is tagged in and he slows the tempo, snapmaring Black over and into a neck vice, squeezing the body part with his 25" anacondas. Battered but not yet beaten, Black desperately tries to scratch and claw his way out of the paralyzing hold, and is met by an elbow square between the eyes for his trouble. He's scooped up and slammed mid-ring belly-to-belly style. ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! SCHIAVONE He may be known as the "Ice Heart", Jesse, but Dan Black is showing alot of it right now. VENTURA Absolutely. A normal man would've been put out of his misery long ago, but Dan Black is one of the finest conditioned wrestlers in the sport today. Black T's work out routine is a thing of legends. You'd think they're training for a championship boxing fight not a wrestling match Another tag is made and now the Sooner Bruisers have Dan Black isolated in their corner, but not for long. Uber lifts him up in a body vice and rams him upside down into the turnbuckles, setting him on the top afterwards...SUPER GUTWRENCH SUPLEX! ONE... TWO... Having finally regained his senses from the bulldog earlier, Tony Brannigan breaks up the pin to save his partner and the match. Uber goes on about his business, staggering Black with hard right hands, then shoots him off...but Dan reverses and nails the rebounding Psycho Gremlin off the near side with the SHINING BLACK! ONE... TWO... TH-- KICKOUT! Unable to pick up the pin Black sets his sights on making the tag, but Big Frank runs in and clobbers Tony. As he's restrained by the referee, the Sooner Bruisers drag Dan back to their corner and swap places. The moment Earl Hebner questions the tag Frank shoots him a death stare and ends all that. Fresh off the illegal switch, the Man of Tomorrow measures an elbow to the lower back and places Black in the STF. VENTURA Come on, Schiavone, I bet your foaming at the mouth to go on a rant. SCHIAVONE I'm all about the rules, Jesse, but I don't blame the referee for not pressing the issue. Tony stomps his foot on the apron to encourage his partner and the fans follow suit, clapping in unison. Well-placed back elbows have little effect on the big-headed and hard-headed Superfreak, who gets up to drop another elbow...but Dan moves and brings the Man of Tomorrow to the mat in a Fujiwara armbar! SCHIAVONE We may have a submission right here! Not if Uber can stop it. But Dan spots the Psycho Gremlin charging in and takes him down in the HEART OF ICE CROSSFACE!! Remarkably, Uber powers up with Dan on his back...until Tony steps in and clotheslines the former All-American, allowing Black to wrap him in a cruficix, but a count isn't made since Uber is not the legal man. It does, however, lead to Black tagging out and Tony Brannigan in! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Clotheslines all around. Uber then sent in, up and over. Just how bad does Tony want to win? He actually comes off the top with a MISSLE DROPKICK! ONE... TWO... NO!! Save by the Gremlin, who is absolutely leveled by Dan Black. The Ice Heart thrusting the forearms into the side of the head. Then it's Big Frank who lays the hammer down, blindsiding Dan with a Soonerline that knocks him out to the floor. BUFFER 10 minutes gone by. There are 5 minutes remaining in the time limit. 5 minutes! SCHIAVONE 2 men in, 2 men out. 5 minutes to go. It's gut-check time for both teams. After putting the badmouth to Dan, Frank shifts his focus back to Tony who catches him with a kick to the midsection and the ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT PILE... NO, Big Frank counters, as does Tony, slipping over the top to CLOTHESLINE THE REFEREE!! VENTURA Oh, Brannigan accidently clotheslined the referee. Big Frank getting out of the way just in the nick of time. TONY LOW BLOW stops Brannigan in his tracks. In addition to the referee being down and out, so are Dan and Uber outside. With no authority figure present Big Frank wallops Tony with a STEEL CHAIR! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Big Frank swipes his arms to singal the end is near. He facelocks Tony for the 69 DRIVER but spends most of his time taunting the hecklers ringside.... :huh: ...apparently causing a commotion in the stands, which we soon learn is because LOGAN USHER MANN is in the building! VENTURA What?! He's got no business being here! SCHIAVONE My, how quickly you change. With the aid of a CANE, Logan hops over the guardrail and sneaks up behind Big Frank...BREAKING THE CANE ACROSS HIS BACK!! :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: Unaware of what happened, Dan Black casually climbs onto the apron only to be yanked down by Uber. The Psycho Gremlin leaning him against the ringpost for a headbutt...but Black moves and Uber posts himself! "THREE-BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The fans know what's next. 3-B, THE BLACK BODY BAG!!! Earl Hebner crawls over as Dan Black and Tony Brannigan, the Trans-Atlantic Wrecking Crew known as Black T, both cover Big Frank! ONE... TWO... THREE!!! * DING * DING * DING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match, advancing onto the MWC Conference Finals... BLLLLAAAAAAACK TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! Dan and Tony head off backstage constantly refer to the #2, being the number of victories they need to capture the 2007 Anderson Cup. SCHIAVONE For the second time in 3 years Black T have reached the Conference Finals. Standing in their way next, the 3 seed in the MWC Conference, Tony Brannigan's own cousin Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright of the Enterprise. VENTURA They may be family, Schiavone, but I know for a fact Tony and Teddy aren't on the best of terms after the falling out they had following the World 6-man tag team title tournament awhile back. Black and Moneymaker blame each other for the trio's elimination. Tony stood behind his tag team partner and the rest, as they say, is history. Next week they'll settle their differences in the ring. Currently in the ring, Big Frank is still laid out. Likewise for Uber outside. SCHIAVONE As you can see, fans, there are many issues in the OAOAST to be resolved. Next week we hope to settle two of them in the Conference Finals of the Anderson Cup, as well as the situation between the Sooner Bruisers and the Heavenly Rockers. That's going to do it for us tonight in Ottawa. For Jesse "The Body", Michael Cole and Jonathan Coachman, this is Tony Schiavone saying goodnight and see you next week for more HeldDOWN~!Fade to black Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony149 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2013 Written by: Alfdogg Ed Wood Caulfield Patty O'Green Tony149 Bruce Blank Phoenix Fury Legdrop KingPK King Cucaracha The Glue: KingPK © 2007 OAOAST Entertainment. All rights reserved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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