Chanel #99 Posted August 9, 2015 Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-BROADCAST IN OAOAST 3D RENEE Its a hot night on HeldDOWN~! I am Renee Young, sitting along side the human lowlight reel, Da Coach for another exciting unpredictable night of action you can only find in the OAOAST! God cannot save my soul It's straight to hell for me, I know And when I get there, At least I've found a place to call my home “God If You Are Above” by Falling in Reverse rocks out with immense power and anger. That makes it a perfect match for The Menagerie, who enter minus Leon Rodez, but led by Maggie Nerdly. RENEE Maggie has got some nerve to show up to HeldDOWN after what she did last week! COACH You only live once, that's what Drake said, then he got peed on. RENEE I'm so confused. The Menagerie enters the ring with Maggie taking the forefront. MAGGIE Last week, I took a wine bottle and smashed it against Bobbi Cheesecake's head. “BBBBBBOOOOOOOOO!” MAGGIE Boo-hoo, poor Bobbi Cheesecake. “BOBBI! BOBBI! BOBBI” MAGGIE I remember when I won my women's title. I bet all of you remember it to. Weren't we so happy together, you and me? Celebrating with that women's title after I beat Lindsay Gonzalez. But then that jealous elder sister of mine, Melody, couldn't keep her mits off it. She had to be the women's champion and not me, just like she had to steal my man. I don't remember any of you compalining about that. COACH I did! I did! RENEE You're shameless, Coach. MAGGIE But, for some reason its a problem for me to declare my intent to swipe the women's title off Bobbi's waist. Or is more the way I made that statement? RENEE Yes! MAGGIE You're not supposed to hit people over the head with wine bottles? Is that it. You're not supposed to beat your wife, yet tons of American football players do it, don't they? You shouldn't snort coke, but rockstars do it everyday? You shouldn't steal money, but don't wall street fat asses do it? So what you can't do, what do you shouldn't do, none of that means shit. COACH Maggie waxing philosophical. MAGGIE All that matters is what you do. And what you want. I hit Bobbi with a wine bottle because I want her women's title. I could have asked for a title shot, I could have fought a number one contender match. But I didn't want to. I wanted to hurt her, and I wanted to hurt the OAOAST Galaxy. And that's what I did. When AngleSlam rolls around in Los Angeles, I'll hurt you both again, I'll give you a life time of heartache when I take the women's title for good and put it around my waist. Home of the brave and free [its America] Free just to murder me [Land of the handgun] Land of the beautiful [Home of the shotgun] Cursed by the hate we throw [Ya dead if ya ain't got one] Is this the new national anthem? [it was like this before I got here, baby I ain't do it!] [i ain't start it I'm just apart of it] Is this the new national anthem? Turn it! “BBBBBOOOOOOOOOO!” “New National Anthem” plays out the recpients of the heel heat, The Army of One Nation and Judge Dudd. Flanked by her army fatigue clad boys, Judge Dudd marches on the ring. COACH Judge Dudd has a legit claim to a women's title rematch after Referee Mosh fucked up with a pin that shouldn't have counted. RENEE Blackhawk put her foot on the ropes, no way should that have mattered. The trio enter the ring, creating a tense face off with The Menagerie. BLACKHAWK Is this supposed to be a joke? SCOURGE Ay, does anyone look like they're laughing to ye? EAGLE EYE It was rhetorical. You Euro trash boys know what that means right? BLACKHAWK The next women's title shot goes to Judge Dudd! RAYDER Says who now? EAGLE EYE Says The Army of One Nation! BLACKHAWK And no collection of Europeans and country traitors are going to deny it. MAGGIE You can't always get what you want. But you can get another bottle to the face. JUDGE DUDD My foot was on the ropes! I was cheated! BLACKHAWK America is being leeched by cheaters. Welfare cheats, tax cheats, food stamp cheats, and cheaters like you and Bobbi Cheesecake. SILVER I agree! Its time to stamp out cheating and create an era of hope and love. So that means you three should take a hike and drown yourselves in a river. MAGGIE Good thought, Silver. For once. SCOURGE Ay, I got a few choices bodies o' water I'd be happy to dump ye in. Night falls! DARKER EACH TIME! Let me tell you a story You turn over to sleep I hold my breath till the morning 1000 Nights! And I'm still crying! 1000 Nights! And I'm still trying! 1000 Nights! And I'm still crying! 1000 Nights! And I'm still trying! Ooooohhhh! I don't know what to do to please you! Ooooohhhh! I don't know what to do to please you! Finally the fans have a reason to cheer as Ronika's “1000 Nights” pops into the arena. And with the catchy tune comes women's champion, Bobbi Cheesecake! BOBBI Ladies, gentlemen, and pretty boys, I don't like this kind of fighting. All this arguing and political talk is mad boring. If there's two hot girls, and a bunch of hot guys present, you need to figure out how the orgy is gonna work. “YYYYYEAAAAAAAAAA!” RENEE Sounds like the OAOAST Galaxy agrees with that. BLACKHAWK There's no orgy happening! “BBBBOOOOOOOOOOO!” BOBBI I agree one hundred percent. That's a major disappointment. But I guess not seeing Sloppy naked is a win. SLOPPY JOE BOBBI Buuuuuut, if we're gonna stick to the topic of the women's title then fine I'll discuss it with ya. Honestly, no one in the ring deserves a title shot. BLAKCHAWK What?! Stop! Hold on! BOBBI No stopping! No holding on! But, I'll tell ya what, because I'm a fighting champion, and because I love older women, I'll have you both in the ring with me at the same time. Triple threat match for the women's title at AngleSlam! “YYYYYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAA!” RENEE That is a fighting champion! Judge Dudd and Maggie turn evil glares upon one another, but manage to come to an agreement and nod. BOBBI C-ya soon, bitches! COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 *** Sonic & The Warthog w/ C.A.M. vs.The Playmakers w/ Rick Heyross *** With rumblings Slaughterhouse leader Deuce Deuce Bigelow is none too pleased with their performance thus far in The Challenge, Sonic and The Warthog came on looking to make a statement. They succeeded early by ulitizing a quick strike/high impact offensive attack, but the Playmakers used their mat skills to slow the action and then strike back hard. In the end Moss and QB1 emerged victorious after finishing off Sonic with 3 Yards & A Cloud of Dust (super Rocker Dropper).Winners: The Playmakers, via pinfall (7:47). In a backstage skit, Sophie Grey was chatting with Remy Bazil and Deirdre about the 24/7 Title. SOPHIE AngleSlam you will test your how you say mettle? REMY English is certainly not as beautiful as Francais. SOPHIE Oui, oui, oui. Mais what I said is true, you will defend the zhe 24/7 Title against Sloppy Joe, Badass Jack, and zhe returning Nathaniel Noir! REMY Who? DEIRDRE Nathaniel Black, idiot. REMY DEIRDRE Don't fuck it up, Remy. Don't you dare fuck it up. REMY COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Backstage at the state of the art interview set, Ser Timothy Cash is present to be interviewed by one Terry Taylor. TAYLOR Timmy, King Landon issued the challenge to you for a one on one match at AngleSlam. SER TIMOTHY That he did. I heard the message loud and clear. TAYLOR Now this is your chance for a reply. SER TIMOTHY Landon, I will never call you King again. You're not fit to be a King, not a king of men, not even a king of field mice. TAYLOR That's the closet thing to an insult you've ever said! SER TIMOTHY And it is well deserved. Landon, you are no true king, but you are an OAOAST Superstar, so I salute your bravery in challenging me to a match. But if you're truly the warrior you say are then you'll have no problem upping the stakes. TAYLOR Upping the stakes? What do you mean, Timmy? SER TIMOTHY First blood match! Bleed me if you can! TAYLOR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 ***Time Killers Vs The Party Brigade*** The killers of time managed to get PDB to shake hands, which got applause from the fans. The match was a fast paced affair with Time Killers showing some incredible high flying work. The Brigade though was able to use their power moves, but actually won the match when Pierce small packaged Doc. Winner: The Party Brigade, via pinfall (6:12) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 TO THE BACK~!, where SPENCER REIGER arrives in a black SPORTS CAR to a mixed reaction. More cheers than boos though. He exits, grabs his bags and is approached by OAOAST correspondent Sara Jean Underwood who wants to know more about last week, or better yet the history between him, Blaine and Sammi because "something is clearly there." Spencer takes a moment and... laughs! SPENCER Jealously's a funny thing isn't it? Spencer walks away. SARA JEAN Oh come on! You guys need to quit holding back on me. *sigh* At least we're getting closer to the full story. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 *** Deuce Deuce Bigelow w/ C.A.M. Vs. Spencer Reiger *** - R&C put over Deuce winning the BUSTLE promotion's TUFF Title recently in Japan; also note he's upset with the performance of Sonic & Warthog in The Challenge - Coach suggested the Spencer, Blaine, Sammi stuff involves sex & wondered who was dicking who. RENEE COACHLook at Blaine and Spencer. One's got the All-American look, the other a bad boy. Just saying. Early on Spencer found Deuce's size and strength tough to handle, but once he started employing a hit and run strategy the tide began to turn in his favor. But then BLAINE CAYLEY appeared on the AngleTron wielding his CRICKET BAT and rushed Spencer's SPORTS CAR backstage, SMASHING THE WINDOWS, HEADLIGHTS and SIDE-VIEW MIRRORS all while Sammi screamed at her brother to stop. SPENCER ... Pissed, Spencer left the ring DURING THE MATCH to return backstage where Blaine was still taking his bat to the car. Spencer was met by OAOAST officials to make sure he and Blaine remained separated. A shouting match ensued as Deuce watched in the ring, more than happy to take a count out win. Winner: Deuce Deuce Bigelow, via count out. As Deuce celebrated his victory, DAISUKE MOTOZAKI emerged through the crowd, blindsiding the big man with a RAINBOW DASH MASH shining wizard to the back for the noggin! "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" RENEEThe King of Bronies is back! With Deuce down Daisuke pulled a TABLE out from under the ring and brought it inside. COACHOh shit. I think Dice-M's got bad intentions. As the KOB sets up the table the rest of Slaughterhouse is summoned by C.A.M. Dice-M fights them off initially but eventually the numbers get to him. Fortunately THE PARTY BRIGADE is in the house and come to his rescue! COACHWhat the heck? RENEEPiercy D and J.Riggs coming to the King's service! They still have major issues with Slaughterhouse after what occurred a couple weeks back. TPB and Dice-M clean house and stand tall with Amberlynn. Then they all stare each other down... until the KOB gives them a nod of approval. Outside, Slaughterhouse is bloody mad! Suddenly an instrumental version of Cazwell's "Ice Cream Truck" blasts in the background. TO THE BACK~!, where an ICE CREAM TRUCK pulls up as OAOAST officials do their best to keep Blaine and Spencer separated. But no one seems to notice. JADE (O.S.)Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! Ice cream man! Jade Rodez-Duncan drags her sister/CO2 partner Maya towards the truck! only to be startled when a Jared-looking gentleman sticks his head out side. MANHiya kiddos! I'm Pete-O! What can I get ya? MAYA JADEHiya Pete! You sure are friendly. But with so many yummy options it's hard to pick just one! PETE-OIts hard all right. Heh. Say, maybe you girls would have an easier time deciding if you came in my truck to take a good hard long look at all my treats? You could even invite your upset blonde girlfriend there.(to Sammi)How about it little girl? Would you like a tour of my truck? MAYAC'mon Jade. We've got to go. JADEBut I know which one I want now. The chocolate fudge. MAYAToo many calories. Besides, you could afford to drop a few pounds anyway. JADEMaya! Maya drags Jade away. PETE-ODon't listen to her. You look great! JADEThanks! PETE-O(under breath)More cushion for pushin'. Heh. Mm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Backstage in the sate of the art interview set Terry Taylor is stood beside the newest OAOAST tag team, Phecda and Al Houd of Pretty Young Money. TAYLOR Phecda and Al Houd, you have some explaining to do after your incident with Simon Singleton where you cost him a spot in the Elimination Chamber. PHECDA What exactly did we do wrong? TAYLOR You- AL HOUD We freed Simon Singleton. TAYLOR You attacked him, tho. PHECDA He was already attacked. AL HOUD By Molly Nerdly. PHECDA We saved him. AL HOUD We have nothing but love for him. PHECDA Love. AL HOUD He can take it if he needs to. PHECDA Take his freedom from Molly Nerdly. TAYLOR Whats the problem with Molly Nerdly? AL HOUD Devotion. PHECDA The lack there of. AL HOUD To Pretty Young Money. PHECDA And to her sister. AL HOUD Sweet Melissa. PHECDA Please don't stand by Molly Nerdly's side. AL HOUD Our love may not reach you. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Backstage in the hallways, Christian Wright is walking to meet up with Ice Quiz and his sister for their Challenge match. But his path is blocked by smiling vampire, Lyric DeLacey. WRIGHT To what do I owe this blessing to? LYRIC To what do I owe this blessing to? After all, mate, its me seeing you. And trust me, that's a blessing. WRIGHT Milady, you do me far more kindness than I deserve. LYRIC I gotta disagree, love. You deserve a lot more kindness that simple words . WRIGHT Do I now? LYRIC You deserve the kind of kindness that comes with candles lit around the room, soft jazz playing, silk sheets on top of the bed, you on top of the silk sheets, and me on top of your hard- GRETCHEN (OS) Christian! WRIGHT LYRIC Heh. Gretchen arrives on the scene with her fair skin turned a shade of high red. GRETCHEN To converse with thyne enemy. Its shameful! Its not done! And you, Lyric DeLacey, you will limit our feud to the pursuit of the tag team titles, not the pursuit of my brother's small clothes. LYRIC Its not his smallclothes I want, its what the small clothes hide. WRIGHT GRETCHEN And you shall never get to it! Strumpet! Showing shocking power, Gretchen manages to drag her big brother away with her. LYRIC Heh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 ****The Challenge: The Scumbag Reformation Project vs. Big IQ w/ Gretchen Wright *** The Rizzo found it hard to remain professional with his penis with Gretchen ringside. CW took exception and stretched Riz like a bend-em figure. Ice Quiz got in in the fun and slapped The Rizzo around some until CW ended things with a Kiss From A Rose. COACH Anson never got to tag in! RENEE After what happened to his partner I don't think he minds!Winner: Big IQ, via pinfall (2:25). COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Sat in front of an ornate casket, embossed with Celtic symbols are the mother and son team of Angel Maguire and Colin Maguire JR. COLIN They say I have a way with words. Well if that is so then please let me put the following as brilliantly as I am able; Father, your pursuit and attempted murder of me was the stupidest fucking thing anyone has ever done. ANGEL Your language. COLIN Am I not allowed vulgarity in this instance? Surely I should not be expected to keep my so called cool when I think about the man who raised me turning murdering fiend. Perhaps, you could say things in a nicer more calming manner. Go on, mother, give it your best. ANGEL Truth be told, Senior, you don't deserve kindness or niceness. We both sacrificed so much to have Junior. We lost our daughter, our first born. I...lost my life! I left him in your care, I trusted you, I believed in you, and what did you to do him? Tormented him all his life. And now you want to kill him! COLIN Fear not, mother, my father stands little chance of ending my otherwise immortal life. He does, however, have an eternity trapped in the finest casket I could steal to look forward to. AngleSlam is our date, father, the day where we finally hash out past issues. It will not, sadly, end in a hug and a tear full repairing of our relationship. Rather it shall end with me dumping your bloodied body into a casket where you shall remain until I see fit to release you. ANGEL Which will be never. COLIN How right you are, mother. I'll see you in LA, father. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 ***Elimination Chamber Qualifier: Baron Windels Vs Eggther*** We were supposed to get Eggther against Baron Windels, but as Eggther was walking to the ring, BOHEMOTH shoved him in a closet and locked him in! COACH Damn, Bo! What are you doing?! That led to Bohemoth taking Eggther's place in the match. Or at least trying to. Referee Nunzio wasn't cool with this at all. RENEE I agree with Nunzio, Bohemoth can't get a title shot until 2017! WINDELS Bohemoth, yer a lousy bastard, but I came to fight and that's what I'm gonna do! “YYYYEAAAAAAAAAAAA ***Elimination Chamber Qualifier: Baron Windels Vs Bohemoth*** With that BW walloped Bohemoth with a Texas Sized Right Hand! The fans popped and a match was under way. RENEE Bo is totally cheating a system he agreed to. These two big men brawled all over the ring in an exciting match up that thrilled the ground. Neither one could gain much of the upper hand as this was a definite back and forth affair. Finally Baron struck gold with a Brigham Young Cocktail and earned himself a trip to AngleSlam! Winner: Baron Windels, via pinfall RENEE Cheaters never win, Bohemoth. And now we have one slot left open for the Elimination Chamber. Post-match The XFL appeared on screen. THE XFL Not a bad job, B-Dubya. I might have to give you a jersey for the squad. You can come be assistant captain. But, I hope you aren't planning to win that world title at the Elimination Chamber. That's just foolish thinking, and you better than that, B-Dubya. You know what the score is, you know how the newspaper is gonna read the night after AngleSlam: “Young Wolf becomes two time world champion.” Charge it to the game. The XFL cuts off the screen, leaving hothead Baron to seethe in the ring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 ***The Challenge: Hood Again Vs The Christ Air Express*** RENEE This match is HUGE! Both these teams have been the dominant force in the tag division this year, and here they are again in a rematch from AngleMania. A staredown ensues between the two teams. MEL You dudes look well. KAWHI You've got jokes now? MARV Nah, but you do. MOSES We do? MEL Yep. You're fooling yourselves if you think you're beating us this time. MARV Funny stuff. MARCELLUS Don't let em in your head, boys! KAWHI They ain't in our head, but we in their asses! From there a slugfest ensued as the two tag teams promptly went to war! RENEE The Nerdly twins are kind of getting out of control lately. MARV was sent out of the ring courtesy of a shoulder tackle from Moses. Sweet K then hit a knife edge chop on MEL it turned him inside out! "WHHHOOOOOOO~!" MARV didn't seem to appreciate that and gathered up the ring bell! COACH Renee, you ain't ever lied! These dudes have lost it! The referee interjected and blocked off MARV from hitting Moses. But that allowed MEL to low blow Kawhi. With Kawhi stunned, MEL hit a Noseplant (famseaser) for a close two count. As things started to settle down we went to commercial. COMMERCIAL Returning from break, MARV was punching Kawhi in the corner. Sweet K shoved him out and ran after him, but MARV caught him with a dropsault. RENEE Kickflip. The twins then made a tag, and went for a double kickflip but Kawhi swatted them both aside! RENEE Wow! Who would've thought we'd see something like that? K.Erv made the tag to Moses, who used his MMA style to wear down MARV. But when he went for a left high kick, MARV ducked behind him and rocked him with a swinging bulldog! MARV That's my move! RENEE I'm feeling a lot more cockiness out of the Exrpess these days. COACH Its crazy how dudes who only change their underwear twice a week can be arrogant. MARV went to the top rope, looking for a moonsault, but wound up hitting Moses' knees instead. But when Moses got up to go on the attack, he was hit by a lungblower from MEL! This enraged both Marcellus and Kawhi, and referee Shawn Stasiak had to back them both off. MARCELLUS Its your ass if something happens to my boy, Meat! The twins made an illegal switch, which allowed MEL to work on Moses' neck. He eventually ground the match to a halt with a reverse chinlock that looked in danger of ending Hood Again's chances for victory. But Moses showed fight and fought to his feet where he used a back suplex to dump MEL to the mat! MARCELLUS Alright, Moses, get to the corner! Its on you! Moses took these words to heart and crawled to his corner to tag in Kawhi! "YYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Both Nerdlys ate lariats from Kawhi, but MARV got the worst of it with a spinning flapjack! RENEE Tupac's Murder! MARV was still able to break up Kawhi's pin with a boot to the head. Stunned, Kawhi was pitched out of the ring by MARV, and the Nerdlys decided to focus on Moses. RENEE Moses has to be so exhausted. I'm not sure how much he can take. The twins tried for the Double Happy Ending, but Moses managed to block MARV at least. Kawhi came in like a bat out of the hood and attacked the twins. He press slammed Marv out of the ring, and then shocked MEL with The Realness (backbreaker into a lungblower) for the win! Or not! MARV yanked Kawhi out of the ring right at 2.99999! He then slammed Kawhi's head into the steel steps, and then tossed his bloodied body back into the ring. RENEE Ooh, Kawhi is bleeding. Left blinded by his blood, Kawhi fell victim to a Double Happy Ending and ate the loss! Winner: Christ Air Express, via pinfall (12:59) RENEE The Christ Air Express get the win, but I dunno, the way they did it was pretty sketchy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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