Chanel #99 Posted March 8, 2013 Report Share Posted March 8, 2013 BOOM!BOOM!BOOM!BOOM!B-O-O-M~! An establishing shot of the Melbourne skyline leads to an overhead shot of the open air Rod Laver Arena, home of the Australian Open and, for this week, home of the OAOAST's flagship program. 20,000 screaming Aussies fill the seats as the camera pans around. A look at the entrance sees that large Australian flags hang from both entrance doors. We SWOOP~! over the crowd to Sofa Central. COLE G'day from Melbourne and another edition of HeldDOWN~! Michael Cole here as we take another trip down under to Australia, one of the OAOAST's favorite places to travel abroad. It may be freezing back home, but we're basking in the warm summer sun here in the Rod Laver Arena. COACH This place hosts tennis matches right? COLE That's what the opening paragraph said. COACH The Coach doesn't see the ball girls around, which is too bad because I have a couple of ba-- COLE Coming up tonight, we've got two more first round Anderson Cup matches for you as well as a match that stemmed from last week's shocking betrayal by Stacey Robertson...... COACHPrincess Stacey, Cole. COLE Ugh. Tonight, Colombian Heat and Vitamin X will lock horns tonight and you have to believe that Heat is going to be fired up. We're ready to kick things off here, so let's take it up to Michael Buffer. Bill Neilsen raises his right hand to acknowledge the fans scattered applause as he’s being introduced by Michael Buffer BUFFER Hailing from … (Buffer eyes the pale Bill Neilsen) let’s say St. Paul, Minnesota – weighing in at 230 pounds here is BILL NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEILSON!! COLE You know I found out that Neilson was quite success in wrestling when he was in high school COACH Well thank god he was successful then, when he didn’t get paid *rolls eyes* Neilsen unzips his shiny red jacket with “Neilson” across the back and hands it off to the ring side attendant as he waits for his opponent. The lights slowly dim as Michael Buffer goes to read the introduction for the next guy BUFFER And his opponent (struggles to read the card) from… Parts Really Unknown?? And then there is total darkness (well, as total as an open arena in daytime can get) BUFFER Ah damn it! The Star Wars Theme (Disco Version) begins to play as green smoke billows out from under the ring as “It” crawls out sticking low to the ground as he looks left and right examining the surrounding area. As the lights return to normal Buffer looks at the cuecard, then just throws it over his shoulder while shaking his head. COACH Ah damn it not this weirdo again, hasn’t he embarrassed us enough last week? COLE “It” Coach, it’s called “It” COACH *rolls eyes* After spending a couple of moments crawling around on the floor “It” crawls up on the apron and then climbs the ropes, not like a normal human being but more like a spider in a crouched down, clinging way as he goes over the top rope and then flops to the canvas right at Bill Neilson’s feet. DING!-DING!!-DING!!! COACH How the hell am I supposed to call this match? I mean this guy doesn’t even know how to walk normally. COLE Well… we don’t discriminate in the OAOAST Bill just stands there, confused by the weirdness of “It”, running his hand through his sparse hair as he tries to figure out how to even get a wrestling match out of this guy. “It” holds his face close to the ground, almost as if he’s sniffing it, going back and forth until he ends up by Neilson’s boots looking up at the nondescript man from Minnesota. COACH What the hell is he supposed to do Cole? Neilson decides to grab the bull by the horns, well more like the alien by the shoulders but the analogy is sound. He pulls “It” up to an upright position and then tries to engage him with a collar and elbow tie up Only it’s not so easy to do when “It’s” hands are still down by the side, Bill forcibly pulls “It’s” hands up and puts them in the correct position and then tussles his opponent back and forth a little to see if he gets the idea. “It” slowly nods, apparently he’s starting to get the idea COLE Here we go, he’s just a slow starter COACH He’s slow period Cole! “It” gently pushes Bill Neilson a bit but nothing more until… COLE WHOA DEEP ARMDRAG The crowd pops from sheer surprise as “It” takes Neilson down with a deep arm drag done to perfection. When Neilson pops back to his feet “It” knocks him down with a double karate chop in a perfect Ricky Steamboat impersonation. After being chopped down Neilson gets up once more, but once again “It” lands the double Steamboat chop to knock Bill down COACH Why is he still in that crouched position? Can’t he do anything but chop? COLE It’s a move more than you gave him credit for Coach, how about that? COACH Bah! He probably watched an old tape or something Bill doesn’t get up right away, instead he waits for “It” to move out of the crouched position, when that doesn’t happen Bill rolls a bit further away and then gets up safely out of harms way. The “Enhancement Talent” just stands there, staring at “It” who seems to be frozen in position, he even waves a hand in front of “It’s” eyes to see if he can get a reaction. COACH Ever heard of one move wonders? Well this is it right here COLE Come on now the match is far from over, I’m sure he can do more than that COACH I doubt it Neilson starts to circle around “It” who to his surprise just sits there without moving, not caring that Bill Neilson gets behind him. After looking at the frozen alien Bill shrugs his shoulders and then moves in from behind to lock on the Full Nelson COLE It’s the Full Neilson! Bill’s finishing move! COACH The Full Neilson? That’s the stupidest name I’ve ever heard COLE What about Joey Joe Joe Shabadoo… Junior?? COACH Alright that *IS* stupider Bill locks his hands behind “It’s” neck but somehow the limber, slithery “It” just sinks to his knees slipping right out of the hold like his anatomy wasn’t quite human. Somehow the Full Neilson must have offended “It” since he seems to be in a fighting mood now, kicking Bill in the back of the leg, tripping him up and then grabbing his right leg by the boot COLE Could this be an ankle lock? COACH I don’t think so… I think he’s … he’s BITING the boot? After biting Neilson’s boot “It” quickly lays down on top of Bill Neilson, hooks the boot and then holds up three fingers like the referee was counting Only problem is… well Bill is Face Down, not shoulders down so it doesn’t really count at all. COACH Oh my god… I want it in my contract that I don’t have to sit here for any more matches with this guy. COLE Say what you will, the crowd seems to be entertained COACH Yeah well they would… they’re Australian after all. After counting three himself “It” gets up and then raises his hands in the air, mimicking the pose of so many wrestlers after they’ve won a match… well except “It” hasn’t won anything. Neilson reaches up, grabs “It” by the back of it’s belt and then rolls up the alien ONE!! “It” just lies there, no attempts to kick out or anything TWO!! COACH Don’t tell me THREE!! DING!-DING!! MICHAEL BUFFER The winner of the match… Bill Freakin’ Neilson? Bill can’t believe what’s happened tonight, it’s not until the referee raises his hand that he actually realizes that he’s won, he’s so used to losing he’s almost forgotten how winning feels – but tonight he’s a winner and “It” is… well “It” really COLE Fans… it’s been different I’ll tell you that much. COACH That’s an understatement Neilson runs around the ring, high fiving the few fans who actually hold up a hand, even slapping hands with a few fans that weren’t technically holing their hands. In the background It is seen slinking out of the ring, walking to the back with his hands held high like he actually won the match. If ignorance is bliss then “It” is probably the happiest thing in the world right now, although Bill Neilson is pretty damn ecstatic about actually winning a match on HeldDOWN! "Where is he? WHERE IS HE?" Backstage, Bruce Blank walks IN ANGER~!, searching for an answer...although no one's quite sure exactly who he means. Without getting an answer, Blank bursts through the door marked "Anglesault", likely the makeshift office within the arena for the OAOAST's proud owner. Blank comes in, and before Anglesault can get off the phone, Blank brings his trusty barbed wire bat down onto Anglesault's desk, causing the former World Champion to instinctively roll back in his chair. "Let me call you back." Anglesault gets off the phone, fuming, and stands up from his seat. "I know you're not one for manners, Blank, but what the hell do you think you're doing?" "What do I think I'M doing? Looky here boy, I know you and Zack are tight. I know that you and this little operation you got here want nothing more than to protect your investment. I know you HATE what I have done to Zack Malibu, and what I've forced him to do. I've backed you and your company against the wall, because you and I both no that Malibu's life, and the lifespan of this company, are in MY hands now." "Cut the theatrics, Bla-" "I wanna know why the hell YOU signed off on this deal he's made! I wanna know why Zack Malibu, the OAOAST poster boy, the guy who stated with the world as his witness that he was going to walk away from the wrestling business if he can't beat me come Anglepalooza, is wrestling for the SWF." Anglesault snarls. He's likely not happy about it either. "Look Blank, you need to-" "You need to listen to what I have to say." Both stop, and Blank turns around, smirking as in the doorway stands ZACK MALIBU. "I figured that you'd have questions, so I've got some answers. Yeah, you saw me on the SWF last night, that wasn't your eyes playing tricks on you. And yeah, I did vow to walk away from this business if you can beat me at Anglepalooza. My deal with the SWF isn't a backup plan of any sort. I signed off on going there as Calvin Szechstein's partner one, to help out a friend, and two, to make amends for the ill-fated arrangement that brought you here. I'm a man of my word on all counts, Blank, so I'm making good with the SWF while I can. I know Anglesault, and other friends of mine, are critical. I know some people think that I've turned my back on the company. I know that some think that I don't think I can take you in that Survive Or Surrender match. All I'm doing is picking up the pieces of a world you shattered. Anglesault, I told you before I signed my name to that contract, when I sat in your office, that nothing...NOTHING would distract me from this company..." "...you're not long for this company anyways, boy." "I'm glad you're confident, Blank, because you're gonna need that boost. The only way you're walking out of that cage at Anglepalooza is over my dead body, so you either show up with a body bag to slip me into once we're done, or you don't bother showing up at all." Blank leans in, fuming, steam shooting from his nostrils. Malibu doesn't give, and stares right back, never even blinking. "All right...ALL RIGHT, both of you, get the hell out of here now." "You ain't gotta ask twice, boss." quips Blank, as he turns and tips his hat in the direction of the Company Owner. He turns and glares at Malibu one last time before exiting, and turning down the hall. "Zack," asks Anglesault. "I hope you know what you're doing. The Survive Or Surrender match, cutting a deal with the SWF...even you might not be able to walk away from all this." "I guess we'll find out soon enough." says Zack, as he does walk away, heading out of Anglesault's office, and closing the door behind him. The camera goes tight on Anglesault's face as he slowly shakes his head.Commercial break Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2013 "LIGHTNING CREW!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The opening to "No Chance In Hell" begins playing. Smoke fills the entrance stage, while strobe lights appear over the AngleTron. After a few seconds, the crescendo hits, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds begins playing, and The Lightning Crew entrance video plays on the AngleTron. *No chance (No chance) That’s what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah) We’re up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are...PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* The entrance doors slide open, and out from the smoke come The Lightning Crew (except Stacey Robertson) and Stephen Joseph Popick. The crowd’s boos get louder. PRL is in his Corporate attire, and has a wide evil smile on his face as he plays his HI-YAH World Tag Team Championship belt like a guitar. Popick stands beside him, wearing a black collar shirt, a leather jacket, a chain around his neck, black dress pants, black dress shoes, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, his eyeglasses, and his HI-YAH World Tag Team Championship belt around his waist. PRL high fives Popick, and then motions for The Lightning Crew to follow him to the ring. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome THE LIGHTNING CREW AND STEPHEN JOSEPHHHHHHHHHHH POPPPPIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! COLE The Lightning Crew has had quite the last few weeks! They’ve grown in size, they’ve taken out their enemies, and they’ve made Colombian Heat’s life a living hell! COACH Yes, they’ve been on a roll and it’s great! Last week was just the icing on the cake! I mean, NO ONE, not even Colombian Heat, saw it coming! And to see the look on his face? It was priceless! Oh man, I wish I recorded that moment! COLE You were here when it happened! Why would you need to record it? COACH So that I could see it again and again! And again! And again! And again! COLE You live a lonely life, don’t you? COACH ...yes. PRL taunts some fans at ringside. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez carries PRL’s black spray-painted briefcase containing his Golden Contract and walks behind PR and Popick, while Vitamin X, wearing a black buttoned down shirt, sunglasses, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, black dress pants, a chain around his neck, and black dress shoes, walks next to Cuban Wall. Thomas Rodriguez and Mr. Boricua brings up the rear. COLE I don’t see Stacey Robertson anywhere with them. COACH Hold on. They’ll explain it. Just wait. Tha Puerto Rican gets on the ring apron and sneers at the crowd. Stephen Joseph Popick and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez hold the ropes so that Tha Puerto Rican can enter the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans’ boos as "No Chance In Hell" continues to play. PR puts his HI-YAH Tag Team Title belt in front of him, and then does the HBK-muscle pose. He then grabs his belt and slings it over his left shoulder and calls for a microphone. COLE The Corporate Champ and his manager and "Career Consultant" have held the HI-YAH World Tag Team Titles since November. But how much longer will they hold those belts for? I mean, Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly are the #1 Contenders after all. COACH Oh come on! You saw Colombian Heat last week. He was devastated! Ain’t no way he’ll EVER be ready for a HI-YAH Tag Team Title match! They might as well have the match tonight to get it over with! COLE Hey, he might just get over it. You never know. COACH Yeah I do. Heat’s a dumbass. COLE Will you stop? PRL has a mic in his hand. "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN Can I surprise people, or can I surprise people? "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds dies down. The crowd boos loudly. PRL smiles. THA PUERTO RICAN Oh yeah, oh yeah. I am DAMN GOOD when it comes to surprises! Like just last week, where all you pieces of trailer park trash watched as Colombian Heat was ROYALLY, UTTERLY, TOTALLY, SCREWED by The Lightning Crew! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" PRL (CONT’D) I mean sure, he did beat me. I admit it. But now I’m going to admit something else. I LET COLOMBIAN HEAT BEAT ME! That’s right! I took one for the team! I’m a team player! I let that moron beat me so that it would be even sweeter when Stacey Robertson SLAPPED him right across his stupid face! COLE Oh come on! That’s such an obvious lie! COACH It sounds like the truth to me. I mean, did you really think that Colombian Heat could beat Tha Puerto Rican!? COLE It sure looked like he could last week. COACH That was a lie. PRL For you see, we had it all planned out. When Stacey Robertson read that contract that I gave her, she saw the truth. A lightbulb went off in her head. She realized that she would rather be one with the power, than be consumed by the fire! So we made the deal, and we returned her to Colombian Heat KNOWING that we were going to screw him over on Thursday night! We wanted to give Heat the idea that he was going to be with her forever...which obviously didn’t end up happening! HAHAHAHAHAHA! The crowd boos loudly. COLE Despicable. COACH Genius. PRL And oh man, oh man, I was SOOOOOO happy when Colombian Heat started crying. He started crying like a little baby. I loved it! I loved seeing that jive talkin’, ball grabbing, pot smoking idiot reduced to a blubbering mess. Seeing him with tears coming down his eyes...that....that warmed my heart! CROWD BOO! HISS! BOO! PRL Of course, I always love screwing with Colombian HACK, so I have no qualms about doing what we did last week. Stacey Robertson will be out here later on to explain things herself, but for now, I’d just like to say to Colombian Heat: if you thought the pain was over with, then BUDDY, you’ve got another thing coming! Heat...the pain is going to continue. Starting tonight, when you face the very man who took your girlfriend away from you last Thursday night, the Financial Consultant for The Lightning Crew, my NEW BEST FRIEND, VITAMIN X! The crowd boos. Vitamin X does like William Regal and politely waves to the fans. COLE Whoa! X vs. Heat tonight! A rematch from AngleMania VI! PRL And then Heat, the pain will continue on NEXT week’s show! Because Heat, I’m going to give you something that you’ve wanted for a damn long time. You and your midget buddy, Spanish Fly, want a shot at Popick and I’s PRESTIGIOUS CORPORATE HI-YAH World Tag Team Titles? Well, Heat, old buddy old pal, you want it? You got it! Next week, me and Popick vs. you and Fly for the HI-YAH World Tag Team Titles! The crowd cheers. PRL nods his head. THA PUERTO RICAN And just to make my eventual victory even sweeter, our match for the HI-YAH World Tag Team Title belts will be special. It’s going to be...a 2 OUT OF 3 FALLS MATCH! COLE Whoa! 2 Out Of 3 Falls Match for the HI-YAH World Tag Team Titles next week on HeldDOWN~! from West Virginia! COACH That’s going to be a good one! COLE Damn right! TPR And because it’s a 2 Out Of 3 Falls Match, that means that I’m going to beat you not once, but TWICE! In a roll! And speaking of rolls, you’ve been on quite the losing streak haven’t you Heat? Man, you’ve lost your girlfriend TWICE, and now tonight you’re going to get beat by Vitamin X, and then NEXT WEEK, you’re going to get beaten by the GREATEST HI-YAH WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS EVER! It must really suck to be Colombian Heat right now. Well...more so than usual! COACH HA HA! P.R. X, it’s all yours! Puerto hands the microphone to Vitamin X. The crowd’s boos actually get LOUDER! X has a cocky smirk on his face. "X’S A PUSS-SEE!" *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP* "X’S A PUSS-SEE!" *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP* "X’S A PUSS-SEE!" *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP* "X’S A PUSS-SEE!" *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP* X just smiles at the chant. VITAMIN X I may not be a pussy, but I am DEFINITLEY getting some p(bleep)! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COACH Hey he is. You all saw what happened last week. VX I am on cloud 9 right now! And it is only going to get better! Because tonight, when I take on that piece of lower-class filth, I will show the world, that not only am I better than Heat at getting the ladies, but I am better than Heat at kicking ass all over God’s green earth! And I’ll make sure that my lovely Stacey has a ringside seat so that she watch her man do what he does best. Because I am THAT much better than YOU! BOO-YAH~! PRL snatches the mic from X. PRL BOO-YAH~! indeed, X! BOO-YAH~! Now HIT MY MUSIC! "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds starts playing again. PRL and VX high five each other. The crowd boos some more, which only get louder since PRL is taunting them. The Lightning Crew and Stephen Joseph Popick leave the ring. COLE Well, you heard it from the man. PR/Popick vs. Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly in a 2 Out Of 3 Falls Match for the HI-YAH World Tag Team Championship next week on HeldDOWN~!Commercial break We return after learning that former football star OJ wants you to buy his gloves, that Kobe wants people to buy his shoes and that MC Hammer wants someone to please, please, please give him his pants back...or in other words your standard cable TV advertising block.”load up on guns Bring your friends Its fun to lose And to pretend Shes overboard Myself assured I know I know A dirty word” The opening lines of Kenji Kawada's music draws quite a decent positive response from the crowd, high fights against Los Vatos Locs has won him a some fans while others still recent him targeting Faqu during the New Year's Knock Out”Hello, Hello, Hello...” COACH This should be brutal, Kawada demanded a No Disqualification, Falls Count Anywhere match after El Esperito interfered in his match with Gutierrez COLE I just hope and pray that Ramone and “Big” Dave stay out of the match, but I don't have high hopes. COACH Well you don't have to worry they're upstanding citizens they wouldn't dare interfere COLE That and Anglesault has barred them from the building tonight to prevent that from happening COACH That's just a minor detail! The curtains are pulled to each side to reveal Kenji Kawada standing there, arms on his hips, head cocked to one side looking ready for anything as he points to his HI-YAH T-Shirt. After a moment's pause Kawada pulls a pair of nunchucks from the waistband of his tights and then heads to the ring.”With the lights out its less dangerous Here we are now Entertain us I feel stupid and contagious Here we are now Entertain us” Kenji stops half way down the steel ramp and raises the nunchucks high in the air, twirling the lethal weapon with the promises of using it on El Esperito in a few short moments The music is cut off as El Esperito comes darting out from behind the curtains and takes Kenji down with a tackle that caught Kenji totally off guard.. COLE Esperito isn't waiting for the bell, he can't wait to get the match started! COACH That's the way to do it, never give a sucker an even break...and I must compliment Esperito on his choice in brass knuckles, very bling-bling and very lethal El Esperito's brass knuckles sparkle in the sharp spotlight when his hand strikes Kenji over and over again as he tries to inflict as much damage as he can before Kenji can regroup. Each time El Esperito's brass knuck clad right fist connects with Kenji's body it drives home the lack of respect and intimidation on the part of Esperito, he's not afraid of Kenji and he's demonstrating it each time the metal strikes Kenji's arm or shoulder or neck or when it manages to connect with Kenji's skull and draw blood from the impact. COACH If Esperito keeps this up then the match will be over quickly COLE I hate to agree with you but--- COACH But you've GOT to agree with me because I'm right. El Esperito grabs Kenji by the hair and pulls it towards him to get a clear shot at Kenji's skull, but just as he pulls his right hand back to fire off another shot Kenji brings his knee upwards straight into the most sensitive parts of El Esperito's body COLE What a vicious counter by Kawada, not something we're used to seeing from him. COACH He's obviously pushed to the edge here, Esperito had him beat. With his opponent incapacitated Kenji manages to get back on his feet, shaking his right arm to overcome the effects of the repeated blows with the brass knuckles. The camera zooms in on Kenji's right shoulder to reveal a deep bruise / cut on the HI-YAH star's skinKenji grabs El Esperito's right hand as Esperito is still mainly focused on the pain in his groin and pulls the brassknucks off El Esperito's fingers. Kenji tries to slide them on his own hand but the finger holes are too small for Kenji's taped fingers. Kenji throws the knucks down in anger and turns his attention back towards his Ghoulish opponent. Esperito is back up on his feet although he's still hurting as Kenji runs towards the Vato Loco. COLE Here comes the freight train!! Kenji ducks down, drives his right shoulder into El Esperito's midsection as he wraps his arms around his opponents lower body and drives him backwards with such a vicious that the spear drives El Esperito's back and Kenji's head straight into a section of the guardrail. *KRESSH!!* The impact snaps the guardrail links apart sending two sections flying left and right landing the two fighters between the legs of the fans in the first row. HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! COLE He's usually a technical guy, he likes to finess it but tonight he's going for brute strength. COACH Yeah but not that smart Cole. He rammed his own head against the guardrail with that move as well The instant replay shows a slow motion repeat of how El Esperito's back is driven into the steel, how the rail connector snaps under the impact and how the side of Kenji's head slams into the smaller upright bars as he sacrifices his own health to hurt El Esperito. COACH I'm not so sure Kenji should take that many blows to the head, I mean he's already hard to understand at the best of times. COLE If either one of them had their shoulders on the ground instead of on the guardrail this match would have been over. This is a “Falls Count Anywhere” match after all. After a couple of moments more Kenji finally manages to drag himself back to his feet and then stagger towards the ring with glazed over eyes. When he sees the two trashcans full of all sorts of weapons he can't help but grin, he can do some serious damage with this. He quickly grabs one of the cans and throws it into the ring spilling the chairs and chains and barbwire and pool cues and other stuff all over the canvas. Then he pulls a VCR out of the other trashcan and turns back towards the aisle to go after Esperito But El Esperito has recovered as well and drop kicks the VCR into Kenji's face *SMACK!!* BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! The force of the kick and the VCR shot knocks Kenji back against the apron where El Esperito quickly slides the HI-YAH superstar under the bottom rope and into the ring with all the “Hardcore plunder”. El Esperito quickly slides under the bottom rope as well to keep up the attack. COACH Kenji is in serious trouble here, he's down and his opponent has access to a lot of weapons, each of them able to maim a person when used correctly COLE Like the pool cue! To most that's something you use for fun! It's not supposed to be used as a club. El Esperito gets down on the canvas, flips the pool cue around so that the thick handle is facing forward as he lines up like he was playing pool. He pumps the cue twice before jamming the thick handle straight into Kenji's throat. COLE He could crush Kenji's Larynx with that move! COACH Once again...not helping his language skills! With Kenji down El Esperito takes the opportunity to grab a roll of barwire and quickly unrolls the 3-4 foot long strand as he makes sure to keep an eye on Kenji. But Kenji isn't going anywhere as he's rolling on the canvas clutching his throat trying to catch his breath away COLE What does El Esperito have in mind with that barbwire? El Esperito smirks as he brings his arms down over his head, whipping the barbwire through the air, lashing out at Kenji with the strand of sharp metal barbs. *WOOOOOOOOO-PISH!!* “ARRRRRRGGH!!” The strand of barbwire comes down on Kenji's right leg, each individual metal tip digging into his thigh before Esperito rips the wire back again, tearing off bits of Kenji's tights and flesh. Another swing of the barbwire brings it down over Kenji's thigh once more with a sickening whipping sound *WOOOOOOOOO-PISH!!* Just like before the sharp metal barbs tear at Kenji's thigh and TIGHTS slicing his tights open from hip to knee COLE Someone stop this carnage, this is inhuman! COACH If this keeps up we may never see Kenji Kawada wrestle again Deep in his blood rush El Esperito grabs both ends of the barbwire, gets behind the seated Kenji and then brings the barbwire in front of Kawada throat probably trying to hook it around his throat to hang Kenji with it. Fortunately for Kenji he's able to get a hand under the barbwire and lift it away from his throat, unfortunately it means that El Esperito is in position to pull backwards on the barbwire and thus bring the barbwire strand in contact with Kenji's face right across his open mouth. Esperito presses the barbwire into Kenji's mouth, like a demented dentist flossing Kenji's teeth with it. The image is so strong and so repulsive that the camera man actually turns away for a moment while the barbs no doubt dig themselves into Kenji's tongue, gums and the roof of his mouth. COACH I---” Kenji tries to fight off the barbwire but every time he moves his body the barbs cut his face, his mouth or his ears as El Esperito has it wrapped tightly. The images of blood flowing freely from both corners of Kenji's mouth really drives home how personal an issue this has quickly become, it's gone beyond hardcore in this match. Although he's wracked with pain Kenji desperately feels around on the mat hoping to find some sort of weapon to help him break out of the torture device that El Esperito has him in. After feeling around for a few moments his hands lands on the handle of a fire extinguisher, spilled out in the ring when Kenji threw one of the trashcans of weapons over the top rope. His hand is slippery from blood but he manages to actually get a grip on it, aiming it blindly before pushing the buttom *FWOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSH!!* The chemical mist engulfs El Esperito's entire upper body and turns the top of Kenji's head frosty white with powder, but Kenji gets the desired effect as El Esperito releases the barbwire and staggers backwards, pawing at his eyes to get his vision back. COLE You know when I saw that Kenji got his wish for a Hardcore match I got a little worried, but I hadn't expected it to be this insane. COACH How could you expect THIS Cole? This is insane! Kenji spits the blood covered barbwire out into his hand, but unlike any sane man he doesn't immediately throw the 4 foot strand of barbwire away, instead he gets to his feet and wraps it around the top rope. Still blinded El Esperito tries to get the white powder out of his eyes so he hasn't seen what Kenji did with the barbwire. Kenji grabs El Esperito and whips him into the ropes on the opposite side of the barbwire strand, as El Esperito bounces off the ropes it becomes quite clear to the fans in the arena that El Esperito is about to hit the barbwire COACH STOOOOOOOOOP!! Coach's scream kinda works as El Esperito turns his head in the direction of the shout and then trips over his own legs falling to the canvas only half a step before he would have hit the barbwire. COLE Oh thank god If Kenji is disappointed then he hides it well as he grabs El Esperito by the hair and drags him up to his knees, pressing him against the second rope inching El Esperito's face closer to the barbwire. When El Esperito finally regains his eyesight he's mere inches away from the barbwire wrapped rope. In an act of panic and desperation Esperito manages to put the breaks on as he pushes backwards against the middle rope to avoid the barbwire. COLE Oh thank god I thought he was about to be sliced open COACH Hey that could still happen, let's all cross our fingers eh? Kenji's left hand wraps around the top rope so that he can pull the barbwire closer as his right hand tries to force El Esperito's head forward. Slowly, ever so slowly Kenji inches his opponent's forehead closer to the barbwire with a demented determination scrawled on his face. The crowd reacts in horror as Kenji slowly drives one of the barbs into El Esperito's forehead, drawing blood as it pierces the skin, sending streaks of crimson down Esperito's white face. COACH Well what do you know, It happened after all Cole. Kenji pulls El Esperito's head back a little from the ropes to ram it against the barbwire once more, but before Kenji can turn his bad intentions into actions El Esperito throws his whole body forward, bending down as he drags a surprised Kenji forward chest first into the barbwire. COLE OH NO! Cole yells out horrified by the sight of sharp barbs digging into Kenji's massive chest COACH This kid's got fighting spirit! I can see why Ramone likes him The barbwire draws a long red streak across the front of Kenji's white T-shirt as he bounces backwards to get away from the barbwire top rope. El Esperito quickly grabs the trashcan that used to contain all the weapons and then throws it at Kenji who catches it purely on instinct. COLE Big mistake Esperito runs at Kenji and leaps into the air driving both his feet into the trashcan kicking it into Kenji's face and flattening the metal trashcan on impact. *TWHACK!* As El Esperito lands after the drop kick he spots a chain on the canvas, he quickly grabs it and wraps it around Kenji's neck twice before the big man can even react. El Esperito tugs on the chain, pulling Kenji to his feet after which Esperito manages to throw the HI-YAH Superstar over the top rope to hang him with the chain. COLE This is insane, someone needs to stop this...we're not the friggin' ECW! COACH Esperito is the one with something to prove here Cole, he's backed against the wall by HI-YAH's favourite son, that calls for desperate tactics The chain tightens around Kenji's neck, forcing a gagging noise over his blood soaked and cut lips as the links in the chain dig into the soft tissue of his throat. Kawada tries to fight the strangulation, trying to pry his fingers under the chain as his body writhes and convulses, almost like a bass on a fishing line. COLE STOP THIS!! SOMEONE STOP THIS COACH Man El Esperito is one sick puppy! But it seems to be working for him Esperito puts his feet against the bottom rope as he pulls on the chain with all the power and leverage to keep the chain tight around Kenji's neck. The grin on his face reveals that he's loving every single moment of this and has absolutely no remorse about what he's trying to do to his opponent. Kenji's arms flail in the air, desperately trying to get hold of something that'll help him break free. COLE Kenji is in SERIOUS trouble, he's risking his very life if this doesn't end soon Kenji finally manages to lift his body up a little so that his ass rests on the apron, at least he's no longer hung by the neck but El Esperito keeps pulling on the chain tightening it around Kenji's neck...even if he can't hang him he can still choke him out. Kenji's face is turning blue as the big man manages to get to his feet with the chain still around his neck. Then in a move of pure desperation Kenji throws his entire body forward, driving with his powerful legs to pull the chain out of El Esperito's hands as Kenji leaps to the floor. COACH Kenji has that explosive power! El Esperito couldn't hold on" COLE Oh thank god the blue color is going away Kenji slides under the bottom rope only to be hit over the back of the head with a chair shot from El Esperito. Then he climbs the ropes with the metal chair under one arm, grinning as he has something nasty in mind. El Esperito leaps off the top rope, places the chair under his legs in mind air and--- *CRASH!!* Hits the canvas as Kenji moved just enough to get out of harms way. The impact sends shocks of pain up El Esperito's legs as he drives his legs into the steel, but the young man does his best to ignore the pain as the title is almost in his grasp. COACH Man El Esperito is back on his feet, limping but on his feet none the less. El Esperito grabs the chair that he tried to hit Kenji with and quickly throws it at his opponent. Instinctively Kawada the chair as El Esperito calculated. But when Esperito attempts a drop kick Kenji steps a half step to the side so that El Esperito hits nothing but air. Without the release of energy with the impact El Esperito takes the full force of the move as he crashes to the ground, but that turns out to be the least of his problems as Kenji quickly smacks him over the back with the steel chair *THWACK!!* COLE El Esperito went for that move once too often, Kenji had him well scouted COACH I often wondered how clever it is to arm your opponent, now we know. Kenji doesn't wonder about anything, instead he brings the steel chair down over the shoulder and neck of El Esperito with such force that the chair bends ever so slightly. *THWACK* The impact staggers El Esperito, but he manages to stay up on his knees even after taking such a blow over the side of the neck and shoulder, but when Kenji strikes him a third time, straight across the face with the seat of the chair Esperito falls backwards in a bloody mess *THWACK* Kenji grins as he grabs El Esperito's blood soaked hair and drags his opponent's head between his own knees. The cheers as Kenji quickly wraps his arms around El Esperito's waist and flips him up in the air, straddling his shoulder as Kenji turns towards the corner. Instead of driving El Esperito's body into the canvas with a regular power bomb Kenji takes a few steps forward before driving his opponents shoulders and neck straight into the top turnbuckle with all the power and weight in Kenji's 245 pound body. *WHACK!!* The impact bounces Esperito clean over the top rope, hitting his shoulder on the apron as he tumbles to the floor in a heap. *THUD!!* For a moment the entire arena is silent, in shock over just how brutal Kawada is. Then... “HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!!” Kenji stands there for a second, trying to process what just happened in front of his very eyes, then he smiles and raises his hands for a moment, he's finally connecting with the American crowd in a big way. He steps through the ropes onto the apron and then limps down the steps towards where El Esperito is laying, sprawled out on the mat, not moving an inch. COACH This is insane---Kenji is insane! COLE Insane? He's a man hell bent on revenge Coach and frankly if Esperito can dish it out he needs to take it too. The hurting, bloody and winded Kawada drops to his knees and places both hands on Esperito's chest. ONE!!! TWO!!! TH-SHOULDERUP!! COACH El Esperito isn't totally out of it!! Holy shit I thought he'd be totally out of it after being hurled out of the ring Kenji gets frustrated when his pinfall slips through his fingers and victory is denied him. He quickly drops to his knees, hooks one of El Esperito's legs and leans back for a proper cover on the floor. ONE!!! TWO!!! TH-NOTSOFAST!! Once again the beaten but not defeated El Esperito manages to lift his shoulder up in the air before the referee can count to three. Kenji has a stunned look on his face, he can't believe that his opponent kicked out after the beating he's just laid on him. He gets back on his feet and looks around the stuff scattered all over the floor to find something that'll put his opponent away. COACH I think he's looking for another weapon, something to seal the deal Cole COLE *Gulp* this could be bad...this could be very, very bad. Kenji bends over and picks up a blue canvas bag as El Esperito gets up on his hands and knees in the background. The crowd starts to cheer feverously as Kenji raises the canvas bag in the air suspecting, what may be in the bag. COLE This could be bad, this could be very, very bad COACH I hope so!! I want to see them do something totally insane!! El Esperito barely manages to raise his hand to protect his face as Kenji swings the canvas bag in a long overhand arc bringing the bag down on top or El Esperito's head and hand, popping the seams of the bag from the impact and sending thumbtacks flying everywhere. Kenji quickly shakes the bag to empty the bag from the probably thousands of thumbtacks, scattering them on the floor around El Esperito. Even though he's got thumbtacks in his hand and even a few stuck in his head El Esperito tries to punch Kenji with a thumbtack laced fist but the HI-YAH superstar easily blocks the weak attempt at a comeback and then drives the tip of his boot into El Esperito's unprotected midsection. The second El Esperito is doubled over Kenji grabs him around his waist and flips him up in the air before using all his remaining power to drive El Esperito back first into the thumbtacks that are scattered all over the mat. COLE OH...MY...GOD!! Kenji drops to his knees in the middle of the thumbtacks, probably thanking god that he always wears knee pads under his jeans so that he's relatively unharmed as he lays on top of El Esperito for another pinfall. ONE!! The impact of the count makes some of the thumbtacks near the referee's hand jump a little. TWO!! Kenji leans back to put all his weight across El Esperito's chest, ignoring the fact that back of his left arm is pressed into the thumbtacks. THREE!! * DING!*DING!*DING!*DING!*DING!*DING!*DING!*DING!* YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! The crowd roars in appreciating as Kenji Kawada just put the finishing touches on a sickening display of brutality and violence. The referee helps Kawada to his feet but is quickly pushed away as Kenji turns to the fans with both hands raised in the air THAT WAS AWESOME *CLAP*CLAP*CLAP*CLAP* THAT WAS INSANE *CLAP*CLAP*CLAP*CLAP* THAT WAS AWESOME *CLAP*CLAP*CLAP*CLAP* THAT WAS INSANE *CLAP*CLAP*CLAP*CLAP* COACH I agree that was awesome COLE That was insane! But if Kawada wanted to send a message to Los Vatos Locos then he sent one tonight, loud and clear. Attention all wrestling fans. It's been a tough task. Many hurdles have been fallen at. Lives were lost. But, amazing as it sounds, yes folks, we've found the one person in the entire OAOAST who's actually happy to see Chicks Over Dicks return to the company! Yes, really. Taking a break from her managerial duties, Jade Rodez is at the seldom seen make-up table (because what good wrestling promotion would survive without one of those, I ask you) backstage getting all glammed up for a night on the Australian town. To be honest, I'm not sure how much of a night-life Australia has. But what there is better get ready for the ride of it's life, because Jade is preparing to party with COD and looking like you've never seen her before. The woman on the make-up desk muses over Jade's hair as she hitches up her top a little, looking a little unsure of how low cut it is. MAKE-UP LADY So, how's your brother? JADE Oh, he's doing pretty good, thanks. The doctors say he's 'exceeding all expectations' which is really cool apparantly, I can't wait to see him again. He's so busy rehabbing his neck and trying to get back into some sort of wrestling shape and we go past Michigan so rarely, it'll be great to have him back, ya know. It's weird, 'cause ever since I've been here he's been with me, looking over my shoulder, helping me out, giving me advice. MAKE-UP LADY Was the skirt his advice? Jade looks down at her bravely short ra-ra skirt, a little sheepishly. JADE (nervous laugh) I think he'd be a little... unsure about it. MAKE-UP LADY That's one advantage of not having him around though, right? JADE Yeah. I guess. He's a little protective, but I guess that's what big brothers are supposed to be. MAKE-UP LADY So what does he think about you hitting the town with Alix and Krista then? No comment from Jade. The lack of an answer and the nervous scratching of her arm says it all. MAKE-UP LADY Oh, I see. JADE He'd only worry, ya know. He and Krista never really got along and I dunno if him and Alix are as okay as he made out, I mean he said they ended on good terms but it's not the kinda thing I wanna bring up in conversation too much, because he doesn't really mention her all that often. Alix is probably over it. Best not to push it, I figure. I'm just glad to have Alix and Krista back around here. It's not like being around my brother, they help me out with advice when I need it, sure, but it's different with them. Makes a change. I never really had many girlfriends back home. Don't get me wrong, being a manager's fine and all but it's not always too much... fun. Putting the finishing touches on Jade's hair with a glittery hairclip, the still un-named make-up lady takes a mirror off her the nearby table and passes it to Ms. Rodez, who looks suitably impressed. MAKE-UP LADY Well, I'm sure you'll have plenty of 'fun' tonight. JADE Yeah, hopefully. I don't wanna end up a third wheel, trying to keep up with them, like what's-her-name, Britney. MAKE-UP LADY Oh, don't be nervous. I'm sure you'll be fine. After all, Krista doesn't drink that much. JADE Yeah she does. MAKE-UP LADY I know. (sighs) She never did pay to repair my windshield. JADE What? MAKE-UP LADY Nothing, nothing. You enjoy yourself tonight. Enjoyment will have to wait though as while Jade collects up her things, Tyler Bryant and Shayne Brave enter the picture, all denimed up and ready for their Anderson Cup Match. The D*LUX duo talk amongst themselves, presumably over strategy for their match, as Jade continues to look unsure about her clothing choice. TYLER Jade, are you ready to g... woah. Until, that is, her team stop dead in their tracks at the sight of her. All of a sudden she stops fiddling with the skirt and smiles, waiting for either of them to say anything. Which they don't (and it's probably for the best, they're not talkers really). Eventually, the awkward silence is filled though, as a lightbulb goes off in Jade's head. JADE Oh God your match! TYLER Oh, yeah... SHAYNE Yeah, yeah... match. Our match... TYLER We gotta go now. SHAYNE To the ring... to wrestle... TYLER Yeah... wrestle. In our match. JADE Oh God, I totally forgot! I can't believe I forgot, I'm sooo sorry! Come on let's go... thanks again Jenny! Now named and sure to become a regular recurring character now as well I'm sure, Jenny the make-up lady shakes her head as Jade quickly scuttles off in the direction of ringside, D*LUX following after her and still looking a little wide-eyed. MAKE-UP LADY Ah to be young and naive again. COLE Anderson Cup action, NEXT! *FADE*Commercial break Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2013 "JUST ONE ON ONE THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT BABY! JUST ONE ON ONE, THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT! JUST ONE ON ONE THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT BABY! JUST ONE ON ONE, THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT!" That intro to A1's "First To Believe", can mean but one thing as we're ready for more Anderson Cup action. "Tremendous" Tyler and "Showtime" Shayne hop out onto the entrance stage and strike a triumphant pose, as they're followed out by Jade Rodez. A Jade Rodez who, while dressed for party and not for business, does her usual job of standing between her team and striking her own pose. Earning a GIANT pop as her noteably short skirt rides up her leg. "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH OW OW OOOWWWWWWWii COLE Coach, please, a little decorum while we're on the ai... WOAH, MA-MA! A little taken aback by the attention, Jade blushes a little as she points D*LUX onto the ring. It takes them a moment, but eventually it registers and they stride on down the aisleway. BUFFER The following tag team contest is a Quarter Final Match in the Los Infernales Conference of the 2007 Anderson Cup, scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, team number one. Accompanied to the ring by Ms. Jade Rodez... at a total combined weight of three hundred, eighty eight pounds. They are the number three seeds in the Los Infernales Conference and former two-time HI-YAH World Tag Team Champions... "TREMENDOUS" TYLER, "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE... D*LLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Well, Jade Rodez leading out D*LUX and looking a million bucks here in Australia! COACH Hells yeah. But, to be fair, we are in Australia. You look a million bucks compared to most women I've seen this week. COLE Moving quickly along, we're set for Anderson Cup action here..... COACH Wait, aren't Tony and Jesse supposed to do this? COLE You want to give up a close-up view of Jade Rodez? COACH I see your point. COLE D*LUX competing for the first time in this tournament and they are seeded number three, by virtue of their two HI-YAH Tag Team Title reigns in the past half year. And they picked up a big win over Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua in a Latino Thug Street Fight ten days ago at Mainframe Monday too, against the odds. A victory which puts them right back in line for a shot at the HI-YAH World Tag Team Titles that PRL and Popick hold. Tonight, they're taking their focus away from regaining the HI-YAH Tag Titles briefly though, in search of a shot at the OAOAST World Tag Team Titles at AngleMania VI! "Back Caught you lookin' for the same thing It's a new thing - check out this I bring Uh Oh the roll below the level 'Cause I'm livin' low next to the bass, C'mon Turn up the radio They claim that I'm a criminal" As D*LUX go through the last portion of their entrance Public Enemy's "Don't Believe The Hype" hits, the OAOAST's hitmen for hire not waiting around for the theatrics. The South Central Militia emerge through the sliding entrance doors and head straight for the ring. Vincent Ford leads the way for the team, with Marcellus Wallace following behind, yelling at anyone within earshot that they're "Lookin' at the Man!" BUFFER And introducing their opponents. Hailing from South Central L.A... at a total combined weight of five hundred and five pounds. The number six seeds in the Los Infernales Conference... MARCELLUS "ONE EYE" WALLACE... VINCENT "WHITEY" FORD... THE SOUTH CENTRAL MILLLIIITTIIIIIAAAAAA!!!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Ford and Wallace enter the ring and gesture to the crowd, Vinny crudely grabbing his crotch to tell one group of booing fans exactly what he thinks of them. COLE D*LUX overcame size disadvantages at Mainframe Monday and they'll clearly have to do the same tonight. These two teams met back in the month of August with The South Central Militia coming up on the short end, but you can never underestimate these two Los Angeles thugs. COACH Definately. If they can keep this to a brawl, you could be looking at the first upset of the 2007 Anderson Cup. As the music dies down we're finally ready to go, D*LUX deciding who's going to start the match... ...but it turns out it'll be BOTH of them, as The SCM pounce from behind!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Okay, I smell an upset. *DINGDINGDING!* The bell rings as Jade runs for her life, not wanting to get in the way of The South Central Militia while they're on the attack. And who could blame her? Marcellus puts the beatdown on Tyler while Vincent irish whips Shayne into the ropes. Grabbing the top rope, Shayne brings himself to a sudden stop and scoots out onto the apron just in time to cut Vinny's charge off with a forearm. Shayne then springboards to the top... ...but Ford lunges into the ropes just as Shayne's feet find their footing, causing him to tumble face-first to the canvas!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Shayne is left writhing on the canvas as Wallace continues his attack on Tyler. A boot to the gut softens the boybander up, Wallace following that up with an uppercut before aiming for Tyler's head with a clothesline, only for Tyler to duck and cause Moe to go tumbling through the ropes to the floor. COLE We've got bodies flying everywhere here! Both teams coming out of the traps flying, this just goes to show how much every team in the OAOAST wants the Anderson Cup on their resumé. The action is fact, furious but not entirely within the rules. Which is why referee Nick Patrick tries to gain some control by sending Tyler back to his corner. Being the nice-guy he is, Tyler is happy to follow the rules and quietly exits... before not so quietly crashing out of the ring, as Vinny bumps him off the apron and to the arena floor with a thud! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jade rushes over to check on her charge, but doesn't get there in time. Popping back up, Tyler angrily tries to get back in at Vinny but he's held back by the ref, allowing Wallace to roll back in and join in a double beatdown on "Showtime" Shayne! COLE There's the gangwars mentality from The South Central Militia. They're not the finest technicians in the company but they've never claimed to be, it's all about having a good fight and getting paid for the privledge with these two. COACH And that's the mentality that works for them. Tyler frantically tries to alert Johnson to the problem, but by the time he finally leaves the ring, Wallace has left the ring and what remains is Vinny standing innocently over Shayne. Or, as innocently as he could look at least. Landing a couple of knees to the sternum, Vincent manoeuvres Shayne over to the SCM corner, accepting a tag. Marcellus steps in and lands a boot to the exposed gut, following it up with a double axehandle over the back. WALLACE C'mon, ge'ddup bitch! Rolling to his knees, Shayne grabs at Moe and tries to fend him off. Wallace swats the arms away though, grabbing Shayne by the ears and landing a headbutt! And another, still not letting Shayne fall! He has other plans, scooping Shayne up and displaying his power to the Australian crowd. If anyone in the crowd is impressed then they're not admitting it as they boo "One Eye", all the way up to the moment he finally sends Shayne FLYING across the ring with a GIANT Bodyslam! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Ow, right on the base of the spine! COACH There goes his career as a backing dancer. Hey, maybe he can follow your lead and go into journalism instead Mikey! Slowly Moe strolls over to where Shayne landed and places his shoulders flat on the canvas, putting a boot on the chest and demanding the count... 1... 2... Kickout. Moe reaches back up and tags out to Vinny, who quickly climbs to the top. With a hold of the hair, Shayne is roughly hauled back to his feet and held in place as Vinny balls up his fist and drops from the top, driving the right hand down into Shayne's forehead. Risking his well-being, referee Nick Patrick makes sure Wallace leaves the ring again while Vinny glances over to the D*LUX corner and grabs a handful of crotch in little Jade's direction, luring the illegal man into the ring. Sure enough Patrick rushes over to keep "Tremendous" Tyler from interfering in the match, but sure enough that opens the door for The SCM to initiate another double-team. Shayne is rough-housed into the South Central corner and Wallace quickly wraps the tag rope around his throat, while Vinny continues to taunt and mock Tyler to prolong the distraction. Even Jade's attempts to calm him down don't stop Tyler from trying to help his partner, but eventually Tyler realises he's doing more harm than good and reluctantly leaves the ring, forcing Wallace to quickly untangle the rope 'noose'. COLE No regard for the rules, as you'd expect from these two thugs. As Shayne collapses out of the corner, Santana lets him fall to the canvas and mocks him by paintbrushing him across the back of the head with the flat of his boot a couple of times. Vinny then turns to the crowd and yells to anyone that'll listen that "Showtime" is nothing, which obviously doesn't go down too well with them. "D - LUX!" "D - LUX!" "D - LUX!" "D - LUX!" A boot suspiciously close to the beltline is Vinny's response to that chant, following up with a cover before Patrick can ask too many questions... 1... 2... Kickout. Tag is made, bringing Marcellus back in. Together the Militia pull Shayne back to his feet and pitch him into the ropes, Vinny waiting with a boot to the gut. And as Shayne doubles over, Marcellus comes thundering back from the side and DRIVES his knee into the side of the head! Shayne spirals to the canvas as Moe carries on right through, leaning over the ropes and getting into it with the Aussie crowd. COLE Yeah, that's great, but you're not going to advance in the Anderson Cup by talking to the fans there 'One-Eye'. Eventually Moe realises that, making the cover... 1... 2... But by then it's too late and Shayne kicks out. Scooping Shayne back to his feet, Marcellus guides him to the corner. Face-first, right into the top turnbuckle. Turning Shayne around, bodyshots are the next attack, "Showtime" being used like a makeshift punching bag by the Los Angeles street-fighter. After a flurry of about ten or twelve Marcellus finally backs off, retreating into the opposite corner as the crowd try to encourage Brave out of the buckles. Tyler frantically waves for Shayne to move, but he doesn't seem to have the energy, as Moe charges in and CRUSHES him with an Avalanche!! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Shayne Brave is being dominated here and it's no wonder, he's outweighed by about eight pounds right now. Marcellus drags the ever-more lifeless Brave out of the corner and drops him with a right hand. The SCM then make the tag, Vinny now legal again and quickly in, rushing across the ring to knock Tyler off the apron! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Despite being quick back in it doesn't matter, as Tyler is still cut off by Nick Patrick. Behind his back meanwhile, Marcellus hasn't left the ring as he thought, instead grabbing hold of Shayne by the legs and spinning around... "WOOOAAAH..." ...and around... "...OOOAAAH..." COLE Giant Swing! ...and around... "...OOOAAAH..." ...and around... "...OOOAAAH..." *SMACK!* "...OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" ...UNTIL VINNY DROPKICKS SHAYNE IN THE HEAD IN MID-ROTATION!!! COACH Oh ho HO! COLE No way Shayne Brave could protect himself from that, what a shot! Before Patrick can catch him Marcellus sneaks back out of the ring. He doesn't need to be around now, because Vinny has the cover and Shayne is out cold... 1... 2... 3- NO! Kickout! "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Referee Patrick is immediately hounded by The Militia but stands firm that it was only a two. COACH How the hell did he kick out of that? COLE Shayne is gutsy, you've got to give him that. Both of D*LUX are, we've seen it so many times in the past half a year. And they're being tipped as the dark-horses for this year's Anderson Cup for that very reason. Brushing aside the referee, a scowl forms on Vinny's face as he puts the boots to Shayne to make sure any momentum from the kickout is snuffed out. Vinny then pulls Shayne back up, landing a forearm on the way. Front facelock applied, Vinny sets and takes "Showtime" over with a quick vertical suplex, hanging onto head and jeans as he rolls back through to his feet with Shayne in tow. Another suplex follows. But Vinny isn't done yet, rolling through a second time and pausing. After taking a second to pour out One For My Homies before setting up the third 'Amigo'... but Shayne floats over behind! Vinny stumbles for a second, turning around into the waiting "Showtime" who catches him around the head for the Shaynedrop... ...but Vinny trips him out, Shayne eating a mouthful of canvas!! On the hop, Vinny goes over top and hits the ropes as Shayne then crawls back up, head down as Vinny throws the Scissors Kick... ...but Shayne pulls the head out from beneath the human guillotine just in the nick of time!! Vinny seems to jar his right knee as he lands, giving Shayne the extra second he needs to line him up for a Leg Lariat up underneath the jaWii "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Caught him! COACH That's okay. It's only one shot, Vinny's still fresh enough to recove... Both men are down momentarily, but Shayne suddenly rolls over into his corner and makes the tag! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Ricky Morton roll! And there's the tag, here comes Tyler! COACH Dang. Leaping into the ring, the completely fresh Tyler catches Vinny on his way back up with an elbow, dropping him back to the canvas. A dropkick fends off Marcellus as he tries to get in for the save before Tyler meets Vinny with a hard right hand. The SCMer nurses his cheek, almost looking shocked at the punch this little boyband kid packs. Another right hand connects and Vinny is reeling now, Tyler loading him into the ropes and shooting him across the ring. In his excitement, Tyler ducks his head a little prematurely though, allowing Vinny to stop, grab the hair... *SMACK!* ...get shrugged off and Superkicked right in the face!! JADE WHOOOO! Cover by Tyler... 1... 2... NO! Tyler is right back to his feet, waiting on Vinny with a Leaping Clothesline! Another cover... 1... 2... Again, NO! Tyler is still a step ahead and waiting on Vinny... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...with a knifedge chop! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and another. Not taking much more than an extra breath as a result of the chops though, "Whitey" just glares venomously at Tyler before rearing back and SMASHING him with an elbow strike! COACH Oh, he done done it now! COLE I'm not quite sure what that means but you're probably right. Tyler goes down to one knee and just like that the tables have turned, Tyler the one in trouble as Marcellus Wallace crawls back into the ring and calls for a double team. Into the ropes goes The Tremendous One, The SCM synchronising their runs as they prepare a Jailbreak... ...but in a sudden display of agility, Tyler tucks and rolls between Moe's spear and Vinny's loaded forearm, coming to his feet behind the confused Militia! First to react is Santana as he runs at Tyler by the opposite ropes. Tyler is luring him in though and backdrops "Whitey" up and over the top rope, out to the floor. And Vincent's momentum is such that he keeps on going, hard into and then over the barricade, into the front roWii Following in is Marcellus but Tyler is the quicker and takes the lead, ducking underneath Moe's clothesline and rushing the ropes as well. The two are on a collision course as they rebound on opposite sides, Marcellus GROWLING as he comes charging back... into a dropkick to the knee by Tyler! COLE Watch out... *SMACK!* And the Shining Enziguri isn't far behind!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Despite the boot in the back of the dome, Marcellus doesn't go down. Or, at least, any further than the one knee he was already rested on. He's seeing stars though and not just those on the Australian flag hanging from the rafters. So Tyler hits the ropes, getting a more deliberate run-up... *SMACK!* ...on a SECOND Shining Enziguri!! And this time, Marcellus does go down! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Not one, but two kicks to the back of the head! Tyler Bryant has chopped the bigman down and possibly knocked him clean out! With relief as much as joy, Tyler punches the air as he drops on top of Marcellus, counting along with referee Nick Patrick for the... 1... 2... ...and... KICKOUT! "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Tyler's eyes bulge as Patrick confirms the two count with the timekeeper, looking down at the bigman Wallace as he slowly begins to stir and shaking his head. COLE Tyler thought he had the match right there and who can blame him, after those two kicks. A regular man would be out cold right now. Apparantly, Marcellus Wallace is no regular man as he begins to climb back to his feet. Tyler meets him with some forearms over the back but can't keep Moe down, so turns towards the ropes. It proves to be a fakeout however as Tyler 180s around with a roaring forearm. It doesn't put Marcellus down though. Infact, Wallace actually dares Tyler to strike him again... only for that to prove a fakeout, ducking underneath Tyler's clothesline attempt and giving the crowd a big thumbs up... ...or, rather, loads up the SILVER BULLET, driving his thumb into Tyler's neck and dropping him in one swipe!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE The referee saying it was in the neck and not the throat so no disqualification. COACH In which case, D*LUX's last hope has gone. With Shayne Brave still incapacitated, Tyler is left alone and at the mercy of "One Eye", as he turns out to the Melbourne crowd and gives the sign for the Dominator. COACH DAMN! "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" With a grin on his face at the desperate chant, Moe drags Tyler back up, Jade still holding out hope in the face of a bad situation. A very bad situation, as Moe waistlocks Tyler and hoists him up over the shoulder... but Tyler is fighting it! Struggling, squirming, kicking his feet until eventually he slips out of Marcellus' grip and down the back! Moe doesn't hang around and hits the ropes again, but Tyler sees him coming and vaults up, dropkicking him in the thigh to try and chop him back down to one knee! Marcellus stops, hobbles, but doesn't go down... *SMACK!* ...so Tyler lands a Superkick, Moe groggily dropping to one knee... *SMACK!* ...for ANOTHER Shining Enziguri!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE He got him again! Surely this time... Tyler watches as Moe collapses onto his back, floating over with a quick jacknife pin as Vinny finally drags himself back over the barricade... 1... ...but Shayne Brave lunges at him and grabs the ankle... 2... 3!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" *DINGDINGDING!* COLE ...and it is! It's over! "First To Believe" hits, the delight of Jade who jumps for joy on the outside. As do the fans nearby treated to a panty shot. Perverted Aussie bastards; we invented cricket, not you! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match, advancing on in the Anderson Cup... D*LLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXX!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Jade collects her team and guides them towards the rampway, out of harm's way as Vincent Santana is left fuming at just missing out on saving the day. Still looking a little taken aback by their manager's attire, D*LUX barely have the wits about them to celebrate, until of course she tells them to. COLE So D*LUX move on in the Los Infernales Conference, not without a fight that's for sure. Shayne Brave took the brunt of the punishment but Tyler Bryant gutted it out alone and carried the team through the finishing post. And looking at the brackets here, they will now advance into the Conference Semi Finals, where they will take on the number two seeds, The Beverly Hills Blonds! Wow, what a match that should be! COACH No doubt. There's a lot of history there and I'm sure Ned and Simon will be itching to show these boyband boys yet again why they're the real men of the tag team division. And aren't you glad now that The Beverly Hills Blonds were finally given the number two seeding they deserved? COLE You mean 'bought' the number two seeding that they, rightfully, weren't awarded? COACH Whatever. Point is, you've got one person to thank for the prospect of another D*LUX/Beverly Hills Blonds confrontation and it's Thedore Moneymaker. COLE Well, it should be a marquee match in this year's Anderson Cup, that's for sure. Meanwhile, HeldDOWN~! continues on Down Under! We go backstage where Mean Gene Okerlund is chillin' like a villain with those wild west cowboys, The Lonestar Gunslingers. The duo are dressed identically, wearing tight blue jeans and black cowboy hats. The absence of shirts doesn't go unnoticed by the female fans, who go absolutely gaga over their washboard abs and finely sculpted bodies. BABY BOYS IZ LOOKIN' STUPID FOOOOOINE! GENE OKERLUND Fans, I'm currently with one of the hottest young tag teams in the OAOAST, Anderson Cup competitors, The Lonestar Gunslingers. Baron Windels, Jock Mulligan, we all saw the heinous acts committed against you last week by the Sooner Bruisers. The Bruisers were fined ten thousand dollars a piece, but I'm sure that's small consolation to you. Please, tell us how you're holding up. BARON WINDELS Mister Okerlund, I've been in a lot of scraps in my day, lost few, won many, but I ain't never taken a beatin' like that in my life, and I pray to god I never have to take one like that again. Could hardly drag my rotten carcass out of bed the next morning. My bones is still store from all that. Saw the doc today, and he said if that had gone on any longer me and Jock woulda been doin this here interview from a pair of wheelchairs. But, the fact that we're here, standing on our own two feet is all thanks to Miss Alix Maria Spezia and Miss Krista Isadora Duncan , who came to our aid when we needed help the most. That was right decent of them lasses. THE TEXAS TWISTER JOCK MULLIGAN Yeah, real decent, real honorable. (Jock fixes a deadly gaze upon the camera) Bruisers, the fact that yer from Oklahoma is reason enough for us to wanna stomp your asses into dust. All you did last week was give us a lot more provocation to go ahead and do it. Boys, you better watch out, because we're huntin for ya, and we're gonna getcha. We may not getcha today, tomorrow, next week or even next month. But believe you me, Bruisers, there will come a time when yer walkin down the street and you come face to face with the two meanest roughnecks the state of Texas has ever produced! And when that times comes, ya'll two better turn tail and run, because we're lookin' to put a bad hurtin' on ya! The females in the audience pop for Jock's passionately stated threat. Of course Jock is so hot that he could've said “Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers” and they still would've cheered. OKERLUND Fellas, let's discuss Black T, your opponents in tonight's Anderson Cup quarter final match. The mention of Black T puts a confused expression on Jock's face. JOCK Black T, Black T. That name sound real familiar don't it, Baron? BARON Yeah it do. It kinda do. JOCK Just tryin' to think where I done heard it before. BARON Ain't that the team we beat in last years Anderson Cup? JOCK Naw. BARON Yeah! JOCK Couldn't be! I remember that team as being a pair of young, strong, though, bad ass, stallions. But this team they got us facing tanight, well, they look like they've been through the mill a few times. Couple of old, washed up, worn out, mares, ready to have the bullet put to their head so they can be made into glue. BARON That's the same team! Swear on my pa's grave. Mister Okerlund, lend me a hand here. OKERLUND The Black T you'll see before you tonight is the same Black T you saw before you last year. BARON Hey, Black T, if you're listening, and I don't know if you can hear that well in yer old age, but we beat you pretty good last year, made you look like a couple of wet behind the ears amateurs. Now, you can chalk that up to beginners luck all you want, but the bottom line is, we've only gotten better and better since then. And the way I'm looking at it, ya'll have only gotten worse and worse. JOCK Transatlantic wrecking crew, OAOAST legends, former tag team champions, former world champions. All them accomplishments don't mean jack to me because the last time we metcha, you was looking up at the lights getting' pinned one two three. You think you want a piece of the Lonestar Gunslingers, but I can smell the fear on your breath from miles away. You lilly livered bastards are scared to death. And well you should be. Because the tag team division may be the house that Black T built, but you built it in 2005. It's 2007 and it ain't it your house no more. It's ours, and we will lay you to rest whenever we feel like it. And unfortunately for ya'll, today is exactly when we feel like it. In case ya haven't been payin' attention, we're a hell of lot better then you Rodeo Clowns. We proved it last year, we'll prove it this year, and we'll prove it anytime you feel the need to come 'n test us. The audience reacts with excited murmurs to Jock's throwing down of the gauntlet. OKERLUND Wow! Black T certainly has something to think about tonight! Thank you for your time, gentlemen. We'll be back with more after this. BUT WAIT! Before we go to commercial, the camera cuts to The Lightning Crew dressing room where Stacey Robertson and Vitamin X are sitting on the leather sofa. X and Stacey are tickling each other, giggling, and generally being in love. The crowd still boos. VITAMIN X Oh! Got you! STACEY ROBERTSON No, I’ve got you! VX No, I’ve got you! STACEY No you! VX You! STACEY You! VX You! STACEY You! X and Stacey laugh. The X-Man puts his left arm around his girlfriend’s shoulders. VITAMIN X *Sigh* I am so glad we are together. STACEY Oh, me too, X. Me too. I don’t know what I was missing! I wasted a year of my life being with Colombian Heat, when I could have been with you! VX Hmmm. Sad, isn’t it? But, no use crying over spilled milk. You’re with me now. And that’s all that matters! STACEY Yeah. Stacey puts her head on Vitamin X’s left shoulder. They both sigh. STACEY Oh. Last night was SO spectacular! VITAMIN X It was, wasn’t it? STACEY Heat never satisfied me like that before. VITAMIN X And it’s just getting started, babe. I’ve still got a few tricks up my sleeve! Like... Vitamin X whispers in Stacey’s right ear. Stacey smiles at what she’s hearing. STACEY ROBERTSON Ha ha! I like that. I like that very much! VITAMIN X And then, what if we... And he whispers in Stacey’s ear again. Stacey keeps smiling. She laughs. STACEY Oh man. I like that one very much. *VERY* much! Hey X, what if we... Stacey whispers in X’s left ear. And keeps whispering. And keeps whispering. And doesn’t stop. X’s face changes from curiosity...to confusion...to shock and horror! VITAMIN X STACEY! I can’t do that! STACEY Why not? VX ...I’m a Republican! STACEY Oh come on! Live a little! VITAMIN X We’ll talk about doing *that* later on. But for now, let’s just relax. Let me just calm down. I’ve got a match with Colombian HACK later tonight, you know. STACEY I hope you beat him until he’s no longer breathing! VX For you, Stace? Anything! STACEY Yea! I love being in The Lightning Crew! X I know you do! And I love you too! STACEY Awwwww! Stacey kisses X on the cheek. She then hugs him. Suddenly, barging into the room is "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican and the rest of The Lightning Crew. PRL has a happy grin on his face. Stacey stands up to greet her new boss. PRL Stacey Robertson! Welcome to the fold! STACEY Thank you, P.R.! Stacey hugs Tha Puerto Rican. PRL I like that little makeover you’ve got going on! STACEY Thanks! It was X’s suggestion! He thought I should now start showcasing my outer beauty, to compliment my inner beauty. PRL is too busy checking her out to hear what Stacey is saying. He soon snaps out of it. PRL Huh? Oh yeah. Good. Good. Good. Good job! Listen, Stacey, what you did last week to Heat was AMAZING! I loved it! Thumbs up! STACEY Thank you again! Heat had it coming! PRL I’m sure he did. But Stacey, since you are now in The Lightning Crew, you’re going to need a new name! STACEY ROBERTSON A new name? PRL Yes! And I know just the right one for you! Get down on your knees. STACEY ... PRL No, it’s not anything that’ll harm you. Just get down on your knees. You’ll see! Stacey is as confused as Vitamin X is. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Thomas Rodriguez motion for Stacey to follow through with PR’s command. Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua watch. STACEY O--oh---oh--okay. Stacey Robertson reluctantly gets down on her knees. She looks at X, who has no idea what PRL is doing. PRL smiles an evil smile as he watches Stacey. THA PUERTO RICAN And here we go. PRL reaches off screen and pulls out...a HUGE FREAKING SWORD! THOMAS RODRIGUEZ Where’d you get the sword from? PRL ...I don’t know. PRL looks around and then clears his throat. PRL Bow your head, Stacey. Stacey Robertson bows her head. PRL Ahem! Royal music plays (or just imagine King Booker’s entrance song) from out of nowhere. As The Lightning Crew wonders where the music is coming from, PRL begins speaking...in a British accent while holding the sword. "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN (British accent) It is with great honor and privilege, that I dub the newest member of The Lightning Crew with this here name! For you see, if Tha Puerto Rican is king, and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is queen, then it only makes sense that the next couple in our group be the heirs to the throne. Therefore, Stacey Robertson, no longer will that name suit you. From this day forward, now and forever, I dubbed thee...PRINCESS STACEY OF THE LIGHTNING CREW! PRL "knights" Stacey with the sword. Stacey smiles. PRINCESS STACEY Thank you...boss. PRL No. Thank YOU! And PRL blows her a kiss and throws up his right pinkie finger. King Booker’s music dies down. Stacey gets up. VITAMIN X Whoa! Princess Stacey? PRINCESS Stacey? Oh man, P. P, that--that’s just brilliant! Really, it is! But, I’m just wondering. If Stacey is a princess...doesn’t that make me a prince? PRL quickly thinks this over. PRL (regular (high pitched whiney) voice) Sure, why not? VITAMIN X Yes! So...am I Prince Vitamin now? PRL Not only are you a Prince, but, now, Vitamin X, you are the SECOND-IN-COMMAND OF THE LIGHTNING CREW! X Yes! I am your go-to guy! You haven’t had a second-in-command since Colombian Heat! PRL I know. But you’re more worthy for the title than Heat EVER was! X Ha Ha! Yes! BOO-YAH~! BOO-YAH~! Thank you, P.R. Thank you so very much! I really appreciate it! PRL No problem. Vitamin X hugs PRL. PRL looks uncomfortable. PRL Okay, too much hugging going on here, X. VX Whoops. Sorry about that. Vitamin X gets off of PRL and then dusts his suit off. PRL just looks at him and smiles. VITAMIN X So, we better get going. My PRINCESS and I have to deal with an annoying PEASANT later on tonight! Let’s go PRINCESS Stacey! PRINCESS STACEY No problem, PRINCE Vitamin! VITAMIN X AND STACEY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Vitamin X and Stacey Robertson--I mean--Princess Stacey hold hands and leave The Lightning Crew dressing room. The Lightning Crew watch them go. PRL has a smile on his face. PRL *Sigh* Young love! After Prince Vitamin and Princess Stacey leave, PRL starts playing with his sword like it’s a lightsaber while humming King Booker’s theme song. The Lightning Crew smile at Tha Puerto Rican This is the image that takes us into the commercial break.Commercial break Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2013 COLE Ladies and gentl-- Cole is cut off as Infector's “Lightbringer” hits the airwaves drowning out whatever dribble Cole was about to let loose on the world. Asmodai comes out surrounded by the big Mephisto and the recently absent Belial who's making his first OAOAST appearance in several months. COACH Last week President Anglesault ordered Asmodai to face James Wolfenstein, he tried to cut Wolfenstein off at the knees by having Mephisto challenge him COLE The big man almost had him too, but Wolfenstein's fighting spirit overcame it all COACH Really? His fighting spirit? I thought it was a double underhooked suplex into a bridge. The three Footsoldiers an enter the ring with serious looks on their faces, althought their seriousness is somewhat blown when they strike their trademark pose and then yell “SATAN IS MY HOMEBOY” in unison. As the music dies down Asmodai takes the microphone from Michael Buffer to address the crowd. WOLF-EN-STEIN!! WOLF-EN-STEIN!! WOLF-EN-STEIN!! ASMODAI Alright just shut it!! Satan's Footsoldiers do not recognize any earthly authority, least of all some old, worn down has been like Angelsault! If he thinks I'm just going to roll over and say “Yes sir” when he orders me to fight James Wolfenstein he's got another thing coming COWARD!! COWARD!! COWARD!! COWARD!! COLE Where is this going? COACH Considering who's in the ring I'd say “straight to hell” ASMODAI SHUT UP!! Wolfenstein I've seen you strut around all proud backstage, acting like your shit don't stink...Now it'll be my PLEASURE to kick your ass...but I decided to give my homeboy Belial a shot at greatness first! Now, now don't worry if there is anything left of this poser I'll be happy to comply with Angelsault's decision BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! COLE So he wants Wolfenstein to face Belial first...and if he wins THEN he'll get in the ring with the Lone Wolf? COACH Sounds about right COLE Sounds like Asmodai is getting a little yellow at the prospect of actually facing James Wolfenstein. WOLF-EN-STEIN!! WOLF-EN-STEIN!! WOLF-EN-STEIN!!”War without end No remorse No repent We don't care what it meant” The Lone Wolf has his robe half way off before he is even through the curtains throwing it behind him as he runs to the ring and slides in sending Asmodai and Mephisto scattering while Belial strikes the rookie in the back with a knee drop”Another day Another death Another sorrow Another breath No remorse No repent” Wolfenstein quickly shakes off the knee from the Footsoldier, gets to his feet and then drives Belial into the corner with a series of kicks and punches and a ferocity that seems to take everyone by surprise. COLE Even with his hands and feet padded there is still a lot of force behind those blows, Wolfenstein is not holding back tonight COACH You notice that after his K-1 and Ultimate Fighting background has been revealed he's not shy about using it. Belial is helpless against the onslaught and finds himself whipped across the ring and then clotheslined hard by the Lone Wolf. The crowd rises to their feet as Wolfenstein hooks Belial around the head and then lifts him up in position for the MUSCLE BUSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~! *WHAM!* YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! The pinfall is really academic by this point by Wolfenstein still makes sure to hook the leg before covering the unlucky jobber ONE!! TWO!!! THREE!! *DING*DING!* Mephisto is in the ring quicker than you'd think a man his size could move and immediately jumps Wolfenstein before he gets a chance to react. A huge elbow to the back of the head takes some of the fight out of James Wolfenstein and Mephisto's massive right arm wrapped around his head keeps the Lone Wolf grounded and in a serious amount of pain. COLE What the hell? Now he's fighting Mephisto? Anglesault ordered Asmodai to get in the ring with James Wolfenstein not Mephisto COACH Ever heard of a rematch? That's what this is, an unannounced, unscheduled rematch from last week. COLE This is Asmodai sending the other Foot Soldiers to do *HIS* dirty work is what it is. Wolfenstein manages to push himself up onto his feet despite the side headlock that Mephisto has clamped on like a vice, unfortunately for the Lone Wolf his resurgence doesn't last long as Mephisto drops all of his near 300 pounds straight down driving James' face into the canvas like a bulldog. The big man then shifts his weight around clamping both hands under Wolfenstein's jaw before pulling back hard while laying across the Lone Wolf's neck. COACH Mephisto: Satan's Chiropractor! COLE Joke all you want--- COACH Thank you I will COLE Would you let me finish a sentence from time to time? COACH I can't Cole, I don't want us to lose our viewers! Asmodai looks very pleased as Mephisto is slowly dismantling James Wolfenstein as we speak. Every time the rookie makes an attempt at breaking free the big man shifts his weight and drives a knee into Wolfenstein's back. The referee goes down to check Wolfenstein's mouth and to his displeasure he finds that Mephisto is covering both James' mouth and nose with his hands COLE That's illegal referee, make him break it COACH Listen Duh!-dley Doo-right the referee should really just stand back and when the time comes count to three, that's all he needs to do. COLE There are rules you know! The referee makes Mephisto break the count, which pisses Mephisto off enough to get in the referee's face. While the big man has the referee distracted Asmodai pushes Michael Buffer out of his chair and then rams the edge of the steel chair into James Wolfenstein's rib cage *CRACK!* BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! COACH Rules? Rules are for fools! Asmodai quickly disposes of the chair and then tries his best to look totally innocent when the referee turns around. Mephisto grabs Wolfenstein by the head and drags him up before lifting him up in the air upside down. The Foot Soldier runs forward slamming Wolfenstein chest first against the top turnbuckle and then leaves him sitting on the top turnbuckle as he backs off. Asmodai is quick to leap up on the apron and then with the use of the ropes he leaps up and kicks Wolfenstein in the back of the head knocking the Lone Wolf off the ropes. Mephisto has the referee distracted long enough for Asmodai to get off the apron, then he runs over and covers Wolfenstein ONE!! TWO!!! THR-KICKOUT! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! COLE How does he find the strength to kick out? COACH Don't worry Cole at this rate he won't have that strength for long. I see the end coming for the Lone Wolf, funny how his nickname is becoming his downfall COLE What are you talking about? COACH Lone Wolf, if he wasn't a Lone Wolf maybe he'd have a friend who'd come out and give him a hand or something---but nooooooo, no. Doomed by his own nickname COLE Kinda like “Pedophile” Peter Prosser? COACH Erm...Yeah sure. Mephisto hauls Wolfenstein back to his feet and then throws him chest first into the turnbuckles and follows it up with a massive running lariat *WHAM!!* Both Mephisto and Asmodai grin sadistically as Mephisto strikes the traditional SFS pose. Then he picks up Wolfenstein for an over the shoulder bearhug, shaking his opponent to really get the submission hold on tight. COACH Mephisto has been targeting the ribs through out the match like they were covered in barbecue sauce and now he's ready to put the finishing touches on Wolfenstein. Mephisto has the bearhug locked on so tight that James' skin is turning white where his arms squeeze the ribcage. After having the hold applied for a good 30-45 seconds Wolfenstein slowly begins to fade out, slowly losing consciousness as he doesn't get enough oxygen. The referee does his job and raises Wolfenstein's hand in the air and releases it IT DROPS!! Asmodai leans back against the announcers table, crosses his arms and grins like it's all over while the referee raises Wolfenstein's hand once more. IT DROPS ONCE MORE!! The fans look on in dread as Wolfenstein's hand is raised a third time, will it drop? Will the big Mephisto really be the one to beat James Wolfenstein for the first time? Is he one drop of the hand away from failure?? NO!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! The Lone Wolf clenches his fists, struggles a bit but manages to hold his arm up despite the pressure of the over the shoulder bear hug. WOLFEN-STEIN!! WOLFEN-STEIN!! WOLFEN-STEIN!! WOLFEN-STEIN!! COLE Amazing, he's managed to find the strength to hold on, to keep fighting COACH Man I hate it when they do that! Why can't they just know their place and stay there! When the Lone Wolf tries to pry Mephisto's hands apart the big man quickly turns the submission move into a power bomb that spikes Wolfenstein like he was a 175 pound Cruiserweight. Mephisto turns to the crowd and brushes his hands just to signal that his work is done, something which he thinks pops the crowd---but the Foot Soldier never popped anything beyond a can lid and a boner, it is of course James Wolfenstein who brings the crowd to life by dragging himself back to his feet using the ropes, staggering, hurting but still ready to fight COLE Wolfenstein is even asking him to come on!! Mephisto takes Wolfenstein's handgesture litterally and rushes the Lone Wolf. COACH Well here comes Mephisto!! Mephisto runs right into Wolfenstein's arms who manages to lift the big guy up despite his condition and then drop backwards clotheslining Mephisto on the top rope with a desperation Hot Shot. With Mephisto on the canvas gasping for air Wolfenstein has a moment to recover himself, crouched over in the corner as he flexes his shoulder to work the kinks out. When Mephisto makes it back to his feet James Wolfenstein does his best Linebacker Blitz imitation and hurls himself at the big man with reckless abandon COLE WHAT A SPEAR!! COACH What an idiot! Look at him he hurt himself doing that move! His shoulder couldn't take the impact Wolfenstein immediately rolls of Mephisto while clutching his arm in agony, still feeling the effects of Mephisto's work earlier in the match. Despite his hurt shoulder or back he refuses to give up, he refuses to give up as he once again gets to his feet and then stands defiantly in the corner both hands clenched BEGGING Mephisto to attack him once more. This time the big man doesn't just rush in, he stalks his opponent shifting from left to right as Wolfenstein tries to protect himself. Once Mephisto is in range *POWii!* Wolfenstein takes a step up on the bottom rope to increase his range and his impact a bit and totally CLOBBERS Mephisto with a stiff elbow to the jaw. After knocking Mephisto back with that blow Wolfenstein quickly adds a second and then a third elbow to the face before whipping Mephisto chest first into the turnbuckles. With Mephisto leand over the top rope Wolfenstein has a clear, unobstructed shot at the big man's kidneys...a shot he takes 4 or 5 times, each time driving his gloved fist into one of the most sensitive areas of the body. COLE The Lone Wolf throws all caution to the wind when he's on a roll! It's just attack, attack, attack! Fearing that Mephisto is about to lose he jumps up on the apron to distract Wolfenstein, the tactics works as the Lone Wolf turns towards the last Foot Soldier and takes a swing at him. Asmodai ducks under the blow, then grabs Wolfenstein from behind as the Lone Wolf swings around. Mephisto gets up a head of steam and then RUNS RIGHT INTO ASMODAI!! COLE Wolfenstein ducks! COACH He certainly does! After running into Asmodai and knocking him off the apron the big man staggers backwards... RIGHT INTO A BACKDROP DRIVER!! *WHAM!!* And then a quick cover by Wolfenstein ONE!! TWO!!! THREE!!! *DING*DING*DING* YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!! James is back on his feet only moments later, staring right at Asmodai as the Foot Soldier realizes that there are no one else he can send into the ring, no one else who stands between him and a huge asswhopping. At first Asmodai refuses to get in the ring, telling the referee to stick it but then. MICHAEL BUFFER I have just been informed that if Asmodai does not get in the ring for his scheduled match with James Wolfenstein then HE and all of Satan's Foot Soldiers WILL BE FIRED!! The pale Asmodai turns even paler as he hears that announcement, then finally, reluctantly he realizes that he must do this. When he tries to get in the ring Wolfenstein rushes over to grab him, something which makes Asmodai complain to the referee. COLE Oh poor baby now he wants to enforce the rules COACH Come on now you've got to be fair, he can't attack him before the bell COLE What? Who said that? Who are you and what have you done with Jonathan Coachman?? COACH Oh very funny COLE ...and can you keep him? COACH Bite me! Wolfenstein finally backs off, waiting in the opposite corner as Asmodai slowly crawls in under the bottom rope and then gets to his feet. *DING*DING* COACH This is Wolfenstein's THIRD opponent back to back, he's got to be feeling it COLE Look at him, he's on such an adrenaline rush that he probably doesn’t feel anything at all, he just wants to tear Asmodai's head off and kick it into the rafters! Wolfenstein steps out of the corner, ready to lock up but Asmodai quickly backs off and then sticks his upper body through the ropes forcing the referee to stop James. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! It's clear that James Wolfenstein is about to lose ALL control as Asmodai stalls for all he's worth. When he's happy that Wolfenstein is far enough away he pulls out of the ropes and stands up straight *WHAM!!* YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! Unfortunately for Asmodai Wolfenstein moves like his namesake, clotheslining the Foot Soldier before he has a chance to duck out of the way or put up his hands to protect himself. Wolfenstein quickly grabs his foe by the throat and the tights and hoists him up over his head with a Gorilla press COLE Who's this? What's going on here COACH Hey that's Cell,Moe and Whitey! My dawgs!! Cell,Moe and Whitey...or the South Central Militia for those who're less hip and “fly” than the coach. Whitey knees Wolfenstein in the back so that he drops Asmodai from the Gorilla Press *DING*DING*DING* When Wolfenstein turns around to face his attackers he's immediately wiped out with SCM’s Jailbreak with Whitey nailing Wolfeinstein with his enhanced forearm while Marcellus Wallace hits a spear. *DING*DING*DING* COACH You said earlier that Wolfenstein just wouldn't stay down---Well he's DOWN NOWii! Vincent and Marcellus high five each other as they look at the unconscious Wolfenstein on the canvas. When Asmodai comes over to thank them the South Central Militia for saving him Marcellus pushes him away in disgust MARCELLUS WALLACE We got paid to save your ass ASS-modai, we ain't your fucking friends! You've failed to get the job done so now he called on us! The South Central Militia pushes Asmodai out of the way and then heads to the back, followed by Asmodai who can't help but grin...he just got out of having his ass kicked by Wolfenstein after all. MICHAEL BUFFER The winner of the match, by disqualification...JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES WOLFENSTEIN!!! COLE He doesn't look like much of a winner right now Coach, out cold in the ring and all. COACH I never thought he did, now the Militia---those dawgs will be world tag-team champs one day! COLE I wouldn't want to be them right now COACH Trust me they don't want you to be one of them either COLE ...when Wolfenstein wakes up you know he'll be looking for Marcellus Williams and Vincent Ford...not to mention Asmodai. COACH What I want to know is: Who hired them? the Militia said they got paid well to do this. COLE I don't know Coach but that cannot be good news for the Lone Wolf. ---------------------------------------30 men.One ring.A shot at wrestling immortality on the biggest stage of them all.ANGLEPALOOZA 2007 January 28, LIVE on Pay-Per-View! ------------------------------------------Commercials In the bowels of the Melbourne arena the creature simply known as “It” is examining a payphone while emitting a curious little sound (or maybe he's hitting on the phone, it's hard to tell with this guy) when he knocks the receiver off the hoot he jumps backwards with a surprised squeak, then he slowly approaches it as it hangs dangling while beeping. “Query?” he says with an accent that's not of this earth. Cautiously he picks up the phone and puts it up to where humans have ears and listens to it. Then he leans against the payphone, pushing various buttons with his shoulder “Hell Phone Directory how may I direct your call?” a voice says on the phone “It...require assistance. Help it” he says hoping the device is some sort of emergency transponder. “Excuse me sir? Could you be more specific?” “It...help It! Require direction” “Sir do you mean .I.T. help?” “Affirmative” “It” says not sure exactly why the woman had to spell it out “Alright sir please hold for the IT-Hotline” “It” grabs his elbow and holds it, he's a good alien, he always does as he's told. “IT-Hotline this is Melvin how can I help you?” A bored disinterested nerdy voice says “Lost---It” “I'm sorry sir I haven't watched Lost in a while, it really jumped the shark in the beginning of season two if you ask me.” The snooty nerdy voice says. “Need help” “And what's with the fat guy? Is he getting FATTER on the island? What's up with that” the guy says ignoring “It's” pleads for help “Need help...contact” “You need to contact someone?” “Yessssss---home” It says, finally someone understands what he's talking about “You need help to phone home?” “YES!! It phone home!! It phone home!!” “It” says as he begins to squeak with glee “Sir I'll have you know I'm a huge fan of E.T. and I am not falling for your prank calls” *Click* “Greeting?? Maternal unit??.... Cryo-bretheren??” “It” says as he looks into the phone receiver, possibly thinking that it may contain a camera. “Maternal Unit?... ” “It” sighs and then drops the handle. “It lost, lost in space” A piano plays a melody, causing the crowd to cheer. COLE Well, here we go. He’s here. The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody. *COME ON!* *BOOM~!* Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull starts playing. The entrance doors slide open, and Colombian Heat comes out, but he’s not in a joyful mood. Still, the crowd cheers. Heat raises his hands, acknowledging the fans. Colombian Heat then walks down the entrance ramp, his hands on his hips and his head down, not bothering to slap hands with the fans. COLE Colombian Heat has been through hell in the past 2 weeks! First, he lose a match to Mr. Boricua on the HeldDOWN~! before New Year’s Eve, which led to his girlfriend, or should I now say, EX-girlfriend, being forced to spend New Year’s Eve with The Lightning Crew. THEN, last week, Heat took on Tha Puerto Rican, which the stipulations being that if Colombian Heat won, then The Lightning Crew must stay 500 feet from Stacey Robertson at all times. But if Tha Puerto Rican won, then Stacey would become a member of The Lightning Crew. Colombian Heat won, but PRL’s stipulation ended up happening anyway! COACH I know! Stacey was going to join The LC either way. It was all part of the plan! COLE And it was a disgusting plan last week! The Lightning Crew has been toying with Heat’s emotions, pulling at his heartstrings. COACH They’ve been playing Heat like a fiddle, and I love it! Colombian Heat takes a deep breath. He finally slaps some fan’s hands at ringside, and then climbs the ring steps and enters the ring. No hopping. Just regular entering. COLE Heat looks like a wreck. COACH That’s what you look like when you’ve had your heart crushed, stomped on, and spit on right before your very eyes. Heat doesn’t hear the cheering fans. He doesn’t hear "Gasolina (Remix)" playing. All he’s focused on is getting a microphone. Which he does. COLE Well, after a week in exile, we are finally going to hear Colombian Heat’s thoughts on what happened last week. COACH Colombian Heat: creator of emo-rap! COLE Oh, will you stop? COACH Fine. HEAT’S A WUSS! COLE COACH! COACH Fine! Colombian Heat stands in the centre of the ring. He has a microphone in his right hand. COLOMBIAN HEAT Yo, kill da beat. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull dies down. The crowd cheers loudly. Heat just looks at the crowd with a sad expression on his face. "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" COLE These fans in Melbourne showing love for Colombian Heat. Unlike you, Coach, they actually have SYMPATHY for another human being. COACH Meh...sympathy is overrated. The fans continue chanting Heat’s name. CH looks at all of the fans in the arena. The camera cuts to several Heat signs in the arena. Colombian Heat takes a deep breath, and then puts the microphone to his lips. COLOMBIAN HEAT Wowwwwwwwwwwwwwww. You know, it’s funny how life works, yah’mean? I mean, last year, I’s was fightin’ Tha Puerto Rican for the 24/7 Title. An’ now dis year...I’ma fightin’ Tha Puerto Rican for the HI-YAH World Tag Team Title. But more importantly than dat, last year, I’s was celebratin’ mah 1 month anniversary wit mah girl, Stacey. An’ now...(takes a deep breath)...now, I’ve got to watch mah girl smoochin’, touchin’, caressin’, dat lil’ punk ass BITCH VITAMIN X on dis show! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" HEAT Now, really, I’ma nice guy. Really, I’s iz. I’s normally wouldn’t hurt a fly. So, youse knows I AM PISSED OFF when I’s say dat I want to see VITAMIN X BURY SIX FEET BENEATH THE GROUND NOW! "YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH You evil little man, you. HEAT Now, I’ve’s got Vitamin X comin’ up lata, and believe me, it won’t be a walk in tha park, you know what I’m sayin’? So fo’ now, I’s like to concentrate on tha otha part of dis equation: Stacey Robertson. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" HEAT Now, Stacey...Stacey... Colombian Heat takes a moment to soak it all in. The crowd continues cheering Heat. COLE Colombian Heat still having a hard time getting over Stacey Robertson. COACH It’s PRINCESS Stacey, and yes, he is. And I love it! HEAT Stacey, I thought I knew you. You were mah girl. Youse were mah boo! What could it be? What was it about The Lightning Crew dat made you wanna join? Huh? Is it the cars? Tha money? Tha fresh clothes? Tha champagne? What? Seriously, WHAT!? Do you realize what youse has done!? Do you realize what you’re doin’ to yo’self!? You’re trading away your dignity fo’ money, and yo, dat ain’t right, girl! The crowd cheers. HEAT How could you, Stacey? I LOVED YOU! What have you done!? I--I--I thought we would be togetha forever! I never thought that we’d ever be apart, and dat you end up with HIM! Never in mah wildest dreams, an’ I’s has some wild ones, you know what I’m sayin’? Heh heh. But seriously, Stacey, I’s don’t think you know just what ya got yo’self into. The Lightning Crew, man, they just suckas! They’s only care about demselves, ESPECIALLY PRL! Believe me, I’s used to be apart of dat group. An’ youse know that. So WHY DID YOU JOIN UP WIT DEM!? Stacey, girl, speak to me. Why? Just tell me why. Dat’s all I wanna know, straight up. Just tell me WHY!? And Colombian Heat doesn’t have to wait any longer for an answer, because "Maneater" by Nelly Furtado starts playing over the P.A. system. Heat is confused, as is the crowd. COLE What the--? The entrance doors slide open...and little miss Stacey Robertson--or should that be Princess Stacey comes right on out onto the entrance stage. The crowd boos. COACH LOOK AT HER! Stacey has the tiara that Vitamin X gave her on the top of her head. She still has the necklace with her name on it, along with bracelets on her wrists. Stacey is wearing diamond earrings, and she’s either wearing a wonderbra or she’s gotten implants because her breasts look bigger this week in her camouflage tanktop. Stacey’s also wearing a black short skirt, pantihose, and black heels. She sneers at Colombian Heat, and then walks down the entrance ramp as "Maneater" continues playing. COACH OH MY GOD! LOOK HOW HOT SHE IS! COLE Stacey’s gotten a little bit of a makeover since last Thursday. COACH SHE’S EVEN HOTTER THAN BEFORE! COLE Calm down, Coach! Colombian Heat can’t believe Stacey’s makeover, and neither can the fans. The Princess of The Lightning Crew walks down to ringside, keeping her green eyes on Heat the entire time. COLE Look at Heat! He can’t believe it! COACH Believe it Heat! Stacey’s now a member of The Lightning Crew and there’s nothing you can do about it! COLE I can’t believe it. I thought I knew this girl! COACH You never truly know somebody, don’t you? COLE But Heat knew her. He knew her inside out! COACH And now Vitamin X knows her inside out! COLE Coach, that’s disgusting! COACH Come on! It’s the truth! Princess Stacey grabs a microphone from the timekeeper’s table and enters the ring. She stares right at Heat, who’s absolutely speechless right now. COACH This is going to be great! Tell him what’s on your mind, girlfriend! "Maneater" by Nelly Furtado dies down. The crowd buzzes, waiting for Stacey to speak. Princess Stacey stares at Heat some more, a sinister smile appearing on her face. Colombian Heat can’t believe it. COLE You gotta believe Colombian Heat feels CRUSHED right about now. COACH Eh, no biggie. He’ll feel even worst when Stacey, the PRINCESS, starts speaking! Stacey brings the microphone to her lips, smiles, and then begins speaking. PRINCESS STACEY Well, well, well. Look what we have here. We have a sad, pathetic, LOSER whining over losing me last week! See, this is EXACTLY why I left you, Heat! You’re too soft. You’re too weak. You can’t defend me. Hell, you can’t even defend yourself! You are at the bottom of the totem pole, while Vitamin X is on top! And that’s not the only thing he’s on top of, by the way! COLE Ugh. Colombian Heat shakes his head. STACEY So, you wanna know just WHY I did what I did last week? Well, you see, it’s quite simple really. Vitamin X showed me...he showed me a world that I did not know of...but wanted to be apart of. Yes, I did love you, but I didn’t want to be apart of YOUR world! A world where a McDonald’s cheeseburger is dinner everynight! A world where shopping at The Gap is the best you can do! A world where going to see Jackass 2 is considered quality entertainment! A world where 50 Cent and My Chemical Romance are your favourite ’musicians’! Living in a lower-to-middle class neighborhood, working from 9-to-5, driving in a beat up car, that maybe fine for these people...but it isn’t FOR ME! I want the finer things in life! I want the best cars, the best clothes, the best jewelry, the best food, the best gadgets, the best houses, and the best SEX! And those are all the things that you can NEVER give me...but Vitamin X already has! The crowd is shocked, and so is Heat. COLE Wow. STACEY I’m not your boo anymore, Heat. I am not Stacey Robertson anymore either! From now on, you may refer to me as either Princess Stacey of The Lightning Crew, or simply Princess Stacey. Because that’s what I am. A Princess. And only Vitamin X realized this. YOU never did! Vitamin X treats me right, by giving me anything my heart desires. Giving me a Hallmark card that says, "I LOVE YOU" DOESN’T CUT IT, HEAT! The crowd boos. PRINCESS STACEY (CONT’D) And you know, I did like how Vitamin X never stopped in his quest to be with me. He was always after me, never giving up in his dream. And I liked that. I liked feeling sought after. It made me feel special. A woman likes to feel special every once in a while, Heat. Vitamin X makes me feel special. I never got that feeling with you, Heat. You made me feel like I was just some chick you were boning. You said you loved me, but I never felt it. It always felt so...hollow. Like you were just saying that because you had to. But Vitamin X...I KNOW that Vitamin X loves me! I know he does, because when he says that he does, I FEEL IT! You see, Vitamin X, he’s a REAL man! And a REAL man would KILL for the chance to be with me! And that’s why after all the hounding, after all the begging, I finally relented, and I realized that Vitamin X is the man I was meant to be with. Vitamin X really is my one true love! COLE Oh come on! Stacey’s speaking nonsense! Stacey truly loved Colombian Heat and she knows that! COACH SHHH! The Princess is speaking! QUIET! STACEY And if you truly want to know just *when* I realized this, then look no further than to what’s happened in the past month or so. I’ve finally realized just how much you care about me. Yeah, I realized it when you--you--you CRASHED INTO ME knocking me unconscious! Oh yeah. You care about me so much you almost gave me a concussion! COLE That was an accident! STACEY And what about when you took on Mr. Boricua, and you LOST!? Huh, you cared about me then, right? Getting the crap beat out of you then pinned easily by Mr. Boricua? Oh yeah, you sure love me with all your heart that you COULDN’T BEAT THE BIGGEST MEMBER OF THE LIGHTNING CREW! You didn’t even try! COLE It was Mr. Boricua! She shouldn’t be surprised that Heat lost! COACH She’s right! If he loved her, he would have won that match! COLE Coach, come on! STACEY And then, when you beat PRL last week. Yeah, you did it. But you were lucky. And besides, I had already made up my mind by then. If you didn’t love me enough to beat Mr. Boricua, then I didn’t love you enough to want to be with you! COLE Stacey’s become delusional! STACEY That is why, before you picked me up on Monday morning, I signed the contract Tha Puerto Rican gave me, agreeing to join The Lightning Crew. And it was sealed with a kiss too! And in case you’re wondering...yes, we DID have sex on New Year’s Eve! And Heat...it was the best sex I’ve EVER had! Oh man, the things Vitamin X did with his tongue! Oh God! I never felt that way before, not even with you! And to make things even better, we’ve already done it FIVE TIMES since last Thursday! Vitamin X ain’t no one-minute man, lemme tell you that much! Colombian Heat is stunned. COLE I don’t think I want to hear anymore of this. COACH I do. COLE Coach, get your hand out of there! STACEY So, now, I will live in the lap of luxury. While you’ll still be working for the man, living in your ratty apartment in the rough part of Miami. So, really, in the end, I win! And it feels DAMN GOOD to be on the winning side FOR ONCE! Oh oh, and by the way? Heat, just so you know...Vitamin X really TURNS ME ON! COACH OH MAN, SHE IS SO HOT NOW! Princess Stacey stands there, waiting for Heat’s response. Heat just stands there, soaking this all in. The crowd awaits for Heat to say something. COLE Oh man. Heat’s gotta be heartbroken right now! His woman, his boo, has joined up with the man he hates the most! COACH Heat is heartbroken, definitely! He’s going to start crying in a few seconds! Just watch! PRINCESS STACEY Got anything to say about that, Heat? Huh? Got any words for me? Colombian Heat takes a deep breath. He puts his microphone to his lips. The crowd buzzes in anticipation. COACH What’s he going to say? COLOMBIAN HEAT So, what’chu sayin’ is...that youse a...gold digger? "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Stacey is offended by this comment. STACEY I beg your pardon? HEAT Oh yeah. Finer thangs, lap of luxury. You realizing you didn’t love him until AFTER he gave you all those things. Girl, youse a gold digger! COACH WHAT!? COLE Whoa! STACEY What!? That--that--that’s preposterous! I am NOT NO GOLD DIGGER! I am a lady with class AND an ass! HEAT What ass? STACEY GRRRRRR! Heat, I maybe many things, but I am NOT IN NO WAY, NO SHAPE, NO FORM A GOLD DIGGER! HEAT Come on, girl! Don’t deny it! We all know tha truth! Face it, youse a gold digger. From way over town. That digs on me! STACEY STOP IT! THAT’S ENOUGH! Look at you! You’re not even speaking English! You’re speaking mangled up Ebonics! Vitamin X went to Harvard. You never even finished high school! HEAT Oh yap! Yap! Yap! Save tha drama for yo’ momma! Stacey, babe, I knows youse got a little makeover going on, but youse still got to change some thangs. Like, I know youse got Nelly Furtado for a theme song, but you should really change it to Kanye West, cuz girl, youse a-- "GOLDDDDDDD DIGGER!" "GOLDDDDDDD DIGGER!" "GOLDDDDDDD DIGGER!" "GOLDDDDDDD DIGGER!" The chant continues, so Stacey covers her ears to try and drown it out. It doesn’t work. Heat smiles. COACH This is NOT FUNNY! She is a lady, and must not be disrespected this way! COLE What Heat says sort of rings true! COACH NO IT DOESN’T! STACEY SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! HEAT Stacey, I’s thought I’d never get over you. But now, after hearing all of dis, I realize I’m betta off without you! So, why don’t you take yo’ flat stanky ass and leave dis ring cuz it’s startin’ to smell like funky p(bleep)! "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH How DARE HE! Stacey is stunned. COLOMBIAN HEAT GOOOOOOLLLLLD DIGGER! GOOOOOOLLLLLD DIGGER! GOOOOOOLLLLLD DIGGER! Colombian Heat leads the chant. Stacey tries to drown out the chant, but can’t, so she throws a temper tantrum in the ring! STACEY UGH! I HATE YOU HEAT! I HATE YOU! The Princess starts to cry! She storms out of the ring crying her eyes out, trying to ignore the chants. The crowd cheers. COLOMBIAN HEAT Go back to yo’ suga daddy, you wench! I don’t need you anymore! So peace out, you-- "BI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTCH~!" HEAT Ya damn right! "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull starts playing. Princess Stacey runs up the entrance ramp, crying her eyes out. Meanwhile, Colombian Heat stays in the ring, playing to the fans. COLE Well, Colombian Heat seemed to get over her rather quickly! COACH THAT THUG! THAT MISCREANT! HOW DARE HE CALL STACEY THOSE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE THINGS! WHAT A CAD! HE SHOULD BE SUED! HE SHOULD BE SUED FOR SLANDER! THIS SHOULD NOT GO UNPUNISHED! COLE Calm down, Coach! Colombian Heat seems to have had a change of heart! He wants Stacey out of his life now! COACH THAT’S PRINCESS STACEY TO YOU! Colombian Heat raises his hands, acknowledging his fans. Heat does a SHIMMY~! to get the crowd hyped up. "Gasolina (Remix)" continues playing. COLE Colombian Heat looks to be in the right state of mind for his match against Vitamin X later on tonight! COACH Oh how I can’t wait for Heat to lose that match! He’s going to lose this week and next week too! He’s going to lose for the rest of his life! Colombian Heat is a loser, just like Princess Stacey said! COLE Colombian Heat is not a loser! But Stacey just might be a gold digger! COACH GOD DAMNIT! SHE’S NOT A GOLD DIGGER! COLE She take my money! COACH Stop it. COLE When I’m in neeeeed! COACH I said stop it! COLE Yeah, she’s a trifilin’ friend indeed. COACH Stop it! COLE Oh she’s a gold digger-- COACH STOP IT! COLE From way over town. COACH STOP IT!!! COLE That digs on me! COACH I SAID STOP IT!!!!!!! Grunting is heard along with yelling. It can only be assumed that someone laid the smackdown on somebody else. Luckily we cut to another part of backstage while Coach and Cole continue their scuffle. After his encounter earlier with his arch-rival, Zack Malibu appears to be a bit on edge...more than ever. As he walks down the hallway of the arena, passing other roster members, he suddenly hears a familiar voice shouting to him. "Yo, Zack. Malibu!" Zack turns, and within seconds, he's approached by the three Hooligans; Scotty Static, Johnny Jax, and Jamie O'Hara, with his ever present forty ounce of beer stuck in his hand. "What's up guys?" "Look man," begins Static, the longtime spokesman for the trio. "I ain't gonna pretend to know what it's like to be goin' through what you are. We've been through this one with you for a while now, but there ain't no denyin' you've gotten the worst of all this Wildcard business. Fact is, no matter what anyone's tellin' you...about showin' up in the SWF last night, or about puttin' it all on the line to get Blank back in the ring, we got your back." "It's appreciated. Just think, if it wasn't for you three, we might not be having this conversation right now." All four share a quick chuckle, with Jamie O'Hara toasting to it before chugging a good quarter of the bottle in one fell swoop. "The past is the past, Malibu." chimes in Johnny Jax. "In this business, if we didn't cross paths at least once, it would've been a friggin' miracle. We might've drawn you out with the whole Upstarts thing, but we always respected you. That's why you were a target at first...everyone respects you, and to get over on Zack Malibu woulda meant a hell of a lot for us. You earned our respect though, Zack. You put up a hell of a fight, and like Scotty said, whatever you gotta do to settle this once and for all with Blank and The Wildcards, us Hooligans ain't too far behind, ya dig?" Malibu, touched by the sentiment by the three who don't often show it, gives daps to his three allies before turning and heading on his way. The camera closes in on the three streetwise stars, who despite their respect for Malibu, have a bit of doubt apparent in their facial features.Commercial break Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2013 Frankenstein by genre bending artist Edgar Winter plays causing an entire arena to fill with disgusted boos and taunts. Chants of “Bruisers Suck” bubble up from various corners of the venue, a true testament to how much hatred the OAOAST faithful holds for the grapplers. The entrance doors spread apart, revealing the targets of the fans ire, Big Frank Bruiser and his younger sibling, Uber Bruiser. Uber outfitted in simple black trunks doesn't bother with any flashy poses or plays to the camera. The Psycho Gremlin simply walks to the ring, ignoring every fan he passes, even the few who offer him words of encouragement. Big Frank, in red shorts with 69 written on the front and a Superman style S on the back, takes a second to show off his freakish physique before he joins his brother in their solemn journey to the squared circle. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of twenty minutes. Now making their way to the ring from Oklahoma, weighing in at a combined weight of five hundred and thirty five pounds, they are former OAOAST tag team champions, and NCAA all Americans, combined between them they have won six NCAA wrestling championships, two world championships, eight high school championships, and seven USA wrestling championships, they are The Pyscho Gremlin, Uber Bruiser, The Man of Tomorrow Uber Bruiser.....THE SOOOONER BRUISEEEEERSSS! “BRUISERS SUCK! BRUISERS SUCK!” chant the crowd, forcing Frank to pump his majestic muscles in arrogant response. COLE I'll tell you what, I love the way these guys wrestle, smash mouth and in your face. But I do not, have not and never will like their actions. They're bullies, plain and simple. They attacked The Gunslingers last week because they were mad the Gunslingers got a shot at Alix and Krista before they did. And rumor has it that they're planning on attacking any team that gets a match with Alix and Krista before they do. And the only reason they agreed to a match with Los Diablos De Fuego tonight, is because they're friends with Alix, and they want to draw her out or at least send a message to her. COACH The Sooner Bruisers have athletic drive and a desire to succeed, something a namby pansy little man like you would never understand. Too many teams sit on their butts and wait for a title match to come their way. These two lose the belts under dubious circumstances and they go out and go right back for them. Respect given where respect due. What's not to like about these two, except for this entrance music. Man, someone shut this mess off! Coach's wish is the music director's command and Frankenstein (thankfully?) comes to a close. It's replaced by the club hopping beats of former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell's rendition of It's Raining Men. The arena lights dim to a moody pink as Miss Spezia's Sweeties' world famous gingerbread cookies rain from the ceiling and onto the heads of frightened and alarmed fans. Those who aren't under an air assault from overpriced cookies, loudly cheer for the arrival of Los Diablos De Fuego! The queer duo doesn't disappoint their fans, making a spectacular appearance on the entrance stage, bumping and grinding with a giant gingerbread man! The gingerbread man eagerly thrusts his ample tush into Mariachi's pumping crotch, while he seductively roams his lusting hands along Morraca's gyrating and writhing hips. Both luchadores plant a kiss on The Gingerbread Man's cheeks, causing the snack treat to faint from an ecstasy overload. Mariachi, outfitted in a sparkling pink PVC singlet, skips towards the ring, waving his plastic pitchfork at all the sexy males in the audience. Morraca, who's carrying an inflatable toy monkey, trails behind his partner, seductively pursing his blue lips at any hot man he sees. COACH I know I'm going to regret asking you this, but why does Morraca have toy monkey? COLE That monkey is Mono, the longtime lover of Los Diabos fallen mascot El Ouvea. I'll tell you what, wrestling has it's fair share of moments that make me question why I even stay in this crazy messed up business, but this right here, this is what's it's all about. Pride. Love. Respect. Famillia. We honor so many people for what they do in an athletic venue or a performance outlet. But what El Ouvea did away from the ring before his death, displaying his conviction, his principles and everything that he stood for, is what makes him a cut above the rest. And for his lover to be here with us on HeldDOWN well words can't properly express the swell of emotions I'm feeling. It's a wonderful thing, Coach, it truly is. COACH I said I'd regret asking you that, and what a surprise, I do. I got no respect for these dudes. None at all. I'm so homophobic I won't even keep my clothes in the closet. BUFFER And the opponents from Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, Mariachi, Moracca, LOS DIABLOS DE FUEGGGOGOOOOOOOO! COLE Coach, what exactly is the deal with The Beverly Hills Blonds ducking Los Diablos De Fuego? Ned's a certified tightwad, who's so cheap he gave his daughter Maya a blender for her birthday. COACH What's wrong with that? A kid needs to learn how to cook for herself at some point. COLE It was the same blender she gave him for Father's Day! Despite his cheapness, he's out there with Simon and the rest of The Enterprise paying cash to avoid a meeting with Los Diablos. Why is that? COACH I can't even bring myself to dignify your question with a response due to your use of the word ducking. The Beverly Hills Blonds duck no one. They paid off Team Canada because they want some decent competition. Unfortunately NRG couldn't provide them with it, but Los Diablos sure couldn't have either. Mariachi slides into the ring, where he energetically pumps his crotch into the canvas while he stares with deep enchantment into the camera, turning out every male viewer with a simple wink and a steamy smile. Moracca remains low key, situating Mono in a safe position, so that he can watch the contest without risk of being attacked by unscrupulous OAOAST performers. Once he's assured that Mono is safe, he takes his position on the apron, as his partner stares down The Psycho Gremlin in the center of the squared circle. ***DING DING DING*** The match begins with the warriors coming together for a lockup. The normally sleep inducing move is anything but as both men battle over the hold like the fate of the world depends on it. Muscles tighten and mouthes grunt as they engage in an epic struggle. Eventually Uber is able to use his sheer size to overpower the luchadore and move into an arm wrench. He snaps Mariachi's arm back and forth, drawing pained moans from the grappler. Unable to withstand the agony much longer, Mariachi makes a move to escape. He drops down to his back, then presses the heels of his white boots into the mat and kips up. His intention was to thrust himself out of Uber's hold. But the ring savvy Bruiser is one step ahead of him, and slides behind the man. He drops onto his orange knee pads, ready to do more damage to the Mexican. But instead of using the expected double leg takedown, he does something far more disturbing. He opens his mouth wide and sinks his off white choppers deep into Mariachi's fleshy butt! COLE Oh my! Your typical hetrosexual male might react to this attack with a combination of chilling horror and outright revulsion. But Mariachi is the furtherest thing from your typical heterosexual male. In fact, he isn't even heterosexual! He's a homosexual luchadore who fancies dressing up like day time Emmy award winner Susan Lucci on the weekends. Thus he reacts to the pseudo rim job with orgasmic ravishment, and excitedly grinds his amble backside into Uber's face. Bruiser's expression instantly morphs from smug satisfaction to utter fear when he realizes that Mariachi is enraptured by this perverse attack. As the rambunctious crowd hoots and hollers at scene, The Psycho Gremlin tries his damnedest to escape the dire situation. But Mariachi's flabby cheeks make themselves an unbeatable jailer, trapping Uber in the unenviable position. However, he's soon rescued when Mariachi is violently shoved to the mat away from his lips. Unfortunately for Uber, the one performing the rescue wasn't his partner Frank, it was Moracca! Consumed with jealously over the fact that Mari was getting all the lovin' from the burly bear, Moracca stormed into the squared circle to get his piece of the action. Uber looks to Moracca with confused eyes, dangerously unsure of what the salivating luchadore has in mind. The Pyscho Gremlin is quickly exposed to Moracca's outrageous plan when his vision is engulfed by the horrifying sight of the man's BARE ass! UBER With his beefy posterior hanging out, Moracca demands in broken English that Uber give him the same “pleasure” he bestowed upon his associate just seconds ago. “DO IT! DO IT!” chant the now standing fans. Uber does something all right. And that something is slam his forearm into Moracca's groin! The cheap shot doubles him over in distress, and allows a thankful Uber to escape the harrowing predicament. The Psycho Gremlin springs to his feet and bowls over the Latin Lothario with a devastating lariat. Consumed with bitterest rage, he begins decimating Moracca's masked face with brutish stomps. Unwilling to watch his boytoy be annihilated by the homophobic redneck, Mariachi charges to his lover's aid. However, Uber shoots down his rescue plane with ease, overtaking the man with a back body drop! As Mariachi's body slams into the canvas, Uber takes a moment to howl in triumph, drawing a smattering of boos from the audience. Yet those jeers quickly turn into cheers as a vengeful Moracca (with ass back in pants) knocks him head over heels with a high flipping lariat! COACH Moracca making sure to come to Mariachi's aid. I guess your kind sticks together, Cole. There's a sodomy joke in there somewhere, but I'm too lazy to make the connection. COLE Thank god for small favors. As Uber scrapes himself off the mat his eyes witness a truly appalling vision; Moracca is rhythmically thrusting his crotch directly at his face. Uber quickly swallows the vomit that sight brought on, and hops to his feet where he launches haymaker towards his foe. Unfortunately, the Mexican catches his arm and proceeds to nearly snap it out of it's socket with an arm wrench. To add insult to The Psycho Gremlin's quickly mounting injury, Moracca begins to angrily pump his crotch into Uber's sizable rear end. “UBER'S A HOMO! UBER'S A HOMO!” chant the fans who may or may not be aware of the irony in their statement After he finishes stripping Uber of his dignity and self respect, Moracaa heads to his corner and plants a loving kiss on Mariachi's cheek. That's deemed equivalent to a tag into the match, and Mariachi enters the squared circle. He picks up where his life partner left off, awkwardly contorting the Psycho Gremlin's limb with an arm wrench. Unwilling to be the victim of another simulated rape, Uber makes moves to free himself from Moracca's clutches. He roars backwards and slashes his fingers across Mariachi's brown eyes, ending the arm wrench and putting the Latino under a great deal of duress. Uber then seizes complete control of the bout by taking his fist and and smashing it into Mariachi's jaw, knocking the luchadore loopy and into the Bruiser's corner. Starved for any semblance of action, Big Frank reaches over the ropes and hooks onto Mariachi's arms, allowing his baby brother to obliterate the luchadore's stomach with uncontested stomps and punches. After fifteen seconds of this brutal manhandling passes, referee Charles Robinson promptly orders the brothers grim to stop. But the rebellious duo refuses to follow orders, forcing the official to threaten a disqualification. The warning causes the siblings to begrudgingly acquiesce to Robinson's demands, and Big Frank switches spots with his younger brother in order to legally continue the drubbing. COACH I think it's true shame that these two rejects from an Elton John tour are allowed to illegally double team a model athlete like Uber Bruiser, but when the Bruisers try to fight fire with fire, the official gets a stick up his butt. And it wouldn't surprise me if that stick belongs to one of Los Diablos De Fuego Frank pins Mariachi against the corner post and begins to savage his midsection with a series of brutal stomps. After the sixth strike lands with deadly precession, he peels his wheezing rival off the posts and hurls him to the ropes with an Irish whip. The Ohio State alum has a fierce lariat awaiting his rival's return, but Mariachi ducks underneath the move and carries himself to the opposite end of the battle field. Frank whirls around to floor the returning superstar with a discus punch, but the Cabo San Lucas native counters the move by leaping onto The Man of Tomorrow's wide shoulders and overwhelming him with a hurricanrana! Frank rises just as quickly as he fell, and charges towards his enemy like a rabid pitbull off his leash. But Mariachi sidesteps the muscle man and uses his momentum to throw him into the poorly padded steel turnbuckle! Frank's shoulder clangs off the post with a resounding thud, and his audible grunt of misery brings smiles to the faces of the fans in the front row. Fortunately for him, he'll have a brief opportunity to nurse his injuries as his lil bro had the wherewithal to make a blind tag. Uber chucks himself into squared circle with a spring board shoulder block that slices right through Mariachi like the sharpest of razor blades. He then applies the tag to Franklin, who gets a measure of revenge on The Diablo by driving his arm into his chest with a picture perfect slingshot elbow drop. The Sooner drapes his arm over Mari's heaving chest, leading the referee to count the first pinfall of the contest. ONE TWO The butthole surfer kicks out long before the ref can reach a three count. He rises on his own accord and begins pouring a series of forearm smashes into Frank's cranium. The shots leave the former tag champion dazed and allow Mariachi to do a bit of showboating by thrusting his groin towards the barbaric grappler. As the crowd roots him on, Mariachi surges forward and bowls Frank over with a leg lariat! The luchadore leaves The Man of Tomorrow coughing and wheezing on the mat, and bounds to the ropes. When he skirts back, he does a little shimmy, then takes to the skies, and drives his knee onto Frank's chiseled face! The audience comes to their feet in response to the effective strike, while an apron based Moracca eggs them on with DX-esque crotch chops. COACH Showboating and hotdogging will get you nowhere, Cole, nowhere. COLE Lighten up, he was just trying to entertain the fans. COACH Lighten up? I am lightened up. I'm so light you need to tie me to chair, I just might float towards the roof. All I'm saying is that it's more then a little stupid for a man who's won all of five matches in his OAOAST career to be showing off like that. Back in the ring, Mariachi whips Big Frank towards the cables. He pushes himself off the ropes as well, seeking to floor his rival with a lariat once their paths cross. Unfortunately for him he failed to notice that Uber made a blind tag. By the time he becomes aware of this fact, the sole of Uber's boot is being violently introduced to his face. Mari plummets backwards, bellowing in misery. The tortured screams cause Moracca to lose all tracings of good judgment, and draw him into the ring to save his friend. However, the referee vehemently denies him passage, and this untimely distraction permits the Bruisers to double team poor Mariachi. Both men rush to opposite ends of the ring, where the ropes shoot them towards the hapless luchadore like bats out of hell. They extend their tree trunk thick arms and decimate Mariachi's upper body with sandwich Soonerlines! The lifeless grappler crumples to the canvas in a twisted heap of body glitter and broken bones. Big Frank exits the ring, while Uber attempts a pinfall. The suddenly undistracted referee rushes to the fighters to make the count. ONE TWO Mariachi pulls his shoulder off the mat, causing The Psycho Gremlin to unleash a torrent of obscenities. Struggling to keep his anger in check, Uber rises to his feet and demolishes Mariachi's lower back with a deadly array of stomps and punches. The only thing that prevents him from fully pulverizing his enemy is Charles Robinson's stern warning about the usage of closed fists. Rather then be kept in the check by Robinson's overbearing rules, Uber says “to hell with it” and drags Mariachi to his corner to let Frank deal with him. After the tag is made The Man of Tomorrow enters the match and works out a quick double team strategy with his sibling. They fling the smaller grappler to the ropes and celebrate his speedy return by hooking their arms underneath his, lifting him into the air, flipping him over and violently slamming him back first onto the mat! Delighted with the pain he's wrought, Uber exits the ring, howling into the air. Meanwhile, The Man of Tomorrow towers above his whimpering foe, flexing his Mister Olympia worthy muscles in marvelous triumph. “FRANK YOUR MAMA'S TITS SO TINY THAT IF SHE WAS A RAPPER THEY'D CALL THE BITCH TITTY SMALLS!” screams a fan in the third row. Ignoring the fan's crude comments, Big Frank drops to his knees and applies the always exciting reverse chin lock to the flamboyant superstar. Frank's powerful tattooed arms coil around Mariachi like a boa constrictor, robbing the man of his ability to breathe with each passing second. Stricken with desperation and already on the verge of passing out, the queer one reaches his hand towards Mono, the lover of Los Diablos' dearly departed mascot El Ovéja, for kindness, support and encouragement. COLE Mariachi trying to draw strength from the spirit of El Ovéja! COACH Oh, for the love of Christ! Some would say that what happens next could be logically be attributed to the fact that the heavy combination of baby oil and sweat on Frank's arm makes it nearly impossible for him to maintain a tight grip on his foe for any length of time. But I prefer to think that somehow, El Ovéja was able to pass along the power of love and peace from the great beyond and aid his former comrades in their quest for victory. Whatever you wish to believe, the fact is that Frank's death grip weakens just enough to allow Mari to maneuver his way to his feet. Frank has little choice but to follow him, lest he lose his hold altogether. Mari begins to slam elbow after elbow into Big Frank's brawny abdomen, and eventually rids himself of the Bruiser's treacherous shackles! He celebrates his new found freedom by charging to ropes and bouncing back towards his enemy. However The Man of Tomorrow regains control of the affair by crashing his knee into the luchadore's midsection, totally robbing the man of his air and new found momentum. The bestial brawler wastes no time in pulling Mari upright, where he smashes his elbow into the side of his head. The strike sufficiently stuns Mariachi, allowing Frank to sneak behind him and apply a tightly held half nelson. The Cabo San Lucas native tries his hardest to escape his rival's trap, but Frank's restraint is far too difficult to destroy. Helpless, all Mari can do is brace himself for the eventual impact of Frank's attack. And what a devastating impact it is, as Frank roughly yanks him off the ground, and peels backwards, dropping the over matched warrior directly onto his neck with a half nelson suplex! A stream of Spanish flavored vulgarities leaves Mariachi lips as he struggles to cope with the searing pain that's spreading through his neck. For his part The Man of Tomorrow stands at his opponent's side, flexing his impressive muscle and kissing his biceps. After he's done tonguing his arm, Frank drives the point of his elbow towards his rival's face. Fortunately the fan favorite pulls himself away from speeding bullet in the nick of time, leaving Frank to have a nasty, bone rattling introduction to the canvas. Infuriated by Mariachi avoidance and the pain he's been left in, Frank rises to his feet and unleashes another massive elbow drop on his foe. Sadly he meets with the same maddening results, and the agony is enough to make him scream out in pain and frustration. COLE It's funny, Coach, showboating and hotdogging worked a lot better for the team that has “only won five matches” then it did for your beloved former tag team champions. Care to explain why that is? COACH Care to explain why you wear a dress when you have a penis? The formerly subdued audience returns to life at the sight of Frank's struggles, and fills the arena with boisterous chants of “HOMIES! HOMIES! HOMIES!”. Mariachi draws strength from their support as he begins the arduous trek to his corner. Eventually he reaches his station and makes the long awaited tag to Moracca, causing the crowd to erupt in unbridled euphoria. Admist the joyous confusion, Uber illegally enters the ring and charges towards Moracca, seeking to end Los Diablos offensive flurry before it can start. Unfortunately the Oklahoma native is dealt a crushing blow in the form of a flipping heel kick straight to the jaw! “HOMIES! HOMIES! HOMIES!” Big Frank groggily rises to his feet, only to be met by Moracca with knife edge chops that push him towards the corner. The unmerciful luchadore peels him off the turnbuckle pads just as quick as he put him there and whips towards his waiting life partner. Mariachi leaps into the air and laces his legs around Frank's shoulder's, hoping to pull the Bruiser down into a hurricanrana. But the amateur wrestling legend has other ideas, and cinches his meaty hooks onto Mariachi's legs. Fully in control of his foe, Frank continues his journey towards the corner. When he nears the turnbuckles, he unloads Mariachi from his shoulders, barbarically blasting him into the poorly padded steel posts with a running powerbomb! Mariachi cries out in raw agony, as the fans react with a mixture of shock, horror, and amazement at Frank's contemptible attack. COACH Frank wins at smear the queer for life. Spegro is dead! Satisfied with the carnage he's wrought, a smirking Frank turns around to deal with the remaining Diablo, only to get walloped in the face by Mono! Well, Moracca holding Mono in his hand. Frank staggers backwards, fighting to regain the balance the surprise attack robbed him of. But an incensed Moracca does him no favors and continues to pummel him with the inflatable primate! Frank tries to escape the ridiculous assault by ducking underneath the ropes, but one mighty home run swing from Moracca knocks the strongman flat on his back. Frank can do little but cover up and wonder who he wronged in a past life to deserve getting beat down by $5.99 toy monkey. “MONO! MONO! MONO!' the crowd chants, making the inanimate monkey the most over participant in the match. A recovered Uber puts an end to this monkey business by slamming his forearm into Moracca's back. The Mexican whirls around to paste Uber with a closed fist. But the Bruiser intercepts the strike with a knee to the gut, leaving the luchadore in a most vulnerable position! Uber takes advantage of his weakened state by lifting him horizontally in his arms. He then runs a full circle around the ring, building up velocity and suspense for his inevitable move. Once he closes in on the center of the ring, he dives forward, crushing Moracca (and Mono) underneath his enormous body weight with the Oklahoma Stampede! COLE Oklahoma Stampede! Oh my, I think that could be it! Uber shares similar sentiments as Cole, and hooks his motionless foe's leg for a pivotal pinfall. The referee makes the count... ONE TWO THREE!!! The moment the referee's hand hits the canvas, an annoyed groan leaves the lips of the spectators who are less then pleased to see the Oklahoma bullies capture another victory. BUFFER The winners of the match....THE SOONER BRUISERS! The crowd replies to Buffer's announcement with further jeers and catcalls, some of the more inebriated onlookers even going as far as to foolishly challenge the brother's to a brawl. COLE A very hard loss to take for Los Diablos De Fuego. Let's hope it doesn't prove costly in their Anderson Cup hopes. However a defeat like this can truly damage a teams momentum. COACH Wait a second, if say lightening strikes killing the remaining participants in the Anderson Cup and Los Diablos are the only team left alive, and win it by default, would they actually fight their best friend, Alix? Do any of those three have the stones and the guts to put friendship aside and lay it all on the line for the tag team titles? The answer is no, and that's why a team like Los Diablos don't even belong in the Anderson Cup! COLE Coach, over the last several months Los Diablos have prove....hey what's going on in the ring?! The answer to Cole's question is that the Bruisers are dishing out an unholy beating to the men they just scored a victory over. Frank has Moracca trapped in the corner, where he proceeds to rain a hell storm of closed fists onto the helpless fighter's head. Eventually his razor sharp strikes slice through the spandex mask and draw an inkling of blood from the top owf his victim's forehead. Uber is having his way with Mariachi in the middle of the ring, crippling the poor man with stomps so vicious that it feels like a sixty pound weight is being dropped on his chest. The fans, of course, boo this display of crass and classless behavior. But their anger only causes the gruesome twosome to increase the intensity of their assault. Frank grabs Moracca by the back of the head and roughly rakes his bloodied face along the top rope, putting the superstar under an inordinate amount smoldering torment. Elsewhere, Uber goes for a more complicated but no less painful form of punishment, by lifting Mariachi into the air and spinning him around until the defenseless grappler is draped over his shoulders. From there he dives forward, slamming Mariachi into the mat and landing on top of him with a tilt-a-whirl powerslam! Robinson makes a half hearted plea for mercy on behalf of Los Diablos, but gets punched in the stomach and chucked out of the ring by Frank as a result of his meddling! COACH That's just a little payback for Robinson's terrible officiating in the tag team turmoil match. COLE Why are they doing this? What's this going to accomplish? Leaving Moracca a bloodied mess, Frank parades around the ring with his muscles flexed and his mouth jaw jacking with the outraged front row fans. Pleased with the damage done to Mariachi, Uber moves onto his next victim, the toy monkey, Mono. He points at the unprotected primate and slowly nods his head, eliciting boos from those fans who don't wish to see harm befall the creature. Ignoring the crowd's emphatic request for mercy, Uber shoves Mono between his legs and grabs onto his midsection. Snarling like a comic book villain, he takes one last look at the angered crowd before he sits out, spiking Mono's head into the rock hard canvas with a piledriver! “MONO! MONO! MONO!” bleats the crowd, either chanting the fallen monkey's name or giving a mass medical diagnosis. COLE (nearly in tears) Damn it no! Hasn't that monkey suffered enough for one lifetime? Why do bad things happen to such good people? How can we talk to an angel? Are you there god, it's me Michael? COACH Seriously, can you even look at yourself in the mirror anymore? While a wholly amused Uber gingerly puts the boots to Mono, Frank attends to the sentient victims, alternating between stomping Mariachi and Moracaa. Suddenly an enthusiastic roar erupts from the stands as all eyes turn towards the entrance way. None other then the tag team champions Chicks Over Dicks, charge down the ring with field hockey sticks(??!!) in hand! As the crowd the chants their name, the duo slides into the ring, ready to do battle with the violent Okies. Despite the fact that the girls and their girly choice of weaponry don't exactly pose any sort of threat, the brothers decide to retreat, choosing to fight COD another day. They back up the ramp, neither taking their ice cold eyes off the reigning tag champions. Alix checks on her fallen comrades and they're wounded monkey, while Krista, who is mostly indifferent to Los Diablos De Fuego's existence and doesn't really care about a toy chimp, grabs a microphone and waits for the raucous crowd to calm down before she unleashes one of her trademark hate filled tirades. “C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!” COLE Thank the good lord Krista and Alix came out when they did. COACH And thank the good lord Krista chose not to wear a bra today. KRISTA Big Frank, littler Frank, what are ya doing all the way up on the ramp? Huh? The party is down here in the ring! We've got booze, we've got the illegal drugs, we've got hot women, one of which is so bad ass that she just incriminated herself to the DEA and the FBI on national television, and none of which would ever touch you, or any man, with a ten foot pole, unless that pole happened to be laced with flesh searing acid. But don't let that stop you from RSVPing, because we've got Johnathan Coach's edible underwear, Sadist ate the cake and the stripper inside we had to work with what we got, our hearts go out to her family. We've got even Zack Malibu's O-Town albums, and Alix's Kidz Bop CDs. So come on down and get your inner pedophile on! No Dateline To Catch a Predator hidden cameras are gonna jump out and bust you as you get your freak on to the scintillating sounds of ten year old boys singing Promiscuous Girl! Anything goes at this shingdig! And maybe, just maybe we can talk about this little incident with Los Diablos De Fuego, and your teeny tiny little argument with The Lonestar Gunslingers from last week. And just a disclaimer for your benefit: When I say talk, I really mean bash your skulls into oblivion with these field hockey sticks, and use your juicy brain matter to feed the homeless. So please come down, because I wanna party! Before Krista can further provoke the Bruisers, Alix snatches the microphone from her. Holding the mic in one hand, Ally picks up the deflated primate, Mono, and gazes upon it with sorrowful eyes. ALIX Who among us has not, whilst tenderly ravishing oneself underneath the nebulous beauty of an early morn's dew, passing fancies upon the spires of the Golden Gate Bridge, eating a brightly crisp apple while sweetly interlacing one's moistened lips with a ripe virginal lady and thinking to the leather-bound volume of Baudelaire pressed in one's garment, thought to the classic characters that define our fair and modest entertainment mediums? Thus, I entreat you, heartless hinds, as you gloat over the desiccation of this primordial creature to consider what blithesome revelry his sub species has anointed our sapience with. Since the dawn of man, monkey's have worked tirelessly behind the scenes to secretly manipulate the very course of humanity as we know it! Now, gather close my little lambs because your Grandma Alix is about to spit that hot fire. My dad took me to enough gay bathhouses as a child that I've picked up a few life lessons and some good stories to share. And I've got a truly heartwarming tale for you tonight. It's a story of a wonderful primate. A sweet caring beast, with a terrible case of tourette's syndrome, and partner of a nazi jewel thief, who makes his escape from a five star communist controlled hotel on the eve of the season's biggest social event! Now, I'm not gonna lie to you, mayhem, cultural misunderstandings, and your fair share of off and on the set bestiality may have occurred. And I'm not gonna make excuses for him, as an orangutan capable of building a profitable and fully functional meth lab in his basement, he should've known better. But when the sexually repressed ten year old son of the hotel manager needed a welcoming and loving partner to safely explore his blossoming homosexuality with, that underwear sniffing ape was there, dude. You see, Dunston checked in that day, and maybe he grabbed a few of the more attractive and underage bellboys in their no-no spots, and he left an unholy mess in the mini bar fridge, and maybe he racked up an obscene amount of charges for the various pornographic movies he ordered on Spectravision over the course of his stay, but, god damn it, America, Dunston didn't check out! Tears begin to well in the corner of Alix's eyes ALIX Dunston left us back in 1990 ,his legal affairs a jumbled mess, his once legendary estate in shambles, his wife a raving alcoholic, and his son a heroin overdose away from the grave. It puts a smile on my face and sadness in my heart that I watch his story unfold every year on the anniversary of his death. It is with tear stained eyes and a heavy heart that I ask you, America, after witnessing the mistreatment of his fellow primate, Mono, tonight, can you continue to perilously ignore Dunston's blood curdling cry for vengeance from beyond the grave? “NO!!!!” ALIX Then let's grow some hair on our nads, burn our bras, tip some cop cars, crank up the Hendrix, and burn this motherfucker down! “YEAH! KILL WHITEY! KILL WHITEY! KILL WHITEY!” ALIX Slide, slide, slippity slide, Bruisers, our fantastic voyage has yet to come a close, and I'm about to knock you on a magic carpet ride to the moon. Not only have you brought the pool cue of animal cruelty down on Mono, wrestling's true MVP, most valuable primate, but you've also gay bashed my amigos, the beef in my burrito, the taco in my bell, the Mex in my ico, the Che in my Guevara, the batteries in my vibrator, Los Diablos De Fuego! And for what? To draw us out like pictionary, awesome game by the way, we must play sometime, I will own you so hard. Well here we are on the canvas in living color like David Alan Grier and Damon Wayans in men on film. But just like the foppish duo featured on that short lived but way hilarious early nineties comedy sketch show, you happen to be acting like a pair of sissies! We're here in the ring, ready to rumble like our name was David Arquette and this was a WCW endorsed movie worthy of a billion and one Oscars and a few Nobel Peace Prizes. But when you saw us, you hauled up the ramp like we're more dangerous then the LAPD. We may be women but it's obvious you're the.... “PUSSIES!” screams the crowd. ALIX I was going to say the passage leading from the uterus to the vulva in certain female mammals. But I guess your way was more concise and had a little bit more oomph. Did you notice the part where I said only certain female mammals. How much does it just totally suck to be that female mammal without a vagina? How horribly, horribly, horribly, horrible must that person's life be? Christian Wright our prayers go out to you! KRISTA Sweetie, I know your modern day Voltaire in bloom, but why don't you hold off on your wonderful insights until we're back at the hotel. Even the finest wines need time to age! As for you two, if you're not going to come down here and let me peel your face off your head with a nail file, then maybe you can tell us what exactly it is that you want. UBER (snarling) What do we want? What do you think we want? ALIX (singing) If you want to be my lover, you have got to give, taking is too easy but that's the way it is! BIG FRANK Hey Alix, why don't you do something more useful with your mouth...like see if you can handle this 10 incher. Think of it as the start of your new career, because after we get what we want back -- the World tag team titles, which were stripped from us by a bullshit referee, working for a bullshit company in a bullshit match that was voted on by the stupidest, most ignorant, most moronic idiots on the face of this earth! -- you're not gonna want to step foot inside a wrestling ring ever again. KRISTA I'll give you working for a bullshit company...but the stupidest, most ignorant, most moronic idiots on the face of this earth? Tsk, tsk. That's no way to speak about your parents. BIG FRANK That's the problem with you screwed up sorority chicks. You're more keen on trading jokes with the Red Rooster and defending our belts against pretty boys who should have to earn their shot in the Anderson Cup rather than putting them on the line against the team who never lost those titles in the first place! Because of that you forced us to concoct a little scheme to get your attention and get ourselves back into tittle contention. I think you'll find it as impressive as my 25" anacondas. Frank flaunts the largest arms in the world. KRISTA I'm just impressed by the fact that you can use words with more then one syllable. ALIX Hooked on phonics worked for you! UBER Heh, funny. Real funny. You know what would be even funnier? Heh heh heh. If we went down there right now and took your titles the American way...by force! BIG FRANK You broadband's just proved my point. Your hands will be covered in the blood spilled by our bruising until you give us what we want, a rematch. First it was those Brokenbackin' punks last week and Spezia's fag hags tonight. And you don't wanna know who we're gonna hit next if ya keep screwin' us out of title shots. If you think we're playing, if you think this a joke, try and test us and find out how deadly serious we really are. You've been gone for awhile, out the loop, so you don't know the kind of terror The Sooner Bruisers can hit the OAOAST with. Let me clue you into what kind of screwed up people you little girls are dealing with. We don't give a damn who we hurt, who's lives we ruin, who's careers we end, or who suffers at our hands. Human life doesn't matter, human emotions don't matter. The only people that matter are the people we see when we look in the mirror each morning and the only thing that matters is getting the tag team titles back around our waist. And until we get, them back, until you give us our due title shot, people will be hurt, people will suffer and blood will be shed in your name. Your return to the OAOAST and subsequent... KRISTA Subsequent? Look out Christian Wright, there's a new human dictionary in town. BIG FRANK Let's see how many quips you can get in standing next to your daughter's hospital bed, bitch. "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!" KRISTA :firedevil: BIG FRANK That got your attention, didn't it? See, unlike us, you care whether or not people get hurt. We don't protest wars. We make them. KRISTA Listen you, you goddamn poor excuse for a son of a bitch! You so much as say hi to my daughter, may all the higher powers in this world help save you from the wrath of a mother's scorn! I see you up on the ramp, smiling, laughing, thinking that we can't hurt you. You've got that Big Red S on your tights and you think that makes you Superman? Well, Clark Kent, we don't have any kryptonite, but you're about to find out how fast we can Christopher Reeve you. I say we because for better or for worse, Alix has become like a... ALIX Second mother... KRISTA (CONT'D) ...big sister to my daughter Maya. ALIX KRISTA We're family, you're family, so we're gonna make like Richard Dawson and bring you a Family Feud. If you ever mention my daughter again, we will leave you on an IV like Roman Numeral Four. Please believe that. And as for these tag team belts you covet so much; I got some bad news for you, kids, you taking these titles away from us is like is kind of like constipation, it's some shit that's not gonna happen. “C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!” chants the audience. KRISTA And don't even think about putting that microphone up to your lips to respond. Because I'm like Professor Xavier tapped into Cerebro, I can read your small as an anorexic midget minds, and I know exactly what you're gonna say. You're gonna bore the few viewers-who didn't rush to change the channel to Real World/Road Rules challenge when they saw you come out-half to death by rambling on and on about bruising our asses. Honey, nobody pounds my ass. I pound THEIR ass! UBER (shouting) Do you know who you're talking to? You bimbos are threatening six time NCAA wrest- ALIX Quiet, poopie head! No one cares about your amateur wrestling junk! So save your childhood stories of rolling around the mat with other gay/bi/curious teenage boys and engaging in fits of quasi dominant fondling and dry humping in an act of raging adolescent desires for rec.alt.sports.homerotic.grappling. Thank you drive through! KRISTA Alix, sometimes your words are like the trash strewn over the freeways of my native land. Anyway, Frank and guy also named Frank but not currently named Frank, if we're not gonna talk about amateur accomplishments, lets talk about some of your professional achievements. Because the way I see it you're pretty overconfident in your abilities despite having done nothing to justify it. Anything you've done, we already did and we did it long before you could even dream about it. Whatever you can't do we can. Whatever you want to be, we already are. We set trends, you follow them. We're blazing a trail, you're still struggling to get on the road. You say you've beaten Black T..... ALIX O-M-G translates into Oh My Gawd! You have one fluke win over Black T? Who even knows if that was legit? Maybe you had incriminating pictures of Dan Black in the bedroom with Bill Watts and the underage cast of Zoe 101 in furry costumes, and he had no choice but to let you win lest his secret obsession with Jamie Lynn Spears and Sonic the Hedgehog be exposed to the world! Hmmmm? Your one little win doesn't mean anything when we've already beaten them twice! Not only that but if you go down to the arcade and you see the high score on Street Fighter Two Championship Edition with the initials P-E-E that's so me rocking the high score and clever witticism game. So you best fall back lest you wind up like the M.Bison to our Chun-Li, and end up Jello pudding creek without a spoon for the delicious low fat Jello treats. And, despite what various rubber cement induced hallucinations tell me, maybe I can't hurl massive blue fireballs out of my hand, and perhaps I'm not a giant, green monster who can generate volts of electricity to shock my mortal enemies without incurring the wrath of federal prosecutors-thanks alot, Jodie Foster-but I'm pretty sure that me and my partner in state sponsored civil union, who happened to be a dancer for Guns N Roses, that'll be important in about two seconds, can take you down...take you down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty! Oh won't you please take me hooooooome? KRISTA Right. Well, you be... ALIX Hooooooooooome! KRISTA You bea.... ALIX HOOOOOOOME! KRISTA ...... ALIX ..... KRISTA You bea.. ALIX HOOOOOOME! KRISTA You bea..... ALIX :headbang: KRISTA Stay calm, Krista, and remember your karma. Remember your Karma. Okay, you two beat the Heavenly Rockers, two guys who are so injury prone they might as well have been born with giant FRAGILE HANDLE WITH CARE stickers on their asses. What will be your next illustrious accomplishment? Beating up Bon Jovi and pushing Professor Stephen Hawking down a flight of stairs? Bruisers, not only have we defeated The Rockers, but we took their names away from them, made them our personal bitches for a whole month, then tossed them aside like yesterdays garbage, and never heard a peep from them again. But you keep going after them, and they keep coming back. If you were as bad as you say you are, they'd have one foot in the grave, and your foot in their ass. But the way it's going now, they're one verse away from shutting your mouthes for good. The audience loudly cheers the thought of The Heavenly Rockers beating up their archrivals. KRISTA You beat down the Sk8r Bois and left them like Apollo Creed after Ivan Drago hit him? Well, if you're Drago that makes us Rocky, and that means at the end of this story we leave you flat on your back with no belt on your waist. If you die you die. Wake up and smell the truth gentlemen, I'm the woman who made the Sk8r Bois. Their mother gave them birth, but I gave them life. There wouldn't have even been Sk8r Boiz for you to beat if it weren't for me. It's exactly as I said, anything you've done, we've done it before and we did it so much better. You should've accepted your tag title loss like the nameless, faceless, mongoloid dopes that you are. When it comes to challengers for our titles, you're two people we aren't particularly worried about because we will beat your ass every time we see you for the rest of your life. You can jack up the not-so ambiguously gay duo, beat up Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, and drop disses from in front of that Wizard Of Oz Curtain on the entrance stage all you want, but when that yellow brick road starts to crack you bitches better click your heels together three times and head back to Oklahoma, because we will break your jaw every time we see you, from now until forever. You feud with us and we'll bury you so far underground that your next match will be against Owen Hart and Chris Candido. ALIX Oh, yes, she did. Frank shakes his head in a combination of disgust and outright anger before he finally opens his putrid mouth BIG FRANK Who can I blame for this? Who's neck can I wring, who's face can I pulverize, and who's kneecaps can I crack? Who is the person responsible for making you girls think you're equal to real people? Was it these inbred pieces of Australian white trash? Because they're the only ones dumb enough to let you believe you're anywhere near our level! “BOOOOOO!” BIG FRANK Even though your both as skinny as toothpicks, and the veins in my 25" anacondas are bigger then your entire bodies, you still got in your head that you're actually in the same league as six time NCAA wrestling champions. Forget about being America's Sweet Hearts, we're America's Bad Asses, and there ain't nothing in this world except a sex change and whole lotta juice, that's gonna get you anywhere near the Sooner Bruiser's league. But that ain't gonna stop The Man of Tomorrow and the Psycho Gremlin from doing what needs to be done, and that's crushing you in a heartbeat. Don't think for a second that just because you're women you can talk all that trashed you just talked and not get the same beatings we dished out to those mirror obsessed pretty boys The Sk8r Boiz, and those no talent Vegas lounge singers the Heavenly Rockers. Ask that diseased dumpster slut, Holly-Wood just what Big Frank can do to a chick when she makes the mistake of crossing him. And over the span of one year she didn't say or do half of what you just did to me and my brother in the last ten minutes. Now you might even get beat worse just because you're girls. It's my duty as a red blooded American male to put you uppity skanks where you belong, on your knees and in front of my ****! “YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!” chant the fans. BIG FRANK But even though you tried to take our heads off with hockey sticks, ran us down, and stole our championship belts, I'm not gonna hold it against ya. Don't get me wrong, we're gonna punish you, we're gonna break you, but I'm ain't gonna hold no grudge. After we take the belts back, and all the scores are settled, and the doctor clears you for release from the hospital we put you in, I'm gonna do a good deed for you two. I'm gonna give you both something you haven't had in a very long time. I'm gonna give you the gift of havin' a real, live, warmblooded man inside of ya, and not some seven inch piece of rubber that's attached to a leather harness. So go ahead and put your plug n play hardware back in the box because once you get on the hardrive with The Man of Tomorrow you won't find no floppy disk, just all the ram your system can handle. And don't worry about the anti-virus, because Big Frank always comes packing the trojans. So get your input devices ready because you never know when my output device will go into burst mode and spray that HotJava all over your size 32 bits. Right now you're screaming “I am woman here me roar”, but when I get you alone, all you'll be saying is “Oh, Frank, do me more!” While the crowd boos Franks vulgar tirade, Krista quite literally looks as if she's about to explode in furious rage. Her skin turns several shades of red, and audience members in the front row begin to murmur thinking that she might actually go up the ramp to fight the duo. Somehow, Krista miraculously calms down long enough to propose an idea to her foes. KRISTA Wow that sounds,really,really, wonderful and inviting and not at all like something that makes me want to inhale the fumes from an exhaust pipe. But back to matters that don't make me wish an eight ton anvil would fall on your head; the tag team titles. Originally I was going to suggest that we wipe the ring with you at Anglepalooza. But if you feel that strongly about getting your rematch, if you're that passionate about being totally embarrassed by women who aren't even a quarter of your size, and if we've made you that upset, why don't we forget all about Anglepalooza and work out our issues right now? How's that sound? Why don't the people here in uh....um..uh....hey, what city are we in? “MELBOURNE!” KRISTA I knew that! I knew that! I was just making sure you all knew what city you were in. A mind is a terrible thing to waste and to lose, although Alix seems to be getting along pretty well without it. Just a little public service announcement. Krista, like the NBA, cares. So, Bruisers, how about we give the people what they really wanna see? ALIX Nooooo not a tape of Mackenzie DeCenzo's drunken and lurid strip tease from the company's Chirstmas party, silly boys! But a tag team title match, here tonight on HeldDOWN! The fans give a raucous response to Alix's suggestion. KRISTA I like it, the asses...I mean the masses, how silly of me, like it, Uber is such a poor actor that he's totally incapable of emoting anything that doesn't involve grunting or snarling but I'm sure he likes it also! So Sooner Bruisers from Tulsa, Oklahoma, come on down and get your beating...I mean rematch, again how silly of me, with the champs. “YEAAAAAAAH” BIG FRANK Listen up, goldie crotch, when you're hoking up with The Man of Tomorrow you don't tell him when to come, he comes when he's damn good and ready. ALIX If backstage gossip is any indication then you'll be coming in about twenty seconds. “OOOOOOOH” That comment seems to draw Franks ire, and he begins a vile march towards the ring. Unfortunately for the excited audience, Uber interjects himself and manages to calm down his enraged sibling. Making no effort to keep his voice level, Frank puts the mic to his lips. BIG FRANK We ain't doing this tonight! So every last one of you can sit right back down in your seats and keep your traps shut, because you're not gonna get the pleasure of watching the two greatest amateur wrestlers of all time dominate a second rate Jane Fonda and her bulimic pillow biter. Not tonight! Ask anyone of The Man of Tomorrow's megabytes and they'll tell you Big Frank is all about the big finish. And the big finish never comes premature. So we're gonna wait until the moment is right to stop the talkin' and start the fightin'. And that moment is Anglepalooza, just like Hot Lips down there said. COLE Come on! The people want to see the rematch tonight! BIG FRANK And lemme clear up any confusion before these dingo humping, down under pieces of white trash start to think we're ducking you. You don't intimidate us. There ain't a man on this roster or who's ever worked in this company that intimidates me or my bro. And you're no men, you're a couple of loud mouth Frisco dykes who's bark is worse then your bite. There's an old question that asks what do you tell a woman with a black eye? The answer is nothing, she's already been told. The problem with you two is you don't have any black eyes, so you haven't even been told once. But me and my brother, being such good sports, are gonna tell you twice, just to make sure you get the point. UBER We hope you had your fun as champs, because in just two weeks, your reign is going to come to a very violent and very abrupt ending. You can't stop us from getting the titles back at Anglepalooza. We're gonna rip through you like machetes through watermelons. Ow, ow, ow, owwwwwww! With that final howl Frankenstein returns to arena forefront as the brothers make the infamous belt motion around their waists. Taunting the current champions, they back through the entrance doors, while various nearby crowd members lambaste them with insults and jeers. Never one to take no for an answer, Krista leans over the ropes and continues to order her enemies to come and face her. Meanwhile, Alix returns to the task of checking on her wounded friends, Los Diablos', condition. COLE Folks, there we have it, at Anglepalooza it will be the challengers, The Sooner Bruisers taking on the champions, Chicks Over Dicks. I know we all wanted to see the match tonight, but I'm sure at Anglepalooza those two teams will lay it all on the line for the tag team titles! The camera cuts to the HeldDOWN~! interview set where Josh "J. Math" Matthews is standing by with Vitamin X, who is busy doing the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle. Prince Vitamin is in his wrestling attire, ready for his match. X shadowboxes a little bit. The crowd boos loudly. JOSH MATTHEWS Vitamin X, you are just moments away from your match against Colombian Heat, a rematch from AngleMania V last year. What are your thoughts heading into this match, one week after you stole Colombian Heat's girlfriend, Stacey Robertson, away from him? VITAMIN X Josh Matthews, I've only got one thing to say about Colombian Heat: he's got NO CHANCE IN HELL! VX walks away from the interview set, bumping into "J. Math's" left shoulder along the way. Josh Matthews stands there puzzled, watching X go by. The crowd boos loudly again. COLE Heat/X next!Commercial break Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2013 *KA-CHING~!* *Come and take your Vitamin X.* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "Bling-Bling" by The B.G. featuring The Big Tymers and Hot Boys starts playing, which causes the crowd to stand up and start booing. The entrance doors slide open, and Vitamin X Shane-O-Mac Shuffles his way out onto the entrance stage, cocky like usual. X then raises his hands, trying to get the crowd fired up, but it's not working. Dollar signs are superimposed over the entrance ramp VX starts jogging down to the ring, bobbing his head to the beat of his entrance song. X is wearing his Colombian HACK yellow soccer jersey that he debuted last year, and just to refresh your memory, here it is: Lovely, isn't it? *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a thirty-minute TV time limit. Introducing first, coming to the ring at this time. From Miami, Florida. Weighing in at 248 lbs. He is the Financial Consultant for The Lightning Crew. He...is...VITAMINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN EXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX! X jaws with the fans at ringside, and then climbs the ring steps, hopping onto a turnbuckle. COLE So much emotion invested into this match! We are just one week removed from Stacey Robertson-- COACH That's PRINCESS STACEY to you, bub! COLE Sorry, "PRINCESS" Stacey joining The Lightning Crew and breaking up with Colombian Heat. And now tonight on HeldDOWN~!, Colombian Heat can get some revenge when he takes on Stacey's NEW boyfriend in a one-on-one match! COACH This isn't going to be much of a match, you know that? Heat is such a puss, he's probably still crying about Stacey breaking up with him! COLE He didn't seem to be crying earlier when he told her off in the middle of the ring! COACH That was a facade. You think all those gangstas you see on MTV wouldn't start peeing in their pants if they were looking down the barrel of a gun? Heat's the same way. He's faking it. He was frontin'. Heat really misses her, and he's not going to be able to concentrate on this match! COLE Well, we shall see. COACH We will! Vitamin X scans the crowd, and then crosses his arms into a X. X hops into the ring and does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle once again, pointing to his jersey. COLE Stacey isn't with Vitamin X right now. COACH That's because X wants Stacey to stay far away from Heat, lest she get hit in the head again! COLE Coach, that was an ACCIDENT! Heat never meant to do that! COACH Oh come on Cole! You were there! Heat INTENTIONALLY hit Stacey, knocking the Princess out cold! COLE You gotta be kidding me! It was all an accident! Stacey's just become deluded since joining The Lightning Crew! COACH No! She's realized the truth! Finally! Vitamin X continues doing the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle. He then stops and looks at the entrance, with a smirk on his face. "Bling-Bling" by The B.G. featuring The Big Tymers and Hot Boys dies down. The crowd buzzes in anticipation of Heat's entrance. COLE This crowd electric for the arrival of Colombian Heat. COACH Idiocy knows no border lines. COLE Coach, that's rude. COACH That's how I roll! I'm like the wind, baby! COLE Oh come on! A piano plays a melody causing the crowd to cheer loudly. The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody. *COME ON!* *BOOM~!* Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull starts playing. The crowd's cheers get even louder as the entrance doors slide open and Colombian Heat comes out, fired up and ready to go! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH Ha! He's still crying! COLE Coach, stop it! Heat raises his hands, acknowledging his fans. He then points right at Vitamin X, saying something most likely vicious to him. X just stands there with his game face on. Colombian Heat points to both sides of the arena, and then walks down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. BUFFER And his opponent! Coming to the ring at this time. Originally from Bogotá, Colombia, but now residing in Miami, Florida. Weighing in at 180 lbs. This...is...COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! Colombian Heat continues slapping hands with the fans as "Gasolina (Remix)" continues playing. COLE A rematch from AngleMania V last April. Heat defeated X in the first match on the show, but that was almost a year ago. And as you saw last week, anything can happen in a year, and now times have changed for both Vitamin X AND Colombian Heat! COACH Heat was in the zone at AngleMania V, I'll give him that. But he's no longer all there. The lost of his girlfriend to Vitamin X has permanently cripple him, emotionally. He'll never be able to recover from this, so he might as well retire from the sport. I wouldn't miss him. COLE You wouldn't. But fans all over the world would! Heat was dealt a crushing blow last week, but he CAN recover, and he WILL survive it! And he'll prove it starting tonight, and then next week when he and Spanish Fly take on PRL and Popick in a 2 Out Of 3 Falls Match for the HI-YAH World Tag Team Titles! COACH Heh, the way things are going, he might not even make it to next week! COLE I sure hope you're wrong about that. COACH I'm never wrong. I'm Da Coach! Heat high fives a young fan, and then climbs the ring steps to hop into the ring. He gets on the second rope and does the "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal, receiving cheers. Heat then gets on a second turnbuckle--BUT GETS ATTACKED BY VITAMIN X! COLE HEY! Vitamin X pummels Heat with lefts and rights even as Heat's music continues playing! The punches cause Heat to stumble around the ring. Vitamin X sends Colombian Heat to the ropes, and then starts punching him in the face repeatedly. COACH X is drawing first blood! I love it! The punches stun the Colombian superstar. So, VX takes a few steps back...charges forward...AND GETS BACKDROPPED OVER THE TOP ROPE ONTO THE FLOOR! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH OH NO! COLE Vitamin X is laying on the outside! Indeed, The X-Man is kissing the floor. Colombian Heat then asks for a microphone. COACH Somebody check on X! COLE Why don't you go do it!? COACH I can't! I'm announcing! "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull dies down. Heat has a microphone in his right hand and is pacing back and forth. COLOMBIAN HEAT Yo! Yo! Yo! If all of y'all are ready to see me make DAT BITCH feel the Heat, then Melbourne, Australia, make some noise UP IN THIS-- "BI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH~!" Colombian Heat throws the microphone away, just as Vitamin X enters the ring charging like a bull! But Colombian Heat ducks the charge, and punches Vitamin X! He then does it again! And again! Colombian Heat DANCES~! And then knocks Vitamin X to the mat with the fourth punch to complete the Shake, Rattle, & Roll! COLE Shake, Rattle, & Roll from Colombian Heat! COACH AAAHHH! Heat drags Vitamin X over to the center of the ring. Heat bounces off the ropes, does a SHIMMY~!, and then drops a knee onto X's face! COLE Shaky Leg Knee Drop! Heat then gets on his knees, grabs X by his hair, and starts punching him in the face repeatedly with he crowd cheering louder every punch! COLE All that rage! All that anger! It's all coming out right now in the ring! Colombian Heat slams the back of Vitamin X's head against the mat several times. And it's at this point, that referee Mickey Jay finally calls for the bell. *DING DING DING*COLOMBIAN HEAT vs. VITAMIN X Heat stomps on Vitamin X for a few minutes, taking breaks just to yell at him. Heat picks VX up by his hair and jersey, and then gives him an Irish whip sending him into the ropes. Heat follows that up with a leg lariat which sends Vitamin X flying through the second and third ropes onto the floor! COLE And Vitamin X is down for the second time in this match! COACH Come on! He needs a breather! Somebody check on him! SOMEBODY CHECK ON HIM! COLE Relax Coach. Calm down, here have a cookie. COACH Ooh! Cookie! As Coach thoroughly enjoys his cookie, Colombian Heat takes a minute to catch his breath and then exits to the ring to loud cheers. Vitamin X is lying flat on his back outside the ring, wincing in pain. Heat stomps on X's gut, just because he can, and then goes to pick him up. BUT THEN, Cuban Wall shows up and attacks Heat from behind! COLE Hey! Wait a minute! Come on now! This isn't right! COACH (mouth full of cookie) Hhey--it--he's--just--helpinghisfriend. Nothing--wrong--with--that. COLE What you say? COACH Nevermind. Cuban Wall laughs as he watches Colombian Heat try to get up. Heat does a soccer-style kick to Heat's stomach! As Vitamin X starts to get up, Cuban Wall picks Colombian Heat up by his orange basketball shorts and nails him with several punches to the temple! Wall then grabs Heat by his head and then throws him into the ring post, left shoulder first! COLE Oh! What a sickening thud! Heat hit the steel post HARD! Heat rests on the ring post, but Wall's not done with him yet. Wall pulls Heat off the ring post and then walks with him a few steps back. CW then hooks Heat up and lifts him up, like he's about to give him a back suplex. Instead, Cuban Wall charges forward...AND THROWS COLOMBIAN HEAT BALLS-FIRST INTO THE RING POST! CROWD OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! COACH A HA HA HA! A HA HA HA HA! A HA HA HA HA HA! A HA HA HA HA HA HA! COLE My God! The Brawn of Brains & Brawn is certainly living up to his name! COACH That was great! Can we see that again!? The OAOAST Starbucks Double Shot Instant Replay shows Cuban Wall throwing Colombian Heat into the ring post from different angles. Meanwhile, Colombian Heat is in horrible pain, grabbing his sack while still hanging by the ring post! COACH I don't think we'll be seeing any little Heats after THAT move! COLE You maybe right. Colombian Heat is in a bad way right about now! COACH Now, X can finish it! Come on X! Come on! Get back into the ring! Finish this match! The crowd is still reeling from that painful ballshot. Cuban Wall pulls Colombian Heat off the ring post and throws him back into the ring, where Heat continues grabbing his johnson. Wall then picks Vitamin X up by his jersey and also throws him back into the ring, but since X hasn't had his special area attacked by steel in the past five minutes, X is getting up while Heat continues lying in pain on the mat. COLE And now The X-Man has the advantage. He can do whatever he wants to Heat. This match is *his* for the taking! COACH Go get 'im, X! Take him out! Now! "P.R. SUCKS!" "P.R. SUCKS!" "P.R. SUCKS!" "P.R. SUCKS!" As another chant about PR sucking starts up, Vitamin X gets to his feet and stomps on Colombian Heat with his brand new white Reebok sneakers. He then starts dropping elbows onto Heat's back and chest! Cuban Wall taunts some fans at ringside as he watches X go to work on Heat. COLE And Colombian Heat is in trouble now! Vitamin X taunts Heat, and then picks him up. Snap suplex! X goes for the cover. 1... 2... HEAT KICKS OUT! X goes back to pummeling Heat with rights and lefts. The X-Man picks Colombian Heat up and whips him into the ropes--Heat reverses--Heat goes for a clothesline, X ducks, wraps himself around Heat's body...and hits him with a Floatover DDT! COACH Beautiful! Beautiful! Cuban Wall also applauds this move! X goes for the cover again. It gets two. "LET’S GO HEAT!" "LET’S GO HEAT!" "LET’S GO HEAT!" "LET’S GO HEAT!" The crowd tries their best to rally Heat back, but X is still on offense. Vitamin X picks Heat up by his head and then taunts him some more! He then goes back-to-back with Heat...and gives him a stalling neckbreaker! Vitamin X gets right back up and picks Colombian Heat up again. He starts jukin' and jivin' which causes the fans to start booing again. COACH Oh yeah. He's feeling it. He's feeling it. VX does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle, and then punches Colombian Heat. He punches him again! X does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle one more time, and then punches Colombian Heat a third time, knocking him down to the mat! COACH Yeah! The Shane-O-Mac Shuffle! X is beating the snot out of Colombian HACK! BOO-YAH~! VITAMIN X BOO-YAH~! COACH It's like he read my mind! Vitamin X poses for the fans, garnering more boos in the process. Prince Vitamin picks Heat up once more. *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" X shoves CH into a turnbuckle with Cuban Wall cheering him on. Heat is starting to feel fatigued. X knees Heat in the stomach several times, and then starts hitting Heat with fast kicks all over his body, yelling, "COME ON!" at the same time! Knife-edged chop across the chest! Vitamin X whips Colombian Heat--NO!--Heat reverses. X hits the turnbuckle! Heat then unleashes a combination of chops and punches all over Vitamin X! COACH WHAT!? NO! The crowd comes to life again. Colombian Heat then unleashes a flurry of martial arts kicks all over Vitamin X's body! Heat gets X stunned, and then finishes it off with a jumping back kick to X's jaw! X slumps all the way to the mat with his head resting on the bottom turnbuckle pad. COLE Oh boy! It could be time! COACH Oh no. Colombian Heat sees the crowd and smiles. He also sees Vitamin X lying in perfect position. So, Colombian Heat jogs on over to the opposite turnbuckle, does the low-rider hand gesture, and then charges forward. COLE Here it comes! Ride 'em cowboy! COACH Gay~! BRONCOBUSTER~! COLE Broncobuster! Broncobuster on Vitamin X! COACH Awww! He's stealing Vitamin X's move! COLE Let's not start that again! Colombian Heat gets off of X (ewwww), and then taunts him, before pulling him up by his jersey. Heat says something to him, and then whips him across the ropes--NO!--Heat holds on for a short armed clothesline! Short-armed clothesline! Another clothesline! Another clothesline! And yet, another clothesline! COLE Colombian Heat is making the comeback! CH grabs Vitamin X just as he gets up. BONG HIT~! COLE The Bong Hit! And Vitamin X...is...down! Colombian Heat exits the ring and climbs the turnbuckles. The crowd is getting hot. Vitamin X is slowly getting up. COLE Look out, X! Heat is going to fly! COACH Move! MOVE! MOOOVVEEEE! Colombian Heat is hunched over on the top rope. He mutters something to Vitamin X. Vitamin X is on his right knee. He pushes himself up onto his feet, despite feeling dazed and confused. X's eyes are glazed over as he stumbles around the ring... RIGHT INTO A MISSILE DROPKICK FROM COLOMBIAN HEAT!!! COLE Picture perfect missile dropkick from Heat! Colombian Heat sits up and looks at his right hand. "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Oh yeah! He's feeling it! He's fired up! He's ready! Colombian Heat seems mesmerized by his right hand. He starts shaking, and soon his head shakes like he's having a seizure. COACH Oh no! Not the stupid, stinkin', Spin-A-Roonie! COLE Hang on! It's coming! Heat continues shaking his head, causing the crowd to get even louder. Then he stops, stretches out his arms, and yells out, "WASSSSUUUUPPPPP!?" before doing the Spin-A-Roonie to a loud pop! COLE Spin-A-Roonie! The Spin-A-Roonie! Colombian Heat with the Spin-A-Roonie! COACH Come on! That's not even a wrestling move! COLE Colombian Heat is not just a wrestler, but a showman too! COACH Oh give me a break! And X is a showman by the way. CH gets to his feet and raises his hands to acknowledge the fans. He then looks to the crowd...and puts his hands around his throat, and gasps for air. "YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE That's it! That's the signal! That's the signal for the Colombian Necktie! COACH Oh crap! Oh crap! Come on X! Come on! Look out, behind you! Behind you! Colombian Heat stalks Vitamin X. The crowd is getting hotter. Cuban Wall stands on the outside worried for his partner and friend. Heat motions for X to "Get up, fool!" X is moving his arms and legs. COACH Oh X! This won't be good! This won't be good! COLE Not for X, that's for sure! Vitamin X sits up. He is sweating and sucking wind. The crowd is clapping their hands in unison. Heat is getting more anxious by the second. COLE Vitamin X looks to be in big trouble right about now! COACH AAAH! I CAN'T WATCH! COLE Get ready, because here it comes! Vitamin X (slowly) gets to his left knee. He then pushes himself up so that he is bent over. COLOMBIAN HEAT GET UP, BITCH~! The crowd is at the hottest it's been all match. X slowly stands up right. He is groggy, sweating, and sucking wind. Colombian Heat stands right behind him ready to strike. X turns around. COACH LOOK OUT, X! Colombian Heat kicks Vitamin X in the stomach, and then turns him around. He hooks their arms together, and then turns around himself, lifting Vitamin X high up in the air! The crowd cheers! COLE Heat's got him up! Will he finish it? Colombian Heat yells at the crowd. He looks up at X's legs, then at Cuban Wall, and then at the camera, before dropping down, giving Vitamin X THE COLOMBIAN NECKTIE~!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Colombian Necktie! Colombian Necktie! Heat's done it! He's got X right where he wants him! Heat covers Vitamin X hooking his left leg. Cuban Wall panic's on the outside. Referee Mickey Jay counts, with the crowd counting along. 1... 2... 2 1/2 2.9999999999999999999999999999999999 COLOMBIAN HEAT GETS UP! COLE What? What in the world? Princess Stacey has made her way to ringside, and she has made eye contact with her ex-boyfriend! COACH Stacey has arrived! The Princess of The Lightning Crew is here! COLE What the--? Colombian Heat could have won the match! But he got up! Why? I don't understand! COACH It's because he still loves her, Cole! Heat hasn't completely gotten over Stacey yet, and this is proof, right before your very eyes! The Princess has a smirk on her face, and her hands on her hips. She laughs heartily at her ex, which only serves to annoy Heat. COLE Heat, forget about her! Get back to Vitamin X! COACH Do you think he'll listen to you? He's still in love with her! Her beauty has distracted him! COLE He told her off earlier! How could he still have feelings for her? COACH You've never been in love, have you? Colombian Heat stands in the ring, arguing with his ex-girlfriend. Nobody can actually hear what they are saying, but suffice to say, it ain't pretty, unlike the two people arguing. COLE Vitamin X is starting to recover! Heat should forget about Stacey and go back to X! COACH He will. In just a few more hours. Vitamin X is indeed starting to get up, sitting on the mat. The crowd tries to warn Heat of this, but Heat is too busy arguing. The ref can't do anything about it, since he's too busy trying to get Cuban Wall off the ring apron! COLE Now Cuban Wall is on the ring apron! This has degenerated into a wild situation here at ringside! Colombian Heat and Princess Stacey yell at each other some more, with Heat pointing a finger at her. COLOMBIAN HEAT Reconize. Bitch. Colombian Heat turns his back...which gives Stacey the perfect opportunity to rush forward and nail Heat with a low-blow! COLE Oh low-blow! Low-blow on Colombian Heat! COACH Man, has Heat's nuts taken a beating tonight! Heat holds his buffalo shot (again). Princess Stacey just laughs at Heat's misery while the crowd boos. Heat turns back to Stacey, mouthing "Why?" Stacey continues laughing. And things are about to get worst for Heat as Vitamin X is back up and grabbing Heat from behind! X lifts Colombian Heat up onto his shoulders in a Torture Rack position. COLE Oh my! Look at X! VX holds Heat up on his shoulders for a few seconds...before throwing him off his shoulders, giving him a neckbreaker on the way down! Reverse TKO! COLE What a move! What a move from Vitamin X! COACH That was incredible! You just saw the strength of Vitamin X! Stacey jumps up and down, applauding X. The crowd winces in pain at what they just saw. Colombian Heat lies in the center of the ring, so Vitamin X gets up and smiles evilly. The crowd boos. Vitamin X exits the ring and climbs the top rope. COLE He could be going for it! COACH Leap Of Faith time! Cuban Wall has finally gotten off the ring apron. So Mickey Jay watches as X ascends the top turnbuckle. Stacey and Wall hold their breath as VX carefully positions himself on the top rope, before standing up straight, looking down at Heat, and then blowing at kiss to Stacey. COLE Oh please. Vitamin X smiles evilly as he jumps off the top rope. LEAP OF FAITH~! COLE The Leap Of Faith connects! Vitamin X hitting Colombian Heat with that elbow drop right into the heart! COACH How appropriate. Vitamin X has a smirk on his face as he readjusts his right elbow pad and then makes the cover, hooking Heat's right leg. Referee Mickey Jay counts. Princess Stacey and Cuban Wall count along. The crowd boos. 1! 2! 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* (6:45) "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE And he does it! Vitamin X has defeated Colombian Heat! COACH Yippee! Stacey jumps up and down some more while Cuban Wall pumps a fist in the air. "Bling-Bling" by The B.G. featuring The Big Tymers and Hot Boys starts playing. X still has a smirk on his face as Mickey Jay raises his hands in victory. BUFFER Here is your winner...VITAMINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN EXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX! The crowd boos some more. Colombian Heat puts his hands over his head, crushed at his defeat. X gets up and does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle, and then raises his hands in the air again, smiling and laughing evilly. COACH Vitamin X has done it! He has gotten revenge over Colombian Heat! COLE But he needed help to do it! COACH Still he has done it! Vitamin X is on a roll! COLE Indeed, he is on a roll, Coach! While Colombian Heat's bad luck streak continues! COACH And it will continue next week when Tha Puerto Rican and Stephen Joseph Popick defeat Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly to retain the HI-YAH World Tag Team Titles! WOO-HOO~! Vitamin X raises his hands once again. Princess Stacey and Cuban Wall come into the ring to congratulate him. Stacey hugs VX and then kisses him on the lips, while Wall high fives his friend. X laughs at Heat's misery as "Bling-Bling" continues playing over the P.A. system. COLE Let's take a look at the highlights of this match. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to the replays starting with Vitamin X attacking Colombian Heat before the bell. COACH X thought he could have an advantage attacking before the bell. Gotta give him some credit for thinking of that. Sadly, Heat defended himself and threw X out of the ring. But X was on him like me on a hooker Friday nights, attacking him with those legendary elbow drops and suplexes. Heat shockingly fought back and hit X with the Colombian Necktie, but before Heat could get the win, he STUPIDLY got up to chat with Princess Stacey. Then when he wasn't looking, Stacey gave him a low-blow, and that allowed PRINCE Vitamin the opportunity to do that cool looking move he did, and finish off with the Leap Of Faith, getting the win for himself AND Princess Stacey! COLE For himself AND Princess Stacey? COACH Yeah, now that chapter of their lives is done, and they can move on. COLE They just got together last week. COACH It was a short chapter. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. We return to live action with Cuban Wall kicking Colombian Heat in the stomach! COLE Oh what a cheapshot! Cuban Wall, Vitamin X, and Princess Stacey leave the ring. X spits on Heat as they leave. Colombian Heat is still lying on the mat in pain. COLE I don't think we've seen the last of this feud. Something tells me that Vitamin X and "Princess" Stacey aren't done messing with Heat, yet. COACH They are. What makes you think they aren't? COLE Because The Lightning Crew loves screwing with Colombian Heat. COACH I know. But believe me. It's done. It's done. It's---OH MY GOD! LOOK! Princess Stacey lifts her skirt up, showing her black thong, to taunt Heat. Vitamin X points to Stacey's ass saying, "I tap that now!" Prince Vitamin puts his left arm around his Princess Stacey's shoulders, while Cuban Wall stands next to Stacey and sticks his tongue out. COACH That was beautiful! COLE The Lightning Crew is toying with Heat's emotions! They know he's at his lowest point, and they love it! COACH That thong, thong, thong, thong, thong! COLE Coach! COACH Sorry! Brains & Brawn and Princess Stacey walk up the entrance ramp, smiling evilly. The crowd continues booing loudly. Colombian Heat is starting to get up, crawling around the ring. COACH How crappy must Colombian Heat be feeling? He lost his girlfriend to The Lightning Crew 2 weeks ago. THEN, his girlfriend decided she LIKED The Lightning Crew and stayed with them, turning on him last week. And NOW, Colombian Heat just got hit in the junk by his ex and got beaten by his arch-rival! God, does it SUCK to be Colombian Heat or what? COLE Colombian Heat hasn't had the best of times in the OAOAST recently, that's for sure. COACH And it'll get worst next week. The pain WILL continue! COLE It may or may not, Coach. Because next week, the #1 Contenders to the HI-YAH World Tag Team Championship, Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly, finally get their shot against the HI-YAH Tag Team Champions, Stephen Joseph Popick and "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican in a 2 Out Of 3 Falls Match! Who will come out on top of that match? COACH (subliminally) PR/Popick. COLE Who will walk out next week with the HI-YAH World Tag Team Titles? COACH (subliminally) PR/Popick. COLE And will Colombian Heat be able to get his mind focused back on wrestling and not on Stacey? COACH (subliminally) No he won't. Go PR/Popick. COLE We'll find out next week, for what is sure to be an exciting match! We'll be back with more HeldDOWN~! right after this! COACH (subliminally) PR/Popick. Colombian Heat is crawling to a turnbuckle. Heat uses the bottom rope to pull himself up. Heat is sweating, breathing hard, and absolutely crushed. The crowd watches on as the depressed Colombian Heat gets up while "Bling-Bling" by The B.G. featuring The Big Tymers and Hot Boys continues playing over the P.A. system.* COMMERCIAL BREAK * Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2013 When we return, the camera cuts to the lockerroom where Cuban Wall, Vitamin X, and Princess Stacey are celebrating. X has a towel around his neck and is holding a water bottle in his right hand. "Mean" Gene Okerland is standing by. "MEAN" GENE OKERLAND Fans, "Mean" Gene Okerland here, and I am about to get a word with Vitamin X concerning his victory over Colombian Heat just a few moments ago. X, how do you feel about your victory over Colombian Heat? VITAMIN X How do I feel? How do you think I feel, baldy? I feel great! I am on top of the world right now! I've got the greatest girl in the world by my side. I've got the greatest tag team partner a guy could ever have backing me up! AND, I've got that piece of lower class filth crying like a baby! Gene-O, I am in HEAVEN! "MEAN" GENE Yes, X, you have things going your way right now. But tell me this, do you fear any reprecussions from Colombian Heat following what's happened in the past two weeks? CUBAN WALL What's with all the questions, old man? "MEAN" GENE I'm an OAOAST interviewer. It's my job. Before Cuban Wall can do anything, Vitamin X tells him to back off, and brings the microphone to his lips. X puts his right arm around Princess Stacey's shoulders. VX "Mean" Gene, I am not NOT afraid of Colombian Heat! There's only two things I'm afraid of in this world: death and the IRS. Heat is not one of those things! If Heat wants some, he's more then likely gonna get a response, because The X-Man won't back down from him nor will I back down from NOBODY! Everything I have said I will do, I have done. I said that Stacey Robertson would come to me. And she did! I said that I would beat Colombian Heat. And I did! Colombian Heat, and anybody else in the OAOAST for that matter, cannot stop me, no matter how hard they try! So, if anybody wants to step up to the plate, and take their Vitamin X, then be my guest, because I am NOT going to go anywhere for a long long time! Not as long as I've got Cuban Wall and Stacey Robertson with me! That's right, man, Brains & Brawn are BACK baby! And with Princess Stacey as our manager, nothing will stop us now! You wanna know why? Because-- BRAINS & BRAWN WE ARE JUST THAT MUCH BETTER THAN YOU~! VX NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! Vitamin X, Cuban Wall, and Princess Stacey go back to celebrating, laughing manically. "MEAN" GENE OKERLAND Cole, Coach, back to you! "WAAHAAA...WAH, WAH, WAH..." There's not much to be written. Being the happy-go-lucky babyfaces that they are, the Lone Star Gunslingers simply jog to the ring flashing their pearly whites, gladly handing out high fives along the way. BUFFER Wrrrrestling fans, our next contest is a Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference ANDERSON CUP first round bout! One fall, 10 minute time limit. Introducing first, from the Lone Star State, total combine weight 507 pounds, here are THE "TEXAS TWISTER" JOCK MULLIGAN and BARON WINDELS... THE LONE...STAR...GUNSLINGEERRRRRSSSS! SCHIAVONE Tony Schiavone, Jesse "The Body" Ventura behind the mic once again for yet another big first round match in the 2007 Anderson Cup as the Lone Star Gunslingers prepare to face Black T and this is YOUR HeldDOWN main event of the evening. This matchup produced quite the thriller last year and the first real upset in the tournament's history, Jesse Ventura. VENTURA You had the #1 seed in the MWC Conference Black T squaring off against the 5th ranked Gunslingers, a team unknown to most of the fanbase outside the die-hards who closely followed the happenings of our sister promotion in Japan, HI-YAH. As you said, a thriller with an unexpected outcome.HeldDOWN~! February 9, 2006 Courtesy: OAOAST Home EntertainmentJock pulls Tony out of the ring. The two trading blows on the floor. Out of nowhere, Dan Black comes diving through the ropes and wipes Jock out with a SUICIDE DIVE! Brannigan slides back into the ring and nails Baron getting up with a knee to the side of the head. Brannigan applies a front facelock and then turns Baron's head clockwise. Baron escapes the clutches of the Rude Awakening by firing a round of quick elbow strikes to Tony's ribs and countering the Rude Awakening with a BACKSLIDE! ONE... TWO... THREE! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" VENTURA NO WAY?! * DING DING DING * Baron rolls out of the ring and helps his partner up outside. The two embrace and raise each other's hand in victory as Michael Buffer makes the official announcement. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners and advancing to the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference Finals, the team of the LONE STAR GUNSLINGERRRRRSSSSS! SCHIAVONE The Gunslingers' celebration was short-lived. The following week the Sooner Bruisers would defeat them in the MWC Conference Finals. It was also the closest Black T would get to the tag team championship for several months as they'd both become heavily involved in the civil war going on in the promotion at the time. VENTURA Black T regained the tag titles at Angleslam, but didn't hold them for long as they were dethroned a few months later at World Without End by the Sooner Bruisers. Now neither hold championship gold, as COD shocked the entire wrestling world by returning at Monday Mainframe to defeat Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright in the final portion of Tag Team Turmoil. They should be the champions. COD weren't even entered. The biggest miscarriage of justice I've ever seen in all my years in the sport. SCHIAVONE Now here comes the punchline. If only COD's mothers had miscarried them, right? VENTURA There was no punchline. You hanged yourself on that one. Good luck dealing with all the negative press. "Quiet" hits as the smoke machine goes into overdrive to blacken the entranceway. Black T emerge through the cloud of smoke to a surprising amount of cheers, which the haters quickly drown out with boos. BUFFER Their opponents in this first round bout. First, hailing from London, England, the man who has held more titles than any other man in OAOAST history, he is the "ICE HEART" DAAAAAN BLAAAAACK! His partner, residing in Hollywood U.S.A., 262 pounds...the former heavyweight champion of the world...TONYYYYY BRRRRAAAANNIGANNNNN! Together they are known as the Trans-Atlantic Wrecking Crew, BLACK TEEEEEEEE! * DINGDINGDING * Dan Black and Jock Mulligan begin for their respective teams, locking up in the center of the ring, and it's the Texas Twister who gets the better of it, flinging Dan across with a simple armdrag. All hell breaks loose early as Tony Brannigan blindsides Jock. Black T establish their dominace by physically manhandling Jock, but it has little effect on the Texican. After a double whip into the corner Jock shoots out and clotheslines Black T, but only connects on the Ice Heart as Tony ducked. Brannigan still gets his, however, and it's right back to Dan. From out of the corner it's a TEXAS PRAYER BOOK running powerslam! ONE... TWO... Kickout! The 10 time limit a major factor in all the first round matches, Jock slaps on the IRON CLAW~! SCHIAVONE Shades of the Von Erich family. VENTURA Or Bruce Blank. He's got the best claw of them all. Jock strays from the playbook to go for the knockout punch, his discus punch, but Tony yanks Black outside to saftey. So he thinks. Jock interjects himself in the meeting of the minds, but it's he who winds up in trouble as Black T are ready and drag him out to the arena floor, clotheslining him on the guardrail. VENTURA Excellent strategy on the part of Black T. Everyone saw what the Sooner Bruisers did to the Gunslingers last week. They bruised them and bruised them bad. Jock was coughing up blood, if I remember correctly. Why not go for the throat. Haha. SCHIAVONE It's a bit barbaric, I think. VENTURA Wrestling IS barbaric. So you know what I say? All's fair in love and war, baby. The tag is made and Tony Brannigan snaps Jock's neck off the top rope, suplexing him in afterwards. Power forearms to the throat earn a warning from the referee, but it means jack to Tony who arrogantly swivels his hips. Black T make another exchange. Jock finds himself in big trouble as Tony holds him up for a Dan Black SUPERKICK! ONE... TWO... Kickout! After a snap suplex and standing headbutt find its mark, Black viciously stomps the forehead of the Texas Twister. He then sets Mulligan for a piledriver, but it's countered with a backdrop! Now it's Dan who finds himself in trouble as he's rocked by big right hands. Black on spaghetti-legs. Jock gets in a (cheap)shot on Brannigan, then turns to face Dan and... * POW * ...SHINING BLACK! VENTURA Oh, Black caught him good with that enziguiri. It may be over right here. Lying face-down Jock is helpless as Black climbs the turnbuckles and drops the KNEE onto the back of the neck! ONE... TWO... THREE-- NO!! Black suckers Baron on the apron, thus baiting him inside so he and Tony can SPIKE CRADLE PILEDRIVER Jock! ONE... TWO... Baron saves the day and Black T are pissed. Neither of whom have a problem letting the Gunslinger and referee know about it. An innovator of offense Black delivers a butterfly backbreaker and turns it into a dragon sleeper! SCHIAVONE Given how much punishment he's taken, just how long can Jock last? Long enough for him to float over and crawl between Dan's legs as Tony charges in and collides with his partner, allowing the Gunslingers to make the tag! Baron Windels comes in wheeling and dealing bionic elbows and right hands. DOUBLE COCONUT leaves Black T bumbling around like a night out partying with Britney and Paris. Baron fires Brannigan off into the ropes and decks him with a diving lariat. Dan Black is then sent for a ride, the recipent of the fallaway slam known as the Devil's Addition! ONE... TWO... Kickout! Another whip in, and Black is placed in a sleeper hold. He reaches the ropes but Windels doesn't break, so Black falls to the floor...but Baron goes with him out and somehow keeps the sleeper in tact! Tony rushes to Dan's aid as the referee escorts Baron back in. Black returns to the apron with a glazed look in his eyes, but damn if he isn't one tough SOB, jabbing his shoulder through the ropes into the midsection of Baron Windels. His mind obviously still elsewhere following the sleeper, Black scales the turnbuckles...and is slammed off the top! Tony feels his partner's pain in the corner, which Baron adds to by dropkicking him off the apron! VENTURA Hey! What's the big idea?! SCHIAVONE All's fair in love and war, remember? VENTURA What have I told you about quoting me? Nobody quotes Jesse "The Body" other than me. The never-ending Irish whip fest continues, as Black makes another trip across the squared circle and eats a Texas sized boot to the face on the way back. Windels takes to the air and clotheslines Dan from the top! ONE... TWO... NO! Save made by Tony Brannigan, who then gives Baron a RUDE AWAKENING! SCHIAVONE No need to get up in arms, Jesse. VENTURA Don't partonize me, Schiavone. I can have you outta here in a second. Naturally, Jock is pissed and must be restrained by the referee while Dan and Tony illegally switch places. After a double take the referee counts like the fool he is. ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Tony makes Baron pay for kicking out, planting him square in the center of the ring with a devasting OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE SPINEBUSTER!! ONE... TWO... THREE-- NO, KICKOUT!! TONY After the initial shock wears off Tony quickly covers, hooking both legs. ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Another quick cover. ONE... TWO... And another KICKOUT. Frustrated, Tony lets Black try his hand at finishing off Windels. Nasty chops and European uppercuts stagger the proud Texan, but a DVD attempt backfires as Baron is able to slip out. He hits the ropes fast and furious, ducking a European lariat to level Black with a FLYING CROSSBODY on the rebound! ONE... TWO... Kickout! Irish whip, and Baron lowers his head which Black capitalizes on being a veteran of the mat wars, hooking the head and leg for a FISHERMAN'S DDT...but Baron rolls through with an INSIDE CRADLE!! ONE... TWO... THR-- KICKOUT!!! To quell the rally and shift momentum back to his team, Black employes a side headlock to ground Windels, who scissors the head in response. The Ice Heart that he is, Black coolly floats on top to place all his weight and the pressure on Baron, garning a wry smile from the youngster... ONE... TWO... ...as he BRIDGES UP to perform a BACKSLIDE! SCHIAVONE My goodness, they're gonna do it again! VENTURA That's how the Gunslingers won last year, with a backslide. ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Gut wrench suplex keeps Black down so Baron Windels can tag out, but Tony has other ideas in mind, stepping in to cut off the tag. Brannigan rakes the laces of the boots across Baron's face and drags him to the Black T side of the ring. Dan worms his way over and legally tags in Tony. Snapmare followed by a power forearm...NO, Baron moves. Brannigan gets up in a world of hurt and walks into a LEAPING DDT! "YEEEAAAAHHHH!" Baron covers, but Black smartly enters to disrupt the proceedings. That brings in Jock to support his teammate, which only diverts the referee's attention to him and that's exactly what Dan hoped for. PITCH BLACK on Windels! Not to mention the illegal switch and cover! ONE... TWO... THREE-- KICKOUT!! Furious, Black unleashes some of that English fire on Baron, who returns in kind! Windels blocks a punch and answers with a bionic elbow. Again and again. Baron Windels rocking and rolling, knocking Black off his feet with a wind-up double axehandle smash to the face! With Tony still down and now Dan Black Baron is free to make... ...THE HOT TAG~! Black T are no match for the fresh Gunslinger from the Lone Star state. Jock Mulligan having his way with the former 3-time OAOAST World tag team champions. Right hands, scoop slams, dropkicks, atomic drops, even another double coconut -- a bit of everything! Discus punch takes care of Tony, and Black gets caught charging in with a belly-to-belly suplex! ONE... TWO... NO! Jock to the top...MISSLE DROPKICK! ONE... TWO... KICKOUT!! The crowd on their feet as rabid as can be. The Gunslingers get ready to cowboy up, twirling an imaginary lasso to signal for their Lone Star Lasso finisher. Baron lifts Dan in a bearhug as Jock hits the ropes...and gets knee'd in the back by Tony Brannigan! SCHIAVONE Talk about possibly snatching victory from the jaws of defeat. Black T moments away from being sent home a second year in a row by the Gunslingers. If they had hit Dan Black with the Lone Star Lasso it would've been over. VENTURA They didn't and now we have a brawl in the ring. Both teams better watch or they'll be disqualified, meaning they'll both be eliminated from the tournament. The Gunslingers treat Black T like an ARKANSAS TOOTHPICK, drilling them with a pair of flying shoulderblocks. Black headbutts Jock in the midsection as Baron and Tony take to the floor, then bars the arm for a crossface but Jock maneuvers his way out and shoots Black into the ropes for a baaack bodydrop. Black retreats to the corner and is followed in. The fans count along as Jock hammers away on Dan in the corner. Another whip in, and Black just runs through Jock with a shoulder tackle. Off the near side and over a leapfrog Dan outsmarts the inexperience Mulligan, faking going over the top of a drop-down to apply the HEART OF ICE crossface! VENTURA I predict this one's over, Schiavone. Few men have ever gotten out of this, if any. Tony does his part, grabbing ahold of Baron outside and driving him into the guardrail. Jock does his best to hold on but soon TAPS. * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER LLLLLLLadies and gentlemen, the winners of the match and advancing on to the MWC Semi-finals... BLAAAAAAACK TEEEEEEEEEEE! SCHIAVONE And so they have done it. Black T avenging their loss to the Lone Star Gunslingers last year, moving on to face the winner of either the Sooner Bruisers-Rescue 911 match later in the tournament. VENTURA With all due respect to Rescue 911, they don't stand a chance against the big Sooners. On second thought, maybe they do. If COD ball up and accept the Bruisers demand for a rematch, Big Frank and Uber will have to drop out because they'd be the champions. Maybe COD will take their place. Wouldn't that be something? SCHIAVONE It would be a first, that's for sure. Fans, that will take care of things for us this week. We'll see you back in the States next Thursday night for more great OAOAST action. For Jesse Ventura, Michael Cole and Jonathan Coachman, this is Tony Schiavone saying goodnight from Melbourne!Fade to black Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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