Chanel #99 Posted July 13, 2015 Report Share Posted July 13, 2015 OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-BROADCAST IN OAOAST 3D RENEE What's up, gang? Its HeldDOWN~! with Renee Young and Da Coach, and The Challenge continues! ***The Challenge: Big IQ Vs The Party Brigade*** RENEE Its pretty interesting, Big IQ have never been tag team champions but they're one of the favorites in this tournament, while The Party Brigdade have been tag champs and they're more of a darkhorse pick. Pierce got a good look at Gretchen Wright as he started the match against Ice Quiz. PIERCE Hey, girl, hey girl. GRETCHEN Are you conversing with me? PIERCE Your bro dated my sis-bro, which I think means you and I should get together. GRETCHEN Well, you do come from a well off family of nobility. The match would be smart, but what is your name? PIERCE I'm Piercey D, but you can call me The Result, I'm the solution to the problem that never existed. GRETCHEN ICE QUIZ Man, Gretchen, fuck this wack ass Abercrombie model, Piercey D, you need a real nigga in yo guts. Pierce didn't take kindly to that and he and Ice Quiz got into a slug fest. Being bigger than Piercey D, IQ whipped The Result into the ropes, but Pierce came back with a diving lariat. After flexing the guns, Pierce tagged in James Riggs. RENEE A scruffy man is James Riggs. But some girls like scruff. COACH He's got a mean streak to boot. Riggs showed that mean streak by choking Ice Quiz on the ropes. He pounded on him with forearms and punches, but IQ fought back. Growing desperate, Riggs tried to hit a spear off an Irish whip but got pulled into a gut wrench side slam. RENEE That's sick power Ice Quiz is working with. I gotta get on his workout plan. COACH And grow about a foot of height. Wright was brought into the match, which greatly pleased the female fans. WRIGHT Each one of you is more dear to me than you shall ever know. RENEE Riggs and Wright had a technical session with chain wrestling galore. It broke down when Riggs slapped Wright, and then dove to tag in Pierce. RENEE Mean streak gone, yellow streak activated. Pierce came and took no less than three lariats from Wright. When Piercey D tried to hit one of his own he got turned into a sky high. RENEE Wright Off! The cover..... ONE! TWO! Kickout! Wright did miss a frog splash, which permitted Pierce to at least get some offense in. When Riggs came in, he hammered Wright with a rolling koppou kick so hard that Wright was flung into the corner and out beneath the middle rope! CROWD GRETCHEN Christian! Wright was nearly counted out, but got back into the ring on 9.5! “CHRISTIAN! CHRISTIAN! CHRISTIAN!” Christian took a few more beatings from Riggs, but when Riggs tried for a powerbomb, Wright fought out of it and hit a trademark superkick! That opening is what he used to tag in Ice Quz. “YYYYEAAAAAAAAAAA!” The big man mowed down the competition, running through both of PDB. ICE QUIZ The white Tim Duncan, getting up in niggas' asses (looks at Gretchen) I mean...uh....hark a lamb. GRETCHEN Troglodyte. Riggs scored a spear on a distracted Ice Quiz! The cover.... ONE! TWO! Wright broke up the pin! RENEE Poor Ice Quiz, that's second time in a row his crush on Gretchen hurt him. She is a babe though. WRIGHT Milord, nobody says hark a lamb. Now we must focus on victory! Wright fended off both of PDB, and pitched Piercey D out of the ring. Ice Quiz then got his shit together and rocked Riggs with a big boot for the win! Winner: Big IQ, via pinfall (8:31) RENEE Big IQ gets themselves into the win column, but this is a rough start for The Party Brigade. COACH Two losses in a row, I expect that out of the Time Killers, but these guys have held the belts and fought at AngleMania before. They gotta do better. ICE QUIZ Yo, I just wanna say, my girl Gretchen is right about my attitude. So to TPB I say peace to the gods, peace to the earth, peace to the seeds, peace to the birth.. Naw mean, Gretchen. GRETCHEN No, Martin, I do not, naw mean. ICE QUIZ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2015 At the OAOAST Studios in Malibu, CA, Terry Taylor had a heartfelt sit down interview with Ser Timothy Cash. TAYLOR Timmy, how the hell did you survive being thrown out the window? Tim cashed tapped his suit of armor. TAYLOR But your head! CASH I was a little dizzy for sure. TAYLOR You should get yourself checked out, Timmy. CASH Its a scratch to a knight. From now on, if I'm above the second story I'm going to wear my helmet though. Terry Taylor went on to ask about King Landon, and Ser Timothy helping COD resucing Queen Esther. CASH I'm happiest of all to help Queen Esther, and I'm happy she's found people who appreciate and love her the way she deserves. The moment I got myself off the ground, I planned on rescuing Queen Esther. But my work isn't done yet. King Landon, I've sharpened my blade, and I fully plan on committing regicide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2015 UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICEP ALHAMBARA, CALIFORNIA The busy office is full of people down on their luck, well that is besides Krista Isadora Duncan and her ball gown wearing fairy godmother, Queen Esther, who has to deal with Krista just shoving her way to the front of a long line. KRISTA Hi, my name is Krista. And this is my fairy godmother, Queen Esther. WOMAN She's your godmother? You look older than her. KRISTA Oh, honey, I know I look young for my age, but please you'll make the rest of the place jealous if you keep pointing out my many qualities, which by the way are numerous hence the word many. WOMAN QUEEN ESTHER That bald man on the fourth seat. He is alive, yes? I've never seen a face quite so blue. KRISTA Now, as a business woman I've come to extend an opportunity to many of your natives. WOMAN Natives? KRISTA Dwellers? Denizens? What have you. WOMAN You want business relations department. Down the hall, third door on the left. KRISTA Lovely. But, you see, I'm here now, in front of you, and that door is down the hall and on the left, which is not here, here being where I am. Now I'm going to need you to provide me some of your people for my business. WOMAN That's not something I can do. KRISTA This is Hollywood! Or a town 45 minutes away. But close enough, so anything can happen. I need a few strapping lads to abuse and humiliate in a non sexual way. WOMAN Excuse me? QUEEN ESTHER There are several flies circling that man. Flies don't normally circle humans who are living. KRISTA Now, I had wanted to continue abusing and humiliating the Kingdom but Queen Esther said to leave them alone and beat up innocent people instead. QUEEN ESTHER To clarify I never actually said that. KRISTA She thought it. QUEEN ESTHER I didn't! KRISTA Soooooo, lady behind the counter, who you got? No black people, I'm sensitive to racial issues. Just a few good white guys will do. WOMAN Get out. KRISTA Should I leave my card with you? WOMAN No. KRISTA Here it is just in case. Krista slips her business card on the desk and then hauls off. QUEEN ESTHER This is a very...quaint gallows you've assembled for a lower fiefdom. WOMAN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2015 Prior to the following match Rick Heyross gushed over the All-XFL Team’s Playmakers, saying they’re the only team in the OAOAST built for this kind of tournament. Competition is what they thrive on. They’re also the finest condition, most intelligent team in The Challenge. “Just ask Big IQ.”*** The Challenge: The Scumbag Reformation Project vs. The Playmakers w/ Rick Heyross *** After getting past Big IQ last week in a tough match, the Playmakers pretty much had their way with the Scumbag Reformation Project, putting Anson away with 3 Yards & A Cloud of Dust. RENEE The Scumbag Reformation Project may need their own National Debt Clock at the rate they’re racking up losses. COACH Joke all you want now because a trip to the pay window is in their rear view mirror. Next week they’ve got the Time Killers. RENEE Well they say objects in mirror look closer than they appear. That could very well be the case next week. You know Doc and Marty would love nothing more to beat the Scumbag Reformation Project after they’re remarks a few weeks ago. COACH Those idiots oughta give The Rizzo and Anson a cut of their royalties. I heard they’ve been moving merch after taking on the Time Killers name. A name The Rizzo came up with!Winners: Playmakers, via pinfall (3:59). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2015 Backstage in the endless hallways of the arena we find Molly Nerdly motherfucking walking! But suddenly Phecda and Al Houd round the corner behind her with heavy steps. PHECDA Molly Nerdly. AL HOUD Please stop for us. Stopping, Molly turns and offers a smile to Phecda and Al Houd MOLLY Phecda and Al Houd, correct? Melissa's friends? Phecda and Al Houd give matching smiles that aren't exactly warm. PHECDA More than Melissa's friends. AL HOUD Champions of all things Melissa. PHECDA All things Pretty Young Money. AL HOUD We are The Sparkling One. PHECDA And The Shining One. AL HOUD We are in the night sky, forever watching Pretty Young Money. PHECDA Forever protecting. MOLLY That sounds awfully involved. PHECDA Your help is needed. AL HOUD Your skills are wanted. MOLLY Skills in what can I ask? PHECDA Film making. AL HOUD For more than a film. PHECDA For a renaissance of words, poetry, and song. AL HOUD A Pretty Young Money film. MOLLY Um....that does sound interesting. But....I think I'll have to pass on that particular project. But, thank you for thinking of me. Molly walks off in a faster pace than before. AL HOUD Regrettable. PHECDA Punishable. AL HOUD Very. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2015 *** U.S. Title: Blaine Cayley w/ Samantha Cayley vs. Logan Mann © w/ Holly *** Looking to regain the title he lost (but not pinned) in the 6-Pack Challenge at School's Out, Blaine entered with his arm still bandaged from the damaged done in his match (in which he emerged victorious) at the Great Angle Bash against Alexander The Brutal. That wasn't his only handicap on this night as he found himself getting worked over outside on multiple occasions by Holly. SAMMI "OS-CAR!" "OS-CAR!" "OS-CAR!" The OAOAST Galaxy chanted for Blaine's fellow Team SCREAM'er in hopes he'd be out to even the odds failing to realize he and the other group members were away on a promotional tour to promote Angleslam tickets going on sale. COACH Check the official OAOAST app, fools. Logan would work over Blaine's bandaged arm, but just like he did at the GAB Blaine rallied back and seemed on the verge of regaining the U.S. Title when Holly tripped him up going for Cruel Intentions. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" RENEE Holly again involving herself in the action! His attention turned to Holly, Blaine doesn't notice Logan blindside him with a running knee to the back that sends him to the floor. As the red backs Logam away, Holly once again takes the opportunity to put the boots to Blaine. But this time Samantha won't stand for it and jumps on Holly's back! "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COACH Oh mama! Samantha's ride ends in a rough landing after Holly flings her to the ground. Pissed, Holly cracks her knuckles and moves in for the kill as Samantha tries to scoot away. Meanwhile, Blaine, having taken a bad tumble himself is counted out.Winner: Logan Mann, via count out. After his hand is raised Logan jumps outside to cut off Samantha, who is now trapped between Logan and Holly. RENEE What are they gonna do to her? Holly grabs Sammi by the hair and throws her in the ring, eager to get her hands back on her for the real fun. Instead SPENCER REIGER hits the ring and unloads on Logan! OAOAST GALAXY COACH What the heck? Holly gets involved and Spencer just tosses her outside, then backdrops Logan over the top after he charges forward. We're left with Logan cussing out Spencer who keeps one eye on Logan and one on Sammi. All while Blaine remains down outside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2015 *** The Challenge: Time Killers vs. Hood Again w/ Marcellus *** Match began with Marty offering a handshake to Kawhi, who looked at partner Moses and uncle Marcellus like WTF? Then he knocked the shit outta Marty and beat him like a nerd in high school. Marty fought back and wowed the OAOAST Galaxy with his quickness. Doc put on a good showing too, but the experience of Hood Again (a young team themselves but together much longer & family) was too much to handle and he went down following an Isolated Incident. Winners: Hood Again, via pinfall (4:57). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2015 ***The Challenge: Sonic JR and Warthog Vs The Christ Air Express*** Sonic wanted to start the match for his team, but Carl had other ideas. CARL Come on now, son. Bigger is always better, in wrestling, in cows, in life, get in there Warthog. Show em how its done! WARTHOG *snort* Warthog stepped past an annoyed Sonic and went after MARV. Sonic was made to look pretty smart as MARV easily fended him off. The Christ Air Express then spent some time hitting double teams on Warthog. RENEE For two pot heads these guys are pretty focused. COACH Gotta be focused when you have the prizes Sophie's offering up. Sonic got a blind tag and acquitted himself well against MARV and MEL, despite the considerable experience gap he had. Sonic got a little too fancy for his good when he went for Lancel's Lock on MARV (tarantula) and got kicked in the head by MEL! CARL Dag it, Lancel, just what are you thinking?! Warthog sure wasn't a match for the multi time champions, and proved his own worst enemy when a missed Meat Hook lariat on MARV got him victory rolled by MEL and pinned. Winner: The Christ Air Express, via pinfall (5:42) Post-match The Christ Air Express gave a nod of respect to young, Sonic. RENEE Wow, that's a big honor to get a show of respect from legends like MARV and MEL. COACH Legends? Pft. These niggas only leave their parent's basement to come here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2015 As we return from commercial break we find the beautiful Sara Jean Underwood stood in the ring for an interview. SARA JEAN Everyone please welcome OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion....ALIX MARIA SPEZZZZZIAA! You know I'm bringing bombastic I'm feeling fucking fantastic Turn up the music yeah blast it You know I'm playing like, no more Mr. Nice GuyYou know I'm bringing bombastic I'm feeling fucking fantastic Turn up the music yeah blast it You know I'm playing like, no more Mr. Nice Guy I'm coming for you Alix's new theme song of Bombastic by Bonnie McKee bounces out and so does the world champion, getting a wealth of love from the sold out audience! Alix hand slaps her way to the ring, where she gives Sara Jean a big hug! SARA JEAN Thanks! Alix, Elimination Chamber at AngleSlam, you have a lot to lose. ALIX They say once you lose your faith in a fat man hawking poorly made sandwiches you have nothing left worth keeping. SARA JEAN You're taking this Jared thing pretty hard, huh. ALIX He told me we'd get fit together. I ate sandwiches with two slices of crappy cheese for you, Jared! And this is what you do! Innocent till proven guilty tho, so whatevs. What's up, why am I here? What's going on? Where's the whip cream for lezzie sex? SARA JEAN The Elimination Chamber, remember. ALIX (looks up) All I see is a scoreboard, and the three faces of Foley in the glow of those bright ass lights. SARA JEAN Its at AngleSlam. ALIX The fuuuuuutttuurrrre. Ahhhh coolness. So, I guess that makes me a marked woman! SARA JEAN For The XFL you sure are, he's the first person besides you to be placed in the Chamber. ALIX Xavier Franklin Long! I heard what he said, such a handsome voice, such a less handsome face. RENEE I don't know, he's got that rugged handsome look going on for him. COACH Me too! RENEE …..... ALIX The XFL is a tough dude, as is anyone who goes by an acronuym. And I'm sure whoever gets into the Elimination Chamber with us will be extra double Jivin JR two dollar steak marinated in dried bat poop tough. But, Alix Maria Spezia, swears on her honor....no better Sara Jean's honor. SARA JEAN Why me? ALIX Just in case I screw up, its on you, girlfriend. SARA JEAN Gee, thanks. ALIX So, like, I swear on Sara Jean's honor that I will defeat The XFL and the other non-acronym characters in the Elimination Chamber, and not only will I defeat them....no that's actually all I'm gonna do. Sorry. But it's gonna rock, its gonna be awesome, and I'm going to carry this world to infinity and beyond! “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” the fans sing. Can't Stop It Can't Stop It “BBBOOOOOOOOOOO!” Striding out onto the stage amdist this very negative reaction is The Xavier Franklin Long. His hands are empty, he's present to speak no words. Instead he makes the motion for the title belt around his waist, sneers at Alix, and then departs just as fast as he arrived. RENEE Message sent. ALIX I'm confused. COACH Or not. ALIX Why did he just make a diamond around his dick? SARA JEAN That was uh...the title belt motion. ALIX Nah, that was a diamond around his dick. SARA JEAN He means he's going to take your title belt. ALIX Oh! Oh, man, what a jerkoff! Fuck that dude, for real. SARA JEAN Okay then. Shows over, time to go home you guys. COACH Can I ride with you the airport, Renee? RENEE ….No. Sorry. FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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