OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 1/17/2016

[Chanel #99]

OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-
BROADCAST IN OAOAST HD AND 3D

 

 

RENEE
Welcome to HeldDOWN live on tape delay on a freezing winter's night! Hopefully you're somewhere warm, if you're not the Hotties and the action should heat you up.

I stay out too late

Got nothing in my brain

That's what people say, mmm-mmm

That's what people say, mmm-mmm

 

I go on to many dates [chuckle]

But I can't make 'em stay

At least that's what people say, mmm-mmm

That's what people say, mmm-mmm

 

But I keep cruising

Can't stop, won't stop moving

It's like I got this music

In my mind

Singing, "It's gonna be alright."

 

'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play

And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

I shake it off, I shake it off

Heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break

And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake

Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

I shake it off, I shake it off

As “Shake It Off” by Taylor hits the business suit clad, Krista Isadora Duncan is all smiles as she descends upon the ring with her fairy godmother, Queen Esther at her side.

COACH
Number one contender to the world title is on hand and ready to rock the world!

Inside the ring, Krista gets a microphone and turns to the sold out crowd.

QUEEN ESTHER
Oh, glorious day, we have arrived in front of the OAOAST Galaxy!

KRISTA
We're literally in front of these fucks every week. We get no break. No off season. Just the same mind numbing hell that never ends.

QUEEN ESTHER
Ah, a never ending tale, we are living a true fairy tale!

KRISTA
One of us sure is. So I guess there's a lot of talk about how I'm supposed to handle a Lethal Bang and face The XFL for the world title.

RENEE
I'm wondering how she's gonna do it? She doesn't have that kind of stamina. Does she?

KRISTA
Does being in the Lethal Bang put me at a disadvantage when I have to fight The XFL right after? How about I turn it around on you. When I fucked Alix's mom....No I better not tell that story. When I fucked Alix's cousin....no again that's a bad story. I should make my point without involving the fornication of my wife's family members. But that's hard because I've had sex with a lot of them. Not her dad, that guy makes Dem Bums look like Teddy Buckworth modeling the new Yeezys.  

Krista takes a moment to gather her thoughts, and everyone just is happy to sit and wait.

KRISTA
Wow, you waited for me to think of something. Your lives must be shallow and empty and devoid of purpose. Deuce can relate. Ah, Deuce that's it! I once fucked Deuce, and you've all seen him, very big guy, hairy because he wears a bodysuit and he thinks why shave if I cover it up anyway. So you can imagine the blubber and the hair and the grease all over me, smashing my MILF body, grinding into my tits, as he plunged his dick into a pussy that quickly become pretty damn sore. And he just didn't quit, and he started choking me, and then he fish hooked me, and then he took me from behind, which  you know which was a lot less girth on me, but still there was a lot of ass slapping, a lot of mauling, I was very red in that area.

QUEEN ESTHER
***faints***

COACH
Um, Renee, I need a break.

RENEE
Eww, take it over at the French announce desk.

KRISTA
But you know after it was over, I...what did I do? Oh, I took a long nap. So my point is....I just fucked my own point. Shit!

Can't Stop It,
Can't Stop It

With belt slung over his shoulder and Rhaenys on his arm, the world champion arrives in a blazer and jeans and with a dismayed look. He enters the ring and gazes hard at Krista.

THE XFL
Where the shit is my apology?

KRISTA
I've done a lot to you over these least four or so years, so could you narrow it down to what I'm supposed to apologize to you for. At least a category, a general category.

RHAENYS
You...you...you...told...I can't say it!

KRISTA
That's good, you have an awful accent.

RHAENYS
You! Xavier, did you hear what she said about me?

THE XFL
You checking all the boxes for pissing me off. You told people I molest small Asian boys! You said that!

KRISTA
I didn't say that.

RHAENYS
You did so!

KRISTA
I did?

THE XFL
How you gonna call me a child molester and then forget about it?

KRISTA
I think that's one of my more standard insults so it would be easy to forget about it.

THE XFL
Yo, it was on the LA Times front page! I had to shut down my Twitter account because people were harassing me up and down the internet.

KRISTA
One less Twitter account, the world suffers.

THE XFL
You think this is a fucking game to me?

KRISTA
Am I supposed to march like its Selma because you got embarrassed?

THE XFL
People think I'm molesting little Asian dudes! We were supposed to feud over the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title. My title!

KRISTA
We still can. I don't see why that would be an issue. No.

THE XFL
Uh, duh, its an issue because you told niggas I fuck little Asian dudes!

QUEEN ESTHER
I am awake! What have I missed?

KRISTA
Xavier touches little Asain boys in impure places.

QUEEN ESTHER
This is ghastly! The orientals provide us with spices and rugs and unique mehtods of hand to hand combats. You must not hurt their offspring!

THE XFL
Yo, why is you saying I touch Asian kids?

KRISTA
Do you?

THE XFL
Bitch, you know damn good and well I ain't fucking no little kids!

KRISTA
I'm not around you 24/7, I don't know that.

THE XFL
Yo, yo, yo! You still acting like I molest little Asian dudes!

KRISTA
Once I've made a slanderous claim I like to really dig in an entrench my position.

QUEEN ESTHER
Tis the way of any good politico!

THE XFL
So then wait, you just gonna keep telling people I molest little Jap boys?

KRISTA
I am going to keep telling people that.

THE XFL
Why?

KRISTA
The world deserves to know the kind of man you are.

QUEEN ESTHER
Yes, you must spread the word! I shall enlist the aid of the town criers across my lands.

KRISTA
You might as well post it on MySpace.

THE XFL
Are you fucking with me right now?! That ain't the kind of man I am!

KRISTA
You should prove it then.

RHAENYS
You are the one who made the claim, its up to you to prove it!

KRISTA
No, that's how it works. See when someone is accused of a crime, its pretty much assumed their guilty.

RHAENYS
That's just the exact opposite of how the legal system works.

THE XFL
Fine, bitch, fine! What do you want me to do prove my innocence?

KRISTA
I want you to go on the Steve Wilkos show with me. Steve gets to the truth, let's get to the truth.

THE XFL
I'll be there.

KRISTA
That's good, I really do look forward to seeing you there. I respect your work and your talent, as well as your character.

THE XFL
Man, fuck you. I'm out. The Young Wolf will feast again!

KRISTA
You do know Robb Stark got brutally killed. Your nickname is stolen from a dude who get set up and killed and got his mom stabbed as well. I just thought you should know.

The XFL has had as much as he can take of Krista and with Rhaenys at his side gets the hell out of dodge.

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

*** Anderson Cup, 1st Round: Mariachi & Juicy Cantu-Si w/ Chick & El Hijo del Sheep vs. Vainglorious Bastards w/ Taylor Swift's Bae ***

Rocking matching American flag designed LIGHT UP jackets and tights that are a college of everything that makes America awesome (selfies, $$$, sports cars, The Donald, apple pie, Kim and Kayne, Victoria's Secret models), the men dubbed Vainglorious Bastards made a grand entrance to the tune of "I Know You Want Me" (Calle Ocho) by Pitbull. 

COACH
Pick your jaw off the floor baby girl, you still got a job to do! 

RENEE
(exasperated)
Please. 

Before things got started though, "Back Alley Lover" Rodrigo Larkins thrilled the ladies by removing the stocking over his head (the "mask" he wore in ARRIBA until losing it in a match a couple of years ago) and cut a promo.  

RODRIGO
Vainglorious?! Man, we expect that kind of disrespect in Mexico. But back here home in the States?

KC Roach and Taylor Swift's Bae shook their heads in the background.

RODRIGO
Just because we like the fame and the glory--

TAYLOR SWIFT'S BAE
And looking good for our baes.

KC
And we do look good. 

* females squeal *

Even Mariachi had to stop to fan himself. Not Juicy and Chick who found the Bastards disgusting.

RODRIGO
--that doesn't make us vain. It makes us idols. 

KC
Good ol' made in the U-S-A American Idols! 

RODRIGO
So get it straight or we'll beat it straight into your heads. 

TAYLOR SWIFT'S BAE
Ladies, sleep well knowing in a world full of bad blood lovers not fighters like us still exist.

KC
But that doesn't mean we won't get rough. 

RODRIGO
Some of us more than others. *pelvic thrust*

* females squeal * 

COACH
I'm moist. 

RENEE
No wonder these guys are the most hated fraction in Mexico. The arrogance oozes through their pores!

*** Anderson Cup, 1st Round: Mariachi & Juicy Cantu-Si w/ Chick & El Hijo del Sheep vs. The American Idols w/ Taylor Swift's Bae ***

A fast paced affair that saw TAI go after Mariachi's mask numerous times throughout the match came to a breathtaking end when Larkins launched Juicy through the air by way of a Border Toss into a neckbreaker by Roach!

RENEE
The Trump Card!

Moments prior TAI had successfully snatched the mask off Mariachi, effectively taking him out of the match since he had to protect his identity. An unsportsmanlike tactic that upset Chick.

Winners: The American Idols, via pinfall. 

[Chanel #99]

TO THE BACK~!, where OAOAST U.S. Champion TYLER BRYANT, his valet Lorelei DeCenzo and bodyguard Flex grab OAOAST correspondent Sara Jean Underwood and a camera crew.

TYLER
Come with me. In a few short minutes you're gonna land an exclusive interview!

LORELEI
And boy do we have a scoop for you.

SARA JEAN
Ooh. A scoop! 

We follow the guys and gals to the offices of OAOAST boss Sophie. How do we know this? Because the sign on her door states so. Duh. 

TYLER
Be right back.

SARA JEAN
But we gotta go to a break.

LORELEI
Then you'll get your exclusive when we get back.

Tyler and his crew enter Sophie's offices as Sara Jean waits outside trying to listen in to the conversation. Suddenly...

TYLER (O.S.)
What?! And I gotta-- UGH!

SARA JEAN
 

* COMMERCIAL * 

[Chanel #99]

We return from break just in time to catch Tyler and crew as they exit Sophie's office. They bump into Sara Jean and aren't happy. 

FLEX
No interviews. 

SARA JEAN
Huh? But Tyler promised me an exclusive. How 'bout just a quick comment?

TYLER
This is bullshit!

On that note Tyler and crew fade off only for OSCAR FRIBERG to appear, his pearly whites in full view. Clearly he's thrilled about something. 

OSCAR
I guess Tyler got the good news. So why don't I give you that exclusive instead?

SARA JEAN
Yes, please! 

OSCAR
Next week I get my rematch for the United States Title. And Tyler, Mr. Superstar, the curtain drops on your act. See you next week... champ. 

SARA JEAN
 

[Chanel #99]

***Tim Cash Vs Silver***

RENEE
Its always so great to have Tim Cash on the main show, He's a breath of fresh air.

Silver doesn't think so and scowls at him.

CASH
Something the matter?

SILVER
You're pathetic. The last time we saw you you were a knight. A man who brings hope to the hopeless. Now what are you? A pathetic worm. You disgust me.

And Silver beat on Cash like he was disgusted by him, showing tons of hatred and fire and even busting his lip.

RENEE
This is worse than what he did to Alix!

Cash suddenly surprised Silver with an enziguri that poppped that crowd and mounteda bit of a comeback. But when he tried for his old school sleeper hold, Silver broke free and proceeded to demolish Cash, and finally finished him off with the Silver Bullet (AngleSlam)

Winner: Silver, via pinfall

The action wasn't over yet, friends! ALIX MARIA SPEZIA came charging into the ring and took the fight to Silver!

“YYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

RENEE
Get him, Alix!

A flood of backstage officials came to break up the fight, and Silver smartly took the chance to escape!

“BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Alix grabbed a mic and addressed Silver with the officials blocking her path.

ALIX
Silver, get your butt back here you punk ass beee-eye-itch!

“YYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Alas, Silver shook his head and disappeared backstage.

 

[Chanel #99]

Backstage, OAOAST correspondent Sara Jean Underwood spoke with Melissa Nerdly who wore a garlic necklace and had a crosses taped to the plates on her Women's tag title. Also present the other half of the Women's tag champs, Anastasia, and Pretty Young Money goons Phecda and Al Houd.

The topic of conversation: Gloss, of course. 

MELISSA
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet tuning her guitar to bash your brains!! And Gloss thinks she intimidates me. Ha! *kisses garlic necklace*

Talked turned to the low blow on Spencer Reiger, a former PYM member and ex-boyfriend of Melissa. 

SARA JEAN
I thought you still cared for him. 

MELISSA
Love means never having to say you're sorry, right? And I'm not because the Spencer I loved and cared about is gone. Seduced by the dark side's code of immoral conduct. Let's not even bring up the kind of company he associates himself with now. Lord have mercy. Did you see what he and his "friends" did on Christmas? Just all sorts of wrong. I'm thankful we didn't experience an earthquake from Jesus rolling over in his grave! I mean, kissing my brother is as far I go.

SARA JEAN
 

MELISSA (CONT'D)
But all the way? Yuck! Don't go crying to God when your baby -- conceived in sin -- comes out ugly as sin and Ricky Retard-o. 

SARA JEAN
 
What a terrible thing to say!

MELISSA
What a terrible thing Spencer did embarrassing me on worldwide TV with his behavior. Now he and his friends want to stage an intervention for me. Me?! They're the ones going around like some cult like do-gooder stable of creepy people. You saw what they did at the New Year's Spectacular. 

PHECDA & HOUD
 

MELISSA (CONT'D)
Them high society folks need the intervention, not me. Right guys?

Anastasia, Phecda and Houd agree. 

MELISSA
C'mon boys. Let's go out there and show them who should really be afraid of who! 

[Chanel #99]

We're in Melody's GamerZone where the queen of dorkdom is ready to preview OAOAST 2K16, while having a huge spread of food.

MELODY
Look what Lucius sent to me, FB friends? Tons of good food! Wasn't that excellent of him to do? Mmmmm food. And mmmmm OAOAST 2k16. If you don't have it, you suck, suck worse than Jar Jar Binks sucking off Plankton at the Chum Bucket. But! I will make moves to convince you to buy the game, by showcasing Krista of the giant boobs, and Annagret of the also giant boobs! Begin mission!

 

 

 

MELODY
Does America approve?! Does the world approve? Subscribe to my YouTube channel and click thumbs up on Krista's entrance and stuff to show you approve. Now for Annagret!

 

 

 

MELODY
A goddess in a video game, technology is truly amazing! From Rainbow Road in Mario Kart to Thor's sister on my PS4, I am truly blessed.

Melody becomes alarmed when the tiny figure of Sugar Bellefaire comes in making a big stink!

SUGAR
What in the heckie is this?

MELODY
Its my OAOAST 2k16 preview. Want some food. Lucius sent it over.

SUGAR
Heck no I don't want no stinking fancy Canadian food!

MELODY
American's eat salami sandwiches too.

SUGAR
I ain't gonna be back sassed today! No sir-ee-bob, I'm done getting back sassed and I'm here to get some dang answers. Why ain't I been previewed in this here stupid game yet?

MELODY
If its stupid why do you want to get previewed?

SUGAR
I'm the one asking the questions! You got that, punk?! I'll tell ya why I ain't been shown to the people of the world yet. I'll tell ya right now!

MELODY
If you knew then you shouldn't have asked the question? There's a data limit on some people's phones and they can't waste time with you making this video longer.

SUGAR
Shaddup, I'm talking here! The people in charge, Sofi, done seen me get clowned and made a fool of by Sabrina Oakheart, and they done decided they're gonna continue to run down my good name, and ignore that I'm in this stupid game. All to be friends with Sabrina! Well ain't nobody wanna be friends with Sabrina Suckheart but people who downright suck! Ain't that right, Melody?

MELODY
I have like 50,000 IG followers and she might be one of them, and I don't want her to unfollow me so I'll stay out of this.

SUGAR
Ain't no staying out of nothing round here! War has been declared! War has been declared! And I gotta stamp it out early, 'cause I got the Lethal Bang to think about, and best believe I'm gonna be the one headlining SluttyMania for a second year in a row. Not, Sabrina Suckheart, that's for dang sure. The Lethal Bang and SluttyMania are whereOOOOMMMPPPPH!

Sabrina has come along and is shoving Sugar's head into the potato salad!

SUGAR
OOOOOMMMMPPPH!

SABRINA
Say uncle!

SUGAR
OOOOOOMMMMPPPPPH!

SABRINA
That don't sound like you said uncle to me, but I'm gonna letcha go anyway.

Sabrina lets Sugar go, and Sugar is so horribly embarrassed by all this she runs off!

SABRINA
Yummies! Can I have some of your cheese cubes?

MELODY
Sure!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

*** The Masked Mutants w/ Studderbox vs. Phecda & Al Houd w/ Melissa Nerdly ***

Although the Mutants got to shine for a bit, they were no match for Pretty Young Money's hired guns, falling in defeat following a Polish Hammer by Phecda to Slime.

Winners: Phecda & Al Houd

Outside of Gretchen Wright's dressing room stands OAOAST Hall of Famer, Tony Brannigan.

BRANNIGAN
Rennee, Coach, I'm about to get a word-

Suddenly Gretchen storms out of the room, in a frenzied manner and bursts past Brannigan.

BRANNIGAN
Gretchen Wright?

Even more curiosity is raised when LOGAN MANN, swaggers out of the room full of scratch marks!

LOGAN
Its best when its rough.

 

BRANNIGAN
.

COMMERCIAL

 

[Chanel #99]

Backstage, OAOAST correspondent Sara Jean Underwood spoke with Hood Again and their Uncle Moe about the rivalry that's heated up between them and Slaughterhouse's Heavy D and Warthog.

MOSES
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it. Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it? BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR 'CAUSE YOU JUST MIGHT GET IT?! No, we get it. You don't. 'Cause it's your ass that's gonna be the one who gets it when my cuz and I get biblical on you!

KAWHI
Indubitably.

UNCLE MOE
You can run but you can't hide.

24/7 Title: Gory Dragan Vs Nat Black***
What was supposed to be Black's big rematch for the belt never got really started as Gory tossed powder in his face and took off through the stands!

Winner: No Contest

COACH
No Contest got the big win tonight!

RENEE
Not funny, Coach.

 

[Chanel #99]

Backstage we find Maya and December walking along in mid conversation.

DECEMBER
If you're having problems with Jade, Bobbi and Annagret, you should stab them. Maybe.

MAYA
You're crazy when you're not sleeping.

DECEMBER
That's not good is it.

MAYA
No! But what am I going to do? I know I'm popular and everyone wants to have sex with me, animals, people, probably plants.

DECEMBER
For sure plants.

December and Maya walk in on the Surnrise offices where everyone is gathered around, with Annagret and Bobbi standing on opposite sides at the head of the room.

MAYA
Oh god. I want to turn around. I want to join Slaughterhouse. Anything but dealing with this right now.

BOBBI
Alrighty! Everyone is here! Time to begin the Sunrise meeting!

ANNAGRET
Gawds, quit yelling. Here's the deal, me and Bobbi Spazcake in the same stable isn't working. Its lame and it sucks, mostly because of her. She's weird as hell and loud and she works on my every last nerve.

BOBBI
I'm not weird! Or loud! So we're splitting things up. Its like when me and my cousin went to my uncle's farm in Wisconsin. And he has a pond where he dumps all the poop from the animals in. And they freeze over in winter! So me and my cousin we were fighting over who would be able to skate on it. So we worked it out to split it up. But then our uncle said “don't go skating because if you fall in you'll drawn in the poop and come spring time there won't be nothing left of your body.”

ANNAGRET
Do you and your sister have some form of intellectual disability? Because if I encountered a lake of frozen shit, literally the last question I would ask is can we ice skate on this. Literally.

SUNSHINE YUKINO
Who say you can split Sunrise? I not want my money split in two, then I get zero. I get zero Megan dies.

MEGAN
What? That's crazy!

ANNAGRET
Relax, you still get your cut. So, the deal is I'm in Sunrise Hollywood and Bobbi is in Sunrise Wolfpac. So anyone who wants to join Sunrise Hollywood come with me and Maya.

BOBBI
No! That's not the deal! Anyone who wants to join Sunrise Wolfpac, come with me and Maya!

ANNAGRET
Ugh, stupid, Maya is in Sunrise Hollywood.

BOBBI
No she's in Sunrise Wolfpac!

ANNAGRET
No she isn't!

BOBBI
Yes she is!

MAYA
I seem to remember having free will and other things that allow me to join what goofy off-brand brothel you bitches found.

DASHA
This very confusing. But at least it not get any more stranger, yes?

Suddenly Jade bursts into the room, once again like Kool-Aid man!

MEGAN
You were wrong.

DASHA
Big woman very scary! Hide me with forehead, Megan!

MEGAN
I don't....I don't have a big forehead!

JADE
Stick it Annagret and Bobbi, Maya isn't in a Hollywood or Wolfpac, Maya is in what she's always in, C02, the bomb diggity sisterhood for real sisters! Choke on that, slapnuts!

ANNAGRET
Eh, I think I'll just choke you.

Annagret wraps her hands around Jade's nake like Homer to Bart!

YUKINO
No fighting! No fighting unless in bikini!

BOBBI
Come on, Maya, I'll save you!

MAYA
Save me from what?!

Annagret sees Bobbi trying to make off with Maya and so tackles her to the ground! The two roll around, until Jade jumps on them both and now its a three woman catfight!

MAYA
That's it. I'm outta here! Who's with me?

A show of hands come up from everyone else, and Maya leads the rest of Sunrise away from the Hotties who continue to fight over her.

*** THE FLEX w/ U.S. Champion Tyler Bryant & Lorelei DeCenzo vs. Marc Bennett ***

Still looking to make a name for himself in the OAOAST, the young Bennett fought hard but it wasn't enough as he fell in defeat following a Flex-O-Rill backpack stunner.

Winner: THE FLEX, via pinfall. 

After the match an irate Tyler Bryant got some licks in on Bennett until Oscar Bryant ran in to chase him away. The two staring each other down.

RENEE
Oscar Friberg vs. Tyler Bryant in a rematch for the OAOAST United States Championship LIVE next week!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

We're in the OAOAST Interview Set where the many monitors blare the AnglePalooza logo. More importantly we have Terry Taylor standing beside Coco Chanel and Teddy Buckworth, both cousins in three piece suits.

TAYLOR
On hand with me are the cousins Teddy Buckworth and Conan Chanel. Both of you will be in the Lethal Rumble. For Coco it will be your first, for Teddy, you have won before and went onto AngleMania to win the world title. What is it like to win the Lethal Rumble?

BUCKWORTH
A good question, who's answer can never truly be known until it is achieved personally  Nonetheless, I will try to give you a glimpse into what it means to step into the rarefied air of Lethal Rumble victor. You are aware you have achieved something memorable, but perhaps not historic. No, you know the true task has yet to be undertaken, the capture of the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. Victory signifies one thing, that the battle has only just begun.

TAYLOR
Interesting. Can you give any advice to your cousin?

BUCKWORTH
What advice can I give the boy who knows all?

COCO
Why not try me and see how much I value your experience?

BUCKWORTH
If I were you I would place a high premium on the words I am to tell you. There is no one you can trust.

COCO
I know that already.

BUCKWORTH
No you do not. You believe you can trust me. You will believe you can trust a man who helps you remove another man from the ring. There are many schemers, hustlers, and cunning men in the OAOAST, far more cunning than you are this moment. They will prey on your inexperience, and you would be a fool to be their feast. Trust no one. Not even me.

Coco nods, deeply considering the words Teddy has spoken.

[Chanel #99]

* BZZZZZZT *

OMG~!

The long running -- like over half a decade long, LOL -- hidden camera series returns yet again, this time catching JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN and MELODY NERDLY chatting with LUCIUS SOUL backstage. Good vibes all around. 

LUCIUS
Any time you girls wanna see my magic 8 ball trick, give me a holla.

JADE
Holla! 

The girls giggle. Only for Lucius's Southern Immorality stablemates Rico de Janeiro and Remy Brazil to appear. 

LUCIUS
Brothas! 

MELODY
We better go. 

JADE
See ya Lucius!

MELODY
Bye!

LUCIUS
With dat ass and dem titties you girls'll always be near! MMM!

RICO
You ready for next week, mang. Us against them Cobra Strike chumps in the Anderson Copa? 

LUCIUS
You know it. We gonna get it done!

REMY
Just like you claimed last week. How'd that go?

RICO
The past is the past, mang. We in the present looking towards the future. And like that Tyler Bryant chico, our future is bright. 

LUCIUS
That's what I'm talking 'bout Willis!

* BZZZZZZT *

OMG~!

[Chanel #99]

***Anderson Cup, Morrison Conference: Big IQ Vs VICE W/Joey The Rat***

As Big IQ were making their entrance VICE jumped them from behind!

RENEE
What's going on? Where's the love, where's the good sportsmanship?

JOEY
Hahhaha, things are gonna be different this year Romeo and Ghetto-ette!

VICE beat on Big IQ on the outside, even doubling up on Ice Quiz and tossing him ribs first onto the steel guardrail!

“BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

COACH
VICE remembers what its like to lose to Big IQ, they ain't going down like that this year.

As Wright was isolated in the ring, and forced to fight a handicap match against his foes, OAOAST tag champs THE CHRIST AIR EXPRESS wandered around the crowd, smoking some bud.

RENEE
What are they doing here?

COACH
Taking in the action, and taking in some chronic.

RENEE
Last time they did that Big IQ suffered a rib injury. One he's just now recovering from.

Back in the ring CPA got impatient and kept looking for the Dominator but Wright kept blocking the attack.

“WE LOVE CHRISTIAN! WE LOVE CHRISTIAN! WE LOVE CHRISTIAN!”

JOEY
And I love the money we're gonna get from winning this tournament! Crush these bozos!

When Bosley took over, he kept working the neck, trying to soften up Wright to choke him out. When he applied a chokehold though, Wright flipped him into a northern lights and nearly got a three count.

BOSLEY
HOLY SHIT! I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO ME!

Bosley charged at Wright and got hit with the Wright Off for a two count. He then popped up and hit the AlphaDog on The Don of Amor, impressing the CAE who now sit with a couple of hotties on their lap, dumping popcorn into the ladies' chest just to reach in and pull it out to snack on!

BOSLEY
Look here, pretty boy, you ain't beating VICE this time around! What will happen first is you fuck Hillary Clinton, because ain't no one fucking that nasty bitch, that's why Benghazi happened, because you had to fuck her to get out, and they said they'd rather die.

WRIGHT
I will not endure insults to an intelligent and handsome mature lady!

Wright rifiled off a superkick, then nailed Bosley with his trademark frog splash!

“YYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Then the hot tag was made to a semi-recovered Ice Quiz!

RENEE
We're going to see how those ribs are going to hold up. My fingers are extra crossed!

CPA got the tag and targeted IQ's ribs with body blows. Though painful, Ice Quiz fought back and went to town on the ex-boxer. Bosley tried to aid CPA, but Wright leveled him with another superkick. The finish came when CPA tried and failed to lift IQ for a Dominator and got knocked into next week with a big boot!

Winner: Ice Quiz, via pinfall

The CAE shrug, seemingly not caring that Big IQ has won the match.

RENE
Big IQ advances! They'll face Warthog and Heavy D in the semi finals.

COACH
But, if Ice Quiz don't rest those ribs he's gonna be fucked at against two monsters like that. Imagine a Heavy D senton onto those ribs? Or a Warthog splash?

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

Unknown Location
Time Unknown

Mysterious times during a mysterious night on a mysterious stretch of road, where only one car drives, a 2013 Irish green Honda Accord. The car skids to a stop suddenly, and then the driver shuts it down. Darkness. Yet even in the darkness we can make out the lean figure of Colin Maguire Junior emerge from the driver's side door. A wisp of supernatural spirit, he hurries to the trunk.

COLIN
Out you go then.

And pulls out his sister,

CASSIDY MAGUIRE (look a picbase!) with hands bound.

CASSIDY
You're some kind of special idiot.

COLIN
Leon and Aunt Minuit have made the offer, your life in exchange for Jack's, and as you have shown no proof that you are my sister I have no qualms about sacrificing you.

CASSIDY
What proof do you want, moron? A Maury DNA test?

COLIN
Why should I believe that some woman who has shown up into my life when that of my son's is threaten is the sister who's existence I knew of only two seasons ago?

CASSIDY
I know its difficult for you but try and use your brain. What benefit do I get out of pretending to be your sister and entering your fucked up life?

COLIN
It matters not. If you are truly my sister, then you will have sacrificed yourself to save your nephew, a truly noble end, would you not agree?

Colin pushes Cassidy along into a field of dirt and dead plants.

CASSIDY
Again, make the struggle to use your brain. This doesn't seem like a trap to you? Bring Cassidy to an isolated field, leave Angel, Ivar and Amber behind. Minuit needs Jack just as much as she needs me, and apparently Leon Rodez hates your guts, can't imagine why, and wants you to suffer. Why would they you off the misery hook so easily?

COLIN
I admire your use of logic and reason as a means to beg for your life. That is the mark of a Maguire, our father on the other hand never sussed out he would be defeated by me.

CASSIDY
Don't mention our father. Don't.

COLIN
If you truly were a member of my family you would know quite well the type of man he was,

CASSIDY
A good man, who loved his daughter!

Mouth snagged into a nasty frown, Colin pushes Cassidy along, right into the open space where the entire Menagerie waits along with Regan, Colin and Cassidy's aunt.

REGAN
There's the little scamp.

CASSIDY
Go to hell.

REGAN
I like your language as little as I like your escape.

COLIN
You may chastise her for her errant discipline later. Does our deal still stand?

No answer from anyone.

COLIN
Well? Does our deal still stand?

REGAN
Leon? Colin, wants to know if you're going to uphold our deal.

LEON
What deal?

Colin is thrown into an explosion of agony and tears, and it all guides his teeth to sink into Cassidy's throat. Blood shoots from her neck as her screams fill what was a night devoid of sound and made of an erry peace.

REGAN
No!

Cassidy emits a shout that seems to be more an incantation, and Colin flies off her neck, while dirt and dust is thrown through the air. All are stunned at this, and Sloppy Joe is even knocked on his ass. The confusion and the cloak of dust lends the assist to Cassidy's escape as she tears off, without her brother.

REGAN
(to the KOTH)
After her.

KINGS OF THE HEAP
Aye.

Leon lacks any interest in Cassidy's departure with Colin floored bellow him, struggling to come to grips with the devastation of his sister's spell.  

LEON
Now Colin you will truly feel the despair and terror that can only come when that which you love most takes their final breath in front of you.

Leon lays his boot into Colin's face and we.....

FADE OUT