Chanel #99 Posted June 10, 2015 Report Share Posted June 10, 2015 OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-BROADCAST IN OAOAST 3D https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZVoq2SZfu0 RENEE The OAOAST had made its way to your TV screen for OAOAST HeldDOWN! Its one of the most physical nights we've ever had in the OAOAST. Ladies and gentlemen, I am Renee Young and this is Da Coach! TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT OAO TAG TITLES HOOD AGAIN VS CHRIST AIR EXPRESS COACH Damn, that's one hell of a mainevent we're giving away for free. All the leaves a brown and the sky is grey I've been for a walk on a winters` day If I didn't tell her I could leave today California dreamin` on such a winters day On such a winters day, on such a winters day With the rousing beat of “California Dreaming” by Sia we get the arrival onto the entrance stage of an irate and wrathful Chicks Over Dicks. KRISTA Kingdom! If you don't give us back our fairy godmother, we will bury you so far underground your next boss will be Verne Gagne. “YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAA!” ALIX Wasgood, Youtube, Dailymotion and other sites in which this clip may be played on? The Kingdom completed a royal heist on the baddest ginger in da game, and if they don't hand her over there's gonna be hella problems, b. Believe me, I know dudes with AIDS who just don't give a fuck. “YYYYEAAAAAAAAAAA!” COACH Cheering giving someone a fatal virus. I've seen it all. The fans and COD turn towards the entry way, all expecting King Landon and his royal brigade to arrive with their queen. RENEE Where are they? Where's The Kingdom? Not coming, Renee. Not coming. After considerable time there's no appearance from The Kingdom. And no hint of one either. KRISTA Its time for Brie Mode. ALIX I thought you said you weren't gonna say that anymore. KRISTA I didn't say anything, what are you talking about? Let's go find Queen Esther. The seven time tag team champions nod to one another before they make their way backstage. COACH We all know when Chicks Over Dicks say they're gonna do something they do it. And with style! COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2015 ***THE FLEX Vs Shayne Brave*** RENEE The Keyboard Warriors made a way invalid complaint that Biffman let them down at AngleMania when he lost to THE FLEX. So Tyler told them he found them a real hero, and that hero is Shayne. I don't think Shayne should give into Tyler, but Shayne has a lot of guts. COACH And he's an idiot. To start the match Shayne went right after THE FLEX with punches and kicks. The muscle bound warrior let him. THE FLEX got sick of these blows and put down Shayne with a Flex Drop for a close two count. RENEE Come on, Shayne, you can do it! COACH No he can't! Shayne escaped a vertical suplex and then went on to attack THE FLEX'S knees. He came off the ropes with a flying forearm but got swatted out the air and then got his head pounded into the canvas. THE FLEX FLEX CRUSH! Tyler and Lorelei strolled to ringside to catch the action, but were not warmly welcomed by the fans. “WE HATE TYLER! WE HATE TYLER! WE HATE TYLER!” Tyler lent his “support” to Shayne, but it of course wasn't enough and THE FLEX finsished Shayne off with a Back Pack Stunner known as The Flex-o-Rill! Winner: THE XFLEX, via pinfall Post-match Tyler decided to pat Flex on the back for a job well done. Bad idea! THE FELX clamped down on Tyler's throat and was more than ready to chokeslam him to hell. LORELEI Flex look! “YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAA!” COACH RENEE Lori's bringing the goods! THE FLEX FLEX LIKES! LORELEI And you can have this voluptuous body whenever you want, just let Tyler go and....join us. Join...me. And just like that The Flex releases his grip on Tyler. Tremendous goes to check his sore neck, but seems happy with the deal Lorelei brokered. LORELEI You made the hot decision, Flex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2015 New U.S. Champion LOGAN MANN, accompanied by wife Holly, cut an in-ring promo bragging about regaining the title he was “never beaten for fair and square.” LOGAN I told y’all I was the true one and only champ! HOLLY And seeing is believing [bleep]. Logan poses with the titlle. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” HOLLY Just looking at the gold is making my [bleep] throb. LOGAN I don’t gotta ask if you’re feeling hot because everybody can tell just by eye-ballin’ you. COACH Yeah. Holly’s hot! LOGAN (CONT’D) But this time I think you got a fever. (feels Holly’s head) Yep. Gold rush fever! Only prescription for that is a shot of BBC. Lust in her eyes, Holly pulls Logan in for a big wet one. RENEE Don’t tell me we’re going to get a repeat of Lolly’s post-match celebration at School’s Out? COACH Maybe we’ll get a little backdoor action this time! Instead we get TANNER NEPTUNE of Team SCREAM rushing the ring to get him some of Logan! “YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Holly bails and pulls Logan outside after he’s whipped into the ropes. HOLLY Who the [bleep] is this [bleep]? TANNER I’m Tanner Neptune, bitch! “YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COACH RENEE Well she is! TANNER And Logan, you’re not fooling anyone, man. Everybody in this arena and watching at home knows Blaine is the one true U.S. Champion. “YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" LOGAN Who’s got the gold? Who’s got the gold, dumbass? TANNER (CONT’D) You never beat him just like you like to say nobody ever beat you to take the title. Unfortunately Blaine is unable to compete because of a bad arm, thanks to Alexander The Brutal, hurting the heart of a real dear friend of mine. But I’m here, you thief… READY AND ABLE! So I challenge you for the U.S. Title “YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COACH Whaaa…? I can’t believe Tanner would use Blaine’s injury to get himself a title shot. RENEE Ironic considering some would say Blaine and Sammi have used Tanner to do some dirty deeds. Logan’s all like, “You want me?” and steps through the ropes… only to step back onto the arena floor and walk away. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” LOGAN (jawing to crowd/camera) I’m the champ. We’ll do this on my schedule. GREAT ANGLE BASH JUNE 28 LIVE FROM WASHINGTON DC! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2015 The cafeteria is our scene and its as populated as we can expect with a staff full of hungry stars and workers. Fixing herself a salad is.... GRETCHEN WRIGHT who has her shoulders seized by.... PIERETTE SAINT NERD REGARD GRETCHEN What in blazes?! PIERETTE Lookie loo, lookie loos, its the two best friends in the world, having a chat over some Bugs Bunny food! GRETCHEN Tosh-bosh! I'd sooner befriend a lawnmower than a street urchin such as you! PIERETTE My dad has the best John Deere lawnmower there is, he does. If I'm lying, I'm certainly dying, and I don't wanna die until I've had intercouse with you and Leon at the same time! GRETCHEN Such vulgarity! PIERETTE Let's go talk to your crush-crush-crush! GRETCHEN My who? Pierette gets behind Gretchen and proceeds to shove her in the direction of a table where The Mardi Gras Hellfire Club sit with 24/7 champion Remy Bazil and Deirdre along with Ice Quiz. LUCIUS Drop that nasty hip hop shit on us. That shit that so ignant you can't help but love it. Ice Quiz spies Gretchen being forced towards him and panics. ICE QUIZ Uh...naw...naw....I'm a conscious rapper now RICO You a what, mang? REMY It means his brain got shaken up. ICE QUIZ Bout to drop that intelligent potion on ya. Here goes. Just imagine for a second if our feet grew out of our nipples Then the soles of our shoes stay clean, what if urine was medicinal? I would never clean my toilet, I would dive face first Yellow gold from penis, Imagine if we drank sand to quench our thirst What if the first letter of the alphabet was the letter Z? Then all our kids would sing "Z-Y-X-W-V-U-T!" Think about fish that tasted like caramel popcorn If clouds made love, would the orgasm be what we call a storm? PIRETTE Whoo-yeah! Yeah! Fuck yeah! Dedicated to Gretchen Wright, right? ICE QUIZ Yeah, yeah, no doubt. Just trying to stay trill to my education at community college. GRETCHEN I'm leaving. And Gretchen does whisk herself away, leaving both Pierette and Ice Quiz disappointed at her departure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2015 "Motherfucker of the Year" played Mr. Dick to the ring surrounded all around by his multinational ILLEGITIMATE CHILDREN sporting "I'M A DICK" t-shirts (available now on OAOASTSHOP.COM & features no back design or ugly authentic wear tag). Making his first public comments since Oohlala aborted their child, MD was amused Oohlala and Big Papa Thrust thought her decision would hurt him. MISTER DICK One less mouth to feed. One less diaper to change. Not that I do any of those things anyway, but you get the idea. It doesn't bother me one damn bit! So as far as I'm concerned, you did me a helluva favor. COACH And he's supposed to be a hero? RENEE I don't think Mr. Dick will garner very many Father of the Year votes, but he speaks what he thinks. COACH Sure as hell doesn't think before he speaks! MISTER DICK But that doesn't mean I don't care about my offspring. Just look around ya. I give them free shirts! And right here next week I'm gonna give Big Papa Thrust a free ass kicking! Street fight. Come as you are, son. Gag on that. RENEE Mr. Dick vs. Big Papa Thrust in a come as you are street fight next week? ***24/7 Title: The Rizzo Vs Remy Bazil W/Deirdre*** RENEE The Rizzo bet me one hundred bucks that he's got this one in the bag. I'm about to get paid! The Rizzo did put up a good fight against Remy, which shocked the fans and the champion. But in the end two shots with the ring bell got Bazil a successful first title defense. Winner: Remy Bazil, via pinfall Post-match Badass Jack ran out to the fans delight to try and get him some of Remy and get his title back. Alas Remy hauled ass out of the ring and out the arena to live to fight another day. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2015 Princess Krista walks into her dressing room in a bad mood. The mood isn't exactly helped by the fact that her dad has Vinny Valentine tied up and his dumping water on his head. KRISTA Oh, what fresh hell is this? PAPA DUNCAN Kris, glad you're hear. Heard about your little problem with the fairy chick. You know I lost a good friend in Taiwan once. KRISTA Were they arrested? PAPA DUNCAN Yeah, how'd you know? KRISTA Were they a transexual hooker? PAPA DUNCAN Of course. KRISTA Were they under the age of sixteen? PAPA DUNCAN You know your papa! Anyway, anyway, me and the gang are gonna help you and Al get your fairy godmother back. KRISTA By waterboarding each other? PAPA DUNCAN I think this asshole may be spying for the enemy. KRISTA Look, I don't much care about the cretins you associate with, but I don't want you getting hurt. PAPA DUNCAN Come on! The Kingdom wouldn't hurt a United States congressman. KRISTA You do realize one of them is an admitted torture enthusiast and another is basically a terrorist? VINNY She's right! PAPA DUNCAN Cram it, spy! Papa Duncan goes back to dumping water on Vinny, which forces Krista to just leave the issue be for now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2015 Stand on the bar, stomp your feet, start clapping Got a real good feeling something bad about to happen “Something Bad” comes into the arena, bringing out Pretty Young Money as well as a series of heated jeers from the sold out audience. RENEE There's the longest reigning champion in the OAOAST, Sugar Belle! Joined per usual by Pretty Young Money, Spencer Reiger, Anastasia Violetta, Melissa Nerdly, and the security team of Al Houd and Phecda! COACH Its Sugar appreciation night! RENEE I can see it, I can feel the love in the air. COACH Really? SUGAR No. PYM hits the ring with no one in the stands happy to see Sugar at the forefront. SUGAR There's two types of people in this world, everybody. There's the rotten folk, and there's the good folk. It may shock ya to hear me say this but all of you are the rotten folk! “BBBBBOOOOOOOOOO!” SUGAR Yer booing yourselves cause you ain't booing Flair blood, I know that. Rotten folk, you, got red hair. ANASTASIA SUGAR But not always, sometimes you got yellow hair, yellow hair like that scoundrel big bird. MELISSA SUGAR Like Big Bird ya'll are dishonest cheats. I wrote Big Bird a letter before my tenth birthday, asking him to show up at my party. I told all the kids he'd be there, and they all called me Suger Lying Pants. And guess who showed? My drunk Uncle Rick! That's who showed, he's a rotten folk, like all of you. All of you are rotten drunk failures, who ain't ever gonna amount to nothing because you ain't got winners blood within ya! “BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO!” SUGAR So 99.99999999% of the world is rotten, that leaves two people worth a crap if my math is correct. Me and cousin Ric. No one else! So that's who we're hear to celebrate tonight. Me and cousin Ric! Mostly me! Just me actually, Ric missed his flight. RENEE I'm so sure that's why he's not hear. SUGAR Anastasia, you go ahead and you appreciate me first. ANASTASIA Huh? What? I...wasn't paying attention. Sorry. SUGAR Say some good things about me! ANASTASIA Sure, okay. Why....why don't I sing some nice things about you. A nice thing. One nice thing actually. But, not the only nice thing I can think of. Honest.... SPENCER Dig that whole a little deeper. SUGAR Shut it!` ANASTASIA (singing) For she's the longest running champion, For she's the longest running champion, For she's the longest running champion, which nooooobooddddddy can deeeeeenny! SUGAR Hear that, clowns? Nobody can deny it because its the stinking truth! You wish you could deny it like you wish you could deny how dead sexy I am! “BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” SUGAR I see you looking at me, ya pervs. Undressing me with yer eyes and stuff, thinking all kinds of ungodly thoughts about my heaving breasts and wiggling butt. That's just the kind of rotten pervets ya'll are. Well you got as much a chance of hooking up with me as Spencer has of hooking up with a goat! I need a man who's gonna take care of me. Buy me the expensive things a Flair needs, like stuff from Aeropostle and American Eagle. And he's gotta buy me a car too! But, I don't care how high they raise the minimum wage, ya'll burger flipping monkeys can never afford this Sweetness! WHOOOOOOOOOO~! Night falls! DARKER EACH TIME! Let me tell you a story You turn over to sleep I hold my breath till the morning 1000 Nights! And I'm still crying! 1000 Nights! And I'm still trying! 1000 Nights! And I'm still crying! 1000 Nights! And I'm still trying! Ooooohhhh! I don't know what to do to please you! Ooooohhhh! I don't know what to do to please you! RENEE Hey, that's Bobbi's music! And that's Bobbi on the entrance stage, earning a rousing pop from the fans. RENEE Bobbi looking good after conquering Malaysia Nerdly at School's Out. BOBBI I'm mega sorry to interrupt, Sugar, your voice is crazy loud. Like its ridiculous, so naturally I overheard what you had to say. SUGAR About the two types of folk and the Uncle Rick? BOBBI Yeaaaaaaah, I missed that part. But the other part, the whole undressing with eyes thing, and ungodly thoughts...oh boy, do I have some damn nasty thoughts about you. “YYYYEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” SUGAR What are you trying to say?! BOBBI I think its obvi. You just made all the fans hard playing hard to get, and you made me all wet and horny, you sly girl, you. SUGAR I ain't one of your fly by night Sunrise Johns! BOBBI Don't worry, I'll comp you a session. Just come 'ere and let me beat and fuck you! “YYYEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” SUGAR Heck no! Spencer, you got experience with sex crazed blonds, get her. SPENCER Why me? Why not Melissa? MELISSA Me? I didn't even wanna be here! BOBBI Shut up! All of you! I honestly don't remember asking any of the bit players to speak MELISSA Bit players?! BOBBI The supporting cast can get their jokes in when I leave. I don't think me being horny and no one willing to do anything about is a laughing matter. Now, Sugar, I'm a hot teenager, your a hot teenager. I've got a temper, you've got a temper. You have a vagina, I have fingers. How about it? SUGAR How about never ever in a million years! My sexy body ain't for touching, and it sure ain't for you! BOBBI Hhahahahha. You're so wrong. Whatever I want is for me. And I want you so bad I can feel your head being crushed between my thighs. But, if you're not gonna give me what I want, I'm gonna do more than take what I want. SUGAR What do you mean by that? BOBBI I just mean I'll take what you love the most, the women's title. “YYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” BOBBI WHOOOOOOO~! “1000 Nights” plays back up with the fans buzzing over Bobbi's words. Well, some are doing more than buzzing! Sugar, on the other hand, is fit to be tied and yells at everyone in the ring for doing nothing to get at Bobbi. COACH Get 'em, Suge. But also get 'er, Bob. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2015 8 teams. Round robin rules. One GRAND prize. And a twist you won't believe! Are you ready for...THE CHALLENGE: OAOAST IRON MAN TAG TOURNAMENT Opening night, July 4th. Backstage, OAOAST Hottie Sara Jean Underwood is with Doc Brown who's busy going over his "winning formula" written on a piece of paper. As we've seen in recent weeks, said formula has been a failure as Doc has yet to taste success. SARA JEAN I'm sure many teams will be up for The Challenge, but it's been a totally different kind of challenge for my guest Doc White. DOC (going over paper, mumbling to self) I don't get it. I simply just don't get it. I tweaked and tweaked and tweaked. This is a forumla for success! Where's the success?! SARA JEAN Doc? Um, Doc? DOC (startled) Great Scott! Don't sneak up on me like that. You gave me quite a fright! SARA JEAN But I was stand-- Whatever. Anyway, Doc, you've found competing in the OAOAST to be more of a challenge than anticipated. DOC The competition here is unparalleled! I thought my traveling around the world had prepared me for the level of competition I'd face. I studied the OAOAST roster and felt my abilities matched well with just about everyone here. Yet success has alluded me. How can this be? I'm positive my calculations were correct. Suddenly the guys are interrupted by a handsome young man in a leather jacket with one sleeve longer than the other and a tie. Quite a look. MAN Yeah, hi. I don't mean to interrupt but I'm looking for Sophie's office. DOC MAN Oh, yeah, I forgot. I'm Marty. Marty Fox. Marty shakes hands with SJU and an awestruck Doc. SARA JEAN Nice to meet you Marty. Sophie's office is right down the hall to the right. MARTY All right, thanks! Again, sorry to interrupt. Marty leaves as Doc goes over his forumla. DOC (slaps forehead) That's it! How could I be so stupid? SARA JEAN Doc? DOC My calculations were correct! This is a winning forumla! Plus not minus! SARA JEAN Doc wanders down the hall and makes a right. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2015 As we return from break we find Bohemoth and Bohemoth.com inside the ring. BOHEMOTH You two....you two....you two...I can't even speak right now. I'm speechless. No, I'm not. I can speak, and I can say you two are disappointments! LILLY Oh no, we are? BOHEMOTH What do you mean by that? Of course you are! I bless you with my name. The Man's name! The name that's mainevented an AngleMania, been on two world titles, and been the top name in the industry for over a decade. Over a decade! When you two were still little kids pissing the bed my name was putting asses in seats across the globe. Across the globe! LILLY Oh, cool, congrats. BOHEMOTH I don't like your attitude. I don't like either of your attitudes. If you wanna stay Bohemoth.com, you better shape up and get your shit together. There's bitches in every nook and cranny in every country in the world, looking to be part of The All Bohemoth Team. You think I can't replace you? I can have another you in a minute! I'm The Man! “BBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” RENEE What is Bohemoth talking about? He was a key factor in their tag title loss! He was the key factor! BOHEMOTH Well? Say something. CADY FWWWAHHHAAHAHAAA! BOHEMOTH Is something funny?! CADY Your words are piss in the wind, blowing back upon you and coming back as the acid rain sent from the angels who will soon fall from the heavens! BOHEMOTH I don't know what you're trying to say, but if you're disrespecting The Man- CADY What is The Man to the devas of the underworld? That I ask you! LILLY Bo, you're a cool guy, but you didn't use us. We used you, and it sucks we have to do this, but we want our money back. BOHEMOTH What?! You wanna talk to me like that? Do you know who I am? LILLY If you can't give us money, we'll settle for your manhood. DOUBLE LOW BLOW! “YYYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” COACH Holy shit! “CADY AND LILLY! CADY AND LILLY! CADY AND LILLY!” You Can't Stop it Can't Stop It The era of good feelings is put on hold with the sounding of I Want It All. COACH The Young Wolf arrives! RENEE For what though? The XFL sprints to the ring like a kid desperate to meet Santa Claus. A production assistant has a microphone on hand and passes it to him. THE XFL Hell yeah! I knew it, I always knew it! AllXFL.com is back in business, baby. Those interns I got to run the website don't know what the hell they're doing. They don't know HTML from Hep-C. And now you're coming back to me as prime contenders to the women's tag team titles. That's wassup, babygirls. Welcome back! LILLY Oh, wow, you're way off. DOUBLE LOW BLOW ON THE XFL “YYYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” CADY Be aware of this! Bohemoth.com is dead, AllXFL.com is dead, long live DayOfTheDead.com! “YYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Joining hands, Cady and Lilly raise their hands to the salute of the roaring sell out crowd. COACH Yo, what the fuck did they just to do to two huge stars? RENEE Those are big moves being made by DayofTheDead.com! OAO TAG TEAM TITLES ON THE LINE! THE MAINEVENT IS NEXT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2015 *** OAOAST Tag Team Title Match: Christ Air Express vs. Hood Again © w/ Marcellus *** Having earned another title shot after defeating VICE in a #1 contenders match at School's Out, the CAE looked to avenge their AngleMania XIV loss to Hood Again. They got off to a hot start early, surprising the champs during their entrance with a pair of suicide dives, forcing Moses and Kawhi to fight wearing their bulletproof vest hoodies. Back-and-forth they went until the CAE knoccked Kawhi to the floor and double-teamed Kawhi for a series of near falls. Then the guys signaled for a Happy Ending... but Moses shoved the twins off to the ropes where uncle Marcellus used his PIMP CANE to trip MEL! MARV MARV's double take gives Moses the time he needs to catch him with a kick to the gut as Kawhi returns inside and the champs hit their POWERBOMB/LUNGBLOWER combo for the 1-2-3!Winners: Hood Again, via pinfall. Immediately after the bell sounds THE ARMY OF 1 NATION, dressed like RAMBO and covered in camouflage, strike HA with PAINTBALL GUNS and give a beat down. MARCELLUS The fuck?! MEL pulls his little bro to safety but they don't bother getting involved in the chaos. RENEE Where the heck did these guys come from? We haven't seen them in months! COACH Not since losing the gold to Hood Again! JUDGE DUDD shows up and blindsides Marcellus with a GAVEL shot to the head, then repeatedly shouts "GULITY" as OAOAST officials storm the ring to restore order, but not before the Ao1N SHOOT HOOD AGAIN AT CLOSE RANGE WITH RED PAINTBALL! (Now you know why they competed wearing the vests.) RENEE & COACH The Ao1N then pose over the fallen champs raising the tag titles in the air. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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