Chanel #99 Posted February 21, 2015 Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-BROADCAST IN OAOAST 3D To open the show Sugar Flair, our women's champion cut a promo, and we get in partially summary form cause I'm sick! SUGAR Whoooooo~! COACH Whooo! Try it Renee! RENEE I hurt my throat screaming for Daisuke earlier today. The jacket swag is off the charts these days. SUGAR I bet all the rotten hillbillies I went to school with are steaming mad to see me, The Nature Girl, styling and profiling as OAOAST women's champion and the best there was and the best there ever will be! “BBOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” RENEE Does she have a Hart for an aunt? SUGAR And I bet all ya'll folk are fit to be tied to boot. Well, too stinking bad, midgets! Cousin Ric was a sixteen time world champ 'cause he lost the belt all those many times. But I ain't gonna be nothing but a one time champion, 'cause I ain't losing nothing ever! WHOOOOOOO~! “BBBBOOOOOOOOOOO!” SUGAR And who's gonna beat me? “DECEMBER! DECEMBER! DECEMBER!” SUGAR She's got as much a chance of beating The Nature Girl as The Hamburglar got of stealing Ronald's food. No chance in heck! RENEE Now she has Vince McMahon as an uncle! SUGAR My ears were open last week and they heard what December had to say. Talking about she still loves me and we're still family. As if! You ain't no kin of mine and I don't have any love for ya. So get over it, loser! I'm a Flair and you're a Belle, which means your the Patrick Star of the OAOAST. A big pink dummy! “DECEMBER! DECEMBER! DECEMBER” SUGAR Forget family members, I wouldn't even be friends with ya. You got some nerve acting like we're gonna go back to the way we were. I got a better family now, a kiss stealing family, and I got better friends. I got more best friends than you got braincells, December! And I'll tell you what else, if you got the guts in your stomach, you can face all of them in a BFF guantlet tonight on HeldDOWN~! WHOOOOOOO~! Sugar slams down the microphone and struts to the dismay of the fans. RENEE A BFF gauntlet? December's brave, but who knows how many of these so called best friends Sugar will roll out? COACH Will you be one? RENEE Yeah...no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 Angieacola Mansion Volterra, Italy Gloss is skipping through her mansion, on the hunt for someone. GLOSS Spencer, Spencer, Spencer! Its time for your lessons! Are you hiding? Gloss enters one of several living rooms in the huge mansion, to find Spencer texting away. GLOSS Ah, there you are! Who are you texting, dearest? SPENCER Uh, no one, I was checking my WWE stock. GLOSS You bought WWE stock? You're lucky your parents and wife are rich. Come on its time for lessons. SPENCER Lessons? I finished school. GLOSS This is a useful lesson. Not like what is math or the stupid junk they teach in school. SPENCER What is math? GLOSS Today we're gonna learn how to stare at people and make them feel awkward. SPENCER Sounds useful! But, before that, Colin wanted me to ask you a question. GLOSS Urrrrrgh. Fine, I guess. Ask away. SPENCER Do you know how to change a Valkyrie back into a normal person? GLOSS Of course I do! SPENCER Phew! Good. GLOSS I lied. Of course I don't. Why would an Italian vampire know how to change a rare supernatural species based on a Norse relegion? Think! And besides you have a viking vampire, why not get Ivar to figure it out. SPENCER He's working on it. But nothing's coming along. GLOSS Too bad, so sad, don't care. SPENCER This is really important, Gloss. You've got to have some idea. GLOSS In the early eighties I met a witch working on a cure for lycanthropy. SPENCER GLOSS Werewolves! Don't you ever listen to me? You boys can go bug him if you want, his work might apply. SPENCER Thanks. We'll do that. GLOSS Lessons first! TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT BFF GAUNTLET MATCH TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 TO THE BACK~!, where OAOAST Hall of Famer and longtime correspondent Terry Taylor is joined by Mariachi, Juicy Cantu-Si and Chick Golden (all dressed for action) at the world famous interview lounge. Suddenly BOBBI CHEESECAKE runs into view looking startled. BOBBI (panting) Sorry to interrupt you guys, but have any of you seen my uncle? He got a call 15 minutes ago and then I got a text and--and… Oh crap. He’s gonna kill me! MARIACHI, JUICY, CHICK & TERRY BOBBI Figuratively speaking. The guys breathe a sigh of relief. BOBBI But tonight could be my last night in the OAOAST if he-- Maya! Maya! Thank God! Maya Duncan-Blanchard enters the picture and high fives the guys, even Terry who she nails in the forehead. MAYA (laughs; serious, to Bobbi) I got your message. What is it? The guys all lean in wanting to know themselves. The OAOAST Galaxy too. BOBBI Sorry guys -- girl talk. (to Maya) Let’s go to the ladies’ room. MAYA Sigh. I told you Bobbi. Just start with 1 finger. Then 2 and 3-- BOBBI Not that! CHICK If I may, honey, I know what is it. Isn’t that time of the month, right? BOBBI Chick digs into his FANNY PACK -- yes, fanny pack -- and pulls out a TAMPON. CHICK Here you go, dear. Being a non-threatening black man invites certain “macho men” to take a crack at my soft shell, but inside is a hard-boiled warrior who can belt a tune and open a can of whoop ass! Which is why friends call me the ‘Golden Grr‘. I will not be mishandled! MAYA So you plug the bleeding and keeping fighting? CHICK Oh no, honey. I shove them up my opponents nose, kick their groin and run! Can’t kill what you can’t catch, right? MAYA (laughs) You must leave them crying. CHICK Like little bitches. MAYA I like you. CHICK I like you too. BOBBI You guys! I’m stick in a pickle! MAYA Over what? You still haven’t said. BOBBI (sighs) Malaysia plans to reveal the true identity of Purple Wig Girl to Uncle James! MAYA I think he’d be more upset over you not calling him Uncle A$AP in all honestly. CHICK Wait. How does your uncle not know about your little side gig -- doesn’t he watch the show? BOBBI Only the parts he and Kareem are in. CHICK Carly Simon must be their favorite singer, ‘cause they’re so vain! MAYA But hey, Malaysia doesn’t have any real hard proof you’re--- BOBBI Uh… MAYA Shit. You’re birthday bash this past weekend at Sunshine’s. The PWG piñata, the PWG cake, you in the wig and mask. BOBBI Yeah. MAYA Then we better find your uncle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 “King Kong Symphony” hits to bring out the mighty islander known as Faqu! RENEE You know, Coach, there's a small but vocal amount of women in the OAOAST Galaxy who pick Faqu for their man-crush. COACH I can see that. RENEE That's very open minded of you. I'm shocked. COACH Fat ugly bitches have to settle for a fat ugly nigga. Just as Faqu hits the entry way he's clobbered from behind by a steel chair! CROWD The owner of said steel chair...EGGTHER! COACH Yo, what's this lunatic doing? EGGTHER Sorry, Faqu, no hard feelings, chap. RENEE Easy for him to say! EGGTHER But, no one was giving me time to speak, so I made my own time. Clever! Leon Rodez, listen good, as long as you're in Asgard and Odin isn't I'll come for you, even if I have to chase you through all nine realms, and to the end of time, I'll come for you! And when I send you into the fires of hell, I hope it hurts and I hope you burn forever! Eggther slams down the microphone with authority! “YYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Faqu is given a pat on the back by Eggther, but that's small consolation. REENE I understand Bobbi has found her uncle. We have a camera on-- I’m told the cameraman has arrived. Let’s go there now! The Pretty Dreamy, Bitches dressing room door is wide open as A$AP Blondie and Kareem view video of Bobbi’s surprise weekend birthday bash. Bobbi looks on in horror as she watches herself swing at her PWG piñata wearing the PWG wig and mask.They aren't the only ones present, though, so is Malaysia. MALAYSIA Your niece has been a bad girl, Mr. Blondie. A very bad girl. BOBBI Uncle J-- A$AP, I can explain. It was a costume par-- BLONDIE LIAR! There was more on this DVD than just your party, which we weren’t even invited too! BOBBI You didn’t even know it was my birthday! BLONDIE Uh, hello? Did it ever occur to you maybe it slipped my mind after nearly being squashed to death last week? KAREEM My bad. BLONDIE I just can’t believe you hid this from me, your guardian! BOBBI Well I’m 18 now so you don’t have to worry about me anymore. KAREEM We got played, my man. BOBBI Unthinkable! How could we miss the ob… * sees self in mirror* … vious? The Pretty Bitch begins to admire himself in the mirror, thus answering his own question… indirectly. He was too vain to even notice! And Kareem’s so far up his ass. KAREEM You so pretty. Oh so pretty! See! BOBBI So… I’m not in trouble or anything? Blondie’s too busy making duck faces in the mirror to care, all while The Dream bobbles his own noggin. Meanwhile, Malaysia is like, "hey, you guys". BOBBI (to Malaysia) Then it’s time I taught you a lesson, bitch. *punches fist in palm* MALAYSIA Bobbi lunges towards Malaysia only to be restrained by OAOAST officials who swarm the dressing room to keep the two separated. Even with all the pandemonium around him A$AP Blondie continues to marvel at himself in the mirror. REENE I think it’s safe to say A$AP Blondie won’t be in the running for Father of the Year. He didn’t even know Bobbi had a birthday this past weekend! COACH Did you? REENE Yes. I was there. COACH You were? And you didn’t bother to tell me? REENE I thought you had an invite. COACH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 Prior to our next match an angry JUDGE DUDD and OAOAST World tag team champions ARMY OF 1 NATION stepped into the ring. REENE Where have they been? Nobody's seen them in weeks. COACH It's Anderson Cup season. The champs aren't obligated to compete until defending their titles against the winner at AngleMania. Huffing and puffing, the Judge waves a LETTER. JUDGE DUDD How dare you. How dare you! REENE How dare you what? JUDGE DUDD To hit my men... real American heroes... with a failure to compete notice is a disgrace. Have you no shame... Sophie? These men have fought the good fight. They're professional athletes who embrace the responsibility of being role models to our youth, who still believe in law enforcement, who support our troops! REENE Take a chill pill, girlfriend. What does any of that have to do with the OAOAST? BLACKHAWK I can tell you right now Sophie has no shame because she's French. Of course she'd hold resentment to patriots like ourselves, especially one managed by a young black woman. And we know very well how the French feel about our colored friends. But I tell you want Sophie -- you wanna see us compete. You want us to put our titles on the line for ratings purposes? COACH It is sweeps month. BLACKHAWK Then next week we'll face one of the baddest tag teams the OAOAST has to offer. Then till, adios. Pardon my French. Heh! REENE That was so far from French. But the Army of 1 Nation have promised to put the OAOAST tag titles on the line next week! *** Anderson Cup Conference Finals, Jannetty Bracket: Pretty Dreamy, Bitches vs. The Christ Air Express *** Having lost their valet to adulthood, PDB looked to earn a trip to the 2015 AC Finals against former winners the CAE. But rather than fight for the right, they attempted to advance the easy way by asking the CAE to LAY DOWN! REENE Are you serious? COACH It doesn’t hurt to try. The CAE looked at PDB like the fools that they were for asking. They even took to the mic. MEL You guys aren’t Pretty Dream, Bitches. MARV You’re pretty DUMB bitches! They took the fight to PDB and eventually won after dropkicking Kareem off the top rope to the floor and hitting Blondie with the Happy Ending.Winners: The Christ Air Express, via pinfall. REENE The Christ Air Express are just one win away from becoming the first-ever 2-time Anderson Cup winners! COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 ***The All XFL Network & Mathis Golden Vs St.Archibald's School for Bad Girls and Biffman W/Archie *** Alsyanne and Rhaenys had something to say before the match began! ALYSSANE Fortunately for this wide wonderful and beautiful world, my sis and I aren't the spotlight hogging type. We believe in sharing the wealth of our fame and fortune with the sweet people who are dearest to us. RHAENYS That includes the AllXFL.Com staff. I actually wouldn't say they're dear to me. Some of them smell rancid to be honest. But Alysanne likes them, and so the least offensive of the staff will be subbing in for us Alysanne and I. You don't have a problem with that do you Mathis? GOLDEN Don't bother me none. SABRINA It bothers me, get in the ring, or I'll fill your bags with roaches and make you eat them! ***AllXFL.com (Lilly Florent and Cady of Grimm) & Mathis Golden Vs St.Archibald's School for Bad Girls and Biffman*** Well, the web staff for The All XFL Team weren't much or any sort of challenge for the number one contenders to the women's tag team titles. On the other hand Mathis Golden proved a tough fight for Biffman. That was the highlight of the match, the fight between the superhero and this giant of a man. But just as Biffman was lifting Golden for Fanfare for the Superman, THE FLEX attacked him from behind! This let Rhaenys sneak in and clobber Sabrina with one of the title belts! And, AllXFL.com was able to get a shocking win! Winner: AllXFl.com, via pinfall RENEE That was pure craziness! First Flex attacks Biffman then Rhaenys hits Sabrina with a chair and these two girls, who we've never seen before get the win. COACH Yeah, and Dorkchester has a problem with it. Indeed Archie is complaining to the referee, and with good reason. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” the fans hiss as they see BOHEMOTH charging down the ramp. RENEE What could Bohemoth possibly want? Bohemoth grabs hold of Archie and delivers a MAINEVENT SPINEBUSTER in the center of the ring! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH That was hilarious! Fuck that nigga! Bohemoth raises the hands of AllXFL.com, which Alysanne and Rhaenys find very troubling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 The OAOAST SPINEBUSTER OF THE WEEK! highlighted the chaos in last week’s 6-man that led to the confrontation between Blaine Cayley and Alexander The Brutal, leading to Logan Mann pinning U.S. Champion Oscar Friberg. Back LIVE, Team Scream were gathered at the world famous interview lounge along with their good friend Tanner Neptune and Blaine’s sister, the gorgeous young woman we first met last week. Very photogenic.* THUNK * Among the noteworthy items revealed during the interview conducted by Sara Jean Underwood: - Logan vs. Oscar for the U.S. title has been signed for AngleMania XIV. Oscar told Logan to enjoy his W from last week because it’s not gonna happen at AM. - Blaine’s sister is named Samantha, who he affectionately refers to as Sammi. They’re also PATERNAL TWINS and BFFs that love to prank each other, likely explaining why she greeted him in lingerie last week. Sammi, a college student still sporting her uniform because she boarded one of the family’s private jets immediately after school to attend the show, mentioned their mother has ultrasound photos of them hugging and holding hands. The guys struggled to hold back their laughter following that remark. Blaine and Sammi were not amused, both visibly annoyed by the reaction. - As for the situation with Alexander one week ago, Blaine said it was water under the bridge, although he noted “Let’s only hope the water doesn’t rise again, for his sake.” He closed by cutting a promo on Rico for their match tonight, which Sammi asked if she could accompany him to ringside for. BLAINE No. it’s too dangerous. SARA JEAN Sammi’s a big girl. BLAINE Dangerous for my opponents, not her. Sammi grabs Blaine’s arms and leans in tight, chest-to-chest.* THUNK * SAMMI But I want to see you in action. Up close. BLAINE (direct into her eyes) You already do. TANNER Hey. You can watch the match with us backstage! The guys agree. SAMMI Pleaseeeeee, brother dearest. I promise to be a good girl. BLAINE All right. Only because you promised to be good. No matter what happens out there tonight. SAMMI I promise. Cross my heart. *mimics gesture** THUNK * REENE What is that-- Oh gosh! Coach! COACH That girl is fiiiine. It’s only human nature she’d get a rise from a red-blooded American male. REENE Well try not to sit too close to the desk then. And I think I’m a little jealous. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 OAOAST Hall of Famer Terry Taylor finally got to conduct his originally scheduled interview with Mariachi, Juicy Cantu-Si and Chick Golden. The guys brought up their history with Slaughterhouse and decided to band together to combat them, dubbing their trio the 3 Amigos. CHICK Gotta have eggs with that salsa! *touches tongue with index finger then his ass* Caliente! MARIACHI & JUICY Sssss! *** The 3 Amigos (Mariachi, Juicy Cantu-Si & “The Golden Grr” Chick Golden) w/ El Hijo del Sheep vs. Big Boy, Jack Wendy & Sonic w/ Deuce Deuce Bigelow & Carl Arby McDonald *** It was a fast-paced bout with lots of great teamwork, particularly on the face side, but in the end the power of the Slaughterhouse gang was too much to overcome. “The Warthog” Jack Wendy was especially impressive in his OAOAST in-ring debut, killing dudes with his Meat Hook Lariat. Jack even scored the winning pinfall after he and Sonic put Chick through THE GRINDER~! (Aided snap swinging neck breaker (JW does lifting, partner swinging)Winners: Big Boy, Jack Wendy & Sonic, via pinfall. After the match the guys did a number on ATSM, with Deuce attempting to REMOVE Mariachi’s MASK! Thankfully OAOAST officials arrived before he could succeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 Inside the arena, OAOAST legend and broadcaster Tony Brannigan stands in atop the interview stage in an Anglemania baseball jersey. BRANNIGAN Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for four time OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion....ZACK MALIBU! “YYEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” COACH No way! “Getting Away With Murder” hits and the fans erupt with glee. They sing Zack's praises to the heavens as the Hall of Famer enters the entrance stage. “ZACK! ZACK! ZACK!” Brannigan and Zack share a warm hug between friends, and then Zack has a seat across from Brannigan. BRANNIGAN Zack, man, welcome back. ZACK Hey, it's a pleasure, Tony. BRANNIGAN How's little Jenna? ZACK Spoiled. Both men laugh BRANNIGAN When AngleMania happens it will be capped off by a mainevent where King Landon defends his world title against Krista Isadora Duncan. ZACK I don't envy him. BRANNIGAN You're no stranger to Anglemania mainevent and neither is Krista. But Landon is. Do you think there's a certain nervousness he feels? ZACK Landon has been wrestling since he was fifteen years old. He had to lie about his age to get trained. He's an amazing story. And we've seen him in numerous huge matches in the swf stl and now the OAOAST. He's a big match wrestler but never an Anglemania maineventer. So yes I think he will be nervous. Not as nervous as a younger wrestler but he will be nervous no doubt. With the arrival of “Final Masquerade” comes the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, his lovely queen and his fearsome Kingsguard. KING LANDON Nervous, Zack? Nervous? “YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!” KING LANDON Keep it down, ingrates! “BBOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” KING LANDON Wouldn't you be nervous if Krista threatened you like she threatened me? But wait, wait a minute! Stop! She promised to spare me, but only if I, a king, give up my world title. Its like giving up my throne! Tell me, Zachary Malibu, would you take that deal? Would you?! ZACK No true champion would. KING LANDON And what am I? What am I? ZACK A true champion. BRANNIGAN Landon, no one has ever- KING LANDON I'm not talking to you, has been! Old man! Washed up peon holding a microphone in front of your betters! “BBBBOOOOOOOOOOO!” RENEE Oh come on, Landon! Was that really necessary? KING LANDON I'm talking to Zack, who tells me and tells my subjects that I'm nervous. He has shamed me in front of my people! Shamed me I say! He has! QUEEN ESTHER My king it is only his- KING LANDON Shut up, shut up, shut up! Why do you keep talking when I haven't asked you to? Don't do it. Just stop it! Damn it! I'm sick of your shit, woman! “ESTHER! ESTHER! ESTHER” KING LANDON Don't chant her name! Stop! Stop! ZACK Landon, you need to calm down. KING LANDON Zack, I need your help. Zack finds the sudden pleading in Landon's voice and the request confusing. KING LANDON I need your help so bad! So very bad, Zack! COACH Yo, what's this man doing? KING LANDON Krista...Krista...she is going to kill me! You understand me, right? She's going to kill me. I'm going to die at her hands. I don't want it, please, god, I don't want it! Its all falling apart, everything is ending. King Landon gets on his knees, and tears freely flow from his eyes. ZACK I was instrumental in getting Krista her start in the OAOAST when a lot of people spoke out against her. BRANNIGAN That's true. ZACK We haven't always seen eye to eye, but we are friends. I can talk to her about maybe showing a little restraint. KING LANDON That's not what I need, Zack. No, it isn't, Zack. ZACK What do you need, Landon? KING LANDON I need...you...to...join...my Kingsguard. COACH Whoa. “DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT!” KING LANDON Yes do it! Do it! Please do it! Protect me! Don't let her take it all away from me! My kingdom, I need it..... ZACK Landon I'm sorry, but I'm enjoying my retirement and being a stay at home dad. Landon hears these words, and does not take them well. He takes them so poorly that he delivers a low blow to Zack! “BBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” BRANNIGAN Landon! The world champion sweeps the OAOAST Hall of Famer onto his shoulders and the fans dread what's coming. They offer a torrent of heel heat as the King delivers a violent Go2Sleep on Zack! QUEEN ESTHER My king what have you done?! “BBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The royal contingent poses over Zack's body, with Cash staying back to comfort Esther. The fans do not like what they see and continue to unleash their hatred upon King Landon. RENEE King Landon has crossed a serious line. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2015 ** Rico de Janeiro vs. Blaine Cayley w/ Samantha Cayley *** What you need to know: Blaine punked out the Mardi Gras Hellfire Club in his OAOAST debut at the 2014 Halloween Spectacular; weeks later Rico gave Blaine a Mustache Ride on the arena floor; not long after that Blaine got some measure of revenge by pummeling the shit out of Rico during the 2015 Anderson Cup, although Blaine’s actions got his team disqualified. Then last week the MGHFC were seen taking delight in the argument that ensued between Blaine and Alexander The Brutal during a 6-man bout. Already a short tempered individual, Blaine was none to pleased to hear about that and that's how we got to... THE MATCH: Rico tossed beads Sammi's way but got no titties. RICO Instead Blaine used Rico's own beads to choke him! Blaine ultimately picked up the W after hitting the CRUEL INTENTIONS -- a high impact diving sitout lariat (think old school Randy Savage). But there was no time for celebration as Blaine was immediately attacked by Lucius Soul. Sammi, having promised to be a good girl no matter what happened, could only watch helplessly while her brother/best friend was assaulted 2 on 1. Then out came ALEXANDER THE BRUTAL and suddenly the odds were now even. REENE Blaine and Alexander fighting side-by-side! The guys clean house, sending the MGHFC into retreat. Alexander then extends his hand to Blaine who's like whatever and gives him a quick tag. Sammi runs in and gives her bro a big hug.Winner: Blaine Cayley, via pinfall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2015 Doctor Madison Nerdly's office is our scene. The good DOCTOR MADISON NERDLY is harried and nervous as she holds a contract before the warring cousins of MORGAN NERDLY and PIERETTE SAINT NERDREGARD with Sloppy Joe, her stablemate, eating chips behind her. MADISON Sophie has asked me to preside over this particular contract signing. She seems to believe I'm the only one who can control you two. MORGAN Ha! She must not know you very well. MADISON Morgan, please. This contract states that you will not hold the OAOAST liable for any physical or mental damage you will incur in your Dubai Debauchery match at SluttyMania One. BUT! It doesn't mean you have to succumb to your violent urges. You can have a nice, normal, clean match. MORGAN Sounds dull. Where do I sign? Madison hands Morgan a pen, and Morgan etches her girly signature. MADISON Pierette? PIERETTE You ask and I'll write! I've got a murder i-o-u for y-o-u, Morcutie! MORGAN Morcutie? PIERETTE You're just as cute as whole bin of buttons! Yes you are! You'll make a sexy beast of a corpse! SLOPPY JOE MmfffYourMmffffBothMffffCuteMffff! Pierette writes down her name, which is a lot messier than Morgan's. SLOPPY MMmffffNicemffffiSignaturemmfff. MADISON Well then. Its done. But, I remind you, you two are family. PIERETTE Pssssssssh! When have Nerdlys ever cared about Saint-Nerdregards? I'm the cosmic poop flung out a space ship in the Nerdly universe! But, that poop is forming a massive blackhole and the littlest planet in the Nerdly universe is gonna get swallowed whole! Oh yes she is! Madison holds Morgan back from attacking Pierette, which allows the crazed redhead to exit safely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2015 ***Anderson Cup Conference Finals: VICE W/Joey The Rat Vs Big IQ*** VICE was pumped to secure their first ever trip to the AC finals, while Big IQ was focused on making their second straight journey to the finals. VICE tried to isolate CW first, but the experienced star was too fast and too tough to keep a hold of. This frustrated the hard hitting duo and Joey called them out for a pow wow. But, Big IQ wasn't having this and attacked all three to pop the crowd! COACH You can't attack niggas during a TV timeout! RENEE A TV what?! Joey got scared again and ran off before Big IQ could lay into him! ICE QUIZ Beat yo ass like Afroman beat that bitch, and I ain't doing it cause I got high! The match settled down to a war of attrition with neither team able to gain much of an advantage over the other. This annoyed CPA, who sought to use brass knucks with his punching power. But Ice Quiz wasn't having this and press slammed CPA out of the ring! ICE QUIZ Fuck outta here, thot, you a big bitch, you look like D-Wade in a thong! “YYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Bosley came over to aid his partner which wasn't a great idea as Wright slammed into them with a pescado! “YYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans sing, with the laides singing the loudest. ICE QUIZ Yo, C-Dub, why all the thots love you? WRIGHT VICE had to regroup once again, and things weren't looking so hot. BOSLEY Nobody gets over on VICE! Nobody not the FBI, not the DEA! We are the law! And so the match continued, with VICE trying and failing to assert their authority. They still performed well but Big IQ was every bit their equal. It looked like this match may never end, for there was always a counter move to delay one team's momentum. In the end a costly error by Ice Quiz, where he drilled Wright with a big boot on accident, allowed CPA to hammer Young Cube with a Gigaton Punch for the win! Winner: VICE, via pinfall Post-match Joey The Rat returned to celebrate like he had been there all along. RENEE Oh so now he wants to be part of the team! COACH Joey was cheering from backstage, giving moral support telepathically. RENEE You come up with the craziest excuses! But, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, your Anderson Cup Finals. The Christ Air Express aim to become the first ever two time Anderson Cup champions, and VICE looks for their first Anderson Cup win in their seven years as a tag team. COACH I can't wait for that final! ~ANDERSON CUP FINAL~ VICE VS THE CHRIST AIR EXPRESS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2015 TO THE BACK~!, where OAOAST officials have finally succeeded in getting MALAYSIA far away from Bobbi after their near physical confrontation. BIG PAPA THRUST (O.S.) You bitch! MALAYSIA & OAOAST OFFICIALS Big Papa Thrust arrives on the scene, accompanied by Freakazoid Busty Rose, and things get physical as he shoves OAOAST officials/agents and forcefully grabs Malaysia by the wrist. His whole demeanor is full of rage. MALAYSIA *grunts* You’re hurting me. *moans* BIG PAPA THRUST Are you a treacherous skank too!? Huh!? OAOAST officials desperately try to pry BPT off his Freakazoid. Busty watches on… a slight smile on her face! BIG PAPA THRUST ANSWER ME! What have you and him been talking about behind my back? *cranks pressure on Malaysia’s wrist* Malaysia moans. Crazy as it seems, she appears to be getting some thrill out of the situation. Even our announce team doesn’t know what to make of this, stunned into silence. OAOAST OFFICIAL Come on, man. Let her go! BIG PAPA THRUST SHUT UP! BPT grabs Malaysia by the hair and off they go to the ring. He tosses her inside where she stares up at him from her knees. Busty hands BPT a mic. BIG PAPA THRUST I asked you a question. Are you a treacherous skank!? A lying no good TREACHEROUS SKANK!! “WE WANT DICK!” “WE WANT DICK!” “WE WANT DICK!” BIG PAPA THRUST I want THE TRUTH! Do you still have a thing for that piece of shit? Malaysia just stares right at BPT. What’s going through her mind? BIG PAPA THRUST That’s it. BPT throws the mic down and motions to Busty, who pins Malaysia’s arms to the mat, allowing BPT to mount on top and place Mr. Dick’s longtime main squeeze in the LAY-Z-BOY camel clutch!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Busty holds the mic in BPT’s face. BIG PAPA THRUST Now do you wanna answer? Malaysia kicks her legs (in pain or pleasure?) as BPT cranks her back. Despite their feelings towards her not even the OAOAST Galaxy wishes to see Malaysia dominated in this matter. “WE WANT DICK!” “WE WANT DICK!” “WE WANT DICK!” Ask and they shall receive, as MR. DICK hits the ring with OOHLALA. “YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" MD blasts BPT with a STIFF KICK while Oohlala spears Busty, triggering a CAT FIIIIIIIIGHT~! “GO DICK GO!” “GO DICK GO!” “GO DICK GO!” MD sets BPT up for THE JACKHAMMER... MR. DICK ... and gets nailed with a LOW BLOW courtesy of MALAYSIA! COACH It was a setup the entire time! Malaysia was with Big Papa Thrust the whole time! REENE What a bitch! OOHLALA Stunned by the turn of events, Oohlala forgets about Busty for a split-second and takes a kick to the chest. Busty proceeds to stomp her while BPT gives MD an inverted atomic drop. Again. And again. And AGAIN! REENE It's no secret what part of the body Big Papa Thrust is targeting. BPT drags a hurting MD to the corner and delivers a MIDDLE ROPE INVERTED ATOMIC DROP!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH DAYUM~! MD writhes in pain, blues and agony screaming at the top of his lungs. OAOAST officials finally arrive to end the mayhem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2015 CRYSTAL ON THE EJACULATION CHAMBER CRYSTAL Hi, this is Crystal, former world champion and women's champion and I helped design the concept for this years Ejaculation Chamber at SluttyMania One. A clip of Jade winning the second EC is shown. CRYSTAL This time the match is different because everyone starts in the ring at once. I felt why delay the fun? A clip of Popick being sodomised in the first EC is shown. Sorry. CRYSTAL The chamber is the same size as an Elimination Chamber, but the pods have things in them not people. Crystal oversees the unloading of these tools from a truck. CRYSTAL Whip cream, dildos, blow up dolls, whips, chains, it could be anything! Crystal cracks a whip to make sure its to her liking. CRYSTAL The most important thing about the match is it isn't won by pinfall or submission or knockout. A clip of Jade pinning Morgan in the second EC is shown. CRYSTAL This match is won by style points. Their will be three judges and they'll award points to each Hottie for how much they entertained the people during the match. The winner is the Hottie with the most points and she gets a Money In The Bank contract for the women's title. We think you're going to love this version of the Ejaculation Chamber. See you at SluttyMania One! ***Lorelei DeCenzo Vs LeBrenda James*** James was ill-prepared to deal with Lorelei on this night. Actually she'd be ill prepared to deal with Lorelei on any night. But on this night specifically, Lorelei took her to wrestling school, stretching her out and working her over. The end came mercifully with Lorelei's Cash Flow fisherman's DDT. Winner: Lorelei DeCenzo, via pinfall Post-match, Coach caught up with Lorelei. COACH Lorelei, great win. LORELEI Were you expecting anything less? COACH Hells no. But, yo, trill talk, Jade was popping off last week at you. Can you speak on what she said? LORELEI For you, Coachman, of course I can. You've always been one of my staunchest supporters. Instead of licking her wounds, and nurturing the boyfriend she's neglected, Jade wishes to act the part of a tough girl. Jade you are your mother's daughter, yet you are not your mother's daughter. Your a maltese running with a pack of doberman's. Your bark means nothing to me. You know me very well Jade, you know what I am capable of. You are feuding with a superior being. I suggest you close the book on this little feud now, Jade, you won't like how the story ends. Lorelei finishes up by giving Coach a kiss on the cheek. COACH Aww shucks! RENEE Oh, give me a break, Coach! TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT BFF GAUNTLET MATCH NEXT~! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2015 ***BFF Gauntlet Match*** The order for the gauntlet as decided by Sugar was, 1.Amberlyn Duncan 2.Maggie Nerdly 3.Melissa Nedly 4.Anastasia Violetta Amberlyn had the triple problem of not actually wanting to wrestle, not even really liking Sugar and not being as good as December. She put up a weak fight, and tapped without even so much as a fight to a simple arm lock. Winner: December Belle, via pinfall Maggie was of course a tougher out for December. She fought dirty and she fought mean. The official hard to warn her off December after several different choke variations. A SCREAMO followed by a high kick knocked December through the ropes, and almost got her counted out. As December crawled back in we went to break. Back from break The Black Sheep hit a downward spiral for a two count. She proceeded to beat on December with closed fists, angering the crowd. “DECEMBER! DECEMBER! DECEMBER!” RENEE December has the whole OAOAST Galaxy behind her and I think that's awesome. December drew on the strength from the fans and came back against Maggie. Suddenly The Menagerie member wasn't so tough and fell in defeat to a hurricanrana! Winner: December Belle, via pinfall Melissa jumped her old band member from behind, and started blaming her for not helping her in the Lethal Bang. Full of fire and fury, Canadian Country stomped away at December. She soon switched to targeting December's legs, which pleased Sugar. SUGAR Break em into pieces! She don't deserve to walk like decent folk! She deserves to crawl like the orientals! RENEE Whhaaaaaa? December stayed strong, which wasn't easy given Melissa's precision attacks. When Melissa went for a basement dropkick, December dodged out the way and then hit her with a Wake Me Up When December Ends (F-STUNNER 5) for a win! Winner: December Belle, via pinfall! Sugar was in a fit, and screamed and shouted as Anastasia ran into the ring! SUGAR I'm gonna crush her life into dust! Well she didn't quite do that, but she did smack her on the head with the women's title belt! Winner: December Belle, via DQ COACH December won the BFF gauntlet but she don't much look like a winner. Melissa returns to the ring, where the rest of female contingent of Pretty Young Money are stomping away at December! “BBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” RENEE Now this isn't fair. What's the point of this? Melissa and Anastasia hold December in place so that Sugar can perform the cruel and sick act of driving her title belt into her knee caps! SUGAR WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! But help is on the way as MAYA DUNCAN BLANCHARD, BOBBI CHEESECAKE, DASHA YUSCHENKO, and ANNAGRET WICKEDBORN slide into the ring! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” RENEE The Sunrays! The heels want nothing to do with these brothel ladies and beat a hasty retreat. COACH Good, good, get the hell out of there. But as they retreat up the ramp, Annagret summons a CAGE OF MOTHERFUCKING FIRE to close them in! FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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