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OAOAST TMW: A comedy/erotic e-fed

OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 11/17/2015


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HeldDOWN has a cold opening with Sophie Grey positioned behind her desk, wearing the look of someone beat down by the stress of her job.

SOPHIE
For zhe second week in a row, I must open the show with trouble. We 'av ad another murder. Cathy Lecrory, a makeup lady and treasured family member of the OAOAST, was murdered. Drained of her blood! Il est si terrible! I do not know why zhis keeps happening to the OAOAST, but it must end. Il doit! Il doit! To zhe killer, you will be brought to justice. Je promets!

OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-

BROADCAST IN OAOAST HD AND 3D

 

HeldDOWN opens at sofa central, which owns a festive Thanksgiving theme!

RENEE
Hello and welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN on a festive November night!  I am Renee Young, hungry for Thanksgiving food, with Coach, the biggest turkey of them all.

COACH
Maaaaaaan, you jive talking. But I am hungry now.

Can't Stop It
Can't Stop It

The boos are loud and plentiful as The XFL emerges with The All XFL Team backing him up en masse. They trail behind him as he makes a confident strut towards the ring.

COACH
The Young Wolf returns to his den!

With microphone in hand, The XFL readies to address the OAOAST Galaxy.

THE XFL
I ain't the heartless dude ya'll think I am. I'm cold blooded in the ring, lets not question that, but I got feelings outside of the ring. Don't I?

RHAENYS
You're truly the modern man, able to express himself and fight for what he wants. You're amazing.

THE XFL
Damn right I am. But, for once, that ain't my point. At least not yet. I struggle at times to deal with this crazy word. This crazy mixed up world.

RHAENYS
Take your time, Xavier.

RENEE
This seems awfully fake.

THE XFL
And I been left asking god why did Marty have to die? Why did Cathy have to die? Why oh why do bad things happen to good people? And its something that hits home to me, because only bad things happen to me!

RENEE
See, see, I knew it wasn't genuine.

THE XFL
My chance to get my world title back, my chance to keep on winning is hijacked by Alix then hijacked by Ivar, and turned into a fatal four way at Halloween Spectacular. If that weren't some BS I don't know what is? Wait, I do know what is, my title match getting eighty-sixed by a damn murder! When the hell has that ever happened in the history of everything? When I was sonning lames in highschool no one cancelled any game because some nigga around the way got his wig split? Did they? Hell no!

RHAENYS
Its not fair what they've done to you.

THE XFL
Its Sophie who's doing it to me. Ain't no they about it. Its one woman, who can't handle her business properly. She don't just have inmates running the aslyum, she got other inmates from other aslyum's coming in killing her existing inmates. That's some straight up bull shit! And I gotta suffer the most.

RENEE
No, I think the people getting killed have to suffer the most.

THE XFL
You know Women's Suffering? This is XFL's Suffering!

“BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOO!”

THE XFL
I'm the one being fucked over! I'm the one being denied his place in the winner's circle! I'm the one being denied his right to feast! I'm The Young Wolf and I need to eat!

The XFL's emphatic statements are intrreupted by “Bombastic” and the warmly received arrival of Alix Maria Spezia and her fairy god mother, Queen Esther.

You know I'm bringing bombastic
I'm feeling fucking fantastic
Turn up the music yeah blast it
You know I'm playing like, no more Mr. Nice Guy


You know I'm bringing bombastic
I'm feeling fucking fantastic
Turn up the music yeah blast it
You know I'm playing like, no more Mr. Nice Guy
I'm coming for you

 

ALIX
Hey, what are you doing at this place, gang?

THE XFL
What? What do you mean?

ALIX
You guys are a strange combo. Aren't they strange, Queen Esther?

QUEEN ESTHER
They are a motley assortment of peasants, but no stranger than the stable hands my father hired in the great winter, who resorted to eating each other when times grew lean.

ALIX
Kinkay!

THE XFL
What's wrong with you two? Motley? Strange? We the same dudes who been killing the game for a damn long while...WE DA BEST!

'BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOO!” 

ALIX
Somethings obviously suspicious. Your eyes are moving around like salmon before they lay eggs. You got Rhaenys preggers didn't you.

RHAENYS
If only!

THE XFL
Damn it, you ain't gonna step out here and kill my swag when I just turnt it to a hundred trillion.

QUEEN ESTHER
We must throw a baby shower!

ALIX
Oooooh a shower, I'll get Maya's dildos with water resistant suction cups.

QUEEN ESTHER
Dil dough? I do like trying new types of food. Tell me does it taste like dil pickles?

ALIX
One of them is pickled color, that's for the pooper, but its a biggie for sure so you need to ease into that one.

HEYROSS
I am glad you have take this time to share your inane chatter, because as we all now can verify you are clearly out of the running for contendership for the OAOAST World Heavyweight title. Thus, we can obviously infer that The Xavier Franklin Long is the one who deserves a title shot against Colin Maguire Junior.

Time will destroy everything

Time will destroy everything

Time will destroy everything

Time will destroy everything

 

Oh, the world is rough

It's just like hoping it will swallow you right up

And know that you're awake

The clock is ticking and it won't stop, it don't stop

The fans cheer once more as “Time Will Destroy Everything” calls out Ivar The Cunning!

IVAR
Let's not be so sure about that.

HEYROSS
Mister Ivar.

IVAR
Just Ivar will do. I had planned on remaining backstage, but if you insist on laying claim to the world title, I suppose I have to speak. Xavier, please come close so I may address you in a  more personal space.

THE XFL
I ain't that stupid. 

IVAR
Yes you are.

ALIX
Heheh, call the fire department because someone just got burned! Also I locked my keys in my rental car and I need help getting them out. Thanks a bunch!

RHAENYS
Speaking of stupid. 

ALYSANNE
Be nice.

IVAR
I will come closer then.

Ivar strolls down the entrance ramp, with The XFL and his crew assuming a defensive stance.

IVAR
I wouldn't try anything rash. I'm very hungry. As for the title shot. I talked to Colin, and you're welcome to it at November Reign. But so am I. And is Alix.

ALIX
Goodie goodie gum drops!

THE XFL
Man fuck all that shit you talking. Someone knock this mother fucker all the way out!

Mathis is first to move and first to fall thanks to a superkick by Ivar!

“YYYYEAAAAAAAAAAA!”

RENEE
You know what has broken lose!

The rest of the All XFL Team swarms the vampire, forced to use all their strength to overwhelm.

COACH
Yo, Ivar's the baddest dude in the OAOAST Galaxy but can he handle The All XFL Team?!

He doesn't have to as Alix comes in swinging a steel chair!

“YYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

The XFL, the girls, and Heyross bail just Ivar lariats The Playmakers over the top rope!

“YYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Brock is soon to join his allies as Alix's chair shot sends him flying over the apron. Mathis is last but refuses to back down and charges at Ivar. But for his troubles he gets brought onto the vamp's shoulders and then thrown down with a  wrist clutch DVD!

“YYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

RENEE
Time Will Destory Everything!

Alix and Ivar stand tall proud and awesome as The All XFL team lies in ruins or stands in fear.

 

RENEE
A huge title match booked for November Reign!

 

COMMERCIAL

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OAOAST SPINEBUSTER OF THE WEEK~!, courtesy of the OAOAST Halloween Spectacular IX: Tyler Bryant interferes during the Oscar Friberg/Blaine Cayley U.S. Title match.

Backstage, OAOAST correspondent Sara Jean Underwood spoke with TYLER BRYANT (wearing sunglasses indoors like a true douche) at the world famous interview lounge. Accompanied by Lorelei and THE FLEX, Tyler explained why he interfered during the U.S. Title match at the Halloween Spectacular IX, claiming "false advertisement." 

TYLER
You had the OAOAST billing the Bermuda Triangle match as featuring the rising stars of the OAOAST, the future of this company. If that isn't false advertisement I don't know what is. Everybody knows I -- Tyler Bryant, Star67 -- am the future of the OAOAST. That I, Tyler Bryant, am the fastest rising young superstar in this business. Don't think so? Then why am I wearing sunglasses at night? 'Cause my future's so bright I gotta wear shades! And if anybody's got a problem with that, have their people call my people. Tyler Bryant is in demand, and available bookings are limited.

LORELEI
:) 

As for Blaine's remarks last week, Tyler only had one thing to say: "The guy fucks his sister. His sister!" * laughs, shakes head * 

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*** Marc Bennett vs. Tyler Bryant w/ Lorelei DeCenzo & THE FLEX ***

A newcomer to OAOAST airwaves, Bennett is a generic clean shaven competitor with a bodybuilder look. His opponent, Tyler Bryant, was anything but generic. With a grand entrance and charisma that stretched coast to coast, Tyler had the OAOAST Galaxy riled up with his smug pretty looks. He then made quick work of Bennett, putting him down with 0-100 for the 1-2-3.

Winner: Tyler Bryant, via pinfall.

After the match OAOAST officials had to restrain U.S. Champion OSCAR FRIBERG from getting to the ring. Rightfully upset over what occurred at the Halloween Spectacular IX, Oscar wanted to get his hands on Star67 who taunted the champion, telling him to quit hiding behind the refs while standing besides THE FLEX.

"LET THEM FIGHT!"

"LET THEM FIGHT!"

"LET THEM FIGHT!"

NOVEMBER REIGN
LIVE FROM BOSTON, MA
THIS MONTH!

 

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A makeshift office has been set up for TMW Commissioner 


LISA ANN
who is perusing mentor comments about their rookies when one of the pairs walk in. That pair is Conan 


CONAN “COCO” CHANEL

and


MAYA DUNCAN BLANCHARD


COCO
Lisa Ann, you have ten seconds to remove this girl from my mentorship, and apologize to me for forcing her upon my person. Ten. Nine. One. Apologize. Now.

LISA ANN
I-

MAYA
Lisa Ann, I am a huuuuuuuuuuuge fan! You're my idol! I honestly worship the ground you orgasmed on. You've taught me so many things about life, and dicks, and anal sex, and baby oil, and tit jobs. And I loved your Top Hung scene in Brazzers, you rode that dude like a champ! I am in awe.

COCO
Save your blathering till your out of my sight. Which will be soon. Correct, Lisa Ann?

LISA ANN
I'm sorry, Conan, but Maya is your mentor. I thought it would be good considering you are former classmates from what elementary school until......

COCO
Until the day we graduated high school and I swore never to stain my life by allowing her presence therewithin.

MAYA
He peed himself every day for like two weeks straight in kindergarden.

COCO
I did not.

MAYA
Look, Coco, its like you always say, its better to be dominated by a strong woman than to dominate week men.

COCO
I have never said anything like that.

MAYA
Sounds like your graduation speech as class valedictorian...or wait, I was class valedictorian. Oopsie.

COCO
This is pointless. Will my request be heard?

LISA ANN
I heard it, Coco, and I've denied it. You two are going to have to find some way to get along.

Coco certainly doesn't like the sound of that and storms off in a red fury.

MAYA
So tell me, Miss Lisa Ann my hero. what brand of lube do you find greases up the asshole best?

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*** 6-Man Tag Title: The 3 Amigos w/ El Hijo del Sheep vs. The Party Brigade & "The King of Bronies" Daisuke Motozaki © w/ Amberlyn Duncan ***

As promised, TPB and Dice-M gave the 3 Amigos a shot at their newly won 6-Man tag title, defeating them in an action packed 10 minute bout when the King of Bronies pinned Juicy Cantu-Si following the Rainbow Dash Mash.

Winners: The Party Brigade & "The King of Bronies" Daisuke Motozaki, via DQ.

The guys all shook hands after the match, with the 3 Amigos leaving the ring so TPB & Dice-M could bask in the spotlight. It was then that DEUCE DEUCE BIGELOW, BIG BOY & THE WARTHOG of Slaughterhouse stormed the ring to attack the champs. 

Their target: Dice-M.

After Big Boy and Warthog took care of TPB, they set up a TABLE in the ring and assisted Deuce in delivering a POWERBOMB FROM THE SECOND ROPE THROUGH THE TABLE (retaliation for the Halloween Spectacular)!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Suddenly the OAOAST Galaxy roared at the top of their lungs as HOOD AGAIN broke away from OAOAST officials to get back at Big Boy and Warthog (requiring even more officials to help restore order). Moments later the 3 Amigos ran out in towels and all soapy to tend to TPB and Dice-M.

COMMERCIAL

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We're in lavish and lush interview lounge where many are drinking the OAOAST troubles away. Front and center is Sara Jean with the women's tag team champions. The Sisterhood of the Rich and Famous.

SARA JEAN
Hey, everybody, Sara Jean here with the women's tag champs. Gretchen, I promise thomas, I won't talk about you doing you know what to you know what.

PIERETTE
She means eating ass. Licking butt.

GRETCHEN
I do not....I can not even fathom myself saying the words! Furthermore, take in the scent of my breath. It is mint julip and rosemary, my favorite tea. Would I own such a charming air to my breath if I were accused of the things you

SARA JEAN
Maya gives tons of blowjobs and her breath smells like bubblegum, so that didn't prove anything.

PIERETTE
Its too too too bad you just can't admit what ya really really want, my anal cavity just longs and longs for your tongue to swipe it up up down down, mistress Gretchen.

GRETCHEN
You would be the last person on this planet I would take such actions towards! And have I not told you to stop calling me mistress?

SARA JEAN
So, I got your thank you card for the homecoming suggestion. You're welcome, of course. But, we all saw Holly and Malaysia interrupt your fun, and now Holly has planted a target on your back.

PIERETTE
If only I could plant sweet kisses up and down the small of my mistress' spine.

GRETCHEN
That is more than enough out of you. Holly has spoken, she has spoken in the manner of a wretched beast, but I have heard her. And I respond with my favorite saying of all.

SARA JEAN
A catchphrase.

GRETCHEN
A saying.

SARA JEAN
Its the same...nevermind, just continue.

GRETCHEN
I say, Holly, ladies do not start fights, but we certainly can finish them!

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*** TMW: Gory Dragan vs. Pete-O ***

Before the match, Pete grabbed the mic to rally the OAOAST Galaxy behind him, reminding them he won a fan entry contest to earn his spot in the tournament. 

PETE-O
I'm one of you!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

PETE-O
:huh: 

COACH
Seems like the people aren't too fond of Pete-O. 

RENEE
Well he is a weird guy. Earlier today I caught him staring at my high school yearbook photo! Which he wanted me to kiss with a special lipstick he brought!

COACH
Whaaa...?

RENEE
No different than an autograph he said. 
(scoffs)
I beg to differ!

Gory's OAOAST mentor Big Papa Thrust snatched the mic and asked Pete if he believed in magic. 

Pete nods enthusiastically.

GORY
Then I have a great trick for you, friend. I'm gonna beat you so bad you're only gonna like girls over the legal limit when it's all over!

PETE
:o 
You're freaking me out, man. 

GORY
That's why they call me... the Mindfreakazoid. *points to head, twirls fingers*

BIG PAPA THRUST
Beat his ass!

Gory pounced on Pete early, forcing him to seek shelter in the corner. 

RENEE
I bet Pete regrets finding a way around his ban from live OAOAST events. Things aren't looking too good for him right now.

COACH
Probably wishes he was back at home watching on television rather than being in the ring. 

Just as defeat seems near for Pete, he lures Gory to the corner, prompting the ref to come over as well. It's then that Pete sneaks in a LOW BLOW, executes a double-leg takedown and covers Gory with his FEET ON THE ROPES!

ONE!

TWO!

THR-- NO!

BPT rushes over to breakup the pin, knocking Pete's feet off the ropes.

PETE-O
:o 

BIG PAPA THRUST
Fuck no! It ain't goin' down like that!

Southern Immorality (well, two-thirds of them at least, as Lucius Soul is conspicuous by absence) are none too happy with BPT but aren't foolish to start shit with him. Instead the match continues with Pete making an inverted Diamond Cutter hand gesture, except he makes a loud GRUNT rather than go "BANG!" 

COACH
Are we gonna see it, baby girl? Is Pete gonna -- and I'm not making this up -- To Catch A Predator?

Pete goes for the cutter, but Gory counters with a school boy into a superkick...

RENEE
Evidence On Fire!

... followed by an Unprettier into a bulldog!

COACH
Do Not Go Gentle!

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!!!

Winner: Gory Dragan, via pinfall.

COMMERCIAL

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Backstage in one of the locker rooms we see 24/7 champion, Nathaniel Black polishing his title belt, when he gets approached by the thuggish duo of the Kings of the Heap.

SCOURGE
Ay, there's the lad.

BLACK
Wot do ya want?

RAYDER
Suppose ya read our invitation. Sloppay Joe got a thin' of caligraphy,'at one.

SCOURGE
Eh,  takes all kinds to make a world.

RAYDER
We gave ya wee bit o' time so what do ya say?

BLACK
Ya 'ant me ta join The Menagerie.

SCOURGE
It'd be a shan if ya dinnae do it.

RAYDER
Shan as fuck.

SCOURGE
Shan as fuck.

BLACK
Yes, we used ter be muckers. Used ter be. But yer two 'ave changed

RAYDER
Av, we now. I dinnae see it.

SCOURGE
I dinnae see it either.

BLACK
Yer used ter be 'onorable men. Now yor scum of the earff.

RAYDER
Ay can see ya wee bit scunnert with us. But with all the killings and such around here...

SCOURGE
Ya need scum of the earff on your team.

RAYDER
Don't be crazy, give it some thought, lad.

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*** Keyboard Warriors (Cena Nuff & Wiggolo Gigolo) vs. Spencer Reiger & Gloss ***

In preparation for their tag match against Blaine and Samantha Cayley at November Reign, Spencer and Gloss took on the anonymous masked Keyboard Warriors, defeating them with ease after a Reiger Counter from Spencer as Gloss applied the Fang Bang on Cena Nuff.

Winners: Spencer Reiger & Gloss, via pinfall.

RENEE
Alright, fans, we've got a scorching hot look at a recent photshoot Kriata did for OAOAST Magazine! Let's take a long look.

CABO SAN LUCAS

Our view is a sunny, gorgeous and awesome beach of Cabo San Lucas, who hosts the awesome, sunny and bikini clad gorgeous Hottie of Krista Isadora Duncan.

KRISTA
Hola! I'm Krista Isadora Duncan here in Cabo San Lucas, shooting for my centerfold in OAOAST magazine, and I'll see you on newstands and then in your bathroom, perverts.

We cut to a scene of Krista striking some poses in an outdoor door shower

http://41.media.tumblr.com/7fc511c07d8ec259e6670873a77cb280/tumblr_nxz09kCzR71rkiw19o1_1280.png

KRISTA
Everyone is sweating.

MAKEUP
Its hot out here, Krista.

KRISTA
Sweatings gross so I don't do it.

We cut to a scene of Krista in the cabana, in a one piece bikini, getting oil applied all over her body, the oil lady starts to focus on her thick and tanned glutes.

KRISTA
We gotta work with what we got here.

OIL LADY
And you've got a lot of butt!

KRISTA
I think I was born with a big butt. The doctor didn't spank a baby butt, he spanked a donk.

OIL LADY
:lol:

KRISTA
Alright, baby hit the boobs!

boobs-krista2.gif

OIL LADY
Wow!

KRISTA
Don't be shy, I'm gonna be grabbing your boobs later, baby.

OIL LADY
Help yourself, sweetie!

KRISTA
Oh, honey, I intend to.

Krista is on a recliner in the cabana, getting her womanscaping done by the makeup lady....

KRISTA
The craziest thing I've done so far on this trip is meth. No I'm kidding, I'm not Alix's dad. Or her grand dad. Or her aunts. Or her cousin. Or really anyone from the Spezia blood line. No, the craziest thing I've done is grow a bush! Alix got the big book of vaginas and I found an awesome line up, but they're making me shave it, so sad.

Now we're on the beach where Krista is striking a hot pose, showing off her lean and hard figure not to mention those giant knockers of hers.

http://36.media.tumblr.com/4c3035c81e4b9ee7d4dc569886f56d42/tumblr_nxyyx9imcl1rkiw19o1_540.png

Krista takes a moment to look up and notices a most curious sight floating through the sky.

KRISTA
Is that a parachute?

MAKEUP
Do you have a stalker?

KRISTA
Does any one have a shotgun? Shoot them out the air? Or maybe a katana to stab them the exact moment they land? That would be quite the sight! A bonus for the blu-ray.

As the parachute gets closer we see thats its BILL BLASKY attorney at law descending upon Krista.
I should also note he's wearing a three piece navy suit!

PHOTOGRAPHER
He's interrupting the shoot.

KRISTA
I'm glad you all see him, because this means Alix hasn't spiked my drink, and won't be leaving me in the company of any bikers.

Suit, loafers and all, Bill Blasky proves to be a perfect paratrooper as he comes down right in the Pacific ocean next to Krista.

KRISTA
I don't need a katana I'll just use my middle finger to shove inside his asshole and force him undeground and drown him. I would have done it to Ned last week but a rerun of Fresh Prince where Will was trapped in a closet during an earth quake was on.

BILL BLASKY
I wouldn't attack me if I were you. I am Bill Blasky, attorney at law.

KRISTA
Oh, honey, of course you are. But, getting your law degree from the shady Mexican working above the Save N Tan makes me your question your legal acumen.

BILL BLASKY
No need to question these papers I'm serving you.

Bill pulls out group of folded up papers and passes them over to Krista.

BILL BLASKY
You are now being sued by Logan Mann for the sum of fifteen million dollars for assault, for emotional damages, for libel, for slander, and for hate crimes.

KRISTA
Hate crimes?

BILL BLASKY
You called him the N word.

KRISTA
Its going to be a hate crime when I string you up to a mango tree by your small intestines.

BILL BLASKY
I wouldn't do that if I were you. If you're interested in settling this lawsuit, please have your lawyers call mine.

Krista crumbles up the papers and tosses them in the ocean with fury playing across her face.

BILL BLASKY
You look very pretty.

KRISTA
Go away.

BILL BLASKY
….I don't have a ride.

KRISTA
Jewish Jesus. Someone take Lionel Hutz home! 

A production assistant comes to escort Bill Blasky off, with Krista staying behind to contemplate her next move.

COMMERCIAL

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In the hallways of the arena, the black trenchcoat clad, Agent Augeur takes long deliberate strides towards the entry position. His mentor, Biffman, is soon to catch up with him.

BIFFMAN
Citizen Agent Augeur its a pleasure to mentor you. I was hoping I might offer you strategy for your match tonight.

AGENT AUGEUR
…....

BIFFMAN
Citizen Agent?

AGENT AUGEUR
Save your advice...for when you're really gonna need it. 

And with that the two men walk in silence.

***TMW: Conan “Coco” Chanel Vs Agent Augeur***

COACH
I still remember this Coco dude's smear campaign on Maya when they were running for eighth grade class presidents.

RENEE
Coco is an interesting guy, he's from the famous Chanel family, so all his moves are named after fragrances. And Augeur is a former TMW HARD title holder, so this is a marquee match up.

The two rookies came together with a lockup, and tangled over headlocks and arm wrenches. Agent Augeur got the upperhand in the end, which did not sit well with Coco.

MAYA
Hey, its no shame in being one upped by a cosplayer, I just had a client that paid 800 dollars to dress up as Waluigi and paddle me while I wore cotton panties. You're cool.

COCO
You are such an insufferable twit.

The two men came together for another lockup and this one ended with Coco being shoved to the ropes. When he bounded back he was arm dragged, and forced into a series of ever changing arm submissions.

BIFFMAN
Well done Citizen Agent Augeur.

AGENT AUGEUR
Meanignless words.

MAYA
Hey, buddy, Coco and I have the market on mentor-rookie disdain so you better come up with another shtick, or you'll be playing Ryback's gay cousin if I have anything to say about your future.

AGENT AUGEUR
Again. Meaningless words. Empty promises. Dull threats.

COCO
Stop talking.

Coco ran at the Agent and had to duck a lariat. But he made good as he came off the ropes and nailed him with a head scissors DDT! 
 
RENEE
Hypnotic Poison!

Surprisingly, Agent Augeur shook off the attack and started trading knife edge chops with Coco. Coco found paydirt with dropsault, but only got two. And when the Agent stood up he hit Coco with an unexpected package fall away slam.

RENEE
That's called System Failure.

Biffman was about to encourage his rookie, but thought better of it and remained silence. Instead he watched him ascend to the top rope and try a phoenix splash. Try and fail as Coco moved out the way. Coco pounced on his foe and hit a series of neckbreakers that were proceeded by a Regalplex.

RENEE
And that is Nirvana Black!

That hard hitting suplex gleaned a two count from referee Shawn Stasiak and frustration from Coco. Then Coco got up and close and personal with Stasiak when Agent Augeur shoved Coco into him! 

“BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

MAYA
Planet Stasiak is craziak!


Augeur then swept Coco onto his shoulders and executed a death valley driver. Stasiak was left with no choice but to count, and Coco still managed to kickout!

COACH
Yo, this match is damn good.

Biffman looked on disapprovingly as Agent Augeur blatantly started to remove the turnbuckle posts. Referee Stasiak of course stopped him, but with that distraction, Coco decided to just punt his opponent in the balls!

“OOOOOOOOHHHHHH!”

BIFFMAN
:o

Stunned, the agent was left victimized by multipule curb stomps from Coco! 

RENEE
Those things are called Black Opium!

MAYA
Letting out the rage over fact you didn't get to go to prom with me. Very good.

COCO
I would never go to prom with you.

MAYA
I would've given you the blow job of a lifetime.

COCO
Stop talking.

Coco settled into a pin on his opponent and took him a win in his first match on HeldDOWN~!

Winner: Coco Chanel, via pinfall

Maya applauded her rookie, though Coco wasn't happy with her hovering or her raising his hand. Elsewhere Biffman tried to help his rookie to his feet, and was pitched through the second ropes by the agent for his troubles!

“BBBBBOOOOOOOOO!”

RENEE
Hey! What was that about?

AGENT AUGEUR
Waste your kindness on someone else, hero.

 

COMMERCIAL

Edited by SwiftGangSexToy
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Inside Colin's dressing room, we find the world champion with a personal moment, typing on his laptop.

COLIN
I never meant to let you in. But then I should not have kissed you. Not the first time. Certainly not the second.  But there is a light in you so bright it makes me feel like the man I wish I was. And the man that I've become. I am chained by certain hungers. You know what I do. I hunt. I feed. I kill. But I can love. As I love you.

Colin's words are interrupted by his mother entering the room, clearly curious as to what he's up to.

ANGEL
What are you writing?

COLIN
It is none of your business.

ANGEL
Why are you so stand offish to me all the time?

COLIN
Your constantly hovering about my affairs-

ANGEL
Hold on, I am your mother. Hovering is my job.

COLIN
I survived this long with your brand of helicopter parenting-

ANGEL
Survived? You were killed! Killed by the woman you love. You survived? You died! And I watched you die! And if it hadn't been for Ivar, you...I would be on the other side watching over your grave! And then, your father seeks to do what Lyric could not, all these incidents over a years time and I, your god damn mother, am supposed to feel guilty for fretting about your safety?

Colin face softens as seemingly does his heart.

COLIN
I was writing a letter to Amber.

ANGEL
The mother of your child.

COLIN
It is folly. She has a husband, and with my son, they make a family. Something, I shall never have.

ANGEL
Colin...

COLIN
Do you have business with me besides of course sometimes needed over-protection.

Angel sighs but allows Colin to have change of subject.

ANGEL
The murders. Don't you think its odd that we haven't heard a single cause of death yet? 

The sound of the door pushing open turns mom and son's head to the doorway, where a male audio tech enters with a letter.

COLIN
Calvin? Who has given you license to invade my quarters?

Ignoring Calvin with kind of a dead air, Calvin pulls out a neatly written.

CALVIN
Dictated but not read: “Colin Maguire Junior, you are to hand over your son, Jackson, to the unsigned,  or else further deaths shall occur. Let this be your final warning.”

Calvin tosses the note aside, assumes a knife from his pocket. Even Colin's fast vampire speed isn't speed enough to stop him from drilling directly into his heart, killing him instantly.

ANGEL
No! No! No!   

Colin looks on horrified, his body trembling from the message, the sight, the deceased before him.

COLIN
I will protect my son. 

FADE OUT

 

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