Chanel #99 Posted April 4, 2015 Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-BROADCAST IN OAOAST 3D https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZVoq2SZfu0 RENEE We're so close to AngleMania its crazy! I am Renee Young and this is Da Coach here to call a smoking hot HeldDOWN~! ***The Menagerie (Sloppy Joe and Leon Rodez) W/Maggie Nerdly Vs Eggther and Tony Tourettes W/Papa Duncan*** An odd pairing on the face side, but these two were ready to get at the heels! It was a wild match to say the least. The referee had a serious problem keeping order. Lucky for him he got to call a DQ when The Kings of the Heap ran in! Winner: Eggther and Sloppy Joe, via dq House Asgard was right on hand to help Eggther and Tony T battle off the heels and send them scurrying up the ramp, with Leon being the first to depart. RENEE If you have supernatural powers the least you can do is stay and fight! Eggther took a microphone to address Leon Rodez. EGGHTER I hope you're smart enough to realize you won't have any where to run trapped inside a Steel Cage with me at AngleMania. Coward! “EGGTHER! EGGHTER! EGGTHER” the audience sung Megan and Shayne were busy chatting in the offices of Sunrise about his AngleMania match with Tyler Bryant. MEGAN He's more than a bad boyfriend, he's decietful. He's goaded you into giving him AngleMania moment, he doesn't care about working out issues with him, SHAYNE No. That's not not the Tyler I know. MEGAN The Tyler you know is gone, Shayne. The sooner you realize that...good luck, Shayne. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 In the toy aisle of your preferred store chain we see a stable of GROWN MEN looking over My Little Pony products. A galloping sound is heard, attracting everyone's attention. We see a pair of HORSE RIDING BOOTS marching towards the group who part like the Red Sea awed by what and who they're witnessing. They whisper to one another until a hand holding a riding CROP flicks out and is used to toss various items in a basket. Next we hit the checkout counter where everything totals to 174.15. Keen viewers will notice the total happens to be the date of the post-AngleMania edition of HeldDOWN~! (date/month/year) But since shows often go up a few days later it probably won't be till later. We know it's post-AM though.THE KING OF BRONIESGALLOPING SOON TO THE OAOAST Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 *** 3 Amigos vs. The Masked Mutants & Studderboxx *** Slaughterhouse cut an insert promo with Deuce mentioning he heard rumors the 3 Amigos haven’t been able to get their mystery partner for AngleMania signed, sealed and delivered. “Nobody wants to be apart of the herd being led to the slaughter.” Carl chimed in, asking “Reservations for 3, sir?” “No,” Deuce replied, “Four!” He then held up El Hijo del Sheep, the beloved oversized plastic sheep of Mariachi and “son” of The Sheep, the real life amigo of All The Sheep’s Men who was slaughtered and fed to them in a brutal act of revenge. Deuce finished by saying they were gonna use Mariachi’s mask, which is on the line as per the stipulation with EHDS being eturned if the 3 Amigos win, as a bib and feast on their bones. Slaughterhouse all did the group THROAT SLASH~! as the bout began. COACH I heard the same thing. The 3 Amigos are lambs being led to the slaughter. You’d have to be crazy to jump on that train. REENE I disagree. What the 3 Amigos lack in size and strength they make up for in heart. And their heart isn’t charred like Slaughterhouse. Sharpe and focused, the 3 Amigos made easy work of the MM, finishing off Studderboxx with a spike tombstone followed by Chick’s SKY IS FALLING top rope Whoopie Cushion.Winners: Mariachi, Juicy Cantu-Si & Chick GALLOPING SOON TO AN ARENA NEAR YOU... THE KING OF BRONIES Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 We are in a Los Angeles based Home Deport, in the department that's full of ladders. And who should come sliding down the asile but Alix Maria Spezia! ALIX I'm Alix Maria Spezia here for ladders! LADDERS! ALIX Ladders are fucking awesome! They're the bees knees! They give bees appendages they don't normally have! Like knees! And sperm flavored honey! BEE MOVIE! ALIX 4 stars for Bee Movie! I cried when I saw it. Maybe because my granddad got shot that day. Who cares? FUCK GRANDPA ALIX Your teacher told you not to run with scissors. But she never told you not to run with ladders! So we can dance if we want to, and we can run with ladders if we want to, because if a teacher doesn't tell you not to do it its not a violation of the constitution! DECLARATION OF DEEZ NUTS! ALIX Here's some things laddders are good for, bros! KILLING JADE BECAUSE SHE ATE FRIED CHICKEN CLEARLY MARKED KRISTA, THAT YOU WERE GONNA STEAL FOR YOURSELF CLIMBING TO THE TOP YOUR JOB WITHOUT HAVING TO RESORT TO BLACKMAIL OR SEXUAL ASSAULT REACHING HIGH THINGS, LIKE PEACE WITH JESUS! REACHING JESUS SO YOU CAN ASK WHY THEY HAVEN'T REMADE LOVEBOAT CLIMBING TO GET THE MONEY IN THE BANK BRIEFCASE/ ALIX Hol' up, wait! What was that last one? CLIMBING TO GET THE MONEY IN THE BANK BRIEFCASE ALIX I'm gonna do it, babycakes! I'm gonna nab that briefcase and no one can stop me. You're talking to the girl that flung shut at Obama at only got put on a list that prevents her from traveling to other countries without government permission. So if I throw The XFL through the gates of hell and into the mouth of a kraken what's the man gonna do to me that the devil ain't already done? Nothing! Because I have the power of the ladder! And also the power of total creative control in my contract! The briefcase is mine you dirty bitches, bow down and suck my strap on dick, ladder hatting faggots! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 We're following Simon Singleton and Gedrun Spoons through the VIP parking area, as Simon is headed to his car. SIMON A fascinating plan, lure Colin Maguire Sr into the open with the promise of a chance to kill his son then trap him in a casket. GEDRUN I'm glad you think so. SIMON But, I have to ask why should I care what happens to Colin's dad or Colin himself? I like neither of the two, and if Ivar is caught up in the causalities I'll be shedding no tears. GEDRUN You may if Thedore joins the deceased. SIMON He wouldn't agree to participate in this plan. He hates Colin. GEDRUN The problem with you people is that you take hate immediately to murder. He may mislike Colin but he has no wish to see him suffer a death that he feels partially responsible for. SIMON Guilt, is their no finer motivator? And now you use guilt on me, knowing I can't let Teddy walk into a fight with a Valkyrie with Pretty Young Money as allies. Fine, you've secured my participation. Simon doesn't exactly seem happy about this as he enters his flashy Aston Martin. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 *** Non-title: Hood Again © w/ Marcellus Wallace vs. the Keyboard Warriors *** Making their in-ring debut as contracted members of the OAOAST roster, the reigning tag champs (who captured the gold answering an open challenge) made short work of their anonymous opponents (names Waka Waka and Dat #1 Dude on the back of their spandex bodysuits) putting them away with the Isolated Incident, a power bomb/lungblower combo.Winners: Hood Again, via pinfall. Marcellus strutted around Dat #1 Dude in celebration then grabbed a mic. MARCELLUS I think somebody needs a new username ‘cuz this here motherfucker ain’t #1, he’s just #2. Full of shit! My nephews on the other hand, you know, the brothers holding the gold, they’re THE SHIT! And they’re gonna do at AngleMania what they did a few short minutes ago and on the night they won the titles, leave dudes laying on the ground just like the po-po. The result of another Isolated Incident.* BZZZZZZT *OMG~! The hidden camera returns to show a nice car vandalized. Hood lights broken, windshield shattered by a WATERMELON ( ), flat tires, etc, with an ANARCHY logo spray painted on the front hood. “OH YEAH!” is spray painted on the side doors and OAOAST Hall of Famer TERRY TAYLOR (mouth taped) is tied on top of the roof!* BZZZZZZT *OMG~! Back LIVE, Moses and Kawhi are pissed. Obviously this was their ride. Marcellus? He remains stoic. REENE I… I don’t know what to say. COACH I do. MARV and MEL are fucking with Hood Again. The anarchy looking is the giveaway. Looks like Marcellus isn’t the only one willing to play the game with zero fucks. REENE I refuse to believe MARV and MEL would go to that level to gain a psychological edge. Marcellus calms his nephews… and laughs?! MOSES & KAWHI MARCELLUS Dumb fucks. Is Coach’s theory correct? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 Our view bought us to a.....cave?! And inside the cave is THE FLEX munching on a deer....RAW! THE FLEX Biffman! THE FLEX sees you at Anglemania fourteen! THE FLEX breaks you in half! Biffman! RENEE We have huge news for you! At a house show in San Antonio, Tanner Neptune won a twelve superstar battle roayl to win entry into the Money In The Bank Ladder match at AngleMania. And we have Tanner live from his home in Palm Beach. Tanner, how are you? Tanner Neptune appears in his patio in his condo in Palm Beach. TANNER No complaints on this end, Renee. RENEE I guess not. But were you nervous heading into that battle royal? TANNER Sure, sure. But Oscar gave me some good advice, nerves beat you even quicker than wrestlers. So I calmed myself, centered my chakras, opened my thrid eye and won big in Texas. RENEE And I bet you're looking forward to your second straight Money In The Bank match! TANNER Last years was a good experience, but this year I'm coming to win, and I don't plan on toting the briefcase around forever. Its embarrassing carrying that thing to airports I bet. But as for the match I'm gonna show off and show out, and impress a special someone. COACH My nigga, you flatter me. RENEE Can you tell us who you're talking about? TANNER Starts with a Sam and ends with a mi. RENEE Now that is big news! Thanks, Tanner! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 Inside Northstar's secluded mansion in Carlsbad, California the Lord is seated on a chair decorated to look like a star rising from the ground. He watches two men bring in a bloodied and brutalized old man. NORTHSTAR …............ MAN 1 Northstar? NORTHSTAR You will call me Lord Northstar. MAN 2 Sorry. But this is who you wanted right? NORTHSTAR He's bloodied. MAN 1 He put up a fight. NORTHSTAR An eighty year old man was too much for the two of you too handle. Interesting. MAN 1 We're sorry. NORTHSTAR …...Ser Alearys will not be happy with you. Take him to him. Now. MAN 2 Lord Northstar, congragulations on entering the Money In The Bank ladder match. Northstar doesn't bother to look or wave away the men, and they uneasily carry their victim off. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 The basement of Northstar's mansion is anything but luxurious, nothing like the rest of the mansion. Rather's its been converted into a den of torture, a perfect place for Ser Alearys Chance aka AC The Exile, of the Kinsguard. AC reclines in a chair eating a bucket of chicken from KFC as Northstar's men bring in their battered victim. SER ALEARYS Well, well, visitors! (looking at the old man) What happened here? MAN 1 He put up a....fight, Ser. AC chuckles at the thought of that, allowing the other two men to have a bit of nervous but relieving laughter. Then AC stabs them both in the throats and casually dismissies their dying forms. SER ALEARYS Too bad you didn't. (turning to old man) You are Bob Walters of Venice Beach, California? BOB …..Yes. What's going on? SER ALEARYS You did indeed coach Krista Isadora Duncan in soccer when she was five, making you her first ever soccer coach? BOB What's going on? Why am I here? SER ALEARYS Why can't you just answer my question? If I wanted to be ignored by an old hag, I'd get married! BOB Yes, I was her first soccer coach. SER ALEARYS Good. That's all I wanted to know, and you're free to go. The exit is right up those stairs. BOB I am free to go? SER ALEARYS But one thing before you take off. There's a shrill almost inhuman scream as AC stabs Bob in the thigh. This horrible noise continues to terroize the air, as the eldery soul sags to the ground. SER ALEARYS Tell Krista, The Kingsguard says wassup. Off you go, I gotta finish this chicken, I have blood pressure to raise through the fucking sky! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 Backstage we find Krista watching this scene unfold, tan skin burning hot from fury. KRISTA Kingsguard, King Landon, et al-Q Queen Esther of all folks has the courage to interrupt Krista and tap on her on the shoulder. QUEEN ESTHER Excuse me? KRISTA Do you need something? QUEEN ESTHER I beg you please forgive my king. He does not know the evil he does, I have seen maddness affect several of my swap dwelling friends but never my king. KRISTA He's a mad king certainly, but you're even madder for sticking by him. QUEEN ESTHER That is what a queen does. KRISTA Wake up, soul sister, we've got a woman running The Lakers, and other less important and less cool positions. We've even got women directing porn! But you desire to let yourself be stuck in some 50's idealistic bullshit. 1350's at that! You're a beautiful, intelligent, woman who has stolen Dr.Dolittle's ability to communicate with animals. Why should you play dungeon's and dragons with someone who's only a wrestler because Everest College wouldn't accept him? Are you really saying a woman as incredible and kindhearted as you should be demure and subservient to someone who's about to go back to crying and jerking off in the stock room of Family Dollar? You deserve much better. Think about it. As Krista departs, Queen Esther is left with quite a bit to consider and mull over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 The OAOAST SPINEBUSTER OF THE WEEK~! highlighted last week’s 6 person mixed tag followed by the shocking revelation of Oohlala’s pregnancy. TO THE BACK~!, where BIG PAPA THRUST and the Freakazoids joined OAOAST Hall of Famer Terry Taylor at the world famous interview lounge. The girls enjoyed drinks and a good time as BPT cut a promo on Oohlala and his AngleMania opponent Mr. Dick. He told his former #1 Freakazoid to take a close look at the girls because her days of having a good time are over. BIG PAPA THRUST All you got to look forward to now is getting, old, fat and ugly! And did I mention FAT! The Big Bad Glutei Daddy hit MD even harder telling him… BIG PAPA THRUST The only thing you’re gonna get to come in now is your bastard’s child room to change its diapers! You’d be better off going home tonight and praying for God to put you out of your pending misery and strike you down with lightning, but I know from our time together you ain’t the religious type so instead you’ll have to settle for the more painful option of me crippling your ass at AngleMania! We then cut to OAOAST Hottie Sara Jean Underwood in the dressing room of Mr. Dick and Oohlala who watched the previous promo on a monitor. Initially distraught, Oohlala burned a hole through Sara Jean when congratulated about her pregnancy. SARA JEAN (awkward) I see this was, uh, unplanned. But how? Well, I mean I know how… I just thought, you know… *makes scissors gesture* OOHLALA You and me both. MISTER DICK I may have alluded to it in the past, but I did to protect myself from paternity suits. Being a celebrity makes me a target for chicks looking for an easy payday. SARA JEAN MISTER DICK But Kanye’s a dick and he still takes responsibility for his kid. I plan on doing the same. I also plan on shoving that big jacked up meathead’s shit in at AngleMania! ‘Cause I own your ass! You heard me right BPT. Remember who won the Ride Her Cup? I do because I see him in the mirror every damn day. And I’m gonna prove it again when I go biblical on your ass at AngleMania. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 Backstage we find Lilly mixing sugar into her coffee, when she's approached by a shades wearing, suited out Bohemoth. BOHEMOTH Sup, Lilly. Lilly doesn't give Bohemoth much of a glance, which annoys him. LILLY Do I know ye from somewhere? Ah, yer the laddy who made a right fucked up bit of buisness for me girls. Yer bits and bangers still sore from being hit by a little girl? Bohemoth has to remember he's here for flirting and forces himself to keep his compsure. BOHEMOTH Even The Man catches a few bumps in the road. LILLY Is that all they were, a bump in the roads? Rhaenys and Sabrina don't see it that way I ought tell ye. BOHEMOTH Its all XFL's fault! LILLY Is that what The Man does, fuck it up and pass the blame to the next bloke? I'm surprised, Sabrina found any stones to hit. You can come an' find me when you really are a man. Lilly rolls her eyes to the thought of that ever happening and takes off. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 **Baron Windels W.Melody and n00b Nerdly Vs Brock Ausstin W/Rick Heyross***R RENEE Baron has put his spot in the Money In The Bank match on the line. What a fighter! COACH What an idiot. But then again he's always doing stupid stuff in the name of honor. Before the match Silver showed up dressed as an All XFL Team cheerleader....a female cheerleader. RENEE Ahhhh! Brock was distraught by this and got hit by Baron's Devil's Addiction Fallaway Slam right away. Silver continued to cheer as Brock continued to be behind the eight ball.R RENEE With friends like Silver who needs enemies? Brock did manage to get in his fair share of offense but in the end Baron won with the Brigham Young Cocktail leaping DDT. Winner: Baron Windels, via pinfall Post-match The XFL confronted Silver, only for both men to get lariated out of their minds by Ned Blanchard! FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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