Chanel #99 Posted July 4, 2015 Report Share Posted July 4, 2015 OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-BROADCAST IN OAOAST 3D No HeldDOWN~! opening this week. Instead a spotlight shines on two oversized loving cup TROPHIES as Black Sabbath’s “Iron Man” plays the 8 teams selected to participate in The Challenge to the ring. As a spotlight follows them down the aisle, all teams sport personalized Challenge warm up jackets with their names embroidered on their left breast. RENEE This is HeldDOWN~! on the 4th of July! I am Renee, he’s Da Coach. And right now you’re witnessing the opening ceremony to a pet project from our boss Sophie Grey, the round robin iron man tag team tournament dubbed The Challenge! COACH It’s no secret the sports world goes into a lull following the end of the NBA season until the start of college and pro football. Not anymore, folks. And we still don’t know about this opening night twist teased the past month. RENEE One that will blow people away we’ve been told. COACH I’m already blown away by all the pomp and circumstance! Sophie’s outdone herself! The Scumbag Reformation Project keep their distance from the rest of the group as best they can, desperately trying to fade into the background given their remarks last week that pissed all the teams off. “YOU SUCK!” “YOU SUCK!” “YOU SUCK!” THE RIZZO & ANSON RENEE Not like they were popular to begin with, but the Scumbag Reformation Project didn’t endear themselves too the OAOAST Galaxy one week ago. COACH Or the rest of their peers in the tournament. I gotta feeling they’re marked men. Getting locked in the slammer might be the best thing for them! OAOAST tag champs Hood Again, accompanied by their uncle/manager Marcellus and off a successful title defense this past Sunday at the Great Angle Bash, are last to enter the ring. The house lights go back up and Sophie -- looking fine as always -- steps up mid-ring. She welcomes everyone who showed up for The Challenge and thanks OAOAST Hall of Famer Tony Brannigan for his assistance during the process. COACH Among other things I’m sure. Dirty old man. Sophie next goes over the rules.THE CHALLENGE: OAOAST IRON MAN TAG TOURNAMENT July 4th - August 31st - Round robin; all teams face each other once - 15 minute time limit for all matches except the finals (30 minutes w/ a sudden death OT period if required) - A draw is as good as a loss because only the top 2 teams with the best W/L records will advance to finals at Angleslam - Tiebreakers determined by head-to-head record - Winners receive $500,000 (to be split amongst team members) That grabbed everyone’s attention… until Sophie approached Hood Again and revealed the big twist, which is the cash prize will only be paid out to the winners if the tag titles are vacated for the tournament, meaning teams would be competing for the $$$ and the tag titles! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” COACH DAYUM~! RENEE Now that… that’s a twist! SOPHIE (to Hood Again) Zoo you accept zee Challenge? The guys huddle with Marcellus, then crack a smile. MARCELLUS For half-a-mill g’s my nephews would beat their own daddies. Hell yeah they accept! So let’s get this party started! Moses and Kawhi hand the titles over to Sophie, then pounce on The Party Brigade! SOPHIE Ring zee bell! * DINGDINGDING* RENEE Hood Again have accepted The Challenge! COACH And they're not fucking around. They want the $500,000 and the gold!The Challenge: The Party Brigade w/ Amberlyn Duncan vs. Hood Again w/ Marcellus *** The now former tag champs pummel the hell outta TPB as OAOAST officials escort the other teams involved in the opening ceremony out of the ring and to the back. Meanwhile, TPB don't know what hit them, although they do manage to return fire. The firefight is brief, however, as HA toss J.Riggs to the arena floor and eventually finish Piercey D off with the Isolated Incident powebomb/lungblower combo!Winners: Hood Again, via pinfall (2:21). With his nephews standing victorious behind him, Marcellus shares a few words towards the camera. MARCELLUS Somebody call the Benjamins, 'cause we're comin' for you and Goldie!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2015 Sat on the porch of a luxurious Malibu home are Phecda and Al Houd, who have an audience of captivated listeners in front of them. PHECDA When you cross Pretty Young Money you are dealing with the rigtehous fury of the stars. AL HOUD The stars of Phecda and Al Houd. PHECDA The world is a snake designed to eat Pretty Young Money. AL HOUD But who eats the snake before the snake eats PYM? PHECDA Phecda and Al Houd of course. The Shining One and The Sparkling One. AL HOUD If you want to know the true meaning of unearthly, otherworldly pain.... PHECDA Violate the sovereignty of Pretty Young Money... AL HOUD And know that pain for the rest of your days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2015 ***The Challenge: Time Killers Vs Slaughterhouse*** RENEE This is going to be so interesting seeing The Time Killers work together. COACH They're off to a shitty start with that entrance music.Oh, and adopting a diss as your team name. That'd be like you changing your name to Flat Chest. RENEE The Warthog tried to nail both kids with a lariat, but he missed, and Sonic wound up eating a Killer running dropkick. Wendy wasn't spared as they used a springboard moonsault lariat to knock him over. MARTY You want some, Carl? CARL I'll pass, thank you. COACH No need to threaten a man like Carl, a guy who comes from our Heartland, who keeps our kids fed. Sonic came back into the ring and went after both of TK, as Doc hit him with a Flatliner, and Marty drilled him with an enziguri! RENEE That move is called 0-88! COACH I predict they'll go 0-88 for the rest of their OAOAST careers. RENEE You're no psychic friends hotline. Warthog managed to rid the ring of Doc, leaving Marty behind to deal with him. WARTHOG **snort** A press slamed dumped Marty into the corner, and JW worked him over, all while snorting I might add. But Marty wasn't going to be beaten up so easily and fought back with knife edge chops. WARTHOG **snort** RENEE Do you think the snorts have different meanings? Marty wowed the fans with a springboard tornado DDT that got a close two count. A tag was then made to Doc, who impressed with a series of high flying moves. But when he failed to lift Warthog for a cradle tombstone pile driver, the heels were able to tag. COACH I thought that kid was supposed to genius. No way could he lift Jack Wendy. Sonic showed his stuff by firing into the ring with a slingshot cutter! COACH Dayum! RENEE Sonic Screamer! That move got a two count, and boosted Sonic's confidnece. He further impressed everyone with a moonsault into a tornado DDT! RENEE That's called Lancel's Conquest. Sonic's real name is Lancel Locke. Sonic called for the finisher and went up top. But when he threw himself into his Sonic Boom finisher, Doc rolled out the way! CARL Carl reached into the ring and pushed Sonic to Warthog, as Doc crawled and made the tag to Marty! RENEE Who's gonna get that first win on the board? Warthog was blinded by the speed of Marty, and when Doc recovered he had too much to handle. Sonic tried to help, but missed a dropkick on Doc and wound up smacking Warthog in the face. CARL Sonuva! Lancel Locke, what are you doing? Slaughterhouse got super lucky as Doc missed a springboard cross body on Wendy and hit Marty instead. Sonic reocvered to pounce on Doc, and Jack Wendy hit a DVD onto the knee for the finish.Winner: Slaughterhouse, via pinfall (6:58). Post-match Carl gave Sonic a stern dressing down for nearly ruining the match. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2015 The Sunrise offices are kicking and partying with a celebration for Bobbi's victory at Great Angle Bash. All the Sunrays are present as well as such OAOAST personalities as Teen Scream, Big IQ, The Sons of Ragnarok and more. But our focus is on Megan Skye who rush up to the new champion. MEGAN Way to go, Bobbi Cheesecake! From beauty school grad to women's champion! BOBBI Thanks, Megan. My phone has been blowing up with people texting and congratulating me. MEGAN That's part of being the champion, everyone wants a piece of you. But then you're a Sunray and people already want a piece of you. SUNSHINE YUKINO Megan! Bobbi and Megan look over to see Sunshine Yukino approaching them in an ill mood. SUNSHINE YUKINO There food here. Why there food? MEGAN Because its a party, SUNSHINE YUKINO I say you come celebrate Bobbi win, I no say you come eat my food. Return food to store. BOBBI You can't return food. SUNSHINE YUKINO At store I go to you can. BOBBI What crazy store do you go to where you can return food? SUNSHINE YUKINO I tell them it have hepatitis and my grandfather get very sick. They give me money. And coupon. BOBBI That's really messed up. MEAGAN Think of it as fostering good will with your paying customers. SUNSHINE YUKINO If I no see profit, it come out of Bobbi paycheck. BOBBI But, everything comes out of my paycheck, even things that happen when I'm not in the same city as you guys. SUNSHINE YUKINO Tough cookie! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2015 *** Vinny Valentine w/ Tony Tourettes vs. Deuce Deuce Bigelow w/ C.A.M. *** Unfortunately for the Vin-Man, the highlight of his night came pre-match when his pops Tony, dressed for the summer complete with suntan lotion on nose and armed with a SUPER SOAKER, unloaded on chicks ringside. Coach requested Renee get soaked, but Tony opted to spray him in the crotch instead! RENEE COACH The match itself was totally one-sided as Deuce (days removed from pinning "The King of Bronies" Daisuke Motozaki in controversial fashion, preventing him from successfully running the Slaughterhouse gauntlet) easily had his way, defeating Vinny with the Deep Fryer sit-out shoulder pile driver.Winner: Deuce Deuce Bigelow, via pinfall. Backstage at the world famous interview lounge, OAOAST Hottie Sara Jean Underwood chatted with OSCAR FRIBERG about what occurred between him and U.S. Champion Lgan Mann at the Great Angle Bash. Oscar took offense to Logan trying to embarrass fellow Team SCREAM'er Tanner Neptune. Tanner then walked into the picture and took offense to Oscar taking offense, saying he's a big boy and could handle his own battles. Oscar agreed, but rightfully pointed out Tanner was in a vulnerable position which is why he stepped in. OSCAR FRIBERG Always helps to have someone watching your back. Then BLAINE CAYLEY popped in to voice his approval, stating he's been watching Logan's back, specifically the target on it from Logan being in his crosshairs. Blaine made it clear he wants a shot at regaining the U.S. Title. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2015 Maguire SR Compound Boston, MA Flynn Stevens marches through the hallways of his boss' compound with purpose. Purpose to visit Maguire SR. But when he enters the expansive classical office, he finds the wrong Colin. COLIN JR Dearest, Flynn FLYNN Colin! COLIN What an unexpected treat. And here I thought my dinner would be of a bland taste. Flynn starts to leave, but Colin's vampire speed has him upon Flynn, and slamming the door shut. COLIN Now is that anyway to treat an erstwhile companion? FLYNN Where's your father? COLIN I'd have hoped you could tell me. But seeing that we're both woefully missing this vital piece of information, perhaps a change of subject would be in order. FLYNN ….... COLIN Very well, I shall pick the topic. The subject of your betrayal. Though I expect cowardly self serving back stabbing from Coulter, I had assumed you consisted of finer stuff. More loyal stuff. FLYNN Our backs were against the wall. No one believed you were going to survive AngleMania. COLIN And yet here I am. Surviving. Thriving. Plotting. With AngleMania well beyond us. What do you make of that, dear Flynn? FLYNN You always were resourceful. COLIN Without question. Understand this, Flynn Stevens, our past history has bought you this day to live. But from henceforth my revenge will be no sudden bloody strike, it will be a brutal deliberate blood letting of all who have wronged me. Good day, Flynn. A whoosh of wind trails behind Colin who makes a supernaturally speedy departure from the office. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2015 Bobbi's victory party is still kicking with Bobbi finishing up a conversation with Chick. CHICK So you think she'd be into that? BOBBI Annagret loves black guys, but you'll probably have to bring your own strap on. CHICK I'm getting on craigslist right now to find one! Chick scuttles off to go strap on shopping. BOBBI Is he going to be a used strap on?! Bobbi's thoughts of Chick's strap on actions are interrupted by the arrival of a wine swilling Maggie Nerdly. MAGGIE You know, they threw a party for me when I won the women's title. BOBBI Hmmm. Cool, I guess. Who was there? MAGGIE None of these people. Some of these people were still in grade school when I won. You were still in grade school when I won, weren't you. BOBBI Its hard to remember back then, I ate a lot of paste. MAGGIE Funny. When I won the belt, I was just your age. I was a lot like you even. I looked forward to being the champion, representing the company, taking on all challengers. Do you know who my first challenger was? BOBBI Melody. MAGGIE And my second challenger? BOBBI Malaysia. MAGGIE Two elder sisters, who should have protected me and stood by me, wanted my gold. But, hey, that's the way of the world. When you have something valuable, there's no one who can protect you from the thieves in the night. Enjoy you're party, I'm going to bring some chips back to Sloppy. Maggie takes another chug of her wine and then departs COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2015 *** The Challenge: The Scumbag Reformation Project vs. The Christ Air Express *** Making their first appearance on TV in nearly a month (after dropping another tag title match to Hood Again), the 2015 Anderson Cup winners actually showed up with clear eyes and displayed a bit more aggression than usual against the deadbeat scumbags. Not even every shortcut the SRP could think of was able to keep the CAE down for long. In the end, a double Ace crusher… RENEE Happy Ending! … put The Rizzo down for the count, meaning another day creditors/baby’s mamas won’t see any $$$ from the SRP. (Like they'd pony up anyway!)Winners: The Christ Air Express, via pinfall (5:39) COACH I got a feeling its gonna be a rough tournament for The Rizzo and Anson. Homeboys pissed off the entire field. Now they’re all coming to collect! Inside the spacious, well stocked and mostly empty Duncan family dressing room, Krista is pacing in front of Queen Esther, who's sat in proper royal fashion despite her past ordeals. KRISTA I should probably kill them, right. QUEEN ESTHER No! There is no need for murder to come to the Kingdom. The vanquishing of their evil deeds was punishment enough. KRISTA I'll have to disagree on that. Now, I have secured access to a bevy of grenades as well as mustard gas. Now I understand you're into the whole Game of Thrones thing so there will be plenty of tossing people out of helicopters onto the roof of Ted Cruz's house hoping to fall through and crush him. QUEEN ESTHER Though I'm unfamiliar with this throne game, I can't imagine those are part of the rules. If you must have your vengeance and defend my honor why not challenge them to a game of Connect Four! KRISTA That's numbers, and I hate numbers. QUEEN ESTHER It is only a count to four. KRISTA Over, and over again. QUEEN ESTHER If you get to four one time the game is over. KRISTA Tell ya what, though, you don't want me to go Darfur on their asses, I get it. So I'll just pick a totally innocent bystander to pick on and abuse them. I am so glad we compromised. QUEEN ESTHER I don't think I condoned hurting innocents. KRISTA Its good to work things out together. QUEEN ESTHER Yes it is, but I stress that isn't much of an agreement. KRISTA I never thought you and I could get along so well. We're on the same wavelength, hurting unrelated people. What a great idea from you, fairy godmother! QUEEN ESTHER Oh good heavens! COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2015 Backstage in the darker corner of the arena, we find Sloppy Joe dumping, just fucking dumping, cheeze its in his mouth like the slob he is. Walking on this scene are The Kings of The Heap. RAYDER Oy, Joey, glad we caught ye. SCOURGE Glad we caught ye before Leon did. SLOPPY JOE What's that mean? RAYDER He was right proud of ye when ye won that 24/7 title and all. SCOURGE Like a proud papa seeing his boy do right, eh. SLOPPY JOE Mmmmmffff. I didn't know that. That makes me feel happy. SCOURGE Ay, but then ye lost it. RAYDER And ya never got it back, Joe. SCOURGE And just between the three of us mates, if ye don't get it back he might just be inclined to hurt you. So shocked is Joey he considers stopping eating to ponder this news. SLOPPY JOE You serious?! RAYDER He's deadly serious. Leon don't take kindly to disappointments. SLOPPY JOE Oh no! I gotta find Remy! Joe picks up his bag of snacks and hauls fat fucking ass. RAYDER Ye think he bought it? SCOURGE That bloody wanker would buy a tub of shit if ye sold it right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2015 At her victory partaaay Bobbi is chewing on some cheese sticks that thankfully Yukino didn't return when Maya runs up and gives her a big hug! BOBBI Oh! Um, hey, hey. MAYA Is it just me or do you look even hotter as a champion? BOBBI Wow, you really think I look hotter as a champion? You do? MAYA I didn't think you could become hotter, but here ya are, being fucking hotter than ever! BOBBI MAYA So after the party we're gonna go party some more. Kay? BOBBI Sure, okay! MAYA Great. I'll tell Annagret. BOBBI Annagret? Oh. I thought it would just be you and....nevermind. Not important. You pick the spot. MAYA Strip club, Magic Mike style! BOBBI Awesomesauce! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted July 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2015 ***The Challenge: Big IQ W/Gretchen Wright Vs The Playmakers W/Rick Heyross*** RENEE Life is good for The All XFL Team after Xavier beat Bohemoth at Great Angle Bash. But, can Big IQ capture the success Gretchen did at Great Angle Bash. The Playmakers started the match by dropkicking Ice Quiz out of the ring, which allowed them to isolate Wright. They tried to work over his neck, but CW is a fighter and managed to fend them both off. And when Ice Quiz returned the two joined to lariat both Playmakers out of the ring! “YYYYEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” RENEE Big IQ standing tall and fierce, we'll be back! COMMERCIAL Back from break, Ice Quiz delivered a We Be Clubbing elbow drop to Moss! ICE QUIZ What's hood, Gretchen, you see that flashy move? GRETCHEN I saw an elbow drop, a move common to gutter snipe battling over the final drop from a beer bottle. ICE QUIZ Wright got the tag and worked on Moss for a while, but Moss evaded a Frog Splash and Benjamin got the tag. QB1 wowed the crowd with a springboard dropkick that got a two count. HEYROSS That is the raw speed of QB1, the best natural athlete on the roster! COACH Black excellence!!!! Benjamin further impressed the fans by coming off the top rope with a bulldog! But when he tried a powerbomb, Wright reversed the attack into a hurricanrana! Benjamin came running back at Wright but got nailed with a Wright Off! “YYYYEAAAAAAAAAAA!” WRIGHT All that I do, I do for the lovely ladies who I adore so much. RENEE Benjamin managed to escape to his corner and tag in Moss. He and Wright fought to a stalemate, but when Wright's Texas Cloverleaf was countered into a roll through into a DDT things looked better for The Playmakers. Wright did fight them off, however and after hitting a C-4 on Moss got the tag to Ice Quiz. RENEE It's getting hot with some stone cold Ice Quiz! Ice Quiz ran through both members of The Playmakers and he looked like he might be able to win the match single handidly! Every move TPM threw at Ice Quiz, The King of Hip Hop blocked and returned with deadly force! “ICE QUIZ! ICE QUIZ! ICE QUIZ!” RENEE Look at Ice Quiz take the fight right to The Playmakers! Commotion and confusion was the order of the day as PIERETTE SAINT NERDREGARD appeared to accost Gretchen, her tag title partner! PIERETTE The Gretchenator! I'd sooner die before being more than five inches away from your fat breasticles! GRETCHEN Unhand me swine! Along with the fans Ice Quiz was distracted by these erotic 4th of July fireworks, and got school boyed for a losing pin by Benjamin! Winner: The Playmakers , via pinfall (8:17) WEEK 1 STANDINGS Hood Again 1-0 Playmakers 1-0 CAE 1-0 Sonic & Warthog 1-0 The Party Brigade 0-1 Scumbag Reformation Project 0-1 Big IQ 0-1 Time Killers 0-1 Can't Stop It Can't Stop It “BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO” COACH The XFL arrives! Moss and Benjamin turn their attention from their win to join with Rick Heyross and applauding the approach of The XFL. The Young Wolf wears jeans and an All XFL Team baseball jersey as he enters the ring. THE XFL Daps for the fellas. Benjamin and Moss are more than happy to dap up their team captain. THE XFL You see that, OAOAST Galaxy? Win the game, get the fame! Ya'll call this a challenge? For The Playmakers its a piece of cake! THE PLAYMAKERS THE XFL And ya'll thought Bohemoth would be a challenge to me? I admit the big lug did his thing, but I did my thang and put him down, and now the only challenge left for him is getting a developmental contract with the WWE so someone can teach his ass how to wrestle! RENEE Xavier isn't exactly a gracious winner. THE XFL Onto even bigger things though, that's wassup. We got The Playmakers holding it down in The Challenge and now you've got The Xavier Franklin Long two time OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. RENEE I don't see any belt around his waist. THE XFL Alix, come on out, so you can get stomped out! “Fashion Killer” hits, which isn't Alix's music but rather the music of the arriving Sophie Grey! THE XFL Sup, girl, you look so good I'd drink yo bath water! SOPHIE Merci, merci. Xavier you will get your world title shot at AngleSlam, oui. THE XFL That's wassup! SOPHIE Mais non, eet will not be in zhe contest you think. Eet will be in an ELIMINATION CHAMBRE! “YYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” THE XFL What?! That's some straight up bullshit! Bullshit! You on one, girl! Fuck it! SOPHIE You should calm down and prepare yourself, Xavier, eet eez is a tough match. The XFL has to be restrained by Heyross and The Playmakers, and they have a difficult job of doing it as we.... FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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