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OAOAST TMW: A comedy/erotic e-fed

OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 5/23/2014


Chanel #99

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C&P job! Imagine it!

 

*** The All-American Boys vs. the Christ Air Express ***

Prior to the bout the masked patriots dedicated their #1 contenders masks vs. deportation match at School’s Out to the real American heroes left in the country: themselves. They also declared Denver an enemy of the nation due to their less than warm reception.

The CAE on the other hand were greeted by 18,000 members of the OAOAST Galaxy who lit a fatty during their entrance, causing a thick haze to fill the air!

The match itself was fast paced and action packed, but the AABs prevailed after Melanoma was countered into a full nelson slam.

Winners: All-American Boys

After the match the CAE looked at each other, shrugged and lit one up as a pic of Mallory Edens appeared on the AngleTron, followed by "Slow Ride". 

 

MARV & MEL

:)

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We see Sunshine Yukino in the offices of Sunrise, happily counting a big fat stack of cash. Tony Brannigan walks in, shocked at all of Yukino's cash.

 

BRANNIGAN

Sunshine, is Annagret available for an interview?

 

SUNSHINE YUKINO

Customer just walk in with her. You wait here. No public bathroom, only paying customers pee.

 

Suddenly Annagret bursts through the door in huff.

 

SUNSHINE YUKINO

He finish that quickly? No refunds for his embarrassment. It in waiver.

 

ANNAGRET

I'm not touching him. You told me he was black.

 

SUNSHINE YUKINO

He is.

 

ANNAGRET

He's whiter than December snow.

 

SUNSHINE YUKINO

He has black name.

 

ANNAGRET

Mordecai Liberbaum?

 

SUNSHINE YUKINO

No refund for not being black. Says so in waiver.

 

Annagret finally notices Tony Brannigan.

 

ANNAGRET

Oh no, not you. You're fat!

 

BRANNIGAN

:(

But can I get an interview.

 

SUNSHINE YUKINO

She on my time.

 

ANNAGRET

You wanna ask about Maya, huh?

 

Brannigan nods.

 

ANNAGRET

But I don't wanna talk about Maya. She's stupid, she sucks and she's shorter than me.

 

BRANNIGAN

You're both 5'10.

 

ANNAGRET

I'm 5'10 and a HALF! Get it right. Gawd! Like I told I don't want to talk about her. She has the nerve to wear my clothes and that gets her a shot at my title. Does that mean any loser off the street can wear my earrings and fight me for my title?

 

BRANNIGAN

I wouldn't call Maya a loser...

 

ANNAGRET

That's because you don't wanna upset her mother. But, I bet if her mother could start over and choose me as a daughter over Maya, she'd be thrilled. After all I am a tall, leggy blond. Not a short, stumpy brunette.

 

BRANNIGAN

Well, the brunette part was true. I thought you didn't want to talk about her.

 

ANNAGRET

I don't! She monopolizes my time right now, I hate people who think the world revolves around them.

 

BRANNIGAN

:huh:

 

ANNAGRET

She's an annoying, spoiled brat and people like that make me sick!

 

BRANNIGAN

:huh:

 

ANNAGRET

I need to go shopping. Have you seen my dad, I need him to give me money.

 

BRANNIGAN

He was talking to Ned before Maya came up to The Cobra and asked him for money to go shopping.

 

ANNAGRET

She's a total bitch!

 

Annagret storms off to do exactly what Maya was doing earlier.

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A plain man with a fat faced walks along with a bottle of vintage wine. He reaches a door that stands out due to the fact that's golden and gilden. The man knocks several times.

 

FENRIR (O.S.)

Come!

 

The man enters an elaborate throne room, lined with guards in golden armor with white capes trailing them. Sat at the top of the room in a powerful throne is Odin, who leans on a sword. The Sons of Ragnarok stand to his left. And Eggther plays the harp to his right. That is until he notices the man.

 

EGGTHER

Booze!

 

MAN

You're....you're....graces. I arrive with a present.

 

JORMUNGANDR

Why does this one bring us a present?

 

FENRIR

And why are you stuttering like that?

 

MAN

I...am merely in awe of your graces.

 

FENRIR

You damn well should be, fat man.

 

MAN

I only wish to celebrate your greatness with a simple drink. It all a man of my humble means....can afford.

 

EGGTHER

Get a sugar mama, Fat Albert, it'll serve you well.

 

MAN

Thank you for the suggestion....your gr..gr...grace. Please enjoy my present.

 

ODIN

You will take first drink.

 

The man looks shocked at that suggestion.

 

MAN

I....it...I would not rob your graces of any of the pleasure.

 

ODIN

You will take first drink.

 

The look Odin gives is one of total murder and brooks no argument. So the fat man runs away...but gets blocked by every guard training their sword on him.

 

ODIN

You will take first drink.

 

COMMERCIAL\

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We're in The All XFL Team locker room with The Xavier Franklin Long pacing back and forth in front of his squad.

 

MOSS

Have faith, Xavier.

 

THE XFL

In who? God? God? I put my faith in that chubby bastard and what do I get? I'm sprouting grey hairs by the minute.

 

There's musical knock on the door.

 

MOSS

God has answered you, Xavier.

 

Xavier rushes and opens the door to see the grinning face of Eggther in front of him.

 

EGGTHER

Just wanted to give you a gift in return.

 

Eggther tosses the wine stained human head of the fat man from earlier at Xavier. By insticnt Xavier catches the head and then erupts with a wine curdling scream.

 

EGGTHER

Enjoy the weekend, guys!

 

Eggther winks, flips back his silver hair and departs with The XFL still screaming.

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Backstage, Josh Matthews is standing by with Melody Nerdly, busily tapping away on her iPad, as well as the members of the Agents Of M.E.L.O.D.Y, MARV, MEL, Baron Windels, Biffman and J-MAX.

MATTHEWS
Joining me at this time, the Agents Of M.E.L.O.D.Y and... uhh, Melody? We're recording here.

MELODY
I know.

MATTHEWS
Then why are you watching a video?

MELODY
Second screen experience, dude. Oh and what a cool surprise, it just so happens that the video I clicked on is of my Agents Of M.E.L.O.D.Y totally pwning the Global Connection on the AngleMania XIII pre-show, managed by, uhh, what's her name? Megan Skye? It's been so long since I unfriended her on Facebook, I've almost forgotten her name! Ooh, look, this is a really cool part, I make an awesome witty aside to a fan in the front row that the microphone just about picks up.

Melody shows the video around, including to Josh, who gamely tries to persevere with his interview.

JOSH
Well, it's 'convenient' you mention that match because it's a win you've really been dining out on so to speak on social media.

MELODY
Been doing some great retweet numbers.

JOSH
Uh huh. Well, it seems your bragging hasn't been lost on Megan and she's stated she's getting tired of hearing it.

MELODY
I should probably stop tagging her in my replies then.

JOSH
Probably.

MELODY
But I'm not gonna.

JOSH
Okay... so, any thoughts on what I said? A rebuttal, perhaps?

Melody, caught up in watching the video on her iPad, finally pauses it and glances up from the screen.

MELODY
Hmm. Hey, did you hear about Google agreeing to buy Twitch.tv for $1 billion?

JOSH
:huh:
I did, actually, but... I'm not sure what that has to do with Megan Skye exactly.

MELODY
Well clearly you haven't been following the links to my Twitch channel lately. I've been doing something pretty cool recently. It's kinda like Twitch Plays Pokemon, but it's just me playing the OAOAST videogame and recreating that match where we totally won. I call it Melody Beats Megan, on Twitch.tv.

JOSH
See, this is what Megan is getting at. You really are bragging a lot about this win. Infact earlier today on Twitter, she referred to you as and I quote a "sore winner".

MELODY
Pfft. That's ridiculous. I'm a very gracious winner, isn't that right guys?

MARV, MEL, BARON, BIFFMAN and J-MAX
:unsure: :unsure: :unsure: :unsure: :unsure:

BIFFMAN
Weeellllll...

MELODY
What? When have I possibly been a sore winner to you guys?

BARON
When you beat me at Mario Kart last week and posted that picture of you holding a dinner plate like a trophy next to me online.

J-MAX
Or when you beat me at Madden yesterday. I don't even know the rules!

MELODY
Well that's hardly my fault. And quite frankly nor is the gaming industry's decision to stop printing instruction manuals to put in with the game.

BIFFMAN
You beat me at Scrabble, then installed Words With Friends on my phone so you could beat me at that too.

MARV
You even did a victory dance when you beat n00b at Track and Field.

n00b
Grrrrrr...

MEL
Dude has paws, bro.

MELODY
Alright alright, so maybe I like winning at things. Maybe if you were all as skilled gamers as me I wouldn't win so much, did you think of that? Besides, n00b beat Melissa at Kinect Sports so he's got gaming credentials. And we beat Megan's team at AngleMania, which you should all be as proud of as I am. And if she doesn't like that then, well, too bad. Don't mess with the best if you haven't got the game to back it up. Because I've got game. I've got lots of games. And I've got lots of high scores and trophies to back them up too!

BIFFMAN
You, uhh, appear to be bragging again.

MELODY
Look, if Megan's got a problem with us beating her team, then all I've got to say is "would you like to play again". And if not, n00b, tell her what she oughta do.

n00b
CupiM.gif

MELODY
That's right. We out.

Having clearly lowered the sunglasses onto n00b's face herself, Melody leaves with her canine pal, her Agents Of M.E.L.O.D.Y looking around with shared feelings of being outgamed by their manager to dwell on, as they follow her.

 

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***BPT W/The Freakazoids Vs Shayne W/Lorelei DeCenzo***

Lorelei passed out D*LUX t-shirts before the match, which was oddly generous of her. BPT was actually made he didn't get one and tried to take one from a middle school girl. Luckily, Shayne attacked the world champion before that could happen. The two brawled on the outside with BPT getting the upperhand by giving his foe a Volcanic Eruption onto the steel steps!

BPT rolled Shayne back into the ring and once BPT was in the match began. Shayne was out of it and the referee was forced to stop the match when BPT applied the Lay-Z-Boy!

Winner: BPT, via submission

BPT wouldn't let go of the submission move after he was declared the winner. The referee and Lorelei yelled for him to release Shayne but he wouldn't do it. Luckily, Krista ran down the ring with a soccer ball! Why was that lucky? Because Krista is a four time college All American in soccer and kicked the ball upside BPT's head! With BPT stunned Krista hit him with a KIDology so forceful it knocked him over the ropes and out the ring! The show closed with Krista sipping on a martini and cursing out BPT.

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